Ep. 32: Questionable Measures, Part 14

Kyle

Cartesian bled.

[Dramatic beat.]

Kyle

Its short time spent by a detective too focused on hot-headed rivalry, the village sought out any remedy within arm's reach, and like a bloodletting doctor of old, she offered a solution that was costly, yes, but unchallenged.

Cartesian had no choice but to give Lorraine Stiles her first victory over Hopper Scotch, and she had no choice but to take it. Lorraine traveled across the Steadfast, a trail of apathetically spent shins marking her footsteps. In those years, she made legacies, and it was all so dreadfully boring. Lorraine could do anything. Many would argue she did everything, but it wouldn't change the one stinging truth: Hop had failed. All these years, had they really been a lie? No, no. Lorraine had promised herself she had forged the perfect rival in Hopper Scotch, and Lorraine Stiles always kept her promises. 

[Energetic, jazzy detective-esque music begins.]

So, she would set up a test, just like the one she had made for him all those years ago. A theft would come first, something small, something simple. Gaining Hopper's attention, that was the more attracting of a challenge. He was cautious, even more so after his failure at Cartesian, but for the first time in a long time, he had liabilities. Three fellow adventurers, for whom Lorraine had no interest, but who could be motivated where Hopper would not. 

And so Lorraine got to work. She found her target. A small informational robot named Q-BO would be easy enough to steal. She tied her bait--an obscure atlas was a small thing the trade in exchange for access to the Jagged Dreams secrets--and she laid her trap. Simply planting the blueprints in Hopper's hotel room would be enough to incriminate him, but informing the Jagged Dream of these blueprints would embroil him even further. 

And then, she waited. 

She waited as Hopper took his first steps into Roulettia. She waited as he accepted her job, and then promptly planned to sabotage it. She waited as he found the blueprints, as he stole the atlas, as his friends sparked a revolution and made an enemy of every single piece of power in Roulettia. Lorraine Stiles waited for her plan to fail, for all her months of scheming to crumble in exhilarating embarrassment.

And as the minutes tick closer to that final hour, when the trap would finally spring and she would claim her second victory over Hopper Scotch, Lorraine wondered: 

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]

If Hop failed...he wouldn't, but if he did...

No. It wasn't worth considering. After all, there were some possibilities that even Lorraine Stiles found impossible.

[Opening theme intensifies.]

Kyle

A deep impact echoes through the metal archways holding up Q-BO's dome prison, while single skylight illuminates Regular Bob's four twitching fangs all raised in a uniform --

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

[Low, unsettling hiss.]

Kyle

One floor down, the siren song of Roulettia's Tenth World Auction sings out to excited elites, who push past Misha into the auction house. And further down from that, down, down near the core of the Ninth World itself, Hopper Scotch's dropped stomach continues to plummet. You've been duped. Lorraine has won. It's time to run, or it's time to fight. 

Let's roll initiative. 

Hallie

I'm perfectly calm. [Strained.] It's fine. 

[Several dice roll.]

Emily and Tom

[Gasping.]

Tom

Yesss!

Hallie

Aw, come on. 

Tom

Yess!

Emily

These are …

Tom

Ohhh yes. Ohhh sweet Jesus, this was the make-or-break moment. I needed to win initiative or just die. 

Ari

[Laughter.] Did you roll a nat 20, Tom?

Tom

A 19, but I think that'll be good enough. 

Ari

Oh nice. 

Hallie

Boo.

Kyle

Okay, so, uh, Tom rolled a 19, Emily an 18, Hallie and Ari?

Ari

I rolled a seven.

Hallie

I rolled a two. 

Emily

[Disappointed.] Ohhh.

Hallie

Off to a good start. [Laughter.]

Tom

Off two a good start?

Hallie

Eyyyyy! [Exclamation trails off into a groan.]

Kyle

All right, so Xoc and Elee, just a kind of reminder of where you are.

[Peaceful, mysterious searching music plays.]

You are in Q-BO's domed little prison, I guess is what you would call it. So you've got metal archways with a bunch of cords tangled around them, a single skylight at the top of the dome, kind of like an observatory but smaller, shines in the bright lights Roulettia down onto a floor mosaic which has been cracked, but your entrance way has been covered by Regular Bob. 

Behind this creature with a blank expressionless face, you see the hallway of death, the one that you expertly avoided by just going underneath, and you are currently standing away from the mosaic on top of the raised platform to Q-BO, or...what you thought was Q-BO. 

[5:00]

Tom

So Xoc immediately casts Resonance Field.

[Music turns to dramatic, mystical choral music, Xoc’s wizarding theme.]

Xoc will hold out his staff in front of them, and a sort of network of interlocking glowing lines will cover his entire body and the staff, and hum there for a second and then fade. And when they do, the staff begins floating on its own around Xoc's body, slowly twirling end-over-end. And Xoc will, as he like weaves his defensive magic about himself, he'll drop into like a sort of combat pose and begin, like, charging up his gloves. 

Resonance Field allows me to treat speed defense attacks as intellect defense--actually it doesn't even specify speed defense. It just says whenever a creature with an immediate range makes an attack, a pattern energizes to block the attack and I'm flavoring that as using my staff.

Kyle

Cool. And you said if it's the creature in immediate range, right? 

Tom

Yes. 

Kyle

Cool. Uh...

[Mystical music ends.]

Tom

Fuck you. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Fuck you!

Kyle

[Laughs harder.]

Tom

I know exactly what you're doing. You already gloated about your plans. 

Kyle

[Laughs louder.]

Tom

That's why I was freaking out about initiative. I need this to not die and I still might. 

Kyle

All right. Elee, it is your turn.

Tom

[Whispering.] Fuck him up!

Kyle

I don't know what you're talking about, he's just standing there. I don't know why you were being so aggressive. 

Tom

He's got two swords, right?

Kyle

They're not out yet.

Emily

[Indignant.] He's baring his fangs, Kyle. 

Kyle

He is. They snap.

Emily

He--y-you said he was crouched in, like, an attack position. 

Kyle

Maybe he just wants to play rugby. 

Tom

Look, here's the thing. Among all of us, Elee is the first person who would stab someone first, ask questions later. 

Hallie

That's true. 

Emily

Yeah, so I would like to use the skill thrust. I hope I have… [Trails off away from the microphone.]

Tom

It lets you add one point of damage to a stabbing or piercing or, like, cutting or stabbing attack, at the cost of one might point. 

Emily

[Gasps.] My hero! Okay, and I want to put in one level of effort.

Tom

Hit him with everything you've got, please. Oh God, fuck him up.

Hallie

[Laughter.] 

Emily

Four?! Wait. Can I use experience to re-roll? 

Kyle

How many do you have?

Emily

A lot.

Hallie

Do it!

Kyle

Jesus Christ! How do you have six now? 

Emily

I--I, uh--I apologized! I mentioned it last time, I apologized. 

Kyle

Yes, you can use it.

Hallie

Do it!

Kyle

Yeah. Okay. So how do you--how does this experience help you kind of reattempt this attack? 

Emily

Um, I kind of...whiff past, and then my rage heightens and so does my confidence. 

[Dice roll.]

16.

Kyle

All right, 16. Uh, yeah, you're going to dig into this boy for seven points of damage. All right, how do you hurt this boy? 

[Hard rock anime fight music swells.]

Emily

So it's a little bit anime, like where you just run forward with your fist held out, but when she punches, there's blades. And once she hits, she says,

Emily (as Elee)

I'm going to be really good at this. I recently gained a skill in babysitting. 

Kyle

[Laughter.] That's amazing. 

Hallie, Tom and Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Love it. 

Kyle

All right, so you cut through them, and I would say you even cut through one of his four fangs, which splits open, and now he has five. 

Emily

What? What?

Kyle

There's no mechanical benefit-- 

Emily

What? No!

Kyle

--I just thought it would be metal as shit. 

Hallie

That feels like a GM intrusion and like she should get her XP back. 

Kyle

No, there is no mechanical benefit to it, is purely--anyways.

Emily

Elee says,

Emily (as Elee)

Shit.

Kyle

Fangs can't smile, but you would imagine the--

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

[Menacing groan.]

Kyle

Has a bit of a happier tone to it. Like--

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

[Longer, maybe slightly happier, menacing groan.]

Kyle

Okay, that was creepy.

Emily

[Laughter.] 

Kyle

But he will start biting the air a little bit out of fury, and he will whip over and try to bite you, Elee. And I need you to roll speed defense. 

Emily

I would like to put in two levels of effort for speed defense. Two. Twooo!

Tom

Ohhh nooo!

Ari

Oh nooo...

Hallie

No, nooo! [Laughter.]

Kyle

He whips through the air, and actually, as your hand gets out, you notice that it has just been glomped on to by this, like, biting hand, and you're Elee Badge. That means nothing, right? It bites down, and you barely feel--you feel just a-a-a tinge. After your armor, you only feel two points of damage.

[Dramatic beat.]

But you feel the venom. 

Tom

[Horrified.] Ohhh noooo!

Kyle

A mild paralytic venom, and it will increase the difficulty of all your actions by one step, if you fail a might defense role. So, at the start of your turn you're going to have to do that might defense role. 

Emily

[Strained.] Yay. 

Kyle 

And then from there, we're going to move down one floor. And we're going to see that everyone has pushed past Misha Jarvis and has now entered the hall, and Misha, you can hear Lorraine Stiles being introduced and starting to sing this performing tune for everyone. And kind of I'm curious, like, what do you do? Because unlike Hop, you don't have a hundred percent, like, clear definition that everything has gone--

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

Fucking shits up. 

