Ep. 7: The Clockwork City, Part 3

Previously, on Quest Friends...

[Opening theme, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound, begins.]

Kyle

And in the center, with these black spiders just crawling all over this, stands a figure with this large imposing armor, and kind of, like, the fake Viking helmet, so with, like you know the horns? Xoc, you’ve been standing against the wall this whole time, and as you have, you haven’t noticed it but one of the spiders, as it leaves, was accidentally blocked by you and in attempt to get out, climbed up your staff.

Tom

Xoc is actually going to start screaming right now.

Emily

Oh noooo!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay, okay. How do you get spiders out of people?

Kyle (as Sue)

Go to the Queen’s manors and request to see a Mr. Mako. Mr. Mako is a good friend of mine and the best medic I can see, and he’s currently working for Queen Armalu in Charmonde.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Let’s take Xoc to insert location that was just said that I can’t remember.

[Opening theme intensifies.]

Ari (as Misha)

Well, this was certainly a delightful diversion, but may I remind you that we came here to rescue Mako from this place that he is kept on.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, that’s kind of a hitch in our plans here that he was arrested for treason.

Ari (as Misha)

I suppose that means that we should rescue him from whatever place is capturing him.

Tom

Xoc’s gonna rub his, his forehead a little bit because of the persisting headache, and say,

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, where’s the palace? We need to get in somehow. Didn’t the tour guides say we could give gifts or something?

Ari (as Misha)

Hmm.

Kyle

As you say that, someone walks by and says,

Kyle (as Passerby)

Ho boy, I’m so excited to meet the Queen and give her this gift that I’ve got for her! I’m gonna go and stand in line, like everyone else who’s allowed to.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, I do believe this is the way we should, we should go…

Kyle

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Let’s just follow this kid!

Kyle

[Continues Laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

We’re very lucky that this person was really interested in telling strangers what he was doing.

Hallie

Actually, can I run up to the kid?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hi, excuse me, I was just wondering, what are you, uh, I couldn’t help but overhear you saying that you were gonna go give a gift to the Queen. Uh, what kind of gifts does-does one normally give to the Queen here?

Kyle (as Passerby)

Well, she likes any sort of oddity and excitement, so I’ve been working really hard on this for her.

Kyle

And he picks it up, and it’s a macaroni drawing that says, “I love you. Heart, Barry.”

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Ah! I have a thing.

Ari (as Misha)

I do believe I also have a thing that the Queen might find amazing.

Ari

And then Misha is gonna take out the rock that Misha bought, and say,

Emily

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

Well, this seems to be quite a unique rock since it is shaped like the face of a human. So -

Tom (as Xoc)

I agree with that!

Hallie

Hopper is gonna look back at the kid and then say,

Ari

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

I think your macaroni drawing is very nice, um, does she usually accept gifts of that nature?

Kyle (as Barry)

Well, I don’t know! Usually they’re not quite as impressive, uh, but I’ve tried really hard to make the best thing. But I’m sure whatever you gave her, so long as it came from a good and pure heart, she would like. But I don’t know, I’m not in Charmonde that often. 

Hallie (as Hopper)

And is it, uh, a gift per person, or can people go in on a group gift?

Kyle (as Barry)

Well I mean I wouldn’t know, I’m just me, and I’m the only one giving the gift.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay.

Kyle (as Barry)

Um, so I’m, I’m both, so I wouldn’t know. But I guess if it was a good enough gift, then maybe.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay. 

Emily (as Elee)

Give her the rock.

Hallie (as Hopper)

So, if all four of us gave her this rock, that’d be okay.

Kyle (as Barry)

Wooooah! Is that ano- is that a fifth person? I don’t think you can give people away!

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, no, sorry for the confusion. This is not indeed a person, but I was confused myself when I first saw it. It’s only a rock that it looks like a face.

Kyle (as Barry)

Woooah! No, you totally could do that!

Ari

Misha’s going to look very proud of the rock.

Hallie (as Hopper)

So, just to clarify – you think that would be a good group gift from all four of us, if we all wanted to get into Queen’s palace, to go see the Queen to give this to her?

Kyle (as Barry)

Well I mean, I would like it.

Hallie

Hopper looks at the camera.

All

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, in the worst-case scenario, we can always sweeten the deal with this box that I’ve taken from Marshal’s cabin.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, what is that box?

Tom (as Xoc)

I guess it’s the box that Marshal came in originally.

Hallie (as Hopper)

What’s in the box?

Kyle (as Barry)

Whoa, you can, you can fit a rock in there!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Perfect. That’ll work, alright.

Ari (as Misha)

We could put the rock in the box! That would be double the gift! She will be the most impressed!

Kyle (as Barry)

It’s like a surprise!

Hallie

Hopper’s gonna be a little bit, like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

I wish we had remembered that we needed to get a gift when we were in the store, buying things, that could have gone better.

Kyle (as Barry)

Well, you all are, you all are super smart, I’m actually, um, oh no, I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go over to the Tanager District. I’m gonna get myself a box. Thanks so much! Bye!

Kyle

And he runs away.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay. Thank you for your assistance! 

[5:01.]

Tom (as Xoc)

I don’t think that child will actually get to see the Queen.

Kyle

Yeah, so you see the kid run away, and you see him run towards the anthill, which is what I’m gonna call that hill that looks like an ant hill, so you start crossing the bridges and rooftops that comprise the majority of foot passageways in Charmonde, and as you make your way through this path towards the giant anthill, you notice that its dirt corridors are filled with an assortment of human constructions, including buildings of various sizes and qualities, outcroppings that perilously protrude out of the hillside, and a few waterfalls that splash into the river below. Something interesting that you notice actually is that all of the water passageways that are Charmonde’s streets flow towards this river that’s beneath the anthill. The river is pretty thick and surrounds the hill like a moat, rotating counter-clockwise. Six bridges cross over the moat, connecting this northern anthill to the rest of the city. So, yeah, if you walk over the bridges, you’ll notice that in the center of this anthill, spiralling up like a corkscrew is this really wide, finely pressed together cobblestone that makes essentially like a wide, spiral staircase, but instead of stairs is a flat surface that slants up at a 30-degree angle, kind of, like, you know those spiral things you drive up in the parking lot.

Hallie

Like a ramp.

Tom

It’s a ramp!

Kyle

And that seems to, that spirals all the way up the hill to the Queen’s palace, occasionally separates off into different passageways. 

Hallie

Is there any foot traffic now, like, is it busy, or?

