Ep. 62: One Neon Night, Part 4

Kyle

Previously on Quest Friends…

[Intro song begins, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound.]

Kyle (as Jimmy Win)

Misha Jarvis! You have been summoned to face punishment for your crimes! A murder!

Tom (as Xoc)

Alright, that’s great and all, but how about you present us some evidence. What are you even talking about? How do we even know that Misha Jarvis has ever been here? There are lots of different Jarvis models, probably.

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

Xoc, Elee, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you truly haven’t met me for long.

Kyle

So Misha, this bat is a medium weapon, but something curious happens when you grab it. When you feel it and you extend it, for a moment something about the curious, haphazard nature, the ingenuity of the ways in which you can just basically murder people… something about it feels like home.

Ari (as Misha)

How would you know that they are not correct on things?

Kyle (as Ein)

We will gladly accept the trial by drift.

[Intro song swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

So, just kinda to frame ourselves for a second, get kind of a frame of reference,

[Chill intrigue begins.]

You learned from the Penny brothers that this Fallen Ruins Road dropped 40 years ago, which Xoc has pieced together was about the time, and by about the time it was the same year that Aegon defeated the Apocrita, and you were looking for Pryliman ruins that fell from that time for Redd’s Blessing, the thing that will help you defeat the Apocrita, so these might be the ruins you are looking for, because they’re where those ruins would have been.

Hallie

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

Forty-five years ago, Misha apparently did a murder. Jimmy Win holds that against them, will make them write a whole dang apology letter. I didn’t mention last episode, it’s an essay, like 20 pages, single spaced, both sides.

Ari

Oh, Misha would be fine with that.

Kyle

There’s gonna be a trial by race, but Ein was insistent that Misha does it, as opposed to Misha who’s just like call me guilty, I’ll write a letter, fucking whatever. So basically what’s going on is the Fallen Ruins Road probably has Redd’s Blessing and fell on part of the Speedy Speed Boy lair, fell on part of Coachman’s Tree, so it’s possible that there might be some secrets there. It also looks that Ein might know a thing or two. So what are y’all gonna do?

[Music ends.]

Emily

I still wanna get ahold of Ein, because I feel like we need to talk to her.

Ari

Yeah, Misha would want to talk with Ein too.

Tom

I mean, for the moment, I feel like our only concrete, near future objective is let’s talk to Ein, ask a couple follow-up questions, so I guess we’d all go together for that.

Kyle

Okay. Perfect. … How are you gonna find Ein?

Ari

Uh…

Emily

Apparently yelling down the hall didn’t work the first time, but we could try it again?

Tom

Yeah, that was my plan. Let’s keep yelling down the hall.

Ari

[Smiling.] Yeah, that was also gonna be my plan.

Kyle

Okay, perfect. The Kool-Aid Man just bursts so many of the walls. The structural integrity is down. You’ve learned that he just hears someone yell and he’s like oh it’s time for a party.

Hallie

[Chuckling.] It’s time for me!

Emily

After a while, every time he shows up Elee just starts yelling back.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Elee)

Your name is not Ein! Why do you keep showing up?

Kyle (as Kool-Aid Man)

Oh yeah…!

Tom

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Elee)

No!

Tom

Oh NO, good sir. Oh no.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Eventually, at one point, as you’re going around, Ness, you notice that Misha’s scarf is moving around again. You said off the record, because I didn’t put it in the episode, but you said that Ness would have told Misha, right?

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

Okay, so in that case, you and Misha and anyone else who’s paying attention notices that as you’re moving around looking for Ein the scarf starts doing that sniffing out thing again, and eventually it just points its head towards something and starts pulling in a certain direction.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh. I believe my scarf has seen something. What have you seen? Do you want me to go there?

Kyle

Yes, it nods. It nods its head at you.

Ari (as Misha)

Well, I believe my scarf thinks we should go in this direction. Every time it has told me to go somewhere only good things have happened, so I trust it.

Emily (as Elee)

And I would like something good to happen.

[Laughter.]

[Rock music playing over the radio plays, alongside Fungi’s singing.]

Kyle

As soon as you go into this room you’re bombarded with music, just this loud music. Like, you know when people are working on their auto shop? But you’re bombarded even louder by the singing of Fungi who is excitedly singing along to this futuristic radio.

Emily (as Elee)

Ugh, kids these days with their loud music!

[Music and Fungi end.]

Tom

[Chuckles.]

[Fun, Sims-like music begins.]

Kyle

You are in the Speedy Speed Boy workshop. This is where they work on all of their racecars. It doesn’t matter if it’s a plane, if it’s a boat, if it’s a horse; if you can race it, it’s a racecar. You see a whole lot of vehicles in here. You see some broken-down things, so you see that land plane. You see the two jet skis have been reattached to the giant monster truck wheels.

[00:05:00]

In the far corner you see Big Red, the vehicle that chased you, and in front of you, you see Fungi actually working on the Ladybug. The Ladybug has been recovered after the crash and it looks like they’re fixing it up. Do you do anything, or should I just keep describing?

Tom

Uh.

Ari

Um…

Emily

Heh.

Ari

Misha is digging the music.

[Laughter.]

Tom

Xoc feels weird because we’re still quasi-prisoners here.

Kyle

Fungi turns to you and waves.

Hallie

Ha!

Tom

Well, there’s no avoiding it now.

[Music fades.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Thanks for helping out with the ladybug.

Emily (as Elee)

Sorry I broke potentially more than one of your cars.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Remorseful.] Yeah…

Kyle (as Fungi)

Oh no, that’s fine. Fixing a car from a crash is half the fun of it, after all.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Less remorseful but still a bit uncertain.] Yeah…

Emily (as Elee)

[Uncertain but going with it.] Okay!

Kyle (as Fungi)

The only one of us who doesn’t regularly crash is Jimmy. He’s very protective of his car.

Tom

[Seethes.] Oh.

Kyle

And Fungi points over to another car that  you  hadn’t seen before.

[50’s diner rock music begins.]

This vehicle looks like if Guy Fieri was a racecar.

[Snickering and giggling.]

In other words, it looks like someone from a billion years in the future would think a classic, beat-up convertible would look like.

Ari

[Fighting laughter.] I just…

Tom

It’s a roadster with frosted tips?

Kyle

Yes! By frosted tips it looks like it had hit almost like ice and so it has ice kind of moving backwards as if it was water that had been splashed and started going backwards and froze in place. Then it has these neon tubes in the shape of flames on the side. They’re currently not lit, but you would imagine that they would be very showy if they were.

Emily

So this is Jimmy’s car?

Kyle

This is Jimmy’s car. Yeah.

Emily (as Elee)

Hopper?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hmm?

