Ep. 51: Crime and Courtship, Part 16

[00:00:00] 

Kyle (as Mako)

My most important memory? 

[A jaunty, cheerful piano tune plays.]

Well, it starts out rather nasty. The conflict in Theomore, I think?

Kyle (as Mauve)

[Fondly exasperated.] It was Malovich, Mako.

Kyle (as Mako)

[Thoughtfully.] I remember Theomore.

Kyle (as Mauve)

And I remember Malovich! It's not just your most cherished memory, honey.

Kyle (as Tready)

[Whistling brightly.]

Kyle (as Mauve)

See? Tready agrees with me!

Kyle (as Mako)

Well, regardless of whether or not it was in Malovich–

Kyle (as Mauve)

[Crosstalking.] Which it was!

Kyle (as Mako)

My Treadybear and I had just gotten back from a very important mission.

Kyle (as Mauve)

[Wryly.] Which you had abandoned. 

Kyle (as Mako)

[Crosstalking slightly.] Which I had abandoned. It would have hurt far too many people.

Kyle (as Tready)

[Whistling in admonishment.]

Kyle (as Mako)

And you're right, Tready, machines as well. 

Kyle (as Tready)

[Low whistle.]

Kyle (as Mako)

It was...thoughtful of you. Sweet. And, uh. [Laughter.] I was ready to receive a very thorough verbal thrashing from the head of the rebel faction, but when I met this Miss Mauve... 

Kyle (as Mauve)

[A romantic noise–like when stars and hearts appear on the screen in anime.]

When I saw this Mr. Mako...

Kyle (as Mako)

And I realized just how generous... 

Kyle (as Mauve)

And reckless.

Kyle (as Mako)

Yet courageous.

Kyle (as Mauve)

But kind...

Kyle (as Mauve and Mako)

My future partner was...

Kyle (as Mako)

I, uh, I just knew that things could never go back to what they once were. 

[The music skips.] 

What they once were.

[It skips again, like a CD is scratched and the track is stuck repeating itself.] 

What–what–what–what–what–what–what–w-wh-what–

[Mako fades into unintelligible scratching static.]

[The music ends.]

Kyle (as Mako)

My most important memory?

[The music begins again.]

Well, it starts out rather nasty. The conflict in Theomore, I think?

Kyle (as Mauve)

[Fondly exasperated.] It was Malovich, Mako.

Kyle (as Mako)

[The music begins to fade into ominous, rushing wind.] 

I remember Theomore!

Kyle (as Mauve)

And I remember Malovich.

[The music is lost entirely under the eerie, unearthly noise.] 

Kyle

The shadow over their hands hides the spiders for a moment. At first, they just look like an old couple that decided to take an impromptu nap alongside their wheelbarrow companion, but...

As the spiders scuttle away, it's hard to find any tenderness in the startling stillness of Mauve and Mako.

[The sound abruptly stops.] 

Nothing, except for the wind, reveal the scene to be anything more lively than a stilted family photograph, but eventually the shadow passes and the apocrita leaves its three most recent victims. 

Meanwhile, not too far away, Xoc. 

You open your eyes after a night of pretty fitful sleep, and it feels like there's a pair of eyes staring at you. 

You look at the bunk below you. Everett's not there, and probably all for the better, honestly. You look at your bag–lots of mess, but still no Ness.

By all intents and purposes, you should be alone, as there's no one else except...

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.] 

Your eyes drift to the doorway, and that's when you see him. The young man with auburn hair and a warm, expectant smile. And Loell simply says, 

Kyle (as Loell)

[Cheerfully.] Hey buddy!

[Opening theme intensifies.]

[The music fades.]

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[A chipper bell chimes three times.] 

MORNING. Day four.

[Slightly raucous, uptempo music begins to accompany the breakfast scramble.]

Kyle

All right! So we are at breakfast–our final breakfast of this arc! You have food. You got your scrambled oggs, you've got oggs over easy. 

[Mischievously.] Xoc's got a brain boy back, so that's pretty cool. That's nifty. Um, I only really got one question, then I'm just going to kind of let you all go at it. So, uh, before we start, just before I forget. 

[The music fades.]

Hop, what's your flex skill for the day?

Hallie 

[A pause.]

[Startled.] Um.

[Laughter from the party.]

[Uncertain.] Let's go with, um, marksmanship? That's a real skill, right? 

Tom 

I mean...

Hallie 

I have a gun!

Tom 

I, it's probably cheating. I feel like they probably forbid a skill that helps you in combat, but...

Kyle 

They probably, but Hallie needs it. So we'll let it pass. 

Hallie 

[Dryly.] I don't even care that I was just insulted, because he's right. 

Kyle 

[Laughter.]

All right. So Hop's flex skill is in marksmanship. 

Hallie 

Yeah.

Kyle 

And normally I would ask Hop how he got that skill, but I have a feeling we might have some more pressing things to deal with this morning. So Hop's skill is marksmanship. It is breakfast. Go! 

Ari 

Okay. I want to say that, that for this breakfast, Misha showed up before everybody and just grabbed a bunch of food for people? And just like, left it in like, each of the people's places...

[Gentle aws from the party.] 

Kind of like, like [00:05:00] they're not going to mention anything and, like, when people arrive they're just gonna be playing or, ah, looking at their balls of ants, like looking at the balls of ants, and not really mention it. But it's just a way to say thank you without actually bringing up anything, because they don't want to bring up anything, but they are really thankful. 

[Aws from the party intensify.] 

So they just brought a lot of food, but they don't know what people like.

[Laughter from the party.]

So it's just a bunch of stuff that probably doesn't even match. Like, syrup next to eggs and stuff. Like, okay, you probably like this. 

Kyle 

I like to imagine that Misha saw the salad–sorry, the salat bar.

Ari 

[Gleefully.] Salat.

Kyle 

And just grabbed each thing, either each thing as a group and lumped it all together, or just grabbed each thing as if it was its own individual component. So you've just got, like, a piece of romaine, a piece of spinach, just a dollop of ranch.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

A single radish. 

Ari 

Yes. 

Kyle 

Amazing.

Tom 

Xoc, uh, came to this morning, really fine! Perfectly fine. Just utterly stone-faced. You know, just, just not a care in the world. Nothing going on, but.

[Soft, sweet music begins to play.]

But he is genuinely distracted by this, and will actually not eat very much food at breakfast, just because he's just looking over fondly at Misha looking at the ants.

Emily

Ohh!

Tom

And is just, just really, feels really happy. 

Emily

[More intently.] Aww!

Kyle (as Loell)

[The music ends.]

So this is, this is what the Prodigious is like?  I'm going to say it's a lot nicer than I expected it to. Qi, I got my problems with it, but makes some nice stuff. Where even are we? 

Tom 

[A mischievous, slightly silly song begins.]

If someone was watching closely, they made see Xoc's warm look break character for a moment, and just like, a single, like, wide-eyed eye twitch. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

And then just, like, pointed ignoring. 

Hallie 

All right. 

Kyle

Loell's–doesn't seem too fazed by that. He is very, he's very much paying attention of the things around him? And is just kind of like taking in the settings like a wide-eyed child. So that's, that's this gang. 

Elee and Hop, I'm very curious how each of you slept.

Emily 

[Sheepishly.] Who wants to go first.

Hallie 

[Brightly.] You!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily 

[Amused but resigned.] Okay. Um, Elee didn't sleep. Elee...

Kyle 

Did you stay in Rei's room? Because you couldn't stay in your room. 

Emily 

I mean, did Rei let me stay in her room? 

Kyle 

Um...

Emily 

'cause it's also okay if she kicked me out, I would understand. 

Kyle 

I think she would have let you stay. Yes. 

Emily 

Okay. Well Elee, I don't know, might have tried to cuddle. 

Kyle 

[The music fades.]

Mmm, mmm. I don't think that would have–mm. Mm.

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

I don't think there would have been cuddling. I don't want to just negate all of you, but I feel like Rei would have been very taken aback by the candles? Not in like a bad way, just in a taken aback way, and she probably would have just like, gone to sleep without...in more like a, you're going through some shit. 

Emily 

Yeah. 

Kyle 

And I really don't want to bother you right now kind of way. 

