It's all fun and games until someone gets their soul stolen.
Content Notes: Disorienting Audio (22:30-22:50), Crash SFX (24:20-24:30, 33:05-34:25), The Worst Voice (25:35-32:40), Fire SFX (55:50-55:55)
Character List: docs.google.com/document/d/1KhasQ0mJxmUE70ud_ZSHhrJa3WgDjk6QUf8cIxoBIu8/edit?usp=sharing
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Music Credits
"Quest Friends! Hereafter Theme" by Miles Morkri: twitter.com/milesmorkri
"Roller Derby - San Francisco" by RTB45 (license): freesound.org/people/RTB45/sounds/193804/
"angry crowd at concert" by alex36917 (license): freesound.org/people/alex36917/sounds/648409/
"Spooky Halloween Night Cut D" by AdiGoldstein: pond5.com/royalty-free-music/item/75369121-spooky-halloween-night-cut-d
Additional Music from Motion Array: motionarray.com/
Transcript by Raina Harper
Kyle
Previously on Quest Friends! Hereafter…
[Music plays, ‘Quest Friends! Hereafter Theme’ by Miles Morkri.]
Kyle
You see Irene. She looks pretty much the same except you can see right through her, almost like a phantom.
Emily (as Irene)
I have been accused of murder.
Tom (as Hilda)
What?!
Ari (as Quique)
Uh… what?!
Hallie (as Sparky)
What?
Tom (as Hilda)
Who?!
Kyle
You turn over and you see Lucas Bang who tried driving away, but he failed to do so.
Tom
[Laughs.]
Kyle
Hilda, you’re actually accosted by Judge Scuba. He hands you a handful of tickets.
Kyle (as Oset)
Apparently these are coupons for the Worlds’ Fair.
Hallie
One of the little game stands has this adorable stuffed Boidelrat, and your Boidelrat wants it so bad. She will not let you leave until you win this Boidelrat against this very obviously rigged carnival game.
[Music swells and carries into the episode.]
Kyle
So! You are at the Worlds’, with the apostrophe after the S, Fair.
[Upbeat Mardi Gras music beings]
This is yet another thing to describe. The Worlds’ Fair is a… it’s a fair. It’s Mardi Gras plus any carnival you’ve ever been to. The lights are brighter than the rest of Necropolis. So much music, so much greasy food. You can smell the food and feel your arteries clog, except for Quique, because again, he is a skeleton. We’re gonna do Paint the Scene one more time. I want us to go around and I want everyone to explain one way in which the fair is unnecessarily over the top, just extra beyond belief.
Mine is going to be that the Worlds’ Fair popped up in about a day. Like, this was fast, this was quick. The people of the Gardens of Adonis barely had any time to get their plants out of the way of the moving vehicles…
Several
Oh! Oh no.
Kyle
…because this fair is actually right between Skulliard and the Gardens of Adonis.
Ari
Oh no.
Hallie
We did this.
Tom
I’m going for the copout answer that the fair is filled with a number of these large… you’d be hard-pressed to call them floats—strange large vehicles that are fully living beings. All of them have some sort of theme. One is pug themed. All of them are fully-living animate vehicles that go around building up hype, having people ride on them, partaking in revelry and destruction.
Kyle
[Laughs.] Love it. What else about the fair?
Emily
[Gasps.] Let me flex my art history.
Tom
Yes.
Emily
So, the first World’s Fair, they had figured out this new way to make sheet glass that was cheaper and easier, so they built this huge building called the Crystal Palace.
Tom
[Laughs.]
Emily
So, I think I just want a bunch of stuff to be made of shiny crystal-looking material, but all the bright lights from rides and advertisements and all of that are then bouncing off of those different panes.
Kyle
Okay.
Emily
Also, a fun fact is that the first World’s Fair was called The Great Exhibition.
Hallie
And at The Great Exhibition… Was that the one in Paris?
Emily
No, it was not. It was in London.
Tom
Because the Crystal Palace! Hallie, how could you forget?!
Hallie
[Screams and makes frustrated sounds.] Oh no! Oh, revoke my Great Ace Attorney card.
Tom
The Great Ace Attorney!
Hallie
Ugh, revoke my Great Ace Attorney card. Oh my god, I thought it was made up. My history isn’t good. My history hasn’t served me well this session, but the history that does serve me well is the Paris World’s Fair where the Eiffel Tower was. So, I think that they rebuilt the Eiffel Tower for this fair but they call it the I-Fell Tower and it’s also a bungee jumping place.
Ari
Oh, the “I-Fell” Tower.
Hallie
A bungee jumping place, for some of that bungee action. Ace Attorney card, gained back, because that’s a very specific reference.
Ari
That is a very specific reference.
Hallie
Yes.
Ari
Some bungee action.
Hallie
Some bungee action.
Ari
Some bungee action!
Hallie
From the I-Fell Tower.
Kyle
Alright Ari, what about your thing?
Ari
Hmm, what do I want? Yeah, sure, I’m gonna do a copout reference from a past season. I want there to be a really deadly rollercoaster here too.
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Ari
This fair was haphazardly put in place, so clearly that includes a really, really… ‘you should really not get in here’ rollercoaster.
[00:05:00]
And a bunch of other different rides, not just that one. The tower that goes up and down, all of those things. None of them are particularly secure-looking.
Emily
I mean, everyone’s already dead, right?
Hallie
Most everyone.
Ari
Ha, not everybody here, though.
Kyle
Alright. So, a giant fair that was popped up a couple days ago. There are large living floats, a bungee jumping Eiffel Tower called the I-Fell Tower, a whole bunch of stuff made out of a shining crystal material which I’m gonna say is very brittle and serves as the foundation for most of the rides which makes the rides colorful but extraordinarily brittle. With all that in mind, where do you wanna go?
[Music ends.]
Hallie
I wanna go to the I-Fell Tower. I wanna bungee jump. Some bungee action, please.
Tom
Hilda’s going to the I-Fell Tower to make sure Sparky Malarky is okay.
Hallie
I don’t need babysitting from a 12-year-old. A 13-year-old? How old are you now?
Kyle
She’s 13 now. It’s been a year.
Hallie
Thirteen-year-old.
Kyle
She is 13 and Irene is 12.
Tom
Technically a teen.
Kyle
We’ve got a teen and a tween.
Emily
I’m a teen because I want to be. Twelve is a teen if you’re Irene.
Tom
[Laughs.]
Ari
What was the third option?
Kyle
The third option was large floats, like a float parade but they’re living, they’re alive. Tom, and this is a quote, said that people are riding them, partaking in revelry and destruction. So, I think it’s a float parade slash destruction derby?
Ari
I think that Yunuen would like that.
Kyle
Oh yeah!
Ari
And Quique, like… it’s the least dangerous of them all, I think.
Hallie
Somehow the demolition derby is the least dangerous of the options here.
Ari
Yeah.
Kyle
She’s tugging on your shoulder and just pointing fiercely. You can just see fire and smoke behind some buildings, smoke that, again, is reflecting off of the reflective surfaces that make up the entirety of this fair.
Ari (as Quique)
Okay, okay, chapulin. This is definitely the least dangerous of the three things I see on this fair, so let’s go.
Ari
Is Ariel there too?
Kyle
Yeah, Ariel is looking through a pamphlet right now of things at the… fair. That’s what it’s called, it’s called a fair.
Hallie
There you go.
Ari (as Quique)
You coming too, chamaco, or are you looking at something else?
Kyle (as Ariel)
Uh… what?
[Silly music begins,]
Ari (as Quique)
Ah, you’re looking at something else. I am taking Yuna there to the derby. She seems, as you can see…
Ari
She’s just pulling more on Quique’s arm.
Ari (as Quique)
…she seems really excited about it.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Uh, yeah, yeah, uh… yeah.
Ari (as Quique)
Yeah, you’re coming, or yeah… Everything fine? Is that okay? Is this too cool for you?
Kyle (as Ariel)
[Unfocused.] What?
Emily
[Chuckles.]
Ari (as Quique)
Hmm. Okay… kid, come on.
Ari
He’s kinda forcing Ariel to come with.
Kyle
Ariel just shifts a glance down back at the packet, and looks up, and looks at the map of the fair on the side, looks down and looks back up.
Ari (as Quique)
What…?
Kyle (as Ariel)
Uh, yeah?
Ari (as Quique)
What are you— What are you looking at, kid? Let me see.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Nah, I was just, uh…
Kyle
They shut it. They shut it.
Ari (as Quique)
Uh-huh.
Kyle (as Ariel)
[Nervously.] Yeah. No, uh… floats, yeah.
Ari (as Quique)
Okay. You know what? I’m not gonna ask.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Que chido wey. Yeah, let’s go…
Ari (as Quique)
Alright. I guess you’re at that age. I’m not gonna ask here. Yeah… yeah, sure.
Ari
[Laughing.] Just not in front of Yuna. Actually, I don’t say that. I tempted to show the book that Grunkle Stan shows: “why am I sweaty?”
[Laughter.]
Kyle
“Why am I sweaty?”
Ari
Pituitary gland.
Hallie
Got big plans for you.
Ari
You’re at that creepy age where you’re-
Kyle
You’re saying to a junior in high school, someone very far into puberty.
Ari
Quique has sometimes a hard time keeping track of time.
Emily
It’s been a long time since Quique was a teenager.
Ari
It sure was.
Kyle
Wait, are they…? No, they’re a senior now. They’re a senior in high school.
Tom
Oh man.
Ari
Oh boy. Well, you know, you’re still at that age.
Hallie
[Amused.] “You’re still at that age.”
[Music ends.]
Kyle
Alright. Yeah, Ariel will go off with the two of you, for now. Then Irene, what are you doing?
Emily
Irene was planning on going to the rollercoaster, not to ride it but because no one else was going there and she’s gotta be cool and do her own thing.
Hallie
Ha! “I don’t need friends.”
Emily
Because she’s a ‘teenager.’
Hallie
“I don’t need companionship.”
Emily
“I’m independent.”
Hallie
Sparky would probably just walk away and then say something to the effect of:
[00:10:00]
Hallie (as Sparky)
Alright, let’s split up, gang. Rules: Meet at, um… there, when we’re done.
