Ep. 10: The Clockwork City, Part 6

Previously, on Quest Friends … 

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Where's...the palace? We need to get in somehow.

Kyle (as Barry)

Ho boy! I'm sure excited to meet the queen and give her this gift that I got for her! 

Kyle (as Vera)

The queen is a bit paranoid at times, any sort of weapons you have, you do have to put in this container. Uh, don't worry, you will get them when you're done.

Hallie 

Can I roll like a check to see if this feels legitimate or if this feels like a, “you'll get them back after you're done,” type deal?

Tom (as Xoc)

So how do you know Mr. Mako?

Ari (as Misha)

Xoc, I learned a quite important revelation! I have learned that this is indeed a human being, and not a  robot.

Tom (as Xoc)

I think she might be lying to us.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, really? I was not able to detect that.

Kyle (as the pin)

Touch Meeeeeee!

Hallie (as Hopper)

I'm touching it!

Kyle 

So Hop, you use the pin hand, and you touch the knob, and so you see a couple of things. The second thing you see is a map of the city’s sewage systems, and you see the note that says, “Take the best, burn the rest.”

Hallie 

Nooo! [Nervous laughter.]

[Theme intensifies.]

Kyle 

So right now, everyone is sitting in the back tent of the Mauve and Mako covered wagon boat thing. So Mauve has taken and read everything that you’ve given to her, and currently, she’s opened that letter addressed to herself, and she’s been sitting in silence with her eyes closed for a few minutes, as if listening to an invisible speaker. And eventually, she opens her eyes, looks around to all of you and says,

Kyle (as Mauve)

 So the Jagged Dream has a bio-weapon, and it sounds like they’re testing it tonight.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hopper is just going to nod.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah. That’s about where we’re at.

Emily (as Elee)

Well shit.

Kyle (as Mauve)

Yeah, basically, a whole...whole shit ton of shit, dear.

Emily and Tom

 [Snickers.] 

Kyle (as Mauve)

My husband was originally was going to use ANNEX as a way to keep the  Queen healthy, but it sounds like he realized the Jagged Dream could easily change it into a bioweapon that attacked whatever cells they wanted it to. He sabotaged his records, but uh, sounds like somehow they were able to piece it together again. This is… 

Kyle

And she looks down a little bit, and she smiles, 

Kyle (as Mauve)

...Frankly, this is the best news I’ve heard all day.”

[Funky heist music plays.]

Hallie

[Nervous giggles.]

Emily 

Uhhhmmmm….

Kyle (as Mauve)

You said that Vera was inviting you to the test, right?

Tom (as Xoc)

Mhm.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yep.

Kyle (as Mauve)

Here’s the thing; Vera is a patient woman, she won’t use ANNEX until she knows for sure that it works. And so she’s going to want to test it in the most private place she can, far away from the eyes of the queen. If she’s testing it in her most private spot, that’s gonna be where my husband is too. And she wants to lead you directly there. Now, don’t get me wrong, the second she finds out ANNEX works, she’s going to kill you all. But, we’ve got someone leading you directly to the weapon.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I thought Mako was like, officially arrested. What makes you think he’s not in whatever your normal prison is?

Kyle (as Mauve)

Well, y’all met the queen, right?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yep.

Kyle (as Mauve)

That body may have been alive for over two hundred years, but her mind has been long, long since dead.

Kyle

She looks at Hop, and she’s like, 

Kyle (as Mauve)

It’s gotta be obvious by now that the queen isn’t the one running the shots, dear. Vera’s the one who runs everything so, she frankly could put Mako where--wherever she wants and so long as she told the queen, that he was safe and secure in prison, she would believe it.

Hallie 

Hopper looks a little pensieve, like “Ah, why didn’t I think of that?” and says:

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh! Y-yeah, you must be right.

Kyle (as Mauve)

Luckily our path to gettin’ the husband is simple as, I suppose, that a giant breakout can be, but before we do that, Jesse told me, and please, tell me this is a lie— Jesse told me you gave her all your gear, without a fight. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Inhales severely.]

Ari (as Misha)

Without a fight is not exactly— 

Hallie (as Hopper)

I wouldn’t say without a fight.

Tom (as Xoc)

We were supposed to fight in the middle— of the palace? I thought we weren’t supposed to do that. 

Kyle (as Mauve)

Well, it’s a nonphysical version of the word fight, I mean protest, Xoc, hide.

Tom (as Xoc)

Elee argued with her for a very long time, nobody else was willing to do so after that.

Emily (as Elee)

I was pretty pissed.

Hallie 

Hopper will shrug and be like:

Hallie (as Hopper)

I kept my clothes.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Mauve)

Well small blessings, I suppose.

Kyle

And she looks with disgust at the royal robes you all are wearing.

Kyle (as Mauve)

So the first thing we’re going to  have to do is get your gear. Fortunately, or, unfortunately, I think I know exactly where it is. Now, you all met Everett outside, when uh, you first visited me, correct?

Ari (as Misha)

Correct.

Kyle (as Mauve)

Everett is one of my students. He’s abrasive, but very talented.

[Choral, mysterious music box plays.] 

Nanos all get there power through some sort of connection through the datasphere. Now this connection uh, sometimes come from years of effort, sometimes come from tampering with Numenera, and for some folks, it’s just plain luck that the rest of us aren’t blessed with. So they draw from the datasphere for their abilities, but also they’re able to glean some information the rest of us have to figure out by ourselves. Some folks get visions, some folks talk to spirits, and some can just read whatever the datasphere is telling them like pages  on a book. Now, Everett can switch through the channels of reality. He still sees our planet, he still sees the Ninth World, but he sees it in a way the rest of us can’t. He can track motion, he can see through walls. He just blinks his eyes, and it’s just a whole new world. 

[5:12]

[Music stops.]

Everett is a bit of a tamperer, and he’s been doing some, investigation— and near the edge of the Seski district he found a boat that seemed to be hiding components for a dirigible. Right now, it’s just a normal ship, but he believes that at a moment’s notice it could switch from a sea boat, to an air boat. Now, dirigibles are outlawed in Charmonde, because, well, Qi loves their dirigibles and Charmonde hates Qi— so, Charmonde hates dirigibles. It would be a massive risk to even sneak one in here, I don’t think you could get to the Queen before she’d kill ya five times over. 

There’s only one person I know who would be risky enough to attempt this, and that person would be Arias Folon, who’s the leader of a different branch of The Jagged Dream. It just so happens she’s headquartered in Qi. Everett’s been noticing crew of this boat steppin’ into a nearby sewage shell and coming back with colorful packages. 

Kyle

And, she pulls up that like, diagram of the sewage you know that said “take the best, burn the rest,” 

Kyle (as Mauve)  

It sounds like the garbage they’re taking out are all the fancy gifts people come here to give the queen. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh no.

Kyle (as Mauve)

And if Vera expects you to either shut up or die, trust me, she expects you to shut up or die. That’s where they’d be dumping anything valuable. Throw away all the garbage where nobody cares, and just pick up the best stuff. So, Jesse and I will stay back here for a little bit. We’ll prep the next stage, but I think the first step for you is to meet Everett near the sewage system, on the western edge of the Seski district. You can also take Tready along.

Kyle

And she points to that big floating wheelbarrow.

Tom 

Will Everett have a question mark or exclamation point floating over his head?

Kyle, Tom and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Mauve)  

Uh something that’s easy to notice of Everett— he has a really weird hairdo. So you’ll notice him by the the weirdest-- 

Tom

[Laughter]

Kyle (as Mauve)--little just—  tower— coming out of the center of his hair that I’ve ever seen.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So yes, he will have an exclamation point on top of his head. Just imagine his head as the dot, and then his hair as the uh, as the little exclamation point. 

