48. Journey to the Afterworlds

Transcript by Raina Harper

Emily

Previously on Quest Friends!…

[Intro music plays, ‘Into the Wild’ by Miracle of Sound.]

Kyle

You see Irene. You think you see Irene. She looks pretty much the same except you can see right through her, almost like a phantom.

Irene turns over. She swears she can see a girl her age with like a book.

Hallie

[Cackles.] No!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat is barking and kind of chomping at Juniper’s little messenger bag which is rustling.

Emily (as Irene)

Boidelrat!

Kyle (as Xochi)

Well, before you get too excited, father…

Ari

Oh no…!

Kyle

She says, looking at Indrid Cold.

Ari

What?!

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

Unfortunately, I do believe we’ve lost this Confrontation.

Kyle

And that’s when the van plummets into the water as the three of you spiral off in three different streams.

Hallie

No!

Ari

What?

Hallie

Are we separated? No!

[Music swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

After quite a considerable tumble, the girl eventually… woke up… on a bed of blue leaves.

[Éponine aggressively plays with a very squeaky toy.]

Ari

Squeaky leaves.

Hallie

You know how sometimes leaves squeak when you land on them?

Kyle

As she got ahold of her bearings and slowly and gingerly placed herself up, the small squiggling squees rustled out from under the underbrush.

[Éponine continues to interrupt.]

Hallie

Just like that.

Emily

Impeccable timing, Éponine. Truly.

Hallie

She’s playing with us.

[The squeaking stops.]

Emily

“Wow, there were a lot of those. That took a really long time.”

That’s not what Irene says.

Kyle

No, the girl thinks something a lot more along the lines of “ouch.”

Emily (as Irene)

Ouch.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Jumping out from under the leaves, the girl’s Boidelrat fiercely chased but was unable to capture any, if that was her intent at all.

Emily (as Irene)

Boidelrat. Boidelrat, stop that.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib, tarledoib, tarledoib!

Emily (as Irene)

Where is everyone?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope, oh-ee-kope. Oh-ee-kope.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

Emily (as Irene)

M-Mossies?

[Éponine squeaks her toy some more.]

Kyle

Where the girl expected to hear a deep gentle “see-sawm,” only the squeaking of the squees could be heard.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope?

Emily (as Irene)

Not again.

Hallie

Pokeyo is scanning the area for the Mossies, and also for everything because it’s new.

Ari

I have a question for the narrator.

Kyle

Yes?

Ari

Based off my playbook, what’s the size of Mallea? If I’m The Ogre, is Mallea bigger?

Hallie

I was gonna say, I was imagining designs and sizes kind of like Christopher Robin, Hundred Acre Wood. So like, his bedroom is the Hereafter to us, it’s the normal world, but then when he’s playing with his friends they’re a different relative size to him.

Ari

Oh yeah.

Hallie

So, I imagine Mallea and Pokeyo and Boidelrat as, like… they’re probably smaller in relation to Irene in our real world, but here, because it’s like the Hundred Acre Wood, they’re like regular animal size.

Ari

I think for Mallea specifically I don't know because the scripture says that the thing is that we’re big, but I don't know, that doesn’t necessarily have to happen in this.

[Whimsical music plays.]

Kyle

The mushroom went to take in its size and find all of the familiar yet smaller voices.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Ari

[Mimics Boidelrat but more high-pitched. Chuckles.] We’re like way smaller.

[Éponine ruffs and her collar jingles.]

Kyle

Upon hearing the small peculiar barks, the tall mushroom looked down at this small trash possum and the possum in turn saw that the massive tree trunk it was barking at was actually but one leg of a beast that stood the height of the forest itself.

Ari

Oh no. The thing is, Mallea would not be very careful about knocking some trees accidentally.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um! Uh-lay-um? Uh, uh-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Emily (as Irene)

Mallea. Mallea, calm down. Calm down.

[00:05:00]

Kyle

But it was too late, for the hawthorn tree with not-yet-bloomed flowers that the girl had awoken under had already crashed with a sonorous boom to the forest floor.

Emily

Irene covers her ears as the little squees flee in terror.

[Éponine squeaks her toy.]

Ari (as Mallea)

[Concerned.] Uh-lay-um? Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um…

Emily

So, there’s a move that I have as The Girl called Curiouser and Curiouser.

[Music ends.]

When you try to get some answers about this world or its inhabitants, ask The Guide your question. If you are willing to participate in a peculiar activity, your answer will be clear and helpful. If you are unwilling, your answer will take the form of a riddle.

I think I just want to know if there are signs of other people or creatures. Like, are the Mossies here? Are Sparky and Quique somewhere? Where did Ariel go? I was clinging to them.

[Magical music begins.]

Kyle

The girl took in her surroundings, but while she could not quite place why she sensed that here in the Underground she was playing with a new set of rules entirely. Where previously it might be up to chance whether she found the answer to her query, in the Underground, if the girl got curiouser and curiouser, all she needed to find answers was to engage with a bit of whimsey and magic.

As the reverberating echoes of the tree’s crash, very much heard, slowly faded, different echoes rippled in, echoes of a voice familiar but one that the girl could not place.

₮Ø₥ (₳₴ ⱧłⱠĐ₳)

Oh, uh, hi Irene.

Emily

I want to investigate this, but I also want to find my Mossies. I’m very torn. Maybe I’ll go towards the voice, then. There’s a chance that my Mossies are that way.