Hallie
And then I point at any landmark that I see.
Kyle
The first thing you see is this creature that looks like a ram but with a cowboy hat. It’s one of those wavy inflatable doll things. It’s making those noises, too.
[Makes flapping and blubbing sounds.]
Hallie
Yeah, even better.
Kyle
In front of just a small diner labeled Die Hop.
Ari (as Quique)
That’s definitely hard to forget.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Yeah, you can’t miss it. It’s perfect.
Ari (as Quique)
Está bien.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Alright, I’ll see ya.
Ari (as Quique)
See you then.
Tom (as Hilda)
We’ll head back to Die Hop.
[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle
So, you all split off. Irene, you start making your way to the rollercoaster. What are you doing again at the rollercoaster?
Emily
[Chuckling.] Standing awkwardly on my own.
Tom
[Emotional.] No~
Emily
Look. I’m at that age.
Hallie
That’s just gonna be the mantra of this episode, just “at that age.”
Kyle
She’s at that age, you know.
Tom
No~
Kyle
Alright, Irene.
[Upbeat rambling New Orleans music begins.]
You’re going through the games section. It’s the fastest path. The game section is just like the one in our world. You pass by, for example, the dart balloon game, but you see a banshee just scream with so much force that it pops all of the balloons, and the carnie is like:
Kyle (as carnie)
I already told you, that doesn’t count.
Kyle
And then a fierce screaming:
Kyle (as banshee)
I don’t see where it says that doesn’t count.
Kyle
Which, the screaming pops more balloons. On the other side you see the duck game. You know the little ducks that are in the water and you pick them up? You see, I don't know, a sponge person stick their hand in and just absorb all of the water, leaving the ducks on the ground so they can easily pick it up. How much attention do you pay to these games?
Emily
Um… it’s a lot. There’s a lot going on. So, she’ll look around, but it’s not like “watching” things, just because there’s a lot of flashing lights and that’s kind of a lot. And she’s also, even if they did look fun, she wouldn’t want to do them because she’s a cool teen now.
Kyle
Yeah, all those cute, fluffy, soft…
Emily
Adorable. Ugh, the little plushies.
Kyle
And you know they’re all Necromon.
[Music ends.]
Emily
And Irene’s a nerd. She loves those plushies. She wants them all.
Kyle
They’re all like—
Emily
But she definitely doesn’t.
Kyle
[Chuckles.] They’re all Necromon. There are a couple of cute anime chibis from shows like Symphonic Overdrive, the orchestra themed anime.
Emily
Well, she definitely doesn’t want those, because why would she want those? Those are baby shows for babies.
Kyle
Yeah.
Emily
Totally.
Kyle
How do Irene’s Necromon feel about the games?
Hallie
[Giggles.] Pokeyo is just, ugh… Pokeyo is at that age, you know? They’re just too cool for the games.
[Laughter.]
Tom
God damn it.
Hallie
I feel like Pokeyo just thinks, like… Pokeyo is a general. They’re a chef. They don’t need to play with the ducks.
Kyle
They have no fucks to give for the ducks.
Hallie
No fucks to give for the ducks. A snobnosery look away at the carnival games.
Ari
Is the ducks the type of game where you shoot at the ducks?
Kyle
That wasn’t the one I was talking about, but there is another one. We’re gonna say it’s mixed with the hammer strength game. It’s almost like a Mario ground pound. You do the hammer down and it will shoot water out at the ducks.
Ari
I was just asking for clarification, but I actually was thinking of a different game that Mallea would be into, maybe also with ducks.
Kyle
Okay. Okay.
Ari
The one where you have holes and there’s an animal coming out of it and you have to smash it with a hammer.
Kyle
[Laughs.]
Tom
Whack-A-Mole!
Ari
Mallea would be into that, probably breaking the game.
Kyle
Yes, absolutely. In fact, Chuck, the guy who runs the carnival section, likes ducks so much that the official Necromon of the carnival games is the ducks. Literally every game is a duck game now.
Hallie
Literally every single one.
Ari
I just love that the Necromon name is Duck.
Hallie
It’s all ducks!
Kyle
Duck!
Ari
Duck!
Kyle
Duck!
Ari
Duck.
Hallie
Kood! That’s what they say.
Kyle
Duck.
Tom
Kood…
Ari
So, Mallea is into that game and trying to use his fists as the hammer to hammer the ducks.
Kyle
And what about Mossies?
Tom
Mossies hungers. Mossies is unimpressed unless there is something to chew on. They just want to absentmindedly gum on Irene’s things until they get fed.
Kyle
That’s what you see, Irene.
[00:15:00]
Pokeyo’s got their nose up, the Mossies are just gumming on your stuff, and Mallea has gone over and just started bashing into the duck game. If it’s alright if I take some liberties, Ari: once the Whack-A-Duck game has ended, Mallea just keeps whacking without restarting it.
[Laughter.]
Ari
Yes! Yes, I love that.
Emily
But Irene does not have three Necromon.
Ari
Oh yeah, that’s right.
Emily
So where is ‘your’ Necromon?
Kyle
… Gone.
[Silly ghosty music begins.]
Emily
Okay, so Irene has lost her dog.
[Laughter.]
Emily (as Irene)
Were none of you keeping track?
Tom (as Mossies)
See-sawm…
Hallie (as Pokeyo)
[Like a shrug.] Oh-ee-kope.
Ari (as Quique)
[Through aggression at the game.] Uh-lay-um!
Emily (as Irene)
That ‘is’ your job. I asked you to do that before we got out—
Hallie (as Pokeyo)
[Indignant.] Oh-ee-kope! Oh-ee-kope.
Tom (as Mossies)
See-sawm.
Emily (as Irene)
No. Excuse me. There will be no sassing. You agreed.
Hallie (as Pokeyo)
[Grumpy.] Oh-ee-kope.
Emily (as Irene)
Yes you did!
Hallie (as Pokeyo)
[Whining.] Oh-ee-kope…
Emily (as Irene)
Think back to the blight.
Hallie
Pokeyo opens their mouth to respond indignantly but has unfortunately realized that they’re wrong.
[Laughter.]
Emily (as Irene)
You collectively agreed.
Hallie (as Pokeyo)
[Grumbly reluctant sounds.]
Emily (as Irene)
Did anybody see where she went?
Hallie (as Pokeyo)
[Disappointed, slow.] Oh-ee… Oh-ee… Oh-ee-kope.
Hallie
Pokeyo looks down in shame.
Emily
[Laughs.]
Tom (as Mossies)
See… sawm?
Ari
Mallea’s still punching the ducks.
[Laughter.]
Tom
The Mossies are just looking around, but then one of the balls starts bouncing up and down vigorously and trying to roll in a direction.
Emily (as Irene)
Okay. Okay.
Emily
Well, Irene completely trusts this, so…
Kyle
In that direction, you actually hear…
Kyle (as ???)
Sibling! Sibling! Sibling! Sibling!
Kyle
…but everyone else would hear…
Kyle (as Boidelrat)
Tarledoib! Tarledoib! Tarledoib! Tarledoib!
[Upbeat pet music begins.]
Kyle
…because you have, as we’ve alluded to, a new move this arc. What is your new move?
Emily
Uh… this is Talk to Creatures. It is Talk to Creatures. I talk to creatures… yes.
Kyle
Yeah. Anything come about that lets you do that?
Emily
I think I’ve just continued to talk to my Necromon and eventually they started talking back.
Kyle
You talk to your plants and the plants talk back.
Emily
Yeah!
Hallie
Sometimes it be like that.
Emily
At some point we just started understanding each other better, because we were already communicating back and forth and getting some of our points across, so it’s just like building upon previous experience.
Kyle
Okay.
Emily
Also, maybe because I died. I don't know.
Hallie
[Laughs.] I guess technically your soul was separated from your body for a time.
Emily
My little Necromon were following me around with my soul. Maybe that did something.
Hallie
Yeah, that is… that is the definition.
Kyle
That’s a compelling argument.
Emily
Maybe I just thought that it was because I was practicing but it was actually for that other reason that had nothing to do with how hard I was working at it.
Kyle
That tracks, yeah.
Emily
Hey, Irene thinks it’s their bond.
Hallie
And it’s just death. Ain’t that just the way. You think you have a bond, and no, you just died.
[Laughter. Music ends.]
Kyle
The point is: we are still going to speak in the Necromon voices, because I don't know if hearing Pokeyo say whole sentences would be cute or nightmarish, and I don’t really want to find out.
Hallie
I don't think we want to pull the Pikachu says “I love you, Ash.”
Kyle
[Pained laugh.]
Ari
We all know how distressing it is to hear something that says one word suddenly says “I love you guys.”
Kyle
Yeah, so we’re gonna…
Ari
It is not good.
Kyle
So… Irene. You hear Boidelrat.
Emily
I hurry over, scooping up Mallea on my way.
Emily (as Irene)
It’s not even on anymore.
Emily
And I charge towards my Boidelrat through the crowd.
Kyle
Your Boidelrat is pretty easy to see.
[Gentle yet playful music begins.]
Boidelrat are Necromon that are… they’re trash. Their element is literally trash because they dig through trash and they put trash on their skin. When you had first gotten connected with Boidelrat and received her from who you believed to be Rasputin…
Hallie
That was rude.
Kyle
…she at the moment had a lot of trash on her, and she eventually got more plants and stuff. By this point, it is less trash and plants together and more an urban garden on the back of a skeleton. So many plants and vines and little flowers.
Emily
She’s like a compost heap.
Hallie
Aww!
Kyle
Essentially, yeah, to the degree that she now has the second element of nature, so she is very easy to find, essentially. You see her just wagging her—I don't know if she’s got a tail.
[00:20:00]
Tom
Little rat tail.
Kyle
Wagging her little rat bone tail as she stares at a stuffed Boidelrat at the prize section of a carnie’s ride.
[Music ends.]
Emily (as Irene)
You can’t run off like that. What if someone stepped on you? What if the floats came?
