5. Bang! Bang! (Part 2)

Transcript by Raina Harper

Kyle

Previously on Quest Friends! Hereafter…

[Music plays, ‘Quest Friends! Hereafter Theme’ by Miles Morkri.]

Kyle

It’s also been a month since the Necromouse infestation.

Hallie

Sparky solved the flooding the streets with Necromice.

Kyle

But I am going to hold a hard move about the fact that you have maxed out your credit card on Necromon cards.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Yeah, that’s fine.

Ari

There is this movie premiering specifically today that Irene has been super excited about this movie, but the movie is PG-13!

Hallie

Ha!

Kyle (as Ariel)

If you’re gonna go get the Bandit, make sure you grab one of these sleeves. You don’t want a complication of ownership.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Anyways. You don’t want anyone to scoot in front of you, Sparky and Hilda, so…

Kyle

And Lucas says, a little bit afraid:

Kyle (as Lucas)

Uh… hey there, Sparky.

[Theme song swells and carries into the episode.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Smiling.] Lucas~ Didn’t see you there.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh, uh…

Kyle

He looks around at all of the things adorned with his face on it. All the posters that say Bang.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Lucas)

Right…

Tom

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Lucas)

Didn’t see you there either…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah. Funny how these coincidences happen. Anyway. Hilda, Hilda, let’s—let’s go meet… Well, I have met him. This is Hilda. She’s a fan of yours.

Tom (as Hilda)

Hello.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh! Right, right. Hello there, Hilda. Oh!

Kyle

A moment of realization dawns on him.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Are you…

Kyle

He points to you and points to Sparky.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh! No, no, no. I’m just her… She’s my protégée, if you will.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh, a protégée, that’s—

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yes. She’s learning the ropes of investigative reporting and she is just as smart as a whip.

Tom (as Hilda)

Um, hi. I’m a big fan. This is my Necromon, Booker.

Tom

She will just lift up this book.

Emily (as Booker)

[Joyful.] Rekoob!

Emily

[Chuckles.] Wait, no. Booker doesn’t say anything, and he looks like a book.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Lucas)

Oh, is he a… Do you keep your cards in a book? That’s really inventive thinking.

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh. No, this isn’t a folio. This is… Booker, my Necromon, occupies a book instead of a Necromon card. I mostly was looking to know if you had ever encountered Necromon like this before. I wanna know all about Necromon that don’t live in cards, and also Ultra Necromon. Oh, and also, some Necromon can use different abilities when they’re in an arena that they can’t when they’re outside of it. What’s the cause of that, that you’ve seen in your travels?

Emily

Irene was going to leave, but she’s now hovering.

Kyle

Lucas Bang is blue-screening right now.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Lucas)

Uh… Well, that’s an awful lot of questions there. You’ve trained her well.

Kyle

He looks over to you, Sparky.

Hallie

Sparky is beaming.

Kyle (as Lucas)

So, uh…

[Otherworldly mystery music begins.]

You know, humans, we live here in the Here, and then when we die we move on to the Hereafter. When our souls in the Hereafter die, they move down to the Afterworlds, and then the Afterworlds… no one really knows what goes on there, but you know, more layers.

[Chuckles.] You know, I always like to think of it kind of like a parfait, although I have a little bit of a sweet tooth.

Tom

[Smiling, hushed.] God damn it.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Necromon, they just kind of come from the Afterworlds, you know? They don’t live and die like humans do. They just exist from these deeper layers. I’ve never seen anything more than a Basic Necromon, but some people think that there are Necromon that are deeper, come from far, far down in the Afterworlds.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob?

Kyle (as Lucas)

I’ve never met one, but I hear Mr. Scuba has some.

Emily

One little eye pokes out just a tiny bit.

Kyle (as Lucas)

So… I’ll make a note to, uh… I’ll ask him for you next time I see him.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Hmm. Okay. Interesting.

Tom

Hilda says, mimicking Sparky. The Aggressive Bandit wouldn’t be able to see this, but Sparky would be able to see the little notepad Hilda is writing on. You know the scene of Dipper, “I am pretending to write something”?

[00:05:00]

It’s not quite that, it’s just “doesn’t know anything. Mr. Scuba, question mark?”

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

So you’re friends with…

Hallie

Sparky flips one of the card sleeves.

Hallie (as Sparky)

…this Scuba?

Kyle (as Lucas)

I mean, friends is a pretty hard word. Mr. Scuba keeps his under wraps, but he signs my contracts, so…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Wow. Look at you: movies, Necromon card signings, a direct line to one of the most influential and corrupt businessmen in this century. Wow, that’s incredible. You’re doing so well for yourself.

Kyle (as Lucas)

[Chuckles nervously.] What were your other questions there, partner?

Kyle

He looks back to you, Hilda.

Tom (as Hilda)

Well, um… I guess there is one question that’s been on my mind.

Tom

She’ll step a little bit closer and just say:

Tom (as Hilda)

What’s your relationship to Sparky malarkey?

Hallie

[Cackles.]

Emily (as Booker)

[Assertive.] Rekoob.

Tom

She’s narrowing her eyes in suspicion at him.

Kyle

Roll me a See Into Their Heart.

Tom

Ooh! I assume that uses Hearts?

Kyle

That uses Heart.

Tom

Yes, a good one…

Kyle (as Lucas)

Well, um, uh…

Kyle

His face is growing beet red. You can see the steam coming off of him, the sweat drenching down his face like a fountain.

Tom

[Laughs.] Just dripping in sweat.

[Rolls.] That is a 7.

Kyle

Okay, a mixed success.

Tom

Just barely. Oh god.

Kyle

Let me check and see what you get with a mixed success.

With See Into Their Heart, you can ask me a simple question about Lucas Bang’s inner thoughts. I cannot lie explicitly, but I can lie by omission.

Tom

Is the question I asked too complicated for this?

Kyle

What is his relationship to Sparky?

Tom

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

No.

Tom

Okay, then that is my question.

Kyle

He and Sparky knew each other very well in high school… will be the answer you get.

Tom

Hmm. Is that also the literal answer I get?

Kyle (as Lucas)

Well, um… Well, we uh, VPS Public Schools! We probably saw each other a couple of times.

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Saw me a couple of times? You saw me a couple of times?

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah, I heard you were part of PICLE.

Kyle (as Lucas)

[Laughs.] Oh no, nah, I wasn’t a part of PICLE.

Tom (as Hilda)

But like, you helped them.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You were an honorary member. Do you not remember PICLE?

Kyle (as Lucas)

I remember pretty well Elliot telling me I wasn’t a member, so…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Elliot doesn’t matter.

Emily

Irene walks away at this. This is no longer Necromon-related. She does not care about Sparky Malarky and her clear ex.