Hallie and Ari

[Laughter.]

Tom 

Oh, I thought you were going for like a Sonic the Hedgehog mohawk. 

Kyle 

Yes

Ari 

I was thinking of — 

Hallie 

It’s both.

Ari  

--I was thinking of Kiba from Danganronpa, with the little big ahoge on top of his head.

Tom and Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

This is all correct. All of it is right. I don’t know how, but it is. 

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

It’s amazing!

Tom 

Alright then, can Xoc interject then, now that the plan is set?

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom (as Xoc)

Do you have any tools on hand? I won’t need my gear if I can make a couple of modifications before we go.

Kyle (as Mauve)  

Yeah, I do have some.

Kyle

And she walks over to— there was a rapier on a plaque, and she picks it up and she hands it over to you and she says:

Kyle (as Mauve)  

Well this is mine and it hasn’t seen an awful lot of use, but it’s— 

Kyle

And she, uh, clicks a little button on it, and the whole thing kinda sparks with life for a second before dying down.

Kyle (as Mauve)  

It still seems pretty effective to me.

Kyle

And what you’re going to get is Mauve’s Rapier. It is a light weapon, and what it does is it has electrical energy. So essentially, in additional to the physical damage, you also do two points of electric damage. So essentially it does four points of damage: two slash and two electric.

Tom

Xoc takes it in his hands solemnly, looks at it, and then just hands it over to Hop and says:

Tom (as Xoc)

No no, I mean actual tools.

Hallie 

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

 I-I have to modify my body, I’m serious!

Hallie

Hopper will take the rapier and just kinda like:

Hallie (as Hopper)

Alright.

Tom (as Xoc)

I arghhh— 

Tom 

And he pulls open the side of the hatch on his head and shows Miss Mauve: 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Impatiently.] I need to rearrange my spellbook, I-I have a new weapon to buil— I just need— do you have a little welder thingy?

Kyle

She looks over at Tready, who from a hatch on Tready’s side, just opens up and you see a mini flamethrower shoot out. And she says:

Kyle (as Mauve)  

Well that’s, I mean, that’s probably about the best we got here.

Emily

Elee’s eyes glint in longing.

Tom (as Xoc)

Good enough!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

You’re going to weld together your head with a flamethrower, WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Tom 

What?! No, no, no, no, no, I’m just trying to--to flavor getting my new laser ability. 

Kyle

Ohhh, Right, right, right, right.

Tom

Because, as I described to you before, Xoc needs to build a small physical component before he does this. But what Xoc is going to do is, he’s going weld together a small ring of certain metals and parts he had with him and he’s going to work that into like, one of his fingerless gloves, the left one to be precise. And in the market he’s going to trade in one of his chips for a different one, and get a couple of new spells.

Kyle

What ability are you losing and what ability are you gaining?

[9:52]

Tom

So, Xoc is giving up his Onslaught ability, bad memories and all, and instead, he’s getting two additional powers. Cutting Light, which will allow him to emit a thin beam of energized light from the little circle ring in his glove at immediate range which will inflict five points of damage to a single foe, or cut through up to a foot of any material that is level six or less. 

Kyle

Holy shit, well, the game’s broken guys, that’s it! Let’s— [Claps dramatically.] — pack it up and go home!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

Hey, I thought you’d like it if I switched my pure combat ability to a utility ability—that can also fight!

Kyle

No, I really like it, it’s super cool— 

Tom

Oh, and also, he’s swapping out—  because that was a Tier 2 ability— he’s swapping out Onslaught for Resonance Field— 

Kyle

Yeah, Tom is uh, alright, so before we continue, I want to talk about experience points and leveling up a little bit. So a couple of episodes earlier, I mentioned that experience points are used for leveling up and for short term benefits. But we realized that if we just leveled up, you know, as we got enough experience, that would be a little bit confusing, and we’d have to talk experience points a lot. And also, we’re all horrible experience misers, so none of us would have used it ever for the fun stuff, and we would’ve just kept it for leveling up. 

So what we’re going to do instead, is all the experience points that the part has already gained— are gone. So the party is back to having zero usable experience points, and essentially, what we’re going to do now is we’re just going to level up at the end of each arc. So at the end of the Clockwork City, since we will have done two arcs, the party will level up essentially twice. And that’s going to leave the experience that I do give the party for specific benefits! Like re-rolling, getting items or contacts, and performing extraordinary feats. Essentially, they can spend these points to, like, go super saiyan. There are some limitations I’ve imposed on top of the normal game rules. 

The party and — we’ve all talked ahead of time and agreed. The party cannot reroll ones, they have to explain how the experience point is actually helping them in-universe. So, if Xoc rerolls, he has to explain what happened that allowed him to reroll. And we’re also not going to refuse GM intrusions, which is something that you can do with experience, but it’s just...it’s not fun? And because I took away all the experience points you had, I’m going to give everyone one experience back. So from this point on, every person has one experience point to use on...something.

Tom

I only had one experience point.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

So you took it away and gave it back.

Hallie

I somehow had 13, thanks Kyle.

Tom

Because you didn’t level up!

Hallie

No! I forgot to level up, that’s right—

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[Salty voice.] Whatever— it’s all gone.

Tom

I did things when I was supposed to! I want my magic!

Hallie and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Anyways, what’s the other ability, Tom?

Tom

Uh, Resonance Field! Xoc can basically create a shield, which allows him to use Intellect Defense instead of Speed Defense. And! If I get a minor or major effect, I can reflect damage back at my attacker. 

Kyle

Well, damn.

Emily 

Elee kind of looks back at Xoc, doing whatever exactly he’s doing, and moves a little closer:

Emily (as Elee)

So hear me out, what if you put, like a knife, right? Like--like a knife— cus’ you have that little thing in your head, right? What if you welded a knife to it, and then you like— 

Tom (as Xoc)

A knife head?

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah! On your head, like, and then you just kind like— 

Kyle (as Mauve)  

You do have a lot of spare weapons around that our trainees use, in case you need one of those. 

Tom (as Xoc)

I don’t really like touching things with parts of my body...so I would probably not do that. But I think it’s a good idea, Elee Badge, thank you.

Emily and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, so as Tom goes out into the deck in public, ‘cause there’s no other space in this, like, back space, to just get publicly, like, mutilized by a giant floating wheelbarrow.

Hallie

[Snickers.] Mutilated!

Emily

[Laughter.]

Tom

[Defensively.] I’m welding the ring, and then putting the ring in a glove! I’m not flamethrowering my face!

All

[Laughter.] 

Kyle

Alright, well--

Emily

No, that was my idea! 

Kyle

You-you’re going to have to convince Tready of that, because Tready is very convinced that this is going directly onto your face.

Tom

[Exasperatedly.] Do I have to fucking roll for this shit?!

Emily

[Laughter.]

Tom 

Is this what you’re saying to me?

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle

[Sighing.] No, you convince him.

Tom

Alright.

Kyle

But as he goes out to do that, Mauve turns over to say. She pulls out that image of that pliable metal glove with wires criss-crossing over it,

Kyle (as Mauve)  

I don't entirely understand what this is, but my husband clearly thinks it's going to be very helpful. And I have most of the supplies, but I need this hematium.

Kyle

And she points that red stone that's usually used as a powder to make items float. And Jesse's been solemnly quiet this whole time, but for the first time, they speak up and they say:

Kyle (as Jesse) 

I have some of that— I, uh, I used it to keep my bag held up—  that's, that's how I was able to carry so many items! There’s no way the queen could’ve put all that in the sewer. I mean, I work super...hard on that! 