Emily 

Yeah, Elee didn't really address all of it much, but she spent the night with her hat off her head like, picking at little things. And she did actually go on a very important mission last night. 

After dusting off her hat, she took some of the riper elements such as the bird's wing, the remnants of the rat, all of that, and, um. 

[Gleefully.] Set it in front of Vera's door.

Hallie 

Hah!

Emily 

For her to wake up to the next morning. 

Kyle 

It's like when I gift Shane garbage in Stardew Valley. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Like, here. This is for you. 

Tom

[Laughing louder.]

Kyle

Like a cat! I killed these for you. 

[Laughter from the party.]

I want to show you I can kill.

Ari 

'cause you suck at it.

Emily 

I mean Elee does want to show what she... 

Hallie 

I can fend for you.

Tom `

[Dryly.] As the superior killer in this household.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Tom

Look, this could have been you. 

Emily 

Yeah, so she she dumped a bunch of stuff. But she also carefully re-arranged most of the junk back on the dusted hat. She will hurry into breakfast very distracted, maybe trip over her foot a little bit. There are little wisps of hair flying around, and she's just very, very flustered. Uh, is Hop there yet. 

Kyle

[Snorts faintly.] We need verbal confirmation.

Emily

[Crosstalking.] I'll let you...

Hallie 

Oh, I'm sorry. 

Kyle 

This is a...

Hallie

That's right.

Kyle

This is a podcast.

Hallie

I forgot. I nodded. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Emily

You forgot!

Hallie

Hopper, in fact, slept for the first time last night in several days. 

Tom

[Whispering.] Jesus Christ. 

Hallie

He looks a little bit better than he has the last few days! Like he still looks, like, he still looks tired, but not as tired. So relatively, he looks better. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

So Hop is looking dubiously at the plate of mismatched food that presumably Misha has given everyone. And he's trying to like, separate the food as much as he can into edible portions so that like, romaine leaves are not covered in syrup, and that kind of thing. But he's gonna eat it, because he knows this was a very kind gesture–possibly one of other feelings? So he's going to look at Misha. He's gonna notice Xoc staring [00:10:00] at Misha and looking generally uncomfortable, and then Elee running In with her hair wispy, and he's gonna say, 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Brightly.] So how is everyone doing this morning? 

[Laughter from the party.]

Emily 

Elee reaches the table and slams both of her hands onto it, honing in on Hopper. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Intently.] How do I woo a woman? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

What?!

Kyle

[Sharp laughter.] 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Stammering.] Wha–wh–what? Why are you asking me? 

Emily (as Elee)

I–I do–you have fancy clothes!

[Frantic.] How do I...

[A high flute sing begins to play. It's sweet and playful.] 

Well, I mean, I, she doesn't–she's not, you know, the attractiveness level doesn't matter? But I was thinking that maybe I would kind of want to look kind of, um, nice?

And I want...to...uh, maybe um, um, um...be special friends?

With a particular special person?

And, um...

[In a rush.] You have nice clothes.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[With a hint of gleeful curiosity.] You going to ask someone to prom? 

Emily (as Elee)

No!

Tom

[Barks out a laugh.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

This is–this–

Hallie

[Dryly.] I wasn't prepared for this.  So Hop will give Elee...not like a knowing, you have a crush smile, just a very surprised you have a crush? Smile.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And then he'll say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, I mean, I, I don't know where to get nice clothes on this ship, but I'll help you find some if you want. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Frantically.] I just need you to tell me what to wear.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uhhh.

Hallie 

So Hop will take out his WingPal, and I assume–he's looking for like, where it says dress code on the invites. I assume it says formal. 

Kyle 

Uh, yeah, I mean there's, there's going to be a lot of expectations for the dress code. You know, the important things, like no spagootti straps on ladies. 

Hallie 

[Dryly.] Wow.

Kyle 

That kind of stuff.

Ari

[A little snide.] Wow.

Kyle

Absolutely no midriff. 

Hallie

Wow. 

Emily 

[Sarcastically.] No yoga pants. 

Ari 

Wow.

Tom

No cummerbunds. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie 

Cummerbunds? 

Tom

[Petulantly.] How dare! 

Kyle 

But yeah, there's that but there's also a really surprisingly customizable place where you can like, select your outfit. 

Hallie

Okay. 

Kyle

And it goes over this default mannequin. It kind of looks like a character creator, when you choose like what skin, what clothing your character is going to create. 

Hallie 

Yeah. 

Kyle

Or like those, um, those surprisingly in-depth, like, doll websites?

Hallie 

[Wryly.] I know the kind.

Kyle 

You know, that sometimes people use to make character artwork. It looks a lot like that.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Encouragingly.] Oh, so it looks like you can choose your clothes! The dress code is formal, but there are a lot of options on here. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Strained and increasingly frazzled.] I just need you to make me look nice, because she's really pretty and um, um, um, I need you to fix it. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Well, I...I don't think there's anything to "fix," but if you want to look nice, I mean, I–you have to choose the clothes for yourself, you know? 

Emily (as Elee)

[Plaintively.] No, I don't have to choose them. You can, you could just pick!

Tom 

[Petulantly.] No dad. No dad. I don't want to pick clothes. I don't wanna make choices, Dad. 

Hallie

[Laughter.] Like!

Tom

Nooo.

Hallie

Hopper's just envisioning him picking something and then Elee being like, what the fuck is this? Like, later on. Like he's so afraid of this request.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Um. 

[Carefully.] You want me to choose your clothes for prom because my clothes have wooed before?

Kyle and Tom

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Elee)

[Cautiously.] Yes. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Slowly.] Okay.

Kyle 

Everybody roll speed defense. 

Emily 

Speed defense!

Ari 

[Hesitantly.] Okay?

Emily 

I wasn't prepared for this!

[Dice clanking around.]

Emily 

Help me out.

[Dice roll.]

[Pained.] I got a three!

Tom 

[Brightly.] A fifteen!

Ari 

[Flatly.] A one. Um. Sure. It's a one, so.

Hallie 

Holy shit, I got a nineteen.

Emily

[Gasps.] 

Tom 

What in the actual–

Ari 

[Crosstalking.] What is the world? 

Hallie 

I know!

Kyle 

I'm so sorry for what's about to happen, Ari.

Emily 

[Mournfully.] Oh, no. 

Kyle 

So, suddenly the table beneath you jolts. Elee, it affects you just a little bit. You kind of just whack your head with your hand a little bit. Meanwhile, Misha, you don't have to worry about that. As the table bumps, you see one of your balls of ants start rolling down and it starts unraveling a string of ants–

Ari 

[Crosstalking, panicked.] Oh no!

Kyle

Along the way. A lot like–you know how when you get like, a ball of yarn? 

Ari

[Nearly wailing.] Ohhh no!

Kyle

And it gets caught and starts rolling down?

Ari and Tom

Ohh no!

Kyle

And you have a string? So you'll be able to get them all back fine, but you will have to scramble to pick them up again. 

Ari 

Misha, yeah. Misha will do it.

Kyle

And as Misha runs off to like, pick up the balls–and as Misha rushes off to pick up the ants. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Emily

[Quieter laughter.] 

Kyle

You hear a,

Kyle (as Meeghan)

Ohhhh!

Kyle

[Slow but very cheerful tuba music begins to play.]

And Meehgan just rises up and kind of plops in Misha's seat as you see like, this kind of invisible layer of on top of her static a little bit, and then come down. It looks like she was hiding invisible underneath your desk, and she rubs her head a little bit.

Emily (as Elee)

[The music fades.]

Meehgan. What are you doing? 

Kyle 

She looks at you, and realizes that you're Elee, and her eyes widen and she just goes,

Kyle (as Meeghan)

[Panicked.] Uhhh–uhhhhh–

Kyle 

And she goes invisible [00:15:00] again.

Emily (as Elee)

[Crosstalking.] Meeghan!

[Sing-songing.] I'm gonna go ask Soe.

Kyle (as Meeghan)

[Frantically.] No, no no no!

Kyle 

And she goes un-invisible again and she just like, clasps the sides of your face. 

Kyle (as Meeghan)

No, no, you can't tell Soe! She can't know that you saw me!