Tom

I spend an AP.

Kyle

Okay.

Tom

And, at this moment, a couple of things come into action. First off, Emily, what does Irene carry her loose change and stuff in?

Emily

She has a little over-the-shoulder bag.

Tom

Okay. Okay.

[Light-hearted mischievous music begins.]

You start to walk away and you feel the over-the-shoulder bag tug against you, not moving.

Emily

I stop.

Tom

In fact, it is like dangling back as if it’s being tugged to the ground.

Emily

I pull on it.

Tom

You’re able to pull it away but with difficulty. You see a chain of little magnets that were hidden underneath one of the separators for the line just slowly start to yank out. There’s just a chain of them that leads along the floor to Hilda.

Kyle

Tom, what is your descriptor move?

Tom

The name of the move is Pulls Pranks. I can spend 1 AP to have a single-use item related to pranks or whimsy suddenly appear, such as a penny behind someone’s ear, pie behind your back, bucket of water set up on a slightly-open door. If this item relates to a move, I would roll with advantage using +Heart. In this case it was just several small magnets.

You can see that Hilda has adopted a pose which I will do my best to describe. She’s turned slightly away from Irene, has crossed one arm across her chest and has the other reaching up to slightly cover her face with a sinister outstretched hand. She’s just going to say:

Tom (as Hilda)

You may think you can get away this time, but next time you’ll have to contend not just with Booker and me, but with also all of our tricks.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob!

[Music ends.]

Emily

Irene slowly turns back around on her heel, pink in her cheeks, her lips pressed together.

Emily (as Irene)

Ha… ha.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

[Forced.] You’re so funny, Hilda.

Tom (as Hilda)

Thanks!

[00:10:00]

Emily

She’s not quite sure how to respond to that. She was like “I will mock Hilda by pretending to laugh,” but when she played along, Irene ran out of things to say. She turns back around really quickly and scrunches up her shoulders a little bit and stomps off.

Tom

Hilda will just whisper to Booker.

Tom (as Hilda)

[Whispering.] I think she liked the prank.

Emily (as Booker)

[Whispering.] Rekoob.

Kyle

Meanwhile, Lucas Bang is thinking to himself and he kinda mutters.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Uh…

Kyle (as Maybelline)

So did you get the card signed, Lukie-Poo?

[Silly music begins.]

Kyle

And Maybelline, appearing like a fucking ghost, like a fucking specter out of nowhere is just behind Lucas Bang.

Kyle (as Lucas)

[Startled.] Oh! Right, right, I didn’t even sign… I didn’t even sign for your Necromon.

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh yeah. Would you mind signing this original pamphlet for your first big win in the tournament?

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Darling, don’t you want him to sign the sleeve?

Tom (as Hilda)

No thank you.

Hallie (as Sparky)

We would also like all 249 of these sleeves signed.

Tom (as Hilda)

They did let us have them, so you’re legally obligated to do what the Boss says… but I just want this signed.

Kyle

Maybelline’s smile grows wide—thick, perfectly-placed white teeth that shine.

[Music changes to threatening musical sting.]

Kyle (as Maybelline)

[Drawn out, menacing.] Great…

[Music returns to normal.]

Kyle (as Lucas)

Yeah! Great. I’ll sign all of these.

Kyle

Lucas is trying to deal with all of the cards.

Kyle (as Lucas)

But first, what do you want signed for yours?

Kyle

He looks at you, Hilda.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh. Uh… I don't know what people are supposed to sign, so I guess your name?

Kyle (as Lucas)

That seems like a good start.

Kyle

He signs his name.

Tom (as Hilda)

Nice! Thank you.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Maybelline, you’re just everywhere, aren’t you?

Kyle (as Maybelline)

[Politely scoffs.] Well, as ScubaCorp’s number two, that’s what I’m here for!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, “you’re” ScubaCorp’s number two. That is so…

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Mm-hmm~

Hallie (as Sparky)

…not surprising.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Well, you just know how to flatter a girl, although I guess you’re used to seeing lots of impressive people… relatively, of course.

Hallie (as Sparky)

As a matter of fact, yes, and I have some very important meetings to get to, so—

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Oh dear, though. You look so… That’s not makeup, is it? You look so pale! Let me—Here. I was gonna save this for myself…

Kyle

And she’s clearly talking about something she does not want.

Hallie

Yep. Yep.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

…but, food is important for growing young gals at heart, so why don’t you just have this.

Kyle

And she hands you a little boxed up thing of food.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, it’s a lunchbox. That’s so thoughtful of you. However, I don’t rely on things like food for my—

Kyle

She’s gone.

Hallie (as Sparky)

God fucking damn it!

Hallie

That’s in-character, by the way, in front of the child, and other children in the line.

Kyle (as movie-goer 4)

[Gasps dramatically.]

Kyle

We see all these children get their ears covered.

Hallie

[Laughs.] “Ricky, no!”

Kyle

“Ricky!”

Hallie

Someone yells that from the back.

Tom

“It’s too late, mother! I’ve grown too powerful!”

Ari

Quique covers the eyes of Yunuen.

Emily (as Booker)

[Indignant.] Rekoob!

Hallie

[Still laughing.]

Ari

Not eyes, ears, while going:

Ari (as Quique)

Language, Sparky!

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Sparky begins tapping her foot and she is still fuming to herself, the way that she was with Elliot this morning. It’s not a good day for Sparky Malarky. Did all my cards get signed?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

All the card sleeves?

Kyle

All the card sleeves got signed.

Hallie

Awesome.

Tom (as Hilda)

Thank you for your help, Mr. Bandit, sir.

Kyle (as Lucas)

[Shakily.] Of course.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, thanks for your help, Lucas.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Have a great day, Hilda… and Sparky.

Tom

While we’re walking away, Hilda wants to say to Sparky:

Tom (as Hilda)

Boss, did we ever tell that lady in pink my name?

Hallie (as Sparky)

No, I don’t think so. Why?

Tom (as Hilda)

Then why did she know my name when we were first getting the cards?

[Threatening ambient music begins.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Did she? Sorry, I was too distracted by her horrible face and outfit and countenance… and soul, so I wasn’t super keyed in.

Tom (as Hilda)

Huh. Weird.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Listen. Corporate overlords like that have spies everywhere, and information is a rich man’s game.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Why is it a man’s game, Boss?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Why indeed is it a man’s game, Hilda.

[Hushed, spitting with anger.] Why is it a fucking man’s game? God… Maybelline, Lucas Bang, PICLE…

Kyle

As you walk over, you can see Irene up to something.

[Silly music begins.]

Emily (as Irene)

You can’t prove that I am not 13.