Kyle (as Boidelrat)
Tarledoib! Tarledoib! Tarledoib!
Emily
Irene picks her up around the middle and holds her up Simba-style.
Kyle (as Boidelrat)
Tarledoib, tarledoib!
Kyle
Getting higher up gets her closer to the countertop, so she starts digging into that to start getting towards it.
Emily (as Irene)
These games are all rigged anyway.
Kyle (as Boidelrat)
Tarledoib! Tarledoib!
Emily
Irene is not sure what to do at this point. She wants to give these Necromon everything they want, but she can’t.
[Laughter.]
Ari
Oh no.
Tom
No~
Kyle (as carnie)
Are you so sure that they’re rigged?
Emily (as Irene)
Yes.
[Confident sinister music begins.]
Kyle (as carnie)
Well, that’s mighty high confidence coming from you, small child.
Emily (as Irene)
Excuse me?!
Kyle (as carnie)
Gesundheit.
Hallie
[Cackles.]
Emily (as Irene)
That wasn’t a sneeze, that was an indignant exclamation, thank you.
Kyle (as carnie)
Indignance, indignance. This is a fair! This is a fun, fun time.
Kyle
You see a zombie carnival barker who has just appeared from behind the podium.
Emily (as Irene)
It’s not fun if you can’t win.
Kyle (as barker)
You can’t win if you don’t play. Do you even know what game this is?
[Music ends.]
Emily (as Irene)
No. You haven’t told me.
Kyle (as barker)
Well, let me introduce you to…
[Game show music begins.]
Kyle
And he rips off his arm and points with it like a pointer or a cane to this big title.
Kyle (as barker)
Rube Goldberg’s Fantastic Phasmagorical Fantasyical… Forcible Flight of Fancy! Or, as I like to call it…
Kyle
[Noticing something on his screen.] Yeah, sure.
Hallie
It’s literally just the board game?
Ari
No! No, no.
Hallie
Play the board game! Do it! Yes, yes, yes!
Ari
No, no, no! I just said a joke.
Hallie
Go through your future.
Ari
Oh no…
Tom
Please.
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
The Game of Life!
Hallie
Yes!
[Music changes to in the Hall of the Mountain King.]
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
Now, the rules are relatively simple. You just spin this wheel and you move this motorized vehicle across the podium. Now, once you get into this part of the podium, you then activate this Necromouse trap which then launches your car across the way.
[Steadily growing more rapid until nearly inaudible.] It then hits a bell. It rings the bell. The bell goes down, down, down, down, down. That suggests the economic decline that comes after you make some faulty investments around the late 20s, early 30s. From that, you swing into the doldrums which is a series of pendulums back and forth, and from there you have a variety of choices.
[Growing even faster.] You can either pick the bottom side and roll on down or you can smash the glass ceiling, go all the way up, and ring another bell which then makes [unintelligible].
[Back to normal.] And ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom! Your car is back at the start and you get a prize.
[Music ends in a flourish.]
Emily (as Irene)
Prove that it’s not rigged first and I might think about wasting my money on it.
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
I can do you one better, kid.
Kyle
He flips you a coin.
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
Your first spin is free.
[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle
Sparky and Hilda. You are on your way to the I-Fell Tower.
Hallie
[Laughs.] Yay.
Kyle
What are you up to?
Hallie (as Sparky)
You know, Hilda. I’m surprised you want to go on this.
Tom (as Hilda)
Eh. Go on it is a really strong term. I might just stand…
Hallie (as Sparky)
No, no, I’m really proud of you. I’m really proud of this gumption.
Tom (as Hilda)
…stand off to the side.
Hallie (as Sparky)
It’s gonna be really, really fun to go on this. Come on.
Tom (as Hilda)
[Weakly, hesitant.] Eh…
Hallie
Sparky is steering the child through the line. I’m sorry, the teenager. She’s at that age.
Ari
Oh my god.
[Laughter.]
Hallie
Getting on the I-Fell Tower.
Tom (as Hilda)
Ugh. I can just sort of watch from over here and make sure everything’s okay.
Hallie (as Sparky)
What’s the fun in watching? What are you gonna do if the bungee cord snaps? Like, if you’re watching.
Tom (as Hilda)
[Deep rattling breath.]
Tom
She just sucks in air through her teeth, eyes wide.
Tom (as Hilda)
[Pinched.] I guess that’s a good point.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Much more fun to experience it.
Hallie
Slap on the back.
Tom (as Hilda)
[Groans.]
Hallie (as Sparky)
Come on, kid. Come on~
Tom (as Hilda)
Well, I guess I can’t back out now.
Hallie (as Sparky)
We’re in the Hereafter. Safety regulations have to be good here. Right?
Kyle
[Laughs.]
Hallie
Looking around for some sort of visible proof of this statement.
Kyle
In the background, the rollercoaster literally falls apart like a tower of cards. In fact, you can see that a tower of cards was the foundation.
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Hallie (as Sparky)
Come on. Alright. Alright. What’s the, uh…? Is there a height limit? Let’s make sure you match up to the height limit.
Kyle
Yeah. You see a thing that says your bones must be this tall. You see a ghost look at it…
Kyle (as ghost)
Aww…
Kyle
…and then just turn away.
[Emotional laughter.]
Hallie
Devastating!
Hallie (as Sparky)
See, that ghost is sad because they can’t go on the fun bungee ride.
[00:25:00]
Tom
Hilda’s gonna puff herself up at the mention of, like, ‘are you tall enough,’ and just be as straight-backed and tiptoed as possible.
Hallie
I love that Hilda does not want to go on this ride and I was trying to give an out in case you really didn’t want your character to go on the ride, but Hilda’s like no, I’m tall enough, I’m gonna go.
Tom
You implied I was not tall enough to go on a ride.
Hallie
I mean, I did.
Tom
I am technically a teen.
Hallie
[Laughs.] Yes, you’re at that age. You have to be tall enough to go on the I-Fell Tower.
Tom
[Chuckles.] God.
Kyle (as child)
Daddy! Daddy, daddy, that’s them! I know that’s them!
Ari
Oh no.
Kyle (as father)
Are you sure, Pint?
Kyle (as Pint)
Yes! Yes I am!
[Silly music begins.]
Kyle
You see two headless. Headless are people who died in over their head. There is this giant guy who’s wearing this armor that makes him look like just a giant stein, and then on his shoulder there’s just this tiny little child that looks like a tiny little beer cup with her armor.
Hallie
Christ.
Kyle
And they walk over to you.
Emily
It was like a literal ‘hold my beer’ moment.
Kyle
Yeah.
[Laughter.]
Tom
God.
Kyle (as Pint)
Oh, it’s the heroes!
Ari
Oh my god. Why?
Tom
Huh?
Hallie
Sparky turns around, and then she opens the pamphlet they took to be like ‘Heroes? Is there a show?’
Kyle (as father)
I’m sorry about that ma’am, kid. My daughter Pint, she’s a political savant, they call her.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Oh…
Kyle (as Pint)
Yeah! You’re the ones that, without any experience or skills, proved the murder of Sammy Ester!
Hallie (as Sparky)
One of those things is true.
Tom (as Hilda)
Didn’t we prove that no one murdered Sammy Ester?
Kyle
The little tiny Pint puts her hands against her armored sides where the bottom of her neck would be.
Kyle (as Pint)
That’s just like something Hilda would say.
Tom (as Hilda)
Wha…?
Hallie (as Sparky)
Was this on like a news network here in the Hereafter? I didn’t know that it was getting dimensional coverage.
Kyle (as father)
Well no, actually, we were following the Necromon Championship. My little kiddo here, Pint, was super into it.
Kyle (as Pint)
But now I’m into law and justice!
[Music ends.]
Tom (as Hilda)
Uh, well…
Hallie (as Sparky)
Those are two very good things to be into at your age. You, sir, have a wonderful child.
Kyle (as father)
And you as well, ma’am, are raising a wonderful young lady, just very—
Hallie (as Sparky)
[Chuckles.] Oh, thank you. You know, she’s not really mine, but she is my protégée and that basically does make her mine.
Tom
[Laughs.] I imagine it very in-character as Hilda is just hooked in by Sparky Malarky’s arm into that hug and just awkwardly caught off guard.
Hallie
That’s correct.
Kyle
You feel Pint on your shoulder. She’s just jumped from her father and is bouncing from one corner to the other.
Kyle (as Pint)
Are the other ones here? Is the amazing Aurelio Enrique Hueso Canaca here? Is Irene Hawthorne here?
[Gasps.] Is the law book here?
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoooob!
Tom
I like to imagine that Booker just emerges behind Pint on Hilda’s back like a spider that’s just been clinging there.
Emily
Yeah, and then he holds up his front two legs, like “ta-da.” Booker will enjoy this attention.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Wow, we have fans. Who knew?
Tom
Hilda’s going to try to set Pint down on the ground but also Booker.
Emily
Booker was attempting to push Pint off because only he gets to ride on Hilda’s back.
Hallie
I hope they just fight the whole time. Squabble! Push this child! Push this child off. Be a Ness.
Kyle
[Laughs.]
Tom
Hilda’s gonna look at Booker with a ‘be good’ look.
Emily
[Laughs.]
Emily (as Booker)
[Reluctant.] Rekoob.
Tom
And just turn back and say:
Tom (as Hilda)
This is my partner, Booker.
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoob!
Kyle (as Pint)
Wow! He’s a lot smaller in person.
Emily (as Booker)
[Offended.] Rekoob!
Emily
He puffs up his pages.
Kyle (as Pint)
But still as fierce.
Emily (as Booker)
[Triumphant.] Rekoob!
Emily
He rears up and waggles his little legs.
Kyle (as Pint)
This is so cool. This is so cool. So, are you here on your next case? What’s your next case? Who are you gonna stop now?
Tom (as Hilda)
We’re just visiting the fair. We were going to the I-Fell Tower.
Kyle (as Pint)
I-Fell Tower… Crimes at the I-Fell Tower?!
Tom (as Hilda)
No. I’m still in school right now, so I haven’t done a whole lot, but—
Kyle (as Pint)
I’m in school too! Where do you go to school?
