37. The Lich's Shadow (Part 3)

We’re gonna do a Confrontation! Each of you has a clock. We’re gonna say that clock fills every time you roll a success or a mixed success. If you roll a failure, it fills someone else’s clock. The mon is gonna be more of an environmental hazard. We’re just gonna say you got in its nest. You can look around and you can see that there are a bunch of things that insinuate, like, this thing kind of set up home and may in fact have been preying on the mon that were discarded from their owners after the hype of the Intermortal Necromon Championship but haven’t been able to find their way back to the Afterworlds through a Necromon Oasis.

Tom

[Shivers.]

Kyle

Yeah, I’m just gonna say that White-Eyes Blue Dragon has been feasting on them, and now its latest snacky-snack is Hilda. So, I want to know, each team here, what are your goals? I feel like your goal here, Grumbo and Elizabeth, is you want to catch this thing.

Lara

Oh yeah, 100%.

Kyle

And then, Irene and Hilda, as this giant dragon pounces on Hilda, what is your goal here?

Emily

I would love for Hilda not to get eaten.

Tom

That’s a secondary goal for me.

Emily

But it would be cool if we could, like, cause a Necromon uprising.

Tom

We’re here to shut down these Necromon hunters one way or another.

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

I’m gonna say each of you have a clock of 4 to fill, and I am going to let Grumbo and Elizabeth start first because Hilda was surprise attacked, not by them but by the monster.

[Ghostly action music begins.]

So, this thing goes down, it screeches, Seth’s eyes look like they’re gonna pop out of his head, and the children just start scattering. Walnut reaches in to grab a card and says:

Kyle (as Walnut)

Now is my chance. I’m gonna finally get an Ultra Necromon. Odacova, go!

Kyle (as Freddie)

No. No, Walnut, we gotta get going. We gotta get out of here. Where’s Juniper? We gotta find her.

Kyle

Freddie gets Walnut out of there but is just dragging daem.

Emily

It’s not your time, Walnut.

Hannah

[Giggling, hushed.] It’s ours.

Kyle

But yeah, this monster is down. It is attacking a child. It is why you are here. Whereas the other mon were very foggy and weak, this one is… almost like how a trapped animal gets angrier, it is pulsing with light. This mon is from deeper in the Afterworlds. It is stronger than your average mon. It has power.

Hannah

I have an idea, Elizabeth…

Lara

Ooh.

Hannah

…of a thing that we might have previously done as a combo or something. If you step into the net and I pull it like this, then you can launch into the air.

Lara

[Smiling.] That sounds amazing. Do we have a name for this maneuver? We gotta have a good name for the maneuver. The Grumbo Special? I don't know.

Hannah

[Laughs.] Yeah.

Kyle

Would anything you do be named after Grumbo, though?

Hannah

Ah~

Lara

A fair point. Ugh…

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Flying Thorne Strike.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

Frick yeah, Grumbo. This is why I keep you around.

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Kyle

It was either Gleep-George or HR that definitely came up with that name.

Lara

It was Gleep-George who came up with it, but we didn’t listen until HR repeated it.

Kyle

Gleep-George was like “oh, the Flying Thorne Strike, that’s a good name.” HR, “the Flying Thorne Strike is a good name,” and then Elizabeth says “great idea, Grumbo.”

[Laughter.]

Anyways, the Flying Thorne Strike. You are gonna be helping Elizabeth, so you can either give her a +1 on her roll or the effect is going to be bigger.

Hannah

Ooh! Which one do you want?

[00:05:00]

Lara

Why don’t you give me the +1 and then I’ll just use my doubling to double it anyway.

Kyle

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hannah

That works.

Kyle

What are you gonna do as you get launched towards this thing, Elizabeth?

Lara

Boy, I should have planned that in advance, too. I’m gonna Use Magic at it, obviously. I’m going to pull another card out of my inner pocket, my little Rattlecap card, whose element is Bone. I’m going to attempt to basically, from an aerial position, hurl bone shards down at this fella.

Kyle

Okay. Roll to bone this dragon. That’s gonna be Fierce.

Emily

[Giggling.] You wanna bone this dragon?