Emily (as Elee)

I need you to tell me not to break that car.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Don’t- Don’t break that car… please.

Kyle

Ness is in the corner.

Kyle (as Ness)

[Whispering.] Break the car.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom

[Imitating Ness.] A little sabotage can go a long way. Cars think they’re SO smart punching me into walls.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

The problem is that in the meantime he’s gotten a Tomagotchi.

Ari

Ohh.

Hallie

So he’s walking, like, the entire time he’s been walking his face has been down and he’s playing his Tomagotchi. When he gets there, though, I mean it’s a lot of noise, there’s a lot of music… he can’t hear his Tomagotchi anymore.

[Others make sad noises.]

So he would look around. I think he would actually try to crawl under a car, classic mechanic style.

Kyle

Okay. You can crawl under the Ladybug, and underneath you see a bunch of tools that Fungi has been using.

Hallie

Ness is just gonna take whatever loose tools are laying around and is just gonna leave with those loose tools and see what he can do to other cars with them.

Emily

[Squeaks with a laugh.]

Kyle

[Smiling.] What car does he start with?

Hallie

Jimmy’s, and it’s not just because it’s Jimmy’s, it’s because it’s “the car,” it’s the loudest car there.

Kyle

Okay, so what does he try to do to Jimmy’s car?

Hallie

He doesn’t even know, man. He doesn’t even know. He just wants to see if he can get any kind of reaction from the car.

Kyle

Okay. Give me a roll.

Hallie

[Rolls, and the die goes tumbling.] Oh—Hang on. That fell off.

[Rolls.] Eight.

Kyle

Okay, so this is how I did my rules. Odds was gonna be something bad happens, evens was gonna be something good happens, and then the roll was gonna determine how good Ness was at it, mostly from the point of view of Ness doesn’t care whether it’s good or bad just that it has a reaction.

Hallie

Yeah ,he’s just interested—Yeah.

Kyle

So, on the walls lining this you see what look like these boxes. They’re nets with multicolor lights inside, they’re like glowing almost with this multicolor force. You just slam it into the car, and suddenly it just starts illuminating and you hear the [Hums a fast Mario game theme.]

The music in Mario Kart when a star goes off.

Hallie

[Yelps a laugh.]

Kyle

The car just starts shining and bolting out music.

Hallie (as Ness)

Hey, I did it!

Kyle

[Laughs.] Everyone else would recognize that these are the nets that shot out at you during the combat. It seems like they have random effects on the vehicles.

Ari

Hmm.

Tom

They were just throwing Mario Kart power-ups at us?

Hallie

Hopper was too busy telling Elee not to mess with the cars that he didn’t see Ness just going off and doing this.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Ah! Oh, um, what- what happened?

Hallie

He’s gonna go over and try to, like…

Tom

Smooth out the car?

Hallie

[Laughs.] He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Tom

I just imagine him nervously dusting it off as if that will undo what Ness has done.

Hallie

He’s trying to get Ness away from the area before he can cause further damage.

Kyle

Okay. So you go to get Ness, and I’m gonna give you a GM Intrusion.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

Who do you give your other point to?

Hallie

I’m gonna give it to Tom, because I feel bad, because I was like “it was 45 years” and I completely forgot that the 40 year thing is the overarching plot that we are looking for.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So you go to get it, but you accidentally brush onto the side of the car as you do, and just like when you’re hit in a car in Mario Kart you just spin in place a few times.

[Video game noise like a descending spiral.]

Hallie

[Laughs loudly.]

Ari

Oh no!

Kyle

Except you are a human and not a car, and you just like fall over. [Laughs.]

Emily

[Smiling.] Elee will drag him up and set him on his feet.

Kyle

Meanwhile Misha, you notice that the scarf has been pointing towards Big Red, the big Volkswagen Beetle.

Ari

Okay. Yeah, I was gonna say that Misha was going to see if the scarf still pointed towards something, so that’s perfect.

[00:10:00]

I will say though that they do follow the scarf, but then upon all of the lights and movements and stuff they will get momentarily distracted as the scarf probably is pulling Misha still, like “no, it’s not toward that car, it’s this one.”

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

But eventually they will be like, okay, and follow the scarf towards that car.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Tom

Xoc will follow Misha.

Ari (as Misha)

Thank you, Xoc.

Kyle

Alright. So, Xoc and Misha, you make your way into Big Red, and as you get close the scarf just pulls on the handle and pulls it open. Just like true Misha, it doesn’t knock it just fucking goes for it. [Laughs.]

Ari

[Smiling.] Perfect. That’s why we are friends.

Misha will frown a bit at that and be like,

Ari (as Misha)

Well, I suppose it wants us to get inside… so uh, I can do that.

Ari

Misha will get inside the car.

Tom

[Uncertain.] Xoc will also get into the car?

Kyle

[Chuckles.] Alright, so you get into the car, you get into the front seat, there’s nothing there and the scarf basically maneuvers you – because this thing is a behemoth, it’s like a fucking building in its own right. So you eventually maneuver yourself back to, like, kind of the trunk area.

Ari

How big is this car?!

Kyle

It’s fucking big. It’s the size of a god damn building. So like, it’s trunk area is the size of a full room.

Ari

Okay. Alright.

Kyle

So, of all the places in The Ninth World you wouldn’t expect one of the quietest to be here.

[Gentle piano begins.]

But in spite of or perhaps due to the bare rusted walls and cold echoey air something about this place just makes you wanna snuggle up and rest… or maybe it’s, you know, the company.

[Breathy chuckling from the others.]

In the center of the room-sized trunk you hear a rhythmic clanking as a figure hammers work on something hiding underneath a large blanket. From the helmet resting on the ground next to the shape you can hazard a guess that it’s Ein. In the corner rests a small pod no bigger than a compartment in the ladybug. Just like Ein herself, decades of use have smeared and dirtied what was otherwise a perfectly sleek exterior, but it feels warmer that way. Inside of the pod high-tech panels and chrome interfaces are covered by simple blankets, assorted cookware, and a wooden plaque that reads “Home Speed Home.” And of course, how could I forget…

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as ???)

[Shouting, echoed.] Misha Jarvis!

Kyle

And Misha, I need you to roll Speed defense.

Ari

Ooh boy, okay. Sure. Let’s see. I’m using my good die today.

[Rolls.] But I rolled a 7, so I guess it’s not good.

Hallie

[Laughs.] I’m gonna be so mean every time you roll poorly.

Ari

That’s fine. I kind of earned it.

Kyle

Alright, you ready?

Ari

No, but let’s go.

[High-anxiety music begins, alongside cicada SFX.]

