Ep. 76: The Obsidian Cloud, Part 3

Kyle

Before we get started with today’s episode, a quick heads up that Ari’s audio is gonna sound a bit weird in this episode and the next one. We were recording with a different setup than we normally use, so her audio is gonna be just a little bit lower quality, and at least in this episode you may hear a hiss sometimes.

While I’m already here, a reminder that you can find content warnings and a list of all the major proper nouns like characters and places and things in the description to this episode.

Okay, without any further ado—

Previously on Quest Friends…

[Intro song begins, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Who was the last person responsible for maintenance of the shield here?

Kyle (as Jaykell)

It was Unit 909, but they haven’t been in charge of that for a year or so.

Tom (as Xoc)

But why is that?

Kyle (as Unit 909)

I have been removed from that duty as of Day D-174.

Tom (as Xoc)

But did you vote for that decision to remove you from that duty?

Kyle (as Unit 909)

I do not see why that is relevant.

David (as Horus)

The Weal, you see, very rarely makes decisions, and when we do the whole town convenes in the town hall and votes on it.

Kyle (as Jaykell)

You have this barrier, and if you use it and you modify it and we get the Weal to not panic, you will have to convince them at some point, I hope you understand.

Tom (as Xoc)

No, I know.

Kyle (as Jaykell)

You need an army protecting this place while you’re gone.

Hallie

Hopper looks like a little lightbulb went off.

Hallie (as Hopper)

That’s right! Sera gave me this when we left the Prodigious. She gave me this orb and said I could use it to find her again.

Ari

Oh my god.

Tom

Holy shit.

Hallie (as Hopper)

So we… We’ve had this all along. We’ve had this all along! We can get Sera, and we can get anybody else to help us!

Ari

[Laughing.] Get wrecked, Kyle.

[Intro music swells and carries into the episode.]

Hallie

One day there was a baby dragon lying in a bed of flowers.

[Happy, child-like music begins]

The dragon’s name was Inuki, but the flowers, they never did say. Maybe the flowers didn’t speak in psychic links, or maybe they couldn’t think of what to tell her, or maybe they were simply shy… but Inuki didn’t mind. She always had so much to share: stories of adventures, and of flying, and of her best friend in the whole wide world who saved her from that nasty TJ and did everything he could to keep her safe.

And Inuki felt safe. She had felt safe for a long time. But the flowers, well… with a rump-bump-bump the baby dragon pounced on her pray and with a munch-munch-munch she gobbled up the flowers resting in the bed. But, for the first time, Inuki didn’t eat every single flower, she didn’t even eat half, because her belly was full and the flowers were so pretty. Inuki knew it would be selfish not to share them with all her friends, because Inuki had friends. She had so many friends, and she had so many flowers, and she was so, so, so very happy.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

[Long hushing sound.]

[Gentle ethereal music begins.]

A faint wind from a draft picks up small fragments of dust which dance in the air providing texture to the few beams of light emerging from the ceiling windows of the Weal’s City Hall.

These fragments of dust dance over turned-over bookshelves that long ago abandoned their books for knowledge from more mechanical devices. Machines. These turned-over library bookcases now make a kind of arena-like seating, seating of theater in the round, and in the center of this quote-unquote “theater” are a series of gently humming servers. They look almost like a tiny city skyline in their own right.

This faint humming is all that you can hear as you enter the room, with the exception of Xoc, who hears a very familiar voice say:

Kyle (as ???)

[Synthesized mechanical voice.] Hello, Xoc. It has been almost a year since we have last felt your presence in this place.

Tom (as Xoc)

Hello, Reference Section.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Reference Section)

What information have you brought for us today?

Tom (as Xoc)

A great deal from many different places.

Tom

Have the other machines gathered here already or did we come here just alone to Reference Section?

Kyle

You’re here early.

[Elevator music begins.]

Whenever a big decision needs to happen in the Weal such as, I don't know, overturning a previous vote, the entire town meets in City Hall and votes on it. City Hall is inhabited by this group of servers called Reference Section, they/them pronouns from a plural point of view similar to the nano spirits. Reference Section is one of the oldest machines in the Weal. It’s rumored that they even knew Baz, the originator of this place.

[00:05:00]

What they do is they facilitate these conversations, help control the flow, but really just tabulate all the machines’ votes at the end, because you know they’re mechanical, every machine can kind of telepathically beam their thoughts to Reference Section who can then tally everything up.

So, because you have two very big decisions that need to be brought to the Weal, you need to convince them not only to let you fix and modify the barrier, but also to let in a lot of non-Weal residents, like “a lot” a lot, an army’s worth… you need to get the Weal to do a majority vote on both.