Ari

Um, well, I think my first instinct would be to reach to Xoc and ask what's going on. So Misha is going to be like,

Ari (as Misha)

Xoc. It appears to me that the auction is going to take place. Has Q-BO been rescued yet? 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Explosions, gunfire, and sounds of war play in the background.]

Misha Jarvis, everything has gone wrong. Q-BO's not up here. It was a trap set by Lorraine. Ah, try to find Q-BO. 

[Combat noises stop.]

[10:05]

Hallie and Ari

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

Ah, well, I will do my best. A-are you safe? 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Explosions, gunfire, and sounds of war play in the background.]

I think so.

[Combat noises stop.]

Kyle, Hallie, and Emily

[Uncontrollable laughter.]

Tom

Xoc lies. 

Ari

I hate you. What do you keep lying to me? 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

I guess this is gonna have to come bite me next chapter. 

Ari

It will. Okay.

Kyle

I mean, like, Regular Bob is right there. It might bite you in one turn. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

Xoc’s just going to say,

Tom (as Xoc)

[Explosions, gunfire, and sounds of war play in the background.]

Just focus on getting Q-BO, we can--we can take care of us here. 

[Combat noises stop.]

Ari 

Misha's going to nod, and be like,

Ari (as Misha)

It--it--it is fine, Xoc. I trust you.

Ari

And then they will...I guess they will follow the crowd? 

[Instrumental electro swing music, the score of Lorraine’s song, plays.]

Kyle

All right. So Misha, you walk into the room and you see...a show. Lorraine is in front and she is doing superb, like she is an expert singer. She isn't breaking a sweat. She's got a smile, but for the first time, her--her fake smile doesn't seem fake in a menacing way, it feels fake almost in a sad way? You see people in the audience. They're just sitting down in the chairs. A couple of folks are standing up and like, just, you know, fist-pumping to this electro-swing music, and you see Lorraine in the front in this beautiful dress, with this large hat that her hair is tucked up inside of. 

And behind her and in between the aisles, you see doing a perfect synchronized dance, a total of twelve gray-eyed Misha Jarvises in glorious, glittering spandex, and they are dancing. They're dancing their fucking hearts out doing a hardcore, like, synchronized jazzercise routine to the song. 

[Electro swing music fades.]

Ari

All right. Well at that then, Misha is going stand really still, and they can't really process what they're seeing, and then they are going to, a little bit hesitantly, approach one of the androids that’s in the aisles. And, and after a moment of, just, hesitancy, they are going to be like,

Ari (as Misha)

[Slowly, hesitation in each word.] Salutations. E-excuse me, but what is your nomenclature? 

Kyle

Okay. So the Misha Jarvis takes a look at you, and after a moment, says,

Kyle (as Jazzercise Misha)

[A beat.] 

New backup language acquired! Salutations. Salutations!

Kyle

And they start singing salutations along to the beat of the song, and they keep dancing.

Ari

Misha's going to...uh, they're going to, like, clench their fist a little bit. Like, they're really distressed, and a little bit insulted, and they are going to grab the android, and they are going to be like,

Ari (as Misha)

It appears to me that you are required in a different place. I come here as a replacement. You are no longer needed. 

Ari

Is there a place where, like, there's not a lot of people, like it's semi-secluded? 

Kyle

Literally--like you've got some workers on the exhibition floor, but literally everybody is kind of in the auction, so nobody really cares. Like any place except for, uh, except for the auction is fair game.

Ari

Okay, so I want to take them then to just like a corner or something where people are not present. 

Kyle

Okay. Do you like grab them somewhere? 

Ari

I was picturing, um, grabbing their hand. 

Kyle

So you see that they grab their hand with their other hand and start pulling it as like a new impromptu dance move. They seem to be listening to whatever you're saying as instructions for dance. All right, so you--you take this out of the room, and then we will figure out why you did that on your next turn. 

[Jazzy detective music begins to play.]

So we are going to move one floor down as you walk out of the room the camera goes down one more floor, and we see Hop. So Hop, you still got handful of dancers around you. But as soon as Lorraine left, the rest of them started to filter out too. The only things you really have to keep you company are these fake Tommy Funbuck clothes. You don't even have your hat, that's somewhere on the floor, and then you can see there are still a couple of guards trying to find you and your friends kind of throughout the dance floor. So, everyone else, I asked what they're doing, but for you I ask, how is Hop feeling right now?

Hallie

He's not looking good. Hopper has been left absolutely shaken by that conversation with Lorraine. So when she walked away he would have just kept standing there, like in the pose that he was in when they were dancing, and he wouldn't have moved for a while. But because she heavily implied that Xoc and Elee were in some sort of immediate danger, he's gonna try to shake himself out of that and then start running towards them, towards the dressing room, because that's where the spiral staircase to get up it is. 

But then he'll remember on his way there: no, no, they climbed up that using things but I don't have. So then he'll do an about-face and go towards the elevator, the death elevator, because he remembers that when Misha read the fancy tech language, two of the three traps didn't affect him, and the other one was a quiz. And if he's going to have to face a death elevator, a quiz is at the top of Hopper's preferred challenges.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

So he's gonna head that way. You said the hat's on the floor? 

Kyle

Yeah. 

Hallie

Okay, so he will run and then he'll stop ‘cause he'll see the hat on his way, and he'll make a motion to go pick it up from the floor. And then he doesn't. And he continues on his way. 

[Detective music stops.]

[15:02]

Tom

[Gasps.] Noooo.

Emily

Nooo!

Ari

[Horrified.] What?!

Hallie

Hopper Scotch is hatless. Well, he's got the Tommy Funbuck hat.

Kyle

But it's--it’s a worse hat.

Hallie

It's a significantly worse hat.

Kyle

In every way. So you make that run, and, uh, as soon as you get closer to the elevator, the hallways become a lot less gaudy, glimmering, and glamorous…

[Humorous, light, flute sneaking music plays.] 

And more like that one really shady back hallway everyone had in their public elementary school--

Hallie

Yep.

Kyle

--that is just like cement and one flickering light. And it's really echo-y? And you start walking down that, and before you hit the corner where you'll see the elevator, I'm assuming you kind of look and peer around before just like barging in and being like hey, what's up? 

Hallie

He's present enough to be like, I gotta do this carefully. Yes. 

Kyle

All right, so you turn around and you see a costumed aneen which is holding Q-BO, but it's got this giant flaming V on it and it's just kind of like trying to like, lean in the air as hard as it can in like a cool, flirtatious manner. And then you see this really confused blond man in like elevator, like--like in a service outfit, just kind of puzzled looking at the aneen, and they just seem to be talking about stuff. So you hear the aneen in a muffled voice being like,

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Oh, no I--I, uh, I actually won t-shirt dynamite, like I hear that's the most dynamite thing around. Yeah, wouldn’t you agree Chris? 

Kyle

And the blond boy just like shakes--he just like looks really confused and is like,

Kyle (as blonde man)

Uh, I--I guess.

Kyle

So yeah, you have that aneen who's flirting with Chris Prevensworthpine, and they seem to be the one who's going to bring up V-BO. And actually Chris says,

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

Wait, aren’t--aren't you supposed to put that thing up? Like, isn't it supposed to be put up already?

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] No, it's--it’s--we can wait. It'll be fine.

Kyle

V-BO, who is supposed to agree with you, is like,

Kyle (as V-BO)

Yeah, dude, it'll be totally fine.

Hallie

[Laughter.] God, I hate V-BO so much.

Kyle

So they're in the room next to the elevator that helps raise it up. So, what are you going to do to get past these guys? 

Hallie

All right. Well Hopper would consider just asking if he could use the elevator but this is like, what are the...okay. [Voice distant as she reaches for something, a crash, and a screech.] Oh no, my board fell! I haven't taken it apart yet. Um, Hopper will say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, you're Chris? Chris, someone over there really needs you. 

Kyle

[Contemplative.] Roll me--

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

--persuasion. 

Hallie

I am skilled in this.

Tom

Shouldn't it be deception, though?

Kyle

Deception, persuasion, [Voice turns delighted.] yeahhh.

Hallie

[In dread.] No, Kyl..I'm not, I'm not--

Kyle

Let's do persuasion. Let's give Hop a break. Also Chris is very trusting. 

Hallie

Yeah. 

[Dice roll.]

Tom

Okay. 

Hallie

Well, that's a four, so that didn't go well for me.

Emily

[Wheeze of laughter.]

Kyle

The aneen is going to turn over and be like,

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] [Slowly, with suspicion.] Reeeally.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yep.

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Why would they bring you to talk about that? Why don't you take care of that? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

I was the nearest person. They told me to find Chris. I am not Chris. 

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Hmmmmm.

Kyle

They're gonna walk closer and closer to you.

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Did Lee put you up to this?

Hallie (as Hopper)

I think that was their name. 

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Lee's been trying to get Chris for weeks.

[Humorous, tuba-heavy music plays.]

Kyle

And Chris is like,

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

I don't know what's going on here. 

Kyle (as aneen)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] You can tell Lee that they can shove it. They only have t-shirt guns. I got the dynamite, I get the Chris!

Kyle

And Chris is just sitting there like,

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

I really don't know what's going on.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I-I could pass on that message, but I think it would be more effective coming from you.

Kyle (as aneen)

[A beat.]

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] No.

Tom

[Incredulous laughter.]

Kyle

And we are going to move back up.

Everyone

[Laughter.] 