Ari
Oh my god.
Tom
Hilda’s gonna redirect briefly to get off of the subject of what cases are you here to solve.
Tom (as Hilda)
Oh yeah, I go to the Valley Middle School. Where do you go?
Kyle (as Pint)
I go to Necropolis Elementary, 13572, but maybe I could… you know, my daddy’s really good at fixing things, so daddy, maybe you could fix me to be an Intermortal exchange student.
[00:30:00]
Hallie (as Sparky)
I don't think fixing works quite the way that you just said, but I admire the gumption.
Emily
[Smiling.] Depends on what kind of fixer, actually.
Kyle (as father)
We’ll talk about this later, kid. Why don’t you check out your height there? Remember, don’t tell people about that.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Don’t tell people about what?
Kyle
He turns over and he says:
Kyle (as father)
You know, my kid, really inspired by the work you did, but uh… that was legally testy stuff.
[Tense music begins.]
Hallie (as Sparky)
It isn’t exciting if it isn’t. I understand that a job as a fixer probably has some of that too, if I’m thinking of the right fixing, of course.
Kyle
He hands you a business card…
Hallie
Yes.
Kyle
…that just has a QR code.
Hallie
Yes!
Tom
Awful.
Kyle (as father)
The name’s Bier Steinsman.
[Laughter.]
Hallie
This fucker. Okay.
Kyle (as Bier)
If you ever need something done, you give me a call.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Alright, but like legally, right?
Kyle (as Bier)
You give me a call.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Okay, good.
Tom
Hilda’s gonna stand up straight and look Bier Steinsman in the—I don't know if he has eyes. I’m gonna be very honest with you.
Kyle
He doesn’t have a head. He is headless.
Tom
That’s right ,headless. Just in the center of mass, maybe upper center of mass, like wherever Hilda would presume would be closest to eye contact.
Tom (as Hilda)
We didn’t do anything ourselves that was outside the bounds of the law. We argued our case and we showed the truth. If anything was done improperly, it wasn’t done by us.
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoob…
Hallie
Sparky just points at Hilda who is a much better representative of their legal services.
Kyle (as Bier)
That’s fine. That’s fine. Listen, I’m just presenting my services. I’m just saying, you know, you did real good with that case, everything fell into place, but life can be messier than that.
Tom (as Hilda)
Hmm.
Emily (as Booker)
[Uneasy.] Rekoob?
Tom
Hilda’s gonna narrow her eyes and then turn back to Pint.
[Music ends.]
Tom (as Hilda)
It was very nice to meet you. We gotta get on the ride now, but I hope you have a fun day at the fair and I hope you continue to be interested and excited.
Kyle (as Pint)
Yeah! Yeah! I’ll be very excited. I’m very excited. I’m very excited. I’m gonna become a big, big 13-year-old lawyer like you someday, who goes to Valley Middle School, and, and, and… I’m gonna fix things like you do and my daddy does, and—
Kyle
She’s gonna turn and face you, Sparky.
Kyle (as Pint)
—and I know that you can with Mr. Lucas Bang.
Hallie (as Sparky)
AHH!
[Laughter.]
Hallie
That’s in character.
Emily (as Booker)
[Irritated.] Rekoob!
Tom
Hilda is just going to take Sparky’s arm and just sort of start walking them away and then call over her shoulder.
Tom (as Hilda)
It was very nice to meet you.
Tom
Channeling as much “don’t ever speak to me or my son again” energy.
Emily
Booker chews on a rock, upset at the mention of that man.
Hallie
I’m so glad even Booker’s in Sparky’s corner.
[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle
Quique, you are making your way. The sounds of destruction are getting louder, the lights of the flames are getting fiercer, and the glint in poor sweet Yunuen’s eyes is getting fiercer. There is a flame in her eyes, and that is both determination and the reflection of the actual real carnage you are going towards.
Ari (as Quique)
I’m pretty sure Tucán would like this. Maybe we could bring him here next time this happens, huh? What do you think, chaparral?
Kyle
Yunuen nods her head really excited and then cocks it a little bit. We’ll say she has a phone now, like a little phone she can use.
Ari
She’s at the age of the phone.
Hallie
She’s at that age.
[Laughter.]
Kyle
Her lanyard which used to have little cards to say things, it’s now a little phone that she flips around and she can touch.
Ari
Nice.
Kyle
She flips a series of things that basically ask “did you remember to lock the house so Tucán couldn’t get in?”
Ari
Oh no! There will be a close-up to Quique’s face. Even though he technically shouldn’t be able to because he’s a skeleton, there’s just a drop of sweat.
[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle (as Tucán)
[Loud cawing sound.]
Kyle
We cut and everything is destroyed, and there’s just a single mirror, which is a series of mirrors stacked on top of each other.
[Cool spy music begins.]
And just this cool spy music plays as Tucán struts into view and turns over wearing a hat he stole from your thing, and he says to himself: “The name’s Rodriguez, Pinguino Rodriguez.”
Ari
[Amused.] Oh my god. Pinguino Rodriguez.
Kyle
But we just hear:
Kyle (as Tucán)
[Loud shrieking sound.]
Kyle
And then it cuts back to you.
[Laughter. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Ari
Even though it wouldn’t work as a skeleton, but assuming it is as a cartoon, it would be this thing where the pupils get like two dots and Quique would be like:
[00:35:00]
Ari (as Quique)
[Nervous.] I’ll deal with that later.
Kyle
[Laughs.] You come in, and as you come in you just hear a deep…
[Jazzy music begins.]
Kyle (as ???)
Gooop!
Kyle
…as one of the cars which looks like a pig and a pug combined, called a Pog, jumps into the air and slams on top of it, because these vehicles are actually Necromon. They’re possessed Necromon like Booker. Just like how Booker possesses a book instead of cards, these possessed Necromon possess floats. So, there is this giant pig-pug float that just does the car equivalent of jumping up and doing the pile driver elbow thing on the car in front of it.
Ari
Oh my god. Quique will just protectively put an arm in front of Yuna just to make sure that the car does not slam into Yuna.
Hallie
Aww.
Kyle
[Smirking.] Uh… she brushes your hand away.
Ari
No! Nooo!
Emily
[Gasps.] Because she’s at that age!
Hallie
She’s at that age!
Ari
Kid!
Hallie
Oh, she’s at that age.
Ari (as Quique)
Kid, I know you’re getting to that age. I too was as reckless as you at the tender age of Fourth Grade, but—
Tom
[Chuckling.] The tender age of Fourth Grade.
Hallie
[Amused.] Fourth Grade.
[Music ends.]
Kyle
She looks back at you kind of impatiently, and you can hear just a little (chuckle); Ariel laughing to themself, before looking back down at their pamphlet and seeming to look around for something.
Ari (as Quique)
Are you enjoying the show, chamo?
Kyle
Ariel just looks around, doesn’t even look up.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Yeah-yeah, a toda madre, yeah, it’s real cool.
Ari (as Quique)
Uh… hmm.
Ari
Quique will just kind of shrug it off because he doesn’t know what teens like these days. You know? Maybe this is now the kids’ show is now this derby and the teens actually like something else. You know? Times move too quickly for this old skeleton man.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Um… you should, uh, you should… help Yuna pick something out.
Kyle
And they point to Yunuen starting to walk away. I want you to roll Slick.
Ari
Oh!
Hallie
Oh! Grab the child, Quique! Grab the child!
Kyle
What we’re gonna do now is what’s called an Anti-Move.
[Sneaky music begins.]
Essentially, an Anti-Move happens when an NPC is trying to do the equivalent of a move. In this case, someone is sneaking.
Ari
Sneak!
Kyle
So, what you’re gonna do, Quique, is you are going to roll as if you’re rolling the move Sneak, but we’re gonna reverse it. If you fail, the sneaker will get the equivalent of a success, but if you succeed, the sneaker will get the equivalent of a failure.
Ari
Okay. Slick.
[Rolls.] That is a… 8.
Kyle
An 8, a mixed success. You turn over and you see that the pamphlet that Ariel was holding is still there but they are not.
[Music ends. Laughter.]
Hallie
Oh-ho-ho!
Tom
Oh…!
Ari
What?! Adding the thing of, like, the outline…?
Hallie
Ha!
Kyle
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Emily
They ditched you, Quique.
Hallie
They ditched you.
Ari (as Quique)
Oh my god. Where did they go? Oh, did they know that we were supposed to meet at the place that Sparky said? Yuna, do you know if they heard? I think they were too distracted. Humph.
Kyle
Yunuen doesn’t say or press anything.
Ari
Oh my god.
Kyle
But it looks painful for her.
Ari
She’s in cahoots. She’s in cahoots!
Hallie
Cahoots!
Ari
I want Quique just to kneel and look at her.
Ari (as Quique)
Kid, chamaca, what are you hiding? Hmm? This is kind of the phase, that one phase. Remember when Ariel broke that vase and you tried to say it was you but it clearly was not you? You have that same face. Remember that? My vase in my house.
Kyle
She continues to look around a little bit. I want you to roll Convince Somebody. You can use either Heart or Fierce.
Ari
I want to use Heart.
Kyle
Okay. I’m gonna say you have advantage.
Ari
Okay. It’s with advantage, so I roll three?
Kyle
Three, and take the results of the top two.
Ari
[Rolls.] Okay, 8 again.
Kyle
You kind of convince her. Choose one of these. Something is preventing her from doing what you want, she asks for something in return, she makes an inconvenient understanding, or she is temporarily upset with you.
[00:40:00]
Ari
I want for her to ask for something in return.
Kyle
Let me think about this. What does she want?
Emily
She wants Quique not to go after Ariel.
Ari
No, that’s such a loophole, Emily.
Emily
[Laughs.]
Kyle
She reaches into her lanyard and pulls out something that apparently she’s been holding onto for a long time and uncrumples it.
[Innocent silly music begins.]
So, in a couple of months, you’re gonna take Ariel on a school tour of Skulliard, the big university here. It’s a sheet for a signature for her to go along as well.
Ari (as Quique)
Ah? Que canija tu. Hmm…
[Sighs.] Alright.
