Ep. 54: Crime and Courtship, Part 18

Previously on Quest Friends.

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.] 

The leader of Strife is named Ezra. Ezra was an adept warrior forged by Strife. Five years ago, Ezra facilitated the coup of Ancuan, a war where Queen Anastasia Brackleberry regained her throne. The coup of Ancuan ultimately was practice. War between Charmande and Qi is endgame. 

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

Once we release the swarm, and the world watches as the face of Qi tears itself apart, there ain't gonna be anything the stop this war. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hop's not convinced Ezra is physically on the ship. He thinks that Ezra is the datasphere patron for the Prodigious, but there's some connection he's missing to a physical location. 

Kyle (as Ramya)

I found something in the gymatorium. Come as quickly as possible. 

In the case of this floor, it's segmented into multiple pieces that can separate, revealing alternative uses. So they have a dance floor, they were going to have a pool...were it not for the fact that we set sail so abruptly. 

Kyle 

Can you just hear the aneens, which are normally going, 

Kyle (as the aneens)

Aneen!

Kyle 

Go,

Kyle (as the aneens)

[Chanting intently.] The rope. The rope. The rope! The rope!

Kyle 

Climb that rope!

Tom 

Xoc would like to use farstep to just teleport up to the top of the tent and grab onto the floatstone. 

Kyle 

There's a silence, and then Vera the says, 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

I'm a little disappointed. You need to commit to your actions in full, or one day you will fall without your magic to protect you.

[Opening theme intensifies.]

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Bell chimes.]

Morning!

Five years ago. 

Hallie (as Anastasia Brackleberry)

[Nervously, her voice echoing in the emptiness.] Hello. Hello?

[Low, threatening music begins to play.]

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Ominous crackling laughter builds and then stops abruptly, the music continuing.]

[Brightly.] Hey, Anastasia.

Hallie (as Anastasia Brackleberry)

[With palpable relief.] Oh thank goodness! I thought it was all alone in here. Do you know the way out? 

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Wryly.] Oh, I know lots of things. 

Hallie (as Anastasia Brackleberry)

[Delighted.] Oh, that's a great. I'm so happy for you. Just one of them happen to be the way out?

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Sighs, annoyed.] Yes, you just walk over there. 

Hallie (as Anastasia Brackleberry)

[Brightly.] Thank you!

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

And go back to that coup you've been losing. 

[Admonishingly.] You know, you'd do a lot better if you just learn to stomach the strife.

Hallie (as Anastasia Brackleberry)

[Slightly uncertain.] I'm so sorry. I've been so focused on being lost that I forgotten proper etiquette.

[Clears her throat.]

I'm Anastasia Margot Maria Brackleberry. What should I call you? 

Kyle (as VIRGULE/Ezra)

[Before Anastasia finishes asking.] It's Ezra. 

You ever visit the datasphere, Annie? Gnarly place. Bits and pieces of information scattering around and colliding with one another at thousands of miles per hour. Now that's a conflict. 

Hallie (as Anastasia Brackleberry)

[Taken aback slightly.] It sounds awful.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Laughter.] And yet that strife can make some awfully good things, like yours truly.

Hallie (as Anastasia Brackleberry)

[Hesitantly.] You were made by conflict in the datasphere?

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

Quite literally forged by it. And you could be too! I could even lend you some power, if you'd like.

Hallie (as Anastasia Brackleberry)

[Uncertain.] You would help? I don't want to bother you.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Slightly frantic laughter.] 

Kid, helping you out would be reward enough. Just think of me like your pal. Your partner!

[A pause.]

[With dark glee.] Your patron.

Kyle (as Ezra)

[A bell chimes.] 

Afternoon. Nine days ago!

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Ezra. Ezra!

Kyle (as Ezra)

Calm down, Layeni. I'm here. And Blue, nice to see you, too.

[Intense buzzing sound.]

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Exasperatedly.] I'm assuming you understand why we're here?

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Snidely.] Yeah, you fucked up. 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Sighs.] Yes, things in Charmande did not go according to plan.

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Laughter.] At least you can admit it.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Pointedly.] And how is Ancuan coming along, Ezra? 

It's been five years since your coup and yet, from what I've heard, the region is entirely peaceful. I remember you insisting that it would be impossible for the Brackleberries to rein in the violence once they took over.

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Exasperated.] Listen. I did what I was supposed to do. How was I supposed to know the Brackle-brat would incite universal peace with a box of cookies? 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Well, regardless, while the Steadfast wants to go to war, no one seems willing to start it. We need to develop another plan.

Kyle (as Ezra)

Or we could just try the ship.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Incredulously.] The Prodigious? Absolutely not. 

[00:05:00] 

They're not even planning to fly it for another–

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Crosstalking, sharply.] It'll fly when it flies. 

You said it yourself, Layeni, Charmande and Qi are ready for any opportunity to go to war, and we three all know that the only thing that shit needs to fly is a patron from the datasphere. Now, I could just give it my patronage, and in return I have heard there's a little navigation robot attached to the ship who could lend his body for a few days or so.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Yes, but what about Argent, Ezra? We need that, and a map.

Kyle (as Ezra)

I got that. [Annoyed.] You're not the only one that can plan, Layeni. They're in Roulettia.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

And how do you know that, Ezra?

Kyle (as Ezra)

Eh, I made a friend. Shared some information with Roulettia's darling and she was happy enough to share some back with me. 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

You're telling me that you told our entire plan to Lorraine Stiles?! She's unreliable!

Kyle (as Ezra)

She's exploitable. And it turns out her exploit just happens to be that Scotch guy you dealt with in Charmonde. 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

You're playing with fire, Ezra.

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Angrily.] I am fire! That's my job. Ain't it? 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Fine. I'll inform our members across the Steadfast to ready their EZ-Life sacrifices. Arias, tell that magician you work for but he just miraculously booked a full house in Roulettia. Get Argent, get the map, and meet us back on the Prodigious.

Kyle (as Ezra)

What?! I can do this by myself!

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

But that doesn't mean you will.

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Derisive laugh.] Got me there. What do you say, Blue? 

[The music intensifies. There's a sharp buzzing noise.] 

Kyle (as Ezra)

All right then. Keep your patience, Layeni. Only nine days left until the end of the world.

Kyle 

[The music fades.]

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Three bell chimes.] 

Evening. The end of the world.

[Grim laughter intensifies.] 

Kyle 

VIRGULE's laughter echoes throughout the gymatorium, shaking the ground itself with mirth. Except even as the laughter fades, the earthquake continues, and you feel yourselves move alongside the pieces of the floor as they collide with each other and make the indentation of a knife with a serrated blade. 

Except this configuration isn't like the one Rei showed you, Elee, because in the center you see a hole.

When the Prodigious set sail, there wasn't enough time to fill the swimming pool with water, but that doesn't mean it was never used. Indeed, the Prodigious' swimming pool is filled, but not with water. Instead, it's filled with many objects. Boxes, vehicles, and at its center, a large Jenga-like tower with three flat panels surrounding it 

Hallie

[Sucks in a breath through her teeth.]

Kyle 

Argent. 

Kyle (as Ezra)

All right, kids. Who's ready for the main attraction?

Hallie

Ah, you said the whole floor moved away to reveal Argent in the swimming pool, right? 

Kyle 

Yeah, Argent is in the center in where like, uh, basically there would have been a swimming pool beneath the floor. 

Hallie

Yeah, and then...but. [Slightly confused.] Were, was, was it the floor the dancers were on?

Kyle 

Yes, but the panel shifted away. So they didn't fall in they just...

Hallie 

[Crosstalking.] Okay.

Kyle 

Shifted to the side.

