Ep. 40: Crime and Courtship, Part 5

The third deck, which is where the third class, or the youngest, the freshman students of the Prodigious go, is clearly less ornate than the rest. It almost feels as if they designed this school, and then realized they didn't have enough space to fit everyone? So they just thought they put all the extraneous, unnecessary students in with the garage and in with the engines.

[Low, eerie music begins to play, like wind howling through an empty space.]

Hop, you make your way through the dark, creaking, creepy, cavernous caves of the third deck of the Prodigious. You see a couple of the cleaning bots just slowly stuttering about–these ones seem broken, like one of them you can see is just,

[Staticky sparking noises.] It's just kind of like fizzing around. One of them seems to be almost like, chain-smoking, and has a grizzly robot beard. It's like,

Kyle (as grizzled robot)

Yeah, my fourth day on the job.

Hallie

[Dryly, but a little confused.] We've only been in the air for half a day.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Well, it feels like four days to that grizzled, uh, veteran of a janitor bot.

Tom

Four robot days.

Kyle

And so it's just straight out of a horror movie.

[Screeching metal noises as the eerie music continues.]

You can hear, like, what feel like carts moving along this, uh, runners along the ceiling, like the ones that VIRGULE was on. It sounds as if there are carts just shooting around, echoing through the halls. At one point a spark from the ceiling falls onto a puddle below and just, this light illuminates a horrifying figure above you, it's gigantic and spotted red and has millions of giant mechanical bug legs.

[The music stops.]

And then you realize it's just the Ladybug.

Hallie

Am I walking past where the Ladybug stored?

Kyle

Yes, the garage. Which you can see that it is stored between two crudely made dorm rooms, because you, Hop, are walking through the pit of the third deck towards your room.

Hallie

[Wryly.] So my room is literally just next to the garage.

Kyle

And as terrible as this pit is it does not compare to the pit in Hop's stomach.

Hallie

Well, I was gonna say, Hopper barely even notices. This may as well be just a reflection of Hopper's inner turmoil, like he's so upset with other things...

[Laughs slightly.] That he doesn't even care about the squalor he's been subjected to. Like, what would be the point of caring, you know? You'd have to have energy for that.

Kyle

So, uh, with the pit in his stomach, you make your way through this pit to your room, which has a little ID thing on the side where you can put up your ID, and it unlocks the door, except the, uh, doorknob is just broken open. So you, the door is just pushed open and shut by the breeze, and you don't even have to open it yourself.

Hallie

Oh, that's good. Hopper kind of like looks at it a little bit, and then seeing no other option will like, gently push it open. So he doesn't surprise anyone who's in his room. He's polite even to maybe intruders? He doesn't know.

Kyle

Give me a perception roll.

Hallie

I haven't tested any of my dice, because what would be the point?

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Aww.

Hallie

Yeah, I am futile today. [Dice roll.] Hey, I got a 14!

Kyle

Oh cool.

Emily

[Gasps.]

Hallie

Did I succeed?

Kyle

Great news, you succeeded.

Hallie

[Delighted.] Oh my God!

Kyle

Bad news. It doesn't matter.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Um, so you open the door and you see a room that is...

[Kyle's voice echoes.] Echoey and drafty but also very small, the size of maybe a broom closet.

[The echoing stops.] You can see there are two molding mattresses on bunk beds, which are precariously placed on top of each other. You can actually see one of the four poles holding them up is just a pile of bricks.

Hallie

Hopper will groan at the bricks.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

The bricks specifically.

Kyle

Hop knows immediately that he has to make sure he keeps his head on the other side of the brick. Otherwise, he'll hear them whisper to him in the night.

Hallie

Yeah. He is savvy to that, just another thing to deal with, it's fine.

Kyle

Alright. So this is, this is your home sweet home. How do you, how do you make yourself at home? What do you do when you enter?

Hallie

Is there anyone else in the room?

Kyle

There is not anyone else in the room. It is you two bunks and a hat in your hand.

Hallie

So Hopper would close the door behind him with his foot. It just creaks back open to where it was, but he

[00:05:00]

made his best effort. And he is kind of holding this hat. And he just stands there for a second, because one of the first things he thought when Misha presented him with this hat and made that really nice speech was, I think they're misplacing their faith.

[The slow, solemn piano version of Hopper’s western theme plays.]

I don't know that I can work my way up to deserve this. Not even in the sense of how he didn't think he deserved his Hopper Scotch hat, and that's why he left it behind, like he thinks Misha's energies are tragically diverted right now to cheering him up, but he likes the hat and he's touched, and he's just really emotional with a lot of conflicting feelings. So he'll put it on the top bunk, like just gently lay it down there, and then flop down on the bottom bunk and stare at the ceiling. Or rather, the bottom of the top bunk.

Kyle

Drip, drip, drip.

You stare.

Drip, drip, drip.

You stare.

Drip, drip, drip.

Your eyes flicker as you're knocked out of your, like, kind of zoned out nature for a little bit as you start to hear a voice yelling through the hallways.

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[The circus-like accordion music begins to play. It, and Kyle's voice, are muffled, heard from a distance through the walls.]

I don't understand why they put me down here. This is completely ridiculous! Don't they understand that I am the Great Vespari and I should not be involved in such trash? This is complete and utter nonsense! Where on Earth is this terrible room where they put me, they better not keep me up late at night. This is absurd!

[The music plays normally, no longer muffled.]

Kyle

And the voice gets louder and louder, and you hear these, uh, kind of squishy footsteps.

Tom

[Through faint laughter.] Noooo.

Kyle

And then they stop at your door.

Tom

[Slightly horrified.] No.

Kyle

And the door pushes open, and you see this tall, gangly man with a thin, waxy face and a deep, deep frown, and he looks at you, and stares for a second and then just says,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

I call top bunk.

[The music begins to fade.]

Kyle

So Xoc, Misha, Elee, Soe, Everett, Jesse, it's about, uh, maybe three minutes after you've left the dining room.

[Jazzy, soothing elevator music begins to play.]

Misha disappeared for a few seconds, but uh, quickly caught up to the group. You've gone up one floor onto the second deck, kind of where the, uh, the middle years live. It kind of looks like, uh, just a middle-of-the-road dorm room. Like there's a little stank. There's still a little stank, but not too much stank.

Uh, and half the time the stank is just bad cooking. So there's a handful of kitchens. You can see there's some classrooms, because the dorms and the, uh, classrooms are kind of combined, but it's relatively nice. It's warm, there's lots of room, uh, to breathe, and you're just making your way down, uh, maneuvering through a few hallways on your way to your dorm rooms.

