40. Little Mon, Big City (Part 3)

Transcript by Raina Harper

Kyle

Previously on Quest Friends! Hereafter…

[Music plays, ‘Quest Friends! Hereafter Theme’ by Miles Morkri.]

Tom

Some of the Mossies roll into Booker and try to pantomime Boidelrat. “Can’t find them anywhere.”

Kyle

You all hear a bunch of sad skeleton possums calling out for their father.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Ron-12)

You Rasputin, you aren’t gonna threaten anyone with your dangerous tax evasion ever again!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Tax evasion?

Emily

Booker will continue to lead them towards the depths of the opera house.

Kyle (as Christopher Marlowe)

We told you not to come back, Butcher.

Emily (as Booker)

[Indignant.] Rekoob, rekoob!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Excited.] Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat pats the bigger piece of paper. “Operation Free Papa.”

[Music swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

[Singing dramatically.] Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of how I just can’t wait to be…! Hellfire! Dark fire! The something lyrics… under the sea!

Hallie

Oh man, you’re really trying.

Kyle

[Singing.] I’m just doing Disney.

Hallie

You’re really going for it. I love it so much. You were like, Les Mis, Disney?

Tom

Disney’s already breaking down the door to the studio.

Emily

[Singing.] Food, glorious food!

Tom

[Singing.] Follow that dollar for a long way down, far away from the poorhouse door. Either get to hell or to Hadestown, ain’t no difference anymore.

Emily

[Squawking, abruptly.] Scuttlebutt!

Hallie

[Cackles.]

Kyle

Da-da-da, scuttlebutt!

Ari

[Smiling.] No! Stop picking these songs.

Kyle

BOM-BOM, BWAM-BWAM! That one’s 100% being sung by Jam. Jam is singing the Scuttlebutt, and god they’re giving their all.

Hallie

Good for Jam! I guess.

Ari

They do what they love the best.

Hallie

We support when Jam does it.

Ari

And I love that for them, you know.

Kyle

We hear the BWAM-BWAM, POM-POM… POM! You can barely hear over this very excited college kid, or I guess high school kid, the honking of a horn as there is a sheer black hearse honking the horn trying to get through the crowd.

[Upbeat heist music begins.]

Inside these two Men in Black looking figures with no faces sit there and very strategically and calmly honk on the horn of this vehicle. This should be a bit. This should be a bit of like, you know, the cops in the car trying to point in the right direction, but it’s still uncanny as one of them robotically points…

Kyle (as Overseer)

[Eerie breath and teeth chattering Morse Code.]

Kyle

…and the other moves the car as, in the back, this casket kind of jostles a little bit. The car tries to move through the crowd but sees that one of the passageways is blocked by this frog in a tutu doing a really uncomfortable dance, so they go over the other direction and they see that there is this crayon-looking drawing also blocking the way. One of the Overseers rolls down the window trying to look out.

[Music changes to marching band song.]

Kyle

From there, the sounds just overwhelm the inside of this hearse. You hear the singing and the dancing and you hear Willie Shakespeare.

Hallie

Willie!

Kyle (as Willie Shakespeare)

Hello and welcome to the—

Kyle (as Xochi)

Audition Parade!

Ari

[Chuckles.] Why?

Kyle (as Xochi)

For my secret, wink, new project!

Kyle (as Willie Shakespeare)

[A little melodic.] That’s what I was saying…

Kyle (as Xochi)

Willie, there’s a reason you’re not auditioning. Don’t try singing along~

Hallie

[Amused.] Willie Shakes can do everything but sing.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

That’s his only weakness. We need to tell the Fantoms!

Kyle

The Undertaker just slowly rolls back up the window.

[Music ends. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Elsewhere in the parade…

[Upbeat heist music begins.]

You can hear over… I’m gonna say you have little Necromon coms because this is a heist, so you’re gonna have coms.

Hallie

Yeah, Necrocoms.

Kyle

You hear a voice saying:

Kyle (as Lucas)

Alright, um, so uh… we blocked the thing. They should be on their way. I hope you’re, uh… ugh.

Kyle (as Ronda)

Don’t worry there, Lucas. I know that the Pack Back Bandits had a different thing they had to do, but Boidelrat assures me that this team is capable of anything.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Yeah, that’s what scares me.

[00:05:00]

Emily (as Booker)

[Hushed but menacing.] Rekoob…!

Kyle (as Lucas)

Good luck, guys.

Kyle

The four of you… five of you now, because Boidelrat is with you, see the hearse carrying Rasputin get caught in the middle of this crowd as you’re watching from where you’re waiting. Where are you waiting?

Tom

We are all in a dumpster poking our eyes out of a tiny crack in the dumpster.

Hallie

That’s better than what I was gonna say which was the grassy knoll.

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Tom

No!

Kyle

Hallie, no!

Tom

JFK, no.

Hallie

JFK comes bursting out!

Kyle

Actually, because JFK is canonically also a siren and takes up a lot of attention, Xochi refuses to go to any event that JFK is at.

Hallie

[Imitating JFK]

I-er-uh!!

Emily

[Amused.] What?

Kyle

Alright, what else do you got?

Emily

Since we’re trying to be sneaky, we would all be wearing babushkas, right?

Hallie

Yeah, babushkas are the pinnacle of disguise. Nobody questions someone in a babushka on a grassy knoll.

Emily

What if we all had babushkas and little mustaches?

Hallie

I want a babushka and a mustache and to be hiding in a dumpster on the grassy knoll.

Ari

I was gonna ask if the babushka could actually be a trash bag.

Hallie

That we just fashioned into a babushka?

Tom

[Groaning.] No…

Emily

Can we all have trash bag babushkas? And we all have different pieces of trash as mustaches. One of the Mossies has a noodle.

Kyle

I’m gonna add to this, if I can add one thing. It doesn’t make sense fully for there to be a grassy knoll.

