47. Swanshine! (Part 2)

Transcript by Raina Harper

Kyle

Previously on Quest Friends! Hereafter…

[Music plays, ‘Quest Friends! Hereafter Theme’ by Miles Morkri.]

Hallie

I’m gonna make Lucas Bang proud, and Quique needs me because he’s—

Kyle

You’re gonna make Lucas Bang proud?

Hallie

Ugh, fuck me! God damn it! Big Jake Hell, I’m gonna make him proud.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Did anybody else see the green?

Emily (as Irene)

Yes, she has green lipstick.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Everybody else had it.

Hallie

So, what is our goal? What are we doing, gang? Do we want to get into the back room?

Ari

Yes.

Emily

Yeah. I think we should snoop through her stuff.

Hallie

I’d like to further instruct Juniper to text me when she finds Ariel.

I could use 2 AP to summon two more Xochi mascot suits.

Ari

Oh my god.

Hallie

And then we could all have a Xochi mascot suit.

Kyle

Something bumps into you.

Hallie

Fucking excuse me. Okay.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh! I’m, I’m real sorry about that.

Hallie

Oh for fuck’s sake! Can he leave?!

[Music swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

Sparky, roll me 2d6.

Hallie

Just… Just because?

Kyle

Just ‘cause. I got a reason.

Hallie

Just ‘cause?

Kyle

Just ‘cause.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Um… a 9.

Emily

Woo.

Kyle

Okay, okay.

Hallie

Yeah, I did okay.

Kyle

Pretty okay.

Hallie

Pretty okay.

Kyle

Do you want to be sloppy, loud or slow?

Hallie

Slow.

Kyle

Sparky… you duck into the nearest locker after jumping with a fright at a sound by the door. Unfortunately, the mascot suit you are in the middle of stealing, the School-Aid Man, is not fully on, and so it is stuck basically on the outside of the locker as… let’s say 15-year-old Sparky Malarky ducks into hiding.

[Occasional water droplets plunk into a puddle.]

Hallie

I just don’t move. Surely a mascot suit sticking out of a locker is not the strangest thing people have seen at this school.

Kyle

You hear some pacing and some muttering and some “hmm…”

Kyle (as Lucas)

Well, I guess this isn’t the weirdest thing I’ve seen.

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

A boyish yet rugged voice says from outside.

Hallie

I remain silent. They can’t prove that I’m here if I’m not here.

Kyle

And so, you hear some rustling as the boyish voice is just like:

Kyle (as Lucas)

Well, I guess I’ll just, uh… Maybe I can get Chazz’s help. No, no, no. You can do this, mister…

[Grunts.] You can do this. Let’s just—three, two…

Hallie

Right before he gets to the one, I just kick it open Smashmouth style.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Roll me Take Action or Take a Swing and let me know which one you’re doing. You aren’t applying stats because—

Hallie

Because this is past Sparky. I’m 15, I don’t have them.

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

I’m taking action because I don’t want to hurt him. If he falls, then that’s fine, that’s a casualty, but I’m not trying to hurt him, so let’s just do a Take Action.

Kyle

Okay.

Hallie

[Hums a jaunty tune. Rolls.] Eight.

Kyle

Alright. You go to push the suit into this guy and book it. Right?

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

You think it works at first because you hit this mascot suit… and it feels like a mascot suit in that it is soft and warm, but unlike a mascot suit—

Hallie

It has a pulse?

[Music begins **3:46.]

Kyle

It smells nice.

Hallie

Great. Awesome. Beautiful. Love it.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh! Uh… Sorry about that. Sorry.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Why are you standing there?

Kyle (as Lucas)

Well, I mean…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Don’t you know that you can’t just stand in the middle of the locker room?

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh… Oh! Am I in the wrong locker room?

Kyle

Realizing that he’s holding a girl…

Hallie

[Snickers.]

Kyle

This boy—He’s still a boy, even though to you…

Hallie

He’s still a boy.

Kyle

He looks like a man.

[Giggling.]

Ari

He looks like a man.

Hallie

I am but a girl… [Laughs.]

Kyle

Turns beet red. Without thinking, he just drops you to the ground.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Ack!

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh, am I in the wrong locker room? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll uh, um…

Kyle

And he bolts out of the room.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

I have successfully swindled this boy. I have made him believe he was in the wrong room, and now I can just go with my prize.

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

Which is the mascot suit that now smells a little bit like the thing that didn’t smell like a mascot suit which was a boy.

Kyle

Unfortunately, before you’re able to make it away…

Hallie

[Soft and sad.] No. I just make it away.

Kyle

…you feel a hand reach down for you.

[Music begins? Resumes? **4:57.]

[00:05:00]

Kyle (as Lucas)

[Stammering.] I’m sorry. I went away so fast. I, uh, I didn’t think to help you up. I’m sorry.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You came back to help me up?

Kyle

It was the first time you met Lucas Bang, Sparky.

Hallie

Yeah. This isn’t fucking fair. You had him come back to help me up. I had him just out. I was fully…

Kyle

And it was on this day you learned something important about Lucas Bang. He always comes back.

[Music ends. Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh! Uh… I’m so sorry about that. Let me help you up.

Kyle

In the present day…

Hallie

God damn it! Fuck! Why?

[Music begins **5:35.]

Kyle

Lucas Bang, beet red but less in the “I’m enamored” awkward and more just the “oops” awkward. At this age, a lot of his beard… We’re gonna say that he has a longer beard now since he’s an exile.

Hallie

That’s what men do when they’re an exile, they grow long beards. It’s the universal male exile experience.

Kyle

Ronda demands it, every man in Fantoms of the Opera.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

It’s like a prerequisite. She’s right to do so, to be clear.

Kyle

Anyways. He reaches down to the Xochi mascot suit who I believe was you that he knocked over.

Hallie

Yeah… yeah, funny how that worked out, isn’t it.

Kyle

Yeah, it’s funny how that worked out.

Hallie

Luckily, maybe, while I am in the mascot suit, I am unable to speak in anything other than friendly grunts and basic gestures, so I flash a thumbs up, ‘no harm done, broski,’ and then I am just gonna mosey on my way and I’m gonna try to grab Irene and Quique and just [Frustrated grunt.]

Emily

Irene just kicks him in the shin a little.

Hallie

Ha!

Kyle

[Smiling.] Roll me Take a Swing.

Ari

I want to make him trip by boomeranging Quique’s foot towards him so that he trips on it and then try to bring the foot back.

Hallie

This is just a clusterfuck, isn’t it? This shuffling trio just moves and so many things are happening at once.

Kyle

Emily, roll with advantage because Quique is helping you out.

Emily

Okay. I’ll roll another one. I rolled pretty darn good.

[Rolls.] I rolled a 5 and a 6, and then I have 3 Fierce.

Kyle

What kind of big benefit do you want to take against Lucas Bang?

Emily

So, I rolled with advantage because Quique wanted to trip him, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

[Music ends.]

Emily

So, I would like to have him stumble away from Sparky.

Kyle

Okay.

Hallie

That’s very supportive. Thank you.

[Music begins **7:36.]

Kyle

So, you kick him in the shin.

Kyle (as Lucas)

[Startled grunt.]

Kyle

He feels it—

Hallie

[Laughs.] Is it the Tim Allen grunt?