Kyle (as Ariel)

Irene… I run the Necromon Dueling Club.

[Laughter.]

I know you’re in Seventh Grade.

Emily (as Irene)

But if you did not, and you were any other employee, you could not prove it.

[00:15:00]

Therefore I think you should work off of that assumption. I’ve been told I have an old soul? I don't know if that makes a difference, but it should.

Kyle (as Ariel)

I’m not even gonna say I’m sorry. No, Irene, ‘Bang! Bang!’ is a PG-13 movie, okay? If I had to tell Yuna that she couldn’t see ‘Bang! Bang!’ and had to go see… What the hell did tio wanna see?

Emily (as Irene)

I’m not 5, or however old that smaller child is.

Kyle (as Ariel)

Well, maybe you should stop acting like it.

Tom

Ooh~! Oh!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

I find that to be a very unprofessional attitude, and I will be taking this up with… someone.

Emily

She flounces away, like five steps, and then goes over and pouts.

Emily (as Irene)

[Huffs.] If anybody else had been there, I would have gotten into that movie.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Boss, do we have time to see a movie?

Emily (as Irene)

What if I am his successor

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

He probably would like me to see his past.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, we’ve got time to see a movie.

Tom (as Hilda)

Do you want to see the ‘Bang! Bang!’ movie? I’m not technically 13 yet, but you are adult supervision.

Emily

She slides Ariel 50¢.

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Irene)

Will you let me in now?

Kyle (as Ariel)

[Sighs.] Okay wey, I’m gonna level with you. This is an actual crime. This right here is an actual crime.

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Irene)

It’s not a crime if no one knows.

Emily

She pulls the money back and puts it in her purse.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Hilda, you mean the movie that you are expressly forbidden to see because you’re grounded?

Tom (as Hilda)

Uh, I mean… maybe?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Hell yes. Let’s do it.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

And she steers Hilda back.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Two tickets for ‘Bang! Bang!’, please.

Tom (as Hilda)

What if we did three tickets?

Hallie

Sparky reaches into her wallet and counts what she has.

Kyle

This is where the hard move comes in.

Hallie

[Laughing.] NO!

Kyle

You realize you don’t have enough money for any tickets.

Ari

Oh my god! For any tickets.

Tom

Take out the wallet, just a moth flies out of it.

Kyle

That’s a Necromon now. It’s the Moneymoth.

Tom

[Delighted.] The Moneymoth!

Ari

He ate the money.

Hallie

Fucking Moneymoths!

Kyle

[Makes little bug sounds.]

Hallie

She pulls out her wallet and then turns back to… was it wey?

Kyle

Ariel.

Ari

Well, Ariel.

Kyle

Wey…

Ari

—is just “dude” in Spanish.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

Ariel calls anyone younger than them “wey.”

Hallie

I didn’t know. I thought a new character and I had missed it. So, I’m gonna turn back to Ariel.

Hallie (as Sparky)

So, listen. I just got this signed by the very legendary, very exclusive Lucas Bang, and it’s probably worth the price of two movie tickets, or three. Why do we need three?

Tom (as Hilda)

[Hushed.] For Irene.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Who?

Tom

Hilda just points to Irene standing right there.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh~!

Emily (as Irene)

Excuse me. I am also in line.

Emily

Irene has come up with a new ploy.

Kyle

She has a fake mustache on now.

Emily (as Irene)

My name is…

Kyle

I-gene?

Emily (as Irene)

I… spleen?

Hallie

iCarly.

Emily (as Irene)

And I am 13 years old.

Emily

She puts her money back on the counter.

Kyle

Ariel looks back to you, Sparky.

Kyle (as Ariel)

So I need the money in order to give you the ticket. That’s how it works.

Emily (as Irene)

You have my money for my ticket, Isplene.

Tom

Kyle, how much money could Hilda feasibly have after spending allowance on several things of printer paper? Can I make a move to see if I have enough money for the necessary tickets?

Hallie

If not, I’m just gonna straight up turn to Irene and ask if she’ll pay for all three of our tickets.

Tom (as Hilda)

[Hushed.] We can be your adult supervision.

Hallie

Sparky leans down to whisper in Irene’s ear.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Hey kid, you ever heard of quid pro quo?

Emily (as Irene)

Obviously, but if I hadn’t, what does that mean?

Hallie (as Sparky)

It means that, if you do something for someone, someone else will do something for you. What I propose is I will get you into the movie if you pay for my and Hilda’s tickets.

Emily (as Irene)

Are you going to let me in? Me, Isplene. Are you going to let me in?

Kyle (as Ariel)

Well, Isplene, do you have an adult with you?

Emily (as Irene)

No. I said I was 13.

Kyle

They look at Sparky.

Kyle (as Ariel)

Is she with you?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Are you with me?

Emily (as Irene)

Depends on if they let me in without you.

Hallie (as Sparky)

She’s with me.

Kyle (as Ariel)

Cool! Then yes.

[00:20:00]

Emily

Irene sighs, reaches into her purse, and puts the money down for Hilda and Sparky.

Emily (as Irene)

You’re an adult. Shouldn’t you have enough money to pay for your own ticket? Why are you asking a THIRTEEN-year-old to do that for you?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Well, you’re 13, shouldn’t you be able to get into a PG-13 movie by yourself?

Tom

[Gasps in delight.]

Emily (as Irene)

Well, I should, but the staff here seems to be under the impression that I am someone named Irene.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Listen kid, the world’s gonna beat you down. When the world beats you down, sometimes adults don’t have money because they spent them all on blank Necromon cards that you can’t get signed because apparently that is a whole thing when you sign Necromon cards.

Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want it to and sometimes you end up seeing a movie about your ex with two children in a movie theater after you highly suspect your ex is dating a soulless pink monster. So, this is a fair price to pay for getting in to see this movie. That’s why I don’t have money.

Emily (as Irene)

You owe me $7.50.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Gritted.] Fine.

Tom

Hilda just says:

Tom (as Hilda)

Thank you.

Emily (as Irene)

Yeah, well, I’m investing in your continued education as my rival.

Tom (as Hilda)

Looks like we’ve got a new rivalry though, which of us gets to take down the Aggressive—

Emily (as Irene)

Me.

Tom (as Hilda)

—Bandit first. You didn’t even let me finish.

Emily (as Irene)

I didn’t let you finish in our duel either, because I won.

Tom (as Hilda)

Wow.

Kyle (as Ariel)

Okay. Do you all want your tickets or…?

Tom (as Hilda)

Yes please. We’re going in.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yes, we’re going in.

Kyle (as Ariel)

Alright, cool~ Uh… tickets are for Theater 7—

Kyle

You hear a little ding from the counter.

