Daemon Party (Halloween 2023)

[Silly Halloween music plays for the intro.]

[Sinister piano music begins]

Aaron (as Victor)

Good evening. I am Victor Daemon of the Daemon Saloon. Come in, come in, and don’t forget to fill out one of the nametags I’ve placed for you.

Ah, but you’re the same as you always were, aren’t you? It’s a confuddling thing, the separation between worlds. Four friends enter my saloon the same as they have each and every year before, but, while the soul is the same, the avatar changes. With a new cast of characters on this auditory stage comes the need for a similarly novel approach, but how can I help my dear new friends when I don’t know them myself? For, by the time they open this door…

[A door creeks.]

…I ought to understand them completely.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

You wake up. It’s both dark and light outside, which is a very bullshit descriptor.

Hallie

[Amused.] Yeah. What? What?!

Emily

This is worse than the Diamond Pyramid.

Kyle

[Smiling.] The Diamond Pyramid of Light.

Ari

It’s a very Kingdom Hearts descriptor.

Kyle

It’s mostly dark outside, but there are a few lights around you, a few artificial lights. The main light that you see is reflecting off of this giant silver sphere the size of… probably a small skyscraper, and this giant silver sphere has a series of small pyramids covering its surface.

Tom

[Exasperated sounds.]

Kyle

Alright. That’s what happens. You all wake up. You don't know where you are or how you got here.

Ari (as Quique)

I don't know why, but I think this probably has something to do with Sparky.

Hallie

Sparky’s still asleep.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

She’s doing, like, the ‘on’ asleep, the head on the arm. It looks so uncomfortable, but she is clearly very happy.

Emily (as Irene)

Sparky Malarky, what did you do?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Huh? What?

[Silly accordion music begins.]

Ari (as Quique)

Oh, so the detective here agrees with my assessment. I think you… I guess maybe not because you’re just waking up, but maybe it is a ploy to pretend.

Hallie (as Sparky)

What? What are you doing here?

Ari (as Quique)

What are you doing? What are we doing here? That is the question that we want answered.

Hallie (as Sparky)

What? What, what, what?

Tom

Hilda just opens her eyes and sits upright.

Tom (as Hilda)

Booker? Booker, where are you?

Emily

Is Booker here or is Booker not here?

Kyle

Booker’s not here, you don’t see Booker, but you do see three ‘mon arguing with each other.

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

The first is a bat with rotating magnifying glasses of different sizes and strengths in front of its eyes. This is the Skeptical. You also recognize a buff tardigrade made out of Australian Buloke, the strongest wood, with grape vines around its body. It has a little hole. The little hole in the front of a tardigrade’s face is instead a big flashing eye, which in a video game would scream “I am the weak point.” This is the Tardigrape.

Tom

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

And then finally, you just see Tucán.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Oh god.

Kyle

You see Tucán the Kingpecker except he’s not making the sounds that Tucán normally makes and instead sounds like an elderly skeleton.

Ari

Is Hilda the first one that notices?

Kyle

It feels appropriate that Hilda would be the first one to wake up and be like “wait a second.”

Hallie

We’re all just too busy quabbling.

Kyle

Exactly.

Ari (as Quique)

Sparky, I hear you somewhere.

Emily

I like the idea of us all blaming each other but not looking.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

Yeah, absolutely.

Emily

Just like laying there, still.

Hallie

Sparky’s eyes are barely open.

Tom

Hilda’s going to stand up, question mark?

Kyle

Hilda, you go to stand up and you just flop upwards from your side.

Tom

Oh dear.

Kyle

Like, if you try to move your legs, you can feel them move a little bit, but it’s very hard for a translucent pale blue mouse that’s a balloon animal to move.

[00:05:00]

Tom

Oh dear.

Kyle

Yeah. You get up on your side, and I don't know if anyone else notices, but it’s just this little balloon mouse that’s a pale blue color, and it just flops up from its side onto its feet.

Tom

What…?

Ari

I have a nature question that may open a lot of can of worms.

[Music ends.]

Tucán is a bird. Do Necromon eat other Necromon?

Hallie

Oh no. Oh no!

Kyle

So—

Hallie

Okay. Oh, he did try to eat the Necromouse.

Kyle

They don’t have to, but Booker canonically eats Necrosnails.

Emily

Booker eats a lot of things.

Kyle

And Tucán canonically eats Necromice.

Ari

I think instinctively he might try to go and peck the thing that’s moving without thinking.

Kyle

Uh… I need both of you to roll me a d10.

Tom

Fuck you and your Animorphs.

Ari

Just one? Okay.

Kyle

Just one, just one d10.

Tom

Alright, heart of the cards, guide me.

Ari

[Rolls.] I rolled a 4.

Tom

[Rolls.] Nine, motherfuckers.

Kyle

Instinctively, this bird lunges at you, Hilda. How do you get out of the way?

Tom

I tumble end over end like a little tumbleweed blowing in the wind, because I’m just a little balloon mouse.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

Oh, bless.

Tom

But I’m also very fast because I assume I’m also a blue mouse of the speed.

Kyle

Oh man. I don’t think that was Emily’s intent, but I fucking love it so we’re going with it.

Tom

It’s too late.

Ari

You’re moving your feets.

Hallie

You’re moving your feets!

Tom

I’m moving my feets.

Kyle

I should note that each of you designed these for the other. I had some role in some of them, but I did not choose these.

Tom

Hilda will just scream a little bit, like “agh!”

Kyle

You hear that, but it’s very high-pitched like its coming out of helium.

Hallie

[Squeaky.] Agh!

Like that.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Exactly, 100% what it sounds like.

Tom

Oh dear.

Ari

I think that’s when Quique will realize there’s something up here. Like, why did I—

Emily

Why did I peck Hilda?

Tom

Why did I try to eat a balloon?

Kyle

Why am I hungry?

Ari

Ah, {**7:17}. What? What is…? I’m usually tall, but I feel like I am way taller than I usually am.

Ari

Just moving his head side by side.

Tom (as Hilda)

Mr. Quique? Is that you?

Emily

Irene pats two of her many tiny legs together.

Emily (as Irene)

Something is wrong.

Hallie

Sparky’s just blinking. I’m the **Skeptical, right? I want to be that one.

Kyle

Yeah. After a couple of seconds of blinking, somehow just naturally, organically, a couple of the glasses flip down in front of your eyes.

Hallie

Thank god.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, this is new. This is new… Okay. Oh, all of this is new. Hilda, what did you do?

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom (as Hilda)

I’m just balloon.

Kyle

Each of you blaming someone else.

Tom (as Hilda)

Why did I do anything?

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Stammers.] Um…

Emily (as Irene)

Get out of my dreams, again.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Again?

Ari (as Quique)

I would think a dream is the most logical explanation, but I don’t really dream.

Emily (as Irene)

No, but I do.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, what do you mean “again?”

Emily (as Irene)

You’re in my dream.

Hallie (as Sparky)

What do you mean “again?”

Kyle

I don't know if any of you recognize what Irene means by the dream.

[Music begins **8:30.]

Before the screen goes on, but regardless, eventually at some point you piece together that, wait, there was that time about this time a year ago, on Hallieween, when yeah, you went to a weird place and Maybelline was there and Yunuen was there and Lionel was there.

Ari

Oh god.

Kyle

And there was also the man on the screen. The globe in front of you lights up like a TV monitor, and on it you hear some (screeching), the tapping of the mic as like someone’s trying to get something together.

[Music changes to **9:18.]

You eventually see a vampire dressed in a bartender’s garb holding in front of him a baseball bat with a drawing of his face on it, googly eyes, a formal suit, and circles on his cheeks.

Ari

God, what?

Kyle

And the man behind the bat, while moving the little bat around, says:

Aaron (as Victor)

Good evening, my friends. It is I, Victor Daemon of the Daemon Saloon, and I want to play a game. Now, I imagine you all might be wondering how you are here. Well, I can’t really tell you how. Something-something Halloween magic is how.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Boo!

Aaron (as Victor)

But why? Oh-ho, I can tell you why.

[00:10:00]

So, last Halloween—Hollyween?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Hallieween.

Aaron (as Victor)

Hallieween? I forgot how you call it.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Unimpressed.] Okay…

Aaron (as Victor)

Last year I made the grievous error of mistaking you for the other Quest Friends, and for that I sincerely apologize. You’re all just so similar, you know? Except for the skeleton. I still don’t know how I messed up that one.

Tom (as Hilda)

What are you talking about?

Aaron (as Victor)

Anywho. I thought we ought to get to know each other better, so I brought you here and put you in forms representative to your world, both to put you at ease and, uh… you know, show you how much I’ve been paying attention.

Tom (as Hilda)

I’m sorry, put us at ease?

Hallie (as Sparky)

You thought this was gonna put us at ease?

Ari

Quique has been trying to peck at the globe.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Quique)

I don’t know why I just keep doing this. Ugh!

Kyle

As you’re speaking, it goes:

Aaron (as Victor)

Are you saying something to me? I can’t hear you. This is all prerecorded which is why I’m going to keep playing this prerecorded message saying that the messages are prerecorded every five minutes.

[Music ends.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Balls!

Aaron (as Victor)

With that, I proudly present… Daemonopoly!

[Music begins **11:17.]

Ari

[Amused.] Daemonopoly.

Aaron (as Victor)

It’s a board game mini-game fusion that is completely original, to your world at least.

Emily (as Irene)

I hate games.

Aaron (as Victor)

You see, to get to my saloon where the real party is, you need the magic of stars.

Emily (as Irene)

I hate parties.