Emily (as Elee)

Why?

Kyle (as Meeghan)

Because otherwise you'll get really mad. 

Emily (as Elee)

Why will I get mad? 

Kyle (as Meeghan)

Uhhh, uh, uh–

Emily (as Elee)

[Firmly.] Meeghan. 

Kyle (as Meeghan)

Well, uh...I kind of...

[More sheepishly.] Maybe lost Tattertop's key.

Kyle

[A slightly more melancholy, chiming tune begins to play.] 

And you can see Soe is standing there. Her hair is like a single line that just extends down her back, and is just kind of tucked between her legs like a guilty dog. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Gentle, but stern.] Soe. Meeghan. Sit down.

Kyle 

They sit down.

Emily 

[The music ends.]

Elee puts her hands together in that steeple motion that, you're going to get a talking-to.

Emily (as Elee)

Tell me what happened. 

Kyle (as Soe)

Well, um, well, I don't really know what happened? It was just Is there and then it wasn't there anymore.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Did somebody take it from you? 

Kyle 

Soe's eyes just widen in fear. 

Kyle (as Soe)

[Anxiously.] I didn't think of that. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Where did it go missing? 

Kyle (as Soe)

Um, well, we were– 

Kyle (as Meeghan)

[Interrupting.] It was really my fault. We were just kind of walking around, and we were talking about...things?

Kyle 

And she just kind of looks around with a clear, "I have a secret" kind of look.

Tom 

My! What suspicious laughter!

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Meeghan)

And I think it got lost somewhere around the music room, but I'm not really sure. 

Emily (as Elee)

Why are you here? 

Tom (as Xoc)

[A little suspiciously.] Why were you under our table? 

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah, actually that's a better question. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Meeghan)

Well... 

Kyle 

And that's when Loell says, 

Kyle (as Loell)

Wait, is she talking about that thing in her pocket?

Kyle 

[The haunting, foreboding music of the Jagged Dream begins to play.]

And Xoc, you can see in, uh, Meeghan is wearing her band outfit, and you can see in one of her many, many pockets the little key chain of the end of the key has just been tucked in there.

Tom 

[Sighs, resigned.] Xoc is actually really uncomfortable with this knowledge, but...

Tom (as Xoc)

[Tentatively.] Isn't that the key right there?

Kyle 

And Meeghan looks at you, confused, looks down, and then just gets a big smile. 

Kyle (as Meeghan)

Oh, that's where it was! [Exuberant laughter.]

Kyle

And Soe's like,

Kyle (as Soe)

Wait, you–you found it? You found it? 

Kyle (as Meeghan)

Yeah, I guess it was here all along! [More buoyant laughter.]

Kyle 

[The music falls briefly silent.] 

And they do their secret handshake high five. 

Tom 

[The music resumes.] 

It's adorable. But Xoc is watching Meeghan with more suspicion than usual. Player and character can finally become one.

[Laughter from the party.]

But Xoc narrows his eyes and does not look at Loell, who has finally had, like, the first sign of recognition from Xoc since he appeared last night.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Emily 

Elee looks with her best stern, piercing gaze at Soe and Meeghan. At Soe, and at Meeghan.

Emily (as Elee)

[Firmly, with slightly less of the gentle chiding her voice had previously.] You have to keep a better handle on that thing. Always know where it is, okay?

Kyle (as Soe)

[The music ends.]

Okay. I'm just glad that Meeghan had it all along. Can you imagine what would have happened if someone had stolen something from it? 

Hallie 

Hopper had breathed a small sigh of relief just to himself when the key was found in Meeghan's pocket, because his Jameson Hopper book is currently in the locked cloud. And then when they were like, "could have been stolen," he did the cartoon thing again where his eyes like, combine, and they got really small because the atlas is in there! With all the Jagged Dream stuff! He doesn't know how useful that is to anybody.

Tom

[With dawning realization.] Oh, fuck.

Hallie 

That could be useful to somebody if it was missing and then stolen.

Kyle 

And that's when it happens. 

Suddenly you hear this weird crackling over the radio.

[Intense static begins under Kyle's description, cutting into the sound of crashing glass.] 

And almost sounds of, like, a scuffle, and just like, yelling of a walrus. 

Tom

[Strained laughter.] 

Kyle

And the Prodigious lurches to a stop. 

[The crashing sounds stop abruptly.]

Emily

I want to start bolting to–we know where it is, right? 

Kyle 

Yeah, the captain's gondola.

Emily 

Yeah, I'm gonna go there. 

Tom 

[A little strained.] I want Xoc to stumble from the lurch and like, fall into Misha a little bit. 

Ari

[Bemused.] Oh my God! 

Tom

Like, not like–

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

Like, knocked over, but like, stumbling into, into Misha, and being like, 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Sheepish laughter.] Ah, sorry.

[Laughter from the party.]

Ari

[Through laughter.] Smooth!

Emily 

Just the way you said "sorry" was so good!

Ari

I know, it was the most like smooth thing. 

Kyle

It was such a sultry like, "sorry."

Ari

[Laughter.]

Hallie

I meant it. [Laughter.] Sorry, on purpose.

Ari

It was so smooth! Ahh.

Emily

Oh lord.

Ari

Honestly, Misha had not reacted to the, to the ship stopping until Xoc just fell a little bit into them, and then they are just going to be like,

Ari (as Misha)

[Startled.] Oh!

Tom

[Laughter.]  

Ari 

And that's all they're gonna say. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

All right, so you all had to the captain's gondola, which is odd. This space, which is normally very clear, is filled with a white gas [00:20:00] which you recognize as the Zhev's tear gas.

Hallie

[Pained.] Noooo.

Ari and Tom

Whoa.

Emily

Noo.

Kyle 

The–so, y'all, you can either clear it up or you can soldier through and roll some might defense for me.

Tom

Uhhh, um, hold on. What–do I have ciphers left? 

Hallie

Umm.

Kyle 

Meanwhile, Hop uses–

[More dramatically.] Machine control implant!

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[Through laughter.] I genuinely thought, is there a way I could use machine control implant?

Kyle

[Laughter.]  

Tom

[Excitedly.] Wait, wait. Wait, holy shit. I have the fucking annex sphere! It can store gases. I can start hoovering up tear gas!

Kyle

love that. So, as you hoover it up you get a better idea of the scene, and the scene is that Jebediah Ishmael is fucking livid. 

Tom

[Weakly.] I thought you were about to say he's fucking dead. 

Hallie

I truly thought we were going to find a body. 

Tom

[Faintly.] Ding, ding, ding.

Kyle 

[Intense, dramatic battle music begins to play.]

The congenial captain's nostrils are flared, his eyes watering, and his tusks smeared with bits and pieces of his gondola, which you can see, now that the tear gas has gone, has been ripped to shreds.

Jebediah is currently being restrained by two Zhev, although his flailing is making that difficult for both of them. Uncharacteristic would be an understatement. 

Hallie 

So the gondola though is like the whole car that you sit in, the whole compartment, like, that whole compartment is gone?

Kyle 

[The music fades.]

No, by ripped to shreds I mean like everything's torn...

Hallie 

[Understanding.] Ohh, the furniture inside it. 

Kyle 

Yeah.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Everything inside is torn asunder, things are ripped apart. 

Hallie 

Okay.

Kyle 

Jebediah is just making–

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

[Loud, angry groan.] 

Kyle

Well, I don't know what angry walruses sound like. He's trashed the place.

Tom 

The fuzz trashed the place.

Kyle 

VIRGULE is just like, I mean, he's a little orb so he can't really hide, but he's just kind of like, you know, like the ceiling panels? He's just like pushed one up and tried his hardest to just like tuck himself up there, and he's just kind of glaring and pointing his hand down. And then another thing to note is that Jebadiah's blinking ear tag, which he, the aneens, the Zhev, really any non-human, non-visitant animal has been wearing in Qi, is actually not blinking. It seems to be turned off. 

Tom

Uhhh. Isn't that...that tag like what, for lack of better phrasing, makes them act human Instead of as just sort of animals doing their thing?

Kyle

Yes.

Tom 

[Slightly pained.] But without it, he's just like a walrus in a, in a captain's hat in a boat!