Hallie

What?

Everyone

[Continued laughter.]

Kyle

You rolled a four! [Laughter.]

Hallie

[Laughing.] No! No! Just, no! Fuck this guy!

Tom

No!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Xoc, it is your turn. What are you gonna do? 

Tom

So Xoc sees Elee take that bite, and he is going to begin gathering energy in his left hand, charging that up into his cutting light gauntlets. And I am going to let out a blast of cutting light with...two levels of effort to hit, and one level to damage. I have intellect for days. For days, I tell you. 

[Dice roll.] 

Natural 20! Holy shit!

Hallie

Ohhhh!

Tom 

Oh!

Kyle

So do you want to take the damage or do you want to take a max, uh, an--an effect?

Tom

[Hopefully.] Can I can I make him lose his next turn?

Kyle

You can. So let's first deal with the damage. 

Tom

So with the effort that would be eight points of damage. So I assume five after armor. 

Kyle

Okay. And then how do you make him lose his turn?

Tom

Hmm. This is what happens. Xoc lines up a deadly accurate shot, but he, like, flinches it away from being like a headshot at the last second and slashes the beam of light across Bob's body and hits a wall nearby with like the end of the beam cut. And it sends out a burst of sparks that flash into Bob's eyes, either burning him or stunning him or something--

Kyle

Bob doesn't have eyes. 

Tom

Oh, he doesn't. Oh, whoops.

Kyle

It gets...his mouth?

[19:58]

Tom

How about this? How about this? The pain of the blast causes him to stumble as the beam of light slashes across his body and he hits his head on a piece of, like, protruding rebar something. It's like, you know, you know like a Bioshock room with like the rebar that extends out along the walls. It's all fancy and looks like archways, like some of that protrudes into the room. Let's say that. He bumps his head on that and loses his turn. 

Kyle

And now it is Elee's turn. 

Tom

Fuck him up. 

Emily

[Small distressed noise.] I want to run at him and try to whack him while he's stunned with my folding chair, and I would like to put in two levels of effort to damage.

Kyle

Hit me...or try. 

Hallie

Fuck you Kyle. 

Emily

[Dice roll.] 

[Uncertainly.] 12?

Kyle

You go and you hit, and your bones seize up, and for a second you're like, yup, this is it. But then you realize, shit. It's the poison.

Emily

[Forlornly, quietly in the background.] Noo... 

Kyle

Give me a roll to see if you can shake off the poison, because you didn't do that defense role. 

Emily

I forgot, and then I just remembered what you said. Mmm? 16?

Kyle

Yeah, no, that poison is still there.

Emily

Ehhhhhh.

Kyle 

You do not resist that poison.

Emily

I'm just stuck then? 

Kyle

You just, you seize up a little bit, and you'll be able to move but you still have to shake off that poison. 

Tom

It makes everything one step harder. 

Emily

Okay, if I'm frozen I want to like turn my eyes over to Xoc and be like,

Emily (as Elee)

I think it got me. 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Pained noise.]

Kyle

All right.

Emily (as Elee)

Maybe you should run.

Kyle

And um, with that Regular Bob does jack shit than nurse his head. He's got a big owie. He's very cross. So we're going to go back to Misha and Misha 12. Misha Prime, what are you going to do? 

Ari

Misha--they are just not having this, but they kind of know what they have to do. And they don't want to do it, but they are just like,

Ari (as Misha)

[Exasperated groan.]

Ari

They’re going to sigh, and they are going to say,

Ari (as Misha)

I need you to stay here. But I also must request that you lend me your garments.

Kyle

If this was like a movie and we couldn't see them, like that would happen in like two seconds and we would just see a crumpled-up spandex jumpsuit just plop on Misha's face. 

Hallie

Wait, so Misha gets “give me your clothes” and immediate acquiescence. I get…”no.” Come on! [Laughter.]

Ari

Okay, so Misha, at that, they're gonna point and say,

Ari (as Misha)

Until further orders, remain here and do not let yourself be seen by other people or androids. 

Kyle

Okay, that Misha will actually disguise itself like a statue. So it'll just put itself up into a statuesque pose because you're an android so you kind of look like you're made out of statue.

Hallie

“Made out of statue.”

Kyle

If you're all right with this disguise, I like the idea of It kind of like turning into the statue like pose. So now it just looks like a really artful piece of artwork.

Ari

I like that. Just--just to make sure, Misha is going to put the hair of the android like on top of its face so that it's a little bit hard for it to be recognized if somebody sees that. But then, so Misha is going to change--with really a lot of effort because spandex is really, um, it's a really tight material, Kyle, but with a lot of effort they're going to put that on, and they're gonna leave their...I didn't have a bag, but I guess they're just gonna put their own stuff like in a corner somewhere as well. They're going to take their mask off, and they are going to move their hair so that it covers, a little bit like a--like an edgy boy, but not in that intent, so that it covers their, ah, left eye. 

Kyle

So this look is Everett approved. But no, I get what you're saying. So cover up the eye so they only see the gray one. All right, I'm going to say because that Misha was so compliant and it took like two seconds to--to get their clothes off--I'm going to cut that. 

Ari

[Snort of laughter.]

Kyle

Because it was so compliant and all that went so quickly, we can describe what happens next. So you, so you back to the room and what do you start doing? What do you do? 

[Cheesy jazzercise music fades in.]

Ari

Okay, so I basically try to get on the stage. So I like a move along the line of the other androids, and with all of the embarrassment and fury that Misha is feeling because they really hate this, they are gonna try and look as lifeless, or like as android-like--as compliant android-ish as they can look at and they're just gonna like walk by them in the direction of the stage, so they can go on top of the stage. 

Kyle

Okay, I'm gonna say you can make it there. Oh, but I forgot--shit, I forgot one thing: [Gleeful.] compliant androids dance.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

So give me a roll for dancing.

Ari

[Dice roll.]

Okay, I rolled a twenty, mister. 

Hallie and Tom

[Gleeful shouts.]

Ari

I am just killing it on the dance floor, my dude.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

The best nat 20 ever rolled.

Tom

What a blessed session. 

Kyle

All right, how does--how did--first off, I need you to describe your dance and describe how it benefits you. I need both of these things for me. 

[24:51]

Ari

Um, well, I imagine it's a very...it's a very artistic interpretive dance, and I am going to shape it in the fact that for this session, I want to be sure to still have that storytelling ability. So like, that's the one I'm going to have, and that then the interpretive dancing is a form of storytelling, and so they are going to be doing interpretive dancing, as they are moving along the lines of this vicious thing, and the way that it's gonna help me, is that as I do it, I am going to artistically push the other androids aside as I am walking forward on the stage.

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

I'm just imagining like the Peach/Daisy “hachaaaa” bump.

Hallie

I was just imagining the Wii Fit Trainer pose all the way through.

Everyone

[Laughter.]

Ari

Yes, Wii Fit Trainer!

[Jazzercise music begins to fade out.]

Kyle

And it's convenient, cause as soon as you get there, Lorraine's song slows down to a second, more subdued one, and the song is singing about the exact story that you're naturally presenting.

Ari

Mm. 

Kyle

So you just seemed perfect and like all the other Misha Jarvises are like, oh shit, I guess like, fuck! And they just kind of, like, all go out to the corners and just kind of sit there and watch. One of them even sits down in the audience, because like, it just--this is too much information to process. It needs to like, not do anything to make sure that its, like, fairly limited circuitry is able to understand it. And you are up on the stage, and Lorraine...you rolled a 20. Lorraine noticed that it was you, but she was impressed and is not inclined to say anything right now. 

Ari

So is she just pretending that she didn't notice?

Kyle

She is pretending that she doesn't know that you are you, and that is because for the first time, out of any one of you except for Hopper Scotch, for the first time one of you has made an impression.

Hallie

Wow. 

Ari

Oh my God, I don't know how I feel about this. 

Kyle

[Laughter.] I'd call it a GM intrusion, but in Lorraine's mind, it's the perfect nat 20. Alright, so we are going to move down a little bit to where things are not going so hot.

Ari

So Hop.

Kyle

Or going so Hop. 

Tom, Kyle and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I'm so angry.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

As this one aneen is just glaring over you, what are you gonna do? 

Hallie

Okay, so, uh, as part of my Metes Out Justice ability, I have designate innocent and guilty. He's pretty peeved at this aneen right now, but he--the aneen probably hasn't like, murdered anyone, so Hop's going to designate this aneen as innocent, because I can just make up fake criteria for this, it says.

Kyle

But innocent of what?

Hallie

Innocent of some sort of horrendous mass crime. It's Roulettia, so they've probably done something like, little bad but probably not like …

Kyle

So you're basically saying of all the terrible aneens, this one seems the most pathetic.

Hallie

Yeah, essentially, and therefore innocent. Um, and designating someone as innocent makes social interactions easier by one step. So then, Hopper will be like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Look, you could waste your time here, but I'm an outsider in this weird rivalry you have. All I know is that Lee said something about some big surprise for someone named Chris that no one would ever be--would ever be able to top ever, and it had something to do with footwear.

Hallie

And he's gonna pull out his very nice socks,

[Sexy electric guitar music begins.] 

Which if I can get a target to look at them for five seconds or longer, also decreases the difficulty of a social interaction by one step. So he's gonna add,

Hallie (as Hopper)

I mean he said he had nicer socks than these, and these are very nice socks.

Kyle

Dynamite aneen, formerly known as bazooka aneen--

Hallie

[Laughter.] 