Aaron (as Victor)

To get stars, you’re each going to take turns rolling dice and walking across spaces and playing mini-games which will collect Star Points. At the end of five turns, whoever is in first place will light the way to the saloon, get first dibs on the hors d’oeuvres, and also, you know, get turned back into their regular form and get to go home.

Ari (as Quique)

I know this is pointless since you can’t hear us, but does only one person get to leave this place if we win?

Aaron (as Victor)

Yeah, uh… so I’ve got a series of games for you, little get-to-know-you games. I will be hanging out here in my own, heh, “Necromon form.”

Kyle

He points in front of him, the little bat with the googly eyes, which is a **vampire bat.

Ari

Oh no. Oh my god.

Hallie

Oh my god. Oh my god!

Kyle

That’s not a real Necromon, but that is what his philosophy was.

Ari

I hate it.

Kyle

He made a **vampire bat.

Tom

God damn it, Kyle.

Emily

Incredible.

Hallie

I’m so happy for him.

Aaron (as Victor)

But since this is all, you know, prerecorded, I have Ben there to walk you through the details. Say hi, Ben.

Kyle

As he says that and the lights… I’m gonna say music starts playing, lights start shining, you can see that all around you there are these octagonal board spaces of differing colors lighting up from the ground. By some of them you see a little goblin with a white poet’s cap that has red polka dots on it.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Oh my god.

Kyle

And the goblin just kinda sheepishly waves his hand.

Kyle (as Ben)

Uh… hi there, everybody. Welcome to the game. Welcome to the game.

Kyle

And he starts doing this little tip-tap dance.

Kyle (as Ben)

Sorry, I just like dancing a lot. How are you guys doing today?

Hallie (as Sparky)

You know, I’ve been better, but thank you for asking.

Ari (as Quique)

Can you answer the question of if only one person gets to leave if we win?

Tom (as Hilda)

I think we just want to go home.

Kyle (as Ben)

I’m assuming you also want the answer to that question, so your two questions are—

Ari (as Quique)

That’s kind of how questions work.

Kyle (as Ben)

So yeah, the two questions are: can I answer the question, can I tell you, and the other question is what’s the answer, is there only one person. According to big boss man’s rules, I can tell you that the answer to one of them is yes and the answer to one of them is no.

Ari (as Quique)

Uh…

Kyle (as Ben)

Anyways! We’re gonna have five turns of some Daemonopoly fun.

Emily (as Irene)

What if we didn’t?

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Ben)

Then, after those turns, we’ll have a little party at the saloon. Any other questions for me? I’m Ben.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Okay, but like, actually you didn’t answer my associate’s question. So, one of us gets to leave in this weird dream that’s happening?

Emily (as Irene)

When I wake up, you will all be gone, so…

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright, well that’s a bit… Oh. Are you the cosmic dreamer?

Emily (as Irene)

Am I the what?

Kyle (as Ben)

The world-weaver.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Are you, Irene?

Emily (as Irene)

It’s my dream.

Tom (as Hilda)

You’re not very helpful for us, are you, Ben?

Kyle (as Ben)

Well, I uh… I hope to pick that—

Kyle

He gets really worried when he says that.

Kyle (as Ben)

We hope to pick that up. Please give me a good review for the big boss man.

[00:15:00]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Do you got Yelp?

Kyle (as Ben)

Yelp?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah.

Kyle (as Ben)

Oh, I sure hope not.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Amused.] Okay. Okay, Ben.

Kyle (as Ben)

We’re not that kind—It’s not that kind of Halloween abduction. Nothing painful, alright?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh, I meant… Okay.

[Music begins **15:13.]

Kyle (as Ben)

So, the way that this game is going to work is there are going to be five turns. During each of those turns, you’re gonna roll one of these bad boys.

Kyle

He lifts his hand up and above him is a six-sided die that displays ten numbers.

Hallie

Oh my god.

Kyle

And I will not explain how that works.

Hallie

I love it so much.

Ari

I hate it.

Kyle (as Ben)

You’re gonna move around the board. You’re gonna do some get-to-know-you mini-games, so you get to know yourself, so that big boss man gets to know you. Then, you’ll collect some Star Points. And then, at the end of the game, I can guarantee for sure that one of you is gonna make it home.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Alright.

Kyle (as Ben)

So you probably want to win. It seems a little cutthroat for a friendship time, but you know, that’s what big boss man wants.

Tom (as Hilda)

What if none of us win?

Kyle (as Ben)

One of you is gonna win.

Tom (as Hilda)

But what if everyone gets zero Star Points at the end?

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Ben)

… I have to make a call.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Ben)

Just hit the dice while I’m gone.

Kyle

He pulls out a scroll and pulls it up to his ear and walks away. As he walks away, you can see that each of you has a six-sided die above you and there’s a little thing beneath it that just says “hit me.” Actually, no, it whispers. “Hit me. Hit me.”

Ari

I hate that I hadn’t thought about how Mario Party has a six-sided die and yet it’s a ten-number, and now I won’t be able to unsee it.

Hallie

I’m never gonna see it a different way.

Kyle

“Hit me. I want to be punched and then rabble on the ground.”

Ari (as Quique)

Oh, I refuse to.

Ari

But then, because he still has very powerful instincts as this Tucán, as he says that he’s going to immediately launch and try and peck it.

Kyle

I fucking love it. Yeah, alright, yeah. Give me the roll for your dice.

Ari

[Rolls.] Seven.

Kyle

Seven. Alright, you got a 7. What about everyone else?

Hallie

Okay. Sparky does a cute little bat flutter up to the die that’s floating above her head. She’s still getting used to her bat wings, but she gets there and she gives it a might slap.

[Rolls.] And rolls a… 9!

Kyle

Okay.

Tom

Hilda’s gonna sigh and then squeak-squeak-squeak, because my balloon legs squeak every time I move.

Kyle

[Laughs.] I love it.

Hallie

I love this balloon mouse.

Tom

And then just like, ‘merp,’ poke it with my nose.

Kyle

It reacts as if you hit it with all of your strength even though it was just a little love tap.

Tom

[Rolls.] And I got an 8.

Kyle

Okay. Irene?

Emily

I feel like Irene went to stomp her foot but she has so many feet that she just smacks it.

Tom

Now here’s a question. Is this the first time Irene has ever had zero pains whatsoever?

Kyle

Oh!

Tom

Is this Necromon body more powerful than Irene’s normal body?

Kyle

[Typing.] How much pain do tardigrades feel?

Emily

I mean, they can dry up and survive on nothing.

Ari

Yeah, they’re pretty invincible.

Kyle

Yeah, so let’s say you’re invincible but you do feel a lot of some kind of pain.

Tom

Oh no.

Emily

Great.

Tom

That’s not what I wanted. I wanted the opposite of this.

Hallie

Thanks, Tom.

Kyle

Alright, what did you get, Irene?

Emily

[Rolls.] Eight.

Ari

We’re so close in numbers!

Hallie

Yeah!

Kyle

Tom got a 7 and Ari got a 6?

Tom

No, I got an 8.

Ari

No, I got a 7.

Kyle

Oh, okay.

Tom

And Hallie got a 9.

Hallie

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

So, here’s where we get to an interesting thing. It’s gonna be Hallie first, for sure, and then Ari is gonna be fourth.

[Music begins **18:53.]

When it comes to mechanics, we’re doing a homebrew game called It’s Your Birthday, But It’s My Party, based on something Hallie once yelled during Mario Party.

Ari

She did it to me! I was Peach on the Peach birthday cake, and she was Mario, and I was like I’m gonna win because it’s my birthday, and she was like “it may be your birthday, but it’s my party,” and she won.

Hallie

[Smiling.] And then I won! And then also it’s almost my birthday because it was yesterday, so it’s both of those things as we record.

Ari

It’s true. It’s your birthday, but it’s Victor Daemon’s party.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

It’s a bullshit system is the short version of the story. Keeping that in mind, who do you think would hit the dice better between the two of them?

Emily

A balloon or a wooden tardigrade?

Hallie

I’m gonna go with the tree.

Ari

I think the wooden tardigrade is the answer.

Tom

Yeah.

Hallie

Based on Tom’s actual description of the light nose boop.

Ari

Yeah, the boop.

Kyle

Alright, in that case, our order is gonna be Sparky, Irene, Hilda, and Quique.

[Music ends.]

Sparky, as you all hit it and they all go up, it’s like “thank you for hitting me.”

Hallie

[Laughs.]

[00:20:00]

Kyle

Three of you feel these creepy tendrils from the ground reach up and grab your legs…

Tom

Nooo.

Kyle

…except for Sparky who has another die appear above her.

Kyle (as floating block)

[High-pitched, sweet.] Hit me.

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I just did that. Again?

Kyle (as floating block)

I’m a different one.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Alright. Alright.

Kyle (as floating block)

Wait, but before you do that…

Hallie (as Sparky)

Oh? Okay.

Kyle (as floating block)

You could use an item. Do you wanna?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Do I have items?

Kyle (as floating block)

You sure do!

[Music begins **20:30.]

Kyle

In this game, each of you gets items. Essentially it’s like items in Mario Party, they’re gonna change your dice roll. Sparky, your item is a Warp Block.

Tom

What?

Kyle

What the Warp Block does is automatically places you on the space of a random person. So, it randomly chooses one of the other people and you go to the space they were at last.

Hallie

That seems like a really useful thing to use on the first turn.

Kyle

Yeah. The block is gonna say:

Kyle (as floating block)

Oh fiddlesticks, you went first, so you can’t warp. That means all you can do is hit me. Hit me. HIT ME!

[Laughs.]

Hallie

I hit it as hard as I can with my little bat wings. I’m getting better and better each time.