And after maneuvering a little bit you get to the end of a hallway, and you see three rooms, and all of your WingPals light up, and because all the notifications are on the WingPals, they have the thing that dorm rooms have where there's like, you know, this really fancy theme and decoration.

So this theme seems to be the Zhev.

Tom

[Exhales deeply.]

Kyle

People...

Tom

[Sucks in air through his teeth.]

Kyle

Got really into the musical Calaval, so it's like, you see High Father Calaval, you see the Zhev, but instead of having your names on it, it just says, You!

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Tom

This is giving me such horrible RA flashbacks right now.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle

So anyways, your numbers light up.

On the right door, Soe walks over, and it lights up, and she's just like,

Kyle (as Soe)

[Nervously.] Ah, oh, oh, okay...

Kyle

And she hesitantly pops her ID up to the wall, the door and you hear...

[The sound of a latch coming undone.]

As it unlocks, because unlike Hop's room these ones actually have doorknobs, and she tentatively opens it up, and you can see her hair kind of fizzle a little bit, and she's like,

Kyle (as Soe)

[Stammering a little.] Ah, ah, hi. I'm Soe. I hope we can be friends?

Emily

[Crosstalking.] Can I–

Kyle

And from inside the room. You hear a voice say,

Kyle (as Meeghan)

[Exuberant horn music.]

Hi. I'm Meeghan. I like you! [Boisterous laughter.]

Kyle

And Soe's hair settles down and kind of turns into, like, a fish-like shape, and she claps her hands and she walks into that dorm room.

Emily

[Stressed but excited noise.]

Kyle

And then she pops her head out and she's like,

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, good night, Mom. Do you, will you be able to find your way to your room okay?

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah, I got it Soe!

Kyle (as Soe)

Okay. I just wasn't sure because that's, you know, it's not on this floor right? It's up a floor?

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah, Thanks, Soe.

Kyle (as Soe)

Okay. Okay. Okay! [Excited noise.]

Kyle

And then she goes back in.

Emily

I just want to mention that Elee doesn't know that this is the face of a proud parent, like, watching their child board the school bus for the first time, but this is the face that she has.

[The music fades out.]

Kyle

What face–oh, the face of a proud parent?

[Laughter from the party.]

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

Okay. I thought you were like, making a face, or–

Emily

[Crosstalking.] No.

Kyle

Okay. So who wants to figure out, find out their roomie first, Xoc or Misha.

Tom

Oh, I'll volunteer. Xoc will step up to the plate and approach the door of his room.

Kyle

[Dinging noise.] And it unlocks.

[00:10:00]

Kyle

And before you can hit it, you just hear a lazy, thump, thump, thump, as Everett, who also had his WingPal up, is just kind of lazily slouched against the thing, and letting his rapier hit the wall.

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh, uh, hey, I guess we're living together now, which we already were doing. I, uh. Yeah.

Kyle (as Everett)

Yeah...yeah. I can't open the door though.

Tom (as Xoc)

What?

Kyle (as Everett)

[Frustrated.] I can't open the door.

Kyle

And he just leans against it harder.

Tom

Are we outside the room still?

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

[Uncertain.] I...turn the doorknob?

Kyle

And it slowly opens up and he's like,

Kyle (as Everett)

Oh, okay.

Kyle

And actually, he still stands in the doorway and doesn't go in.

Tom

In other circumstances, Xoc probably would have obliviously gone on to explain, ah, that not everyone may know this but this is how doors open, sometimes, with the use of knobs.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle

You're every man on twitter. Every single one.

Tom

Even my good fictional boys can't resist the urge to mansplain.

Hallie

No one gets to make fun of Hopper anymore.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

In his defense, though, Xoc isn't doing it.

[A pause.]

Hallie

[Dryly.] Shut up, Kyle.

[Laughter from the party.]

Tom

Yeah, so Xoc, in perhaps a rare moment of perceptiveness, uh, is well aware that things aren't really okay with everyone. Like, they've been through some shit. Everett just doesn't seem good. So Xoc just, Xoc just sort of looks around uncomfortably and then says,

Tom (as Xoc)

Um, we should probably figure out where we're going to sleep in this new place. That'll, that'll be a useful use of our...of our time.

Kyle (as Jesse)

[Bright, upbeat music begins to play as Jesse pipes up enthusiastically.]

Oh, yeah, because our door doesn't open, so we can all have a slumber party!

Kyle

[The music stops abruptly as a door slams closed.]

And then you hear a slam as Everett has walked in and slammed the door shut.

Tom

[Strained noise.] Xoc, I guess...Xoc'll actually just stand there for like a good five to ten seconds in the hallway, uncomfortable.

Emily (as Elee)

Hey Xoc.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Confused.] Yeah?

Emily (as Elee)

Can I talk to you over here?

Emily

And I want to step to the side a little bit and beckon him over.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Still confused.] Yeah, what's up?

Emily (as Elee)

I don't know if you're familiar with the concept of like, we're going to lower our voices...

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Elee)

[Crosstalking.] So that...

Tom (as Xoc)

[Crosstalking, in an awkward whisper.] Okay?

Emily (as Elee)

The rest of the group can't hear. Just so you know, I'm not sure if that's like, a thing you're familiar with.

Kyle

[Whispering.] Do you understand whispering?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Trying to be quiet.] I've recently been practicing being sneaky. So yes, I understand being quiet.

Kyle

The stealth of words.

Tom

[Strained, through laughter.] Shut the fuck up, Kyle.

Emily (as Elee)

[Melancholy piano music begins to play.]

Xoc...Mauve told me to look after the kids and I'm trying, but...

Tom (as Xoc)

[Firmly, fondly.] You don't have to do it alone. We can help.

Emily (as Elee)

I don't...I don't know how to help Everett, but he's not gonna listen to me.

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, lots of people don't listen to me, but maybe we can do something.

Emily (as Elee)

Just...can you try to make sure he's not always alone?

Tom

Xoc will nod, like with a serious look on his face, that-that was a genuine serious nod.

[The music fades out.]

Kyle

Will you be his friend?

Emily

[Strained, laughing a little.] Basically though!

Kyle

Since he doesn't have friends, will you be his friend?

Emily

[Laughing.] She's basically like, hey, small child, be my other small child's friend!

Kyle

Meanwhile, in the other, at the end, other end of the hall. We're at the last door with Misha and uh, Jesse. And Jesse's just sitting there tapping their foot and they're like,

Kyle (as Jesse)

Well, this is tough, because if Everett doesn't want us in our room, I mean, I completely understand. Well, I mean, I kind of under...if that's what he wants, that's, that's totally okay, but like, uh, I don't, I don't know how to open this door.

Kyle

[Playful, mischievous music begins to play.]