Hallie

[Pained voice.] No— 

Emily (as Elee)

Sweetie, have you met the queen?

Kyle (as Jesse) 

Yeah, she's-she’s super nice! 

Emily (as Elee)

Oh— ohh, o...okay.

Kyle (as Jesse) 

I mean, she's nicer to me than me the most folks.

All

[Collective sympathy sounds.]

Emily

[Softly.]  Nooo…

Tom

[Deeply upset.] Jesse.

Kyle

Mauve is going to put her hand on Jesse’s shoulder and just mouth to the rest of you:

Kyle (as Mauve)

[Whispering.] Get the bag!”

[15:00.]

Well in that case, I think we have as much of a plan though, that was we can have.

Kyle (as Jesse) 

I just don't feel comfortable about this! Vera’s always been so nice to me. I--she can’t be...evil? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Look, Jesse, I understand you're conflicted. It sucks when someone turns out not to be who you thought they were, but I think Vera is going to harm a lot of people, so even if you don't feel comfortable directly helping, we could use any kind of assistance you’d be willing to lend. 

Kyle (as Mauve)  

You know we won't push you past what--what you want to do you--you you always have a choice.

Kyle

As you all leave, Mauve goes and she stops Elee for a second.

Kyle (as Mauve)  

Those sewers have all sorts of Numenera and toxins, and—

Kyle

And she points to the candle.

Kyle (as Mauve)  

—taking an uncovered flame in there, that could hurt somebody. 

Tom

[Distressed noise.]

Hallie

Oh no.

Emily (as Elee)

You know I, uh  I can hurt people too. I'm not… [Pained pause.] I can't put it out.

Kyle (as Mauve)  

Okay, just remember, we're all on the same side here.

Ari 

But we are still standing in different sides of the room. I don’t understand what you mean by “we’re all on the same side.”  

Tom, Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.] 

Kyle

So you leave to go meet Everett, and as you take your first step out, a gruff voice says:

Kyle (as Don)

Alright, where we going now? 

Hallie 

[Laughter.] Oh no, I forgot about him! Hopper’s just, uh, [Garbled.] g—in, in [Laughter.] direct response to “where are we goin’ now?” — Hopper is just going to be like:

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Pointedly, too quickly to be unsuspicious.] ...Nowhere.  

Tom

Xoc is going to be using his mental connection with Misha ask:

Tom (as Xoc)

Misha Jarvis, have you ever killed anybody...before you joined up with us?

Ari 

Uhm— 

Emily and Kyle

[Startled laughter.]

Kyle

[Horrified.] ARE YOU GOING TO JUST KILL THIS MAN?!? 

All

[Laughter.

Kyle

[Voice pitching up even more.] ARE YOU JUST GOING TO MURDER HIM IN COLD BLOOD?!?

Hallie 

Maybe we could just knock him out, put him in a corner somewhere! 

Ari

Umm--

Kyle

[Exasperated voice.] You don’t need to kill him!!

Ari

Uhhh--

Tom 

No, no— 

Ari

UMMM--

Kyle

What the fuck, Tom?!?

All

[Laughter.]

Ari

Um.

Kyle

WHAT THE FUCK!?. 

All

[Laughing harder.]

Ari

[Confused and hesitant.] Ohh, okay...

Tom

No, I swear, I’m not planning to kill him.

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle

[Laughing.] Oh my God!

Tom

I’m just being ominous. 

Ari

Um, Misha is just going to stop in their tracks for a little bit and look back at Xoc and be like

Ari (as Misha)

I’d rather not respond question.

Kyle (as Don)  

Listen, I like this arrangement as much as the rest of you, but we gotta stick together, Vera’s orders. 

Emily (as Elee)

...What if I knocked him out? what if I just— 

Kyle

We’ve already discussed that plan, Emily!  

Emily (as Elee)

What if I just— took my fist, and then went — BOOP!

Ari

Well, I--one thing that Misha does have that I haven't gotten going to use, is I  have an Erase Memories ability that I could potentially use-- 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari

--to make him, like-- 

Tom 

[Uncomfortable sound.]

Ari

--for a little bit, forget that he’s supposed to babysit us—  and then we can sneak past him.

Hallie

And then he’d forget that we made contact with Mauve, too.

Ari

[Affirmative sounds.] Mhm, see!

Tom

Looking at the description for Erase Memories, we couldn't use it to necessarily make him forget that we were ever here— 

Ari

No, but— 

Tom

We could get away from him,

Ari

Mmhm.

Tom

And then erase the fact that we had escaped.

Ari

[More affirmative sounds.] Mhm, there you go! That’s what I was— We can also be like, “Oh, we’ll be right back in 5 minutes,” and then he’ll— 

Hallie

[Laughter.] — just never come back!

Ari

[Laughter.] Yeah! That’ll bide us just a little bit more time. 

Hallie

I would be in favor of erasing the memories, or just hitting him now and stashing him somewhere. 

Ari

I’m trying to think how we’d pan this out. 

Ari (as Misha)

Uhh— I agree with you certainly that if they are the orders of Vera, they should be certainly obeyed, especially you being under her.

Kyle (as Don) 

Yep.

Ari (as Misha)

However, it appears to me—  that my three human companions have—  what is called a “human necessity,” and they require to go— to you know, do what you humans do to expel their wastes. 

Kyle (as Don) 

I know what pissin’ is.

Ari (as Misha)

Yeah, it’s fine, it’s just— I don’t fully understand it myself. Uh, but they have said it to me, and it-it seems to me that it is embarrassing for another human to follow them. So is it possible that they can be allowed to go to those facilities, for just five minutes? 

Kyle

Roll me a Persuasion.

Ari

Oh, god, alright. Alright, here we go!

[Dice rolling.]

[Dejectedly.] I rolled an 8. [Laughter.]

Kyle (as Don)

Unfortunately, I have to be there for every moment—

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Don)

Every moment. 

Emily (as Elee)

Don, do you really want to see an old lady take a crap?

Kyle (as Don)

Wouldn't be the first time, ma’am; certainly wouldn’t be the last. 

Hallie 

Hopper’s head is just in his hands right now, he has no idea how to proceed! [Laughter.]

Tom

[Speaking through laughter.] I’m mentally checking out from this— 

Hallie

[Laughing harder.]

Tom

I’m mentally checking out from this session! It’s done, I— we’re done.

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Quest Friends episode 10, where we devolve to poop jokes!

Tom

God.

Kyle

It’s been a good...9 ½ episodes, everyone!

All

[Laughter.]

Tom

Oh god, we’re done now.

Kyle

It’s over.]

Tom

You guys get us out of this one.

Hallie 

I'm really thinking about—  I have a rapier, just thinking about taking like the hilt of it and using it to hit him in the back of the head right now. That seems like our best option.

Emily

[Indignantly.] So now we're doing that!

Hallie 

No, I was with you the first time, but then— 

Emily

Can I try something?

Kyle

No, it’s fine!

Emily

I wanna yell, 

Emily (as Elee)

Wait, look over there!

Emily

And I want to spend an experience point to distract him, and hopefully make him, like, run over there—  but I don't know if I can also do that.

Kyle

How does this experience make this roll easier for you, because he's not likely to believe “look over there” 

Emily 

Can...I...ask for a coincidence, like something to actually happen when I—  as I point? 

Kyle

Uh, yeah! So you yell, “look over there,” and he turns over, and he says:

Kyle (as Don)

Oh. My. Gawd. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

That's the best shoe Shiner and all of Charmonde!

Ari

Shoe shiner! [Laughter.]

Kyle (as Don)

I needed this!

Tom

[Choking in laughter.]