Hallie

[Giggling.] That’s okay. That’s okay…

Kyle

So, here’s what we see in order. We see a bunch of Necromon eyes, then we see garbage bag babushkas, as they poke their heads out of a dumpster, which is on a grassy knoll, but the grassy knoll is actually one of the floats moving across alongside the parade.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Like Xochi is celebrating the grassy knoll, like JFK is not allowed over here. This will scare him away.

Emily

It’s an environmental advocacy float.

Hallie

This will scare him away like you put those deer scarers in gardens that hit each other and scatter the deer away. JFK just goes running into the night.

Tom

Xochi just walks by JFK and does finger guns.

Hallie

“I-er-uh, want to be in your performance! AH!” And he runs away. I’m really excited to be here.

Ari

I just thought it would be funny if this was a camera and is panning out to all of the Necromon heisting with a babushka and suddenly at the very edge there’s a horse also heisting with trash and a babushka. I just summoned a horse off-screen and now the horse is part of the heist, but I don't know how long the horse mechanically would stay, so I don’t want to waste a horse for a comedic effect.

Hallie

[Laughing.] The horse… The horse is here.

Tom

The horse is with us until they die tragically at the climax of the heist.

Kyle

We hear all the sounds. Right? We hear the “uh-lay-um,” we hear the “see-sawm,” we hear the “rekoob,” the “Tarledoib,” and the “oh-ee-kope…” and then we hear (aggressive neighing).

[Silly music begins.]

Because this is not a Necromon horse, it specifically says this is just a regular old horse. You have brought horses back from extinction with dark magiks.

Emily

I forgot everything was extinct.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle

Back in a flashback, Ronda was like:

Kyle (as Ronda)

Oh… Oh. I never heard of a horse before. That sounds pretty cool, though. Maybe I could show that to… Hey, Ed—Maybe I’ll show it to him, you know, after this is all done.

Kyle

And she looks very sad.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Hallie

Okay, so my plan kind of does involve the horse.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

The hearse. Is the hearse being pulled by horses? Sometimes the old fashioned ones are. Could we just put our horse by the hearse? Just swap a horse out with our horse. But, if there are no horses, that’s gonna be a lot harder to do.

Kyle

I don’t believe there are, but you could still give this a shot.

Hallie

Okay. I think we should be like, this is the official hearse horse, I can’t believe you fucking left without this horse. It needs to pull the hearse! How do you think it’s moving? That really just gets us close to the hearse, and then we sneak in, we blow it up from the inside, and then we escape with Rasputin and ride the horse into the sunset as fast as that little horse will carry five Necromon and a guy.

[Music ends.]

Emily

Picture this. The Mossies have their little noodle mustache, so we loop the noodle over the horse’s neck. It’s a really long noodle.

Hallie

You know how you sometimes use a noodle as a bridle? That’s happened before.

[00:10:00]

Emily

And, we talked about how Mallea has little stubby hands, so Mallea could hold the noodle in its little stubby hands.

Ari

Teamwork!

Emily

And then Boidelrat could be on the horse’s head, turning, or covering one of the horse’s eyes so then it goes like that, or the other way, it turns. Okay! Okay, so there are three Mossies. Two Mossies on one side to get down to where the foot should be, and then on the other side it’s one Mossie and Pokeyo who can be like a spur, and then Booker can be Mallea’s saddle.

Tom

I have an incredibly important joke to make, but I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the book series. Hallie, what are the books with that club of girls who all ride horses?

Hallie

The Pony Pals?

Tom

[Amused.] The Pony Pals.

Hallie

I recommended The Pony Pals to Vivian yesterday! I said “Vivian, have you ever read The Pony Pals?” And she was like no, and I was like okay, so we don’t want to read The Pony Pals. The frickin’ Pony Pals, yeah. Pony Pals from Pawnee, Indiana.

Tom

My joke is that Booker is familiar with the entirety of The Pony Pals from Hilda’s personal library, and through shenanigans the Mossies are as well. Because of this, the Mossies and Booker know how to be firm with a horse, because horses will be jerks and walk all over you if they think they can scare you.

Hallie

But the Pony Pals have real friendship.

[Heist music begins.]

Kyle

So, we kick in the heist music. We see (whoosh, whoosh, whoosh) as it zooms down on all of the five mon and then a horse. From there, we see you all set up on the horse: we see Mallea start to get the bridle on, Boidelrat jumps up on top, Pokeyo wraps around to one of the feet. Booker and Mossies have somehow gotten a copy of The Pony Pals and are sitting there talking over it, like doing a strategy meeting.

Emily

Please, Kyle, I’m a book. I could be The Pony Pals.

Kyle

Is that an ability?

Tom

It is now, Kyle. It is now.

Kyle

So yeah, the horse is now in position. The whole hearse shifts. Behind them, the casket just fucking falls over to the ground, but the Overseers don’t move. One looks at the other and points to the horse.

Kyle (as Overseer)

[Eerie breath and teeth chattering Morse code.]

Kyle

And the other Overseer:

Kyle (as Overseer)

[Eerie breath and teeth chattering Morse code.]

Kyle

Anyways, yeah, you are in front of the hearse. What is your plan now?

Hallie

The smaller Necromon covertly sneak onto hearse. I would like to be one of those because I have door magic which just opens stuff. I don't know if I can use it to open and then lock a door right away or if it is literally just one time, but if it’s just one time, I will be opening the door to the hearse.

Tom

Do it.

Kyle

I’ll let you control that door indefinitely.

Hallie

Yay!

Kyle

You get control over one door.

Hallie

Okay. I would like to control the best door.

Kyle

[Chuckling.] What is the best door?

Hallie

I don't know. You tell me! Which one is most advantageous?

Emily

The trunk where you open it up to get the…

Tom

The back door, for the coffin.

Hallie

But like, is that where Rasputin is?

Tom

It has to be.

Kyle

There are two Overseers in the front and a casket in the back.

Hallie

I guess we’ll use it on the casket. That’s a door.

Emily

That means we have to get into the car.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Um… I also have Wizard Digits. I don't know what to do with that.

Tom

Doesn’t that just make fingers appear?

Hallie

It’s light telekinesis on small objects, so it’s a little more useful than that.