Kyle

You’re gonna roll 1d10. Where you land bases on how you roll. The majority of spaces are 1 through 10, however there are some spaces you can only get on using an item like a mushroom or a golden pipe.

Ari

Oh, okay.

Kyle

But, you can’t use an item, so right now all you can do is roll.

Hallie

Yeah, all I can do is go.

[Rolls.] And I got a 10.

Ari

Oh!

Emily

You’re killing it.

Hallie

I am killing it.

Tom

It’s your birthday and it’s your party.

Hallie

It’s my birthday and it’s my party!

Kyle

You feel ghostly winds pick you up. A jack-o-lantern appears like Pac-Man, slams you in it, and moves you forward ten spaces on top of an exclamation point. When you get on there, you hear Victor Daemon reappears on the screen and he says:

Aaron (as Victor)

Do you believe in fate?

Tom (as Hilda)

No.

Aaron (as Victor)

These three big gears do.

Tom (as Hilda)

We don’t.

Aaron (as Victor)

Give them a spin and figure out how your Star Points and items will be rearranged, but do keep your distance. You wouldn’t know this, but gears can be awfully dangerous.

[Laughter.]

Ari

No! Why? Like, why…?

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Three giant gears appear in front of you, Sparky.

Ari

God. Why?

Hallie

Oh my god.

Kyle

As they do, you see Ben who’s just lifting them up like Atlas holding the world but a little goblin saying:

Hallie

Great.

Kyle (as Ben)

Oh, sorry, I forgot to give you all your 5 starting Star Points.

Kyle

And light, sheer motes of light, go into your little Necromon forms.

Hallie

Aww.

Ari

Oh, so we start with 5 Star Points?

Kyle

You all start with 5 Star Points because otherwise Chance Time would mean fucking  nothing.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Sorry.

Kyle

Yeah, so it’s Chance Time. Essentially what happens is you’re gonna roll three times. The first one is gonna choose the first person, the second roll will choose what happens, and the third one will choose what happens from there. So, Sparky.

Hallie

Yeah?

Kyle

The first thing you’re gonna have to do is roll a 1d4. We’re gonna go in order of the people, in order of the…

Tom

Turn order.

Kyle

Yeah, turn order. So 1 is you, 2 is Emily, 3 is Tom, 4 is Ari.

Hallie

Okay.

[Rolls.] Two.

Kyle

Two, so Irene.

[Music begins **23:28.]

Irene, you get picked up and thrown in the middle of the gear, like the little circle area.

Ari

Oh god.

Hallie

Ha!

Kyle

It just starts spinning around and around and around.

Emily

[Uneasy.] Ugh…

Emily (as Irene)

Sparky Malarky! What are you doing?

Hallie (as Sparky)

I have no idea, but it sure is fun.

Hallie

D10!

[Rolls.] Five.

Tom

Exchanges all Star Points with.

Kyle

Exchanges all Star Points.

Ari

Which means nothing.

Kyle & Hallie

Which means nothing!

Kyle

Alright, roll me a 1d3 for the other person.

Emily

So Irene had to go in the gear but she doesn’t even get anything. And Sparky didn’t have to do it!

Hallie

[Rolls.] Three?

Kyle

Three?

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

So Quique, Tucán ends up in the other gear, and they just spin around and around and around and around.

Ari (as Quique)

Agh! Agh!

Kyle

As you’re spinning, the five motes of light go out, go through the gears around it, and then emerge into the other person, and then it stops and Ben drops it.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Ben)

Phew. I feel like that didn’t actually do anything.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Ben, this game is a lot more fun than I thought it was gonna be.

Ari (as Quique)

I have no idea what happened.

Emily (as Irene)

[Weakly.] I feel like it did something.

Ari

His feathers are all poofed up.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Ben)

That’s the spirit! Now stay right there.

Kyle

As he does that, the pumpkin that was moving you just chomps up from the ground and holds you in place. The next person is you, Irene.

Tom

The dice block just rolls up. “{**24:58}.”

Several

“{**24:59}.”

[00:25:00]

Emily

[Rolls.] A 1.

Hallie

Nice.

Kyle

You see the little bat face, but it looks horrifying.

Ari

Oh no.

[Music begins **25:05.]

Kyle

It looks like the thing from Saw, but it’s like on the space.

Tom

It’s Bowser Time.

Kyle

And Ben just looks at you.

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright, step forward.

Emily (as Irene)

I don’t think I want to.

Kyle

With that, there’s a “woo” (eerie howl), and a wind pushes you a space forward as Victor says:

Aaron (as Victor)

A Daemon space, how wonderful… for me, not for you. It’s very bad for you.

Hallie

[Snickers.]

Kyle

Irene, everyone else sees as you’re thrust into the ground, you’re like thrown down to the ground into this dark pit where another die appears in front of you, this one smoking.

Kyle (as smoking die)

[Gruff.] Hit me. Hit me hard.

Ari

Oh god.

Kyle (as smoking die)

I know you want to.

Ari

This is Dean Winchester.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

What if I didn’t?

Kyle (as smoking die)

Well then I’m gonna have to hit you there, little lady.

Hallie

[Cackles.]

Kyle

And it flies into you, bonks right on the weak point, and then hits the ground. I need you, out of character, to roll a 1d10.

Hallie

Oh my god.

Emily (as Irene)

This is not a good dream.

Emily

[Rolls.] Eight.

Kyle

Eight.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Bowser Revolution!

Hallie

Bowser Revolution!

Tom

Yes!

Ari

Bowser Revolution!

Hallie

Yay!

Kyle

Bowser Revolution!

Ari

I love how, like, these two things have not changed anything.

Hallie

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Kyle

All of you feel as the Star Points are forcefully rested from your body and placed in each other.

Hallie

This is such a good game.

Kyle

Ben just shrugs his shoulders as Irene is pulled back up from the shadows. Actually, no, Irene’s gonna stay in the shadows until her next turn.

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright. I don’t want to tell you guys how to play, but I would appreciate it if one of you… There’s lots of blue and red spaces here. They’re gonna mix up the game a little bit. If you could land on those, that would be really helpful.

Emily (as Irene)

Wow! You would appreciate it, huh, Ben?!

Kyle (as Ben)

Well, I mean yes, I do want this to be good. The big boss man wants to see what you’re like, and I think—

Emily (as Irene)

Well, I hope you suffer.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You tell him, Irene. Ben, you’re doing great.

Kyle (as Ben)

Okay!

Kyle

He yells down, because I forgot you’re down the pit, so he was yelling into this void. Then he turns over to Hilda.

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright. I think it chose you next.

Kyle

And the little die is like:

Kyle (as floating block)

Hit me.

Tom (as Hilda)

So, um, Ben… do you get a lot of breaks working the nightmare board game?

Kyle (as Ben)

Nightmare board game? No. This is the first time he’s done the nightmare board game. He likes to try different things.

Tom (as Hilda)

I feel like you deserve breaks for this.

Kyle (as Ben)

Yeah?

Tom (as Hilda)

This is like a lot of work.

Kyle (as Ben)

Yeah?

Kyle

Roll me a 1d10 to convince him. I’m gonna say it’s like 50-50, because he’s pretty loyal to Victor but he is overworked.

Tom

[Rolls.] I got a 3.

Kyle (as Ben)

You know, I would like to dance more, so happy things like this are pretty good. I can dance on the job.

Kyle

He starts tip-tapping his feet and moving, like (humming).

Tom
[Grumbles.] Hilda will bonk the die block.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom

[Rolls.] I got a 6.

Kyle

You got a 6!

Tom

Blue space!

Ari

Oh~

Hallie

You did it.

Kyle

You are pushed forward onto:

Aaron (as Victor)

A blue space!

Tom

[Weakly.] Yay~

Aaron (as Victor)

Simple, boring, reliable… like Quique! Right? I’m making a joke about the correct friend, right?

Hallie (as Sparky)

He got you, Quique!

Ari (as Quique)

I still have no idea what is going on.

Hallie (as Sparky)

You got him good, Ben.

Kyle

Hilda, motes of light, five motes of light, appear from the ground and go into you, and you now have an additional 5 Star Points.

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh, this is kind of fun. I actually like this, guys.

Kyle

[Laughs.] The second Hilda starts winning, “yeah, this is pretty good.”

Hallie

{**28:53}.

Emily

You can feel Irene’s frown from the pit.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright. Shit, I forgot to tell you all about your items.

Tom

Oh yeah.

[Music begins **29:06.]

Kyle

Sparky’s is the Warp Block.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Quique’s is the Die Recycler.

Ari

Oh!

Kyle

You can use this to reroll a die, however you must take the results of the second roll even if they’re worse.

Ari

Okay.

Kyle

Irene, you have a Poison Mushroom which takes anyone’s roll and puts it in half rounding up.

Emily

You know, I think I’m gonna use that on Hilda now.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Well, {**29:30}. And Hilda, you have a Mushroom, it adds 3 to your roll.

Tom

Oh, I got a Mushroom.

Kyle

But first, Quique!

Ari

It’s me!

Kyle

You have seen Sparky throw you in some gears, Irene get thrust into the void, Hilda land on a space and get some points, and then finally a little…

Kyle (as floating block)

Hit me. Hit me!

Kyle

…die appears ahead of you.

Ari

I kind of have no idea what the point of this game is. It seems like it’s putting us in places and moving us around, and usually end up in the same spot except for Hilda somehow.

[00:30:00]

So, I guess I’ll hit this and maybe I can put Sparky in the little gear thing so that she knows how that feels.

Ari

[Rolls.] I got a 4.