Kyle

And he runs away as quickly as he can to get his shoes shined— even though he is wearing sandals.

Emily

As he runs, Elee quietly says:

Emily (as Elee)

Go—  follow your dreams.

Tom

[Choking more.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

I can't believe that worked. 

Emily 

Neither can I! 

Ari

So, I’ve been describing that Misha has two colored eyes, so one of them is the one that he uses to channel--

Kyle

They use.

Ari

They use to channel their abilities through. And so basically, they are going to, like, grab...whatever his name is—

Kyle

Don.

Ari

— and like stare at him with that one eye, that's going to like glow bright red, it’s going to like increase in intensity— and then like blind him with that, and then it's going to take him a moment to get to run the other way, and then use erase memories, just through that, and I want to expend one level of effort for intellect. 

Kyle

Okay.

Tom

Erase his memories! Send him to the Shadow Realm!

Ari

I rolled a 19! 

Kyle

Oh, major effect!

Ari

[Delighted.] Ohhh! 

Kyle

You get to go in and specifically tell me what memories from the last five minutes does Don keep, and what memories does he lose.

Ari

So, when we were inside and talking with Mauve, he was waiting outside for us, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

Ari

Could he just, like, forget that we ever got out— and he's just waiting over there and he's just doesn’t know where we ended up at? Like he maybe kind of knows that we go out, but after that he has no idea exactly what— 

Kyle

Yeah, he would even forget that you came out ‘cause that's all been within five minutes. Now, question: does he remember the shoe shine?? 

Ari

Yes!

Kyle

Yeah, in that case, he looks at you and says:

Kyle (as Don)

What the hell are you doing? Why you gettin’ in the way of my future? 

Kyle

And he pushes you out of the way and keeps running.

Ari

Perfect.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Alright, let’s go, let’s go, let’s GO!!

Ari (as Misha)

Let’s go!

[Cheerful bagpipe jig plays.]

Hello, and welcome to the regularly scheduled announcement break for Quest Friends, episode 10. I am Kyle, your game master, and I got a couple of quick announcements for you today. The first, is that like always, our intro and outro songs are “Friends” and “Hitoshio,” both by Miracle of Sound. He's a really great artist and really generous for letting us use this music for the low low cost of $0. We got a new call to action this week: subscribe to Quest friends on twitch.tv! That's right, we have a Twitch now you can find at Twitch.tv/QuestFriends. And to kick off our new account, on this upcoming Tuesday, February 27th, I'm going to start my weekly Torment: Tides of Numenera stream, where I play through that video game while voicing literally every single character. And that'll be every Tuesday, starting this upcoming one from 5:30 to 7 o’clock Central. So, check me out; it should be a fun time! Those are all the announcements I’ve got for you today, so let’s get back to our episode, and next episode will be released on Monday March 12th. I will see you then!

[Cheerful bagpipe jig plays again.]

Kyle

Assembled again as a whole group, you make your way through the busy streets of the Seski district. Despite the dizzying assortment of vendors and undercover police, you’re able to find your way fairly easily— thanks in no small part to the floating wheelbarrow humming in anticipation in front of you, and letting out alarmed chirps every time you take a wrong turn. Hop, in your hand, you are holding the Mauve & Mako pin, the complete one, not the broken one, and your mind flashes back to a part of the conversation I didn't mention earlier where Mauve essentially gives that back to you before you leave and says:

[25:08.]

Kyle (as Mauve)  

Here, for us to keep an eye out on each other.

Kyle

Eventually, you all find yourselves at an outcropping on the western edge of the anthill.There's a small, still dock on a shallow pool that pours over the side of the Hill. The pool is being filled by a small artificial river, running out of a sewer pipe about 10 feet in diameter, that's poking out of the inside of the Hill. As you turn the corner to the stock, you're stopped by a harsh,

Kyle (as shushing person)

SHHHHHHH! 

Kyle

And you turn over and you see hiding under a newspaper that says, “Spiders from the Sky: Qi at it AGAIN!”   is a young man with dark black hair that goes down to his shoulders, and completely covers one eye. It also spikes up in that weird like one spike mohawk I mentioned earlier. Underneath the shoulder flap, on a well-worn trench coat that maybe just goes down to his thighs, is a Mauve & Mako pin, and he looks at you with like, alarm and he goes,

Kyle (as shushing person)

Shh!

Kyle

And he like, pulls you behind to one of the columns that are kind of looking over this pool dock, and he starts pointing to his pin. 

Hallie

Hopper will whisper like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, you must be Everett.

Ari

Misha is going to reply with the same salute.  

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Everett's going to bug out his eyes and just start pointing to the pin again.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Ohh! 

Hallie

Hopper’s going to get out the pin that he has, and then gesture, 

Hallie (as Hopper)

What, what do you want?

Ari

[Snickering.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

I know, but like, do we need to get in contact with Mauve right now? Like that’s— 

Kyle

He’s going to say out loud:

Kyle (as Everett)

As always, she’s sending imbeciles at me. I wanted you to use the pin, idiot, so they couldn't hear us, but now that's completely out the window!

Tom (as Xoc)

Are there enemies then, within range? You have seen them?

Kyle (as Everett)

Ugh!

Kyle

And he's going to flip his hair so that it goes from covering one eye, to covering the other eye.

Kyle (as Everett)

[Pointedly.] Yes.

Kyle

And he points over, and I'm going to describe the situation a little more:

From behind the columns, you’re able to take a better look at the dock and the boat within it. It’s a moderately-sized boat, with a large rectangular prism in the center and small cabins in the front and the back each. Besides the odd shape, the boat is alarmingly average. A modest plank stretches out from the boat onto the deck. You assume this is the dirigible that Mauve was talking about. It's just currently in boat-form. 

As you survey your surroundings more, you also realize that surprisingly, almost no one is here. Presently, you only see one individual in the area, a lanky human wearing overly fancy, but poorly cared-for, seafarer’s garbs. They alternate between looking towards the sewer pipe and playing with a piece of string in their hands. After a moment, two more individuals emerge from the sewer pipe holding a pile of numenera and ornamentally wrapped gift boxes. They're wearing those vests with small capsules on each shoulder, which you would recognize as the uniform of the Gendarme. The Gendarme being Charmonde’s police force that can kind of Spider Man around using grappling hooks that emerge from their vests. These Gendarme soldiers walk towards the boat and start putting the supplies in the cabin in the back, although the seafarer does take a grimy top hat from the pile, and loudly proclaims:

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

Look at me, I’m Fancy Tom!  

Kyle

The Gendarme don't respond.

Tom

[Deadpans.] You can rot in hell, Kyle.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

I want you to know that. So to clarify the situation: how visible is this area around this sewer dock? Like, are crowds going to see us? 

Kyle

I mean, they might, but no one, for some reason, even though the Seski district is usually packed, nobody is hanging around this dock. It might be for the fact that there are official Gendarme soldiers here, so clearly, you know, no criminals are going to want to hang around this area. And it's pretty easy to tell Gendarme soldiers not to be— not to stick around. 

Tom

Xoc tilts his head, quizzically, and then just makes a symbol of like, closing a left fist, and like, gestures at the boat to everybody else. 

Kyle (as Everett)

Wha— are you like mimes or theater performers or something like that?? This isn't a prank or some shit? What the fuck does this mean?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Whispering.] You told us not to talk! 

Kyle (as Everett)

Well that's clearly out the window! 

Hallie

[Laughter.] Hopper’s going to throw his arms up. Hopper is so done with Everett. He uh— 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Whispering.] There are no windows!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Well look, we’re just going to go on the boat and get our stuff back, okay?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Whispering.] That’s what I was saying!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Yeah, that’s what Xoc was saying, can you help us with that or not?!?

