Ep. 71: One Neon Night, Part 13

Kyle

Previously on Quest Friends…

[Intro song plays, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound.]

Kyle (as Jimmy)

The murderer Misha Jarvis visited the Ba-Adenu Forest which is known for having a bog that can fossilize anything in seconds as well as being the home for the coolest drifters around, the Speedy Speed Boys! There, the heel, Misha Jarvis, was confronted by their one true rival, me, Jimmy Win! I confronted Misha to a race to prove their guilt for the murder of Karl Badge 45 years ago! But before we raced, Jimmy had to go off and do other important things like cry by the lake and sign an autograph for a young robot fan named Ness.

Meanwhile, Misha’s fiendish friends studied the ruins that were our racetrack, specifically a large cube thing that they called the Redd Module which held inside important artifacts as well as a fossil ghost known as the Preserve. Misha Jarvis reunited with Ein, a childhood friend, as well as their older brother CK Jarvis, a connoisseur of fears who loved picking Misha up and spinning them around whenever they asked.

With Ein and CK’s help, Misha relearned how to drive their vehicle, the Tirefly, a weird frog car thing that even hopped when Misha jumped in the drifter seat… and I hope that murderer got all the practice they need, because the night is almost over, and when the first beam of the morning sunlight hits the floor of the Ba-Adenu Forest Misha Jarvis and a navigator of their choice will finally have to face off against me, Jimmy Win. It’s time for the trial by drift!

[Intro music swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

Misha, you wake up, and everyone else, you wake up too. You look around you and suddenly the fantastical thread-based—honestly it was very horrifying and probably more upsetting than interesting—setting of the Datasphere is gone, and now you’re off of that layered universe and back into your own in the dungy, dirty, discarded room of Dr. Signus Collodi.

Ari

You know, I think Misha, if there’s like mirrors or something, I think the first thing Misha would do is go see and see how their eyes look.

Kyle

Yeah, Misha, you run towards the nearest mirror. You were only in this room once, so even with your new memories it’s difficult to find, but this is also the lair of a guy who does unethical science. You know he either has no mirrors or too many mirrors, and we are in the latter camp.

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

So you make your way to one of the many, many mirrors in the mirror corner, and you’re able to see yourself. You look the same. You have your regular clothes. You’ve got your scarf wrapped around your face, and…

[Gentle electronic music begins]

For a second you think it’s the end of the scarf, but you realize instead that in addition to your one gray eye your other eye matches the scarf perfectly.

Ari

Misha, at that, will just smile and then will turn around to face their friends.

Ari (as Misha)

It… It really happened. I wasn’t… I wasn’t imagining it. It really happened. It’s… She’s gone! She really is gone. Thank you! Thank you so much.

Tom

Xoc is presumably standing nearby the rest of the party, like a little ways away from where Misha had stood up to go look in the mirrors. He’s not trying to contain his happiness, but he’s doing that smiley, like ohhh, I’m happy for them thing, and then when Misha thanks everyone Xoc is going to run up and give Misha a hug.

Ari

Misha will give the hug back. You know what, let’s just pull this ship, is gonna hug Xoc back and then they’re going to give him a little kiss.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

A little kiss, as a treat.

[Laughter.]

Ari

As a treat. No! It’s just like a really excited thing.

Tom

Stop making it weird, Kyle.

Ari (as Misha)

Thank you. I love you so much.

Ari

And then look at everybody else and say,

Ari (as Misha)

I love you all so much! I really couldn’t have done it without any of you, and I realized when I saw all of you there that the same way in which I cared about all of you, and I couldn’t stop thinking about making you safe, is the way that you thought about me too. And you made me realize that. I suppose sorry for not noticing it earlier, but now I know.

[00:05:00]

Tom (as Xoc)

I love you too, Misha Jarvis. I’m very happy you’re safe.

Hallie

Hop will get up, and he’s dusting himself off, and he’s beaming at Misha for realizing this.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Misha, I’m… I’m so proud of you. You didn’t let her tell you who you are, and that’s a really big thing.

Ari (as Misha)

It was hard at first, but I couldn’t stop thinking at how much I cared about all of you, and that’s something that she could never have, so that was what made me realize that I was nothing like her.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Aww, that’s great, Misha.

[Giggling.]

Ari (as Misha)

Thank you for breaking your promise, Simon Scotch.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

I’m sorry and you’re welcome?

[Friendship guitar music begins.]

Tom

Actually, you know what, Xoc is going to wave Elee and Hopper into the hug as well.

Hallie

Yes.

Emily

Aww.

Ari

Oh yeah. Misha also has been looking expectantly at both of them all this time, kind of like…

Hallie

Oh! Okay. Yeah.

Tom

It’s a group hug now.

Hallie

Yeah.

Emily

Yeah. Elee was already like… she let Xoc and Misha have their Xoc and Misha love time, but then she was just gonna grab Hop by the arm and pull him in for a group hug.

Ari

Both Misha and the scarf are making this beckoning, like, “come on, over here.”

Several

Aww~

Emily

I am so attached to Misha’s scarf.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

Also Misha, but like, Misha’s scarf…

Ari

That’s understandable.

Emily

…holds a special place in my heart.

Hallie

From the bottom of this big group hug, you hear like,

Hallie (as Ness)

Get off me! Get off me! I’m trying to get—There we go! There we go! There we go!

Hallie

And Ness, who has been stuck in the middle of all your feet and robes, is clambering up Misha’s side, and then he’ll perch himself on Misha’s shoulder and give them a hug.

Ari

Aww.

Hallie

So anyway, Ness does this very heartwarming and touching thing where he allows himself to unironically hug Misha Jarvis without any sort of

[Silly voice similar to Ness.] “Well this isn’t normally my bag.”

I don't know what that voice was. He doesn’t make a statement in that voice or his normal voice.

[Laughter.]

He just will hug Misha and then will… I was gonna say play with the scarf, but maybe that’s not quite right.

[Music ends.]

Ari

The scarf wouldn’t mind.

Tom

I feel like the scarf gives like, you know that sort of affectionate shoulder punch thing?

Ari

Aww.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie

Yeah.

Tom

I feel like the scarf just baps Ness’s shoulder a bit, and he’s like “aaagh,” but it’s cute and they are friends.

Hallie

That’s exactly what’s happening.

Kyle

Although, I will add that, much like Misha, the scarf does not know its own strength and Ness does not estimate his ability to balance well.

Emily

Oh no~!

Kyle

So he doesn’t fall off, but the bap results in Ness being like

[Wobbly.] Whoa~

for a little bit as he’s trying to catch his balance.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Like at the edge!

Emily

Elee has broken out of the hug, like…

Tom

To spot check Ness?

Emily

Yeah. I’m gonna catch the baby!

Kyle

But it’s even worse. Elee leaving the hug causes the bounce to get even more.

Emily & Ari

Oh no~!

Kyle

Ness doesn’t fall.

Emily

[Sobbing.] Everything I do makes things worse for Ness!

Ari

No~!

Emily

[Sobbing.] I was trying to pull him away from the thing!