Kyle
[Laughs.]
Ari (as Quique)
Alright. Just remember it might get a little bit boring. Okay? It’s going to look at college stuff. You’re at the age where that’s kind of uncool and stuff.
Kyle
She just emphasizes, she shakes the paper a little bit and gives a pretty fierce serious face.
Ari (as Quique)
Okay. Okay.
Ari
I don't know if he has a pen or something.
Kyle
Is Quique the kind of man to not have a pen on him at all times?
Ari
Oh, he does. Yeah, he does have a pen. Why was that a question?
Hallie
Yeah! Yeah, come on.
Emily
I feel like that’s a future Slice of Life Complication, he doesn’t have a pen.
Kyle
His pen bursts in his pocket, his quill.
Ari
His quill, yes, it’s a quill.
Hallie
Ha!
Ari
He somehow also has ink there. He does his signature.
Ari (as Quique)
There. Are you happy? This will be for later, but you will have to behave. Okay? You know, no running around. Unless we’re no longer in the tour, in which case, of course, but you know…
Kyle
She nods, excited, and then takes a moment to compose herself like Ariel would and just does a very authoritative nod before taking it back and putting it back in while bouncing a little bit.
Emily
Aww.
Hallie
Aww.
Ari (as Quique)
Fine, I’m convinced. If you get too bored, don’t blame me. This was your idea, okay? Now, where did your sibling go?
[Music ends.]
Kyle
She takes a couple of seconds to compose herself, grabs her phone—which we’ll say is a bit bigger, it’s like a phone tablet but light.
Ari
Mm-hmm.
Kyle
It’s good tech. We’ll say it’s good tech. She takes it and she pulls up a page on it of the agenda. You see one of the events. It shocks you for a couple of reasons, one of them being that it looks so un-Ariel.
[Latin pop music begins.]
So, it is for a musical performance on the stage. The performer you see is this woman who seems to be in her early 20s, although, since she’s one of the dead, how old she looks has no real relation to how old she is. She’s thin, delicate, that very kind of like… you know, delicate “uwu” soft beautiful, with long wavy hair and very soft features. The hair spills out into a wide frilly yellow dress.
Underneath the dress you can see this long… even though she’s on land, it’s less of a snake and more of a mermaid bottom that goes out from under the dress. She’s got cute makeup, very cutesy peppy outfit with two yellow flowers on the sides of her head placed almost like bows would be. It is an act for a musical artist called Xochi.
Ari
Quique, at reading that, is gonna be like:
Ari (as Quique)
Alright, we gotta go.
Ari
And just carry Yunuen and just run.
[Laughter. Music swells and carries into the announcements.]
Kyle
Okay, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t remember what part of the episode the announcement break is going in. So, instead of segueing from its content, this is the segue into this… the announcement break.
This announcement break, I got a call to action for you, and it is about our newsletter. Did you know we had a newsletter? Because we have a newsletter. Let me tell you about our newsletter!
The Quest Friends Newsletter which I just started a couple weeks ago exists for a couple of reasons, but the main idea is I wanted to create something where you didn’t have to be up-to-date with current episodes or follow us on social media to know all the news that’s going on. So, our newsletter includes new episodes that are coming up, news and neat stuff that’s going on; so basically the kind of stuff that I would mention in an announcement break.
[00:45:00]
There’s also some additional fun content on their such as a Necromonicon entry where I do a little bit of world building and then Kyle’s Corner where I just talk about whatever is on my mind that month. For example, for the month of November, I talked about the idea of planning less and talking more. Now, what does that mean? Well, you’re gonna have to listen—you’re gonna have to read the newsletter to find out, not listen. You don’t listen to a newsletter, you read it, unless you use a screen reader in which case I guess you would listen to the…
We got a newsletter! It’s got a lot of cool stuff! Check it out. It’s at QuestFriends.substack.com, or you can click the description.
Down in the description you’re also going to see a link to the Maniculum Podcast.
[Game show music begins.]
Do you like Quest Friends? Do you like fun history podcasts like, you know, things like Totalus Rankium and PONTIFACTS? Do you wish you could just smoosh them together? The Maniculum Podcast is a podcast that adapts medieval tales into tabletop roleplaying adventures.
Mac is a PhD candidate at Purdue University specializing in Medieval Studies. He’s also spent a lot of time playing and designing tabletop RPGs since high school. Zoe is a narrative designer who’s worked at studios such as Obsidian and Wolfeye, and also holds a Master’s in Medieval Studies.
So, if you wanted to take medieval history and you wanted to smash it together with roleplaying stuff, which I’m gonna take a hazard and guess that if you’re listening to this podcast that might be something you’re interested in, listen to the Maniculum Podcast. It is funny, irreverent and educational as these professionally-trained academics make medieval history accessible, funny, friendly to LGBTQ+ and BIPOC folks, and just a good time.
If you’re in the holiday spirit right now, they’re actually exploring St. Nick’s real history in December. So, don’t just do a regular Santa Claus D&D session, do a historically accurate Santa Claus D&D session. You can find the Maniculum Podcast at themaniculumpodcast.com or in the description below.
[Chuckling.] Thanks for doing this promo swap, Mac and Zoe. I hope you like my promo. I personally consider me going this hard off-script as a sign of my passion.
[Music ends.]
Check them out. Check them out. Make this worth it. Don’t make them regret it, please.
There’s one final person down there in the description to check out, and that is Alicia Orozco. Alicia does something very special for us in this episode, and I’m not gonna tell you what it is because you’re gonna figure it out when we get there, and at least I think she did a pretty fucking good job.
That’s all I’ve got for you today. Our next episode is gonna be coming out ideally in a week on Monday, December 18. If you’d like additional content before then, you can check out—not our Patreon! I’m not doing the Patreon this time. Check out the newsletter, QuestFriends.substack.com. That’s got new stuff, and you don’t even gotta pay for that! Anyways, I’ll see you there.
[Sinister ghosty game show music carries out of the announcements.]
Kyle
Irene, I want to know what you’re doing at Rube Goldberg’s Game of Life. Thank you for that suggestion in the chat, Ari.
Emily
Her expression is dead serious.
Emily (as Irene)
Prove it, or I won’t play.
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
Well, if I played it and proved that it could be won, that would just destroy my authenticity.
Emily (as Irene)
What do you mean it would destroy your authenticity to prove that your game works?
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
Fair enough. Fair enough. Kyle didn’t understand things. He’s gonna reverse time and I’m not gonna have said that.
[Laughter.]
Of course! Of course. I absolutely will play that game. Let me just do a spin, quick.
Kyle
Roll me a Slick.
Emily
Roll you a Slick.
Kyle
He’s gonna try to Sneak as well.
Emily
Woo!
[Rolls.] Nine.
Kyle
Nine, so a mixed success on Sneak. As he does it and spins it, you get distracted.
Kyle (as Boidelrat)
Tarledoib! Tarledoib!
Kyle
Boidelrat gets really excited by the spinning things, so you have to look down and shush her, so you don’t notice him flagrantly cheat as he wins, but all of the other Necromon do.
[00:50:00]
Emily
[Chuckles.]
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
And yeah, then you win the game.
Emily (as Irene)
Fine, but I’m only using your money.
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
How about this? How about the first roll is free and then we see where we go from there?
Emily (as Irene)
I’m committing to one, then.
[Bossa nova music begins.]
Kyle
Okay. So, we had a move, Touch the Other Side, which was meant to be when you did something that was unfamiliar or strange like driving a car as a teen who does not have a license or doing a magical spell. As you may have heard in Cryptid Cryptids, people easily confuse that for a Weird move that uses a lot more magic. So…
Ari
You used the phrasing…
Hallie
Wow… Wow.
Kyle
The phrasing is a lot more magical. So anyways, it’s changed to Use the Unfamiliar.
Hallie
Just throwing me under the Rube Goldberg machine.
Kyle
So basically, something that is unfamiliar to you. In this case, I’m gonna have you roll that, which is a Books roll. A fair game, you would probably use Keep Your Cool or something, but this is a weird rigged game that you’re trying to decipher as you play it.
Emily
[Laughing.] I mean, it’s a Rube Goldberg machine.
Kyle
Yeah.
Emily
[Rolls.] Okay… it’s a 7.
Tom
Oof.
[Music ends.]
Kyle
Okay. You’re gonna choose two drawbacks. You do spin, and it kinda moves forward, but it either takes longer than expected, which in this case will do more turns than expected, it works but not quite how you expected, or it breaks after being used.
Emily
I don’t want to pay for it, so I’m gonna do the ones that aren’t breaking it.
Kyle
Okay, so…
[Rambling game show music begins.]
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
Oh, a spin—Oh! That’s a good old one. You got one closer. Alright, well just do one more spin. I’ll do half price for it. What do you say?
Emily (as Irene)
[Grumpy.] Fine.
Kyle (as Boidelrat)
Tarledoib! Tarledoib!
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
Oh! That’s another two. Now you gotta go back two turns. Oh, now you gotta do a handstand for the next one.
Hallie
Ha!
Kyle
You’re like seven turns down.
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
Alright, here’s the first choice of life. Are you gonna go to college or are you gonna go to law school?
Emily (as Irene)
Well obviously I have to go to college before I go to law school.
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
That’s the coward’s way out, kid, and your dice rolls are so good you’re going straight to law school and all of those extra law school fees. But, don’t worry, we’ll make up for more of it and then some. You’ll just have to sell your soul. Ah-ha! I’m just joshing.
Emily
She slams her hand down on the counter.
Emily (as Irene)
Repeat that.
[Music ends.]
I have recently had my soul part from my body and would prefer to not have that happen again, so I will not be selling my soul any time. It is not for sale. You cannot buy my soul.
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
Hey kid, kid, I’m just joking. You’re not selling your soul. You’re not selling your soul, you’re losing your soul in the game. You’re not selling your soul! Okay?
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Kyle (as Rube Goldberg)
So, uh… yeah, let’s keep spinning!
Hallie
Why does this keep happening to Irene?
Tom
The Mossies want to try and get the attention of the other Necromon and are going to try to entice them to go on a little heist adventure.
