Ep. 60: One Neon Night, Part 2

Previously on Quest Friends…

[Intro song begins, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound.]

Kyle

Okay, so Hop.

Hallie

[Nervously.] What?

Ari

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

Before we get to your and Elee’s section, tell me your Flex Skill. What is your Flex Skill?

Hallie

All I wrote was Hazards, so I don't know what I meant. So…

[Laughter.]

Kyle

What does that mean?! Is it like a hazard sign? Is it like—

Hallie

It’s like hazards! Like, I don't know! I guess I was like, avoiding hazardous situations, but that’s just playing the game. You can’t have a skill in just doing the thing you’re supposed to do, so I don't know!

Kyle

And then you just keep seeing that damn astronaut. You don’t understand how to feel about it, and you don't know how it feels about you.

Kyle (as the Nano Spirits)

That’s exactly why you’re grounded.

Kyle

Because Xoc, you have been – just a little bit of exposition – you have been grounded for the past however many weeks you’ve been on the road.

Kyle

Oh that’s true.

Hallie

Oh yeah.

Kyle

The back of the Ladybug was chewed open. Did you ever fix that or did you—What did you throw over it?

Emily

Dact tape and garbage bags.

Hallie

Just like a giant tarp. We got, like, a better tarp.

Kyle

You got a better tarp.

Hallie

We got a better tarp.

Kyle

It’s a middle of the road tarp, but it’s held together by dact tape.

Hallie

By dact tape.

[Laughing.] We got a second tarp to put under it to make it a good tarp.

Kyle

A double tarp? A darp?

Kyle

Because you do suddenly hear music, blasting out from speakers behind you, and you hear this song get louder and louder, and you see two vehicles with neon lights burst out from the woodwork and race towards you.

[Intro song swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

So there are two cars racing towards you. One of them looks almost like one of those planes that flies off, so it’s got six skis on the bottom and two wings with propellers, and in the middle there’s a dual-domed cockpit, so you took a dome and then you put two of them together. It seems to have two what either look like jet thrusters or cannons on the front of it.

On the other hand, you have two giant monster truck wheels with dangling in between them two jet skis.

[Steady, bassy techno music begins.]

Neon light is lining all of them, and you can’t tell at first if they’re friend or foe, but they are racing towards you at alarming speed!

Hallie

Um, who is currently driving? Is it Q-BO or Misha?

Kyle

It’s Misha.

Hallie

Immediately upon seeing these headlights emerge, Ness is gonna shake Misha.

Hallie (as Ness)

Go faster!

Ari (as Misha)

Oh! Yes.

Hallie (as Ness)

Look, something interesting is happening! Finally, for the first time in my LIFE.

Tom (as Xoc)

Yeah, I don’t mean to alarm everyone, but that is a dangerous speed those are approaching us.

Ari (as Misha)

I suppose that is true. I was just admiring the multiple lights surrounding this car. It is very bright and beautiful.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Misha)

But I suppose I do not want it to crash into our vehicle, so I will accelerate.

Ari

And then Misha will just push the pedal, like let’s—Gotta go fast!

Tom

Xoc is going to go, like, holding onto the chairs as Misha speeds up.

Ari

Aww.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

Somewhere in the background Hop was like about to drink some water, and just goes like, whoosh!

[Laughter.]

Ari

Everything happens in slow motion as this…

Kyle

Alright, so you’re going to race ahead, which makes this a chase. Reminder of a chase, you have limited actions you can do, they have limited actions they can do. It’s going to be three actions per group per turn. You originally were gonna start at a distance of 2 out of 5, you have to get to 5 to escape. Because Misha surprised them and gunned the engines, you’re gonna start at a distance of 3 out of 5.

[Techno music fades.]

So you’re racing, you’ve got these two cars after you, they boost up, and for their turn since they’re gonna go first, I’m not gonna give them a full turn, they’re only going to do one thing. You’re gonna see the cannons on the biplane shoot a glowing, pulsating net out at you, and it is going to explode, and…

[Rolls.] Oh, that’s a good one. It’s going to explode and it’s going to have the effect of the cypher Detonation Web. What happens is this netting launches out to you, hits in front of you, and then these white tendrils rise up and they just start latching themselves onto each of the legs of the Ladybug, slowing it down.

Hallie

Would you count cypher nets as environmental hazards?

[Chuckling.]

Kyle

I would not. They are sent physically by a person.

Hallie

[Deflated but smiling.] It’s fine.

Kyle

Environmental hazards just exist. They aren’t made by people.

Tom

But did they actually make the webbing or did they just repurpose it to their own means?

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Yeah, if someone shoots a gun they didn’t make the bullet, but you know what I mean, Tom. [Ending in playful accusation.]

Tom

But this is The Ninth World. Lots of machines weren’t actually made or understood by people… [Descends into weak mumbling.]

Alright, alright, alright.

Hallie

In that case—

Tom

Uh… [Laughs.]

Hallie

Oh. Go ahead, Tom.

Tom

Oh no, I mean, if you have a plan. I was gonna say someone leans Xoc out through the tarp and he tries to Cutting Light the webs.

[00:05:00]

Ari

Aw.

Hallie

That was literally my plan, except it was Hop with the Defibrillimb.

Tom

Ooh!

Hallie

Which is the name of the Mako arm.

Kyle

That’s a very good name.

Hallie

Thank you.

Tom

You know what, you take this one, because the Defibrillimb is new and you need to show it off.

Kyle

Alright. Describe how you cut it off, Hop.

[Assorted percussion music begins.]

Hallie

So, since it’s just a tarp in the back I’m just gonna move the tarp aside and then Hopper will lean, he’s left handed, so he’s gonna use his right hand to steady himself on the inside of the Ladybug and lean out with his left hand to see if he can at least get the nets on this side off.

[Techno beats join the drumming music.]

Kyle

Okay. Yeah, and you zap on into it with just a pulse, it’s kind of a shockwave.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

And the webbing which wasn’t really that firmly attached on just kind of shakes off from both sides.

Hallie

Yay.

Kyle

Alright. You are getting away. You are not slowed down. You have two actions to try to get away. What are you gonna do?

Emily

Tom, you’re smiling. Do you have an idea?

[Percussion music fades.]

Tom

[Grinning.] No, I was just like, I build a ramp to nowhere again.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

Heh. Yeah. I have a cypher that’s a branch that sticks into and starts growing in the first thing it touches.

[Laughing.] I could chuck it at them.

Tom

Ooh, do it.

Hallie

Just root the car.

Emily

And see if I could have it root the car down.

Tom

Do it.

Kyle

Yeah, um, what vehicle are you gonna throw it at?

Emily

Is the plane driving or does it look like it—

Kyle

The plane is driving.

Emily

Does it look like it can fly?

Kyle

[Grinning.] It absolutely cannot fly.

Emily

[With a chuckle.] Okay, just checking.

Kyle

It is driving on the bog.

Emily

But it has guns.

Kyle

Yeah, they both have cannons.

Emily

They both have guns.

Kyle

I just only described it on the plane.

Emily

Oh. I guess I’ll chuck it at whichever one seems easier to hit. Which one’s bigger?

Tom

Hit the biplane. Take down the tornado.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily

She’ll chuck it at whichever one’s bigger.

Kyle

Okay. I would say the wheels are bigger, then.

Tom

[With a pout.] Aw, but I liked the wheels.

Kyle

Alright, so…

Ari

Oh! I forgot I had this.

[Percussive techno music returns.]

Kyle

Hop turns around, and then he’s almost knocked off the back of the Ladybug as Elee barges through the tarp and just javelins a tree branch at the wheel.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Emily (as Elee)

Sorry! Uh, hold on. Didn’t mean to bump you there…

Hallie (as Hopper)

Aahh! 