Kyle

As he does a Tim Allen grunt, Quique, you just extend a bone, trip him over, he stumbles to the side as Sparky gets up, realizes that part of her suit is undone, so she just kinda does the hopping. You’re basically in a giant sleeping bag.

Hallie

Yeah, essentially.

Kyle

You have a mermaid tail, so you’re hopping up, you’re zipping it back up, but as you do one of your socks falls out.

Hallie

Great. It’s one of my only socks.

Kyle

Yeah. Unknown to you, one of your socks—

Emily

Falls off through…?

Kyle

No, the suit unzips a little bit.

Emily

Okay, wait. Does she have shoes on underneath?

Hallie

You think Sparky’s gonna notice?

Emily

You don’t feel the, like, air on your foot?

Hallie

There is a lot going on right now for Sparky. You think she’s put together enough to feel things? No, fuck that.

Kyle

So, you all make your way away. Are you going to the third floor.

Ari

Yeah.

Hallie

Yeah.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

As he turns around, Lucas, who just thinks he fucked up again, so he’s even more red:

Kyle (as Lucas)

Hey. Wait. Sorry, you uh… Wait a second, you forgot your—

Kyle

And he picks up the sock… and he looks a bit confused because it doesn’t smell like a mascot suit.

[Music **8:59 returns briefly before ending abruptly.]

Hallie

[Flatly.] What?

Emily

[Silly voice.] Because like, “he” didn’t smell like a mascot suit, “you” don’t.

Hallie

I know! It’s just that it’s one sock, so it’s so tempting to make, like… like an “ooh, feet are smelly” joke, but I like to think it’s just detergent. I don't know what my sock smells like. I don't know.

Kyle

We said before the session that Sparky is a very specific kind of sexy. I like to believe she is a sock sweat sexy.

Hallie

[Laughs.] What is that?!

Ari

That’s so gross.

Hallie

What does that mean?

Emily

What?

Hallie

What does that mean?!

Kyle

Sock sweatxy.

Hallie

What does that mean?!

Emily

Justify what you just said right now.

Hallie

Remember how I wanted to make this a little bit more family friendly by not swearing? Now we’re like ‘I think it’s a very specific sexy sock sweat.’ This isn’t on me. None of this is on me.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Kyle

… So you’re on the third floor!

[Laughter. Music begins **9:54.]

The other floors, there have been some windows, but this one is all windows in this lobby area.

[00:10:00]

To your side you can hear music from this, again, shitty small movie theater that they have in museums where they’re like ‘this is the history of the exhibit right over there.’ It’s like that but for Xochi. You also have a wall that has these giant ornate double doors with a bunch of Xochitl flowers on them and two giant statues of Xochi adorning the walls. And there are some people walking back and forth.

Hallie

So even though this is Xochi’s private room, there are people milling around, yeah?

Kyle

In the lobby outside of it.

Hallie

I see. Okay.

Kyle

The double doors leading into the room itself are closed. You can hear faint music coming from within, and some people have pressed their ears to the door, listening, because this is where Xochi… she’s constantly playing her new pieces to figure out which she likes most.

Hallie

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Kyle

So, there are some people avidly against the wall trying to figure out what the next big Xochi song is gonna be.

Hallie

Okay. What I really would like to do but is complicated by the presence of others is just walk in like we own the place. Yeah, we’re the mascots, we’re on a break, we can be in here. You see a mascot go into a bathroom at Disney and you’re like they need a break.

Kyle

But you don’t see them go into Walt Disney’s office.

Hallie

Well not yet!

Ari

I mean, you don’t know. Have you been to Walt Disney’s office?

Emily

Yeah.

Hallie

What authority would I have to tell them they can’t go into Walt Disney’s office?

Ari

I wouldn’t be surprised if Mickey just walked in.

Hallie

Mickey’s got the run of the place. You put on a Mickey Mouse suit, you can get anywhere. That is a guarantee.

Kyle (as ???)

But only the actual Mickey. The mascots? No, no, no. They have their place in the little tunnels underground.

Kyle

The frozen head of Walt Disney says, talking to somebody.

Hallie

[Laughs.] {**11:59} for some reason up here.

Ari

What is this random cutaway gag?

Kyle

Yeah, the frozen head of Walt Disney you can call upon at any time.

Ari

I’m gonna write that down.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

So, in the mascot suit, you gain advantage when interacting with fans of your brand. Is there a way I could just convince them all to go downstairs by gesturing that there’s an exciting thing happening? I’m a Xochi mascot, I know what I’m talking about.

Kyle

Yeah, but you have to explain how you’re doing this.

Hallie

Uh… aww.

[Laughs.] Um, um…

Kyle

Quique, you see Sparky kind of hemming and hawing, trying to figure out what she’s doing. She is clearly in distress. The suit is… Speaking of sexy sock sweat, the suit is just perspiring.

[Laughter.]

Ari

You didn’t have to bring that up.

Hallie

Why are you like this?

Ari

Quique will put one of, or many of his mascot arms around Sparky as a supportive gesture.

Kyle

Everyone just sees as this Xochi mascot is sweating and the swan just gives it a comforting “there, there.”

Ari

Yeah, but it’s not like from the front but from the side, like a semi-subtle side hug.

Kyle

I get you.

Ari (as Quique)

I know we’re both kind of struggling this evening for different reasons, but I guess we can have each other’s mascot backs.

Kyle

Alright. What is your Compatibility Score?

Ari

Well, now it’s 1.5.

Kyle

Okay. I think we said that we’re gonna count that as a 2 even though Quique doesn’t admit it yet.

Ari

I think it might be now. I think it might have been closer to 2.

Hallie

I don't know, we had a pretty big moment last session, too.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

Sparky can either get a +2 on her roll, she can roll with double advantage, or the effect of what she does can be bigger: bigger successes, bigger failures.

Hallie

Where Sparky is stuck is that… I think with each other we can communicate with words, but with others it’s like friendly grunts and basic gestures, so I’m trying to charade “go downstairs, special event.”

Ari

Is there a fire alarm?

Hallie

Oh shit. That’s such a good idea.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Hushed.] Quique, you’re a genius.

Ari

Can I spend an XP? Do I have an XP?

Kyle

I won’t even make you spend an AP. That will be the benefit of your Help a Friend.

Hallie

Yes!

[Music begins **14:40.]

Kyle

As you give the hug, Quique, you notice that one of the statues is blocking a fire alarm.

Hallie

That’s really safe.

Ari

So it’s blocking it. Can I subtly walk sideways after doing the hug?

Hallie

Just like a little crab walk.

Ari

Behind her, like a little crab, and just casually walk near it, and with my many arms casually touch it and then casually leave.

[00:15:00]

Kyle

[Laughs.] The swan doing just a crab walk.

Ari

I don’t want any incriminating DNA or something on the alarm, so I want it to just be the suit.

Hallie

You don’t want to leave your bone DNA.

Ari

I don’t want to leave my BNA.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

BNA.

Hallie

Your BNA.

Kyle

Alright, yeah, roll me Sneak.

Ari

Okay. Okay.

[Rolls.] That is 12, I think.

Hallie

Oh…

Ari

Not natural 12.

Hallie

But it’s a 12.

Ari

It’s a 12.

Kyle

So no one notices as this swan does a creepy crab walk. I like to imagine Quique is on his fingers (skittering) like a spider going up the wall.

Emily

[Chuckles, a little uncomfortable.]

[Music ends.]

Kyle

You pull the fire alarm…

[Music/alarm begins **15:52.]