Horus and Jaykell have already called a vote, and all the citizens of the Weal have been called, but they’re a bunch of old machines. They take their time. They gotta finish the funny section of the newspaper. They gotta finish their three-hour-long call with their grandson. It’s gonna take them a while to get here, so you have gotten here to meet with Reference Section and prepare.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Well then, to start, Xoc is going to introduce the party, just step forward towards the servers and gesture.

Tom (as Xoc)

Everyone, this is Reference Section. They are one of the oldest and most respected machines here in the Weal. They were very helpful, very nice, when I was growing up here.

Tom

And then telepathically again to Reference Section.

Tom (as Xoc)

I’ve come back with a number of friends from outside the Weal. This is Misha Jarvis-Badge, Hopper Scotch, Elee Badge, Ness and Q-BO.

Kyle (as Q-BO)

[Beep-boop.] It is a pleasure to meet you, Reference Section.

Kyle

In response, Xoc, you hear:

Kyle (as Reference Section)

It is so very interesting to meet all of you.

Kyle

But all everyone else hears is Q-BO saying his line and then absolute silence.

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh. Yeah, I should mention, Reference Section doesn’t actually have a, um, a voice box or anything else to speak with.

Kyle (as Reference Section)

That was our error. We did not get the telepathic frequencies for your fellow machines. What are they?

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, for Q-BO and Misha, they would be these, but some of my friends are entirely organic. You may not be able to communicate with them in that way.

Kyle (as Reference Section)

You are correct that organic telepathic channels are new to us, but we believe we can still access their codes if you have them.

Tom (as Xoc)

I don’t think I do.

Kyle (as Reference Section)

Ah. Well, we will use the old device then.

Kyle

All of you can hear this old fashioned—it sounds like a printer or more accurately a fax machine from 1990, just this [Mechanical whirring and crunching sounds.]

You can see under the dustiest, the least touched part of Reference Section there is, on a rickety wooden end table, a fax machine. A piece of paper is moving through it and just prints out the text “hello world.”

Hallie

Hopper’s all over this.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Hallie

He was very excited that there was a machine entity called Reference Section and then disappointed he wouldn’t be able to talk to it, because he is not a machine.

Kyle

Talk to them.

Hallie

Talk to them! Because he is not a machine, but this fax machine almost makes up for it, because it’s like weird and he’s never seen it before, so he’s gonna go over and be like…

Hallie (as Hopper)

Wow!

Hallie

…and then there’s nothing else to read on the fax machine, but he’s still gonna pick it up.

Hallie (as Hopper)

This is really cool!

Hallie

He’s excited. He’s nerding out.

Ari

Misha will just be like:

Ari (as Misha)

It is a pleasure to meet you, too, Reference Section.

Ari

Out loud, but also if there’s a way to also do it telepathically they will try.

Kyle

Yeah. I’m going to add new lore that was just added right now that each machine basically has some sort of radio frequency or the equivalent, some sort of unique signifier or like an IP Address for a computer, something that if you reference it you can then speak to them telepathically. That’s how Xoc’s telepathic Speak With machines works and it’s something the Weal knows, so it’s something Reference Section can use as well.

Hallie

Ness would like to tug Xoc’s robe.

Hallie (as Ness)

Give them my number.

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh yes, yes.

Tom

Did I specify only giving Q-BO’s and Misha’s when I spoke?

Hallie

You did.

Tom

Damn it.

Hallie

Which isn’t important except that Ness is mad now, so it is.

Tom

Damn it. Fuck!

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie

Ness is also on telepathic channels only half the time. He never checks the group chat.

Kyle

Yeah. He has kind of made it clear he doesn’t like them, not as much as say Shauna from the Clockwork City who absolutely hated it when Xoc opened one, but Ness has shown a complete disregard for telepathic speech.

Hallie

Yeah actually, immediately after telling Xoc to do this thing he goes over to the fax machine, because he prefers that to be honest, so he is also looking at the fax machine but he—

Tom (as Xoc)

Well do you want me to or not?

Hallie

Ness doesn’t answer you.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

He does those two contradictory things and then leaves.

Tom

Message seen, 9:32.

Hallie

[Grinning.] Yeah! That’s basically Ness. He doesn’t have time for you.

[00:10:00]

Kyle

So Reference Section is actually dual having a conversation with Misha and with Hop and Ness, so they’re probably relaying some fact Hop wanted to know about the old world…

Hallie

Oh yeah.

Kyle

…while simultaneously saying hello to Misha. It’s like a computer program that can only run one thing at a time, so it’s like one word to Misha, one word to Hop, a few things get lost in between. Is there anything specific you want to talk to Reference Section about?

Emily

So Elee doesn’t… She’s a little behind on technology, not far enough behind to know the fax machine but not far enough ahead to understand Reference Section either and the servers and stuff. She’s doing her best as a little old lady, and she’s actually gonna turn to Xoc.