Kyle

Oh yeah, it’s moderately busy, but people seem to be really, uh, there are some, like, carts you see going through, but every traffic on there seems pretty deliberate. If you look to the sides, you’ll see a lot of traffic in each of the districts, but, otherwise, most of the traffic on the corkscrew seems to be of large carriages or of people deliberately walking from one district to the other. But for most part, everyone kind of stays in their area, and those are really packed.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

So, you walk up, and up and up and up and up and up and up and up, and as you reach the top of the walkway, you find yourselves in a large courtyard surrounded by tall shrubbery. In front of you is the Queen’s palace, which is a three-story-tall building that looks remarkably like the famous Forbidden City building in Beijing, China, so, like, the first floor is this imposing brick wall with a large hallway cut out into the middle of it, while the second and third stories are more finely crafted structures made out of wood and twine. Rooms are on the second and third story, attached to an open-air hallway that surrounds the second and third floors, you know, kind of like a motel has those walkways? It’s like that. And the cobblestone path you’ve been walking to, the final one, is now splitting up into multiple smaller paths that weave through hedge sculptures of famous heroes and legendary beasts, and you see a really long line of, like, you see people surrounding these shrubs in this kind of weird, curving line. [Dramatically.] What do you do?

Tom

Xoc will take his place in line.

Hallie

Yeah, I’ll second that.

Kyle

As you stand in line, a man turns over and says,

Kyle (as Upset Man)

Hey, hey! What--what do you think you’re doing?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uh, seeing the Queen?

Ari (as Misha)

We think we are standing in line, as you can certainly see. 

Kyle (as Upset Man)

[Indignant.] Standing in line? By the Scrat? Do you think you can just skip the line? Um, like everybody else, you gotta follow the line, starting over there.

Kyle

And he points to a shrub that’s right by the hallway, and he says,

Kyle (as Upset Man)

[Still indignant.] Just like everybody else, the proper order, you have to start at the Jack, circle around to the Piper, offer at least 2 berries to the Scrat but no more than 5, wait 6 hours under the Moonlight Dancer and then circle back around to the Piper to the Jack, but make sure to go counter-counter-clockwise, otherwise you’re just gonna end up in the back of the line again, and there, and finally then, you can walk up to the palace doors. You can’t just walk to the Scrat halfway through the line like you’re some hot shit!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Uhhh.

Ari

Misha’s gonna try to be taking notes of all of that.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Is, uh, why? Yes.

Kyle (as Upset Man)

[Indignant tone intensifies.] There is an order and a system, okay? And you can’t, just because you’re some fancy dance-y explorers from around, from over in the Black Riage or up in the Cloud Crystal Sky Fields. You can’t just act like you’re some hot shit and skip the line!

Tom

Xoc is going to, like, put on hand on Hopper’s shoulder in like a “hold my beer” kind of move.

All

[Laughter.]

Xoc

And he is going to step forward, tweak his hood a little bit, strike his staff upon the ground, and say,

Tom (as Xoc)

I’m not sure you’ve ever met a mighty wizard before. But remember this day, for this is the day you encountered Xoc, Wizard of the East, here to bring important tidings to your noble kingdom.

Tom

And he will do a flourish of his hand.

Kyle

Are you trying to persuade or intimidate?

Tom

Uhhh, mm, uh, uh, you know, can it be a little bit of both? I don’t really know entirely.

Kyle

Okay, so a little.

Hallie

Intimisuade.

[9:56.]

Tom

Intimisuade. How many penalties do I take on this roll? I take the one because of the spider guts, but do I take my, my other one for pleasant social interaction?

Kyle

Holy shit, yes, you do!

[Laughter.]

Tom

[With a defeated yet determined tone.] Alright, alright, alright, that’s fine.

Kyle

But you’ll get one back for that, uh, that flourish, because that was good roleplayin’.

Tom

Alright, so only one step harder than normal.

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

How much, alright, can I spend a level of effort on this?

Kyle

Mhm.

Tom

[Laughter.] Alright, so it’s just a straight-up roll. 

[Dice rolling.] 

Uhhh, the die got messed up, can I reroll that?

Kyle

[In joking disbelief.] Oh, of course, it got “messed up”!

Tom

No, I, I’m serious, it landed with the points facing up. I’m not joking.

Kyle

Oh no, it landed on its side, so impressive!

Ari

It landed with the 1 facing up, you mean!

All

[Laughter.]

Tom

Let me turn on the light too, because it’s getting really hard to read things in here, so dark.

Kyle

[Still teasing.] Oh man, like yeah, I can’t read that, is that, uh? That looks like--oh it must be 2 aligns, it’s definitely an 11.

Tom

[Laughter.] No, shut up, it got stuck in a corner, I promise! 

[Dice rolling.]

Tom

[Jubilantly.] 19!

All

[Celebratory noises.]

Kyle

19. Alright. You impressed this guy so much, he’s like,

Kyle (as Upset Man)

Well, I guess I can see you’re a pretty important person. Um, personally, I think the Queen might be able to make some exceptions for ya, but that’s--that’s not my choice to make. If it’s that important, I’ve been here for 5 hours already, you could take my place in line.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Okay! [Laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

You are kind and noble, sir. 

Kyle (as Upset Man)

Alright, I guess I’ll just come back to the front of line, then! I, you know, my daughter can wait for her medicine another day longer.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Are you asking the Queen for medicine?

Tom (as Xoc)

What sort of medicine does she need?

Kyle (as Upset Man)

[With a tone of carefree worry.] I don’t know, she got down with this weird sickness, it was, like, she got bitten by a spider or something.

All

[Groaning.]

Kyle (as Upset Man)

We were just walking through, we were walking past the town, and this, like, uh, broken hound came up to us, and usually they’re--they’re pretty mean but this one was really nice, and it had this spider on it that I guess it just bit my daughter, so, uh, she’s in pretty bad shape, but I guess I can wait a little longer, she’s holding up pretty well.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Ah, uh, hm.

Tom

I was going to give him my healing items, [Tapping on mic and with an accusing tone.] but you had to make this personal, didn’t you, Kyle? I can’t just have something.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

How does this requesting thing with the Queen work? We could ask for your medicine for you.

Kyle (as Upset Man)

[With a tone of uncertainty.] I mean, if you give the Queen something good enough, I haven’t tried it before, to be honest--I’m not from Charmonde--but, uh, I mean I’m always told that she’s benevolent, so I’ve figured that if I gave her something good enough, maybe she could, uh, give me something back? At the very least I’ll get some of time.