Kyle (as Xochi)

[Musically.] Wee-woo, wee-woo. There’s a fire in this place. Wee-woo, wee-woo.

Ari

Oh my god.

Hallie

I’d like to make that my ringtone.

Kyle

The music starts blasting. It’s so loud that even the lower floors can hear it over the music.

Ari

I somehow was not expecting for it to be so loud.

Hallie

That’s okay.

Emily

Irene goes to cover her ears, but she’s a little sun mascot, so her hands are stuck way out so she can’t cover her ears.

Kyle

The crowd fucking… they start dancing, but eventually Walt Disney is like:

Kyle (as Walt Disney)

Someone get me out of here. I’m not ready to thaw and die yet.

Kyle

Because he’s the frozen head, he is still alive.

Hallie

Some things are worth melting for, Disney! You know who wrote that? You! You wrote Frozen!

Ari

You wrote Frozen, because you are frozen.

Hallie

Ah-ha! It’s all coming full circle.

Kyle

Anyways. Everybody leaves the room. You have cleared out this floor, however you have turned on the fire alarm which is gonna get the attention of at least a couple people.

[Music/alarm** ends.]

Hallie

Yeah, I guess.

Ari

That is fair, yeah.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Quique, that was a brilliant move. Oh my god.

Ari (as Quique)

Thank you. We have to hurry because there’s not actually a fire and I think people might eventually find that out.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s break in!

Ari (as Quique)

Let’s… Let’s go.

Kyle

Alright. How are you gonna get in? Well, I’m actually gonna say…

Ari

Is it locked?

Kyle

I’m gonna say it’s unlocked.

Hallie

Woohoo.

Emily

This is definitely not at all potentially a trap.

Hallie

Vámonos. Everybody let’s go.

Kyle

Alright. You walk in, and… I’m gonna give a GM Intrusion to Quique.

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

Who do you give the other point to?

Ari

I want to give it to… I think the better choice would be Sparky, but I just found really funny the concept of Irene trying to cover her ears and having her big…

Emily

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

Alright. Let’s give it to Irene.

Ari

I’m sorry, Sparky.

Hallie

Why would I get anything this session?

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

No. All I got was cute words of comfort from Quique.

Kyle

The alarm keeps blaring, and because of it, you don’t hear the grating of stone as the Xochi heads turn to face you as you go through the door.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change.]

Kyle

Alright. You are all in Xochi’s greenroom. It looks like a garden. It smells like… Wisconsin dells.

Hallie

Nice.

Ari

[Chuckles.] What does that mean?

Kyle

The plastic is overwhelming, Xochitls everywhere.

Hallie

Beautiful.

Kyle

On the walls which are all glass you can see giant statues of Xochi, similar to the ones outside but all in different poses. We’ll say she starred in a bunch of different movies. Similar to ‘Bang! Bang!’, in each of them she has her own outfit on. She’s got a cowboy hat.

Hallie

She’s not allowed.

Kyle

She’s got a spacesuit.

Hallie

That one she can have.

Kyle

Notably, you can see that there are a bunch of lights. It’s lit like it’s kind of a natural beautiful daytime garden, although there are lights on the outside, and the statues you notice are all facing out. They’re clearly designed for people to look in and see them, not for Xochi to admire them herself.

Hallie

Right. Yeah.

Kyle

Nothing is moving. There is not a single living thing on these flowers. In the center, you can see the fountain at the top of the waterfall on top of this cylindrical staircase.

Hallie

Can I roll just a general investigation thing? Because we’re looking for… the Necroniniminicon.

Ari

She wants—

Emily

She wants the Necromonicon.

Kyle

Because Big Jake Hell has it.

Emily

Yeah, Big Jake Hell has it.

Ari

So what are we actually attempting to find in here?

Hallie

So, we’re looking for…

[Laughs.] We all get in there and we’re like, wait, what are we doing, what is the point of this masterful heist.

[00:20:00]

I guess we want proof that she’s connected to the Undertakers, right? Because she was with them and she’s trying to buy Die Hop, presumably to get the Necronanana. We’re kind of looking for Ariel because we want to get them out of here.

Kyle

The kids are already looking for Ariel.

Ari

Yeah.

Hallie

Yeah, the kids are looking for Ariel.

Ari

I guess Quique might want to know what Xochi’s master plan is.

Hallie

I was about to in-character turn to Quique and be like:

Hallie (as Sparky)

Quique, if there was one thing you could find in here, what would you want it to be?

Ari (as Quique)

I don't know. I would just want to know what she’s planning and how she’s planning to achieve it. She certainly has some master plan going on.

Hallie (as Sparky)

She certainly does. Alright, alright, alright. We got this. We got this.

Kyle

Roll me Investigate. I think you have advantage on that.

Hallie

Mm-hmm. I do. I do.

[Rolls.] That is a 13.

Kyle

Alright. Ask one question about the mystery other than who did the crime, how they did it, or why they did it. The GM must provide a clue that answers your question although they do not have to explain how it answers the question.

Hallie

How is she doing it? Like…

Ari

[Laughs.] What?

Kyle

Hallie, you ask a specific question other than who did it, how they did it, or why they did it.

Hallie

Oh, I didn’t hear the how and thought I was being really clever. I was like ha-ha, you forgot a preposition there. You forgot a key reporter question, Decker! No, no, I just didn’t hear it.

Kyle

The way Investigate works is literally those are the three important things: who, how and why.

Ari

Is “what” a forbidden preposition? What is she planning?

Kyle

Who, why and how, and how is kind of what. Those two are kind of the same.

Hallie

Okay. I want to know, um… When?

Kyle

When?

Hallie

Clearly she’s got a plan. Right? If I could find something about, like, ah-ha… a countdown to when my master plan is unveiled, then maybe we can piece things together from there. If she’s planning it tonight at this party, or if she’s like I’m gonna do it a different day that is also significant, or… I know that “what” was a forbidden one, but like, what’s the most important piece to her plan.

Ari

Ah.

Hallie

Not necessarily what her plan is, but like…

Ari

Is it Ariel?

Hallie

Well okay, maybe, yeah.

Kyle

You make your way the only natural place you can which is the big fountain in the center.

Hallie

Yeah.

[Music begins **22:30.]

As you do, the music that’s been playing, which is… and I think Quique would know this. I like to believe that Quique probably has listened to all of Xochi’s albums.

Ari

Oh, he has. Yeah. That’s why he wanted to be away from… yeah.

Hallie

Ha. That’s so… sad and cute.

Kyle

This is new. This is new material.

Ari

Is Ariel singing with it, in it?

Kyle

The closer you get, the less you hear Xochi’s voice and the more you hear Ariel’s.

[Music changes to **22:59.]

Ari

Hmm.

Kyle

As you get closer, you actually start to see life around it. Specifically, you see little demon bees, little **Beezlebubs.

Ari

Mm-hmm.

Hallie

Bees!

Kyle

Trying and failing to pollinate the Xochitl flowers.

Hallie

Poor babies.

Kyle

They’re kind of wispy and white. The closer you get to the fountain the more of them you see. You notice that some of them are congregated around this music box that seems to be playing recordings, and this music box has this green aura around it. When you get close enough, the voice that was Xochi’s that you heard returns to being Ariel’s.

Ari

Hmm.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I guess I knew that she was taking advantage of Ariel, but how do you think Xochi would benefit from this?