Emily

Aw!

Tom

He's just a walrus now! In the sky! This poor walrus. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

[Weakly.] Oh no.

Kyle

I didn't think about how...just how horrifying this would be for just a walrus. 

[Laughter.]

Ari

I know!

Hallie

Oh god. I don't know what kind of relationship Hopper now has with the Zhev, after the events of last night where he just yelled them until they gave him the package that he could mail it to Kevin. 

Kyle

Excuse me.

Hallie

When Sera– 

Kyle

[Crosstalking.] Sera–

Hallie and Kyle

Yelled at them. 

Hallie

Yes. Yelled at them. So I don't know if like, this benefits Hopper at all, but I want to ask them what happened. 

Kyle 

Give me a roll. 

Hallie 

[Dice roll.] 

It's a twelve, so it's solidly mediocre. 

Kyle 

Okay, yeah, they think you're all right. They'll just do the standard–

Kyle (as the Zhev)

[Intense electronic warbling. It sounds faintly like 'nothing to see here’.] 

Kyle

Thing that officers say when there's absolutely something to see here. 

Hallie

[Sighs.] All right. Well in that case, I ask VIRGULE. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

VIRGULE, did you see what happened? 

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Angrily–more irritated than usual.] Yeah I saws it, I saws all of it! That guy, he's unreliable. He's dangerous. You gotta get out of here!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Confused.] Captain Jebediah Ishmael?

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

Yeah. [Sneering.] Captain. 

Kyle

And he does the air quotes thing with his hand, but start slipping out, so he grabs the–

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

The ceiling and he's like,

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

Yeah, that good-for-nothing Captain. 

Emily 

Elee will have laughed at him when he slipped. 

Tom

Heh. 

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Exasperated and mocking.] Ha, ha.

Emily

[Crosstalking.] Like, a little bit.

Can I have noticed that your tag? 

Kyle

Yes.

Emily 

Yeah. 

Emily (as Elee)

Hey, what happened to his ear tag? Xoc or Misha you do the...machine thing. Can you just...turn it on? 

Tom (as Xoc)

I mean, we can try. I'm not really sure how they work, but if we, if we get a long enough time to look at them...

Tom 

And Xoc will like, start to walk a little closer to this restrained walrus. 

Emily 

Elee will grab him by the collar. 

Emily (as Elee)

[Exasperated.] Can you do it from a distance? 

Tom (as Xoc)

Well...

Tom 

How many tentacles do the cops have full of, with this walrus?

Kyle 

So the cops have all their tentacles full, but they will make tentacles available for you. 

Tom 

N-no, cops. Don't, don't do that. You know, ehhh, uh. [Brief stammering.] 

Fuck it. Xoc farsteps to the button. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

And pushes it!

Kyle 

[Slightly startled.] Okay.

Tom 

Yeah. I went there!

Kyle 

So you farstep to the button, push it–do you farstep back? 

Tom 

[A brief pause.]

Yes. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

[Quietly.] Why did you have to think about it so hard?

Kyle

You'll have to give me a roll to see if you can do this with enough dexterity that you get there, push it on, and get away before anyone notices.

Tom

Heart of the cards, guide me. 

[Dice roll.] 

[Gleefully.] Ohhh!

[Joyous laughter.] Natural twenty!

Ari

Whaaaat.

Hallie

You detonated that pulse bomb, son. 

Kyle

So what do you want your benefit to be? Because obviously it's going to turn on, but like.  

Tom

Can my major effect be that my blinking in and out is [00:25:00] so disruptive, that in addition to beeping on the tag, the Zhev startled into letting go of Jebediah? Like, it confuses them enough that they try to grab for this new threat, and get nothing but air, but then Jebediah is briefly not not grabbed. 

Kyle

Yes. So you blink in and blink out, the Zhev let go, and as soon as the ear tag goes on the angry walrus sounds start going to a–

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

[Huffy wobbling noise, like when someone in a cartoon shakes their head in confusion and their cheeks shake.] What is the meaning of this?

Kyle 

[More dramatic music begins to play, less intense and confrontational this time though.]

And he looks angrily to the Zhev, and angrily to VIRGULE, and angrily to everyone is like,  

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

[Indignant.] And who did this to my captain's quarters?  

Emily (as Elee)

[Without hesitation.] VIRGULE did it.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Bewildered.] Actually, I was wondering that myself. VIRGULE, how did the captain's tag get turned off? 

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

Nah, nah, nah! I'm not saying anything while that menace is still here. 

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

VIRGULE! Of what nonsense are you speaking? 

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

Hey, nah–everyone saw it! That guy was just screaming bloody murder!

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

[Sternly.] I do not recall saying those words. 

[A huff of quiet laughter from the party.]

Tom (as Xoc)

[The music fades.]

Well, that's what we'd like to know too, VIRGULE. What actually happened here? There must have been a culprit, you know?

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Extremely exasperated groan.] I don't know. Captain comes in this morning, starts shouting nonsense, and then next thing I know he's slapping the side of his head and screaming all over the place. 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Thoughtfully.] Mmm-hmm. 

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

You can ask him what's got him so upset.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uh, Captain. What's the last thing you remember before this? 

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

Remember? Remember...ah, yes. VIRGULE is, in fact, correct. I did come and was very concerned about something.

Kyle 

And Jebediah walks over and he starts rifling through some of the torn papers, which look like parts of a map. And he pulls up a page–a page of important historical events that have happened in Qi. And it has a little, like, line, and a little circle around the location. 

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

I came in this morning to find that some of hooligan had replaced the coordinates on VIRGULE's map!

Hallie (as Hopper)  

With these coordinates?

Hallie 

And Hopper's gesturing to the page that he knows is from the atlas. 

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

Yeah, yeah, with those coordinates. You sure you didn't just leave that lying around?

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

[Slightly offended.] I am sure VIRGULE. I am a very thorough captain. Anyways.

[Quick, intense music begins to play. It's fast-paced and unsettling, filled with anxiety.]

I was so upset when I saw this tomfoolery that I just I got overwhelmed. And then, I don't know. Suddenly, in, in the anger, I started seeing words. 

[Thoughtfully.] It was almost as if they had taken root in my head. It was a single word. It was "off," "off," "off," and then I, I just got more and more upset, you know? And then suddenly the words became phrases, "turn off," "turn off," and a sentence. "Turn off the..."

Kyle 

And he, um, puts his flipper up to his tab with alarm. 

Kyle (as Captain Jebediah Ishmael)

Oh dear. I believe it told me to turn off my in-tab. 

Tom 

Mother... 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[With quiet dread.] I think that's what happened too. 

Tom

[Crosstalking.] Fuckers.

Ari (as Misha)

[Faintly.] That's Ezra.

Tom (as Xoc)

I wonder if it's not the Blue...err, yeah, the Blue Fairy though, because they each have a different power. It was her powers that affect organic life. I think it was the same technique, the same overall culprit, the Jagged Dream. They must be developing ways to bring more and more people under their control. But what could they even–how does this tie into Argent? I don't...I'm just very confused, Misha Jarvis. I still feel like there's so much we don't know. 

Kyle

[The music fades.]

Meanwhile–Hop and Elee, you are taking a look at...well, I'm assuming Elee is just glaring at VIRGULE. But Hop, you taking a look at the map at all?

Hallie

Yeah, of course. I'm studying the shit out of that map. 

Kyle 

And you see that it's directions to a place that–well, if these have been delivered that night you probably could have gotten there already, because you know, you don't recognize a whole lot of places on the atlas map. You've studied it, but none feel that familiar, except for the place that has been circled. This is one that you've actually learned a lot about recently.

And at the same time, Xoc, Loell actually points to the window outside. His view gets foggy, but this view is simple [00:30:00] enough for him to see.

[Eerie music begins to play; it sounds like the electronic warbling of a theremin.]

He points down to a large grassy mound with granite spires that extend perpendicular from its surface, slightly bending at their ends towards the sky. 

And he just, like, points and kind of cheerily says, 

Kyle (as Loell)

Hey! We're above Zhev Garden.

[Music intensifies.]

Kyle

Hello, and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends Episode 51, Crime and Courtship part sixteen. 

[The music fades.]