And you can see right by their foot, their ID is just on the ground, because it looks like their WingPal fell out of their pocket.

Emily

[Faintly, sighing.] Oh, Jesse.

Kyle

And they just keep musing to you, Misha, they're like,

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh, we could sleep in the ladybug!

Ari

I assume Misha notices the ID card in the, on the floor?

Kyle

Yeah, I'm assuming Misha knows how this works.

Ari

Okay? Okay. I didn't know if that was a given thing. So I guess in that case, Misha is going to reach for Jesse's ID card and say,

Ari (as Misha)

Um, I do believe I watched the others open it with this. So why don't you give this a try?

Kyle (as Jesse)

[With understanding, and a little awe.] Ohhh!

Ari (as Misha)

I believe you just put it in here.

Ari

And then they are going to put Jesse's ID card on the thing.

Kyle

The door is gonna open, and Jesse's just gonna be really excited, be like,

Kyle (as Jesse)

How did you do that? Do you do magic? Oh, wait, no, you do do magic, that must be how!

Kyle

And they uh, they walk into the room.

[The music stops.]

Ari

Misha is going to wave their hand goodbye at Jesse going into the room.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh, yeah. Hello room, hello!

Kyle

And they go and wave to the room too.

Kyle (as Jesse)

We both go in here, see!

Kyle

And they point to a bunk bed.

Ari

Oh, oh, oh, Jesse is my roommate. I thought there were like, two rooms, and Jesse was going into their room, and Misha was going into their own.

Kyle

Oh, sorry.

[00:15:00]

No, so there were two rooms. One is Jesse and you, and one is Xoc and Everett.

Ari

Ah, okay. I see then.

Kyle

Can we keep that though? Because I really like Misha just being confused for a second and being like, okay. Goodbye. I'm just gonna hang out here.

Tom

[Slightly incredulous.] The unintentional shade!

Ari

No, I can, I can spin that, because actually I guess Misha, they don't really necessarily know what to do in a room over like, the night, because they would rather like exploring the place, so they can be like,

Ari (as Misha)

Ah, Jesse, I might come back here later to talk, but I believe you can get set up in whichever bed you want, since I do not sleep, and I will just go and walk around this place instead.

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Kyle (as Jesse)

All right. So, uh, yeah. Sooo.

Ari

Unless you want me to accompany you for some time in the room, I can do so as well.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh, no, that's, that's okay. I'll come with you!

Kyle

And Jesse pops out of the room, already in their footie pajamas.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

Aww.

Kyle

And is just ready to walk along the Prodigious with you.

Ari

Misha would say,

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, I appreciate this Jesse. I would just want you to know that I don't require the sleep that humans do, so I might take longer to do it. You can certainly come with me. But if you become tired at any moment, we can head back to the room.

Kyle

Jesse just pulls out a flashlight. They're ready to go.

Ari (as Misha)

Okay, I suppose you can come with me then.

Ari

[Laughing.] I don't know if I derailed your story.

Kyle

No, I just want to know what you did over the course of the night.

Ari

I don't know. Let's go!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

[Gleeful, upbeat piano music begins to play at a quick clip.]

So over the course of the night, Misha and Jesse just walk along the Prodigious. Jesse is up the whole time.

Ari

I don't, I don't want to keep Jesse, like, sleep-deprived. Misha is just very non...like...

Kyle

Well, does Misha ever go back to the room?

Ari

[Uncertain.] Mmm...no?

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle

Then Jesse is up all night!

Ari

Well...

Kyle

You might get fifteen minutes of sleep, because the thing is, you know, when someone gets so tired they get like overactive?

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

That happens in stages for Jesse. So it's overactive.

[The music gets faster.]

Then over-overactive.

[And faster.]

Then over-over-overactive, and eventually they're just bouncing off the walls.

Ari

[The music stops.]

I guess at some point, just to not derail this too much, Misha would notice that Jesse's acting too weird. So they are gonna just take Jesse to the room and put Jesse on a bed.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Ari

And say,

Ari (as Misha)

I believe that you're in the need of the human sleep.

[Laughter from the party.]

I usually notice humans have a different reaction to lack of sleep, but I believe that you also are manifesting some symptoms.

Kyle

Jesse was out literally the second they touched the bed. They didn't even lay down. They just like, part of their leg touched the bed and just, thump, just fell over. So that's that's Misha's evening.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

Ari, if you want to have like, an asset at some point in finding a place on the Prodigious, we can say that–actually, take this. Yeah, you're, at this point, if you ever need to maneuver through the Prodigious you have a much better idea of how its hallways work.

Ari

Ooh, I like that.

Kyle

And then Xoc, what are you and Everett up to all night.

Tom

[Huffs out a breath and speaks slowly at first.] I...am unsure.

I feel like, for at least a little while, they end up sitting in uncomfortable silence. Xoc doesn't mind sitting in silence with someone, but he gets the impression that Everett doesn't really want this. So eventually Xoc will just ask Everett,

Tom (as Xoc)

So...so how'd you find out about being a nano?

Kyle

He just turns over in his bed.

Tom

[High pitched.] Okay!

Kyle

And you could actually see he shifted his eyes to a point where even though the lights are on, the lights are off in his vision, because he can blink and see different realities.

Tom

Right, right. [Awkward noises.] The entire segment of this part of the episode is just me going, [More awkward noises.]

Kyle

And extend that by six hours, and there we have Xoc's night.

Tom

Xoc...when it becomes clear that Everett is not going to respond, Xoc basically curls up for bed. Xoc doesn't have any books...shit! Xoc remembers that this place is terrible. So instead, Xoc just sort of stares at the wall thinking, and like occasionally looks over at Everett, concerned.

Kyle

[Faint, melancholic string music begins to play.]

And then for a brief second you think about that one friend you should be able to see, but haven't been able to for the past couple of days.

Tom

[Pained sigh.] Now Xoc is going to like, roll over and sulk in his bed.

[00:20:00]

[The music plays and ends on one last chime.]

Kyle

Hello, and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends episode 40, four-zero, Crime and Courtship, Part 5. I'm Kyle, your GM, and our intro and outro songs are "Friends" and "Hitoshio," both by Miracle of Sound. Alright, so with today's announcement break, a lot like with last episode's, we're going to actually focus basically the entirety of our time on our Patreon shoutout.

I explained last week how you can get these shoutouts by subscribing to us on Patreon.com/QuestFriends at a five dollar level or above, so I'm not going to meander on that for too much longer, and instead I'm going to get right into it. And instead of me introducing who, uh, the two shout out people are, I'm just going to have the NPCs do it themselves!

And...I mean still...I don't know. I just, as I said that, I genuinely thought that's going to be a lot less work for me. And then I'm like, well, no, Kyle you are the NPCs. Oops.