Ari (as Quique)

I assumed she was pretty creative, but maybe she just likes plagiarizing other people.

Emily (as Irene)

I have a theory.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yes?

Ari (as Quique)

Lay it out, detecteen.

Emily (as Irene)

Well, my thought is that Ariel is very cool, like probably the coolest person that I’ve ever seen, ever… but aside from that, maybe it’s not about them, maybe it’s about you.

Ari

Quique will think that she’s somehow referring to Sparky for a little bit there.

Ari (as Quique)

To Sparky? Why would it be related to…? Oh. Oh, me.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You.

Emily (as Irene)

Well, you said you had a complicated relationship, and as someone who is slightly familiar with certain complicated relationships between family members,

[00:25:00]

I can say that sometimes when people are mad at other people they sometimes like to use underhanded means to get revenge.

Ari (as Quique)

I guess it’s true. It’s not the first time she has done it, she has basically taken over some of my other kids, but I still don’t get it. Why would she…?

Hallie (as Sparky)

How does this get her closer to the Necronininiminah?

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah, that is the thing. I don’t know anything about that.

Emily (as Irene)

Oh. I was just assuming it was unrelated.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Speaking of assumptions, Emily, roll me 1d6. You’re kind of jumping to conclusions here a little bit.

Emily

[Rolls.] A 4.

Kyle

A 4. Your solution is the answer to the wrong mystery. Hold 1 use of an AP related to your answer and the GM holds a soft move.

Emily

Okay, so…

Kyle

Essentially, you are able to use an AP as long as it relates to your assumption that this is all about Quique.

Emily

Okay.

[Music begins **26:13.]

Kyle

As you’re talking about this, you notice out of the waterfall a little disk, we’ll say it’s like a CD or something, falls out of the waterfall. You notice that surrounding this there are dozens of CDs that all seem to have poured out of the waterfall.

Ari (as Quique)

Oh, that’s new. I want to see what is this CD.

Kyle

Everyone, give me a name of one of Xochi’s songs.

[Music ends.]

Ari

Hmm. I’m just looking through the comments that we have, and all of them sound like songs that Xochi could sing. Like, Cinderella but would suck.

Hallie

[Snickers.] But would suck.

Ari

And complicated means bad. That song is such a pop song.

Hallie

As we all know, could even be a real banger.

Ari

Yeah.

Emily

Now all I can think of is actual Avril Lavigne songs.

Hallie

I know. Um…

Emily

Mystery.

Ari

Just Mystery?

Emily

Yeah.

Hallie

Uh… Caramel. It’s the first word I thought of.

Kyle

So, Complicated Means Bad, Mystery, and Caramel.

Hallie

Caramel!

Ari

Caramel, like karma, but like…?

Hallie

Karma-L.

Kyle

Karma-L. You see a CD that has all of those songs but there are two interesting things. One, those were not all on the same Xochi album, and two, this CD doesn’t have Xochi’s face on it.

[Music **27:44 returns.]

Ari

Is it Ariel’s face?

Kyle

It’s just a random singer. As you look around, you can see a lot of CDs, many of which have Xochi songs but all of them seem to have some other artist on them.

Ari (as Quique)

Ah-ha. I guess I was correct. She plagiarized.

Kyle

The older ones have old variants. Right? A lot of the new ones just have variants of the word “help.”

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie

Oh no! Oh no!

Kyle

I need somebody. Help! Not just anybody. Help!

Hallie

SomeBODY come help me!

Ari

Are they trapped in the CDs? Quique will get more concerned now with all of these.

Ari (as Quique)

I have to say, I was already worried, but I think this is way worse than just being a misguided fan of hers that just doesn’t know any better. This is… This is maybe life imprisonment. I don't know what’s going on with this.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah. Quique, I know that Xochi’s a siren, so she can kind of manipulate and control people, but like… did she ever have any other capabilities that you knew of?

Ari (as Quique)

Well, I didn’t really notice them, or at least if they were there I probably chose to ignore them, which is probably another bad point on parenting here.

Emily (as Irene)

No, that’s a thing that parents do, ignore things about their children.

[Music ends.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

That’s okay, this is a judgment-free zone, unless we want to judge them.

Ari (as Quique)

I know. It’s fine, it’s fine. I deserve the judgment.

Hallie (as Sparky)

No, I’m saying I’m judging Xochi, I’m not saying I’m judging you.

[Stammers.] Like… She seems real Wily, Quique. I can see how she got away with this stuff.

Ari (as Quique)

No, Sparky, I did not notice that she trapped people potentially on endless CD loops. I will say I did lose contact with many of the kids that she came in contact with, but I honestly just thought that they just stopped talking to me.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah. Why would you assume they’d be trapped in CDs? That’s like…

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah. Right?

Hallie (as Sparky)

That’s like something I’d get kicked out of a Tsarbucks for.

[00:30:00]

Ari

I want to see, Kyle, if there’s any names in the CDs that are from previous kids or like nephews or nieces of Quique.

Kyle

Every, single, one.

Hallie

Every?

Ari

Every single one? Oh no! Is there like any pouch on this mascot suit? I want to get all of these CDs carefully.

Hallie

I was gonna say, yeah, we’re taking them.

Kyle

Someone roll me a dice.

Emily

I don’t… I don’t want that responsibility.

Ari

I can roll one. Just one?

Kyle

Just 1d6.

Hallie

Make Ari do it.

Ari

One d6.

[Rolls.] Five.

Hallie

Nice.

Emily

I’m glad we made Ari roll.

Hallie

Yeah! It was a good choice.

Kyle

I’m gonna tell you it was odds and evens, and evens was probably the better option for you.

Hallie

Well… ugh, okay.

Ari

Well, you know…

Hallie

Sometimes… Sometimes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Well this sure is great. Our big party, the day before the musical, and everyone’s gone. What do you have to say for yourself?

Kyle (as announcer)

I’m sorry, I’ll do better.

[Music begins **31:16.]

Kyle

You’re gonna see three people enter. One is Xochi, and she looks pissed.

Hallie

Good.

Kyle

She is in her costume, full makeup, but just kind of slithering along the ground. Next to her is that figure that you saw giving the presentation, one that looks very dolled-up, almost like a copycat of Xochi, but this one is taller. The makeup is just… This person is clearly beautiful, but the makeup is obscuring that. Then, behind both of them…

Kyle (as Lucas)

I just wanted to do my best to help.

Kyle

…you see, holding one of the statue heads, Lucas Bang.

Hallie

He’s not even supposed to be here. He doesn’t even go here. I would like to just:

Hallie (as Sparky)

Scatter!

Hallie

We all gotta hide.

[Music ends.]

Ari

Yeah, that’s the initial reaction, though I feel like Quique would take a little longer because he’s still processing that so many of his kids are trapped in CDs asking for help. He just feels so bad about it and he’s worried about Ariel. There’s a lot of things.

Kyle

Everyone roll me Take Action. I’m gonna do this as a group roll. If you do poorly, Quique will be the one to be punished.

Ari

Okay.

Hallie

Okay. Agh! Take Action…

[Players roll.]

Ari

I rolled an 8.

Hallie

I got a 9.

Emily

I rolled 9.

Kyle

They come in. You hear (muffled words) which is mascot Sparky’s way of saying “scatter!” You all go bolt to hide, but…

[Music begins **32:48.]

Irene, you notice as Quique is standing there still as a corpse.

