41. A Birthday Haunting

Hello, guests and ghouls! Welcome to Quest Friends! Hereafter, an audio cartoon using the roleplaying game Under the Neighborhood. I am Kyle, he/him, and today I, my four best friends, and some dice are going to tell you a story about the pain of growing up.

Ari

I am Ari, she/her. I play Aurelio Enrique Hueso Canaca, or Quique for short, the opportunist who adapts and creates copies, he/him.

Emily

I’m Emily. My pronouns are they/them, and I play Irene Hawthorne, the Necromon Trainer who overextends, whose pronouns are she/her.

Tom

I’m Tom, he/him, and I play Hilda Miszkiewicz, the… um. I completely blanked and I didn’t pull up the character sheet like a fool.

Hallie

Oh! You goofed! We were doing so well, and then the man came in and then we weren’t.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom

I… I failed you all. I’m sorry.

Emily

Yeah. It’s okay.

Hallie

Remember when Tom was like no negative self-talk, and I was like thanks, and then he messed up and I was like “yeah, you fucker!”

Tom

I’m almost there! The guardian who pulls pranks. There we go. And escapes.

Kyle

And escapes.

Tom

And escapes. Her pronouns are she/her. Agh!

Hallie

I’m Hallie, pronouns she/her, and I play Sparky Malarky, the intuition who investigates and has a mascot suit, also she/her.

Kyle

Well, this would be a great example of a Slice of Life Complication, and everyday nuisance that, when combined what our fantastical setting, makes for a fun adventure. I have done some weird ones in the past… while. We had some crossovers, you made some mon—you didn’t have anything for the mon adventure. Today we’re like Sonic the Hedgehog: we’re going back to our roots and it’s gonna be just as good as it always was.

Hallie

Every single time.

Tom

[Doubtful.] Mm-hmm.

Ari

[Chuckles.]

Emily

Don’t worry, guys, I have such a good one for this too.

Kyle

Yeah? Alright, hit me. Hit me with your complications.

Emily

Okay. We’re going back to basics, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily

Sparky’s coffee machine is broken.

Hallie

[Laughs.] And this is a problem at Irene’s birthday party. This is somehow a problem.

Emily

Well yeah, because she’s going to a children’s birthday party uncaffeinated.

Hallie

Alright, that’s fair enough. I’ll just bring it with me.

Kyle

It was broken in the crossover!

Ari

That’s right.

Emily

Well, I wasn’t to know that.

Kyle

That’s fine, but we also had that every place she went was out of coffee, so clearly we have to amp it up. Every coffee machine around Sparky is now just breaking.

Tom

I feel like this is becoming your new mystery. The socks feels like it pales in comparison to the coffee machines.

Hallie

Slice of Life Complication, I just get a new mystery halfway through solving this one.

Kyle

Well, whoa, well, maybe Hallie will find a sock in the coffee machine.

Ari

Gross.

Hallie

What if it’s all connected? Ever thought of that? Yeah, who’s crazy now? It’s still me.

Tom

That sounds like conspiratorial thinking.

Emily

Okay, I have a different one. Sparky’s coffee machine makes socks instead of coffee.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

Coffee machine makes socks. What about everyone else?

Tom

Booker has eaten Hilda’s birthday present for Irene, and she has to come up with a new present fast.

Hallie

Yes.

Emily (as Booker)

[Devious.] Rekoob~

Emily

Booker has indigestion.

Ari

The thing is, my own goal was also a present-related Slice of Life Complication.

Hallie

Irene’s gonna get no presents.

Kyle

I like the idea that everyone is trying to put together a present in the corner.

Emily

I want that.

Ari

My idea for Quique and Sparky’s Slice of Life Complication. I feel like we’re at the point where we would car pool, potentially, to this kid’s birthday party.

Hallie

Yes! Yes!

Ari

But then we did the thing where we place the presents on top of the car and then started the car and the presents fell off the car.

Kyle

I love that. I love that. Hallie, what’s yours?

Hallie

Mine was just that a balloon keeps getting stuck to Irene’s hair, because I think that would bother her.

Emily

Immensely.

Tom

I feel like the coffee machine one might be a little too much for what we have in the scope of our adventure, but I desperately want both of the present complications and the balloon complication to all be true.

[00:05:00]

Emily

I want that too.

Hallie

I also… yeah.

Ari

Yeah. I thought it was kind of inspired that we both had ideas about missing presents.

Emily

I like the idea of Quique and Sparky driving off with the gifts on top, losing them somewhere, going by to pick up Hilda, and then as they’re approaching Irene’s house Hilda goes “yeah, Booker ate Irene’s present,” and Sparky and Quique are like oh no.

Ari

Oh no.

Tom

The sudden eye widening.

Hallie

None of this episode takes place at Irene’s birthday party.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom

We just cut between Irene sitting at the birthday party, balloon stuck to her head…

Emily

Alone.

Tom

…and then Eurobeat music blaring, Sparky’s drifting through a busy intersection blasting through three red lights.

Emily

If we’re basing this on the valley that I live in, everyone has happily run over those presents on the road.

Tom

Oh no.

Hallie

That’s a complication we’ll get to later.

Kyle

So let’s retrace our steps. We’re gonna go back before the presents fell off, back before Sparky definitely put the presents on top of the car.

Hallie

It was me, yes. No, it was me.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

We’re gonna go back where you all had the very, very big day where we had two crossovers and the mon adventure all happening on the same full moon. So, last time on Quest Friends!

[Jaunty recap music begins.]

Quique and Sparky teamed up with two investigators from Tsarvia at the request of Big Jake Hell to stop a heist in the Titenic Luxury Museum from the Pack Back Bandits. … You let them go.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

You stopped them, but then you were like, eh, it’s just Tsar Nicky 2’s stuff, nobody cares.

Hallie

Nobody cares about Tsar Nicky 2, not even Tsar Nicky 2.

Kyle

What you care more about though is that Big Jake Hell you learned has a secret room in Die Hop that he can only enter with his own flaming hand and very much does not seem to want other people to know about. Meanwhile, Hilda and Irene protected some lost Necromon from Necromon hunters, specifically the mon that were discarded after the tournament and then some of Oset’s mon that were let free at the end of the events of Die Card.

The hunters were very interesting. One of them was a lich, someone who uses Necrotechnology, and the other person was a shadow, someone whose soul was unnaturally wrested from their body, although this person ended up coming back to life so she was like a half shadow.