Kyle

A 4.

Ari

A Happening space.

Kyle

A Happening space!

Hallie

Oh!

Ari

Oh, I want it. I want to know what that is.

Kyle

They’re little Necromice, four in front of you, and you just instinctually “bop, bop, bop, bop,” follow them onto the fourth space. When you get on it, it lights up and Victor says:

Aaron (as Victor)

A Happening space! What will happen here?

Tom

Boo.

Ari (as Quique)

I don't know, nothing has happened in this game.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Ari, out of character, I want you to roll me a 1d10.

Ari

Okay.

[Rolls.] A 1.

Tom

Oh no.

Kyle

The fourth place player controls your actions for the next turn.

Ari

No!

Kyle

If you’re in fourth, the first place player does so.

Kyle (as Ben)

Aw man, that one’s rotten luck. None of you are in first… Wait, no, the balloon’s in first.

Tom (as Hilda)

What? No I’m not.

Kyle (as Ben)

Listen. I know it’s a lot to put extra work on you. You were just telling me about how overworking is bad and how I shouldn’t overwork myself, and now I’m doing the same for you, but it’s big boss man’s rules. You know? So yeah, just grab this.

Kyle

And he gives you a remote that is labeled with Tucán on it.

Kyle (as Ben)

And just, uh… use it next turn.

Kyle

That roll, Tom, you will be rolling for Ari and deciding what die she uses.

Tom

Oh no.

Kyle

Which means you can exploit items if you want to win. You can force her—

Ari

To potentially take a worse roll or something like that.

Tom

[Groaning.] No.

Kyle

Yeah. If she rolls well, you can force her to use the Die Recycler in order to reroll.

Tom

That makes sense. Yeah.

[Music begins **31:51.]

Kyle

[Makes alarm sounds.] Giant alarms go off as Victor appears on the screen and the big words “mini-game, mini-game, mini-game” appears.

Aaron (as Victor)

It’s time for a mini-game! This is an opportunity to gain Star Points, grab another item, and bear your soul for your good friend Victor Daemon.

Kyle

Before we begin, I just want to make clear that, with the exception of the last one, which for time’s sake we might not even do, the players chose each and every one of these. I modified them, but this is their fault. So!

Aaron (as Victor)

The first thing you should do when meeting someone new is ask them some questions about themself. So, I’ve given Ben a series of get-to-know-you prompts and used my Halloween magic to fill the sky with GIANT EXPLODING LETTERS!

Ari

No! Why? Meat on the bone.

Hallie

The bone on the meat!

Aaron (as Victor)

For each question, grab the letters that make up your answer and put them together. Make sure they’re in the correct order or the aforementioned explosions will occur. Although, you have to make pairs out of the letters, and… eh, you’ll figure I tout as you go along. It’s time for Daemon’s Gambit!

Ari

[Laughs.] No!

[Music ends.]

Kyle

How this is gonna work is Ben is gonna ask you three questions. In-universe, what your character is doing is flying around grabbing the letters. Each of you has been whisked away to… you’re basically in Epcot in front of the big pond thing.

Hallie

Yes!

Kyle

And there are a series of floating letters. So, in-character, that’s what you’re doing, you’re jumping around to grab the letters. Out of character, each of you are going to roll your ten-sided die and you get to answer the question when you roll two in a row. If you roll two zeroes in a row, then you get to answer. If you roll two sixes in a row, then you get to answer.

So basically, what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna tell you to start, and the first person I hear yell out an answer will count as the winner for that round.

Hallie

Okay.

Tom

Is it two in a row or two at the same time? Are we rolling two dice and trying to get doubles or are we rolling one die?

Kyle

You can roll two dice at once if you want, or you can do them in a row. The idea is still the same. You’re basically gunning for doubles.

Emily

I wanna do doubles.

Tom

I wanna do doubles. That sounds more fun.

Hallie

And these are still tens, right?

Kyle

Yeah, these are still tens. Ben’s gonna stand in front of the pool, and he’s gonna step to the side as an explosion happens.

Kyle (as Ben)

Oh! Oh… Alright, I’ve got three questions for you, pretty standard stuff. The first question I have: What is your favorite color?

[Music begins **34:47.]

Kyle

Start rolling.]

[Various rolling noises and sounds of frustration.]

Emily (as Irene)

Green!

[Music ends. SFX **34:59.]

[00:35:00]

Hallie

No!

Kyle

Irene says green and the explosions (go off). In fact, one of you, I don't know who, is holding onto a green letter and it explodes as you say that.

Emily

Oh no!

Tom

[Grumbles.]

Ari

Wait. Do we keep going or is this only Irene says it and then we are out of the thing?

Kyle

You’re out. You’re out of it. You’re out of it.

Ari

Oh dang it, okay.

Kyle

So it’s gonna be three rounds and whoever gets the most gets the first place.

Tom

Oh…

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle (as Ben)

Oh, like plants?

Emily (as Irene)

… Maybe.

Kyle (as Ben)

Oh, well that’s real cool.

Emily (as Irene)

Yes, obviously it’s cool.

Kyle (as Ben)

Now, question number two. This is a little bit of a step up, but you can do it. You can do it.

Kyle

Before I do this, I want to note: for any multi-word answers, you need to get doubles for each word.

Hallie

Oh my god!

Kyle

So try to keep it brief, because I’m going to start making answers that are progressively longer and longer.

Hallie

Christ.

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright. What is your biggest fear?

[Music begins **36:02. Various rolling noises.]

Tom (as Hilda)

Overseers.

[Music ends. SFX **36:10.]

Hallie

Ugh!

Kyle (as Ben)

Those sound gnarly. What are those?

Hallie

[Amused, breathy.] “Those sound gnarly.”

Tom

[Stammers.] Oh, I as… Hilda’s like:

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh, wait, it wasn’t rhetorical. You meant that.

Kyle (as Ben)

No-no, I’m curious. The whole point of this is to get to know you guys. Right? Victor’s watching.

Tom (as Hilda)

They’re scary. They arrest people.

Kyle (as Ben)

Oh, arresting? That’s pretty nasty. Taking people against their will for no real rehabilitational purposes?

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah.

Kyle (as Ben)

Yeah.

Kyle

Someone roll me a 1d10.

Emily

[Rolls.] Three.

Kyle

Yeah, he does not realize. There was a moment where Ben could have had a realization and it just (whooshed) right over his toad-like hat.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Nope. No thoughts, head empty.

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright, alright, alright. Final question. This is just kinda for the record, because you know, he had difficulty remembering all of your names.

Emily

[In disbelief.] Kyle…

Ari

This is stacked against me, if you’re asking—

Kyle (as Ben)

What is your full name?

[Music begins **37:08.]

Ari

That’s just so rude, though. That’s just stacked against me.

[Various rolling sounds.]

Emily

[Laughs.] Mean.

Ari (as Quique)

Aurelio…

Ari

[Laughs.] Fucking… That’s just stacked  against me. I rolled doubles, but now I don’t have any. Ugh.

Ari (as Quique)

Enrique…

[Music ends abruptly.]

Hallie (as Sparky)

Sparky Malarky!

{SFX **37:32.]

Emily

Woo!

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright! Yeah, I think the skeleton guy won, right? Aurelio Enrique? That’s your name?

Hallie (as Sparky)

What? What?

Ari (as Quique)

Uh… yeah! Sure, that’s my full name.

Hallie (as Sparky)

What is happening?

Emily

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Quique)

Enrique is my last name.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Look at him. He isn’t even flying. He’s a bird and he’s not even flying. Look at me, I’m a **Skeptical, I got the letters. I’m Sparky Malarky.

Kyle (as Ben)

Well, he said Aurelio Enrique first. That’s his full name. Right?

Hallie (as Sparky)

You asked him a question. You said hey, are you Aurelio Enrique, and he said yes.

Kyle (as Ben)

He said it in order, though. I didn’t catch it.

Hallie (as Sparky)

No, but that’s—but he…

[Stammers.] He’s not following the rules. You’re not following the rules, Quique!

Ari (as Quique)

What do you mean? I got the first one and then I got the second one!

Hallie (as Sparky)

You’re cheating! I won that one!

Emily (as Irene)

I thought it was supposed to be your full name.

Hallie (as Sparky)

My full name is Sparky Malarky.

Ari (as Quique)

Is that a real name?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah. I mean, like, what’s in a real name? It’s what you want it to be, a real name.

Tom (as Hilda)

Oh yeah, that is a good question. Is that really your name, Boss?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah. That’s what my mama named me, Sparky Malarky~

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Out of character, I couldn’t remember what her real name was. It’s Katherine Mueller, right?

Kyle

Yeah, Katherine Mueller.

Hallie

Katherine Mueller, okay.

Tom

Well, I guess that means Quique wins by default.

Emily

He lied better than Sparky did.

Hallie

This is bullshit.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Ben fully believes him. Ben has no reason to believe his name isn’t Aurelio Enrique.

Ari

[Laughing.] It is, I just didn’t get the two last names.

Kyle

Ben doesn’t need to know that.

[Music begins **39:10.]

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright, perfect! That means that… well, it’s a bit of a tie, so this one’s gonna be tricky. I think what I’ll have is I’ll treat you all as second place. Well, uh…

Kyle

He kind of sheepishly looks at you, Sparky.

Kyle (as Ben)

I’ll treat most of you as second place.

Hallie (as Sparky)

This is what’s wrong with the establishment, Ben.

Kyle

Everyone except for Sparky gets 5 Star Points.

Tom

Yay~

Kyle

And then roll me a 1d10 because you all get an item.

Hallie

What?! You all get an item? What?