Kyle (as Ariel)

Check that, Theater 8. You’re in Theater 8.

Emily (as Irene)

Great.

Tom (as Hilda)

Thank you.

Emily (as Irene)

[Severe.] Thank you for your service. It was… adequate.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change. Film reel SFX and ranchera music begins.]

Kyle

Quique! You are in the middle of having a wonderful time watching the movie Bennifer’s Garden, a documentary about the band Bennifer. The B stands for bones.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Yunuen is trying to get into it as best she can. She likes the songs, that’s fun, although she definitely is focusing more on the card Lucas Bang signed for her. You are the only ones there, so Quique, where would you sit in a movie theater?

Ari

Well, obviously not too in the front, because then you would have to bend your neck too much in the back and you’re just gonna get a headache, and not too in the back because then you really can’t see the screen super well, so just in a nice middle of the theater. Especially because there’s nobody there, so… yeah, that’s where they are sitting with some popcorn and some candy and some sodas. All of them for Yunuen because he doesn’t really enjoy any of these things.

Kyle

Also, I want to note that Bennifer is—they absolutely make… What’s the kind of music you like from Mexico that you really like?

Ari

Oh my god. I guess rancheras. I guess classic old fashioned Pedro Infante kind of music.

Kyle

Yeah. It’s a mix between—

Ari

Vicente Guerrero type stuff.

Kyle

It’s like a mix between that and The Beatles and skeletons is what they are.

Ari

Perfect. I’m not entirely sure how that would work, but it will work somehow.

Kyle

It’s basically one of those bands but instead of having one guy as the lead all four are equally as important.

Ari

Perfect.

Kyle

So, they’re getting to the point where they’re about to write their big song, ‘Hey Dude.’

Ari

[Smiling.] Hey Dude.

Kyle

Are you doing anything in particular before we continue?

Ari

He’s just vibing to these songs that are not too bad. They are kinda his style. A little bit modern, but it’s fine. He can see the appeal. Maybe now and then he will try to tell Yunuen, like:

Ari (as Quique)

Ah yes, this musical style is actually inspired from Negrete back in the day. If you pay really close attention, it reminds me of the movie—

Ari

And stuff like that.

Kyle

She nods really excited. She pulls out one of the Banda CDs that Ariel has given her.

Ari (as Quique)

Uh, no, that is not what we… That’s a different style, chapulín. I know Ariel made you really excited about that stuff, but this is the roots of the music. This is a different, a more stylized style of music.

Kyle

Yunuen just nods her head, kind of confused, but is like “okay, okay,” and then goes back to watching and is just quietly vibrating in her seat. But, that doesn’t disturb you. What does disturb you is the lights when the doors open to the back. You know when someone comes in?

Ari

Mm-hmm.

[00:25:00]

Kyle

You can see in the light this guy shuffles in. You can’t see much of his appearance, but you can see that he’s wearing a comfortable rustic brown coat, and then underneath that he has a hoodie that’s pulled up over his head. He walks past you two and sits near the back of the theater.

Ari (as Quique)

Hmm, that’s weird. We’re almost halfway through the movie. I wonder if he’s seen it before or something. Eh.

Ari

He’ll shrug and turn to Yunuen.

Ari (as Quique)

Try to not do that when you go to the theater. It’s very disruptive, as you probably noticed, when they open the door and people are already watching the movie. That’s why we always try to be on time. That’s something that you need to remember for the future. This has been a lesson with Tio Quique.

Kyle

But what you can’t ignore, Quique, is when the door opens again and three very loud people walk in.

Emily (as Irene)

It wasn’t funny when you did the magnet thing the first time let alone when you did it again, Hilda.

Tom (as Hilda)

The first time was really just a practice run. That wasn’t even an actual prank. That was just magnets falling out of my pocket.

Ari (as Quique)

Another life lesson, chaparra, is that if you’re a group of people specifically walking in the middle of a movie talking loudly, it’s also not appropriate behavior. So, if you’re ever with a group of people, make sure particularly to be on time.

Kyle

She looks at you and… she’s actually not paying attention. She’s excited because she recognizes people. She does a little wave at all of them.

Tom

Aw. Hilda will wave back, but then also stare in confusion… and then look back at Quique and shrug.

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh yeah, yeah…

Hallie

At seeing Quique, Sparky will tilt her head and then look at the screen, which is—

Kyle

It’s not Lucas Bang.

Hallie

It’s not Lucas Bang.

Kyle

It’s not the PG-13 sex scene you were promised.

Hallie

Then she’s gonna roll her eyes and gesture back to the kids.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Wrong theater. Wrong theater. We have to go somewhere else for me to teach you all the things that are wrong with the Lucas Bang movie.

Kyle

As you’re talking—Quique, you notice that the guy who is sitting behind you has stood up and he’s walking down the opposite side of everyone else. You know how there are two lanes? He’s walking down the opposite side and leaving the theater.

Ari

[Smiling.] Okay. He’ll just shrug at that.

Tom (as Hilda)

That’s pretty weird. Ariel doesn’t usually get things wrong.

Emily (as Irene)

I don’t think they got it wrong on accident. I think that perhaps they were being petty. I have never been petty in my life myself, but I can recognize it in others occasionally.

Ari (as Quique)

Are you guys gonna sit down or are you—?!

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Hilda)

[Hushed.] I’m sorry! I’m sorry.

Emily (as Irene)

No, it’s the wrong movie.

Hallie (as Sparky)

We’re in the wrong theater, Quique!

Ari (as Quique)

Go out! Some of us are in the correct movie and are trying to watch it.

Tom (as Hilda)

I’m very sorry, sir.

Ari (as Quique)

This is the best song.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Enjoy your boring documentary!

[Music ends.]

Kyle

As you say “enjoy your boring documentary,” you notice that nothing is playing in the theater.

Ari (as Quique)

Now what?! Oh my god.

Ari

He’s gonna turn around and be like:

Ari (as Quique)

Hey!

[Provoking whistle.] Hey, the movie stopped! What’s going on?

Ari

Also, I cannot do it, but usually in Mexico we do a lot of whistling to indicate that we are angry. I cannot do it, because it’s a very specific type, but that’s another thing where I fail my country. But like, he’s doing this whistling that I cannot fucking do.

Tom

Gonna have to find a specific sound effect to edit in.

Kyle

Roll me Convince Somebody with Fierce, because I feel like you’re trying to get someone’s attention.

Ari

[Rolls.] That is… ah, that’s a 6.

Kyle

Take 1 AP. We’re gonna do ‘they make a vital misunderstanding’ again. You hear the yelling, “hey, hey, start the movie,” and then after a second you hear the film roll go on again, you see the lights, but…

[Film reel SFX and cowboy music begins.]

