Ep. 45: Crime and Courtship, Part 10

Previously, on Quest Friends...

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]

Emily (as Elee)

Soe, you're going to meet someone and I want to have a conversation about it afterwards. 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Clears her throat.] 

Princess Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry, but, ah, you can just call me Sera. 

Kyle (as Rei)

My family has been at the highest level of public service for, uh, the country of Ancuan for some years now. You would call us royalty. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Startled.] Oh!

Kyle

Five years ago, Ezra facilitated the Coup of Ancuan, a war where Queen Anastasia Brackleberry regained her throne, but at the cost of massive destabilization to our region.

Hallie (as Hopper)

if you ever need any help, my name's Simon. Uh, it was nice to meet you. If you ever need me. I'm not—I'm not a mechanic or anything, but, um, I'd be glad to do my part. What I can.

[Opening music intensifies.]

Kyle

[The music fades.]

Okay. So before we get started. Hallie, do you want to share any clues from your heist board? 

Hallie

Oh, yeah! All right.

Kyle

The heist board is back. So we, we know we're in good, we're in good hands. 

Hallie

Doot-do-doo! Okay.

[Slightly ominous music begins to play as Hallie describes her heist board.]

I wrote, hopefully Ezra isn't Megan, because I was already super nice to her.

Tom

Meeghan.

Hallie

And then I wrote Megan consistently breaks rules, because she snuck paper into Elee's class. Like at least twice. Cecilos knows about us, but how and how much he knows about us remains to be seen. Claims he has a team but then just pointed to himself. 

Ari

[Laughter.] That's just him.

Hallie

Sunny found the string. 

[Wryly, responding to Ari.]  It might be, we'll see. Sunny found the string connected to the Blue Fairy was connected to the Prodigious. Because of all the stuff we know about stragic...stratic life, I posed a theory, which was, could the Prodigious itself be stratic life? Or maybe Ezra isn't on the boat at all. They're already the datasphere patron. And then I wrote, how much does Vespari know about the Blue Fairy's plans?

[The music fades out.]

Nothing.

Ari

Nothing.

Tom

[Simultaneously with Ari.] Nothing. 

Yeah. Absolutely nothing. 

Ari

He's just Ludo.

Kyle

I like how you don't need, you don't like even, you're not even looking for confirmation of that fact. 

Hallie

Nah, I'm just, I'm guessing. I have that color coded as a theory, because I have a whole key with color coding things. 

Tom

[Strained, trying not to laugh.] You have color coding for your heist board? 

Hallie

[Delighted.] I sure do! Look at my little key. It's with crayons. 

Kyle

Okay, we ready to go?

Hallie

Yep. 

Tom

Yes. 

Kyle

Hey, hey. Hey. Hey. Hop, we've talked a little bit outside of the session about what your thing is gonna be, and because of that it's actually going to happen at evening. So what have you been up to between your class and dinner, and I want you to link this to your flex skill? Which we forgot to give you. 

Hallie

Okay. So...between the professor talk and dinner, Hop would have...he would have gone to try to read, and then remembered where he is, and why he can't do that.

Ari

That keeps happening to him every time. 

Emily

So I had a thought about this. Why isn't Hop just checking out new books? 

Hallie

Because he's resisting the system. He wants his books!

Kyle

But like...No. Emily has a point.

Ari

You have...you have a li—access to library, right?  

Emily

[Laughter.] Soe's library.

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] Yeah. Soe has like, Soe has the access to every book in the back door. 

Hallie

Oh, yeah, we have that! Never mind. Hop's gonna go ask Soe for the library key, and then is gonna check out a fucking book. Actually, he's going to check out another one of the historical adventure series that Soe likes, because he also likes it. 

Kyle

Yeah, so she'll give it to you, but she'll say,

Kyle (as Soe)

Um, I-I was told that this was the thing that I had to keep safe. I can check it out to you, but I gotta hold onto the key. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Okay, yeah, that's fine. I just want a new book. 

Kyle

Okay. She gives you the new book. She gives you two new books. She's a pushover. 

Hallie

Excellent.

Kyle

[Upbeat music begins to play with a maraca gently shaking under the melody of Soe’s theme.]

By the way, as you leave, you notice that, like, a queue of students has started to line up outside of her door. 

Emily

[Pained.] Soe, no!

Kyle

And a handful of them are holding books.

Emily

[More intently.]  Soe, nooooo!

Hallie

Hopper smiles and walks away.

Emily

I'm so proud of my daughter. 

Hallie

He loves it. 

Emily

[Strained.] I'm so proud!

Hallie

He doesn't want Soe to get in trouble. But if she's presumably been doing this since there's a line of people already with books, then she's got it handled. She can do this. Hopper believes in her. This is the cause that he will fight for also, and he's glad to see a new generation doing so on this terrible, terrible boat. So yeah. Hopper just kind of, he reads. He doesn't go back to the Jameson Hopper book. He didn't dare ask for that. 

Ari

Aww.

Hallie

But he reads a little historical adventurer novels. So for my last flex skill, I chose grappling hooks and then never used it. Um, but what the historical adventure novel made me think of the most was kids hiding behind barrels. So I'd like hiding to be my skill. 

Ari

Oh, cute. 

Kyle

So, Hop, you've already done that. You've made your way back to dinner. Before everyone else, I'd say you probably got in there.

[Bright, upbeat piano music begins to play.]

So you're currently waiting for everyone else. You're sat next to Everett, who is just head down 

[00:05:00] 

on the table, just moping. And Jesse, who is also head down on the table, but they are snoring heavily. So I would say that they have their head down on the table for very different reasons.

Jesse, in fact, has their thumb up, because it looks like they're dreaming about playing tails up... 

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Heads up, seven up.

