Ep. 47: Crime and Courtship, Part 12

Previously on Quest Friends. 

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

I'm Professor Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth. [Nervous laughter.] A fun fact, I'm actually the first person in my family name Mayra. My dad just didn't understand how names work.

Ari (as Misha) 

Are you what humans would term a zom-bie?

Hallie 

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

God, this had to be decades ago. I was out on the site, and I had an encounter with, ah, with some stratic life. 

Kyle (as Sunny)

Yes, my name is Sunny! And you're Xoc, and Misha, and little Ness, isn't that right? 

Hallie (as Ness)

[Flatly.] I'm not little. I'm compact. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

We kind of...I can't think of a better term for it. We kind of fused. Okay. I've been dancing around the topic. I am the Professor. The Professor is dead.

[Theme music intensifies.]

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[The music fades. A school bell chimes.]

MORNING. Day three.

Tom 

Did it peak the audio this time? 

Kyle 

It did!

Emily 

I heard it echo!

Tom

God.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[In a very creepy voice.] Mm, yes.

Ari 

You chose that voice! This is all your fault.

Tom 

[Accusingly.] You have done that to yourself!

Ari 

Yeah. 

Hallie 

It's true.

Emily 

[Brightly.] Anyway!

Kyle 

[Clears his throat; there's a thump like he patted his chest.] Anyway, so, uh, going back to...

Kyle (as Soe) 

[Hopefully.] So, will you go with me?

Kyle 

[Jazzy music with a rattling maraca line plays.]

Xoc, Elee, and Misha. It is the morning of day three. You are at the breakfast hall, which is just the regular kitchen. You're in the scramble. It's nothing unique. You're in there is sitting alongside a table, uh, with Jesse, Everett, Ness, and you can see one empty chair where Hopper would be. He's just not here yet.

And in each of your hands, and in front of Hop's empty spot, you see a custom little card, and it says, "Will you go to Prom de Plume with me?" 

And on the other side of the table, Soe. 

[The music ends.] Who sat you all down and handed you each of these cards, is just sitting there waiting expectantly. 

Tom (as Xoc)

Yeah, that'd be fun. We should all go to this prom event.

Ari (as Misha) 

Well, I would certainly go with you, Soe! This sounds like a really fun thing. 

Hallie (as Ness)

Is it boring? 

Kyle 

[Laughter.] 

Emily (as Elee)

Um. [Clears her throat.] Yeah, but don't you want to go with a date? 

Kyle (as Soe) 

What?

Emily (as Elee)

[Hesitantly.] Well, I mean sometimes you know you go...with a good friend? Or a special friend? Um, and usually special friends...

Kyle (as Soe) 

[Cutting Elee off, in exasperation.] Mom. I read young adult novels. I know about romance, okay?

[Laughter from the party.]

Emily (as Elee)

I just didn't want to be explicit! I...

Kyle (as Soe) 

Meeghan told me that Prom de Plume is the thing you're supposed to share with those special person or people that you care about most in the world, and I know she means romance by that. But, I don't really want romance. I've never really wanted it, and I don't think I ever will. So instead. I just want to spend Prom de Plume with the most important people to me! And if I can go with one friend, then why can't I go with all my friends? 

Emily (as Elee)

[Over Kyle's chuckling.] Well, then yes, they answer is yes, Soe. I'll go to prom with you.

Tom 

Xoc looks thoughtful at the words Elee has said about what prom is supposed to be.

Hallie 

[Chuckles.]

Ari

Misha has been eyeing both really intently at Elee and at Xcc, like back and forth. 

Hallie 

Ness is taking all the food off of Xoc's plate and eating it himself. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Tom 

Wait, wait. Taking all the food and doing what with it. I couldn't...

Hallie 

[Crosstalking.] He's eating it himself, even though he's a robot. So it's, it's honestly just...

Kyle 

Like, does he have a mouth?

Hallie 

[Laughing.] I don't know! Well, he has to, he speaks?

Tom 

I mean, I think that he has a mouth, but like, does it go anywhere?

Hallie 

Let's say...

Ari 

It becomes oil. 

Hallie 

He's eating it. It's fine. 

[Laughter from the party.]

We don't need to justify it.

Kyle 

I should note that Jesse and Everett also said yes. Everett gave a tentative thumbs up, and Jesse just did very aggressive nodding, and kept nodding lower, and lower, and lower...

Ari

Aww!

Tom

Nooo. 

Kyle

And then their eyes closed, and then they went back up again and they kept nodding. 

Hallie 

Ohhh. 

Kyle 

They're a little more awake. Misha did get them to bed last night, so they're a little more awake, but not completely. Anyway, so Soe continues and says, 

Kyle (as Soe) 

I'm really excited! I know I asked a little bit early, but I want to make sure I asked everybody before tonight, when everyone really starts asking during the Salt and Pepper Rally. 

Ari (as Misha) 

Oh, is it customary to ask one special friend to prom during this specific rally tonight? 

Kyle (as Soe) 

Well, sometimes one, sometimes more, and it doesn't have to be at the 

[00:05:00] 

Salt and Pepper Rally, but people usually do it right after. I learned all about it in this brick!

Kyle 

[Playful, mischievous music begins to play.]

And she slams down a brick onto the table, and then she pulls out the Mauve and Mako pin, and she pulls out the walkie-talkie that's connected to the pin and she sets the walkie-talkie down on the ground. She sets the pin on top of the brick and says, 

Kyle (as Soe) 

It really hurt to hit my head against all of this stuff, so I asked my kind of sister about it and this is what she recommended!

Emily 

Elee looked panicked at the "it hurt to hit my head" and then...[Laughter.] Looks more panicked at the "kind-of sister." 

Kyle 

And Soe lifts her hand up and she slams the pin down on the brick, and the message from the brick sends itself up through the pin and into the walkie-talkie, and you hear a voice come out.

Kyle (as Sir Kentrim, Esq.)

What's up, dude? Tonight is the Salt and Pepper Rally, the most important thing about Prom de Plume than Prome de Plume itself. If you thought about that special someone, or special someones, you want to ask to Prom de Plume, well, then you better get on it now, loser, because the Salt and Pepper Rally is where victors are chosen and losers wallow in eternal loneliness.

[The music ends.]

Tom

Oh dear. 

Kyle (as Sir Kentrim, Esq.)

Sorry, dudes. I'm already taken because I'm gonna be on the Proligarchy, which is chosen that evening in a cut-throat competition.

[Kyle drags out the last syllable of competition, his voice straining at the end.]

Kyle 

That's it. I can't do any more of that voice. That's, end of message. You just hear a voice say,

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

This brick will self-destruct in thirty seconds. Unless we no longer have the budget for that, in which case you can reuse it or give it to someone else. 

Tom

[Pained.] Why is this society like this? 

Emily (as Elee)

[Concerned.] Soe, you didn't pay money for this did you? 

Kyle (as Soe) 

Oh no, they were being tossed around in my hallway this morning. It was very dangerous. [Brightly.] I got a bruise!

Emily

[Huffed, anxious laugh.]

Kyle 

And she pulls up her hair, and you just see a giant welt in the middle of her forehead. 

Tom

[Gasps.]

Emily 

Elee looks horrified!

Emily (as Elee)

[Intently.] Who–

Kyle (as Soe) 

[Crosstalking.] Don't–

Emily (as Elee)

[Crosstalking.] Was tossing bricks.

Kyle (as Soe) 

Oh, don't worry about it Mom–

Kyle 

[Laughter.] I'm flipping into the...

[Laughter from the party.]

Soe-Kentrim voice. 

Tom 

[Warbling.] Ohhh no!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Oh, fuck.

Hallie 

[Dryly.] This is the darkest timeline.

Kyle 

Um...[Trying to find Soe's voice.] Soe's voice...she's like this,

Kyle (as Soe) 

[Soothingly.] Oh, don't worry Mom. It didn't hit my hair, so I didn't feel a thing!

Ari 

[Faintly.] Oh, god.

Tom 

Nooo!

Kyle (as Soe) 

It's almost like my hair isn't an actual practical way of sensing the environment and dealing with pain!

