Ep. 48: Crime and Courtship, Part 13

And when you confronted the instrument, you realized that Meeghan had turned herself invisible, and eventually she just asked, se's like, hey, I need this. Can I borrow it? And you were real into teacher mode and you were like, yeah, that's what any good teacher would do.

[Opening music intensifies.]

Kyle

So I listened to my audio before we started, and I can tell that my voice sounds completely different this morning. It's...

[Kyle coughs.] It's gonna be a fun episode, is what I'm saying.

Emily

Did you drink water?

Kyle

I did.

Emily

Good.

Kyle

All right, so. Elee.

[The gentle, soothing background Muzak of the Prodigious begins to play.] It is your afternoon segment to do what you want. And if our conversations outside of the game are any indication, this scene is going to open up with Elee indignantly yelling at the ending machine, which is the vending machine that spoils things in the mail room. Is that correct?

Emily

Yes.

Kyle

So what, what exactly is Elee doing?

Emily

[Thoughtfully.] Well, so, she had already gotten stuff from the ending machine, but we skipped it.

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily

So is she back at the ending machine?

Kyle

She's back.

Emily

Okay.

Kyle

We're gonna sit here and we, like, just come for a reason why it didn't, the gambit didn't work the first time.

Emily

[Sheepishly.] Can I still see Rei after that?

Kyle

[With wry exasperation.] Yeah. Yes!

Emily

[Crosstalking, a little defensively.] Okay. I'm just making sure!

Kyle

This is meant to be a two-minute scene.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

We don't need to have this interrogation beforehand. It's okay. It's oh-Rei.

[The music fades.]

Emily

[Annoyed noise.]

Kyle

[Through laughter.] It's too early.

Emily (as Elee)

[Deeply annoyed.] I need you not to spoil random books. I don't care about random books. I don't care about young adult novels! I want you to spoil–

Kyle (as the Ending Machine)

[Crosstalking. Music that sounds like an old-school cabinet arcade game background begins to play–but a chill game, like Pacman.] –But at the end of Dont Cry Witch, you find out that Mandy all along was–

Emily (as Elee)

[Interrupting.] You suck! Spoil my story about the Jagged Dream! Spoil...[In a more hushed tone.] Who Ezra is.

[Louder and more sharply.] Don't say Ezra.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[Wryly.] It's damn fine investigative work, Kyle.

Kyle

I've got it. I’ve I figured it out. We're gonna go fourth wall for a second, I just got to do some math. Okay, so let's see. So that's...[Trails off.]

Emily

This could be decidedly unhelpful.

Kyle

That's, uh...

Emily

I'll probably regret asking.

Kyle

So, um, that's, uh, let's see. All right, and the vending machine responds,

Kyle (as the Ending Machine)

Well, in episode 48 of The Adventures of the Quest Friends, it is revealed that Ezra was, all along, the friends we made along the way!

Emily (as Elee)

[Exasperated, and stammering in frustration.] Noo! That is–that, you–that is not helpful!

I want you just to spoil the, the, the name that Ezra is going as on the Prodigious right now! And again, don't say Ezra.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily

[Suspicious.] I don't like that smile. You look too satisfied with yourself.

Kyle (as the Ending Machine)

So going back to Dont Cry Witch, it's really a very big revelation. You see–

Kyle

And as this thing goes back to talking about this very popular book, Elee, you here a little ka-chink! And you see that something has slid into your, uh, little mail tube, since you are in the mailroom.

[The vending machine music stops.]

Emily

I will cautiously take it out of the tube and look at it or open it. I don't know if it's in an envelope.

Kyle

All right, so you get a, uh, you get a note, and it stamped with five hearts on it, which is my way of indicating that this is because you got five hearts with somebody. And it just says,

Kyle (as Meeghan Fishwife)

[Whimsical music with a heavy tuba part begins to play.]

Professor, thank you so much for keeping my secret, especially for Soe's sake. I think if anyone found out about it, she'd die!

[Meeghan's exhuberant laughter.]

Kyle

And inside, you get a gift from Meeghan. And then what is that gift that you, you got from Meegan?

Emily

[Hesitantly.] Well, um, hmm...I don't have the list in front of me.

Kyle

Well goddamn it Emily!

Emily

It's just, I didn't know I was

[00:05:00]

supposed to! I, I, I forgot.

Kyle

Let me...we are never doing a morning session again.

Emily

I'm sorry

[Faint laughter from the party.]

Kyle

Not once, ever again.

Emily

I'm sorry!

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

[Plaintively.] I'm a monster.

Kyle

Let me, let me look up the gifts.

[The tuba music begins to play again, and the audio gets increasingly faster as Kyle recites the list.]

So you have name tags, stickers, Qool Qids Qome From Qi shirts, the diabolical puzzling box for kids, a stuffed qwhale, a jar of ants... [The audio becomes unintelligibly fast.]

[Normal speed.] And then the Keg Stand.

Emily

Um, I would like the stuffed qwhale.

Kyle

What kind of qwhale we talking about here?

Emily

A killer qwhale.

Hallie

[Dryly.] Is killer spelled with a Q.

Emily

[Laughter.] It has like. a little fabric fake knife in its little flipper.

Kyle

You also see another note and it says,

Kyle (as Rei)

[Gentle, tinkling music begins to play. It sounds strangely ominous.]

I found something in the gymatorium. Come as quickly as possible. Rei.

Kyle

And note that even though you have to come as quickly as possible, the words "as quickly as possible" are written out and not spelled ASAP.

[The music fades.]

Emily

Well, of course not, it's Rei. She doesn't use text speak

Kyle

The LOLs. The ROFLs.

Emily

[Slightly scandalized.] She would never.

Kyle

Elee.

[A pointed pause.]

How would you know.

Emily

[Deeply taken aback.] Wow. Woooow!

Hallie

[Serenely.] I'm just happy to be here this early in the morning, watching this unfold.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily

Yeah. I'm gonna go to the gymatorium.

Kyle

All right. So...

Emily

[Crosstalking.] Uh, actually, can I set the stuffed qwhale outside Soe's room?

Kyle

Yes. Yes, you can.

Emily

'cause I don't want to carry it around. [Snorts.]

Kyle

Is it a gift for Soe?

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

You get a heart point with Soe.

Emily

[Gleefully.] I have six.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle

I thought you only had–

Emily

[Crosstalking.] I got six!

Kyle

I thought you only had four!

Emily

You said I have five hearts with Soe 'cause she's my baby.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

But that is reasonable that she would start out with five hearts with Soe.

Kyle

All right. Give me a quick second to note that you've got, uh, Elee has six hearts with Soe, which means not only will Soe be just generally helpful, she'll be willing to take a bullet for you.

Emily

[Aghast.] No.

Hallie

[Ominous chuckling.]

Emily

No!

Kyle

[Mischievously.] Anyways!

[Relaxed music with a country-western vibe begins to play.]

You make your way to the gymatorium. It's currently being set up for Prom de Plume and the Salt and Pepper rally. So there are banners everywhere. They've taken, they've done the thing where you have like, the walls of the gymatorium and they pulled it out, so now it's made bleachers, and they're putting up like, cheap metal folding chairs all over the floor

Emily

Elee is like, smoothing out her shawls, but they don't smooth. So it's kind of just the action, but they're dirty and wrinkled and old so it's not really doing anything.

Kyle

[Faint laughter.]

One person sees you do that and that's Vera, who as you enter just stares at you and squints her eyes and just crushes...not crushes but indents–[A metal on metal crack.] One of the folding chairs she was setting down as a threat, and then goes back and starts directing the other people who are setting up.

Emily

[Crosstalking.] Really?