[Silly music begins.]

Emily (as Elee)

Okay, so… so this is like a library, right? But the Reference Section is the boxes, not books?

Kyle

Books are boxes when you think about it, boxes with pages inside of them.

Tom (as Xoc)

I think it once was a very, very long time ago, and yes, I think Reference Section was a machine who was part of a library at one time.

Emily (as Elee)

So they know a lot of things.

Tom (as Xoc)

They do, yes.

Emily

She’s gonna turn and lean forward to the fax machine.

Emily (as Elee)

I have a question for you.

Kyle

The fax machine continues printing.

Kyle (as Reference Section)

So the answer to your problem, Hopper Scotch, is—

Kyle

And right then is when Elee asked her question, so the train of thought switches to:

Kyle (as Reference Section)

Yes, Elee Badge. What is your question?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Agh!

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Elee)

I don’t… I don’t understand how to… Books?!

Emily

She’s gonna mime opening and closing a book with her hands.

Emily (as Elee)

I… You can answer Hopper’s question first.

Hallie (as Hopper)

No-no, Elee, go ahead. Go ahead. I can wait to find out the answer to this obscure formula.

[Music ends.]

Emily (as Elee)

You were asking about an obscure formula? Don’t you think that there are more useful things we could be asking right now?

Hallie (as Hopper)

I mean, well, I assumed that Xoc is asking Reference Section, them, using the telepathic—I… I’m secondary, you know? Xoc’s got it.

Kyle

So Elee, what exactly is your question? Because I don’t think I understood it.

Emily

That’s because I didn’t ask it.

Hallie

Didn’t ask it yet.

[Laughter.]

Emily

I would be very surprised if you understood it.

Kyle

Well Reference Section is halfway through printing out how to open a book, because that’s what they thought you were asking, because that’s what I thought you were asking.

Emily (as Elee)

Wait. Cancel… print. Cancel.

Ari

If Misha sees that, Misha will be like:

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, I do know how to open a book, Elee. I can help you with this. I don’t think Reference Section has to teach you that.

Emily (as Elee)

No, I was just… I’m, I’m used to… Well, I’m used to not looking anything up and just assuming things that are sometimes wrong, but I’m also more used to books than machines, but I want to know if, uh… what can we say that will convince all of the robots here to do what we want them to?

Tom

[Pinched, delighted but pained.] Why phrase it that way?

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

No. Here, here. I don’t want to phrase it that way. Let me resay it, please.

Kyle

Yeah, go ahead.

Emily (as Elee)

How do, um… What is the best way to explain what we’re trying to do so that they let us finish talking?

Kyle

The fax machine prints out:

Kyle (as Reference Section)

As the town’s server, it is our responsibility to record what is and what has happened. It is up to those who access this information to determine how to interpret it.

Emily (as Elee)

Thank you for nothing. This is why I— [Stammers.]

[Deep breath, sadly.] I can’t use computers.

Tom (as Xoc)

Are there many books that just tell you how to persuade people?

Emily (as Elee)

I don't know! I don’t actually read books either.

Kyle

Do you want… Do you want fuckin’ some sort of pick-up artist book on how to be successful and make people like you?

Tom

[Pinched.] How to pick up robots.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

The pick-up robots, they’re all, uh… not bulldozers, but like the ones that—

Tom

Cranes?

Kyle

Forklifts! Forklifts. That’s the pick-up community.

Tom

[Delighted.] They’re forklifts. That’s very literal.

Emily

Look, Elee has been getting progressively more flustered, because she doesn’t understand technology and this is her nightmare of this retirement village where you go to die.

Tom

[As a groan.] Oh…

Emily

And then she was like “oh, I had a good idea, this will help,” and then it didn’t work.

[00:15:00]

Ari

Misha also has that one ability where they can become an expert on the thing they look up, so they could also look up how to become persuasive on small elderly robots.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Yeah. Sure… Sure. We’re gonna just speed through this.

[Laughter.]

Tom

[As a groan.] Oh…

[Static interference and forklift beeping begins.]

Kyle

Oh look, the hiss is coming in. You see a giant forklift in a fedora.

Kyle (as forklift)

Heyyy!

Hallie

[Laughing.] No!

Kyle

He picks up a robot. You fade out. There we go.

[Static and forklift sounds end.]

Hallie

No!

Tom

Please, god.

Kyle

[Smug.] You now are better at convincing people.

Tom

What? No, I hate this.

Hallie

My thing was gonna be almost the same, because I have that library access thing that’s really cool that I never fucking use because I forget about it. I was gonna be like…

Hallie (as Hopper)

Elee, if you’re really worried, you know you could get a book and see if that’s more helpful.

