14. Creature from the Camp Lagoon (Part 2)

Transcript by Raina Harper

Kyle

Previously on Quest Friends! Hereafter…

[Music plays, ‘Quest Friends! Hereafter Theme’ by miles Morkri.]

Kyle

The Necromon tournament has been going on. Even Walnut has been losing more as well.

So, you all keep on walking until you find yourself in front of a lovingly painted sign that says Camp Lagoon.

Tom

Irene only got a 98.5% readiness.

Hallie

The compass doesn’t work, so the direction of true north keeps changing.

Kyle

Chazz Casey, who we have seen before, is known for being the Valley’s premier radio host. He is the head of Scorpion Radio.

Hallie (as radio play Sparky)

You should stop trying to be funny.

Kyle

But today he is at Camp Lagoon.

Tom (as Hilda)

[Eager.] Can we tell scary stories around the campfire?

Ari (as Quique)

Ah~!

[Laughter.]

Ari

He’s gonna turn his head around.

Ari (as Quique)

By the way, I think you earned the right to call me Quique.

Several

Aww.

[Music swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

So, Ari.

Ari

Me.

Kyle

Does Quique sleep?

Ari

Oh no. Oh…

Hallie

Another sleepless character for Ari?

Ari

Eh, I’m going to say yes, but it’s like a skeleton sleep. It just looks the same. He just doesn’t move. He looks actually like a skeleton, dead.

Tom

[Laughs.] That’s so fucked up.

Emily

Does he take off his glasses?

Ari

Yes, so that he looks even more like a skeleton. Skeletons for some reason like to cover themselves in blankets so it looks even more messed up.

Tom

This is horrifying. I was just imagining a Party City skeleton just propped up in a chair, but this is worse.

Kyle

Nope, now he’s taking a dirt nap.

Tom

[Delighted but troubled.] Oh my god, it is a dirt nap!

Kyle

Alright, so it is night. You have all shaken off the scary stories, you’ve shaken off the s’mores, you’ve gone to bed. Does anyone have any nightly routines that we should note before my NPCs start ruining everyone’s lives?

Ari

Quique just, you know, likes to take his time. He likes to read a book before going to bed. Just taking his time to get comfy in his dirt. Drinks some tea as well.

Emily

Okay. What kind of tea, actually?

Ari

Oh my god, I don't know. Chamomile tea.

Emily

Okay, that’s fairly fragrant.

Kyle

Are you two gonna have a tea party?!

Emily

[Grinning.] You hear a little tapping on your tent.

Hallie

Just knocking on the flap.

Ari

Oh… He’s gonna raise his nonexistent eyebrow, because skeletons do not have that. But, after that, he’s just gonna turn around and be like…

Ari (as Quique)

Ah, who’s there?

Ari

…and open his tent.

Emily (as Irene)

So, I want to clarify that it is not because I am scared but because I smelled that you had tea… and I would like to inquire, um, if you have any extra tea that I may drink, please.

Ari (as Quique)

Ah, you have the classic detective scent. I see. That’s still a quality you have from our original…

Ari

And he’s gonna just kind of, like, “eh, eh?”

Emily

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Quique)

But absolutely, I do have extra tea for a fellow detective. My tent is a little bit big, so I could just give it to you if you want.

Emily

She sits down primly and takes the tea.

Emily (as Irene)

I will leave shortly, because again, I am not afraid from the stories earlier. However, I would like to drink this tea here so I may return your cup promptly.

Ari (as Quique)

Oh, yeah, that’s totally fair. You know, I think we had our fair share of scary stories tonight, so would you like to hear a non-scary story? Just, you know… you probably got enough of that, and it might not be good for sleeping. That’s why I’m reading this book, so I don’t have those stories with me when I sleep. So, do you want to hear other things before you go to bed?

Emily

She takes a second, thinks that perhaps this would give up her very good lying, and says:

Emily (as Irene)

No thank you.

Emily

[Grinning.] She’s just gonna sit in silence and drink her tea.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Quique)

Hmm. This reminds me of this one tale I used to tell my kid. You know, a long time ago, it’s not important.

Ari

I don’t actually have anything prepared for this, but he’s just gonna tell some story.

[00:05:00]

Kyle

The tale of the lonely woman. Sparky, what are you up to tonight?

Emily

[Laughs.] Wow.

Hallie

Fuck you! Sparky, I don't know, she’ stargazing. If the tent area is here, there’s a small clearing not that far from it but not in it. I’m just gonna lay on the ground and think about my life. So, fuck you, because I was planning to be the lonely woman.

Kyle

What about you, Hilda?

Tom

Hilda… I don’t have a fun way to say Hilda goes to bed. Hilda crawls into a sleeping bag and just sort of lies and stares at the ceiling until sleep comes. Actually, I did lie. Hilda cuddles with Booker.

Kyle

Aww.

Hallie

Aww. Is cuddling a book comfortable? Genuinely curious.

Tom

Depends on the book.

Hallie

Is Booker comfortable?

Tom

I would like to think so. I imagine the texture of Booker’s cover is like… You know those books that have tiny little grooves so there’s this texture you feel on it?

Hallie

I know what you’re talking about. It’s not like a smooth hard cover, it’s like a textured hard cover, and that somehow makes it way easier… yeah.

Tom

Yeah. That is what I imagine Booker is like, so he’s cuddlier. It’s a nice texture.

Hallie

Yeah, I gotcha. I gotcha.

Kyle

Alright. You’re sitting there, you’re cuddling with Booker, relaxing, going off to sleep… and as the dreams come—

Kyle (as Walnut)

HILDA!

Tom (as Hilda)

AH!

[Upbeat silly music begins.]

Kyle

Suddenly, Walnut is just leaning above you.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Hilda. Hilda, Hilda, Hilda. We gotta go. We gotta go!

Tom (as Hilda)

[Stammers.] What’s wrong?

Kyle (as Walnut)

Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s good. We gotta go find the monster from Camp Lagoon!

Tom (as Hilda)

From the story?

Kyle (as Walnut)

Yeah, from the story. If it’s anything like how you described it, it’s got to be the most powerful Necromon out there.

Tom (as Hilda)

But Walnut, I made it up.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Let’s go!

Tom (as Hilda)

I made up the story.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Let’s go!