[A hardy laugh.]

Emily (as Elee)

Just figured I’d, you know, throw something.

Kyle

I will try the tree branch after you do your next action, which it looks like Ari has one.

Ari

[Smiling.] Well, I was looking at my new abilities and I forgot that I had this one.

[Trying and failing not to laugh.] Remember that I have this thing called Concussion where I can cause a pulse of concussive force to explode from a point I choose within long range. The pulse extends out in all directions of the short range. Everything within the pulse’s area takes 5 points of damage. Even if I fail the attack roll targets in the area take 1 point of damage.

Kyle

[Smiling, egging her on.] What’s your point? You can’t hit both cars. What one you going for?

Ari

Well, it depends, right? I mean, which one’s farther away? Because I would rather, you know, not hurt us in the process.

[Percussive techno music ends.]

Kyle

You’re far enough away from them that it’ll be fine, so you can just choose one of the two. The tire one is gonna get tree branched, that’s already happening.

Ari

So the other one then.

Kyle

Alright. What part of this biplane on skates are you gonna target?

Ari

I don't know… I mean, the… the engine?

Kyle

Oh, the propellers?

Ari

The things that are on the side.

Kyle

Yeah-yeah-yeah. Okay.

Ari

Yeah, that.

Kyle

Give me a roll for that one, because that’s an ability.

Ari

It is. Yeah, it’s 7 Int. Let’s see how we start the day.

[Rolls.] Seventeen, not bad.

Emily

[Smiling.] Not bad.

Tom

Plus 1 damage.

Kyle

Well, so I wanted there to be a race here… Uh. [Laughs.]

[Laughter.]

Tom

We just opened fire on these cars that just drove up to us aggressively. We are deeply on our bullshit. We’re gonna get tried in a court of car law.

Kyle

Okay! So, here is the order of events.

[Happy bouncy springtime music begins.]

They shoot out webbing. It latches onto the legs. Hop comes out of the back, takes out his arm. What’s it called again?

Hallie

Defibrillimb.

Kyle

Takes out his Defibrillimb, shoots off all the webbing. You get caught up to speed again. Then immediately he’s almost knocked out of the way of Elee who brushes out from under the tarp and throws a branch at the tire which lodges itself in, jams the tire into the ground, and the other big tire starts spinning around and around and around until it skids off causing the jet skis to just kind of slide on the ground. Then Elee is almost knocked out of the way as Misha busts through the tarp.

[Laughter.]

How does Concussion work? How do you want to flavor it?

Ari

Well, the way that I was thinking, actually, was… Misha’s still driving, so I was thinking Misha’s actually looking from the mirror, if we have a mirror or something, and having a close-up zoom into Misha’s eyes as they’re looking back into the mirror.

[Laughing.] And then suddenly just [Bursting noise.]

Hallie

[Smiling.] So dramatic.

Kyle

Suddenly, Misha looks, and you just feel like a [Light whooshing noise.] as if something super-fast sped through the end of the tarp, and then suddenly the propeller just explodes

[00:10:00]

and the other vehicle falls on its side and just starts sliding through the ground as it only has one propeller going da-dit, da-dit, da-dit. [Machine failing noises.]

And oddly it starts to fly a little bit. So, it just starts going up, up, up, up, up… and then down into the bog.

[Happy bouncy music ends with a flourish.]

And you keep driving away as the sunbeams start to get brighter and brighter and brighter, and it even seems that even though those neon lights fade different colors of light seem to come in from the sunlight above. As you look behind you, you even see that wow, the lights are bright there too, and the music keeps playing, and getting louder… and louder, and louder.

Misha, since you’re the driver, take a GM Intrusion for everything that’s about to happen. Who do you want to give the other point to?

Ari

I am going to give it to Hop for the name of the—How do you call it again?

Hallie

Defibrillimb!

Ari

Defibrillimb! I love that name.

Hallie

[Very proud of herself.] Because I first used it as a defibrillator, and it’s an arm… which is a limb.

Tom

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

… I felt the need to explain it now that it’s been said several times.

[Coarse techno music begins with vrooming sounds throughout.]

Kyle

The music continues to play, and suddenly out of the woods, racing towards you, bursts through a giant, rusting, neon VW Beetle, about the size of maybe a two-story building. On top of this Beetle you see standing at the windshield, the giant windshield, staring at all of you with intensity… a figure wearing an astronaut suit.

Ari

Okay.

Kyle

And you’re now down to 4 away, and this thing is going to actually shoot out three cyphers at you.

[Rolls.] … 37, that’s 88…

Tom

I think he’s rolling on the real table.

Kyle

And that’s 25.

Tom

He said he was going to use the book for one thing and one thing only, this chase.

Kyle

Okay, so the first thing that happens is it shoots down the webbing, the pulsating webbing shoots down again, and you hear a CA-CAW, and suddenly all of you can see ten times as far as normal for one hour.

Hallie

[Giggling.] Okay?

Tom

[Extended groan of pain and confusion.]

Hallie

[Laughs.] Yeah.

Kyle

[Smiling.] What was the other one? That was 25, it was 37, and it was 88, right? Okay. Let’s see what the Heat Nodule does.

Tom

Oh nooo.

Emily

[Squirms.]

Tom

Are you just blasting us with random cypher effects?

Emily

Yeah?

Kyle

So the second thing that happens, the tarp catches fire.

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie

Nooo! Not the tarp! Well, we have an extra one, so it’s okay.

Tom

We have a second tarp. It’s fine.

Kyle

And the third thing that happens is a cypher called Telepathy Implant.

Emily

[Concerned restrained groan.]

Kyle

This is what happens.

[Pulsing techno music begins.]

The field of view just narrows intensely and all of you can see ten times further than normal, but because you’re adjusting to this you can only see ten times further than normal. It’s like looking through binoculars.

Tom

Ahh!

Ari

God.

Hallie

Aw, the headaches.

Emily

Yeah.

Kyle

The second thing is that the tarp catches on fire, and the third thing is you can all hear each other’s thoughts as you all unanimously scream.

Ari

Oh nooo.

Emily & Hallie

Nooo!

[Players scream and shout.]

[Pulsing techno music fades.]

Emily (as Elee)

That’s my daughter, Hopper Scotch!

Hallie (as Hopper)

What?!

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Is she permanently thinking that at any point in time?

Ari

Is that the first thing Elee thinks of when getting fire and seeing ten times farther than normal? The first thought is “that’s my daughter, Hopper Scotch!”

Hallie

I was gonna say, Hopper, like his first order of business is that he and Elee are both still right next to the now flaming tarp, so he’s gonna try to handle that, but then he would hear “that’s my daughter, Hopper Scotch,” and he would think that Sera was there, so he would be like looking around, like “Is she here? I can see ten times farther than normal.”

[Everyone gradually recovers from laughing.]

Kyle

So, Hop is out of commission. He is too confused to act during this next three actions. He’s just too befuddled.

Hallie

He’s just—A lot of things happened at once.

Kyle

[Smiling.] Alright, fuckin’ tell me what you’re gonna do.

Tom

I have a rules question now to see if this is valuable.

Kyle

Okay.

Tom

So, esoteries are all Datasphere-based, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

The game normally does not really distinguish between types of Numenera effects, so are cyphers connected to the Datasphere in any way?

Kyle

What are you thinking?

Tom

I wanna throw the Datasphere Dampener out the back of the Ladybug at this new oncoming car and try to stop them from shooting more cyphers at us.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Yeah, you’re gonna have to give me a roll for that, though. Normally it’s automatic, but because of the disorientation you have to roll.

Tom

Heart of the cards. [Singing] Night of fire.