Irene learned that Hilda is the host sister for Juniper Brees, the intermortal exchange student, and Hilda was recruited to running the Necromon Dueling Club because lord knows Ariel and Mr. Jimothy aren’t gonna do it. Finally, somehow the most plot was coming from Irene’s mon.

Hallie

Yay.

Kyle

Irene’s mon hunted down Boidelrat who was trying to save Rasputin from BITE. Rasputin was specifically being taken someplace where Eddie, one of the Quiclones, was previously taken and did not return from. This is in fact why you got help from the Fantoms of the Opera, an underground club, group, whatever, that contains Ronda Lite, Lucas Bang, at least one Quiclone, and every playwright who isn’t Xochi or William Shakespeare.

When you met Rasputin, Boidelrat gave him the stuffed doll of a Boidelrat which was revealed to be an actual one that was turned into a doll by Rube Goldberg but is now being blocked with some green magic, which is interesting because most of the ghostly magic like Necrotech is blue, but this is green. Oh-ho.

Emily

[Emotional.] “Lexi!”

Kyle

And finally they fused. Mallea and Mossies fused because they’re such good friends.

Emily

Yay~

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Between that and the birthday party, for anyone who wants to share, what have you been up to?

Emily

We’ve been training.

[Whimsical music begins.]

Kyle

Oh yeah. Did Irene’s mon tell her about the fusion?

Ari

Hmm…

Tom

I feel like the Mossies would if nothing else.

Ari

Yeah, I feel like Mallea would try to recreate it but not successfully.

Kyle

[Laughs.] You’re learning to be good friends but you’re still at a place where you’re only really good friends during a crisis.

Ari

Mallea liked having big teeth.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily

Irene’s very proud of her mon, all of them, the ones that did and didn’t fuse, but it’s very cool that they fused and she wants to see it happen.

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily

Because it would be cool! And because Juniper does it, so why can’t she. And maybe Juniper would think it was cool.

[00:10:00]

Not that she would show Juniper even if it did happen, because why would she ever do that, but…

Tom

That would probably be really scary, too. Irene wouldn’t want to.

Emily

Scary? Scary?! Excuse me?

Kyle

I like to imagine instead of an angel and devil on Irene’s shoulder she just has a little Hilda egging her on unintentionally. Well no, intentionally. Hilda has egged intentionally before.

Emily

Yeah! Her descriptor is pulls pranks. Of course she’s egged.

Kyle

You’re right.

Tom

I feel like Hilda has been hitting the library trying to learn more and more about the Hereafter, getting a sense of what greater mystery is at play since she’s still very anxious about the very ominous messages from Mateo that they’ve been finding.

Kyle

Roll me… Roll me Understand, actually.

Tom

Oh-ho, let’s see what I got.

[Rolls.] And that’s an 11.

Kyle

Okay. You can ask me a simple question and I have to tell you the truth.

Tom

[Exhales in thought.] Where does Mateo live?

Ari

Ah.

Kyle

Uh…

Tom

You have to answer me truthfully!

Kyle

So like, where in the Afterworlds?

Tom

Mm-hmm. What address would Hilda go to if she wanted to be like “alright, answer these questions, old man”?

Emily

Isn’t he an explorer or something?

Kyle

Yeah, he doesn’t have an address.

Ari

Yeah. That’s a question that, like, “you tell me, kid.” Quique doesn’t know the answer to this question either.

Tom

[Grumbles.]

Kyle

I will say this. Only Death itself would know where he is.

Ari

Yeah, it’s true.

Tom

Perfect. That’s a start, I guess.

Ari

I love that that’s something Quique could have told you if he was open to those kinds of things.

Tom

I mean, yeah.

Kyle

Quique not saying things has caused Hilda to do her own investigation.

Tom

Hilda just assumed, if Quique knew, he would have already suggested it.

Kyle

Okay. This is more information, though. Your research brought you more into the grim which are a fascinating type of dead because they’re not really dead. They’re like Necromon in that they were never alive in the first place.

[Music changes to mysterious sad song.]

These beings used to ferry souls to the afterlife but don’t anymore, but legend has it that they’re still around and they can get pretty much anywhere pretty easily, because that is what they exist to do.

Emily

I mean, “legend has it” seems like kind of big words considering it’s just the mailman.

Kyle

They used to ferry souls to the afterlife! Alright?

Hallie

Yeah~

Emily

You said legend has it they’re still around!

Kyle

Death only delivers mail for Quique and Mateo, and the Boatman doesn’t deliver mail, he is dating someone who delivers mail.

Hallie

Yeah!

Emily

I thought you said that Death delivered mail.

Kyle

It’s under the radar.

Emily

Oh.

Kyle

It’s for people like Quique and Mateo. It’s one of those, like… Quique has a guy.

Tom

Back channels.

Ari

[Amused.] He has back channels and back rooms.

Hallie

In his back room, yes.

Emily

Sparky is not interested in his back room.

Hallie

I am not.

Ari

I am glad.

Hallie

Not particularly.

Ari

I do not want you to be interested in Quique’s back room.

[Music changes back to whimsical song.]

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

On the crossover, I feel like I alluded on how Quique has been doing, but I do think that, after Sparky getting that whole shenanigan adventure for Quique there, they’ve gotten closer together off-screen a little bit.

Hallie

I was gonna be like, Ari, as long as you have no objections, I like to think that Quique and Sparky haven’t even realized that they’ve been hanging out.

Ari

Yeah.

Hallie

It’s just become a regular part of their lives. “Oh, you owe me for Panera last week.”

[laughter.]

Kyle

I’m gonna force you to up your Compatibility Score with Sparky by 1.

Hallie

Yes!

Ari

Yeah, I debated that.

Hallie

Yes!

Kyle

It’s gotta go up.

Ari

I have it at 0.5, so I guess I can have it at 1.5?

Hallie

It’s gonna be slow. It’s gonna be painful for you but exquisite for me.

Kyle

I feel like it’s a 2, he just refuses to admit it yet.

Ari

Yeah. Yeah. I like that.

Kyle

Okay. Quique’s doing his dad hobbies besides that. Anything that Sparky is doing?

Hallie

Just trying to find her socks.

Kyle

Maybe they’re in Big Jake Hell’s secret room.

Hallie

Maybe they are! She’s gonna find out, because she’s like…

Tom

Have you been spending time with Big Jake Hell?