Tom (as Hilda)

It’s a scary story.

Kyle (as Walnut)

But, Freddie says he saw it.

Tom (as Hilda)

What?!

Kyle (as Walnut)

Come on. Come on. I’ll show you. I’ll show you. Come on, come on, come on.

Tom (as Hilda)

[Frustrated reluctant sound.]

Tom

Hilda’s gonna begrudgingly put shoes on again.

Kyle

You come out and you just see Freddie is outside the tent.

Kyle (as Freddie)

Hi.

Tom (as Hilda)

What do you mean you saw it?

Kyle (as Freddie)

I saw the light from the treasure chest, right over there.

Tom (as Hilda)

What?

[Music ends.]

Kyle

We’re gonna say that, because Quique popped out of the mud, and I don’t want it to just be physically right there, we’ll say that it’s…

Tom

Deeper.

[Threatening ambient music begins.]

Kyle

It’s deeper, and it actually stretches out further away. You can see further out, past where the deadly nightshade is, there is a little faint light that looks almost like the reflection of a star except none of the other stars are reflecting in the murky not-waters.

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh, this is a bad idea. We shouldn’t go out there.

Kyle (as Walnut)

But, it’s the strongest Necromon.

Tom (as Hilda)

[Hushed.] I made it up! That’s not the thing from my story.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Then what is it?

Tom (as Hilda)

I don't know.

Kyle (as Walnut)

What if, what if, what if… What if it’s like a Necromon that makes stories reality? That would be really strong.

Tom (as Hilda)

I feel like there’s a different explanation for why there’s a light in the lagoon. But… fine, fine, fine. We’ll go. We’re not gonna go in the lagoon, we’re just gonna get closer so we can see what it is, and then we can go back to sleep. Okay?

Kyle (as Walnut)

Yes, yes, yes. Yes! Oh—

Tom (as Hilda)

Shh! Don’t wake everyone up.

Kyle (as Walnut)

[Whispering.] Yes!

[Music ends.]

Kyle

The three of you go off, and sure enough, the remaining party members hear a loud “yes” yelled from the middle of the campsite.

Hallie

I think if Sparky heard kids yelling “yes” from the middle of the campsite when they were supposed to be asleep, she’d just turn and be like…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Ha-ha, classic.

Hallie

…and then turn back and continue stargazing. She did this shit all the time when she was their age. Let the kids have their mischievous midnight fun. Investigating monsters? What’s more wholesome?

Ari

Quique would pop his head out and just be like:

Ari (as Quique)

I just want to make sure that everybody around is okay, but I am not leaving.

Ari

And he is going to see if he can see things with his flashlight.

Ari (as Quique)

Remember, it’s lights out, kids. It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow.

Emily (as Irene)

I think I will go to bed now, because it is lights out.

Emily

Irene says, fully intending to go find out what’s happening.

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah, that sounds good. It’s a little bit dark out, so don’t mind me, I’m going to just make my rounds and start by the direction of your tent and then walk on other places.

Ari

He’s going to do it a little too casually, just walk her in without telling her I’m walking you to your tent.

Emily (as Irene)

Because, as you know, I am incredibly intuitive, I can tell that what you are doing is a kindness, and even though it is not necessary, I appreciate it.

[00:10:00]

Okay, goodbye.

Emily

Irene hurries into her tent, and there’s maybe a tiny little gap in the flap at the bottom, and she’s gonna peek out until Quique goes.

Ari

Since I assume Irene goes to her tent really fast as she said all of that, Quique’s just going to, under his breath, be like…

Ari (as Quique)

You’re welcome, kid.

Emily

Aww.

Ari

…and then keep just looking around with his flashlight just to see if there’s anything out of place.

Kyle

Yeah. Do… I’m not gonna have you roll for this, because I don’t think Hilda was particularly trying to be sneaky or anything.

Tom

Hilda is trying to keep them quiet, but I don't know that she could.

Kyle

Yeah.

Ari

Okay, so he’s going to yell:

Ari (as Quique)

Hey, kids. It’s lights out time. You can explore—Whatever you think might be in there I promise will be there tomorrow when there’s full light and a bunch of kids and all of you can explore together.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Faster, faster, faster!

Tom (as Hilda)

Run!

Kyle (as Walnut)

Go, go, go! Into the deadly nightshade.

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Quique)

No, wait, no! That’s where the deadly thingamajig thing is there that only works at night for some reason. Kids, no. Wait.

Kyle

Do we wanna roll a competitive Take Action?

Tom

We can. We certainly can. Let me just…

Kyle

Yeah, let’s do it. We’re gonna roll a competitive Take Action just as you run away from Quique.

Tom

Oh boy.

Ari

Alright.

[Rolls.] That’s an 8.

Tom

[Rolls.] I also have an 8.

Ari

Oh wow.

Kyle

Oh, damn!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

Interesting.

Tom

Do we reroll because it’s a tie?

Kyle

Who’s got the higher Fierce?

Ari

I have +0.

Kyle

Alright, so Ari has +2 Fierce. You have—

Tom

Plus 2 Heart.

Kyle

Plus 2 Heart?

Tom

Well, I use Heart instead of Fierce.

Kyle

If you tie, who has the higher stat is the one who succeeds.

Tom

Ooh.

Kyle

So Quique, you see the kids race off and you aren’t able to catch up to them, but you can see that they run off through a path by the deadly nightshade.

Ari

Quique’s just gonna, as he’s running, he’s just gonna be like:

Ari (as Quique)

No, wait! No… Not over there. Kids,paranse. Ugh… ¡Híjole!. Where did they go?

Ari

And try to find them with the flashlight.

Ari (as Quique)

Ugh… alright. Well, hopefully Sparky can keep the rest of the kids until the morning.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

And then go after the path where it seems that they went. I want to use Natural Hunter…

Hallie

Oh my god.

Ari

…to try and figure out where they have gone.

Hallie

Oh my god.

Kyle

Tell me about Natural Hunter.

Ari

It says, if you want to find a particular character or creature, roll +Fierce. If you have access to an item related to the creature you’re hunting, roll with advantage. I don’t think I have access to anything Hilda has, unless Hilda gave anything to Quique at any point.