Kyle (as Lucas)

BANG! BANG!

My name’s Lucas Bang, and I’m here to tell a story of how I became the Aggressive Bandit.

Ari (as Quique)

Hey! What’s—That’s the wrong…

Kyle (as Lucas)

And oh boy, was I so aggressive.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Grinning.] Oh, okay, here we go.

Ari (as Quique)

That’s the wrong movie! We were supposed to be watching Bennifer’s Garden! Ey, cacaro!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Maybe it’s over.

Ari (as Quique)

Cacaro!

Ari

And then doing that fucking (whistle) which I cannot fucking do.

Kyle

And Yunuen you can see, Quique, to your horror, is on the edge of her seat.

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Quique)

Oh my god. You are too young to see this movie. Oh no… Oh no. Your parents are gonna kill me. Nope!

Kyle

She looks up and motions to the card, the Lucas Bang card, like “it’s this, that’s the guy!”

Ari (as Quique)

That is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that’s him alright, but you are not in the right age group of his. What do you say we maybe go and see what’s going on with Bennifer’s Garden? Maybe they switched the location or something, huh?

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Exasperated.] Quique~!

[00:30:00]

Ari (as Quique)

Don’t you want to see the best song of them all, Yo So Fui?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Quique, you’re such a wet blanket.

Kyle

You’re getting puppy-dog eyes.

Ari (as Quique)

[Sighs.] Okay, but if there’s any scenes that you are not supposed to see because you are too small, I’m going to cover your eyes. Okay? Do you promise you’re going to let me do that?

Kyle

Oh my god, Quique, he’s shirtless. He’s already shirtless. We’re only one minute in.

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Ari

Oh my god!

Kyle

So you watch ‘Bang! Bang!’ How is the movie?

Hallie

Riddled with historical inaccuracies.

Ari

Quique wouldn’t know how the movie was because he didn’t truly watch it because he was too busy figuring out when to cover the eyes of this 8-year-old child that was in a PG-13 movie.

Kyle

And man, it was so PG-13. You couldn’t even cover her ears during the “fuck…”

Ari

God, no.

Kyle

…because it was SHOCKING who said it.

Ari

Quique, at that, probably spoke really loudly, like…

Ari (as Quique)

Ah! Who wants popcorn?

Ari

…when somebody said “fuck.”

Kyle

Also, Sparky… you weren’t in it at all.

Hallie

Motherfucker!

Kyle

Not a single mention of Sparky Malarky.

Hallie

That’s the bad swear.

Kyle

He did have a subplot, a romance subplot with some gal. Not sure who. Although, she was very peppy and perky and seemed to be wanting to do more of the administrative side of things.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Furious exhale.] I knew it…

Kyle

You get to the end of the movie. Very long movie, one of those two and a half hour long ones, right? Because you were in the line for so long, it’s getting pretty late. It’s like 7, 8 o’clock at night now.

Tom

Really? Ooh.

Ari (as Quique)

Oh no. Your bedtime is at 6:30!

Emily

[Laughs.]

Ari

I don't know when 8-year-old bedtimes are. Is that too early?

Hallie

[Laughs.] I think it’s later than 6:30.

Ari

Okay.

Ari (as Quique)

Oh no. Your bedtime is at 7:30!

Ari

Is 7:30 a good bedtime?

Hallie

I mean, Everett goes to bed at 9, and he’s 5.

Emily

I wasn’t allowed to go to bed at 9 though.

Hallie

Really?

Ari (as Quique)

Oh no! Your bedtime is at 8:30 and we are an hour away!

[Film reel SFX and gentle western music begins.]

Kyle

You end and you see Lucas with this lady that he’s with.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Under her breath.] Ugh, disgusting.

Kyle (as Lucas)

I… don’t think I’m gonna bang no more.

Kyle

And they go in for a kiss, and the camera pans out, and the dramatic music plays.

[Weird, unsettling guitar music begins. Film reel SFX gets louder..]

And then suddenly it’s replaced by this weird imitation movie and you see these animated crayon drawings going on.

Hallie

[Startled.] Oh.

Tom

Hmm…

Ari

Oh no. What?

Kyle

The lady goes over and you can see “maybe” she was Maybelline.

Hallie

Maybe it’s Maybelline.

Tom

God fucking damn it.

Kyle

But suddenly it changes to her explicitly in this animated form. You can hear her voice as if over cheap speakers.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Well, maybe one more bang… wink!

Kyle

This other voice that you don’t recognize replaces Lucas Bang’s voice as he turns over and says:

Kyle (as “Lucas”)

Yeah, I guess one more bang will do.

Kyle

And the screen shakes as the Lucas Bang figure looks at all of you.

[Threatening western action music begins.]

Hallie

[Grunts angrily.]

Tom

Hmm…

Kyle

And the little crayon bits reach out from outside of the screen, extending, and you see the outside of the screen and you notice that it takes on the illuminated shape of a giant Necrocard.

Hallie

Jesus Christ.

Tom

What?!

Kyle

And out of this giant Necrocard comes stomping a giant Lucas Bang style Necromon, and it goes:

Kyle (as Necromon)

“Gyabe…!”

[Music ends abruptly.]

Kyle

Gabe? I guess Gabe is Bang backwards?

[Laughter.]

Ari

Gabe!

Hallie

Ga-nab!

Ari

Gnab!

Kyle (as Necromon)

“Ga-nabe!”

Kyle

[Laughs.] Alright, it’s time for a Confrontation.

[Ghostly action music begins.]

The way confrontation works is that the monster has a goal, so this monster is—it’s not named Ganabe. This Necromon is called Wardlet.

Hallie

Wardlet!

Kyle

Wardlet is a crayon style Necromon that can take the form of something that is drawn on it. It’s like a Ditto, it makes a shape and then speaks as if it’s that thing.

Hallie

Neato.

Kyle

So, this Wardlet, which again is now going by Bang, is gonna try to get you. Its goal is to… Its goal is to stop one of you, or retrieve something from one of you.

Hallie

[Grumbles.]

Kyle

What is your all goal?

Hallie

Get out of the theater.

Tom

To leave the theater.

Ari

Yeah. Once Quique realizes pretty quickly that this is not part of the movie, the goal is to get Yunuen and him, but mostly Yunuen first, out of the theater.

Emily

To prove myself against this unknown Necromon that seems powerful! Let me get out my Necromon.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Catch the Alpha!

Tom

No~

Emily

[Chuckles.] You’re gonna have to drag her out of here.

[00:35:00]

Kyle

I’m gonna set each clock at 4. It’s equally difficult for you to get out as it is for the Wardlet to catch you. So, it’s 4-clocks for each of you.