Tom

Oh.

Emily

Undo the latch? Telekinesis. Light telekinesis. Latches are small.

Hallie

Yeah, telekinesis to undo the latch, and then I’d like to use the Door Magic to open the casket. Then we have Rasputin out. I’m gonna bring Boidelrat with me to communicate “get on the horse” to Rasputin, and then we’re gonna ride away.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

He cannot sit on me.

Hallie

He will sit behind Booker.

Kyle

I’m gonna say this is standard. This is a standard difficulty. You are gonna use Sly.

Hallie

Okay, my Sly load-out is +0. Pop, pop, pop.

[Rolls.] Eight.

Tom

Thank god.

Emily

Yay.

[Heist music begins.]

Kyle

The horse gets in front. Half of the mon jump on top. You hear the (screech) of the quill on metal as you use one of your little cactus spines to hook onto the back door, and then you pull out your little Wizard Digits.

Hallie

It’s like the Master Hand from Smash but small.

Kyle

You pick the lock, and for a second, “whoa.” It opens up and pushes to the side, out, and you have to hold on, but eventually the door swings back in and you can get to the back where the casket is kind of on its side.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Hushed, encouraging the same. Splutters.] Oh-ee-kope! Kooope…!

[00:15:00]

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Calmed.] Tarledoib?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Kope, kope, ee-kope. … Kope.

Hallie

That was me doing Door Magic which none of our listeners could see. I did a flourish with my little arms after shushing Boidelrat.

Kyle

So you wanna push open the top of the casket, right?

Hallie

Yeah, but quietly.

Kyle

Okay. Clink, and then there’s a (whoosh, shuffle).

[Silly sneaky music begins.]

You see some kind of force is pushing against it, but the door, because it flipped over when it got stopped by the horse, is on the bottom, so Rasputin can’t open it. He can’t push open the lid because it’s upside-down.

Hallie

[Smiling.] I’m so mad at you.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[With effort.] Oh-ee-kope! Oh-ee-kope. Oh-ee-kope. Oh-ee-kope!

Hallie

Pokeyo panics and just starts trying to push with their little cactus body and asks Boidelrat to help.

Kyle

It was all fun and games until you left the grassy knoll.

Hallie

It was all fun and games until we left the grassy knoll! God!

Emily

Booker, little voice muffled on the back of the horse…

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob? Rekoob…

Emily

…tries to explain leverage.

Hallie

[Laughs.] The concept of leverage.

Emily

But he doesn’t really understand how to explain it, so he’s basically trying to tell you ‘put book under heavy thing, and whoop.’

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm… Sawm.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee?

Emily

‘Don’t you understand, Pokeyo? Leverage.’

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Emotional.] Oh-ee-kope, oh-ee-kope!

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm.

Kyle (as Overseer)

[Eerie breath and teeth chattering Morse code.]

[Music changes to threatening ambience.]

Kyle

Hearing all of you fucking yell at each other…

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

…you notice the Overseers are starting to slowly turn their heads back to the back of the hearse.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Nervous.] Oh-ee-kope-kope-kope.

Hallie

I’m gonna pull Boidelrat to hide behind the casket.

Tom

The Mossies are going to pat Booker and pat Mallea, and then they are going to hop down and roll in front of the hearse and start hopping up and down, making as much noise as possible.

[Others make concerned emotional sounds.]

Hallie

Mossies, no.

Ari

Mallea will hop after the Mossies.

Tom

[Pinched.] No! Mallea, you need to go—

Ari

TO protect the Mossies.

Tom

One of the Mossies will just be like:

Tom (as Mossie)

Saaawm!

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Booker)

[Concerned.] Rekoob~!

Emily

Booker says, atop the horse alone.

Kyle

I want both of you to roll me Fierce.

Tom

Oh dear.

Kyle

Difficulty, um… we’ll do between standard and challenging. We’ll say it’s 7.

Ari

[Rolls.] Eight.

Tom

[Rolls.] Seven! Seven exactly.

Kyle

Alright. Mallea and Mossies, how do you distract the Overseers?

Ari

I think that Mallea just tries to protect the Mossies.

[Music ends.]

Tom

The Mossies are doing an a cappella routine, like a barber shop quartet but there’s only three of them.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm… Sawm… Sawm! Sawm-sawm-sawm.

Tom

Bouncing up and down, being weird, trying to draw as much attention and conceal the noise being made by—

Ari

Mallea is just screaming, like “protect!”

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So, they just think Mallea is the fourth person in the barber shop quartet.

You can see one of them was looking to the back and was moving its hand, which we’re gonna say had a misty blue aura around it, which is indicative of Necrotechnology or ghostly magic. Before it can even notice you in the back, or what I was really checking for with the 8, the fact that the back of the hearse was open… they hear the singing barber shop quartet and they just turn back around and stare.

[Music ends.]

[Tom, Ari and Kyle do a brief a cappella version of Also sprach Zarathustra. Laughter.]

Kyle

Anyways. What’s the rest of the gang doing?

[Silly ghostly music begins.]

Hallie

Pokeyo would like to apply the concept of leverage, something that they just thought up on their own, and—

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

If there is some kind of tiny flat wedge-like object in the back of the hearse, I would like to use it to try to, like… (crunch sound).

Kyle

I will let you use Booker.

Emily

Well, okay…

Tom

But who is riding the horse?

Emily

No one’s riding the horse!

Hallie

[Cackles and squeaks.] We’ll switch! We’ll switch. I’ll ride the horse and I’ll get Booker in to do leverage.

[00:20:00]

Emily

He can’t do leverage by himself!

Hallie

You’ve got Boidelrat!

Emily

Put Boidelrat on the horse!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

I like to imagine this is all them yelling at each other in character.

Hallie

We needed Boidelrat to talk to Rasputin to be like get on the horse. Rasputin’s gonna be like who is this book.

Emily

Okay, okay, okay. Here, here, here. Pokeyo, explain leverage to Boidelrat.

Hallie

No!