[Rolls.] … Ehh, who wants to live forever? I’m gonna spend an XP to reroll that 4 that I just rolled, my only XP remaining.

Kyle

[Amused.] Okay.

Tom

Let’s spend…

[00:15:00]

a level of Speed effort. Woo.

[Rolls.] Fourteen!

Kyle

Okay, so how does Xoc go from a 4 to a 14?

[Steady techno music begins.]

Tom

So, at first Xoc is confused and doesn’t know where to throw, he doesn’t want to hit Elee or Hopper and make things much, much worse, but then he hones in on their thoughts and then tries to block out the thoughts that Elee is immediately jumping to.

Ari

[Laughing.] “That’s my daughter, Hopper Scotch!”

Tom

But uses that to get a position on them and just flings it right in between them, right at the face of the person he can see very clearly now, the astronaut.

Kyle

Okay. So, you see the astronaut, and you still cannot make out their face, and then suddenly you just see them [Startled noises.] just kind of shake with surprise as they’re just hit in the fucking face with, what I’m just gonna say looks like a rock.

[Others laugh quietly.]

It’s just a rock, and it hits their face and they scramble, and it falls down into one of the cannons and knocks out both of them. Alright, that’s one of your three actions. What are you gonna do to get away, though? You gotta get further away from it, you can’t just stop it.

Ari

Even before you threw all of that other stuff at us I was going to say that Misha was also going to be pretty disoriented, like off a bit, because they saw and they recognize the astronaut, so they were just thinking like “why are they here” or something like that over and over again. So, if people hear thoughts from Misha, it would be a repeated “why are they here.” I don't know. I don't know if there’s some way that I can make the stress something that works, like maybe they veer to one side because they’re so disoriented that it actually works in a sense.

Kyle

I like that. Yeah. I’m gonna say Misha is so disoriented that they veer suddenly to the side, and it’s almost weird because the vehicle seems surprised by that. Even the astronaut is like “huh,” like cocks the head, because they were able to track you perfectly as if they understood your driving style and the maneuvers that you were taking, but this sudden veer they don’t know what the hell is going on. [laughs.] We’re gonna need one other person to do something, and by one other person I mean Ness or Elee, because Hop is just very confused.

Hallie

Yeah. I’m trying to think what Ness would even…

Emily

Wait. It’s time. It’s time.

[Steady techno music ends.]

Elee pulls out her Larder Watch.

Hallie

What is this?

Emily

It’s like a watch that holds things, and she bought it in Roulettia.

Kyle

[With a big smile.] And pray tell, Emily, what is this watch holding?

[Humorous music begins that suggests shenanigans are afoot.]

Emily

[Smiling.] Hundreds and hundreds of spoons!

Tom

Spoons!

Hallie

Yeah! Yes! Use the spoons.

Emily

Made out of every imaginable material, I think was the other part of it.

Kyle

Yes. I don't think that was part of the original description, but I think you added it.

Emily

In any case…

Kyle

Like a fucking jet engine…

Emily

Yep.

Kyle

There’s a spark of light, but instead of fire coming out of the end it’s just hundreds of spoons! Which fly through the air, get stuck in all the gears.

Emily

She’s real gleeful about it, though. Her eyes sparkle as she watches them arc towards the car.

Kyle

As the spoons arc towards the sky, and as they settle in now the very bright sun, you no longer see a vehicle, you just see hundreds of spoons.

But that’s an odd thing, isn’t it? You’re on the eastern edge of the Ba-Adenu Forest, but you’re not out of it yet, and I thought the Ba-Adenu Forest was not supposed to let in any sunlight? This bog land, now, some of the bog is normal, some looks like molten gold, some looks like glass or water. The trees seem to have different colors rising up to them. And you don’t hear anything particular, but Elee and Misha, you see something you’re all too familiar with and something Xoc has only heard about in hushed rumors.

You see the Iron Wind.

[The music swells and intensifies giving a feeling of stress and high drama which carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

Hello, and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends Episode 60, One Neon Night, Part 2.

[00:20:00]

I am Kyle, your GM.

Hallie

And I am Hallie, your other sometimes GM.

Kyle

And our intro and outro song is Friends and Hitoshio, both by Miracle of Sound. Today for the announcement break we’ve only got one announcement, because it’s a pretty big one and I didn’t want Hallie to just sit here for like two minutes as I went through other announcements, because that would not be a respectful use of her time.

Hallie

I’ve got Fire Emblem to play. It would not be a respectful use of my time.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

A respectful use is telling you about a cool new episode coming out for the Cookie Crew!

Kyle

That is right. In honor of what used to be Women in Tabletop Gaming Month – apparently it’s not this year, at least I haven’t seen it around.

Hallie

Yeah, I don't know how that fizzled out or if the month changed, but we here at Quest Friends respect women in June, and every other month also.

[Chuckles.] but also in June, because that’s how it started.

Kyle

June, or more accurately the end of June and months after June, because we’re always late on these episodes, is Cookie Crew Month, our all women actual play spin-off. And, you might be thinking, oh boy, we had the Cookie Crew like two years ago, last year we had the Cookie 2. This year Cookie 3? Cookie 3? No! No, you don’t get it yet!

Hallie

Be patient, my children.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

I mean, it’ll come. It’s on its way.

Kyle

We still wanted to do something, so we are doing a two-part mini event that we will call the Cookie Crossovers that we’ve done with other podcasts. Hallie, why don’t you go over the first one which will be next week? It’ll be releasing a week from today assuming I get this episode on a Monday, so probably a little less than a week from today.

Hallie

The episode that will be released probably a little less than a week from today is a crossover we did with Queer Dungeoneers! Scarlet and Ursula guest star on this crossover with Eraf and Hannelore. It’s a good time.

Kyle

Mysteries are to be had. Cookies are to be had.

Hallie

There’s a PTO meeting. That’s a real draw, a PTO meeting.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

[Laughing.] To a sci-fi podcast. There’s a PTO meeting and things go wrong at it! That’s pretty much the plot of the Queer Dungeoneers crossover.

Kyle

That will be the Cookie Con releasing next week on Monday, June 29. Two weeks after that on July 13 we will be having a crossover with Rob and Jamie from Totalus Rankium for the first ever Cookie Crew that I will actually be running.

Hallie

Yeah!

Kyle

Because I wanted to run this one, and also because this will be starring…

Hallie

Madeline Jefferjames, as a PC.

Kyle

And Ig and A.Lex.

Hallie

Oh yeah, also them.

Kyle

[Laughs.] As they go to the United States of Numenerica and deal with this thing known as

[Softer, more foreboding.] A primary.

That second episode, the Cookie Candidate, will be releasing on Monday, July 13. In between those we’ll be having our regular episode, so it’s gonna be a lot of editing.

Hallie

Yep.

Kyle

But I’m really gonna try to get everything out vaguely on time. So, that is our new Cookie Crossovers event, the Cookie Con in one week, and then in three weeks, the Cookie Candidate.

Anyways. Keep an eye out for those. You don’t have to do anything special for that. You can just keep watching this feed. That being said, if you have not listened to the Cookie Crew before – which you should! – you can find it at QuestFriendsPodcast.com/CookieCrew, or you know, just, you’re on our feed, just scroll down, you’re gonna find it, it’s by everything else.

Hallie

It’s well worth it. Cookie Crew is… it’s my baby.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

They’re all my babies.

Kyle

So, Hallie will see you in one week on Monday, June 29 for the Cookie Con, and then we will all see you in two weeks on Monday, July 6 for the next episode of Quest Friends, One Neon Night, Part 3. We will see you then.