Kyle

Suddenly Misha, you hear a loud insect-like fluttering, and before you can respond this creature flies out towards you. The first thing you feel is its six arms which wrap themselves around you, and the next thing you feel is the wind on these thin wings as it flies you up in the air. The final thing is you see its face.

Ari

Oh god.

Kyle

You see this bug-like face with hexagonal eyes and where a mouth should be what looks like an old-timey microphone. Essentially what you were picked up by looks like a giant robotic cicada, and the voice continues.

[Music changes to high-energy, electronic game show music with a clap.]

Kyle (as robotic cicada)

I cannot overstate how excited I am to have my favorite audience member back after 45 years no less! I say, you look exactly like you did before, although…

Kyle

The bug eyes go up to you. I want to note, I forgot, this thing also has a giant bedazzled trilby that’s silver. This is very important to me. So, this shadow of the trilby goes over your face as it looks up and it peers into your face.

Kyle (as robotic cicada)

Is there something different about your eye? It’s not quite the spark it has in the past. Ein, take a look at this.

Kyle

You see Ein just brush out from under the sheet, and she turns up to this creature and just sighs.

Kyle (as Ein)

[Sighs.] … CK, I cannot. Remember?

Kyle

And she just taps her motionless eyes and there’s a dull wooden thud.

Kyle (as CK)

Well, in that case, let me describe that for you, because it seems like one of them has this weird, dull gray color. That’s very weird.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Can Xoc interject quickly?

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

Xoc has forgotten for a moment that he doesn’t have esoteries and is trying to charge up his Cutting Light hand and just yells up,

Tom (as Xoc)

Put Misha Jarvis down now, or there will be consequences.

[Bouncy trombone music plays.]

Ari

Meanwhile, Misha, all the time since they were carried they have been wriggling around trying to get out of it. Like, I know, you know, logically that means that they would fall, but they don’t care. They don’t want to—

Tom

This is bad touch.

Ari (as Misha)

Let me go! Let me go now!

Ari

And then when they talk about the eyes they are going to try to move their face away from the little thing so that it doesn’t look into them.

Ari (as Misha)

Let me go! Put me down right now!

[00:15:00]

Kyle

The bug looks at you and looks at the ground and you’re like ten feet above, and he looks closer.

Kyle (as CK)

Are you sure about that?

Tom (as Xoc)

Don’t you fucking dare!

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Fly down here this instant.

Kyle (as Ein)

[Forcefully.] CK!

Kyle (as CK)

Alright. Alright.

Kyle

He slowly sets you down.

Kyle (as CK)

My apologies. It’s just part of my programming.

Kyle

He takes three of his arms and he bows at you, Xoc.

Kyle (as CK)

Coward’s Koach, Just A Rather Very Intelligent System, at your service, although you may call me CK Jarvis.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Xoc)

[Long distressed exhale.]

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

Misha will look really upset at that.

Emily

[Smiling with joy.] Another sibling.

Kyle

He kind of gives you a light punch in the shoulder, Misha.

Kyle (as CK)

Come on, sib, where have you been all these years?

Ari

Just a question. What word did Xoc use? Just to see if Misha at some point would use it. Did you say fuck?

Tom

Yeah, I said don’t you fucking dare.

Ari

Okay, okay, okay.

Tom

When he was like

[Putting on goofy CK voice.] Are you sure~?

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Ari

Okay. [Laughs.]

Then he asked what have you been up to all these years? Okay.

Kyle

Yeah.

Ari

Alright, then in that case, Misha will say,

Ari (as Misha)

It is none of your fucking business.

Emily & Hallie

[Cackles.]

Tom

[Grinning.] No turning back. I taught swears to Misha Jarvis today.

Hallie

You did! Neither of the parents are present! That’s so funny.

Tom

Mom and dad can’t tell us not to swear now, here in the trunk of our enemy’s car.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And CK just lets out a massive laugh.

Kyle (as CK)

I can tell you’re not afraid of swearing anymore.

Ari (as Misha)

I do not know how you know me, but even though we share the same last nomenclature you are not related to me. Don’t speak with such familiarity to me after having carried me up and putting me through whatever this is.

Kyle (as CK)

Ouch. Well, that kind of hurts.

Ari (as Misha)

I just… Listen. I know you think you know me, but I just… I do not have much recollection of this, of you, of Ein, of anything here, so I do not wish to be treated this way by people that for me are mostly strangers.

Kyle

Ein will turn to CK.

Kyle (as Ein)

Hey, CK, I have heard that Baby Jason has another speech to give.

Kyle (as CK)

Well, he is terrified of that. Let me go help him out.

Kyle

He flies up and he flutters away. As he leaves, Ein just eventually takes in a big breath.

Kyle (as Ein)

I am most apologetic for CK’s behavior. He’s designed to study and assist with phobias. That’s why he’s so loud. The greatest phobia is, after all, public speaking.

Ari (as Misha)

What if somebody is afraid of loud voices, or heights? I feel like that’s a rather poor design.

Kyle

[Smiling.] She doesn’t wanna say yes… but she’s not disagreeing with you.

Tom

Called out.

Kyle

[laughs.]

Ari

[Laughs.] Misha will say,

Ari (as Misha)

And by the way, why are you only apologizing for him? Are you apologizing for yourself as well for what you did earlier today?

Kyle

When you say apologizing for yourself there’s a brief moment of pure panic on her face. She doesn’t seem to know what she’s supposed to be apologizing for, but not because the list is too short in her brain.

Tom

Hmm.

Ari

That’s why, like, maybe there’s gonna be a pause and then they will say, like, today, so that, to like… yeah.

Kyle

Yeah.

Kyle (as Ein)

Oh, that is right. I’m afraid we got off on the wrong foot. I apologize for capturing you. I had faith Jimmy would be better. And I apologize for not warning you about the race. And, you know, a fun fact I’ve learned is that introductions when not formalized can be very challenging and difficult, so I’ve actually figured out something to help with that.

[Quirky music begins.]

Kyle

You can see that she has a sticker right here on her outfit that just says “Hi, my name is Ein,” and she has markers and some other ones and she hands them to you.

Kyle (as Ein)

So, I thought it could be helpful to just formalize the introductions. I’ve already set up the programming so that Stein will read them for me.

Tom (as Xoc)

Stein?

Kyle (as Ein)

Yes. Correct. Stein. He is—

Kyle

And that’s when you hear a voice come from the suit.

Kyle (as Stein)

[Unintelligible robotic sounds of an otamatone.]

Kyle

It seems very aggravated at asked who is Stein.

Kyle (as Ein)

Stein is my navigator. He navigates when I drive, and he helps navigate when I move around on foot as well.

Kyle (as Stein)

[Grumpy sounding robotic noises, ending in one long note and two quick dissatisfied blips.]