Hallie

No, just thinking about his back room… not him. It’s been weighing on her. Why is he so secretive about that back room? Why did he trust her all of a sudden to do this weird art museum Tsarvian thing? A lot of things are strange, so she has to find out, and not by asking him. That would be stupid.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

So… she’ll talk to everybody about it later.

Kyle

Okay. Then, I need to know Sparky’s stats, and then Quique, your Loaded Dice as well as your doubles.

[00:15:00]

Ari

Yes. I’m picking a 3 for success and a 4 for a failure. I rolled a 13.

Kyle

Okay, a 13 Loaded Dice. You just got a full success in the back pocket.

Emily

Nice.

Kyle

Sparky, what are your stats and how does it relate to how you’re feeling?

Hallie

My stats are Heart -2, Books -1, Fierce 0, and Slick -2.

Ari

Yay.

Emily

Oh…

Tom

Oh boy, what a day.

Hallie

I’ve been thinking a lot about Big jake Hell’s back room, and that’s all.

[Laughter.]

That’s it. That’s it for Sparky.

Emily

His fiery hot hands?

Hallie

No… No. Keys. Because his hands are also keys. I can’t get back there.

Kyle

The key to your heart.

Hallie

Shut up! The key to his back room. I don't know how much clearer I can be that it’s the door.

Emily

You want him to open up his back room for you.

Hallie

Shut up.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So! We are inside Irene’s house. For the sake of time, we will not Paint the Scene, but if at any point one of you wants to just add something that would make this a very homey kind of sad birthday party, like you know, a really bad pin the tail on the donkey, you all get one free detail that you can just throw at any point.

[Music ends.]

We know that there are confetti mines and just a floor full of confetti.

Emily

Stella accosts anyone who enters and straps one of those pointy little birthday cone hats with the really tight elastic and snaps it on their head.

Kyle

Stella’s getting ready like:

Kyle (as Stella):

Yeah, one of these is gonna be a secret hat. [Chuckles.]

Kyle

Earl is sitting there pacing back and forth. He’s in front of the cake. The cake is baking, and he’s pacing back and forth in front of the cake.

Kyle (as Earl)

I gotta make sure it’s alright. I gotta make sure it’s alright.

Kyle

And then… Aubrey is battling against a balloon that keeps trying to get into your hair as he braids your hair. And yeah, that’s the scene as the door opens and everyone else arrives.

Now, I was gonna ask you all when you arrived what is the order you arrived, what gift did you bring, and did you bring anyone else along? Because the invite did make it clear you could bring someone else with you. I’m only gonna ask that last question and then how do you enter.

Emily

You get plus-ones for Irene’s birthday party because she doesn’t have enough friends.

Kyle (as Earl)

Irene has plenty of friends. I made sure to invite every person that I’ve heard Irene talk about.

Tom

[Pained.] Oh…

Kyle (as Earl)

But you know, there are probably so many friends that I don’t even know about. At this kind of age she’s just kind of secretive.

Hallie (as Sparky)

She is at that age.

Kyle (as Earl)

Yeah, so you know, I just wanted… I’m sure her friends know what friends she’d want to see.

Tom

I’m starting to feel much worse about the complication.

[Laughter.]

Anyway. Obviously, Hilda brought Juniper.

Kyle

In that case, I will say that Juniper does have her gift.

Hallie

Great, Juniper.

[Peppy diner music begins.]

Kyle (as Juniper)

Hi! Hi! I’m really excited to be here. I have your gift. I really struggled to wrap it. I wanted to make sure it could breathe… well.

Kyle

You can see that she has put a little bow on a tiny hawthorn tree.

Hallie

Aww.

Emily

Irene stood up way too fast and then wobbled a little bit and sat back down. She had yanked her hair out of Aubrey’s hand.

Kyle (as Aubrey)

[Reprimanding, frustrated.] Irene! Irene.

Emily (as Irene)

[Stammers. Slowly.] I apologize, Aubrey…

Kyle (as Earl)

You okay there, kiddo?

Emily (as Irene)

[Staggered and reaching.] I am very good for the fact that I do not need a birthday party and would prefer to be… not here, exactly, possibly, currently.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Stella)

[Chuckles.] Alright. Don’t mind her, she’ll get into the fun of it.

Kyle

This ghost comes and just boops a little cone on you. Tom, I need you to roll me a 1d6.

Tom

Oh dear.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom

[Rolls.] Four.

Kyle

Okay, nothing happens.

Emily

Oh no.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Is there a place I can put this?

Kyle (as Earl)

Oh yeah, uh… just put it by the other one.

Hallie

The other one?

Kyle

You can see on a small kitchen table there is a very ornate fruit basket with a golden basket, huge, nothing that Irene would like but clearly very expensive, all money and no thought. It is signed as being from Ariel but in Xochi’s handwriting.

[00:20:00]

Hallie

I thought it was gonna be from Elliot and I was so mad.

Kyle

Alright, Quique and Sparky, how do you arrive and do you bring anyone with you? Or have you reached that point of friendship where you’re each other’s plus-ones?

Hallie

I think… yeah.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Ari

Yeah, I think so.

Hallie

I like to think they both would have misinterpreted.

[Stammering.] Oh, we brought… I mean Quique’s here. And then Quique would be like, Sparky… I don’t… What? Were we supposed to bring a date? What was this?

Ari

Quique did consider inviting Yunuen, but he is trying to give a little bit more freedom to the kid, so he’s not bringing her.

Emily

Irene is definitely not visibly disappointed at seeing that Ariel is not next to Quique.

Hallie

Aww.

Ari

Oh.

Hallie

And then I also want to, like:

[Silly music begins.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Quique, where did Juniper come from? Was she in the van with us the entire time?

Ari (as Quique)

I don't know, Sparky. I was focusing on the road.

Hallie (as Sparky)

It’s my van!

Ari (as Quique)

Well, you were supposed to keep an eye on the presents.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Nervous uncomfortable chuckles.]

Emily

Booker pukes on Sparky’s shoe.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh god damn it.

Tom

Hilda is turning purple from embarrassment by this point.

Hallie

[Amused.] Oh my god.

Kyle

Quique and Sparky, I want you to each roll me a 1d6.

Ari

[Rolls.] I rolled a 6.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Five.

Kyle

Okay. Nothing happens to either of you.

Hallie

Yay.

Emily (as Irene)

Hello, people who have come to my birthday party. Thank you for attending.

Tom

Hilda will wave a little bit.