Hallie

Ness actually, as he’s tottering, he’s gonna go like…

Hallie (as Ness)

Wheee~!

[Laughter.]

Hallie

…as he plummets to the ground, and then from the ground you hear him go like,

Hallie (as Ness)

[Composed.] Falling with style.

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

I’m glad you’re okay.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

[Laughing.] The group hug just continues with him on the ground.

He’s fine with that. he got his bit. He did what he wanted to do.

Emily

Aw.

Ari

I have a thing, an Elee thing that I think maybe works well here. Misha will look at Elee and say,

[Gentle, ethereal music begins.]

Ari (as Misha)

Elee, I am really happy that you forgave all of that happened, and I know that this isn’t how you or Karl had planned it, but if you would still be fine with it I would like to still form part of your family. I think the name Badge sounds really good, and I would like to be part of that if you let me. You don’t have to, I just…

Emily

Aw… Elee has, like… Has the group hug dispersed slightly?

Ari

I assume, yeah.

Tom

I feel like.

Emily

Yeah.

Hallie

I imagine we phased off.

[Music changes to Karl’s Theme.]

Emily

Yeah. Elee is going to just pull Misha in. She’s being gentle, for her, so it’s a tight hug but it’s not painful.

Emily (as Elee)

It doesn’t matter how it was planned, because it’s you, no matter what, and I would be so incredibly proud to have you as part of my family.

[Music plays out. Nano Spirit SFX plays.]

Kyle (as nano spirits)

Well Xoc, we’ve seen a lot in the Datasphere, pretty much anything possible, but it’d be a lie to say we’re not surprised.

[00:10:00]

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh? What by?

Kyle (as nano spirits)

Well you know, lots of things. Surprised that The Lady went down like such a chump.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as nano spirits)

We’re all sorts of surprised and confused by that Misha Jarvis-Badge, was it?

Tom (as Xoc)

Yes.

Kyle (as nano spirits)

Most of all, we’re… we’re surprised by you.

[Nostalgic music begins.]

Time is strange in the Datasphere, but it feels like yesterday when you were just a little, little thing, a little machine boy in the Weal stumbling and tripping and learning how to do things for the first time. I guess we never noticed you grow up.

Tom (as Xoc)

I guess a lot has happened lately. There’s a lot that we don’t know, even you all, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing if you’re open and willing to grow, and change. Things can’t be the way they were before, but I don't think that always has to be a bad thing. When things end that means maybe something better can take its place.

Kyle (as nano spirits)

[Chuckles.] Change. Now there’s something that we’re acutely familiar with, something we must have forgotten during our time in the Weal.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Xoc)

I admit I don’t know what it would be like to go back. It feels like I’ve changed a lot since I was there, and I’m not sure if all of my memories are going to match what it will be when it’s back in front of me, but I think I’m ready. I think I’m ready to someday face it again.

Kyle (as nano spirits)

You know, we think that could be a good thing, for you and for them… but we’re  not gonna be the ones going with you, are we?

Tom (as Xoc)

I don't think so. I don’t want to cut contact completely with you, it would be nice to see you again, but I think it would be better if things weren’t the way they were before, not patron and nano, just… I don't know, family. That could be a start at least. Now, that being said, you’re going to have to work hard.

Kyle (as nano spirits)

[Reluctant, a little annoyed.] Alright.

Tom (as Xoc)

You’re going to have to actually try to understand things that you haven’t encountered before.

Kyle (as nano spirits)

Mm-hmm.

Tom (as Xoc)

Understand people and beings.

Kyle (as nano spirits)

Now Xoc, you’re starting to sound like the patron.

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, I guess I have to take that as a compliment now, so thank you.

Kyle

[Chuckles.]

Kyle (as nano spirits)

Xoc, you don’t have to take anything from us. We’ll be around, we are always around, but you’re right, we’ve got some things to learn. Luckily the Datasphere is an abundant if loud teacher, and for what it’s worth, we are sorry.

Tom (as Xoc)

In that case, I won’t say goodbye, instead I’ll say… until next time.

[Gentle piano music begins.]

Kyle (as nano spirits)

Until next time, Xoc.

Kyle

And Xoc, like usual you feel the presence of the nano spirits drift off, but this time from you and from Hop and Elee as well, although to them it’s a much more strange sensation. You feel them continue to leave, going further and further away, until entirely… it’s gone, and all that’s left is Xoc, But, unlike last time, it doesn’t feel so lonely for there to be just Xoc anymore.

[Music ends.]

As you fully take in that their presence has left, Xoc, you get met by another very obstructive one.

Kyle (as CK)

Well now that seemed like a very deep conversation there, Xoc. Wasn’t too, uh, taxing or fearful, was it?

Tom (as Xoc)

Uh… I… It felt good to get it off my chest, CK. Let’s say that.

Kyle (as CK)

Well good on you then. Facing your fears is the best way to feel great.

Kyle

And three bug arms punch you in the shoulder.

[Laughing.] And after that happens…

Tom

Xoc nurses his bruise.

Kyle

He flies up and announces to everyone,

[Energetic electronic music begins.]

Kyle (as CK)

Alright everyone, if I am correct, and I’m sometimes correct, we have very little time until that beam of sunlight starting Misha’s race begins, so come on all.

Kyle

And six bug hands clap together.

Kyle (as CK)

Let’s go hustle, get on out of here, and get on over to the racetrack!

Ari (as Misha)

Oh! Certainly! Yes, let’s race!

Kyle

So you all get shuffled out by CK and Ein and Stein, Q-BO is also there, and Ness who is very excited for you to all go.

Hallie

Ness is yelling to Misha…

Hallie (as Ness)

Wipe the floor with him!

Hallie

…as he goes out, and then he zooms away, because he maybe has places to be? I don't know. Before Hop leaves he’ll just go…

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Cheerfully.] Good luck, Misha!

Hallie

…and then he will go with the crowd, because he wants to watch.

Ari (as Misha)

Wait… I will got to need a navigator, won’t I?

Ari

And then they will turn around and look at the people and latch their eyes on Elee.

Ari (as Misha)

[Smiling.] Do you want to do it?

[00:15:00]

Emily (as Elee)

Sure! Let’s do it. I would really love to wipe the floor with Jimmy.

Ari (as Misha)

Why do everybody keep saying that? Jimmy’s not a mop. Why do people say that? Or, oh, I suppose it is probably one of those turn of the phrases that people do.

Emily (as Elee)

… Yup.

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Ari (as Misha)

I truly hope that I do not make Jimmy into a mop. I do not like Jimmy, but I also don’t want that for him.

Emily (as Elee)

We’re gonna beat him! That was where I was going with that. We’re gonna beat him.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, yes, that I understand. We can do it!

Kyle

As everyone makes their way out and towards the racetrack, Xoc and Misha, you find that you are the last two left.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh! Xoc, I actually had something I wanted to tell you.

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh, I also had an idea I wanted to bring up, but… you go first, though.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, no-no! You can go first. You approached me after all.