Ari (as Misha)

Well, uh, what is it that you were trying to give the Queen? We could put it alongside our gifts and request the medicine that you need and give it to you later.

Kyle (as Upset Man)

I mean, it’s not much, but it’s this,

Kyle

And he holds up the most radiant ru--not the most--but he holds up a really radiant ruby that’s just glittering with dozens and thousands of lights swirling around inside of it, kind of like its own little cosmos. This is, like, an heirloom that would have lasted for generations. And he says,

Kyle (as Upset Man)

I mean, it’s not much, but, I mean, if you can take it and help my family out, I would appreciate it.

Emily

I’m gonna pull all of you back a little bit.

Emily (as Elee)

[Whispering.] Why don’t we just break in?

Ari (as Misha)

I believe this is not the most appropriate, rule-abiding thing to do.

Tom

Xoc is trying to, like, conceal, like, the look of abject horror on his face and then he says,

Tom (as Xoc)

If we get in and we find, we find Mr. Mako, that’s maybe our best chance of actually getting medicine for him. I don’t think the Queen has anything for what, what we did. If we take his gift with ours, maybe we have a better chance of getting in? We can get something for him, we know who to look for.

Emily (as Elee)

Okay, but like, this gift is for the Queen, right? She’s not gonna give us Mr. Mako.

Ari (as Misha)

But that’s what I was hoping to convince her.

Emily (as Elee)

Let’s just break in, leave him with the gift …

Tom (as Xoc)

The plan was always to get in anyway, right? And then just sneak around?

Ari (as Misha)

I do believe it might be better to get in in the most inconspicuous way possible, which might be through this line, and afterwards we can go and explore the castle, and rescue Mr. Mako, plus getting the medicine that this man needs, and that Xoc needs.

Hallie

Hopper is thinking, he’s doing that like Shuichi pose with his hand over his mouth. [Laughter.]

Hallie

And he’s gonna say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Did he say it would  take six hours to get in?

Tom (as Xoc)

Yes.

Hallie (as Hopper)

From, if we take his place in line will it take six hours?

Emily(as Elee)

It’ll take one hour.

Hallie (as Hopper)

This town is weird. Um, I don’t know if the Queen is gonna be able to help us. I just wanna get inside.

Tom (as Xoc)

I thought this was our plan for getting inside.

Hallie (as Hopper)

We didn’t have one! We just, we have a rock! That’s all we have, we have a rock and a box.

[14:54.]

Tom

Xoc is gonna turn back to the guy and say,

Tom (as Xoc) 

I swear to you on my honor as a wizard that if you assist us on getting inside the palace, we will find medicine for your daughter.

Kyle (as Upset Man)

Thank you, Wizard, I really appreciate that! What’s your name?

Tom (as Xoc)

My name is Xoc, Wizard of the East.

Kyle (as Upset Man)

Thank you, Xoc, thank you.

Kyle

He’s like,

Kyle (as Upset Man)

My name is “Hairy” Jerry. My name is “Hairy” Jerry, um, it’s my nickname, I work with, you don’t need to know why it’s my nickname. My name is “Hairy” Jerry! I’m from Fasten. If you can’t find me here, you can always find me there.

Hallie

Fasten? Is that a district?

Tom 

It’s a village outside of the city.

Kyle (as “Hairy” Jerry)

Thank you so much, thank you!

Kyle

And he’s gonna walk just, he’s gonna walk away and you can see that he has tears in his eyes from joy.

Tom

Out of curiosity, did he give us the jewel or did he just keep it?

Kyle

He gave it to you. Who has it?

Ari

Uh, I mean, I was the one that asked for it, but who has the box? Because we can put it in the box.

Tom

Xoc. I’ll give Misha the box to present.

Ari

Okay.

Hallie

This rock and this ruby!

All

[Laughter.]

Ari

It’s not just a rock, it’s a rock that looks like a face.

Kyle

[Singing.] One of these things it’s not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong.

Hallie

Alright, um, so there are people in front of us in the line, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

Can I tap one on the shoulder and just ask, like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hey, how long have you been in the line, just out of curiosity?

Kyle

They’re gonna look at you, and with a huff look back forward.

Hallie

Hopper didn’t expect to be just so rudely dismissed that way.

Ari

Oh, perhaps this person is hard of hearing,

All

[Laughter.]

Ari

And then Misha is going to increase their voice and be, like,

Ari (as Misha)

[Loudly.] Excuse me, sir, but my friend here, Hopper Scotch, asked a question as to how long you have remained in this location.

Emily

Elee is at this point cracking her knuckles.

Kyle

They’re gonna turn over and they’re gonna “shhhhhh”, and they’re gonna turn over and roll their eyes, and turn over to the person,

Kyle (as Person in Line)

Ugh, they’re just like this obnoxious oddity hunter.

Tom (as Xoc)

Oddity hunter?

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh no, oh no, watch out, watch out!

Kyle

Hop, I’m gonna need you to roll speed defense.

Hallie

[Dice rolling.] 

8.

Kyle

Alright. This big, like, Santa’s sack of just junk rolls on top of you and knocks you prone, and you stop it. And it, like, kind of rolls back a little bit, and you take, um, let’s say 4 points of damage.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Gah, ow!

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And this, like, bag of shit rolls on top of you and then rolls back. And you, it gets pushed to the side as you’re on the ground. 

Kyle (as Jesse)

[Apologetically.] I’m really, really sorry, I was trying really, really hard, just lost control of me, and … [Incredulous tone.] Mr. Hopper?

Hallie

Hopper will kind of, will get off the ground and kind of dust himself off, and then look at the person and say,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Do I know you? Ow, first of all.

Kyle

Um, as you get up, you see this person who’s, like, young, they’re probably like 20-21, wearing just a random smattering of clothing with a big explorers’ backpack, and they say,

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh no, no, no, no, um, my, ugh, ho, ho, I didn’t think this was gonna happen so soon! Um, no, my my,

Kyle

And they reach out for a handshake and say,

Kyle (as Jesse)

[Having a huge fan moment.] My name is Jesse, I’m just, I’ve been following your work, sir, and I’m a really big fan of it, like, like the way, the way you solved the Caper and Jyrak, or the way that you’ve figured out the mystery of the Golden Sanctum, I’m just really impressed with your work, sir!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Surprised.] Oh, thank you! 

Hallie

Hopper is very taken aback right now, but he’s, like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Alright, yeah, yeah, what’s your name, kid? No, you’ve just said that, didn’t you?