[Energetic techno music with guitar riffs carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

Alright, so, let’s talk about the Iron Wind for a second. We’re gonna start by honing in on a butterfly net. This net has been stuck into the ground and is rising up like a flag, and it’s still, there’s no wind around or anything to blow it. It stays that way, for a while, but then we start to see it flutter.

[Groovy electronic music begins giving an ominous feeling.]

And inside of it, we see on its end, small, colorful particles start to fill up and bulge out the netting as it grows into a boxy-like shape. The colors move from the very end, where they start filling up, closer to the center and then closer to the end, until this bubble pops off of the butterfly net and falls onto the ground making the shape of those things that the vehicles had shot at you.

As it kind of moves along the ground like a tumbleweed, our view extends out and we see the ground that’s underneath

[00:25:00]

Is itself starting to change in color and shape and texture, almost following along a thin line. There isn’t anything to show that there’s a wind or movement, there’s just this silent change crossing itself and moving across the land. As we go out further we can see even more butterfly nets picking up at the sensation of this invisible wind and picking themselves off and tumbling off further and further out until we can see the entire landscape, the forest itself changing into spires, into beds of beetles, you see a bush turn into a bush made out of cravats.

As this line continues and the landscape starts to just tear against itself, we follow the tumbleweeds as they chase themselves towards a long, polka-dotted vehicle with a burning tarp on the back of it.

[Ominous music ends.]

So, I am gonna say that Elee and Misha, you two very immediately know what’s going on, and because you all still have telepathy, pretty much after that everyone knows what’s going on. That line you see coming for you is the Iron Wind, and if it hits you this podcast is gonna be over.

[Laughs.] I think is the best way of saying it. So what are you gonna do?

Hallie

I have a question.

Kyle

Yeah?

Hallie

And it’s gonna sound really, really silly, but in my defense this is a sci-fi universe, so I’d like to ask relevant to the properties of the Iron Wind, is it flammable?

Kyle

Is the Wind flammable?

Hallie

This is Numenera. Lots of weird things happen. This is a reasonable question to ask.

Kyle

If the Wind spontaneously changed some of the air into pockets of flammable air, then yes, I suppose part of it would be flammable, but the Wind itself as an entity is not.

Hallie

Okay. This is largely irrelevant anyway, because Hop wouldn’t necessarily pause to think about this, but his first order of business, now that he knows it’s the Iron Wind because everybody has telepathy, he might think “I hope the properties aren’t weird,” but his first order of business is going to be getting rid of this tarp that’s on fire now that he’s a little bit less disoriented, like the initial shock has passed. That’s gonna be his first order of business. I’d like to just use the Defibrillimb, the part that isn’t my flesh, to grab the flaming tarp and then fling it behind the car.

Kyle

So, are you trying to catch it on fire or are you just trying to throw off the burning tarp?

Hallie

No, I’m just trying to throw it off, but it occurred to me, and maybe a little bit to Hopper, but he doesn’t really have another choice, that like, he doesn’t know if it’ll react with the Wind at all, because it’s an Iron Wind, it’s like weird, it’s like…

Tom

[Gravely.] Do nano machines burn?

Hallie

…sci-fi, so…

Kyle

[Laughing.] Okay. Give me a Might roll, I guess.

Hallie

Okay. I don’t want it to, like, explode, but you know.

Emily

Yeah.

Hallie

You gotta deal with these things quickly. This is all Hop can think of to do, so he’s gonna make a roll to throw the tarp.

[Rolls.] And he got a 10.

Emily

[Pinched.] It’s a really easy thing. It’s just throwing the tarp.

Hallie

It’s like—

Ari

It’s middle of the road.

Emily

[Pinched.] You don’t need to roll good for just the tarp.

[Quirky music begins.]

Kyle

Tarps are fucking big.

Hallie

Yeah…

Kyle

And this one’s on fire.

Hallie

Yeah…

Kyle

And you’re in a moving car.

Hallie

Yeah…

Kyle

Racing away from a wind that will kill you.

Hallie

Yeah.

Tom

But he does have an iron gauntlet on.

Kyle

On one hand.

Hallie

Well, that’s the arm he’s using.

Kyle

Okay.

Hallie

I specified that.

Kyle

That’s something Hallie just revealed as well. She’s trying to do this all one-handed.

Hallie

[Incredulous.] Oh. Okay, well…

Emily

[Giggles.]

Kyle

So—

Tom

Boo! It should’ve succeeded.

Ari

I mean, it wasn’t a 1, so…

Tom

Boo!

Kyle

She rolled less than—She rolled lower than 50%. If this was a 50/50 chance she would have failed.

Tom

Maybe it just doesn’t tear off all of the tarp. Maybe it just tears off part of it.

Kyle

Okay, you know what, that’s a good idea. Hallie, take a GM Intrusion.

Hallie

Okay. I’m gonna give my other XP to Tom for defending me.

Tom

Good, because I had none.

Hallie

Pff!

Kyle

Well maybe you shouldn’t, because you rip off a piece of the tarp which hits you in the face.

Hallie

AHH!

Kyle

Singeing you for 5 points of Might damage.

Hallie

WHAT?!

Tom

What?!

Ari

Oh nooo…

[Quirky music ends.]

Kyle

Before flying off the back.

Hallie

[Smiling.] Whoa. Whoa. This is on fire.

Tom

Objection, your honor.

Hallie

Ow!

Tom

Five points of damage? That’s more than getting hit with a sword would have done.

Emily

[Breathy laugh.]

Ari

But it’s like fire to the face though.

Hallie

Ow!

Kyle

It hits you in the face for 5 points of damage, Hop.

Tom

Does armor apply to that?

Hallie

I don’t have any.

Kyle

Armor does apply to that.

Emily

[Laughing.] He had his shield out.

Kyle

I thought you did have armor.

Hallie

 [Sadly.] I...I took it off, because—

[Laughter.]

Emily

[Laughing.] Why?!

Hallie

Because it interfered with my Speed~!

Kyle

[Laughing.] Okay.

Is the 5 points okay for Hallie? Is that alright?

Hallie

Oh, that’s fine. That’s fine.

Kyle

Okay. Someone else do something.

Hallie

Yeah, please.

Emily

Elee has unnecessarily yelled,

Emily (as Elee)

Misha, move!

Kyle

Yeah, Misha, what are you doing, as the driver of this vehicle?

Ari

I mean, you know, they are also hyper freaking out about it, because it’s just nothing but bad stuff about this Iron Wind.

[00:30:00]

Last time it wasn’t a good time to be faced by that. So, yeah, I don't know, they basically just have constantly thinking, like you know, gotta move, gotta move, and that’s what they’ve been thinking, and then Elee tells that to Misha, and they just turn around to Elee kind of with this glare like “What do you think I’m trying to do?”

Emily (as Elee)

I know! I just panicked!

Ari

I don't know though. I mean, I don’t have anything.

Kyle

How about just give me an Int roll, give me a drive roll to see, like, how deftly you can notice the Wind and figure out the best way to escape it.

Emily

Gotta go fast.

Kyle

Let’s start with that.

Ari

Okay. I guess I can spend 2 levels of Effort with my Int roll and see if that will do anything.

[Rolls, smiling.] That’s good, because I got a 4.

Tom

[Stressed noises.]

Kyle

Well, Ari spent 2 levels of Effort, and she’s proficient.

Tom

Is she specialized or trained?

Kyle

Specialized.

Emily

Specialized.

Tom

They, specialized or trained. [Makes gibberish noises as if to undo his perceived mistake.]

Kyle

I mean, you were talking about Ari, so…

Tom

Well, I was talking about Misha, because Misha has the skill rather than Ari, so I fucked it all up.

Ari

Yeah, I can’t drive, so I am impaired.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So Ari’s impaired.

Emily

Same.