[Scary action music begins.]

To set the scene, the Wardlet, the Bang, is reaching out and it is the size of a theater as it’s trying to stretch itself out from this giant card.

Hallie

Christ.

Kyle

All of you are there. Yunuen is really excited. She’s bouncing.

Ari

Oh no!

Kyle

She’s actually stood up and she’s holding onto the seat in front of her. She is super hyped.

Ari (as Quique)

No-no-no, kiddo, this is not an exciting situation. We need to go out, to get out now. I don't think this is part of the movie anymore. We have to leave now.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob! Rekoob!

Emily

Booker is flipped over on his little crab legs standing protectively in front of Hilda.

Tom

[Worried hum.]

Hallie

Sparky’s taking pictures.

Emily (as Irene)

Mallea, go!

Ari (as Mallea)

[Bellowing.] Uh-lay-um!

Emily

[Smiling.] Irene is fully just, “let’s duel! It’s time to duel!”

Hallie

[Laughs.] D-D-D-Duel!

Ari

Mallea is ready to go. I imagine that Mallea is always ready to go, so this is like… he doesn’t need to be told twice about being ready to go.

Kyle

Are you gonna have Mallea do anything in particular or are you just gonna have Mallea go and fucking try to sock this thing?

Emily

I was gonna try to have Mallea do its Signature Move.

Kyle

Okay. So yeah, outside of combat your Signature Attack is a Necromon Trainer move, Elemental Blast. Roll your ‘mon’s signature stat to harness their element. Based on that signature stat, the effect may change. For Fierce, it is… Fierce is an attack.

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

So what exactly do you want Mallea to do?

Emily

I want Mallea to pin it down and then I can put it in a card. I don’t like the cards, but this looks like it’s going to eat us all.

[Music ends.]

Ari

Since I am invested in Mallea, can I spend an AP to give some advantage to this roll?

Kyle

Yeah. You can spend an AP to give advantage on a roll. Typically, as a character, you would have to justify why you as a character were doing it. I’ll say, because you play Mallea, you can just give that without explaining why Quique helps.

Ari

Okay.

Kyle

The way rolling with advantage works is, instead of rolling with two dice, you roll with three and you take the result of the top two. Disadvantage works the opposite way, you roll with three dice and you take the results from the bottom two.

Ari

Mm-hmm. I give advantage with AP, because Mallea is just so ready to go that he’s just on this! Like, I don't care what the order is, let’s go!

Emily (as Irene)

Mallea, turn it to mush!

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um~!

Emily

[Rolls.] SO, it’s an 11.

Kyle

Okay, a full success. With a full success, you are able to fill your clock by 1 point or you can inflict an effect on the monster. An effect would be something like making all future rolls +1 ongoing or stopping the monster from being able to do something specific or…

Emily

I have one idea. It’s big, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily

What if it was, like, hampered somehow speed- or roll-wise by having Mallea just holding onto one of its legs and having to drag Mallea along as dead weight.

Kyle

[Smiling.] Fucking love it.

[Action western music begins.]

Mallea, (thud, thud, thud), goes to jump on it but can’t fully get on it so instead just grabs one of the thing’s legs.

Ari (as Mallea)

Uh-lay-um~!

Kyle

Your clock doesn’t fill, but it is going to be easier for you to do any subsequent roll related to escape.

Emily (as Irene)

You should probably leave. I wouldn’t want anyone to get caught in the crossfire of my battle.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Crossfire is my job, kid.

Hallie

Sparky says, as she continues to snap pictures with the small polaroid camera I just decided she has. This is the real ‘Bang! Bang!’ movie, and she’s gonna make a bang-ing buck on it. While I’m taking, I would like to turn the flash all the way up. I want to see if I can hamper this monster’s sight.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Everybody close your eyes!

Hallie

Then I “boop-boop” and I just crank it up.

Kyle

I think that’s also Take A Swing because you’re attacking it, so yeah, roll me Fierce.

Hallie

Yeah. Alright.

[Rolls.] Okay, so I got a 5 because I have a -2 in Fierce today according to my pre-game rolls, however I did get an AP because of my Can’t Learn Unless You Try ability, so I have 3 of those suckers now.

Kyle

And you take another one for a failed roll. So, the Wardlet goes and goes…

Kyle (as Wardlet)

GNABE~!

Kyle

…and it slams the ground.

[00:40:00]

The little bits of Crayola crayon on it reach out and they lock over the doors on the way out of the theater.

Hallie

Oh fuck.

Kyle

And it fills its clock by 1. Your clock is 0 out of 4 and its is 1 out of 4.

Hallie

Great.

[Music ends.]

Ari

You said that the door is closed?

Kyle

Yeah, it’s blocked the doors with the crayon stuff.

Tom

Did Hallie get any of the benefit from Mallea on that roll?

Kyle

No, because Mallea only helps if you try to escape and Hallie was attacking.

Hallie

Yeah.

Emily

So, you said one of the things we can do with AP is to have something or someone be there. I want Lucas Bang to burst in.

Hallie

I was gonna do that with my AP!

Ari

Like the Kool-Aid Man.

Hallie

I was gonna ask if Lucas Bang could just Kool-Aid Man through the wall… and be Lucas Bang! I don't know, be a hero, man. Be the Aggressive Bandit.

Kyle

Alright. The monster goes and the crayons go out, and you hear:

Kyle (as Lucas)

Uh, Sparky—OH!

Kyle

And down at the bottom one of the doors has opened up and Lucas Bang is there. You get your clock filled by 1 because you now have a means of escape.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Uh… what’s going on here? Is someone in there?

Emily (as Irene)

Yes. Sparky Malarky is trapped by a Necromon.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I am not!

Kyle (as Lucas)

Trapped by a Necromon? What are you talking about—OH!

Kyle

Another thing flies past him. He’s slowly making his way in.

Tom

Alright.

Ari

So, Lucas Bang entered. He bursted through the wall, right?

Kyle

Not the wall. He opened one of the doors right before the crayon does. He’s a polite guy, he doesn’t burst through walls.

Ari

So is the door…

Kyle

The Wardlet was gonna go block two doors. One of them is not blocked because Lucas Bang opened it right before it was blocked.

Ari

Because otherwise Quique’s gonna carry Yunuen and run towards that door before it is blocked again.

Tom

Do it.

Emily

Yeah, get the little baby out!

Hallie

Baby!

Tom

Save this baby.

Kyle

Yunuen is just bouncing, bouncing-bouncing-bouncing. Roll to Keep Your Cool to successfully pick up this small bouncing child.

Ari

Okay. You say I can spend AP to have advantage on things?

Kyle

Yep, 1 AP with advantage.