Kyle (as Jesse)

Is, is Miss Lorraine round here too?

Hallie

Hopper’s face goes completely blank just, it goes from a smile to just nothing, like, it wipes away real fast and he goes,

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Without emotion.] Nope.

Kyle (as Jesse)

That’s a shame, I was really hoping to see both of you, but you know I’m sure she’s off doing something important, gettin’ up to no good like usual!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Still without emotion.] Yeah, she probably is.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Well, I’m Jesse, well no I, shit, I’ve already said that. Um, so, I don’t mean to brag, but I’m an oddity hunter for the Queen.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Really!

Kyle (as Jesse)

I get a bunch of artifacts to give to her, and I actually, I know it’s a lot to ask, but could I ask your help in something?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yes.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Because I really need an ace accountant for the issue that I’m having right now.

Emily

[Laughter.] Ace accountant.

Hallie

Hopper is a little bit excited to be asked to do accountant things, so he’s,

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, yeah, what do you need help with?

Kyle (as Jesse)

So, my group of oddity hunters, about 2 years ago when we started, we gave the Queen 12 oddities, so that was 2 years ago and then we all went off to get our own oddities. And since then, she’s demanded a gift of oddities that’s twice as large as the total number of oddities she’s received from us. So, she got 12 the first year, and then the second year she got twice as many as that, and now I have to give her twice the total amount, um, and I think I got enough, but I don’t know if I have enough, and I was just hoping that an ace accountant like you could help me out!

Hallie

Hopper is gonna push back his hat a little bit, the way, like, sheriffs do before they really get nitty gritty with their work. [Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

So, you gave her 12 the first year and then 24 the second year, and she wants double that total?

Kyle (as Jesse)

That’s correct. She wants double the total amount.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Well I think that’d be 48, Jesse. 48 oddities.

Tom

Ehhh.

Hallie

Right? I’m not good at math, but Hopper is, so can I, like, roll to do this?

[20:00.]

Tom

It’s double the total, not last year’s total. It should be 72, right? Because the total is 36, and double that--

Hallie

Is it?

Tom

--is 72.

Hallie

No, but he said double, no, 12 the first year, and double that is 24, I’m confident in that.

Tom

And then double the overall total. 12 and 24 is 36.

Hallie

Oh, right, that’s an overall total.

Hallie (as Hopper)

If it’s the total amount – 72!

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh, 70- oh, no …

Kyle 

And over their face, he just gets really pale.

Kyle (as Jesse)

I only have 71. 

Emily

Ahhh.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Do you have an oddity or an artifact that you could spare to help me out?

Emily

Ahhh.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Out of curiosity, what happens if you don’t give her that many oddities?

Kyle (as Jesse)

The Queen gets pretty upset when she doesn’t get the total amount that she wants, but, I mean, if you give me, I’m sure she’ll be happy enough, like, I can even bring you and your friends along, and we could showcase, you know, all the great people who gave me this stuff!

Tom (as Xoc)

Does anyone have an oddity? Because I do not.

Ari (as Misha)

I have two oddities.

Kyle

I mean, oddity includes everything you want, which does include the ruby, the ruby was an oddity.

Hallie

Oh, it was? Oh, perfect.

Tom

Cool.

Emily (as Elee)

I have a question.

Ari

A question?

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh, I’m sorry, what’s your question? Sorry, what--what’s your name?

Emily (as Elee)

Elee.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh, it’s great to meet you, miss Elee. Um, what’s the question you have?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Miss?

Emily (as Elee)

Nevermind. Um, can I give you a rat? Is it odd enough to give you a rat, like a really dead rat?

Kyle (as Jesse)

I mean, is there something special about this rat?

Emily (as Elee)

It’s… quite… edible?

Hallie (as Hopper)

It’s very dead.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh, so it’s like an infinitely, like ao you can eat this rat forever, it’s like infinitely repeating.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Confidently.] I think the ruby would work,

Hallie

Hopper interjects.

Tom (as Xoc)

Um, I wanted to give it back to the guy when we brought the medicine.

Hallie

Alright, okay. 

Tom (as Xoc)

If we have any other oddities, any at all?

Emily (as Elee)

What about a hat pin that I stabbed a spider with.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh, is it, like, is it a deadly pin?

Emily (as Elee)

Oh, very deadly, like I killed a whole spider with it.

Hallie

[Laughter.] A whole spider, as opposed to a part of a spider.

Kyle

We’re going to get this kid killed, we’re gonna get him executed.

Hallie

This adorable child.

Kyle (as Jesse)

No, I don’t think it would be that impressive if it was just a spider. I mean, I understand you’re very busy adventurers, but if you can help me out, I get it.

Hallie

I don’t want to get this adorable child killed.

Ari

However, I can Google things about the Queen.

Hallie

Oh yeah, you can ask the Datasphere!

Ari

I want to ask the Datasphere what sort of gifts does the Queen …

Kyle

Yeah, what are you typing into--that’s the Google-- what kind of gifts does the Queen like?

Ari

Well, does Queen, does she have a name? What’s her name?

Kyle

Armalu.

Ari

What does Queen Armalu like?

Kyle

Yeah, you see a couple of articles, you see a summary of episode of Hoarders, and it’s like Hoarders: Queen Armalu. And at the bottom, you see a bunch of basically Yelp reviews for Queen Armalu that are all 5-star, inexplicably, but you notice a recurring gag of, like, “yeah she didn’t even look at my gift, but she just knew it was great, she didn’t even have to look at it.” A recurring message is basically that Queen Armalu hoards everything and anything.

Ari

So anything goes.

Kyle

And when people give their gifts, she doesn’t even look at them before accepting them.

Ari

Okay good, because I don’t want to give my oddities. I almost gave my scarf away!

Emily

Oh no!

Hallie

I would’ve given up mine before the scarf.

Kyle

What are you gonna give him?

Tom

Let’s give him the Marshal box.

Emily

Yeah, let’s give him the box.

Hallie

Yeah.

Kyle (as Jesse)

What is this thing?

Hallie (as Hopper)

It’s a box.

[Dramatic music begins playing.]

Tom (as Xoc)

We’ve discovered it beneath the Black Riage. It’s a container for our machine intelligence.

Ari (as Misha)

It held a great evil, and therefore it has great power.

Tom (as Xoc)

Think of it like an egg shell. The machine intelligence grew in here, then outgrew it and expanded.

Kyle

He grabs it and flicks it on a little bit, and he looks super impressed and then puts it in his sack. He’s like,

[Dramatic music ends.]