Kyle

[Dryly.] Tails up, nine up. I couldn't think of a new title, just heads up seven up. Yeah. 

Ari

[Pleased.] Ohh, I love that game.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Hopper...

Tom

I do not know how to play it.

Hallie

Hopper reaches out to put Jesse's thumb down to see how awake Jesse is.

Kyle

Jesse—you can see the, uh, their back kind of slumps up as if they got up to start moving around, but they're not actually moving, they're asleep. They're not going to be walking around the scramble.

Hallie

Hopper debates taking Jesse back to their room, but doesn't think he could do it by himself. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

All right. So Hop, as you do that your eyes kind of move around. There are not many people here. Some folks are coming in early to grab food and leave, but you see, suddenly you see in one of the doorways, you hear something weird. You hear Soe laughing, which you haven't heard before.

And I now realize that I have to pay that off by coming up with a horrible laugh for Soe, but I can't bring myself to do it. So just imagine it's the cutest fucking laugh in existence.

Hallie

Gotcha. 

Kyle

And she is chatting it up with that, ah, woman that you met last night, the one working on the ship. What was, what was her name? 

Hallie

Uh, Seraphinia Willow Delilah Brackleberry.

Kyle

Right, yeah.

Tom

[Dryly.] Curiously specific, Hopper Scotch. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

He remembers the whole name. 

Kyle

Yeah. So you see the two are kind of chatting it up, and they seem to be almost looking around. And I need you to roll speed defense. 

Hallie

All right, I'm breaking out my fancy new metal dice, which I was given by a friend. Gonna just roll this super impressive heavy metal die. [Dice roll.] Nine!

Ari

Ohh.

Hallie

[Laughing slightly.] Ari says with disappointment. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

You hear a...

[Long, high whistling noise.]

Instead of hearing the explosion that's usually accompanied by it... 

[Whimsical, upbeat music begins to play. It's sweet and friendly.] 

You feel a very warm, blanket-like fur wrap around your head, and you just hear,

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Excited whistling.]

Hallie

Hopper would go like, [Startled noise.] And then recoil a little bit and then realize it was Chitters and then like, 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Pleasantly surprised.] Oh hey, hey Chitters! 

Kyle

Chitters responds to its name and just sits down and goes in for another hug. But his arm is still above your eyes and you just hear,

Kyle (as Sera)

Chitters. Chitters!

Hallie

Hopper's like, not trying to push Chitters off because he doesn't want Chitters to think that he's mean, but he's trying to like, get Chitters in a position that isn't suffocating him. 

[The music fades.]

So he's just gently trying to extricate, and he'll also go shh, shh,shh, because Jesse's asleep, and he doesn't want Jesse to be woken up.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Chitters. Chitters! Come on. Come on.

Kyle

And Chitters, uh, immediately sits up, scurries down across the table, and then hops onto the arm and up onto the shoulder of that woman, Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry.

Hallie

Willow Delilah. 

Kyle

What?

Hallie

[More firmly.] Willow Delilah.

Kyle

Did I get the wrong order? I'm gonna call her Sera. It goes on Sera's shoulder, and Soe then says,  

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh! There, there he is!

Kyle

And points to you. 

Hallie

Hopper does that thing where he looks both ways to like, make sure they mean him, and then points at himself and gives them a puzzled look.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Me?

Kyle

Sera just turns over to Soe and says. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, thanks so much, Soe. I gotta—I'll go talk to him. Can you just get me that, uh, that book about the two, the like, kiss and the dark lord and stuff like that?

Tom

[Faintly, amused.] Kiss.

Kyle

And Soe perks up and uh, and scuttles off. And Sera turns over and says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, yeah, you. Uh, do you...you remember me? 

Hallie (as Hopper)  

Yeah. Uh, Sera, right?

Kyle (as Sera)

Uh, yeah, cool. Uh. Listen, so uh, last night you said that I could reach out to you if I ever needed any help, right? 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Yeah!

Kyle (as Sera)

Great. Great! Cool. Cool. 'cause I, uh, I need help.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Oh, with what? Is something wrong with the engine again? 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Quickly.] Uh, no, no, no, no the engine's...uh.

Kyle

You can see that she's trying very politely to say, I wouldn't ask you for help with the engine. 

[Laughter from the party.]

She's like,

Kyle (as Sera)

No, I, uh. Actually, there's um, there's this trivia thing going on tonight? And I just, I, I kind of need someone who...I don't know, I don't know how to say this politely. [Her voice trails up at the end as she sheepishly asks.] Um, has an unhealthy amount of knowledge on things that don't matter? 

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Dryly.] Someone who knows trivia is what you're saying. You want someone who knows trivia? 

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah. No. Yeah! No, that's, uh, yeah, that's exactly what I mean. So, um, they've got this trivia thing tonight and I'm, okay. I'm not saying I forgot. I'm not saying I forgot! But it may or may not be my mom's anniversary of when she became a professor tomorrow. It's kind of a big deal. It's almost like, you know, a birthday, because it also is her birthday.

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.]

Kyle (as Sera)

And I'm not saying I forgot to get her something? But, um. 

[00:10:00] 

I didn't remember. And so I really need to get a gift and the ending machine is giving out anything that you want to the winners of trivia tonight. So, if, if you weren't, you know, too busy. I...was wondering if you could just help me out with that.

Hallie

Hopper glances back at Everett and Jesse and then to Everett will say,

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Hey, Everett. I mean, I know that you would do this anyway, but just make sure Jesse gets back to their room. All right, okay?

Kyle

[Three seconds of silence.]

That's as much of a response as you get. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Okay. Great.

Hallie

[Laughing slightly.] Is what Hopper says, in response to nothing. And then he will say, like, 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Yeah, I'll give, I'll give trivia a try.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Brightly.] Cool! I'll, uh, I'll see you then. 