I am Kyle, your GM, and our intro music is "Friends" by, you guessed it, Miracle of Sound. For the announcement break today I just wanted to re-mention something I had mentioned last announcement break, which is that in a little over a month, Quest Friends is going to be at C2E2! C2E2, or the Chicago Comic and Entertainment Expo, is a convention that's going to take place from Friday, February 28th through Sunday, March 1st. 

And so we're still figuring out specifically when we're going to be there but me, Tom, Hallie, Emily, all of us except for Ari, who unfortunately for just personal, professional, plane reasons can't go, will be there likely as con-goers on Saturday, but definitely on Sunday, we will be actually doing our first live show!

Because this is our first live show, we're actually going to be testing it on a stream the week before. I just want to get timing and everything tested out. So if you're interested in joining us for that practice stream, keep an eye on our Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and future announcement breaks. 

Again, that's going to be some time the weekend of the 21st, 21st to 22nd. We just don't know what specific times or dates yet. 

All right, that's all I've got for you today. Because this episode was late, I'm going to try to get the next one out next week. It all just depends on–you're going to get a lot of episodes from us very quickly, and it'll start to make sense when they start coming out, but hopefully the next one, which is the only one you should have to worry about besides this one...

[A gentle romantic tune begins to play.]

Will be coming out on Monday, February 3rd. I'll see you then.

[The music fades.]

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Three chiming sounds.]

AFTERNOON. Day four.

Kyle

[Soothing, chill waiting room music begins to play.]

All right, so we're just cruising through day four on our way to prom. It's the afternoon, but really it's just, this is my way of signaling the morning stuff is done and now each of you are going to have one action where you're able to do one last thing. You can do intrigue, you can hang out with NPCs, or you can let, you know, ask someone to prom, because none of you have asked anyone to prom. So you might want to get on that.

Tom 

[Slightly strained.] Like yeah, that's what, that's our only plan now, is like, gotta, gotta, gotta set up a formal date now. 

[The music fades.]

Kyle 

Alright, so, uh, let's start with...let's start with Hop. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So, Hop. What are you gonna, what are you, what are you gonna do this afternoon? 

Hallie

[Startled.] What? 

Kyle 

What are you, what are you gonna do?

Tom

Are you gonna ask someone out?

Hallie 

Well, not like...he's gonna go to Sera's engineer room because the, the little like, the, the big projector is still set up, watching the relay? Because I wanted that set up for the rest of the time. Because I wanted it. He's going to be sitting there watching, fiddling with the WingPal. And he's going to be like, 

Hallie (as Hopper)

So I completely forgot about prom being a thing that's happening. And now a friend of mine wants me to pick her outfit?

Kyle 

[Huffs in amusement.] 

Hallie (as Hopper)

And I don't know if I can do that. 

Kyle 

[Hesitating slightly.] Let me think about this.

Tom 

A stroke of evil genius.

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, what friend? I've read a few books about fashion!

Hallie

Is Q-BO suddenly there?

Kyle 

[A slightly mischievous tune with a rhythmic, rattling maraca beat begins to play.] 

No, that's what's Soe says. 

Hallie

[Startled.] Oh.

Kyle 

As you came in, you heard a lot more quiet cursing. And, uh, Sera originally was like, shh, shh, shh, whenever you first tried to talk to her, because she's sitting there very delicately–which is difficult for Sera–very delicately layering Soe's hair over each other and helping her braid it for Prom de Plume.

Hallie

[Delighted by the cuteness.] Ohh!

Kyle 

Soe had explained that this was something that Sera kind of knew it like second nature, but she's fiercely concentrating, she's like,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Quietly.] Shit, fuck, goddammit, shit, FUCK. 

Kyle

And she's just trying to gently make sure she weaves around Soe's hair. And so Soe's just been sitting there, watching the screen with you.

[The music ends.]

And so she responds when you say that.

Hallie 

[Sheepishly, trying not to laugh.] And what did she respond with? I can't remember. 

Kyle 

She responded that she's read a few books on fashion, so maybe she can help.

Tom 

And what friend.

Hallie 

[Huffs out a laugh.] I didn't expect Soe to be there, or Sera care enough to ask what friend it was. [00:35:00]  So I didn't think this was going to happen. So then Hop will say, 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, Elee wants me to pick her clothes, I guess? I feel kind of, I mean–

Kyle (as Soe)

[In pain, shouting abruptly over Hop.] Ow! 

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh–oh, sorry, sorry!

[Frustrated grunt.] 

Kyle 

And just a steely stare goes over Sera's face. 

Kyle (as Sera)

Sorry.

Kyle 

And she just grits her teeth and continues braiding Soe's hair.

Hallie (as Hopper)

So, Elee wants me to pick her clothes?

Kyle (as Sera)

[A more annoyed growl.]

Kyle 

Then you can–you can just hear the teeth clench.

Hallie

[Huffs out a laugh.]

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, oh, yeah. Um, well, I've read a few books on old lady fashion.

Emily

[Laughter.]

[Indignant.] Everything about this entire thing is just to hurt me!

Hallie 

This is my favorite scene that's ever happened. 

Emily 

Did you guys plan–did you guys plan–

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] No!

Emily

To team up?

Hallie 

[Trying not to laugh.] No, this is a spur-of-the-moment decision because I suddenly had to go first. 

Kyle (as Soe)

So yeah, I think I can help 

Kyle 

And Soe grabs the WingPal and she just starts working on it. 

Hallie 

Okay, um. Hopper wants to be a part of it because Elee asked him to do it, so he does want to like...

Kyle 

[Crosstalking.] Oh, sorry!

Hallie 

Kind of be over Soe's shoulder? And he just, he just doesn't want the whole decision to be on him, because he knows he's gonna fuck it up. 

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

Okay.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

So–but–if, as she takes the WingPal, he'll let that happen, but he will stand behind her and be like, 

Hallie (as Hopper)

I think Elee would like this? But I kind of think maybe she should try this?

Hallie

Kind of a thing. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

What do you think?

Kyle 

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

He just, he just wants someone to validate his opinion.

Kyle 

Yeah. And...

Hallie 

[Laughter.] Isn't that what everybody wants.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle 

[A gentle song with a low guitar beat and a chipper, high melody begins to play.] 

So you continue through, you work through all of it, and then you get to the very end and you're trying to figure out a pattern. Elee, what's–name, name one part of your outfit. 

Emily

[Hesitantly, stammering a little.] Um. Um. Um...a shawl. 

Kyle 

Sure. Okay. So you're trying to figure out what kind of shawl she likes, right? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, like, should I go–should I go red because it matches the hat, or is that like, too usual because it matches the hat? Would it be fun to try a different color for Prom de Plume? I don't know. 

[Very insistently–Hallie is clearly rubbing it in a little.] What other colors does Elee like?

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

He's saying this all out loud to Soe, by the way.

Kyle (as Soe)

Well, uh... 

Kyle 

And you just hear,

Kyle (as Sera)

[The music ends abruptly.] 

[A little exasperated, like she's annoyed at herself for knowing.] She likes green.

Kyle 

And you both just turn back to look at Sera and she just,

Kyle (as Sera)

[A little quieter.] She–she likes green.

Kyle 

And she goes back and she continues working on Soe's hair.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Incredulous.] Elee Badge? Like, my Elee? Do you know Elee Badge?

Kyle (as Sera)

[Sharply.] I said she likes green didn't I? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Slightly taken aback.] Yeah, I just–

Kyle (as Sera)

[Crosstalking.] Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Over Sera.] Didn't know that you knew Elee.  

Kyle (as Sera)

Mm-hmm. I said she likes green. That's what you should put there. Anything else?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uhhh.

[A little sheepishly, like he's afraid to ask.] What else does she like?

Kyle 

[The cheery music resumes.] 

And we'll–I want to flash forward a little bit. It took a while to figure out Elee's outfit, but you found something that she'll be real happy with. Soe wrote it all down because in order for it to get delivered to Elee, it'll have to be entered on her WingPal.

Hallie 

Yeah.

Kyle 

So she said she'll just help take care of that.

Hallie 

Okay. 