Ari

We all get an item?

Kyle

Yeah, second place gets 5 Star Points and an item.

Ari

[Rolls.] I got an 8.

Emily

[Rolls.] I got a 9.

Tom

[Rolls.] I got a 6.

Kyle

Ari, you get a Chomp Call. This will switch the Star space with a randomly numbered space chosen by rolling 1d10. You’re basically making it more likely to land on a Star space, because otherwise you have to roll a 12.

Ari

Okay.

Kyle

Emily, you got a 7?

Emily

I got a 9.

[00:40:00]

Kyle

A 9? You got a Ghost Call. You get to go to the Ghost space if you want.

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Emily

What does a Ghost space do again?

Kyle

You steal from others. Hilda, you get a custom dice block.

Tom

Yay.

Kyle

You get to choose a die result between 1 and 10, however mushrooms don’t apply. So, it essentially means that you get to choose any of the spaces other than the Ghost space or the Star space.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Ben)

Alright. I hope you all had fun with that. With that, I think I learned a bit about yourselves.

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Fed up.] Uh-huh.

Kyle (as Ben)

One of you likes plants, one of you is afraid of Overseers, basically people who are always looking over you and kidnapping you and stuff…

Kyle

As he says that, Victor Daemon, you can see the eyes of him are just peering through the Epcot Globe staring at you.

[Laughter.]

Then he just puts the little bat in front of him and it’s replaced with the googly eyes.

Hallie

[Squeaky.] Why is that so funny?

Kyle (as Ben)

And then your name, sir, is Aurelio Enrique.

Ari (as Quique)

Yeah, correct. I don’t have any other names.

Kyle (as Ben)

Perfect!

[Music begins **41:03.]

Kyle

With that, you’re all whisked away by different kinds of ghostly magic. Sparky, you’re taken in the pumpkin, Hilda, you’re moved along with the wind, Irene, you’re thrust back into the earth from whence you came, and Quique, you’re given some more tasty Necromice to distract you back to where your space was.

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

We’re back! Welcome to this year’s Halloween special. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. The audio is a bit rough. That’s because we’ve been trying out recording with Zencastr, so please forgive us for those couple of episodes while we figure out the kinks. Although, the next couple of episodes will actually be like six months down the line, because even though we’ve been on release hiatus we’ve been hard at work recording a lot of stuff that I’m very excited to share with you. But, before we can start sharing all the new stuff we’ve made for you, we gotta go over a couple of links.

First off, I want to, just like every year, thank Aaron Catano-Saez for doing an amazing job voicing Victor Daemon. Aaron is a phenomenal voice actor who does a lot of stuff in both the voice acting and tabletop roleplaying spheres. You can check out his stuff at AaronCatano-Saez.com or in the description below.

Down there, you’ll also find a link to the Patreon version of this episode where I have written out the rules for It’s Your Birthday, But It’s My Party, the game we used during this session. The players really enjoyed using it, so I actually am probably gonna make a more fleshed out version – still only like a page or two long – and release that on Itch for like two bucks someday, but if you want to try using the rules that we’ve made now, you can check our description for that.

Down there, you’re also going to find Games for Gaza. If you’ve been on social media or following the news at all recently, you’ll know about the horrible… frankly genocide that’s happening in Gaza right now. Even though it is across the world, there’s a lot we can do to help. In addition to doing small but effective things like calling your representatives and telling them to demand a ceasefire, you can buy 256 games for only $10, and that money will be going to the Medical Aid for Palestinians Organization.

If you’re interested in that, you can go to itch.io/b/2120/games-for-gaza, or if you don’t want to remember all that, just click the description below.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know about this until they started it, and you can’t add games in post. So, while none of my games are on the Games for Gaza bundle, any profits that I make on any of my games while the bundle is going on will go to the same organization.

Finally, I want to talk to you about LOOTERS.

[Music begins **44:12.]

LOOTERS is an action-packed lovefest adventure podcast improvised each week by five actors. Audiences come for the sci-fi western excitement and stay for the hilarious antics and awesome community. They spin original stories out of the Stars Without Numbers tabletop gaming system, so if you want another game that uses something just a little bit different than Dungeons & Dragons, this is a kind of show to check out. They were kind enough to send me a promo for their Halloween special, so I am going to be sharing that right now.

[Music ends. Promo begins.]

Announcer

This Halloween, the LOOTERS are facing their fears.

Melinda

Now I have that fear. Now I’m scared.

Diana

Dude, I’m realizing I’m scared of everything.

Melinda

I live in a constant state of anxieties!

Announcer

With Diana **Nuval.

Diana

Hmm, spiders?

Announcer

Melinda **Maclin.

[00:45:00]

Melinda

I feel like I say I’m fine with heights until I actually am up high.

Announcer

And special guests Tina **Wanwu

Tina

Wait, I’m scared of a head-on collision.

Announcer

And Madeline Hours.

**Madeline

Episiotomies. I’m so sorry.

Announcer

But these Final Girls are dead-set on getting out alive.

Diana

Never separate from the group.

Melinda

Don’t go upstairs.

**Madeline

No camping.

Diana

Don’t be a person of color! Just kidding, I can’t avoid that.

Announcer

Join us on October 24 and 31 for the final Final Girls, a horrifying two-part special with game master Andrew **Gotlet.

Andrew

Uh… boo.

Announcer

Lock your doors, check your backseats, and tune into the LOOTERS feed wherever you get your podcasts.

[Promo ends.]

Kyle

If that sounded interesting to you, you can check out LOOTERS at looterspodcast.com or just type in LOOTERS to whatever podcatcher you’re listening to this on.

Alright, that is all I’ve got. As I said, we are back, and we’re ready to get started on the next arc.  Specifically, in two weeks on Monday, November 13, we will be releasing a recap of Hereafter so far, and then the week after that, on November 20, we will be releasing our first new mainline episode in six months, The Siren in the Dead City. I’ll see you then.

[Music **46:26 carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

We’re back at the top. You can keep describing things out of character. I am no longer gonna describe the way you’re moved around because it’s just… it’s the same each time.

Hallie

We’re skidding.

Kyle

But yeah, it is turn two. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I believe in first place is Hilda with 15 Star Points.

Tom

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

Second place is Irene and Quique with 10 Star Points.

Ari

Yay.

Kyle

And then finally is Sparky with 5 Star Points.

Hallie

[Flatly.] I have 5 Star Points.

Kyle

Sparky, I need you to roll me a 1d10, and you can use an item if you’d like.

Hallie

I don’t want to go anywhere that these people are, so no.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

You don’t wanna be where the people are?

Hallie

[Smiling, musically.] I don’t wanna be where the people are.

[Rolls.] Eight!

Kyle

Alright, you rolled 8. You land on a blue space.

Hallie

Yay.

Kyle

The pumpkin moves you forward and you feel the rejuvenating energy.

Hallie

Ten SP!

Kyle

Irene, you can use an item or you can just roll. Items can be applied to you or someone else.

Emily

Is that the only rule?

Kyle

That, and you can’t use them after you’ve already rolled, with the exception of the Die Recycler.

Emily

Yeah. I would like to use my Poison Mushroom on Victor Daemon.

[Laughter.]

Tom

You did say that was the only rule.

Kyle

You grab a mushroom and it flies up into the sky.

Hallie

It goes to the Epcot ball.

Ari

You never know what’s gonna get Hallie.

Kyle

Victor doesn’t feel anything because he’s a prerecording, but as it flies into the void, Ben just says:

Kyle (as Ben)

That’s gonna come back to bite us next year.

[Laughter.]

Emily

Oh no.

Ari

Yes! Make a note of that.

Hallie

Make a note of that.

Kyle

Irene used a Poison…

Tom

What was Katniss’s sign from The Hunger Games? Oh my gosh.

Kyle

It’s three. It’s three.

Ari

I recently watched The Hunger Games, so I can tell you.

Kyle

Why eat the poison berries when you can shove the poison berries into the capital’s mouth? Poor Victor. He’s just watching this from home or while on a walk.

Hallie

From the Epcot ball! He’s watching from the Epcot ball. That’s his home now.

Tom

Just like a blue shell out of nowhere, the Poison Mushroom just comes into him.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Anyways. It doesn’t seem like anything changed for now, but rest assured it made its way to Victor Daemon.

Emily

A very cranky Irene will bat the dice.

[Rolls.] I rolled a 3.

Kyle

Okay. I think this is a new space.

Emily

Ooh.

Kyle

You land on a blue space, but it’s red instead, so… a red space.

[Laughter.]

Emily

So it’s not a blue space.

Hallie

We call it a red space.

Tom

It’s a diamond pyramid space.

Aaron (as Victor)

Oh, here’s a red space. That’s going to be 5 Star Points, friend.

Kyle

You can feel as the light is sucked out of you, Irene. You’re out of the hole, but I’m gonna say, instead of going into the red space, it falls into the hole instead. It’s just hanging out with you now. The hole is just hanging out with you.

Emily

[Sarcastic.] Wow, I love that. That’s so fun.

Kyle

Alright. Hilda, you get to use an item or roll.

[00:50:00]

Tom

Um… Mushroom dance. I’m gonna fling up my Mushroom.

Kyle

You fling up a Mushroom and it explodes in ghostly Halloween energy, and the inside we can realize is just a pumpkin. It’s a pumpkin that was changed into a mushroom shape.

Ari

God damn it.

[Splat sound.]

Kyle

So, gourd gets over everyone.

Hallie

It’s a mushed-kin.

Tom

[Rolls.] That’s a good thing. I rolled a 1, but now it’s a 4 with my Mushroom.

Hallie

Nice!