Kyle

--is very interested, uh, is very interested, and wants to know what the fuck Lee is up to, that conniving bastard. And is going to look at those socks for very long, and I want you to roll a persuasion. 

Hallie

[Dice roll.] 

[Sexy music stops abruptly.]

I'm switching dice. This is ridiculous. Another four. 

Kyle

So Hallie, I normally wouldn't say this. You ever consider experience?

Hallie

Let me double check how many I have, hang on. I wanted to save it for...I only have two, I wanted to save it for...I'll use an experience to get past this fucking aneen.

Kyle, Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, how does your experience help you? 

Hallie

Can we say that, like, noticing how legitimately interested the aneen is in these socks, Hopper started putting them away, like, as like a power move? And that spurred the aneen to be like “no, I gotta go find Lee.”

Kyle

Gimme a roll.

Hallie

Another one? Oh, oh, yeah, because I reroll with my XP--oh my God, it's a two!

Tom and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I'm switching die. 

Kyle

So I'm going to resolve this-- 

Hallie

Great.

Kyle

--with a GM intrusion. 

Hallie

Yayyy. 

Kyle

So take that XP back. Who are you gonna give the other point to? 

Hallie

Um, I am gonna give it to Misha for interpretive dance punching people out of the way because I love that so much. 

Kyle

So you, uh, you say that and um, the dynamite aneen looks interested, and it's like almost reaching out for the socks. And then you hear the elevator [Makes buzzing “elevator” noise.] come down, and two guards--who are also in costume--they come down and they just look at the aneen. And they're like, 

[30:02]

Kyle (as costumed guard)

[Voice muffled as if from behind a mask.] Susuran, what the fuck, V-BO was supposed to be up there five minutes ago. 

Kyle

And we are gonna go back to combat.

[Hard rock anime music starts up again.] 

Xoc, it is--it is your turn. Regular Bob has shaken himself and he is he is ready and raring for another round of Mortal Kombat. 

Tom

So Xoc is not leaving Elee behind. Also Elee can probably move. It's probably fine. Everything's fine. Xoc's gonna do the same move again because he has got a lot of power in there. It almost feels like he's trying to draw in more this time. He's going to have to hold his left arm to keep it from shaking, as he, like, draws in for another blast. Once again, two levels to hit, one to damage.

[Dice roll.]

Oh, that's bad. That's an eight. I--I think that's a miss. 

Kyle

Let me quick do some mental math here. Yeah, no, that blast goes and--

Tom

[Gong noise--the sound of metal vibrating after impact.]

Kyle

I'd say yeah, since you said you were going to hold your hand. I just say you can't, and so it just--

Tom

Just cutting through metal in the ceiling or the walls or something. 

Kyle

Yeah, not bad enough that it's going to cause things to get worse. But--

Tom

Oh, yeah. Yeah, just--just it's like glowy gouged lines on it. 

Kyle

Yeah, like Avengers movie collateral damage right now. Things haven't gotten bad yet. All right, Elee. 

Emily

So under us is …

Kyle

The auction Hall. 

Emily

Ok, so everyone's, like, in there, right? 

Kyle

Yeah. Everyone is in there.

Emily

Okay, because I was like maybe I should just break it. But no.

Kyle

You’d have, a lot more enemies, very quickly. 

Emily

And I don't want to kill people.

Kyle

Ehhhhh?

Tom

We might--we might kill Regular Bob.

Emily

Relatively innocent peop--

Kyle

I wouldn't call them innocent. I really… [Laughter.]

Emily

Relatively. 

Kyle

[Sounds of disagreement.]

Emily

Relatively. I'm fighting a rorathik, hush.

Tom

We're not about collateral damage.

Kyle

Unlike the Avengers.

Kyle, Tom and Emily

[Laughter.] 

Emily

Okay, so I have to roll again to see if I can shake off the poison?

Kyle

Yeah, I'd say just do it when you do your action. 

Tom

So wasn't it just the...like now that the initial roll has failed, for the duration of combat, it's just one step harder for everything or is it just a new save every turn to break that off? 

Kyle

It says difficulty to the victim's actions by one step, and I think especially because Elee's such a powerhouse it'd be interesting to have it each turn. 

Tom

Yeah. I like it. 

Kyle

I'll say and once she shakes it, that's it, game over, can't do it again. 

Tom

Okay!

Emily

Okay. So the chair did not work. 

Kyle

Chair did not work.

Emily

And Elee, for a second--because Emily also does--tries to decide whether she wants to redeem the chair or whether she wants to go with the claws, which have already worked. I think I'm gonna go with the chair.

Kyle

Elee has to believe in redemption. If she can't believe in redemption for her chair, can she believe in redemption for herself? 

Tom

[Hesitantly.] Uhhhhh okay.

Hallie

Go Elee go. 

Tom

All right...

Emily

Um, and I want to put in a level of effort to hit, and a level of effort to damage.

Kyle

Okay. Yeah, give me that roll first.

Emily

Oookay…

[Dice roll.]

Ten. Yeah, I'm gonna re-roll with experience. 

Kyle

Okay. So how does experience help you get rarin’ and ready to go? 

Emily

I really want to redeem this chair. 

Hallie

Do it!! 

Kyle

She believes in this chair. 

Emily

It's like, if this chair doesn't do it one more time, we're just gonna go with the claws, but let's …

[Dice roll.] 

12. 

Kyle

All right. Give me a roll overcome that poison!

Emily

[Dice roll.] 

[Resigned.] Eight.

[Inspirational symphonic music begins.]

Kyle

All right, you raise that chair real high, and--and like, the glint of sunlight from that window, from that skylight goes on, with the choir singing a redeeming song...and then you seize up again. 

[Music stops abruptly.]

Emily (as Elee)

I hate everything. Xoc, maybe you should really run. I don't know if it's just because I'm old or if he poisoned me, but-- [Wheezes.]

Kyle

All right and Xoc, as you hear that, you see the chair vibrate a little bit. And then from behind it, you see a rorathik just jump high into the air with two blades at his side and he's gonna bring down both on you.

Hallie

[Small, nervous laugh.]

Kyle 

So I need you to roll two defense rolls. 

Tom

[Shakily.] Yeah does that--does that--does that count as immediate distance, for the sake of my--uh, my....

Kyle

It, does because he is going to hit you. 

Tom

Okay, perfect. 

Kyle

It would only be if he was like throwing the swords at you, which I thought about but was like nah.

Tom

All right. I'm glad you giving me this. So, quick question if I spend effort to, uh…

Kyle

I'll let it apply to both. 

Tom

Okay, because we're spending three levels of intellect effort to make this easier. 

[Dice roll. There's a long pause and Tom makes the sad trombone noise from The Price is Right.] 

That's a ten and a six. 

Kyle

Uhhhh, yeah. So he just comes down …

Tom

As--as my staff whirls in to try to block the, uh, block the swords.

[Rising heroic music fades in.]

Kyle

Yeah, and you...one of them hits you in the shoulder, and the other one comes down at you and suddenly we hear --

Kyle (as Loell)

Oh, watch out!

Kyle

And you feel yourself get tackled and pushed to the side. And then as you get up, you see Loell standing in front of you, being like,

Kyle (as Loell)

What the fuck man, I told you this was dangerous.

Emily

[Delighted.] Your brain bud is being your brain bud!

Hallie

Yayyy!

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh, hey, buddy! Uh, yeah, it's--it’s real dangerous. This is what we do.

[35:00]

Kyle

He's gonna look real mad for a second, and he’s gonna be like,

Kyle (as Loell)

All right fair, you're right, but we are going to talk about this later.

Kyle

Uh, and it is going to now move to Misha.

Ari

All right, then Misha is going to go forward, still doing the interpretive dancing and be, like, right next to Lorraine.

Kyle

Okay, you’re there. 

Ari

Okay. Is Lorraine holding like a microphone or anything like that? 

Kyle

Oh, no, I'd say and a microphone is attached to one of the little thimble robots. So just kind of this floating microphone that floats in front of her face.

Ari

Has she finished her song at all, or is she still singing?

Kyle

Depends. Do you want her to have finished her song at all? Because the song is the one that you did your interpretive dance with.

Ari

Yeah. That's true. I was--I was planning on like, maybe waiting until she was done and there was clapping, and then approach like right after as if Misha's still part of the show, like they're, oh it's an--it’s an act that follows that song.

Kyle

Lorraine is interested to see what happens, and she lets you do that. 

Ari

Oh, bye. Okay. All right. All right.

Kyle

Fun fact, you can even hear her whisper as you go by:

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Go ahead. 

Ari

Okay at that, Misha is going to grab the microphone, and they are going to say,

Ari (as Misha)

[The sound echoes as Misha addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] Ah, thank you everybody for coming here today to the great auction held by Lorraine Stiles. I have now a story that I would like to tell you, and that I hope everybody can learn something about.

Ari

And then they are going to look at Lorraine kind of defiantly, and, like, give her a second to see if she does anything. 

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Give it up for Misha Jarvis, the newest storytelling robot from JET.CO. 

[Applause echoes throughout the auction hall.]

Kyle

Everyone starts applauding as hard as they can, and she just motions to you to start your story.

Tom

[Distressed noise.]

Ari

Right, one thing, if that's okay with you Kyle. I know that it's under their hair, so it wouldn't be seen, but I want Misha's eye to shine, like, a little bit brighter because they're like--it--nothing's going to happen, but they're just really, really upset right now. 

Hallie

I love it. 

Kyle

That's fair. I like that. I like that a lot. That's real cool. 