Kyle 

And then eventually she happily leaves the room, and Sera kind of embarrassed just says to you,

Kyle (as Sera)

[Sheepishly.] Hey, sorry about getting testy earlier. I, uh, you know, I think I have a few things I gotta...work out.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Well if you want to talk about them...

Kyle (as Sera)

[Hastily.] Nope. No.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

[As Hallie tries not to laugh.] Okay! That's cool too!

Kyle (as Sera)

Not, not–not a personal thing. I'm just not quite at that point yet.

Hallie 

Hopper just like, shrugs it off.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Whenever you're ready. And if, when you're ready, you want to talk to me, I'm available. And if not, that's okay. 

Kyle 

She'll, uh, she'll do a wink and finger guns and say,

Kyle (as Sera)

You'll be the first. 

Tom

Ohh! 

Hallie

Hopper does the finger gun back at her.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle 

Okay–

Emily

[Crosstalking, exasperated.] Ask this woman to prom!

Kyle 

So she's gonna go and start working on the machine and she just says,

Kyle (as Sera)

So, uh, what's your plans for tonight? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

You mean for Prom–oh–prom, I have to go to that too, don't I?

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

And then he'll bring out his WingPal and be like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

I was so worried about getting Elee's outfit that I forgot to do mine. Um...

Hallie 

And then he's gonna furiously be swiping through and he'll be like, 

Hallie (as Hopper)

You know, organized events aren't really my thing. But I feel like I should go because the rest of my friends are going, and I, I want to see... 

Hallie 

He's gonna flash a back to the map that they found, and I'm gonna say he took that?

Kyle 

Yeah.

Hallie 

So he'll remove that from his pocket and look at it again. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Quiet and thoughtful.] I wonder if Ezra will make a showing. 

[Normal volume.] Hey, what are–what are your plans tonight?

Tom

[Huffs out a laugh.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Uhh, hit the machine a few times, make sure it doesn't blow everyone up on the dance floor. You know, the yuje [NOTE: short for usual].  

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay. Very important things. But what if...you helped me investigate at prom instead?

[Jazzy heist music begins to play. It has kind of a Miami Vice feel.]

Kyle 

And her kni–her eyes narrow.

Kyle (as Sera)

[With anticipatory glee.] Undercover, you say.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Pleased.] S-Squared. 

Kyle 

And she just goes in for like, one of, you know, like, the bro-like high-five where you clasp your hands?

Hallie 

Yes.

Kyle 

She goes in for one of those. 

Hallie 

Hopper returns it.

[Several beats of music.]

Kyle (as Sera)

[The music ends abruptly.] 

Wait, are we going–are we going like, together under cover? Or separately undercover.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle 

And I think I might cut there. 

Hallie 

[Through laughter.] Good! Because I–panic froze.

Kyle 

Xoc. Meanwhile, it's time for you to get ready for prom. I will say Loell has provided lots of advice on your outfit with WingPal. It's been marginally helpful. [00:40:00] Um, do you have any plans for things you want to do before prom?

Tom 

There are...there are two things. So first off, ah, I'm sure we're not doing the full outfit reveals just yet. But for reasons related to that, Xoc needs to learn how to tie an ascot. His first instinct was actually to ask Hopper Scotch, but then he was like no, no Hopper's busy. And I think...Xoc finds himself in a weird spot, because Xoc knows that the Nano spirits will not approve of his plans. So he feels like, resentful to ask them–like, wh–uh–you can't, you're not my real dads. You can't tell me what to do. 

Um, but then Xoc is absolutely not going to ask Loell how to tie an ascot under any circumstances right now.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Tom

But Xoc is going to reluctantly invoke this session's use of the, ah, the datasphere connection to ask the nano spirits how to tie an ascot.

[A mystical chime trills into an eerie song that stops abruptly after just a couple short notes.]

Kyle 

And that's when Everett walks through the door in a nicely made suit, with his hair slicked perfectly in an exclamation point, nice and tall, and wearing a perfectly tied together ascot. 

Tom 

You know what? You're right. You have found the perfect justification. Xoc does call and hang up. 

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as the nano spirits)

[In an echoing voice.] Hey Xoc–

[The low dull buzz of a dead phone connection.]

[Laughter from the party.]  

Tom

[Weakly.] Oh no.

Hallie

[Wryly.] That's gonna go over real well after their last conversation.

Tom

Ohhh no!

Kyle 

Yeah, let's just note Xoc hung up on the nano spirits.

Tom

[Increasingly plaintive.] Oh nooo. 

Emily

[Smug.] Again.

Ari

That's gonna come back. 

Tom

[Devastated.] Nooooooo...

Ari

To bite him.

Tom

[The same no, continued.] 

Kyle

Like Nancy, in Nancy Drew. Hey Nancy, what do you need!

Tom

Well, good-bye. 

Ari

Well, good-bye!

Tom

Alright, well. Xoc just says,

Tom (as Xoc)

[Hesitantly.] Hey Everett. Do you know how to tie an ascot? 

Kyle (as Everett)

[Scoffs.] Is that like, an insult or something?

Tom (as Xoc)

No, I–I need help very genuinely. I've never had any clothes other than like...my clothes, so I don't know how to do...any other kind of clothes.

Kyle (as Everett)

Oh! Uh, yeah. No. [Smug.] I think I could–I might know a thing or two about ascots. 

But I gotta, I gotta go real quick? I think I'm gonna...I'm gonna tell Jesse today, like the thing, you know, you said last night about telling people when you love them or whatever?

Tom (as Xoc)

Yeah. Yeah!

Kyle (as Everett)

I think I'm gonna do that and then ask them to prom.

Kyle 

[A soft, hopeful song begins to play.]

And then he just does the thing where you hold your, like, arms out to show your whole outfit and he says,

Kyle (as Everett)

Do I, uh, do I look okay?

Kyle 

And so Everett teaches you how to tie an ascot, and then he, ah, nervously but excitedly goes on his way to talk to Jesse. And what, then, does Xoc do?

Tom 

[The music fades.]

Xoc, hmm... [Clears his throat.] Nervously reaches out the, ah, mental connection and says, 

Tom (as Xoc)

Misha Jarvis. I was wondering if we could meet to...to discuss, uh, the events for tonight. 

Ari (as Misha)

[A little surprised, but happy.] Oh, yes! I would love to meet with you, Xoc. Where would like to meet?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Clearly trying to sound more confident than he feels.] Well, there's um, there's a location...it's sort of, it's sort of off of a hallway. There's a little bit of a balcony that looks over–uh, I uh, yeah, I'll just, I'll just wait–I'll be near there. I'll be near there. You can, you can find me there. 

Ari (as Misha)

I know where that is! I've been there almost every night. I like that place a lot. The view is quite beautiful. 

Tom (as Xoc)

That's good. [His voice breaks nervously.] I also like beautiful views.

[Laughter from the party.]

Ari

[Through laughter.] Smooth boy. 

Ari (as Misha)

Um, I will see you there then. 

Emily

[Faint laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Yes! I'll–I'll see you there.

Kyle 

[A light, romantic but slightly playful almost waltzing tune begins to play. It sounds like a tinkling tune that might play in a music box.] 

And so in a short while, you meet up walkways above the courtyard. The sun is streaming in, it's a beautiful day out. You can see just the perfect amount of clouds, and right beneath it Zhev Garden, which considering this is where the Jagged Dream wants you is kind of horrifying, but also a really beautiful place. And then Xoc, you make your way up there and you see, ah, Misha is waiting for you, the artificial wind gently blowing their scarf in their hair. 

Ari 

[The music fades.]

I want to imagine they are leaning in like Kate from Titanic.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari

[Through laughter.] When they're just looking at, at the sea.

Tom 

Xoc is going to like, take a moment to, like. 

[Takes a breath.] Breathe in deeply, just to steel himself, and then just awkwardly walk forward. 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Stammering slightly.] He–hello Misha Jarvis. 

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, Xoc! I'm really glad you came here. Everything is always better when you...when you arrive. 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Nervous and a little startled by the kind words.] Oh, thank you!