Hallie

…and then just reach into the cloud, I guess, and pull out ‘Public Speaking’ by CK Jarvis.

Ari

[Amused.] By CK Jarvis!

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom

Yes!

Hallie

‘For Robots’ is like the postscript.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie

[Laughing.] With the little asterisk next to it.

Emily (as Elee)

I feel like it’s probably gonna be about as useful. I just thought that maybe it would be easier to ask a robot than a book and try to read it all…

Kyle

I’m gonna interrupt Emily here with a grainy:

[CK’s theme begins.]

Kyle (as CK)

So you want to speak publically and convince people, but you’re scared of making a loud noise and especially afraid of speaking to robots!

Emily (as Elee)

[Sobbing.] This is not what I wanted!

Kyle (as CK)

Well, we’re gonna help you overcome that fear!

Kyle

This is a book that Hop has picked out.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

‘Public Speaking for Machines.’ Because part of the fear is being quiet, it is in fact a very loud book.

Hallie

Oh no.

Kyle

It’s like a pop-up book. You open the page and it starts speaking.

Hallie

If it’s really loud and annoying, Hopper’s just gonna close it, because that’s not quite what he wanted. He wanted something to comfort Elee, and this sounds like it’s not doing that.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as CK)

So what you’re going to want to do is— [Muffled speaking.]

Kyle

It’s still talking. You have brought a book by CK Jarvis into the world. Do you think shutting that book and running from your fears—?

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Yes! I did!

Kyle (as CK)

[Muffled.] Oh, running from your fears~!

Hallie

I thought shutting a book would work.

Kyle

You think that’s gonna shut up CK Jarvis? No, you have made a pact with the devil at this point.

Hallie

No!

[Laughter.]

Ari

I do want to say that Misha wants to finish listening to what their older sibling wants to say, because it probably will be important, and so they want to open the book again and will do so.

[Music fades.]

Tom

Xoc is just gonna quietly go up to Elee and say:

Tom (as Xoc)

It was a good idea, but Reference Section is, uh… sometimes kind of hard to pin down. They have a lot of knowledge, but the way they apply it doesn’t always add to discussions.

Ari

Sounds like grad school! Sounds like my life!

Emily

[Sob-laughs.]

Kyle

So after you learn all of that, Reference Section does ask you, Xoc:

Kyle (as Reference Section)

While we cannot directly assist in creating your plan, we can still learn about it. How do you intend to persuade the Weal?

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, the plan is that there, um… there isn’t one? I was going to get all of the people of the Weal here and I was going to try to persuade them that taking care of themselves is a good thing, and that change is not always scary, and that I love and appreciate all of them, and I hope that this would maybe persuade them to let us fix the shield generator and bring a lot of outsiders in, because the Weal will be attacked in the next few days, and unless we have a lot more people here to protect it everyone here will, uh, perish.

Kyle

Do you have a speech that you want to give them? Because otherwise I can do a very fun segue.

Tom

If you’re asking do I have a prepared speech like Rob and Jamie, no. The only thing I prepared was I was going to make a joke where I impersonated Rob, because I’ve been listening to a lot of Totalus Rankium.

Kyle

So if it’s alright with you, I think there’s a fun segue we could do.

Tom

Okay.

Kyle

And Xoc’s voice echoes, not only in this old musty space but also in the future.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Replaying previous audio, slightly echoed.] …maybe persuade them to let us fix the shield generator and bring a lot of outsiders in, because the Weal will be attacked in the next few days, and unless we have a lot more people here to protect it everyone here will, uh, perish.

Kyle

And as you finish that final word while giving your speech to the Weal, “or we will all perish,” all of the machines who have been assembled to the Weal, who you have just given this speech to, erupt.

[Angry old men screaming SFX.]

Kyle (as various machines)

Wait, we’re gonna do what?

Who’s gonna kill us?!

I don't know what’s going on!

This is going to make things very unclean.

Kyle

And just pandemonium breaks out.

Tom (as Xoc)

Look! Look. Yes, it’s true, there is danger coming, and it’s largely my fault.

[00:20:00]

It’s coming here because you are all important to me. I kind of told him how to get here, but—

Kyle (as machine)

He confessed! It’s already his fault! Vote! Vote! Vote! Vote!

Emily (as Elee)

[Firmly.] It is not his fault!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Simplifying.

Kyle

The buzzer from Family Feud, the X one that appears, goes up – the EHH!

Emily

[Giggles.]

Tom (as Xoc)

That’s not what the vote is for yet. You can vote for my crimes later. That is not the issue on the table.

Emily (as Elee)

Um, they’re not gonna vote for your crimes. You didn’t do crimes.

