16. Die Card (Part 2)

Transcript by Raina Harper

Kyle

Previously on Quest Friends! Hereafter…

[Music plays, ‘Quest Friends! Hereafter Theme’ by Miles Morkri.]

Kyle

And you walk in… to the ScubaCorp International Necromon Championship Finals Gala.

Kyle (as Oset)

So, what do you think of my collection?

Tom (as Hilda)

You’re a monster. I’ll see all of those Necromon free.

Kyle (as Oset)

If you win, you can take as much as you want from my collection, but if I win, I am allowed to complete it.

Kyle

You notice, Quique, that this is a third hand.

Ari

[Laughing.] Oh god.

Kyle

You have both of your hands, but this is a third skeleton hand.

Ari (as Quique)

Hmm…

Ari

He’s going to start looking around to see if he finds another Quiclone.

Kyle

You see at least a dozen Aurelio Enrique Hueso Canaca.

Ari & Hallie

Oh my god.

Kyle (as Ronda)

Uh… yeah, this party is ours now.

Tom

[Laughs.]

[Music swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

Alright. Before we get started with anything on this episode, I want everybody to take a GM Intrusion.

Ari

Oh! Does this mean we get AP?

Hallie

AP! AP! AP!

Kyle

You all get 1 AP. This one won’t happen instantaneously, it’ll happen over the course of the next couple of minutes. So, to reset the scene…

[Tense ambient music begins.]

Quique and Irene, the crowd starts panicking. Everyone starts mumbling. Some people start moving back and forth. Sammy, you can see, is just… again, he’s a possessed doll man so he can’t really sweat, but he would be sweating bullets as he’s running around trying to find someone to manage what’s happening instead of him. The Quique’s are encroaching in.

Meanwhile, in your room, Hilda and Sparky, Oset Scuba is furious. He is confused and he is angry and he is glaring at the screen which has an honestly really nice-looking Ronda just saying things like:

Kyle (as Ronda)

Okay, so you know, just um… as we said, don’t fight. That would be really bad for everybody. So, we’re just gonna kinda do our thing and you will stay there as our… Eddie, what’s the word?

Kyle (as Eddie)

Our hostages, dear Ronda.

Kyle (as Ronda)

Oh right, you’re hostages.

Hallie

I’d like to deadpan to Oset Scuba.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Your security sucks.

Kyle (as Oset)

This was only the first wave of my security. When Oset Scuba is present, no additional security is needed.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

He lifts out his arm gauntlet and a card pops out of it which he expertly grabs out of the air. You know the super-satisfying thing they do in movies where toast pops out and then someone grabs it?

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Yeah, he does that with a card.

[Dramatic electronic classical music begins.]

Kyle (as Oset)

Come to me, my White-Eyes Blue—

[Music ends abruptly.]

Kyle (as Eddie)

Oh, and if anyone is thinking of trying to release a Necromon, I would not bother with that. Ronda, if you may do the favors.

[Sinister music begins.]

Kyle

As this large dragon with a blue body and piercing white eyes starts to emerge from Oset Scuba’s card, I need Irene to roll a new stat. I need you to roll something called Weird.

Tom

Ooh…

Hallie

Ooh?

Kyle

Weird is a stat that we use when interacting with the strangest and most magical aspects of our world, things that people wouldn’t understand, and by default it is a -3.

Emily

So, whatever I roll, take 3 away?

Kyle

Yes.

Emily

Okay. Um, definitely have to do the skull dice for this one.

[Rolls.] A 3 and a 2.

Kyle

Take 1 AP.

Emily

Thanks!

Ari

Wait. In my roll that I did yesterday for my Loaded Die, I rolled a 10. If there’s a way to justify that I can somehow help Irene be protected from this…

Kyle

I’ll describe it, and then you can decide, as I describe what is happening to her, whether or not you want Quique to intervene.

Emily

[Laughing.] I want Quique to avenge me!

Kyle

Sparky and Hilda, you hear Oset Scuba scream. Although, with him, it’s probably less of a scream and more one of those “AHH,” one of those really painful ‘I’m getting blasted’ yells.

Tom

The Kaiba GIF.

Hallie

Yeah, yeah.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Yeah. Think the Kaiba GIF from the first episode of Yu-Gi-Oh!.

[00:05:00]

You don’t see the blast, but that is how he is reacting.

[Dramatic action music begins.]

Oset screams and he falls to the ground. As he does, you notice cracks start to appear across his White-Eyes Blue Dragon as it is forced back into the card and starts crumpling. Similarly, in front of  you, Booker starts to squirm and starts to make really uncomfortable noises…

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob…

Tom

No…

Kyle

…as his little eyestalks and his crab legs are forced back into Babcia Ania’s book which itself gets a little bit of cracking along the spine.

Tom

[Emotional.] Oh…

Kyle

Meanwhile, Irene and Quique, in the lobby you see similar sights and sounds. A handful of folks there who also dabble in Necromon start pulling out their cards which retract in kind and start getting injured.

Irene, just like when the Mossies were stolen a few months ago and you felt that deep pain in your soul, you feel it again, but this time it’s harsher and weirder. You feel as if, through your Necromon, some force is driving itself into you, is fiercely piercing against your soul, and your body is doing everything it can to fight back, not only for your sake but for the sake of your Necromon itself.

Quique, what you see is you see Irene, who already looked kind of tired and exhausted, start having basically… I don't know how to describe it. It’s not a seizure exactly, but it’s similar vibrations, grogginess. I don't know if you make a sound, Irene, but it looks like someone who is in incredible pain.

Ari

The thing is, Quique wants to respond, I just don’t know what’s the appropriate way to react to someone having a similar thing. I know sometimes it’s like, let them be and put them in a comfortable position, sometimes it is hold them. So, whatever it is that will help ameliorate this, Quique would.

[Music changes to gentle guitar music.]

My thought was, if there’s a little blanket or something, put it around Irene and hug her.

Emily

Aww.

Ari

Maybe holding her so she doesn’t fall from the chair, and holding her with the blanket.

Kyle

Yeah. Something about that comfort and that connection to Irene that you’re making, this kind of emotional connection of protecting a child, you feel a bit of the sting yourself almost, but it does seem to alleviate the pain from Irene enough that, after a few moments, Irene, it doesn’t quite pass but your body acclimates to it.

[Music ends.]

Similarly, Oset Scuba who, because he has to take pain in the most dramatic way possible, is down doing—

Hallie

He’s a man.

Kyle

You know the three-point touch thing where you’ve got one hand on one… You’re on your knee, and then your foot’s up, and then your fist is on the ground. He’s doing that while screaming, stops, and just takes a couple of deep heavy breaths.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Some security you’ve got there. Is there more after this?

Kyle (as Oset)

[Exhales loudly.]

Tom

When he doesn’t respond right away, Hilda’s just going to turn to Lucas Bang and just immediately ask:

Tom (as Hilda)

[Frantic.] What’s happening to Booker? Do you know what’s going on?

Kyle (as Lucas)

Uh… Uhh… I uh, I’m…

Hallie (as Sparky)

You don't know anything about what’s going on, do you, Lucas?

Kyle (as Lucas)

I really don’t.

Tom (as Hilda)

Okay. We need to get out of here. Is there any way we can leave that’s not the door? Like, can we break this glass or is it not breaking glass?

Kyle (as Oset)

The glass is unbreakable, and the metal barrier that has been put before it, even more so. However, Legendary clearance will get you places.

Kyle

Oset Scuba walks up and immediately walks to one of the books on one of the shelves.

Tom

Hilda’s not gonna acknowledge him in any way, but she’s at least following if he’s opening up the secret passageway.

Hallie

Um… I’m gonna follow too.

Tom

But you had to think about it.

Hallie

I had to think about it. I’m trying to communicate there are other ways without telling Oset Scuba we’re just gonna rob him, in front of him.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You know Hilda, it’s not all on you.

Tom (as Hilda)

I know.