Tom 

And Xoc is sort of like flustered for that moment and stumbles, like, stumbles for words for, for a second or two. And then says,

Tom (as Xoc)

I wanted to...I wanted to speak to you about tonight. F-for a couple of reasons really. I've been learning more about the human customs surrounding prom, this, uh, this event you go to with people that are special to you. And I've been thinking [00:45:00] a lot about, um, uh, our group and the bonds we have with one another, and I...I think I wanted to say that...

Misha Jarvis. 

[A simple but emotional piano melody begins.] 

You are a very important and special person to me, and I was wondering if you wanted to go to the prom with me? As a...I think it's called a date?

Ari

[A faint laugh.] Misha will smile nervously and say,

Ari (as Misha)

Oh–well–you know what's funny? I...I actually wanted to ask you to come in the human custom of a date as well, because I also think you...you are a very special friend to me, and I–I just forgot about it yesterday. I, I actually wanted to do it in–[Stammering slightly.] In any, in any case, I–

Yes, I would–I would love to go with you to prom, Xoc.

[The music ends.]

Kyle 

All right, so we've seen Hop. We've seen Xoc and Misha. That just leaves one person left.

Emily 

[A little sullenly.] You and Hallie are having way too much fun this session.

Hallie 

[Dryly.] I wouldn't call it too much fun. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

[Teasing slightly.] Hey Elee. How you asking out Rei?

Emily 

Do I know where Rei is?

Kyle 

Through the power of plot, yes you do.

Emily 

Okay. Where is she? [Laughter.]

Kyle

She just finished teaching a class. 

Emily 

Oh, Okay. Elee's gonna–

Tom

[Crosstalking.] Oh, right, other people are doing school.

Emily

Hover awkwardly outside the door and wait for, like, all the students to leave. 

Kyle 

Wait, that means Elee didn't teach her class if she's waiting for Rei's class to finish! [Laughter.]

Emily

Well–

Ari

[Crosstalking.] Well, I would say that like they played a full recital on the thing, so that, I feel like that feels like a wrap. 

Emily 

Yeah.

Kyle 

That's fair, yeah. The class has wrapped up.

Emily 

Um...

Kyle 

Everett's back though. He's feeling kind of bad for skipping so he's, he's trying to, uh, he's trying to earn some of his lost credits and he needs to be reminded by you that no, we're just under cover Everett, you're not, this isn't an actual class. 

Emily 

He is reminded, but Elee will also say,

Emily (as Elee)

[Sternly.] But I'll know if you're skipping.

[Laughter from the party.]

Kyle 

Anyways, yeah, you're outside Rei's class, all of her students filter out. Soe looks at you as she comes out, and just kind of does the thing where you like look and you know the gossip, and just like continues walking faster, hushed giggling to herself and the girl that's walking out of class with her.

Emily 

[Trying not to laugh.] Elee retreats into her hat a little bit like a turtle. 

Kyle 

Yeah, how's that hat looking?

[A breezy, almost Jimmy Buffet-ish song begins to play.]

So those candles are off.

Emily 

[Crosstalking.] They're not off. 

Kyle 

Well, the candles are turned off.

Emily 

Yeah.

Kyle 

And there aren't any rats. 

Emily 

Well, the rat was a necessary casualty for bullying Vera. 

Kyle 

Okay.

Emily 

Um. [Laughter.]

Kyle 

So that wasn't for, like, to look nice, that was to to bully.

Emily

[Crosstalking.] I mean–

Kyle

The woman who's gonna try to kill you.

Emily 

[Over Kyle.] She did wanna clean it up, but also she may have cleaned more in order to anger Vera for fun.

Kyle 

Okay.

Emily

But it's been thoroughly dusted. It's still heavyish, but it's got some of the junk off. Elee's kind of tried to shine up the pearls a little bit. 

[The music fades.]

And she's gonna like, awkwardly sidle into the classroom once everyone has left. 

Kyle (as Ramya)

Hey.

Emily (as Elee)

Hi–uh–hi Rei.

Kyle (as Ramya)

[Hesitantly.] You um...ah...changed your look.

Emily (as Elee)

It's like ripping off a band-aid, right? You do it all quick, 'cause you know that...that's what you have to do. [Hopefully.] I–I think it kind of looks nice. 

Kyle (as Ramya)

Well, ah–you know. I um, I can only kind of speak from a purely aesthetic point of view. You know, with uh... 

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah! Yeah.

Kyle (as Ramya)

With the asexuality and everything. But you know, I think it's...striking?

Emily (as Elee)

[Amused and slightly chiding.] I know that voice Rei, you don't have to pretend you like it. 

Kyle (as Ramya)

No! I–it's just, I'm, um. You've just surprised me a lot, uh, the past few days, Elee. That's all.

Emily (as Elee)

[Slightly uncertain.] In a good way?

Kyle (as Ramya)

I hope so. 

Emily (as Elee)

Uh–I–I've been trying to you know, just clean myself up in lots of ways. [Quickly.] But it's not just for you, you know. 

Kyle (as Ramya)

Oh, well, that's–that's good? I, I must admit, I was a little concerned. It's good to know otherwise. 

Emily (as Elee)

The talking to helped push me, yeah, but I have Soe, and it's something I should have done a long time ago. 

Kyle (as Ramya)

Good! She's a good girl. 

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah, she is. She actually–I've been meaning to ask her about this. She just picked up this skeleton in a box at one point? And she was just like, talking to it. She thought it told the future. She's a quirky kid. 

Kyle (as Ramya)

[Laughter.]

Oh, I know all about that. 

Emily (as Elee)

Hey, I was–I–I was–

Kyle (as Ramya)

[Cutting Elee off decisively.] Yes.

[Gentle, romantic guitar music begins to play.]

Emily (as Elee)

[00:50:00]

[Hesitantly.] Yes?

Kyle (as Ramya)

[With Elee.] Yes. 

I–I'd love to go with you.

Kyle 

And Elee, you do not get five party points with Rei, because you had five heart points with Rei all along. 

Emily and Ari

Awwww!

[The music fades.]

Kyle 

So! It is now almost time for prom.

[An up-tempo piano tune begins to play. It's jaunty and light-hearted.]

The, ah, little worker bots scuttle from place to place, leaving tiny little packages on everyone's door step. It leaves one for Xoc at his door, two next door for Misha and Jesse. Soe had hers re-delivered to Elee's room, where she's been sitting in the pile of fathers, just furiously typing in the outfit into Elee's WingPal.

And so before we finish, I want to go over our prom outfits! So the first one, the bots come to the door and they drop off Soe's outfit and Elee's outfit, and Elee, you look up your gift, which we know has a green shawl. But what is the rest of Elee's prom outfit? 

[The music ends.]

Emily 

[Amused.] Oh, I was going to let you tell me. 

Kyle 

No cheating! No, you gotta figure it out. 

Emily

Ummm!

Tom

What did Soe and Hop pick? 

Kyle 

You've had a year Emily! I need to reinforce you've had a year to figure out–

Emily

[Crosstalking.] I know!

Kyle 

This outfit.

Emily 

I know. [Uncertain.] It's got a green shawl and a, um, a–a green shawl. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

Um, a...

Tom

[Laughter.]

Ari

Sorry!

Emily 

And she's just going to shine up her old boots. They're falling apart a little bit, but they're comfy. 

Kyle 

It's a green shawl and shoeshine. Three hours of thought between Hopper and Soe to figure it out.

Hallie 

[Insistent.] No, no! Ohh, this is real–no!

Kyle 

But no, it's, it's, it's kind of nice in a way because Elee didn't really need more. So this box, instead of having a bunch of different outfit things, has a shawl, some shoeshine, a nice mirror that she can use to readjust her hat to look more intentional where the pearls kind of drape down, and the feathers are all looked up like a very fancy feather in her cap. And it just basically, it looks like Elee, but someone just combed her entire outfit like you would comb your hair.

Emily

Elee approves of Hop's choices. She'll thank him later. 

Hallie 

Could I say one thing that Hop would have added to the outfit if possible?

Kyle 

I swear to God, if it's cowboy flair–

Hallie 

It's not! It's not, I promise. It's, it's like the thimble that she has in her hat, but it would be like one of those brooches that older women tend to wear. But it's a sewing needle and a thimble, because he–the sewing needle's obvious because she's sharp and she has the claws, and because she's fierce. But the thimble to him feels more like Elee, because it's solid but there are holes in it and he wants to make sure those holes are filled. 