Kyle (as Jesse)

Thank you so much! Uh, what were your names?

Kyle

And he points to Xoc and Misha.

Tom (as Xoc)

My name is Xoc, Wizard of the East.

Ari (as Misha)

My name is Machine In Suit of Human Armor, but as humans appear to like nicknames better, uh you can call me Misha which is the abbreviation of my nomenclature.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Well, thank you so much Mr. Xoc, Wizard of the East, and Mx. Misha, I really appreciate it. Yeah, if you want, you can just follow me to the front of the line, I’ve got someone holding it for me!

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, that is greatly appreciated.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Alright, let’s do it!

Kyle

They’re gonna lift up this heavy sack and just carry it over their shoulder, swinging back and forth.

Hallie

Hopper is intentionally going to walk to the other side of where the bag is so as not to be hit by it again.

Emily

Elee is impressed by the strength.

Tom

Now, Kyle I need you to repeat the name of Hopper’s companion because I didn’t have a chance to write it down quickly enough.

Kyle

Miss Lorraine.

Tom

That was it. Xoc is going to give a look over Hopper as they walk.

Tom (as Xoc)

Who is Miss Lorraine?

Hallie (as Hopper)

No one. No one at all, just a person, just a person.

Emily (as Elee)

Old flame?

Hallie (as Hopper)

No!

Hallie

He looks almost upset and goes,

Hallie (as Hopper)

No, god no, absolutely not, no.

[25:00.]

Tom

I’m gonna find an image for a look that Xoc is giving them while we walk, everyone else carry on.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, can you describe the image though for people who will be listening?

Tom

Oh of course, yeah, our viewers won’t be able to see that. Picture a very wide-eyed, intense look, but otherwise kind of blank. If it was a cartoon, it would have, like, very large pupils to look unsettling.

Hallie

Hopper will pretend he doesn’t see it and just keep walkin’, and then he’s gonna go up to Jesse and be, like,

Hallie (as Hopper)

So, Jesse, you um, are an oddity hunter? That’s cool.

Hallie

Gonna try to get into a conversation to avoid this other one.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Yeah, no, I’m still learning, like, I’m still training a lot with Miss Mauve. She’s been teaching me a lot, but she says that I have the potential to be a really great oddity hunter one day, and I trust her, she’s super smart.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Well, you’ve got 71 oddities, it sounds like you’re already a great oddity hunter!

Kyle

They blush really hard at that.

Kyle (as Jesse)

It looks like we’re at our spot in line.

Kyle

And they turn over to themselves, standing in line, and they’re, like

Kyle (as Jesse)

Thank you so much Joe, I really appreciate it.

Kyle

And as Jesse steps in line, you see the other Jesse who is standing in their place, just like, you see their face kind of flutter back and just turn into a humanoid reptilian shape, which is presumably Joe, who was holding Jesse’s place in line, and Joe says,

Kyle (as Joe)

Hey, no problem bro, gonna see you tonight for drinks?

Kyle (as Jesse)

Why, I really hope so, thanks Joe, I really appreciate it.

Kyle

And you are now in the front of the line. Specifically, as you walked with Jesse, you walked into that hallway space in the first floor. The grassy carpet of the courtyard has given a way to a carpeted hallway, with ornate stone on the walls and the ceiling, and 6 large colonnades, about 20 feet thick and 30 feet high, extending into the ceiling. It looks like, looks like it was made for a giant, it looks unnecessarily large, and at the end of it is a giant stone doorway that, it’s just a giant double-sided door that is 30 feet high and the width of the hallway as well. So, it’s a really freaking big door, essentially. And you’re about, you’re actually first in line!

Ari (as Misha)

I want to, so I bought this caster clay thing that can put stuff on my face to look even more fancier for the Queen, as I believe that that’s something that she’ll appreciate, so I want just to have like a really big hat, with like a big feather coming out, that looks like …

Emily

So like my hat!

Kyle

Give me, give me a roll for that.

Ari

Yeah, but not, like, I’m picturing a hat but I can’t describe it.

Tom

A plume cap with a feather in it?

Emily

Like the poet’s hat?

Ari

Yeah. So I rolled an 11.

Kyle

That’s a good fucking hat. You wanted a robin’s feather? You only got a crow’s feather, you didn’t do perfect, but it’s still a good-looking crow’s feather.

Hallie

That’s bad luck.

Emily

Elee looks vaguely impressed.

Ari (as Misha)

I believe this would make us more appealing to royalty, as I understand.

Kyle

Jesse turns over.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Whoa! That’s a really impressive hat!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, so as you’re at the front of the line, after a couple of seconds a bell rings, and you see two workers dressed in this green royal garb, each pull on large levers, and you hear and you feel giant gears turn and tumble as the massive door in front of you rumbles with a great mighty rumble.

Hallie

Good job.

Kyle

Before, a human-sized doorway at the bottom of this pops open,

Tom

[Laughter.]

Kyle

And out of that, an individual wearing the same royal garb, long white gloves, a permanently affixed clipboard and heels that are entirely too high clicks towards you. And uh, they turn over and they say,

Kyle (as Vera)

Jesse! It’s good to see you again.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Well, it’s nice to see you too, Miss Vera. I’ve got the things for the Queen.

Kyle (as Vera)

Oh and uh, are those other individuals coming with you?

Kyle (as Jesse)

Yes, this is Mr. Hopper, and the rest of his party, and they work as a really strong team and they helped me get the rest of the oddities, so I think the Queen will be very excited to see them. Mr. Hopper is the world-renowned arithmetician!

Hallie (as Hopper)

I don’t know about world-renowned.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Well, don’t sell yourself short, world-renowned!

Kyle (as Vera)

Jesse, you always come at the perfect time. Please come in with me!

Tom (as Xoc)

I have a bad feeling about this. 

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Yep, but we’re just gonna go.

Kyle

You walk forward with her into the hallway, and it’s dark for a second as the doors slam behind you but then, a couple of fluorescent lights flicker and eventually go completely bright. Looking around, you find yourselves in a small room with a sizeable walk-in closet, made out of a glassy white substance and burning with fluorescent lightning. As you walk in, this woman who’s identified herself as Vera, uh, who Jesse has identified Vera, turns over to you and she says, what the hell does she say? 

Kyle (as Vera)

Have any of the rest of you done this before?

Tom

Um, Xoc shakes his head.

Ari

Misha is going to do the same.

Hallie

Head shakes.