Tom (as Xoc)

No, no, no. You should go first, Misha. What did you want to tell me?

Ari (as Misha)

Oh… okay. Well, um, I… I know and fully believe that you are more than your powers, and that is still true, I do not want you to think otherwise, but um… I still really like when you had your powers as well. I noticed that you don’t have them back yet, because I do not feel the connection to talk mentally with you anymore, which is okay, we can still talk like this and that’s fine, but I was wondering if you needed someone, um, if you still wanted them back or not even wanting them but, um…

What I’m trying to say, Xoc, is I kind of know more about the Datasphere now and I know how your powers work even more now, I think, because of how much I’ve seen you do them, and I think I would be able to replicate them if you gave me the chance to.

[Seasons of Love-inspired music begins.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Yes. I would like you to be my patron, Misha Jarvis… -Badge.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, yeah, that’s okay. I’m sorry I… Wait. You said yes?!

[Giggling.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Yes. That’s what I wanted to say too. There’s no one else I trust more to be my patron.

Ari (as Misha)

Well, thank you, Xoc! I will not disappoint. I promise. I really want you to do well with this, and… and… Oh, thank you! I love you, Xoc. Thank you!

Ari

And they will hug Xoc. Hug and probably kiss, because the ship is strong now.

[Music changes to atmospheric synth music.]

Kyle

The Ba-Adenu Forest is a stranger to sunlight. Across the bog there are trees so thick that to those on the ground the heat of the sun is an inconceivable sensation. But there is one spot, a small clearing in the canopy, where a single beam of the morning light brushes through the leaves above and makes its way down to the floor below. The night is over, and the race is about to begin.

[Music fades and applause begins.]

Kyle (as CK)

Good morning cowards and kin alike, and welcome to the Speedy Speed Boys trial by drift phenomenon! This morning we’ve got the mechanical mayhem, Misha Jarvis-Badge, versus our baby face, Jimmy Win!

[Applause ends and electronic dance music begins.]

Kyle

Inside of this ceramic sphere a mixture of cheering and ferocious booing can be heard. There are bleachers upon bleachers surrounding the periphery of this sphere filled with dozens of jumpsuited drifters. There are a couple of notable things in the crowd, for example in between the rows of drifters there’s a small robot clambering through with some weird box in front of him.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

He slams the box down at a table, produces a megaphone from behind his back that he has procured from somewhere, and says,

[Ness’s theme begins.]

Hallie (as Ness)

Hey cool racing nerds! You wanna be rich, racing nerds? Step right up and place your bets. We got bets on Jimmy Win, the dopest man alive, and we’ve got bets on the Badge buggy over here with Misha Jarvis-Badge in the Tirefly!

Ari

[Delighted.] The Badge buggy!

Hallie (as Ness)

The intrepid challengers who think they can challenge your hero, Jimmy Win. Who ya gonna bet on?!

Kyle (as spectator)

JIMMY!

Hallie (as Ness)

Yeah, that’s right! Everybody give me your shins! Bet on Jimmy Win! Ha, Jimmy shin, that’s a pun that I just made.

[Laughter.]

Alright nerds, give me your money!

[00:20:00]

Kyle

But, within all of this mayhem, there is one focal point.

[Music ends.]

Down in the center of the crowd there are two vehicles: on the right, this weird 90s cool racecar with frosted tips on its front…

Tom

[Chuckling.] No, don’t.

Kyle

…and red neon tubes in the shape of flames, and it’s just gunning like (VROOM, VROOM, VROOM), and next to it, this much less intimidating car that looks like a round purple frog that’s just like (blub… blub… blub).

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

From inside the ferocious car, the man inside gets a fearsome look. He takes his sunglasses, which he’s always wearing when he drifts, and Jimmy puts them up just so he can turn to you, Misha, in the drifter seat and glare at you.

Ari

Misha will glare back, trying to be intimidating, while also ringing the horn one last time. So they’re going to look intimidating and then it’s just gonna be like a (ribbit) of the horn.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

Trying mind games already, Misha Jarvis? Well it ain’t gonna work on Jimmy!

Ari (as Misha)

Winning is also not going to work on Jimmy.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Jimmy)

Please, winning is the only thing Jimmy Win knows. That’s why it’s… it’s in my name.

Ari (as Misha)

Well after this game you might consider changing your name to Jimmy Lose, because that’s what you’re going to do in this race.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

[Growling.] OOH! MISHA JARVIS!

Kyle

The sunglasses go back down, but they accidentally tumble off the front of his face.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

AH! No, wait!

Kyle

He goes down and he picks them up.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

Agh, I put them here somewhere…

[Severe.] Misha Jarvis…

Kyle

He says, as the sunglasses go back on his face.

Ari

Misha will look at Elee and say,

Ari (as Misha)

The key of races is to be as intimidating as you can to the opponent so that they get nervous enough to not win. I remember this from when I did that before.

[Laughter.]

Emily

[Smiling.] Elee is so proud! But also, she’s been fussing with Misha being like, are you buckled, are you buckled well enough, do you have your helmet on?!

Ari

Misha is not. Elee would have to do all of those things, because Misha is absolutely not safe.

Emily

Yeah. That’s her fussing then, is she is buckling Misha and putting their helmet on, because they were too busy egging on Jimmy.

Ari

I imagine that, yeah, all that happened while Misha was glaring.

Emily

And beeping their frog horn.

Ari

[Delighted.] Yeah. While Misha was glaring at Jimmy Elee’s just putting things, and even mid-glare just putting the helmet, and then Misha will move the little helmet thing up so that they can still glare.

[Eurobeat music begins.]

Kyle (as CK)

Alright Speedy Speed Boys! Let’s get this race going in three, two, one…

[Engines rev.]

GO!

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

Hello and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends, Episode 71: One Neon Night, Part 13. I am Kyle, your GM, and our intro song is Friends by miracle of Sound.

I actually don’t have anything for the announcements today. Today’s episode is the final episode of One Neon Night, part 13, which means after a couple of memory episodes we are on our way to the final, the last, the finishing arc of this campaign, and that’s a weird thing to say, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. All you need to know is that this episode is the final episode of One Neon Night.

You might be wondering why both this episode and the episode before that have been a little bit late, and then we had that break episode… What’s going on with that? The short version is we’ve got some fun, fun stuff coming for you in Xoc’s Memory. So while I’ve been kind of wishy-washy recently, I can say with pretty solid certainty that our next episode, Xoc’s Memory Part 1, will be releasing on Monday, February 8.

But, if you’d like additional content before then, you can find stories, artwork, and behind the scenes insights at Patreon.com/QuestFriends. I’ll see you there.

[00:25:00]

[Eurobeat music carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

And like that, the race begins, and it almost feels like we’re half a second into the race starting because you could swear Jimmy pressed on the gas before you got started, before it said go, but you don’t have time to think about that, you gotta go. Also, before we continue, I’m gonna do a brief thing. Ari, you and Elee, you have, if you would like to use them, two mystery boxes you can use. Remember, these are like the Mario kart items. You will roll it, you will get a random cypher, and then we will determine is this an attack or is this a buff to your car. So, do you slam on the gas?