Kyle

It’s gonna be a Fierce and then a +1 on top of that.

Lara

Fierce, +1? Whatever happens, it’s gonna be twice as much.

Kyle

Okay. Okay.

Lara

[Rolls.] Five, 6, 7… +4, is 11.

Kyle

Jesus Christ. So—

[Jazzy action music begins.]

Emily

Can you fail?!

Lara

No I can’t.

Hannah

[Giggles.]

Kyle

So, you have a choice. You can either raise your clock by 2 or do it by 1 and inflict an effect, or you could do two effects, I suppose.

Lara

I feel like the smart thing to do would be to just double the clock, so obviously I’m not gonna do that. I’m gonna do the fun thing which is advance the clock by 1 and definitely create an effect. I think I know exactly what this effect is. In addition to just generally being pelted with bones, because I’m so good at boning dragons…

Hannah

Amen.

Lara

…I have effectively erected a bit of a bone cage around it.

Kyle

Okay.

Lara

I wanna say it’s pinned in place, but I don't think I have speared it because that would be slightly gross even for me. So, it’s encased in bone.

Hannah

Yeah. Instead, there’s just a rock-hard bone cage. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lara

Yeah!

Kyle

[Chuckles.] It’s definitely trying to get out, so it is a bit distracted from you, Hilda, but it still pinned you down.

Tom

Hilda wants to reach out to this creature’s heart, hand on snoot, How to Train Your Dragon moment, like bond with this Necromon.

[Music ends.]

Emily

Do you have something that lets you do that?

Tom

Eh, I mean…

[Laughter.]

I don’t have anything that says I can’t do that, either.

Emily

Because I actually can kind of do that.

Tom

Oh. Well, in that case, I will leave it to you.

Kyle

What’s your Compatibility Score with each other?

Tom

Plus 2 on my end.

Emily

Plus 1 on my end.

Kyle

Since it’s Emily’s move, Hilda, you get to choose. Are you gonna give a +1 to Irene or are you going to double the effect of what she does?

Tom

Let’s double down and say I double the effect of whatever happens next. Depending on how this roll goes, my thought is that Hilda is trying to do this and then Irene just walks up next to her and does the thing for real.

Emily

[Laughs.] I do like that.

Kyle

Yeah. It could be in some ways almost both of you together. Hilda gets up, tries to gently calm this thing down, and that means, Irene, you’re gonna try to capture this mon with Heart.

Emily

[Tentative.] Are you sure?

Kyle

I am sure. Blame Tom, that’s what he wanted to do.

Emily

I would like to spend an AP to roll with advantage.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

Because I am afraid.

[Dramatic emotional magic music begins.]

Kyle

Yes. Hilda gets up. Irene gets up too. Walnut… daer eyes widen as dae’re being dragged away by Freddie and they’re seeing this power of friendship moment.

Emily

Poor Walnut.

[Rolls.] Eleven.

Kyle

Okay! What happens on an 11?

Emily

You catch the Necromon. Set up the Necromon the same way you would any other Necromon. But, I don’t want to imprison this Necromon in a card.

Kyle

We’ll just say you bond with it.

Emily

Yeah, we befriend the Necromon.

Kyle

You reach out to it and it snarls a bit at Hilda, and then makes kind of pained sounds, but then when both of you approach it gently it remembers those hands. It remembers those hands when they were pressing the escape button that got it freed from Oset Scuba’s lair.

So, I’ll say your clock fills by 1 but the dragon is also absolutely on your side and can be used in the future… I’ll just say by both of you. I’ll let both of you use it. You formed a shared link with this thing. It’s not like a Necromon-style soul bond, you’ve just made a bro bond. You’re like, fuck yeah, if we’re around, the other person is a bro… which means the other people aren’t bros.

[Music changes to upbeat rock music.]

The dragon screams at you, Elizabeth and Grumbo.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Rats.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

No, it’s a dragon.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

Hey, Grumbo? Grumbo, I feel like we should hit this child.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

I’m getting the same feeling. There’s a pretty sick dragon we could have just really added to the collection. Now they’ve got some sort of swole bro bond with the dragon.