Hallie 

That was his first priority. Instinctively, when that first moves, he's going to jump back and kind of put his arm like, in front of Sera, because something is moving and it's scary and there's evil laughter and it's just what his instinct is. 

Kyle 

And she'll take off the glasses and the earpiece and say,

Kyle (as Sera) 

Hey, what's uh, what's going on? 

Hallie (as Hopper)

I think we're too late. 

Kyle 

Meanwhile.

Emily (as Elee) 

It's happening. 

Emily 

I probably would have tried to steady Rei. 

Kyle 

Yes, you steady Rei, and she's like,

Kyle (as Ramya)

[Gently.] Elee, are you–are you all right?

Emily 

[Stammering.] I–I'm...I was just gonna...[Sheepishly.] Have Elee charge at Argent with the chair.

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.] I was also going to just go into like, I'm just going to destroy it before they can use it. Hop is just gonna go down there right away. 

Emily 

Yeah. 

Kyle 

Um...

Emily 

[Hopefully.] Hop knows how to destroy these things.

Hallie 

Harper's already destroyed Argent once, he can do it again. But this time for good reasons.

Kyle 

And Misha, what are you–what are you up to? 

Ari

Well, I wanted to also, actually, also do that.

Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

So you all are ready to charge Argent.

Hallie 

[Wryly.] Charge-ent.

Kyle 

It's silent. Even on the stage, you see Soe and Meeghan are both terrified. And like, still, and no one dares move a muscle.

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Annoyed.] Really? This is, this is gonna be everything? No screaming? No panicking? Just silence? 

Layeni, you ready yet?

Kyle 

And up on the top of the Prodigious, you hear that voice echo higher and higher. Xoc, you followed Vera out of the room, into the courtyard, up the steps, and onto the top of the Prodigious. In the center, you see the relay. This is where they're going to take all the energy from all the EZ-Life brands around the globe and funnel it into Argent.

Vera is waiting next to it. And while 

[00:10:00] 

you'd think she'd be waiting for Ezra's cue that he just yelled to her, she doesn't seem to respond, and instead, she looks straight at you. 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Wind whistling in the background.] 

Hello, Xoc. 

Tom (as Xoc)

Hello, Professor. 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Well, it seems it's time for our plan to take place. 

Are you sure you've picked the right side here?

Tom (as Xoc)

If I didn't know any better, Vera, I'd say you were afraid.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Change is scary, Xoc. Violence, death is scary. But without it, we would never grow. Things wouldn't change. Things wouldn't evolve. Death and change are inexorably linked, and so of course I'm afraid. But I'm willing to embrace it, and I know you are too, because if you never had to make those tough choices, you never would have made it here. 

Tom (as Xoc)

Maybe so, but not all change is the same thing. So if...if you don't mind, I think we'll have to turn that device off now.

Tom 

As soon as Xoc is able to, he's going to try to use cutting light on the relay itself.

Kyle

Before you do that, she's just going to raise her hand one second say,

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Wait, no, Xoc. 

[The whistling of the wind stops.] 

We've done this kind of strife before and I didn't want to have to force you to see how these hard changes can cause growth, but I see you're not willing to listen. So...

Kyle 

[Loud, metallic thumps.]

You hear pounding on the side of the Prodigious.

[Eerie, haunting music, almost like a theremin, begins to play.]

Tom

[Whispering.] What? 

Kyle 

And you see the two armored zhev attach themselves to the side and extend out, each holding something. One of them is gripping onto your strong glass staff. The other...

Tom

[Gasps quietly.]

Kyle 

Holding a small chassis, scraped and scratched and worse for wear. One of its light bulb eyes is even broken out, but it's unmistakable who that is.

Tom 

Through the mental link, Xoc wants to ask,

Tom (as Xoc)

[Weakly.] Ness. Hey–hey. Are you okay?

Hallie 

There's just static.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

So, Xoc. You get to make a choice. Do you embrace the power that you would need to defeat me or do you give in to sentimentality?

Tom 

Xoc's fists are going to clench and unclench. 

Tom (as Xoc)

I don't know what you were hoping to pull with this little stunt, but it was really quite silly. Maybe next time you should consider the ends as well as the means. 

[The music fades.]

Tom 

And he's going to try to ffarstep to Ness.

Kyle 

You farstep, and I'm assuming you want to get right to like the end of the arm where you're grabbing Ness?

Tom 

Yeah, like, teleport to Ness, grab, and then yoink away if possible. 

Kyle 

Okay. So, Xoc, who do you want to give your GM intrusion point to?

Tom

[Sighs.] I can't give it to myself as we well know. I would like to give my other point to Elee Badge.

Kyle 

So you go to grab Ness. He looks, again, the same as you met him before, just a bit worse for wear. It's kind of sad. He seems to be vibrating a little bit. And you go to blink him.

And you can't.

[Intense, fast-tempo dramatic music begins to play.]

And Vera walks over to you and says,

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Admonishingly.] Xoc, Soc. I told you one day you would fall without your magic to rely upon. You should have seen this coming.

Kyle 

And that's when the zhev drops you. 

Tom

[Incredulous.] Drops me? 

Kyle 

Meanwhile, Vera walks back and she just presses a button on the relay, which starts to spark with life. Inside the gymatorium, dozens of lights fill as cries of pain howl through the space, and everyone falls to their knees, clutching their freshly burning EZ-Life brands. 

The Prodigious begins to shake again, this time powered by Argent, whose blocks pulsate and pull it up from the pool onto the dance floor. 

Misha. You notice a large cloud of what appears to be faint smoke seep out of the Prodigious' speakers, take form above Argent, and slide itself into the devices' grooves. 

Ari

[Strained.] Ohhh no.

Kyle 

And as soon as it does, lines are drawn in between panels surrounding Argent and the floor disappears to show a sky from time long past.

[The music fades into the gentle, tinkling sound of a music box.]

Many decades ago, the first Amber Pope Calaval led an expedition to tame some of the zhev and to kill the rest. He sought to control these creatures at their own peril. And today, the Jagged Dream seeks to do the same. After all, the Blue Fairy's powers are most potent on creatures who are both agitated and who don't wear Qi's ear tags.

[The music stops abruptly.]

And what's more upsetting than having your entire species wiped out? 

I need everyone to roll initiative.

Ari 

[Dice roll.] Six.

Emily 

[Dice roll.] Seven.

Tom

Four.

Hallie

[Brightly.] Twelve!

Emily 

Wow! Hallie had the highest roll.

Hallie 

It's weird. That's weird that I had the highest.

Tom 

It's Hopper Scotch's time. 

Hallie 

We'll see. I don't know if I'm going to... 

[00:15:00] 

We'll see.

Kyle 

[Uptempo, adrenaline-fueled rock music begins to play.]

So your goal in this fight is simple. You need to stop Argent. You might stop the Jagged Dream members along the way, but the big thing is Argent is pulling the life force of folks who have EZ-Life brands and using it to create a portal back to when Calaval originally captured the zhev.

They're organic life, so the Blue Fairy is the one who's taking control of them. And what she's doing is that each round, more and more zhev are going to be pulled out from this portal and are going to be sent to attack the students and everyone inside of the Prodigious. Because here's the thing: in order for this war to begin, one of these nations needs to show that it's ready to fight, but the other nation needs to believe that it could be defeated. You know Charmonde needs to see, oh, Qi's ready to come at us, but we can kick their ass.

And what a better way to do it than to have the face of Qi, the defenders of the city, tear its most promising students apart?

[The music fades.]

Hallie, you're at the top of the order. 

Hallie 

So Hop was on his feet, going down to Argent like, as soon as it was revealed because he knows how it works. Would he have some kind of advantage to destroying Argent because he knows how it works. Or has it been like, souped up so that he doesn't really recognize it anymore. 

