Ep. 4: Jack's Beanstalk, Part 4

Transcript by Raina Harper

Kyle (as Piper) 

Well…

Kyle

Piper said, throwing on a smile.

Kyle (as Piper) 

…better get started, eh Scrat?

[Silly happy music begins.]

Kyle

With a song in his heart and on his lips, Piper approached the beanstalk, ready to scale it and do whatever it took to save his Jack. It was a difficult task, no doubt. As an amalgamation of millions of technologies, it’s not like the beanstalk had a front door he could just walk into, but Piper knew that with enough determination and music he could craft order out of this chaos.

[Rolls.] For 99 days and nights, Piper toiled, throwing every song he could against the tower, until the song grew quieter, the lyrics more rambling, and by the end the song was no more than frustrated murmuring.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as amalgamation) 

If you want to proceed, answer these riddles—

Kyle (as Piper) 

[Angry.] Oh fucking great! This one talks! You hear that, Scrat?

Kyle (as Scrat) 

[Scratchy clicking.]

Kyle (as Piper) 

Yeah, this one… Oh boy! You’re gonna send me on a… Oh, what do you want, some berries this time? Maybe some, I don't know, some long-legged birds?!

[Nervous frustrated chuckle.] I could go hunt down some of those. I’ve already found like five different species for other parts. What do you want, pal?

Kyle (as amalgamation) 

… Well, if you’re gonna be like that, then I don’t want to play with you at all.

Kyle

The amalgamation of ant-sized nanomachines dispersed back into the wall as Piper picked up a nearby rock and chucked it at it in frustration.

Kyle (as Piper) 

UGH! Ugh…

[Exhales.] Why won’t she answer, Scrat?

Kyle (as Scrat) 

[Clicks.]

Kyle (as Piper) 

Right. Why won’t the wall open? That’s what I said.

Kyle (as Scrat) 

[Clicks.]

Kyle (as Piper) 

That’s what I said!

Kyle

Working for that long, having every success doubled back on you, can get to someone. When Piper sang, it was the only thing that consumed his mind, but when he didn’t, other thoughts snuck in. It felt as if the tower itself was rejecting him, as if she was rejecting him like she had every time for…

Kyle (as ???) 

The beans~

Kyle (as Piper) 

… The beans?

[Sinister ambience begins.]

Kyle (as ???) 

Yes, the beans. You could always use one of those. You have them after all, don’t you?

Kyle

Piper’s brow furrowed.

Kyle (as Piper) 

I guess I did, didn’t I?

Kyle

He reached into his pouch and inside was a bag of beans which Jack had left behind when she ascended the tower.

Kyle (as Piper) 

But it’s not like I, uh… it’s not like I can use them.

Kyle (as ???) 

Why not, Piper?

Kyle (as Piper) 

[Chuckles.] Well, because um…

Kyle (as Scrat) 

[Scratchy clicking.]

Kyle (as Piper) 

Alright Scrat, I’m talking to… a mysterious voice. Please. Thank you.

Kyle

Piper continued.

Kyle (as Piper) 

You know, I don’t like them. I think they’re bad. They can’t be used well.

Kyle (as ???) 

By anyone, or just by her?

Kyle (as Piper) 

Well, I mean, she’s used them more than me.

Kyle (as ???) 

And yet she left them behind for you, Piper, almost as if she wanted you to become the man the beans could make you.

Kyle (as Piper) 

Well, I mean, I uh…

Kyle

Without thinking, Piper had already pried open part of the bag.

Kyle (as Piper) 

I mean—

Kyle (as Scrat) 

[Scratchy clicking.]

Kyle (as Piper) 

Scrat! I’m talking.

Kyle (as ???) 

And talk is all you have, isn’t it? And the songs you sing, the ones of the Jack. The Piper is nothing more than a narrator, is he? He is not the true companion.

Kyle

Piper’s mumblings grew silent as he stared deeper into the bag.

Kyle (as ???) 

With those beans you could become the hero of the story. You could be the one she sings about.

Kyle (as Piper) 

I, I… I can’t. I can’t, because the bag is empty. You see? The beans are…

Kyle

Piper motioned to the empty bag with confusion.

Kyle (as Piper) 

Why are the beans gone?

Kyle (as ???) 

Well, Piper, the answer to that is quite simple.

Kyle

The voice whispered, this time into Piper’s ear itself.

Kyle (as ???) 

That’s because you ate them five minutes ago.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Q-BO) 

[Bloop.] Well, it’s sure been a long time—not for us but for the characters. I wonder what Jack’s been up to in this time. Last we saw, All had offered to show her anything she wanted, and that’s my question for you today. What did Jack ask All to show her?