Kyle

Misha’s specialized, I believe, right? I gave Misha—?

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

Well, it barely succeeds.

Hallie

Great.

[Fast-paced drum and bass music begins.]

Kyle

So, you’re starting to drive, you’re moving away, you’re not quite sure what’s going on. You’re trying to focus super hard, but you’re freaking out so you don’t have a lot of natural skill, but to your right you see a massive spire jut out of the ground, and your natural driver instincts think… I shouldn’t hit that.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

So you turn left, and now you are racing away from the iron Wind and it is on your heels. So Hop, as this flaming thing flies off your face you see it move back. It makes it probably about 20 feet before it just seems to hit this invisible wall and combust, which you can infer means that the Iron Wind is 20 feet behind you.

Hallie

[Breathy exclamation, sounding like “F”.]

Kyle

[Smiling.] Let’s put the chase mechanics back on. Why don’t we do that?

You are 2 out of 5 distance away from the Iron Wind.

Emily

[Small groan.]

Kyle

We’re gonna do the same thing where each of you can do three actions.

Tom

Each of us?

Kyle

Sorry, you as a group.

Tom

Ah.

Kyle

So the Iron Wind is gonna have the same mechanics, but instead of using cyphers it’s upgraded to using the artifact table.

Hallie

Oh god.

Tom

Oh no.

Ari

Oh, what?

Kyle

So, let’s just… It’s gonna do two things.

[Rolls.] That’s gonna be a 22 and a 60: Disruption Blade and Needler.

Yeah, so, the first thing you’re gonna see is it’s gonna shoot out a bunch of fucking swords at you.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

A bunch of swords are gonna fly out of the Iron Wind and they are going to… They’re gonna tear through the burning tarp, and they’re gonna hit the inside, and you’re gonna see they’re starting to pulsate. And you know, well you don’t know because it’s Iron Wind, but it’s highly likely that once they hit the ground they actually sink into the floorboards. You see the floorboards are starting to shake almost as if they’re just gonna collapse. That was the Disruption Blade.

Tom

That’s bad.

[Drum and bass music ends.]

Kyle

Next one is the Needler.

[To himself.] What is the Needler?

Emily

No!

Hallie

The Needler?

Emily

I used the Needler! No~

Tom

Shoots needles.

Emily

Poison needles.

Kyle

That’s a good point. Everyone roll Might defense.

Hallie

[Frustrated shout.]

Tom

Mm…

Kyle

Oh, no-no, wait-wait-wait. The tarp is protecting anyone underneath. Hop and Elee roll Might defense.

Hallie

God damn it.

[Rolls.] Four.

Emily

[Rolls.] Ten.

Kyle

Yeah, you are both poisoned.

Emily

[Sarcastically joyful.] Great!

Ari

[Trailing.] Nooo~

Kyle

Tom, how does poison work? I never expected to poison anyone.

Tom

Uh…

Hallie

[Dice clattering noises.] This is going into my dice jail.

Emily

I mean, you didn’t have to poison.

Tom

I mean, I think there are some example poisons in the books, but it’s basically however you want it to work.

Kyle

Okay. I’m gonna say, because I don’t wanna just start sucking health from you, the poison affects you in such a way that until the end of this race, or until you’re able to rest again, you lose all Edge.

Hallie

Aww. I was gonna use my Edge.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Emily

Same!

Hallie

God!

Kyle

Reminder: Edge is what makes using abilities and Effort easier.

Hallie

Yeah.

Ari

Oh, yeah.

Kyle

So now things are gonna cost a lot more.

Hallie

[Squirms.]

Ari

God.

Emily

No…

Kyle

Alright, so that’s what the Iron Wind did. You are 2 out of 5 away from it. How are you gonna escape this horrifying wind?

Emily (as Elee)

Um, Hop?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah?

Emily (as Elee)

Are you also not feeling great and covered in needles?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yes Elee, I am also not feeling great and covered in needles.

Emily (as Elee)

Okay great.

Kyle

[Laughs.] He turns around and his face is just covered like a porcupine.

Ari

Oh no!

Hallie

Ah!

Tom

Ugh, I hate it.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Kyle

And Elee’s actually poisoned, but Hopper is not poisoned, he just has a very bad allergic reaction.

Hallie

No—Oh, that feels right.

Ari

Aww.

Tom

So much worse.

Kyle

See, poison doesn’t affect Hopper, he’s just allergic to it.

[Laughter.]

Ari

He’s allergic to poison!

Hallie

It’s not the poison itself, it’s the allergy that gets him.

Ari

I love it.

Emily

Can I try to get the swords out?

[00:35:00]

Is that a thing I can do that would be helpful, or is it too late and we should just like abandon the back?

Kyle

Yeah. You can try to get the swords out. At this point they are half way through melting into the floorboards.

Emily

What happens if I touch them?

Kyle

Are you gonna touch them to find out?

Emily

Can I roll a knowledge…?

Hallie

I have a relevant question.

Kyle

What?

Hallie

Ness’s mechanics allow him to help people, like one round of combat per, and Ness would have gone for the swords to try to just pull them out.

Tom

[Worried.] Oh geez. Please.

Hallie

He’s a robot. “Nothing affects me! Ahahaha!”

Tom

[Pained.] Jesus fucking Christ. No!

Hallie

So, can I roll like a help roll for Elee?

Kyle

You don’t need to roll a help roll. This is how you’re gonna help. Elee, you don’t need to roll, because you go to grab it and you just see Ness’s little claw arms already on it as he’s trying to pull it out like Excalibur.

Ari

Aw.

Emily

Awww!

Hallie

Clamp, clamp, clamp, clamp.

Tom

[Fearful.] Is he melting?

Kyle

No, Ness is fine.

Emily

Can I pull it out and like nod to Ness approvingly.

Emily (as Elee)

You did it, buddy.

Kyle

Yes, and I like that so much I won’t have you roll. I’m just gonna say Ness is struggling and you just pull it out with him dangling on the end.

Emily

[Giggling.] yeah.

Kyle

And he just thinks not only am I so strong, I can fly now too.

Hallie (as Ness)

I did it! The Iron Wind has given me superpowers!

Ari

Aww.

Emily

[Squeaks with joy.]

Kyle

Meanwhile Misha, what are you doing up in the driver’s seat?

Ari

Well, you know, I have the Matter Cloud, and since I assume that doing that generates some air, so I was wondering if doing that could maybe help.

Emily

[Laughing.] Could we have it give us an extra boost of air?!

Ari

With the dirt? The dirt just catches like…

Emily

Whee!

Hallie

Isn’t that weather science? Isn’t that how cold fronts or something happen?

Emily

[Softly.] Yeah.

Hallie

Pockets of air interact?

Ari

Sure. Can I do that? Can I try to give us a boost with my cloud of dirt, or is that too much?

[Laughter.]

Kyle

How about this…

[Others continue to laugh, trying to compose themselves.]

… Just roll. Just roll for it. Just give me a roll. I can’t just arbitrarily say no, I need to have the dice do it for me.

Hallie

But it’s Ari’s dice!

Ari

Ah, let’s see, because this is a 5 Int thing…

Hallie

It’ll say yes.

Ari

Okay. Alright. I’m using my good die. Let’s see, because this is business.

[Rolls.] And I got a 3, so it’s really not a good die anymore, I guess.

Hallie

What is happening?!

Kyle

So Misha,

[Triumphant music begins.]

You lift up the tremendous power of the rocks beneath you…

[Triumphant music ends abruptly.]

…and they’re all pebbles. They’re still spinning around, you’re still using your skill, and there is wind around you, so you know… maybe it’ll protect you from the Wind. You’re either two or three steps away from the Wind now. It’s really hard to tell.

Ari

[Laughing.] It literally did nothing.