Emily

It’s gonna be like telephone. We’ll have you hop onto the horse and then I’ll hop onto the hearse.

Hallie

Okay, but… okay.

Emily

So you need to explain what Boidelrat has to do.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee, oh-ee, oh-ee-kope. Oh-ee, oh-ee, oh-ee… kope.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Roll Clever, and it is going to be… fuck it, I’m gonna be mean, it’s gonna be 10. It’s gonna be very difficult.

Hallie

Wow! Fuck you. But my Clever is +2, so uh…

[Rolls.] I got a 6.

Kyle

Take 1 stress.

Hallie

Ugh!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib? Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat seems to understand.

Hallie

Seems to understand. We’ll take it. We’ll fucking take it.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Nervous.] Oh-ee-kope! Oh-ee-kope. Oh-ee-kope. Oh-ee… kooope.

[Music changes to silly childlike song.]

Kyle

You get in, Booker, and Boidelrat really excited tries to apply leverage, but instead of using you to apply leverage to the casket she’s trying to use the casket to apply leverage to you.

Emily (as Booker)

[Coaxing, whining.] Rekoob. Rekoob!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Proud.] Tarledoib. Tarledoib. Tarledoib?

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob. Rekoob!

[Hushed.] Rekoob!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat goes around and she splays herself out to be used as leverage against the…

Emily

Booker pokes her repeatedly with his little eyestalk.

Emily (as Booker)

[Admonishing.] Rekoob!

Emily

He will put down the little block, and then he’ll wedge one side of himself underneath the casket, wave his little arms on the other side, points to Boidelrat.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

Emily

Points onto his cover.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Screaming, excited.] Tarledoib!

Kyle

You need to roll a difficult Fierce to survive the body slam that Boidelrat is about to give you.

[Laughter.]

Emily

[Rolls.] Six. It was technically a 4, but I had two things, so it’s a 6.

Kyle

Ooh, that’s some bad chiropracty. Just CRACK. You’re gonna be feeling this tomorrow.

Emily (as Booker)

[Pained and sad.] Rekoob…! Rekoob!

Emily

Just some little accordion pages.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob…

Hallie

Aww.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

I’m gonna give you something because you haven’t opened this coffin yet.

Emily

It still didn’t work?!

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

No. By the way, take a stress. You’re gonna hear muffled from inside:

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Excuse me. Is someone there? I do not like being in the dark of night.

Emily

Booker will nudge Boidelrat.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Suddenly understanding.] Tarledoib? Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

What? What was that?

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Excited.] Tarledoib!

[Silly ghostly music begins.]

Kyle

There’s a bit of excitement form inside. You can feel Rasputin’s excitement. In fact, in the dark magics you’ve all taken, you can feel his joy.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Anastasia, is that you?

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

[Gasps.] This is danger. Bad men, bad men. They have magics worse than dark magics.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

That is true, dark magics is good, but…

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

No, you must leave.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob! Rekoob… Rekoob!

Emily

Booker is trying to tell Boidelrat to tell him to push up.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Just flip it.

Emily

Because it’s unlocked, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily

So he can just push up on the bottom to open it, right?

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

But I am pushing up, Anastasia. I am pushing up on the top of the—

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

Emily (as Booker)

[Severe.] Rekoob…

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Oh… push down!

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

I see…! Very clever of you.

Emily (as Booker)

[Indignant.] Rekoob! Rekoob!

Hallie

‘Very clever, Anastasia. You are so smart.’

Emily

Just pointing to himself aggressively in the corner. He’s just beside himself.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Okay, Rasputin will open casket. Down, open down, in three…

[Music ends.]

Emily

I don’t like that he counted down.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

…two…

Hallie

Yeah, I don’t love that either. This was fine until he counted down.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

…one.

Tom

I’m waiting for something we need to X-Card to happen.

Kyle

Here’s a fun secret.

Hallie

No.

Kyle

How did all of you get your spells?

Hallie

Dark magic?

Kyle

Whose dark magic?

Hallie & Ari

Rasputin’s?

Kyle

So you have access to some of his spells…

[00:25:00]

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

…which means he has access to all of them. … [Aggressive neighing.]

[Action rock music begins.]

With the force of a literal horse, Rasputin’s casket slams open.

Hallie

[Laughs and shrieks.] Did he summon a second horse?! Did Rasputin summon a second horse?!

Kyle

As a second horse…

Emily

Is it in the hearse?

Hallie

Is it in the hearse? The horse is just like (shriek), stuck in this space not meant for a horse.

Kyle

You’re all pushed to the side…

Hallie

Agh!

Emily

Horses are like really big, Kyle.

Hallie

And they’re really strong.

Kyle

…as a horse slams to the side.

Emily (as Booker)

[Upset.] Rekoob…

Hallie

[Laughs.] Just like, oh man, the easiest way to push off this coffin—

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Is horse!

Hallie

Is horse!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

They call it horsepower for a reason. And uh… oh, that was not very sneaky, was it?

Kyle

From the outside, you all see as a horse’s ass just pokes into view and it kicks through the roof. On the inside, the Overseers turn around, still robotically but quickly…

Kyle (as Overseer)

[Eerie breath and teeth chattering Morse code.]

Kyle

…and gun it.

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

Alright, the heist is underway. It’s time for us to steal… the announcement break.

Did you know Quest Friends! Is coming up on our seven year anniversary? Next month will mark seven years of this podcast. To celebrate the legacy of Quest Friends!, we’re gonna make our beloved cast of characters from both Hereafter and Flashback Future fight to the death.

That’s right, on Wednesday, September 25 at 8 PM Central Time, sorry Germany, we are going to be streaming a Super Smash Bros tournament where we watch a bunch of computer-controlled characters duke it out to see which Quest Friends! Character is the champion of combat. You can check us out at that time by going to twitch.tv/QuestFriends, or you know, you can just follow us on Twitch and you’ll get an email notification when it happens.

I also quickly want to shout out the tabletop roleplaying game Animon Story from which we took a lot of inspiration—and by we I mean I—took a lot of inspiration for mon mechanics, specifically the phrase “a moment of great need,” which you may or may not hear later in this episode. It is ripped almost entirely from Animon Story. It’s rephrased, but it’s there.