Tom

I mean, here’s the thing. This is not in keeping with the actual letter of the text, but I feel it’s keeping with the spirit. Hilda has a book given from Quique. I feel this should count.

Hallie

I agree.

Kyle

I’m gonna count that as well, especially because Natural Hunter… the having the item was meant to be along the lines of a dog sniffing out something and then chasing it.

Ari

Ah. Uh-huh.

Kyle

So, this is in the spirit of that because you are not a literal dog who has to sniff something to chase someone.

Ari

Okay.

Kyle

So no, I agree. Roll with advantage.

Ari

Alright, so let’s see. With advantage, that means I get another roll.

[Rolls.] It’s an 8 again.

Kyle

What do you get on a mixed success with Natural Hunter?

Ari

I don't know. I didn’t write that down.

Kyle

Let me look it up.

Tom

Which playbook is it from?

Ari

The Animal Companion, because Quique has it from—

Hallie

Tucán, yeah!

Tom

Uh… mixed success. You know approximately where your target is.

Kyle

Quique, you’re looking around. How are you hunting?

Ari

I just think that Quique is getting into, once again, the mood of the noir detective Les Detectstuff from his favorite detective novels.

Kyle

[Hums and snaps a jazzy noir rhythm.]

Ari

So, he’s like:

[Upbeat noir mystery music begins.]

Ari (as Quique)

Ah, so once again, despite me being without my partner from last adventure, I find myself here finding a couple of runaway kids from this runaway camp. I will do anything in my power to find them before the lights out are over.

Ari

On this mood, he’s just going to, you know, look around for footprints and things like that.

Kyle

Amazing. Yes. As the noir takes everything black and white, a lot of the color disappears and no longer plagues your vision, so you can see in the distance that little shining spark in the middle of the lagoon.

Ari (as Quique)

There, I saw it… the lagoon from the story!

[00:15:00]

Emily

Quique does not have his partner from last time, technically, because his partner from last time is tailing him.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

Irene, take a GM Intrusion.

Ari

Oh yeah.

Kyle

Who are you gonna give the other AP to?

[Music ends.]

Emily

So, Quique has probably been the most supportive, but both Quique and Hilda have played along to her blatant lying.

Hallie

Um, I helped you build a tent… except I didn’t. That was Quique.

Emily

[Laughs.] You didn’t. I’m gonna give it to Hilda I think this time.

Tom

Woo.

Kyle

Okay. At one point, and I don't know if Quique actually looks back, but at one point you think Quique’s gonna look back and might spot you, so you duck to the side to hide. Right?

Emily

Oh no.

Ari

I would say that he does look to the side.

Ari (as Quique)

Ah-ha… probably just the wind, but it’s better to be cautious just in case.

Kyle

When you come back, you can’t see Quique anymore.

Emily

Well, thankfully I have a compass.

Kyle

You follow the compass, and you don’t notice, but we all notice as the compass just moves a couple of degrees to the west.

[Scary musical sting. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle

So Hilda, you are up with Walnut and Freddie. You’re getting closer to the lagoon. Actually, let’s place you there.

[Lagoon animal ambience begins.]

You are now at the edge of the mud, and you can see the light. You still can’t make out what it is, all you can tell is it’s deeper in the mud. Walnut is kind of antsily dancing around, trying to figure out how to get in there, talking to daemself while Freddie just kind of absentmindedly looks around.

Tom

Are we able to see anything even slightly more clearly for that glowing light?

Kyle

Um… You can see that the light is bigger. Through the muck, you can see these little lines that almost seem like veins stretching down to it.

Tom

Hmm.

Kyle

There’s not a whole lot of light otherwise. In the moonlight, you can see stray things around you. It almost looks like there were arts and crafts here earlier. You can see little bits of orange yarn, you can see some cotton stitched together, and some other miscellaneous stuff around you, but nothing that would specifically tell you how to get into the mud.

Tom

Just to be clear, is it sitting on the surface or below the surface we see a glow?

Kyle

The glow is below the surface. It is in, interestingly, the deepest part of the lagoon.

[SFX ends.]

Tom (as Hilda)

[Hushed.] Okay. Okay. We came over here, it’s too far away, it’s time to go back.

Kyle (as Walnut)

[Hushed.] It’s in the bottom. It’s at the bottom, exactly where you said it was!

Tom (as Hilda)

I lied! It’s not real.

Kyle (as Walnut)

If it’s not real, why is it—

Tom (as Hilda)

That’s how people die! That’s why it’s a scary story.

Kyle (as Freddie)

Well, I mean, that’s not how I died.

Tom (as Hilda)

I know, Freddie, but like… some people.

Kyle (as Freddie)

Well, I guess so, but like… the people in your story didn’t die.

Tom (as Hilda)

They all disappeared and were never heard from again! All three of them.

[Giggling.]

Kyle (as Freddie)

People disappearing doesn’t mean they died.

Kyle

As he says that, we just quickly cut to Irene who is just standing in the middle of the woods, confused, lost and alone… and then we cut back to Hilda and the crew.

Tom

Poor baby.

Tom (as Hilda)

We should go back. Please?

[Stammers.] We don’t need to… What are you going to do? There’s nothing we can do that will reach down there. The only way to get in there would be to wade down into the mud.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Alright! Then let’s wade down into the mud.

Tom (as Hilda)

No. No! NO!

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And Walnut starts walking into the mud.

Tom (as Hilda)

No! Stop it! Come back!

Kyle

Alright, yeah, Walnut starts wading in.

Emily

Booker has started plodding around in the shallowest part of the mud looking for snails.

Hallie

[Emotional, laughs.] Oh no.

Tom

[Emotional, laughs.] No-ho-ho~! Hilda’s picking up Booker so he can’t walk in the mud.

Emily

Booker waggles his little muddy feets.

Tom

She’s going to, like, (stifled mouth-closed scream) and head down into the mud as well, sloshing over the boots she’s got on, desperately trying to get Walnut to come back.

Kyle

How are you trying to get daem to come back?

Tom

I think she’s just going to try to lasso daem and try to drag daem back to the shore.

Hallie

[Cackles.]

Kyle

Okay.

Tom

Like, just take out a piece of rope and just snag daem.

Hallie

I love this plan.

Kyle

What would you do for lassoing? Is that Keep Your Cool?