[Sneaky silly music begins.]
Hallie
Here’s the thing. Pokeyo is above playing carnival games, but they’re not above cheating at carnival games. I straight-up just want to go behind the scenes and start fucking things up.
Tom
Yeah, that was what the Mossies had in mind. They just want to go back there and grab everything.
Hallie
Yeah, we’re collaborating.
Hallie (as Pokeyo)
[Sly.] Oh-ee-kope, oh-ee-kope, oh-ee-kope.
Kyle
How is Mallea feeling? Boidelrat’s too distracted. Boidelrat is just staring and going…
Kyle (as Boidelrat)
Tarledoib!
Kyle
…just going “sibling, sibling, sibling,” but going “tarledoib!”
Emily
Aww!
Hallie
Sibling! Sibling! Sibling!
Ari
I think Mallea wants to steal all of the ducks.
Hallie
Mallea’s going rogue and not helping with the larger plan, just gonna go after the ducks.
Ari
Yes.
Hallie
Alright.
[Music ends. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]
Kyle
Sparky, Hilda and Booker, you’re in line. You haven’t been accosted by anyone else, but after that conversation with Bier and Pint, it’s hard to shake memories of the trial and ScubaCorp. Tangentially related things like long coats and men who project too much or anyone with dyed green or pink hair now stick out to you much more than they would have a few moments ago.
Emily
Hilda has the option to monitor Booker or not, but he is going after the bottoms of people’s pants who have the dyed hair.
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Kyle
Roll me Take a Swing, Booker.
Emily
[Rolls.] Eight.
Kyle
Eight. Uh… you get a benefit and a drawback. The benefit, we’re gonna say that you can move your target or temporarily daze them. The drawback is you use too much or too little force or you hit someone or something you didn’t intend to.
Emily
Definitely the second one.
Kyle
You hit someone or something you didn’t intend to?
[00:55:00]
Emily
Yeah. I’m picturing just other people, like, Booker’s just reached the point where, if there’s a group of them, he’s not paying attention to which person’s leg he grabs at any one point in time.
Tom
Booker’s just doing the cyclone into a crowd.
Kyle
And then what’s your benefit?
Emily
I kinda want them to be startled by something around their feet, like you know, a rat running through, and then everybody screams, and yeah.
[Fast-paced jazzy music begins.]
Kyle (as crowd)
Ah! AH! Get it away, get it away, get it away!
Emily (as Booker)
[Driven.] Rekoob! Rekoob! Rekoooob!
Kyle
As you’re running around, you “ponk” into this tree-like stump, and there’s a (startled growl). You hear this fierce sound, and—
Emily
Booker is flipped on his back.
Tom
Oh no.
Kyle
Hilda and Sparky, you see what looks like flames emerge from the figure that Booker hits.
Tom
Hilda’s just running in to snatch Booker and run, not staying around to figure this out, just grabbing Booker and fleeing.
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoooob!
Hallie
Sparky will follow because, as much as she does want to go on the I-Fell Tower, the vibes aren’t good here. So yeah, she’ll follow Hilda’s lead.
Emily
Booker is trying to get back to whatever he ran into.
Kyle
Roll Take Action, Hilda.
Tom
Excellent.
Emily
I want to give Tom a disadvantage.
Kyle
We’ll do a -1. We’ll do an in-between.
Tom
Alright. Alright.
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoob! Rekoooob!
[Music ends.]
Emily
To translate, Booker is saying “I was winning.”
Tom
[Rolls.] You know, that -1 bumped it down from a full success to a mixed success.
[Laughter.]
Hallie
You love to hear it.
Emily
Ha-ha-ha! … I’m sorry.
Kyle
You react slightly later than you’d like.
Tom
I think it’s more that I reacted perfectly fine and Booker is just squirming and being a nuisance.
Emily
Mm-hmm.
Kyle
Sparky.
Hallie
Yeah?
Kyle
You’re bolting off, right?
Hallie
After them. I’m shoving people across the line being like I’m following my kid, it’s fine, it’s fine.
Tom
Shove someone over. “I’m following my kid, it’s fine.”
[Laughter.]
Kyle
Booker is pulling against Hilda, and Hilda’s still pulling him away, but… as you turn back to look at Booker, you get to see the person he hit. Out of the corner of your eye, your stomach drops. It almost looks like the silhouette of Lucas Bang.
[Scary musical sting.]
Hallie
Why is he there…? She’s gonna pull her cool jacket up over her face a little bit and then she’s gonna duck away. I go behind a building or a trash can or something and I peek out so that I can confirm for myself whether this is Lucas Bang or not.
Kyle
Sure, roll a Sneak.
Hallie
Ah fuck, okay.
Tom
If this turns out to be Big Jake Hell…
Hallie
Okay, so I have a -1. That’s sad.
[Rolls.] Oh, not looking good. Four. I mean 5. Five, that’s 6 minus 1. Five.
Tom
[Groans.] Do I take one for the team for Sparky Malarky?
Hallie
[Laughs.] This isn’t fair. I just wanted to go on the I-Fell Tower. I just wanted to bungee jump.
Tom
You know what? Even though it makes not a lot of sense out of character, in character I feel like it fits the vibe. Hilda’s just trying to give Sparky a nice day. It’s been rough. It’s been hard. I’m gonna take one for the team and make that a full success.
Hallie
Christ. After I was forcing this child onto a ride.
Kyle
So Hilda, how do you help Sparky sneak?
[Sneaky music begins.]
Tom
Alright. I’m going to assume that Sparky just tried to do the cartoon thing of moving from object to object, just staying in their silhouette, and then just fully knocked over a trash can that’s been set out for the fair-goers or something. Just, all of your cover gone, bang-bang-bang-crash.
Hallie
Bang Bang!
[Pained laughter.]
Tom
Hilda is going to pretend that she was the one who just rammed into this trash can and just flop over it as if she had just completely fallen over, thereby taking all of the attention away from Sparky.
Hallie
This does not go unnoticed by Sparky who will mouth her second genuine ‘thank you’ today from behind her cover. Alright, I’m creeping.
Kyle
Okay.
Hallie
I’m doing, like, the way Ariel peers around the side of the ship when she’s checking Eric out.
Emily
So you’re checking out this large man?
Hallie
Well, kind of, yeah, a little bit, but she didn’t mean to check him out that way the first time. She was literally just like ‘ooh, a man. Is it a specific man?’
Kyle
You peer over. How do you feel thinking of the possibility that it could have been Lucas Bang?
[Music ends.]
Hallie
Uh, like what the cripes is he doing here. This is ridonkulous. I know that… He wasn’t arrested, right? Because Hilda arranged that, because it felt really bad.
[01:00:00]
So, it’s like when you see a teacher outside of work except there’s like a sexual component here.
[Laughter.]
Ari
No!
Hallie
God damn it. What is he doing…?
Kyle
So it’s Riverdale, you’re saying?
Hallie
[Smiling.] Oh no, it’s Riverdale! Oh no, it’s Riverdale. Sparky’s having a Riverdale experience.
Tom
I wish that I had my webcam on just for how bluescreened I was by that analogy. What the fuck?
Kyle
Because Sparky’s making progress but she still thinks in terms of high school.
Hallie
Yeah. It’s gonna take a while to completely shake off. You know? It’s not a hard stop. It’s a gradual growth. This is a setback because she didn’t expect to see him here in the Hereafter.
Tom
You know? Fair.
Kyle
Anyways. You turn and you peer around the corner. As you get a better look, you realize there are some physical differences.
[Ambling ghosty music plays.]
Lucas Bang was a very muscular top-heavy big guy. This is a big guy that has more of a belly.
Hallie
I was gonna say dad bod.
Kyle
Dad bod but like also still pretty fucking big, like seven or eight foot dad bod.
Hallie
Right. Great.
Kyle
He’s got the rustic look, but for his case it is overalls.
Hallie
Sweet.
Kyle
But notably, the main thing that separates Big Jake Hell from Lucas Bang—
Hallie
[Sarcastic.] Great. Awesome. Sweet.
Kyle
—is his red devil skin, his tail, and then his very short devil horns.
Hallie
Yeah. So Sparky just fully mistook a red devil with a tail for Lucas Bang here in the line for the I-Fell Tower.
Kyle
It was a big guy, alright?
Hallie
Alright. You know, panic does strange things.
Kyle
Lucas does look good in red.
Tom
I am deeply upset that it really was Big Jake Hell.
[Music ends.]
Hallie
[Laughs.] Okay. Seeing as it’s just Big Jake Hell, Sparky goes “pff,” and then gets up, dusts herself off like none of that happened, looks at Hilda and says:
Hallie (as Sparky)
None of that happened.
Tom
Hilda is still in the trash.
[Laughter.]
Hilda will just give a thumbs up.
Hallie
I’m gonna help her out of the trash, and we’re gonna go to Die Hop.
Tom (as Hilda)
[Weakly.] Thank you.
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoob.
Kyle
I almost want to end it there, but I did have a hard move saved, didn’t I?
Hallie
Oh no.
Tom
Why?
Kyle
Don’t worry, Sparky. When Hilda uses Take One for the Team, I only get to make a hard move against her specifically. You hear…
Kyle (as ???)
[Drawn out, shouting.] I fell…!
Kyle
…and you notice that you ran right underneath the I-Fell Tower, and one of the bungee jumpers, in a panic, grabs the closest thing to them, and Hilda, you and the trash can you’re in fly up into the air with them.
Tom (as Hilda)
AGH!
Emily (as Booker)
Rekoooob!
Hallie (as Sparky)
I wanted to go on the ride!
[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change. Fast-paced jazzy music begins.]
Kyle
Alright Quique, what are you up to?
Ari
Trying to run to the performance while carrying Yuna. If there was a way that he could have left Yuna somewhere that isn’t here, he would have, but I know it’s too late.
Kyle
If you want to take a detour, you can.
Ari
Oh, when does the concert start? Hmm… How close is it to any of the locations that the other two are gonna be at?
Kyle
Quique just runs past Irene, slams Yuna on the table, and keeps running.
Hallie
I do love that image, though.