Ari (as Misha)

Salutations, Stein. I have not introduced myself to you, so my nomenclature is Misha Jarvis.

Tom (as Xoc)

And I’m Xoc.

Tom

And then Xoc will fade back into the back of the scene, because this is not his time.

[Chuckling.]

Kyle (as Stein)

[Two flat blips.]

Ari

And then they will look at Ein and say,

[00:20:00]

Ari (as Misha)

I do not need to introduce myself to you as I have done it before.

Kyle (as Ein)

That is correct.

[Music ends.]

… Although I get the impression I need to introduce myself to you.

Ari (as Misha)

That is true I suppose. I guess I used to know you at some point, and you certainly do seem familiar, but I must confess I don’t remember that much about you. So, I cannot trust whatever you say yet.

Kyle

She mutters under her breath.

Kyle (as Ein)

I don't know if knowing would help that.

[Steady astral music begins, Ein’s theme.] 

I am Ein. I am a Simile. Fun fact about the Simile, they were meant to be an invading force to conquer the planet and then we kinda got forgotten about. Nowadays I am more of a help to the Speedy Speed Boys. I assist them in all of the issues that they have, although from the time we were familiar you might know me more as a research partner to a, uh… man.

Ari (as Misha)

A man? What do you mean by that?

Kyle (as Ein)

Your, um… your

[With odd emphasis.] creator.

Fun fact about him, he liked to claim that he was a father, and fun fact about that fact is that that fact is in fact not factual.

Tom

[Chuckles.] That was a sentence that just happened to us.

Ari

[Laughs.]

Kyle

That’s how Ein’s feeling, man.

[Ein’s theme fades.] 

Ari (as Misha)

Oh. So it appears you know him. None of those facts sound fun to me, but I do have a question to ask. When you were with him and me, did you like to make decisions for others just like you did today? Is that a non-fun fact that you shared with him?

[Others make noises of being startled and impressed.]

Tom

[Coughs laughing.]

Emily

Oh, Misha…

Ari

[Laughing.] I feel so bad for Xoc. He’s just like…

Tom

Xoc’s just like one of those guys in a Vine like OHHH!

[Laughter.]

But not actually. Xoc is just dead silent.

Ari

[Laughing.] I just imagine him trying to Far Step the fuck away but he can’t so it’s just like [Grumbles.]

Tom

Xoc is just engaged cloaking mode, blending into the background.

Ari

I am one with the wall.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Ari

Misha is just very upset, so they’re putting all of the sass out.

Kyle (as Ein)

Well, um…

Kyle

She can’t blush, but she has the expression of being flushed at being called out, not only because of emotional things but also because you called out her fun fact thing.

Ari

Yeah.

Kyle

And she’s just like,

Kyle (as Ein)

[Nervous.] Well, um… I also know a lot of… quotes.

Ari

[Snickers.]

Kyle (as Ein)

One that I’m particularly fond of is:

[Sentimental piano music begins.]

When a friend tries to do themselves harm you cannot help, but do whatever you can. That one came about 45 years ago from a Misha Jarvis.

Ari (as Misha)

[Softly.] Well… I do like that quote.

Kyle (as Ein)

I apologize. I should have learned that moving without consent is the last thing one should do, but I know that you are not guilty of those actions and I cannot in good conscience let you be blamed for them again.

Ari (as Misha)

Again?

Kyle (as Ein)

Let’s, um… let’s focus on the race. If you have forgotten everything you must have forgotten at least somewhat how to drift.

Ari (as Misha)

Well, a strange thing, that. I do remember how to that, and I do remember really liking it, I in fact still do, but that doesn’t mean that I will do it. How are you so sure that I didn’t do it? Were you there? And if so, do you have anything that we can use to prove them that I didn’t? Because otherwise I do not know how I can take your word for it. I know you mean well, but I don't know.

Kyle

In response to how can you know, you hear an indignant,

Kyle (as Stein)

[Incomprehensible robotic voice rises and falls in pitch conveying aggression.]

Kyle

Stein’s got words for you, motherfucker.

Ari

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Stein)

[More robotic simulation of vocal tones, similar to quacking.]

Kyle

Stein’s real fucking pissed.

Ari

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Misha)

Okay! Okay!

Kyle

[Laughs.] But, Ein goes,

Kyle (as Ein)

Stein, Stein…

I would never, ever ask you to trust me. I am only asking you to trust yourself.

Ari

Misha will sigh and say,

Ari (as Misha)

Okay… I don’t fully, but I suppose for this once I will listen to you.

Kyle (as Stein)

[More pleased robotic quacking.]

Kyle

Stein is content, and Ein, delighted, just claps her hands together.

Kyle (as Ein)

[Claps.] Well good. Good! In that case, I would like to seal this conversation with a formal greeting, so—

Kyle

She just shakes out her hand.

[Gentle piano music begins.]

[00:25:00]

Kyle (as Ein)

Hello, Misha Jarvis. I am Ein, and I promise I will help you prevail in this race however I can.

Ari

Misha will take her hand and say,

Ari (as Misha)

Salutations. My nomenclature is Misha Jarvis, and I expect you to fulfill that promise.

[Music carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

Hello, and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends Episode 62: One Neon Night, Part 4. I am Kyle, your GM, and wouldn’t you know it, our intro and outro song are Friends and Hitoshio both by Miracle of Sound.

Alright, so for today’s announcement break I’ve got three announcements for you. First, we have a new name from our name pool. The character of CK Jarvis is named for CK Stewart or @CKayFabe on Twitter.com. If you’re interested in having a location, an item or character named after you just like CK, you can tweet or tumblr out about Quest Friends using the hashtag #QuestFriends.

For the second announcement, earlier this year we had an audience survey, which I’m still compiling the results for, but as part of that survey we had a raffle for some qwhale stickers drawn by our artist, Mandy Robertson, as well as some issues of her comic Don’t Cry Witch. We finally performed the raffle and reached out to the winners, so if you completed the survey, or if you’re not sure you completed the survey, check out your email for an email from us. Check your regular one, and sometimes it ends up in spam, check your spam as well. We’re gonna be sending out the books and the stickers in about a week or so, so I’m gonna need information from all the raffle winners by then.

Finally, we actually have a promo for another podcast we wanna share. Explorers Wanted is, from my knowledge, the newest Numenera actual play on the scene, so when they started we reached out and said hey, do you have anything that you wanna share to our audience? They like Numenera, or at least an interpretation of Numenera, so they might be interested in your content as well. They actually did put together a trailer for us to share with you now. So, without further ado, I present Explorers Wanted.

[Trailer begins with mysterious sci-fi music.]

What does a nano turned thief…

“I’m pretty strict about what jobs I do.”