Tom

It kinda feels like Take Action, to be honest. This is very decisive physical action to overpower someone and drag them away from horror.

Kyle

Okay, yeah, yeah. It’s only a difference between is it more finesse or is it more speed. We’ll just say that Walnut is shooting out, so you just gotta act fast.

Tom

Okay.

[Rolls.] That’s a 7.

Kyle

Alright. You are just a little too late.

Tom

[Exasperated exhale.]

Kyle

You lasso Walnut, and it snags on, and dae just keeps trucking along.

[00:20:00]

Dae is motivated.

Tom

Hilda’s just gonna keep shouting. I think it is actually gonna become shouting at this point rather than just trying to hide it.

Tom (as Hilda)

No, come on, come back. Come back! This is dangerous. Please, please stop. Freddie? Freddie, help!

Kyle (as Freddie)

I’m watching you from out here!

Tom (as Hilda)

No! Aaah!

Kyle (as Freddie)

Oh hey there, Dr. Canaca.

Ari

Yeah, I was gonna ask, when would Quique find these kids just shouting and stuff? Quique would just stand there, seeing the mess.

[Chase drum music begins.]

Ari (as Quique)

Okay, okay… this is why lights out exists, kids. You can’t just come to this lake, because this is what happens.

Tom (as Hilda)

Mr. Quique! Help!

Emily (as Booker)

[Concerned.] Rekoob~!

Ari (as Quique)

We might need to change it back to Mr. Canaca. I’m still deciding.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

[Smiling.] Oh no”~!

Ari (as Quique)

Alright, so you were trying to use that, I see… So you did the lasso. Hmm… Maybe the two of us can actually get the kid up.

Emily (as Booker)

[Uncomfortable.] Rekoob?

Ari

Because, if I understand, Hilda was trying to pull with the lasso. Right? But it was too…

Tom

Yeah. I feel like Hilda’s being dragged along behind Walnut, deeper into the mud.

Ari

Okay. If she’s being dragged along, then Quique’s gonna grab the lasso and try to help Hilda pull back.

Emily

Booker is hanging off it as well.

Tom

“Rekoob…”

Kyle

Alright, yeah. Quique, give me a roll?

[Music ends.]

Tom

Can I spend an AP to give someone else advantage?

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

I would rather give Ari advantage than myself in this case. Yes.

Ari

[Rolls.] Okay… so that is a 10.

Kyle

Okay!

Tom

Ooh.

Hallie

Sick.

Kyle

Walnut is about to reach down, but dae’s still above the water. So, Walnut was about to go down and you have stopped daem.

Ari

Okay.

Kyle

So you can start pulling daem back.

Ari

Okay. That is what Quique’s going to do then.

Ari (as Quique)

Scary stories are just that. They are just stories. They are not excuses for kids to come and go in the middle of the night without an adult to explore and figure out whatever things are going to be true or not. You might end up like some people that I won’t name and might be in the vicinity of this camp if you follow leads like that.

Ari

He will say that as he’s pulling the lasso. And yes, I meant Sparky.

Hallie

[Laughing.] Thanks, Ari.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle

Let’s explore Sparky hanging out, looking at the stars.

Hallie

Yeah. Actually, I have a follow-up question. Now that there’s actual screaming going on, because Hilda was like “AGH, don’t go in the mud…” can I hear that?

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

Hey, maybe even Irene will hear the screams.

Hallie

Ha!

Emily

[Laughing.] I don't know how far Irene has gotten off of the path.

Tom

That might make it scarier to just hear a distant scream in a direction you don’t know.

Hallie

Yeah. Very funny though.

Emily

Pff, eh, not funny to Irene.

Hallie

Well…

Ari

Aw, poor Irene.

Hallie

Okay. If there’s actual panicked screaming, then Sparky will get involved. She would hear Hilda screaming, roll her eyes and go…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Ugh, amateurs.

Hallie

…and then get up, dust herself off, and head down towards the screaming.

Kyle

Before you’re about to leave, you see a cowboy leaning against a tree next to the clearing. Chazz Casey says:

Kyle (as Chazz)

This, uh… your protégée?

Hallie

Sparky nods proudly.

Hallie (as Sparky)

She sure is. She needs to learn a little bit, though. Gonna go sort this out.

Kyle (as Chazz)

Oh, certainly does. After all, our job as teachers…

Kyle

And he throws you a camper’s little light.

Hallie

Like one of those flashlights that you hold from the top? Yeah, like the bulky ones?

Kyle

Yeah.

Kyle (as Chazz)

…is to make sure the future doesn’t replicate the past but they do better.

Hallie

Sparky feels like that’s particularly targeted and she doesn’t like that.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Well, you know, good thing I’m not a teacher.

Kyle

He’s gonna do the cowboy thing where his hat tips down and he raises his eyebrows at you.

Hallie

God damn it.

Hallie (as Sparky)

What?!

Hallie

That’s enough to get “what?!”

Kyle (as Chazz)

You know what I mean.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Ugh. You could just say what you mean. Going all “you know what I mean.” God, you sound awful.

Hallie

With this, she’s turning on the flashlight and heading into the woods.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Are you coming? I have a question for you.

Kyle

He rolls his eyes in a knowing way and follows along.

Hallie

Alright.

[Footsteps crunch.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Who writes your radio plays?

Kyle (as Chazz)

My radio plays?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Your radio plays! You know, the PICLE Pals radio plays where you recount OUR adventures.

Kyle (as Chazz)

Oh, the PICLE Pals!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah. I’ve never listened to them… except for once.

Kyle (as Chazz)

[Chuckles.] Of course you would be asking about that. No, that was… I put that together. It’s a little side thing.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Shocked.] You wrote the PICLE Pals?

Kyle (as Chazz)

Well, yeah. That’s what I’ve learned to do, Sparky.

[00:25:00]

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Stammers.]

Kyle (as Chazz)

I’ve learned to entertain, Lucas helps kids, and you…

Hallie (as Sparky)

I fight for the truth, which is why I think you are writing me wrong. I came off as a touch abrasive. I wasn’t that… mean, to everyone. You know? It’s just, like, I just feel like it’s wrong. I just feel like you peppered in some unnecessary characterization and drama, and it was better than that. it was way better than that.