Emily (as Elee)

Dipshits! Everett can see in the boat. Look in the boat, tell me if my chair’s there, and if it's not, go in the sewer!

Kyle

Before Elee even suggests that, Everett it is going to like turn over to the boat and flank a little bit, and as he does, you can see his eyes flash for a second— and then every time after they flash, they’ll change a different color, so they're purple then green then orange and finally, he settles on a dark black, and he looks in, and he says:

Kyle (as Everett)

Damn, those are some fancy-ass fedoras! I didn't know that was the gear you guys were getting. Yeah, I'm all on board with this!

[29:52.]

Hallie

Hopper is this close to grabbing him by the scruff of his clothing and just, shaking him, but he’s going to very visibly resist doing anything physical. Like, he's going to do that thing where you take a breath and then just like [Exhalation.] with your hands up. And he’ll say:

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Do you see a chair? Or a shield? Or a staff? 

Ari (as Misha)

[Whispering.] Or a scarf!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] A baseball bat with nails on it?!?

Ari (as Misha)

[Whispering.] Yes!

Kyle

He's going to clip a few more times and say:

Kyle (as Everett)

Are you all a performing band? 

Hallie 

He's going t— Hop is going to turn away from Everett, to the party, and be like:

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] I think all of our stuff is in the sewer!

All

[Stifled laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

[Whispering.] This is the worst thing that has happened to us since we’ve come to this city! 

All

[Still giggling.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Agreed.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Whispering.] Let’s go search for it.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Let’s do it. 

Kyle

Everett’s going to turn over and say:

Kyle (as Everett)

Alright, so we ready to take on this boat? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Are you going to help us?!

Kyle (as Everett)

[Whispering.] Can I get one of the hats?

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Yeah, sure, we don’t care. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Whispering.] — but our stuff isn’t in the boat!

Kyle (as Everett)

[Whispering.] I thought you were— ‘cause you're the band— you're the band, your--your staff is in there. That, the-the stand with the-with the microphone on it, is in the boat!

Emily (as Elee)

[Still whispering, but furiously.] Noooo! You're an idiot!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Alright, we’re just gonna— we’re just gonna— 

Tom (as Xoc)

Is there a stronglass staff in the boat?? 

Kyle (as Everett)

That's a really good band name.

All

[Laughter.]

Tom

Xoc lights up his laser hand— 

All

[Laughter.]

Tom

— until like a little, like, plasma torch-like thing. 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Whispering angrily.] Is. My. Staff. Made out of stronglass. On. The BOAT!?

Kyle

He uh, blinks a few more times, and he switches and his eyes turn to a glassy bluish he says:

Kyle (as Everett)

The only glass I see in there is a fancy statue of a Xi-drake 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Ok, we’re just going to sneak past the guards on the boat, and only engage if we absolutely need to. Okay?

Kyle (as Everett)

[Whispering.] Fine! I guess I have to follow you.

Emily (as Elee)

[Whispering.] No you don’t!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering.] Are you s--do you have to?

Kyle (as Everett)

[Whispering.] I mean I really want that hat!

Hallie (as Hopper)

F-fine, you can get that hat! After we get all our stuff—okay, only after you help us get all of our stuff in the sewers. Is. That. Clear?!

Kyle (as Everett)

[Dramatic sighs.]

Kyle

The hair flips back to covering the other eye. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Everett)

Fine!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Good!

Kyle (as Everett)

God, dad. 

Hallie 

G--Hopper will like, just like, start at that, be like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

I will tell Mauve about your behavior!

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, as you’ve been doing this, you notice the—  these soldiers have, uh, been kind of like, tidying up the boat and getting it ready. It looks like they might be heading out to go, and the guy who, so far, has only identified himself as Fancy Tom— although, you seriously question whether or not he is the head of the large chain “Fancy Tom’s Fancy Hats,” is leaning against the boat again and playing with a string. So what are you going to do? How are you gonna get past these guys? 

Tom 

What if, what if— I have an idea, but it’s a bad one. Xoc wants to burn a hole in the bottom of their boat with his laser hand and make it sink. 

Ari

Ooh! I like that!

Tom

Give me a second, because the plan is still forming in my head. What if I spend my one experience point to say that I have, in the past, had to sort of hide myself in plain sight before— where I just sort of hold really really still and just sort of, you know, shimmy off into the background. And just avoid the--

Kyle

They not T-Rexes, Tom!

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter.] 

Kyle

They don’t see motion! 

All

[Laughter.]

Tom

It's not, it's not—  it's not a T-Rex thing--

Kyle

[Laughter.] 

Tom

It's just I've--I’ve had experience being difficult to notice. Like just sort of hanging around the back, not being noticed. Like, “oh, there's a guy over there, he's--he’s not a big deal, he's just there.”

Kyle

Even though they've intentionally made it so that no one else is here, sure. Go ahead.

Tom

Ehhh, alright, nevermind.

Hopper

Uh, uh, no, no, no. This is still the same plan, but if you don’t want to be noticed, I--Hopper’s got his normal clothes under his robe, so he could be somewhat non-conspicuous, because he’ll be wearing normal clothes. And then he can just be like, “Ho, man, I am LOST!” or something— if, if we need a distraction from whatever Xoc is trying to cast.

Ari

Mm!

Tom

That’s not a bad plan. 

Hallie

Okay, cool, so I’m going to take off my stuff and then leave it behind the column. And then I would like to casually wander out to whatever the opposite side of the boat is from where Xoc is going to be casting. So Hop’s going to walk out, just casually strolling, um, he has his map— he’s going to be looking at his map, like he’s a lost tourist. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hey, hey, excuse me! I’m a little lost, can you tell me how to get to um, Fancy Tom’s Fancy Hats?

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Tom is going to look you up and down—  he's, he's going to walk towards you and say in a very menacing fashion:

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

Well that's a very fancy hat, my friend. Mind if I take a look at it? 

Hallie

Uh, Hopper will ki--kind of like, lower the brim on his hat. 

Tom

Ok, I’m just going to shoot the boat now, from the other side. 

Kyle

Yeah, I would do that. Did you use the experience to sneak? 

Tom

Alright, I’ll use it to sneak. 

Kyle

Okay, in that case, it automatically works, since you have Hop helping you as well.

Hallie

Woohoo!

Tom

Okay, I rolled a 15 on my attack roll, incidentally.

[34:55.]

Kyle

Okay, describe how this thing cuts out the bottom of that boat. 

Tom 

Alright, so Xoc is a is a simple man with simple spells, so while Hop is over here distracting people by talking to them, he just walks the other way gets close to it, holds out his left hand, and from the center of the ring that’s worked into the glove now, a thin beam of light lances out, burns directly through the hull of the boat.

Kyle

That boat starts sinking immediately, and you see Fancy Tom turn around and say, 

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

Shit. Shit, shit SHITSHITSHIT!

Emily and Ari

[Snickering.]

Kyle

And start running towards it. But! Now I have a GM intrusion, actually, for Xoc.

Tom

So we know it's going to screw me over. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Who you going to get another point to?

Tom

 I feel like Hop deserves this XP for saving my bad plan.

Kyle

Okay, as the boat starts to sink, their attention is taken away. You’ve clearly won....until Everett pops out and says, 

Kyle (as Everett)

Oh no, my hats!! 

Ari

What?!

Hallie

[Loud laughter.] 

Kyle

nd they all immediately look back at him just standing there— 

Hallie

[Still laughing.] God, he’s the worst!

Kyle

— with like this stupid ass sword in his hand, ready to murder somebody. It's not initiative yet, you still have a chance to save this. What do you do?