Ari
Yes. Oh! What if the Necromon heist becomes Necromon babysitting adventure.
Emily
Babysitting!
Hallie
Complication: You have to babysit.
Kyle
Do you have any AP?
Ari
Do I have any? I don’t, no.
Hallie
I have AP. Can I spot her one of my 4 AP?
Kyle
I allow that, but I allow AP spotting if it involves the other player, so Ari’s maneuver has to involve Sparky in some way.
Hallie
Fine.
Ari
Oh my god. Ugh… okay. I guess he trusts Sparky more than he trusts the situation, so he would—
Emily
[Laughs.] Hallie’s face.
Ari
Assuming Sparky’s thing is closer, he would… ugh, he would run to Sparky.
[Music ends.]
Ari (as Quique)
Don’t talk about this, okay? Just, if anything happens, if anything happens, you’re going to go below Lionel in my scale, Malarky. Okay? Okay?
Hallie
This is especially funny—
Emily
[Laughing.] Because you just lost your other charge!
Hallie
Because this is seconds after Hilda was swooped by in a trash can, so she’s like screaming in the distance and then Quique comes by and deposits a second child in front of Sparky. Sparky looks up a little bit and then says:
Hallie (as Sparky)
I will guard her with my life.
Tom
Cursed. Hilda is just screaming in the background as she flies through the air, hundreds of feet above everyone.
[01:05:00]
Hallie
[Laughing.] Peak physical comedy.
Ari (as Quique)
You take care of this chapolin, okay? Just stay with her, please. Do not tell her anything. Do not try to go anywhere corrupting things, Malarky. Okay? Okay. Alright. Sorry, I would explain more, but I actually am in a hurry.
Ari
And he’s gonna do the “I’m watching you” kind of thing.
Hallie (as Sparky)
Good luck!
Hallie
She shouts as he runs away.
Kyle
Give me one of your AP, Hallie, for that.
Hallie
Yay.
Kyle
I’d like to add the flavor that Quique set Yunuen right where Hilda had been picked up.
Hallie
[Excited.] Right where Hilda was!
Kyle
So Sparky, as he leaves, just gently moves her to the side.
Hallie (as Sparky)
We’re gonna stand over here. It’s a safer spot.
Kyle
“We’re just gonna take one step over.”
Hallie
“Just one… there you go.”
Kyle
Alright Quique, now you’re in this crowd and it’s just you.
Ari
Yeah.
Kyle
You hear a big crowd. They’re just cheering. Yeah! YEAH! Xochi, Xochi, Xochi! It is a big gaudy stage, big curtains, you’ve got a bunch of people in glittery outfits. You see some people that have the yellow flower which are actually called xochitl flowers, on the side of their hair or skull or, if they’re a ghost or a blob person, just floating inside of them. Roll me Understand to see if you can see where Ariel is.
Ari
Understand…
Kyle
But I also believe—don’t you have a move where you can find somebody?
Ari
Oh my god, I do!
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Ari
I do! It’s called Natural Hunter. If I have access to an item related to the creature I’m hunting, roll with advantage. Would the pamphlet be part of the…?
Kyle
Yeah. Yeah.
Ari
Yeah? Okay. I wanna do that. I want to use Natural Hunter.
Kyle
Okay, give me a roll.
Ari
[Rolls.] Roll… Uh, that is a 2. No, wait, a 4. Still not great though.
Kyle
[Smiling.] Take an AP.
[Laughter.]
You misunderstand something vital about your target. In this case, I’m gonna say… in a weird way, kind of like how Sparky had been looking at other things and seen Lucas Bang, you’re looking for Ariel, but with the heads and stuff you just keep seeing Xochi, Xochi, Xochi, everywhere.
Ari
Oh no, no, no.
Kyle
And then finally an announcer voice says:
Kyle (as announcer)
Living and dead, I proudly present what you’ve been waiting for, the wonderful, beautiful Siren of Necropolis: Xochi!
[The crowd cheers.]
Xochi
Take your past
Your future
Throw them all away
As if they never were
Now you’re here
Here with me
Your story belongs
To beautiful Xochi
Xochi
My little flea
I’ve heard your plea
That you want
All your ears on me!
I am the key
To set you free
So open
All your heart to me!
Backup Singers (x2)
Tu ya no resistas
Sus besos de artista
Su música hechiza
Y tu alma conquista
Xochi
Just relax
Take it slow
Don’t resist the ending
That I will bestow
(As if you had a-)
Xochi
Just like the sea
Or a banshee
You’ve opened
All your tears to me!
And what I see
Fills me with glee
As you give
All your soul to
Backup Singers (x2)
No hay elección
Se acabó
Su canción ya es
Tu amor
Xochi
My sweet hand
Now unfurled
Will bring a new song
To all the afterworld
I’m your queen
So bend the knee
Keep your heart and soul and
All your ears on me!
They’re all on me!
All on me!
Kyle
The crowd is just screaming and hooting and hollering. On-stage you see this woman, this siren. That’s what they’re called, these mermaid-like dead. She’s singing, and her voice is… it’s supernaturally amazing. To most people they just think she sounds this good, but you know that when Xochi sings it’s almost like her voice changes to something else entirely.
[01:10:00]
Ari
Right. It’s like when a different voice actor is dubbing the singing as opposed to the talking.
Kyle
Exactly. That’s exactly what it sounds like. But, nobody else cares, they are amazed.
Kyle (as audience member)
Oh, she sounds so much more beautiful. Oh, it’s so great.
Kyle
Xochi, this woman on stage, goes:
Kyle (as Xochi)
How are we feeling tonight~?
Hallie
Christ. God!
Ari
Oh my god, I hate this so much. Why? Why did you do this?
Kyle
She only sings.
Hallie
Kill it with fire.
Ari
Emily, why did you allow this? Why did you allow Kyle singing?
Tom
What fresh hell have I returned to?
Kyle
People start cheering and she says:
Kyle (as Xochi)
Well, let’s get even louder~!
Ari
Oh my god, I hate this so much. Emily, why did you allow this?
Kyle
Ari, I want you to roll Keep Your Cool.
Tom
Is it possible to X-Card the entire plot of a session?
[Laughter. Music ends.]
Ari
That is… Slick?
Kyle
Yeah.
Ari
Yeah, okay. Alright, alright, alright.
Kyle
Remember, two fives are a critical failure.
Ari
[Rolls, chuckles nervously.] I rolled two fives.
[Laughter.]
Ari
I played on the edge and this is what I got.
Kyle
You are overwhelmed with emotion.
Ari
God.
Kyle
You feel it welling up inside of you. You try to clamp it down because you ultimately know that the way sirens work is that they’re people who died in a very public way, and the ability sirens have—because each dead has abilities. Quique can separate his body, phantoms can go invisible, and sirens can supernaturally grab attention but also they can supernaturally influence people’s emotions in certain ways. You know this. You know this so well, Quique, but—
Ari
This has probably happened before.
Kyle
What’s going through you? What emotions are you feeling right now?
Ari
Hmm… I just want to call it the Luigi emotions, just so overwhelmed that he’s just feeling like crying.
Hallie
Signs of Luigi, distant crying.
[Music box music begins.]
Ari
He left his kid with Sparky. What was he thinking? Then there’s suddenly Xochi over here who he didn’t know, and then Ariel is just somewhere in the crowd, and he can’t explain anything. So, it’s not like anxiety necessarily, but he feels overwhelmed at the situation, like Luigi when he cries when he’s overwhelmed at the situation.
Kyle
The song fades, and the cheering goes down, and you literally feel yourself come back to your senses as she goes from singing back to talking.
[Music ends.]
Kyle (as Xochi)
Thank you so much for coming to the show today, everyone. I am so excited to be here at The Worlds’ Fair! The only event big enough for me and my flower field, am I right?
Kyle
As she’s speaking, Quique, and you come back to your senses, what do you do?
Ari (as Quique)
Ugh, I can’t believe this happened again. Ugh! I didn’t even know I had tear ducts. Okay.
Emily
[Loud sobs.]
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Ari
He’ll try to either look for Ariel or try to find a way to go backstage or something to get Xochi’s attention, whichever might be easiest.
Kyle
Take a GM Intrusion.
Hallie
Yes, another one!
Ari
Oh my god, okay. Does this mean I get an AP, though?
Kyle
You get an AP and you give it to somebody else. Who do you give the other AP to?
Ari
Oh! I’ll give it to Hallie.
Hallie
Yes! Yes!
Ari
For giving me an AP.
Hallie
Yes! I’ve gotten it back.
Kyle
Because you gave me a great gift.
Hallie
My debts have been repaid.
Kyle
I was like, do I want Ari to see Ariel or go behind stage? Well, it’s pretty easy when you see Ariel sneaking behind stage.
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Ari
Nooo!
Ari (as Quique)
Kid! Kid, wait, hang on. Wait, wait, wait. I need to kind of tell you things.
Kyle
Huh. Do I want you to roll Take Action or Sneak?
Emily
Well, considering Quique’s yelling…
Kyle
Yeah, roll me Take Action.
Ari
[Rolls.] That is a 9.
Kyle
That is a mixed success, so a little slower than you want. I’ll say you catch up to Ariel, but they do duck behind stage before you can get to them. You’re able to follow them, but you’re gonna have to get behind stage as well.
Ari
Are there people guarding the stage at all?
[01:15:00]
Kyle
We’re gonna say that the guards are in fact so enamored that they’re coming out of their stupor as well. For some reason that you might know and I might know but the audience doesn’t know, you manage to break out of the spell a lot faster than everyone else.
Ari
Well, I’m just gonna… you know, if the guards are distracted, Quique will just roll his eyes, if he… you know, and walk past the guards.
Kyle
Alright. You walk past the guards and backstage. Backstage it is just as gaudy as it is front-stage. You can also see all the props in the back. There’s a lot of flowers. They’re all plastic. All of them are fake prop flowers.
Ari
Of course they are.
Hallie
Love it.
Kyle
And then other glitzy glittery stuff, and you can see Ariel nervously pacing back and forth.
Ari (as Quique)
[Quietly.] Hey…
Kyle (as Ariel)
Okay. I can do this. I got this.