Hallie

You’ve got no other leads.

Emily

Yeah.

Emily (as Irene)

Do you think we should go that way?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Affirmative.] Oh-ee-kope.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

Emily (as Irene)

Well, you are very wise.

Emily

And she will go in that direction.

Ari

[Makes big thudding stomping sounds.]

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

The girl and her companions followed the line of squee racing towards the sound. The sound of the racing squee was supplemented by the creaking of bones as the girl stood up and stumbled over herself…

Ari

Oh no.

[Silly ambling music begins.]

Kyle

…realizing with frustration that once again her legs, and arms, and face, and everything else, was partially transparent.

Emily (as Irene)

[Huffs.]

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Concerned.] Oh-ee-kope?

Emily (as Irene)

Well, either I died in a car crash or—

Ari

[Coughs laughing.]

Hallie

Too soon!

Ari

Why?!

Hallie

Too soon!

Kyle

[Chuckling.] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ari

X-Card. X-Card.

Hallie

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Too soon on that one.

[Laughter.]

Ari

X-Card.

Emily

I mean…

Hallie

That was the last place Irene was: in a car.

Ari

It’s true. It’s true.

Kyle

Or?!

Emily (as Irene)

…or I am dreaming.

Emily

Those are the two options that Irene has.

Hallie

Pokeyo very helpfully takes one of their little spines and pokes Irene in the ankle with it.

Emily (as Irene)

Ow. It shouldn’t hurt if I’m dead or dreaming.

Hallie

[Cackles.]

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Hallie

“Back to square one” is what Pokeyo’s expression says.

[Music ends.]

Emily

I would like to jump to a conclusion.

Kyle

The girl, despite playing in the ruleset of the roleplaying system Girl Underground…

Emily

[Snickers.]

Hallie

Chuckles.]

Kyle

…decided to jump to conclusions. She did this by refusing to mind a manner that had been deeply instilled in her.

Emily

One of my manners is young ladies must know everything. So, Irene will say:

Emily (as Irene)

Well, I know most things, my education is ongoing. I suppose it could be a third option.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Kyle

The girl, like most young girls, had been raised with a very particular set of manners with which she had to follow, and now that the girl was in the underground, she found those manners challenged.

Emily

[Rolls.] So, I did roll a 4.

[00:10:00]

[Threatening music begins.]

Kyle

As if manifested by the girl saying the words herself, the realization of what a big wide world it was and what a small part she was of that world swept over the girl like a wave splashing over driftwood lost at sea. She did not know where she was, she did not know where her Mossies were, she did not know what the mysterious voice was. She did not know how to get here, she did not know how to get out of here. She did not know, she did not know, she did not know.

Emily

Irene’s face feels a little bit numb and her hands are very cold. She’s starting to feel very panicky.

Ari

I want Mallea to kneel down as much as he can being so big and hug Irene.

Emily

Aww. Irene makes a little pained noise, but she appreciates the hug.

Ari

Oh… Oh no.

Emily

I want to clarify that it’s just because this is what happens to me too. It’s how chronic pain works.

Ari

Okay. Mallea tried to be very careful.

Emily (as Irene)

I think that maybe we’re just lost forever.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Startled.] Oh-kope?

Ari (as Mallea)

[Doubtful.] Uh-lay-um. Hmm.

Kyle

As if responding to the girl’s plea, although she would later claim it was not a plea, the familiar voice echoed again.

₮Ø₥ (₳₴ ⱧłⱠĐ₳)

Please help me help Booker.

[Music ends.]

Ari

I have a thing where I can use the elements to come to my aid.

Kyle

Yeah, when Tom genocided the flowers.

Ari

[Laughing.] yeah, but uh…

Kyle

The flower genocide. We know this move very well.

Hallie

Yeah, we all know!

Ari

I forgot that’s how flowers got genocided.

Emily

[Sadly.] I didn’t.

Ari

I was thinking, since Mallea has a little mushroom thing and it’s so big, like if that can somehow redirect the wind somehow so that it’s easier to tell where the voice is coming from so that it’s easier to find the source of that voice that Irene wants to find. I am one with the trees. I am the Lorax.

[Rolls.] I rolled a 9.

Kyle

The wind blew through the little bristles in Mallea’s hat, and it was able to see, however small from its perspective, the source of this voice.

[Calm magical music begins.]

Mallea looked down and saw a most peculiar Necromon indeed: a fennec fox the size of a coyote with a rattlesnake tail.

Ari

Oh! What?! A fennec fox?!

Kyle

And atop it, a single biting moss ball.

Ari

Mallea will very carefully kneel down and put his palm so that the fennec fox and the little one moss gets into his palm so that he can then move it over to Irene.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um!

Kyle

The newly giant Mallea attempted to be as gentle and caring as he could…

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

…but, seemingly not out of fear but out of choice, the fox shook its tail, returning Mallea’s voice back towards him, and raced off further into the wood.

Ari

Oh, it’s an echo fennec fox, a fennecho fox.

Kyle

Oh, that’s so much better than my name.

[Music ends abruptly. Laughter.]

Ari

Mallea will try to get Irene’s attention very carefully.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh… uh-lay-um?

Emily (as Irene)

Yes?

Ari

He will extend his hand for Irene and the Necromon to get in, and then it’s gonna move it to the side where the fennec fox left. Like, “they’re over here.”

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee?

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

[Playful music begins.]

Kyle

The Boidelrat runs off.