Ari

Okay.

Kyle

Like, if we were watching, we would see just like a little patch of red appear underneath the eyes, but the audience doesn't notice. 

Ari

Yeah. Okay. All right. Here we go. So Misha is going to nod, and they're going to approach the center of the stage. They are gonna grab upon their storytelling abilities so that they are like kind of even not realizing as much what they're saying, but they're more aware than before. And they are going to say,

Ari (as Misha)

[The sound echoes as Misha addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] Allow me to tell you the story about a human who was born without the capacity for wonder or amusement. 

[Soft, tinkling music begins to play through Misha’s story.]

Whether she was born with family or alone in the world is irrelevant, as she was unable to feel anything but boredom nonetheless. Unlike many, she wasn't able to feel excitement at the simplest things, such as passing of the clouds, the smallest group of insects, or the way the cloak around the boy's head seems to perfectly match the color of their eyes. 

No, she was not able to feel amusement at any of these things. Oh, I do believe she tried to find it. Every single day, she tested something new. She tested someone new. But to no avail. Every single day, she kept getting more and more bored with the world, until she met him. 

I don't know how, I don't know when, but I know something started right then. She tested him, as she tested so many others before him, and whatever he did, he succeeded. Through his suffering, through whatever else, he passed whatever test she made, and that made her feel amusement.

But it was fleeting. She soon felt bored again, even more so than before, so she swore that she was going to never let this amusing boy go. That she would test him again, for him to be the never-ending source of her amusement. But every time, she noticed, the suffering had to be greater. The stakes had to be higher for her to feel anything. So she kept doing more and more atrocious things to this boy, to his friends, to every single town she visited. She would go to the extent of humiliating him. Of humiliating other humans. Of-of making a mockery of machines. 

Ari

As they say that they're gonna, like, run a hand through their whole suit, as they say making a mockery of machines.

Ari (as Misha)

[The sound echoes as Misha addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] Just for her to get something...something that she could not attain for herself. Now, you probably expect to story to end with a happy ending, that maybe this atrocious human saw the error of her ways, that she apologized and even made friends with the humans and machines she hurt. But I do apologize, listener, for not every story deserves a happy ending. 

[39:58]

Ari

And then they're going to just [Laughing.] drop the mic and look at Lorraine.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Mic drop!

Emily

[Wordless cry of delight.]

Kyle

So the mic gets dropped, and as it falls and almost hits the ground, you hear a little ta-tink as the little robot, the little thimble tries to catch it before it falls--

Hallie, Tom and Emily

[Distressed noises.]

Kyle

--and succeeds, but it still hits a little bit. Uh, and Ari, before you roll, what is what is kind of your endgame? What is your goal besides just to fucking drop a mic. 

Ari

Well, you know, I-I-I kind of forgot what my end game was when I started this. 

Emily and Tom

[Laughter.]

Ari

Because it originally was giving people time to take Q-BO,  but I forgot to let people know that I was going to do that and...

Hallie, Ari and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Oops!

Kyle

I got an idea. How bout--how about you give me a roll, and I want to see how how the audience response to this. 

Ari

Okay, I swear. I swear I'm not making this up. I'm not--I’m not being a Travis. I actually rolled another 20.

Hallie

[Gasps.]

Tom

Holy shit!

Emily

I want it your die! 

Tom

The power play.

Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Ari

I swear I rolled another 20. 

Hallie

What a fucking power move, I fucking love it.

Ari and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So, Lorraine is stunned for a moment, and the crowd starts murmuring, because like, why the fuck would Lorraine do this about herself? And some are like, is that true?

Kyle (as crowd member 1)

I always knew she was a jerk. 

Kyle (as crowd member 2)

Get the fucking auction started already. 

Kyle (as crowd member 3)

Yeah, what's going on?

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

They start getting riled up a little bit. 

And so what happens next I'm going to count as a GM intrusion. So, uh, who you're going to give your other point to?

Ari

I am going to give it to Xoc, because … [Laughter.]

Tom

I need it.

Ari and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari

I feel like both him and Elee are in a very tough situation right now, and also because I fucked up and didn't tell him of my plan. [Laughter.] So I feel like he needs my XP. 

Kyle

So everyone is murmuring, and Lorraine starts applauding. [Claps softly a few times.] And she turns--and she goes over and she picks up the mic, and she looks over at you.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

You know, Misha, you're absolutely right. I don't have a friend in the world. But if you're so determined to fill that slot...

Hallie

No.

Emily

[Gasps.]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

You've got to earn it.

Kyle

She walks up to the audience and she’s like,

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[The sound echoes as Lorraine addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] Audience, I'm so sorry. I have a confession to make. Now you all know that I had a friend in Hopper Scotch--

Hallie

[Disbelieving wheeze.]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[The sound echoes as Lorraine addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] --and I made a horrible misjudgment, because unfortunately he, along with a cloaked individual, an elderly woman, and a rogue android--

Kyle

And she looks over to you.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari

[Long, horrified gasp.]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[The sound echoes as Lorraine addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] -- have stolen our beloved Q-BO. 

Kyle

And immediately everyone starts rambling so much, like, starts rabbling. Starts being like, arrawrawrawraw!

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[The sound echoes as Lorraine addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] And unfortunately, until we get it back, there's nothing we can do.

Ari

Can Misha interject?

Kyle

Yeah. What does Misha want to interject? 

Ari

All right, so Misha is going to stand in front and be like,

Ari (as Misha)

[The sound echoes as Misha addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] Audience, after the story you have heard do you really believe that she is being honest?

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[The sound echoes as Lorraine addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] You can--they can look for themselves. Q-BO is gone. An-an-and what are you saying happened to it?

Ari (as Misha)

[The sound echoes as Misha addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] Well, it is obvious that we had nothing to do with this. You had everything to do with it.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

[The sound echoes as Misha addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] You probably know where he is.

Kyle

A big beaming smile crosses her face.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Well if you truly believe that...prove it. 

Kyle

Kick in the debate scrum music!

Hallie

Yeeeah!

[Dubstep music plays.]

Kyle

Hello and welcome to the announcements break for Quest Friends episode 32, Questionable Measures part 14. There's a lot of exciting stuff going on in the actual episode, and this episode is so long already, that I'm just gonna speak quickly so we can get through everything very quickly. 

So my name is Kyle. I'm the GM. Your intro and outro songs are "Friends" and "Hitoshio," both by Miracle of Sound. I'm going to slow down for a second and introduce the promo that we're running. So our friends over at ExQueerience Points have put together this little promo. They're an actual play podcast. The thing they're going to showcase is their Starfinder campaign, but they also have a very new Numenera campaign called Qmenera. All right. Here's the ad.

[ExQueerience Points Advertisement]

Actual play comedy podcasts are awesome. We can all agree on this, right? What if they're in outer space, or have a cast that don't take themselves too seriously. If you think yes to any of these questions, then you'll love ExQueerience Points. We're an all-queer cast playing Starfinder while trying to survive whatever bombshells our GM Miyu can dream up for us. We're an impulsive bunch who like to rush into things, which has landed us into some surprising situations. Have you ever accidentally wandered onto an undead nude beach? Woken up on a haunted ship that's about to explode? Gone fishing in space? We have! Come join in the adventure as we traverse the galaxy, leaving a trail of pink glitter in our wake. We're a diverse group who have combined our passions for tabletop role-playing to craft the tale of the adventure hookers, a band of unlikely adventurers who are in completely over their heads.

Listen to ExQueerience Points today, wherever you find fine podcasts, then come say hi to us on Facebook at ExQueerience Points or on Twitter at EQPoints. We'll be sure to unroll the pink carpet and have a cup of space chamomile waiting for you. 

[45:43]

Kyle

Awesome. So again, if you think that's really interesting check that out. Another quick reminder for you is that if you tweet or Tumblr out at us using the hashtag Quest Friends, you'll be put into a name pool that I will use to pull from for locations, characters, et cetera, et cetera. For example, Lee the party planner is named after Lee or WhimsyMetaphor on Twitter and then Susuran the dynamite aneen is named after Susuran Eninger on Twitter.

So thanks so much for tweeting out the kind words about us. If you're interested in being a thing in the Quest Friends Universe, or you just wanna just say something nice, you can tweet out using those hashtags because those are what I keep an eye out for. 

All right, with that being said, let's get back to the rest of the episode. Again, Questionable Measures has only one more episode after this and that is on Monday, March 11. I will see you then.

[Music resumes, then fades.]

Kyle

All right. So Hop, we are--we are downstairs. 

Hallie

I just want to get upstairs, man. 

Kyle

Yeah, you gotta--you gotta do something to recover you shame, especially because your bestie role...now one of your best friends is competing with your bestie role for Lorraine Stiles.

Hallie

[Despondent.] No!

Kyle

[Gleeful.] How terrible is that? 

Hallie

I don--I don't know. Hopper doesn't know, he's so upset right now. [Laughter.] 

Kyle

Anyway, so what is Hopper going to do? So now you've got these two guards yelling at...what the fuck did I name them. 

Emily

Lee and Su…

Kyle

Yelling at Susuran, and you've got poor Chris just in there being like, “I don't know what's going on.” Chris is just kind of like, he's just, he's just skul--his shoulders are up, he's just kind of turtling a little bit. 

Hallie

Can I just--in the commotion, can I just sneak past them to get to the elevator? I have machine control implant. It would be so fast. I would use this cypher I've had since day one.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

 And then just...I just want to sidestep into the elevator. How--how closely is it blocked by Chris? 