Kyle

[Gentle smooth jazz music begins to play — the kind you would hear in an elevator.] 

And she heads out. After a little bit, everyone comes for dinner. You all meet up next to these two semi-conscious children. Soe and Meeghan go and they get their own table. Um, two things of note happen during this dinner. The first thing that happens is you all meet up and you discuss the clues that you've assembled. And one of the big things you run across is that invite that Misha got for Nano Fight Club, which is happening this evening and coincidentally happening right after trivia ends. 

You all talk a little bit and you decide that this is kind of the best lead to pursue. So you all agree that you're going to meet up at the courtyard when Nano Fight Club begins. The other thing that happens...I'm going to have Emily lead the charge, this is actually something she mentioned to me. 

Emily

Okay, I am gonna go over to where Soe and Meeghan are.

[The music fades.]

Kyle

Okay. And as you do, you start to hear the conversation that they're saying. And you hear Meeghan saying,

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[A tuba note introduces the same slightly suspicious, maraca-backed heist music that played while Soe was checking out books to Hopper. It's punctuated by tuba notes throughout this time.]

Um, uh, a puzzle box?

Kyle (as Soe)

I already thought about that, but that's what Aneen 75 is doing. 

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

Uh, what about a puzzle sphere? 

Kyle (as Sera)

Um, well, I guess a puzzle sphere would be pretty good but it doesn't feel like quite...

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[Crosstalking.] What about, what about, uh, a puzzle egg, and you could put something in, you could put one of your books in it!

Kyle

And Soe just looks at Meeghan and goes,

Kyle (as Soe)

[Excitedly.] Ohhhh!

Kyle

And they do this weird secret high-five handshake that they've figured out. 

Emily

Ohhh!

Kyle

As Soe fiercely scribbles an idea into her notepad. 

Emily

[Strained.] Kyle, Meeghan can't be Ezra. Soe's gonna be devastated! I know, Tom. I know. [She sighs.] 

Okay. Um.

Kyle

So do you walk up to her now? 

Emily

Yeah. 

Kyle

All right. You make your way over, and Soe immediately turns to you and lights up. 

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, hey Mom. I could actually use some of your help right now! Uh, Meeghan and I are coming up with gift ideas, because you see, I just found out that my professor's birthday is tomorrow, and I want to get her a really special gift! 

Emily (as Elee)

[Too enthusiastically and clearly uncomfortable.] Oh, your professor...is...has birth. A day of...was born.

Kyle (as Soe)

[Slightly confused by Elee's response.] Well, yeah, at least that's what I was told birthdays are all about? So I was thinking of getting her, like, a puzzle egg. So puzzle she has to figure out, and then inside I could put a book...uh...a book of...

Kyle

And Meeghan pipes in,

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[Gleefully.] Of puzzles! 

Kyle (as Soe)

[Brightly.] Yeah, a book of puzzles! 

Emily (as Elee)

[Faintly.] I bet your professor would love that. I think that something that's gonna be really important to your professor, and that she's going to be able to see, is how much thought you put into it. 

Kyle (as Soe)

[Very faintly.] Ohh.

Kyle

She blushes. 

Emily (as Elee)

Um, I was actually wondering could I...could I just talk to you for a minute, Soe?

Kyle (as Soe)

Yeah, what's up?

Emily (as Elee)

[A brief pause.] Like in, maybe in private? I'm really sorry Meeghan. 

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[Still chipper.] Oh, no, that's all right. I'll make sure I can't hear!

Kyle

And she whips out her tuba out of nowhere.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And starts playing. [Kyle makes tuba sounds.] Except you can't hear it because she has a plug on the top...

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

That leads to two earphones that go into her ears. So she's just playing the sound of a tuba into her ears. Her fish ears. 

Emily (as Elee)

Um, Soe. I don't know if you've noticed that I was maybe a little bit weird around your Professor. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Uh, no? I mean you were as weird as you are around everybody else. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Awkwardly.] Oh.

[Laughter from the party.]

Um, and, y'...you know that really nice girl that you met that your professor introduced you to?

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, her name's her name's Seraphinia...

Kyle

Fuck. Let me pull it up. 

Tom

[Dryly.] Do we need to go back to Hallie?

Emily

[Coyly.] Maybe we should just ask Hallie.

Tom

Hallie can tell us.

Kyle (as Soe)

Her name's Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry. Oh, and there's a princess in front of that because...[Whispering.] She's a princess too!

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah. Soe, the thing is I...I know, you know that I'm old, Soe? 

[Gentle guitar music begins to play. It has a melancholy piano melody. Elee talks slowly, trying to pick her words carefully.] 

Like, I've lived a lot of years 

[00:15:00] 

and I've done a lot of things and I've met a lot of people, and I happened to meet them. And at one point I liked your professor very much.

Kyle

And at that point it takes Soe...give me a second to roll. [Dice roll.] It takes Soe a very long time to figure it out, because I rolled a two. 

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

She just sits there. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. And then assuming you don't say anything...

Emily

Elee's just frozen in fear, like, waiting awkwardly.

Kyle

Actually, no. I'm gonna punish you for my bad rolls. You need—you gotta say it. You gotta say it. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Very delicately.] Soe, your...your father was not the only person that I have been close to.

Kyle

And suddenly, with a spark of realization, Soe's hair shoots up and out in every direction, and then it takes the shape of a star, like the starry eyes she has as she slaps her hands to her cheeks and just goes,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Gasps.] I have a sister! 

[Abrupt, wooshing scene change noise.]

Kyle

All right. So Hop, you're making your way...

[Faint laughter.] You're making your way through the creepy crawly third deck to the engine room. 

Tom

[Coyly.] Did you dress up nice for your date?

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily

[More earnestly.] Oh, yeah, did you dress up?