Tom 

[A little sarcastically.] Wow, Kyle, maybe it isn't!

Emily 

Elee is just...

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Emily

Elee is just taking a moment, like gripping the edge of the table in terror.

Kyle 

And as you grip the edge of the table, a shadow goes over you. And not in like, necessarily, the metaphorical sense entirely, but also in a very literal sense as a long tall lanky shadow.

[An intense, low staticky noise starts to play, increasing in volume.] 

Starts to overcome you and the rest of the table, and you hear a voice say, 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[Clears his throat.]

[The noise stops.]

Ah, is this seat taken? 

Hallie 

[A quick, scene-changing woosh.]

So Hopper was caught off guard by the whole Vespari conversation the night before. He felt...he felt a little bit like a deer caught in the headlights, because he wanted to help, but he realized that he has no idea how to navigate the problem that Vespari has, because it's his. 

[Melancholy piano music begins to play.]

So he decided to listen and offer support, but he was still worried about not invalidating Vespari's feelings that he feels like he came across as just unabsorbed or aloof? 

And then he realizes that's because he has been. So hearing that kind of dilemma spoken aloud by someone else sort of revived him a little, because it snapped him out of his internal crisis and put him outside of it. And then because he was finally outside of it, he was able to realize that the day that Simon Simon is unable to put his own problems on the back burner to help somebody else is the day that Simon Simon has to do some serious inward reflecting. 

As a result, he spends another sleepless night just thinking about stuff, and how he wants to help Vespari, but he knows he can't without...he can't be like Vespari, you should work on yourself. It's...

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

While he also isn't doing that, because that would be hypocritical. 

So over the course of the night, when his thinking about that, his eyes land on the hat that Misha gave him that he still hasn't worn yet, but he realizes but if he wants to help Vespari then surely his friends want to help him.

[The music ends.]

And he's filled with another wave of appreciation for the support that Misha and his other friends have shown him by just being there. 

So in the morning before breakfast, he says to Vespari,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Quietly.] Hey, I'm sorry if I seemed not all there last night. The truth is that I know a little bit, uh...about 

[00:10:00] 

what you're going through, but I don't know how to fix it. But I know how meaningful it can be to have someone in your corner. So I wanted to let you know I'm in your corner, and I think that if you wanted to work on your magic and maybe talk to Xoc, uh, I can help you with that if you're comfortable with it. I can, I, I can help you talk to him.

Kyle 

And after hearing that, Vespari's head just pokes out over the edge of the, uh, of the bed and does the thing where like his nose just barely goes over it. And you just hear a muffled voice says, say,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[Muffled, but still audibly hopeful.] Do you really think so? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Solemnly.] I do. 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[A little melodramatically.] But I was so...so needlessly cruel! No one would want to deal with the cruel loser!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[With gentle reassurance.] Everybody makes mistakes. I'm sure if you just apologize and try to not be as cruel, you know...you know, Xoc, Xoc is... Xoc is great. He won't hold that against you.

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[A loud sniffle.] Is that something you can promise? 

Ari

Aw!

Hallie (as Hopper)

I can't speak for Xoc, but I can promise that I will try. 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[Another sniff.]

Kyle 

And then Vespari's hand limply falls down over the side of his bed, and it starts to like clutch a little bit as if beckoning. 

[Another scene-changing woosh. Faster-paced and cheerful piano music begins to play.] 

And we flash forward to breakfast, and we see no longer the shadow. We see Vespari, who is being tentatively pulled by the hand by Hopper, and is now just awkwardly standing there looking very sheepish.

Ari

[Trying not to laugh.]

Hallie 

Hop is going to say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[With too much enthusiasm.] Hey, everybody!

[Laughter from the party.]

[Clears his throat.] Um, Xoc, do you have a second? 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Startled but upbeat.] Uh, yeah, sure. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

So it turns out, Vespari is actually an admirer of yours! We were talking last night because he's my roommate, and...

[The music fades.]

Tom (as Xoc)

[Startled.] Oh!

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

You know, we just thought...we just thought maybe he could learn something from you. He's um. [Clears his throat. Hop's voice is slightly strained when he speaks again.] 

Going through a hard time and...

[More relaxed.] Would really appreciate any help you could give. 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Still startled, stammering slightly.] Oh...oh! Uh, yeah, I wanna, I want to help. Um, hi, uh, Vespari. I guess we haven't really ever spoken to each other normally, in a way that wasn't on a stage or in a life-or-death situation. But, uh.

Tom 

And Xoc will extend a hand and say,

Tom (as Xoc)

[Surprised, but sincere.] It's nice to meet you. 

Kyle 

Vespari will tentatively go to take a seat and extend his hand.  

[Ponderous, low music begins to play, slightly goofy with an edge of melodrama.]

And suddenly his very noodly legs will just crumble down and he'll just fall on his knees and just start bawling and it'll be like, 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[Uncomfortably loud, through sobs.] Oh, thank you so much. You're so generous for helping me! I don't deserve this. You're so good at the magic, and so passionate, and so–

Kyle 

And we see his eyes are misty because of tears but also very starry-eyed, and he just quietly goes,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

Cool!

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

And just, I really appreciate this, I won't let you down!

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

And, and a hand just flops down onto the table and grabs yours. 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

Hello. My name is the Vespari.

Ari

[Whispering.] The Vespari.

Tom

How dare you.

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

I, I will now from this point on be known as the Appreciative Vespari! The Learning Vespari! The Understudy Vespari!

Tom (as Xoc)

[Slightly taken aback by the display of emotion, but trying to be gracious.] Well, it's nice to meet you too, the Appreciative Vespari.

Tom 

And Xoc, just sort of confused and unsettled by the incredible display of emotion, says,

Tom (as Xoc)

I guess...what did you want to learn?

Kyle

And Vespari just looks up to you, still starry-eyed, and he just whispers, 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[Intently.] Everything. 

Tom 

[Dryly.] Yeah, I was waiting for that.

Kyle 

And um, yeah, fuck it. Xoc and Hop note this down. You are both five hearts with Vespari.

Hallie 

[With a huff of laughter.] Oh my God.

Tom 

Amazing. Perfect.

Hallie 

Those might be the first hearts I've gotten!

[Laughter from the party.]

Emily

Nooo!

Tom

You've, you've gotten hearts with Sera, right?

Hallie 

Oh, I have some hearts with Sera, right? I have three.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[More confidently.] I have three hearts with Sera.

Kyle 

Also, I need to remember now that Vespari will give each of you a gift. So just note that because you're at five hearts, you now each get a gift. So feel free to gab, to grab one from the gift collection. 

Hallie

[Whispering triumphantly.] Yes. Okay. 

Kyle 

Anyway, so we're gonna move...[Clears his throat.] 

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Wait.

Kyle

We're gonna move on.

Hallie 

[Crosstalking.] Can I ask Xoc one thing? We can do this off-screen. Hopper just wants to ask if he can borrow the recorder headbands that Xoc has.

Tom 

Xoc will agree to that. 

Hallie 

Yeah, that's all. Those are now in Hopper's inventory for future events. 

Kyle 

[Laughter.]

All right, so.

[Soothing, gentle waiting room style Muzak begins to play.] 

We're like twelve episodes into this arc. We're on day three of four. So, we're going to speed things up a little bit. So instead of doing, uh, morning classes in full, what we're going to do now is, we are going to just have everyone roll, ah, one D6, and that will determine how they do in their class and we'll just quickly explain what happened and why. So...

Ari 

[Crosstalking, amused.] Can we detention?

Hallie 

I don't–uh, could we purposely get detention and just hang out in the library?

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

Yes, you can purposely get detention. 

Ari 

Let's do that.

Kyle 

So...

Ari

[Crosstalking.] Go!

Hallie 

Let's do it.

Kyle 

Everyone's gonna roll one D6. Here's what's going to happen. If you roll a one, you will gain no hearts with anybody 

[00:15:00] 

and something will go wrong. And this will basically be a GM intrusion that I'm able to hold onto until I feel like it.

If you get two to three, you can gain one heart with someone in your class. If you roll a four to five, you get to gain two hearts with someone in your class or one heart with two people in your class, and if you roll a six you get to gain two hearts and you get a gift. 