Kyle

Um, so Chris is in the room next to it, like he is in a little control room next to it, but there are guards who are still on it.

Hallie

Oh, they're still on the elevator. I thought they had moved off of it. 

Kyle

Yeah, if you can get them off I will say you can get on. 

Hallie

Okay. Um, okay, so they're busy yelling at Susuran, right? 

Kyle

Yeah, Susuran, the artist previously known as-- 

Hallie and Kyle

--dynamite aneen-- 

Kyle

--the artist previously previously known as bazooka aneen.

Hallie

[Laughter.] Okay. Um, I want to use a time crisp to go back around, and then make a loud commotion as they're coming down the elevator somewhere so that they go investigate it. 

Kyle

All right, you, uh, use the time crisp [Zipping, warping sound.] and you are back seven seconds in the past. And you see Susuran is...about seven seconds in the past, Susuran was looking at your socks. Their hand is slowly reaching [Mimics slow-motion yelling.] for the socks that you have tucked away in your pocket. That was the moment you went back in time to.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

So what are you going to do?

Hallie

God, the thing is that my first thought was it has to be something guaranteed they run across but Hopper's not going start a fire.

Kyle and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie

So. Nor do I think I can? I want to call from around the corner, like, “oh no, I need a guard!” And then...and then …

Kyle

Yes, but Susuran in the past is going to watch you run around the corner. 

Hallie

I know, I know, there's like no good way--I am not in a good position for this subterfuge. Um, I do still have the little remote control car binoculars that I found in Charmonde. Can I use those again to just try to distract the guards to go that way?

Kyle

Yeah, So you go, you run around the corner, and then these little binoculars just go out as the guards come down and then turn around. 

Hallie

Okay. 

Kyle

And yeah, so what you want to do, that's what--

Hallie

That is--that is all I have. That is all I got. 

Kyle

All right, you come back in time. You fwip back, and Chris is just sitting there like “hey, sorry about them,” and you can hear Susuran in the corner.

Kyle (as Susuran)

What the fuck kind of amazing gift is this? How can I replicate it? Maybe inside there's something.

Kyle

And you hear you hear a snap. [Makes a crushing noise.]

Hallie

Ohh…

Kyle

And so your binoculars, your little mobile binoculars have been destroyed in this process. 

Hallie

I liked those.

[50:00]

Kyle

But Chris is like,

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

I'm really sorry about that man. I--I don't know what's happening. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

That's okay. It's a mess here. Do you mind if I use the elevator? 

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

Are you author--you know what, you know what, you look more authorized than anyone else. Can you just--

Kyle

And he just picks up Q-BO, dusts it off, and hands it to you.

Kyle (as Chris Prevensworthpine)

I can't go up there and put that in. Can you put that in for me? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, I'd be happy to. 

Emily

[Quietly, to Kyle.] V-BO. You said Q-BO.

Kyle

Oh, yeah. It's a little--sorry, Emily reminded me--it's a little V-BO. You pick up V-BO and you walk forward.

Kyle (as V-BO)

V-BO's afraid of heights!

Tom and Hallie

[Laughter.]

[Fist-pumping party dance music fades in.]

Kyle

As you go up the elevator, you hear all this commotion in this long, distant, dark hallway, and you see these, like, lines of electric pulsing light in front of you. And as you walk forward into this hallway, you just hear Tommy Funbuck's voice saying,

Kyle (as Tommy Funbuck)

You're absolutely right. That is my greatest fear! Thanks so much for playing; I appreciate you. You're a swagalicious dude, my friend.

Kyle

And it looks like someone has already solved this riddle for you. 

Hallie

[Disappointed.] Hopper was really--I was really excited to solve that riddle. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

All right, fuck it, we'll solve the riddle.

Hallie

No, no, keep the story. Um, okay. This makes it easier so it's fine. Hopper will just blink a little bit and be like, “okay” and then go. I guess he takes V-BO with him. 

Kyle

Yeah. So you go running down the hallways.

Hallie

[Laughter.] Running in this.

Kyle

And as you do, your vision zooms in as this now five-fanged rorathik turns around and glares at you.

[The dance music warps progressively slower and more discordant.]

Hallie

Oh.

Kyle

And you realize that he has been specifically hunting you.

Hallie

Oh.

Kyle

Which for rorathiks mean that all attacks against you are going to be one step higher than normal. 

Hallie

Okay, but is that good for me or bad for me? Like it's harder …

Tom

That's bad for you. That's very bad. 

Hallie

Oh. Well that sucks.

Kyle

But there's also another unfortunate thing that happens. You're gonna take another GM intrusion. Who do you want to give the point to?

Hallie

I'm going to give it to Elee because she's been really good with her chair.

Kyle

You hear some explosions around the entrance to the dome as Regular Bob turns around, and you see a lot of the metal arches that have been holding it up are starting to fall and collapse on top of you. And I need you to roll either speed or might defense. 

Tom

Did I do this? 

Hallie

I am better at speed.

Kyle

No. This was a trap that Re--it was a--it was an actual explosion. So it was a trap that Regular Bob had set because he expected you to go in that way. 

Hallie

Oh. Good thing I walked straight into his plan. 

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Hallie

All right, here I go, speed defense. I'm gonna put an effort in.

Kyle

You're skilled in that right? 

Hallie

Yes. I'm skilled in--

Kyle

Specialized. 

Hallie

I am specialized in speed defense. 

Kyle

Okay, so it'll be three steps easier. Got it.

Hallie

[A dice rolls.] 

An 11. 

Kyle

Let me just do some math here. 

Tom

Mmm, nope, I don't think that’s good enough.

Hallie

Nice. I didn't need to survive.

Emily

Can I try to save Hop? 

Tom

Nope. 

Hallie

I was gonna save you! No! Ahh!

Emily

Well, you're sucking at it!

Kyle

Hop, as they come down, a couple of them hit you and you take, before, uh, before armor, four points of might damage.

Hallie

[Petulantly.] I don't have any armor. So that's fine. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

You take four points of might damage as these things barrel down on top of you, and you are now trapped in this mass of steel and rubble and you will have to spend your next turn trying to get out. 

Hallie

That's fine. That's just fine. Where's V-BO at? Am I still holding onto V-BO?

Kyle

You are still holding on to V-BO.

Hallie

Good, that's-- [Laughter.]

Kyle

V-BO is one--if V-BO is one thing, it's durable.

Hallie

Okay, like a Nokia phone. [Laughter.] You just can't break it. 

Kyle

Yes. All right Xoc. It is your turn. You have just seen your friend, Hopper Scotch, come to your rescue and then get trapped under rubble. 

Tom

Hallie you're not gonna like to hear this, but when--when Emily and I were swapping strategy for this, we--we basically both agreed that Hopper would just be a liability up here. 

Emily

[Laughter.]

Ari

Oh my God. 

Hallie

No, I had a plan. I just forgot to do it.

Everyone

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I was gonna--

Ari, Emily, and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

I'm going to quick use the restroom if that's okay.

Hallie

Because I knew I was wearing the jacket, I wanted to parkour up the wall and then like put the jacket over Bob's head so he, like, couldn't see!

Tom

[Incredulous.] But he doesn't have eyes! 

Hallie

He doesn't have eyes, apparently, so it doesn't matter. [Laughter.] It doesn't matter! My plan sucked anyway. [Laughter.] My only plan.

Tom

But no, like, he's super powered against you and Kyle's gonna start doing extra nasty stuff to you. 

Hallie

I didn't know that, okay? I mean Hopper would have come up anyway, so it's fine.

Tom

Of course. 

Hallie

Hopper's a liability. Whatever. 

Tom

Well, like, your advantage is as, like, as a sacrificial pawn to soak up damage so we don't.

Hallie

That was also legitimately part of Hopper's plan if it needed to be.

Tom

The problem is, like, one of your best skills is shielding other people, but Bob is going to attack you now because you're like his main target. 

Hallie

Well, yeah, I was gonna designate you as innocent and protect you, whichever one of you was doing worse. I was going to designate you as innocent and protect you!

Tom

Right, right! Like, that's a really cool power. It's just, Bob's going to ignore it because he's a dick. 

Hallie

Ahhhgh, I am a liability.

Tom

So it's my turn correct? 

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

So Xoc, blood just, whoosh, oozing out of his terrible stab slash wound, Xoc's gonna see Hopper down the hallway get just buried under rebar, see Elee, like, struggling the poison, but I do want to spend three levels of effort to damage, as once again Xoc is just taking in so much power into his glove on his left hand that his arm is shaking and he has to hold it steady. Like a laser cannon!

[55:17]

[Dice roll.]

And I'm going to spend one XP to re-roll. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

All right, how do you--what--what gets that re-roll happening?

Tom

Xoc is clearing his mind, thinking of his friends, thinking of Misha Jarvis, focusing on aiming the beam directly into Bob's stupid face. 

[Dice roll.] 

[Deep gasp.] It's a natural 20.

Ari

Wooooo! Look at us!

Hallie

Thank God. 

Kyle

So do you want to cause extra damage or do you want to cause--

[Playful electro swing music plays.]

Tom

I want to use the extra damage, so that's five, plus nine from the effort, plus another four. 18 points of damage before armor. 

Hallie

Nice.

Kyle

Yeah, describe how it hits him. It doesn't kill but describe how it hits him.

Tom

Oh yeah, yeah. So what Xoc does is--the blast tears out with sort of that hissing shriek, because he had been attacking me last. Can I sort of flavor that Bob is like continuing to move at him, like coming at him again blinding fast, and suddenly the beam just strikes him full-on in the chest and just sort of burns in a little bit, you know?