Tom

So I’m going to the Happening space.

Kyle

You’re going to the Happening space!

Tom

[Rolls.] I rolled another 1.

Kyle (as Ben)

Oh! This will be interesting.

Kyle

He takes the remote that has Hilda’s little icon on it.

Kyle (as Ben)

This will be interesting because you’re controlling someone else and someone else is controlling you. And, uh… you know.

Tom

God damn it.

Kyle

He hands the controller over to you, Emily. On Tom’s next turn, you get to decide what he does.

Tom

I want to imagine the icon is just knockoff Sonic.

Ari

Yes!

Kyle

Yes, knockoff Sonic but balloon.

Kyle (as Ben)

But hey, you still get to take care of Aurelio Enrique’s turn.

Ari

Which is Hilda’s turn, right?

[Music begins **51:08.]

Kyle

Yeah. In front of the little remote you have, Hilda, you can see a series of Quique’s items appear in front of you. You have two.

Ari

I have the dice re-roller or whatever and then I have the Chomp Call.

Tom

We’re gonna use the Chomp Call.

Kyle

Alright, you’re gonna use the Chomp Call. Roll me a 1d10.

Tom

I roll it instead of Ari?

Kyle

Uh… actually, no. Yeah, let’s make Ari roll. You get to make decisions but Ari has to roll the consequences of your actions.

Ari

[Rolls.] Four.

Kyle

Four, so that’s gonna mean, on a 4, you’re gonna get a star, until someone lands on the Star space, and then on a 12, 12 is the new Happening space.

Tom

God damn it.

Kyle

Which doesn’t seem that bad until you realize that there may in fact be a Happening Star. Who knows? It’s one of the options. And yeah, so that switches. I’m still gonna have Ari roll, but I wanna say that as a dice block goes over Quique’s head you can see a little dice block appears over the red button on your controller and it says…

Kyle (as floating block)

Hit me. Hit me.

Kyle

…but higher-pitched.

Ari

[Rolls.] Three.

Kyle

Three!

Ari

Almost 4. That’s so annoying.

Kyle

You are pulled—

Ari

Wait! Wait. Oh, no, never mind. I can’t use two items in the same turn. God damn it, okay.

Kyle

You can’t use two items, and you can’t use items because Tom controls this turn.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Only I can.

Ari

Oh yeah.

Kyle

I would potentially consider it. I’m gonna say, actually, yeah. Hilda, you see Quique starting to move his way towards the red space. You have the ability if you want to reroll it for him.

Tom

[Reluctant.] Okay.

Ari

Oh yes!

Kyle

Hilda’s too pure. Quique, as you’re about to move forward, you notice that you’re just thrust back to the original space and you have to roll again.

Ari

Alright. Let’s see. Let’s go.

[Rolls.] Seven.

Kyle

Seven! Quique, you go forward and you end up on a blue space and you get 5 Star Points.

Ari

Yes!

Kyle

Hilda, how do you feel? I want to know how Hilda feels having made this willing sacrifice.

Tom

Uh… Hilda’s just happy it wasn’t the Star space. It paid off. Everybody’s happy now. It was a blue space instead of a red space. Altruism is a good thing.

Kyle

You’ve ended your turn and Victor Daemon’s voice booms out again.

Aaron (as Victor)

I love sports. There’s just nothing quite like friendly competition, am I right? So, I’ve looked into your world for the best sport I could find. Baseball is pretty common across most worlds, but bassball? That’s something special.

Kyle

And Ben explains.

Kyle (as Ben)

Because you know, you guys spell it B-A-S-S, because it’s like musical bassball, you know.

Ari

Bass ball?

Hallie

Oh… I am much less excited.

Tom

Is this one yours, Hallie?

Kyle

So yeah, Hallie chose this one. The way baseball games work in Mario Party is they are timing. They’re all about response times. But, I wasn’t sure how to do that, so we’re gonna do a little call and response.

Hallie

Christ.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Essentially, I’m going to clap a four-measure rhythm.

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie

No!

Kyle

You’re all going to clap back, and eventually I’m gonna start calling you out, and if you fail you’re knocked out.

[Music begins **54:27.]

Emily

Okay. This is gonna be really hard for me because I can hear you clapping there like a split-second before I hear you on here.

Kyle

[Hums a vaguely drum-sounding tune.] Ready and go!

[Twenty seconds of everyone mimicking Kyle’s clapping patterns.]

[00:55:00]

Kyle

Alright. We’re gonna go in the turn order, which means we start with Sparky.

[Claps four steady beats.]

Hallie

[Claps four steady beats.]

Kyle

And then to Irene.

[Claps three quick beats followed by another three quick beats.]

Emily

[Claps three quick beats followed by another three quick beats.]

Kyle

Then to Hilda.

[Claps a 2-3-1-3 pattern.]

Tom

[Claps a 2-3-2-3 pattern.]

Kyle

Close! Hilda, you can feel you almost fall off. You almost get beamed in the head by a baseball.

[Laughter.]

Tom

Don’t give me that shit, Kyle. It’s either yes or no, that’s all that matters.

Kyle

Alright, uh… Hilda gets beamed in the fucking head then.

Tom (as Hilda)

Agh!

Hallie

Bye, Hilda.

Kyle

The balloon flies off. Alright.

[One clap, a pause, and one more clap.]

Ari

[One clap, a pause, and one more clap.]

Tom

[Indignant, splutters.] What was that?!

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And now we’re just gonna go in the same order, so I’m gonna just start clapping and you’re gonna have to go in order. So, we’re gonna start with—

Hallie

Oh no.

Kyle

[Claps a slow 3-3 beat.]

Hallie

[Claps a slow 3-3 beat.]

Kyle

[Claps a slow 2-2 beat.]

Emily

[Claps a slow 2-2 beat.]

Kyle

[Claps five times.]

Ari

[Claps five times.]

Kyle

[Claps a quick 2-3-1-3 pattern.]

Hallie

[Claps frantically, losing the pattern.]

[Laughter.]

Tom

[Makes a buzzer sound.]

Kyle

Sparky gets fucking beamed by a baseball.

Ari

The extra claps kill me every time.

Kyle

You try to put down your glasses to get a better idea and just BAM.

Hallie

I’m good at the baseball games when they’re in Mario Party.

Kyle

[Claps a 3-4 pattern.]

Emily

Hallie was talking!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

[Claps a 3-4 pattern.]

Kyle

[Claps a 2-3-2-3 pattern.]

Ari

[Claps a 2-3-2-3 pattern.]

Kyle

[Claps a 1-3-5 pattern.]

Emily

[Claps a 4-5 pattern, very close.]

Kyle

I think that was close enough, actually.

Tom

[Wincing.] I can’t tell anymore.

Emily

This is so hard because I hear you clapping as you’re clapping.

Kyle

[Claps twice.]

Ari

[Claps twice.]

Kyle

[Claps a slow 3-3 pattern.]

Emily

[Claps a slow 3-3 pattern.]

Kyle

[Claps a quick and steady 16 times.]

Ari

[Claps 15 times, then one more… then an apprehensive two more.]

Kyle

And Quique starts swinging but he stops before a couple of baseballs have finished and he gets, WHAM, flies off into oblivion.

Ari

{**57:38}.

Kyle

[Laughs.] I love Tom’s faces at everyone else.

Tom

I’m mad every time someone gets just two claps. I’m like, no, how dare you.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

So, the order for that one. Emily, you get 10 Star Points and an item. Ari, you get 5 Star Points and an item.

Ari

An item!

Kyle

Hallie, you get 5 Star Points or an item.

Hallie

Oh, I choose Star Points.

Kyle

And then Hilda, you’re too busy blowing yourself back up together to get any Star Points.

Tom (as Hilda)

Agh~!

Kyle

Alright! At the end of the second turn, what is everyone’s Star Point count?

Tom

Fifteen.

Emily

Fifteen.

Hallie

Fifteen.

Ari

Twenty.

Kyle

So three 15s and one 20?

Hallie

Yeah.

Ari

[Chuckles.] Yeah.

Emily

Wow.

Kyle

Alright. Ari and Emily, just roll me 1d10 for items.

Ari

[Rolls.] Seven.

Emily

[Rolls.] Five.

Kyle

Quique gets a Dueling Glove. Challenge an opponent to a duel. Bet a number of Star Points of your choice.

Ari

Oh! I don’t want that. I have a lot of Star Points.

Kyle

You got a 5, Emily?

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

You get a Warp Block, so you get to go to a space that a randomly-chosen opponent has recently been to.

[Music begins **58:47.]

Alright! You’re all whisked back onto the board.

Kyle (as Ben)

You’re getting the hang of this, right?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah.

Kyle (as Ben)

You really enjoy this, right? You’re gonna give big boss man a good review of my work, right?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Eh…

Ari (as Quique)

Was this part of the deal?

Kyle (as Ben)

I mean, it’s not required, but it would help me out a lot.

Emily (as Irene)

It’s not about you, Ben.

Tom (as Hilda)

You wouldn’t need a good review if you stood up for yourself to him.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Yeah, Hilda’s got a point.

Kyle (as Ben)

What are you talking about?

Tom (as Hilda)

Why does the big boss man have to say what you do or can’t do?

Kyle (as Ben)

Well, I mean, he’s the big boss man. You know?

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah, but what’s a boss? Why?

Ari

[Amused.] “What’s a boss?”

Kyle

Roll me a 1d10.

Tom

[Rolls.] Ten.

Hallie

Oh!