[The music fades.]

Ari 

Okay.

Kyle 

So everyone: roll a D6.

[Several dice roll.]

Ari

Oh, shit.

[Dice roll.]

Hallie

Wait for me!

Ari 

It is, um. It is a...it is a nat one, my dude.

Hallie 

[Triumphantly.] I got a five. 

Tom 

I got six. 

Emily 

I got six!

Ari

Ohhh, no!

Hallie 

[Smug.] This feels really good. 

Ari

Ahhh!

Hallie 

I'm sorry. I love you. But this feels amazing.

Tom

[Singing.] The world turned upside down!

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle 

Which was being sung by the cast of Calaval as Misha was walking to detention.

Tom

Shouldn't they be singing "The World Turned Right Side Up"? 

[Laughter from the party.]

Ari 

I will say that if I rolled a one, Misha would not have been able to go to detention. 

Kyle 

I like that. Okay, so we're going to start with Emily. Emily, you rolled a six, so you get two hearts with someone and you get a gift. So mark down whatever gift you got. You don't have to let me know, but I want to know who did you get two hearts with, and how did it happen? 

Emily 

Um, I got two hearts with Meeghan, because I actually got into the whole teaching thing a little bit? Even though I didn't want to. And was praising my students for doing good music.

Tom 

Cue Three Houses sound effect.

Kyle 

[Light-hearted, sweet music that starts with a heavy bass guitar and adds a soft horn melody begins to play.] 

I love it. And a couple of things. Because you spent so much time with Meeghan, you noticed a few peculiar things. One, you noticed that she was, um, prepping some more music during class. She was looking at more sheet music. But you realize now she wasn't actually reading music, she was writing music for an instrument that is not the tuba. I haven't figured out what that instrument is yet, so I'm just gonna call it a not instrument. An instrument that's not the tuba.

Uh, the mylophone. I don't know. 

Tom

[Laughing.] The mylophone. 

Kyle

You also noticed at the end of the class that that same instrument was miraculously picking itself up and walking outside of the class. And when you confronted the instrument, you realize that Meeghan had turned herself invisible in an attempt to smuggle it out of the class, and eventually she just asked, she's like, hey, I need this can I borrow it? And you were real into teacher mode and you were like, yeah. I'm assuming you were like, yeah?

Emily 

That wasn't a teacher mode. That was like, break the rules of this terrible school mode.

Kyle 

Okay, so you would–I mean, that, that's what any good teacher would do. Uh... 

Tom

Meeghan's motivation is maxed out. Hi listeners! Fire Emblem: Three Houses came out.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Now I'm going to reference that forever!

Kyle 

All right, so that was Elee's day. Only other thing of note was that Everett was not in class. 

Tom

Hmm.

Emily 

I need–I'm in teacher mode and mom mode. 

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Emily

I need to go find Everett at some point.

Kyle

Ah, but first...

Emily 

[Crosstalking, in a whisper.] Make sure he gets an education.

Kyle 

But first, uh, Xoc. So Xoc, you are going to have an uphill climb. Vera was very unhappy. She was...Vera-y unhappy.

Tom

[Groans.]

Kyle 

With the fact that you did not fight the Blue Fairy last night. Uh, and she had a whole little monologue prepared about it. And she also put you, she made the rope, the rope was extra hard today, and she put you through some other like, you know, like the trench thing that's always in like, the bootcamp movies?

Tom

[Flatly.] Sure. 

Kyle 

Yeah. She put you through one of those, complete with mud, except it was just a little oil from the little like orb bots that she controls.

Tom

Ugh.

Kyle

But you got two heart's with somebody in your class and you got a gift! So what happened to get you that?

Tom

[Trying not to laugh.] Are not the entire pack of aneens in my class?

Kyle

The entire pack of aneens, which are a suspect, are in your class. 

Tom

Can I get two hearts with the entire pack of aneens?

Emily

[Snorting laugh.]

Ari

Entire pack of aneens!

Kyle

You have two hearts with the entire pack of aneens. How do you have two hearts with the entire pack of aneens? 

Tom

[A cymbal taps out three beats, then intense rock music begins to play.]

We had, like, an amazing team-building moment while doing short distance sprinting.

We are, we just rally for a moment, because we're going to Regionals. Definitely. Probably. Not, not actually.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

But–

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] I–

Tom

We are playing as if we are going to Regionals. 

Kyle 

The aneens like their chants, so I like to believe it was just, Xoc just started at one point going, 

[In a quiet three-beat chant that picks up volume and intensity.] Regionals. Regionals. Regionals! REGIONALS!

One last quick thing. I'm just curious, Ness. Did you join any one for class?

Hallie 

Uh, Ness went along with Xoc and spent the entire time going,

Hallie (as Ness)

[Loudly.] Re-gion-als!

[Laughter from the party.]

[Laughing.] From the bleachers as soon as Xoc did. And were this a thing, he would just become your coach.

[The music fades.]

Kyle 

And then finally, Hallie, you're gonna get two hearts with someone in your class.

Hallie

Yay!

Kyle 

And Ari, something is going to go terribly wrong that's going to give me a GM intrusion I can hold onto for later. So I want to know from each of you: what happened to make it this way, and second, I want to make you know that among your regular classmates and your instructor Goldstone, you can also get heart points with Everett, who you noticed was sulking 

[00:20:00] 

in the corner, just stirring his pot during the class, but looking happier than you'd ever seen him before.

Emily 

[Strained.] He ditched my class to go to a different class!

Tom

[Slyly.] The disrespect.

Hallie

He's happier here, Emily!

Kyle

All right. So Hallie, who did you get two hearts with?

Hallie

Uh, Ev–Everett. 

Kyle

Everett?

Hallie

I want two hearts with Everett. 

Kyle

How'd you get two hearts with Everett? 

Hallie 

I, uh, Hopper just saw he was there and was pleasantly surprised to see him happy, just contentedly stirring a pot, and then Hop just said, like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Brightly.] Hey, I'm glad you're here.

Hallie

And then leaves him alone because he needs space. 

Kyle

That's how you do it. 

Hallie

That's how you get hearts! You just don't bug people.

Kyle

[Through laughter.] And then...Ari. Ari, Ari, Ari. 

Ari

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

You get no hearts with anyone.

Ari

[Glumly.] I know.

Kyle

And things went so wrong that they are going to bite you in the ass in the future, and I'm going to give you a GM intrusion related to this class at some point. So please, in like, a haiku's length of time, explain to us the, the terrible saga of Misha Jarvis in cooking class. 

Ari 

Ah, I don't know. I feel like maybe they tried to, to go to detention first, but they probably were stopped either by Glumgold [SIC – Golstone] just like, entering the door at the exact same time, or like, they were doing to, they wanted to do that thing that The Simpsons meme does? 

[Bagpipes begin to play.]

Where the grandpa is just coming, and then just turns around and leaves.

[Laughter from the party.]

But Glumgold was, like, entering at the exact same moment. And so like they probably just like, crash back or whatever, couldn't leave because Glumgold wouldn't let them leave to detention. And so they proceeded to go and sulk, so then maybe Glumgold actually wanted like, oh I want a student here to do a demonstration! Or like, oh man, I'm glad you are here now, you, you are the student to do the demonstration of whatever this cooking thing. And so they put Misha on the spot to cook a thing, and, it, Misha just doesn't care, so they actually cause a disaster in the demonstration of Glumgold, maybe.

I'm thinking maybe that's a thing that could have happened. They just grab everything and put it together, as I would do when I rage in a Nancy Drew mini game where I don't know where the fuck, and I just put everything there. Like, screw this! Take this. 

Kyle 

So: here is the bad thing that will be a GM intrusion for you later. Goldstone likes you now.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Ari

Oh, no.

[Bagpipes intensify.]

Kyle

[The music ends.]

[Sing-songing.] I always forget what episode it is. I always forget what episode it is.

Hello, and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends Episode 47, Crime and Courtship Part 12. I am Kyle, your GM, and our intro and outro song are "Friends" and "Hitoshio," both by Miracle of Sound. 