Tom

She’s gonna give a look to Lucas Bang.

Kyle

Oh man, this man looks incredibly guilty. He is sweating bullets. He goes to say something, but he can’t.

Hallie

Sparky’s just gonna raise an eyebrow and then glance at Lucas and give him a look she probably gave him frequently back in the PICLE days. Like, an eyebrow raise and a head tilt kind of a “let’s go this way” kind of a thing, but now it’s a little bit kinder because he appears to be in a bad mental spot.

[00:10:00]

Kyle

Yeah. Lucas Bang is confused and upset and unhappy, but that does seem to give him some reassurance.

Hallie

I take his hand.

Kyle

He was already reaching for yours.

Hallie

Yeah! The other thing I want to do is—I don't know if you want me to make a roll for this to see if I could bring it back later, but I am mentally cataloguing every single secret that Oset Scuba is about to reveal to me about the inside workings of ScubaCorp.

Kyle

As long as you note it, that’s fine.

Hallie

I’m gonna note it. It’s going on my heist board.

Kyle

Oset walks up and he sees a book on the shelf called The Veil of Fistivos.

Hallie

Ha!

Kyle

And he pulls out the book. The shelf dramatically opens up, but it doesn’t open like a door. It in fact just shifts upwards leading to a trap door beneath.

Kyle (as Oset)

We must move quickly. Follow me.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat is kind of nudging against you and trying to snuggle under the blanket, Irene, and I’m assuming all of your other ‘mon as well, which like you seemed a little bit bothered but not as much as Booker. They start kind of poking at you.

Emily

Was I, um… Did I hear about “don’t take your Necromon out?”

Kyle

Yes. The thing that they said?

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

Yeah. They have a system throughout everything. What Oset saw and everyone in that room saw, you all saw as well.

Emily

She’ll throw the blanket over the rest of the Necromon too.

Hallie

Aww.

Ari

Quique will just watch, and if it seems like it won’t bother her too much, he might ask, like:

Ari (as Quique)

How are you feeling, kid? Don’t strain yourself too much. Okay?

Emily (as Irene)

Oh, I am fine. I feel fine. I thank you for your kindness in my moment of losing outward focus…

Hallie

[Pained laugh.]

Ari (as Quique)

Oh, yeah, I’m sure you are.

Emily (as Irene)

However, I would like to clarify that I felt… nothing, and any expression on my face was incidental.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah, I don’t doubt that, but we can just both stay here and feel fine here together for a little bit.

Emily (as Irene)

I’m glad you do not doubt your detective partner.

Ari (as Quique)

Oh, no worries, he’s the best at giving me a hand.

[Silly music begins.]

[Smirking.] He sure is a handy detective. One would say he’s my right-hand hand.

Kyle

[Laughing.] My right-hand hand.

Emily

Irene is trying so hard not to laugh, because she’s a dignified adult and she doesn’t find jokes funny. But, it is incredibly obvious.

Ari

Noticing that, Quique is not gonna overdo it but at random intervals, he’s still gonna be like,

Ari (as Quique)

It sure comes in handy to have such a trusted partner.

Emily (as Irene)

[Begins to laugh, clears her throat, and pretends to cough.]

Ari

Quique’s just gonna chuckle a little bit without it looking too much… He’s just happy that she’s feeling a little bit better.

Kyle

Meanwhile, everyone else is still panicking.

[Music ends and panicked crowd SFX begins.]

The Quiclones are sitting there. People are trying to get out and they’re just threateningly whacking the femur. One of them has got the bone-a-gang, just threateningly standing in the corner. I forgot to mention, they all have bone weapons. All of them have weapons made out of bones, but it’s usually just some variation of “a club.” It’s actually Sammy who eventually gets everyone’s attention.

He walks up kind of nursing his head a little bit. It wasn’t like with Irene and Oset. You know how they were basically… well, Irene was freaking out and Oset was—

Emily

Being angsty?

Kyle

Yeah, screaming in pain. It was similar to almost like Irene’s Necromon where they looked a bit pained but not as much. He looks like he had just a really bad headache or bumped his head real bad.

Kyle (as Sammy)

Alright everybody, just calm down. Okay? Mr. Scuba will handle this, I’m certain, so let’s just chill out… Yeah, if you could chill out, that would be really helpful for me. So, um…

Kyle

I’m actually gonna roll his Convince Somebody because I don't know how everyone responds.

[Rolls.] Yeah, nobody listens to Sammy and the crowd gets even more raucous.

[SFX changes to screaming crowd.]

The Quiclones are starting to be like:

Kyle (as Quiclone)

Hey! Hey, watch yourself.

Tom

“What’s the big idea?”

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

So, this is the scene you find yourselves in, Irene and Quique.

Ari

So… is there one that is particularly looking, like—You know how they divide and conquer? Are all of them in a single place?

[00:15:00]

[SFX ends and upbeat scheming music begins.]

If there is one that is specifically in charge, like the hacker hacking the thing for things being opened, or opening a safe to get some particular thing. I want to try and disrupt that with the hand, but I don't know specifically what each of them are doing.

Kyle

Pretty much all of them are guarding a door, and because there are only so many doors out of here, let’s say they’re all in pairs. That being said, I’m happy to include one that’s more of a specialist role than just someone standing at the door, so roll me a d12. I’ve pulled up the TV Tropes page for roles in a heist, and based on what you roll I will scroll down and pick that person.

Ari

Well, I don’t have a d12 because I wasn’t ready for—

Kyle

Oh, sorry, 2d6.

Ari

Okay.

Kyle

Yeah, that’s what I meant.

[Music ends.]

Tom

You have dragon game brain now, Kyle.

[Laughter.]

Ari

That’s a 4.

Kyle

I got The Con Man, the guy who usually does most of the conning, acting, and people manipulating using confidence tricks.

Emily

The grifter.

Tom

The security guard! The security guard at the front of Nakatomi Plaza who keeps telling the cops that everything’s fine.

Ari

Oh, but that’s such a boring… What would I be disrupting? They’re already in. You know?

Hallie

This con man has snuck into this criminal enterprise in order to perform his own criminal enterprise which is multi-level marketing.

Tom

Maybe this is like the hype man of the heist who is keeping everyone’s morale up by conning them into thinking that this is a good idea and will work.

Kyle

Yeah. Let’s actually do the con man. This is what I’m gonna say. I’m gonna say that you as Quique notice there are a lot of people who are trying to call their phones, and something… you know, the cell signal isn’t going out. Let’s say they took over the ScubaCorp… What is it? Satellites. Scubalites. The ScubaCorp Scubalites.

Tom

God.

Kyle

But, you do hear one of them say:

Kyle (as Quiclone)

You know, I heard one of the calls got out.

Kyle

Let’s say the cops did actually call. Not the cops, the Undertakers called.

[Silly sneaky music.]

We see the hand following the guy with the single hand. Right? He’s sitting there in a security room. We’ll say the hand has limited sensation, so mostly you get vibrations and sense of sound. The ear is a bone, you hear via your bones, so we’ll say that you can really hear what’s going on in your hand bones.

[Laughter.]

Ari

What?

Tom

The ear bone’s connected to the… hand bone!

Kyle

Hand bone!

Ari

What the fuck?

Tom

Oh god…

Kyle (as Quiclone)

Yeah, well uh, you know… you Rons don’t gotta worry about anything. It was a false alarm. You know how these rich folks are. One of them didn’t get what they thought they were promised.

[Sighs.] I think one of them wanted their kid to get in. Honestly, I don't know. It’s so difficult to understand. Point is, they said there were a bunch of skeletons with bone weapons going about. What? Tell me this. Are you gonna grab your pinky and use it to attack someone or are you gonna keep it attached to your hand?

[Pauses.] Yeah, that’s what I thought. No, it’s not a problem at all. Probably some kid throwing a prank or something like that.

Kyle

This guy is on the phone with the Rons just giving absolutely every excuse that he can in the book.

[Music ends.]