Alright, that’s all I’ve got for you this week. Our next episode is gonna be Irene’s birthday party, A Birthday Haunting, Part 1 out of 2, but if you’d like additional short stories, podcasts, or behind the scenes outtakes, you can check them out at Patreon.com/QuestFriends. I’ll see you there.

[Ghostly chase music carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

You’re able to jump out of the way, Mallea and Mossies, as this hearse just fucking books it through the crowd with a horse, Booker, Rasputin, and Boidelrat all inside.

Hallie

Okay, okay…

Tom

Is it possible to not jump out of the way but jump onto it instead?

Hallie

Yeah, let them try that.

Ari

Yeah, I like that.

Kyle

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that, I like that. Each of you roll me a Quick. I’m gonna make this… eh, I’ll make this a standard, because I like the idea of all of you being on the car, so I don’t want to make it too hard.

Ari

[Rolls.] I rolled a 9.

Hallie

Yay!

Ari

Yay.

Kyle

Mallea, you jump on no problem, Superman pose, three-point land.

Ari

Yes.

Tom

[Rolls.] I got an 8.

Hallie

Yay!

Ari

Nice.

Kyle

Mossies also get on. How do you get on, Mossies?

Tom

They just literally bounce into the air and then just (chomp) onto the front of the hearse.

Hallie

Just chomp. I don’t want to try to jump on, I just want to keep up with my horse.

Kyle

Hyah! You are following the horse, which is really freaked out by there being another horse.

Hallie

Hyah!

Emily

Aww.

Hallie

Well, you know, it’s gonna have to run anyway.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Then Booker, you are inside with Rasputin.

Emily

And a horse.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Ah-ha! I have done magics!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat gets excited and claps her little hands.

Emily

I just really want to bonk him on the head with my hard cover because I’m crabby.

Kyle

You bonk him on the head.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Hey! What was—

[00:30:00]

[Frantic carnival chase music begins.]

[Gasps.] That book. Anastasia, you are so sweet, but you brought the fuzz!

Hallie

[Cackles.]

Kyle

He is going to try to ignite fire at you, Booker.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob?! Rekoob!

Kyle

I want you to roll Quick.

Emily

“You brought the fuzz.”

Kyle

Hey, last he saw you got him put in fucking ghost jail, man. You’re why he’s in Tartarus.

Hallie

I mean, you’re not wrong.

Emily

[Rolls.] I rolled a 2.

Several

No~!

Tom

My baby.

Kyle

Booker, you get blasted into the front where the Overseers are.

Emily (as Booker)

[Distraught.] Rekoob!

Hallie

Booker’s had it rough this session.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob~!

Kyle

Booker, you’ve only failed once this session, right?

Emily

No… Well, I’m assuming I failed when you had the chiropractor moment.

Kyle

Yeah…

Emily

So yes, I failed twice, and I think I’ve rolled twice, so…

Tom

Is this a break?

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily

Cool.

Kyle

What’s your break?

Tom

Oh no.

Emily

My break was Unfocused. So, I was trying to rescue Rasputin, but now I’m up front and I kinda want to learn how to drive.

Kyle

[Laughing.] Roll me Clever to grand theft auto this car.

Hallie

[Smiling.] What the fuck, Emily?

Emily

[Rolls.] So, I got a 5, but I have 1 Clever.

Kyle

Where does Booker want to go?

Emily

I don’t think Booker planned that far ahead is the problem.

Kyle

Booker wants to test if a car can do a flip. He’s looking for a ramp.

Emily

Yeah!

Kyle

He’s gonna fucking Tony Hawk this hearse.

Hallie

Yeah! Let’s do it!

Emily

He’s just like…

Emily (as Booker)

[Determined.] Rekoob, rekoob, rekoob, rekoob, rekoob.

Emily

…saying under his breath, very excitedly.

Kyle

Pokeyo, Mallea and Mossies, this car was moving in a pretty predictable direction, a straight line. Now Booker is taking control, so it is just veering wildly. Booker thinks he’s doing great.

Emily

He is doing great.

Kyle

He is like a drunk toddler.

Emily

No, he’s doing amazingly.

Kyle

I imagine the Mossies are like rolling one way, rolling the other way.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

What do you mean is friend?

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib. Tarledoib.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Oh. Well, book did help Rasputin escape. Rasputin should have thought of that first.

Tom

[Snickers.]

Kyle

What does everyone else want to do while Booker is driving?

Hallie

I don't know, I’m just a little cactus. I really want to get on and push the Overseers off, but I am just a little cactus and I am on a horse.

I’m gonna run behind them, still on my horse, and I am gesturing frantically to whoever I can see, who I assume is Rasputin and Boidelrat, and probably the Mossies and Mallea. Just like, get on the horse.

Kyle

Rasputin will look.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

What? I thought my horse was… That is other… Did you do papa’s dark magics?

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Papa is so proud!

Ari

Mallea is gonna point at the horse that he summoned.

Hallie

Because Mallea also wants credit.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Ah-ha, you have other friends. You have cohorts?

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

What wonderful family! Comrades are always good.

Kyle

He is going to cast his magic again. He’s gonna cast the open-close door one. He is gonna take the back doors, close them, open them, close them, open them, but I said it let you control the door not just open it.

[Music ends.]

With a creek, the door is going to flip on its side and form a ramp onto which he picks up his Boidelrat and walks onto the horse.

Hallie

Are you telling me that at any point in this saga of trying to push the fucking casket off of Rasputin I could have said, actually, I can control the door so I use the bottom door of the casket as a wedge?

Kyle

Uh… now that I think about it, yeah.

Hallie

[Irritated sounds.] This is the only smart thing Rasputin has done, this adventure. I am so mad. Okay, okay, great. We got a ramp because he can just control doors instead of just opening and closing, because… control, doors.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

It is very specific skill, but those are the one with loopholes.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Dejected.] Oh-ee-kope.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, what is everyone else doing?