Emily (as Irene)

Hello, Hilda.

Ari (as Quique)

Thank you for inviting us, fellow detective.

Emily (as Irene)

I did not.

Ari (as Quique)

Well, we came anyways. Right?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah we did. Here we are.

Ari (as Quique)

To make sure that everything is in order for the big, big day of being at that age.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Being at that age.

Kyle (as Earl)

Oh, it’s not every day that a young girl turns into a young woman, turns 13, you know.

Emily (as Irene)

Father.

Tom (as Hilda)

You’re technically a teen now.

Ari (as Quique)

You don’t have to feel pressure on growing up too fast. In some cultures, like in mine, they say technically the age is at 15 really to make that leap. You know, like quinceanera kind of thing.

Emily (as Irene)

I have been told I have an old soul.

Ari (as Quique)

You know, that is true. Some people grow up faster than others, and that is good too.

Emily (as Irene)

Someone once told me I seemed like an elderly woman in a child’s body. I was offended, however I am much more intelligent than my technical age would suggest.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Juniper)

You know what? That’s something that Sto— … my brain told me, once, about you. The old soul part, not the elderly.

[Laughs nervously.] It’s not like I talk to myself about… you, or any, uh…

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Like a dog, Boidelrat is barking and kind of chomping at Juniper’s little messenger bag which is rustling.

Emily (as Irene)

Boidelrat!

Kyle (as Juniper)

Oh, no, it’s fine. It’s fine. I will, um… I’ll be back. I’ll be back.

Kyle

And Juniper rushes out the door.

Emily

Irene squishes her face into her hands a little bit.

Tom

Hilda’s gonna slide up and say:

Tom (as Hilda)

Um, Irene, I know this might not be the best time at the middle of this party, but would you like to, with your Necromon maybe, please help me help Booker? Because he just keeps throwing up pages.

Emily (as Irene)

I don’t exactly know how to help your book. However, I will take literally any excuse to move away from here.

Tom (as Hilda)

That was the idea, yeah.

Emily (as Irene)

Oh. I knew that.

Tom (as Hilda)

[Hushed.] I was being sneaky.

[Chuck Beaver’s Birthday Song begins.]

Emily

[Laughs.] She will awkwardly sidle away.

Tom

We will just awkwardly flee elsewhere into the house with the mons.

[Music swells and carries into the bloopers.]

Kyle

[Singing.] Birthday! Happy, happy birthday! Time for announcements!

I got three announcements for you today. First, this Wednesday, September 25 at 8 PM Central Time we are gonna have our Seventh Anniversary stream where we have 16 characters from Quest Friends! Flashback Future and 16 characters from Quest Friends! Hereafter fight to the death… in Super Smash Bros.

[00:25:00]

It’s gonna be really fun, just a casual hangout watching your favorite characters just beat the crap out of each other. We hope to see you there at twitch.tv/QuestFriends.

Additionally, we are doing auditions for some more musical segments. Specifically, we’re looking for people to sing as Quique, Sparky or Irene. Auditions are gonna be open, eh… probably in the next week or so. It really depends when everyone can get together to listen to them. So, if you’re interested, hop into the description and send us some auditions.

Finally, did you know that there are no widely available braille dice for tabletop roleplaying games? Well, you can help change that.

[Game show music begins.]

The DOTS RPG Project has been working for years to create high-quality braille polyhedral dice and get them out into the world. This allows blind people to have an affordable, beautiful, and fun way to be on equal footing at the gaming table, because you just really can’t beat the feeling of rolling a Malaita with your own hands.

So, the dice are ready, but DOTS needs to raise funds to make that happen, and you can help by playing Under the Neighborhood… or you know, one of over 300 other roleplaying games. Check out the description where you’ll find the TTRPGs for Accessible Gaming charity bundle which can get you over 300 titles including Under the Neighborhood for as low as $10. All funds raised will go directly into making colorful, high-quality acrylic braille dice, and they even offer fancy metal versions… but only if they get enough support.

So again, check out that link in the description for the bundle and connect with DOTS on socials at @dotsrpg to get updates and learn more about their gaming accessibility efforts.

So, three dates. First, this Wednesday, our anniversary stream. Next, early October, auditions for musical songs close. And finally, October 20, the TTRPGs for Accessible Gaming charity bundle closes. But I mean, why wait? If you go into the description, you can take actions towards all three, or your favorite, right now.

[Music ends.]

Alright, that’s all I got for you. Our next episode will be A Birthday Haunting, Part 2. If you’d like additional short stories, podcasts, or chat logs, you can check out Patreon.com/QuestFriends. I’ll see you there.

[Silly ghostly music carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

Sparky, take a GM Intrusion.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

Who do you want to give the other point to?

Hallie

I’m gonna give it to Hilda because Hilda has attempted to rescue Irene from whatever this is.

Emily

[Defeated.] You could have given it to Irene since you didn’t get her a present.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Oh, I guess it was her birthday. Let’s take that back. I’m taking it away from Hilda and giving it to Irene because it’s her birthday.

Emily

It’s too late.

Tom

It’s the correct choice.

Hallie

It’s the correct choice. Tom doesn’t get it. This is the second disrespectful thing I’ve done to Tom tonight. [Laughs.]

Kyle

You know how you can sometimes feel eyes on the back of your head even though they’re not physical?

Hallie

Yeah?

Kyle

You feel that but with ghostly shoulders. If you look to the side, you will see a ghost staring at you.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Agh! Oh, you came out of nowhere. Hello. Hi.

Kyle (as Stella)

You look… familiar.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay?

Kyle (as Stella)

What did you say your name was again?

Hallie (as Sparky)

I’m Sparky Malarky, investigative reporter… slash sometimes lawyer.

Kyle (as Stella)

[Chuckles hardily.] Aubrey! Aubrey!

Kyle (as Aubrey)

Yes, Stella? What is it?

Kyle (as Stella)

This is Sparky from, you know, the… the tomato thing.

Hallie (as Sparky)

The tomato…?

Kyle (as Stella)

The tomatoes!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Tomatoes?

Kyle (as Aubrey)

The what, Stella?

Hallie (as Sparky)

The tomatoes?

Kyle (as Stella)

The tomatoes. You know, the thing that El—

Kyle (as Aubrey)

We do not say the E word here. But yes, she was in PICLE.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Exhales.]