Kyle

Which I'll say, we have, Sir Kentrim is here, and he's just got multiple chairs on both arms, and he's just being like, wow. Yeah, I'm really helping being,

Kyle (as Sir Kentrim, Esq.)

One of the people, man! That's what a true Proligarch does.

Kyle

And then let's, let's throw Jebediah here as well. He's not, he's not doing as well.

[The music fades.]

He just is knocking things over as quickly as he’s setting them down.

Hallie

Like Octodad is he just Octodadding around?

Kyle

[Laughter.]

[Singing as Hallie laughs.] Octo-Captain!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

[Still singing.] Nobody suspects a thing!

[Normal voice.] You turn over, and you see, you know, I forget what those are, but they're like the platforms that you can like, extend up and down.

Hallie

Yeah, they're like giant stepstools.

Emily

Scaffolding?

Kyle

Yeah.

[Soft, nostalgic guitar music begins to play.] Rei is standing on the top of one of them. She has her chin in the palm of her hand and is fidgeting with her coat button as she stares at the floor where everything is being built. And next to her you can see with her chair kind of just, like, connected to it, almost like a sidecar in a motorcycle, Sera is connected to that and she is taking her screwdriver and she's just stabbing it.

[A quiet, rhythmic hammering noise begins. The music fades.]

Into this little handheld device connected to the side of the wall.

Emily (as Elee)

[Uncertain, with forced enthusiasm.] Heyyy.

Kyle

[The noise speeds up.] The stabbing goes, gets harder.

Emily

[The hammering noise continues to get faster. Elee's voice is strained.] You two look...nice today? Good to...see you...

Kyle

Um, Rei reflexively smiles when she sees you and waves, and then she turns over to Sera.

[The noise gets frantically fast.]

And she quietly mumbles something to Sera, who stabs in the device one more time with extra strength.

[A dramatic, echoing gong sound, and the hammering noise stops.]

And then without looking at you, descends from the platform and then leaves the room, although an acute observer will see her eyes flit for a quick second as she passes you.

Emily

Sadly and quietly and still very awkwardly, Elee waves.

Emily (as Elee)

[Stammering.] B...bye!

Ari

Nooo!

Hallie

[Still serene.] Again, just happy to be here.

[00:10:00]

Kyle

[Laughter.] All right.

Emily

I mean, I keep walking over to Rei.

Kyle

Okay. So Rei, uh, takes the platform and puts it down so that you're able to get on. Do you get on?

Emily

Yes, and I immediately start talking to her.

Kyle

[Through laughter.] As soon as you get on?!

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

All right, so she looks like she's gonna say something, but then she just stops.

Emily (as Elee)

[Slightly panicked.] Rei, should I, should I bother? Am I making it worse? I think I might be making it worse. Am–I, should I stop saying hi?

Kyle

She's still frozen as if she was gonna say something, and then when you finish your sentence, she just goes,

Kyle (as Rei)

Thank you for coming on such short notice. I have something I really want to show you.

Kyle

And she turns around and she starts to raise up the platform, deliberately not looking at you while she does it.

Kyle (as Rei)

By the way, I'd like to, ahh, apologize for my comments last evening during the Nano, uh, Fight Club. Not that you didn't deserve them. I just, uh, I was trying to make a joke, and it seems like, potentially, my humor has been something that has not evolved in the past decade.

Emily

Has she turned around yet?

Kyle

Ah, no, because she doesn't want you to see her face, especially because she actually feels kind of bad about it? But she's also still mad at you, and it's one of those things–you know like that feeling when you're like, wow, I made a mistake, I fucked up, but I'm also mad at them, so I don't want them to feel like suddenly they're absolved of all their guilt just because I made a mistake.

Emily (as Elee)

[Uncertain.] Well, I appreciate the apology. You're right that I deserved it. And if, if it landed badly, I also deserved that.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Emily (as Elee)

I think you're actually, you're really funny. I'm just a little bit...um, I just, you know, I might...

Kyle (as Rei)

[Wryly.] Be a liar? Yes, Elee, that's pretty obvious with your flattery.

Emily (as Elee)

[Desperately trying to sound sincere.] What about–what's the flattery?

Kyle

[Gleefully.] Elee, roll to lie.

Emily

Okay. Ahh! [Dice roll.]

Kyle

Oh, hey, look, you rolled a two.

Emily

Wow.

Kyle

Oh, hey, look, no matter what you rolled it ends up turning into a two, because she doesn't believe your bullshit.

Emily (as Elee)

[Forcing the words out in a rush.] Okay, yeah fine. I was lying. Now I feel bad. I just, uh, sorry. I take it–-well, uh, I mean you...you...I, I, I...

[A brief pause as Elee composes herself.] I do genuinely think that you are funny, but I do agree that sometimes, you know, when people are feeling really sensitive, like...maybe possibly potentially, I am, a little bit, maybe feeling at this moment, um, you know, I...I'm...you know!

Kyle

[The guitar music begins again.]

Rei has just been smiling this whole time, tickled by all of your waffling.

Emily

[Huffs out a laugh.]

Kyle

And she considers very deliberately what she's gonna say, and then she just responds, trying very hard not to laugh as she does.

Kyle (as Rei)

[Sweetly.] You know, Elee, I don't think I understand. Could you please elaborate?

Emily

Panic flashes across Elee's face.

Emily (as Elee)

Well, what, what I mean, um, is just that, you know for people who do sometimes, um...

Kyle

[Crosstalking. The music fades.] And Rei just turns over into decides, all right, it's time to start getting to work.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And she says,

Kyle (as Rei)

Hey, Elee, do you remember the dance that Willie Wiles ran?

Emily

Do I?

Kyle

Yes, Willie Wiles, who I'm just going to make a note here–

Emily

[Mischievously.] Also known as Free Willie.

Kyle

[Jazzy dance music begins to play.]

Willie Wiles, also known as Free Willie, was a pretty reckless purveyor of let's call them...weap–guns. Weapons. An illicit purveyor of weapons in the Beyond who Rei had tried to establish connections with for the upcoming coup. And one of the things Willie Wiles ran, the thing that you two talked about endlessly, was the fact that Willie Wiles had this customizable floor. They had one that they did for the dance floor.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle

They had some ice ones that they did for an ice skating rink. They had a basketball...a boosketball...a basketcube. That's what basketball is.

Hallie

I love it.

Kyle

They had basketcube floors. Yeah, so you, you remember that floor, and that's gotta be what Rei's talking about.

Emily (as Elee)

[Thoughtfully.] This is like...the floor?

Emily

And Elee tries to like, say it quieter and lean in, but then she, like, is leaning closer and she's like, [Panicked noise.]

And then leans back out and like, puts her hands on her hips awkwardly.

[00:15:00]

Kyle

'cause she's tough!

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Emily

[Plaintively.] Hallie.

Hallie

Just let me have this.

Emily

[Laughter.] Fine.

Kyle (as Rei)

[The music fades.] That's right! The customizable floor. You slipped all night on that ice cube.

Emily (as Elee)

[A little indignant.] Well, that's because we were dancing on the regular floor, but then we got a little carried away and...

Kyle (as Rei)

[Teasingly.] That was the best you had danced that whole night.

Emily (as Elee)

Wow, Rei.

Kyle (as Rei)

Anyways, the Prodigious has something remarkably similar. –

Kyle

And she points to the floor and you can see that on the floor there are various cracks and pieces.

[Mysterious, slightly spooky music begins to play–a very "Unsolved Mysteries" feel.]