Ari

Oh no.

Emily

Can Irene push him with her behind something? She’s moving very fast, faster than she usually moves, and she pushes him along.

Kyle

You push him but you fall over.

Hallie

No!

Emily

No! I’m round, I can’t get up!

Hallie

No! The Necromon leap to action!

[Music changes to **33:17.]

Ari

Yeah! Hamster wheel roll. We’re hamster wheel rolling.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Hallie

[Delighted.] We hamster wheel her. We hamster wheel her across the floor. We make it so much worse for Irene, but we’re also hiding her. We’re doing good, mommy.

Ari

Right after Irene overextended. Probably not the best time.

Hallie

Yeah, we’re doing good.

Kyle

Each of you pick one of Pokeyo and Mallea’s elements and one physical feature.

Emily

[Gasps.]

Hallie

One is Chef, but I can’t remember what the other one is.

Kyle

Then the other one would be Nature.

Emily

Nature.

Kyle

They all have Nature.

Hallie

Oh, they’ve all got Nature, okay.

Kyle

Maybe we’ll just give them all Plant and then the secondary one. Plant, Rage and Chef. Give me one physical feature.

Ari

The color green.

Kyle

Okay, green color.

Hallie

Prickles.

Kyle

Prickles.

Hallie

[Enjoying the word.] Prickles.

Kyle

Alright. Emily, describe and name this new creature which I believe would either be…

Ari

Mayo?

Hallie

Malleo?

Kyle

…Malleo or Pokea.

Hallie

I like Malleo because it sounds like Mateo.

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

What does Malleo look like, Emily?

Emily

Um… What if Mallea’s hat turned into a big barrel cactus? [Laughs.]

Hallie

He just gets a new hat.

Ari

I like that.

Emily

That’s kind of horrifying.

Hallie

I love it though.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

So, the hat turns into a barrel cactus and then the hat shwoops down around Mallea and it turns into a giant ball. Then, (spin-whoosh sounds), you feel like you’re moving at the speed of sound.

Ari

Rolling around.

Kyle

It just kind of rolls out of the way.

[Laughter.]

[00:35:00]

Hallie

It’s like inside the suit it’s all shaking like you’re Speed fucking Racer or something, and then on the outside it’s just like:

[Music ends abruptly.]

Bloop-bloop, bloop-bloop, bloop.

Ari

I think we did it. I think we all hide in time.

Kyle (as announcer)

Hmm…

Kyle (as Xochi)

Excuse me? What was that, little one?

Kyle (as Xochi)

I thought I saw… Never mind. It’s not important.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Ah. See there? You’re learning.

Kyle

And Xochi does a condescending pat on this other person’s cheek before saying:

Kyle (as Xochi)

Alright, big boy, let’s take it up top and see what it says.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Okay… Okay.

Kyle

Lucas Bang starts walking up the spiral staircase as does the third figure.

Kyle (as Xochi)

No-no, you stay down here.

Kyle

You’re all hidden behind a very big **Beezlebub.

Hallie

Ha!

Ari

I want Quique to give a silent ‘thank you’ to Irene.

Emily

She does a woozy double thumbs up. There was a lot of spinning that just happened.

Ari

There’s this guy guarding this place now as Xochi’s going up with Lucas to the top of the waterfall?

Kyle

Yep. They’re going up. I will say, at the top of the waterfall, the fountain, you can see that there’s a Xochi statue. I will say this one you didn’t notice previously, but it looks like this one is missing a head. They seem to be bringing the head from the other statue to this one.

Hallie

Okay. I would really like to just eavesdrop, but that would probably require following up the stairs.

Kyle (as Juniper)

[Loudly.] So are we sneaking, Boss?

[Music begins **36:44.]

Kyle

You turn over and you see that Juniper and Jam are just there next to you.

Hallie

Am I getting a GM Intrusion for this? They were so loud!

Kyle (as Juniper)

[Loudly whispering.] Oh. Sorry! Sorry!

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Whispering.] What are you doing? Agh. Agh!

[Stammers.] Did you find Ariel?

Kyle (as Jam)

Well, I mean, kinda, but—

Kyle (as Juniper)

Yes! We absolutely—

[Whispering.] Oh, sorry, sorry. Yes, we absolutely did.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Whispering.] Okay, so I’m getting mixed messages here, from “kinda” to “absolutely did.” Those are two very different answers.

Kyle (as Juniper)

[Whispering.] Absolutely… Well, so, yes, but—

Kyle (as Jam)

I didn’t know Ariel super well, but I don't know…

Kyle

And both of their faces turn at the figure standing at the base, the one that is very tall but dressed up like a miniature Xochi.

Hallie

Oh no…

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie

Oh, that’s why they’re here, because they did their job too well. Biscuits!

Hallie (as Sparky)

You did good. You did a good job. You did good. Uh…

Hallie

Okay. I’m looking at Quique like ‘we gotta get out of here,’ like ‘we gotta get them out.’ We gotta just kidnap Ariel at this point.

Kyle

Again.

Hallie

Again.

Kyle

That worked so well last time.

Ari

Oh man. Well, at least I’m in a mascot suit. I guess Quique would try to…

Hallie

You can take off the mascot suit now because the point was to sneak through the party with them.

Ari

No. Yeah, but I don’t want Ariel to—

Hallie

Oh wait, you’ve got a point. You’ve got a point. Just kidding. So, I think our best bet is to use… This still ends in kidnapping Ariel, though.

Kyle

[laughs.]

Ari

Yeah, that’s the plan.

Hallie

Are we okay with me just summoning my van again and just throwing Ariel into it?

Emily

I mean, I’m fine with that.

Ari

I think we should do the Round 2, Electric Boogaloo.

Hallie

Round 2, Electric Boogaloo! Kidnapping a child.

Emily

But this time we don’t let the child out of the van.

Hallie

This time. This time it’s gonna be different.

[Music ends.]

Before we commit to this, I do want to get Quique’s blessing. Sparky’s gonna put a hand on Quique’s shoulder.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay. I realize we’re in a situation here, so maybe you don’t have an idea of what the best play is, but… I also want your idea about what the best play is here because you’re very smart and capable and you’re closer to the situation than I am.

Ari (as Quique)

I don't know if I’m that smart and capable on this particular situation. A lot of things are going on right now, a lot of kids I thought just weren’t talking to me turns out might be trapped in CDs because of a thing my daughter did. So you know, I don’t have any better ideas other than I would rather… You know. We did this before and this kind of became this spiraling situation I have been in for the past whatever {**39:44}. I just don’t want them to know that I orchestrated this, at least for the time being.

Emily (as Irene)

They already know that I attempted to kidnap them once. It’s fine if they think I did it again.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay. Listen. You’ve got the CDs, yeah?

[00:40:00]

Ari (as Quique)

I do.

Hallie (as Sparky)

So here’s my pitch. I’m gonna call my van.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

And we’re gonna peel out of here, and we’re gonna see what we can do to figure things out.

Ari (as Quique)

I like that. Let’s do it. I don’t have any other better plan. I think the detecteen is up with that. I just don’t want them to know that I was part of this situation.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I understand. We will keep your identity secret.

Kyle

Take a GM Intrusion, everyone.

Hallie

No!

Ari

Everyone?

Kyle

Quique, you mean to say, quietly…

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie

No!

[Tense and eerie sounds begin.]