Ari

They definitely slam on the gas. They are already slamming on the gas.

[Racing electronic music begins.]

Kyle

You slam on the gas and the Tirefly hops to life, and all the ants inside of its little pouches on the side kind of jolt with alarm while even the scarf reaches out to hold both you and Elee steady.

Ari

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as CK)

And they’re off! Jimmy goes ahead for an early win, making his way straight ahead towards the diamond... pyramid. Did we ever figure out what that was?

Kyle (as ???)

[Intentionally inaudible mumbling to CK.]

Kyle (as CK)

[With more confidence.] Towards the Diamond Pyramid!

Tom

Fucking incredible.

Kyle (as CK)

He is moving up and around the spiral, but Misha Jarvis-Badge in the Tirefly is very quickly behind, but it seems like Jimmy is hugging the inside of the track. Unless Misha can get to the inside of this curve there’s no way they can catch up in time.

Kyle

So Misha, as you’re going down, you’re going up this spiral around the side of—it looks like a pyramid—but it’s spiraling around the side moving up in kind of like an up corkscrew. Jimmy, while drifting, is drifting… but he’s hugging the inside of the drift making it basically impossible to get past him, and his car is faster than yours. I mean, yours was just refurbished and he’s had his to upgrade for many, many, many years.

[Music ends.]

 Emily

I feel like our car is much less aerodynamic.

Kyle

Much less aerodynamic, but really, aesthetically, A+.

Ari

It’s pleasing.

Kyle

Misha, and Elee, what are you gonna do to catch up?

Ari

I mean, I was thinking of maybe throw a mystery box, but do you have any other ideas?

Emily

I think the mystery box is our best option.

Kyle

Okay. Ari, generate a number between 1 and 10, and Emily, you generate a number between 1 and 10.

Ari

Oh… okay.

Tom

Yeah, because it’s like rolling two d10.

Kyle

Yeah. Ari’s gonna be in the tens spot and Emily is going to be in the ones spot.

Ari

[Rolls.] Eight. Eight things.

Emily

[Rolls.] That would be a 9. Nine things.

Ari

Ooh.

Kyle

Eighty-nine~

Ari

Eighty-nine.

Kyle

Oh-ho-ho. Shit!

Ari

I don't know if that’s good or bad.

Kyle

Okay, so uh…

Emily

We’re not shooting to kill, remember?

Kyle

How would you… Well, you can attach it to the car or to Jimmy, but how would you like to use this item known as the Teleporter, parentheses “Bounder”?

The user teleports up to 100x the cypher level – we’re gonna do just 5 – in feet to a location they can see.

Ari

Oh~

Kyle

They arrive safely with their possessions but cannot take anything else with them. So, you can transport your car, or I will say you can transport Jimmy’s car.

Ari

Oh, so we could either transport it back or transport us forward.

Emily

Can we see the starting line? Because the insult to Jimmy to just put him back at the beginning is really tempting me.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Elee, you can absolutely see the starting line, or at the very least you can see that large ceramic sphere that it’s in.

[Racing synth music begins.]

Emily

Yeah. So she and Misha kinda, they know, like maybe Misha does a little nod or something and she’s like yeah, we’re gonna do this.

Ari

I imagine that maybe they see what it is and it’s like…

Ari (as Misha)

We should teleport the car.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Ari

…and then Elee does it but does with Jimmy’s car to the starting line even though Misha meant their own car, and then they will go,

Ari (as Misha)

Nice~!

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Because Elee, you grab it, and there are two slots, there is “me” and there is “not me,” and you put it in the “not me” column, and the mouth of the Tirefly opens up and just this long frog tongue just (glom) shoots out with the box inside of it, touches the back of Jimmy’s car, Jimmy’s like…

Kyle (as Jimmy)

You can’t pull me back with that!

Kyle

…and suddenly there is a squealing of tires as Jimmy disappears, and back at the starting line his car skids around and just does donuts in place for a second before sliding to a stop, and in the distance all you can hear is,

Kyle (as Jimmy)

MISHA JARVIS!!!

[Music ends.]

[00:30:00]

Emily

Never let it be said that Elee Badge is not incredibly petty.

Kyle

[Chuckles.] The crowd below just gasps and is surprised but keeps giving bets on Jimmy to Ness. They don’t stop despite their protests.

Hallie (as Ness)

That’s right. That’s right.

Kyle

Although, there is one curious person that’s sitting next to you, Hop.

[Silly, ambling music begins.]

Hop, you’re sitting next to a bearded man with mushrooms coming out of—It’s Fungi. You’re sitting next to Fungi. He sits there and he strokes his beard and mushrooms in equal measure.

Tom

Ugh.

Kyle (as Fungi)

Ooh, now that’s a very interesting play there from Misha. It’s hard to tell who’s gonna win this one. … Hmm.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Misha and Elee.

Kyle

And he sits there and he continues to stroke.

Kyle (as Fungi)

I just… I have no way of knowing. …

[Music ends.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Well, it seems like they’ve got a pretty good lead now that Jimmy’s back at start. I hope they keep it, and I hope…

Hallie

He kinda pulls at his collar a little bit.

Tom

[Pained laughing.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Elee’s been really good with seatbelts lately, so I’m sure they’re both fine.

Kyle (as CK)

And with a hefty, hefty lead, not that I’m rooting for anybody or anything, Misha Jarvis-Badge and their navigator have made their way past the Pyramid Diamond and are on their way to the Web of Tubing. They’ve jumped off the spiral with a big bounce from the Tirefly and are now deep into this webbing and knotting of thick ceramic tubing! They’re not sitting on one thing for too long. They’re one, two, driving down, then bounce off to another one. It seems like Misha can just not stop jumping in the Tirefly!

Kyle

Because I think that’s fair that Misha’s just like bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.

Ari

Yeah.

Emily

Elee’s so nauseous. [Laughs.]

Ari

Oh no!

Kyle (as CK)

Oh, but what’s that? Jimmy’s back with a teleporter cypher of his own and he’s brought along…

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle (as CK)

…the Death Laser, everyone!

[Wrestler music begins.]

Kyle

Misha and Elee, you are driving through this network of tubes. For the most part you’re on top of them, though occasionally you go inside of them. So you’re excited, things are going great, Jimmy is all the way back there, how is he going to—And suddenly a thick laser beam just cuts right in front of you, and suddenly the tube that you were driving on top of and all the ones around it start falling down towards the bog below.

Ari

Oh no. Uh… I assume we’re not allowed to use actual nano powers, right? Like, is that cheating?

Kyle

Oh yeah, you can use whatever you want. Although, it would be fun to figure out something using the car.

Ari

That’s true.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

You know you have the bounce, you have the tongue which you can shoot things out of, and you can use Elee. Like, all I thought of was Elee latching onto a thing Wolverine style and you spinning around and flying up. [Laughs.]

Ari

I guess I could do that with the tongue of the car if it’s sticky. I guess it can try and latch to one of the things in front and be like, wheee, and go to…

Kyle

Okay, so, give me a roll first.