Kyle (as Chazz)

[Chuckles.] Well, okay, yeah.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You know? The golden years and all. It was better than what you’re portraying.

Kyle (as Chazz)

Part of compressing someone’s entire life into a small little play will do that, Sparky. I just accentuated what was there.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Indignant.] Accentuated…

Kyle (as Chazz)

[Emphasizing each syllable.] Accentuated.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I know what accentuated means. God, you sound like Elliot. You know he corrected me on rutabagas?

Kyle (as Chazz)

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Is it rutabaga or is it rutabagas? It’s RUTABAGAS, like with an S, because it’s plural. No one says rutabaga.

Kyle (as Chazz)

Except for Elliot.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Except for… Nobody cares what Elliot says or thinks.

Tom

In the distance, Irene doing a high-five.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Chazz)

“Nobody cares what Elliot says,” she says, talking about what Elliot says.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay, well, you know what I mean.

Hallie

Then I try to do a cowboy hat tip like he did to me earlier. It doesn’t work as well because I don’t have a cowboy hat, but I do it.

Kyle (as Chazz)

I know what you mean, Sparky.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Thank you. God, it feels like no one just agrees with me. It feels like everybody’s fighting me on everything all the time.

Kyle (as Chazz)

Well, in my experience, when somebody finds themselves in a lot of fights, they tend to be the one picking them.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Or a victim. You know? Um… did Lucas ask you about getting together when he was gonna be back in town?

Kyle

Chazz laughs again and then his face grows serious.

Kyle (as Chazz)

Sparky, can I ask you a favor?

Hallie (as Sparky)

You’re gonna do it anyway.

[Breakup music begins.]

Kyle (as Chazz)

Don’t break his heart again.

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Song Lyrics:

I can’t stop thinking about midnight in your car, dreaming about wasted wishes on a shooting star.

I’m losing sleep, I don't know who I’ve become. Weaker by the minute, by the second, almost gone.

I don't know why. Do you know how…?

Kyle

Did you know? In our world, the world outside of Hereafter, deadly nightshade works in the actual daytime and is actually incredibly dangerous. Do not go near it, do not touch it, and for all that is holy do not eat it. This PSA brought to you by the fact that I only realized after recording these episodes that deadly nightshade was an actual plant and not just something from the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Hi, welcome to the announcement break. I don’t got a whole lot for you today, I mostly just got a promo for another show. You gotta wait a whole two weeks between episodes of Quest Friends, and in that time, don’t you wish there was a show that kind of fit the same itch? A show that, for example, might be about found family in a world that is both very mundane and very absurd. One that maybe for their second season made a homegrown Powered by the Apocalypse game inspired by, among other things, Gravity Falls. Because that show exists!

Monster Hour is a narrative-driven actual play podcast about found family, supernatural strangeness, and the hilarious horror of everyday life. Their second season explores the supernatural suburb of Somewhere, a town where the otherworldly is ordinary and the mundane, terrifying.

Just like Quest Friends, Monster Hour has a not-so-heroic cast of main characters this time around. They have crisp editing and they have original music, which is something even we don’t have, and they’ve got a whole bunch of wonderful oddities. Some of my favorites being a customer service bureaumancer, a recurring weather event that is just thousands of human screams, and then my personal favorite, a gestalt hive-mind in the form of the local PTA.

So, while both Quest Friends and Monster Hour have a focus on Gravity Falls, we actually have this interesting split where I focused more on things like Amphibia and The owl House and that kind of kids cartoon where they focused on the horror aspect of it. Other touchstones they mention are things like Infinity Train, Over the Garden Wall, Welcome to Nightvale and Alice in Wonderland. It’s a very interesting way to scratch a similar itch but from an entirely different perspective, and I think that’s really interesting.

[00:30:00]

But, don’t just take my word for it, here’s what the creators of Monster Hour have to say about their show.

[Promo begins with calm spooky music.]

Quinn

Hello everyone, and welcome to Monster Hour, an actual play podcast about weird heroes, found family, and the stories you make when you go off the rails.Step through the looking glass and into our season 2 game of Absurdia, a modern fantasy role-playing game about the absurd humor and understated horror of everyday life. Join demi ghost lifestyle blogger Claire Clairemont,

Teo (as Claire)

I do terrify people in town quite often.

Quinn

community radio host Duncan Oliver,

Kyle (as Duncan)

Investigative, friendly - a little flirty.

Quinn

and woe-begotten time traveler Max,

Hannah (as Max)

The time cat is the reason I got unstuck from time!

Quinn

as they navigate the surreal suburban town of Somewhere.

[Music raises as a montage of clips begins.]

Quinn

The screaming fog.

Kyle

Oh, shit.

Quinn

The city council.

Everyone

Praise be.

Hannah

I don’t even refer to them by name, I don’t want to give them that kind of power.

Teo

Bus is sentient, bus is alive, bus is forever.

Quinn

A leviathan of steel and tinted glass.

Kyle

Run! Run!

Quinn

If you’re a fan of Welcome to Night Vale, Alice in Wonderland, or Gravity Falls, you’ll love season 2 of Monster Hour. New episodes every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts.

[Promo ends.]

Kyle

If you found that interesting, you can find Monster Hour at monsterhour.podbean.com or by searching for Monster Hour wherever you listen to podcasts. New episodes come out every other Tuesday, so if you’re listening to this episode the day it comes out, you got a brand new episode you can listen to tomorrow.

Alright. I don’t got a big call to action for you today, but one thing that I thought would be a fun shout-out is that on our Tumblr page we answer Q&A questions. Usually silly stuff like who out of the Season 2 characters would be the first and last to die in a horror movie, or what are our favorite Digimon. If you want to ask some fun questions about us or the characters, we’ve been having a blast answering those.

You can also, as always, find additional content over on our Patreon. It’s by far the most effective way to support the show with your dollars if that’s something you want to do. But, whether you check out Monster Hour, our Tumblr, our Patreon, or just wait for the next episode… our next episode, which I realize right now is still unnamed, Part 1, will be releasing on Monday, October 17. I’ll see you there.

[Punctuated silly music carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

Irene, you are lost in the middle of the woods.

Emily

No I’m not.

Kyle

It is dark. It is damp.