Hallie

Um--

Tom 

Do we even need to do anything? This is the distraction we’ve been waiting for. 

Hallie

So are you saying we need to abandon Everett?

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Just run away??

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom 

No, no, but Xoc is also not planning on doing anything just ‘cause he doesn’t really know what he should do in this case. What’s he going to say that distracts them from Everett holding a sword?

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

— but out of character, yes, let’s abandon Everett to his fate.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Uhm, oh god, uhm— from my side of the boat, Hopper’s going to yell:

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh look! Another civilian looking for Fancy Tom’s Fancy Hats Shop! 

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

The string guy’s going to look at you, and he's going to look at Everett. He’s going to be like,

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

Heyy, wait a second, this is a ruse! This has always been a ruse!

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And he’s going to point at one of the soldiers, and he’s going to be like, 

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

Eey! Go get more soldiers!

Ari

Damn.

Hallie

Oh no! 

Kyle

And so he's going to run back to the boat, but one of the Gendarme soldiers is going to grapple up to kinda, a ceiling above you to grapple away and get more soldiers.

Tom

I will laser his grapples— 

Hallie

Yes, do that.

Tom

—laser his grapples!

Kyle

Alright, give me a roll for that. 

Tom

Alright, guess it's time for some heart of the cards!

Ari

[Giggling.] Heart of the cards! [Pause of silence.] Uh… [Another awkward pause.] Is is a one?

Tom

No, no, I forgot to ask you about effort and I rolled before I—  

Hallie

[Choked laughter.]

Tom

I rolled before I could ask you to apply effort, so I can’t, and it’s a five. And it’s...it’s a five. It’s a five so I missed. This would be something I would reroll with experience definitely, but you forced me to waste it already— 

Kyle

You just got experience, Tom!

Tom

Oh— 

Emily and Hallie

Ohhh! [Laughter.]

Kyle

I just gave you a GM Intrusion!

Tom

Fine, I’m re-rolling and this time, I'm spending effort!

Kyle

Alright, what, in-universe,  lets you reroll?

Tom

Uhh, pure hatred of Everett. [Laughter.]

All

[Laughter.]

Tom
Pure hate.And Xoc is barely even in his right head right now, he's had spider fluids infecting his brain, uh, making this task one step more difficult already— because it's an intellect-based task, so that sucks. He’s really sick of this bullshit, so he’s not going to miss. Which is why--

Ari

I'm just waiting for a 1.

 I’m spending two levels of effort.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Tom

Two levels of effort! 

Ari

I’m still waiting for a one. 

Hallie

[Laughter.] Here we go.

Tom

[Nervously.] Twoooo levels of effort. So, it's one step easier than it would have been normally because of my penalties. 

[Dice rolls.]

Oh! Natural 20!!

Ari

Ohhhh!

Hallie

Woooo!

Kyle

You not only shoot it, but you get a major effect. What major effect happens?

Tom

Can I just have my effort back?

Kyle

Yeah, you were--you were fueled by pure, unbridled hatred--

Hallie

[Stifled laughter.]

Kyle

--that made it shine bright, and you didn't even have to aim you were just kind of [Spray canister sound.] 

Tom

I just, slashed across the sky, just [Buzzing lightsaber sound.]

[Energetic combat rock music begins to play.]

Kyle

And the Gendarme soldier falls down to his feet, with one of his harpoons gone. Fancy Tom turns over to you and says:

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

Alright, Wise Guy, if that's how we're gonna play it, that's how we're gonna play it.

Kyle

And I need everyone to roll initiative.

Hallie

Yep, yep.

Ari

There it is.

Hallie

Oh, Nat 20! 

Ari

[Muttering.] Is this a 6 or a 9? No, it’s a 6. 

Tom

I got a 5. [Sighing jokingly.] I got a rock.

Emily

I rolled an 11. Also, I wanna, as— you know, everyone's getting prepared for a fight, Elee just kind of shoves Everett forward a little bit. 

Kyle, Hallie and Tom

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Elee)

[Stern voice.] You did this.  

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Elee)

Fix it. 

Hallie 

Ah, okay, so I am not on the boat, everyone else is on the boat—

Kyle

One of the soldiers is on the boat, Fancy Tom is next to the boat— he's on the dock itself and the other Gendarme soldier is kind of like, near the columns because they got shot down and kind of like, fell on their feet. 

Tom (as Xoc)

Let's give them the chair.

Emily (as Elee)

[Exasperated.] I don’t have— 

Hallie

We don’t have any weapons!

 Emily (as Elee)

— my CHAIR.

Tom (Xoc)

Shit! We have no weapons.

Hallie (Hopper)

No, that’s why I’m trying to think of what to do!

Tom (as Xoc)

Wait, we’ve got the rapier.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Um, I have a rapier, yeah!

[40:00.]

Hallie

So the, Gendarme person that Xoc shot down, he still has one grappling thing, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

Is Hop closer to him, or to Fancy Tom?

Kyle

You’re about— even.

Hallie

Okay, well, I just want to go charging at Fancy Tom, then. I want to push him in the water, that sounds like fun.

[Dice rolls.]

15!

Kyle

You push him, and he’s like:

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

Eyy, what’s the big idea?!?

Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

As he falls on his back, into the water. 

Hallie

[Laughter.] That’s all Hop’s got.

Kyle

He's pretty upset, and it is now all the enemies’ turns—  

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So he is going to take the string he's been playing with and he is going to throw it at your arms.

Hallie

No!

Kyle

And I need you to roll Speed Defense.

Hallie

Question: if I don't have my shield, does my buff from having a shield apply? [Laughter.]

Kyle

No!

Emily, Hallie and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Ok, just wondering. I’m going to apply Effort into avoiding this.

[Dice roll.] 

Nat 20!

Ari

Ohhh!

Kyle

Ooh! So, he swings this string at you, and you can tell he was trying to wrap your arms together with it, but what ends up happening instead?

Hallie

Can I catch it on one wrist and then use it to yank him forward into like a post on the dock instead?

Kyle

Yeah, absolutely!

Hallie

Woo!

Kyle

So it knocks him in the head, and he's just kind of like, sitting there like:

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

[Muddled, confused voice.] What’s the big...idea??

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

The Gendarme soldier on the boat is going to see that, and he is going to shoot a grappling hook at, uh,  Hop.

Hallie

[Whispers.] Dammit.

Kyle

So Hop, how are you going to respond?

Hallie

Uh, try to dodge it, I guess. I'm going to try to do like a… [Strained.] dodge.

[Dice rolls.]

14. 

Kyle

Yeah, you successfully— it just tings on the--

Hallie

[Victoriously.] Woo!

Kyle

--the dock and just goes back into their wrist. And to save time a little bit, so with NPC’s, normally who just has the highest level wins. Sometimes, I might roll, sometimes I might not; it depends on, you know, whether or not I want to keep the speed going. For this one, I'm going to do the numbers game. So the last soldier fell right in front of Everett, and he is going to harpoon Everett and pull Everett towards him, and just clock him in the face. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Exasperated.] God.

Kyle 

And Everett is now on the ground, and like, and he's clearly— there are like tears welling up. He's super upset, but as a soldier stands there, Tready is going to take that opportunity and slam him in the chest, causing 4 points of damage to this Gendarme soldier. Alright, Elee, it’s your turn.

Emily 

Seeing Everett on the ground, with tears welling in his eyes, Elee’s gonna roll her eyes, and try grab the Gendarme soldier by the, like, collar of his shirt or outfit or whatever and just kinda, like, toss him. 

Kyle

[Chuckling.] Toss him, where?