Ari

[Smiling and wincing.] Okay. Pendulum!

[Rolls.] Five.

Kyle

[Smug.] Describe what you try to do.

Ari

I mean, what I tried and probably failed to do, because I didn’t spend any Effort or anything, was to cast the tongue of the car and latch to the thing past the crumbling part of the road so that it latched onto that and then use a pendulum to the other side, like whee!

Kyle

You latch on perfectly and you start making your way down, but you’re so focused on that you don’t think of your surroundings, and you can’t anticipate the next line as you hear in the distance from the announcer:

[Wrestler music returns.]

Kyle (as CK)

Oh, is that another Death Laser Jimmy’s got?!

Ari

What?!

Kyle

And another laser cuts out, cuts off the tongue of the Tirefly—

Emily

Nooo!

Ari

Oh no! What?!

Tom

What the fuck?!

Emily

Nooo!

Kyle

And you start plummeting down, down towards the bog, which you don’t know much about the bog…

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

…but from what Hop and Xoc told you about it, you probably don’t wanna fall in it.

Ari

Ooh…

Tom

[Emotional.] No… Why? Why…?

[Music ends.]

Ari

See like… Maybe as the car is falling to jump off like a wall or something to try and go back up? Like, I don't know if there’s any—You know what I mean? If there’s nothing there for it to impulse up or if there’s like, you know, I’m bad with physics.

Kyle

So you basically want to do the thing where there are a bunch of falling platforms and you just jump up there…

Ari

[Smiling.] yes, but it’s probably not physically feasible.

Emily

Is the Tirefly physically feasible? [Giggles.]

Kyle

Let’s see what the dice tell us.

Tom

Oof.

Ari

Oh man. I’ll spend… 3 levels of Intellect Effort to do this thing.

[Rolls.] And I rolled a 10.

[00:35:00]

Kyle

I honestly couldn’t think of a difficulty, so I thought of two, and you got right between them.

Ari

Oh man.

Kyle

So I’m gonna say you half succeed.

Ari

God.

[Upbeat electronic music begins.]

Kyle

The car, you just start bouncing harder than you’ve ever bounced before.

Kyle (as CK)

And the Tirefly is bouncing up! But oh no, it looks like it’s falling behind Jimmy who has made that jump and is already tearing away.

Kyle

You bounce up from platform to platform. It takes precision and it takes thoughtful execution. It takes everything that you and Elee are really objectively very bad at.

[Grinning.] But, you do have the scarf which helps measure your jumps as you bounce up and finally skid onto relatively stable platforms.

Ari

Aww.

Kyle (as CK)

But is it going to be fast enough? They’ve made it up to the top, but Jimmy is already speeding away far faster than they could do to catch up.

Ari

Uh… I guess Misha would look at Elee and be like,

Ari (as Misha)

Do you think it’s time for another mystery box?

Emily (as Elee)

I think Jimmy deserves to be hit with like seven mystery boxes, and then I’ll be the Death laser that he is so fond of.

Emily

[Laughing.] Elee’s just gonna chuck one of them. So, should we…

Kyle

Roll a 10 each.

Emily

Yeah, roll a 10. Okay.

[Music ends.]

Ari

Yeah, okay. Roll…

[Rolls.] Oh, that’s a 1, but you know, that doesn’t really matter in this context.

Emily

[Rolls.] That would be a 1.

Ari

Oh, 11.

[Static interference begins.]

Kyle

This jams into the Tirefly, and suddenly around it, the entire vehicle—not you, because it wasn’t used on you, but the entire vehicle is consumed by this Datasphere siphon, and the Tirefly itself by tapping into the Datasphere’s knowledge can learn the answer to one question.

Ari

[Surprised and amused.] What?!

[Static interference ends.]

Kyle

And the Tirefly wants to know how to go fast.

[Laughter. Rock action music begins.]

With a very loud ribbit and the ferocious roar of an engine, this purple frog takes off far, far beyond where anyone can see it.

Kyle (as CK)

Now we’re down to the final stretch, everyone! Just a nice relaxing long-turn drift around the Cube of Doom~! This drift which has you at a 70 degree angle is the most fearsome drift that anyone could ever conceive, but much less terrifying than the Cube of Doom it’s meant to circumvent. As we can see, Misha Jarvis-Badge is…

Kyle

Ari, give me a roll.

Ari

Oh man, okay.

[Rolls.] That’s a 6. I got 6.

Kyle (as CK)

…struggling to keep on the side of it!

Ari

God damn it.

Kyle (as CK)

Meanwhile, our baby face, Jimmy Win, is…

[Music ends.]

…nowhere to be found.

Kyle

This time I don’t want to focus on your thoughts, Misha, I want to focus on Jimmy’s, because Jimmy is conflicted. That’s not just from a character, you know, really cool wrestler story standpoint. He’s actually kind of confused. He thought this was gonna be an easy race. After all, as we all know, morality and the ability to drift well are very closely intertwined. But Misha, despite his best efforts, keeps passing by Jimmy, keeps getting ahead, and there’s nothing Jimmy can do other than… Well, there is one thing.

[Haunting Halloween-style music begins.]

You see, the end of Fallen Ruins Road has a shortcut. It’s not strictly cheating per se, but no one likes to use it. There’s this long drift, you have to do a very long turn to circumvent this large cube. Nobody knows much about it. Rumors tell of an angry old man with a shovel who patrols the area, but even he, as legend tells, doesn’t go into this area, because that is the most haunted of these haunted ruins.

There’s no way that a regular drifter could make it through that shortcut, but as Jimmy watches you start to make that turn in front of him, and he has to choose do I go there or do I go into what we know as the Redd Module, he has to remind himself “I’m not just a drifter, I’m the baby face, and the baby face is supposed to win.”

Misha, meanwhile, you are on the outskirts. You are really struggling to stay on. The Tirefly is just bouncing off but like suction cupping back on.

[Music ends.]

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle

I imagine at points, Elee, you have to stick out and claw into the side so you don’t fall down. [Laughs.]

But suddenly, from that cube from the Redd Module, you hear a massive explosion, and you hear an even louder yell.

Ari (as Misha)

That doesn’t sound right.

[00:40:00]

I don’t think that is due to any of the boxes we threw. Uh…

Ari

Then they will look at Elee and say—

Emily (as Elee)

I think you need to turn.

Ari (as Misha)

Yeah, I think so too.

Ari

And they will turn towards that place.

Kyle (as CK)

With Jimmy nowhere to be found, the Tirefly is making its way right towards the end of the racetrack. It’s leaving its drift and… turning backwards?

Kyle

You can see the finish line right in front of you, but as you get there you know you can’t stay and instead you do a hard turn to the right with a massive (ribbit-ribbit) and the Tirefly books it off towards the Redd Module.

[Ethereal music begins.]