Tom

The Mossies, unless otherwise directed, are just going to bite ankles.

Kyle

Maybe Mossies and Mallea jump down to be Overseer Attack Squad.

Hallie

Yeah, I think that should happen.

Ari

Yes. Yeah, Mallea likes attack plans.

Emily

You could each kick one Overseer out each door side.

Hallie

Yeah.

Tom

Yes! Let’s do it.

Kyle

Each of you roll me one Fierce. Normally Overseers would be very difficult, like the toughest of the toughest, but they’re having a day, man, so I’m gonna say it’s challenging. It is an 8.

[00:35:00]

Emily

And like, I am veering rapidly.

Kyle

Yeah, I’ll bump it down to a 6.

Tom

[Rolls.] Yeah! Oh!

Ari

[Rolls.] I rolled a dirty 10.

Kyle

Oh Jesus.

Tom

I rolled exactly a 6.

Hallie

Oh-ho!

Kyle

Alright, Mallea, you do this without any help. Mossies, you do this with incredible help.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Can the help be from Mallea?

Tom

That is how it should be.

Ari

He’s punching and then throwing the Mossies also like little Pac-Mans.

Emily

I love that! Like your boxing gloves.

Ari

Yeah!

[Intense chase music begins.]

Kyle

You’re hitting the Overseers with your little Mossie Pac-Man fists. There’s no room for dodging, there’s simply an unrelenting torrent of force. Because of that, you realize just a little too late as one of the Overseers reaches for you, its hand dripping with blue magic.

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

In this moment of great need, as you’re fighting not for Irene but for each other, something special happens.

[Sentimental music begins.]

Mallea and Mossies, I need each of you to tell me your elements and one of your physical attributes.

Emily

Mallea is Nature and Compact Rage.

Kyle

Mossies are Nature and Insect, right?

Emily

Yep.

Kyle

And your physical trait?

Ari

Mushroom cap.

Tom

Lots of teeth.

Kyle

Emily, I want you to describe a creature that has Nature, Compact Rage, Insect, a mushroom cap, and lots of teeth.

Ari

[Smiling.] Are we fusing?

Kyle

And then we can decide between the name Mallossie or Mossea.

Ari

Ooh, I like Mossea.

Hallie

Those are both so good.

Emily

I would maybe pronounce it more like Mossea. {emphasis on the E, “moss-AY-uh}

Ari

Ooh, Mossea.

Emily

Because that way it’s still the Mossie but then you have more of the Mallea in it.

Tom

Mallea… Mm-hmm.

Emily

I feel like Mallea has the Mossies in each of his hands and the moss unfurls and starts to crackle over the rest of Mallea’s body. Instead of his usual face, the mouth opens up and there’s so many teeth. It’s like this big mouth, chomping. But then you can see kind glittering little eyes behind the moss still, and it’s really shaggy and mossy but still with the big mushroom cap. Maybe the cap is now tinged in green instead of blue.

Kyle

Mossea, you catch the Overseer’s hand in your teeth, their dripping blue magic looking more like blood than an attack now. With a ferocious yell…

Ari & Tom (as Mossea)

Ay-uh-sawm!

Kyle

…you punch one Overseer into the other and both fly out of the hearse.

[Peaceful music ends abruptly with a whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Hey. Hey. Rasputin has question for you. Why, uh… why could the pony not speak?

Ari

Oh god, no.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Flat.] Oh-ee-kope.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

It was a little ‘hoarse.’ Ah-ha-ha!

Hallie

Pokeyo pushes him off.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Ah, Anastasia, you have such good friends.

[Childlike silly music begins.]

Kyle

Sometime later, you all meet up at the designated space, sans Booker who has driven the hearse off into the sunset. Because this is the night with the equivalent of a full moon, instead of going off into the sunset it’s just a big full moon.

Emily

And you see the silhouette of the car get smaller, and you hear in the distance:

Emily (as Booker)

Rekooooob~!

Kyle

I’m gonna say at this point, Mossea, you come back long enough for everyone else to see it but then you return back to your regular forms.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Intrigued.] Oh…

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope?!

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh! Oh-ee-kope!

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee… kope?

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Squeaks in delight.] Oh-ee-kope!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat opens her mouth to be like “Mossies, get in here.”

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Mossies)

[Uncertain.] Sawm…

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib…

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Anastasia, I cannot believe you came all this way for papa, you and your friends.

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Oh, not just for your friends.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib!

[Tense ambience begins.]

Kyle

Boidelrat shakes her head and she pulls out a stuffed Boidelrat, the one that Irene got in The Siren and the Dead City.

[00:40:00]

Rasputin immediately looks at it and he starts balling.

Ari

Aww.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Poor little Lexi. What happened to you?

[Stammers.] Compose yourself, Rasputin. You have the dark magic. … The dark magic.

[Tinkling and warbling magic sounds.]

Kyle

He starts trying to use magic on the stuffed Boidelrat, but every time he hits a barrier. Where there was that blue magic from the Overseers, this shimmering green magical force field is blocking his spells.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

This is quite peculiar.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Yes, for Anastasia papa will do anything. Oh! My babies! I must find them and—

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Ah yes, the cave. Not safe anymore. Where possibly could Rasputin go, though? Rasputin and all his babies. Is there place for forgotten forlorn people?

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm.

Kyle (as Ronda)

So is this the point where I come in?

[Silly ambling music begins.]

Hey. The name’s Ronda. I run the Fantoms. We’re like an elicit group.

Kyle

Ronda just comes out of nowhere. You realize she’s been invisible.

Hallie

She’s just there.

Kyle

She’s been on the horse.

Hallie

[Laughing.] She’s been on the horse the whole time!

Kyle

Just, none of you noticed.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Startled.] Oh-ee-kope!

Hallie

Pokeyo screams.

Kyle (as Ronda)

Actually, I have a couple of questions for you, because um… Mr. Rasputin?