“You’re in the same mess your mother was.”

…a wright turned fugitive…

“We can’t go there.”

…a laid-back monk with financial problems…

“So we got monsters incoming.”

“Why…?”

“Natural instinct, I assume.”

…and a disgraced magical children’s performer have in common?

“Are you famous?”

“Define fame?”

They’ve all been contracted by the same mysterious woman in a recruiting exercise they cannot begin to understand. Also, at least one of them hates juggling.

Explorers Wanted is a weekly Numenera actual play podcast about exploration, intrigue, and friendship. To learn more, go to ExplorersWanted.fm.

[Trailer ends.]

Kyle

Alright. That’s all I’ve got for you today. We are almost done with our Cookie Crew crossovers with the final one, The Cookie Candidate Part 2, releasing next Monday on Monday, August 17, and then our next main episode will be releasing on Monday, August 24, but if you’d like additional content before then you can find stories, artwork, and behind the scenes insights at Patreon.com/QuestFriends. I’ll see you then.

[High-energy, electronic game show music carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

It’s a frog, but also not. This round vehicle has the general shape of a purple frog, which I want to break monologue here and mention is a very real frog you should look up.

Ari

It’s so good. I love it deeply.

Kyle

Except instead of the purple frog’s short legs this vehicle has wheels. In the front of the frog car, which is of course its very small head, there are small pouches where one can put supplies, Nesses, or a small ball of ants or two.

[00:30:00]

And that’s not me just coming up with a silly example. The inside of this car is just as colorful as the outside, and the wall aligning these pouches is painted with images of dozens of insect species. To anyone else viewing this thing would induce feelings of confusion , disgust, bewildered humor… I mean, it’s a freaking frog car, but for Misha it doesn’t.

[Thoughtful, nostalgic music begins.]

Back in Charmonde, Misha, you saw a bat with nails in it, and at the time it felt good in a very violent, visceral sense. You felt like the weapon completed you, and since then you haven’t thought much about that moment, but now in this one you can’t help but wonder if that was really how “you” felt, because that moment, back in Charmonde, it didn’t inspire pride or nostalgia. It didn’t lack that sting that so many of your unwanted memories have had. it didn’t feel like this… and this feeling had to be real.

[Music fades.]

So Ein has unveiled the cover of the vehicle she was working on. It’s called the Tirefly, which Ari made with a pun on the name Firefly, because it’s a frog. Get it?!

Tom

[Laughing.] The Tirefly!

Ari

I want to say that Hallie helped me with that name. Yeah, Hallie helped me with that name. I’m gonna confess. I was blanking, and I was like Hallie, please, help me.

Tom

[Joyed, weakly.] The Tirefly!

Hallie

[Laughing.] I was gonna let you take credit for that one.

Ari

No~! I saw your face and was like oh no, I need to give her credit too. [Laughs.]

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Anyways. This is the Tirefly. It is a frog car, and according to Ein, back 45 years ago when you two did races together, because every racer in the Speedy Speed Boys has a partner.

[Peppy, childlike synthwave music begins.]

There’s a drifter who’s the main driver and then a navigator who helps them navigate. So, when you two drove together, this was Misha’s vehicle of choice.

Ari

Misha’s hands immediately go up like that, and like…

Tom

Aw.

Ari

Well, I guess it’s a podcast, so it’s got up to their face like really surprised and excited.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

And their eyes are almost like a cartoon. They would have like little stars things watching it. They are going to jump a little bit and point at it, kind of forgetting for a second where they were and what the situation was, and even before Ein says the name or whatever they are going to be like,

Ari (as Misha)

It’s the Tirefly! It’s the Tirefly!

Ari

They’re gonna look back and look at Xoc and point at it.

Ari (as Misha)

It’s the Tirefly! It’s… It’s—!

Ari

And then they’re gonna catch Ein’s gaze and then be like,

Ari (as Misha)

[Clears throat, forcing composure.] It’s pretty nice…

Kyle

[Slightly mocking, feigning disinterest.] “It’s okay I guess. It’s fine.”

Tom

Xoc can’t help but smile at that.

Kyle

And that’s when you hear from the inside Ein press on the horn. You just hear a [Frog croaks.]

Ari

At that, Misha just will lose it again.

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

[Gasps.] Oh, I remember that!

Kyle

Like a kid in a firetruck for the first time.

Ari

Yeah, no, they’re getting all over this car.

Ari (as Misha)

How did I forget it? It’s so beautiful!

Ari

They’re inspecting like every single part of it, like up, down, underneath the thing.

Hallie

It’s like in cartoons when it does the “chchchchch.”

Ari

Yeah! Basically, that’s what I—Yeah, exactly like that, Hallie.

Kyle (as Ein)

Oh! And before I forget, Stein…

Kyle (as Stein)

[Robotic quacking.]

Kyle (as Ein)

…helped me recover your old drifting outfit.

Kyle

She kicks a box in the corner of the Tirefly, and inside you can see, if you wish to look at it, Misha’s old Speedy Speed Boy drifting outfit.

Ari

Absolutely Misha will look at it.

Kyle

Okay. It is the coveralls and then underneath it in the t-shirt part is like a yellow outfit with these weird colored lines on it, like there’s red and green and blue.

Ari

[Giggles.]

Kyle

For everyone who has watched the Sims stream, this is Misha Sim’s pajamas.

Ari

[Gasps, overjoyed.] Oh! Yes!

Hallie

[Smiling.] How dare you?

[Music fades.]

Kyle

And then, as the hat, Misha has what originally looks almost like a copy of Ein’s helmet, however her helmet is actually necessary for her to live when she’s not in this really cold environment, but Misha, Misha has to take in that sensory information. So it’s like a helmet that goes up the back of your neck and goes up your head but everything from between your ears is completely open because you gotta be able to hear and smell and see and you can’t have anything obstructing that, so it’s literally like a third of a helmet that just goes up the back of your head and then covers the top.

Tom

It’s a bassinette.

Ari

It would be also a terrible color that doesn’t—Somehow even though the outfit is all the colors the helmet still doesn’t match that, like it has a really…

Kyle

[Laughs.] So, the shirt has all the colors and the helmet has every color that is not the colors.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

Yes! Yes. Exactly.

Kyle

Let’s just say it’s shifting.

Hallie

Ohh!

Kyle

You know those things that when you look at it you look from one to the other and the image changes?

[00:35:00]

Ari

Oh. Yes.

Kyle

It’s like that. You change how you look and then it shifts to new colors.

Ari

Ohh~!

Hallie

The headaches.

Ari

[Excitedly.] Ohh!

That’s what Misha’s gonna be saying, just like, ohh~!