[00:10:00]

Emily (as Gleep-George)

Um, I know you said not to interrupt when you’re doing things, but I have to say, um… I know I’m not head of HR, but from what I understand, you probably shouldn’t hit children.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

We probably shouldn’t hit children with the cameras running, Gleep-George!

Hannah (as Grumbo)

There we go. There we go.

Tom (as HR Giger)

Unfortunately, I must agree with Gleep-George in this instance. I will have to write one infraction.

Emily (as Gleep-George)

Do you want me to turn off the camera, or—

Tom (as HR Giger)

Yes, Gleep-George.

Emily (as Gleep-George)

Because you said to keep it running all the time.

Kyle

I like that the infraction isn’t that they’re attacking children. It’s not on them, it’s on Gleep-George for keeping the camera running.

Emily

Gleep-George solemnly will switch the camera off.

Kyle

Alright, you’re free to attack some fucking kids. What’s your plan?

Hannah

My impulse after getting stymied like this is to just net the kids as though they are mon.

Lara

[Grinning.] I love this impulse.

Hannah

They’re roughly the right size for the things that go in my net.

Kyle

You can attempt to net one of them.

Tom

But, if they double the effect, double the kids in the net.

Hannah

I could do Go Big or Go Home for this.

Kyle

Yeah. Yeah.

Hannah

For netting children, is that Fierce?

Kyle

It is, but I believe this is our first PC roll against another PC, at least after I’ve made a couple of changes to the mechanics. We handle PC versus PC rolls in two different ways. If you are both trying to do something, you each roll and the higher roll would be the winner but would still take the effects of a full success, mixed success or failure depending on how they roll.

However, since you’re trying to do something “to” another PC, in this case net some kids, we’re going to treat them like monsters. You’re gonna roll against their related stat for your move. Anyway, for netting kids, that would be Fierce, that would be Take a Swing. If I remember correctly, Tom, Hilda rolls with Heart for Take a Swing. Right?

Tom

That’s correct. Yes.

Kyle

So what is Hilda’s Heart?

Tom

Plus 3.

Kyle

What’s Irene’s Fierce?

Emily

Three.

Kyle

Okay. You’re gonna take a -3 to this roll, because I was gonna do the average of their two stats.

Hannah

Okay. Because it’s with my net, I can roll with advantage. I’m adding Fierce anyway?

Kyle

Yes, but your Fierce is 3?

Hannah

So it’s canceled out.

Kyle

It’s cancelled out.

Hannah

Okay. So…

[Rolls.] I got a 5.

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Tom

With advantage?

Hannah

With advantage, and that means that, per this move, I’m going home.

Lara

Oh no. Grumbo, you sweet beautiful failure.

Kyle

So Hilda and Irene, describe how you not only dodge this net but then either fill up your clock by 2 or fill it up by 1 and take an effect?

Emily

I have a question.

Kyle

Yeah?

Emily

Would it upset you, Tom, if it wasn’t anything to do with us and it was actually just Gleep-George accidentally tripping her?

Tom

Honestly, I would love that. I would adore it if it was Gleep-George.

Kyle

Gleep-George turning off the camera and fidgeting with the tripod.

Hannah

Oh my god, yes. I’m swinging the net back and it gets caught on the tripod legs.

Tom

I have an addition to that with HR because it was misunderstood before. When HR said no, they are correct, I will have to give you an infraction for this, they were indeed siding with Gleep-George.

Lara

[Gasps.]

Tom

Giving the talent an infraction for attacking children.

Emily

The betrayal!

Tom

And he just turns the completed form around.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

If there were a heart in my chest, you would have broken it, HR!

Tom (as HR Giger)

I’m afraid my one true master is professional integrity.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright. Hilda and Irene, do you want to fill up your clock by 2 or do you wanna do 1 and take an effect?

Tom

I want to do 2, I think.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

It’s not as fun, I will say, but I’m just so afraid. You’re more human now that you’ve actually managed to fail a single roll, but before that I was like, yes, let’s take any advantage we can have.

Tom

It is very scary to be like… every single time they could just double up on us.

Kyle

Alright, so that’s a clock 3 out of 4 for shutting them down and then a 1 out of 4 for catching this mon.