Emily

I love that Hilda’s just trying to get him to quit his job.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Ben’s thinking to himself, and he starts reflexively doing tap dancing while he thinks, and he tip-taps away, hand on chin, deep in thought. You are freed of Ben, I’m gonna just say indefinitely. You’re just freed of him for a while.

Hallie

Oh my god.

Kyle

If you want to bring him back, you can, but yeah, you are freed of the oversight of Ben.

Ari

Ooh.

Kyle

So yeah, you can do what you want, OR, at the top of the turn, Hallie, you can roll.

Tom

Or!

Hallie

[Rolls.] I got a 10.

[01:00:00]

Tom

Hallie—

Hallie

It’s too late.

Tom

[Pained.] Hallie, no.

Hallie

What? What?!

Tom

You had an item that lets you go to a space someone was on. You had a one-in-three chance of getting the Star space.

Hallie

Nobody’s on the Star space.

Tom

I’m on the Star space.

Hallie

What?!

Tom

I rolled a 4 last.

Hallie

That’s space number four!

Kyle

Hilda rolled a 4 to end up on the Happening space and then replaced it with the Star space.

Emily

Oh~

Hallie

Oh! So I would get to sill buy that star if I was there?

Kyle

Stars don’t exist in this one, for simplicity’s sake. You just get 30 Star Points, flat-out.

Hallie

Oh, I see. I see how that works. I want to use my Warp Block. I don’t want to roll my 10. I want to use my Warp Block.

Kyle

[Stammers, contemplating.]

Tom

Too late…?

Hallie

I didn’t understand how that worked.

Tom

I tried to warn you.

Kyle

Let’s play this out, because Ben isn’t here to mitigate the rules.

Hallie

Ha!

[Music begins **1:00:47.]

Kyle

The block goes down, and the dice block says…

Kyle (as floating block)

You have to go this distance. You picked it.

Kyle

…and the pumpkin starts going around you to chomp you and carry you.

Emily (as Irene)

Wow, Sparky, cheating already?

Hallie (as Sparky)

Why can’t I just—Ah! Uh, Quique cheated first.

Ari (as Quique)

What?!

Hallie (as Sparky)

Because I won that one game.

Ari (as Quique)

What did I do?

Hallie (as Sparky)

With the Sparky Malarky. You didn’t say your full name, you cheater.

Tom (as Hilda)

Boss, no.

Ari (as Quique)

I’m not sure Sparky Malarky is a real name.

Tom (as Hilda)

Don’t throw people under the bus, Boss.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Um, it’s what people call me and what I respond to.

Kyle

So you’re gonna try to roll the dice block while in the pumpkin?

Hallie

Yeah.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Kyle

Give me a 1d10. I’m gonna give you 50-50 odds. Top half, yeah, you successfully hit it.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Oh, that sucks. Four.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

You go to hit the dice block but it just jumbles around and ends back up in your item pocket. Instead, you land on Chance Time.

Hallie

Chance Time!

Kyle

Everyone’s favorite.

Ari

No~

[Music begins **1:01:44.]

Kyle

I need you to roll me a 1d4.

Hallie

[Rolls.] One.

Kyle

That’s gonna be you in the first space. Then a 1d10.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Nine.

Kyle

Takes all items from. And then a 1d3.

Ari

Okay, it isn’t as bad as it could be.

Hallie

[Rolls.] A 1.

Kyle

That’s gonna be Irene.

Emily

[Silly despairing sounds.]

Kyle

So both of you are thrown into the thing and you start getting jumbled around.

Emily (as Irene)

[Shakily.] Again?

Kyle

And Irene, you can feel the items flying out of your pocket and falling into Sparky. What are your items?

Emily

I have a Ghost Call and a Warp Block, which I was gonna use to try to switch places with Hilda before she got her turn.

Kyle

Sparky gets both a Warp Block and a Ghost Call.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Ha-ha-ha!

Tom (as Hilda)

Boss, no.

Emily

While she’s going around, she says:

Emily (as Irene)

This, is, a, bad, dream.

Kyle

And you’re thrust back to your old space.

Hallie

Good game!

Kyle

And the hole moves like a mouth.

Kyle (as hole)

Tough breaks there, kiddo.

Emily (as Irene)

Shut up.

Kyle (as hole)

It happens to the best of us. That’s how I got down here. Well, that’s how I became down here, because I’m the hole, you see. I’m sentient.

[Music ends.]

Emily

Irene leans away just a little bit.

Kyle

Alright. I want you to roll me 1d10.

Emily

[Rolls.] I rolled a 6.

Kyle

That gets you on…

Tom

Blue space.

Kyle

Blue space! Take 5 SP. Now it is Hilda’s turn.

[Music begins **1:03:07.]

Irene, you see in front of one of your many, many hands a little remote. You can see all of Hilda’s items in front of you, which are…?

Tom

Just one item, and it’s a Custom Dice Block.

Tom (as Hilda)

Irene, please, help.

Kyle

Hilda pleads “Irene, please, help,” and Irene, you see that you either have the little random dice block or you have a decision dice block where you could choose where Hilda goes, either helping this poor child or further cementing that she gets in last place so that you definitely have higher odds of getting home in your body. I mean, if this weren’t a dream that is.

Emily

Yeah, it’s just a dream.

Kyle

Yeah, it’s just a dream. So, what does Irene do to Hilda in her dream?

Tom

Hilda is just looking with starry anime eyes, almost like “oh, what will Irene do.”

Hallie

Big mouse eyes.

Tom

Yes.

Emily

So, I’m having trouble picturing this.

Kyle

Yeah?

Emily

Like, so… hmm.

Tom

Custom Dice Block. Custom Dice Block. You can at least send me to a blue space if you don’t want me to have the star.

Kyle (as hole)

You know kid, I’m really getting along with you. I don't know if I want to leave and go bother some other kid which is, with that Custom Dice Block, something you definitely could make happen.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

Yeah, I mean… it’s tempting.

Emily (as Irene)

Hilda.

Tom (as Hilda)

Yeah?

Emily (as Irene)

What do you think I should do with you?

Tom (as Hilda)

You could help me get the Star space.

Emily (as Irene)

Well, that doesn’t seem very good for me.

Tom (as Hilda)

You could send me to a blue space.

Emily (as Irene)

It is my dream, so ultimately whatever I do and whatever you do is under my control whether or not I control it in this game, because it is already being controlled in my dream in my head.

[01:05:00]

So, nothing we do matters. Right?

Tom (as Hilda)

I don't think you actually believe that, because you gave the Poison Mushroom to Victor Daemon.

Emily (as Irene)

Well, I am angry at him.

Tom (as Hilda)

Good. We’re fighting together here against a real common enemy, but it’s up to you. I accept your choice no matter what it is, even if I have to get in the pit.

[Music ends.]

Emily (as Irene)

If I send you to get an item, will you make a truce with me to use that item for mutual benefit?

Tom (as Hilda)

Yes.

Emily (as Irene)

Okay.

Emily

I would like it to roll a 5 for an Item space.

Kyle

Okay. You press the 5, you boop it, and Hilda gets whisked off to the Item space.

Aaron (as Victor)

You seem low on items. Luckily, you’re on the Item space! If by chance you had a lot of items when you landed on this, Ben will play the other recording. We did record two messages for this space, right?

Kyle

Tom, I need you to roll me a 1d10 for an item.

Tom

I got a 6. I got a second Custom Dice Block.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Finally, Quique. You were just sitting there staring in agony as they tried to figure this out, but it is now your turn.

Ari

Quique’s still not fully sure of what is going on, but he is just going along with the flow.

[Rolls.] I got an 8.

Kyle

You got an 8!

Ari

Oh, another blue space!

Kyle

You land on a blue space, you gain 5 SP, and all of you are whisked off to this little dance arena.

[Music begins **1:06:40.]

You can see the floor looks like it’s supposed to light up, and then there’s a single iPhone on a stand pointing at you.

Hallie

Oh my god.

Kyle

And Victor explains.

Aaron (as Victor)

Did I ever tell you how I gained dominion over the Daemon Saloon? I found myself there one year, a wayward soul with nowhere to turn. I tried all sorts of words, but none gave me the insight into the soul that I needed. Then, one day, a traveling adventurer came by, a bard I believe they’re called. This dear bard told me that when words fall dance rises.

In Dance Dance Daemonlution, each of you will express yourself through the magic of dance. Bonus points for TikTok-ability. I’ve been trying to trend, but I can’t quite figure it out.

Ari

God.

Kyle

The dance lights start moving, but you can see they’re not fully on yet. There’s a little stand in the corner with a magic boom box that Ben presumably was supposed to play.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

[Chuckles.] But it’s just not playing.

Kyle

But he’s not here.

Hallie

I love it.

Kyle

So what do y’all do?

Ari

Uh…

Tom

Can we escape the boundaries of the space? Like, what happens if we walk out of the play area?

Kyle

Hilda, you look around and you don’t see any doors around you except for one that’s about goblin-sized that says “Employees Only.” But, it’s like one of those doors within a door. There’s the “Employees Only” door and then right above that there’s the “Victor Only” door.

Tom

I’m gonna squeak-squeak-squeak over to the Victor Only door and try to open that part.

Kyle

Okay. Give me a roll.

Tom

[Rolls.] Six.

Kyle

Yeah, it opens up. You go to press it, and actually, you touch it and it whooshes away, and the space all around you whooshes away, except for the phone—all of it was a mirage but the phone was 100% genuine.

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

[Music begins **1:08:42.]

Kyle

You see that you are in a forest with mist that sings songs of (eerie moan), whisking all around it. The trees don’t have faces, but they seem to loom over you and they seem to try to stare in you. Whatever expression you have or emotion you have looking at it is what the three has back.