He’s simultaneously saying it was someone upset that their kid didn’t get it, and it was someone ordering a pizza, and it’s probably a limo driver who got trapped in the basement and is completely upset that the person hasn’t called him back, and every excuse in the book.

Ari

If I understand correctly, the fake security guard is telling this to the police so they don’t worry about it?

Kyle

Yeah, exactly, he’s telling that to the Undertakers, telling it to the Rons.

Ari

Okay. Yeah, so I want to do that thing that they do in movies where—Oh wait. Also, I want to have… Don’t I have a thing where I can have a skill for an adventure? That’s Adapt.

Kyle

Adapt.

Ari

Yeah. I want to have a skill in specifically doing that thing in movies where you (action sound) and then you knock someone down.

Kyle

Like the karate chop kind of thing?

Tom

God.

Ari

Yeah! I wanna have—Quique has been watching a lot of karate movies lately.

Kyle

Let’s say he was watching a show called Slap Chop Samurai…

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

…which was about a chef who used his hands both for weapons and for cooking.

Ari

Excellent. So, I want to do that to that guard.

Kyle

Yeah. Roll me Take a Swing. That’s gonna be +Fierce, and then you’ll get advantage because you’ve been watching Slap Chop Samurai in your spare time.

[00:20:00]

Ari

Okay. Let’s see how this goes. And it’s +Fierce.

[Rolls.] That’s a 7, so that’s not great.

Tom

Mixed success. Who does the bullet hit?

Kyle

You’re gonna hit your target, and you’re gonna choose one benefit and one drawback.

Ari

What is -1 forward?

Kyle

That essentially means your next roll you’ll take whatever your thing is and you’ll do -1 after stats.

Ari

Okay, I think I’m going to do that for the drawback, but for the benefit I want to temporarily daze my target.

[Smiling.] I want to knock this target.

Kyle (as Quiclone)

Well, you know, bridal parties… this is what I hear the new phase is. Faking terrorist attacks. That’s how the gals get ready before they get hitched.

[Impact sound. Spy heist music begins.]

Oof! Whoa… Ow.

Kyle

And you can hear over the phone:

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Hey, you still there, sir? You still there? You know, Ron-12’s sister is actually having a bachelorette party so she’d like to learn about that.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Yeah, you know, we Rons… and well, she’s not a Ron, but relatives of Rons, the ones who are brothers in blood…

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Not brothers in bond like us.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

…they like to do lots of stuff like that. Anyways. Sir? Sir?!

Ari

I wanna try to text the phone that is on the line.

Kyle

[Smiling.] You’re texting the cops.

Ari

I am texting them. “This is an actual emergency. We have a hostage situation. This was a con man, but I cannot speak because they have limited my speech for reasons I cannot convey.”

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Tom

“Sir, this is a restricted line. You’re in violation…”

Hallie

“Wrong number, who dis.”

Kyle

Roll me Convince Somebody, using Books, but you’re gonna take -1 after your stat.

Ari

I am.

Kyle

We’ll say the reason is because this guy is kind of still groggy, so you’ve gotta type perfectly, and your finger’s slipping a little bit and accidentally doing weird auto-corrects. That’s why it’s a little more difficult.

Ari

Okay. Okay. Alright, figuring out which dice to use here for the…

[Rolls.] I rolled an 11, so…

Hallie

[Excited shout.]

Tom

Oh! Yeah!

Kyle

For once in your death, which is remarkable considering Quique’s age, auto-correct actually helps you.

[Laughter.]

What is the message that you write to convince the Rons that this is a genuine attack?

Ari

[Smiling.] It will be, “it is a genuine attack.”

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Oh, well uh… Hey. Hey Ron-13.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

What’s that, Ron-12?

Kyle (as Ron-12)

I got a text saying this is a genuine attack.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

A genuine attack, you say?

Kyle (as Ron-12)

A genuine attack.

Ari

[Smiling.] As he goes “a genuine attack,” another text will come. “Yes.”

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Well, the phone said yes, and the phone never lies.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

The phone never lies.

Ari

If I can send a location…

Kyle

Yeah. You pin the location.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Uh… Ron, do you know how to work this?

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Uh… We’ll get an Overseer to look at it.

Kyle

And yeah, the Rons are on their way.

Ari

Excellent.

Emily

Ron their way.

Kyle

They’re Ron their way, yeah.

Ari

They’re Ron their way!

Kyle

They’re Ron their way to get Ronda.

Ari

Excellent.

Kyle

Rons versus Ronda. Who will win?

Hallie

I’m kinda rooting for Ronda, to be honest.

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

[Laughing.] Quique, you are aware of all of this.

Ari

Somehow, through my hand connection.

Kyle

You can hear. Again, you can hear because the ear bone is connected to the hand bone.

Ari

Oh yes, that’s right. Okay, Quique will just say that to Irene.

Ari (as Quique)

I think my hand-sociate is doing a good job, so you know, there’s people on their way now.

Emily

We really are living in the digital age. Get it? Because they’re digits.

Ari

Yes! Did Irene say that too?

Emily (as Irene)

We are living in a digit-al age.

Emily

And then she looks, waiting for confirmation.

Ari

Quique will genuinely laugh at that. He’s gonna put his fingers up and be like…

Ari (as Quique)

We sure are!

Ari

…and start laughing with her.

Tom

[Embarrassed.] I just got it! It took me so long.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle

Let’s go back to Hilda and Sparky.

[Sci-fi ambient music begins.]

You are walking down a staircase. It is sleek. It’s got the humming blue lights as well. Although, these ones do not seem to be the actual lights that revive a Necromon. Instead, they’re just… He’s leaning into the aesthetic.

Hallie (as Sparky)

So, how long did it take you to set all this up?

Kyle (as Oset)

The ScubaCorp Spacescraper is built on very intense designs of my own creation. We have been building this specific structure for about the past nine months as we do with every city that we go to for the Intermortal Necromon Championship. However, I put my own personal hand in these secret passages so they are built much faster. Rome was not built in a day, but that is because they did not have Oset Scuba.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

[Laughs.]

[00:25:00]

Hallie (as Sparky)

I see. I see… So, there’s something like this everywhere you go for the Intermortal Necromon Tournament? Is that what you just said?

Kyle (as Oset)

A ScubaCorp Spacescraper? Yes, indeed. I would imagine a journalist should know information like that.

Hallie

Hang on.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

I’ve never spoken to Oset Scuba.

Kyle

Nope. Nope.

Hallie (as Sparky)

How do you know I’m a journalist?

Tom

Oh… Oh!

[Oppressive threatening ambience begins..]

Kyle

Oset stops and pauses for a moment.

Kyle (as Oset)

It is in my business to know things.

Kyle

And he keeps walking.

Tom (as Hilda)

That sounds like a lie.

Kyle (as Oset)

If one is to succeed in anything, dueling, business, life… knowledge is second only to power in getting one there. One might argue that it is in fact its own sort of power.

Tom (as Hilda)

Did you get that quote from a Young Adult novel or from some dead Roman guy?

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

He turns back furious at you.

Kyle (as Oset)

Let me assure you, though I am but 19, I am anything but a child.

Tom

[Laughs breathlessly.]

Kyle (as Oset)

And the teachings of the Ancient Egyptians are far wiser than those of the Romans.

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Hallie

It’s like that Tinder profile that was like “a real Renaissance man.”

Tom

“My interests: real estate, anime, Duel Monsters, spacescrapers.”

Ari

Ancient Egypt.

Tom

“Ancient Egypt.”

Hallie

In response to him stating his sudden interest in Ancient Egypt…

Kyle

Please don’t interrogate. I know nothing about Ancient Egypt.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I’m not gonna interrogate about Ancient Egypt. You fool!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, so is that where you get all your ideas from? Kinda sounds like riffing, to be honest.

Kyle (as Oset)

All of the greatest men rest on the shoulders of giants until they too become even larger giants and crush the original giants underfoot.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Never heard anything truer. You must have a really expansive knowledge network to know all the things that you know.