Tom (as Xoc)

Anyway. Everyone, listen. Listen to me for a moment.

[Emotional dramatic piano music begins overtaking the SFX.]

This is a very scary time. I am very scared as well, and I have been scared in the year that I’ve been away. When I lived here, nothing dangerous or scary really ever happened to me aside from getting lost in a cave once, falling down some stairs, skinning my knees.

The outside world has a lot of stuff in it, and sometimes it’s bad, sometimes it’s really, really good. If I hadn’t made the choice to seek that out, I also wouldn’t have my wonderful friends here today. I wouldn’t be able to speak to you here as I am right now.

I know you previously voted to not take care of yourselves anymore, that you weren’t going to repair anything or scavenge anything, you were going to keep things the same as they always were… but things won’t work that way. Even if you do nothing and try to change nothing, the world will change on its own around you, and if you do absolutely nothing, it will always change for the worse.

Unless you try to take care of yourselves, try to take care of your home, things will start to get worse, and in this case they will get worse abruptly. But, I do have a plan to help. We can, with the help of other friends, protect this place. We can help you rebuild your home, and I know that at least some of you would like things to be nicer than they are right now, even if the idea of things changing is scary.

So what do you say? Do you want to give the Weal another chance?

Kyle

[Softly.] Xoc… who do you give your other GM Intrusion point to?

[Music ends.]

Tom

I’m giving it to Ari, because she’s the third person to link Unit 909 with Mo.

Ari

Uh…?

Tom

From WALL-E.

Ari

Oh! Yeah.

Tom

Little cleaning robot, Mo. I mentioned that to Kyle the other day. I just imagine this little robot as Mo.

Ari

Perfect. Thank you.

Kyle

As your speech finishes, Xoc, you notice that the machines have all gotten very silent. It’s hard to tell if they’re enraptured or not. They often don’t have many expressions.

Tom

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

But that’s when, behind you, the fax machine starts to print, and you hear a voice in your head say:

[Silly ambling music begins.]

Kyle (as Reference Section)

By a nearly unanimous vote, the Weal has decided to reinforce the exile of Xoc and to reject both of his proposals.

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Kyle

Hello and welcome to the announcement break for Quest Friends, Episode 76: The Obsidian Cloud, Part 3. I’m Kyle, your GM, and our intro and outro song is Friends and Hitoshio, both by Miracle of Sound.

Update-wise, today’s episode is a pretty light one. I wanted to once again credit the incredible David S. Dear for providing the voice of Horus, Xoc’s robot guardian, and… that was it.

I hope you’re enjoying this episode, and our next episode will be coming out on Monday, May 24, but if you’d like additional content before then, you can find stories, artwork, and behind the scenes insights at Patreon.com/QuestFriends. I’ll see you there.

[Silly ambling music carries out of the announcements.]

Kyle

So you are all now outside of City Hall. After doing that vote, the machines had reinforced that, because the exile had been enforced for Xoc, and because the rest of you aren’t citizens of the Weal and therefore do not have a vote, you were all basically shuffled out of the room as the Weal deliberated on the details of the agreements it had just made.

Emily (as Elee)

That, uh… didn’t exactly, um…

Did we have another plan?

Tom (as Xoc)

[Gloomy.] No.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I don’t think we did.

Emily (as Elee)

Or like, will they let us try again? Because it seems like we should have had a little more interaction before they just voted.

[00:25:00]

Like, I’ve been to court a couple times, and it has never gone quite like that.

Hallie

[Restrained chuckling.]

Tom

Xoc walks away.

Ari (as Misha)

Um, Xoc, do they provide some sort of timeline? Are you supposed to leave right now, or do they give you some time to, you know, prepare things? Because if it’s the case, then we can still show them why you shouldn’t leave, because of what we’re planning to do. I did not hear any mentions of “imminent” or “right now,” and even when I was unfairly judged I had at least a whole day to prepare and prove things wrong.

Tom

Xoc is going to stop walking for a moment and then say, through the mental link:

Tom (as Xoc)

Hasn’t ever really been a vote like this before, but… I’m going for a walk.

[Foosteps on gravel SFX.]

Emily

Elee is gonna look at Hopper… Are Horus and Jaykell here, or are they…?

Kyle

Not right now, no. They are currently—

Tom

[Smiling.] Is Jaykell just yelling at everyone in the meeting?

Kyle

[Smiling.] Horus and Jaykell are trying to salvage the meeting. Jaykell’s on the warpath.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change. Silly waltz music begins.]

Kyle (as Jaykell)

You all claim that Xoc has made a major mistake, which he has, but none of us here are perfect. Clarity, do you remember when you abused the amount of power you consumed in Powerstand Street and caused a shortage for two whole weeks?