And did you know that it's October? It is! And by the end of October we're going to have three really cool things happening that I want to let you know about. The first thing is, as I mentioned during last week's episode. We are still looking for a singer, and we're hoping to close our auditions for the singer by the end of the month. 

I know I'm really vague about who it is, I just want to spoil it for anyone who doesn't want to hear things. It might spoil the plot, it might not. All I will say is that we're looking for someone who's roughly in the mezzo soprano range, and if you're interested in learning more you can check link one of three below.

Link two will bring us to our Patreon page, which not only includes cool benefits for backers, such as my GM notes for released sessions, additional stories, and just fun videos of us so you can actually see everyone's look of white hot fear when I say, "I'm going to give you a GM intrusion." 

But also, every single person who backs by the end of October will receive an exclusive Xoc and Misha sticker made by Mandy Robertson, creator of comics, like Dont Cry Witch, and also our official artist. She made our cover art!

What I'm basically saying is that Mandy's really cool, the picture's really cool, and it's gonna make a really cool sticker, so I would encourage you to, if you're interested, just maybe try us out at the one dollar level. See if you like the content we have there, and you know, worst-case scenario, you paid $1 for a really cool sticker! But all that is stuff I've talked about before.

What I want to end today with is talking about thing three, because what is October without Halloween? And what is Halloween 

[00:25:00] 

without a bonus episode? And what is a bonus episode without a guest star? That's right. Next week, Quest Friends will be releasing a bonus Halloween-themed episode with guest star Aaron Catano-Saez.

If you aren't familiar with Aaron, he is the co-creator of All My Fantasy Children, which is a character creation, world-building, and storytelling podcast powered by listener prompts. You can find episodes for that show wherever you download podcasts or at the third link, below which is AllMyFantasyChildren.com.

Aaron is really fun to work with, and during our next episode he is going to dub over audio for our bonus episode NPC. So basically what we did is during the recording of the episode, I recorded that NPC, sent the character's lines to Aaron, and then Aaron is dubbing those over and sending them back to me. And it's just a really cool mesh of improvised and I guess, scripted but not scripted, audio drama style recording and it's just really cool to see how it all comes together. 

So check out Aaron at AllMyFantasyChildren.com, and stay on this feed next week for that bonus episode. Alright, that's all I've got for you this week. Our bonus episode will be releasing some time next week.

[The driving rock music resumes.]

And our next main episode will be releasing on Monday, November 4th. I'll see you then!

[00:26:48] 

Kyle 

[The music ends.]

Okay, so that is our morning. You all then met back up at lunch, to the afternoon.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[A school bell chimes three times.] 

AFTERNOON. Day three!

Kyle 

[The soothing background Muzak of the Prodigious begins to play once more.]

Uh, I talked with all of you briefly beforehand about what you wanted to do, and so for this episode we are going to talk about Xoc and Misha. And Xoc and Misha, for the afternoon of day three, what is–what are you doing? What are you up to? 

Tom 

Well, we're–we're, didn't we have a plan to Parent Trap? [Slightly panicked.] Specifically, Ari, didn't you have a, didn't you personally have a plan to Parent Trap, because I was definitely counting on you having a plan.

Ari 

My plan revolves in a two-step process. One: walk with Sunny to Mayra's office. Uh, three step plan. Two, put Sunny in Mayra's office. Three, close Mayra's office.

[Laughter from the party.]

Well, assuming Mayra is in said office.

Tom

[Laughter.] 

Ari

Four–

Tom

Profit! 

Kyle 

Yeah. So your, your plan is to–

Ari

[Crosstalking.] Kind of spy on them from above the door, just like, yeah, a little bit of, like, a little bit of thread underneath the door. 

[The music fades.]

Kyle 

So your plan is to very forcefully force them to talk, because even though Mayra had claimed they had talked you don't believe them.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

[Laughter.] 

Yeah. So you, you go, you somehow get Xoc to come along to this. I don't know–how much of the plan is Xoc aware of?

Ari 

Well, I guess Misha would have, would have consulted with Xoc.

Tom 

Yeah, we would have, we would have, we would have, like, agreed on this plan together. 

Kyle

Okay. So this is, both of you chucklefucks came up with this plan together. 

Tom

Yeah, yeah.

Ari

Yeah, Misha could have just been like,

Ari (as Misha) 

I think that the best way of getting two individuals to talk about their problems is for them to be in the same location together. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha) 

So we should just get Sunny and Mayra in the same location together!

Tom (as Xoc)

And then prevent them from leaving that location until they fixed it!

Ari (as Misha) 

Exactly! Except that not everybody has the advantage of a mental link, because that would make things more easier. 

Kyle 

So...

Hallie 

As these two chucklefucks are saying their plan, Ness is just like,

Hallie (as Ness)

That sounds boring. I don't want to do it.

Hallie 

And then he just turns around and walks away.

Ari (as Misha) 

Ah, Ness, if you ever another plan you can share it with us! I do not want you to be bored, Ness! 

Hallie (as Ness)

I'm gonna take a nap. That's my plan. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

He does like that backwards wave as he's walking away that, like, kind of acknowledges the person you're leaving but not really. 

Ari 

Misha will wave back.

Kyle 

Guys. Don't worry though. Ness might not be with you, but Vespari is.

Hallie

[Gleeful laughter.]

[The slightly goofy tuba music begins to play again.] 

Kyle

Because Xoc had promised Elee that he'd invite Everett to things, uh, Xoc had mentioned to Everett that hey, we're gonna go do this thing, you want to come along? And Everett had just given a,

Kyle (as Everett)

[Disgusted scoff.] No.

Tom

All right!

Kyle 

Which is verbalizing, so it is still progress. 

Tom

[Chuckles.]

Kyle 

But yeah, so Everett's not coming along with you but Vespari was very excited to go along on your first adventure. And he has, uh, he doesn't have paper and he can't afford bricks, so he just has a pen and his hand and he's just meeting with you in the hallway right outside of Mayra's office and he's like, 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

All right. So what is the plan for today? 

Kyle 

And from your pocket, Sunny 

[00:30:00] 

the orb, will echo,

Kyle (as Sunny)

Yes. What are we doing today? 

Ari 

Misha will mentally connect with Xoc. 

Ari (as Misha) 

Xoc. Are you sure that we can trust the...insert random nomenclature he said, because there were like three of them...

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Ari (as Misha) 

Vespari? Because I, I am not being able to pick up if this is a truly honest effort or one of those things humans sometimes call a ruse.

Tom

And mentally responding, Xoc'll say, 

Tom (as Xoc)

Ah, I think...I think Vespari is being sincere. I feel like this is too complicated a ruse...

Kyle

[Laughter.] 

Tom (as Xoc)

For him and the Jagged Dream to employ, but... 

Ari (as Misha) 

[The music fades.]

[Thoughtfully.] That is very true. I still do not quite trust him as much. He made a lot of damage to you.

Tom (as Xoc)

That is...reasonable, but we can, we can have him tag along. Maybe...maybe things will be fine.

[A pause.]

Ari (as Misha) 

Okay. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha) 

Sure. 

Hallie

[Chuckles.] 

Ari (as Misha) 

I trust you Xoc, even if I don't trust the adjective Vespari. 

Kyle 

And you can see that Vespari has craned his neck in between you two and is just sitting there nodding. 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

All right, so is this a moment of reflection or contemplation, or are we are we generating plans before we say them out loud? 

Tom (as Xoc)

Uh, so–something along those lines. Well, today our plan was we had to go, you know meet with someone, um, discuss more information about the...

Tom

Definitely didn't forget the name of the civilization.

Kyle

The Floating Kingdom of Prylima.

Tom (as Xoc)

The Prylimians, because we have some valuable information about that, and it's related to the sort of world ending situation we–we find ourselves in now, so we're just going to go talk to one of the, one of the fine teachers at this...this institution.

Kyle

And Vespari nods and is just like, 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm!

And Sunny thinks to herself,

Kyle (as Sunny)

Hmm. Prylimians. That name sounds awfully familiar for some reason...

Ari

Noo!

Tom (as Xoc)

[Quickly.] I probably said it out loud earlier, because of my strange, eh...uh...insights I received from the Apocrita. Have we told you about that? 