Ari (as Quique)
Tú bien? Kid? Hey.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Hijo de su madre. Tio! Tio… What are you doing?
[More serious.] What are you doing here?
Ari (as Quique)
Listen. How are you feeling?
Kyle (as Ariel)
A lot. A lot.
Ari (as Quique)
Is it weird? Anything?
Kyle (as Ariel)
I’m feeling a lot worse… I’m feeling a lot worse than I was a couple of seconds ago, tio. Okay? Okay?!
[Grunting.] Mierda!
Kyle
So, in psychology, a lot of emotions come from an elevated state and our brain attributing that elevation to something else.
Emily
You love discussing misattribution of arousal.
Kyle
It’s great! It’s why they recommend—
Ari
It’s so good, though.
Kyle
It’s why they recommend your first date is a coffee date, because you’ll actually attribute some of that arousal to thinking the person you’re with is just so cool.
Ari
It’s a problem sometimes during swing dance, because like, oh man, everybody’s so much cuter.
Kyle
“Everyone’s so hot!”
Ari
And then it’s like, well, hang on, I have to think about this.
Kyle
So yeah, you can tell that Ariel is… like, they can get snippy with you, but with the kind of anxious energy, it looks like the snippiness part of it came from being in this elevated state.
Ari
Yeah, and Quique knows that. He’s not gonna… Okay.
Ari (as Quique)
Alright. I’d tell you to stay here. I know you’re not going to, but please, just trust me. I know more than you think. I know this is not going to super get through to you right now, but just try to stay here.
Ari
Then he’s gonna try and go and get Xochi’s attention.
Kyle
They’re gonna grab your arm.
Kyle (as Ariel)
Tio, what are you doing?
Ari (as Quique)
Kid, trust me on this. Okay?
Kyle (as Ariel)
Come on, this is my big… Ugh. I don’t like to admit this, but this music is kind of cool. Okay? Okay? This is kind of cool, and like… she doesn’t come here often. This is a chance to, you know, make it.
Ari (as Quique)
Listen. I didn’t know you knew about her. I just… Let me just talk to her first, okay? Let’s just say you might think your tio is uncool, but I actually know her more than you think I do.
Kyle
Ariel’s gonna look at you and be like:
Kyle (as Ariel)
[Stammering.] What the hell are you saying?
Ari (as Quique)
Well… ugh. I’m sort of maybe, you know, kind of her, you know, like, uh…
Kyle
And that’s when you hear Ariel gasp, and I need you to roll Take Action.
Ari
Nooo! Oh no.
[Rolls.] What’s this? That is a 5 for me. It’s a lot. A lot of things are going on here, you know?
Hallie
You are not rolling up to your usual standards tonight, Ari. It brings me great joy.
Kyle
So, take an AP.
Hallie
Another one?
Ari
Oh man! I have so much AP now.
Kyle
You feel a big slam into you, a big fierce hug.
[Ghostly credits music begins.]
As your bones scramble together, you see Ariel is just aghast, like white as a ghost.
Ari (as Quique)
Hola, hija.
Kyle
And Xochi looks at you and says:
Kyle (as Xochi)
Papi Quique~! Que onda~?
[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]
Kyle
And that’s the end of the session.
Ari
[Laughs.] No.
Tom
God.
Emily
Ari’s the Emily now.
Hallie
Oh-ho-ho!
Kyle
I hope everyone’s excited for Quique’s shit daughter.
Hallie
I’m so psyched.
Emily
I’m just excited not to be in this position.
[01:20:00]
Hallie
I know. This is great. This is wonderful. Sparky’s gonna have a field day.
Ari
Oh my god.
Kyle
Yeah, so let’s see. Hilda’s in space, again.
Emily
This is the third time.
Hallie
Again!
Kyle
The Necromon are doing a heist, and Quique has just been hugged by his shit daughter who his niece/nephew admires.
I love how, for having the Slice of Life Complication, Irene’s had it the easiest.
Hallie
Yeah!
Emily
[Smiling.] Yes.
Kyle
Although, Rube did threaten to steal her soul. I can’t forget that—
Hallie
Yeah, but like, the Necromon are on it. The Necromon are not gonna let that happen.
Emily
She’s having it the easiest until her soul is gone and then it’s a problem.
Hallie
Look. We’re all having it easy until our soul is gone and then it’s a problem.
Emily
Yeah.
Tom
It’s fine, I’ve got one more Take One for the Team in me. I can just rocket down out of the sky onto Rube.
[Laughter.]
Emily
There’s no saving Ari.
--
Kyle
I’m gonna go through some reminders quick, and what happened last time, unless someone wants to say what happened last time, but I have a feeling no one does.
Hallie
[Emotional.] No.
Tom
I can say what happened last time.
Hallie
God, teacher’s pet.
Tom
Last time, we were all heading over into the Hereafter. We got flagged in… I forget the clever word for it, but airport security. You had a very good name for it that I cannot remember.
Hallie
The thereport?
Tom
Maybe.
Kyle
It was the Fort Worth/Dallas Intermortal Thereport.
Tom
Thereport! Yes.
Kyle
Because yeah, I was going off of—Yeah, it’s what Hallie said.
Emily
[Laughing.] Deep breath, Hallie.
Hallie
It’s exactly what I said. And you said no, and then Kyle said it, and then you said it was right.
Emily
[Smirking.] It sounds right when a man says it.
[Laughter.]
Hallie
No~
Tom
Well, you got me there.
Hallie
God damn it, Tom.
--
Kyle
Let me just make a note here. Pint knows about VPS now.
Tom
Oh… I don’t like that.
Emily
Who’s Pint?! What is the significance of Pint? I’m concerned about Pint now.
Hallie
[Laughs.]
Tom
[Uneasy.] Oh…
Kyle
Anyways, Hallie, put the Bier Steinsman card in your inventory.
Hallie
Oh, I already did.
Kyle
Perfect.
Hallie
Yeah-yeah, it’s in there.
Tom
Fuckin’ Bier Steinsman.
Hallie
Yeah, it’s gonna be fucking great. I can’t wait to call Bier.
Emily
If you ever need a corporate fixer.
Tom
I never wish to call upon the services of Bier Steinsman.
Hallie
He didn’t give YOU his business card.
Kyle
I chose him entirely because that was one of my favorite of the names that wasn’t Travelociraptor, which is the Travelocity velociraptor, which is also in my list of name ideas.
Tom
Travel velocity raptor.
Kyle
But yeah, I’ve had Bier Steinsman for years. Nothing besides the name: Bier Steinsman and his kid, Pint.
--
Hallie
Also, I do get an AP because I get one every time I roll using a stat I have a negative value in.
Kyle
Okay, that’s true, you do get that.
Hallie
Woo!
Kyle
That’s a broken move.
Hallie
Hell yeah it is. I love it.
Kyle
I think I’m gonna have to add the caveat you don’t get another AP if you roll a failure alongside it.
Hallie
[Disappointed.] No…
Tom
This is what playtesting is for, Kyle.
Kyle
This IS my playtest, Thomas!
[Laughter.]
--
Tom
I’m trying to think of the most suitable meme here. I think it’s the “to be continued,” JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure where it’s just the little twangs of the guitar and then the freeze-frame of suddenly being grabbed and pulled away with a “to be continued” on it.
Kyle
Yeah. I want to do Quique once more and I want to do the Necromon heist, but I think that’s the end of Hilda and Sparky this episode.
Tom
It’s the end of Hilda, period.
[Laughter.]
--
Hallie
Then she almost killed me. What happens if you die in the afterworld?
Kyle
I mean, your soul still goes to the Hereafter. It’s a sequence of events.
Hallie
Okay, cool. I’m just curious.
Kyle
Yeah, it doesn’t matter where you die.
Tom
You just pop up again as a ghost.
Kyle
It’s like updating your residence. If I buy a house in Florida… Let’s say I live in Wisconsin and I buy a house in Florida while vacationing in Louisiana. My permanent residence is still in Florida. That’s my new tax bracket. That’s what the Bureau of Intermortal Enforcement cares about.
Hallie
Okay. Good to know.
Emily
Did you update with the post office?
Kyle
Listen. It used to be a simple process. When you died, your soul went to the Hereafter and grim like the Boatman took you there. But then, like they do, the Bureau of Intermortal Enforcement took them over, they introduced a bunch of bureaucracy, and technically, Eilidh, by taking people into the afterlife alone, is technically doing crimes.
Hallie (as Boatman)
Who cares? Boats used to be so simple.
Emily
So, who of us is not an actual criminal in our cute little cryptid side series?
Kyle
Let’s go main campaign. Who of you hasn’t done crimes?
[01:25:00]
Emily
Irene hasn’t done crimes! She was just accused of crimes!
Hallie
That’s true.
Kyle
Both Irene and Hilda did attempted bribery.
Emily
But they didn’t!
Hallie
Okay, but is that really a crime?
Emily
It didn’t work, so…
Ari
What crime did Quique do?
Kyle
Ari, Quique has not done any crime during the show, but you cannot tell me he has not done at least some crime when he was a younger skeleton with luscious hair.
Ari
[Chuckles.] I mean, yeah, but those are his younger years.
Kyle
That’s my new headcanon for Quique. Young Quique, I never want to know what he looked like as a living man. Young Quique is just a skeleton but with long hair.
Ari
Yes.
--
Kyle
Is that the theme of Quest Friends! Hereafter? Season 1, you have to let things die in order to move on in Season 1. Season 2, eh, they’re at that age, you know.
Tom
No.
Kyle
It’s everyone’s character arc.
Tom
I reject this.
Emily
Sparky, midlife crisis.
Hallie
Yeah, she’s at that age.
Emily
Quique, afterlife crisis.
Kyle
I’m just saying, you reject it, Tom, but Hilda is learning past the childhood rose-tinted glasses of the world being a perfect idyllic place.
Tom
No.
Kyle
It sure seems like your age to me.
Tom
No.
Hallie
[Laughs.] Seems like your age.
Tom
[Weakly, amused.] No.
Hallie
It gets funnier every time.