Emily

Is it… Whose turn is it?

Lara

Who’s up?

Kyle

Oh shit. Wait, right, it’s Hilda and Irene.

Emily

Oh!

Kyle

I forgot, yeah, your clock filled on their failure.

Tom

It’s true.

Emily

I feel kinda bad taking 2 then.

Tom

That might be too… Let’s just take 1.

Emily

Let’s do 1 and an effect.

Kyle

Maybe the effect is the beast is out. Yes. Yes!

Hannah

The beast is out!

Lara

Yeah, that’s solid.

Kyle

The bone cage is destroyed.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

My bone cage!

[Laughter.]

[00:15:00]

Emily

Heh, we broke your boner.

Tom

Anyway. I am torn between unleashing the beast and trying to inspire the remaining kids slash Necromon lurking around here to just band together and start biting ankles.

Emily

Oh yeah. Could we get the Necromon Dueling Club to Necromon Duel these hunters?

Lara

[Feigning shock.] Oh no! Don’t send a bunch of Necromon near me, the person who can suck elements out of Necromon. No, don’t! Heavens, oh god, no~

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright. Who wants to try to inspire the children?

Tom

I do.

Kyle

Alright. Hilda, with your inability with public speaking…

Tom

Oh no.

Kyle

…the thing I always forget to make you do when Hilda public speaks a lot.

Tom

No, that’s fair. That is consistently forgotten, and it’s time for me to pay the piper for this one.

[Rolls.] Oh right, I actually have to come up with a speech.

[Gasps, chuckles.] Sorry, I just saw my roll. Alright. Hilda is gonna call out, initially by named people she knows.

Tom (as Hilda)

Walnut! Freddie! Everybody!

[Inspirational patriotic music begins.]

When you joined this Dueling Club, you wanted to be the very best, the best you could possibly be.

Kyle (as Freddie)

I’m a member of the Sockball Club. I’m just here as a visitor.

Tom (as Hilda)

But you can still make a difference, too.

Kyle (as Freddie)

I can?!

Tom (as Hilda)

What will there be to watch if adults like these run our world? How can we say that we’re the very best if we can’t protect Necromon that people literally threw away like garbage in this mall adjacent to a junkyard?

Emily (as Irene)

I mean, that one is Trash element, but…

Tom (as Hilda)

These are creatures who deserve to be cared for and nurtured. We have all cared for our Necromon. We have built bonds. We didn’t go out there and just snag them with nets and then use them for everything that they’ve got. We trained with them, we lived alongside them, and now we’re gonna show these adults what we can do!

[Music changes to Necromon duel theme.]

Tom

I rolled two sixes and a 5.

Kyle

Jesus.

Lara

Jesus!

Kyle

[Into his hands.] Oh my god…

Emily

That’s incredible.

Tom

My, how the tables turn.

Hannah

All children are now holding spears.

Kyle

Walnut is inspired and throws the first Odacova as a tiny little avocado with little stick arms and googly eyes jumps on you and starts just batting you at the face. Then, after that, it is a swarm of Necromon. One kid throws out a rat with an eyepatch and a gun. Grumbo, you get licked by a dusty cloud with two eyes and a big tongue.

Emily

[Groans.]

Kyle

You jump out of the way as a sturgeon falls right where you were going to fall and little blood spurts start falling out. The children are gaining on you. The Confrontation is lost. You’re not catching this mon. What is your plan?

Lara

Ugh…

Hannah

I think my immediate move is to, after maybe thrashing in some blood and then getting some nasty dust stuck to me, sort of like a trash mon tar and feathering. Right? I’m just covered in gunk now. I think I’m going to try and get myself free, try to just scramble back into a three-point stance, just waiting for Elizabeth to tell me what the next move is, because of course this cannot stand.

Lara

This cannot stand. I feel like we are going to need to make a bit of a tactical retreat on this one. Say, friend running the game, I have a Designated Driver skill which means I can spend an AP to have my means of transportation appear at a critical moment. Does that mean that my van can just drive through the wall now?

Emily

[Giggles.]

Kyle

It can. It absolutely can.

Tom

We’ve done it before.