Kyle 

I think he would have a benefit. It's not exactly the same, but it's a similar model. So I think that's a good argument for you having an additional impact against it. 

Hallie 

Okay. So I'm going to go to wherever its weakest point is. And actually–so it's base is around a Jenga tower?. 

Kyle 

Yeah, it's like a kind of Jenga pyramid almost. 

Hallie 

Okay. 

Kyle 

One thing to note is that, like, open sky that the zhev are flying out of, that's around Argent. 

Hallie 

So I can't get directly to Argent?

Kyle 

There's a gap of a handful of feet between there. Admittedly, there are a lot of zhev pouring out of it. So like, there's more flesh than there is, like, sky?

Hallie 

[Crosstalking.] Is this...

Kyle 

[Crosstalking.] But yes, it would be difficult. You would have to do some maneuvers to get right next to it.

Hallie 

[Driving country rock begins to play.]

[Gleefully.] Like parkour maneuvers? 

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

[Amused.] Ah, parkour maneuver sound like they could be effective. Yes. 

Hallie 

I'd like to use my specialized parkour maneuvers just to get right up next to Argent's face and beat it. 

Kyle 

How are you going to try to use your parkour maneuvers to get right up to Argent's face? 

Hallie 

All right. So Hopper's thinking of taking such a risky move this early on is that while the body of zhev coming out is enough that he can like, bounce off of their shoulders and arms and stuff, like it'll thin out presumably. So he's gonna do it while the mass is enough to support him. So he just wants to jump from zhev to zhev until he lands...ideally he would land at like an angle, and then kick whatever he's aiming at. 

I'm gonna make my role 

Emily 

We believe in you.

Hallie 

[Dice roll.]

[The music fades.]

Emily 

You're down there for a long time Hallie. 

Hallie 

That's because I'm using my water die, and I thought it was a one but it's a fourteen. 

Emily 

[Relieved sigh.]

Kyle 

[The music resumes.] 

All right, so describe how you parkour and kick this thing in its teeth. 

Hallie 

[Gleefully.] Fuck yes! So he goes down and he jumps off of one zhev's shoulder, handsprings off of the head of the next one, and then kicks off the shoulders of the third one precisely at a good kick angle. And he comes like, diagonally down on the tower, and each time he bumps off a zhev, he says, 

Hallie (as Hopper)

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry!

Ari 

Aw!

Kyle 

And they get more agitated. And, uh, you hear a little,

Kyle (as a zhev)

Buh!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Sorry!

Kyle 

Almost as if they got knocked out of, like, the stupor they were put into by the Blue Fairy. 

Hallie 

Okay.

Kyle 

[The music fades.]

But then they seize up again and they shoot out like bullets.

Hallie 

That's good to know. 

Kyle 

So, and then you get on top and you just start kicking it. 

Hallie 

It's one concentrated kick exactly where he was aiming. And then yeah, he's just gonna keep kicking and punching. 

Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

He's gonna take out his shield and bang his shield against it.

Kyle 

And how much damage does this do? Four, right? 

Hallie 

Yes, four.

Kyle 

Okay. So what everyone else sees is they see this wave of zhev come flying out as Argent rises up, and then on top of it... 

[Triumphant music begins to play.]

You just see Hopper Scotch rising. He lifts his shield up, and he's just like, die! And he just starts stabbing it with his shield. 

Hallie 

He's not yelling it.

Kyle 

But he is thinking it.

Hallie 

[Amused.] He's thinking it.

Kyle 

It's screaming through, you know, lack of words. Okay. So you hit Argent real, real hard. Emily. 

Emily 

I was, I was, I got distracted. 

[The music fades.]

Because I was going to type in the chat, Hopper Scotch is on...topper scotch.

Hallie 

No. [Laughter.]

Ari

Topper!

Hallie

Nooooo.

Kyle

I hate it. 

Hallie 

[Dismayed, through laughter.] Nooo. No, no. No. 

Emily 

Because he's on top of...

Hallie 

I mean, yeah! 

Emily

[Laughter.]  You're welcome. 

Hallie 

Noo.

Emily 

You're welcome! Um, seeing that Hop kind of...I mean, I wouldn't say anyone has anything fully under control, but Elee's going to turn to Rei. 

Emily (as Elee) 

Do what you can for the students. I'm going to try to get the Blue Fairy.

Kyle 

And the Blue Fairy is kind of flying above everything with her beetles.

Emily 

Ehhh, so she's up high. 

Kyle 

[Amused.] You have remote claws. I was just talking about...

Emily 

[Crosstalking, brightly.] Oh, yeah!

Kyle 

Where she was.

Tom 

You can throw things. 

Emily 

I just want to whip around and try to shoot her.

Kyle 

All right. Give me a roll. 

Emily 

There's no way this could go wrong. [Dice roll.]

And I also rolled a seven.

Kyle 

Ahh, you're specialized in that right? 

Emily 

Yeeees?

Tom

Mm-hmm. 

Kyle 

So you did 

[00:20:00] 

how many–seven? 

Emily 

I rolled seven. 

Kyle 

Yeah. It's nowhere near...

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

Close enough. So Elee, you shoot out your claws. You go to hit the Blue Fairy, and they just basically just start flailing in the air randomly. 

[Upbeat rock music begins to play.]

And then suddenly you feel a pair of gentle hands on your hand, and they guide the claws. It flies through the air and hits the Blue Fairy for six points of damage, and Rei just looks over to you and says,

Kyle (as Ramya)

Aim, Elee.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

And here's a mechanic I didn't introduce. You got those five heart point people, don't you? Once during the fight each five heart person will help one of you with some part of this.

Emily 

[Delighted.] My lady love saved me!

Ari

Aww!

Kyle (as Ramya)

All right, I'll go get the students now.  

Kyle  

And she rushes out and starts trying to escort people. 

Emily (as Elee) 

I love you. 

Kyle (as Ramya)

Love you, too. 

Ari

Aww, that's so cute!

Kyle 

Okay, does everyone want to know who they have? Hop has Everett, Cecilos, Sera, and Vespari.

Hallie 

[Slightly awed.] Shit.

Kyle 

Xoc has Vespari and I'm also counting Loell. Elee has Meeghan, Rei, and Soe, and Misha worked real hard on L'Adrien, but only actually got five points with L'Adrien.

[The music fades.]

Tom 

[Startled.] Wait. 

Kyle 

I know, I'm surprised too. Misha played the Game of Thrones real good yet somehow still lost. I don't know. I just looked at the calculations and I was like, fuck, Ari only has L'Adrien, but that's also because everyone else kind of got a pity one. 

Ari

Yeah.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Yeah, Tom has...

Emily 

[Pouting.] I didn't get a pity one.

Ari

Everybody else kind of had arcs with that character.

Tom 

Like, everybody had a lot of plot related ones, and then and then Misha was just actively playing the game. 

Hallie 

Yeah.

Kyle 

The only non plot-related one that we have on the list are Meeghan for Elee and then Everett for Hop.

Hallie

Woop, woop.

Ari 

And we could say potentially Cecilos for Hop, but hey, guess what? I guess he can't help you because guess who put him in friggin'...

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Look, look.

Ari

In jail!

Hallie 

[Indignant.] I'm gonna fucking help him, and it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine!

Kyle 

Anyways, Misha. 

Ari 

Okay.

Kyle 

What do you do? 

Ari 

Well, because I really like that like, Elee/Rei moment, so I don't wanna ruin it. Don't ruin it, but...

Emily

[Insistent.] Throw me.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari 

My first idea was to fling Elee at...

Emily

Fling me! Fling me Misha!

Tom 

Yeah, like that, that just follows up that...

Emily 

Just right after!