Kyle (as Oset)

As I said, it is in my interest to know things.

Kyle

With that, he taps a keypad on the side, and… Roll me to Understand. I wanna see if you notice the passcode.

Hallie

Yeah, I was definitely going to be like, I wanna do this. Is Understand Books?

Kyle

Yeah, it’s Books.

Hallie

Hmm.

Kyle

And the question will be “what is the passcode.”

Hallie

Hmm. My Books is not a good stat this round. My Books is at a cold -2. I may want to just auto-succeed this roll with 2 of my 3 AP. But then I won’t have 3 AP…

You know what? I’m gonna use my AP. I wanna know the passcode.

Kyle

How do you use your AP to figure out the passcode?

Hallie

Well, first of all, this was physically painful for me to delete the AP from my character sheet, so you all need to know what a moment of personal growth this was for me. And, I am… I’m gonna ask him a silly question about something in the hallway so that he turns a little bit. He’s gonna want to answer because he’s gloating. He’s a man and he’s gloating. Then, when he turns, I want to sneak a peek at the little passcode.

Kyle

He’s gloating. He’s probably talking about the ancient history.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh man. Is that from Ancient Egypt?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

It’s like a Frisbee or something. I don't know.

Kyle (as Oset)

No, it is but a Frisbee, because I enjoy Ultimate Frisbee as I enjoy all things ultimate. In fact, you might call it Legendary Frisbee when I use it.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Oset)

No. My interest in Ancient Egypt is because that is the origin place where Necromon were first noted.

Kyle

And he’s going on and on about stuff. You notice that the passcode he enters is 3000, which is the attack points of Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

Hallie

Ha!

Kyle

The door whooshes open and you enter this sci-fi futuristic room with a big monitor at the end.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Wow! Is this Ancient Egypt?

Hallie

I’m not gonna say more, but I’m gonna keep doing this to him the whole time.

Kyle

He looks back at you and just says:

Kyle (as Oset)

ZEPPELIN, rise.

Kyle

And the system turns on.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Alright, let’s go back to Quique and Irene.

[Thoughtful heist-like music begins.]

Sammy is still trying to keep order and he’s like:

Kyle (as Sammy)

Where is Maybelline? Oh god, don’t tell me she went to one of the higher floors. I warned her about those nails.

Kyle

He just keeps trying to assemble things as folks are panicking. But, you notice that some of the Quiques seem to be talking to each other. You’re hearing words like Rons, and Undertakers, and in the most feared voice a hushed Overseer. Half the Quiques are gone, so now where there were two of them blocking each door, only one is left because the rest seem to be going someplace.

Ari

Okay. If it seems like they’re going where the hand is, I’m gonna try and book it out of there. If not, then that’s fine. Quique is just going to stay with Irene until Irene is ready, or you know, if she wants to do something.

[00:30:00]

Kyle

You haven’t heard any of them say anything about where they’re going, and because we’ve specified that the hand can specifically hear and the monitors are sight, you don’t see anything on the video monitor screen, because you are but a hand who can hear.

Ari

You know what? The hand will still book it because I don’t wanna risk this. Quique will summon his hand. I think it might be a little bit harder because I’m gonna try and run with the phone still, so it’s gonna be like, (straining sounds).

Kyle

Yeah, roll me a Sneak. I was gonna let you do it, but since you’re gonna go with the phone in your hand…

Ari

[Rolls.] Ohh, 13!

Tom

Ooh. Nice.

Kyle

Oh hell yeah.

Hallie

Christ almighty. An 11 and a 13, for fuck’s sake.

Ari

I rolled another 11.

Hallie

I used 2 AP just to make sure I succeeded a roll. God.

Ari

I’m glad my luck isn’t only with a d20. Anyway, continue.

Hallie

[Chuckling.] Shut up, Ari.

Kyle

The door slams open and you just see the little hand skitter-skitter-skitter back in before the door closes and comes back to you.

Ari

Perfect. I will then, if possible, put the hand on my rightful possession hand and then just continue texting, now with two hands.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Yeah. They’re coming down to get you, one at each door, all of the information?

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

We’ll say you have an open contact to the Rons.

Ari

Perfect.

Kyle

And a lot of what you get back are text speak—you know, thumbs up emojis. One of them does actually write the number two, and then K-E-W-L for 2kewl.

Ari

Quique will say to Irene:

Ari (as Quique)

I usually complain about the younger generations being too much on their phones, but in this case I am not doing that kind of thing and I am not ignoring you in the slightest. I am actually helping with the situation. I just wanted to let you know because sometimes I feel it’s kind of rude when I’m next to a person that doesn’t have a phone and then starts texting and doing whatever they do in their video place things. So, just letting you know, I’m still paying attention to you.

Emily (as Irene)

We are hostages. It is okay that you are texting.

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah, no, that’s completely… that’s very true, very true, yeah. Just always trying to be mindful and polite in these kinds of situations.

Kyle

Anyways. Irene, what did you want to do?

Emily

She’s gonna hold back the blanket so she can see all her little Necromon.

Ari

Aww.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Emily (as Irene)

Shh, shh, shh!

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm…

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um…

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope, oh-ee-kope…

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um!

Emily (as Irene)

Shh…

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm…?

Emily (as Irene)

Shh!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Hushed.] Tarledoib!

Ari (as Mallea)

[Hushed.] Uh-lay-um…

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Hushed.] Tarledoib…

Emily (as Irene)

That is very nice whispering.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Loudly.] Tarledoib!

Kyle

She says, really excited.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um!

Ari

Mallea’s gonna scream at the Boidelrat screaming.

Tom

The Mossies are going to bite both of them. Just like, (“om” sound)

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um!

Ari

Like, “what?!”

Hallie

Pokeyo sternly admonishes from afar.

Tom

It’s not like a sharp bite, not very teeth, just like a (“om” sound), stop.

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily (as Irene)

Thank you, Mossies. Okay, so, gather around.

[Military march music begins.]

Are you ready to save us all?

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kooope.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-UM!

Ari

Just turn at whenever Boidelrat speaks.

Kyle

Boidelrat’s really excited. Mossies are hugging her. Mallea’s talking to her. She’s just real excited that she’s finally being welcomed into this family.

Tom

Aww.

Emily (as Irene)

Okay, detective, what have you learned about our situation? We must figure out how to best deploy the troops.

Ari (as Quique)

Alright, fellow detective.

Ari

Quique’s gonna join the team of Necromon and Irene.

Ari (as Quique)

Ah, I see, you’re gathering a force of multiple detectives. This is good. This is good, fellow detective. So, this is what I have found.

Ari

He’s going to just say all of the things he has heard through hand and then show her the texts.

Ari (as Quique)

My handy associate, which is now here…

Ari

And Quique’s going to wave at her with now his hands.

Ari (as Quique)

…has made some good, good recon and has done some good, good texting to the police, and now they are coming to rescue us.

Emily (as Irene)

I am concerned that they have some technology for injuring Necromon, so I do not want to confront them directly. However, because I am the best and my Necromon are the best, if you think it would be a good idea,

[00:35:00]

we could send them into the walls and then they can, one by one, take out all of your clones and then we will win.

Ari (as Quique)

I would be more than glad to get those posers that are all over the place now for some reason… I thought I had gotten rid of that problem. Assuming they’re all here. …to get them taken care of. Do you think your little detective guys are gonna be okay if we do that? I know they’re clearly the best and everything, but they are still—

Emily (as Irene)

They are very tough, but I understand your reservation.

[Music ends.]

Emily

So, when you said they were doing something with the cards and the Necromon, do cards work for capturing?

Kyle

You… ugh. I mean, you could certainly try, but something you would know, Irene, is the only time cards get injured is when a Necromon gets damaged enough that whatever it’s bonded to has to take the hit. That’s why you have Res Points in Necromon duels, right?

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

So you assume that’s how the Necromon were forced back into their cards. Because of that, you don’t think cards will work in general. If Necromon can’t come out, they probably can’t bring them in. There’s another wrinkle to this though.