Hannah

The Kool-Aid Man.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Lara

Okay! Yes, my Necrotech van just sort of slams in through the wall. Maybe I lift my staff and probably push a little button on it or something to summon it.

Emily

But the children don’t notice. They think it’s sheer magic.

Kyle

They don’t care for anything other than blood right now.

Lara

It slams in through the wall. I am going to literally gather as many of these little Necromon in my arms as I can, because these are still useful, as I run and jump into the back of the van.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

Grumbo!

Hannah

Yeah.

Emily

Gleep-George throws himself towards the van.

[00:20:00]

Do you allow him entrance?

Lara

Oh, Gleep-George. Yes, because you are the best darn unpaid intern we’ve ever had.

Kyle

[Laughs.] What about HR?

Lara

Ugh… HR I feel has done me a personal wrong.

Tom

HR is grabbing onto the back of the van. He’s not even entering. He’s like…

Hannah

You’re skitching?

Tom

…riding on the back.

Emily

HR knows they won’t let him in.

Tom

Holding onto the roof.

Tom (as HR Giger)

They will understand in time that I have done what is best for the production.

Hannah

Grumbo hates the limitations from HR but loves his vibe.

Kyle

Alright. Roll me Keep Your Cool. I want to see if you’re able to grab a mon.

Lara

Okay.

[Rolls.] Five, 7… -1, is a 6.

Kyle

Alright, take an AP. You drop half of your rolodex.

Lara

No!

Kyle

You drop more cards as you fly out.

Lara

I am leaning out the back, frantically flailing to try and grab them, but alas.

Emily

Gleep-George nearly flies out of the van attempting also to grab your cards, because they are the best unpaid intern you’ve ever had.

Hannah

[Giggles.]

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

It’s the announcement break! I have a lot to cover, so let’s get going!

Thank you again to Hannah and Lara for being just phenomenal guests on this adventure. You can find them in the description, but I’m also gonna tell you just right here how to find them. Hannah is making art and trouble in Baltimore. You can find her at @wicked.glint on Instagram where she posts weird stuff she makes. Meanwhile, Lara is a semi-retired game designer who works at a library these days. You can still get her weird little games at GlaiveGuisarme.com or follow her on Bluesky where she also goes by GlaiveGuisarme.com.

If you like the weird mechanics of the lichy magic of Lara, that’s on our Patreon! That’s a Patreon exclusive Under the Neighborhood playbook called the Mage. I also just introduced Moves of the Dead which are mechanical options that you can add to your roleplaying Under the Neighborhood experience based on the various types of dead in Hereafter.

Finally, if you’re a science fiction fan, we have a long-running podcast we think you’d be interested in.

[Game show music begins.]

Get ready for an otherworldly adventure with makeshift Stories, a sci-fi fantasy and speculative fiction podcast for all ages. So, you know, like our first season if we didn’t like cussing so much. Twice a month, buckle up for a new epic journey through possible futures, space, alternate realities, and beyond. Makeshift Stories is available wherever you listen to audio, or head over to MakeshiftStories.com. Tune in and let your imagination soar.

[Music ends.]

That is all I’ve got for you. Our next adventure is also gonna be a three-parter: Little Mon, Big City. I’m really excited for that one. But, if you’d like additional podcasts, video outtakes, or Under the Neighborhood slash just general roleplaying content, you can find it at Patreon.com/QuestFriends. I’ll see you there.

[Upbeat rock music carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

The lich and the shadow, and Gleep-George, and HR, have fled the building. When they’ve gone, the White-Eyes Blue Dragon let out another roar, like a ‘don’t come back,’ but has since calmed down and bowed its head to you. Since you “caught” or more accurately formed a mutual bro bond with the White-Eyes Blue Dragon but didn’t use it in the Confrontation, I’ll let you summon it during future adventures at any point by spending 1 AP. All of the other mon start poking their little heads out in confusion and curiosity.

Tom (as Hilda)

I guess this means we have to clean up this mall ourselves now.

Emily (as Irene)

I don’t think so. It was bad to begin with.

Tom (as Hilda)

Well, not the mall so much.