Kyle 

Yeah, I would say that like, Rei leaves and then immediately in her spot Misha just walks up and locks eyes with Elee.

Ari (as Misha)

I think it's time to put into action what we have practiced.

Ari 

And so they're going to just like, get ready to grab Elee and fling her at the Blue Fairy. 

Kyle 

Okay. Give me your–give me a roll. Elee, what's your position here, is it like a cannonball? Or are you just not aware of it? Because you couldn't prep and Misha just is like, hey, throw!

Emily 

[Disappointed.] I guess since it's not my turn, I can't have my free action of applying a cypher to my body. 

Kyle 

You cannot.

Ari 

But, but, and hear me out. What if I spend an XP, or a couple of XPs, for Elee to be able to do it? 

Kyle 

Yeah. Sure. Give me get let's spend 1 XP. It's a small thing. 

Ari 

Okay!

Kyle 

Misha gives one XP. So, uh, let's say as Misha's prepping it gives Elee the time to–what are you gonna do Elee?

Emily 

I'm gonna do a needle spray. It's a device that shoots a spray of needles, or a wide spray of needles.

Kyle 

And how much–what do the needles do?

Emily 

You can apply poison to it? And the needle spray would do one point of damage. 

Kyle 

Can I make a suggestion? 

Emily 

Yes.

Kyle 

[Dramatic, but slightly whimsical music begins to play–it's almost too serious to fully take seriously.]

You take the cypher...as you're getting ready, Elee, you like, as Misha's getting ready. You're like, oh wait, wait! And you take the needle spray and you stick it on your body and the needles spray all around you, so suddenly you are a fucking porcupine of poison death.

Ari

Ohh my god.

Tom

[Faintly.] Christ.

Hallie

I love it.

Ari 

And I just want to say that when Misha sees Elee do that, Misha will say,

Ari (as Misha)

I knew that gift would look good on you. 

[Laughter from the party.] 

Ari 

All right, let's go! Let's see if I ruin this or not by rolling low. [Dice roll.] Seventeen!

Emily

[Gasps.]

Tom

[Excitedly.] Woo! One extra point of damage. 

Kyle 

All right. So, like a baseball game. Let's get the music in here. Bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp...

[The sports 'charge' song begins to play.]

And she's going, and she's going, and she is...

[Music intensifies.]

Gone? 

Elee flies and the Blue Fairy just moves out of the way.

Emily

[Wheezing laughter.] 

Kyle 

And Elee keeps flying.

Emily

[Shrill laughter.] 

Ari

No, what!

Kyle

Until she hits the wall.

Ari

No!

Kyle 

Of the gymatorium and falls onto the ground. 

Ari 

No!

Hallie 

What a cheap move!

Kyle 

The attack does four points of damage, so she's fine, but all the spikes have like kind of just like–flutter off of her.

Ari

What? With a...

Kyle 

With a seventeen, and no effort.

Hallie 

That's not great. 

Kyle 

You know what's also not great Xoc? You're falling to your death. 

Tom 

Yeah. 

Emily 

Oh, yeah!

Kyle 

So you're just falling down the side of the Prodigious.

Tom 

It's my turn, right? 

Kyle 

Yeah, your turn. You're probably like a third of the way down. You're falling a fair amount. 

Tom 

Yeah, so a couple of questions just to ensure I understand this correctly. I've been dropped. Ness 

[00:25:00] 

is clutched in my arms, right? 

Kyle 

Yes, you have Ness.

Tom 

Ness is clutched in my arms. I'm falling down the outside of the airship and my alchemy still isn't working, right?

Kyle 

Your alchemy still isn't working. 

Tom 

So here's...here's what Xoc does as he falls. I want to take out the piece of floatstone that I still have from chapter two. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

[Startled.] Okay?

Tom 

And while it cannot support my full weight, can I use my five heart bond with Loell to call on his aide one more time?

[Wind whipping.] 

Xoc is going to look over and presumably see Loell just, like, falling in his sticker pose?

[Laughter from the party.] 

Kyle 

I was gonna have him do like, the side pose, where he's just like leaning on the ground. 

Tom 

Yeah, so, so Xoc clutching Ness looks over to him and says, 

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, this isn't isn't especially great. 

Kyle (as Loell)

No, not...not fantastic. 

Tom (as Xoc)

I know I was a bit...a bit harsh earlier, but you wouldn't mind helping me out with something so we can get back on top of this boat and uh, mess her up, huh? 

Kyle (as Loell)

Always buddy. What's the plan? 

[The whipping wind fades into dramatic music.]

Tom 

So he takes out the floatstone in one hand and asks Loell to like, boost him on the other side. And Xoc is like, with like the limited amount of lift from this floatstone and Loell, going to try to climb...sort of climb up the side of the airship. 

Kyle 

[Faintly.] Give me a roll.

Tom 

I'm using the floatstone from chapter two, that has to count for something. 

Kyle 

Given me a roll. 

Tom 

What type of role do you think this would entail? Can I argue that it's an intellect role?

Kyle 

[Wryly.] No.

[Laughter from the party.] 

Kyle 

Tom.

Emily 

[Through laughter.] How is that an...

Kyle 

You're climbing the floatstone and being pulled up, and at one point you see a little like, tether on the side of the Prodigious.

It's time to climb the rope again.

[The music intensifies.]

Kyle 

Hello and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends Episode 54: Crime and Courtship, Part 18, the penultimate episode in the Crime and Courtship saga because, ho boy, this has gone on a lot longer than I anticipated. I am Kyle, your GM, and our intro and outro music are "Friends" and "Hitoshio," both by Miracle of Sound. 

In this important penultimate episode, I have two announcements for you today. The first is that just like last year for the month of March, we are engaging in the spirit of March Madness with NPC Showdown, where we take our favorite NPCs and make them compete for your affection. This competition is taking place on twitter.com. It's just nice and easy to keep the polls concise there. It's been going on for a week, but if you want to take part just go on to twitter.com/Quest_Friends. 

Uh, we have a new poll pretty much daily until we get later on, and then we want more time on the you know, bigger polls. If you don't want to vote, but you still want to fill out a bracket, we also have a link below to our page where we announce basically all of the results, and we also have a bracket that you can download and print out.

But that's just for fun. The other announcement today is serious business. 

Because we have another listener survey! This survey which you can find linked below is filled with all completely optional questions that we would really love for you to fill out. Surveys like this give us an idea of what kind of folks listen to our show, what about our show brings in our audience, and what we can do to make it even better and the best it can be. It's really helpful for us because it helps us know how to successfully market our show, but it also is really nice for you because it gives you a direct way to reach out to us and let us know your thoughts on the show. 

And if you fill out the survey by the time it closes on Friday, April 17th, you can be entered in a raffle to win a three sticker pack of qwhales, as drawn by our official artist Mandy Robertson. We will be raffling off five of these sticker packs to anyone who fills out the survey and fills out the part saying they want to be part of the raffle, because otherwise we want to make sure it can be completely confidential and obviously contact information isn't confidental...you get the idea. So I would really, really love if you participated both in our NPC Showdown, but especially in that survey, which again is open until Friday, April 17th, and you can find links to both of these things below. 

All right, that's all I've got for you today. I hope you enjoy the rest of our confrontation with the Jagged Dream! Our next episode, the final episode of Crime and Courtship, Crime and Courtship Part 19, will similarly to the end of Questionable Measures be kind of just a debrief episode to wrap up all the threads that we've established so far and then really 

[00:30:00] 

set us off for the next adventure.

For reasons that will be abundantly clear when that up so comes out, it is difficult to say for sure if it's going to get out by the next anticipated date, which is Monday, March 23rd. I'm really, really going to try to get it out on that date. But if I can't get it out, it might be a week or two late. Just please be patient. I promise you, it will make sense when the episode is released. 