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Yes, that is me, Rasputin, the one and only. Ah-ha-ha!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Just so tired.] Oh-ee-kope…

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Ronda)

Yeah, Mr. Rasputin. Did you ever hear of someone named, um…

Kyle

Boidelrat goes and pats her leg.

Kyle (as Ronda)

…someone named Eddie?

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Eddie… Eddie? Oh!

[Sinister mystery music begins.]

The one before!

Kyle (as Ronda)

The one before?

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Yes, the one before. Eddie, a peculiar fellow, big mustache, looks like no skeleton Rasputin has ever seen before. He was brought to meet with someone before Rasputin.

Kyle (as Ronda)

Who was he gonna meet with?

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Uh, he was going to meet with… Ugh, Rasputin cannot remember. Rasputin is so torn up over Lexi, but Rasputin will try. Rasputin will try to remember where Rasputin was going.

[Music changes to emotional piano.]

Do you have place in your heart and home for an old skeleton and approximately thirty dozen Boidelrats?

[Giggling.]

Kyle

Ronda just nods her head.

Kyle (as Ronda)

There’s been a pretty big hole in my heart left by one skeleton, so… maybe you can help me fill it.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Anastasia, let us go. Let us go. We shall—

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat excitedly follows along before stopping.

[Music changes to even more emotional piano.]

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Anastasia?

Kyle

Boidelrat looks at Rasputin and then looks back at all of you, and looks at Rasputin, and looks back at all of you.

Emily

[Emotional.] Ask her to stay.

Hallie

What the fuck, Kyle?

Emily

She wants you to ask her to stay.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Tentative.] Oh-ee… Oh-ee…

Tom (as Mossies)

Sawm.

Ari (as Mallea)

[Soft.] Uh-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope?

Tom (as Mossies)

See-sawm.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Yes, of course your siblings can come with us as well.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Tired.] Oh-ee… Oh-ee…

Tom (as Mossies)

[Exasperated.] Sawm.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tar… Tar… Tar…? Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat suddenly looks really concerned.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Boidelrat, what is…? No, I am papa, I am not mama.

[The players loose distraught sobs.]

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Rasputin)

Oh…

Hallie

Pokeyo is so emotional.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

To see that you have gone, have left papa’s cave, and formed family of your own and don’t need papa anymore. Well…

Kyle

Even though he’s a skeleton and can’t cry, tears well up again.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

There is nothing that would make Rasputin more proud.

Emily

Aww.

[Music ends on an emotional flourish. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle

Boom! Boom!

Kyle (as Aubrey)

For the last time, Stella, that is enough confetti bombs.

Kyle (as Stella)

Nah, Aubrey, there’s never enough confetti bombs. This is, you know, an explosive birthday, so we gotta make an explosive event.

Hallie

[Grinning.] Exactly what Irene wants.

Kyle (as Aubrey)

Exactly what Irene wants, I’m sure.

Kyle

Irene, you can hear your siblings’ voices, because they are not subtle, from outside of the door that has the big massive hole in it.

[00:45:00]

It has been a long fucking day. You went on a field trip into a junkyard and then you fought these Necromon capturing people, and then you had to talk to “her” for an extended period.

Emily (as Irene)

[Deflecting.] No I didn’t.

Kyle

It was just a long tiring day.

Emily

Irene’s so afraid to look around at the house, because what if Boidelrat still isn’t there.

Kyle (as Earl)

Hey there, kiddo. You have a pretty good day?

Emily (as Irene)

It was a functional day.

Kyle (as Earl)

Yeah? Let’s sit down and talk about it.

Emily (as Irene)

Okay, bye.

[Sentimental magical music begins.]

Kyle

You walk through. You make your way, just striding through this minefield without even having to think about it. You know every single confetti mine. You open the door to your bedroom, and what do you see?

Hallie

They’re all asleep together.

Tom

In a pile.

Ari

With Boidelrat in the middle.

Hallie

A little cuddle huddle with Boidelrat in the middle.

Emily

Aww.

Emily (as Irene)

I knew you would take care of each other.

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Emily

Booker will jerk his head back telling them “it’s okay, I’ll be fine.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob, rekoob.

Emily

“This is my car now.”

Hallie

Ha!

Ari & Tom (as Mossea)

Ay-uh-sawm!

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob, rekoob!

Emily

“You have your horse and I have mine.”

Tom

I feel like they might nod at that and hop down to just start running after the rest of Irene’s mon.

[Laughter.]

Ari

With a salute.

Tom

Yes, yes.

Ari

And a big teethy smile.

Emily

Booker will salute you, taking both little origami hands off the wheel.

Tom

Swerves.

Kyle

The crowd gasps and you hear someone say:

Kyle (as hustler)

Don’t worry, I was already flat like this. You can’t hurt me anymore, I’m impervious. Ah-ha… ah-ha-ha… ah-ha.

Kyle

And the ragtime hustler starts crying, and this rat pats his shoulder, and a bond is made between the two of them as they both glare at the car.

[Sinister music begins.]

Emily

The rat slowly climbs on top of the ragtime hustler’s face…

Hallie

Oh no! It’s a dark Linguini Remy origin story! Oh no! They’re just in the background now!

Emily

…and slowly pulls a flat cap over his body.

Hallie

[Laughs.] No! Oh no! We Once Upon A Time’d them. Oh no.

Ari

Hallie, no.

Hallie

We Once Upon A Time’d Remy and Linguini.

[Groans.] He’s like a noodle man now.

[Music ends.]

--

Kyle

We’re gonna do a cut to a scene nobody sees that you almost were gonna see last time where Willie’s like:

Kyle (as Willie Shakespeare)

I just don’t see why you don’t want to put your production here in the Globe, the greatest theater in all of Necropolis.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Well, Willie, maybe if you let me run my thing, I’ll think about it~!

Kyle (as Willie Shakespeare)

Really? You’ll do it?

Kyle (as Xochi)

I said specifically what I said~

Kyle (as Willie Shakespeare)

That sounds great! The greatest, most popular person of all time. You’re cemented, you’re now my… everything is off my record. It’s gonna be you and Willie for all time, kid.