Kyle

And he just is continuing going on like that. The rest of the Weal is figuring out the details. Horus is trying to do damage control, and Jaykell is on the warpath.

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change. Music ends.]

Emily

But Elee looks at Hop.

Emily (as Elee)

Do you think it would make it worse or do you think that there would be, like… because I can hear Jaykell in there yelling, and I was just thinking if it would make things worse if I went in there and also yelled or if maybe it would be like a “oh look, they’re very similar, these two very different people” kind of a thing and also I am very deeply upset.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I-I know.

Emily (as Elee)

And I, like… I’m gonna try really hard if you tell me it’s a bad idea not to go in there, but um…

Hallie

Hopper puts his arms on Elee’s shoulders.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I think it’s a bad idea.

Emily (as Elee)

Are you sure? Because I was kind of hoping you were gonna say it was a good idea.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I’m really not sure. You know, it might be, but I think what we need to do is channel that energy into something official. I wish I knew more about their legal turnings, about their… you know, is there a way to stall votes. I was gonna ask Xoc, but I don't think he’s… He needs some space, I think.

Hallie

Kyle, I have an out of character question.

Kyle

Yeah?

Hallie

Last session, it never came up, but I had asked if Ness could sneak into that little janitor’s closet that had the Roomba sized flap, and he definitely did that while nobody was paying attention, and you had me roll a die and said it could come up later.

Kyle

I was gonna suggest that, so yeah.

Hallie

Really?! Yes! Okay. Then after Hopper says that…

[Silly clown-ish music begins.]

Ness produces a little pamphlet that’s titled “Inner Legal Workings of the Weal of Baz,” and he goes:

Hallie (as Ness)

Oh, you mean something like this?

Hallie

Hopper looks at it and takes it.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Wait. Where did you get this?

Hallie (as Ness)

Well, the janitor’s closet. There’s a lot of stuff in there. Not a lot of it’s fun.

Emily (as Elee)

Ness, that…

Hallie (as Ness)

That wasn’t fun.

Emily (as Elee)

That wasn’t a janitor’s closet, that was a home, and you just stole this from someone’s home.

Hallie (as Ness)

Well I’m sure they have other copies. This can’t be the only copy. It’s fine. It’s fine.

Emily

Someone explain to me how we filibuster.

Hallie

Filibuster, to the extent of my knowledge, is a funny word to mean talks for a long time to stall a vote.

Kyle

Essentially, yeah, you are stalling.

Hallie

Essentially?

Emily

Oh, we could do that.

Hallie

Did I have it right? Okay. That was my—yeah. Then hopefully, at the end of the filibuster, they’d be like “oh, we could have the vote now, and we’ll vote differently than we did the first time.”

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Alright. I’m going to cut it here if that’s alright. I’m gonna send a message to Quest Friends Chat. I want everyone except for Tom to check it, if that’s okay.

Tom

So I cannot look at Quest Friends Chat is what you’re saying.

Kyle

Do not look at the Quest Friends Chat.

Tom

[Teasingly.] I shouldn’t pick up my phone right now.

Kyle

Because I have an idea, and I want to suggest it to everyone but you.

Tom

[Loud and playfully indignant.] Oh, we’re doing this again, are we?! Oh!

Kyle

So, is it alright if I… yeah, if everyone checks it except for Tom?

Tom

[Emperor Palpatine impression.] “It’s treason then…”

[Beachside SFX begins.]

Kyle

Alright, so Xoc, where exactly are you going?

Tom

Xoc is walking to the beach.

Kyle

You can hear the waves of the beach, always sounding much more ferocious than they actually are. That being said, the mist from the waves crashing against the rocky and metallic shore is still very cold especially with the overcast sky. What are you doing?

Tom

Xoc is just sitting down on the sand, arms on his knees, chin not exactly on knees but like that sort of tucked up sit, you know, and just staring out at the waves.

[00:30:00]

[Meaningful moment of silence amongst the waves.]

Kyle (as Loell)

What are you trying to do, bud?

Tom (as Xoc)

What do you think I’m trying to do?

[Threatening ambient music begins.]

Kyle (as Loell)

Oh, I have my theories, but I wanted you to think about them as well. You know, they sometimes say that when you talk about something out loud, just how silly it sounds can make sense.

Tom (as Xoc)

Well did you come here to gloat then? Because it’s not working out so well right now. I’m doing what I’m always doing, trying to stop you, and—

Kyle (as Loell)

[Chuckles.] Gloat? What do you think I am, some big bad monologuing villain? No, that was that Ezra guy, the Jagged Dream. Those are the goofy “I’m gonna monologue at you” kind of folks. I’m just trying to give you a chance to understand. I can tell. I can tell you’re almost there.