Kyle (as Rei)

Like with anything else in Qi or on the Prodigious, something has to have a use and they will beat out every use of it they can find. In the case of this floor, it's segmented into multiple pieces that can separate, revealing alternative uses. So they have a dance floor. They have this gym floor, ice skating. I believe they were going to have a pool, were it not for the fact that we set sail so abruptly. So this was one of the first places that popped to mind, and I started adjusting with a floor a bit and I found something quite peculiar.

Kyle

Should I just keep going?

Emily

Yeah, Elee nods for her to continue. Like she's enraptured.

Kyle

So Rei turns over to the little panel that has been stabbed multiple times by a screwdriver, but in a very strategic way so that it is, uh, still functioning. And she goes over and she presses the button on it, and you see the floor below start to move and separate into different pieces.

[The music fades.]

Sir Kentrim immediately jumps out of the way. Jebediah does not seem fazed at all, and Vera is actually not there.

Emily

I don't like that. I don't like that, that concerns me,

Kyle

But because she's not here, she's not here to yell at Rei as she starts basically adjusting the floor into different configurations. It's almost like a Rubik's Cube, you know, the thing that I have to reference at least once to say, wow, this character super smart. And so it takes different shapes. It takes the shape of an ice skating rink, it takes a shape of basketcube, at one point the floor becomes lava, and finally Rei is just saying,

Kyle (as Rei)

[The low, threatening music of the Jagged Dream begins to play.] So there are dozens of configurations listed in this blueprints and map that Sera gave me. But the odd thing is, when we looked at it, there was an extra configuration that was not included.

Kyle

And she presses the button one more time, and you see it returns to the regular gym floor, but suddenly the pieces start blocking each other. Before Rei can even point out it to you, you notice that the the grooves in between where the floor stops form the shape of a knife with a serrated edge.

Emily (as Elee)

[Flatly.] Well, that's problematic.

Kyle (as Rei)

It's definitely not well functioning, but did you notice the–

Emily (as Elee)

[Crosstalking.] The knife?

Kyle

[The music stops.]

And Rei just looks at you, very proud of your investigations, and remembering how much better you are always at than her when it came to finding the relevant details. Even if you couldn't quite piece it together the same way.

[Soft, melancholy music begins.]

And for a second, Rei's eyes flick to the three candles on your hat.

Kyle (as Rei)

Elee, I have a question.

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah?

Kyle

[The music stops.] And her eyes suddenly dart away.

Kyle (as Rei)

[The eerie music of the Jagged Dream begins once more.] So yes, this Jagged Dream organization. Sera had come to me last night, ranting and raving about how this new professor–Q-BO, I think his name was–was making accusations about one of their leaders being a strong force behind our coup. What exactly is this Jagged Dream, Elee?

Emily (as Elee)

[Thoughtfully.] I don't understand it all, but I know that it's a cult. It has three parts. Vera is in charge of one of them. Um...

Kyle (as Rei)

[Crosstalking.] That's a shame. She seems so practical.

Emily (as Elee)

[Wryly.] Oh, she is. She came at me with a giant fist and it was full of nails, but that was also kind of Misha's fault.

Kyle (as Rei)

Is Misha also a member of this Jagged Dream?

Emily (as Elee)

No, no. Misha, Misha is just one of the companions that I've been traveling with, along with Xoc. You probably saw him at Nano Fight Club along with Arias Folon, I think? The Blue Fairy. She's the leader of another faction.

Kyle (as Rei)

[Disdainfully.] Oh, much too showy. I did not like how she bullied that poor boy with that staff.

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah. Yeah. And then, um, Hop–Simon. [The music fades.]

Kyle (as Rei)

Oh, yes. I hear he's a very nice young man.

Emily (as Elee)

We snuck on because we were going to stop the Jagged Dream, hopefully. There's a third part. The leader is Ezra? And I don't know much about them, but they want to cause war. They want to...

Kyle (as Rei)

[Finishing Elee's sentence.] Be a god. Yes. No, that sounds like Ezra's M-O.

Emily (as Elee)

Do you know...

Kyle (as Rei)

[Crosstalking. Much more intense, dramatic music begins to play.]

So I

[00:20:00]

was racking my brain after Sera mentioned that to me. I could never remember Ezra. Ezra! I catalogued every person we worked with, every single one, and there was not a single person who looked or acted like this Ezra, nor someone who was related to...

Kyle

And she points to the indentation.

Kyle (as Rei)

To that. But I do remember my niece having this...consultant. They called themselves a god, a gifter of ideas and truth and power. They were...helpful, yes, but opinionated and...[Darkly.] Troublesome.

Anastasia got along with them fine. Anastasia said this figure was very affable. Coarse, but excited. And they promised Anastasia the ability to do great, great things. But...

Emily (as Elee)

Did you ever meet them?

Kyle (as Rei)

No. When it was clear Anastasia wouldn't listen to me, I chose to stay as far away from that part of the war as possible.

Emily (as Elee)

[Quietly.] Well, they're here.

Kyle (as Rei)

[Wryly.] Yes. I guess I wasn't able to stay away after all.

[The dramatic music crescendos and intensifies.]

Kyle

Hello, and welcome to episode 48 of Quest Friends, Crime and Courtship part 13. I am Kyle, your GM, and our intro and outro song are "Friends" and "Hitoshio," both by Miracle of Sound. I've got just one announcement for you today, but before we get to that, I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who participated in our Xoc and Misha Patreon sticker bonus.

As of recording, it's just a few days before I actually mail out those stickers, and it's just been a few days since we actually hit our first Patreon subscriber goal! So thanks to folks supporting us. Not only do we have more support, but now everybody who subscribed to us is either going to get a digital or, at higher tiers, a physical bundle of postcards based on locations from our podcast, or at least the ones that aren't owned by Monte Cook Games. So I just want to take a second to thank everyone who was involved in that.

Having that support via Patreon has just been so, so helpful. With that out of the way, there's only one announcement for you today, and I'm actually not going to be the one the present it myself. Instead, I reached out to the folks at Palimpsest Podcast, the newest Numenera actual play podcast, to see if they had a promo or something I could share with you. Let's give it a listen!

Zann of the Palimpsest Podcast

[Eerie noise begins to play in the background, like wind echoing through a cave.]

One billion years in the future, Earth still exists, though maybe not as we imagine it. Eras upon bygone eras worth of technology have been left behind by eight previous and fallen civilizations. It is now up to the denizens of the Ninth World to piece together what was left behind.

Join us as we explore this Ninth World in Palimpsest, a family-friendly Numenera actual play podcast. Nehemiah, a protective glaive who speaks with a silver tongue. Smalren, a serene jack who wields power with precision, and Jory a curious delve who exists partially out of phase, have all independently made their way to a small village past the edge of society and built around a massive and mysterious ruin.

We hope you listen along as we bring you theatrically presented episodes of their adventures in Palimpsest, a Ghostlight Media production available at PalimpsestCast.com or on your favorite podcatcher.

[The music fades.]

Kyle

If that sounds interesting to you, you can check out Palimpsest podcast at PalimpsestCast.com. That's P-A-L-I-M-P-S-E-S-T-C-A-S-T.com. And for those of you who did not have a paper and pen ready when I started spelling, you can check out a link to their show in the show notes.

[Bright, upbeat music begins to play.]

That's all I've got for you today. I hope you enjoy the rest of the episode we've got for you, and I will talk to you again on our next episode on Monday, November 18th.

[The music ends.]

Kyle

All right, so Hop.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

You're the last person left.

Hallie

Sure am.

Kyle

You no longer have to deal with Vespari, he's been babysat someplace else, so you're free to go and do whatever you want! What do you want

[00:25:00]

to do?

Hallie

Hopper, carrying the two recorder headbands that he borrowed from Xoc, will go down to Sera's little engineer room to see if she's there.