[Sinister music begins.]

The Quiclones are also Necromon, so why are they still out? There’s gotta be something that’s keeping the clones from just either going back to whatever card they’re in or poofing back into The Afterworlds. So, either they’re connected to something strong like your Necromon are connected to you…

Ari

They’re all connected to Ronda.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

…or there’s something else keeping them there.

[Music ends.]

Ari (as Quique)

It’s your call. I know you care a lot about your associates, and I wouldn’t like anything to happen to them, because you care about them, but if you do decide to send them on this mission, my only condition is to send an associate of my own.

Ari

And he’ll take his hand and put it there so that it follows the crew.

Kyle

Beautiful. Yeah, you can just take your hand off. You’ve got four Necromon and a hand.

Ari

The hand is going to do a little salute to Irene.

Emily

The one problem is, I can get them to steal bones, right, but then parts of their body can still move.

Ari

Ah.

Emily (as Irene)

What could we remove from the bodies to make them function less well?

Ari (as Quique)

Well, you know, there’s a reason why I took the hand and I didn’t take the feet or femur. You know?

Emily (as Irene)

Go for their femurs!

Ari (as Quique)

It’s a little bit more tricky to stand up and do robbery things with that.

Emily (as Irene)

Go for their feet, their kneecaps, and their elbows!

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm~

Ari (as Quique)

Also, the hip has been giving me trouble for the past… I don't know how many years.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope~

Emily (as Irene)

Ah, a weak point.

Ari (as Quique)

So, the hip is also a good weak point for all of these because they are my clones.

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib. Tarledoib!

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Emily

I want to get them in so that they can sneak around. Is there a place we can get them into the ceiling tiles? Or, will they be able to hide behind stuff?

Tom

The Mossies are small. They can probably sneak.

Ari

Are there the classic vents?

Tom

The Deus Ex: Human Revolution way.

Kyle

We can either have one of the Necromon on behalf of them do a Sneak roll, or you can give me an AP and I’ll just give you a vent.

Emily

I will give you an AP.

Kyle

[Smiles.] Yeah, you notice there’s a floor vent that’s been gently cooling you off, and it can easily fit all of them.

[Military march music plays.]

Emily (as Irene)

Please, my loyal friends… hurt them.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

Ronda, Eddie and the Quiclones have taken over the ScubaCorp Spacescraper, and this announcement break has taken over your episode.

For today’s announcement break, I got a promo for you for the Owl House Reaction Podcast. The next best thing to experiencing a wonderful piece of media for the first time is being around when someone else experiences that piece of media for the first time. In Owl House Reaction Podcast, Crown Cryptid, Tipsy Tulip and Chan do unplanned lengthy reviews of every single Owl House episode minutes after they finish watching them.

[00:40:00]

They also have some special episodes such as an awards show where they rank their favorite and least favorite aspects of each season, and a time that, I don't know, some person from like an actual play podcast may have used a roleplaying system to make their own episode of The Owl House.

They’ve got all the sorts of stuff you’d get from talking about The Owl House with your friends: lighthearted and honest talks, true surprise from plot twists, original theories that are now I guess mostly irrelevant, and just the fun long-time cartoon fan conversations.

So, they’re gonna talk about The Owl House, but you’re also gonna get discussions and comparisons based on other series they love like Gravity Falls, Adventure Time, Steven Universe, She-Ra, and all that sorts of stuff, including occasional analysis of fandom culture surrounding cartoons.

But, don’t just take my word for it, here’s a little bit about Owl House Reaction Podcast from the creators themselves.

[Promo begins.]

Crowned Cryptid

Hello, I’m Crowned Cryptid. I run a YouTube channel dedicated to cartoons. I make news videos, discussion videos, reviews and more. One of the biggest shows I cover is The Owl House. In fact, my friends and I have an entire podcast dedicated to it, the not-so-creatively named Owl House Reaction Podcast.

My four friends and I watch through the entire series blind and record a lengthy group review after each and every episode. I think our talks end up really unique because we intentionally aren’t keeping up with trailers or fandom expectations or anything like that, so we can freely enjoy the show and be pleasantly surprised every week with a new episode. All of us are also long-time fans of cartoons, so we analyze the show with our knowledge of other cartoons, and that leads to a lot of fun comparisons… and arguments.

If you’re interested in checking it out, just search for The Owl House Podcast or Crowned Cryptid on your preferred podcasting app. You can also listen to the episodes on my YouTube channel, Crowned Cryptid.

I hope you’ll enjoy it, and I hope you’ll stay tuned as we cover the final few episodes of the series right when they release… whenever they release, because they’re just doing that thing where they release them completely randomly. Even though there’s only three of them. We’re getting one, and then it’s gonna be like a several month break until the next one… whatever.

I hope you’ll check it out! Thank you.

[Promo ends.]

Kyle

If that sounded interesting to you, you can check out Owl House Reaction Podcast by searching the Owl House Reaction Podcast on YouTube or whatever podcatcher you listen to, or by searching Crowned Cryptid on YouTube, or by checking the description down below. Three options, all to get to the same show.

Besides that promo though, I don’t have any special call to action for you today besides the regular. If you like the show and you wanna either give us some more support or experience more stuff, you can always find more content at Patreon.com/QuestFriends.

We’ve just instituted their new subscription model, so you’ll be charged when you first subscribe but then you’ll be charged on that day of the month every month afterwards. So essentially, it’s a monthly billing system. If you use Patreon a lot, you’ll understand how that is, for many people, a lot better. If you haven’t, I just described a subscription service to you… and you could use it to support Quest Friends if you wanted.

Otherwise, your support by simply listening to the rest of the episode means a lot as well. So, let’s get back into the episode, and after this episode is done, our next episode, Die Card, Part 3, will be releasing on Monday, November 28. I’ll see you then.

[Spy heist music carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

Quique, take a GM Intrusion.

Ari

Oh boy! Okay.

Kyle

Who do you give the other point to?

Ari

I’m gonna give it to Irene.

Emily

Yay.

Ari

Because we are a team. Detective team.

Kyle

You’ve been getting texts from the Rons, and they’ve been all “hoo-rah-rah,” and very social and casual. One of them does in fact say “yippee-ki-yay motherfucker.” Because why not.

Hallie

Yeah! Yeah!

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Yeah, we got ‘em! We Rons are gonna do it! We took one down! Yeah, let’s go Rons!

[Villainous piano music begins.]

Kyle

Then you get a text that has a very, very different tone to it. It is very straightforward and to the point, and professional, in a way to many people that the shift would almost be unsettling. The text says:

Kyle (as ???)

This is Overseer Cold. I am in charge of this case now. Tell me everything you know.

Ari

Quique will say, via text:

Ari (as Quique)

Good afternoon, Officer Cold. These are the facts.

[00:45:00]

Ari

And then say all of these. There’s a hostage situation. There’s a lot of people. Describe them, saying that… Well actually, he won’t describe them. He will just say skeletons and where they are, what they’re doing. He’s gonna say all of the things.

Kyle (as Overseer Cold)

Do you have any connection to these skeletons?

Ari (as Quique)

Technically, in the sense that they were accidentally cloned from me, but I have no relation for their actions. They are rogues, so to speak.

Kyle (as Overseer Cold)

Are any of them laughing?

Ari (as Quique)

Laughing? Well, they’re skeletons, so technically we are always laughing.

Kyle (as Overseer Cold)

You know what I mean.

Ari (as Quique)

No…?

Ari

Question mark.

Kyle (as Overseer Cold)

Inform me if one of them does.

Ari (as Quique)

Is this relevant to the case?

Kyle (as Overseer Cold)

Extremely.

Kyle

Period.

Ari (as Quique)

I will do so. Please send reinforcements regardless.

Kyle

You don’t get a response.

[Laughter.]

Actually, no, you know what you’ll get? You’ll get a smiley face emoji back.

Tom

[Shivers.] That’s almost worse.