Ari

Okay, I’m gonna do that.

Kyle

And then add your Slick to that, because that’s what Keep Your Cool is.

Ari

Okay, Keep Your Cool.

[Rolls.] Yeah, so that would be a 6.

Kyle

Okay. Normally that would be a failure, but with the +1 from Mallea, your 6 goes up to 7 making that a mixed success. So, you keep your cool… kind of, but it isn’t going to be as simple as picking Yunuen up and just running. You struggle to grab her because she’s just so excited. She’s pointing. She’s reaching to grab the Pik Pik to fight with.

Ari

Uh… okay, yeah. He struggles because she’s vibrating but then also because he sees the card and kinda gets the idea while he’s trying to pick her up.

[Fun chase music begins.]

Ari (as Quique)

Okay, so this thing can run really fast, right? Do you think he can come out to play a little? To go all the way over there?

Ari

And points at the door.

Kyle

Yunuen nods and takes out the Pik Pik.

Emily (as Pik Pik)

Kip-kip. Kip-kip.

Ari (as Quique)

Alright. Alright.

Ari

He’s gonna look at the Pik Pik. If this requires another roll, that’s okay, but kind of channel his… I mean, he remembers what Hilda said about Tucán also being a Necromon, so he’s gonna channel that relationship imagining that it’s Tucán.

Ari (as Quique)

Okay! Okay, little thing. Do you think you can take Yunuen and run towards that door? You know, just like a little tiny horse? Because you are not a horse at all… I mean, I would never call you a horse.

Emily (as Pik Pik)

Kip-kip? Kip-kip?

Ari (as Quique)

Unless you want to. But, you know what I mean, right?

Emily (as Pik Pik)

[Confused.] Kip-kip…?

Kyle

The Pik Pik doesn’t understand a word that you say, but it sees the giant monster and fucking bolts the other way with Yunuen in tow.

Emily (as Pik Pik)

[Humming microwave sounds.]

Ari (as Quique)

Correle como la chingada!

Kyle (as Lucas)

That thing’s on fire. What’s going on here?

Kyle

You hear Lucas Bang say as the now flaming Pik Pik and Yunuen run off which gets you a clock point through because someone got out, but it also fills the monster’s clock because that wasn’t who it was targeting.

[Music ends.]

Ari

Quique doesn’t care. Also, Quique totally swore because I just totally said a swear word in Spanish. Quique just hopes that Yunuen didn’t hear that, but that’s a later problem.

Kyle

What happens next?

Emily (as Irene)

We just got attacked by a Necromon, Mr. Lucas Bang.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Wait, there are kids in there?!

Emily (as Irene)

Well, one of them got out, but there’s another one. Her name is Hilda.

Tom (as Hilda)

Wow. What? You’re younger than me.

Emily (as Irene)

Only in age.

[00:45:00]

Tom (as Hilda)

Look…

Tom

Hilda is gonna step up to the plate.

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob?

Tom (as Hilda)

Alright Booker, I guess we can’t back down now. Can you distract that thing to let the Boss escape?

Emily (as Booker)

[Fierce.] Rekoob!

[Ultra Booker music begins.]

Tom

Hilda pulls the printer paper out of the backpack, hands half the stack to Booker, and says:

Tom (as Hilda)

Just like we practiced.

Hallie

Yes! Yes!

Tom

The two of them are going to charge and fling sheets of paper at this creature to disrupt and distract it and allow everyone else to escape.

Emily (as Booker)

[Like a cute war cry.] Rekoob~!

Kyle

So yeah, give me a roll for Take Action.

Tom

Just for kicks, I’m gonna spend an AP for advantage.

[Rolls.] That’s a 12, not natural.

Hallie

Almost Malaita!

Kyle

How do you distract this thing?

Tom

Alright. Hilda runs down one aisle. Booker I imagine is just hopping from seat to seat down the other. They are just flinging paper at this thing. Booker has grabbed a bunch of the sheets in bits of the book and is just spitting them out every so often.

Emily (as Booker)

[With effort.] Rekoob, rekoob, rekoob! Rekoob!

Tom

While Hilda is just trying to fling them dramatically, which is often failing, but it is most certainly very inspired and is disrupting the Necromon. The air around it is now filled with papers and it is just trying to slap its way through them with its little oddly two-dimensional limbs.

Kyle

It’s slapping through and you can see the bits of paper are slowly getting on it.

Tom

It’s rubbing the crayon bits off onto the paper.

Kyle

As this thing gets smaller and smaller. You’re at the end. Your clock is filled by 3, its is filled by 2, and it’s reaching out at you. It sees Booker and it starts reaching out at Booker. As it goes to reach, you hear a deep guttural…

Kyle (as Pirouribbit)

TI-BI-ROAR-RIP!

Kyle

…as this giant distressed-looking frog in a tutu…

Ari

Aww, it’s a tutu frog!

Kyle

…emerges, and with its foot slams the head of this crayon monster which hits the side of the wall, splattering the crayon onto the wall itself, leaving behind just a few scrapes of the actual monster below.

[Music fades.]

And Lucas Bang, who filled your clock to full…

Hallie

Nice, Lucas!

Kyle

…walks up and says:

Kyle (as Lucas)

Well, uh, I admit I haven’t seen the movie in a while, but I didn’t realize this was that 4D experience they would talk about. It seems awfully dangerous even for 13-year-olds.

Hallie (as Sparky)

This is just like old times, hey, Lucas?

Tom

The kids are just slowly looking back and forth.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Including you missing the point. That wasn’t 4D. That wasn’t… That wasn’t 4D. That was just—that was a Necromon.

Emily (as Irene)

Were you also saved by children in the old times?

Hallie (as Sparky)

We were children and we saved ourselves.

Kyle (as Lucas)

Yeah. You kids did a great job here.

Kyle

He picks up the paper and he picks up Mallea who has turned small and says:

Emily (as Booker)

Rekoob.

Kyle (as Lucas)

This was really impressive work.

Emily

Irene will snatch Mallea back from him and hold him in her hands.

Emily (as Irene)

It’s okay. You wore them down.

Hallie

Aww.

Ari (as Mallea)

[Disappointed.] Uh-lay-um.

Ari

Now Mallea is small, so now it’s like “uh-lay-um.” {lighter, less bellowing}

Kyle

Aw, that’s so cute.

Emily

Aw!

Hallie

Did you say Oh-ee-kope is the healer Pokémon? Necromon.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Hallie

Sorry. Pokeyo is the healer Necromon. There’s the sentence I was asking. There’s the sentence.

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

It’s gonna cuddle up to Mallea, because that’s cute.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Concerned.] Oh-kope? Oh-kope?