Kyle

Maybe it helped.

Ari

[Pinched.] Maybe it helped.

Kyle

We’ll see.

Emily

We just reduced visibility! [Laughs.]

Ari

We did. Misha immediately after doing that thinks,

Ari (as Misha)

I believe this was a mistake.

[Laughter.]

Ari

And then everybody will probably hear that still right after they see the pebbles rise up.

Kyle

Okay, so you’ve got pebbles, you’ve got a Wind, you’ve got a still-flaming tarp that hasn’t been resolved yet.

Hallie

I’m trying!

Kyle

You have one more action. What are y’all gonna do?

Hallie

I have one idea, and it does possibly involve Xoc. So, because we have a second tarp that isn’t on fire, and there’s a lot of wind around it, what if Xoc blinks with the second tarp and like a stick of some kind and made like a sailboat on top of the Ladybug and we use the wind to make us go faster.

Emily

[Excited squeak.]

Kyle

You wanna do that? Because if so, Hop, explain to Xoc your plan. I wanna see this in character.

Hallie

Oh, okay.

Kyle

Or at the very least, even if you don’t explain it, Xoc can hear your thoughts, so explain what Xoc hears as you’re coming up with this plan.

[Slower and steady techno music begins.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Alright. Um. [Clears throat.]

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

As Hopper removes the needles from his skin.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Ah! Alright. Um, um, um… How do we? How do we? Second tarp. Second tarp… I bet If we—Sailboats? Sailboats, lots of wind, sailboats operate on wind, but how do we get the tarp up to the top? Xoc, blink!

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom

And Xoc will do that, just nod at Hopper Scotch, grab the tarp and his stronglass staff.

Hallie

Yes!

Tom

Tie it on briefly, and then blink up to the top.

[Squeaking nervously.] And just try to hold on with this sail and not get blown away.

Emily

Elee tries not to think “oh god, he’s gonna die” too loudly.

Kyle

Yeah. I wasn’t gonna make you roll for that, Tom, but now that you’re just holding on with your little noodle arms I need a Might roll.

Tom

[Desperate and indignant.] Well how else do I attach it?

Hallie

I don't know, but as soon as he does that Hop thinks,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh, maybe someone should help him. Moving too fast. We’re moving too fast.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

Meanwhile, Misha is still thinking,

Ari (as Misha)

I cannot see anything!

Tom

Let’s use 4 levels of Might Effort.

Emily

Is that all your Might?

Tom

Yeah, that’s my full Might pool gone. I’m using it all. [Rolls.]

Ari

Why? Why do you spend all of your pool?

Tom

Because I rolled a 3, but it might as well be a 15.

Kyle

[Simultaneously.] A 15.

Tom

Eh? Because of my Effort.

Kyle

So Xoc, you get up there, the wind blows you back, and you almost fly off.

[00:40:00]

Tom

Xoc is holding onto a little ridge on the Ladybug with one arm and the staff with the other, and because this is it, everyone dies if he doesn’t, he has thrown all of his being into it, just clutching on with his fingertips with a slight scream of aaagh, you know, as someone might do in a disaster movie.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

And like a sailboat it pushes you forward ten feet, so you are now 30 feet away and you’ve got the wind, so you are either 3 or 4 of the 5 you need to get.

[Tense and steady techno music begins.]

But now it’s the Iron Wind’s turn.

[Rolls.] 51. [Rolls.] 58. [Rolls.] 97.

Tom

Oh no.

Kyle

So a Mephitic Staff…

Tom

[Startled wheeze.]

Kyle

Nano Needler, and a Weapon Graft.

Hallie

A what staff?

Tom

[Shaken.] A Mephitic staff, like the one that I have.

Emily

No!

Ari

Oh, what?

Tom

It’s smoke that makes you lose your turn.

Ari

What?!

Hallie

Great.

Emily

Nooo!

Kyle

Suddenly, as if someone blew [Blows.] pollen out of their hand, a bunch of dust that feels all too familiar, Xoc…

Tom

[Shaken.] What about our shield of pebbles?

Kyle

…races towards you.

Tom

Oh right, I’m on top.

Kyle

Roll me Might defense to deal with this pollen. Misha, it is two steps easier for you because you’re inside the vehicle, Misha and Elee, Hop, it’s one step easier for you because you’ve got the wind around you, and Xoc, it is not easier for you at all.

[Players roll and the music fades.]

Tom

I rolled an 18.

Ari

I got a 15.

Emily

I… rolled an 8?

Hallie

I got a 16.

Ari

Ooh.

Kyle

Ness, suddenly you cannot fly anymore as you and the sword clamor to the ground as Elee just falls onto the ground, her eyes watering like she’s having an extreme allergic reaction.

Ari

[Groaning quietly.] No…

Kyle

Elee, you cannot do anything next turn.

Emily

The needles are still stuck on her. She’s like coughing on the ground, and she holds up a shaking thumbs up.

Emily (as Elee)

[Strained.] I’m fine.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright. The next thing is the Nano Needler. Everyone just roll me, do me a flat roll.

Emily

Great. Love it.

Tom

[Rolls.] Ten.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Fourteen.

Ari

[Rolls.] Eighteen.

Emily

[Die hits and rolls away.] Ack! No… Come back. Well… that’s fine. How does a 5 do?

Kyle

We’re zoomed in on Elee’s thumb, and only we can see a microscopic needle that shot from the Iron Wind, hit her in the thumb… and she just falls unconscious.

Ari

Oh no!

Tom

Nooo!

Emily

Great.

Kyle

This is the Nano Needler which does a specific poison but it only attacks one target, so Elee, functionally it’s the same thing, you’re just out for a turn, because I didn’t wanna punish you too long, but you’re just down. [Laughs.]

Emily

[Laughing.] it’s fine.

Kyle

Finally, we have 97 which is a Weapon Graft.

Tom

[Chuckles hard enough that it turns into coughing.] Did someone just grow a prehensile tail?

Kyle

Suddenly, spiraling out is just a giant mace that has at one of its ends a piece of dact tape.

Hallie

[Squeaking.] What?!

Kyle

And this slams into the back of the ladybug, and clamps onto it, and the giant mace hits the ground and starts dragging into the dirt.

Emily

No…

Kyle

Which is gonna slow you down if you don’t get rid of it next turn.

Hallie

Scheisse.

Kyle

That’s what’s happening. You’ve got this thing slowing you down. The tarp is still on fire, although it is dying down, and Elee is unconscious.

Hallie

Well, I was gonna climb up and help Xoc, but now there’s a mace on the back of the car.

Tom

You’ve got to take care of it. I’ll do what I must.

Hallie

So, is like a spike of the mace stuck in the car? How is it attached? Oh, also, I forgot that because I’m Tier 5 I can declare multiple people innocent, so I’d like to do that now that one of us is unconscious and we’ve all taken—

[Laughter.]

Ari

I just imagine, like, Elee…

Hallie

[Laughing.] —so many points of damage.

Ari

…Elee unconscious and Hop, before doing whatever he’s doing with the mace, just goes with Elee and is like

[Angrily.] “you’re innocent!” Just flops her up.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie

I just forgot. A lot has been going on. Hopper’s been distracted. It occurs to him now. He’s like, oh wow, I could have helped. [Laughs.]

Kyle

Anyways, it’s dact taped on.

Hallie

Okay. Can I just take the tape off? Is that okay? Can I sever it with Defibrillimb?

Kyle

Yeah. Yeah. How are you gonna sever it with Defibrillimb?

Hallie

I’m gonna use the laser from the Defibrillimb.

Kyle

Okay, so a laser will cut out and the dact tape will just [Makes sucking and sizzling noises.]