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Exasperated, shouting.] Oh-ee-kope!

Ari (as Mallea)

[Tired.] Uh-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Frustrated, shouting.] Kooope!

Emily

Irene looks like she’s about to burst into tears.

Hallie

[Laughing.] Oh no! Pokeyo, the healer, is just so mad at the Boidelrat.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Kope.

Emily

Irene had been climbing into Mallea’s hands, but when Boidelrat runs she scrambles back down and starts running after her.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Emily (as Irene)

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just have to… I have to keep up.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee.

Emily (as Irene)

I can’t lose another Necromon.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Kope. Kope~

[00:15:00]

Ari

Mallea will take Pokeyo and go walk in the exact same direction as Irene but very slowly so that he doesn’t squish Irene.

Hallie

Can I use a move, Impart Wisdom, which is roll when you offer guidance to The Girl and she follows your advice. My guidance is just get in the f#$%ing car.

{Transcriber’s Note: Censoring is done with a bell chime.}

Emily

Last time I did that I died.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Okay, you got a point, but I was using ‘car’ humorously.

Ari

But I am not a car, I’m a car-lea.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

So, 2d6, 2d6! Here’s one.

[Rolls.] Here’s two.

[Rolls.] Eight. The truth that I share is Mallea can run so much faster than you. The truth that I don’t share is this is partly because you are overextending yourself.

Kyle

In an attempt to chase the Boidelrat, the girl ran quickly into the thick of the trees. The second she found herself within it, it was as if she was in the middle of the darkest part of the forest.

[Threatening music begins.]

From the outside, she could hear the pleas begging her to come back.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Emotional.] Oh-ee-kope!

Kyle

After all, Mallea was faster, but that was simply…

Kyle (as Elliot)

Because you’re weak. You’re feeble and pathetic and you must rely on others, mustn’t you?

Kyle

A voice normally hidden from inside the girl’s mind echoed throughout the trees.

Emily

Irene stops running and looks around.

Emily (as Irene)

Elliot?

Kyle (as Elliot)

Sister.

Emily

I don’t see anyone, right? Or do I?

Kyle

The girl only sees shadows, wisps of people just out of view.

Emily

I would like to use Curiouser and Curiouser now.

Kyle

All around, the girl saw grimaces, frowns, furrowed brows, disappointment… but eventually her eyes were caught by the sole smile in the shadows.

[A Mossie’s “sawm” alternates with high choral singing.]

[Calm magical music begins.]

Kyle

The girl and her companions, Boidelrat included, converged on the edge of a field of orange Xochitl flowers. In the center lay a single moss ball occasionally letting little sounds of distress out, and, as it did, the flowers surrounding it would sing in a beautiful chorus.

Emily

Aww.

Hallie

You’re gonna make us do a second genocide on these flowers?

Kyle

[Smirking.] Well, you don’t “have” to.

Hallie

No, we’re gonna suggest something very innocent and then somehow it’s gonna turn into genocide. I just don’t think we should have flowers in any of our adventures, to be perfectly honest.

Emily

I would like to refuse to mind my manners.

Hallie

Oh-ho-ho.

Emily

The manner that I would like to not mind is young ladies must always be good, because good people leave flowers to grow. Irene, for the first time in her life, is gonna pick a flower.

Hallie

See? This is how it always starts. You pick a flower.

Emily

She wants to see what will happen. If nothing bad happens, then she’s just gonna start wading over to her Mossie. If I roll poorly, I just don’t bother picking it. I lose my temper and start stomping.

Hallie

Ha!

Ari

No…

Hallie

As the prophecy foretold.

Emily

[Rolls.] I rolled a 9.

Hallie

Yay.

Kyle

The girl picked a flower, and as she plucked it, it let out a small (musical cry).

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee?

Ari (as Mallea)

Lay-um?

Emily

I was gonna try to talk to it, but if I’m going too far, then I guess I’m just gonna start walking through them, not paying attention if I’m crumpling their leaves or upsetting them.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Were the melodic screeches singing or screaming? The girl did not particularly care either way. Her priority was getting to what mattered most to her.

Kyle (as Mossie)

Sawm!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Excited.] Oh-ee-kope!

Ari (as Mallea)

Lay-um!

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope, oh-ee!

Emily (as Irene)

Are you injured?

Emily

She cradles the Mossie and pets its little head.

[00:20:00]

Kyle (as Mossie)

Sawm. Sawm. Sawm.

Kyle

[Hoarse.] It rolls over sad because there’s only one of—

Hallie

Your voice breaking really sold the sadness.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

[Coughs and chuckles.]

Emily

She gives it a little peck on the head and continues wading back out of the field.

[Semi-sinister magical waltz begins.]

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

You are quite talented.

Emily (as Irene)

Hello? Who said that?

Kyle

The girl looked up and saw the source of the smile from earlier, a lazy smiling sloth hanging from the branches of one of the trees. The girl quickly realized that the sloth was not looking at her but instead was looking at one of the flowers which remained untrampled.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Oh, you really think so? That means so much!

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

Yes, you’re quite talented indeed. It’s not common that people become celebrities simply by virtue of their death.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Well, you know, I um…

Kyle

The flower looked downcast as if her own mortality was being distressing to her in some way.

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

Come, come, you mustn’t worry.

Kyle

The sloth said.

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

Your passing on has given you powers far beyond, and I think it gives you very new opportunities indeed.