Kyle (as Q-BO)

[Cheerful beep.]

Hi. My name is The Incalculable Quorum of Beneficial Outputs, but you can call me Q-BO! My shoutout is for Devin, who can be found on Twitter at kommacrazy, comma with a k, but crazy with a c, or on Instagram at stygiantide! If I mispronounced that second one, you can send complaints to JET.CO, except don't, because it's an actual real website.

Devon says that he's not that interested in a shout-out and would rather a spotlight on us and Mandy Robertson!

[Q-BO beeps.]

According to my records, Mandy Robertson is the artist who has done the official icon for both the Quest Friends main series and the Cookie Crew side series! In addition to her work on Quest Friends, Mandy works on multiple comics, one of which is going to be Kickstarted in July. My statistics show that if you're interested in Quest Friends, you also will have an interest in Mandy Robertson, who you can find on Twitter at MightyMeller.

[Typing and a click, like a typewriter reaching the end of the bar, then a positive chime.]

Hmm. The Cookie Crew. We haven't heard about that in a while. I must do more research to figure out when that might return.

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, okay. So while Q-BO does that I, Soe, will do our next shout-out. So this is to Kyle Patrick, who is its, underscore, ya, which is you but with an a, underscore boy. Oh, that one's also misspelled. That one's be oh and then I instead of Y, and then frodis! F-R-O-D-I-S. So its_yaboifrodus on Instagram.

So Kyle says that, oh, he wants me to recommend a book that he really likes. The name of the book series is called Broken Sky, and it's written by Chris Wooding. Apparently, it's a young adult book series, and it's inspired by anime! Dareen never let me watch anime, but I heard it's really cool. And maybe I should go check out this book series so I could get an idea of what it's like. Thanks Kyle!

Kyle

Alright, thanks so much Devon and Kyle for your NPC shoutouts. If you can't support us financially on Patreon, I absolutely understand. Listening is, is so much already. Ah, but if you do like the show and you want to support us further, leaving us a review, especially one on iTunes can be really, really beneficial.

Alright, that's all I've got for you today. I feel like there was another announcement I need to make but...I, I can't remember right now and I really need to get the episode out. So I'm sure I'll think of it anyway. So anyways.

[The soft string music begins to play again.]

Thanks so much for listening. Our next main series episode will be out on Monday, July 8th. I will see you then.

[The music continues and cuts suddenly into intense radio static.]

Hallie (as mysterious voice)

[Low and serious.] Welcome to Minor Qi Radio, the underground radio station for all your illicit student needs.

Hallie (as a second voice)

[Awkward laughter. Then a higher and cheerier voice chimes in.] Charlotte, I wouldn't say illicit.

Hallie (as Charlotte)

You're right, Shannon. You're right. I'd say illiterate, because once again the University of Qi's draconian stance on book banning is keeping the students in the dark.

Hallie (as Shannon)

[The Cookie Crew opening theme, "Great Fun," plays faintly under the static.]

Which is why we're here to advertise a super-fun slumber party, which is also in the dark, I guess, but in a good way.

Hallie (as Charlotte)

If you're listening to this, you'll know where it is.

[Morse code beeping.] The code this week is: C-M-S-I-7-6-5-0.

Hallie (as Shannon)

And don't worry about bringing a pillow. We have so many!

Hallie (as Charlotte)

No one's here to help us, but we are here to help you...read the revolution.

[“Great Fun” by Antarctic, intensifies.]

Hallie

[As the music fades.]

[00:25:00]

Quest Friends: The Cookie Two, releasing next week.

Kyle

Alright. So Hop, you're, you can't sleep. And there are a whole bunch of reasons you couldn't sleep. There could be the fact that Vespari sleeps with his socks on, his socks that he has worn for days, upon days, upon days, and his legs are long enough that they dangle right in front of your face. So you either have to deal with that or move your head around to the opposite side where the bricks are.

Hallie

[Sighs.]

Kyle

It could be that, it could be your existential worry about letting down your friends, or it could just be that drip, drip, dang drip, but what, what–there's so many things that could keep Hop awake, but what in particular is keeping him awake right now?

Hallie

What's keeping him awake is...exhaustion, first of all, because I know it's an oxymoron, but you know when you're just like, too tired to fall asleep? Your body just like, rejects anything that would make it better. He's crossed that point.

He's gotten, like, a second wind, like a sad second wind, and there's some of that worry from earlier about letting himself down, letting his friends down, feeling like he doesn't deserve this amazing gift and wonderful speech from Misha. He's reliving all of the memories. He's also re-reading the letter now that Vespari is asleep. He's going to keep reading that.

Kyle

What do you use as light for that?

Hallie

Oh, he doesn't need it. He's got it memorized. He's just looking at it for old times' sake.

Tom and Emily

[Sighs.]

Kyle

Alright, and finally you decide to get up and get some...I wouldn't say get some air. I mean, it's very drafty. So it's not fresh air, but there's definitely a lot of air in the, in the hallways, and what sparks that decision?

Hallie

Hopper is staring at the letter, reading it in the dark because he can.

[Soft, sad piano music begins to play–it feels a little hopeless.]

And he doesn't mean to make a sound, but he does one of those like–like he catches himself at the last second, because he doesn't want to start crying. He's been craving some alone time, and he got it a little bit earlier this afternoon, but he's really had to be on for most of the day, and it's all catching up to him, but he still can't do that because Vespari is now sleeping in the bunk above him.

So as soon as he starts to feel that catch up to him, the physical manifestation of his grief, he starts beating it back. So he crumples up the letter, shoves it back into his pocket, and then, um, goes out. He likes, he likes walks. He likes nighttime walks. That's what he's always done. Does, he's just on a ship now.

Kyle

Alright. So Hop, you make your way back through the, uh, spooky scary...skeleton hallway. I couldn't think of a word that started with an S quickly enough. You make your way down the creepy crawly hallway, the horror hallway. There. I did it.

Hallie

Good, good work. You should, you found one word that matched the hallway.

Kyle

So you make, you make your way down the hallway, and you start to hear that cart sound again, you know that echoey like...

[A woosh and whistle of a cart breezing by, and then crashing.]

And it's getting louder and louder, and I guess probably because you're not even really thinking

about it, you're actually getting drawn closer and closer to it. Like, it's, you're just naturally going because that's the way something is, and in this darkness, something is better than the void of nothing.

So you hear it, and you start to notice that even though it is oppressively dark down here, it's starting to get a lot brighter, and it's starting to get a fuck ton hotter. You round the corner at one point, and you see what basically looks like an open furnace. So it's like very bright and hot, and the very thin walls of the Prodigious seem to have been, like, knocked down so there's like this double door, except it's really just an archway, because again, the door has been knocked open.