Kyle

Yeah. And as you, you poke your head in, you suddenly hear,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Brightly.] Hey bud!

Kyle

And I need you to roll speed defense.

Hallie

Fun fact. I almost bought a die yesterday, but then I dropped it by accident. It rolled under the table and I had to walk around and crawl under to get it, and it was a one. So I put it back and didn't buy it.

[Laughter from the party.]

[Dice roll.] This is a four.

Kyle

Okay, cool. Um. [Clears throat.] I need you to take five might points.

Hallie

[Through laughter.] That's so much might damage.

Kyle

As Sera, like, flicks her wrist and you see what looks like a little, like, dot start going towards you, and suddenly you hear Sera go,

Kyle (as Sera)

Ah, shit, shit, shit shit shit!

Kyle

And she starts reaching around for something. And she finally finds this little device, and she starts tapping it furiously. And as she does, you see the little dot expand into a large metal rod that's been fashioned into a triangle, but too late! And it bonks you right in the head.

Hallie

[A sigh.] Is it a triangle? Is it the sharp part that bonks me in the head, or does it just...

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] It just bonks. It's like, bent over so there's no sharp edges.

Hallie

I thought I was gonna get impaled for a second! So Hopper, knocked on the ground, is like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Ow! What, what is that?

Kyle (as Sera)

Ah shit! Sorry, um, forgot about this part. It's kind of important.

Hallie (as Hopper)

The part that controls it.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Whimsical, fast-paced piano music begins to play.] Ah, no! It doesn't control it, it makes it uh, it makes a bigger or smaller, see?

Kyle

And she presses the button and it goes, the, the triangle shrinks, and then it grows again as she presses the button. It shrinks into like maybe a coin size.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle (as Sera)

I needed to make this to, ah, store all the left triangles. Here, have one if you want.

Kyle

And she throws a copy of the device to you. We're called the big-small. Small-big. The size bigger. I don't know what to call it, but it's gonna be something that you can attach to any item and you can shrink it down to pocket-sized.

Hallie

That's amazing and I want it. Um, I want to specify I for, I forgot, but I wanted to trade in my book with Soe. I have my book on, I think it was another one of her YA novels, but I want a book on the Great Triangle Exodus of the Seventh World.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Because it is bullshit that he doesn't know about that. So when Sera references left triangles, Hopper will reach and pull the book out of his bag.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Did you know that the Great Angle Exodus of the Seventh World is actually very fascinating? I don't know why I didn't know about it before. [Wryly.] Probably because the education here isn't very good.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

But anyway!

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, yeah, I know all, I know all about left triangles. You know, I made a whole bunch.

[The music ends.]

Kyle

[A low, thunderous rumble begins.] And she presses a button, and suddenly you see this barrel in the corner of the room start to shake.

[Clanking metal against metal noises.]

And rattle. And then it explodes!

[The crash of countless metal triangles colliding as they crash into the floor.]

As thousands of these rods start spilling out onto the floor. And you can see that Sera's tried to make a left triangle every which way. She's tried to just make a right triangle and then face it left. She's tried to create a left triangle and get it elected under, uh, leftist policies, and she finally settled on a triangle that was a right triangle, and then she just bent it over so that it bent over and started facing left. And that was the rod that she had given you.

Hallie

Do I have the rod, or do I have the, the size-y thing.

Kyle

Well, she threw the size-y thing to you, but she also threw a rod at your face.

Hallie

Oh! Okay.

Kyle

So the rod is on the ground, but then she said oh, yeah, I also made this thing, feel free to have it.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

She wanted to show you the left triangle she had figured out, because she cracked the case.

Hallie

God. I'm so proud of her.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Anyway, I was wondering if you were busy this afternoon?

Kyle (as Sera)

Nope. Just making more triangles. [Strained noise.]

Kyle

And you see that she's grabbed another rod and she's just bending it over again as she's talking to you.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay, great. Well, look do you don't have to help me with anything, but I was hoping you might be able to help me with something I'd like to do this afternoon. Where–I have a couple questions. Where on this ship would the connection to the datasphere be the strongest?

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, well, that would be–Chitters?

Kyle

And Chitters scurries over.

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Whistles intently.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, yeah. No, that's, that's perfect. It would it would be the relay, up top. It's kind of what funnels in all the datasphere powers. You know that big umbrella on top of the Prodigious?

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Quiet and thoughtful.] Yeah. Okay. The relay.

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, it would be that.

Kyle

And as you say 'yeah,' Chitters' head abruptly turns to you and he just pounces.

Hallie

Ah!

Kyle

And is immediately on top of you and cuddling.

Hallie

Hah. Hopper, knocked down to the ground again, will just patiently take it and be like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hi, Chitters. Hi. How are you?

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Fond whistling.]

Hallie

And then he'll try to sit up as best he can while not interfering with Chitters' movements.

Kyle

Chitters is not moving, Chitters is content.

Hallie

Okay good! Then Hopper's content. So then Hopper will brandish the two recorder headbands he has and say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

So look, these are two video recorder headbands that are connected to each other so one of them will see what the other one is seeing. Do you think it would be possible to rig one of these up near the relay

[00:30:00]

so that we can watch whoever comes up to the, uh, the relay over the next couple of days? I just want to know. And then I thought–do you have a projector? Because I have this one cord.

Hallie

And he disconnects the cord from the walkie-talkie to his pin.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uh, that connects any input to any output. So I thought you know, if you had like, a projector, we could hook up the second recorder headband that's down here to the projector, and then watch a stakeout from the safety and comfort of an entirely different location.

Hallie

[Pleased.] I got a plan.

Kyle

You have...a plan.

Hallie

[Triumphant.] I have a plan. It feels so good!

Emily

You're gonna Netflix and chill with Sera!

Hallie

We're gonna Netflix and chill, and then just to just to like–as Sera's thinking about it, he'll add,

Hallie (as Hopper)

You don't have to watch the whole thing with me. I just figured if you had a projector, it would probably...

Kyle (as Sera)

[Crosstalking.] Oh, no, please. Please. I could–

Kyle

And she points to Chitters.

Kyle (as Sera)

We could use a break.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Brightly.] Great! I was gonna get like, snacks but the cafeteria, because it's University of Qi, doesn't allow food outside the designated eating area. So all I have is this jar of olives.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Mischievous music begins to play.]

[Intently.] Excuse me.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I just...I, I, I got, um, Vespari...he was at Nano Fight Club. He's going through a tough time.

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, no, not, no no no, no no, no no no. Not. I, no. What? What do you have?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, he gave me a jar of olives. That was my point. That's why I brought him up. He just gave me this jar of olives. It's the only snack I have is, is my point.

Kyle

You don't have the jar of olives.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Because as you say that they are immediately out of your hand and Sera has already opened it up and just stuck her hand into the bottle.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, so you like olives then!

Emily

[Sullenly.] Whatever.

Kyle

And you had already had three heart points with Sera for how helpful you were with her, but you are now up to four.

Hallie

[Whispering.] Yes!

Emily

[Sulking.] Whatever, it's not like I bought a jar of olives. It's not like I bought one with my last monies!

Hallie

I knew what Sera's gift was, but Hopper presented this by accident. He didn't know.

Emily

Whatever! Kyle, you did this.

Kyle

So you're making your way up to the relay. On your way there, Sera does take a pitstop by, uh, Professor Myra Frankmanning, who is that Professor you had met the other–yesterday. I believe?

Hallie

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

She stops there and she, she goes in.

[The music ends.] It's a bit of a peculiar situation when you enter the room. It looks like it's on fire. There's this weird ghost lady sun orb there, and Sera keeps muttering about a dimensionater and, like, grabs this hunk of like, artifact and just slams it on the ground. And as she leaves, points to it and says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Stay!