[The dramatic music begins again.] 

And regardless of whether or not that release date is March 23rd or some other date, I will see you then.

[The music intensifies.] 

Tom 

And now we really need the heart of the cards, huh? Because I think I just die otherwise. If I fail this, I'm pretty sure I'd just die. There's still like a good 25%...

[Sharp inhale.]

Hoo! That's a nineteen. 

[The music fades.]

Hallie

Woo!

Ari

[Breathlessly.] Oh god.

Tom 

So I'm climbing back up the side of this boat?

Kyle 

Yes, as you fall Vera's just,

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

What a shame. He was promising.

Kyle 

And she starts walking away with the zhev, as she gets to the end where she would have climbed back down, we just hear... 

Tom (as Xoc)

[Panting.] 

Kyle 

As from behind her, Xoc just climbs up and steadies himself–a little unsteady, but firmly plants his feet on the side of the Prodigious.

Tom 

Xoc says, 

Tom (as Xoc)

All right.

[Much more upbeat, jazzier music begins to play. It has an Ocean's Eleven energy.]

I guess we're doing this the hard way.

Kyle 

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

I love it!

Kyle 

Vera looks at you and she motions for the zhev to fly away and go back down. It should be noted that these ones aren't mind-controlled like the rest of them. They've just...

Tom 

Modern day zhev.

Kyle 

Yeah, they just follow orders real well. And she turns, and this will be your minor effect. So she looks over and you can see that the other zhev, as opposed to dropping your staff off into the abyss, it actually just set it on the side of the Prodigious, just like dropped it there like, ah, we'll just leave it there, whatever. 

She looks to that to let you know that it's there, and then like the Blue Fairy did, she's going to take a fighting stance, extend her Doomfist arm, and beckon for you to fight.

Meanwhile, down in the gymatorium, things are not going so hot. With a pulse of energy, Argent pulls in some more life force. And so Tom, you will lose four points from a pool of your choice. 

Hallie

I have lost several might points. I don't think so.

Tom

I have four less in my maximum might pool now. 

Hallie

[Dryly.] Join the club. 

Kyle 

And then meanwhile, Misha and Elee, since you are on the ground, the zhev are just being hurled at everything by the Blue Fairy. So I need you to roll defense against them. 

Ari 

[Dice roll.]

[The music fades.]

That would be a six.

Emily 

[Dice roll.] Thirteen.

Kyle 

Okay, so Misha, take off four points of might as the zhev just start hurtling against you and slam you to the floor.

Emily 

I'm sorry!

Ari 

Oh god. [Weakly.] It's fine. 

Kyle 

The Blue Fairy, meanwhile, will look at you and sigh, Elee. And she's gonna take some of her beetles and try to catch you on the leg.

Emily 

Eugh. 

Kyle 

I need you to roll against her attack. 

Emily 

[Dice roll.] Six. [Weakly, through laughter.] These sixes. 

Kyle 

She grabs you by the leg and trips you onto your back, so, uh, you are now turtled on your back and any action you take next turn is going to be one step harder.

Emily 

[Strained.] Great. 

Kyle 

And then finally...

[The haunting music of the Jagged Dream begins to play.]

Misha, as you get up from the zhev, you hear a...

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Laughter.]

Ari

Oh, god. No. 

Kyle 

Emanate from Argent, and you see that smoke that you saw enter it start to curl around it. This is something only Misha sees.

Ari 

Oh god, okay, 

Kyle 

And it starts to pulse a little bit. And oh boy, Hop, that's a lot of electricity coming from Argent. It's almost like like a nano is using an esotery. 

Emily

Nooooo. 

Kyle 

And it's targeting that electricity...

Emily

Noooo!

Kyle 

On anyone touching it.

Emily

No, no!

Kyle 

You wanna roll me some defense there, bud?

Hallie

[Startled.] Me?

Tom

[Thoughtfully.] What kind of defense are we looking at?

Kyle 

[The music ends.]

Oh, we're looking at probably speed, because I don't think there's any way to like, just be like, I'm going to might out this electricity real good. 

Tom 

So the shield will apply.

Hallie 

That was my follow-up. He is using the shield to like, hit it a bunch. 

Kyle 

Yeah. 

Hallie 

So I imagine that if a spark of electricity comes up, he'd immediately like, raise it so it's actually applicable. All right, speed defense, which I am trained in. 

[Dice roll.]

[Extended silence.] 

Going to take a picture of that because it's a twenty!

[Delighted gasps from the party.] 

Ari

Look at you, Hop!

Kyle 

[A western tune with a dramatic, cocky flair begins to play.]

Tell me how you dodge this pulse of electricity that shoots itself out from Argent, and what your major effect is. 

[00:35:00] 

Hallie 

All right. So...I imagine that right before it shoots out, he sees the beam in it charging a little bit and is like, that's weird, it didn't do this last time.

Kyle and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

And then he, like, moves his shield directly in front of it. So it hits the shield instead of his face, and it blows him back a little bit, but he's able to latch onto Argent with his foot and then it kind of like, swing himself away from the beam. And then as soon as it's done emitting energy, he swings back right into place and will keep doing it when it's his turn. Oh, I get a major effect, right? 

Tom

Yeah. What was the major effect? 

Hallie

I don't know! For the major effect, let's say when he swung aside he bumped something else off of it. So it's like an extra two points of damage or whatever. 

Kyle 

We'll do a full four points. I think that's fair. 

Hallie

[Delighted.] Okay!

And then, um, now that Hopper has chipped away at the tower a little bit, inside Argent–because I don't know how you picture it. Wires? I picture lots and lots of wires. 

[The music fades.]

Kyle 

No, there's no wires. There's no anything.

Hallie

Dammit.

Kyle 

It's just these magnetic blocks moving back and forth. Again, it's not like something mechanical did it. It's like, and Misha you especially notice this, it's almost like Argent acted like a nano would.

Hallie

[Glumly.] Oh, no. 

Tom

It Ezra.

Ari

It...it, it is.

Hallie 

All right. If I stuck my Assassins Creed forearm blade in there, do you think the magnets would just stick to it. Could I stick it in and then whip the magnets out?

Tom

Ohhh ho ho!

Kyle 

Yes. You can do that.

Hallie

Yes!

Emily

[Delighted noise.]

Kyle 

Give me a, give me–

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] I wanna fucking do that!

Tom

Is this the first time you've ever used your forearm blade?

Hallie

No, I've used it once.

Kyle 

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

In chapter one. So here we go. Fuck it. We're gonna do one tier of effort.

[Dice roll.] Nine?

Kyle 

Tell me how you get these magnets out, and then tell me how much damage it does. 

Hallie 

So Hop's gonna like, as he notices the magnets, he's gonna pop out his forearm blade, stick it in, shimmy it around a little bit to see how well they stick to the forearm blade, and then once he's got a whole bunch stuck on there he is just going to like, whip it out behind him. 

Kyle 

And how much damage?

Hallie 

Um, my forearm blade is...

[Singing slightly.] Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

Two points? 

Kyle 

Okay. So Hop is just flinging bricks around, students are like, trying to jump out of the way as it's like hitting next to them. It's just dropping like pebbles on the unarmored zhev. Again, some of them get knocked out of it, but then go straight back to being this flood.

Elee, you are on your back. You have a bunch of poison needles around you, and there's just a bunch of zhev ind of just–you don't really feel them, because again four points of damage, it's nothing to you, but they're just kind of like fluttering all over you like this very fleshy...

Emily

Eugh. 

Kyle 

Wave.

Emily 

Elee, like, shudders a little and like, brushes at are are where the fleshy things are touching. What would...

[Faint laughter.]

What would happen if I used my ability fusion with the cyphers...

[Laughing slightly harder.] 