Kyle (as Sunny)

Oh, the Apocrita? No, I don't believe you have, but that sounds extremely familiar. Oh, I get an awful shuddering feeling at that. Are you kids sure that's safe enough for you two?

Ari (as Misha) 

What if as, as you regale this conversation with Sunny and Vespari, we walk towards our destination, as we do not want to miss any time on this.

Ari 

And they are, Misha was going to just start walking. [Laughter.] With Sunny, just like, catch up chumps.

Kyle

And as, as you walk there, and even as you get to the point where you're opening the door, you just hear Vespari suddenly exclaim,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

Ah, excuse me! World ending?!

Tom

[Through laughter.] That's very good.

Kyle

[Fast-paced, jazzy Ocean's Eleven heist music begins to play.]

Okay, so. Like a heist movie, it's time for us to re-say our plan as we watch ourselves do it. So step one.

Ari 

Step one is to grab Sunny. Check!

Kyle 

Sunny's in your hand, in the orb.

Ari 

Going to Mayra's office, or wherever she is.

Tom 

We're knocking, knocking on the door to Mayra's office. 

Ari 

I was just going to open it.

Tom 

Oh. Xoc knocks on it. Misha just opens it and goes through.

Kyle 

Step two, done.

Ari 

Step three, put...well, actually, is Mayra there?

Kyle 

Uh, doing a very quick glance that doesn't warrant a description, Mayra is in there. 

Ari 

She is. Okay! Step three. Leave Sunny like, close to Mayra.

Kyle 

Mayra is across the room so an orb just flies through the air. 

Ari

[Laughter.] No, I was going to–

Emily

[Laughter.]

Ari 

I was going to walk toward it and place it there! It's a person. I mean, Misha does just toss people around sometimes but Mayra. I mean, not Sunny.

Kyle 

Okay. So in that case, I will do the full room description. [Laughter.]

[The music ends.]

All right.

So because you don't chuck through, her through, you do actually see the room.

[Gentle, tinkling piano music begins to play.] 

And Mayra's room is a lot less put together than it was the first time you entered it. Journals, recording and labeled artifacts spill over the glass cases adorning the walls, and also spill over the chairs, which have been pulled out to provide improvised shelf space. 

Now, a handful of these documents are written in the Prylimian language or reference the weather patterns of arachnids, but you notice that most of them don't relate to the Floating Kingdom of Prylima or the Apocrita at all. 

Instead, they're labeled things like, "first dinner," "Sunny's family," and the old scrapbook standby, "cherished memories." 

Ari

Aw, no.

Kyle

In the corner across from you, Mayra is hunched over this paperwork and absent-mindedly chewing on a strawnberry while a woman next to her is stabbing her screwdriver into a projector.

[The music fades.]

Xoc, you'd recognize this other woman as Sera, the engineer that Hop introduced you to during Nano Fight Club. 

[00:35:00]

Tom

Oh! Uh, I'm not sure exactly what this...

Kyle 

[Crosstalking.] As you come in, Sera, who knows no tact, will turn over and yell out between stabs. 

Kyle (as Sera)

 Ah, hey Xoc, I met you last night! How you doing? 

Kyle 

And, uh, Mayra will turn up immediately at you and will look like, really flustered. 

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Oh, hello! I didn't expect to see you yet. Sorry. This is a bit scattered. I had a few more artifacts for, uh, the Floating Kingdom of Prylima over in that corner. And of course, oh, no, I'm so sorry. I forgot to ask again. I got...

Kyle 

And she picks up a bigger jug of water. 

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

I made sure I had enough water this time. Uh, do any of you want any of it?

Ari (as Misha) 

[Slightly slower music begins to play, with a slightly comedic jazzy edge.] 

I, uh–

Tom (as Xoc)

[Stammering.] I think I am good on water. Do you want water Vespari?

Ari

Oh no is Vespari also in the room? Nooo.

Kyle

Vespari, who's just ducked himself in, goes,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

Wa...ter?

Tom 

You know what? Never mind. I think, I think we're good on water. Thank you so much for your offer Mayra. Um, we actually wanted to, uh, you know, go over artifacts as was are clear main intention, but also, we were just also dropping off, uh...

Ari (as Misha) 

[Crosstalking.] Well, I, uh, we actually, uh, my apologies Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth. Ah, we did indeed come to talk about artifacts, but we also came to retrieve this, uh, unidentified it lady here that was doing something important, but there is something more important required somewhere else.

So we could all...take this lady here, whose nomenclature I do not have identified but I totally know. 

Tom

Mental link.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Whispering.] Sera. 

Ari (as Misha) 

Sera! Yes. Yes, Sera, of course. This Sera, uh, out of the room for something important. She has been called for it. Though it's tough to talk right now, but we will very surely like to. We thought you might want to discuss it in private with the Professor. 

Ari

And they leave Sunny on the desk and try to take everybody outside.

Tom (as Xoc)

We have very legitimate reasons!

Kyle

["In the Hall of the Mountain King" begins to play quietly in the background, beginning with the low notes of string instruments.] 

All right, so a few things happen. The first thing that happens.

Ari

When I drop the bomb: The Professor!

Kyle 

Everyone stares at the orb. They're all trying to process the words that you just put together in a string that some would call a run-on sentence.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Ari

[Laughing quietly.] Yeah.

Kyle 

Mayra and Sera look at the document, look at each other, and look back at you, and Sera just says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Ah, hey, don't worry about it, mates. You won't even know I'm here!

Kyle 

And she winks as she says it.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Over Misha's nervous stammering.] After all, I just need to fix this thing up. I just need a fucking double dimensionator to create the 2D.

Ari (as Misha) 

[Continued stammering.]

Kyle 

And then Mayra follows up and says,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Yes, don't worry, ah, Seraphinia is being very beneficial here. She's just helping me up with a small bit of side research that I was performing.

Kyle 

Uh, and she's escorted, you, Xoc, she's grabbed you by the arm and just set you in front of some of the Pryliminan artifacts. And she walks over and she picks up the orb with Sunny in it, and she, uh, she rubs the orb in contemplation and she walks back to where she was and she says, 

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

[The intense strings fade into gentle piano music.]

I'm sorry. I was just–you had asked me yesterday if I had talked to her, Xoc, and I, I had, but I realized I hadn't factored in, uh, that conversation into my variables. I hadn't factored it into my research. So I'm just grabbing a small bit of samples...

Kyle 

And you just see all the papers flitting in the wind.

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

And just assembling them together. So Sera is just getting this very normal 2D projector working.

Kyle 

And Sera just says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, I just need the double dimensionator to get the 2D part of it working. 

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

And so it's just, you know, ah, it's just a little bit of side research. 

[The music stops abruptly.]

Wait, did you say the Professor?!

Ari 

Misha will nod and point to the orb. [Laughter.] And then–and then–

Kyle 

I'm gonna give a GM intrusion to Xoc. 

Tom 

Oh. Oh!

Kyle 

Who do you want to give the other point to? 

Ari

[Faintly.] Ahh.

Tom 

Well, Ari has enough. I would give it to Ari, but Ari has enough.

Ari 

No, it's never enough.

Emily 

I spent all my XP and I haven't gotten any intrusions!

Ari

Nooo. 

Tom 

Do you, do you really have zero Emily? 

Emily 

Um, no. Yes, maybe? Uh.

Tom 

How many does Hopper have. [Intently.] Tell me honestly how many XP does Hopper Scotch have at this moment?

Hallie 

[Pleased.] He's got six.

Tom 

[Incredulous.] How?! 

Ari

You have six!

Tom

God fucking damn it!

Emily

I have–

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] I need it, Tom! I need it!

Emily 

I have two. 

Tom 

You need six?! You have two! God damn it. Can I give this point to myself because I deserve it?

Hallie 

You could give it to Ness. He doesn't have any.

Tom 

I will give this point to Elee Badge.

Kyle 

So. As all this is happening. 

["In The Hall of the Mountain King" begins again, a little faster, with more intensity.] 

I'm assuming you feel very awkward right?

Tom

A little. Uh, a little. This is a weird situation.