We can see Collodi’s lab again. It’s got the little Datasphere thing. It’s got his ratty coat. It’s got all of his remaining legacy in this small depressing dusty place. It’s a fitting fate for Collodi, but not as fitting as Misha crashing through the wall and completely destroying it,

[Loud smashing and crumbling sound. Music changes to electronic action music.]

which is what happens, because the wall falls down as the Tirefly crashes through the side of Collodi’s lab and starts making its way up through the crashed ruins of the Speedy Speed Boy hideout, racing towards the entrance to the Redd Module.

Tom

Incredible.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, that felt good.

Kyle

And hearing in the distance the faint yell of…

Kyle (as Kool-Aid Man)

OH YEAH!

Kyle

…in support of your wall-crashing activities, Misha. You make your way through these twisted tunnels of neon and wiring and you finally find yourself in the center, the entrance of the Redd Module. Normally this space is very, very dark, but there is a bright fiery light and you can see that the light is coming from Jimmy’s car whose fire decals have now just turned into actual fire.

[Music fades. Sounds of fire begin.]

Ari

Oh no…

Kyle

For a second you’re like “oh shit, is he the one in the car,” but then you hear his yelling…

Kyle (as Jimmy)

[Distressed bellowing.]

Kyle

…coming from further on, echoing out from the module.

[Sounds of fire end.]

Ari

Misha will turn towards where his voice is.

Ari (as Misha)

Uh, Jimmy, just keep yelling. I’m coming to get you, but I need to know exactly where you are, so just… I’ll follow your voice.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

[Distressed bellowing gets cut off abruptly.]

[Ambient horror music and whispering whispering begins.]

Kyle

He tries yelling, but his voice is gagged…

Ari

Oh god.

Kyle

…and it’s replaced by…

Kyle (as the Preserve)

Write a book.

Learn carpentry.

Cybernetically enhanced dire wolves.

A spaceship about to explode.

[Music changes to threatening ghostly music.]

Kyle

…some weird whispering.

Ari (as Misha)

Jimmy? Is that you?

Kyle

The lights of the Tirefly see a figure, and yeah, as we said, Jimmy is big, Jimmy is bold, but he’s nothing compared to the size of this large figure made out of so many swirling fossils grabbing onto him and slowly pulling him away from you.

Emily

Can I suggest something?

Ari

Yeah.

Emily

Elee probably somehow communicates it in a jumbled word vomit, but basically what she wants Misha to do is speed up and then when they stop in front of what’s dragging Jimmy, stop and turn slightly so that she can burst out of the car with claws outstretched and get extra velocity from the car coming to a stop.

Ari

Misha will do that and say,

Ari (as Misha)

Well, this is a new variation on our throwing dynamic, but I like it!

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Jimmy)

NO!

Kyle

Jimmy, seeing you, yells out.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

No! I’m not gonna have the heel, Misha Jarvis, help me, Jimmy Win!

Ari (as Misha)

Well, in this case, what you want does not matter, because I do not want you to get hurt and I will not let you get hurt regardless of whether you like me or not.

Emily

[Laughs.] Elee just looks to Misha.

Emily (as Elee)

Floor it.

Kyle

With one last (ribbit-ribbit) and a (vroom-vroom), the Tirefly bursts to a ferocious life. Each of you give me a d20.

Emily

[Exhaling.] Okay.

Ari

Okay.

Emily

I’m gonna put in 2 levels of Effort.

Ari

I am going to put… also 2 levels of Effort.

Emily

[Rolls.] I rolled a 12.

Ari

[Rolls.] Oh my god. Oh… Um, that was a 1.

Tom

[As a wince.] Ooh.

Emily

[Distressed squeaking.]

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Ari

[Laughing.] I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m rolling so badly.

Hallie

Heh. Who ever does?

Tom

And that was how Elee DIED.

[00:45:00]

Ari

No! Nooo!

Emily

[Sob-laughs.]

Ari

It’s literally too soon, Tom!

[Laughter.]

It’s one day later too soon, and all of the character development Misha had has been completely destroyed. Thank you for watching Quest Friends.

[Inspiring action synth music begins.]

Kyle

Jimmy watches as the Tirefly races towards him, skids to a stop, or almost-stop, it’s moving a bit, as Elee leaps out and ferociously stabs into the side of the Preserve… and then you watch as the car continues to move.

Ari

[Small.] Oh no.

Kyle

And Misha, worried, jumps a little bit, and it flips over…

Emily & Ari

[Noises of fear, shock and delight.]

Kyle

…onto Elee, onto like—the open part is onto Elee, so Elee falls back into the car…

Ari

Oh no. What?!

Kyle

And the Tirefly smashes into the Preserve, and out through the wall of Redd, and the car falls upside-down onto the bog of the Ba-Adenu Forest.

Ari

[Into her hands.] Oh no!

Kyle

And very slowly starts making its way down.

[Music progressively slows in speed.]

Several

Nooo!

Hallie

I don’t like that.

Ari

[Wincing.] Misha will try to open the door and get Elee out.

Emily

[Shakily.] Yeah, we gotta get out!

[Music changes to bog SFX.]

Kyle

You press the door but you can already see this weird fossilization taking place…

Ari

Shit.

Kyle

…basically matching the bog level, so the door is starting to fossilize shut.

Emily

But… um… Can I try to cut open a hole with my wolverine claws in the bottom and like kick it up?

Kyle

[Amused.] Give me a roll.

Emily

Okay, but before she does that, Elee’s gonna look Misha in the eyes and say…

Emily (as Elee)

I am so sorry.

Emily

…and then try to stab her claws into the bottom.

Ari

[Groans.]

Emily

Okay, where is my 20…?

[Rolls.] Oh, I should have put in Effort, but I got a 5.

Kyle

Elee is very strong, but the Tirefly is designed to survive Misha Jarvis-Badge.

Ari

What?

Kyle

So you go to cut in and you cut in through a layer but there’s another layer, and beneath that there’s even another layer.

Ari

Fuck.

Kyle

And you’re trying to cut through, and you just can’t make it.

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

And at one point you go in to cut and the tearing is matched by an equally loud yell…

[Inspiring action synth music returns.]

Kyle (as Jimmy)

[Shouting with anger and exertion.]

Kyle

…as above you the roof of the Tirefly is ripped off…

Ari

Ooh~!

Kyle

…and two hands reach down to grab each of you.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as CK)

Well, that was… is… an exciting race, everyone. Where are they?

Kyle

Xoc, Hop, Ness. You are all standing at the finish line. In front of you CK is pacing. He’s been trying to tell jokes to calm down the crowd, because it’s been a very long time and he  hasn’t announced any race things or a winner. Everyone’s looking around being like “so Jimmy won, right” but nobody really knows what’s going on.

Hallie (as Ness)

Nobody’s crossed the finish line yet! Hold your cars.

Tom (as Xoc)

Should we… Should we go look for them? Should we maybe, just maybe…

[Stammers.] Far Step? Eh…

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, I think that… [Stammers.]

Can you mentally—Can you talk to them? Can you check in with them?

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.

Uh, Misha Jarvis, are you okay?! Are you alright? What’s happening?

Ari (as Misha)

It’s okay, Xoc. We ended up falling in the bog where you told us not to fall.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Yelps.]