Yeah. Misha will, like, I don't know if there’s a place to put it in, or if not they would just grab it and look at Ein just with a low kind of asking if they can put it on, just like a really excited kid, like can I, can I.

Kyle

Ein, because you just looked at her and didn’t say anything, does not respond, because again she’s fucking blind.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

But, after a second Stein pipes in.

Kyle (as Stein)

[Robotic grumbling.]

Kyle

And Ein is like,

Kyle (as Ein)

Oh! Yes. Of course.

Kyle

And walks out so that you can change.

Ari

Okay. Misha will change really quickly, like a Sim, just changes like…

Tom

[Makes whooshing and zhuzhing sounds, seemingly from The Sims.]

Ari

And then they will emerge in the outfit, stand in front of Xoc kind of to show the outfit.

Tom

Xoc doesn’t necessarily think it looks… good, but—

[Laughter.]

Xoc thinks Misha looks good, if that makes sense.

Ari

[In a silly, suggestive voice.] Oh~ Yeah.

Tom

Xoc is mostly just really happy that Misha has been so excited about this and just feels like they’re rediscovering something, and so Xoc doesn’t have to lie or hide anything when he says,

[Gentle electronic music plays.]

Tom (as Xoc)

I’m really happy for you, Misha. This is all amazing.

Ari (as Misha)

It really is. I had forgotten all of it, and now it’s all… it’s all coming back, and I love this.

Kyle

And then Ein just kind of awkwardly sidles in and says,

Kyle (as Ein)

I actually just finished it. Would you like to—

[Electronic music gets energetic.]

Ari (as Misha)

Yes!

Kyle

Ein gives a smile that could light up the room and shake the earth and make the sound of an explosion—Oh wait, fuck, those are sounds coming from the other room.

[Two deep explosions end in clattering sounds. The music changes to chase music.]

Ari & Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

You push open the side door of the Volkswagen Beetle you’re in and you look out and you see a few things. You see Hop who’s finally getting a little bit less dizzy, and Elee and Ness are like right over him. I mean, Ness is kind of just… Ness is playing his Tomagotchi, probably.

Hallie

Ness, he’s like looking up every so often and then looking back down.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Then you see a hole in the wall, which you’ve seen so many, because you know, the Kool-Aid Man.

Tom

Kool-Aid Man~!

Hallie

[laughs.] I was gonna ask, is it just the Kool-Aid…?

Ari

No, yeah!

Kyle

But that’s not the shape of the Kool-Aid Man.

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

It’s the shape of a square. You look over and you see the Ladybug is just fucking gone.

Ari

What?

Hallie

What?!

Tom

I’m sorry, what now?

Kyle

You rush out, and Fungi who just suddenly breaks out of his stupor of singing,

Kyle (as Fungi)

Ba, da-da, da-da—Oh! Hello there.

Tom (as Xoc)

I’m sorry. What happened in here? Did any of you see what happened to the Ladybug?

Kyle (as Fungi)

The, uh, what?

Kyle

He turns over and he just sees where it’s missing, and he’s like,

Kyle (as Fungi)

Oh!

Hallie

[Laughs.] I assume Hop and Elee and Ness all heard, right?

Kyle

Yes. They all notice at the same time as Xoc and Misha that holy shit, the ladybug is gone. As we look down, because the roots of this lair are kind of these mesh wire roots, they’re built alongside actual giant roots of giant trees, so you just see the Ladybug going down the roots of a giant tree. Pretty soon you can’t even see the lights. You can just see the actual headlamps from the Ladybug itself as it just skidders away at the speed of sound.

Tom (as Xoc)

Hoo… What is happening?

[Music fades.]

Kyle

Ness just nervously takes one of the little cubes that he was going to use and he just hangs it back up again.

Emily

[Sounds of awe.]

Hallie

Yeah, Ness has been seriously thinking about stockpiling those but will do exactly as you said and just gently put it back.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

And then just in case he’ll like kick the tools he was using on Jimmy Win’s car away from him.

Kyle

Oh. Right. I completely forgot. Fungi adds,

Kyle (as Fungi)

Well ain’t that the darnedest thing. I’m pretty sure I put some tools underneath that bug car to make sure it didn’t run away.

Emily

Elee immediately turns towards Ness.

Hallie (as Ness)

[Stammers.] I don't know what they’re talking about.

Emily (as Elee)

[Frighteningly sweet.] We’re gonna have a talk later, Ness. We’re gonna sit down and have a nice talk.

[Whispering menacingly.] About lying.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Ness)

Well that’ll be a waste of time, because I’ve never done that once in my life!

Tom (as Xoc)

Um…

Emily (as Elee)

Mm-hmm~!

Kyle

Ein, who has just been going to tap Misha on the shoulder but hasn’t wanted to, just goes, you just hear a little,

Kyle (as Ein)

[Small cough.] Excuse me?

Ari (as Misha)

Yes?

Kyle (as Ein)

Would you be interested in doing an accelerated training with your vehicle?

Ari (as Misha)

I would love to do anything with this vehicle. I really like it.

Kyle (as Ein)

Fantastic.

Kyle

With that, she just races towards Big Red, the big Volkswagen Beetle, presumably running towards the car inside of the trunk.

Ari

Okay. I guess Misha follows her.

Kyle

Yeah. Misha follows along. Does anyone follow Misha?

[00:40:00]

Ari

Oh yeah, no. Misha, before doing that, is going to talk with them, because I want them to just be like,

[Gentle electronic music plays.]

Ari (as Misha)

I have decided to train alongside Ein. I hope this is okay with everybody.

Tom (as Xoc)

Yes, of course, if you want to.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah. If it’s what you want, Misha. If you’re comfortable with it.

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah.

Ari (as Misha)

You all can come along if you want. Though, if you don’t want to it’s okay, because I believe that I shouldn’t decide for other friend choices.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Misha)

That’s just a polite thing to do.

Hallie

Shade over to Ein.

Emily

Oof! [Laughs.]

Ari

[Laughing.] Yeah. They will say it kind of really loud, in case Ein is within hearing distance, and then they will go towards her.

[Synth rock music plays.]

Tom

Then I guess we all pile into this car.

Hallie

We all pile in. Yes.

Emily

Elee will be like,

Emily (as Elee)

Uh. Uh… Xoc? Hop? Could you share a seatbelt? Double buckle?

Hallie (as Hopper)

I don’t—

Emily

Can they double buckle?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Xoc, take the seatbelt.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Strained.] Okay.

Emily (as Elee)

Hopper!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Chuckling.] What?

Emily

Well, Hopper’s gonna die now.

Hallie

No, he’s just holding onto the side.

Tom

How do we buckle up Ness? Do we have a car seat?

Hallie

Oh, Ness is in the trunk.