And I fused with my body...

[Through laughter.] A sack of live bees?

Hallie

[Gleeful laughter.]

Ari

Ohhhh!

Tom

[In awe.] Oh my fucking god.

Ari

Ohhhhhhhhh!

Kyle

[Intense anime/JRPG battle music begins to play.]

So suddenly...

Hallie

[Interjecting gleefully.] She becomes Elee Bee!!!!

Ari

[With delight.] Elee Bee!!

Hallie

Elee Bee!!

Ari

Ahhhhhh!

Kyle 

So the Blue Fairy is looking down at you, very proud of herself. We just hear the faint buzz of her beetles. 

Emily 

[Trying not to laugh.]

Kyle 

And then suddenly we hear a harsh...

[Intensifying buzzing noise.] 

As from the mass, Elee Badge flies up into the sky with her own bee-like wings made out of bees. 

[Laughter from the party.] 

There's more than just the Blue Fairy now. There's the Blue Fairy...

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

And there's Elee Bees. And Elee Bees is pissed.

Hallie 

Bees versus Beetles! Bees!

Kyle 

All right Elee, you get to make your action. You just fused.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Kyle 

What are you gonna do? 

Emily 

I want to use thrust to inflict an additional point of damage when stabbing.

Kyle 

So you're just gonna...

Emily

[Crosstalking.] And...

Kyle

Fly out at her with your fist extended to stab?

Emily 

Well, I would like to think that I ended up, like, pretty close to her so it's not like flying out her as much as I'm just like, lunging. 

Kyle 

I mean you are flying. So.

Emily 

Well, yeah, but like, it's...[Sighs.]

[Trying not to laugh.] I don't need to do the anime thing again where we fly at each other! I did that last time!

Tom 

It's too late. 

Emily 

Okay, fine. Everything's anime!

And I want to spend two levels to damage.

[Dice roll.]

It's a nineteen!

Hallie

Yay!

Kyle 

So do you want to do three extra points of damage or have a minor effect?

Emily 

Three extra points? 

Kyle 

Okay. And so how many is that?

Emily 

Oh, I...

Kyle 

No, wait. First describe how you attack her, and then tell me how many that is total.

Emily 

Elee...

[Flight of the Bumblebee begins to play.]

She's gotten up in the air, which she's very surprised about. She was not planning on this, but she'll clench both of her fists so that the claws come out. 

The Blue Fairy hurt Soe, so despite there being innocent children around who should probably not be witnessing any of this, 

[00:40:00] 

Elee's kind of out to kill, and she will do eleven points of damage.

Tom

[Startled gasp.]

Ari

Nice. 

Kyle 

Jesus Christ. 

[Over a laugh from Emily.]

So you hit the Blue Fairy square in the stomach, and she just does the thing where instead of recoiling, she just grabs onto you, and her beetles start to go down her arm and start to go after your bees, which are going down your arm and engaging in a mini war between beetles and bees.

Tom

Jesus fucking Christ.

Emily 

That's kind of adorable actually.

Kyle 

And we'll come back to that.

Hallie 

It's amazing.

Kyle 

After Ari's turn.

[The music ends.]

Ari

Part of me just wants to hurl my balls of ants.

[Laughter from the party.] 

Tom

Holy shit. 

[Laughter from the party.] 

Ari

Actually...

Tom

Holy shit!

[Laughter from the party intensifies.]

Ari 

Let's just fucking do that. Let's just, let's just go for that. Misha will then look at their balls of ants and say,

Ari (as Misha)

I am very sorry, but I have always thought of you not only as friends, but also as soldiers.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

I think it's time for you to shine. 

Ari

And grabbed the balls and fling them into the Blue Fairy's face! So...

[Dice roll.]

Nineteen. Nineteen! 

Tom

Ohhhhh. 

Hallie

Nice.

Tom

Ohhh shit. 

Emily

Ohhh!

Ari

I...this die is my favorite thing.

Kyle 

[A drumroll sounds, and "The Ants Go Marching" begins to play.]

So. A line of ants extends from Misha Jarvis's hand. It's not a ball. It's a line. Interconnected one by one, they're listening and cooperating in a way that the Blue Fairy's forcible, like, control never could. And this line flies up and it wraps itself around the Blue Fairy's hand, and she just looks at it and,

Kyle (as the Blue Fairy)

[Startled noise.] 

[Laughter from the party.] 

Ari

[Through startled laughter.] What the fuck.

Kyle 

And she looks and looks at you, Elee.

Kyle (as the Blue Fairy)

[Startled noise.]

[Laughter from the party.] 

Ari

Can I...spend an XP to make them like those really aggressive red ants?

Tom  

Oh my fucking god, fire ants?

Emily 

Or the bullet ants?

Ari 

[Trying not to laugh.] Yes. Some of them.

Emily 

[Slightly horrified, but amused.] She's gonna be consumed by them!

Kyle 

[The music transitions abruptly into the eerie music of the Jagged Dream.]

So the ants climb up and they start biting the flu–Blue Fairy, and they start biting the beetles, and she starts screaming.

Kyle (as the Blue Fairy)

[Pained noises.]

Kyle 

And that's when the funniest thing happens.

Emily 

Oh, no.

Kyle 

The beetles had been so diligently following the Blue Fairy, but as the ants start doing bites... 

Emily

Hmm. 

Kyle 

The beetles start to flutter away. Some of them fly away, but then some of them spot a hostile presence, and they start biting too. The ants know when to jump ship, and eventually they form a ball that falls off the Blue Fairy, as one by one by one...

Ari

No. 

Kyle 

Each of the beetles falls off of the Blue Fairy, and she slips out of Elee's grasp and falls down into the pit around Argent, and into the sky from many years ago.

Tom

[Startled.] Holy shit. 

Hallie 

Holy shit. 

Kyle 

And that's the last you ever heard of the Blue Fairy.

[The music fades.]

Ari

[Slightly taken aback.] Ohh my god.

Hallie

Ohh!

Tom

When you were–when you were saying–

Tom and Hallie

Disney death! 

Tom

I didn't think it was like–

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Yeah!

Tom

Tarzan Disney death!

Emily

Eugh!

Hallie

Oh my god.

Emily

You killed her with ants!

Tom

Devoured by her own insects!

Hallie 

My god.

Kyle 

And suddenly the flow of zhev stop, and they start looking around and like, start cuddling up and curling up like dogs with tails tucked between their legs.

[Collective aws from the party.] 

That being said, more of them are still flowing through, and it's going to be enough to just overtake the ship regardless. But we're not gonna worry about that right now! 

Tom. You are up on top of the ship, and it is you vee Vera. 

Tom

All right. I want to know...in a single action, can I run forward, scoop up my staff, and make a strike at Vera? 

Kyle 

Yeah, we're going to say that you have run, scooped up your staff, and now we've skipped that part. Now we just see you holding the staff. 

Tom

Okay. Because it doesn't specify it in the artifact description, would I need to make a role to use my mephitic staff on her? 

Kyle 

No. What does your mephitic stuff do Tom? 

Tom

[With barely contained glee.] I'm so glad you asked, Kyle! My mephitic staff–let's get to that description right here. Doot doot do do doo.. 

[Chill, jazzy waiting room music begins to play.]

It's normally described as a short glass tube on the end of a staff. I think we just decided that the end of my staff now has a smoky gray color because of it. [With increasing delight.] It emits a noxious smoke that causes your enemy to lose their next turn, coughing and choking!

Ari

Ohh!

Kyle 

Yeah. Give me a roll for the swing first. 

Tom 

Okay. All right. I had a feeling. 

[Dice roll.]

And... I 

[00:45:00] 

can't spend effort on this, but could I call upon Vespari's aid in this moment?