Kyle (as Vera)

Well, I’m sorry about the next part. The Queen is a bit paranoid at times, so she requires complete safety from all sorts of macro and micro threats. So we’ve just a couple of things we’ve got to do before we go in. The first one is,

[30:00.]

Kyle

And she opens up a hatch,

Kyle (as Vera)

Any sort of weapons you have, you do have to put in this container. Don’t worry, you will get them when you are done, 

Kyle

And I will remember to do my proper character voice.

Hallie

Can I roll, like, a check to see if this feels legitimate or if this feels like “you’ll get them back after you’re done!” type of deal.

Kyle

Yeah, give me a roll.

Hallie

Just a general--

[Dice rolling.] 

--sense roll, uh, 12.

Kyle

Eh, you’ll probably get ‘em back.

Hallie

Alright.

Tom (as Xoc)

You wouldn’t part an old man from his walking stick, would you?

Kyle (as Vera)

Uh, well, um…

Hallie

[Laughter.] Aren’t you, like, 17?

Tom

[Laughter.] He’s 19. 

Ari

[Laughter.] An old man!

Kyle

She’s gonna turn over and you’ll get a dead face and say,

Kyle (as Vera)

I have dealt with a lot of teenagers in my era, mister …

Kyle (as Jesse)

Mr. Xoc!

Kyle (as Vera)

Mr. Xoc. So, please, the staff goes in there.

Tom 

Okay, I just, I wanted for so many years to use that line in a role play, when they take your weapons away. I’ve waited so many years and to be handed the perfect opportunity, I had to do it. And Xoc just puts his stuff in the hatch.

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

Can I give a questioning look to Jesse, like, “mm, is this legit?”

Kyle

Jesse’s already dumping their shit in there.

Hallie

Oh, alright, well, I’ll follow Jesse’s lead, then.

Ari

Ugh, fine.

Hallie

Well, I have a forearm blade that’s like connected to my arm. I guess I’ll be honest and take it out.

Emily

I will not be honest.

Kyle

You’ll not be honest? Are you gonna try to hide what?

Tom

Well, she can’t take out her handblades.

Ari

Yeah, blades on her …

Emily

Yeah. Elee is gonna, kind of, like, sigh a tiny bit and be, like,

Emily (as Elee)

You won’t part an old woman from her chair? 

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Roll.

Emily

[Dice rolling.] 

16.

Kyle

She’s gonna turn over to you,

Kyle (as Vera)

Well of course, I know that at your age, you’re very done with pranks, I’m sure you’ll need it ma’am, and I’m sure the Queen will understand. After all, she is 253 years old, she knows what it’s like to have age.

Emily (as Elee)

Almost as old as me!

Hallie

Hopper will raise an eyebrow at that.

Kyle

She’s gonna laugh but say,

Kyle (as Vera)

[Seriously.] I wouldn’t tell her that. She wouldn’t like that joke.

Emily (as Elee)

Uh, alright then.

Kyle

God, I’m losing this character voice!

Ari

Misha is just going just to warily look at the place where they are supposed their weapons, and they are going to leave them very slowly and very reluctantly, including the blade.

Kyle (as Vera)

Thank you so much, I really do appreciate this, and I apologize for the hassle. But even frequent returners like Jesse here still have to do it.

Kyle

And Jesse, Jesse is eating up the attention from Vera, they fucking love it.

Kyle (as Jesse)

So, as I mean, as I did say, the Queen is 253 years old, and the way she’s been able to maintain this is by keeping out all sorts of negative infections that can happen. So what we’re just gonna quickly do before we go in, is this room is just gonna spray us with some disinfectant and identify any sort of threatening bacteria, and then we’ll just go on through!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Trying hard to maintain a tone of confidence.] Okay!

Hallie

Hopper stops himself from looking at Xoc, he like doesn’t know how to handle this.

Tom

Yeah, Xoc is just, like, sort of, ummmm, gonna keep it cool, trying not to show how scared he looks.

Emily

Elee is, like, scratching her hat a little bit, wondering what’s going to happen that.

Ari

Misha is just standing very still.

Kyle

Alright, so the room hums with electric energy as the fluorescent lights pop. And Xoc,

[Solemn piano music begins playing.] 

as you refocus your eyes, you realize that the room and everyone else, are gone.

Tom

Eh, what?

[Piano music plays, then tapers off.]

[33:37.]

Kyle

Hi, this is Kyle, your GM, and we are back! After a pretty long hiatus, we are back to consistent scheduling here on Quest Friends, and along with our scheduled episodes, we have our scheduled announcement break. As per usual, our into and outro songs are “Friends” and “Hitoshio” by Miracle of Sound. I also want to take this moment to quickly clarify something that I didn’t really notice until I started editing, which is that we call Jesse he a lot, so for any of you that might have been confused by the fact that we switch between “he” and “they” for Jesse, I just want to clarify that Jesse does use “they” pronouns. There was a bit of miscommunication between me and the players, and I also just kept on slipping up a lot, and unfortunately, I didn’t catch it until I started editing this episode, so during the next few episodes you’re also gonna notice that we refer to Jesse as “he” a lot as well. I apologize for any confusion or distress this might cause, and I also want to clarify that Jesse does use “they” pronouns, and I’m gonna be very diligent to make sure that I hold myself and the players accountable during our next sessions onwards, so, you should hopefully notice this kind of drop off around episode 10 or so. Finally, as usual I got a call to action today: listen to some of the musicians that I have linked below. I used a lot of music in this episode. The reason I was able to use their music was thanks to the generosity of these individuals who create music and then just put out into the world for people who use. So I just request that, you know, if you like a song, repeat that kindness and go listen to some other stuff, Maybe you’ll find a musician that you really like. Alright, that’s the end of our announcements, we will have our next episode up on Monday, January 29th, 2018. See you then.

[Music begins again and then fades.]

Kyle

The lights have been replaced by the gleam of the sun, the hum has been replaced by the constant blow of the wind, and your friends have been replaced by dozens of rotund automatons, with stone exoskeletons and thick vine innards. You seem to be standing in a courtyard made out of ceramic, castle-like stone, with greenery roping itself around the tiles. And I need you to roll speed defense.

Tom

[Dice rolling.] 

A three.