Kyle 

And just like, you just start averting your eyes and attempt to be like, oh, yeah, no. I, I don't know what to do. And as you start just averting your eyes awkwardly, you do the thing that I do 

[00:40:00] 

where you just read aloud the first thing you see, like I'll just read signs if I don't know what to say. 

Emily 

He will do that. It was a long car ride.

Tom

[Hesitantly.] Go on.

Kyle 

[As the music increases in speed and intensity.] 

So you just turn over and you just see one of the artifacts, the Prylimian artifacts. You just read, kind of, mutter to yourself. Oh, Pyramid of Dimensions.

And then here's what happens. 

In order: Mayra's face pales. 

The orb in her hand starts to shudder a little bit, cracks. As it's cracking–

[The sound of something cracking in the background, like an eggshell.]

And you can just hear the cracking – third. Vespari starts writing more notes on his hand. This is a continual thing 

Fourth. Sera has heard you say Pyramid of Dimensions, and she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, that's the double dimensionator I need, thank you!

Kyle 

And she plucks it off the table back to the projector. What are we on, fifth? 

Ari

Something like that.

Tom

I very much lost count.

Kyle 

Fifth: the orb shatters, and you just see this ball of light, with like, two panicked eyes–

Ari

[Crosstalking.] Oh, no.

Kyle

Start to speed out of the room. 

Ari

Oh, no!

Tom

No, get back!

Kyle 

Six. 

[The music nearly crescendos, Kyle's words punctuated by the crash of cymbals.] 

Sera slams the Pyramid of Dimensions into the projector and she just slaps her hands and she says, 

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, great, double dimensionator. This should work!

Kyle 

[A rattling noise like an old-school projector kicks up in the background.]

And the machine starts to vibrate and get louder, and then suddenly she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Wait, a pyramid. Well, that's not two dimensional. That's three dimensional.

Kyle 

[A low hum begins and slowly intensifies.]

And finally, last. The walls flutter. Gravity shifts. Suddenly, all but one of the ceiling lights vanish, and all of you tumble down into a circular space with only walls and a thin layer of water at the bottom. 

[The hum peaks, fades, and turns into low music that sounds a little like an underground level in Super Mario.]

You're suddenly in at all empty tower littered with skeletons reflecting light from the single grated hole dozens of feet above. And all of you–Sunny, Mayra, Xoc, Misha, and Sera–have suddenly tumbled into this weird space.

Ari

Oh my god. 

Tom

[Resigned.] I guess we just live in the bottom of this well now.

Kyle 

And Sera just starts going to herself,

Kyle (as Sera)

Aw. Shit. Shit shit. Fuck piss shit! No, no, no! That was a triple dimensionator. See, a double dimensionator would just project a 2D image, but now we're inside of the image.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Slightly frantic.] Is the image real?! Or is this some sort of holographic display? 

[The music fades.]

What's going on here? Why are we in this well? 

Kyle 

And as you say that, you turn over to see Sunny, who has now taken her kind of more corporeal form, and Mayra just staring at the grate above, and this grate opens up and you watch as four pairs of hands throw a young freckle-faced woman with orange hair down, down, down into the depths with you.

At first, it seems like her lab trenchcoat cushions her fall, but as this woman tries to stand you hear her legs snap and watch her knees buckle from underneath her.

This woman is Mayra, many decades younger, and she doesn't this seem to notice you or the light emanating from Sunny. And both Sunny and Mayra say in unison,

Kyle (as Mayra and Sunny) 

[In one harmonious voice.]

This is the memory of the first time we met.

Kyle 

[Old-fashioned, slightly spooky music begins to play.]

Mayra turns over to Sunny,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

[Sheepishly.] Uh, hello! Hello, Sunny, how...are...you...going?

Kyle (as Sunny)

Ahhh...hmmm. Ah...hmmmmmmmmm.

Kyle 

And Mayra just responds,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Good. Good!

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

So, uh.

Kyle 

Vespari leans down to you, Xoc.

Ari

No! 

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

Does this usually happen? 

Ari

[Whispering.] Yeah. 

Tom (as Xoc)

I mean...

Ari

[Snorts.]

Tom (as Xoc)

[The music fades.]

I'm not sure there is a usually with us, but this is, I think, fairly typical for plans that we have made.

Tom

And Xoc is mostly just feeling around the walls, like what is happening here?

Ari (as Misha) 

[Slowly and cautiously.] To ensure the plans are carried to perfection, we need it to all go to the opposite side as these two talking individuals are, as to not disturb their conversation.

Ari

[Trying not to laugh.] And Misha's gonna try to pull Vespari to the opposite side.

Ari (as Misha) 

Let us explore these very opposite walls!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Like five feet away. 

Kyle (as Mayra and Sunny) 

[In the same doubled voice. It sounds pleasant, not discordant, but a little panicked.]

No, don't do that!

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Don't, don't, don't move! Nobody move.

Tom

[Startled.] Uh, Xoc doesn't move?

Ari

Yeah, Misha also doesn't move. Uh, Misha will talk to Xoc mentally and say,

Ari (as Misha) 

Does not moving also indicate–also imply not moving to speak?

Tom (as Xoc)

I'm going to risk it.

Tom

And Xoc will open his mouth to say,

Tom (as Xoc)

What, what's wrong? Why can't we move?

Kyle 

Mayra says,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

So, um, we're in...when we first met, I was unwittingly exploring the glasswood dungeon, and the thing about the glasswood dungeon is...

Kyle 

And both Mayra and Sunny lean back, and as they do, you hear a little fwip of a trip wire. 

[There's a shhh-woop sound, like something metal being pulled out of a sheath.] And suddenly a bit of the wall comes sliding out.]

[A thump.] 

And they both simultaneously lean back with their arms on the trap, and Sunny just says,

Kyle (as Sunny)

It's booby-trapped. 

[00:45:00]

Ari

[Slightly disappointed.] What have we actually done.

Tom

Xoc is going to say, 

Tom (as Xoc)

So to clarify, the booby traps from your memory can hurt us while we are trapped within this triple dimensionator, correct? 

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, um...

Tom (as Xoc)

Sera, are we in danger?

Kyle 

Sera just goes up and she nudges you with her elbow and she says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, honestly, none of us really know, but do you want to find out?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Faintly.] Not especially, but...th...[Trails off into a frustrated huff.]

Tom

And Xoc will continue like, seeing if he can, like, cutting light the wall a little bit, and if it affects it or if it just passes through.

Ari 

Misha will meanwhile just say to both of them,

Ari (as Misha) 

Please do resume your conversation! Pretend we are not here. 

Kyle 

[Slow but playful music begins to play.] 

Yeah, as you cutting light, the walls seem to almost vibrate a little bit, but the traps start coming out. And you are able, all four of you are able to slowly make your way far enough away so that you aren't, you know, around. Do you want to be able to listen in on what's going on?

Tom

Yeeeh...I mean, yeah. Yeah. Neither of us has the social tact to not listen in a little bit. 

Kyle

I'll say you two are listening in, and Vespari is just extending his very long torso so he can hear a little bit better.

Tom

Goddammit, Vespari.

Kyle 

And he's just relaying the words to you, but they're sometimes wrong. 

Tom

[Laughter.] Oh no.

Kyle 

Eh, sometimes he'll say things like,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

It sounds like they're talking about a dove. About how they used to be a dove.

Ari 

[Groaning, quietly.] My god.

But, but–hang on. Are we still in the same...like how big is this dungeon? Because like, I just imagine that we're like, literally within earshot, and then yet he keeps repeating the things they say.

Tom

Just leaning out. 

Ari

While they also hear that he's repeating the things!

Tom

[Snorts.]

Kyle 

That's absolutely what's going on.

[The music fades.]

But they appear a little bit distracted. As soon as they, um, figure out what's going on, both of them start turning over to each other and are like, what are you doing here? We both know this is really dangerous! Basically both being like, what's going on and why, but expressing a concern for the other's well-being.

Meanwhile on the other side, you see young Mayra. I'm just going to call them young Mayra now. You see young Mayra, who is just kind of autoplaying like a movie. And eventually she starts just calling out, 

Kyle (as Young Mayra)

[In an echoing voice.]