[A faint, frustrated voice can barely be heard in the background. Kyle speaks over it.]

And you can faintly hear some cussing from inside.

Hallie

Is this still like, a workshop?

Kyle

I don't know–you can't, you can't quite see it, and you've just rounded the corner, and you can like vaguely, you can just like see the light in the the hallway, because you know, this is the brightest light you've seen in awhile so your eyes are kind of adjusting. But as they adjust, you can actually see there is some like, there's some mechanical stuff in there. There's tubes, tubes are mechanical. There's lots of metal tubes.

Tom

[Wryly.] Well done.

Hallie

Hopper would stand there for a second, blinking as his eyes adjust to the light, but he doesn't really want to go anywhere that people are, so he would like turn and walk the other way, is the thing.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I know I'm making this more difficult for you as DM.

Kyle

No, it's, it's fine. I got it.

[A rumbling noise begins–the muffled voice is still complaining in the background, barely audible.]

The ground rocks a little bit, and you hear what almost sounds like an explosion.

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.] If there's an explosion, yeah, Hop's gonna run in there to make sure whoever's in there is fine.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

So he, like, turns to walk down the other corridor, and then the explosion happens behind him and he does that like, oh God, where cartoons like, flinch at a loud noise behind them, and then he'll turn around and he will peek his head into the room.

Kyle

[Upbeat, playful music begins to play–it has almost a chill rockabilly vibe.]

Alright, so what you see is a mess, a mess of tubes and wires, a mess of wooden work benches. In the center, there's this giant globe. It almost looks like the Epcot globe? Throughout the workstations, you see a bunch of paraphernalia. In between tools and trinkets, you see some unique cyphers

[00:30:00]

and more personal objects. You see a small glass orb with copper bracing and a wind-up toy side component. You see an orange sash, which look like, I would say hexagonal yellow patches on it, almost like the parts of a honeycomb.

You see what looks like a hastily opened care package, and spilling out of it you see these disgusting, sharp lime green cookies that almost look like someone took a Dorito, like three Doritos, and arranged them into like a throwing star. But while you see all these things, the biggest thing you hear is the swearing.

Kyle (as mysterious voice)

Aw, fucking hell, piss shit goddamn fucking piece-of-crap of junk. I fucking, yeah, I will–if you don't blow me up, I'm gonna blow you up first, fucking piece of–

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Interrupting.] Uh, excuse me. Sorry. Sorry, I don't want to bother you, but I heard the, um, explosion? And I knew someone was in here because I also heard you cursing before then. I just wanted...is everything okay?

Kyle

And in response to your words, the cussing just suddenly stops.

[The music stops abruptly.]

And then you see a hand just emerge from underneath the globe and it just beckons towards you and says,

Kyle (as mysterious voice)

Hey, hey, uh, you.

Hallie

[More mellow, but still mischievous music begins to play.]

Hopper like, points to himself, and then realizes that they can't see him pointing to himself, and then just put his hands back down.

Kyle

And the hand, I guess, says,

Kyle (as mysterious voice)

Hey, yeah, I, get me, get me the thing.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Clearly uncertain.] Ah...the thing on the floor?

Kyle (as mysterious voice)

No, not, not the whatsit, not the nozzle, the thing. The, the thing! The thing!

Kyle

And the hand starts gesturing vaguely in the corner of what looks like to be a pile of half a dozen...things.

Hallie

Hopper grabs all half a dozen things in his arms and he takes them over to where the hand is beckoning and says,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uh, I, uh, I–is it one of these that you want?

Kyle

The hand just starts reaching out and it, uh, it starts like just patting around your hand, and then it grabs just a screwdriver and says,

Kyle (as mysterious voice)

[Brightly.] Thank you!

Kyle

And goes back under. And you just start hearing like, you know, in comics where it's like,

[Creaking noise.] Like, just really loud mechanical sounds? You start to hear a series of them, and then just the orb just starts popping, and it looks like you can see little crevices, it looks like fire starting to spew out of it, and like it explodes and then implodes. Explodes and then goes back. Explodes and then goes back. And then–

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Hopper will jump back at the first, like, explosion. I imagine he's standing near, he's just trying to like catch a glimpse of who's down there when the person takes the screwdriver.

Kyle

The thing, Hallie, it's called a thing.

Hallie

He–the thing. God! He will put the rest of the five things on the floor nicely. He doesn't know.

Kyle

No, the other five objects. You gave the hand the thing, those are just objects.

Hallie

[Exasperated but amused.] Hopper puts the other five objects on the floor, and then sticks his head in, I imagine that because it's like explosion, implosion. He like sticks it, and then pulls it back. I'm moving my head. He like sticks it, and then pulls his head back, and then sticks it, and then pulls his head back. And he's like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hi, sorry, but are you, you didn't answer my question. Uh, are you okay?

Kyle

And then suddenly it gets very silent. And you hear a...

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Kyle (as mysterious voice)

Well, that's not good.

Kyle

And I need you to roll speed defense.

Hallie

[Strained noise.]

Kyle

And in fact, I need you to roll it twice.

Hallie

[Sighs.] No. [Dice roll.]

Tom

[Somber.] It's okay Hopper. You'll be fine. [Dice roll.]

Emily

[Strained.] Hopper will be fine, I feel nauseous.

Hallie

Okay, the first one was a five, but the second one was a seventeen.

Kyle

Okay, cool. So Hopper, you are knocked onto the ground, and you actually face plant for two points of might damage as a creeper slides out from underneath the the globe and just knocks into you.

Hallie

What is a creeper?

Kyle

A creeper is the thing that, um, like, uh, mechanics use when they go underneath cars. It's the little roly-poly thing they lie on their back and slide on.

Hallie

Oh! I thought a Minecraft monster was attacking me.

Tom

I also thought you were saying we were literally in Minecraft. Yeah, when you have an explosion and also associate creeper with that, you had to know what you were doing.

Hallie

Okay. So one of those just whacks Hop in the face.

Kyle

[Fast-paced swing music begins to play.]

And he hits the ground. And as you look up, you can see that the creeper is starting to transform itself. So its components are going up in the air and they're combining to take a different shape, and it looks like they're taking the form of a crudely duct-taped together wheelchair. And you can see a woman probably in her mid- to late twenties is sitting inside of that wheelchair.

And as soon as you register that, you can see a giant claw arm move on one of the runners of the ceiling, hook itself into the back of the chair, and pull it up. And the chair starts swinging around this globe. Pieces of mechanical hardware are flying in and out of it. You can see this hand on the back of it is reaching down and just grabbing objects, things and whatsamadoos, whatsitdos, and whatchamacallits from the ground and handing it into this woman's hand. She is just perfectly working on the device.