Hallie

That is almost worse.

Emily

What do you mean almost?

Kyle

Let’s go back to Hilda and Sparky.

Hallie

Christ.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Hilda)

So Boss, do we know why that skeleton looked a lot like Mr. Quique?

Tom

Because remember, Hilda is the only member of the party who knows actually nothing about the Quiclones.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Yeah, she was never there!

Hallie

That’s true! Yeah.

Tom

Unless someone made an effort to tell her in between, and I don’t think anyone has.

Hallie

No.

Tom

She has no fucking idea who this Eduardo is.

Kyle

Yeah. You saw a guy named Eddie with a big fake mustache on just appear.

Hallie

I can only remember the Quiclones in the context of the detective noir episode, so I totally forgot that Sparky had context for the Quiclones…

Tom

She was there!

Hallie

…as the cause of the Quiclones.

Ari

[Smiling.] She was the reason!

Tom

You’re—You are… It’s your fault they exist! You brought them into this world!

Kyle

Everything that’s happening tonight is your fault.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I didn’t remember.

Kyle

Yeah. This attack, Quique’s existential crisis, getting the attention of Overseer Cold… this is all on Sparky.

Hallie

Well, Sparky’s gonna say:

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, what the hell IS that about? I thought all the Quiclones were gotten rid of.

Tom (as Hilda)

What?

Hallie (as Sparky)

The Quiclones.

Tom (as Hilda)

What?!

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

The clones of Quique that were running through the streets.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh!

Kyle

Lucas Bang just nods.

Kyle (as Lucas)

I get it now.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah! Yeah. You know what it was. I wrote a story on it.

Tom (as Hilda)

Why were there clones of Mr. Quique?! What?!

[Music begins 47:44.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Well, you know… there was an accident with a very improperly marketed Necromouse catcher, and it caused a whole lot of problems that a Necromouse catcher should never have had to cause in the first place. One of them, the big problem, was that it made duplicates of, um… Quique. He happened to be around at the time. However, that was solved with some ingenuity from a hero on the street. It was me. I captured them all in Necrocards…

Hallie

No. I bought 100 blank—I bought all those blank Necrocards.

Kyle

249.

Hallie

But they do not have Quiclones on them because we did a different…

Tom

You caught all the Necromice.

Hallie

Pepito. How did we make the Quiclones go away?

Kyle

Quique destroyed the box.

Hallie

Quique destroyed the box! Okay.

Tom (as Hilda)

So, just to make sure that I understand things, that was not Mr. Quique who is holding us hostage here.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

No, that’s not Mr. Quique, that’s just one of the clones. But, I thought he destroyed all of them. That’s so… so strange.

Tom (as Hilda)

Okay, evil clone. Okay, yeah, we can work with that.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, yeah, that’s why—

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Are there any other doors out of here? I don’t really wanna trust leaving things up to this guy.

Tom

And gestures her head at Oset Scuba.

Kyle

By the way, as you’re talking, Oset is talking to the ZEPPELIN AI. “Take down this! Do that! Give me a search result on this! Find me Yugi Moto!” He’s doing a series of searches and information gathering.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Not paying attention to him.

Kyle

The only way out is the door you came in on.

Tom

Crap.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

And outside of that door, it was just a door alongside an underground hallway which went in two directions.

Tom

[Grumbles.] Hmm…

Hallie

I want to turn to Lucas and be like:

Hallie (as Sparky)

Shot in the dark here, but I don’t suppose that your mid-level clearance has ever gotten you down here.

Kyle

Lucas is just kind of looking around.

Kyle (as Lucas)

I thought this was a tournament for children.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Alright, so that’s a no. Hey Oset!

Kyle

He sighs deeply.

Kyle (as Oset)

Ugh. What is it?

Hallie (as Sparky)

What’s your plan? Do you got one? Like, you’re down here. What are you doing with the computers? What’s the purpose here?

[00:50:00]

Kyle (as Oset)

The purpose here is to find the attackers, lock them in, and thwart them by whatever means necessary.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay, but… how are you doing that? You gotta give me more here. You gotta give me more.

Kyle

He’s typing in the keypad, and as he’s typing he’s like:

Kyle (as Oset)

Explaining it would take more time than it would actually take to do.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Sighs.]

Kyle (as Oset)

All you need to know is…

Kyle

And with a flourish, Oset slams his entire hand down on a comically large Enter button before suddenly pausing, caught off-guard by the security feed that appears on his screen.

Kyle (as Oset)

Those Boidelrat bastards!

[Laughter.]

Kyle

On the screen, you see Ronda, Eddie, and a third Quiclone, this one in super-thief getup, in Oset Scuba’s collection.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change. Silly sneaky music begins.]

While you figure out what you want to do, let’s go back to the rest of us, because we’re actually not going back to Irene and Quique, although Quique I guess is technically there. We’re going back to Squad Necromon, doing our infiltration.

Several

Yeah!

Kyle

I guess I’m the GM, but I am also playing alongside the rest of you. So, I’m gonna ask you, not as a GM but as a fellow player, what’s our goal here, gang? We’re in the vents. What are we doing?

Tom

So, just to make sure that I understand the positions here… Weren’t several of the Quiclones still guarding the hostages? Right?

Kyle

Yeah. There’s one Quiclone left for each door.

Tom

For each door.

Kyle

Let’s say… I said there were a dozen in there and two of them were guarding a door and they left, so let’s say there are six doors, four on the space with all of the folks and, up the spiral staircase, two more leading into the offices.

Tom

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

What we were tasked with by Irene was we were told to go into the vents and I think take care of the ones that are kind of milling about.

Emily

Take out who you can.

Kyle

But what we would know is there’s one Quiclone in the guard room who’s kinda dazed. He’s probably gotten better at it, although he’s still upset that his hand is missing. There are six Quiclones in the main lobby, and there are at least six other ones that went further down the Spacescraper to deal with the Rons and apparently now the Overseers as well. The Overseers are higher-ups. They’re the equivalent of the FBI agents in Die hard.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Ah. My original thought was to go down and clear the lower levels of Quiclones to make the building easier to get into and out of, but it sounds like that might actually be a bad idea if the Ron Squad and the Overseers are actually engaging with them. Maybe we don’t wish to go there.

Ari

On the other hand, going to help the Rons and the Overseer squad and then leading them inside to where the other ones are could also be beneficial.

Hallie

My pitch was going to be a classic “oh my god, a rock fell down that hallway,” and then just take them out one-by-one as they come out to investigate and then store their stolen body parts in the vent so they can’t get them back. There’s gonna be a vent full of kneecaps.

Tom

True video games. I love it.

Ari

I love this.

Kyle

I really like the synergy that’s going on here. Boidelrat cannot come up with this plan. Boidelrat can’t figure it out. So, if it’s alright, I will say Pokeyo probably comes up with this plan.

Ari

Mm-hmm. I like this.

Kyle

But, the plan as I hear it is…

[Heist music begins.]

The Mossies essentially will toss themselves out of each door. The Quiclone will be like “huh, what is that.” When they come out, Mallea, who can get big, will smash the Quiclone, and then Boidelrat will grab the bones because Boidelrat loves getting things and stick them in the vents.

Emily

I thought you were gonna say because Boidelrat loves bones.

Tom

I mean, yes.

Hallie

That too.

Ari

I want to say that the hand is also helping in the distraction portion because it will be like “whoa, whose hand is this,” and I think it would create even more of a distraction.

Kyle

Perfect.

Hallie

Trying to figure it out in the mayhem.

Kyle

Maybe it also throws the Mossies to put a little more emphasis into it.

Ari

Yes.

Tom

Put some spin into it.

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

Okay. I have no idea who of us should roll for this or what on Earth we should roll.

Hallie

What if we treat it like a confrontation in the sense that we each roll once for the bar and then we see…

Tom

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s do it.

Kyle

Okay. Yeah. We’ll just do a flat… if we get more than them, we take them out. If we get less than them, we don’t take them out and we get caught.