Kyle

[Smugly.] Did you dress up nice? 

Hallie

[Flatly.] No.

Tom

Where are you going to take her after trivia? 

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

[Through laughter.] Probably Nano Fight Club, I guess. The most romantic of all locations.

Emily

Back to the bottom bunk of your room with Vespari. [Laughter.]

Hallie

No, Hopper absolutely doesn't consider this a date. He considers this a desperate, I need a partner for a thing.

Ari

Which makes sense. It would kind of be awkward if he considered it a date honestly. 

Tom

That's...

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Yeah. 

Tom

Actually true. That's true. 

Hallie

It doesn't occur to him that it would be a nice event either, and is just, is wearing his normal clothes, not his hat. I just want to make it very clear Hopper doesn't consider this a date. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Anyways, so as you make your way to the Prodigious...you're on the Prodigious.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

As you make your way to the engine room, you hear cursing, but it's not Sera's cursing. 

[Garry Goldstone's muffled voice can be heard faintly in the background.] 

Instead, you hear a crackling voice say,

Kyle (as Garry Goldstone)

[Bagpipe music begins to play.] And that's only the third of the horrible heinous books that Hopper Scotch stole!

Hallie

[Faintly.] Noo.

Kyle (as Garry Goldstone)

And now that he's back on the Prodigious, wearing those dreadfully disgustingly disguised clothes, don't let his normal regular shades of brown fool you, that man is a colorful menace! And he should never be trusted, because he knows virtually everything! 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Garry Goldstone)

That makes him so dangerous. 

Hallie

[The music fades.] 

[Bemused.] Hopper's just making like, a what? face outside the room. He's never been accused of knowing virtually everything, and is just flabbergasted that this man from ten fucking years ago is still like, Hopper Scotch! Like, he doesn't understand. Also he looks down at like, his, his, because he insulted his outfit, Goldstone insulted Hopper's outfit, Hop is going to look down because these are his nice clothes! Because these are his social clothes that give him a bonus to social interactions. This is his steampunk princess outfit. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[Indignant.] Goldstone can't just insult his steampunk princess outfit which has a specific mechanic for staying clean!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

So Hopper will like kind of trudge around the side of the door, and then just lead in the doorway and watch who this tirade is at. He assumes Sera. 

Kyle

So you turn over and you see the corner. You see that Goldstone isn't there, and instead you see on Sera's desk this little sepia-toned globe spinning around. And then Sera turns and she looks at you, and she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, hey, great to see you. I just, let me quickly wrap up.

Kyle

And she rolls over and she picks up the top of the globe, kind of like how you pick off the pin of um...of a...

Tom

[Suspiciously.] Of a grenade?

Kyle

No! Of like, a sound, the sound thing that goes around. 

Tom

Oh! The needle!

Kyle

Of a record.

Tom

[Incredulous.] Who calls it a pin!

Kyle

I don't know! And the, uh, the globe goes silent. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Sorry about that, was just, uh, listening to the latest episode of the Goldstone Globe. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Oh. Professor Goldstone has a...uh, a show. 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Laughter.] It's a riot. 

Kyle

Anyway, she, she comes on over and says, 

Kyle (as Sera)

All right. Chitters!

Kyle

And you just hear, 

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Cheerful whistling.]

Kyle

As Chitters just pops out from behind the sphere that is the engine, and she says, 

Kyle (as Sera)

Hey, you, are you good to cover the engine the rest of the night?

Kyle

And Chitters just goes, 

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Confident whistling.] 

Kyle

And sticks out one of his arms and gives a thumbs up.

Hallie

Hopper looks briefly alarmed.

Kyle

And Sera's like,

Kyle (as Sera)

Cool. All right, we're uh, we're good to go.

Hallie

And then just assumes that Sera knows what she's doing, and follows her out. 

[00:20:00] 

But he does want to ask,

Hallie (as Hopper) 

So what does Goldstone talk about on, on his show?

Kyle (as Sera)

I mean, whatever he's mad about mostly. Recently it's been about this guy that was apparently some big bandit or something. This...

[Sera imitates Goldstone's voice.] Hopper Scotch. 

[In her normal voice.] I don't know. I've never met anyone like that. I mean, he does kind of match your description, but...

Hallie (as Hopper) 

I'm just a guy. There are a lot of us around.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Anyway, so he talks about that stuff. He talks about a lot of the nonsense of what's going on at the school. Honestly, it's like, it's, it's so frustrating, because like, the guy gets so close actually understanding what's going on, but then he goes on some tirade about like how in Roulettia, all this kind of stuff doesn't happen. In Roulettia, we don't have all this regulation. In Roulettia, we don't have all these rules.

And honestly, I just... [She snorts.] I don't even know what the hell he's talking about. 

Hallie

And Hopper will scoff and then say,

Hallie (as Hopper) 

I don't think Goldstone does either. 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Laughter.] Yeah. My mom says, oh, we should be kind to him, try to help him figure out the best way. I was kind and let him know that he should stay away from the engine room. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

Hopper will laugh out loud at that, and say,

Hallie (as Hopper) 

That was, that was probably a good call.

[A few moments of silence.]

Kyle

There's silence for a little bit. And she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

All right, I gotta...I gotta ask. So are you this book bandit guy? 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

What, just because I resemble him in almost every way...[Laughter.] Goldstone described?

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

[Through laughter.] Let me re—let me rephrase that. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

What, because some of our descriptions matched up?

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, yeah, I mean was he was, uh, he was pretty specific. Uh...

Hallie

In that case, Hopper will just shrug. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

It was a long time ago. 

Tom

[Slightly sleezy, jazzy music begins to play, the kind you would hear in a bar in an old school noir detective movie.]

Oh, yeah. Hopscotch. Haven't heard that name in a long time.