Kyle

As she protectively grabs the projector and scoots out of the room with it.

Hallie

Hopper spends that whole time just eyeing the corner. He'll awkwardly say "hello" to the professor and to the sun orb lady, and then just follow Sera's lead.

Kyle

You make your way into the main courtyard of the Prodigious. So it's got those fake plants, it's got those big statue orbs of the Council of Spheres, and it's got this big, like, plank walkway that slowly goes up over this big window. This was where you had dramatically just kind of gotten to the top of this walkway and angstily sat there when you, uh, were reading the Lorraine letter on the first night.

Hallie

It was in the observatory, right?

Kyle

Yeah, so this is the observatory right off the courtyard that you're going up this walkway to.

Hallie

Okay, gotcha.

Kyle

Then actually for a brief second you're like, oh wait. I remember seeing a sun there. I wonder if...and you piece it together just so we don't have to get Hop up to speed on who the fuck Sunny is.

Hallie

He–as they're passing observatory then, oh! Just to himself and then they're gonna keep going.

Kyle

And you make your way to the end of the observatory, and you notice that there are a handful of cameras, security cameras, but you notice a whole bunch of them converge on this ladder that leads up to a simple hatch on the ceiling.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I forgot there was surveillance.

Kyle (as Sera)

Ah, don't worry about it. They're never on, see?

Kyle

And she just taps one of the cameras, which is just pointed down and not at anything in particular.

Hallie (as Hopper)

You sure? Who monitors the surveillance?

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, hopefully not me.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Wryly.] Because you haven't been doing it. You don't–you don't know if that's supposed to be you?

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, I mean all surveillance does is tell the Zhev where to find somebody. Eh?

Kyle

And she motions towards the recorder headband.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Do they know, then, where to go to get somebody through the little ear pieces? They were wearing them at trivia.

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, kind of. You know, Qi claims that that thing is supposed to make the Zhev, and anything that wears it, super ultra intelligent, but that's just a bunch of bullshit.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Why do you say that?

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, because they were smart enough as is. Just because we couldn't understand what they were saying doesn't mean they couldn't talk. All that earpiece does is teaches them how to speak our language, and I'm not talking about words. I'm talking about how to think. I'm talking about how to be complacent. I'm talking about how to follow orders.

Hallie (as Hopper)

You know, they...they are a lot different now than when I went to Qi. You know, they were there, they were around, they did general security,

[00:35:00]

but they are really into general security now.

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, you know, the technology, uh...anyways. Here we are.

Kyle

And she just takes a hammer and she knocks off the lock on the padlock for the gate and pushes it up.

Hallie (as Hopper)

All right, perfect.

[Intense howling wind begins to blow. Deceptively gentle music begins to play in the background.]

Kyle

The wind wraps itself around your legs and actually pushes you a few feet to the left as you make your way to the top of the Prodigious. Around you is a sea of clouds so soft and inviting that you feel like you could lay on them forever. A startling thought, when your brain realizes what would actually happen if you tried. You eventually shake that idea from your head, and you turn back to watch Sera making her way to the center of the platform, where a thin tower rises to meet a large crimson umbrella that shadows the space beneath it.

In this cool shadow, you see a handful of pocket-sized creatures with thin bird legs, blocky whale bodies, and a single feather dangling in front of each of their faces. These qwhales happily hop and skip around the tower, occasionally flailing their flipper wings in attempted flight.

Hallie

Are they being carried by the wind at all? It almost blew us off, so I imagined they try and the wind just blows them into the relay, then they try again and it just blows them right back.

Kyle

It does, and you can see they have actually a bunch of nests on the relay itself.

Hallie

Good, good for the qwhales.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

So Hop's looking around, and then he just asks,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[The music fades.] So who gave the Zhev the earpieces though? Who do they report to?

Kyle

And she just looks back to you says,

Kyle (as Sera)

Didn't you watch the musical?

Hallie (as Hopper)

What mu–no, Xoc and Misha went to the musical, I think.

Kyle

Sera points to a break in the clouds.

[A tinkling tune that sounds like gentle windchimes begins.]

And you see it, this hill. It looks almost like Stonehenge, if the rocks that were the tall towers were thicker and wider, and were almost drilled into, as if they were making various caverns that went deep beneath this hill.

Kyle (as Sera)

So that's, uh, that's Zhev Garden. That's, uh, that's where this, this guy, Cal...Colavel...Cal...

Hallie (as Hopper)

Calival. Yeah, he was a trivia question.

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, no, that, that guy. That was where he, uh...

[Sera says these two words slowly and deliberately. You can hear she's not being sincere.] "Found" and "domesticated."

Kyle

And you can't see my air quotes, but I am air quoting so hard right now.

Kyle (as Sera)

The Zhev, and turned them from these ferocious, feral animals into, you know, the cute, cuddly things we know them as today. Anyways, I don't know who they listen to now, but...

Kyle

And she looks at the, uh, the gardens, which you can't see them very well from a distance, but they look heartbreakingly empty.

[The music fades.]

Hallie

Hopper will look that way for perhaps a few moments too long, losing himself in the sad sight, and then he'll shake himself out of it go,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Clears his throat.] Ah, mm. Relay. So I just want to know who normally comes up here. Is it anyone's duty to come up here? Like is there anyone who it wouldn't be weird for to come up here?

Kyle

Sera just points to herself and goes,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Clicks tongue.]

Kyle

And like, clicks her tongue.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay, yeah, that figures, you're the engineer. How long have you been working on this ship?

Kyle (as Sera)

Um, the ship? How long have we been on it?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uh, um, but was there any prep work that you did for the ship? Did you set up the relay for instance?

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh, no, the da–the damn thing didn't work until a week ago. This thing wasn't supposed to fly! And then suddenly, the whole ship just starts working out of the blue Then we're going to start flying in the air, without any prep. Need I remind you about the bomb that is the engine?

I actually meant to come up here, because, you know, the datasphere controls everything in the Prodigious, so maybe it can explain to me why the engine's of piece of garbage.

Hallie (as Hopper)

That would be good to know. So could the relay be used to power anything besides the ship?

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, yeah, if it's hooked up to it.

Kyle

And you can see that she's just dack-taped the recorder headband to the side of this tower.

Hallie

Perfectly fine. So then Hopper will ask,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Did you know anyone on the ship before you started working here? Like the captain or any of the passengers?

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, I mean, I knew, uh, I knew the professors, but that's pretty much it. Did you really pin Professor Goldstone? Like on a seat?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yes. Yes, I did do that.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Laughter.] He deserved it.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Clearly feeling validated.] Thank you! He, he did deserve it.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Sera)

[The sound of horse hooves in the distance, soon followed by a drumbeat.]

By the way, I was wondering, what was that, uh, what was that whole vigilante thing you had going on there? That sounds cool.

Hallie (as Hopper)

What, in college? Putting pins on people's seats?

Kyle (as Sera)

Well no, like that, what is it–Hopper Scotch, book thief?

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Weakly.] Oh.

Kyle (as Sera)

[A whistling, wild-west version of the Pythagorean Rhythm begins to play.] Sounds like, uh, sounds like one of those books that Soe would have given me.

Kyle

And she just says in this, like, wow, what a cool book fashion, just like,

Kyle (as Sera)

[In a low, dramatic voice.] Hopper Scotch rises again, back to reclaim his vengeance against the school that had betrayed him so horribly!

Hallie

Is she saying these words?

Kyle

She is, just, she's into like, the idea of like, she's writing the back of a book now.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

She's really gotten into the books that Soe has given her.