Ari (as Mallea)

[Grateful.] Uh-lay-um…? Uh-lay-um!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

[Cheerful.] Oh-ee-kope!

Ari

Mallea is gonna hug… What’s the name? Po-kee-oh?

Tom

Pokeyo.

Hallie

Pokeyo!

Ari

Pokeyo. Yeah. Mallea is gonna hug Pokeyo.

Ari (as Mallea)

[Cheered up.] Uh-lay-um!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Ari (as Mallea)

Lay-um~

Emily (as Booker)

[Quietly.] Rekoob…?

Emily

Booker says, cuddling up to Hilda.

Ari

Aww.

Tom

Hilda’s gonna give Booker a big hug.

Tom (as Hilda)

You did such a good job.

Ari

Meanwhile, Quique is by Yunuen already outside of the theater.

Ari (as Quique)

Does your little hamster horse…

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Quique)

Does it eat something? We could get it some treats. You did a really good job! Do you eat something? Do you want something?

Emily (as Pik Pik)

Kip-kip. Kip-kip!

Ari (as Quique)

I know Tucán likes wood. Do you like that? I can give you that on the way home.

Emily

The Pik Pik stares at you and turns into a card.

Ari (as Quique)

Well, that didn’t work that well, but hey, we are way, way past your bedtime. We need to go, now!

Ari

And he’s just gonna leave. Probably catch a ride from Ariel.

Kyle

Yeah, they waited for you. They knew.

Ari (as Quique)

Hey, I’m sorry. I intended to take her back beforehand, but I don't know what—

[00:50:00]

Kyle (as Ariel)

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. That’s… Uh-huh. Right.

Ari (as Quique)

[Stammers.] What was the—

Kyle (as Ariel)

That’s right, tio. Uh-huh.

Ari

He’s gonna check himself out because he’s trying to look cool in front of Ariel.

Ari (as Quique)

Um… Ah, wey, so you know, what’s the deal with that movie, eh? Did you see that? No mames, right? That was such a… estuvo cañón, eh? That movie change, was that part of the schedule? Carnal, eh?

Kyle

They look at you and just say:

Kyle (as Ariel)

Tio?

Ari (as Quique)

Si?

Kyle (as Ariel)

No.

Ari (as Quique)

No.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

I have a question for you, Sparky malarkey.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yes?

Emily (as Irene)

[Stammers.] … Will you please drive me home?

Tom

Aww.

Hallie

[Giggles.] She’ll angle her head toward the parking lot.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Sure kid, but that’s $3 off my tab for gas.

Emily (as Irene)

Two point five.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I’ll take it.

[Laughter. Happy end music begins.]

Kyle

Alright. Time fades out. You all get out of there. Lucas says he’ll handle talking to Mr. Scuba and all of that—see if they can make the movies a little safer and such. As you make your way into the junkyard graveyard, Sparky, you walk in… you notice that you still have the thing of food and the card from Maybelline.

Hallie

God damn it.

Kyle

So I’m assuming you just drop both of them. You just throw Maybelline’s by Elliot’s and drop the food somewhere, right?

Hallie

Oh yeah, they’re on top of the clothes, treated with no respect.

Kyle

As Sparky goes to leave, we can see the glittering card, and we notice that the card is actually flashing like an electronic.

[Music changes to threatening ambient music.]

We all as an audience see the place we had seen at the end of the first adventure. There’s a man sitting in a chair. We only see his hands as they tap the side. Some perky high heels walk in and the tapping stops.

Kyle (as Oset)

Maybelline, what do you have to report?

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Well, Mr. Scuba, unfortunately Sammy’s plan didn’t work out, almost like it was pretty last minute~

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Oset)

Well, after what happened to the card, I don't know what you expected.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

I’m just—I… You know, I thought the kid would like to have the card sleeves. So unfortunately, that didn’t pan out, but did you know that you now technically own a Necromouse and 248 blank cards? I think that’s a win, personally. But, the most important thing… I slipped them my card and they don’t suspect a thing.

[Music changes to ghostly credits music.]

Kyle

As Sparky goes to sleep and the light turns off, we can see the card still blinking in there, and reflected in the card, the little container is opened up, and inside of the container are roasted rutabaga.

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Hallie

[Long angry huffing sounds.]

Kyle

And that’s it. That’s the end of the session. I know that was a pretty forced big monologue, but I wanted to be like, “there’s rutabaga in this thing, Hallie!”

Hallie

Well, she was too mad to open it! You know? She doesn’t need such paltry things as food to keep her brain and beauty going. I’ll find the rutabaga. I’m gonna open it, it’s just that a lot happened and she’s really mad right now. I would plan to open it later.

Tom

I almost want to edit in a post-ending stinger of Hilda doing a little post-it note at home labeled “Maybelline, suspicious.”

[Laughter.]

Kyle

On her own little heist board.

Hallie

Aww! She’s got a baby heist board!

Kyle

She opens up the cupboard and we just see a tiny little corkboard.

Hallie

She’s got a little baby heist board!

Tom

Starting from a single post-it note.

Hallie

Aww! God bless.

Kyle

I do love that Ariel had such a bad time.

Ari

That pleases me. Even if it’s not Quique who is having a bad time, one of Quique’s relatives is having a bad time.

Tom

I respect that Quique’s family is just constantly dealing with everyone’s shit.

[00:55:00]

Kyle

With other ones I might do more. It’s just I was like, ah, we should probably end this with, you know, ‘something’ happening and not just “and you went to the signing and you all went home.” Kind of like how Cardcaptor will just, out of fucking nowhere, be like “here’s a Clow Card in the last five minutes, Sakura!” Fuck you! Catch it now!”

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

I was just having a day at the—“Fuck you! The Clow Card is here now! Catch it, asshole!”

Ari

I’m pleased I got to say a very Mexican phrase that I just remembered when Quique screamed at the projector guy. That word is like literally what we scream when a movie is not being projected or is projected wrong. Like, really specifically that word is used for that specific thing, and if you look it up, it says that it’s something specific to Mexico too.

Tom

Incredible.

Ari

I just thought about it. I was like that’s right, we scream “cacaro!” so that they fix the movie. “Cacaro!”

Emily

That’s so good.

Ari

And I remembered on time this hyper-specific thing. So that’s a thing that you should keep when you edit.

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Tom

[Smiling.] Oh my god. Is that… Is that the voice?!

Hallie (as Pokeyo)

Oh-ee-kope!

Hallie

It’s my Pikachu voice but saying different words.

Pikachu! Oh-ee-kope!

Tom

Oh my fucking god. That’s so good! Holy shit. I couldn’t tell where it came from at first.

Hallie

Thank you. I’m so proud of it. “Oh-ee-kope!”