Kyle

…I don’t want them to know it was all my doing, but you don’t say it. A different voice coming from your mouth…

Ari

What? What?

Kyle

…sings it.

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie

Put in your WherePods!

Ari

Am I not wearing it? I am wearing them, right?

Kyle

You are.

Hallie

No!

Kyle (as Xochi)

Ah, there’s our little thieves.

[Tense and eerie sounds swell and carry into the announcements.]

Kyle

Another super-quick announcement break today. I just wanted to quickly thank the external voice actors that have participated in these two episodes, specifically David S Dear for voicing Death and then our vocalist for the singing portions who you can find down in the description.

We’re gonna have a lot more external voice actors in the coming months which will cost a lot more money than usual, so if you’d like to support the show and get additional content, I’d highly encourage you to check out Patreon.com/QuestFriends.

[More tense and eerie sounds carry out of the announcements.]

Kyle

You can see that Xochi has been up top and has been looking at a monitor from the statue head that showed that three people had infiltrated the room.

Hallie

Okay, well…

Kyle

She is now looking down at where the three of you were. She doesn’t see you yet.

Kyle (as Xochi)

But I can hear you.

Ari

Quique will try to cover his mouth. I mean, he’s in the mascot suit, but…

Kyle

He has the extra hand. It goes and covers his mouth.

Ari

Yeah.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Hushed.] Oh, that’s not good.

Kyle

Sparky sings out.

Hallie

Agh!

Ari

No!

Kyle

In a voice that’s not her own.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Oh, I would disagree. Come tell me, friends, who comes here today.

Hallie

I whip out the post-it notes again. We’re going back to that.

Ari

Quique will attempt to do a thumbs up with his many, many spider arms and try to point still at the fountain where Ariel is and still do a mimic of a van. The plan has not changed.

Hallie

The plan has not changed. We just can’t speak to each other now because it’s too weird.

Ari

It’s too weird.

Hallie

Kyle, I would like to just call my van. Like, it’s coming, here it comes.

Ari

[Laughs.] Here it comes. There’s traffic, but it’s on its way.

Hallie

[Laughs.] There’s traffic, but it’s on its way. I’m spending an AP to have my van appear at a critical moment which is now.

Kyle

The van bursts out of the fountain. You can see a bunch of the bees fly off it, the **Beezlebubs.

Hallie

Oh no! Oh no. Poor babies.

Emily

Sparky killed the bees, again.

Hallie

No I didn’t! No I didn’t. Shut up.

Kyle

As they go up, Lucas Bang looks at the van, looks at the sock.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Sparky?

Hallie

I was gonna say it would be really funny if he didn’t put it together.

Kyle

And Ariel looks up at the van and goes:

Kyle (as Ariel)

Tio Quique?

Hallie

It occurs to me that perhaps my van was a giveaway to our identities, but you know—

[Tense and eerie sounds end.]

Kyle

But for the first time this isn’t an angry voice and it isn’t a singsong voice. It is done with the same tone that Lucas Bang had.

Ari

Hmm.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Ah, I hadn’t noticed that he’d shown up. Well, let’s have a preview of tomorrow’s production.

[Deep organ playing accompanies Xochi’s song.]

Alicia (as Xochi)

Sing for me

Let your deepest fears flow free

Share with me

The fears you hide inside, papi

Don’t be shy

My brittle little trapped magpies

After all

This song will be your curtain call

[00:45:00]

[Xochi’s song pauses.]

Kyle

This time, you can’t help it, you can’t hold it in. All three of you break into song.

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

What are you thinking about in this moment? Because that is what you are going to sing about.

Emily

Irene is working on repressing her feelings as deep down inside her as she possibly can.

Kyle

And you sing out everything that you’re afraid of, and that you’re afraid of it.

Emily

[Laughs.] Ugh.

Celeste (as Irene)

45:39

Ari

Quique would still be really concerned about his kid and about, you know, “I failed so many, I want to save this one.”

J. Rod (as Quique)

46:47

Hallie

Sparky’s thoughts are—

Ari

[Smiling.] Lucas Bang? I’m not over~

Kyle

I’m not over Lucas Bang! I’m not over Lucas Bang~

Hallie

No.

Emily

Look at how his shoulders look in that shirt~

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

His beard looks really nice~

Kyle

His beard looks really good~

Hallie

But like, in addition to that, she’s also “gotta get out, let’s go, my car, chop-chop, let’s go.”

Louisa (as Sparky)

47:47

Everyone sings together, 48:21

[Music begins **48:59.]

Kyle

Xochi recoils back as a swirl of magic that looks like three swirling colors—white, brown and pink—slam her against the wall. She gets stuck there, and you can see it starts dripping off like wet ice cream. At the source of this, holding this wooden owl staff, with her glowing hair high in the sky and her crown floating above her, Juniper turns back to you and says:

Kyle (as Juniper)

Alright. I, um…

Kyle

And she takes her goggles and she puts them down.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Juniper)

…unknown superhero Butterscotch, will hold her off. Make like a banana and split!

Kyle

And it’s time for a Confrontation.

[Music changes to **49:56.]

Hallie

Okay! Sparky just throws up her arms. Sure. This is the least-weird thing that’s happened.

[00:50:00]

Kyle

What is your goal here?

Ari

I still would like to get Ariel.

Hallie

Grab Ariel, get out.

Kyle

Your goal is to get Ariel out, and their goal is to get Ariel not out.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

It’s actually more nuanced than that. I’m gonna give them Difficulty 4. I will give you Difficulty 5 because this is tough, but because you’re running 1 is already filled.

Hallie

Woohoo.

Kyle

So your clock is filled by 1, you have a van, you cough out the weird unnatural voice, and Lucas Bang is looking at you, Sparky. He’s figured out which one is you.

Hallie

I wonder if it was the singing. Good job, Lucas! Good fucking job.

Kyle

Jam is there just confused. Ariel is just confused. This new superhero you’ve never met before, Butterscotch, rises, floating in the air holding the staff. What are you gonna do?

Hallie

I have a very important question about Butterscotch. Normally, even though the hero looks the same, you don’t recognize her. Do we recognize Juniper in character? Even with the goggle gag.

Kyle (as Jam)

Wait. Where did Juniper go?!

Kyle

Jam says, confused.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

I feel like it’s so incredibly obvious that Irene would know, but I have to say I’m so tempted to have her put this on the heist board next to all the other stuff and try to figure it out.

Kyle

Your heist board fills by 1.

Emily

She knows this isn’t a little Polish girl with pigtails.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

Yeah, I think Quique would recognize her, but he’s so embarrassed by what was just heard.

Kyle

He’s too distracted. He pops out a clone out of secondhand embarrassment.

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

Alright. What’s your plan here?

Hallie

First I want to tell Jam:

Hallie (as Sparky)

Juniper went in the car. That’s where you should go.

Kyle (as Jam)

Oh, okay!

Kyle

Roll me Convince Somebody.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Ba-dada-dada…

Emily

This has got to be really, really easy.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Heart +3. Hmm… 6. I got 6.

Ari

I want to give you my 8 that I rolled.

Hallie

Yay!

Kyle

How does Quique help? Because Jam I’m just gonna say is so confused.

Hallie

This poor boy. I love him.

Kyle

They don’t know what’s going on.

Kyle (as Jam)

Van? What van?

Ari (as Quique)

This one. The one that… We’ll explain later.