Kyle (as Stella)

Wow. You know, I always thought you were, uh… heh, you know, um… you’ve aged gracefully. Heheh.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie

Can I have a spoon that I then stab Stella Hawthorne with? Because I had Stella Hawthorne for the spoon game many episodes ago, and I still have that written in my notes.

Kyle

Yeah, roll Take Action.

Hallie

Woo!

[Rolls.] Actually, I got a 9.

Kyle

Ah-ha!

Tom

Hey.

Hallie

Ah-ha-ha! Sparky means it, like… She’s not just like WHACK, she means it kind of playfully. She just gets out a spoon and does a really gentle (tap), but I like to think it’s way harder than she intended, actually, so then it’s just…

Emily

Because there’s no solid, so she’s just…

Hallie

Because she’s a ghost. Yeah, Stella’s a ghost, so it ends up going through Stella and then Sparky just loses control of the spoon and it clatters against something and breaks something off-screen. A cat goes MEOW from the background.

Emily

Booker goes:

Emily (as Booker)

[Irritated.] Rekoob!

Hallie

[Cackles.]

Emily (as Booker)

[Hisses.]

Kyle

That’s the issue. Booker now has a second spoon.

[00:30:00]

Hallie

A second spoon!

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, I had you in a spoon game, and I didn’t know who Stella Hawthorne was at the time. I didn’t make that connection despite being a very excellent investigative reporter. But, I got you, I won.

Ari (as Quique)

You have no idea how long she kept that spoon for that silly game. She has been carrying it to so many places. I’m so glad that she finally found the Stella. She kept talking about it. I honestly kept thinking that she was making it up, that there wasn’t a Stella. So really I’m just glad that you exist and that you have been found.

Kyle (as Stella)

You held that just for me?

Kyle

Stella winks.

Kyle (as Aubrey)

[Admonishing.] Stella!

Kyle (as Stella)

What? You gotta shoot your shot, right?

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Uncomfortable.] Eh… it’s over there, my shots over there, because like… because the spoon went over there.

Kyle

As Booker grabs handfuls of more spoons from the drawers.

[Child-like music begins.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

So, you are Irene’s siblings.

Kyle (as Stella)

The two and only. Heheh. I’m a bit of an artiste.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah.

Kyle (as Aubrey)

And I am the one who makes the money and who provides the lodgings and who generally manages things.

Kyle (as Stella)

[Chuckles.] What are you talking about? I help you out.

Kyle (as Aubrey)

Stella, did you ever actually register when you died? Because, if you never told BITE that you live with me, which I told you to do multiple times, you don’t even officially live here.

Kyle (as Stella):

Well… yeah, but like, you know, art lives in here.

Kyle

And she points to her head.

Kyle (as Stella)

And in here.

Kyle

And she points to Sparky’s heart.

Kyle (as Stella)

So, how can I have a postal code, you know?

Hallie (as Sparky)

I’m kind of with Stella, actually. My van doesn’t have a postal code.

Tom

Somewhere distantly Hilda thinks: “the Boss can’t take out a library card.”

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Earl)

I’m so glad you’re both here, Miss Malarky and Mister Canaca. It means a lot to have some good parental figures in my child’s corner after, you know, everything that happened. So, make yourselves comfortable. I can grab the gifts off your hands: you know, gifts, coats, all of that.

Hallie

[Laughs and squirms.]

Ari (as Quique)

We’ll take care about the gifts. No worries there.

Hallie (as Sparky)

We’ll take care of the gifts. No worries there.

Ari

And then I want Quique to get Sparky aside.

Ari (as Quique)

Okay. We need to figure out the gift situation. Is your gift something that can be bought somewhere else? Mine technically shouldn’t be.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Technically?

Ari (as Quique)

It was handmade. I made it. It was one of the many projects. You know, I have these projects in my room that I do.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yes… Yes, your projects. Oh, you made it?!

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah, I made it. It took a long time.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Well that’s exciting. Is it a train?

Ari (as Quique)

It is not a train, Sparky. Why would it be a train?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay good, because I don’t think Irene would like a train.

Ari (as Quique)

Have you seen Irene playing with trains? I don't know.

Hallie (as Sparky)

No, that’s why I asked. I was trying to make sure.

Ari (as Quique)

It’s not a train.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay, so you said… Mine can probably be bought somewhere else, probably. What was your plan?

Ari (as Quique)

My plan was to send “me” to go and buy a gift and potentially find my other gift or quickly make the gift that I made. It might take a little bit of time, but you know, I have it on ye old brain here.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay.

Kyle (as Juniper)

I can help!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Agh.

[Whimsical music begins.]

Kyle

You notice a small precocious 13-year-old child with a messenger bag just between both of you.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Let me go on this quest! Let me prove myself as a true rival, just like Hilda!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, you’re Hilda’s friend, who was maybe in our van but we don’t quite know.

Ari (as Quique)

Eh…

Kyle (as Juniper)

Yeah, I was in the back seat.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh! Okay. Okay, good. Awesome. Okay.

Ari (as Quique)

Hello. Hello, kid.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Yeah, I was in the back seat the whole time. Only in the back seat. Never left and came back. Always just in the back seat the whole time, yep.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay…

Ari (as Quique)

Were you the only other kid that was in our back seat? Is there another kid, another minor…

Hallie (as Sparky)

God, I can’t take more minors.

Ari (as Quique)

…that we should worry about that came into the van? There wasn’t any minor on top of the van, right Sparky? It was just the gifts?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Um…

Hallie

Sparky genuinely thinks about it.

Hallie (as Sparky)

No. No…? No.

Ari (as Quique)

Okay. I also don’t think that, but you know, we can never be too sure about these things. Hmm. I don’t want you to be away from the party and in a potentially dangerous adventure. What I meant, Sparky, by me going is, you know, me as…

Ari

He’s kinda pointing at a space next to him that isn’t him.

Ari (as Quique)

You know, like me, as in…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh! Okay. Good. I really thought we could just be like hey, we left the present, we have to leave, but there are not a lot of people here… so I think maybe leaving—

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah, it would be really awkward if we actually left.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Right? Right?!

Ari

And I want to do the Create Copies to create a Quiclone to buy Sparky’s gift and remake Quique’s gift before the party is over.

[00:35:00]

Kyle

Roll me a 1d26.

Ari

Let’s see. Who will it be? … I rolled an 11. What is an 11?

Kyle

Ari

Do we have a K?

Kyle

We do not have a K.

Emily

Kyle.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

No! Uh…

[Music ends.]