Kyle (as Xochi)

[Nervous and shaky.] Uh… really?

Kyle

The flower which had been previously boisterous was now perplexed by the attention of this strange sloth which smiled and said:

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

As long as you’re comfortable trampling the path you need to.

Kyle

As the sloth said that, it disappeared, only the smile remaining as the flower returned to the earth.

[Music ends.]

Emily

Irene stares at where the flower was.

Emily (as Irene)

Well, perhaps I should have learned something from this, but I didn’t.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

And keeps walking.

Hallie

Good for her.

Emily

Deeper down, this is genuinely impacting her, but Irene is very experienced at repressing most things, and she is going to continue repressing.

Hallie

Pokeyo supports the repression.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily

Irene did however learn one thing. If Mallea tries offering a hand again, she will climb on it.

[Magical music begins.]

Ari

Aw. Mallea will then offer the hand again.

Emily (as Irene)

Thank you.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

Kyle

As Mallea picked up the girl, he kept his bristles tuned to the wind, waiting to see if that fox was still there. Sure enough, there were rattles to be followed.

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

Right when the episode was reaching the interesting parts, the podcaster chose to sit down and interrupt the momentum with an announcement break… but you’re gonna want to stick around for this one.

So, if you haven’t figured it out already, we are playing a new roleplaying system specifically for this episode called Girl Underground. We played this a couple of years ago where our theme song, just like it is today, was Into the Wild by Miracle of Sound. If you listen to that episode from a few years ago, you might pick up a thing or two.

But, listening to that episode, playing that game, those are all secondary calls to action. My main call to action today is one that’s going to grant you the opportunity to participate in three really exciting things. The call to action is quite simple.

[Game show music begins.]

Join our Discord.

In addition to being by far the most active place for you to engage with other fans of the show and us, our Discord is also going to be where you can participate in the following three things which I’m gonna organize from what I think is the least exciting to the most exciting.

Starting, just like with every year, we are doing the NPC Showdown again this year where the latest batch of non-player characters fight to figure out which one is your favorite. We did this previously on Twitter/X, but we don’t really go there anymore and Discord felt like the right place to revive it.

Second, now that our players are stuck in the Afterworlds, in an upcoming session I am going to use a random number generator to figure out what worlds my players go to, and they don’t know this yet, I want to be clear.

[00:25:00]

So, I’ve got a couple of ideas of my own, but I will be asking fans on the Discord for ideas for aspects of the Afterworlds for our players to get stuck in. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be super creative. Remember, one of my realms is just all Batmen, and that’s canon. That’s a layer of the Afterworlds. So, this is an opportunity for you to share a joke, share a little bit of original content, share something that you’re a fan of.

Speaking of things you’re probably a fan of, Flashback Future, our first campaign, is coming back, but this time you’re gonna help me write the story. Specifically, in a few months I’m gonna be starting a new podcast that’s gonna be kind of like a choose your own adventure where I narrate the actions of a main character and at the end of every ten-minute or so episode I am going to ask a question, give you a choice, ask you to make a roll, and the most popular answers from the fanbase are going to determine what happens next.

Before I can get started on any of that, I need to figure out what exactly this whole thing is gonna be about, so I put together a really short survey that I am taking responses on from now until the end of March asking what your favorite characters were, what things you miss, basically everything that made that first season tick so that I can really launch into the world again in a way that will be fun for us all. You can find a link to that form directly in the description, but you can also just go to the Discord where you’re gonna find everything else.

[Music ends.]

With that, the podcaster had taken up more than enough of his announcement break time, so he handed the announcement break back to the narrator… What? I guess. …and the story continued.

[Forest ambience carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

On the next part of their adventure, our party found themselves on the steps of a ruined stone bridge broken over a gap far too wide for the girl to cross alone.

Ari

But, if the girl is on Mallea’s hand…

Kyle

However, the narrator did not factor in Mallea’s size, so in a single bound the party crossed the river and was ready to go on the next part of their adventure.

[The players giggle.]

That was until, back in the river rapids, the girl and her companions heard another distressed…

[Action music begins.]

Kyle (as Mossie)

Sawm! Sawm! SAWM!

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um? Uh-lay-um!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee?!

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Kyle (as Mossie)

[Burbling as if underwater.] Sawm! Sawm…!

Ari

Mallea will head back to the river to see if he can see the Mossie.

Kyle

Carried through the racing river was a small moss ball bobbing up and down like the end of a fishing wire.

Kyle (as Mossie)

Sawm! Sawm! Sawm!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee!

Kyle

By the time the party got back, the Mossie had already gone far down the river, and yet every few seconds it would return to the river’s origin and race through again.

Ari

Hmm.

[Music ends.]

Emily

I’m trying to be reasonable. On one hand, Irene is definitely one of those kids who… like, I still do this sometimes. I’ll see somebody do something and they’re really good at it so it will look easy. Would Irene just unthinkingly dive in? Because like, of course I can swim in these rapids. I mean, Pokeyo is a healer.

Hallie

But…

Emily

She’s already dead. It’s fine.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

If you do that, Pokeyo’s jumping in after you. Pokeyo does not like it.

Emily

Yeah, you know what, why not?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope?

Emily

Why not?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Reluctant.] Oh-ee-kope…

Ari

I want to—

Hallie

Just chuck her. Just yeet her.

Ari

Okay. I’ll probably chuck her and then do Gentle Giant where I help The Girl create space for her voice and actions. Can that be applied?