Kyle

As you look around, you see one of these automatons with prismatic markings all over the body, rushing towards the edge of the courtyard, and they run right through you. You feel like you should be hit or feel anything, but you don’t. And it’s at that moment that they run past you that you look around and realize that you’re hundreds of feet in the air, and this platform is just one of many platforms, all floating in the air. The other platforms are of varying shapes and sizes. Some are rectangular like yours, while others are made out of spiralling columns, orbiting spheres and an entire array of other shapes. Connecting these platforms are long rods, with human-size capsules whizzing back and forth through them. If you try to make out any more detail out of them, your mind becomes fuzzy. In fact, everything is pretty blurry, except for that automaton that almost run into you, which is now standing at the edge of the courtyard and wildly gesturing at another automaton that’s standing still and looking into the distance. The language they’re using doesn’t seem familiar to you, it’s just a series of clicks and words, but because of your experience with machine language, you can make out 6 words: “was found”, “not safe”, “must use”. 

[Rumbling music begins playing.]

Tom

Oh no!

[An alarm begins over the music.] 

Kyle

And as you hear them say that, howl of an alarm fills the air, and you feel the cold breath of hundreds of black spiders as they fall all on top of you and pool around your feet.

Tom

Xoc is frozen in fear.

Kyle

You sit there frozen in fear, and you feel these spiders ooze and eb around you, covering more and more, and more. 

[The music and alarm fade.] 

Before finally, you’re back in the room, and alarm is ringing but it’s less blurring than just politely tingling, and instead of being consumed by black spiders, you’re covered by a clear sludge, and Vera looks at you and says,

Kyle (as Vera)

I’m really sorry about that Xoc. Sometimes the disinfectant doesn’t work, and we have to have a workaround.

Kyle

What everyone else saw in these couple of seconds is that the second the disinfectant happened and got to Xoc, an alarm started going off. Just a little like ting-ting-ting-ting-ting, and from the ceiling, kind of like the Nickelodeon sludge, a panel just opened up and dropped a bunch of sludge on top of him, and Jesse turns over and says,

Kyle (as Jesse)

Don’t worry, Mr. Xoc, that happened to me on my first visit too. It’ll wear off soon!

Tom

Can I be one of those players who asks if they can roll to avoid screaming?

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

[Dice rolling.] 

I got an 18, so Xoc clamps down on his jaw and doesn’t say anything but should look visibly shaken to anyone who can see his face.

Kyle

Vera is gonna notice that and say,

Kyle (as Vera)

Xoc, really, honey, don’t--don’t worry about it, it will wear off in about an hour, it’s just a protective cover thing. Think of it as a suit of armor to protect the Queen. It’s perfectly safe, you won’t be harmed at all, just don’t eat anything in the next hour.

Hallie

Pffft. Hopper’s gonna come over and do that bro shoulder grab that men do to make it not weird.

Ari

Misha is going to awkwardly grab Hop’s hand--not Hop’s hand, sorry, Xoc’s hand.

[Laughter.]

Xoc’s hand, just like support in a really awkward manner and then let it go.

Tom

Xoc’s breathing is slowed down, and he’ll be like,

Tom (as Xoc)

I’m fine, thank you.

Emily

Elee will clap him on the shoulder, not quite understanding her strength, but she thinks it’s in a comforting way.

Tom (as Xoc)

Owww.

Kyle

Vera is gonna clap her hands together.

Kyle (as Vera)

Alright, then! With that taken care of, thank you again for your patience. Let’s go meet the Queen!

[39:40.]

[Regal-sounding music starts.] 

Kyle

And with that, the other side of the doors open up, and Vera walks you forward.So, you find yourselves in a wide room with dozens of thin colonnades, filling the roomlike trees in a forest. At the end is a platform with a thick glass barrier and a really fancy throne. On the throne is the Queen, wearing a really long and fancy ornate clothing, and the only part of her that doesn’t seem perfectly pressed together are the haggard puffs of white hair poking out above her crown. She’s trying to dress really nice, but you can tell she’s not looking great. Then again, she’s in better shape than most 253-year-old human beings are. As you walk in, Vera walks up to the throne and then takes place on the right side, standing looking at the Queen, and Jesse immediately comes down and bows, crosses their arms, start contorting their fingers in a variety of weird shapes, and then says,

[Music fades.] 

Kyle (as Jesse)

My Queen! I humbly request the gift of your presence. In return I present meager tokens that do not compare to your glory.

Hallie

We don’t know what to do. I- Hopper doesn’t know, he’s just gonna stand and,

Emily

Yeah.

Hallie

Yeah.

Tom

Xoc is just gonna try and attempt to mimic the bow and the finger gestures as best he can without saying anything.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari

Misha’s gonna try to stand tall and make their hat stand, maybe blow into the feathers, so they’re standing up, it looks, so it’s noticeable.

Hallie

Is his scarf also--their scarf also blowing, so it’s just, like …

Ari

Yes, their scarf is also blowing around, so it’s like the feather and the scarf, just flying around Misha.

Kyle

The Queen turns.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

And the rest?

Hallie

Hopper is frantically trying to remember what you’re supposed to say.

Kyle

Do you wanna roll to see if you remember it?

Hallie

Yes. Can I? 

[Dice rolling.] 

Nah, 20.

Tom

Oooh.

Kyle

Okay. You don’t even have to say it, just repeat after me: My Queen,

Hallie (as Hopper)

My Queen!

Kyle

I humbly request,

Hallie (as Hopper)

I humbly request,

Kyle

The gift of your presence.

Hallie

But can I change the pronouns to “we” so that I can just hope to cover everyone with this one?

Kyle

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. We humbly request the gift of your presence.

Hallie (as Hopper)

We humbly request the gift of your presence. 

Kyle

In return,

Hallie (as Hopper)

In return,

Kyle

We present meager tokens,

Hallie (as Hopper)

We present meager tokens,

Kyle

That do not compare to your glory.

Hallie (as Hopper)

That do not compare to your glory.

Kyle

And then, Elee what are you doing?

Emily

Looking vaguely disgusted.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Hop and, um, Xoc, give me rolls. It’s gonna be hard, you’re holding up the rest of your team here!

Hallie

[Laughter, dice rolling.] 

10.

Tom

[Dice rolling.] 19.

Kyle

Whoaaaa! Um, and in fact, Misha, give me a roll to see if you look impressive.

Ari

Okay! I totally do so I’m totally going to get a good roll! 

[Dice rolling.] 

I’ve got a 13.

Kyle

You said you got a 13, right?

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

The Queen looks at all of you.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Fine, you can proceed, as I see,

Kyle

And she motions to Misha, 

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

We do have royalty here.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Misha’s gonna stand proud.

Kyle

Jesse’s gonna stand in a funnel, like trapped door appears in the floor.