Emily

[Cackling.] I want to hit Fancy Tom!

[Dice rolls.]

17!

Kyle

17! So I'm going to say that makes it easier, so you have them picked up and you want to throw ‘em at Fancy Tom?

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

With a 17, it does not hit, but he does hit the pole and he takes an extra point of damage because that's how 17's work. He, uh, he hits the pole and is clearly struggling like he is on— he's struggling just to tread water right now, much less fight all of you. Alright, Misha, what are you gonna do?

Ari

Uh, I don’t know because both of the ideas I had, had been used by previous characters! Which were tossing him--

Emily

[Faintly in the background.] Sorry!

Ari 

Into the water and tossing Everett at him in the water, so I dunno what to do now.

Kyle and Emily

[Laughter.]

Ari

Like, those were my actual two ideas that I had.

Kyle

Wait, wait, wait, lemme clarify this: you tossed Everett?

Emily

I tossed the soldier.

Ari

Ohh!

Kyle

‘Kay, I just wanted to clarify for a second. 

Ari

[Laughing.] I thought you tossed Everett!

Emily, Ari and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Everett is still on the ground.

Emily

[Laughter.] You can toss Everett!

Kyle 

You can do whatever you want with Everett.

Ari

Okay! Then, I want to toss Everett--

Emily 

[Laughter.]

Ari

--to Fancy Tom so that he— [Laughter.]

Hallie

[Surprised laugh.]

Tom

Oh nooo!

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, well it’s gonna be one step easier— 

Emily and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle

I'm just going to say you just pick up Everett--

Tom

Oh nooo….

Kyle

Because Everett’s lying on the ground, he's prone. He's easy to pick up.

Hallie, Ari and Emily

[Laughter.]

Tom

This is too far! We need him to find the stuff! 

Kyle

You're going to have to do a ranged attack roll.

Ari 

[Laughing.] Alright, I want to spend one level of effort on this. 

[Dice roll.]

I got a Nat 20— for this.

Kyle

What did you get??

Ari

[Stifles laughter.] A Nat 20!

Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Tom

[Squeaks.] Oh no!

Kyle

So, you can either do: 4 extra points of damage--

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

--To both of them— 

Hallie

NOOO!

Kyle

— or, you can describe some sort of major effect, like you knocked out a turn.

Tom

[Feebly.] In the water? Where you drown??

Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Ari 

Hang on! Alright, can I— 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Ari

I’m trying think— because I was going to toss Everett, but can it be like someth— Does he have anything heavy, that isn’t— him??

Kyle

[Cheerfully.] Oh no. No, no, no, no— You said Everett, you’re tossing Everett.

Ari

Okay.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

That's happened! 

Hallie

What if she uses the major effect to keep him from drowning? Or like to keep it so that--so that she spent Misha can spin it like, “I was using you as a projectile, yes, but I wasn't trying to hurt you.”

Ari

Yeah, I went to do that! I want to do that. 

Kyle

[Chuckles.] Okay— So Everett clocks Fancy Tom, and then just falls back forward--

Hallie and Ari

[Stifled laughter.]

Kyle

--onto the deck. That’s uh, I’m going to say he’s a medium weapon? Does that seem fair, to say that Everett is a medium weapon?

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[Casually.] Yeah.

Kyle

I’m going to say he’s a medium weapon, so that did four points of damage. And Fancy Tom is really struggling, Xoc, what’re you going to do?? Who are you going to throw?

[45:09.]

Tom

I was just gonna fire my laser at the other soldier.

[Dice roll.] 

I miss. It was only a 6. 

Kyle

Yeah, no, that absolutely misses. It just flies off, reflects on one of those capsules on the shoulder, and pings away. And we are back to the top with Hop!

Hallie

So, there’s still the guy on the boat who fired the grappling hook, yeah?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

I don’t want to throw the special rapier that Mauve gave...although, that sounds like it’d be fun...

Kyle

[Oozing sarcasm.] Oh yeah, that rapier, that shoots electricity.

Hallie

It shoots electricity?!? I wanna shoot ‘em— 

Kyle

Well, it doesn’t “shoot” but it is a light weapon that does two point of slashing and two points of electric damage.  

Hallie

Uhm, depending on how high the boat is, but I’m going to argue that it’s probably not as high as it should be because it’s actively sinking—  that I want to go up and just slash at the guy from below with the rapier, hoping that like the tip of the rapier with the slashy— with the electricity will like reach him? I’m going to try to break the vest though—like I’m aiming to like hit the vest.

Kyle

Hit the vest, like in the center? 

Hallie

Yeah, just like slash it. 

Kyle

Okay, so you walk, uh, past Everett, who tries to reach up a hand for help— 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

— and you continue to walk past Everett and try to slash at the soldier.

Hallie

Well, I'm not going to— [Pained noises.]

Ari

It’s fine, I’ll have, I’ll— 

Hallie

Can I pause to just roughly like— roughly like yank him to his feet? I’m not gonna leave a man down.

Kyle

[Gleefully.] Oh no, that's an action. That's an action!

Hallie

Then, then, no, nevermind— I'm just going to pretend I didn't see him. Alright, let’s go.

Ari

I will help him in my turn, yes, just— just wait for my turn.

Hallie

Yeah, yeah, yeah Misha’s got it.  So, slashin’ —  here we go!

[Dice roll.] 

Slash 19!

Ari

Ah!  

Kyle

Okay! You either get a minor effect or you get extra damage, what do you want to do?

Hallie

Uhm, can the minor effect be that the vest falls off?

Kyle

That would be would be a major effect. 

Hallie

[Quietly.] Dammit.

Kyle

You’re completely neutralizing one of the weapons. What you could do, is you could, like, alter it so maybe one of the hooks doesn't work, or something like that.

Hallie

I kinda want to take the vest, is the thing. I don’t want it to be broken when I take it, let’s— let’s hamper the vest.  

Kyle

Alright, so you swing, and the vest courses with electric energy, and you see the capsule on the right shoulder shatter and his right arm kind of fizzle out a little bit. So, yeah, Fancy Tom sees Everett and tries to lasso his string around Everett again, and I'm going to roll to see if he succeeds unless— 

[Dice roll.]

Oh, he absolutely does with a 17! Fancy Tom— 

Ari

Oh fuck.

Tom

Well, we’ve killed Everett now.

Hallie

[Choking laugh.]

Kyle

— grabs Everett by the legs, and pulls him into the water as well.

Tom

Oh, I thought I was going to strangle him!

Kyle

Oh god! Uh no, he pulled Everett down with him. 

Hallie

[Exasperated sigh.]

Kyle

The other soldier in the water then, is actually, he's going to try to grapple out of the water by grappling onto Hop. So Hop, roll Speed Defense.

Hallie

Alright, I’ve used a lot of effort, so I’m not using effort this time; I gotta save some stuff… [Trails off.]

[Dice roll.] 

18!

Kyle

He tries to grapple onto you to pull up, but misses you again, intimidated by your amazing rapier skills.  

Hallie

Woo!

Kyle

The last one, the one on the boat, draws his attention at...Elee—  and Elee, I have a GM intrusion for you so who do you give your other experience to?

Emily

Tom, you have your experience to Hop, right?

Tom

Uh-huh.

Emily

Okay, then I want to give it to Misha 

Ari

Woooo! Thank you!

Kyle

What the soldier does, is this soldier wraps his harpoon around you, Elee, and starts to retract it, pulling you towards him. And you know how I mentioned that this little, like, dock poured over the side like a waterfall?

Hallie

Oh no.

Kyle

He grapples Elee, yanks her towards him, and throws her back behind the boat. So Elee, what’re you gonna do, it’s your turn, by the way!