[00:25:00]

Emily (as Irene)

Or do you mean the Necromon? Because we are definitely freeing them.

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah, I mean the Necromon. We gotta free the Necromon.

Emily (as Irene)

And, um… good job, Hilda, or whatever.

Tom (as Hilda)

Thanks. I mean, I think you were kind of the star of the show with the White-Eyes Blue Dragon. That was so cool! You befriended a Legendary mon.

Emily

Irene turns red again.

Tom (as Hilda)

I can’t wait to tell Juniper about this.

Emily

Irene turns a lot more red and just stares back at the floor.

Emily (as Irene)

It’s actually just an Ultra mon.

Tom (as Hilda)

Yes, that thing.

Emily (as Irene)

I would think that, as my rival, it would be befitting for you to remember that! It would also be befitting to not reveal all of our secrets of our training to certain people.

Tom (as Hilda)

But the whole club saw it.

Kyle

Yeah, you turn over and you see the whole club is just staring at you.

Emily (as Irene)

Not the whole club. Not the whole club…

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah, that’s why I wanted to tell Juniper.

Emily (as Irene)

Juniper doesn’t need to know everything.

Tom (as Hilda)

Anyway. I guess we gotta start freeing all these mon, getting them back to new homes.

Emily (as Irene)

Or they’re original home.

Tom (as Hilda)

Mm-hmm, but they get to choose now. Alright, let’s split up into teams, everyone.

Kyle (as Walnut)

I got Hilda! I got Hilda!

Tom

Was that Walnut?

Kyle

That was Walnut, yeah. Walnut comes up and does a slap on the back to you.

[Happy college movie ending music begins.]

Kyle (as Walnut)

I didn’t know you were holding out on me, Hilda. I thought you were all done with the dueling stuff.

Tom (as Hilda)

Well, I mean, kind of. I don’t know if I want to duel more, but I still think Necromon are really cool. Maybe a different role in the club. Maybe I can start doing the stuff Ariel used to do now that they are just not hanging around anymore.

Emily (as Irene)

You can do it until they’re back.

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah. That’s the plan.

Kyle (as Walnut)

But Hilda, you’re supposed to—

Kyle (as Freddie)

I think that’s a really good idea.

Kyle

Freddie just wraps his arm around Walnut’s shoulder and nods his head slowly.

Kyle (as Walnut)

[Stammers.] Yeah, okay, temporarily. Yeah, temporarily a good idea. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Anyways, I’m with Hilda.

Emily

Irene doesn’t say anything else and starts walking off alone to look for Necromon.

Tom (as Hilda)

Irene, you should join us!

Emily (as Irene)

I’m fine.

Tom (as Hilda)

It’ll be fun!

Kyle

Alright, take a GM Intrusion. Irene, who are you gonna give the other point to?

Emily

Um…

Tom

[Chuckles.] Are you debating between me or our enemies?

Emily

Well yeah. When am I ever gonna get to award either of them an AP, right?

Tom

That’s true. That’s true.

Emily

But also…

Tom

Will they use it against us next time we see them?

Emily

Yeah, that’s the thing.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Lara

Yes. Yes we will.

[Laughter.]

Emily

Tom, take my AP!

Tom

Sounds good.

Kyle

Alright. You know the thing in rom coms where people brush into each other and drop all the paperwork and then they have to pick it up and their hands meet in the middle? You round the corner, just scooping up cards as you do. You’re feeling the ouches real bad right now. Your head is pounding, your heart is pounding, and you don’t even notice as you bump into Juniper and all the cards you picked up scatter to the ground between you.

Emily (as Irene)

[Exasperated exhale.]

[Sweet diner music begins.]

Kyle (as Juniper)

Oh! I am so sorry about that, Irene. I—

Emily (as Irene)

It’s fine. It’s fine.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Okay! Yeah, because I was just, um… doing stuff. So, I’ll help you pick this up!

Emily (as Irene)

No, I’m fine.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Yeah, I mean, I’m sure you can, but like, let me… I’ll help! Because it…

Kyle

And she just stares in her little messenger bag and quietly says:

Kyle (as Juniper)

…looks less suspicious.