Hallie

Yeah, it makes that exact sound.

Kyle

And then as it goes away you just hear…

Kyle (as ???)

[Sounding progressively more distant.] The hypotenuse of a triangle is the square root of A squared plus B squared.

Kyle

It was not in fact dact tape; it was fact tape.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Fact tape!

Kyle

And a little bit of Hopper dies inside.

Hallie

Yeah! His thought, which everybody can hear, is,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Matter-of-factly.] Huh, that’s right.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright. What are you gonna do to get away from this Wind?

Hallie

Man… I don't know.

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

[Weakly.] Misha, can you make it drive even faster?

Ari (as Misha)

I don't know. Why can’t I hear Elee’s thoughts? What happened? Is everybody fine there? I’m sorry! I’m trying to go faster, but I don't know how to do it.

[00:45:00]

Ari

Misha’s just freaking out. They don’t know what’s going on behind them. they’re just trying to go all the way as fast as they can.

Tom

Can Xoc take the next action and use my Resonance Field in a slightly different way than I normally would?

Kyle

Yeah. Yeah-yeah-yeah.

[Ethereal choral music, Xoc’s magic theme begins.]

Tom

We have in the past flavored that this causes my staff to float about me, deflecting attacks. What if I did this and then directed it to block in just one place?

Kyle

Okay.

Tom

Thereby allowing the staff to just stay there, fixed on top of the Ladybug.

Kyle

Yeah, I like that.

Tom

Because Xoc’s fingers are getting raw and bloody. He cannot hold on like this much longer.

Kyle

So, you direct it one way, and as you see it move you just hear,

Kyle (as the Nano Spirits)

Well, that’s a good idea, Xoc.

Kyle

Just so you know that the Nano Spirits know and they’re letting you use your abilities right now. I’ll give you a little bonus, because you’re 3-to-4 away and I’m just gonna tell you: that wind you have kicked up actually makes you 4 away. So you just have to do one last thing.

[Ethereal choral music ends.]

And you can see in the distance what looks to be like an oasis in this weird, multicolored desert that seems to be unaffected by its surroundings. If you can make it to the oasis you’ll be okay.

Hallie

What would happen if Ness just threw his entire body onto the gas pedal to make it go faster?

Emily

[Laughs.]

Ari

I don't know. Like, I pushed. Misha is breaking, like it’s almost breaking through the floor, like Flintstones style. If they push it any farther it’s going to break.

Tom

Ness’s mansplain. “Can we make the pedal go down harder?”

Hallie

[Smiling.] I didn’t mean it to be a mansplain, I just… What would happen if he did that?

[A gentle version of “The Wheels on the Bus” begins.]

Kyle

The legs on the bus go step-step-step, step-step-step, step-step-step.

[The music greatly speeds up and Kyle speaks rapidly to keep up.]

The legs on the bus go step-step-step all day long.

[“The Wheels on the Bus” continues for a few seconds before morphing into a rock and roll song.]

Suddenly Misha, you just feel a tremendous weight on your foot, and you were pressing down as hard as you could, but as someone who did this as a kid there is nothing quite as powerful as a small child just pile driving onto you. For a brief moment you see the fiery tarp on the back of the Ladybug fly off as the thing just rears up like a horse,

[Makes a horse whinny sound.] and just bolts as fast as it can towards the oasis. Meanwhile, you look down and you just see Ness. What’s your pose?

Hallie

Ness, after squirming his way from underneath Elee who smashed him…

Emily

Sorry!

Hallie

…bolts to the pedal. It’s not necessarily that he doesn’t think this is already happening, it’s that A, he’s wanted to do this from the get-go since they got in the car, and B, he can think of nothing else and he just needs to do something. So, on his way over he is gonna run to try to do that, but he trips, and because his body is very round he rolls like a bowling ball straight into Misha’s foot.

Ari

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

And then just stays there on the pedal.

Ari (as Misha)

Thank you, Ness.

Hallie (as Ness)

You’re welcome! I’m a hero!

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Misha)

You are. You really are.

Kyle

Misha, you can just see, triumphantly almost, the tarp finally flying back into the Iron Wind.

Ari

Nice.

Kyle

Who are you gonna give your other GM Intrusion point to?

[Rock music fades.]

Ari

I mean… See, I gave it to Hallie yesterday, and I don’t want her to… I’m gonna give it to Elee because she’s unconscious and I feel bad about that.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Wow.

Emily

Pity point!

Hallie

Wow!

Ari

No! It’s because I don’t want just to keep… [Laughs.]

Hallie

Why not?! [Humorous falsely frustrated noises.]

Ari

I’m sorry!

[Fire crackling begins.]

Kyle

The tarp hits, just like it did last time, the Iron Wind in the distance, but this time it feels like it hits a wall instead of just spontaneously combusting.

[The fire crackling ends in one large whoosh of flame and methodical synthetic music, the theme of the Lady with Cinnabar Lips, begins.]

Behind you, Misha, you see this wall start to extend from the tarp in fire, fire going every which direction, and this fire turns into a deeper and darker red.

Ari

Oh god, no.

Kyle

The ground itself is changing into this deep red which goes forward and snakes itself around the limbs of the Ladybug.

Ari

Eugh.

Kyle

It snakes itself around the Mephitic Staff, around Elee on the ground, around Hop, Ness, Q-BO, Xoc, until it finally rises up and cements itself in your eyes.

Ari

[Into her hands.] What the fuck?

Kyle

And everywhere around you, you see cinnabar.

Ari

No… I don't know how to react to this. This is gonna deletrius to everybody, but can Misha in their surprise--Well, I don't know, I don’t want to hit on the brake because we are still running away from things.

[Overwhelmed chuckling.] Misha’s going to let go of the wheel, I think.

Kyle

Okay.

Ari

Trying to cover their eyes.

Kyle

So, what the rest of you watch, you see as you go towards the oasis Misha seizes up with seriousness, and then you’re getting closer and closer to the oasis, and suddenly they let go of the wheel…

[00:50:00]

Emily

Aww.

Kyle

…and cover their eyes, which you notice is shining a reddish light, and you all watch as you turn right…

Ari

I’m so sorry.

Kyle

…and the oasis passes you to the left…

Hallie

No!

Kyle

[Smiling.] …and keeps going…

Ari

[Tearful.] I’m sorry.

Kyle

…and is gone.

Ari

I’m sorry. [Laughs.]

Emily

Do we hear their thoughts?

Tom

Yeah. We can still hear each other’s thoughts, right?

Hallie

Yeah. What are you thinking?

Ari

Uh…

Ari (as Misha)

No! Not now. Not now. No! Please.

Kyle (as The Lady With Cinnabar Lips)

[Bellowing, with monstrous accompaniment.] You will leave what is mine alone.

Tom

Can we all hear that?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

Hop is gonna help Elee up. He’s made his way over to Elee and is checking her out to see if she’s okay, but in his head is going,

Hallie (as Hopper)

What’s wrong, Misha?

Ari (as Misha)

I… No, please no. Stop, stop, not now.

[Static interference crackles briefly.]

Tom

Xoc will blink back down, rush over, give Misha a hug, and start humming the tune.

Ari

Aww.

Tom

Mentally and out loud.

[Methodical synthetic music ends.]

[Tom hums his and Misha’s healing theme.]

[Tom hums the tune again, this time with distortion buzzing along with him.]

Kyle

[Static interference begins.]

And Xoc, it almost starts to sound like you’re getting feedback, like your voice is being distorted and warped, and you start to hear,

[A deep, haunting voice returns the tune beneath the static.]

You start to hear a second malicious voice sing back, and you start to hear this almost cutting sound

[Occasional mechanical clicking joins the sounds.]

as if something other than The Lady With Cinnabar Lips is trying to sever this telepathic link.