Kyle (as Jam)

Oh… that van!

Hallie

[Laughs.] Oh, you’ll listen to the man!

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

They jump into the truck but each of your clocks does fill by 1 as a result because it did take a while.

Ari

Can we just…? Hmm. I guess the car can’t fly to go to the fountain.

Hallie

We could ask Juniper to magic Ariel into the car. Like, hey, do that thing you just did to Xochi but to Ariel.

Emily

Okay, okay, okay. Can I send out my Necromon to kidnap Ariel?

Ari

Ah.

Hallie

Yeah. Don’t we still have Malleo?

Kyle

Yeah, Malleo. Each of you roll me one six.

Ari

Just one?

Kyle

Yeah. We’ll combine your rolls together.

Hallie

[Rolls.] I got a 2.

Ari

[Rolls.] I got a 1.

Hallie

Ha!

Kyle

[Amused.] I was gonna give you a bunch of pluses too. Emily, you roll. I’m gonna give it advantage because they’re in their fusion form. I’m gonna say this is Fierce, so they do get a +2, so right now it’s a 5.

Emily

They get a +2?

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily

Because I have a 3 in Fierce.

Kyle

Eh… yeah, I’ll give it your Fierce.

Emily

Hehehe.

[Rolls.] Okay, I rolled a 5.

Hallie

Okay! There you go.

Kyle

Describe how you tell Malleo to pick up Ariel, and then Malleo, tell me how you do it.

Emily

Will it bite us in the butt if I take the time to rip off the mascot suit? Will you penalize?

Kyle

I will let you do that. No, I will not penalize.

Emily

Okay.

[Music begins **54:00.]

Kyle

Flump. It falls off in two pieces. Irene, heroically and very confused and with a massive headache, stumbles out.

Emily

One, she has to be mobile so she can do her signature point, but also, I want Malleo to put the suit so that Ariel doesn’t get poked.

Hallie

Oh yeah, because prickly. Because prickles. I was thinking either… Malleo is part Mallea. Mallea likes to throw. So like, Mallea just chucks them.

Emily

Yeah. I was picturing stomping, running over and scooping up.

Kyle

We did describe the fusion, or I described it as it was the hat and then the hat consumed. So, it could just open up like a Pac-Man mouth.

Hallie

It could do that.

Kyle

Just waka-waka-waka, clunk.

Ari

Yes.

Hallie

Pac-Malleo.

Kyle

The sun would make it look like Pac-Man.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

Yes. Excellent.

Emily

Now I’m just imagining Irene not having taken off the mascot suit, and she’s just squished up against the side.

[00:55:00]

Kyle

Alright, that’s a full success, so that is 3 out of 5 filled.

Hallie

God, we’re so good at this.

Kyle (as Lucas)

I, uh, uh…

Kyle

Lucas Bang is really confused.

Hallie

Good.

Kyle

Xochi is being like:

Kyle (as Xochi)

What are you doing? Get back. Get my—

Kyle

She’s looking back at everything.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Get, it, BACK!

[Music changes to **55:28.]

Kyle

She screams again and you can see that the green magic shoots out for a second and it goes to hit Juniper. Sorry, it goes to hit Butterscotch.

Hallie

Yes, thank you.

Ari

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

But instead of covering her lips, it just recoils back, and she shoots it back at Xochi.

Hallie

Good for Butterscotch.

Kyle

Alright. What are you gonna do now that you’re in the van?

Ari

Book it.

Hallie

Drive.

Kyle

Where are you driving?

Hallie

I’m driving down that waterfall. Here we go!

Ari

Let’s go.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Alright. Roll me Keep Your Cool to expertly drive this van.

Hallie

Fine. Fine! Dadada-dadada-da!

[Rolls.] God damn it! Four.

Kyle

How do you non-expertly book it up the staircase??

Hallie

Well, I meant to go down, so that’s one of them.

Kyle

So you were gonna go down to another floor?

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Because it’s like a staircase up which is the waterfall, it’s a fountain at the top of the staircase, or you have to go down other floors.

Hallie

Yeah, I was just gonna go down.

Ari

I was thinking down so that we can get to the bottom and then leave. Right?

Hallie

Yeah, but I think it’s funny if because I fail we’re going up now.

Kyle

You hit it in reverse.

Hallie

Yeah. Sometimes your van is in reverse and you don’t realize it when you gun it. You know?

Ari (as Quique)

I thought Big Jake Hell had fixed your van going in reverse.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, I did too, but I’m gonna have to bring that up with him.

Emily (as Irene)

No, Sparky, you just put the stick in the wrong spot.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You can’t even drive, Irene.

Kyle

You slam it in reverse. You fly up, hit the air, spiral like it’s Tony Hawk, effects are happening.

[Music ends.]

You start to go head-first into the waterfall, and as you’re about to go down, it stops, suspended in the air right above the waterfall.

[A lighter clicks. Music begins **57:22.]

You feel this choking heavy sensation as you notice that the summertime light in this room is no longer there. The only light you see is a small green flame as Indrid Cold looks at you with a smile.

Hallie

What?!

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

My-my, we just keep running into each other. Thank you for letting me know, little one.

Kyle

He says, looking over to Xochi.

Ari

Hmm.

Kyle

This is where I use the soft move from Irene jumping to conclusions.

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

I know that you couldn’t care less about “papi,” but I do admit I find him awfully interesting.

Kyle

Irene jumped to conclusions thinking this was all about Quique for Xochi. She was kind of right.

Ari

Oh boy.

Kyle

It was all about Quique for someone.

Hallie

No…

Emily

So, the van is suspended. Are we not able to move?

Kyle

You can move, but the van is fully engulfed. Its shadow is being held by one of Indrid Cold’s shadows.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Before you get too excited, father…

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

She says, looking at Indrid Cold.

Ari

What?!

Hallie

What the fuck?

Kyle (as Xochi)

…I do need to get mine out of there. Ariel, come out, come out. You know you don’t want to drown with this filth.

Emily

Originally I was planning on peeking out and trying to chuck one of my shoes at Indrid Cold, but I also kind of want to wrap both my arms and legs around Ariel in an attempt to keep them in the van.

Ari

I want to keep Ariel from leaving the van.

Emily

I don't know that it will work, but… [Chuckles.]

Kyle

You can feel Ariel pounding against the inside of the Pac-Man. I will say each of you are able to hold on, and I will count that as an automatic success. I will say that you are one step away.

Hallie

So, Indrid Cold’s shadow is holding us.

Kyle

Yep.

Hallie

I don’t actually know if we tried this the last time we were facing off against Indrid Cold’s shadows, but like, if I shine my headlights on it, does that weaken it at all?

[01:00:00]

If I use an AP to get a really fucking big flashlight.

Emily

Depending on how much AP, I will add AP to Hallie’s flashlight plan.

Ari

Same.

Kyle

You flash the lights, and he seems bothered a little bit, and you can feel the van jerk down a little bit.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Father, father, we need—I need it. I need it.

Ari

Quique’s weirded out by Xochi calling Indrid Cold her dad.

Hallie

Sparky’s just so fucking mad.

Emily (as Irene)

Is that your partner you mentioned…?

Ari

[Uncomfortable grunts.] I mean, I hope not, but I don't think that’s a twist that Kyle would do.

Kyle (as Xochi)

I need it, I need it, I need it. I…

Kyle

She does a pout and she screams “need it” and the whole room shakes again with that green energy.