Oh my god, it could be Kalimba. That is an actual musician.

Kyle

[Typing.] Kalimba…

Ari

[Laughs.] Yeah.

Kyle

What is Kalimba… what instrument?

Ari

He’s a singer. He’s like a pop singer.

Emily

Isn’t that… Am I thinking of a marimba? What am I thinking of?

Hallie

Marimba?

Kyle

Who wants to play Kalimba the human marimba?

Emily

[Laughs.] No.

Tom

This Quiclone is getting more cursed by the minute.

Hallie

I haven’t played a Quiclone yet, so I would like to call this one.

Tom

Yes.

Kyle

Okay. Describe the Quiclone that we see.

[Cool, sexy music begins.]

Hallie

Alright. There’s a skeleton but the bones are a slightly different color than the usual white of bones. They’re like a light beige shade of bone. In fact, they don’t even look like bones. At some point the bones have just been completely replaced with wooden bars that are struck by mallets. That’s what a marimba is.

Kyle

I’m trying to figure out if he has the sexy thing where you have just the bottom button buttoned and the rest is just wide open so that he can play his own chest.

Emily

This is the Quique that plays with himself.

Hallie

Let’s go with that.

Ari

Emily, no!

Tom

Why has this come to pass?

Hallie

Let’s go with that one. It’s like the sexy one.

[Laughs.] If he was wearing…

Ari

No. Please. Is he a himbo?

Hallie

He’s a marimbo.

[Laughter.]

Or a kalimbo. Take your fucking pick.

Tom

You’ve gotta give her an AP for that one.

Kyle

Yeah, I’ll give you an AP for that, Hallie.

Hallie

Yay! That gets me to 4.

Kyle

But that one can only be used by Kalimbo.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

[Laughing.] Who is immediately leaving this episode.

Hallie

Kalimbo, who despite being a skeleton has one shock of surfer bro hair hanging down, and he swishes it back.

Hallie (as Kalimba)

Hey Quique. It’s been a while.

Ari (as Quique)

You know, I always take a big risk with doing this because I can never control who is gonna come.

Hallie (as Kalimba)

I can’t promise when I appear or don’t appear. The wind calls me.

Hallie

And then the wind runs through his marimba, his… [Makes marimba sounds.]

Kyle

And music plays.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle (as Juniper)

I can keep track of him. I can go with

[With distortion.] Kalimbo.

That’s the name. Yeah, Kalimbo, with an O. I can go with Kalimbo.

Ari (as Quique)

The thing is, kid… I commend your wanting to join this, and it’s not that I don’t want you to have your freedom of youth that I have to let youths have sometimes, but I don’t want this party to be all lonely.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Roll me Convince Somebody with Heart, Quique.

Ari

Convince Somebody. It is actually for not leaving the party because it’s so lonely.

[Rolls.] He does want to allow more freedom to the youths. I want to make that clear.

Hallie

Sparky was eyeing him suspiciously while he was on his “hey kid, I don't know if it’s a good idea for you to go,” because she was like it’s a fucking store.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

But she was giving Quique space to finish his thoughts, which she agrees with. She’s like no, it’s a party, you gotta stay.

Ari

He is making an effort to be less of a worry person. I rolled a 6. It probably won’t work.

Kyle

Take an AP.

Ari

I got it.

Kyle

Hmm… I have to choose a drawback. She’s either going to try to get in your way, demand something, make a vital misunderstanding, or get very upset with you for a long time.

Ari

I don’t want her to be upset with me for a long time.

Kyle

I don't know if Juniper can be upset with somebody for a long time.

Hallie

Yeah, she’s too pure.

Ari

Quique already has somebody upset with him for a long time, and he’s trying to do the opposite of what he did with that person, so that would be really confusing for him.

Kyle

It would be very confusing, which would be funny, but…

Hallie

Yeah.

Emily

She knows you’re a musical artist now. She can demand that you liven up the party with your sick beats.

Kyle (as Juniper)

You’re right. We have to liven this… You do music, don’t you?

Hallie (as Kalimbo)

I do music.

Hallie

I don't care if she’s talking to Kalimbo or not, he’s talking.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Yes, I know you do music, but you…

Ari (as Quique)

Me?!

Kyle (as Juniper)

Right?

[Whimsical silly music begins.]

Ari (as Quique)

I guess I did music when I was in my Kalimbo phase, so I technically used to do it, but I’m past that stage.

Kyle (as Juniper)

What do you need? What do you need? What do you need? I can get it.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, what do you need, Quique? What do you need for the music?

Ari (as Quique)

Uh… what?! How did we transition from—

Kyle (as Earl)

Oh, are you guys talking about music?

[00:40:00]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah! Yeah. Quique’s good at music. Isn’t that great?

Ari (as Quique)

Eh…

Kyle (as Earl)

We got a karaoke machine if you want me to set it up. It’s really just a CD player, but…

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Strained, delighted.] A karaoke machine…

But that is good enough.

Ari (as Quique)

You know, I guess for the kid’s birthday, yeah, I can do some starting karaoke music. However, everybody, it’s okay, we’re all here, right? I can be the opening number, but everybody has to participate on the fun of singing songs, which is a thing that I am concerned about at this particular moment in my life. Songs aren’t anything that is something related to my troubles at this moment, so I can definitely do it for Irene.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Maybe this is just, you know… that’s why it’s gonna be so good for you.

[Music ends. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle

Hilda and Irene, you are in… What room did you take Hilda to, Irene?

Emily

Probably my room.

Kyle

Alright.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

I’m hiding in my own room at my own birthday party.

Kyle

You are in Irene’s room, Hilda.

Tom

Mm-hmm.

Emily (as Irene)

I didn’t know that she was coming.

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh. Yeah. I thought it would be fun to bring Juniper over. It seemed like you got along really well.

Emily (as Irene)

Why would you think that?

Tom (as Hilda)

Um…

Emily (as Irene)

Did she say something?

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah, she said she had a lot of fun dueling with you and she wanted to duel with you again in the future.

Emily (as Irene)

Really? She said that? I mean… well, that’s a little bit presumptuous to think that I would want to duel with her again.

Tom (as Hilda)

I mean, to be honest, it’s probably the only thing that distracts her from wanting to duel with me and Booker. I think she just thinks Booker is really cool, to be honest.

Emily (as Irene)

Does she like to duel with you and Booker more than she likes to duel with me and my Necromon…?