Tom

Xoc is going to laugh a little bit at that and say:

Tom (as Xoc)

You know, it’s funny and a little frustrating right now, because it reminds me that sometimes people just won’t ever listen to you even if you know their heart is in the right place and you know they’re not trying to do anything wrong, they’re trying to do good things. Sometimes… Sometimes people just won’t agree with you.

Kyle (as Loell)

Exactly. Exactly! I’m trying to convince you. The Weal, they get it. I get it. You’re the only one who doesn’t seem to get the picture, Xoc.

Tom (as Xoc)

They don’t get it, they just… they just don’t want anything to happen to them ever again. They’re not going to be happy when you attack this place, they’re just gonna be confused and scared because—

Kyle (as Loell)

[Mockingly.] Attack! Attack?

You know what I’m trying to do. I feel like “attack” is a rather harsh word, especially as I said they don’t seem particularly too concerned about it.

Tom (as Xoc)

They’re just waiting for everything to end, and I don’t… I don’t want them to give up.

Kyle (as Loell)

Yeah, so stop them. They want it to end. I can give them an out. It seems like they want what I want, what you want, what I want. I’m not seeing what the issue here is, okay?

Tom (as Xoc)

The issue is that the people you consume are never coming back, Loell. They’re not coming back, okay? I don’t know what that thing—

Kyle (as Loell)

They’re not coming back because they’re here. They’re not coming back because they’re here!

Tom (as Xoc)

When was the last time—

Kyle (as Loell)

Look at this! Look at this. Boom!

[A heavy rumble begins assorted combat sounds accompanying Kyle’s descriptions.]

Kyle

Suddenly, all around you, you find yourselves in this war field. There are bombs going all over the place. You’re in… Malevich, Thaemor, something like that.

[Music changes to upbeat love song.]

You see in the distance Mauve and Mako just locking eyes, and you can see the love they have for each other.

[Music changes to happy, child-like music.]

[Snaps.] He flips again. You see Inuki frolicking in this massive field of flowers.

[Music changes to upbeat music from Loell’s Memory.]

He flips again. You see this short guy who kind of looks like a dwarf happily making a bunch of sandwiches in a kitchen including this club sandwich that’s shaped like an actual club.

[Music changes to messed-up version of Marv’s theme.]

And he keeps flipping through so many lives, so many scenes surrounding you, and as he does he says:

Kyle (as Loell)

They’re all here, all here, all the time. I don’t get what you don’t get about that.

Tom (as Xoc)

Can they see us?

Kyle (as Loell)

… No.

Tom (as Xoc)

Why can’t they see us?

Kyle (as Loell)

Because they’re living their world, we’re living ours. We save them, but we don’t get to… be with them. That’s the cost we take.

Tom (as Xoc)

That’s no different.

Kyle (as Loell)

But it seems worth it, to let all of this…

[Dialogue, street ambience, and dozens of other unintelligible SFX.]

Kyle

And suddenly, hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of lives, of scenes, of moments throughout history start playing over each other at once.

Kyle (as Loell)

[Shouting.] All of this is happening, and if you don’t get it in your head, then all of it…

[SFX ends.]

Kyle

And the voices grow silent.

Kyle (as Loell)

…actually goes away.

Tom (as Xoc)

It already has. That—

Kyle (as Loell)

Let’s say you stop me. Hmm? Let’s say you come up, you be the big bad hero, you stop the bad guy. What do you think happens to all of those moments without something to anchor them into this reality? Even if they’re “dead,” the last moments all of these lives get to have and get to live, what do you think happens when you remove them from the only thing anchoring them to this world?

Tom

Xoc is going to look away for a moment and turn back to Loell and say:

Tom (as Xoc)

Why are you actually here? Talking to me, right now. What are you hoping to achieve? What is it you want in this moment? Because last time we spoke it seemed that we had made a clear accord. We looked into each other’s heads and we said there’s no way we can just talk this out.

[00:35:00]

You wanted to have this big confrontation here to prove to me that I was wrong, and you’re still on your way… but then why are you here? Are you lonely? Are you reaching out for help? Because it sounds like you’re not satisfied with your own words anymore.

[Threatening music begins.]

Kyle (as Loell)

Am I reaching out for help? So condescending of a thing to say. Oh, do I need your help? I’m fucking Aegon Stormbreaker. I can handle myself.

[Chuckles.] No, I’m here because… You want the fucking honest truth? Honest god damn truth? I’m not here because I want you to understand. I’m not here because I believe in you. I’m here because you’re holding my god damn friends hostage. You’re keeping those people important to me away from me. So you give them back or I take yours.

Tom (as Xoc)

Well then, I guess that lays it out very crystal clear. I know I can’t convince you of anything, there’s nothing I could say that would change that, but for what it’s worth I am still glad we met, Loell.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Loell)

Yeah. Well, just know…

[Apocrita theme begins.]