Kyle

And I am going to...yeah, it burns him.

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

[Hisses loudly.]

Kyle

The hissing gets really bad and really ugly, and I'm actually gonna do a, uh, a GM intrusion. So, who do you want to give your other point to? 

Tom

I would like to get my point to Misha Jarvis because holy fuck that power move.

Ari

[Satisfied noise.]

Hallie

It was very good. 

Ari

[Laughter.] Yes, I'm back to six XP! 

Kyle

So, he hisses and he is very down and he is very upset. And in fact, that just sparks him into more motion, You can tell--you know characters in video games, the closer they get to damage, the--the harder they get?

Tom

[Distressed half-laughing noise.]

Hallie

Great. 

Kyle

He is going to--

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

[Hisses again, more ominously.]

Kyle

And he's gonna do the Kylo Ren [Thumping noise.] chump--bump his chest thing.

Tom

Ho ho!

Kyle

And he is going to gain two things. He is going to gain five health and he is going to gain an extra action. 

Hallie

[Disgruntled.] Nooo!

Tom, Hallie and Emily

[Wheezing mixed with laughter.]

Tom

Oh, ohhh, ohh, I poked the bear. 

Kyle

So Bob is in front of Elee now in his turn order--

Tom

What?

Kyle

And Bob is going to hiss and he is going to like quickly just scramble up around the walls and hide someplace in the rafters. 

Tom

Oh God.

Kyle

So you would have to find him to hit him. 

Tom

Oh God. He's charging up for a big attack. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

Great… Okay, would it count as moving, rather than like an attack or action, if I were to follow him my Wolverine claws?

Tom

Oh shit.

Hallie

Do it. 

Kyle

Yeah, that would--that's fair. But I want you to roll your paralysis for that. 

Emily

Okay, I would like to use...do I want to try it and save my--no, two XP, auto succeed.

Kyle

And I--you--I mean you still have four after that--

Emily

So, okay, so I would like to auto succeed at shaking off the poison because of the rage of seeing Hopper buried and Xoc bleeding. 

Kyle

I--really at this point, I don't know why you're mad like, this is just kind of your everyday now. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

Elee has a lot of anger built up. It's not gonna go away overnight. And I would like to scramble up after him using my Wolverine claws. 

Kyle

So are you like scrambling up on the walls or are you like swinging on the rafters like Spider-Man Wolverine.

Hallie

Spidereen!

Emily

I want to go, like, directly in his path. 

Kyle

Okay. So you're going to try--you're gonna try to follow him so he can't hide from you. 

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

And then then what are you going to do?

Emily

I want to stab him with my claws. 

Kyle

Okay, try to stab him with your claws.

Emily

Okay, two levels of effort to hit and one level of effort to damage. 

Kyle

Okay. 

Tom

Get him.

Emily

[A dice thumps.] 17!

Hallie

Nice. 

Tom

One extra point of damage for a 17!

Hallie

Do it, do it!

Kyle

I know.

Emily

Don't you dare take this from me Kyle Decker.

Kyle

[Long pause, punctuated by fingers tapping the table thoughtfully.] How do you kill Regular Bob, or defeat him? 

Emily

[Choking sound.]

Tom

Oh my God.

Hallie

You did it!

Emily

So as I talk, I'm going to decide if I kill him, but I do want to stab my claws into him and then have us both fall down to the floor. So, he's alive right now, and I want to put my face really close to his.

Emily (as Elee)

You will not touch them again. 

Emily

Regular Bob is dead.

Kyle

So you just grab him and you fall, [Imitates falling and hitting the ground.] and the ground reverberates and you can actually see--I'm gonna say you fall onto the glass. 

Tom, Hallie, and Emily

No, oh no! No, no, no!

Emily

No, I made a mistake!

Kyle

It doesn't break yet, but it starts cracking. All right, and before we get to Misha's turn. I just kinda want to resolve what's going on up here, so we can resolve that. So, now, Hop, you're underneath some rubble.

Hallie

I'd like to use my Escape Artist skill, please.

Tom

God damn it. 

[59:55]

[Quick, twangy guitar music picks up.]

Kyle

So yes, as a jack, once per day Hop is able to be trained in something. So Hallie told me this a long time. But Hop, you--you go back to this morning when you were looking through your--your storybook about Jameson Hopper, and you remember the one time that One-Eyed Joe had gotten them trapped underneath a pile of sesskis, very, very rambunctious sesskis too, and he was able to maneuver his way out by contorting his body in such a way that it fit the natural architecture of this pile of sesskiis. And you are inspired by this, and you know that you have this knowledge. Then give me a roll to get out of the uh.

Hallie

17. Yay!

[A celebratory kazoo blows.]

My one good roll.

Kyle

How do you get out of the rubble? 

Hallie

What?

Kyle

How do you get out of the rubble? 

Hallie

So at first I imagine, he's still holding V-BO, which is just really awkward. So he's gonna kind of like shimmy down further under the thing? V-BO's gonna get stuck and Hopper's just going to--enhh--yank V-BO down with him and then shimmy under the beam, laying down limbo style, and then crawl out the other side feet first, just like awkwardly shuffling through.

Kyle

You crawl out onto the glass.

Kyle (as V-BO)

V-BO's supposed to be honest, but V-BO is freaking out!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Frazzled.] Good for you, V-BO!

Kyle

And in response to that you hear a little crackling voice. You can barely make it out.

Kyle (as Unknown)

[A distance voice cuts in and out through static.] Okay, I understand. We'll be there soon. 

[Deep, menacing Gregorian-esque choral music plays.]

Kyle

And as it say that we as the audience can kind of see Regular Bob's corpse moving back and forth a little bit. And we see a little bit of a smaller, fanged, grub-like creature start worming its way out of his mouth. And suddenly, Hop, you see this grub shoot out as you have just shimmied your way out, but this, like, grub, this smaller fanged rorathik, just fly in the air towards you, and I need you to roll speed defense. 

Tom

Holy shit.

Hallie

Alright, I'm gonna put a level of effort to just like do a barrel roll out of the way.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Emily

Is this Aliens?

Tom

Is this fucking Xenomorphs?

Hallie

That would be a three.

Tom

No!

[Inspirational instrumental music plays.

Kyle

You are stunned. You are confused. This grub is flying towards you, and as it does, as this thing that could potentially Xenomorph your way onto--we don't know how it functions! The the light of the sky and the skylight itself seems to like, this great shadow seems to form on top of it, and you hear the vibration, this thump duh duh thump duh duh thump, and in an instant you hear glass shatter and crinkle onto the ground as you see this chain-smoking elderly lady cannonball out from the ceiling and just slam on top of the grub, and June stands up, all of her muscles crackling. 

Kyle (as June)

You're not gonna hurt Soe's family this time. Oh shit! Are we done?

Kyle and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And with that, the mosaic beneath you cracks five times more.

Misha, it is your turn.

Ari

Can I use have a layout of, like, where everyone is in respect to me?

Tom

Directly above you. 

Kyle

Yeah. There is a there is a glass mosaic in the ceiling that's, like, right in front of the stage. In front of and above you, you can see this glass chandelier and above that there's this big glass mosaic.

Ari

Okay, but it's not--it's not transparent. Right? 

Kyle

No, it's like--it's like a mosaic so you can maybe see shadows, but you would have to be looking up there for it, especially because the chandeliers covering a lot of it. 

Emily

Just want to let everyone know, that apparently the sole female party member is breaking the glass ceiling.

Everyone

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Eyyyyy!

Ari

Ohhhh snap!

Tom

Too many power moves this session! 

Hallie

Too many power moves!

Everyone

[Still laughing.]

Tom

Too much revolution!

Ari

Um, okay. Yeah, so I guess I'm in the middle of the debate with Lorraine. 

Kyle

Yes. She has asked you to prove that she is guilty.

Ari

All right, so, Misha is going to say,

Ari (as Misha)

[The sound echoes as Misha addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] Well, I don't see why we would do what you're accusing us of doing. Unlike you, we don't have the disposition to do criminal acts. 

Ari

And can I, while I do that reach for Xoc to kind of know what they're doing?

Kyle

Yeah, and you reach to Xoc as she starts formulating a response. 

Ari

Okay. Yeah, while she’s doing that, I’ll just be like,

Ari (as Misha)

Xoc, I do not believe Q-BO is in here, or at least Lorraine does not seem to--to say that it is here. I am with her at the auction hall right now, and I am proving that she is a thief to the audience in the auction hall.

Tom

Alright, Xoc will say, and probably the exhaustion and pain is somehow present in the telepathic link; I don't think Xoc could hide that. 

Tom (as Xoc)

Does it look like she could be hiding it somewhere on her on her person? Like, I don't know--I don't know where else Q-BO could be right now. 

Ari (as Misha)

I believe she could, yes. So if you could somehow make it to the auction hall--

Hallie and Tom

[Stifled laughter.]

Ari (as Misha) 

--I would appreciate it. 

Kyle

And as that happens you hear this crash of glass and this twinkling of a thousand lights from a chandelier, as four bodies fall--no, five because Regular Bob is there too--as five bodies fall from the ceiling--

[1:05:05]

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

--onto this glass chandelier--

Tom

[Laughs harder.]

Kyle

--and then take the whole chandelier down into the center of the audience.