Hallie

I’d like to flash and I’d like to lay on the horn in case the sound affects Xochi in some way.

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

I know you do, dear. I know you do. Unfortunately…

Kyle

He turns to you with a wide smile.

[Music begins **1:01:11.]

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

…I do believe we’ve lost this Confrontation, haven’t we?

Ari

Hmm.

Kyle

And that’s when the van plummets into the water. I need everyone to roll me 2d6 and subtract 3.

[Players roll.]

Ari

I rolled a Malaita, but if I subtract 3, that’s 9.

Hallie

I got an 11, and if I subtract 3, that gets me an 8.

Emily

[Smirking.] I rolled a 6, and if I subtract 3…

Kyle

The water from the waterfall hits you all like a dense mist. It goes straight through the van itself. Irene, you just feel like you’re drowning.

Emily

This is fine.

Kyle

You feel literally thrown out of your body. Quique, you notice as your form becomes misty.

Ari

Oh boy.

Kyle

And Sparky, you turn over and you see in your passenger’s seat… yourself, but shining with a light brighter than the sun itself, and then it switches and you find yourself in this dead body staring at your human form…

Hallie

What?

Kyle

…which alongside everyone else is going further and further away as the three of you spiral off in three different streams.

Ari

What?

Hallie

No! Are we separated? No! No!

Kyle

I had you roll with -3 because for Necromon journeying to the Afterworlds through an Oasis is like riding a waterfall in a nebula. However, for humans, living and dead, it’s more akin to drowning in a kaleidoscope.

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Kyle

And it was on this day you learned something important about Lucas Bang. He always comes back.

Hallie

Oh fuck that. Like a boomer-Bang.

Ari

A boomer-Bang.

Hallie

That sounds like not the pun I was trying to make, it sounds like a different kind of joke, but I am going to roll with it.

Kyle

Maybe she can rebound with Lucas Bang.

Hallie

Yeah, rebound from… from the rebound with the new rebound with the same rebound.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily

I think that’s called a breakup hookup. I don’t think that’s a rebound.

Hallie

It’s not a good thing.

Emily

But it’s a thing that might happen.

Hallie

No! Sparky’s not gonna do that. She’s fucking busy.

--

Emily

I, um… So, speaking of elemental blast.

Hallie

What do you mean speaking of elemental blast? What? What?!

Kyle

That never came up before this.

Hallie

What?!

Emily

I was just thinking that I could just have one of my Necromon do something kind of mean to him before we leave.

Hallie

The Necromon might be chomping at the bit to be perfectly honest, because they were not happy that Lucas Bang as there. They’re all in the suit with Irene, right?

Emily

That’s what I’m thinking. I feel like the Necromon would do that anyway.

Hallie

Right.

Emily

So maybe there’s no elemental blast, Irene just doesn’t stop them.

Kyle

I will say you do hear a…

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

[Muffled.] Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

…because Boidelrat is friends with Lucas Bang.

Hallie

Oh, god damn it, Boidelrat.

Ari

Let’s try and contain Boidelrat from jumping out of the disguise.

Hallie

We’re all about to jump at Lucas Bang but then we see Boidelrat is about to do it in a friendly capacity and we say no, absolutely not.

[01:05:00]

Our goal turns from just pouncing on him to stopping Boidelrat from doing a positive bounce.

--

Kyle

And then on the third floor there’s Xochi’s room as well as… I had some extra space, so I just put in one of those museum movie theater things they have where they, like—

Hallie

I saw that and I would like to stop there.

Kyle

[Chuckles.] You wanna watch Xochi—?

Hallie

I do. I wanna watch the exhibit. I might get more info from that than I have gotten from Quique.

Ari

Oh wow, that’s just rude.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Sparky would never say it out loud. I did.

Kyle

I like that you would get more information from clear biased propaganda.

Hallie

Yeah. It is a sick journalistic burn on Quique.

Kyle

[Laughs.] The session after he gets his arc move for opening up.

--

Kyle

So, you are now on the third—

Emily

Wait, no-no, you’re gonna need to explain the sock sweat thing.

Hallie

We’re not letting you off the hook with the sock sweat.

Ari

That’s so gross.

Emily

What kind of sexy is sock sweat?

Kyle

I just feel like Sparky is a very grungy sexy, where part of what makes her sexy is how gross she is.

Hallie

[Displeased.] Okay.

Ari

But specifically on socks?

Emily

[Chuckling.] Rude.

Kyle

So, you know how we’ve joked that Sparky is Hallie in ten years?

Hallie

No!

Emily

So Hallie has sexy sweat?

Kyle

I feel like part of Hallie’s charm is that she’s living the bachelor life not the bachelorette life.

Hallie

[Laughs.] You’re not wrong. You’re not wrong.

--

Kyle

Everyone knows about the part of the musical where the swan does a crab dance.

Ari

Yeah!

Kyle

Everybody knows.

Ari

And if they don’t, I want to use Why Would I Lie so that it’s actually true. It’s true, it is a part of the show.

--

Ari

Quique would still be really concerned about his kid and about, you know, “I failed so many, I want to save this one and save the others if I can,” something like that. A sad ballad? I don't know.

Kyle

A salad.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I can’t breathe.

Emily

Ugh, this is like the kind of thing that she’s gonna wake up in the middle of the night when she’s 40 and still think about.

Ari

Quique too, though. We’re having a bonding experience right now.

Kyle

Indrid Cold literally assaulted your family and this will be the thing that terrifies you long-term.

Emily

Well, that was scary, this is also embarrassing, and that makes it so much worse.

Hallie

Yeah. This is like a nightmare you would have without living it. It’s on par with, like, “oh no, I forgot to put on clothes to go to school,” one of those.

Kyle

Alright Sparky, what are you thinking about?

Hallie

Gotta get out, let’s go, my car, chop-chop, let’s go!

Kyle

Gotta get out, gotta run, gotta… Lucas. Gotta jump, gotta go, gotta… Lucas.

Emily

Gotta jump Lucas. Gotta jump Lucas.

Kyle

Gotta jump them bones. Dun-dun-dun! Gotta jump them bones. Bam-bam-bam!

Hallie

I do not like… I do not like the things that have been said this session.

Emily

But have we said anything “wrong?”

Hallie

I am still… The jury is still out on the sexy sock sweat, but that’s—

[Laughter.]

Emily

Okay, that’s true, that was wrong.

Ari

I heavily considered X-Carding that, but I felt like Emily’s face made it all worth it to keeping it.

--

Emily

I really want, like… You know how the first time we joked that Big Jake Hell came and saved us and flew the van? I really want that to be the case again.

Hallie

No, we don’t want—

Emily

Because it would be really, really funny for that to happen right in front of Lucas Bang.

Hallie

We don’t want Lucas Bang to know that we were here. I can do everything without Lucas Bang.

Emily

Without Lucas Bang or without Big Jake Hell?

Hallie

God dan it! Ugh!

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie

Why are their names so similar?!

Emily

I don’t think they are.

Ari

They’re not similar.

Hallie

Yes they are. Bang and Jake both have the A and they’re four letters. They’re four letters.

Emily

These notoriously similar words, Bang and Jake.

Hallie

And then there’s the L! Yes! Yes though!

Kyle

Alright, roll me Keep Your Cool to expertly drive this van.

Hallie

Fine. Fine! I don’t want those dice, hang on.