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Uh… I think it’s hard to judge because I wasn’t there, but it seems like she really wants to spend time with you, so I thought, you know, why not. I’m sorry she ran off, though. I don't know why she keeps doing that. It happens a lot when she’s at home, too. She’ll just be in the middle of something and then leave very suddenly.

Emily (as Irene)

So I didn’t do anything to offend her…?

Tom (as Hilda)

No, she’s just—

Emily (as Irene)

Not that I care if I did, but out of sheer curiosity I would like to know.

Tom (as Hilda)

No, I don't think she’s upset.

Emily (as Irene)

What’s her favorite color?

Tom (as Hilda)

Uh… she wears a lot of yellow—yellow coats, yellow jackets, so that’s what I’d guess.

Emily (as Irene)

Good. Irrelevant, but good to know.

Tom (as Hilda)

Anyway. I don't think it’s possible for her to be mad at you. Booker was literally throwing up pages on both of us during the whole car ride over here.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

At that moment, Booker comes in and starts just a stream.

Emily

No, he just starts doing that panting and then the noise that pets make right before they puke on your bedding.

Tom

The dry heaving.

Emily

Yeah, that one.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

[Peppy ambling music begins.]

Kyle

Boidelrat is in position to grab whatever he horks out and put it in her stash.

Emily (as Irene)

No! Boidelrat, no!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib. Tarledoib? Tarledoib?

Emily (as Irene)

Boidelrat has been hoarding in my closet. It is her trash pit.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Excited.] Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat rushes in, rummages in a closet where you can see that there is this adorable little nest made out of trash, and grabs what looks to be a little hospital cane and brings it to the two of you as a gift.

Emily

Irene chucks it into the closet again. Something breaks in there.

[Laughs.] She does not respond.

Kyle

It sounds like something breaks in there, but that’s just Irene’s joints.

Emily

[Laughs.] No. You should have heard my shoulders today.

Hallie

No~

Tom

Hilda looks between the cane and Irene and the trash pile.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Hilda)

It doesn’t seem like too much. Do you—

Emily (as Irene)

Everything in there is trash. You can ask me questions.

Tom (as Hilda)

I don’t need to ask questions, but you also don’t need to feel like you need to hide anything in your closet.

Emily (as Irene)

Well, I like to hide things that don’t matter because I… because—

Tom

Hilda will put her hands on Irene’s shoulders.

Tom (as Hilda)

My moms say that anytime we say something doesn’t matter we should stop and think about are we being kind to ourselves.

Emily (as Irene)

That is good advice for you, Hilda.

[00:45:00]

Emily

[Laughing.] Irene stands up, wobbles, and walks out of her bedroom, leaving you to either keep sitting there or follow.

Tom (as Hilda)

[Stammers.] Wait. Irene? Where are you…? [Uncomfortable sounds.]

Tom

Hilda’s gonna follow but grab Booker under an arm.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Emily

I can’t wait for Stella to put on the sound of rocks being broken and strip and do some weird poem punctuated by screams.

Kyle (as Stella)

[Dramatic hoarse bellowing.]

Kyle

Stella is down… Again, not all ghosts are like this, but her feet end at a point. Instead of taking a knee, she has Aubrey down on his knee and is being held in the air, and Aubrey’s just dead-faced.

Kyle (as Stella)

[Dramatic hoarse bellowing.] Heh. I hope you liked it. I got that one by dropping a boombox down some rocks.

Tom (as Hilda)

I actually think that sounds kind of pleasant.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Earl)

It’s, uh… It’s a good song there, kiddo. Very experimental.

Emily (as Irene)

You’ve done better.

Kyle (as Stella)

Eh, just you wait, just you wait. Wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s the birthday girl doing here? What’s the birthday girl doing here? I thought this was like a surprise. Right?

Emily (as Irene)

This is the birthday party you made me come to. Where else would I be?

Kyle (as Stella)

Wherever you just were.

Emily (as Irene)

That is irrelevant.

Tom (as Hilda)

We were just down the hallway. We walked in there and walked back out here.

Kyle (as Earl)

Irene, you brought a friend into your room?

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

None of your business.

Kyle

Earl’s gonna cry.

Hallie

Earl~

Emily (as Irene)

Besides, she isn’t my friend, she’s my rival. It’s different.

Tom (as Hilda)

Anyway. Where did Juniper go? I was hoping she could join us. She knows so much more about Necromon than I do. She might actually know how to make Booker stop.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Make him stop what?

Kyle

Juniper appears from your other side with Booker purring in her arms, just gently petting his spine.

Hallie

[Smiling.] Oh my god.

Emily (as Booker)

[Happy grumbles.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Wow. How did you…? Is he feeling better?

Emily (as Booker)

[Happy grumbles.] Rekoob.

Kyle (as Juniper)

That is the power of magic… of friendship—the power of magic of friendship.

[Snickering.]

Anyways. While you guys were doing your secret rival stuff, we were preparing the real cool thing. Right, right, right?

Kyle

She points to where she and everyone else have gotten Quique for the main performance.

Hallie

Okay. I had wanted to ask Quique this, and I think it would be really funny if what saves him from having to answer me is that Juniper’s like “oh my god, there’s Quique, he’s gonna perform.” Sparky wasn’t thinking about it until Quique was like oh yeah, singing, a thing that is not at all connected to a deeply upsetting personal thing, so Sparky’s gonna be sitting on the couch next to Quique while everything is happening.

Kyle

Yeah, just the sound of rocks in the background.

Hallie

The sound of rocks.

Kyle

The soothing rock along with the [Dramatic horse bellowing.]

Hallie

[Mimics the bellowing.] Sparky just turns to Quique.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You know, I never asked. What is your relationship to that siren?

Ari

Can it have the perfectly-timed thing, even though skeletons do not drink, of Quique drinking water to hydrate his bones?

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily

Drinking milk! He said he has brittle bones. He’s gotta step it up.

Ari

He does. He drinks milk and then pours it over his body, but not when people are watching. He’s just drinking the milk at this moment. He will spit it and just be like:

Tom

The perfect spit-take.

Ari (as Quique)

What?! What? What did you ask, Sparky?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, just… look. I think it’s really funny if you sang, but then you seemed genuinely upset about it. I think you gotta, like I don't think I can stop that at this point, I’ve gotten the ball rolling too far.

Kyle

Somehow, as if out of thin air, Juniper has conjured a full-on glam outfit for him.