[The tune and clicking end leaving only the static.]

Ari

Fucking… Why are they like this? Why are they like this?!

Kyle

But they’re unable to do so.

Emily

Can I use my Telepathic Intrusion Defense for all of us?

Hallie

Hells yeah!

Kyle

[Smiling.] Yeah. How are you gonna use it to defend against—

Emily

The Lady~

Kyle

Yeah. How are you gonna do it?

[Static interference fades.]

Emily

Um…

Emily (as Elee)

[Soft but confident.] Breathe with me.

Ari (as Misha)

[Small.] What?

Emily (as Elee)

In, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4.

Tom

Can I merge my skill with Elee’s? Because Xoc is also trained in resisting telepathic intrusion.

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

Xoc is also going to start thinking about Go Fetch cards.

Emily

[Chuckles.]

Tom

So it’s breathing, counting…

Emily (as Elee)

In…

Tom (as Xoc)

Got any 8s?

Emily (as Elee)

…2, 3, 4.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Soothingly.] Go Fetch.

Emily (as Elee)

Hold, 2, 3, 4.

Tom (as Xoc)

Six. Seven.

Emily (as Elee)

Out, 2, 3, 4.

Tom (as Xoc)

Two pair. Eight stop. Two Jacks.

[Somber and contemplative music, Xoc and Misha’s healing theme, begins.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Just count with Elee. Count with Xoc. Listen to them. It’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be fine. Just listen to their voices, okay? Just count along with them. Counting helps! It’s calming.

Emily (as Elee)

In, 2, 3, 4.

Ari (as Misha)

[Small, weakly and tearful.] Counting…

Tom (as Xoc)

Ace of Hearts. Three Spade.

Emily (as Elee)

Hold, 2, 3, 4.

Hallie (as Hopper)

It’s gonna be fine. Just focus…

Tom (as Xoc)

Go Fetch.

Hallie (as Hopper)

…on the numbers and the voices.

Emily (as Elee)

Out, 2, 3, 4.

Tom (as Xoc)

Uno.

Ari (as Misha)

One…

Hallie (as Hopper)

It’s gonna be fine.

Ari (as Misha)

Two…

Hallie (as Hopper)

Everything’s gonna be fine.

Ari (as Misha)

Three…

Tom (as Xoc)

Eight stop.

Ari (as Misha)

Four…

Emily (as Elee)

Hold…

Ari (as Misha)

Go… Fetch?

[The music plays out for a few more seconds before silence falls.]

Kyle

Ein had to move quickly.

[Steady astral music, Ein’s theme, begins.]

Never before had a group so effectively avoided her warnings. Like, okay, usually they thought “oh man, this is a threatening group thanks to the old lady in the bog,” but usually the groups were small, they didn’t have a fast enough car, and they were able to get stopped before they got to that wind.

But there was something peculiar about this group; the way they drove, the way they attacked, it had this chaotic organization that felt so familiar to her. It couldn’t be them… could it?

But, it was her duty to work as a team. That’s what the Speedy Speed Boys were all about after all. So, once she had gotten the last spoon out of her vehicle’s tires, she got back in and charged out. The Wind had already started then, but luckily the Speedy Speed Boys had developed defenses for that. She didn’t have to escape the Wind, she just had to get to them before they did. As the car raced towards this long, strange polka-dotted vehicle she just kept comforting herself. The crash will be safer than anything the Wind can provide.

[The music ends with sounds of a car revving up and violently crashing.]

And that’s when she slammed into the Ladybug.

Hallie

[Laughing.] So we’re all standing there, like, just count, it’s gonna be okay, and then CRASH!

[00:55:00]

Tom

We got punch buggied.

Hallie

We got punch buggied!

Tom

Ness, just sailing through the air as the crash happens in slow motion.

[Laughter.]

“I told you~!”

Kyle

Meanwhile, the rest of you are able to get your bearings when your vision repairs itself, and I’m gonna say even though it’s supposed to be an hour, I’m gonna say the crash just kind of knocked the effects of the cyphers out of you. [Laughs.]

Ari

[Laughs.] Okay.

Hallie

That tracks.

Kyle

No more telepathy between everybody. No more super far vision. You’re back to normal vision and you’re regaining your view. The ladybug is just in shambles behind you. Everyone’s okay, even Q-BO. Q-BO’s rolling himself out, but that thing is not gonna drive again.

Hallie

Yo…

Tom

No…

Kyle

And you notice as the Wind catches up to it and seems to veer away as if there’s this dome, this presence, surrounding you. Then you notice there is. You see next to the ladybug one of four giant tires, and you see the neon lighting and rusted bottom of that giant VW Beetle above you. Does anyone have any responses before I finish the scene?

Hallie

I think we’re all probably just dazed, groaning, getting up.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

Yeah.

Hallie

A lot has happened.

Emily

Elee does do one thing. She’s going to go in and hug Misha.

Ari

Misha will hug Elee and then hug everybody.

Tom

Xoc will check on Ness first and then Misha, actually.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

If only because he has made that mistake.

Hallie (as Ness)

What? What?! What are you looking at me for?

Emily

[Giggles.]

Tom

[Smiling, relieved.] I’m just glad you’re okay.

Hallie (as Ness)

Pff! Pff! Well that makes two of us.

[Quiet giggling.]

Kyle

As you’re getting up and you’re making a racket, Ness – I’m assuming Ness will also add, like, “who are these losers,” because you turn around and you see—

Hallie (as Ness)

Well who are these salamos?

Ari

[Laughing.] Salamos.

Kyle

They’re all surrounding you and have their faces covered in shadow. The only thing you can make out of them is their leather coveralls.

Hallie (as Ness)

Aw, sick.

Kyle

Except what looks to be a fusion between an astronaut suit and a pit crew suit with these blue lines running down the side.

[Outro song begins, “Hitoshio” by Miracle of Sound.]

The astronaut turns to all of you and, for the first time, opens her visor which reveals a tuft of icy blue hair and two large, motionless painted-on eyes, and the astronaut says, breathless,

Kyle (as Ein)

Misha Jarvis?

[Outro song carries out to the bloopers.]

Kyle

You see the Iron Wind.

Ari

Yep.

Tom

Oooooooh!

Ari

Yep.

Tom

Nooooooo!

Ari

Yep.

Hallie

Oh nooo.

Ari

I knew it the second you were like something you two are familiar with. I was like what is it that Elee would also—Oh! Oh no!

Hallie

[Groans heavily and laughs.]

Tom

Nooo.

Ari

Not a-fucking-gain.

Tom

I think we need to shift away from the Euro-beat to some Mad Max music here. Let me correct this.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Tom

Xoc is just gonna say, “now that’s pod racing.”

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

He doesn’t actually say that. Tom does.

Ari

Oh my god.

Tom

Objection, your honor. Wouldn’t the swirl of pebbles around us douse the flames?

Kyle

I was gonna do that, but then Ari rolled a 3, so no.

Ari

But I rolled a 3. Yeah.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom

Fuck you, too, your honor.

Emily

Am I awake now? Just to check. [Laughs.]

Kyle

Yeah, Elee, you wake to something you’re very familiar with… the sounds of a woman yelling at you.

[Laughter.]

“Rei, is that you?”

Emily

“I’m sorry I have trouble expressing my feelings! What’s happening?!”

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom

You have my humming on file. You could just edit it in. [Grumbles.]

Kyle

I could, but no.

Tom

[Grumbles louder but quickly loses steam and trails off.]

Kyle

And we’re gonna end there on Go Fish, because I just really like that.

[Others aww.]

Hallie

That was really cute.

Emily

I’m feeling feelings!

Ari

[Laughs.] I know.