Emily

Okay, so maybe she’s slightly lost. Yes, that might be correct. But, she is still following her compass, because why would her compass be wrong?

Hallie

Bless her! Bless her faith in this machine.

Kyle

We’re gonna end this episode with Irene just at the top of the mountain, alone.

Tom

No… No!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

I am totally fine with Irene just stumbling into camp in the morning. Like, you can just occasionally cut back to her still lost.

Ari

She could be guided by some cute…

Kyle

That’s what I was…  yeah. In front of you, Irene, there is this dog-like figure in the shadows.

Emily

Irene jumps and throws a stick at it.

Kyle

Are you trying to intimidate it? What are you trying to do?

Emily

I think intimidate, but also she’s just startled.

Kyle

Yeah, roll me Convince Somebody with Fierce.

Emily

[Rolls.] Okay… 11.

Kyle

Okay! Um…

Emily

You sent this to help me, and I ruined it.

Kyle

[Smiling.] I sent this to help you, and it is successfully scared away.

Hallie

[Laughing.] That’s so funny, though!

Emily

I also picture the stick falling to the ground several feet in front of it. Like, it’s a light stick so it doesn’t go far, and she didn’t throw it that hard.

Kyle

It hits the creature…

Emily

Aww.

Kyle

…and you notice that the creature is actually a couple of feet lower than you thought it was. With an alarm, you hear a…

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

TAR-LE-DOIB!

Kyle

…as the creature runs away.

Emily

Am I just gonna run into Rasputin?

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Ah, did you see something, my Boidelrat?

Ari

Oh god. Why?

[Laughter.]

Tom

What the fuck?

Hallie

[Screeching in delight.] I was just about to make that joke! Here he is in the woods!

Ari

Why is he here?

Kyle

He’s everywhere.

Emily

It’s because it’s in the dark of the night.

Tom

I mean, we are in the hills where he lives, so like…

[00:35:00]

And it’s the dark of the night! I made that joke earlier!

Hallie

It’s the dark of the night, evil will find her!

Tom

I made that joke earlier!

Hallie

OOH-AH! OOH-AH!

Emily

I know, but now Rasputin is here, so I had to bring him back up.

Hallie

Singing the songs with his Boidelrats.

[Threatening villain music begins.]

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Who’s there in the dark of night?

Emily (as Irene)

You need not be afraid, though I cut an intimidating figure. Let me pass and I will not have to injure you greatly.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Oh… you want me to let you—

[Music ends.]

Wait. Hold up. Hold up a second.

[Silly ghostly music begins.]

Did you just threaten me with violence?

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

No…?

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Did you not just say injure me?

Emily (as Irene)

It was merely an opening remark that holds no weight if you don’t want it to.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

What are you doing here?

Emily (as Irene)

I’m following my compass.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Following your compass? That is mistake number one. Aren’t you supposed to be by, by… by lake?

Emily (as Irene)

Who are you?!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Who are you?

Emily (as Irene)

No, who are you?

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Who are you?!

Emily (as Irene)

Who are YOU?

Kyle (as Rasputin)

I am… hmm-hmm.

[Chuckles.] Ah yes, I am Rasputin. It took me moment to remember. You must understand.

[Music fades.]

Emily (as Irene)

I do not understand, but I am capable of empathy and so support you in your confusion.

Emily

She says, as she slowly sidles around where she thinks the voice is coming from.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

That is not direction of lake.

Emily (as Irene)

But… my compass says that it should be in this direction.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Ah, compass-shmomfass. Such things are useless. Now, Boidelrat, nose of Boidelrat knows where things are.

Emily (as Irene)

But, a compass just points to the north. A nose has many different smells to keep track of. I am confused.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Fine, follow compass. You will do nothing else rest of episode.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

I do not understand half of what you said, but perhaps you can impress upon me the validity of your claims if your Boidelrat is to lead me to the camp.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

You want to follow Boidelrat?

[Vaguely sinister ghostly music begins.]

Emily (as Irene)

Um… maybe.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Rasputin will lend Boidelrat, but you must help me in future.

Emily (as Irene)

I don’t know that I like that. I would like you to explain to me why I should not just follow my compass.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Because compass is worthless. We cannot just repeat—

Emily (as Irene)

No, this is… Explain why you are saying that it is worthless.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Look at compass. Look at compass. Do you see? You are not moving and yet it is wavering back and forth. Well, you cannot see because it is too dark, because again, you went in the middle of nowhere. But, it would be moving back and forth.

[Music ends.]

Emily (as Irene)

Okay, fine.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

It is deal, then?

Emily

[Sighs.] Irene doesn’t like this. I don’t like this. I really don’t like this.

Hallie

I love it.

Emily

Well good for you!

Tom

Deeply upset. Very unhappy.

[Sinister ghostly music returns, louder.]

Kyle

Rasputin stretches out a hand. The handshake feels interesting. It’s not like you’re just shaking his hand, it feels almost like your shadows themselves are shaking hands.

Emily

I don’t like this.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

[Chuckles.] That was good decision. On you go. You can follow Boidelrat. Eh, keep Boidelrat. Rasputin has many.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

[Grinning.] Congratulations, Irene, you have a Boidelrat! “Look, I found this possum five minutes ago. It will teach you how to get out of the woods.”

Emily

Well, I guess Irene has a Boidelrat now.

Hallie

I’m so happy for you.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle

Alright. We’re gonna cut back to Hilda and Quique, and the other kids.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Hey! What’s the big idea? The Necromon is out there!

Tom (as Hilda)

No! No it isn’t! I don’t know what that is.

Ari (as Quique)

I agree. You all let the scary stories get to your head, more than I thought they would. In the morning, we can all go and check what this is with a group of adults. It can be a nice activity. But for now, it’s better for you to get out of this mud.

Ari

As he’s saying it, he’s (strained sounds) pulling.

Kyle (as Walnut)

I’m not getting it into my head. You’re getting it—I thought you said this wasn’t even a scary story. So why are you so afraid of it?

Ari (as Quique)

You know? Let me tell you what I am afraid of.

[00:40:00]

I am afraid of you guys drowning in whatever this mud pile is. It’s called liability. Also, there’s just too much population already in my side of the turf. So really, I just need all of you to come back up.