[laughter.]

Emily

Hop needs to go in the trunk too.

Kyle

I had specific pouches that I said were Ness sized.

Hallie

Oh my god. Were they not in the trunk?

Kyle

No. They’re in the front. They’re in the mouth.

Hallie

Well Ness is in the pouch.

Kyle

Okay. He’s in the mouth pouch.

Hallie

He’s in the mouth pouch.

Kyle

Okay. Ness is in the mouth pouch. Misha’s in the driver’s seat.

Hallie

Misha’s in the driver’s seat…

Emily

Elee’s making sure Xoc is buckled.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Indignant.] I know how to buckle.

Kyle

Xoc’s in a seat being buckled by Elee.

Tom

[Irritated.] Mom~!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

And Ein is just walking between everyone handing out the “hello, my name is” cards and sharpies.

Emily (as Elee)

[Hushed but authoritative.] I know you think you don’t need a seatbelt, but you need a seatbelt.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Irritated.] I know how to buckle. God.

Emily (as Elee)

You weren’t gonna do it. I saw you.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Grumbling.] yeah, I will.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Ari

Misha is very excited to have shared this moment with their friends.

Emily

Aww!

Ari

They are going to be telling, like,

Ari (as Misha)

This is the Tirefly! This used to be my car! And this is the…

Ari

They are going to be like pointing at different things. This is the driver’s seat. This is the… buckle. I don't know. I don't know car parts well.

Tom

Aww…

Kyle

I like to imagine at one point… Misha, are you buckled?

Ari

No, unless somebody buckles Misha.

Emily

Oh, Elee is going to buckle Misha if Misha is not going to buckle.

[Music ends.]

Ari

[Laughs.] I imagine that Elee is doing that while Misha is pointing at everything else.

Kyle

Elee, I want you to take a GM Intrusion.

Ari

Oh no.

Emily

[Nervously.] Okay.

Kyle

Who do you give the other point to?

Emily

Um… Just this moment together of Misha being excited and Elee being like no-no, no-no, we buckle, means that Ari should get this.

Ari

[Giggles.] Excellent.

Kyle

Elee, roll me Might defense.

Emily

Great! Love it. Always want to do that.

Ari

Oh no…

Emily

[Grumbles, rolls.] Okay. So, how does a 7 do me?

Kyle

Well, you don’t hurt Ein.

Emily

Okay good.

Kyle

Because I like to believe that as Elee is going to buckle, and Misha’s like and this and this and this, Misha just goes “and this is the ignition!”

Hallie

[Yelps a laugh.]

Ari

Oh no!

Kyle

[Laughing.] And slams down on it.

[Laughter and deep breathing.]

And with a ribbit, the Tirefly just revs to life and speeds forward.

[Eurobeat race music begins.]

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

Elee, you are catapulted to the back of this frog and you just slam on the back. [Laughs.]

Emily (as Elee)

Misha, you need to buckle!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

Did Elee get to buckle Misha on time?

Hallie

I assume that yes.

Tom

Elee sacrificed herself to get that buckle.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Elee, you okay?

Emily (as Elee)

[Disoriented.] I’m fine. Everything’s fine.

Ari (as Misha)

My apologies, Elee!

Emily (as Elee)

It’s fine!

Kyle

Alright, so Misha, you are flying out of here. You just burst out of the back of Big Red. It opens up and you skid around and you’re racing towards the ladybug. I’m gonna say that the Ladybug doesn’t have any obstacles. You have three turns to get to it.

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

So you have to move five spaces in three turns.

Ari

Is it just me or are the other—

Kyle

No, it’s just you. You’re just driving.

Ari

Oh my goodness. So, what coolio controls are in here? Is there something that could maybe, like, a little thing that makes it jump or something? Some cool thing in there?

Kyle

A bounce pad. There is absolutely a bounce pad inside of it. You know that button, when you press it, it will cause it to launch vertically in the air with pretty much the same momentum that you’re keeping moving forward.

Ari

Okay. I don't know if like, because I have 3 XP, I could spend some to make it leap forward more…

Kyle

Yeah. Yeah-yeah-yeah. How about, so, to do something greater than normal that is a 2 XP.

Ari

I will expend 2 XP.

Kyle

[Laughs.] So, yeah, tell me how you find and you press this button and you move it into

[With a growl.] maximum overdrive.

Ari

Okay. Yeah. Misha knows that button, like they just know exactly where it is like manually don’t even have to look at it. They know that maybe if they press it while also leaning on the seat a little bit further back and pushing a lever or something it will cause the car to somehow – I don't know physics, but this car is weird – launch it forward a little bit more just by a little movement angle that they do and also the button that they push.

Hallie

Like how when you’re playing a video game, when you lean because you think that’s gonna make you turn more effectively.

[00:45:00]

Tom

But it works.

Ari

[Smiling.] yeah!

Kyle

I’m gonna say Misha did this so hoppin’—

[Mocking his mistake.] Hoppin’.

Ari

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Misha did this so often that they would hop in their seat alongside it, so Ein has upgraded it so that the little hop motion actually is another button that presses in the Tirefly.

Ari

Nice.

Kyle

So Misha hops and presses the button and the thing does a double hop. It does a video game double-jump, just boop, boop, higher in the air, and it just flies forward, and you are now three out of the five you gotta do. You have two more turns.

[Music fades.]

Ari

Oh my god.

[Stressed and grumbling.] Oh no…

Can I use my Matter Cloud to either make the other car slow down more or to give it another boost for it to just…

[Makes a whooshing sound.] Like, it’s that thing with air, and I know it’s a car… I’m really terrible at physics.

Kyle

[Smiling.] yeah, give me a roll for this one.

Ari

Yeah, this is fine.

[Rolls.] Ten.

Kyle

The cloud goes up and it accidentally gunks up the bounce pad.

Ari

[Groaning.] No…

Kyle

So instead of nicely hovering down, the car flips and is just spinning in the air.

Hallie

Nooo!

Ari

Oh noooo!

[Laughing.] Hopper is spinning again!

Hallie

[Laughing.] No! I just got done with spinning!

Tom

[Smiling, with compassion.] Oh Hopper.

Kyle

As you’re spinning through the air, Misha, you can just see

[Bouncy trombone music begins.]

Rotating alongside you, so he is rotating but it looks to you like he is motionless…

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

You just see CK like,

Kyle (as CK)

Hey there, sib!

Ari (as Misha)

Do not talk to me.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as CK)

Oh, and I brought something helpful here to help you out.

Kyle

He grabs a colorful box from behind his back and he just tosses it towards you.

Ari (as Misha)

What am I supposed to do with this?

Kyle

He just shrugs with six arms.

Kyle (as CK)

I’ve never driven one of these before.