Emily

[Distressed squeak.]

Tom

I mean, knowing Elee, she could probably just leverage him off the waterfall instead.

Kyle

[Laughter.] You are still connected by the rope right now.

Emily

I’m connected by the rope?

Kyle

Well, yeah.

Emily

Okay. I mean I'm really heavy.

Kyle

[Flat tone.] Yeah.

Emily

[Laughter.] Can I try to use my momentum to like, whip him around? 

Kyle

[Skeptically.] So you're going to switch places with him. 

Emily

I mean, that’s...physics-wise, that is not possible.

Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Emily

So I was kind of planning on just kind of like— over the waterfall and then hoping [Laughing.] that I'm going to be heavy enough to just— [Laughter.]

Kyle

Okay, yeah give me a roll and see if you can successfully do it. This will be a Might roll, do you want to use any effort?

Emily

[Hesitation.] — yeess.

Kyle

Okay. Okay that is a 16, so Elee, describe how this man is lifted off of the boat and behind you. Just describe how this works. Paint me a picture with words.

Emily

Um, as she's sort of, flying, I think the soldier kind of realizes that Elee’s a lot heavier than he thought she was. Like, she's got— she's got a lot of metal going on she's got a lot of crap in her hat, and she grabs hold of the, what is it, like a chain or rope or something? 

Kyle

Yeah, it's like a—  it's, it's a rope.

Emily

Yeah, grabs hold of the rope and just whips as hard as she can, and sends him over the edge.

[50:01.]

Kyle

Alright, so this man is sent  over the edge, and you are plopped in the water— but I want to remind you, he still harpooned you, so now Elee is on the edge of a waterfall—

Emily

Wait, I'm still stuck to the— 

Kyle

Yeah, with a man--

Emily

Ohh! 

Kyle

--connected to her, hanging over the edge of that waterfall.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

[Full of realization and regret.] Ohhh, I didn’t think that through... 

Kyle

So, you might want to resolve on your next turn.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Tom 

I mean, couldn’t she have just cut through the harpoon rope with a Wolverine claws as part of that action?

Kyle

[Mischievously.] She could have, but that sounds like a double action,Tom. 

Tom

[Pouting.] Sounds like one fluid motion. 

Emily

Well, I was kind of assuming that it would like yank out the harpoon when I whipped him around— 

Kyle

Ok, fine, with that roll, the harpoon is yanked out, and this man falls to his death--

Emily

Oops!

Kyle

--and Elee is in the water. 

Hallie

Nice.

Tom

Well, now we're murderers.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily

Just me! 

Hallie

Just Elee!

Kyle

Alright, we still have two guys up, and it’s Misha’s turn. Misha, what are you going to do? 

Ari

Uh, first of all, I want to clarify that Everett is in the water now, right? He was pulled into the water.

Kyle

Everett is in the water, connected to Fancy Tom. Fancy Tom has roped together Everett’s feet, so Everett is trying to like, tread water. 

Ari

Ahh, I don't know because I don’t have any weapons or anything. If I had my scarf, I can use it to grab somebody out the water or something but— could I look around for something that I can throw at them? Are there any rocks or like wooden planks, or something?

Kyle

Uh, give me a roll. Give me a roll to check and see if there's anything around.

Ari

Ok

[Dice roll.]

I rolled a 5, so there's probably not.

Kyle

There is a pebble at your feet. It’s about the size of a quarter.

Ari

Can I throw that pebble at, um, at Fancy Tom?

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Yeah, throw the quarter pebble at Fancy Tom! Give me a speed--give me a ranged attack roll. 

Ari

Alright.

[Dice roll.]

I got a 13.

Kyle

I will grant you...that it uhh...

Ari

[Very eagerly.] Can I hit him in the eye?!

Kyle

Yeah, that’s what I was gonna say— it hits him in the eye and really agitates him and it does one point of damage. 

Ari

Perfect.

Kyle

But he's very upset, and he’s starting to scream:

Kyle (as Fancy Tom)

I’m blind! I’m blind!!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari

Alright, that's my contribution.

Hallie

Amazing!

Kyle

Alright, Xoc, it’s your turn.

Tom

Alright, are we- are we going by Avatar logic now— where people just, don’t really die off screen, even though they should? Like, you blow up a boat, and it’s like, “oh, they— they probably all survived--

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

--the Arctic waters! They didn’t die!” 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

And their ship sank, attacking the North Pole? 

Kyle

Yeah, basically. If they die by falling off an edge the game counts it as an accidental death.

Tom

[Laughter.]Xoc is going to dive into the water, and attempt to punch Tom— until he lets go of the string.

Kyle

So, where are you punching Tom?

Tom

Just in the face, you know, in general.

Kyle

Okay.

Tom

Just going to beat Tom unconscious, in the water. 

Hallie and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Uh— one level of effort to damage, and it'll be one step easier because fists are light weapons.

[Dice roll.]

[Sheepishly.] ...I got a 6.

Emily

[Snort of laughter.]

Kyle

One step easier...describe how you knock out Fancy Tom, and definitely only knock him out. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

Only knock him out, ‘cause I'm not going to let him drown, per se. I’ll hoist him out of the water afterwards. 

Hallie

[Noncommittal sound.]

Tom

I’m just going to dive into the water, as he tries to drag Everett down to his death— and punch him, in the face, with my ring hand as well— so it's got like metal backing up the knuckles. 

Kyle

Now question: does his hat stay on?

Tom

No, the hat is gone. I assume it travels over the waterfall, where it deserves to be.

Kyle

[Laughter.] Alright, Fancy Tom is out; we only have one soldier left, who is kind of looking around alarmed, and seems like he's ready to make a bold exit. So, Hop, what are you going to do?

Hallie

So Everett, his feet are still tied together, but he's not connected to Fancy Tom?

Kyle

Uh, I would say Fancy Tom— especially with a roll of 6— Fancy Tom still is holding onto that string so— 

Hallie

Oh! Okay.

Kyle

— he's probably sinking with Fancy Tom. 

Hallie

[Exasperated.] Well, I'm going to go save Everett, ugh, but Hopper’s gonna kinda--

Hallie (as Hopper.)

Ughh!

Hallie

--groan, and then like jump into the water. And actually, could he use his rapier to cut the sever between the rope and Tom, without using the shocking mechanism?! Because I don’t want to electrocute everyone in the vicinity, Pikachu-style. 

Kyle

Absolutely.

Hallie

Okay, so he's going to just jump in and aim with the rapier to cut the rope, and then he's going to help Everett back up to the surface.

Kyle

Okay, I’m just going to say you do that. That seems like a pretty simple task. 

Hallie

[Surprised.] Oh! Okay, cool!

Kyle

And with that, the last Gendarme soldier is going to shoot his remaining harpoon, because one of them got cut off by Xoc, back up to the area he was going to swing to— and it's about 30 feet,  and he grapples up towards it and starts grappling away. I would say this is the end of combat; you probably have a chance to take one shot at him.

Tom

Oh, so we can just laser his cables again? I’ll laser him one more time. 

Ari

Oh my god!

Tom

[Dice roll.]

[Sheepish again.] Uh, I got an a 8.

Kyle

Xoc, describe how you shoot at him. 

[Outro music begins.]

How is Xoc looking, like how is Xoc aiming up the shot?

Tom

So, what Xoc is going to do, is he's going to attempt to do a swipe— to cut the harpoon, as he grapples away. Just like, [Sphew.], like a sideswipe laser beam.

Kyle

It makes a beautiful line in the air, but misses...and the Gendarme soldier is gone.

[Outro music intensifies.]

[Episode ends – 55:18]