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Misha)

But it’s okay! We are getting out of the bog right now.

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Are you alright?

Ari (as Misha)

I’m glad that this communication works. I didn’t think of testing it, but I am glad that this is still working. I am happy about that. Don’t worry about us. I think we are getting out of the bog. I love you.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Sobbing.] Okay. I love you too.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

And a few more minutes pass… and a few more…

[Cheering begins.]

And eventually an uproarious yell emerges as one wrestler, one old woman, one android, one scarf, and two balls of ants…

Ari

My balls of ants! I forgot about the balls of ants!

Kyle

…slowly make their way towards the finish line.

[Cheering ends.]

Tom

I’m just waiting for Jimmy to push them all over and run for it.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

But before you take that last step, Jimmy stops.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

Speedy Speed Boys! Jimmy Win’s got something to announce concerning the winner of this—

Kyle (as ???)

Now wait just one second!

[Surfer music begins.]

Kyle

And out of the crowd two figures emerge,

[00:50:00]

one a fresh-faced teen and the other a slightly less fresh-faced but still pretty fresh-faced recently-teen. And Baby Jason says,

Kyle (as Baby Jason)

Viv and I have talked about it. We’re not gonna accept the results of this race, because we don’t think it’s fair!

Kyle (as Viv)

Yeah! Baby Jason, the silly boy, is absolutely right! It’s totally unfair what you’re doing to Misha Jarvis-Badge!

Kyle (as Jimmy)

Uh, well—

Kyle (as Baby Jason)

Now we don’t know who called this race or anything, but it doesn’t make sense for us to have such a harsh punishment for one of our own Speedy Speed Boys.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

Uh, well what Jimmy wants to say is—

Kyle (as Viv)

Well what Jimmy says doesn’t really matter!

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Jimmy)

JIMMY… agrees with you. Speedy Speed Boys!

[Over-the-top, sorrowful synth music begins.]

Jimmy Win has been a fraud. When Jimmy Win’s grandpa, poor papa, passed away, he told Jimmy “you’re gonna do great things, grandson,” and then he left me. He left Jimmy all alone. Jimmy thought if Jimmy would be strong then Jimmy could make it, make it on his own, be the greatest leader of the Speedy Speed Boys.

But Jimmy did a heel turn. Jimmy was so focused on being strong he never stopped being lonely. Alone we’re losers, together we’re winners, and I guess… I guess that makes Jimmy the biggest loser of all.

[Music fades.]

Kyle

Jimmy looks at you, Misha, and he looks at you, Elee, and he just gathers up some courage before making the decision you all resolved to make on your walk over.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

Speedy Speed Boys! We have decided the winner of the trial by drift. We have decided that there is no winner and there is no loser, and that this race… was just a race.

[Friendship guitar music begins.]

Kyle

Jimmy grabs your hand, Misha, and he grabs your hand, Elee, and with one big step you all cross the finish line together. The Speedy Speed Boys, confused but excited, cheer.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Amidst all the cheering you hear a little,

Hallie (as Ness)

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. That didn’t factor into my plans. … OR DID IT?!

[Ness’ theme begins.]

Hallie

Then he whips out the piece of legal sized paper that he had Jimmy sign earlier, and above it, clearly a little diagonal because he didn’t plan all the words spacing right, it’s not an official-looking document but it starts with “this official document” and then it says “I forfeit the race” signed Jimmy Win. Then Ness has added a date at the bottom of it that was the date that happened yesterday.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Ness)

This is a legally binding contract! I was a notary. My own signatures are right there.

Hallie

And it’s just like, “Ners,” scribbles.

Tom

[Laughing.] Ners!

Hallie (as Ness)

There can be no questions, comments or concerns at this time, and if Jimmy Win loses then Misha Jarvis-Badge wins, and everybody who gave me their money for the mop Jimmy Win now loses it. Thank you everybody, and goodbye.

Hallie

Then he’s gonna do a cartoon dust cloud and run away.

Tom

I’m so proud of this terrible robot son.

Hallie

You have a lot of money now. You’re welcome.

Tom

I think Ness has a lot of money now.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie

That’s true. Ness isn’t gonna share it.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

The crowd… They’re the Speedy Speed Boys. They don’t catch onto ness’s grift. They’re more confused that Jimmy lost, or didn’t, or maybe did. Is Misha the baby face now? Is Jimmy the heel? I like Jimmy though.

But eventually the crowd scatters away leaving behind nobody else other than Misha’s new family and a few members of their old one. With a punch on your shoulder and some buzzing in your ear, Misha, you hear,

Kyle (as CK)

Well, good job there, sib. I knew you had it in you.

Ari (as Misha)

Thank you. I could tell that you were supporting me from the speaker. It was very helpful, so thank you again.

Kyle (as CK)

Well, you know, I can’t give myself too much credit. Well, I kinda can, but… heh.

Kyle (as Stein)

[Unamused robotic quacking, seemingly reprimanding.]

Kyle (as CK)

Alright. Alright. Most of the cheering did come from two members of the audience.

Kyle

Misha, you can see a figure in an astronaut suit nervously twiddling her thumbs.

Kyle (as Ein)

Yeah. Stein and I thought you did fantastic.

Ari (as Misha)

Thank you. I learned it from you, so you have a lot to be credited for, for this.

Kyle (as Ein)

Heh. Well, glad I could be useful for something.

[Gentle piano music begins.]

Ari (as Misha)

You are useful for many things. You were really helpful in helping me getting the last of my memories back,

[00:55:00]

the ones that I really did not want to have but I needed to have the most, so I am really thankful for that. I am glad to remember you now and remember how good and how close we were before. I am happy to have those memories back.

Kyle (as Ein)

Well, we’re uh…

 Kyle (as Stein)

[Three quick quacks.]

Kyle (as Ein)

We’re glad, because we never forgot.

Ari (as Misha)

I wanted to tell you, I blamed myself for a lot of things that weren’t fully or in any way my fault, which I realize now that it wasn’t healthy, really, so I think that you could try and stop doing that for you as well. I realize how hard that is and I’m not fully out of it myself, but I think that most of what you did was out of misunderstanding and I want to say that I forgive you for all of it that you may be feeling guilty about. I could never forgive father—or Collodi—but I can forgive you.

Kyle (as Ein)

Oh… well, in all these years, in all the ways I imagined this would end, this wasn’t something I expected.

[Music ends.]

If you can try to work and forgive yourself, then maybe I can too, even if it makes me a bit—

Kyle (as CK)

Afraid~?

Kyle (as Ein)

Yes, CK, afraid.

Kyle

CK just slides out of view.

Kyle (as Ein)

Well, I suppose it’s time for you and your… you and your family to hit the road, huh?

Ari (as Misha)

I suppose so. I only have two things that I would like to say beforehand.

[Sweet music begins.]

To you Ein, I want to tell you that what I’m going to be working on is going to be supported by that family, and because of that I want you to know that even though it might be harder for us to reach each other we are still family. So, if you ever need something, just reach out to me and I will be here, because that is what family is for, and nothing that you can do will break that.