Hallie

Yeah, let’s do that.

[Music ends.]

Ari

Also, I want to spend an AP to roll with advantage on this roll.

[Rolls.] I rolled another 11 with the advantage, so I have a 12 because I have this +1.

Tom

God.

[Rolls. Seethes.] I got 6.

Ari

Oh, you got 6.

Kyle

Hallie, what did you get?

Hallie

… I got the kneecaps.

Tom

You got kneecaps?! You got snake eyes?!

Hallie

Ari gets an 11 and I got a double 1! I got the wrong double 1! I am furious. Furious!

[00:55:00]

Pokeyo came up with such a good little plan.

Kyle

And I got 5.

Ari

Oh…

Tom

Oh my fucking god!

Ari

Oh no!

Emily

Ugh.

Kyle

Because Hallie got a critical failure, that actually, in confrontation, counts as two failures, so we’ve got four failures and one success. Irene, take an AP for these failures since they’re your ‘mon.

Hallie

[Frustrated shrieking.]

Emily

Since their mine, could I have added stuff?

Kyle

Like AP?

Emily

Yeah.

Ari

I wanted to use It Was A Long Con somehow to help with one of the failures. I know it’s a Quique move, but the hand is there.

Kyle

What does It Was A Long Con mean?

Ari

Once per adventure, you can immediately follow up a failure or mixed success with a full success, explaining that the failure was all part of the plan. I know that it’s like “mine,” so if it doesn’t work that it’s somebody else’s failure…

Kyle

The way I’ll explain this is you specifically took out the hand to protect the ‘mon.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

So let’s describe how the ‘mon fail horribly and then how the hand does damage control. So, Pokeyo, you say this plan to everyone. Get in the heist music.

[Heist music begins.]

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope, oh-ee-kope… oh-ee-kope!

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm…

Tom

The Mossies start by rolling by, like…

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm. Sawm. Sawm. Sawm.

Tom

…and the first problem is that the Quiclones don’t actually see them.

Ari

[Smiling.] Oh no.

Tom

They are very much not noticed for like a long time which forces the Mossies to improvise and roll up closer to the Quiclones, and then bump into them and try to scuttle away. They’re still not getting the memo here. Eventually, the Mossies just do what they know best and bite, and finally “ah, what?!”

Kyle (as Quiclone)

Ah! What?! What’s that?

Kyle

Now, one of them at the door is yelling and kind of kicking at it.

Ari

Mallea, at seeing that the Quiclone is trying to get rid of and kicking the Mossies, is going to just go…

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um!

Ari

…and just fucking punch the Quiclone out of the Mossie, like in the leg. Or upside, not on the leg but above the leg, so everything else is punched.

Tom

You know, not beating the femur is what you’re saying?

Hallie

[Giggles.]

Ari

Beating the above it so that it doesn’t take the Mossie with.

Tom

Taking out this Quiclone at the knees.

Kyle

The Quiclone falls into shambles but is still there.

Kyle (as Quiclone)

Hey, what’s going on? What’s the big idea? Hey, what’s going on?!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

And Boidelrat is so excited. She runs up, she grabs all the bones, she throws them in the vent, although she keeps the most precious one for Irene which is unfortunately the yelling head.

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

So not only does she have a yelling head in her mouth, but in its excitement, Boidelrat just spills all of the plans and dirt on her body all over the place. So it’s just a fucking crime scene. You know the thing where they do the chalk outline? You see that around where the bones were and there’s a line leading to the vent like a trail of blood in a really bad murder mystery.

Hallie

Christ.

Kyle

Yeah. Then there’s a talking head.

Kyle (as Quiclone)

Uh… hey guys? Hey guys!

Kyle

Give me a name.

[Music ends.]

Ari

Uh… Federico, so you can say like Fede if you want.

Kyle (as Fede)

Hey guys, Fede here! Fede here! Would really love some help. Uh…

Kyle

One of the other Quiclones knocks open the door.

Kyle (as Quiclone)

Fede? What’s going on there? You’re getting ahead of me!

[Chuckling.]

Kyle

Anyways. The point is they’re now acutely aware that there are four Necromon trying to take them out. What does the hand do now? You get a full success.

[Frantic music begins.]

Ari

It’s just going to yeet itself from the opposite direction into the clones that are like “oh my god, who threw these in here.” Like, you know, kind of like in Toy Story, “can you just give me a hand” and it’s just a hand flying from off-screen. It’s like that but this time it’s on purpose.

Hallie

Ha-ha!

Kyle

They see the hand and they’re like… Give me another name.

Ari

Gustavo. Gus.

Kyle

Gus is now the one with one hand.

Kyle (as Quiclone)

Wait a second, Fede. I think that’s Gus’s hand!

Ari

The hand is just going to do this twerking, like oh, I’m so hurt, (straining sounds).

Tom

“I’m being dragged away.”

Kyle

And they run off towards the hand, and the Necromon, we have a moment to react.

Ari

Hmm…

Kyle

Boidelrat wants to chase the hand, so I’m not really useful right now.

Ari

Mallea wants to follow the Quiclones to punch them, so Mallea is also not very useful in here. I think Pokeyo is the brain. It’s just that…

Hallie

The problem is that, upon seeing their grand master plan fall to bits,

[01:00:00]

they would probably just launch in themselves because, you know, nothing gets done if you don’t do it yourself. So, I think Pokeyo would just join the fray.

Kyle

Let’s say the hand helps with that. Let’s do an All-Out Attack.

Hallie

Yeah!

Tom

This was always the plan. It’s time for a Necromon Battle.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Kyle

So, we just knock out those two Quiclones, and Irene and Quique, you can see that two of the doors are now unattended.

[Music ends. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Hilda and Sparky, what are you up to?

Hallie

I have 1 AP left, and I can add something useful to the environment that wouldn’t necessarily be there otherwise with 1 AP.

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

What would you say to giving me a Legendary ScubaCorp access card?

Kyle

So, because of how longstanding the ramifications of getting a Legendary access card would be, I’d normally be hesitant to give it to you for just 1 AP. However, back in our first episode, An Oasis of Ghosts, you picked up a Level 1 access ScubaCorp card, didn’t you?

Tom

Oh.

Hallie

I was gonna say, I already have the low-level card, so I was like this is really just upgrading that so it should cost me less.

Tom

I like that a lot.

Kyle

I will say, if you’re looking around, you’ll actually notice a little slot where you can insert your card and upgrade it to Legendary access.

Tom

Ooh.

Hallie

Sparky does that little look. I upgrade that card to Legendary access. Maybe we’ll just grab the Legendary and then vamoose and see where else that gets us.

Tom

My vibe is to flee from here.

Hallie

Alright. After I grab the Legendary card I’m going to yoink Lucas and Hilda back towards the door.

Hallie (as Sparky)

He’s not gonna be much help, so let’s go deal with this problem on our own.

Tom (as Hilda)

Got it.

Kyle

Roll me a Sneak.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Bah! That is an 11 with my bonus.

Tom

Nice.

Emily

[Gasps.] Yay~

Hallie

Hooray!

Kyle

Your sneaking actually doesn’t influence what you do, it influences what Oset does. If you had rolled poorly, he would have decided it was time to take matters into his own hands and get up. He considers that.

Kyle (as Oset)

No… No, I have the power, but information… I need more.

Kyle

He starts looking into Eddie and Ronda, trying to figure out if he can find more information about them.

Hallie

Okay. Well, that’s to be expected when you rob a corporation, take many hostages. I would guess the passage would either… we could go back to where we came from. Because the room, and then he did the bookcase, and then we’re down the path, and now we’re in the eerie hallway.

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

I wanna see what other places in the eerie hallway we can go.

Kyle

Sure. It’s a series of passageways that takes you pretty much anyplace in the building.

Hallie

Nice! Okay.

Kyle

The only place it doesn’t lead is the collection.