Kyle

[Laughter.] And she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, cool. Cool, cool. 

Kyle

And it just stays awkward for a little bit because you two don't know each other. And then she just says, 

Kyle (as Sera)

You do still remember all the trivia stuff though, right? 

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie (as Hopper) 

I mean, I don't know what they're going to ask, so, I don't know if I will remember it or not, but I'll do my best to get your mom that present. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, okay. Cool. Cool. Yeah. No, just do your best, uh, don't get expelled.

[A brief pause.] I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Hallie

Hopper will just kind of like, hang his head a little bit, and go,

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Yeah, I, I, I went here before, and I got expelled, largely by Goldstone. I mean the, the oligarchy or whatever did it, but Goldstone was...I can't believe he still holds a grudge, to be honest, you know?

[The music fades.]

Kyle

All right. So you make your way to the trivia room, you go to make your way in, and Sera goes and the sides of her wheelchairs hit the sides of the door. And she just says,

[Slightly whimsical music begins to play.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Fuck. 

Kyle

Tries it again.

Kyle (as Sera)

Piss.

Kyle

Tries again. 

Kyle (as Sera)

God. Damn it! When are they gonna make bigger doors? Hey, hey. Hey, hey, you see, uh, see that little lever on the back there?

Kyle

And she points to something on the back of the, uh, wheelchair. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah. Can you, can you just pull that on the count of three? 

Hallie (as Hopper)  

Yeah. 

Kyle (as Sera)

All right, uh.

Kyle

And she starts to reach her hands up towards this bar that seems to have been strategically placed right in the doorway as if she is installed in herself. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Okay. Uh, one, two, three.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Pull!

Hallie

He pulls. 

Kyle

And she lifts herself up, as if doing a pull-up on this bar. You pull the lever. The chair by itself collapses down into like, maybe a fifth of its size, and she says, 

Kyle (as Sera)

Hey, can you just, uh, just put that back and pull the lever again? 

Hallie

He follows her instructions and, and does the thing.

Kyle

Ah, you pull a lever again, the thing expands back to its normal size, Sera turns around on the bar, sets herself back down, and says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Thank you. 

Hallie (as Hopper)  

Did you install that yourself?

Kyle (as Sera)

The door? Absolutely fucking not! I don't know who, what kind of person installed that—

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Crosstalking.] I meant, I meant the bar, because the door is—

Kyle (as Sera)

[Crosstalking.] Oh, yeah. No, that was me!

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Crosstalking.] Extremely narrow. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah. No, that was me. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

They haven't just made the doors wider?

Kyle

She snorts at that. She's like, 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Snorts.] Have they made it wider? Yeah, not likely. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Okay. I mean, obviously they haven't, but I just, I mean—I, I guess I'm just...you know, I'm not actually surprised. Qi is terrible. I'm just disappointed.

Hallie

And then Hopper makes a note to bring this up if he can. 

Kyle

I'm gonna bring this up with management. 

Hallie

Yeah! 

Kyle

Fucking years later Hopper Scotch still thinks, yeah. I'll just tell the school their policies are terrible, and then they'll see.

Hallie

[A little forlorn.] He would feel better trying and failing than not at all.

Kyle

[Gentle, but slightly ominous music begins to play—the same music that played as Hallie checked her heist board.]

All right. So you're, uh, in the library. The desks have been placed to the side with two chairs set by each in order to accommodate for each trivia pair. Meanwhile, the library's numerous bricks have each been piled onto bleachers for non-participating audience members to rest on. All you see right now is a handful of aneens and inspector Cecilos. 

Hallie

[Whispering.] God damn it.

Kyle

Who fiercely surveys his surroundings before narrowing his gaze on you...[A foreboding wooshing noise picks up in the background.]

Widening his mouth into a crooked smile...

[The noise stops abruptly.] And just giving a really pleasant wave.

Hallie

Hopper waves back. He's a little more reserved, but it's the polite enough wave.

Kyle

He gets really excited, and just to make sure he undoes his mustache, and just mouths, 

Kyle (as Cecilos)

It's me!

Hallie

[Whispering, trying not to laugh.] Oh my god. 

Kyle

[00:25:00] 

And then waves before putting it back on again.

Hallie

Hopper just...does a thumbs up.

[The music fades.]

Kyle

And then in the center of the room, propped up on a few chairs, you see an impromptu pedestal made of bricks. And sitting in it...

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[A cheerful beep.]

[A much more upbeat player-piano tune begins to play.]

Hello Simon N. Simon and Princess Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry. Are you joining us for trivia tonight?

Hallie

Hopper's letting Sera take the lead.

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, yeah. Um, Simon, I forgot to mention to you. This is actually something for the trivia class that the, uh, professor let me join in on.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Another chipper beep.]

That is correct! As the Professor of Miscellaneous and Circumstantially Relevant Knowledge, it is my responsibility to make sure my students are always equipped to answer any irrelevant question that they're asked. So I set up this trivia game! 

[Q.BO pings.] Please take a seat at one of the tables, come up with your team names, and then we can get started shortly. 

Tom

Oh, shit.

Hallie

Hopper will just again default to Sera.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

What do you, what do you want our team name to be? 

Kyle (as Sera)

All right. So. Now this, this is something I've been thinking about a lot. We've got Brain Explosion, Knowledge Explosion, Trivia Boom...

Hallie (as Hopper) 

So...so you want something explosive? 

Kyle

She start scribbling, she just starts thinking, thinking out loud a little bit more. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Maybe we could put the boom in behind brain, and do Brain Boom. That sounds smart. It's got that alitta...uh-litta...a-litter...a-litter-rah-shun.

Hallie

Alliteration!

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah. It's got that uh, a-litter-ra-shon-ee-yah.