[The music fades.]

Hallie

[Laughter.] Uh, Hopper will give a little laugh and be like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

It's not so much...it's not so much that. I think there's some

[00:40:00]

bad people on this ship, and I think they want to do something bad, because they're bad people, that could endanger a lot of people. So I'm um, I don't want that to happen. So I'm gonna try?

Kyle

She's just going to keep muttering,

Kyle (as Sera)

[The music begins again.] After years off of the force, he hasn't returned again. Instead, he's gone as a lone wolf with allies deep within the enemy camp themselves!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[An eagle cries in the distance.] You don't have to...you don't have to, I'm not, I'm not a book character. I'm just Simon. Um.

Hallie

In an effort to get Sera to stop doing this thing that is making Hopper just a little bit uncomfortable, he'll be like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

So, how–how do you know Soe?

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Kyle (as Sera)

[The music stops.] Oh, yeah. She's, uh, she's in my mom's class.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh!

Kyle (as Sera)

Very sweet girl.

Hallie (as Hopper)

She is!

Kyle (as Sera)

[Sullenly.] Don't know where she got it from.

Hallie (as Hopper)

What do you mean?

Kyle (as Sera)

[Deflecting.] So she says you had an arch-nemesis? That's cool. That's nifty.

Hallie

[Playful, mischievous music begins again.]

Hopper like, freezes.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Ehh, what did, what did Soe say about that?

Kyle (as Sera)

She didn't actually say much, she couldn't explain much, but she showed me this really cool, uh, manuscript written by some historical author. I think their name was Jesse Drew?

Hallie

Wait, is this a new thing that Jesse has written that I don't know about?

Kyle

You're gonna tell me Jesse hasn't written fanfiction?

Hallie

That's what I was trying to double-check! That's, like, I'm confused.

Kyle

It's absolutely Jesse fanfiction. But Sera's never met Jesse, so she just thinks this is some author working on a book about your life.

Hallie

So, so Hopper coming to this conclusion in like, mental bursts–

Hallie (as Hopper)

Jesse, Jesse–Jesse is one of our companions. They're not a historian. What, what...what did the work that they wrote say?

Kyle (as Sera)

Honestly, I don't know. I didn't make it that far. It only had like, a couple of sentences written. It was talking about how this, uh, this young boy called Simon had, uh, thought he had met this cool new friend, but instead he had met, he was gonna meet the woman who would make him Hopper Scotch and would become his worst and most fearsome rival. All sounded very interesting. I'm very excited to read the rest!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Quietly, startled.] How do they know that?

[More intently.] How do they know that!

Hallie

Hopper's like a little afraid right now!

[The music fades.]

He's like, he doesn't understand how Jesse knows this and is embarrassed that now Sera knows this.

Kyle

Um, one of the credits on the book will become two research partners, and you just see Alvin Simon.

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Nooo!

Kyle

As one of the top researchers.

Hallie

[Horrified.] Noooo! Noooo, Dad!! No! They don't even know he goes by Hopper!

[Laughter continues.]

They just know Simon!! No!! No! Every time I think I'm finally getting over something a new horrifying fact presents itself.

[After taking a breath to steady herself.] Okay, back to the scene. In the moment, Hopper's just kind of sputtering trying to think of an explanation, like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Jess, Jesse. That's um, it's not...not true, but it's not true? Exactly? It's, uh. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Kyle (as Sera)

Okay, I won't press more. I won't press more.

Kyle

And she starts going back to leave and go to the room where you're going to set up the projector, and Sera pauses for a second and decides to reveal that she knows a little bit more than she let on. And she just says,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Soft, melancholy music begins to play.]

You know, you, uh...you don't gotta bother with someone who doesn't want to bother with you.

[The music fades.]

Kyle

So you are back in, uh, Sera's room. She has set up a projector, is fist deep in the jar of olives, and you're watching the screen of the what you had set up

Hallie

Hopper just kind of sits awkwardly for a little bit. I imagine they haven't really spoken that much since getting back? Has she been carrying on a normal conversation?

Kyle

Uh, I mean she would, she would happily move to a different topic. She wouldn't continue talking about the book because she could tell that that's probably a sore spot.

Hallie

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

But she would have continued, uh, asking probably what you would figure it out about the left triangles, cursing Q-BO every time you mention something because she considers the Left Triangle Exodus Q-BO's fault.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

Because he was the one who had talked about it. Not a fan of Q-BO, is Sera.

Hallie

Okay. In that case, he'll gesture towards the projector they're now watching in the safety and comfort of a location entirely different from the location they're staking out.

Kyle

They're in, uh, Sera's engine room, right?

Hallie

Yes.

Kyle

So I wouldn't consider that safety and comfort.

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Okay–

Kyle

But...

Hallie

You have a point.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

But in relation to staking out a location in the location, it's fun, because we're not there. My plan is really good!

Kyle

It's a good plan. I'm just not gonna say that Sera's room is potentially safer than any place else.

Hallie

Hop will gesture towards the projector and be like, thanks again for helping me set all this up.

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, no problem. It's nice to just hang out for a bit and not like, end up in a deep dark well, or...

Kyle

And she thinks to seeing Elee

[00:45:00]

earlier and her face just snarls.

Hallie (as Hopper)

You okay?

Emily

[Faintly.] Noo.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Wait, deep dark well, when were you in a well?

Kyle (as Sera)

[Hissing.]

Hallie

Is that her response?

Kyle

[Laughter.] I think so.

Emily

[Startled.] What was that!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Sera)

[Fast-tempo heist music begins to play. It feels very spy movie (more Spy than James Bond)].

Hey wait, I think, I think we found someone. I think I see somebody!

Hallie

[Conspiratorially.] What's happening.

Kyle

What's happening?

Hallie

Yeah. I want to know.

Kyle

What's happening is you see a figure come out. He is relatively tall, with dark hair, and he's holding a present that he slowly opens up. And he looks to his left and to his right, and Inspector Cecilos discreetly removes his mustache disguise before returning to the item that was in the gift box.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

It's a stuffed qwhale. And he turns it over and opens up its bottom and he takes a piece of parchment, and he starts ticking it inside of the stuffed qwhale.

Hallie

Okay. [Clearly intrigued.] I just, I just keep watching this unfold with rapt attention.

Emily

[Slyly.] Rapt.

Kyle

Um.

Emily

[Mischievously.] Like the gift.

Hallie

Hahhh.

Kyle

I'm going to say he does that, and then he walks away to somewhere off of, uh, the camera's point of view.

Hallie

Still holding the qwhale?

Kyle

Still holding the qwhale, and he hasn't left yet. He's still up there.

Hallie

Okay.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Well, he's not doing anything with the relay, but Cecilos has been pretty suspicious lately. Did you see him whisper to Captain Jebediah at trivia? They exchanged a gift or something.

[The music ends.]

I don't know if it's this. I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna...I think I'm gonna run into him.

Hallie

So then I want to go back up to like, where the ladder gets down. So like, [Feigning surprise.] Oh my God, you're here, what!

Kyle

You're gonna go, you're gonna go meet up with him?

Hallie

Yeah, let's do it.

Kyle

Do you want Sera to come with or do you want her to man the, man the screen?

Hallie

It's up to her. So as he gets up, Hop will say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

I'm gonna go check it out. You can come too if you want, or you can stay here.

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, let's go get 'em. Chitters, man the screen!

Kyle

And Chitters will,

Kyle (as Chitters)

[Whistles in acknowledgment.]

Kyle

And will just perch on top of the projector.

Hallie

[In delight.] I love it. I love him.

Kyle

So you make your way back up to, uh, catch Cecilos. Roll me a perception, quick.