Kyle (as Jesse)

Oh yeah, of course, of course, of course, I’ve got all 72, like you wanted!

Kyle

And he just pushes it into the trapped door, and they just clutter down, and you hear them crash into a pile of gifts below, and the trap door closes back up.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Well, you gave me the gifts of time and, 

Kyle

She points at Misha,

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Very good company. Where do you hail from?

Ari (as Misha)

Aaaah, um, well, 

Ari

Can I roll just to see, like, is there a way that I would know some sort of kingdom that I can just …

Kyle

Yeah, you can try, but remember, you have got 3 months of memory, so it’s gonna be real fuckin’ hard!

All

[Laughter.]

Tom

Wait, I can pull off a save here, because we have a mental link. Xoc has heard of kingdoms!

Kyle

Okay.

Ari

Tell me things!

Kyle

Either give me the name of a place you’ve been to or give me a roll to see if you can find a name of a different place.

Tom

[Dice rolling.] 

Oh my god, a 19, I swear I’m not cheating!

Kyle

Okay, I can either give you what’s probably the most convincing place, or you can give me the name of the place you wanna say out of character.

Tom

I was gonna suggest to Misha that they’d be Sian and the last royal line of the old Sagus empire, far to the East. A royal in exile, since the great slave rebellions, a few years ago.

Ari

Okay, Misha is going to say just that.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Ah yes, yes, I know all about that. 

Kyle

I know nothing – neither the Queen, nor Kyle – know anything about it.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari

Okay, good.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Considering the difficulties, it is good to see royalty again.

Ari (as Misha)

It is certainly wonderful to see a fellow royalty member here.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

So, what brings a royal along with such rubbish to my throne?

Ari (as Misha)

Well, I do not believe I see any rubbish in here, but we just came to request some things for you, my fellow Queen, 

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Hmm.

Ari (as Misha)

in the most humblest of manners, of course.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

What is it that you request?

Ari (as Misha)

Well, um, we. first of all we request, um, ummm, I, we were wondering if you’ve had some ailments for uh, my companion Xoc here, who appears to have a problem that only you and your royal palace can heal, and I would ask if therefore we can stay in the palace for his ailment to be figured out.

Kyle

She recoils and turns to Vera,

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

[Angrily and incredulous.] You’ve brought a sick one, a bearer of a plague, into my house, after the Mako incident?

[45:04.]

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, I am, as I mentioned, from foreign land, therefore I have not really heard about this Mako incident. Could you illustrate me on such matters?

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

[Speaking slowly and deliberately, with feeling.] He is a traitor and a thief, and a murderer, and I,

Kyle

As she looks at Xoc,

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

And I see so much of him in you now.

Ari

Oh, uh.

Tom

Can Xoc bow even lower?

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Yeah, sure, your face is against the floor, actually you put a little divot into the floor.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, but my fellow Queen, I do believe that this is quite different. Whoever this Mako person is, who I am quite curious to get to see, or know more about. But my fellow, I can guarantee he is not a traitor, and if he is sick, it is only for misfortune that fell upon him, and this is why I request your help.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Misfortune only falls upon those who let it!

[Dramatic music begins playing.]

Kyle

And she motions to this glass protective chamber around her.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

And so if he let himself get poisoned, it is his own fault. As for that Mako--I knew he was always a spy from Qi. I knew that when he claimed to have protected us 40 years ago from that black dirigible, from that dark cloud, that weapon from Qi, that it was just a ruse. And now, coincidentally, when that black cloud comes back and starts taking down my lands, starts destroying my village of Rhubarb, this traitor, this spy from Qi reveals his hand and tries to kill me, the only one who knows the truth!

Hallie

Hoo hoo.

Ari

Out of character and you can delete this, I’m going to call her Queen Exposition from now on!

All

[Laughter.]

Tom

Well, we’ve learned a very valuable thing that news has already travelled fast, and we’re fucked.

All

[Laughter.]

Ari

Yes, basically.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

I would be happy to help the ruler or whatever-ever from the East, but you will not mention his name again.

Ari (as Misha)

This is fine, I will refrain from mentioning about such individual as long as you agree to let us stay in this palace to heal the ailment of my friend, companion here. [Laughter.]

Kyle

She’s gonna turn to Vera.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Vera?

[Long pause.]

Kyle

I was waiting for me to respond.

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Vera?

Kyle (as Vera)

Yes, my Queen?

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Give them a room, but do not let him,

Kyle

As she points to Xoc,

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Out of your sight.

Kyle (as Vera)

Yes, my Queen.

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

Alright, that is all. Goodbye!

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, uh, thank you, my fellow Queen, I expect to see you promptly again.

All

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, so Vera leads you all out, and Jesse turns over and says,

Kyle (as Jesse)

Wow, that went really well. I think?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Do they usually go worse?

Kyle

Vera is going to walk forward and you’re gonna go backward into that fluorescent room, and she’s, um, gonna put her head down and say,

Kyle (as Vera)

[Sighs.] I’m sorry that she went off about Mr. Mako. She, as I’ve said, she can get very paranoid at times.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, please do not apologize. I thought it was quite an interesting manner to learn about this fellow that I am now refrained to call by name.

Kyle (as Vera)

Oh, you can call him by name to me, Misha, I know he’s not a traitor.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, that is quite interesting news as well. I heard he was located somewhere in this castle. Is that- is that true?

Kyle (as Vera)

The Queen doesn’t really like to tell anyone where Mr. Mako is, so, unfortunately, I can’t help you with that, but I can help you with something. 

Kyle

And as you’ve been talking, she’s been pressing some things into a keypad on the wall of the room, which is starting to raise up like an elevator. The doors open, and you walk into a hallway that looks a lot like a hallway of a fancy hotel. This has cherry-red walls and a mahogany carpeted floor, and lines of yellow light criss-cross around the wall, kind of like a coursing river, and they seem to be illuminating this room. And Vera says,

Kyle (as Vera)

I will take you to your room in a second, but if you could please follow me for a moment. I must say, Jesse, you really did appear at the right time, because I really could use the help of someone who’s a master accountant, because while The Queen 

[Outro music begins.] 

and everyone else insist that Mr. Mako is a traitor, I’ve met him, I’ve talked to him multiple times, I know in my heart that he is not, so I will take you to your rooms in a moment, but,

Kyle

And she, uh, stops in front of a room, pulls out a key and starts going to open the door, and then she turns back and says,

Kyle (as Vera)

But before I take you to your room, there’s something I really think you need to see.

[Outro music intensifies.]

[50:22.]