Emily

While she’s staring into her messenger bag, Irene will have scrambled all of the cards into her arms and starts walking away again.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Irene! Irene, wait up! Wait, I can use my Skii-lees to catch up with you!

Kyle

And she shoots out little skis that are like ski Heelys and just chases after you.

[Music ends. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Elizabeth and Grumbo…

Emily

And Gleep-George!

Kyle

And Gleep-George, and HR.

[Silly awkward music begins.]

Your tail is between your legs. Where are you running to?

Lara

Oh god, do we have a lair? We must have a studio space of some sort.

Tom (as HR Giger)

We have a P.O. Box which I rent.

Hannah

[Laughs.]

Emily

So we’re hanging out in the parking lot of the post office.

Hannah

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Kyle

You’re hanging out in the alley behind the post office.

Hannah

Yeah, just in the van.

Lara

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

In the van, yeah.

Hannah

Or maybe the two back doors are open and we’re hanging around and it’s sort of like an indoor-outdoor living room situation.

Lara

The comfortable seats in the back of the van are for Grumbo and Elizabeth. The outside standing is for the technicians.

[00:30:00]

Emily

Gleep-George is outside standing in a puddle. They’re just hanging out quietly.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

What was the original arrangement that we had with that vice principal? Because that went so different than what I was expecting.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

Yes, that was… I think we are going to really need to edit the ever-loving heck out of that one to make me look good. Lord, this one might even end up entirely on the cutting room floor, which is a disappointment.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Gleep-George, did you never turn the camera back on?

Emily (as Gleep-George)

…

Hannah (as Grumbo)

You know what? The silence is telling me everything.

Emily

He puts a hand to his mouth, then drops it down, then puts it back up, and then drops it down as the realization slowly dawns on their face.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

It’s for the best. This is not a day we want on film anyway.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

This is true. That being said, Gleep-George, you know the arrangements. Go run a lap for your failure. Go. Run.

Emily

So, I’m trying to figure out if Gleep-George would decide to run laps around the post office or whether he would run laps around the van.

Kyle

It’s the van. It’s gotta be the van. It’s gotta be the van!

Emily

Or whether he would run laps around the puddle.

Lara

[Laughs.]

Hannah

I think, no matter what, Gleep-George has very muscular and defined thighs.

Kyle

Absolutely, even more so than the Leggay. Is HR just there with a stopwatch just counting each lap?

Tom

Of course.

Emily

You parked really close to one of the walls of the alleyway, though, so he has to squeeze behind, and then he’ll run and he’ll squeeze behind.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

That’s how they learn. It’s important.

Tom (as HR Giger)

I believe the footage today will be of great use to us as long as we can film a suitable ending.

[Music changes to villainous theme.]

Kyle (as ???)

[Sinister laughter.] Oh, I don’t think they’re salvaging any of that.

Hannah

Grumbo’s gonna hop into a very protective fight stance.

Lara

Elizabeth reaches into her inner pocket for a card and there is nothing there, so she just pulls out a fist.

Hannah

[Giggles.]

Kyle (as ???)

Oh, how cute, the guest stars think they can tangle with me. Unfortunately, if you took a look at my appearance, which I will not be describing this episode for the sake of some mystery, you would see that fist-fighting me is quite impossible indeed.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

What do you want?

Kyle (as ???)

I’m much more interested in what you two want. A lich and a shadow, what an interesting pair: someone who died from Necrotechnology and someone whose soul was unnaturally wrested from their body. My, but I say, those two… well, they go hand-in-hand even if, well, we’re a bit of a rarity these days.

Hannah

Grumbo reaches her hand out to Elizabeth Thorne, who is free to slap it away.

Lara

Elizabeth Thorne doesn’t slap it away but does sort of set one hand on it and then gently but firmly pushes it down.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as ???)

A most festive joke, and one that may alleviate some of the pains, but really quite an embarrassing performance, wouldn’t you say? You were supposed to have a whole second fight, and yet… heheh, you’re here with your tail between your legs.

Emily (as Gleep-George)

[Out of breath.] I think we actually did a really good job.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Thank you, Gleep-George.

Kyle (as ???)