Uh, help? Help! If there is anyone around...I would really appreciate help!

Kyle 

And you start to see...

[Sweet, gentle music begins to play – it feels very hopeful, and appropriately, very sunny.] 

A little, like, just a little fleck of sunlight, and as it hits the bottom and it pools, it starts to pull up the water around it and starts to form a mist which forms around this very small orb, which rises and starts to take shape for the first time. Misha, you can tell the kind of datasphere aspect of this creature is very much struggling.

[The music stops.]

And then out of nowhere–

[The shhhh-woop sound.]

A bit of wall just slams down on it like a hammer. Just,

[Four loud thumps.] 

And it just pools into the water again, and it's just a little fleck of light. And actually, fuck it, roll me speed defense. 

Tom

[Annoyed noise.]

Hallie

[Smug chuckling.]

Tom

Damn it. 

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Ari

Okay. All right. 

Kyle 

I'm gonna force you to be by Mayra and Sunny if it kills me. 

Tom

[Crosstalking.] Wait, wait–

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] Sorry, if it kills you. 

Ari

[Dice roll.] Eleven

Tom

[Dice roll.] Fifteen! 

Kyle 

Ah, so Misha, you get caught in your foot a little bit. Take four points of might damage.

Ari 

God. Okay. I don't have my sheet with me, but I will write that down.

Tom

And you want us to just stand next to them as they talk about their feelings?

Kyle 

I want you to know what's going on!

Tom

We are! We're listening!

Ari

Yeah, I–I imagine the room is not that big, right? Like...

Tom

I thought we were, like, standing ten feet away from them, just listening to them!

Kyle 

That's fair. You're only nine feet away now, and Misha hurts a little bit. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

How dare you!

Kyle

[Singing quickly.] Everybody hurts. 

Tom

Wow.

Kyle 

And as Misha, as the volume kind of goes away a little bit. 

[The gentle, hopeful music plays once more.] 

You see young Mayra pretty recklessly go to, to where little bit of light was, and she's just like, 

Kyle (as Young Mayra)

[Gently but a little frantic.] Oh, no, oh no! Are you okay? 

Kyle 

And she picks up the little spot of light and she just is like, 

Kyle (as Young Mayra)

Are you–are you okay? Is everything all right? 

Kyle 

And meanwhile, old Mayra and Sunny are–who have been talking to each other, very worried this whole time, turn over to the image and kind of pay attention, and Sunny just kind of quietly says to herself,

Kyle (as Sunny)

How did you know that was me?

Kyle 

And Mayra just awkwardly kind of rubs the back of her neck a little bit and she says,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Well, um, see, I...I thought you were a firefly?

Ari

[Quietly.] Aww.

[Faint huff of laughter from the party.]

Tom

Uh, Xoc will just awkwardly pipe up and say,

Tom (as Xoc)

All right. So, our plan has kind of failed, but we tried to bring you two together today because...it sounds like you miss each other a lot, and we didn't know if you'd really talked to each other about the fact that you missed each other.

Kyle 

An astute observer might notice Mayra's mouth...I do.

Tom

You said that was young Mayra, right?

Kyle 

No, adult Mayra.

Tom

[Thoughtfully.] Ohh.

Kyle

And while Sunny doesn't have a clearly defined face, you swear you can see her mouth the same.

[The music swells, and then abruptly stops.] 

And then they're both like, ahhhh....

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

[The slightly old-fashioned, spooky music begins again.]

Well, I mean, data is just not there! You know, the 

[00:50:00] 

data isn't conclusive yet. We don't want to work without data. It's just not fair to Sunny!

Kyle (as Sunny)

And I told you all about the threads! I mean, there's no threads here. There's threads between you, and I mean back then there were threads between...huh. 

[Confused.] Where are the threads between us?

Kyle 

And at this point, you can see young Sunny is starting to take more of a corporeal form. Although she looks basically the same as old Sunny, because she just was born an old lady, I guess. 

Tom

She's a ghost lady! Come on.

Kyle

And they seem to be talking a little bit, and you can't really hear it. It's a bit muffled. But they're laughing, they're talking. Young Mayra will laugh a little bit and then since, because again, her fucking bones have broken. She's in pain. And Mayra and Sunny say,

Kyle (as Sunny)

It's–the thing is, it's just. There were no threads, even then, without the professor. There were no threads. We were like this from the start. How could we work without it? 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Thoughtfully.] I may have grown up among machines. But even I can tell that you are not actually talking about what you're feeling. You are talking about data and threads and all of these strange things, but you're, you're trying to avoid saying what you actually feel as–as people. 

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Well, I, uh...I guess I kind of felt like my world was crumbling apart. 

Kyle

[Intense, dramatic music begins to play.]

And as soon as Mayra says that, suddenly, a deadly trap appears. And this deadly trap is of the pouring water, grated ceiling, and spiked wall variety.

Tom

Mm.

Ari

[Dryly.] Yeah, of course it is.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And suddenly the water starts pooling around your legs as the wall turns to spikes and start going in. And you can see the only way out is through the grated hole in the ceiling. Both Sunny and Mayra, young Sunny and Mayra and old Sunny and Mayra, are panicked.

Sunny says,

Kyle (as Sunny)

Ohh, ahhh, how–well how are we gonna get out here? How do we–how will we escape with all of us? 

Kyle 

And Mayra says, 

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Yes, last time the only way we got out was by fusing the Professor and we can't do that fusion anymore!

Kyle (as Sunny)

And we definitely didn't have so much dead weight last time. 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Indignant.] Dead weight? I think nearly everyone in this room is a nano, and Sera can probably fly with this wheelchair. Maybe?

Kyle 

Sera has already turned it into jetpack form and was about to press the go button. 

Tom

[Crosstalking.] Yesss.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And she just turned over to you and goes,

Kyle (as Sera)

What? 

Tom

Yeah, Xoc just, just does the cartoon gesture like, both arms like...

Tom (as Xoc)

Dead weight? All right. All right, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You used your Nano powers to get out before right? 

Kyle (as Sunny)

Yes. 

Tom (as Xoc)

You don't need to fuse for–tch, have we, have we fused? Have I fused with my uplink? No! 

[The music fades.]

You don't need that for the Nano powers. Just use the powers!

Kyle 

And both of them are just like, no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Except...And Mayra turns to Sunny, and she's like,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Hey, do you remember the thing? The one that like, we tried and we thought it was a little angsty but Aegon said it was okay?

Kyle 

And Sunny's like,

Kyle (as Sunny)

Ae-gon...ohh, yes! Yes, that boy. Yes, but there's no way we could do it!

Kyle 

And Mayra's like,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

I did it, with you! I mean, if we were the Professor and I was the Professor, you were the Professor, so if I did it then you did it!

Kyle 

And both of them were just like, [Galaxy brain woosh.]

And, um, let me think of the edgiest thing that I can.

Tom

What edge lurks in your heart, Kyle?

Kyle

[Eerie uptempo music begins to play.] And...Sunny's, uh, the top of Sunny's body suddenly turns very icy. And like, she consolidates the top of her torso to ice, and then she consolidates two of her arms to ice shotguns, and she just turns to the rest of you, and is like,

Kyle (as Sunny)

Get on! 

Tom

Can Xoc defiantly just farstep up to the grate? 

[The music fades.]

Kyle 

Yes. Give me a roll!

Tom

I'm a very rude boy.

[Dice roll.]

[A heavy pause.]

Ari

That pause concerns me. 

Tom

[Slightly disappointed.] Eh, it's a seven. I...if I had just called out some, uh, some effort beforehand this wouldn't be an issue, but I didn't do that thing. I just rolled without thinking. I can't waste my only experience point on this. 

Kyle 

Let me think about what I want to do. 

Tom

Well, whatever, it's fine.

Kyle 

You go, and you farstep away, and suddenly you're no longer in this fake space. 

[Rock music with a bit of a B-52s "Rock Lobster" vibe begins to play.]

Suddenly, you're just in the dorm room directly above Mayra's room, and Sir Kentrim just turns over to you, takes off his headphones, and is like,

Kyle (as Sir Kentrim, Esq.)