Hallie

I'm going to use a different die, not that that will help me. [Dice roll.]

[Reluctantly.] Seven.

Kyle

So you're just sitting there, you're looking at the space just waiting for Cecilos.as Sarah's just sitting there,

Kyle (as Sera)

[A popping noise, like chewing gum.]

Kyle

Just sitting there waiting as well. She's outfitted her chair with this large gloved hand. It's her fighting arm, and she just kind of mumbles to herself.

Kyle (as Sera)

Huh? That's weird. Camera's back on.

Kyle

And she's looking to that security camera that was turned off when you first went up there.

Hallie

Oh, no.

Kyle

But before you can do anything about that, you hear some steps as Cecilos, who seems very shaken and upset and is still holding the qwhale, starts making his way down.

Hallie

He put the parchment paper into the qwhale, right?

Kyle

Yes, but he still has the, uh, he still has a qwhale.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

And he seems he seems very upset to himself. He's mumbling about how they don't, they don't know absolutely anything. They'll need more time to be trained. Basically mumbling about how they don't know what they're doing, and he needs to think of something fast or they're not going to complete it in time.

Hallie

Okay. Uh, I just want to flag him like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, Inspector Cecilos!

Kyle (as Cecilos)

[Startled.] Oh, Accountant Detective.

[Jazzy music begins to play again; it sounds very Pink Panther-esque.] It is such a pleasure to...

Kyle

And he whips on the mustache but accidentally puts it on upside down, and he just leans on the railing and hides the qwhale behind his back.

Kyle (as Cecilos)

It's such, uh, it's such a pleasure to, uh, see you together, uh, again, as well as you, Miss Engineer.

Kyle (as Sera)

[With more obvious suspicion.] Inspector.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I was just wondering...it's funny seeing you! I was wondering, have you made any progress with the, uh, investigation?

Kyle (as Cecilos)

Ah, yes, it's uh...[Sniffs.]

Kyle

And he, like, just starts sniffing and the mustache falls down, or part of it falls down.

Kyle (as Cecilos)

I've been following some very important leads, and I, uh, think I should be able to get something. Eventually. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm!

Hallie (as Hopper)

I'm not doing anything. If you have a lead, maybe we could investigate it together.

Kyle (as Cecilos)

[Hastily.] No, no. No, I think maybe we should reconverge at dinner. You, uh, you look very...very...

[The music and Cecilos trail off.]

Hallie

Hop is gonna let him finish.

Kyle (as Cecilos)

Well, um, well, you know...

[Nervous laughter.]

Kyle

What kind of expression does Hop have? How is Hop trying to make Cecilos feel?

Hallie

Included. Hop is trying to force himself on Cecilos to, like, pump him for info, but he's trying to do it in a friendly, we're buddies, kind of a way.

Kyle

And who do you want to give your, uh, GM intrusion point to?

Hallie

I'm gonna give it to Elee.

Emily

Thank you!

Hallie

Because she needs it.

Kyle

[Snorts.]

Emily

I do.

Kyle

So, you're doing great. You're doing a great job. Sera didn't get the memo. She thinks you're here to rough up a bad guy.

[The opening strains of the Can Can from Orpheus in the Underworld begins to play. It's a bright, upbeat, wood-wind heavy song with a quick rhythm.]

Hallie

Ahhh, Sera, no!

Kyle

So he looks to you and then he sees Sera, and specifically the big glove hand she has on the back of her chair, which just has, like, a crowbar, and is doing the thing where you slap the crowbar into your own hand threateningly, and he's just like,

Kyle (as Cecilos)

Ah, well–mm–ahh...

Kyle

And suddenly Cecilos pounces over the end of the railing, and I need you to roll initiative.

[00:50:00]

Hallie

[Exasperated.] Jesus Christ, Sera. No! [Dice roll.] Five.

Kyle

All right. Cecilos is gonna go first, and this is how it functions. So this is going to be a chase, with your five degrees of separation.

[The music begins to intensify and transitions to the can can portion.]

You're going to start at a separation of three and each turn, Cecilos make two actions to evade you and you as Hop and Sera can make two actions to catch up to him.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

So Cecilos actually for his first turn is only going to take one of his actions, and that action is jumping off the fucking railing and just using the plants to cushion his fall as he falls down. He's not particularly graceful with it, but he doesn't take any damage, and it's definitely a lot faster than if you walk by foot. So he is now going to be four degrees away from you.

Hallie

[The music fades.]

Cool. Okay. If he jumped over the railing into the courtyard...

Kyle

Yep, he's just bouncing off the fake trees.

Hallie

Ah, Hopper is also running that way, and is definitely preparing to jump over the railing because again, it's faster, but I wanted to–while I'm running do an analytical combat sort of thing to figure out where it's most likely for Cecilos to go, and then I wanted to use my parkour skill to actually parkour the way down the railing, down the trees. Maybe do a side run on the wall if I feel like it, to end up where he's going before he gets there.

Kyle

Okay. You're going to run your analytical combat. Hop's doing the thought meme thing?

Hallie

Math meme.

Kyle

The math meme as just, images are appearing in his view.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Of the trajectory.

Kyle

And how things are going. And you can see that where Cecilos is running, is he is heading straight for the kitchen.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

So that would be one of your actions, and your other one will be, we'll say the parkour is one just because you're using it to speed up.

Hallie

Yeah. That was my that was my plan.

Kyle

Okay. So yeah, give me a roll and you will be aided by this analytical combat.

Hallie

Okay. I am also going to put two levels of speed effort.

[Dice roll.]

Seven.

Kyle

And you are trained in it.

Hallie

Mm-hmm. Wait, I'm specialized in parkour!

Kyle

Oh fuck man. So I'm going to say that bonus you got didn't apply to making it easier, what it did is it applied to decreasing the effort by even more–not decreasing the effort, decreasing the distance.

Hallie

Woo! Okay. Yeah. Sorry. I totally forgot that I was specialized.

Kyle

You don't catch up to him, but describe how you get your parkour–how you parkour down a fucking conservatory.

Hallie

[More dramatic, darker chase music begins to play.]

I imagine that Cecilos just like, leaped off of the railing, like, head first, and then just clumsily down on these plants and is now like trying to get himself up and is running. Hop sees the route that Cecilos took and does not take that one because it's bad. So when Hop parkours off, he like does like, a handstand on the railing and then flips off onto one tree, and then kind of like just slides down all the fake leaves.

I imagine they're like, not really pretty plants, but they're trying to be. They're like really thick and, like, they're very waxy and therefore solid enough that he knows he can get a little bit of momentum if he stays on it for just long enough. Like a Mario Party minigame, where everything disappears beneath your feet.

So he hops down from all those leaves and then, um, gets to a corner of the wall and he jumps off to propel himself on the wall. So he, uh, runs for maybe a couple of seconds. But that gives him the momentum to do, like, a barrel roll on the ground. And then when he comes out of the barrel roll, he is, like, several feet ahead of where he would be if he was just running and not using his environment to further his speed.

Kyle

Amazing. Meanwhile, Sera has used her jet-pack to bounce upward, and then the arm on her, uh, the big glove arm on the back of her chair, as she falls, she uses it to grab on to one of the branches. Which absolutely breaks, but it does cushion her fall. Then Cecilos sees you, and he starts booking it towards the kitchen. And, so Cecilos is going to make two actions. And by that, I mean Cecilos is not going to make any actions at all.

Instead, what happens is, as you fall, you see a tuba in front of you, just floating.

Hallie

[Whispering intently.] God fucking damn it.

Kyle

And walking back and forth in front of your way. As you fall, you also see Professor Goldstone.