Hallie

[Through laughter.] That's not Hopper laughing, that's me, because I love it. Hopper doesn't correct her.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Uhh...I can't...he...Boom Brain's fine.

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, put the boom before the brain, start with the explosion, go with the knowledge! I like that! All right! All right!

[The music fades.]

Kyle

Sera goes and she hammers down, she says, 

Kyle (as Sera)

We're going to be Broo...Boom...Broom Brain. Oh, uh, Boom...Boom Brain.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Bewildered, crosstalking slightly.] Broom Brain?

Kyle (as Sera)

You know what? No, I like that. Broom Brain!

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Crosstalking.] Broom Brain.

Kyle (as Sera)

We're gonna sweep up, we're gonna clean house.

Hallie (as Hopper)  

All right. All right. 

Kyle

Uh...

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Broom Brain.

Kyle (as Sera)

All right, so we got team Broom Brain!

Kyle (as Q.BO)

So! We have our three teams. We have Broom Brain, with Princess Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry and Simon N. Simon. [A ping.]

Our second competing team is Aneen, which is comprised of Aneen and Aneen. 

[One more ping.] And then finally, we have the Old Wayfarers, which are comprised of Captain Jebediah Ishmael and Professor Gary Goldstone.

Kyle (as Garry Goldstone)

Now I told you I didn't want to be called old! I'm a Wayfarer but I'm young and I'm novel!

Hallie

Hopper's face completely drops when he sees that Goldstone is one of the competitors. 

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Q.BO pings once more.] 

In order to compete this, the first person to slam the buzzer on their desk and say the correct answer wins!

Kyle

All right, are you ready to do some trivia? 

[Upbeat game show music with a strong bass line begins to play.]

Hallie

Let's do it.

[The music fades.]

Kyle

Hello, and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends Episode 45, Crime and Courtship Part 10. I'm Kyle, your GM, and our intro and outro music are "Friends" and "Hitoshio," both by Miracle of Sound. It's our two-year anniversary, more or less. Last Friday, we had a Q&A session where we celebrated our second year anniversary by doing a Q&A, and then playing a little bit of a game called Gang Beasts. Thank you so much to everyone who made it out to the stream. And if you were unable to make it out to the stream or would like to revisit it, I am working at getting a YouTube version of the stream uploaded in the next week or so. You can also currently find it under our videos at Twitch.tv/QuestFriends. 

Thanks so much for everyone who submitted questions and came out to watch, and then, again, you know, thank you for just anyone who's listened to us at any time over the course of these past two years.

And if you're listening to me right now that includes you! Not a whole lot to announce today besides that. Today was originally going to be the day we released the table read for our unreleased comic, but because this episode was late, I thought priority came to getting this episode out. Similarly, because the rest of my September and October are pretty swamped, that table read might not come out right away. I'm going to prioritize getting main episodes out instead, although there is a seasonally appropriate episode that will be coming out in Halloween, and we'll learn more about that as it gets closer. 

That's all I have for you today! Thank you again so much for listening. Our next episode is going to come out on Monday, October 7th, and I will see you then.

[Tinkling but slightly haunting music begins to play.]

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[The music fades.]

[00:30:11] Question one. [Pings.] What is High Father Calaval best known for?

[Buzzer sound.]

Princess Seraphinia. Do you have an answer?

Kyle (as Sera)

[Slightly panicked.] Ah...well...uh.

Kyle  

And Sera turns over to you.

Hallie

No! [Laughter.]

Kyle

Her hand on the buzzer, and she says...

Kyle (as Sera)

Okay, so I just really got excited because I recognized the name Calaval, but honestly, I didn't, I haven't been able to see the musical yet so I don't know what the answer to this is. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Okay. Okay. Okay. 

Hallie

Hopper has a skill in history. Can I roll to see if he knows? 

Kyle

Yeah, give me a roll.

Hallie

[Dice roll.] 13. 

Kyle

Yeah, you know.

Hallie

Yes! Uh, what's the answer so I can say it.

Ari

Awful singing.

Tom (as Calaval)

[Singing weakly.] I'm the guy who found the Zhev.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

He found the Zhev!

Tom (as Calaval)

[Still singing.] 'cause I'm the guy who found the Zhev.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[A bright, celebratory ping — it sounds like a typewriter.] Correct. 

Tom

[Still singing over Kyle's laughter.] And someday I'll be the Amber Pope, but in a while! Yes in a while!

Ari

Why do you know the lyrics. 

Emily

Gosh darn it. That song's gonna be stuck in my head again. 

Tom

Good.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Pings.] Correct! High Father Calaval, who later became the Amber Pope, led the expedition that discovered and tamed the Zhev! One point to Broom Brain.

[Upbeat ping.]

Kyle

And Sera just,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Whispering.] Yes!

Kyle

To herself.

Hallie

Hopper's pleased.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Pings.] Our next question is actually related to the Zhev! It is...

Kyle

[Comical music with a low horn line begins to play.] And he starts trailing off, but Sera stopped paying attention and she turns over to you and she just says,

Hallie

Noooo. 

Kyle (as Sera)

All right. Thank you so much for really helping me out with that. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Like, who knows High Father Calaval is, you know?

Hallie (as Hopper) 

I mean...I did.

Kyle (as Sera)

I...I...okay. Well, yeah.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

I'm a nerd. I get it. 

Kyle (as Sera)

No, I, no—I didn't—I didn't mean anything by it. Just, you know. You know?

Hallie (as Hopper) 

I know.

Kyle (as Sera)

Okay, cool. I'm glad you know, cause we gotta get the next one right too. 

Kyle

And she slams down the buzzer. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

I didn't even hear the question!

Hallie

Hopper like, whispers fervently to her, so it's like,

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Frantic whispering.] didn't even hear the question. 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Whispering back.] I don't know. I don't know. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Um.