[Investigation music begins.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Alright, so Lucas, if we needed to get to the collection and we couldn’t get there directly, what is the best way to go?

Kyle (as Lucas)

Well, uh… I haven’t seen anyone actually put anything into the collection directly, you know. Oh! I do recognize, though, the people in the video, the people that look like your friend.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh?

Kyle (as Lucas)

The background they had, I think that was Mr. Scuba’s office.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, you think that was Mr. Scuba’s office? How do we get there?

Kyle (as Lucas)

I’m not sure.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Exhales.]

Kyle (as Lucas)

The offices were on the second floor back in the main room where the party was, but I would imagine there are people there now.

Tom (as Hilda)

We need to find my mom. She’s still in there.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh god, Alina… Okay. How do we get to the main room? Do you know how we get there from—? You’ve never been in these secret passageways. I don’t know why I’m…

Tom (as Hilda)

I mean, I’ve got a pretty good sense of direction. I could maybe try to remember what would be next to the party area based on how far we went down and which turns we took.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Alright. Give it a shot, Hilda.

Tom (as Hilda)

Okay, let’s do this.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Use that intuition.

[Music ends.]

Tom

I feel like… would this be an Understand roll, maybe?

Kyle

Yeah, this would be Understand.

Tom

I’m just going to spend 2 AP to auto-succeed. I don’t trust my dice today.

Kyle

Alright. What is your question?

Tom

Where does the hallway connect to the main party room where all the hostages are?

Kyle

You take a left, you take a right, you go up some stairs, you go down some stairs, you go up some stairs again. Left, right, right, left. Up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, Select, Start.

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

Irene and Quique, you’re waiting for the Necromon to come back, and the hand.

Emily

If they don’t hurry up, Irene is going to get in that vent to find them. She’s getting quite concerned.

Hallie

[Laughs.] John McClane! That’s what he would do.

Ari

Quique might look for other options so that the child doesn’t get stuck in this vent.

Hallie

“There’s a child in the vent.”

Ari

I mean, I guess she fits, but…

Hallie

“There’s a child in the vent!”

Tom

Contrary to popular belief, vents, not good for humans to crawl through.

[01:05:00]

Kyle

So Irene, you get down, you’re about to get into the vent, right? Quique, you are watching, trying to figure out what, as a reasonable adult, you’re going to do. Instead of seeing something joyful and wonderful come out of the vent, the wall directly next to it slides open…

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

…and you see Sparky Malarky.

Hallie

That’s really funny, actually.

[Ghostly credits music begins.]

Tom

If we assume that Sparky is willing to give the Legendary keycard to Hilda for a moment, the door swings open and Hilda just for some reason has a bunch of shredded paper all over her hands from the card reader.

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh what the heck?

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Kyle

Alright everyone, press that record button. Emily, can you say something to confirm that we’re recording?

Emily

Leave meeting!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Ari, are you recording?

Ari

Hey, mister detective, why did you kill a man?

Kyle

Thank you, Ari. I didn’t. Tom, why are you recording?

Emily

[Laughing.] “Why are you recording?”

Tom

[Forceful.] Why was I not informed, detective, that I am recording?

Kyle

Hallie. Hallie, Hallie, Hallie. I have an idea for the bachelor party.

Hallie

What?

Kyle

Let’s go to the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, which is owned by Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

What do you think of that idea?

Hallie

[Southern accent.] I’m Doug Dimmsdale, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, and I killed a man.

Ari

She can be party animals and dungeon your dragons while we’re at it.

Hallie

[Incomprehensible through squeaking laughter.] –Dimmadome.

Kyle

But he only dungeoned 80% of the dragons, or eight tenths for those of us who use fractions.

Hallie

It was 80% of my dragons. Eighty percent of my dragons are dungeoned!

Tom

Thank you, detective. I didn’t dungeon those dragons.

Hallie

[Incomprehensible words.]

Kyle

I feel like there’s one we’re forgetting, but I can’t remember for the life of me what it is.

Ari

I don't know.

Emily

Salad Raptor?

Tom

[Smiling.] Salad Raptor.

Hallie

[Laughs.] You guys just stop.

Ari

All I know is that Hallie got killed by saying that the room had a million dollar or billion dollar budget or something, and that killed Hallie on Catching Up David.

Kyle

There, she’s going.

Hallie

[Squeaking.] They paid 19 hundred dollars, 19 hundred dollars!

Ari

Six million dollars. That’s what it is. It had a six million dollar budget.

Hallie

[Squeaking.] Six million dollars for their room! Where did the money come from? How did they do it?

Kyle

You all get 1 AP, and in reality the Intrusion will likely be more for Hilda and Irene, but since they could each give an AP I figure I’ll just give it to all of you flat-out.

Tom

You’re not gonna let us stack our AP on one person to hoard?

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

With this AP, I would be able to do the Why Would I Lie and break the world even more if I so choose.

Kyle

I’ll tell you for the finale when it begins, I’m going to say “by the way, I know the answer to this question,” as a way for, if you say you have the answer to that question, I can say no, I have already provided evidence to the contrary that I have predefined the answer and you can therefore not undo it.

Ari

[Grinning.] Why would I lie?

Hallie

It’s Ronda’s birthday, you could say.

Kyle

Well, evidenced to the contrary is that it is not Ronda’s birthday because it has been some months since Ronda’s birthday.

Hallie

It’s always Ronda’s birthday.

Kyle

Then again, yeah, if Ari said that, Ronda would just be like “well… it’s my third birthday, it’s my three-month birthday.”

Emily

Ronda likes birthdays. That’s okay.

Tom

We’ve had one, yes. What about second birthday?

[Laughter.]

Ari

What about the unbirthday?

Kyle

Aww.

Tom

Happy deathday.

Kyle

[Reluctant.] Happy deathday, yay~

Hallie

Hey!

Kyle

Going back to Hilda and Quique…

Emily & Tom

Irene and Quique?

Kyle

Oh, sorry.

Tom

Hilda is everywhere now! It’s the Hilda Show now, everyone!

[Laughter.]

All Hilda, all the time!

Emily

No, it’s the Quique Show!

Kyle

Can we talk about the fact that Quique is thwarting a terrorist attack and he has not moved from his seat?

Hallie

I love it.

Ari

He has not moved from his seat. It’s a true Die Hard experience, you see? Thwarting a terrorist attack but not close to the actual action.

Tom

You are bamboozling them in the most clowny way possible which I think is more true to the spirit of Die Hard than anything else.

Kyle

Absolutely.

Hallie

That’s true.

Tom

Just utterly bamboozling this heist.

Kyle

Alina would be very proud.

Ari

Good.

Kyle

As much as I exquisitely love the idea that Ronda bonded with every single Quiclone, you did not see Ronda scream, so she’s either the world’s best actor or it’s something else.

[01:10:00]

Tom

Look, it’s her birthday.

Kyle

It’s her birthday. She’s made so many friends.

Tom

My personal out-of-character theory is that this is why Oset Scuba got blasted. They somehow stuck him with the bill for all dozen Quiclones.

Kyle

He got Soul Bonded with the Quiclones. He made a very deep connection with them somehow. They catfished him. They were catfishing him for multiple months. That was part of their scheme.

Hallie

Oh my god.

Tom

Ugh, they had to put up with his awful dating profile.

Kyle

They tricked him into thinking they were a plucky spiky-haired duelist with a secret power.

I think one of my favorite things about Quique doing puns now is that the Quiclones made a pun in Episode 2 and he was like “is this me?” And I love that he’s been making puns nonstop.

Tom

It’s true, it was him.

Kyle

I’m glad that we’re gonna have this small side arc of Boidelrat needs to make friends with all of Irene’s ‘mon.

Emily

I’m delighted.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope~

Tom

[Smirking.] You’re muted, Hallie.

Hallie

No I’m not!

Tom

We couldn’t hear it.

Kyle

Yeah, we just couldn’t hear you for some reason.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Emphatic and sad.] Oh-ee-kope!

[Giggling.]

Hallie

God…