As I said, this woman is about I'd say 26 years old. Her brown eyes are narrowed in fierce concentration beneath scraggly caramel hair that's hastily pushed back, and her mouth curls back into a

[00:35:00]

dimple accentuated smirk. And yeah, she continues just buzzing around, trying to fix this machine that is ticking louder and faster.

What does Hop think, how does he respond?

[The music begins to fade.]

Hallie

Hopper gets up from the floor, like, kind of rubbing his face a little bit from where the creeper hit it, and he like, looks up at this woman again and says,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Excuse me I, I don't know if I can, but is there something that I can help with?

Kyle (as mysterious voice/caramel-haired engineer)

What? Oh, yeah. No, no get, uh, get, get, get Chitters out of the pot.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Chitters?

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Yeah.

Kyle

And she points towards what looks like a little bit of a broiler.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Dryly, under his breath.] Well, there was a noun this time.

Hallie

So he gets up and goes over to the to the actual...

Kyle

Ah, not a broiler. It's more like, you know, like those...like, it's like an exhaust pipe, and you can just see the butt of this tiny furry creature just stuck inside of it.

Hallie

Hopper like, knocks on the side of the pipe really gently to see if he can just get it to get out of there on its own.

Kyle

[Echoing whistling.]

You hear about a lot of, uh, what, a lot of trilling, a lot of chittering, so to speak, echoing from inside the pipe, but, ah, this thing is like, it's legs are flailing, but it does not seem like it's able to get out.

Hallie

Okay, so it seems like it's actually stuck, not just in the pipe.

Kyle

Yeah, it's actually stuck.

Hallie

Okay. So now that he realizes it's actually stuck, Hopper will feel more comfortable taking, like, a firmer approach with it. So he'll like, touch it a little bit, and pet it, to be like, I'm a friendly person and then gently tug, I guess.

Kyle

Alright. Give me a might roll.

Hallie

[Dice roll.] An eight.

Kyle

Ah, you pull and it's like,

[Whistling noises.]

And it starts getting out, and it feels a little alarm, not pain, but alarmed at first when you're

pulling as it,

[Whistling gets more anxious.]

Hallie

Yeah, who wouldn't be.

Kyle

But eventually its like, panic, combined with your pulling, and the fact that it's just exhaling so much because it's making so much, like, mouth noise.

Hallie

Oh my god, mouth noise. Good one.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle

And this thing pops out and it lands on your shoulder, and as it pops out, this plume of smoke starts shooting out of the pipe. And it angrily, and like aggressively kicks the thing, like almost mad at it, and then the pipe simmers down again. And this thing, which is on your shoulder, then immediately reaches around and wraps its arms around you in a hug in what feels like a warm blanket.

Hallie

Aww!

Kyle

[Playful, friendly string music begins to play.]

You would recognize this thing called Chitters as a trilling cuddler. Trilling cuddlers are, uh, genetically engineered animals that basically look like sugar gliders that are about the size of a chinchilla. If, as a listener, you don't know what a sugar glider is, look it up now. For the love of God look it up now. They're like, how would you describe a sugar glider, Emily?

Emily

I guess they're like, a little bit like a chipmunk, but with extra big eyes, and they have skin and fur attaching their front and back legs together that they can use as like little wings to go glide. They hop!

Kyle

And they are, as Hop has just learned, very good cuddlers.

Hallie

So the smoke would have done right in their faces, right?

Kyle

Ah, yeah.

Hallie

So Hopper's–

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Coughing.]

Hallie

And then kind of like, he doesn't, he isn't sure which side the sugar glider is on...not the sugar glider, the...

Tom

The trilling cuddler?

Hallie

Trilling cuddler! And when he finds it on his shoulder, he'll like, pat it a little bit and be like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hey, y'alright? You good?

Kyle

It just,

[Relieved whistling.]

[The music shifts into faster-paced, more frenetic piano music.]

It hugs you a little bit more, and then it hears a couple of bangs from the, uh, from the giant orb. It starts going,

[More intense whistling.]

And it starts whistling again, and it glides up, it jumps and glides up onto the side of the woman's chair.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

All right Chitters, you gotta grab that, alright, move that there, alright, climb around on the other side. Okay, three, two, one and–

Kyle

And you see them both nail into sides of it, and then a third nail pops out, and she's like,

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Oh, shit.

Kyle

She goes down to the third nail, hammers it in. The other two come out.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Oh fuck. This is the piss, this is not good. Alright, ah, ah, alright, ah–

Kyle

And she just starts snapping and points to you again.

Hallie

Simon.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Yeah. Okay. Um, could you grab the, uh, the, uh, the, grab a, grab something. Not a thing, just something, just anything.

Hallie (as Hopper)

So, so–

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Grab it and can you just whack on this nail when I say so?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uh, yeah, so not, not the screwdriver?

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

I'm not sure what you're talking about. Just grab anything!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[A pause.]

[Strained.] Okay.

Hallie

That was a look to the camera in the, in the, in the pause to respond.

[The music ends. A moment later, ticking begins.]

And then he will grab, he's looking for a hammer of some kind, because presumably to nail a hammer, and I mean to hammer a nail in, that is what you would need. Yeah, he picks up the hammer.

Kyle

It's placed precariously close to the cookies, and seems to have some of their crumbs on it as if it was used for some purpose related to them.

Hallie

Hopper wipes it out his pajama pants and then goes help.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Alright, three, two, one!

Kyle

And then you hammer it in?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah. I hammer it in, I'm helping

Kyle

And in three, two, one, and

[00:40:00]

you all hammer it in, and the ticking...

[The ticking stops.]

Stops.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

[Laughing incredulously.] Yes, another day where the engine doesn't kill us all. Good work everyone!

Kyle

And the, the arm puts the woman down, and she starts moving on over to the box of cookies, and she says,

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Oh, thanks. Thanks so much for helping me. I really appreciate that. I–do you want anything?

Kyle

And she motions, uh, the box of cookies towards you.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah–what are those?

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Oh, they're cookies. Snapoas. All the tart, all the pleasure.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Uncertain.] Okay.

Hallie

He says skeptically, and then will accept a Snapoa.

Kyle

Alright, do you bite into it?

Hallie

Yeah. I'm not just gonna hold a cookie after taking it. He's gonna eat it.

Kyle

Cool. It is all of the tart, yes, but none of the pleasure.

Hallie

So Hopper, like, not wanting to be rude, has like, in his mouth, and he's trying to hold it in there as long as he can so the saliva eradicates any taste of it before he has to swallow it, and then he does and he's like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Pinched.] Where'd you get these?