Emily

Yeah, actions, yeah.

Hallie

It’s just that this time it’s in the river. You know? That’s where the space is being created.

Ari

That’s where the space is being created.

Hallie

In the water.

Ari

[Rolls.] I rolled a 7. I guess I could scare Pokeyo by helping Irene, doing this.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Screeches.]

[Laughter.]

Hallie

That’s Pokeyo’s scream.

[Rock music begins.]

Kyle

The girl flew headfirst into the river rapids…

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Squirms and stammers, startled.]

Kyle

…accompanied by a Pokeyo that did not intend to take the trip with her.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-eeeee!

Kyle

Behind them, the Boidelrat attempted to aid by assembling her bones into a life raft.

[00:30:00]

[Rolls.] Unfortunately, Boidelrat rolled 4, and so becomes a series of deadly bones racing through the rapids as well.

Hallie

You know, sometimes you have a series of deadly bones behind you.

Emily

I’m already dead. It’s fine.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Scared and nervous sounds.]

Emily

The world is big and scary.

Hallie

[Cackles.] Irene’s gonna leave this adventure with only that belief, just shaking. “Man, the world is garbage.”

Emily

[Rolls.] I rolled a 10.

Kyle

How do you overcome the challenge of the rapids? To reset the scene here:

[Inspirational music begins.]

The girl is currently racing through a series of rapids that are frantically moving in circles. There is a distressed Mossie, a screaming Pokeyo, and the many bones of a Boidelrat in there. As the girl enters the water, she can also feel the torrential movement of more shadows as they brush past her in the water…

Emily

Hmm.

Kyle

…as if being touched by the souls of the river itself.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Slurred.] Oh-ee-oh-ee.

[Music ends abruptly.]

Kyle

[Laughing.] What was that?!

Hallie

I don't know. I don’t know what that was. I was just like, yeah it is, and it came out as Pokeyo. “Oh-ee-oh-ee.”

Emily

This does not bode well for Irene’s future because she had the moment of “oh yeah, I can definitely do that,” and then she actually kinda did do it.

[Music resumes.]

She frantically doggy paddles, gathering up her various little creatures.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee!

Emily

Definitely not afraid. Then, maybe Mallea can scoop them all up when they’re condensed into one kind of unit.

Ari

Yeah, I was thinking Mallea was following them.

Kyle

With a splash, the river returned to its regular torrent as Mallea pulled one Irene, one Boidelrat, one Pokeyo, and two Mossies out of the river.

[Music ends and makes way to nature sounds.]

Ari (as Mallea)

[Concerned.] Uh-lay-um? Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um, uh-lay-um!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Struggling and spitting sounds.] Kope!

Emily (as Irene)

Well, it worked, didn’t it, Pokeyo?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee…

Hallie

Pokeyo shakes themselves out like a dog causing little cactus spikes to go everywhere.

Emily (as Irene)

Ow, ow, ow. We talked about this, Pokeyo.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Whining.] Oh-ee!

Ari (as Mallea)

[Grumpy.] Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um-lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[As a quiet huff.] Oh-kope.

Emily (as Irene)

I know we don’t have your special towel here to dry off, but remember what happens.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh… kope.

Emily

Irene’s slowly yanking out little quills from her arm.

Emily (as Irene)

Remember what happens when we shake.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Softly, understanding.] Oh-ee-kope.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um. Uh-lay-um.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Hallie

Pokeyo does help remove the spines from Irene.

Kyle

In this gentle and quiet process, a screaming or singing voice could be heard from the river.

Kyle (as Xochi)

It is too much. Please help me out. Please~

[Semi-sinister magical waltz music begins.]

Kyle

For those who bothered to look, the small orange flower from earlier was now caught in the rivers current staring up at the lazy sloth which hung with a smile at the edge of the bridge.

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

Now dear, this is an important part of the process.

Kyle (as Xochi)

If it’s so important, why can’t I go with you?

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

It is important that you remain in a place that feels… normal.

Kyle (as Xochi)

But it’s not normal, it’s confusing.

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

Confusing how?

Kyle (as Xochi)

It’s confusing because… they tell me I don’t have to sing, I don’t have to dance.

[Music changes to sad piano.]

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

Even the most well-intended can be fools.

Kyle (as Xochi)

But, but, but…

Kyle (as Indrid Cold)

My dear, you wouldn’t want to make your death as a siren meaningless, now would you?

Kyle

At that, the sloth disappeared again as the flower was overcome by the river’s current.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

That’s sad. That’s a sad thing you put us through.

Emily (as Irene)

Next time we save her.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee?

Ari (as Mallea)

Lay-um.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Kope.

Kyle

The party continued on their adventure and quickly found themselves on a beach.

[Whimsical silly music begins.]

[00:35:00]

The party had no way of knowing, but at some point it felt like there were crabs, or at least a crablike thing, on this beach… {“but it was not there anymore”}, so it was time to move on.

Hallie

[Snickers.] Bye, crab.

Emily (as Irene)

Why are there no crabs here?

Hallie

[Smiling.] A normal question to ask.

Emily

Irene says, for basically no reason. She is just compelled.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Following the sounds of the Fennecho seemed to have worked in the past, and so Mallea continued on, finding that the echoes reached their crescendo at the mouth of a deep dark damp cave.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope?

Ari

Can Mallea fit through that big cave?