Kyle (as Sera)

I'm sorry. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

It was something about the Zhev, right? Um...seven?

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[A less chipper buzz-buzz.] Unfortunately, that answer is close, but incorrect. The protective armor surrounding the Zhev is in fact, not seven frinches, but only six frinches. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Whispering.] God damn it.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

One point has been deducted from team Broom Brain. 

[A sad descending chime.]

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Wait, wait! We lose points if we get answers wrong?

Hallie

Hopper's asking that. Hopper's asking.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Crosstalking.] Yeah, what kind of nonsense is this? Why are we gonna lose answers? How is that going to encourage learning!

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Indignant.] Yeah, what she said. How is that going to encourage learning?

Kyle (as Sera)

How is that going to encourage learning?

Kyle

And Q.BO just sits there.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Q.BO pings.] Calculating. 

[A cheerful, celebratory chime.] Your argument seems valid. No points have been deducted from team Broom Brain. 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[Startled.] Wait, really?

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.] This is like the first successful thing Hopper's done at Qi University. 

Kyle

Sera says at the same time, you both go, 

Kyle (as Sera)

Wait, really?!

Kyle

And then she turns over for a high-five.

Hallie

Hopper high fives her back. 

Kyle

All right.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Chime.] Fun fact about the Zhev. Their armor is installed with state-of-the-art technology that can focus their thoughts and provide for direct instructions. This is what enables the Zhev to have basic, if not human, communication.

Kyle

[An ominous song, played on something with the unsettling thrum of a theremin, begins to play.] And you won't notice this, but we as the, like, audience just turn over and we see the Aneens and Jebediah, and the camera just like, fades, and focuses on their ear tags for a second.

[The music fades.]

Hallie

All right.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Ping.] Next question. Who led the campaign to exile the Tyrant King Vincent and reclaim the throne of Ancuan.

Kyle

And Sera slams it down—

[Sharp buzzer noise.] 

Slams down says immediately,

Kyle (as Sera)

I know this one. I know this one. The answer is Rei! [She clears her throat.] I mean, sorry, um Princess Professor. Ramya Naomi Gabriella Brackleberry. Heh, heh, heh.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Oh, is that— 

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Q.BO gives a discouraging buzz over Hopper.] Unfortunately, that answer is incorrect. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, wait, wait, what, what are you talking about?! It's incorrect? 

Kyle (as Q.BO)

The correct answer is Queen Anastasia Margot Maria Brackleberry. 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Increasingly annoyed.] Wait, now what are you talking about? No, I mean—I, yeah, she got the throne, but like, no, no, my mom was the one who put in all the effort. She put in all the work! She did everything, like what are you talking about? 

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Q.BO pings.] Unfortunately, while you are correct in that Princess Professor Ramya Naomi Gabriella Brackleberry was useful in this coup—

Kyle (as Sera)

[Crosstalking, scoffing.] Yeah. Useful, more like was it.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

Unfortunately, she was only an asset and did not reclaim the throne herself. If we were to include folks like her, we would have to include the Jagged Dream.

Hallie

[The low thrum of the ominous Jagged Dream string music begins.]

Hopper perks up at that.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Coolly.] Excuse me?

Kyle

And she pushes herself back from the desk for a second and just sit, sets her hand down, and leans in.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Unsettlingly calm.] Excuse me?

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Q.BO beeps.] Recent information has implied that one of the biggest contributors to the coup of Ancuan was, in fact, none of the Brackleberries, but the leader Ezra, the Strife leader of the Jagged Dream, who facilitated the coup in order to cause more strife and chaos in the southern part of the Steadfast.

Kyle

And Sera just goes, 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Angrily.] What?!

Kyle

And she throws

 [00:35:00] 

over the table and starts moving over to Q.BO. 

Kyle (as Sera)

[Sharply.] You take that fucking back right now. There's no goddamn way that my little cousin's campaign to recover her kingdom, which is doing great by the way, was part of some evil Jagged Dream, whatever plot, all right?! You're gonna take that back right now!

Hallie

Uh, ah, Hopper's like, like, he's doing that thing where he's not sure at what point he should intervene. He only knows that he has to intervene. So he kind of like, tries to like grab Sera's shoulder, but put a hand up to stop, and like, 

Hallie (as Hopper) 

Sera, maybe this isn't the time or place. 

Kyle

Give me a roll. 

Hallie

[Stressed noise.] Shouldn't have grabbed her.

[Dice roll.]

[More pleased.] Nineteen!

Kyle

All right, you get a minor effect. So you'll convince her but you get another bonus. What do you want that additional bonus to be?

Hallie

[Thoughtful noise.]

Emily

[Whispering.] She forgives Elee!

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] I want us to get a point, because Sera convinced Q.BO that this is the right version of history, not what Q.BO—in Q.BO's databases.

Kyle

She's gonna just shrug it off and say,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Exasperated.] Yeah, whatever. We gotta...[Sighs.] Fine.

Kyle

And as she starts moving back she shouts behind herself, 

Kyle (as Sera)

But I'll have you know that my mom was supposed to have the throne but she didn't want it!

Kyle

To which Q.BO says,

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Upbeat chime.] That is correct. The throne was supposed to go to Princess Ramya Naomi Gabriella Brackleberry, and she did not give it up until after the coup. Therefore, team Broom Brain gets another point.

[Celebratory chime.]

Kyle

And Sera just grumbles.

Kyle (as Sera)

Don't you suck up to me now.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

[In a conciliatory tone.] We got a point, Sera!

Hallie

Hopper says, in an effort to like, calm her down. 

Kyle

She just slams her arm down the table, points at you, and says...she's just makes a point by pointing at you, and then turns over to continue trivia. 