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Oh, I just, old family recipe. They don't want to use it anymore, but I'm insisting! This is, this is a big thing, these, these could save the world someday.

Hallie

[Unconvinced.] These specifically?

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Yeah. Well, I mean not these, because, you know, they're gonna be gone after about a few days or so.

Kyle

And she goes, and she goes back to the engine. She starts thoughtfully chewing on one of the Snapoas. And she actually bites into it and you can hear like a little tink, because snapoas are also too hard to eat. So she just like takes out the, she grabs the hammer and hammers off a little piece and thoughtfully sticks it into her mouth.

Hallie

Oh my god. I love it so much. I hate it. But I love it. She's found the only way to eat snapoas.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Honestly, I can't fucking believe they put a stinkin' time bomb as our engine here. This thing could blow up any second. I spend half my time down here just trying to make sure it doesn't fry us all.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, about that. Is the engine that's driving the whole ship going to be...okay? Because you said it was, like, the fourth time you had to fix it. We've only been in the air for half a day.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Oh, well, I mean like, uh, uh...I mean, I think, uh, I mean I did fix it.

Tom

[Laughing in the background.]

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

What you're saying implies that I fixed it four times. So, you know, I fixed it four times.

Hallie (as Hopper)

That's true. I did say that. Alright.

[Upbeat, slightly chaotic cello and guitar music begins to play.]

Well, if you ever need any help, my name is Simon. Uh, it was nice to meet you. If you ever need me, I'm not, I'm not a mechanic or anything. But if you need help making sure the ship doesn't explode, I'd be glad to do my part. What I can.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, oh, shit. I always do this. I always do this.

[Her voice takes on a more prim and proper air.] Rule of etiquette, number one. Always make sure you get everyone's names. I'm so sorry. It's, uh, it's nice to meet you Simon.

Kyle

And she extends her hand, and then whips it back and she says,

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

No, no, I got to do it formally first.

Kyle

And then, uh.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer)

[Clears her throat.]

She straightens up, coughs out a little bit, and extends her hand very formally with the pinkie raised.

Kyle (as caramel-haired engineer/Sera)

Princess Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry. But, uh, you can just call me Sera.

Kyle

Elee, you also cannot sleep, and there are a variety of reasons that you could not be sleeping, but the two big ones are the quiet, the loneliness. Unlike the bunk bedded rooms of all the, ah, of all your companions, your room is completely isolated by yourself. Hop's has character, yours is characterless.

It's like a very fancy, like a sci-fi hotel room, all very smooth corners. It's quiet and it's empty and it's lonely, but simultaneously, you're pretty sure that this extremely cushy, fluffy bed is trying to suffocate you, because you've sunk probably three feet down into this very cushiony mattress, as you are, again, half metal. So how, how is Elee dealing with this bout of insomnia?

Emily (as Elee)

[Loud, extended, frustrated groan.]

[A pause.]

[The loud groan continues, louder.]

Emily

So she's squished way down into the mattress. She's really upset. She's super nauseous, and she can't sleep. So. She will–

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] Oh, yeah, how are you getting on with the awareness that you are in an airship that could crash at any second. How's Elee getting along with that? I didn't even remember that. Let's, let's dig into this very specific fear of airboats.

Emily

Yeah, let's dig into it. She's terrified. It's like a boat, but in the air, and this terrible mattress is making it worse, because it's reminding her of clouds. They look so soft and fluffy and then you sink right through them as the boat crashes and you fall through the air and die.

Kyle

Counterpoint though.

[00:45:00]

Sinking in the ship? Drowning, long and bad. Falling off an airship, splat and you're done.

Hallie

[Incredulous.] The fall is long.

Kyle

Yeah, but think of all the scenery you get to see!

Hallie

[Starts humming the theme song to the movie “Castle in the Sky”.]

Tom

Falling is very fucking horrifying.

Hallie

Unsafe.

Emily

In any case, probably all of these things are going through Elee's mind.

Kyle

It's just, just the podcast Quest Friends, just us talking about this runs through her mind.

Emily

More like, these are the ways to die. These are the horrifying things to think about. Man, I hate boats. Man, I'm gonna puke. Man, can I breathe in this mattress? No, the answer is no.

I think the sounds I made at the beginning when you asked what Elee was doing and how she was coping, part of it is like, the “I'm upset, and so I'm gonna groan,” but part of it is her little petty rebellion against this nice room that she has. Because it makes her feel kind of gross, and it makes her feel like she needs to reassert her toughness, and like, her rough-and-tumble nature that is threatened by this fancy bed.

Also, it might be loud enough to wake up and upset nearby people who are also living in fancy rooms.

Kyle

Oh, no, you're, you're real deep into this mattress. Inside this mattress, no one can hear you scream.

Tom

[Laughter.] What the fuck.

Kyle

How does Elee get out of this bed? I'm very curious.

Emily

[A low, bassy tune begins to play–it sounds like a spy about to engage in subterfuge.]

She already illegally made her way onto this ship. They don't have any way to take her money, probably, so she's just gonna shred her way out of the mattress. Feathers fly everywhere.

Kyle

Emily. These are actually JET.CO approved fahthers. They're artificially created feathers that can be used to generate other feathers. So fahthers fly everywhere.

Tom

[Strained.] No!

Emily

She finally frees herself and flops face-first onto the floor in relief.

[The music fades.]

The floor is a little more comfortable, but she doesn't want to hang out in that room right now. She can't sleep. She doesn't feel well, and she's getting grumpier by the second looking at the clean.

Kyle

Alright, so Elee, in an attempt to escape the clean, goes to her door, and I need you to roll perception. Apparently when I don't have prewritten descriptions I just make people roll perception a lot, is something I've learned today.

Emily

I mean–

Tom

It's a good stalling tactic.

Emily

Eleven!

Kyle

Alright, so, yeah, you can't find the door. It's just very plain walls, and eventually you start slamming around, and then you remember, crap my ID, and your ID just slides out of your pocket and it hits the panel. It hits the wall, and just–

[Schwip noise as the door slides open.]

The sci-fi Star Trek doors open up again, and you stumble your way out into the hallway.

[A light, quick song begins, a simple tune with faint chimes that feels a little futuristic.]

And, uh, Star Trek is kind of really an apt comparison for these hallways. They feel disturbingly sci-fi, or like, this is a deep cut but Kamino from Star Wars, where everything is kind of this, like, shiny white, and there's just like this very faint ambient light, and it's like,

[Low, faint humming. A low base beat picks up in the music.]

Actually. If you saw Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume Two, anyone who's seen that, it's like Ego's ship that he flies in. It's all just like very smooth and very organic, and very just like, nice and like, a nice glowing calming bluish-white.