Hallie

It's like--it’s like the meme where they're like, “hey come over.” “I can't, I'm in the Q-BO dome.” “I'm beating Lorraine!” Glass shatters; “be right there!”

Everyone

[Laughter.]

Ari

Then Misha is going to, out loud, say,

Ari (as Misha)

Well I suppose that worked. 

Everyone

[Laughter.]

Tom

How much damage do we take from just being ragdolled down into the auction hall?

Kyle

I'd say take four might, that seems fair.

Emily

Oof! 

Hallie

Four? 

Emily

Before or after armor.

Kyle

Before.

Hallie

Uh...

Tom

Oof!

Hallie

You go unconscious when all three of your pools hit zero, right? 

Tom and Kyle

You're dead when all three hit zero. 

Hallie

My might is at zero, what does that mean for me? 

Kyle

Oh that just means things are going to be one step harder for you. 

Hallie

Oh, okay, I thought--okay. 

Ari

[Laughter.] Hallie...

Kyle

No, not one step harder. It just means that, like, it affects things that aren't really going to be relevant because you just have to outtalk Lorraine now.

Hallie

Okay.

Tom

Effort costs more, basically. Yeah, but yeah, I am also impaired because I didn't heal.

[Long pause where no one seems to know what to do.]

Kyle

What...all of you...anyone can do whatever the fuck they want.

Emily

Oh. Okay.

Tom

Xoc is just lying there amidst the broken glass, like,

Tom (as Xoc)

[Pained groan.]

Ari

Well, Misha is going to--well, they are going to say,

Ari (as Misha)

Well, I suppose that works.

Ari 

It's kind of to themselves, and then they're going to approach the party and see if they're fine. First they're gonna go towards Xoc, but then they're going to see the other people, they're gonna try and like see if they're fine, to get them to stand up and ask, like,

Ari (as Misha)

How--how is everybody doing?

Tom (as Xoc)

I-I-I'm...[Pained cough.] Okay. [Another pained cough.]

Hallie

[Laughter.] Hopper is standing up. He's vaguely aware that he fell onto the auction stage, and he's gonna, um, look at Lorraine and then his eyes are going to go up to her hat and then back down to her eyes in an unspoken accusation/challenge. 

Ari

[With interest.] Hmm.

Kyle

And she just shrugs like, “sorry, you lost.” And as she just shrugs like that, she’s like,

[Solemn, peaceful piano music plays.]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[The sound echoes as Lorraine addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] See, I told you!

Kyle

And the audience is gasping because they see not only V-BO under Hop's arm--

Hallie

[Whispered under her breath.] Oh, fuck. 

Kyle

--but they see the replica Q-BO, which had fallen down with the rest of you. 

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[The sound echoes as Misha addresses the auction hall through the microphone.] I'm sorry Simon. I tried. I really did. 

Ari

Did Misha--did Misha notice that Hop looked at Lorraine's hat like that?

Kyle

I can say you did.

Ari

Because if they did, I want to approach Lorraine and take her hat off.

Hallie

Just--just go up and do it. 

Kyle

Okay, you start making your way towards Lorraine. Because the crowd is so thick, and I'm assuming you don't want Lorraine to see that you're trying to steal her hat, you kind of just slip away and folks don't necessarily see you.

Hallie

Okay. So Hopper's standing on the stage and he's got V-BO under--

Kyle

No you're in front of the stage. 

Hallie

We're in front of the stage. Well, we just did undid all of Misha's excellent--

Ari

Yeah.

Hallie

--excellent storytelling-slash-mic dropping. We just undid all of it. 

Ari

Yeah, you did.

Hallie

Hop's gonna look at the swarm that's coming, and then look back at his friends, having just fallen through the glass ceiling. And he says,

Hallie (as Hopper)

I can explain! 

[The music stops.]

I confess. It was all me, just me. You'll find only my signature on--on--on all the --

Tom, Emily, and Ari

[Various gasps.] 

Hallie (as Hopper)

It was just me. Just me.

Emily

Can I go over and, like, clap my hand on Hop’s shoulder, unfortunately probably causing pain because Hop's also just fallen.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Ow.

Emily (as Elee)

Kid, you don't...like, if this is something you need to do to like, you know, start moving forward that's great. But once you're done, can I, like, you break out of prison? Like, you don't want to stay there, right? If they if they lock you up. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

It's not ideal, but we lost, Elee. We lost, and this is all my fault because I should have seen this coming from the very beginning. I mean the second we got those coupons, I should have seen this coming and I didn't, so just let me --

Emily (as Elee)

Hopper, you're honest. And honorable. And you're lying through your teeth. Don't do this. It was Lorraine. We know it. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Well, we know it but--

Emily (as Elee)

Let's run. Don't turn yourself in. Don't sacrifice yourself for us. Let's all leave. 

Hallie

He gestures a little bit to this whole crowd and whispers, like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Whispering] Logistically, I don't think that we can.

Emily (as Elee)

Wanna bet? I just murdered a rorathik. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, that was really cool. 

Emily (as Elee)

I'm still on an adrenaline high, I got this.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Do you have an idea? 

Emily

She's just gonna close both her fists and then clench them so the claws come out.

Hallie (as Hopper)

You want to fight everyone?!

Kyle

[A horse whinnies loudly in the background, and the sound of hooves turns into the beat of a drum. A whistled song plays.]

And Elee, as you clench your fists and the claws come out, they sound louder than normal. And you're facing Hop, you're hiding them. But hear this--[loud thump] as the claws come out and everyone gasps, but you realize they're not looking at you. They're looking at the stage, and you can see Lorraine, hands on her head, Q-BO having dropped to the ground from inside her hat. And, uh, who's standing there next to her, holding her hat?

Ari

Me. It's me.

Kyle

So yeah, they Misha just standing there, Lorraine's hat in their hand, and everyone is gasping and murmuring and they don't know what to do.

Ari

Misha is going to turn towards Lorraine with the hat in their hand and say,

Ari (as Misha)

Is this enough proof for you? 

Kyle

She puts on a smile.

[1:10:00]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Oh, Misha Jarvis, it absolutely is.

[Whistled song picks up to a victorious instrumental version.]

Kyle

And with that you hear another deep thump. And another thump. And another. And another. And suddenly you are covered in flakes of drywall as the back wall crashes open and through this cloud, the giant vibrating Tommy Funbuck float lumbers into view--

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle--and stares down at all of you.

[Long pause, music ends.]

Emily

Still ugly.

Kyle

And then it goes silent and the hatch at the bottom of it opens up, and you see two of them pop out.

[Rock music plays.]

Kyle (as Baby Jason)

Hey, it's that person we met at the roller coaster!

Kyle (as Viv) 

Oh Baby Jason, you silly boy. Oh wait it is them!

Kyle (as Baby Jason)

Hey, how are you doing! Are you here with the revolution too? 

Tom

[Laughter.] They joined the revolution, what?

Hallie

[Laughter.] Just for kicks. They're like, yeah, this seems legit! Let's do it!

Ari (as Misha)

Salutations once again, sudden humans. This is quite an unexpected time for you to show, but you're welcome to be here, if you so wish.

Kyle (as Viv) 

I mean, it's not that unexpected. After all, the revolution is here too!

Kyle

And suddenly the crowd just starts screaming. People start flailing their hands and running around, and, like, running back and forth and trying to get through doors, and from outside the room you hear the hall outside start to erupt into screams as well. But the cacophony starts to take the form of...a song?

[Midi version of Do You Hear The People Sing from Les Miserables begins to swell in the background.] 

And you hear this deep wonderful warrior cry, that is probably going to be an off-brand Do You Hear the People Sing from Les Mis. And suddenly the door is burst wide open and you see all of Roulettia's downtrodden and underappreciated swarm into the space and take it over and start to seat the elites down, and you see them all start to swarm around Lorraine, but they know of you four--they know of the four who led the Revolution. And so they leave you all free as they--as they make this space, for the first time, open for everyone in Roulettia. 

Emily

Elee, in a rare display of glee,

Emily (as Elee)

Yes. Yes!

Hallie

Hopper's just stunned. So many things have happened in so short a time.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Tom

Xoc is going to stand up, leaning on his staff and just look at Misha Jarvis, really, really proud of how they saved the day, just completely saved everything. 

Ari

Misha's gonna just keep their eyes on Lorraine.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

You see her watch, and she--she doesn't move. She doesn't hesitate. And you see some of the folks from the revolution grab her, and it looks like they're starting to drag her back and you just see her look at you. And she says,

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Well, I guess Hopper Scotch left his best friend one last gift after all.

[Ending theme begins.]

Hallie

God. 

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Thank you, Misha Jarvis. We will see each other again.

Kyle

And she gets she gets taken away. And as she says that, the little orb in front of you pipes up.

Kyle (as Q-BO)

[Electronic beep.] Jarvis! Just A Rather Very Intelligent System. I have found that name in my database. [Pause.]

It is my name!

[Ending theme swells.]

Kyle

Also, well, I'm not gonna--I don't have to look at Ari's character sheet, ‘cause she's the only one who's at no risk of dying. [Laughter.]

Hallie 

[Laughter.] 

Kyle

I was gonna be like, oh Ari, are you using the the Google Doc and then I was like, it doesn't matter.

Ari

And I'm at full health, by the by.

Kyle

You're at full health? 

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

[Laughing uncontrollably.] Oh my god.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Whatever.

Ari

Yeah. I was healed and then I haven't been hurt since so I'm at full health.

Hallie

God.

Kyle

[Still laughing.]

Hallie

Must be nice.

[End 1:13:59]