Hallie

No!

Kyle

Who is definitely sitting there trying to, like, illegally steal some of the plants to sell.

Hallie

Illegally steal, like stealing is legal to begin with.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle

Uh, he turns over to you and sees you doing a chase, and you just hear,

Kyle (as Garry Goldstone)

Hopper Scotch! Up to no good again! Guards! Guards!

Hallie

No!

Kyle

And he's gonna start running at you while calling for guards.

Hallie

Um, okay. Hopper isn't very afraid of Goldstone.

[The music fades.]

He's gonna focus on the tuba first. For the tuba, I want to bypass it by doing like, a Jedi twirl. So if I'm come–if Hop's coming at the tuba, he doesn't want to ruin his momentum. He doesn't want to run into the tuba, and I don't think there's enough room to slide, like, under the tuba. So he's going to, like, about face and try to turn to his right so that he only loses a little bit of momentum. But that is quickly made up for with, like, the velocity of the spin.

Kyle

Okay. You brush past Meeghan, who is invisibly marching her tuba. Probably doesn't even know that she is invisible.

Hallie

[Snorts.] Just totally unaware. And Goldstone's just chasing after me, right? Yelling for the guards.

Kyle

Yeah. Actually

[00:55:00]

for this one, I'm going to say that you suddenly hear,

Kyle (as Sera)

Simon, catch!

Kyle

And do you want to roll or automatically catch? This will determine if it's an action for you.

Hallie

I want to automatically catch.

Kyle

So you turn around, and you see a series of nails just fall into your hands.

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.] Jesus Christ.

Kyle

And Sera says,

Kyle (as Sera)

'ey, see, pins!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Barks out a laugh.]

Kyle (as Sera)

His old weakness!

Hallie

Hopper gives kind of a laugh at that. These are a little bit more dangerous than pins because they're nails, but he's going to catch this bundle of loose nails that I guess she just threw it at him, and then deposit them quickly behind him so that he can buy some more time.

Kyle

[Coughs slightly.] So, Goldstone has tetanus now. [Laughter.]

Emily

[Faintly.] No!

Hallie

[Indignantly.] He's wearing shoes!

Kyle

Is he? Is he wearing shoes?

Hallie

It's a public place, so he should be wearing shoes, and if he's not wearing shoes, this is his own damn fault!

Kyle

Anyways, so you've, uh, you, you, you are still two degrees of separation, and you make your way into the cafeteria. And as Cecilos runs, he instinctively smashes the smashed topatoes.

Hallie

[Faintly.] God.

Kyle

Which, in addition to just disappointing Xoc, who loves those things, are going to spill out like an oil spill behind him and make the floor slippery for you. Cecilos will also then take off his mustache and put on a ginger mustache.

Hallie

[Groaning.] No.

Kyle

And try to hide in the crowd.

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.] Oh my God Cecilos. To get past the pota–the topatoes, can I try to surf on my shield through them?

Kyle

[Gleefully.] Yes. Yes, you can!

Hallie

I would like to throw my shield down like a fucking saucer sled and stand on it and slide through it.

Kyle

Yeah, give me, give me a roll for this because I think this is something that if you do it successfully...

[The can-can begins to play once more.]

Like, regardless it will succeed. But I think this is something that you could argue you go faster if you do it successfully.

Hallie

[Whispering.] Yes.

[Normal voice.] Okay. I'm going to put two more levels of speed effort into this. I want to look cool. [Dice roll.] Twelve!

Kyle

Describe how you definitely surf on these topatoes and catch Cecilos.

Hallie

So Hopper, seeing the pile of topatoes in front of him, he put the, ah, shrink-inator thingamajig on his shield earlier and put it in his pocket. So then he whips it back out, presses it, tosses it out right after he presses it so it grows big in midair, and then when it lands he jumps deftly on top of it, kind of leaning back a little bit to get the initial force going.

And then once he's riding good on those topatoes, he's gotten a rhythm going and he's accelerated his speed, so he just kind of turns it a little bit and before Cecilos can disappear into the crowd he uses his left hand to reach out and grab him, akin to Harry Potter reaching off of his broomstick and grabbing the snitch.

[The music crescendos and ends.]

And then, because he's doing so well on his shield, he just kind of coasts it to a stop as soon as the topatoes run out and don't give him that friction anymore, dragging Cecilos behind him a little bit–by the back of the jacket, so he's not strangling him.

Kyle

Okay.

[Haunting music begins to play. There's an eerie high melody like a theremin.]

So here's what happens. Hop grabs Cecilos. Cecilos recoils and lets go of his hands. The qwhale falls down on the ground as you all slide past them, and then the alarm goes off. The cameras in this room are all turned towards you and you hear a,

[Warbling electronic noises play.]

Two Zhev shoot past you and like, basically grab Cecilos out of your hands.

Hallie

Oh no!

Kyle

And slam him against the wall.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Distressed.] Oh, no, it's okay. He's not, uh, there's been a misunderstanding. I just need to ask him a question!

[More warbling noises; it sounds like a wobbling metal sheet.]

Kyle

The Zhev, like, kind of gestures to you and like, gestures to Cecilos, and does a finger wag.

[More ominous warbling, trailing into something dark and unsettling.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

I don't know any–I don't know about any of that evidence.

Kyle (as Cecilos)

[Panicked.] No, no, I wasn't up to any shenanigans! I was just, I just need to send a message, it was just a very, very important message to send, please. Please don't take me away anywhere!

Kyle

And the Zhev pay him no mind. And Sera comes and is like,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Confused.] Hey, what's–what's going on?

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Getting increasingly more stressed.] Uh, the Zhev think the situation is worse than it is, I think. Really, really, thank you for performing your civic duty, but I think that we can take it from here. What is he accused of?

Kyle (as Sera)

Ah, this is the bad guy, right?

Hallie (as Hopper)

I, ah–maybe! I don't know! Maybe? You can't just take him away because you think he's maybe a bad guy!

Kyle (as Cecilos)

Bad guy? No! No, no, I'm not, I'm not a bad guy. I'm just a–

Kyle

And as he says that, the Zhev bolt out of the room, dragging Cecilos with them.

Hallie

[Frantically.] No! No!

[The music fades and transitions into the closing theme, "Hitoshio" by Miracle of Sound.]

God damn it.

Hallie

Hopper puts his shield back in his pocket and he's gonna continue following them–we don't have to play that out right now, but he's not letting that

[01:00:00]

happen.

Kyle

Sera just goes,

Kyle (as Sera)

Simon. [More insistent.] Simon!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Sera, Sera–where–did you see all that?

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah, no, I–listen. It's bullshit. But there's–

Hallie (as Hopper)

Sera, I, I, I think that I made a mistake.

[Whispering.] God, this is Roulettia all over again.

Kyle (as Sera)

Listen. I, I...

[Reluctantly.] I know where they're taking him.

[Closing theme intensifies.]

Kyle (as Rei)

By the way, Elee, I had a difficult time getting my door open this morning. There were a large amount of items there? And multiple letters that were all screaming happy birthday as loud as they could at me. It was quite a mess. There was a knife that had cut off a plant that then just immediately regrew. I believe it might have been the stuffed qwhale that did it. And, all in all, it was just a very misguided and honestly, foolhardy kind of thing to do. You wouldn't happen to know where these came from, did you?

Emily (as Elee)

[Awkwardly feigning innocence.] No! Don't worry about it Rei!

Kyle (as Rei)

Well, please let me know if you ever find out who did it, because I would like to thank them.

Kyle

And you get two more heart points with Rei.

Hallie

It's so cute!

[Episode end - 01:01:36]

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39. Little Mon, Big City (Part 2)

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