It's terrible.

Emily

It is not calming.

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] Blue makes you think of the ocean.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Anyways, what are you kind of doing as you make your way through these halls?

Emily

So she'll kind of have her hand on the wall, and like move it along as she walks, like, just as a stability thing, and then I'm assuming that this ship, you can't actually, like, feel it turning and moving, correct?

Kyle

Ah, they try to make it very smooth up here on the first deck where all the professors and the seniors live.

Emily

Well she thinks she can feel it moving.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

And so she'll get kind of wobbly sometimes.

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] Wait, wait a second. Sorry.

[Soft, romantic guitar music begins to play.]

I–you could have sworn you saw that, that magenta before. Probably nothing. Anyways, what's Elee feeling?

Emily

Any color that had been in Elee's face has drained from it.

Kyle

Why are those–no no, why are those footsteps...

Like, just the way you can hear these footsteps methodically moving through the halls, like, they, on the tip of your tongue, they feel so familiar. Right?

Emily

[Faint groan.]

Kyle

Only you haven't heard it exactly, but they, they feel...they sound like a walk that you've seen. I mean it's a silly thing to say, but I don't...anyways, keep going.

[00:50:00]

Emily

Elee's nausea is no longer from feeling airsick, and she is not sure what's going on exactly, but she's getting really, really worried.

Kyle (as mysterious figure)

Excuse me. Do you need help?

Kyle

Well, now that, that voice you definitely recognize.

[The music intensifies.]

Emily

[Faintly.] I'm sorry. Just one sec. [Upset sigh.]

Kyle

And as you turn around, you see the puzzled face of a gorgeous woman in her mid sixties. She has a cleft lip and long curly hair. She stands in a perfect posture that she's broken to lean over to you to make sure you're alright, and she is wearing a professional coat over a comfortable magenta dress, and as soon as she sees you, that well-maintained posture breaks.

[The music fades.]

Elee, how do you respond to seeing Rei again?

Emily

For a second, she'll meet Rei's eyes, and then her eyes will dart away, and then they'll look back, and then they'll look away.

Emily (as Elee)

[Stammering.] R-Rei.

Kyle

You can see that she is looking not at your eyes, but your hat. Her hand is fidgeting with one of the buttons on her coat, and she's just counting one, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three candles.

Shit.

[Whimsical, upbeat music begins to play.]

And she stands up, and she starts pacing back and forth. Her hand is on her chin, and she's fidgeting, and she's like,

Kyle (as Rei)

[With increasing intensity.] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I tried to solve this once before, not again. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Kyle

And she turns over and she points to you, and then she starts pacing back, she's like,

Kyle (as Rei)

No no, no, no, no, NO.

Kyle

And you can see for a second her brain goes, maybe? And she's like,

Kyle (as Rei)

No. No, no, no.

Emily (as Elee)

[Stammering and clearing her throat.]

Kyle (as Rei)

Okay. So so who is that fo--? No, I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I told myself I wasn't gonna solve it, wasn't gonna solve it. Nope.

Emily (as Elee)

[Laughing.] You only told yourself you weren't gonna solve a puzzle? [Abruptly sheepish.] Sorry.

Kyle (as Rei)

No! No. No to you either. No, no, nope. Nope. So it was the child, and the husband, and then–nope. Nope. No, don't need to know.

[The music stops.]

Emily (as Elee)

[Crosstalking, slightly indignant.] Who told you!

Kyle (as Rei)

It only took a few years to figure out, okay? It was, it was nothing. You don't need to know about how I know. Okay?!

Emily

So Elee, despite her horror, there's this little part of her that will once in a while manage to take over that's really, like, like she loves this. She thinks it's really funny. And so she's trying really hard to like, control her emotions. And usually it's trying to push back the horror, but once in a while, she'll be trying to push back a smirk, but she still can't say anything–a little teasing remark slipped out earlier, but now she's back to not knowing what to do with herself.

Kyle

Rei, meanwhile is, she's used to maintaining her posture. So now she needs a brace, because she normally, you know, can maintain it, but she just can't, so she's trying to lean against the walls, and they're so slippery she's sliding down, and she's thinking out loud between a series of no, no, nos.

Kyle (as Rei)

Why are you even–no. I do not need to know. I, I need, I need, I need a thinking chair. I need to get my rocker. Nope. Nope. I need to get into my painted wood chair–no, no. The tall one. I need the tall chair. That's the one I need.

Kyle

And she starts walking off, to herself, saying that.

Emily (as Elee)

[Slightly panicked.] Rei?

Kyle

And then you hear a, [Kyle makes a quick tapping noise.] As the steps come back, and she starts, like, she's like,

Kyle (as Rei)

Alright, now you do this, and you do this.

Kyle

And she starts like, she kind of, like, lifts you up, and like adjusts your posture a little bit and like is like,

Kyle (as Rei)

Alright, brace your legs out.

Kyle

And she just like quickly, without you even registering what's going on–

[Closing theme, "Hitoshio" by Miracle of Sound, begins to play.]

Like helps you adjust your posture so that you're able to rock adjustingly with the float.

Kyle (as Rei)

Alright, with all that you should be able to stand perfectly safe, be perfectly good. Alright, alright, pleasure seeing you–no! Not. Nope. Nope. [Frustrated noise.]

Kyle

And she walks off, and around the corner.

Emily (as Elee)

Shit.

She's still really pretty.

[Closing theme intensifies.]

[00:55:00]

Kyle

Also, was Rei's response okay, even though I just kept on saying no repeatedly.

Emily

It was amazing.

Tom

Very good.

Hallie

It was very good. Yeah, because Rei feels–you can tell that she's composed basically all the time, except for that time, and it's great.

Tom

Oh, yeah. Did anyone else notice just Hallie's sadistic grin the entire scene.

Emily

I noticed! I noticed that.

Tom

The one time Hallie has gotten to watch someone else suffer.

Hallie

I really enjoyed it. I'm very invested in, in Relee.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

El-Rei.

Kyle

Vespari is immediately bias towards anyone he knows knows Xoc, but he doesn't know that Hop knows Xoc, so they can form a genuine roommate-ship.

Hallie

[Laughing.] Sure, maybe. I don't know. He's not even a student!

[Laughter from the party.]

Why is he here? I don't understand.

Tom

I could hear I could share Kyle's voice through the wall, so I knew who it was going to be.

Hallie

I could also hear his voice through your walls, and I was like, no.

Tom

Who are you!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

No one. Don't worry about it.

[Episode ends - 00:56:07]

Related Episodes

40. Little Mon, Big City (Part 3)

39. Little Mon, Big City (Part 2)

38. Little Mon, Big City

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