Ari

Okay. Is there a place to put this box?

Tom

We learned how to use them earlier when Ness did it.

Kyle

Yeah. Actually, no, Misha doesn’t know what to do, but Ness turns and he knows what to do.

Hallie (as Ness)

Oh! Ohhh~, the box!

Ari (as Misha)

Ness! Do you know how to use this to maybe stop it spinning or slow down the other car?

Hallie (as Ness)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Well, I hope it does those things, but you gotta just take it and then, and then pray.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Misha)

Uh…

[Music fades.]

Hallie

And then I assume that the way… as…

[Defeated.] How do you use a box, Kyle?

Tom

You just slammed it into Jimmy’s car and it activated.

Hallie (as Ness)

You just slam it.

Ari

Is there a cannon launcher or something?

Kyle

There is a small circular hole, and by Speedy Speed Boy logic you can fit a square peg in a circular hole.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Ness slams that square into the hole.

Tom

Just slam dunks it in.

Ari

[Smiling.] Yep.

Kyle

Alright, in that case, Hallie, you’re gonna have to roll. Give me a 1d100.

Ari

Oh no!

Hallie

A 1d100?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

Okay.

[Rolls.] Ninety.

Ari

Ooh.

Kyle

[Chuckling.] Oh my god. That is a very good one. So, this is a Teleporter.

Ari

Ohhh!

Kyle

The user teleports – and in this case the user is not Ness, the user is the car – teleports up to 100 times the cypher level, which we’ll just say 5.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle

In miles, to a location he has previously visited.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

He arrives safely with his possessions but cannot take anything else with him.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

So this is a problem.

Ari

[Urgently.] Is it gonna teleport without us?!

Hallie

[Laughing.] We’re just like in mid-air like true cartoon style with nothing under us for a second before we all realize ohhh no.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom

I would define we are the car’s inventory, so we are their possessions.

Ari

Oh, okay.

Kyle

Especially because you’re all inside of the mouth, which is where a frog would hold its possessions so to speak.

Ari

Well, and teleporting right on top of the car, of the other car would be fun, to like just land on top of it.

Tom

Just squash the Ladybug?!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

Well, I mean, what if we like clip it and it spins out? That’s a thing that you do in car battles.

Hallie

Yeah.

Ari

I… yeah, whatever is fine.

Kyle

So, we’re focusing on these legs, [Jagged rapid stepping noises.]

[Heroic synth music plays.]

As the Ladybug is just flying away at the speed of sound, and suddenly, up out of the corner

[Frog croaks.]

This giant purple frog flies out of the sky and hits the front corner of the Ladybug which skids around as the frog just blump… blump… blump, kind of gracefully, because Misha gunked up the gears, hits the ground and settles into this bog which the Ladybug doesn’t sink into because it’s on the little legs, and this doesn’t sink in too, because it’s a frog car, but it just kind of settles.

[Music ends.]

And in the silence you just hear,

Kyle (as Stein)

[Very long descending tone, sounding disappointed.]

Emily (as Elee)

[Strained.] This is why you buckle, kids.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

[Outro music begins, “Hitoshio” by Miracle of Sound.]

I cannot believe Elee Badge is the one saying that line.

Kyle

Elee is—[Laughs.]

Emily

Elee doesn’t buckle.

[00:50:00]

Kyle

Yeah. Elee’s climbing out of the back. She has like just so many other assorted outfits and items and doodads and just things from the trunk of this car.

Ari

Misha will turn around smiling and say,

Ari (as Misha)

[Excitedly.] So? What did you think?

[Outro song swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Ari (as Misha)

I believe my scarf has seen something. What have you seen? Do you want me to go there?

Kyle

It opens its mouth again.

Kyle (as scarf)

[In an aggressive, raspy voice.] Yeah! I told you I can’t talk too much, Misha. I don't know why you keep asking me these questions.

Ari

[Smiling, defensively.] I know that, Kyle!

Kyle

[Smiling.] I’m sorry. I had to bring that back.

Ari

[Chuckling.] My god!

Kyle

Yes. It nods. It nods its head at you.

Ari

[Laughing.] Okay.

Kyle

It is not literally Guy Fieri as a car.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom

It’s just got a face on the front like a Thomas the Tank Engine train, or car?

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

Oh nooo!

Hallie

I don’t like that!

Tom

It’s fine! It’s not creepy, damn it!

Hallie

It is!

Ari

It is, though.

Tom

Die on this hill. It was my fucking childhood.

Kyle

There was a gag I wanted to include. I’m gonna try to include it, see if we can include it.

And Xoc, you in the background, you feel just three robotic arms lean on your shoulder as three other ones go towards your hand, and a voice just says,

Kyle (as CK)

And hello, my name is CK.

Tom

Xoc is going to pick up the stronglass staff, hold it sideways, and just slowly shove CK away.

Emily

[laughs.]

Tom (as Xoc)

My name is Xoc. Please don’t touch me.

Emily

The children are being terrible, but you know.

Hallie

Well like, I mean—

Emily

They are using the bad words and we’re gonna have to have a talk with them.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

I love the purple frog so much.

Ari

I love the purple frog.

Tom

I looked it up on Google Images and now I know why the chat picture changed to a weird mole-looking thing.

Ari

[Pinched with laughter.] It’s a frog!

Tom

Why is there a mole frog? What is this Avatar: The Last Airbender creature?

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

I love it! It’s like you mix a possum and a frog, like you put them together and you get this thing.

Tom

Like, it legitimately looks like a mole from some angles but slimier.

Hallie

Oh, THAT’S what the chat picture changed to.

Ari

[Giggles.]

Hallie

I didn’t know and assumed it was something I should have known, so I just didn’t say anything.

Tom

Oh god.

Ari

No…

Hallie

[Laughing.] So that no one would call me out for it.

Tom

This gross, lumpy frog.

Ari

[Filled with joy.] The face is so small and the body is so big. It’s just this big body.

Tom

Sometimes the body is just too separate blobs blobbing out to the side. What the fuck?

Ari

[Laughs.] It’s such a Ninth World animal in our First World. Like, what is it doing here?

Tom

Whomst the fuck?

Hallie

It’s skin looks like Laffy Taffy.

Ari

Oh, gross. [Laughs.]

Hallie

Like somebody just took a frog and covered it in Laffy Taffy.

Tom

I ask any creationists to try and look at this creature and say this was an intentional design decision.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ari

[Laughs.] It could be just a 3 AM, like, oh my god, I’m so tired and I have to make another billion species. Fuck this thing. This is an animal now.

Tom

I guess this is good enough now. We’re gonna stop editing here.

[Laughter.] 

[Episode ends - 00:53:25.]