Shush now, Gleep-George. You’re a guest of a guest star. You don’t matter.

Emily (as Gleep-George)

[Sobbing.] I know…

Kyle (as ???)

Anyhow. I would say you’re quite embarrassed after that affair with those children.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

No.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

Hardly. Hardly embarrassed.

Kyle (as ???)

Hardly? Hardly? You had them quaking in their little boots before the session, and yet you got absolutely annihilated. That has to be a bit embarrassing. [Chuckles.]

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Mysterious figure, I don't know if you know this, but I have a skill called Emotional Resilience and I have advantage on it.

Kyle (as ???)

Why yes indeed you do, good Grumbo. A skill in Emotional Resilience but unfortunately fighting children is not on either of your character sheets, is it?

Hannah (as Grumbo)

It’s… a natural-born talent.

Kyle (as ???)

I’m sure.

[00:35:00]

Well, in that case, if you’re all set on this… I mean, from what I understand, there are no plans for you to come back, so I don't know how you could even fight the children if you wanted to, but… if you don’t want my help, I’ll go on my way and let you figure out your own—

Lara (as Elizabeth)

Well, no, no. Hold up just one moment.

Kyle (as ???)

[Chuckles.]

Lara (as Elizabeth)

It sounds like you are giving us… you’re offering some assistance in a rematch against those, um… meddling kids I suppose I will call them.

Kyle (as ???)

I wouldn’t necessarily call it a rematch, per se, but I would say that I can help you help them get their just desserts.

[Chuckles.] Are you interested?

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Mildly.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

Yes. Yes, I suppose. A little bit of vengeance does go down sweet, doesn’t it?

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Okay, yeah, what she said. I’m interested.

Kyle (as ???)

In that case, I’ll be more than happy to oblige. I’ll be on my way. Oh, but wait! Wait, I do have… I forgot. In order to enact your brilliant revenge, I do have one incy-wincy tiny little… just little squiggle of a thing that I do need from you first.

[Chuckles.] Your face.

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Hannah (as Grumbo)

[Curt.] Which half?

Lara

[Snickers.]

Kyle

What?

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Which half?

Kyle

[Laughs.] What?

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Which half of my face?

Kyle

Oh, which half. Which half!

Kyle (as ???)

Okay, well, now that the episode is over, let me just rattle through this quickly, super quickly. The thing is, my guess is to use Elizabeth because she is not a shadow. You are a shadow so you only kind of have a face.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

[Tired.] Yeah.

Kyle (as ???)

I’ll take both. If you want to give me both faces, I’ll take both. I just need to know which face you’re going to give me.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Elizabeth, do you—?

Lara (as Elizabeth)

Oh, no, you can have my face. It’s not my most important thing. Honestly, half of this is makeup.

Hannah

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as ???)

Perfect. I have Elizabeth’s face, little Lizzy’s face.

Lara (as Elizabeth)

No, not Lizzy. No, don’t you dare.

Kyle (as ???)

Okay, Elizabeth.

[Chuckles.] Okay, not Lizzy… Lara doesn’t like that, apparently.

Lara

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as ???)

Now Grumbo, would you like me to take your face as well?

Hannah (as Grumbo)

I can’t imagine that you would use it much better than I do.

Kyle (as ???)

Well, you’d be surprised the things that I can do.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Okay, do whatever you want.

Kyle (as ???)

Okay cool! I’ve got Grumbo’s face. You still get to keep your face.

Hannah (as Grumbo)

Okay, good.

Kyle (as ???)

We’re gonna make this clear. You do have your face. I just have a copy of it. I also have Rasputin’s, and I have Teeth Sonic—Sonic the Hedgehog but with the horrifying human teeth. That is a face that I own.

Emily

When did you get that?

Kyle (as ???)

I got it in a spinoff. It was actually my first appearance and when this voice became this voice. Originally it was gonna be a… not quite falsetto, but it was going to be high and creepy, but they liked this one so much that I just kept this voice. So, I’m not sure if I can use Teeth Sonic, but I will use these. Thank you very much.

That is the session! I will whiskily-wobbly away.

Hannah

[Laughs.]

Quest Friends!

Future in a Flash