Kyle

The cave almost seemed to open in response to Mallea’s entrance.

Ari

Ooh.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope?

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um? Hmm.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat is gonna bark at a wall, looking at her reflection as if it’s another Boidelrat, and the reflection barked back with perfect accuracy.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Kope.

Hallie

Pokeyo’s talking to the wall. Can Pokeyo throw something at the wall? Just anything. One of the Mossies?

Kyle (as Mossie)

Saaawm!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Mossie)

[Thud, squelch. Disoriented.] Awm, awm…

Emily (as Irene)

What are you doing?!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Emily (as Irene)

Pokeyo!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Indignant.] Kope, kope, kope-kope-kope.

Emily (as Irene)

We have talked about this.

[Silly whimsical music begins.]

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Emily (as Irene)

We do not throw our friends.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Hallie

Pokeyo’s defense is “but they liked it, look.”

Kyle (as Mossie)

Sawm~

Ari

I thought the defense was gonna be “but Mallea just threw you and me earlier.”

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Emphatic.] Oh-ee-kope! Oh-kope-ee-kope!

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh, uh-lay, uh-lay-um. Mm-hmm!

Hallie

Yeah, Pokeyo’s pointing at Mallea like “whoa, whoa, Mallea didn’t get lectured.” Pokeyo’s been lectured twice now because they forgot that when they shake the spines… they forgot their towel.

Emily (as Irene)

I was already jumping off. It is not the same.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Stammers.] Oh-ee-kope!

Emily (as Irene)

Did the Mossie ask you to throw it?

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee… kope.

Emily (as Irene)

So…?

Kyle (as Mossie)

Sawm…

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Kope…?

Emily (as Irene)

No, they did not ask you.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee! Kope!

Emily (as Irene)

Apologize.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope. Oh-ee-kope-kope-kope, kope. Oh-ee.

Hallie

That was an apology to the Mossies. It just also included “I just wanted to see what would happen if I hit the wall with an object and the nearest one was you.”

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Mossies)

Sawm… Sawm.

Kyle

The Mossies cannot really register it because one of them is bouncing around, the one that’s just dizzy.

Hallie

[Smirking.] Oops.

Emily

[Laughs.]

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Did anything happen as a result of Pokeyo’s experiment?

Kyle

No!

Hallie

Okay.

[Laughs.] I really thought maybe…

Ari

So you were just a d!#%.

Hallie

…a little chameleon there or something. You know?

Kyle

However, when looking at the walls again, the party noticed that there were two extra figures: a young girl seen only in visions and on her shoulder a small book crab thing.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Kyle

Boidelrat’s gonna bark at the reflection, not realizing that it’s a reflection.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um.

Hallie

Pokeyo is like tugging Irene’s sleeve and pointing, like “see, what that?”

Emily

Irene will put her hands up against the wall.

₮Ø₥ (₳₴ ⱧłⱠĐ₳)

I thought it would be fun to bring Juniper over. It seemed like you got along really well.

Kyle

The girl heard a voice, but as she followed the reflection down the hall, it changed.

[Quirky friendly music begins.]

Kyle (as Juniper)

Huh. This is quite peculiar indeed. Hmm…

Kyle (as ???)

I swear, Juniper, there was no reason to go down here at all.

Kyle (as Juniper)

I know she went down here.

Kyle (as ???)

And what matter does that have for any of our mission?

Kyle (as Juniper)

It is deeply, deeply—Oh!

Kyle

The girl turned the corner and saw not the girl and the crab in the reflection but instead the girl she called rival with a long-legged wooden owl with a floating crown on her shoulder.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle

Boidelrat is immediately gonna pounce for that wooden owl thing and is going to get stuck on its leg with her teeth.

Hallie

Oh my god.

Emily (as Irene)

Boidelrat! Let go, let go.

Kyle (as wooden owl)

Agh! Stop, you beast! Stop, you beast, you foul creature!

Emily

Irene will immediately stop trying to pull Boidelrat off once the owl calls her Boidelrat “foul beast.”

Hallie

Yeah, f#$% that owl.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Stolas! Stolas! Please, uh…

[00:40:00]

[Music ends.]

Kyle

The rival turned a slow long turn, her body moving with the stiffness of a creaking door. Underneath her glasses, the rival’s pupils turn imperceptibly small.

Emily (as Irene)

How sweet.

Emily

Irene says, very cleverly.

Kyle (as Juniper)

[Nervous.] Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha…

Kyle

The rival said as she gracefully grabbed the Boidelrat, set it down on the ground, and started slowly shuffling backwards without letting go of her eyes for even a moment.

[Silly music begins.]

Emily (as Irene)

I will tackle you, Juniper. Do not think I will not do that.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Heheh, heh. I don’t, uh…

Kyle

The girl used her very distinctive baseball cap to cover her eyes as she grabbed the wooden bird and started forcing it into her messenger bag.

Kyle (as Stolas)

[Stammers.] What? No! No, hey!

Kyle (as Juniper)

[Nervous.] Ah-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha!

Kyle (as Stolas)

No, no-no!

Emily

I want to lunge forward and try to catch hold of Juniper’s sleeve.

Kyle

Distracted as she was by forcing her companion back into the messenger bag, the rival was caught off guard as the girl handedly grabbed her sleeve.

Emily (as Irene)

I don’t think your Necromon wants to be in your bag right now.

Kyle (as Stolas)

[Shivers.] Necromon? Such insolence.