[Laughter from the party.] 

Hallie 

[Wheezing slightly.] I'm just about to go pee!

Tom 

What if...

Hallie

Nooo. 

Tom 

What if, and I want to, I want to pitch this idea. What if Vespari, just sort of confused by the chaos down below, just like, left in the direction he saw me go.

[The music fades.]

And like almost entirely by happenstance wanders up to the top of the airship.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Tom

Where he finds our duel. 

Hallie

Who would have known that trapdoor let out here!

Ari

[Laughter.]

Tom 

But like, Vespari is enough of a human disaster that it's not so implausible. 

Emily

Well the fact that he's...

Kyle 

[Crosstalking.] We'll figure out how it works, first roll Tom. 

Emily

The fact that he's a human disaster is what concerns me!

Tom

[Dice roll.]

[Strained.] A thirteen?

Kyle 

[The sound of a loud, ominous clock ticking away.]

You and Vera go to swing at each other. In fact, we're going to have this fight go a little longer. So she's taking a couple punches at you which you're blocking with the staff. 

[Eerie music begins to play as the ticking continues.] 

Every time she hits she has to shake out her hand, which like separates a bit so it can steam out. 

[The hiss of steam.] 

Because unlike last fight, she's not going to go full Doomfist. She's in control. And at one point after going for a hit, she starts to like, air out her hand again, and that's when you go to take a swing. 

You go to swing, and Vera's hand...

[The music intensifies.]

Ari

Oh, god. 

Kyle 

Raises to hit you, and that's when a cloud of silver dust starts to curl around her feet. 

Hallie

[Huffs out a laugh.] 

Kyle 

And it rises up.

[The ominous music shifts into Vespari's quirky, off-beat accordion theme.]

And it seeps into the spaces between her hand, and it stops her for a second and holds her as the silver turns into solid silver chains that just pull her hand down. And you go and take a swing at Vera, and not hit her–hit her with noxious fumes that cause her to cough and lose her next turn.

And as she buckles down, you see Vespari run over to you.

Kyle (as Vespari)

[Pompous, but a little anxious.] Xoc! I was so worried about you. I saw you running off by yourself. You can't do that sort of thing!

[The music fades.]

Tom (as Xoc)

[Genuinely delighted.] Vespari, that was amazing!

Kyle (as Vespari)

[Sheepishly.] Well, thank you. I try. 

Tom (as Xoc)

Can you try to shut down that relay, while, while I hold her off? 

Kyle (as Vespari)

I am not familiar with relays, but I will do what I can.

Kyle 

And Vera turns up to you, coughing.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Through weak coughing.] You're getting the help...of him? The things I could tell you about the...[Mockingly.] Great Vespari.

Kyle 

And Vespari just turns back and says, 

Kyle (as Vespari)

[Accordion music plays again. It has more of a Professor Layton vibe this time.] 

You know nothing about me! You only know the powers of the Great Vespari, and honestly that guy was kind of a hack. 

Ari

Ohh my god! Ohh!

Tom

Like Xoc is, can't even, there's not even room for Xoc to make a witty retort, Vespari is taking care of himself out there. 

Hallie 

Please keep it going. 

[Laughter from the party.] 

Kyle 

Meanwhile, as you're sitting there, pretty proud of yourself. You hear another sting of pain and you lose another four points from Argent. 

Tom 

Let's, let's take a look at my pools again. What do we, what do we got here? What do we got here? Oh, that's, woo. Oh boy. Oh boy.

Emily

Hoooo boy! Hyappah Scotch.

[Laughter from the party.] 

Kyle 

Meanwhile, back in then, the zhev have calmed down a bit. They're curled up and all the students are kind of calm as well, except for Sir Kentrim. Sir Kentrim is not doing great. He's not going to be a GM intrusion problem, but he is just,

Kyle (as Sir Kentrim, Esq.)

[Stammering, frightened.] Man, I don't know what these freaky things are man, or what's going on. I gotta get out of here. 

Kyle 

He's been trying to get out for the past couple of rounds but it's not still, it's not going great. 

Emily 

Can someone gag him?

Tom 

[Dryly.] We don't have the action economy. 

Kyle 

Meanwhile, Ezra just laughs again.

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Vicious laughter.] 

[The music fades.]

I didn't give you kids enough credit. You're a hell of a lot of fun. Here's the problem though. Blue Fairy had her own plan about getting rid of the Prodigious. With her not around anymore, I see no reason to keep following orders.

Kyle 

[The sharp, dangerous crackle of electricity.] 

And that's when the bolts of electricity gets bigger and bigger, and Ezra just starts doing bolts of electricity into the audience. 

Tom

[Startled.] Holy shit.

Ari

Oh, god.

Kyle 

[Low music begins to play, punctuated by the occasional tick-tock.] One goes at you, Hop. One goes at you, Misha. 

And one goes for Soe.

[The music ends.]

Emily

[Sharply.] No! How close am I to Soe?

Kyle 

Close enough to speed defense your way there and take a bullet, or knock her out of the way. 

Emily 

I will take that bullet!

Kyle 

Everyone roll speed defense.

[Dice roll.]

Hallie

Eleven.

Ari

Ten.

Emily

Twelve...twelve?

Kyle 

Hop. Take eight points of might damage. Misha, take eight points of might damage. 

Ari

Yeah, that's fine. 

Kyle

Elee.

Ezra is too powerful. The amount of damage he can do is unparalleled. This is what he's for.

And you make your way towards Soe, and you race, but you know, it's not going to be fast enough. 

[Soe and Meeghan's song begins to play.]

Well, you always wanted your daughter to make friends.

Emily

No!

[Gasp from the party.]

Kyle 

And you're not the only one in Soe's court anymore. You go to make it...

Tom

[Gasps.]

Kyle 

But suddenly meeghan turns both of you and Soe invisible.

Ari

Aw...

[00:50:00]

Kyle 

As a bolt of electricity hits her and knocks her to the ground. 

Emily

[Gasps.]

Kyle 

She'll live. She'll live. 

If...you can finish this in one more wave. 

Emily

[Startled and distressed.] What?!

Ari

Oh, what?!

Tom

We have one round to save Meeghan's life?!

Hallie

[Sternly.] All right.

Emily 

[Distressed] This is my daughter's only new friend. I can't!

Hallie 

[With resolve.] All right.

[The song fades into something more ominous and melancholy.]

So I imagine that the electricity bolt would have knocked Hop off, so he'll get back up, brush himself off, and could I use some XP? 

Kyle 

Yeah.

Hallie 

This Argent is different because it's possessed by Ezra. We've been over this, but Hop is trying to use that difference to his advantage. So he wants to peer into the little crevice that he made again and find Argent's weak point, because I haven't used that bonus yet because we didn't use it because he used parkour instead.

So I'd like to flavor it as he found like, not the part that makes it possible for Ezra to take over, because it's a machine so Ezra could do that anyway, but maybe the part that the electric beams are coming from. And then because I'm using XP I'm going to shoot a buzzer disc directly at the heart of Argent.

But then I want to eat a time crisp and do it from a different location. 

And then I want to eat another time crisp and do it from a different location. 

[Gasp from the party.] 

And then I want to eat another time crisp and do it from a different location. 

[The music fades.]

And then I want to eat my last time crisp and do it from a different location.

And I will use XP for this to be able to do this in one...

Tom

Holy shit.

Kyle 

Give me...

Hallie 

In one go.

Kyle 

Hopper, how much XP are you rolling. 

Hallie 

How much do you want me to use? 

Kyle 

How much you got?

Hallie 

I got six.

Kyle 

Depends. You wanna roll for this?