Emily

All the trees around Irene look crabby.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Irene)

I don't know why I bothered trying to make a truce with you, Hilda. I’m controlling you anyway. It is my dream.

Tom (as Hilda)

Then you controlled me to make a truce.

Emily (as Irene)

Yes.

Kyle

And then you can see, in the distance, a backside of… basically very cheaply put together set of the giant Epcot globe and where the entire game was. You’re seeing the backside of that, and it’s just nothing, it’s just propped up, because you’re not supposed to see this side.

Emily

Can I follow Hilda, or can I not because it’s not my turn?

Kyle

Ben would say you can’t.

Emily

Well, Ben is a chump, so…

Kyle

The board is in the distance. Trees are around you. You do all have your items, but the things that were whisking you across the board are not here because they’re on the board.

Hallie

Mm-hmm. Um… hmm.

[01:10:00]

I don’t suppose there’s a way that I could use the Warp Block but it would just take me where Victor Daemon was.

[Music ends.]

Tom

He did get Poison Mushroom, which in theory means he has a space.

Hallie

Yeah! You’ve set a precedent now.

Emily

Can we use the Custom Dice Block? However many spaces it is to Daemon, that’s how many spaces we put it to.

Kyle

You look at the dice block and you go to move it and see if you can move it more spaces, and you realize it has an infinite number of spaces.

Hallie

Oh my god.

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

The Warp Block is pulsing with a weirder energy. You are outside the boundaries of the mini-game and outside the boundaries of a board.

Tom (as Hilda)

Let’s do it.

Tom

I’m gonna slide a dice block to infinite.

Ari

Infinite dice block.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Slide that six-sided die to infinite.

Tom

And hold it out for everyone to put a hand on.

Kyle

Everyone’s gonna put a hand on it?

Hallie

Yeah. Yeah.

Ari

Yes, let’s go.

Hallie

Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Emily

Yes.

Hallie (as Sparky)

I like your thinking, Hilda. That’s my girl.

[Music begins **1:10:59.]

Kyle

It’s known that, in the world of Hereafter, you start in the realm of the living, the Here, and then you go to the Hereafter, and then you go to the Afterworlds which are all the layers of existence beyond that. There’s always been a big question with the Afterworlds, which is where is the bottom. People are forbidden from going there because it’s so weird and strange. So like, is there a bottom, where is the bottom, or do you live infinite lives?

You don’t know the answer to that question because you’re not in the world of Hereafter, but you get an idea of what infinite lives would feel like…

Ari

Oh god!

Emily

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

…as you speed from world to world, having in the blink of an eye entire lifetimes appear and get erased, as you move your form changing, your perspective, your opinions. You feel the weight of all of humanity across all of existence, and then it’s rushed off across weird cosmic waves, and for a second the world disappears in a moment of shutter as you see a little boy in his bedroom with little crayons on the side kinda snort and almost wake up for a second before returning to sleep where everything returns.

After all of these moments where you feel deeper and closer together than you’ve ever been yet more apart, every permutation of all of your relationships… each of you wakes up and notices that the TV, or whatever equivalent is there, is playing in your room.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Are we human again?

Kyle

You go to feel—What’s the first part of your body you feel, Hilda?

Tom

Face.

Kyle

Yeah, you feel your face, and… yeah, it’s your face. You’re in your room. You can hear your moms outside. It’s pretty early in the morning, but you know, the other girl is gonna be coming soon, so they’re rushing around and helping get things ready in the guest room. And yeah, what’s the closest to a TV that Hilda would have in her room?

Tom

Digital alarm clock.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Kyle

You see an image on your digital alarm clock. Everyone else, where do you wake up? What is your equivalent of a TV?

Ari

I feel like Quique would have a TV, but it would be one of those old TVs that has the knobs that turn around and stuff.

Kyle

Yeah.

Ari

I think he’s pretty unphased. I feel like, this containing multitudes, it’s kind of like a regular Tuesday for Quique even if this was… Like, this is just a regular Tuesday for him, so it’s like, oh man.

Kyle

Okay, okay, okay. Perfect. You’re relieved for a second. You think you see your reflection, the reflection of you as Tucán, but then you hear the hammering and the (loud squawking) and you realize no, that’s just Tucán outside the window.

Ari

[Smiling.] That’s just Tucán. I’ll go and give him an extra meal as I now understand.

Kyle

You understand the hunger.

Ari

The unending cravings of the Tucán.

Kyle

Alright. What about you, Sparky and Irene?

Hallie

Ari, I regret to inform you that Sparky and Quique have the exact same television, unbeknownst to each other.

Ari

No!

Hallie

Just an ancient—Quique’s probably works better than Sparky’s because Sparky’s is very staticky and old.

Ari

Probably, yeah. He has kept it in good condition despite it being really old.

Hallie

Oh. Sparky’s is not. It’s got the knobs. Sparky probably wakes up halfway on the floor, you know, as you do when you’ve had a rough night. She probably rolls over, eyes the TV, and then she throws a shoe at it to turn it off and goes back to bed.

Kyle

Yeah, you might do that because of what you see on the TV. But before that, Irene, you wake up.

Emily

Irene has a sibling who would definitely get her a digital picture frame.

Kyle

So we see this on an alarm clock, two old TVs and a digital picture frame.

[Music begins **1:14:50.]

You see the globe on the TV, the giant sphere with the pyramids, and it almost seems to poke out of the monitor.

[01:15:00]

You see Victor, except this time, instead of being on the screen, he’s walking in front of it, kind of looking lost and confused. You can’t puzzle out what’s on his face other than that he is as confused about where he is as you are about what he’s thinking.

But, almost seemingly without his attention, without him doing anything, the little baseball bat in his hands turns around and faces the screen. You don't know if this is for joy for your teamwork or sorrow for Victor Daemon, all you know is that you see this emotionless baseball bat with googly eyes cry.

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Ari

No!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

And that’s the end of the session!

Tom

Hilda’s just gonna look up at the ceiling and stare.

Hallie

I am a baseball bat and not a guy.

Kyle

For anyone curious, I’m gonna put this stuff in after. The other mini-game was Emily’s. Emily did it last-minute though so I was like, oh, I’m fine cutting that, but it was Fishing for Victors. You basically fished as team members. The final one would have been Bumper Balls. Victor just really likes Bumper Balls.

Hallie

As he should.

Emily

It feels fitting that his favorite thing didn’t get to be in this.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

The final stars were… Emily was gonna win two of them. One was the Bad space, red or Daemon space, one was the mini-game space, and one was the Happening star. So, I was so amused when you all switched around the Happening—when Tom switched around the Happening space.

Tom

I didn’t choose that, it just happened.

--

Kyle

Hallie, turn that gain down a little bit more, please. Ari, can you say something so I can see you’re recording?

Ari

I am recording.

Kyle

Okay, perfect.

Hallie

How’s this?

Kyle

It’s still peaking for some reason. I don't know.

Hallie

What?!

Kyle

It could be that this peaks easily. I don’t fucking know.

Hallie

I’m gonna push my mic over here then.

Kyle

We’ll know in the edit. Wait, are you pushing it further away?

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Put the volume down and keep the mic closer. You don’t want the mic further away.

Hallie

But the volume’s all the way down.

Kyle

You want the mic a fist away from your mouth, because otherwise you get all echoed.

Hallie

It’s all the way down~

Emily

You said two fists!

Kyle

Well, it turns out it changed to a fist.

Hallie

[Whining.] My fist is so small.

Tom

This just sounds like the food pyramid all over again, Kyle. Now we’re not supposed to eat grains because the wheat industry lobbied the government to make it the big piece of the pyramid.

--

Ari

Okay. I just need to know, to remember… Everything up to (“REDACTED” censor) has happened, right? But like, has (“REDACTED”) happened?

Kyle

No, the (“REDACTED”) has not happened.

Ari

Okay. I’m trying to assess what my relationship with Sparky is.

Kyle

Alright, that’s fair. That’s fair.

Ari

Okay. It’s like getting there, but still not…

Hallie

It’s not quite as close as we have been, but it’s not unfriendly.

--

Ari (as Quique)

Which one is it? Which is it, Abe?

Hallie (as Sparky)

[Delighted.] Which is it, Abe?

Kyle (as Ben)

Any other questions for me? I’m Ben.

Ari (as Quique)

Oh, sorry, I thought it was Abe. I misheard the name.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Ben)

Well, I mean, you were the only one who said Abe. I didn’t. You were the only one who said it.

Tom (as Hilda)

I actually missed your whole name. I’m sorry. I wasn’t fully paying attention.

Kyle (as Ben)

That’s fine. Most people don’t pay attention to little old Ben.

Tom (as Hilda)

I’m distracted by being a mouse.

Kyle (as Ben)

But I mean, it helps me. When Hank goes through, he doesn’t flay me, and it helped me when…

Kyle

A long stare goes across his eyes.

Kyle (as Ben)

None of you have, like, door-flinging powers, right?

Hallie (as Sparky)

I could.

Tom (as Hilda)

What does that mean, exactly? Door-flinging powers.

Ari (as Quique)

I could probably {**1:19:08} one.

Hallie (as Sparky)

Who knows?

Kyle (as Ben)

Like, the power—

Hallie (as Sparky)

The power to pick up a door and throw it, or the power to, like… {**1:19:17}?

Kyle (as Ben)

Yes, but like… No. You know, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. You all seem great. You’ll be fine.

--

Ari

I did lose, but I choose to believe that Quique could have had the answer and he refused to say what his biggest fear was.

[Chuckling.]

Emily

Actually, I rolled doubles, but I couldn’t figure out what to say.

[Laughter.]