Kyle

The wooden bird stretches its legs out and stared at the girl.

Kyle (as Stolas)

I will have you know, I am… a Necromon, yes, I am indeed a Necromon, but I am ALSO a grand prince and a mentor. So there.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Stolas, Stolas… don’t make this—

Kyle (as Stolas)

I am Stolas, a grand prince!

Emily (as Irene)

You know the Valley is a democracy, right?

Kyle (as Stolas)

[Huffs.] This is what I get. This is what I get. I team up with the novice and this is what I get. I should have… I should have stayed as the hut.

Hallie

Kyle, I have a move called A Cat May Look at the King that just says roll when you are first introduced to a member of royalty. I would like to do that thing.

Emily

I love that!

Hallie

It doesn’t even say to do what, it just says when you talk to royalty they gotta know. You gotta roll a thing.

[Rolls.] Eight, so I make a faux pas, but I don't know what.

Kyle

Pokeyo recognized the legs of the peculiar creature, and when hearing about the hut put two and two together, for you see one of the most renowned chefs in the Here and the Hereafter had a hut with very similar legs. Pokeyo knew without a doubt that this bird had once served under the mighty and powerful bog witch of Baba Yaga.

[Music ends.]

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee…!

Hallie

Pokeyo does a little shake in response and it’s a repeat of earlier when all of their quills went into everybody but this time it’s also Stolas.

Kyle (as Stolas)

Agh! This is… [Shivers.]

Kyle

The wooden bird shook itself again, the shards falling out as he bristled.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope! Oh-ee-kope… kope.

Hallie

Pokeyo is apologizing but also kind of laughing.

Kyle (as Stolas)

[Huffs angrily.]

Kyle (as Juniper)

Stolas, Stolas, it’s fine. It’s—

Kyle (as Stolas)

It is not fine, Juniper. It is not fine at all.

Emily (as Irene)

Okay, I have given you enough time. Spit it out, whatever you were going to say. We are in a hurry.

Hallie

Ha!

Emily (as Irene)

… Well, clearly you do not want to say anything.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

Juniper, you may come with us if you would like.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Oh, uh, yeah, I really would like to. And I have…

[Sad music begins.]

Kyle

For the first time the rival appeared tired.

Kyle (as Juniper)

So, um…

Kyle

And before she could say anything, the rival and the girl and the party all heard singing. In the center of the room stood a golden statue with an umbrella at its side. Above the statue, bright blue dew from the top of the cave dripped onto its head, and right under the dripping the orange flower sang.

Kyle (as Xochi)

I can sing louder! Louder! And everybody hears… me. And, you’re gonna hear me! And…

[Soft and sad.] Can you please hear me?

Kyle

But this time the sloth was nowhere to be found.

[00:45:00]

Hallie

This sounds sad. This sounds really sad.

Emily

Irene doesn’t like to see nuance. Before it was easy because it was just like, Xochi bad. Irene’s gonna try to talk to the flower.

Kyle

The girl climbed with considerable effort atop the golden statue and spoke to the little sad singing flower from her heart.

Emily (as Irene)

I hear you.

Kyle (as Xochi)

You do?

Emily (as Irene)

Yes. I’m listening.

Hallie

[Wincing.] She’s got her.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Will you sing with me?

Emily (as Irene)

I can’t sing.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Oh.

Emily (as Irene)

I’ll, I’ll… I’ll try to sing with you if it will make you happy.

[Music ends in a flourish.]

Kyle (as Xochi)

Okay… Aaa-aa-aah~

Emily (as Irene)

[Struggling.] Aaa-aa-aah.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Aaa-aa-aah~

Emily (as Irene)

Aaa… aa-aah.

Kyle (as Xochi)

Aaa-aa-aah~

Emily (as Irene)

Aaa-aa-aah…

Kyle (as Xochi)

Aaa-ha-aa-aah~

Emily (as Irene)

Aaa-ha-aa-aah.

[An instrumental version of Irene and Xochi’s song begins.]

Emily

Irene’s shoulders are up around her ears and she’s bright red. She’s not looking at anybody except this little flower.

Kyle (as Xochi)

It’s nice to be heard~

Kyle

And with that, the flower shrinks back into the statue.

[Music ends.]

Emily (as Irene)

I don't know if I can get down from here.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh…

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope.

Hallie

Pokeyo’s looking to Mallea.

Ari

Mallea will help Irene down.

Kyle

Mallea gently set the girl down, the girl who had learned… something, although she wasn’t quite sure what. As he set her to the ground, he saw the umbrella and placed it up, catching the water where the flower had.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Irene, that was—

Emily (as Irene)

Something that we will never speak of.

Hallie

Ha.

Kyle (as Juniper)

I mean, I…

Kyle

The rival blushed.

Kyle (as Juniper)

I thought it was pretty cool.

Kyle (as Stolas)

You think everything is cool, Juniper!

Emily

Irene had started to get a little pink in her cheeks, but it flashes away as the owl starts talking again.

Emily (as Irene)

Now, we must continue on our way to find my Mossie, and Juniper, you were explaining yourself. Weren’t you?

Kyle (as Juniper)

Uh, well, I mean…

Kyle (as Mossie)

Sawm! Sawm! Sawm!

[Action music begins.]

Kyle

The rival’s voice was cut off by the yelling of the third moss ball as all in the party saw it stuck behind golden glass in the stomach of the statue.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee?!