Kyle 

It's also a good, uh, it's a good companion to Elee's thimble, who cuddles up against it. 

Tom

Aww.

Kyle

Meanwhile Misha, you hear the little bot scurry away from your door and you've somehow, some way, been able to put together a WingPal outfit for yourself. So what does your outfit look like?

Ari 

Well, ah, yeah, this was a bit like–in a hurry, because they were excited about prom, but they had forgotten about prom entirely because of, you know, reasons that we all know. But after Xoc reminded them of that, they were like, oh wait, I guess I have to wear something? And so they looked up in the datasphere "prom outfits," and then they glanced bit at their ant ball. Because I was thinking–right at like a second ago or so–it was like, it would be fun if Misha could wear something that's like, bug themed? But also is a prom thing. So the first thing I thought of was that Thumbalina movie, when she's like, dressed up as a butterfly?

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari

With that like, beetle thing, but then I actually liked the beetle's outfit for Misha, 'cause he has a top hat and a cane, but also he has like a cape extending backwards that like, divides into two so it's kind of like wings. And, like, I'll send it, but I feel like Misha would wear that.

Kyle 

Yeah. What Misha's wearing, and we'll put this in the link, Misha–

Ari 

And these big shoes, too, they are included. And the cane and all of that.

Kyle 

Misha gets a large outfit. It looks like an old-fashioned conductor's suit and pants, except the conductor's coat is purple and split into two beetle wings. 

Ari 

Yes. 

Kyle 

There is a cane, and then a giant top hat, which since Misha's part of the proligarchy, is also a top hat and a crown at the same time.

Hallie

Ha!

Tom

[Whispering.] God.

Kyle 

Meanwhile next door, Xoc [00:55:00] has opened his outfit in his trying to tie on an ascot. But what else is there besides the ascot, Xoc? 

Tom 

[Faintly.] Oh.

Oh my.

So let me paint a picture for you: dark blue wizard robes with stars and moon patterns on them. Ehhh? Ehhhh?

[Laughter from the party.]

It's mostly that. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

[Accordion music begins to play...it sounds a little like the music that often accompanies Vespari.] 

But the front, the front turns into like that, that 1700s, 1800s, like, shirt front where it like, you've got the neckerchief like stuffed in and, like, floofy? And this is where the ascot comes in. 

[Trying not to laugh.] He just has like an ascot and this like old-timey–here, let me, let me send a reference for people because I don't have words to describe it. That's fine. Eh, let's try Hamilton and see that.

Ari

Ohhh.

Tom

Yeah. Yeah, it's a bit like that. Look at these, look at these frilly neckerchiefs here. 

Ari

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tom

So, eh, yeah, he's got this frilly neckerchief ascot that he's tied with dark blue wizard robes with star and moon patterns on them, because Xoc thinks, how do I dress fancy?

Hallie

[Dryly.] Constellations.

Emily

[Bemused.] He's just ripping off Vespari.

Tom

And Xoc thinks this is the height, the pinnacle of high fashion.

Kyle 

[The music fades.]

And then finally, Hop, you didn't order something with WingPal. Instead, you pulled out part of your clothing...

[Somber music begins to play.]

That you, you haven't put on in a long time. You take a look at this box, and you remember back when you first went to Qi. You first came here with your dads, Dad Alvin and Dad Theo, and it was quickly realized that the Dunshire outfit just just wouldn't do here.

Hallie 

[Wryly.] Doesn't do in Dunshire either.

Kyle 

So you, you went around, you went to as many stores as you could, found multiple places. And eventually you found this small, kind of almost underground market kind of place. Theo didn't it. You know, he was like, 

Kyle (as Dad Theo)

I don't understand what he needs! He just these clothes to protect him from the elements, the things he has right now work perfectly fine. 

Kyle (as Dad Alvin)

Well, yes Theo, but from what I understand college is a place to...reinvent yourself? Or at least that's what the, ah, the materials I've been reading say. And so I just thought this would be an opportunity for Simon to, ah, reinvent himself!

Kyle

And Dad Theo walks over to you as you find this outfit on the wall, the one you ended up purchasing. You remember that all he had said to you right before you had decided it was,

Kyle (as Dad Theo)

[Encouragingly.] Well, son, who do you want to be?

Hallie

[Lets out a deep breath.]

Kyle 

What are you wearing to prom, Hopper?

Hallie 

[The music ends.]

Hopper's prom outfit can be described as adult Angus McDonald from TAZ, crossed with the LL Bean scotch plaid flannel collection. That's a real thing. I saw a commercial for it and thought oh, Hopper would wear that.

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And they said, this is scotch plaid flannel, and I said, yeah that checks out. 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Ari

Scotch plaid flannel!

Hallie 

It's like an, like an argyle pattern. It's like a crisscrossy like, Scott, like Scotland flag pattern. 

Ari

Oh my god. I love it.

Hallie 

On a sweater vest. The sweater vest is black, and the criss-crossing pattern part is alternating in shades of brown? And there's some green in there. There's just, there's just a little bit of green. He's got a nice, like, long sleeve shirt that's under the outfit. His sleeves are rolled up and his, the collar's, uh, sticking out a little bit over the sweater vest in like a prep style, and he's got a little black bow tie.

Emily

Aw!

Hallie

And he's got nice black pants, and then to complete the outfit he puts on his new hat. Can I describe his hat? 

Kyle 

I think maybe we can wait til Misha sees it?

Hallie 

That's fair. We're gonna wait til Misha sees it to describe his new hat.

Ari

Tease!

Tom

I can't believe this. 

Ari

Mm-hmm!

Tom

This is bullshit, cliffhangers. 

Ari

I know!!

Hallie 

So he would put on the outfit and kind of put his hands in his pockets a little bit and just look at himself in the mirror. There's a mirror in there now. And then he would look at the hat, and think about it for a second, and then he would put it on, angle it just a little bit, and smile. 

Kyle 

[The Pythagorean rhythm begins to play.]

And as you leave, Hopper, you notice Lorraine's letter, which was tucked into the pocket of your old outfit, has slipped out and fallen on to the–just a little puddle on the floor of your room.

[A long pause.]

Hallie

[The music ends. Another moment of silence.]

He leaves it there.

[Fast-paced, much more upbeat rock music begins to play.]

Kyle 

Boots.

Hats.

Ascot.

All of you suit up in gear quite unlike any you've worn before for a battle quite unlike any you fought before. In the past, the Quest Friends have squared off against scheming villains and emotional turmoil, [01:00:00] but if you want to have any chance of seeing tomorrow, today, you'll have to conquer both. No room for error. No room for compromise. It's time for a war of love. 

It's time for Prom de Plume.

[The music intensifies.] 

Kyle 

Lots of mess, but still no Ness. 

Hallie

[Huffs out a laugh.]

I very proud of that line. 

[Laughter from the party.]

I'm very proud of that line.

Ari

[Through laughter.] Lots of mess, but still no Ness!

Tom

This is how Hallie was defeated.

Kyle 

[Through laughter.] Okay, uh.

Ari

[Snorts.]

Tom 

Take two.

Kyle 

Zhev Garden! Nothing bad ever happened at Zhev Garden. Wonder what happened at Zhev Garden that would be relevant for the Jagged Dream, huh guys? Be a shame if they wrote a musical about it.

Hallie 

[Startled.] Was that actual exposition the whole time?

Kyle 

Calaval was actual exposition the whole time. 

Hallie 

Holy fuck!

Tom 

[Whispering.] S-Squared is, is that–is that a thing?

Emily

[Quietly.] Yeah!

Tom

[Still whispering.] Is that a thing now?

Tom and Emily

[Quietly.] S-Squared?

Hallie 

S-Squared is a thing. I'm making it a thing. It's a thing!

Emily 

Maybe. I hope so! 

Kyle 

No, you were not–

Emily 

[Crosstalking, through laughter.] Kyle, did Elee get laid? 

Kyle 

You were not having sex. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Emily

I was just–I figured I would ask.

Kyle 

Listen. 

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Listen.

Tom 

Wink. 

Kyle 

No.

Tom

Wink!

Hallie

[Laughter.]