Hallie 

What's my roll gonna be like? You can't tell me that. Oh wait–could I...I know I'm already doing a thing so you might not let me, but calculate does let me determine the odds of success based on an arbitrary D20 system that Hopper's doing in his head, because I'm metagaming to be able to win so that he can then make an informed decision about how much effort to apply.  

Kyle 

So Hop, you do those calculations. You think about what you need, right? 

Hallie

Yeah. 

Kyle

Sometimes it needs to be a thirty, sometimes a ten, sometimes a two.

Hallie 

Jesus. 

Kyle 

But then you look around the space around, you look at everyone in danger. You look at the people in pain. You even look at the zhev, who are just lost and confused, and they're still pouring in. They're not attacking anyone, but that doesn't mean they're not getting hurt. And you think...there's no odds good enough to warrant the risk.

So the amount I was going to give you that you would need to roll,  I'm just going to give you. 

[Dramatic music begins to swell.] 

Take four XP.

Hallie 

Okay.

Kyle 

And tell me how you destroy Argent.

Hallie 

[A guitar plays a consistent beat in the background.]

Hopper peers into the hole that he made and he sees right where the beam starts charging. He kind of aims a little bit, and he's got his marksmanship skills, which I didn't use, but he has it and he kind of aims and does like the squint with one eye and thinks,

[A faint cymbal beat kicks up.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, I could do that, but it's got to be fast. 

Hallie 

So he shoots it and he stuffs a chip in his mouth and then it's almost like Tracer fom Overwatch like, 

[The sharp grind of something swiftly turning backwards.]

And he rewinds again, and he shoots again and eats again.

[Grinding noise.]

And he eats again and he shoots again. 

[Grinding noise. The guitar and drumbeat slowly continue to intensify.]

It's so fast just like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. And then the last bomb is an actual like, bomb!

[Hopper Scotch's new theme begins to play–the pythagorean rhythm against that cocky, confident beat.]

Because Argent explodes a little bit from the inside, and Hopper raises his shield. He's thrown back a little bit, but he's fine.

Kyle 

And as it explodes, this whole time you were hearing like,

Kyle (as Ezra)

[Startled, pained noises.]

Kyle 

As if Ezra could feel it each individual time. And when the explosion happens, you see a thin tower of bricks just kind of shaking.

Kyle (as Ezra)

Ah, well, that's not very fair kid. Do you know who I am? I am strife. I am change itself. I am like a god.

[The music ends.]

And who the fuck do you think you are? 

Hallie 

Hopper will wipe a little bit of grit from his mouth and go. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

I'm just Hopper Scotch.

Kyle 

[A single low piano note plays.]

And like that, the tower crumbles down. 

Meanwhile, up on the top of the Prodigious, Vespari with some substantial help of the qwhales, as he would tell you later, is able to turn off the relay and everyone's brand starts to fade down.

Emily 

Good for Vespari. 

Kyle 

Someone whose spirit is not back is Vera. and she's just coughing a bit and she's looking at you. 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Weak laughter.]

Kyle

And she's just,

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Coughing.] 

Kyle 

So disappointed. And she says,

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[As the wind whistles in the background.] 

[Coughing.] So you fought the good fight to maintain the status quo. I've learned...[Coughing.] And when I'll be back, I won't be so easy to stop. What can you say for yourself? 

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, I did just beat you without my powers. So that's one thing. And the other was...how are you going to escape? It's a bit of a drop if you were planning to just make a jump for it.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

By myself, I can't take it. But if I embrace–[In a sharp, dark voice that isn't quite hers.] The power, I can.

Kyle 

And her fist starts to shake, and it starts to expand.

[Engine revving.] 

And turn into the powerful big fist, and then you hear a...

[The sound of a machine winding down.] 

[00:55:00] 

As the dust inside... 

Tom

Ohh. 

Kyle 

Jams up the systems, and it goes back down and she just falls on her side again. She's like,

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

[Startled.] What the hell.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Amused.] Give it up Vera. I've got more gadgets where these came from. 

Kyle 

She just shakes her head. She's like, 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Is that all you have, Xoc? Is that all you've learned that you have, after all this time? That you just have more gadgets?

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, are you going to take me without your gadgets? Were you so dependent upon that fist, that you couldn't win without it?

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Of course I haven't just relied on this gadget.

Kyle 

And she tries to get up and swing at you but just misses with her left hook.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

After all, without it, would the growth really have been there?

Kyle

And she tries to swing again and just misses.

Tom (as Xoc)

Look. You've lost. Now you can come quietly, or we can just sort of tie you up and drag you back to Qi. 

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

Of course I'll go quietly. Patience is my virtue. I'll go. 

Ari

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

I'll wait. I'll return. It's kind of a pattern at this point, wouldn't you say?

[A long pause. The wind stops.] 

You know how you can change that pattern right?

[Closing theme, “Hitoshio” by Miracle of Sound, begins.] 

Change and death combine forever. When will you finally learn that?

Kyle 

And Vera collapses, still alive but too tired to continue the fight. And as her last words echo through the clouds, we see Loell's face for a second. 

And he grimaces.

[Closing theme intensifies.] 

Hallie 

Ness made his grand entrance! Hurray! The one we were all waiting for.

Kyle 

Fun fact. Remember how I had you and Emily leave one day in the morning?

Emily 

Mm-hmm. 

Kyle 

That was so Hallie and I could have run our Nession.

Hallie

Our Nession! 

Emily 

Nession!

Hallie 

Nession! He conducted his own little investigation that day. It didn't go well.

Kyle 

Rhere's going to be an episode that's released between Prom de Plume and this episode called Crime and Courtship: Part Ness.

Tom

Jesus fucking Christ. 

Hallie 

It's pretty cute up until it isn't, because I was laughing every time Tom like brought up his staff, and I was like, yeah that thing you use to do everything.

Kyle 

And that's why Ness hasn't appeared since he said he was bored and he left, because that's when the Nession begins.

Hallie 

[Laughter.] That's why he hasn't been around. 

Tom

[Strained.] Oh, god. 

Ari

Ohh.

Tom 

I just, I just feel genuinely very bad, that I didn't check in on him. It was just, he was his own person. I want to like, crowd him. 

Ari 

I'm just gonna try to aim directly to her face.

Emily

[Laughter.]

Ari

And try and hit her with my two balls of ants.

Kyle 

But that'll hurt the ants!

Emily 

[Gasps.]

Tom

Oh wait, hold on ants are, ants are pretty resilient. Like.

Kyle

That's a good point. The ants will be okay.

Tom

Like, you throw an ant across the room, it's fine. 

Ari 

Misha will apologize to the ants in advance.

Tom

In adv-ants.

[Laughter from the party.] 

Kyle

Get the fuck out Tom.

Tom 

I was going to ask, are my powers back yet? 

Kyle 

They're not.

Tom 

[Confused and annoyed.] How the hell is she doing this? Ezra's, Ezra's dead. What the fuck? Can I spend an XP to get powers back? I just want to use countermeasures to catch her fist in my hands. 

Kyle 

[Admonishingly.] You don't need countermeasures for that, Tom.

Tom

I know.

Kyle 

Have you learned nothing?

Tom 

I know, but I wanted to like...

Emily 

You know, we all have plans that don't come to fruition Tom. I was gonna throw spoons at her.

Tom 

I know.

[Laughter from the party.] 

The poor spoons!

Look, I guess, I guess Aegon has some spoons in his future, 

Kyle 

[Laughter.]

Tom

But I'm almost disappointed. I just was just waiting for someone to ask how my might pool is looking.

Kyle 

[Laughter.]

Tom

Because I have had a maximum of one.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

As of this last turn.

Kyle (as Vera Layeni)

I'll go and I'll wait and I'll come.

Kyle 

Nope.

[Laughter from the party.] 

[Episode end - 00:59:04]