Kyle

Ein’s gonna smile.

Kyle (as Ein)

It’s a promise.

Ari

Can I add a quick sentence response to that? Misha will extend their pinky by Ein’s hand, which might be a little bit confusing, and then be like,

Ari (as Misha)

And this is one that I’m not planning to break.

Kyle

And she, confused a little bit, gives you a pinky promise back.

[Music changes to electronic dance music.]

Ari (as Misha)

The second thing is to you, CK. I guess it can only be summarized with one word.

Ari

Then they will look up and look back to CK and say…

[Long suspenseful pause.]

Ari (as Misha)

Up?

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Emily

I want it on the record that Elee tried to catch him, and I want it off the record that it was her fault.

Kyle

Listen. I would have let you. I wasn’t gonna have him fall in the first place, let me tell you.

Tom

Hallie chose this.

Kyle

I was gonna let you catch him. Hallie was the one who said “and then he hits the ground,” and I’m like alright, well I guess Ness hits the ground.

Hallie

I’m sorry. We can redo that. I just wanted to make a Toy Story reference.

Kyle

No, I mean, no, it was fine.

Emily

No.

Tom

No, you made a choice, Hallie. Now you have to live with that consequence.

Hallie

Aww, but it was a bad choice. God!

Ari

He’s a sturdy boy.

Hallie

I mean, he is, he’s very rotund, and you know, scrappy.

[01:00:00]

Kyle

Yeah, he’s a sturdy and gentle boy. He would never hurt a fly. A fly would hurt him, though.

Ari

Oh no, Kyle!

Hallie

Wow!

Emily

Whoa~

Ari

Why are you like this?

Hallie

Wow! Here we are, having a nice moment…

Ari

Oh my god.

Hallie

…and here—Turn your camera off again. Go away. [Laughs.]

Tom

I don't think we need Kyle for the rest of this session. Get him out of here.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Fine. Fine. There goes my camera.

Hallie

It’s Elee’s turn to say something nice to Misha.

Tom

Yeah, get out of here. Get this shit out of our face.

Ari

And for the record, I will have Misha introduce themselves as Misha Badge. Well… I still like Misha Jarvis, so Misha Jarvis-Badge is going to be the new intro. It’s gonna be hyphenated.

Hallie

Badge-Jarvis sounds like bad Jarvis, and we don’t want that.

Ari

[Amused.] Bad Jarvis.

Hallie

[Chuckling.] Bad Jarvis.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

[Claps, smiling.] Yes! Their name is B-B-A-D.

Ari

Oh my god, B-B-A-D.

Kyle

Because Bbad stands for they research bad boys and delinquents.

Ari

Oh my god. That’s so good.

Kyle

“Hello, my name is Bad Boys And Delinquents, Just A Rather Very Intelligent System, but you can call me Bbad Jarvis.”

Ari

Misha will hate whoever this Jarvis is.

Tom

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

Ness will idolize them.

Ari

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Also, you know, sometimes a family is just an old lady, her adopted android child, a ghost, a dog man, a small alien child that was conceived that she didn’t know about, her adoptive daughter, her partner, and I think I’ve hit anything that would fall under the Elee Badge family. Xoc, soon enough.

Tom

Soon enough.

Kyle

Xoc soon enough.

Ari

Though, I mean, it would be… I know technically it wouldn’t be awkward, because it wouldn’t actually be weird, but if she adopts Xoc also as her son would that make—?

[Laughter.]

Kyle

He gets the son-in-law role, that’s why it’s him soon enough.

Ari

Oh~

Tom

Well, I mean, I was—

Emily

Okay, he can be my son, we’re just not gonna address it, and then it’s not weird.

Kyle

We’re already dealing with Hop and Sera, and Xoc and Misha, it’s fine.

Tom

It’s fine! It’s fine.

Emily

Look, that’s what happens when you adopt every child that you come across. That’s what happens!

Kyle

That’s true. We can’t forget Q-BO.

Tom

Right.

Kyle

Everyone forgets sibling Q-BO.

Ari

I love that has been Elee’s secret plot, to get everyone as her child, either adopt them directly or adopt them as son-in-law.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

“Hi. I’m hanging out with my son and my son-in-law tonight.”

“Oh, you’re hanging out with two sons?”

“No, I’m just hanging out with Xoc.”

[Laughter.]

Emily

Oh no!

Tom

I’m gonna have to look up and see if in-laws are even like a coherent thing in The Ninth World. There’s lore on marriage.

Ari

Oh my god.

Hallie

What?! On in-laws?

Tom

I mean, the lore is mostly that marriage is not a super complicated thing unless you’re a noble in that people just live together for a certain amount of time and people start calling them married.

Kyle (as nano spirits)

Well Xoc, we’ve seen a lot in the Datasphere, pretty much anything possible, but it’d be a lie to say we’re not surprised.

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh? What by?

Kyle (as nano spirits)

… Fuck. I don't know.

[Laughter.]

Tom

What surprised them? This was your lead-in. This was your line!

Emily (as Elee)

Sure! I… have really great eyesight.

Emily

[Laughs.] We can cut that part. Don’t put that in.

Hallie

That’s what I offer to the team, great eyesight.

Kyle

[Laughs.] I’m perceptive. It’s on my character sheet.

Hallie (as Ness)

Did you know racecar is a palindrome?! I didn’t either. That’s a nerd fact!

[Laughter.]

Kyle

It’s like the “that’s a rock fact” where he holds up a rock, but just “that’s a nerd fact,” and he just holds up Xoc.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Or Hop. He just points to Hop. “That’s a nerd fact.” Points to Hop. Hop is just like, “is this why you brought me along? Is this the sole reason?”

Hallie (as Ness)

[Snaps.] That’s exactly why I brought you!

Kyle

Yeah, from the distance, the Kool-Aid Man,

Kyle (as Kool-Aid Man)

OH YEAH!

Emily

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

[Pleased.] I forgot we had him here. He never came back.

Emily

That’s okay.

Ari

Now he did.

Kyle

I will let you know, that final monologue, all was setup for that payoff because Hallie spent all of the last released episode getting this legally binding document that we had to use it for something.

Hallie

Well, he wanted it because Misha really didn’t wanna race, so he was gonna use that to get Misha out of the race, but then the race was gonna happen and it seemed okay, so he thought why not profit.

Ari

Why not profit.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Ari

Win-win scenario except not for Jimmy who is the actual Win.

Hallie

Except not for Jimmy who is the actual Win.

Hallie (as Ness)

He’s a mop. That’s alright.

Kyle

And then yeah, we’re gonna end with “up.”

Emily

It’s so good~! It’s so good.

Ari

That’s one of the things that I thought about since I knew about the first thing. I was like oh this would be a good callback.

Kyle

It was very good.

Ari

And it relates to Elee also, because Up!

Hallie

I was gonna say! It’s a callback and it’s just a summary of Elee’s arc!

Tom

[Hums “Married Life” from Up.]

Hallie

[Laughs.]