Kyle (as Xochi)

… Right.

[00:50:00]

Kyle

After they have that conversation in Willie Shakespeare’s office, Xochi opens the door at JFK who’s sitting there sweating with this big play thing for Willie. You can hear Willie Shakespeare say:

Kyle (as Willie Shakespeare)

Willie, clear my schedule! Nothing else for the next… forever!

Kyle

And Xochi just gives him finger guns and walks on.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Oh-ho.

Kyle

So yeah, now that happened, now Xochi is rivals with JFK.

Hallie

Now Xochi is rivals with JFK and we’re like 15 minutes into this.

Kyle

Which is even more insulting. Quique has spent this entire arc thinking compulsively about this one person—more accurately about Ariel, but like, thinking a lot about Xochi as well, taking up all his brain space, and she cares more about belittling JFK.

Ari

Yes.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Yeah!

Kyle

I could see Quique being like “you used this just to get at me” and Xochi being like “who is this? Johnny, is this you?”

Tom

It’s Jack! He’s not Johnny, he’s Jack.

Kyle

Like, no, it’s your father.

Hallie

JFK is just like the Misha to Quique’s Hopper.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

Aww. What?

Hallie

Yeah! It hurts now, doesn’t it? It hurts when you’re replaced by your nemesis, doesn’t it, Ari?

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie

JFK came to steal your nemesis ship.

--

Kyle

Here’s my suggestion. How does Booker know about The Pony Pals?

Tom

Because Hilda has all the Pony Pals books.

Hallie

She would have all the Pony Pals books.

Kyle

Hear me out. I feel like Mossies are the one most likely to sleepily hang out with Irene.

Tom

[Delighted.] Does Irene also have them all?

Kyle

I like to believe that Hilda casually mentions to Irene once like, hey, I was talking about the Pony Pals books with Juniper, and Irene was like, oh… okay, and immediately checked out every Pony Pals book that night.

Tom

This explains the shenanigans.

Hallie

Yeah, this explains everything perfectly.

Tom

Why the Mossies know the Pony Pals.

Hallie

The Pony Pals!

Tom

I was just frantically googling “horse girl book.”

Hallie

[Laughing.] Horse girl book!

Ari

[Amused.] Horse girl book.

Tom

And there is a book named Horse Girl.

Hallie

Of course there is. Vivian was at the library, god bless her. She was like I’m about to look at the books, I want this many more books. We were like, okay, what can we recommend to her? I was like, Vivian, have you read the Pony Pals, and she was like no, so I looked up Pony Pals on the computer and I was like oh look, they’re on the shelf, and she went “that’s nice” and walked away and looked for other books.

[Laughter.]

And I was like… okay, that’s cool.

Kyle

She’s at that age.

Hallie & Ari

[Smirking.] She’s at that age.

Tom

[Splutters, exasperated laughing sounds.]

Kyle

Anyways.

--

Kyle

One looks at the other, points to the horse.

Kyle (as Overseer)

[Eerie breath and teeth chattering Morse code.]

Kyle

And what I’m gonna do in Morse code is “no sing” which is basically its way of saying “no, Jerry, you can’t audition for the audition parade.”

Emily

Aww.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Let Jerry audition, for god’s sake.

Kyle

But there are some people who are really in a mind-controlled state, and those people are running around. We’ll say they’re popping little confetti. So, you just see a little confetti popper go off and you have no idea what that means, but that’s their way of signaling to Xochi, who is on top of a giant float of herself.

Ari

Of course.

Kyle

You know how the Globe is Willie holding up the world? This is Willie holding up Xochi.

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

So, from atop her giant float, she looks down and notices all the confetti. So, Xochi will specifically remember that the Mossies and Mallea got marked if you want to exploit that at any point, either today or in general.

Tom

Oh no.

Ari

That is good to know.

--

Emily

Oh my gosh, wait. Could we restart the horse species?

Ari

Oh!

Emily

We could bring back horses!

Hallie

[Gasps.] We can breed! We can breed the horses!

Emily

Horse girls can be a thing again.

Tom

This is going to be our Jurassic Park.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Yeah, but it’s Pony Pals! It’s the Pony Pal Park.

Tom

Picture now some sort of plant Necromon being hoisted up by a crane and slowly lowered into the horse enclosure, and you just hear the horrendous (shrieks) and horse sounds as the bushes rustle.

Hallie

Okay, but Katrina Kollect’em is gonna have a fucking field day.

Kyle

Yeah, Katrina’s gonna be happy. This arc you have all made Katrina Kollect’em very happy, a character I fully did not expect to come back.

Hallie

What she deserves. I love her.

Kyle

Anyways. You all meet up with the horse at the designated meeting point.

Emily

With “the” horse or with both horses?

Kyle

With the horse, because one of them is still in Booker’s car. You still have a horse.

Emily

I thought you got the horse out.

Kyle

No.

Hallie

Yeah, I thought that Rasputin made the ramp and then he was gonna ride on the horse. Was that too much to expect?

Tom

No, onto Pokeyo’s horse.

[00:55:00]

Hallie

What? We need the second horse. Why would we leave the second horse in the hearse?

Tom

He abandoned the horse. It’s too late.

Hallie

No! Pokeyo is losing it. Pokeyo snaps. Pokeyo breaks. Like, no, we’re getting the second horse. This is ridiculous.

Emily

Look. Booker will let it out. Maybe it likes riding in the car.

Hallie

Maybe they become best friends.

Emily

Yeah!

Hallie

Booker has his own horse girl adventure after this.

Emily

Yeah. Booker learns to truly appreciate Pony Pals like he didn’t before, and the horse learns to appreciate cars! Oh my gosh. The horse can be his person in the passenger seat, and they can go on this wild racing adventure.

Hallie

They can do that, but then eventually the two horses need to meet again.

Emily

Because we need to… [Laughs.]

Hallie

Because we need to breed them to make more horsies.

Kyle (as Rasputin)

You want horse? I can make more.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh…?

Hallie

This did not occur to Pokeyo.