Hallie

He’s ready to go.

Ari (as Quique)

I don't know how this has escalated this way. I don't know how I was… Why did you assume that I had a relationship with that? I just meant, you know, Ariel…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Well, I mean, you were trying not to involve people in it, and you clearly knew she was a siren which implies some kind of preexisting relationship. I figured it out based on context clues and because I’m the world’s best investigative reporter, but you know, you are not those things, so presumably you must have known… What was it, Xochi? …at some point in time.

Ari (as Quique)

For once you have kind of impressed me with your sleuthing skills, Sparky. Well, I just thought it wouldn’t be relevant to the case at hand, really, for people to know these kind of things, but yeah, we can say she has a relationship to me in a way.

[00:50:00]

[Sad piano music begins.]

You remember when I asked you to sleuth and follow and figure things out, that it was hard for me to say them? Because it’s just sometimes hard to say things of personal significance. So, if I give you the hint that there is some relationship to me, do you think you can figure it out?

Hallie

Sparky has been transcribing everything that Quique says onto a notepad. She’s gonna fold it up and put it in her pocket.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You’re lucky you’re friends with such a good investigative reporter. You don’t have to tell me anything.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

And that’s when Juniper calls. Quique, you almost feel your suit carry yourself up onto stage. What kind of song have you been bullied into singing?

Ari

I don't know. He wasn’t ready for this. Hmm… How about a musical song? A patter song.

Hallie

A patter song!

Ari

I want Quique to have picked a patter song from a musical.

Kyle

Wow, Quique likes musicals. Interesting. Interesting thing, considering, um… Interesting.

Ari

He will pretend that he was forced into this, but he surprisingly knows the lyrics to the song, the full lyrics to the song. He is the one person that knows the full lyrics to the song but doesn’t like musicals.

Hallie

Completely crushes it.

Kyle

Sparky, I want you to go through your theories. What is Sparky thinking of? What is she theorizing?

[Sad piano music begins.]

Hallie

So like, Ariel and Xochi seem to be… I mean, there’s musical brainwashing at play, but they seem to also have some kind of preexisting relationship. So, at this point I just think she’s another niece Quique didn’t tell anybody about that he’s not on good terms with or something.

Kyle

Toxic family relationships like that, they just… they always end in pain, don’t they?

Hallie

Yeah.

[Music ends. A knock on a door.]

Kyle

The door knocks.

Tom

Nooo.

Kyle (as Earl)

Oh, I’ll get that. I’ll get that. I’ll get that. Oh! Hello, sir. How can I help you?

[Evil music begins.]

Kyle

Flick. Click. Flick. Click.

In the doorway stands a man who lacks a shadow and yet who seems to make the whole room dark. He’s hunched over in a way that feels more like rigor mortis than casual slouching. He plays with a lighter that emits sickly green flame, and he has a thick deep smile that goes all the way to the sides of his face.

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

My apologies, sir. My name is Indrid.

Kyle (as Earl)

Oh… Uh, okay, Mr. Indrid. What brings you here?

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

Oh. Well, I was invited, of course.

Kyle

Indrid Cold steps to the side, and behind him Elliot Hawthorne walks up and says:

Kyle (as Elliot)

Hello, father. Happy birthday, Irene.

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Kyle

Yeah, so we gotta do the ‘since last time,’ but I want everyone to have this vision in their head. Just know that, while we’re doing the summary, what we see is we see a small suburban house in the Valley, a van that has just parked in there, and inside at least three people all of whose eyes have gone wide with horrified realization.

Emily

Booker vomits in Sparky’s van.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Agh! Agh…!

Tom (as Hilda)

Booker… Please.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob.

Ari (as Quique)

That seems a little unsanitary.

Tom (as Hilda)

Booker, why did you even have this in your mouth?

Emily (as Booker)

[Indignant.] Rekoob!

Hallie (as Sparky)

God, Jake just cleaned this van.

Emily (as Booker)

[Snarky.] Rekoob, rekoob.

Tom (as Hilda)

I don’t know how he even got into it. I’m sorry, Boss.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Stammers.] What… What is this?

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom (as Hilda)

That was Irene’s present.

Hallie (as Sparky)

But what was it? I can’t… It’s digested?

Tom (as Hilda)

It used to be a book.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh.

Ari (as Quique)

Don’t worry, kid, we can just say that my present to Irene is kind of a combined present. Let me just show you what it is.

Tom (as Hilda)

Eh…

Emily

Booker starts tracking wet paper all over Sparky’s van.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Ah! No, no, no!

Hallie

Sparky’s chasing him.

Tom (as Hilda)

I’ll clean up before we go.

Ari

While Quique’s frantically looking for the presents.

Ari (as Quique)

Where did we leave them?

Hallie (as Sparky)

I don't know. You had them! You had the presents.

Ari (as Quique)

I didn’t. I had the presents, and then I gave them to you, and then we went back to the house. So then, I was just…

[00:55:00]

Ari

And he’s just making all of these maps.

Ari (as Quique)

Hmm. You know what? If they’re not on the trunk, I think they’re not on the car. Like, they were not “in” the car.

Hallie (as Sparky)

What do you mean they’re not in the—

Ari (as Quique)

“On” the car, Sparky.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Gasps.] Cripes, I did it again.

Hallie

Alright, I’m gonna leave before I accidentally flirt with this teenage ghost.

Kyle

She’s in her 30s!

Hallie

Stella is? Oh thank god. Okay.

Kyle

Yeah. No, Stella’s in her 30s. When you were a teen, she was probably like grade or middle school having a crush.

Hallie

Okay. Okay.

Emily

She’s like a couple years younger than you.

Hallie

Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. I’m really slow on the uptake tonight.

Tom

Because you were one of Elliot’s friends.

Kyle (as Earl)

We don’t say the E name around here.

Tom

Well, lucky for everyone, I didn’t say that, because Hilda is not even in this room.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

So, I am looking for…

Hallie

Because she has a paper on her at all times. She’s gonna write the name of it.

Hallie (as Sparky)

That. That is what I want. Do you need money? Does he have money? Quique, does he have money?

Ari (as Quique)

Eh… yeah, I was in my artist phase. I think he does not. I’m gonna take some money.

Ari

Except no, wait, it’s Sparky’s gift!

Hallie

Sparky reaches into her own purse because she forgot this was her monetary responsibility, and she hands it to Kalimbo.

Quest Friends!

Future in a Flash