What's up, man? 

Tom (as Xoc)

[With forced casualness.] Hello, classmate! Having a fun day defying the system?

Kyle (as Sir Kentrim, Esq.)

Oh man, you know it!

Kyle 

And he just kicks back and puts back on his headphones, and you can see that he's listening to an audiobook of...let me think of the name of the book. Of Fletcher in the Pie. There we go. 

Tom

My, that's my favorite archery pastry book.

Kyle

Take another point with Sir Kentrim. 

[00:55:00]

Tom

Amazing. 

Kyle

[The Rock Lobster-y tune transitions to a more hard rock tune.]

Meanwhile, back in Hell, Xoc has just disappeared out of fucking existence. Sunny has shotgun arms, nd has made a little platform for all of you to stand on which Mayra is already perched onto, I'm gonna say Mary Jane style from the Spider-Man movies. Um, Sera has a rocket. Misha, what are you gonna do? 

Ari 

Well, I think if Misha does fit on that platform they would get in 'cause they, they trust that Xoc is fine. 

Kyle 

All right, you all start to fly out of the space, and how you fly out, I should explain, is Sunny using the shotgun arms to just shoot, shoot beneath her, propelling you all up.

[Snorting laughter from the party.] 

Because as we know through the laws of fucking physics, equal and opposite force. 

[Laughter.] 

All right, and as, as, as she flies up doing that with three of you on her, because of Vespari is clutching his well, there's a little bit of a bump and Misha I need you to roll might to stay on. 

Ari 

All right, I'm gonna, eh, I don't have my sheet with me so I'm gonna wing it but I'm gonna spend one level of effort and roll here. [Dice roll.] I rolled a nineteen! Stars have aligned.

Kyle 

So your minor effect you, should you choose, you will not have to roll for the next thing.

Ari 

Sure! 

Kyle 

It bumps and you hold on, okay? But suddenly you start to see Vespari start to fall back down into the pit. 

Ari 

No! I want to, I want to reluctantly reach for him.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Ari

If I can reach him directly, stretch my hand. If not, I want to scarf grab him somehow, because...[Trails off.]

Kyle

[Triumphant, adventurous music begins to play.] 

You reach and you aren't able to reach him, and he keeps falling he's like,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

Noooo!

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And you start to see like, this dust, this dust that he used start to fly out of his pockets, and he's like,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

Wait a second!

Kyle

And as you shoot down your scarf, he shoots up his silver, uh, dust and he creates a grappling hook that grabs onto your scarf. And you successfully pull him back up as you all fly out onto the grate, and into the area immediately around. And it kind of looks like a well a little bit. It looks like they just threw you down a deadly well.

And yeah, all five of you are out there, kind of panting and breathing heavily. Vespari's upset because his hands are all wet, so now all those notes are dribbling.

Hallie

Aww!

Kyle

And it's like,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

I learned nothing, nothing! I failed on my first day!

Ari 

Misha will again reluctantly say, 

Ari (as Misha) 

I think you did a great job here, the adjective Vespari.

Ari 

And like do a, an awkward pat in the head, and then just,  

Ari (as Misha) 

We should now stop to see how this resolves.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Meanwhile, Mayra and Sunny are looking at each other and Mayra's like,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

That–that was amazing! You did amazing! 

Kyle (as Sunny)

Well, I only remembered because you told me! I literally didn't remember I could do that! Could I do that?

[The triumphant music swells and ends.]

Kyle 

And as they're kind of talking to each other, you notice that young Sunny and young Mayra from this memory haven't appeared yet. 

[The sound of dribbling water.] 

So you wait, and you watch within seconds water starts to spill up through the gate and the small circle of light that was the young Sunny in the depths below is snuffed out. And then, like a supernova, it bursts forth with tremendous energy.

[The dribbling ends and shifts to a burbling, energetic humming noise.]

Modern-day old Sunny and Mayra grimace to one another. Vespari asks,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

[With great trepidation.] Ah, what is going on here?

Kyle (as Sunny)

It's as we said. We were only able to do anything when we fused.

Kyle 

And then the light grows brighter and warmer, and sparks of hot electricity wrap themselves around the grating which shatters into dozens of pieces as the light carries itself out of the dungeon.

[A crash, and the noise ends.]

For a second, it's all white. Noise, and sight. And then, as the brightness fades, you see not one but two figures.

[The gentle, hopeful music begins to play once more.] 

Young Mayra and young Sunny, holding on to each other and laughing. And as it does the sky around you loses its texture, looking less like an endless expanse and more like the insides of a well-colored box.

The wooden scraps beneath you of the well turn polished and layer themselves around the rest of the floor, and the laughter fades away as you just hear the hum of a projector turning off as Xoc holds the double dimensionator–or in this case triple dimensionator–in his hand. 

So you were able to turn it off. 

Tom

Ooh!

Kyle 

I hope that's okay. I figured that's...

Tom

[Crosstalking.] That was what I would have done upon arriving again. [Clears his throat.]

Kyle 

Mayra says, 

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

W-well, this doesn't...well this doesn't make sense!

Kyle 

And Sunny says, 

Kyle (as Sunny)

Yeah, we fused as soon as we met! We never went through anything without that!

Kyle 

And, uh, Mayra continues,

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Yeah, I mean, –ah. I'm sorry, I as I said that that's how I remember it. But my memory is not exactly what used 

[01:00:00] 

to be 

Kyle 

And then suddenly her eyes just widen with realization. 

Tom (as Xoc)

I mean you probably know better than us because you actually lived through this whole weird process, but nobody's memories are perfect. We're not the Apocrita. [Strained laughter.]

Kyle 

Vespari leans down to Misha and says,

Kyle (as the Great Vespari)

I did not understand that reference? Was that a joke? I did see him chuckle.

Ari (as Misha) 

Uh, we will catch you up later. 

[Snorting laughter.]

Tom

But Xoc'll say,

Tom (as Xoc)

Maybe things...maybe things can't go back to the way they were before, but it maybe they also weren't the way you remember them being. 

Kyle (as Mayra Frankmanning the Fourth)

Um..I think...I think you might be right Xoc. 

Kyle (as Sunny)

Yes, and I can happily help sort through the papers that we have here and figure it out.

[The music fades.]

Kyle 

And as they say that we see the area around you.

[Closing theme, "Hitoshio" by Miracle of Sound, plays.]

And we see that just everything is torched and on fire and cut in half.

Ari

[Groans.]

Kyle

From when Xoc was cutting light through the walls. 

Tom

I didn't–I only did it a little bit!

Kyle 

And Sunny just turns over to Mayra and says,

Kyle (as Sunny)

Well, maybe if we both talk about all of our memories we can put something together anyway.

[Closing theme intensifies.]

Kyle

[Closing theme fades.]

Also, I'm sorry because I'm very much on my bullshit today. 

Tom

[Nervously.] What does that mean? 

Kyle

[In an absolutely terrible, groaning voice.] What if Jenkins but a terrible voice.

Tom

[Through laughter.] What if Jenkins, but bad Gilbert Gottfried.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

[In the extremely terrible Jenkins-Gottfreid voice.]

I assure you it's nothing salacious. It's just when I say words with my voice, it sounds like I'm talking about slow sex. 

[Normal voice.] That's a Jenkins line, but with Iago's voice now.

Tom

Yeah.

Emily

[Brightly.] Anyway!

Tom

That's...ah.

Kyle

Here's the thing. My goal at this point is to have Vespari be around, but he will still be very annoying. He thinks your name is Mida Georgedis.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Let us not forget this fact. He doesn't know Elee's name. I don't know if he knows Hopper's name. 

Hallie 

[Indignantly.] He should! We've been talking! We have five hearts!

Ari

[Through laughter.] Just, random cowboy roommate without a hat.

Hallie 

He gave me a gift! Random sad cowboy, that can't be my name!

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

The sad cowboy man was very helpful!

[Wheezing laughter from the party.]

Ari

Hatless cowboy man!

Kyle

Cool. That's great. I'm cutting all of this.

Emily

Yeah.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

[Clears his throat.]

[Episode ends - 01:02:50]