And so now we're going to flash forward from trivia a little bit. 

Tom

Oh, god.

Kyle

And we're roll to see how well, how well we do. We're both gonna roll! Because I'm Sera, and I'm trying to help you, and you're trying to win as well. 

Hallie

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

But here's the trick. Sera doesn't know trivia. So any contribution she makes will lose you a point. Because you scored so well, I'm not going to use a D20. I'm going to use a D12, but we're going to take your roll, we're going to subtract my roll, and then we're going to see how well you're doing. 

Tom  

[Pained.] Oh God. 

Hallie

Okay. [Dice roll.]

Tom

Come on Hallie, roll, roll big. Roll large numbers.

Hallie

Oh, is that what I should roll Tom, large numbers?

Tom

Only the highest numbers.

[Dice roll.]

Hallie

Five.

Ari

Negative numbers, maybe?

Kyle

So with mine that comes out to a four.

Hallie

[Uncertain.] Okay. Like...you rolled a one, or you rolled a four.

Kyle

So there were three degrees of success we could have here. We're at the bottom degree of success. 

Hallie

I will take any degree of success Kyle. Any of them. 

Kyle

So, um, as you're doing...you, you were off to a strong start, but you're really starting to go down, and you notice before the final round, before that, there's a brief break. And during this time you notice something peculiar. You notice that at one point, Cecilos gets up and he walks to the table that's been having the most success: the Old Wayfarers. And he goes and he starts conversing with them, and Jebediah Ishmael seems really perked up, like he seems really agreeable. He's laughing to what Cecilos saying, he's like—

[A big belly laugh.] 

That's a walrus laugh. And before he goes back to his seat, Cecilos takes out the equivalent of a piece of paper in the brick world. 

He takes out a pebble—a small little marble-sized shape, which Jebediah grabs in his flipper. Walrus are flippers, right? 

Hallie

Yeah.

Tom

Flippers, fins, yeah.

Kyle

And he goes and he sits down, and Q.BO asks the final question.

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Q.BO chimes.] Right triangles are triangles that have one angle that is exactly 90 degrees. If that is true, what happened to all of the left triangles?

[Upbeat game show music begins to play—it feels like a timer is counting down.]

Hallie

Hopper is so mad that this was a trick question. Like, he, his hand was going for the buzzer. He was gonna wait till the question was finished to buzz but he was ready to go, and then—what happened to all the left triangles. And he just stops. And then, hold on. Give me a second. It was what happened to all the left triangles?

Kyle

Yeah, what happened all the left triangles. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Tom

I love it so much. 

Hallie

I'm gonna steal Ari's answer.

Kyle

[The music fades.]

GM intrusion time. Who you gonna give the other point to?

Hallie

Ari, because I'm stealing her answer. 

Ari

[Crosstalking.] Yeah boy!

Kyle

All right, here's my GM intrusion. Since it took Hallie a lot longer to think about it than it looks in the edit, and since the Ari—the answer that Ari gave was something terrible, like something Jebediah, or—

Hallie

But that's the kind of answer I was going for! I was just trying to make a plan off of obtuse!

Ari

[Startled.] Was it not the answer?

Kyle

That's what I'm saying, that's the kind of terrible, horrible answer that someone who's not an academic like Hopper would state. So Jebediah's flipper goes on the buzzer.

[Buzzing noise.]

And you just hear him say, very authoritatively,

Kyle (as Jebediah Ishmael)

Well, the answer is obvious. They all left. 

Kyle (as Q.BO)

[Q.BO pings.]

That is correct. All of the left triangles left in the Great Angle Exodus of the Seventh World. 

[Q.BO pings brightly again.] 

Thank you so much for playing trivia!

Hallie

Hopper mutters to himself, 

[00:40:00]

Hallie (as Hopper) 

There are no left triangles.

Kyle

[Faint laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

What do you mean the great...

Hallie

He's muttering to himself.

Hallie (as Hopper) 

What do you mean the Great Angle Exodus. 

[Closing theme.]

Angles can't go anywhere. There's static. They're just static mathematical measurements. 

Hallie

This continues, this sort of mumbling to himself. 

Kyle

And this mumbling actually continues as Hop moves away from trivia, as he walks down the halls, and as he makes his way to...

[Triumphantly.] Nano Fight Club!

[Driving hard rock music begins to play.]

[The music fades.] 

Kyle

All right, we all good to go?

Tom

Yeah!

Kyle

In that case, who wants to recap last session.

Tom

Xoc tried to ask about love, and instead like, stay away from that Misha Jarvis. They're dangerous. 

Well, fuck you too Dad!

Hallie

O-sphere.

Ari

Ohhh. Oh, that was a bad joke 

Tom

Dad-o-sphere!

Kyle

Thank God this will all be just like, thrown to oblivion in my edit, and will never be heard again.

Hallie

That joke deserves to be heard again. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

I've lost my train of thought now. Uh...

Hallie (as Hopper) 

So I'd like hiding to be my skill. 

Ari

Oh cute!

Kyle

Hide...

Hallie

Hiding! 

Kyle

Hiding.

Hallie  

Look, if I have to sneak somewhere it's going to come in...

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] I can't tell if that's like, fun and cute, or just very sad. 

Hallie

Well, I—why would it be sad!

Tom

It's very practical.

Hallie

Why would it be sad? 

Kyle

Because—okay, there are two kinds of hiding. There's sneaking and there's hiding in my corner so nobody can find me while I read letters, which is what, the kind of hiding that Hop's been doing this entire arc. 

Hallie

Yeah, but now he's good at it!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[Over Kyle's laughter.] Hiding. It's going on my, uh, my sheet. I am now good at it. I'm trained.

[Laughter.] That's the end of that discussion.

[Episode End - 00:41:57]