Kyle (as Walnut)

[Scoffs.] I guess, but like… Necromon. That’s why we’re here.

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah, well, you saw one earlier during the scary story. Right? That book of Hilda is a Necromon. Isn’t that enough?

Kyle (as Walnut)

Exactly! Hilda’s got an Ultra Necromon…

Emily (as Booker)

[In agreement.] Rekoob.

Kyle (as Walnut)

…and a super-strong Necromon, and a super-cool one.

Emily (as Booker)

[Smug.] Rekoob.

Kyle (as Walnut)

And like, I just… come on! You found one of the coolest Necromon, and you had to go through challenges to get it. A Necromon Trainer would be chomping at the bit to get something like this.

Tom (as Hilda)

Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t do any of that on purpose. We fell down a hill, got lost, I got tied to a tree, and when I woke up from a weird dream one of my books had turned into Booker. I don't know how it happened. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be better than anybody else. But like… we’re talking about intentionally just walking into the deep mud. No… please, it’s not safe.

Ari (as Quique)

May I also add that I happened to be in that such predicament at the time and we barely made it out “alive,” quote-unquote, or the equivalent.

[Laughter.]

So, it’s honestly not worth it, kids. Again, it might still be here in the morning. We can all, as a camping activity during the light when it’s not lights out, come and see whatever you think is in there.

Kyle

Walnut is not really paying attention to any of that and instead is focused on earlier words.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Not being the best… like no one ever was. That’s what the tournament is, though!

Tom (as Hilda)

Well… I don't know! Maybe I shouldn’t be in the tournament then.

Kyle (as Walnut)

… Oh.

[Thoughtful piano music begins.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Like, it’s fun, I like duels, but this is way too intense. It’s freaking me out. I’ve never been this far in a competition before and I… ugh, it’s kind of awful. Do you want a bunch of people watching your every move and talking about what things are being done wrong or what you could do better? I don’t.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Well, I mean… that’s how I get better.

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah, that works for you, but I just… I don't know. Can we just go back to sleep?

Ari (as Quique)

If it helps at all, kid, sometimes you don’t need to dig in a lake or a mud for these things to come to you. There was one hammering in my house the other day. Sometimes they just come to you and they just won’t leave. So really, perhaps stop looking so hard is the first step for you to get one of those rare Necromon you like.

Kyle

Walnut looks back at the light on the water, and looks back at Freddie who kinda gives daem a shrug. Dae shakes daer head.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Fine. Fine… I’ll just be the best with Basic Necromon.

[Music ends.]

Thank you, Mr. Canaca.

Kyle (as Freddie)

Dr. Canaca.

Kyle (as Walnut)

Thank you, Dr. Canaca.

Ari (as Quique)

You know, that was kind of a… It’s called a flex, towards that one guy. I don’t actually… I kind of don’t… I feel uncomfortable with people just calling my title. I mean, I did study hard for it, but you can just call me Mr. Canaca. It’s fine.

Kyle (as Chazz)

I knew it was a flex!

[Silly music begins.]

Ari (as Quique)

No. Hang on. You still call me—Because I know who is behind me. You still call me Dr. Canaca, because I did earn my PhD, so you have to call me by that name, sir.

Kyle (as Chazz)

Okay, Dr. Canaca. I appreciate the sir, by the way, although you can just call me… Chazz. I tried to think of something clever, but I just like it when people call me Chazz.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I didn’t know you were a doctor.

Ari (as Quique)

Why would I tell you this information? That’s things you should not be able to know.

Tom (as Hilda)

Boss, how did you not know Mr. Canaca was a doctor?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Because he didn’t tell me, because he never answers my questions, because he’s hiding something probably. I don't know! Are you okay? Why are you all muddy?

Tom (as Hilda)

Why are you here?

Hallie (as Sparky)

We heard screaming.

Ari (as Quique)

Weren’t you supposed to be taking care of the other—? Who’s taking care of the other kids?

Hallie (as Sparky)

The other kids aren’t screaming. Lucas Bang is over there. We’re not the only adults here, Quique.

Ari (as Quique)

Well, I clearly have the situation handled here.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Well, I mean… I guess.

Hallie

She looks at the mud-covered kids who are least not injured, apparently.

[Music ends.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

So, what uh… what was all this?

Tom

Hilda is going to stay silent and look at her feet.

Hallie

Aww.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Was it just you guys who came out here?

[00:45:00]

Kyle

Irene, that’s when…

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tar-le-doib! Tar-le-doib!

Kyle

…the Boidelrat comes out.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh good, one of those.

Emily

Irene is disheveled. She looks quite creeped out and keeps rubbing her hand.

Tom

[Amused hum.]

Ari (as Quique)

Kid, are you okay?

Emily (as Irene)

[Measured.] I am fine. Apparently, compasses are lies, and the only thing that actually directs you is trash possums.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tar-le-doib! Tar-le-doib!

Kyle

The Boidelrat picks up some of the yarn and some of the cloth and wears the yarn as little hair and the cloth as a second skin.

Tom

[Laughing.] What?!

Emily (as Irene)

I may have signed away my soul to a strange person in the dark, and I guess I have—

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, I did that like a month ago.

Emily (as Irene)

I’m sorry?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Continue. This is the coolest story you’ve ever told.

Ari (as Quique)

Sparky, that’s not the time.

Emily (as Irene)

[Flatly.] And now I guess I have a Boidelrat. Yay.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, you came out on top. Good for you, kid. Dr. Canaca’s got this handled.

Hallie

She’s shining the flashlight from disheveled Irene emerging from the woods back to Quique.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Got this handled. ‘Okay.’

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Quique)

Get that away from me.

Ari

He’s gonna shine his light into Sparky’s face.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You get your light away from me!

Ari (as Quique)

[Grumbles.] Anyways.

Tom

While this is happening, Hilda’s gonna sidle up beside Irene, and after spending 1 AP, I would like to shove a dirty and crumpled $5 bill into Irene’s hand.

Hallie & Emily

Aww…

Tom

No words, just like… eh.

Emily (as Irene)

[Quietly.] Thank you. I guess I won’t buy myself a new compass, since they’re actually not real.

Tom (as Hilda)

I think the compass might just be broken.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Why were you in the woods, kid?