Ari

Oh…

Kyle

Which, now seemingly powered by the dew, shook with life and set one massive stomp down on the ground followed by another.

[Rumbles are followed by a bellowing roar.]

Ari

Mallea punches it.

[Music ends abruptly. Laughter.]

Ari

[Rolls.] I rolled a 7.

[Rock music begins.]

Mallea sees the Mossie in the stomach of the statue and he wants to free the Mossie, so it’s just like…

Kyle

With a roar, Mallea struck the statue with a mighty blow… or he would have had the statue not caught his hands.

Ari

Hmm, that’s fair.

Kyle (as Boidelrat)

Tarledoib! Tarledoib!

Kyle (as Mossies)

See-sawm! See-sawm!

Kyle

With the statue now immobilized, hands locked with Mallea, the other Necromon jump to action, racing at this colossus.

Kyle (as Stolas)

Juniper? Juniper?! Juniper, we need to—

Kyle (as Juniper)

Stolas, not now. It’s kind of a really bad—

Kyle (as Stolas)

Juniper! That is a giant monster, and it will—

[Music fades.]

Kyle (as Juniper)

[Exhales.] Okay, so um, Irene.

Emily (as Irene)

Yes?

Kyle (as Juniper)

[Way too fast to understand]

So my name is Juniper Brees — I died under — Witch — very special kind of dead — heroic circumstances — Baba Yaga Sisterhood — companion — I got Stolas — fully graduate — regular lives — super secret missions — [Massive breath]

Kyle

The rival winced as she said words that she had said hundreds of times but never, never once expected to say in front of her.

Kyle (as Juniper)

Stolas! Uh… time for dessert.

[Laughter. Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

[00:50:00]

Kyle

And that is where we’re gonna end.

Hallie

What a bad transformation line. What a horrible line. I love it so much. That was such a good delivery, too. “Time for dessert.” I’m gonna start saying that whenever I have to do something. Christ, that’s so funny.

--

Hallie

Hey, you know how we made the tricycle a party member the last time we played Girl Underground?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

I’d really like a squeaky worm party member in this round of Girl Underground, whether that’s a Necromon…

Ari

Éponine can definitely do the sound effects.

[Éponine squeaks her toy loudly in the background.]

Hallie

…or just a squeaky toy that we keep incessantly squeaking.

Kyle

I will, I’ll give you a squeaky toy.

Hallie

Yay!

Ari

I think the squeakies are going to take a nap, finally.

Hallie

She finally tuckered herself out, huh?

Ari

The squeakies are finally… I don't know if you can see her, actually, you probably cannot. She’s…

Kyle

Aww.

Hallie

She just crashed.

Ari

Can you see her?

Hallie

So abruptly.

Kyle

Oh, she’s staring at us.

Hallie

Éponine…

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

Show us your worm.

Kyle

“Show us your worm!”

Hallie

“Show us your worm!”

--

Kyle

The small wiggling queaks… That sounds like a slur.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Don’t be such a queak, Kyle.

Ari

[Amused.] Queak!

Hallie

That does sound like a slur.

Ari

It does.

--

Emily

I’m trying to decide whether or not the Necromon would be under the impression that Irene doesn’t know anything or that Irene does know but for some reason is not acknowledging it.

Hallie

The Necromon think the world of Irene is the thing.

Kyle

Yeah.

Ari

Yeah. They think Irene knows everything.

Hallie

Pokeyo just assumes Irene knows everything at all times.

Emily

I wonder if it’s kind of a, like, oh, you know it, we just have to help you remember.

Hallie

What a Disney song setup. Oh, we know you know, we’ll just help you remember. Let’s sing some lyrics.

Ari

If you can learn to do it… I know that’s not the same, but—

Hallie

I can learn to do it!

Kyle

Imagine if Irene rolls poorly and then Mallea does a Hercules, swimming in.

Ari

Yes!

Hallie

We should make this a goal to make Mallea as many Disney characters as possible. This could be Hercules.

Kyle

‘Honey, I think you mean Hunkules.’

Ari

Hunkules!

Hallie

Yeah. What a Hercules thing to do, though, throw something too hard and not realize you’re also throwing a second thing too hard.

Ari

Oh yeah, that is, definitely.

Kyle

Does that make Pokeyo Phil?

Ari

Yes.

Hallie

It absolutely does.

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

[To the tune of ‘One Last Hope’ from Hercules.] Oh-ee-oh-ee-oh-ee-oh-ee-kope. Oh-ee-kope.

Hallie

[Follows along with the song.] … Subscribe to Patreon to hear the whole song as Pokeyo.

[Laughter.]

--

Kyle

Passing by, not a fiddle but a knife-sharp spoon.

Hallie

What?! A what?!

Kyle

This is where the fiddler crab was in Girl Underground.

Hallie

No, I know, but “a knife-sharp spoon” is what I’m reacting to.

Kyle

That’s what Booker uses. He uses knife-sharp spoons. He uses spoons and knives. Cutlery! Silverware!

Ari

Cut-lery.

Hallie

But like a spoon that’s been sharpened?

[Stammers.] I’m just so elated by that. It’s not the knife, it’s the knife-sharp spoon. It’s the spoon that is somehow as sharp as a knife. Is it the spoon part? Is it the handle part that’s sharp as a knife?

Kyle

Yeah. Yeah. No, it’s the spoon part.

Hallie

I… Okay.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Content.] Oh-kope.