Emily

[Coughs loudly.]

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

I like to think this coughing is in-character, like occasionally she’s just coughing up pine needles or something.

Emily (as Irene)

I was confused as to what was happening, and so I ventured forth to learn, and I learned that apparently my compass or maybe all compasses aren’t good and I have a rat now.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Look. The list of things you can rely on is just going to dwindle the older you get.

Emily (as Irene)

I am concerned that one of the things I can no longer rely on is the ownership of my soul.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah… go into that? Elaborate on that one.

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah. Was it that guy that—I truly hate saying these things, but like, that looked… you know… except less good?

Ari

And he’s just gonna gesture towards himself.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

He’s not taking care of his corpse.

Ari (as Quique)

Just, you know, more haggard.

[Threatening ambient music begins.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Was it Rasputin?

Emily (as Irene)

Oh… Yeah. Wait. How do you also know Rasputin?

Tom (as Hilda)

We fell into his cave.

Emily (as Irene)

Oh…

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah.

Emily (as Irene)

His cave?

Tom (as Hilda)

He lives in the hills here, I think.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, I had forgotten about him.

Tom (as Hilda)

He was in the tournament, too.

Emily (as Irene)

He was in the forest, and waylaid me, and I made a deal with him that I would owe him a favor, which seems like a creepy story that doesn’t end well.

Ari (as Quique)

Hmm. Well, first of all, it’s not a signed contract from what I understand. But, at least for where I am concerned, because I don’t like that guy, whenever he asks whatever favor it is, let me know and I can at least be there to stop whatever things he’s scheming.

Emily (as Irene)

Thank—

[Music ends.]

Emily

[Coughs.] Ugh…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, Dr. Quique can take care of it. Your brother’s also a prosecutor, so I think he’ll probably step in. Actually, no, nobody wants Elliot to help them.

Emily (as Irene)

No, I do not want that.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Nobody wants that.

Kyle

Yeah, so we’ll go to the next day.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change. Curious whimsical music begins.]

How do you all end up exploring the lake now that the day has come?

Emily

What if you just attached a rock to the end of a fishing pole and like a magnet or something?

Kyle

So you’re just fishing?

Emily

Basically.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

Hilda is okay with that, because Hilda does not want to go back in the mud. She’s still scared, even in the morning.

Emily

Aww.

Ari

I want to say that, while that is happening, Quique will lean to Hilda.

Ari (as Quique)

You can call me Quique, still.

[Music ends.]

Hallie & Emily

Aww.

Ari (as Quique)

I think you suffered enough yesterday and I don’t think you deserve it.

Tom (as Hilda)

Thanks.

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah. Just don’t do it again.

Tom (as Hilda)

Yes.

Kyle (as Lucas)

So uh, how did things go last night, Sparky? Chazz says everything was nice and relaxing.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, Chazz is a fucking liar.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Actually, several kids got lost in the woods. But you know, it’s okay, just some—

[00:50:00]

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh! Oh no! I can go handle it! I can go—

Kyle

He’s already getting ready to run off to the—

Hallie (as Sparky)

No. It already happened, Lucas. They’re back now.

Kyle (as Lucas)

O! Okay, okay, okay.

Hallie

I would have chased him into the woods if that was necessary, but I’m shouting that from the periphery.

Hallie (as Sparky)

No-no, it’s fine, it’s fine. Just some good old hijinks. They were looking for a Necromon in the muddy lagoon here. We’re gonna find it today I think. Yeah.

Kyle

Freddie is standing next to you, Irene.

Kyle (as Freddie)

What do you think is in there?

Emily (as Irene)

I think that this is perhaps where the oasis is.

Kyle (as Freddie)

Oh, that would be cool. I’ll have to tell Walnut. Dae said they didn’t want to come.

Kyle

Alright. Is Quique the one doing the fishing, or…?

Ari

Uh…

Hallie

I’ll do the fishing. Sparky would want to take a hand in this now, because it’s discovering a new thing.

Ari

Yeah, Quique wouldn’t do that. If there’s something actually bad there, then it’s fine.

Hallie

It didn’t seem like something Quique would jump at, and Sparky would.

Kyle

Alright. You pull out this box.

[Ethereal music begins.]

As you do, you can see the light is different. It’s not the typical blue Necromon light. Instead, it’s this weird ethereal green reflecting the sun but also illuminating its own glow as well. You open up the box and look inside, and it’s empty with the exception of one little slip of paper.

[Music changes to ghostly credits music.]

Hallie

I pick it up.

Kyle

You pick it up, flip it around, and you just see a little handwritten note that says “I really liked your story.”

Tom (as Hilda)

What the F?

Hallie

[Laughs.]

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Tom

Did that tent ever get set up for Sparky slash Lucas?

Hallie

Ha! I assume they were not sharing a tent.

Emily

Do you think Sparky wanted them to share a tent?

Tom

Obviously.

Hallie

I mean, yeah.

Kyle

My guess is that Quique had to set up the rest of the tents when he got back, because they were just the tents for the adults.

Ari

What?!

Hallie

Sparky didn’t bother to set it up. That’s why she’s stargazing. Fuck this tent! Fuck everything!

Ari (as Quique)

We might need to change it back to Mr. Canaca. I’m still deciding.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

[Smiling.] Oh no~!

Ari

Is that too bad? Is that too bad?

Kyle

No! I just feel bad.

Hallie

No, I think it’s hilarious.

Tom

It’s a very Steven Strange moment.

Kyle

I feel very bad for Walnut having inadvertently caused this to happen.

Ari

If it’s bad, we can not—

Kyle

No, it’s good. I like it. I like it.

Hallie

No, it’s really good.

Ari

Okay.

Hallie

That’s why we got a reaction.

Tom

I appreciate that Chazz Casey, despite hearing the screams, is like “you know what we need right now? An intervention with Sparky.” This is the important thing right now. “The future generation matters a lot, Sparky.” AH! Oh god!

[Laughter.]

“We’ve gotta be responsible wardens.” Help! Please, help!

Hallie

That’s such a genuinely good gag, though.

Emily

[Coughs.]

Tom

Irene is slowly dying from a deal with Rasputin.

Emily

I know.

Tom

Only he can cure your hemophilia.