Kyle

And a shadow starts to appear at Loell’s feet and starts rising.

Kyle (as Loell)

…that when you and your little strike team arrive…

Kyle

And the shadow continues rising up his legs. You start to see these black boots and these black grieves.

Kyle (as Loell)

When you all come, I… I’ll respect your wishes. I won’t hold back. If you think that the Apocrita is the same as death, I’ll respect your wishes. After all…

Kyle

And in front of you, fully clad in his Angulan Knights armor, Aegon Stormbreaker unsheathes his Warhammer.

Kyle (as Aegon)

You’re the only one I need alive.

Kyle

With that, he disappears.

[Music changes back to the sound of the waves.]

Tom

Xoc is going to pick up a skipping stone and just fling it out into the sea, not actually skipping it, just (thrah-blah)!

David (as Horus)

[Chuckling.] Have you really forgotten your technique after just a year? I’ve told you that each stone needs its own kind of throw.

Tom (as Xoc)

Oh…  hi Horus. No, I um… I wasn’t really trying anything with that stone.

David (as Horus)

I don’t blame you. It can be frustrating to feel like you have everything lined up perfectly…

Kyle

And he picks up a stone and he throws it as the waves come in, so he goes to skip it but the wave just hits the rock and knocks it into the wall.

David (as Horus)

…only to have the waves wash away your efforts anyway.

[SFX end.]

They’re more stubborn than I thought they would be.

Tom (as Xoc)

It all happens so much faster than I expected. I thought I’d have more time to talk to them one-on-one. I guess in my head I remembered everything a lot more fondly. Part of me hoped they would be happy to see me again after all this time, but I guess there weren’t very many who were.

David (as Horus)

Well, that’s how memory works sometimes, even for machines. It takes far too much data to remember the details, so we hold onto the emotions and extrapolate the rest.

Tom

Xoc will actually look like he’s deep in thought at that and just start mumbling.

Tom (as Xoc)

Memories… Hmm.

Is it weird, Horus, that even now, even after they’ve already voted, they’ve already rejected the idea, I still haven’t given up hope deep down inside? I still feel like there might be a way to convince them otherwise. Do you think that’s even possible at this point? Am I just building myself up for nothing?

David (as Horus)

Well Xoc, do you consider me a fool?

Tom (as Xoc)

Of course not.

David (as Horus)

Because when I nominated you to be the next scavenger, or exile as they would call it, I had hoped the same.

[Nostalgic piano music begins.]

Xoc, not everyone you believe in is going to repay that belief in kind. That doesn’t make you a fool for trying.

Tom (as Xoc)

Yeah… Yeah. I wonder…

Thank you, by the way, Horus, for everything you’ve done over the years. There were a lot of times where I was worried I wouldn’t get to see you again, to say that, but I’m very happy I made it back here after all this time. I think I have at least one more idea.

David (as Horus)

Well, I will be behind you the whole way.

[00:40:00]

[Chuckles.] Although, at my pace nowadays, maybe a bit further behind.

Kyle

He lifts himself up from where he was sitting on his cane.

David (as Horus)

No need to wait up on me, though. After all, your friends can only filibuster for so long.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Xoc)

They what?

[Whooshing sound signaling a scene change. Sound of old men talking begins.]

Kyle

[Smiling.] And we cut to the inside of City Hall, and I’m just gonna let y’all go.

[SFX ends.]

Emily

So, Elee is gonna embrace her feelings. She’s been learning throughout this campaign how to talk about her hopes and her loves and her fears. Elee has not had the time to go to a therapist, so instead she’s going to overshare.

Emily (as Elee)

When I came here, I was nervous to, you know, meet Xoc’s family, because I thought that maybe I would make a bad impression, and then there’s technology and I don’t really get it because I’m an old human instead of an old robot like you are, but you know, then I got here and I was like “oh, I have something new to be nervous about, this is my deepest darkest nightmares that I often try to repress about my own age.

So I’ve heard how people, like, when they’re old, go and live in these nice little places that they get taken care of and they’re around other old people, and then one by one their friends die, and then they die.

Kyle (as elderly machine)

What did she say?! Down in front!

Emily (as Elee)

Let me raise my voice a little bit more for you. See, this is another one of the things I fear, the degradation of my own body. So like, my hearing, it’s a little less than it used to be, my eyesight, a little less than it used to be. I’ve just, I’ve noticed, you know, my joints are creaking more, and part of it is that I’ve nailed a bunch of metal into them, but part of it I think is that I’m old and maybe my blood is rusting the metal. I didn’t think about that kind of thing when I did it, because I was young and I wasn’t thinking.

Kyle (as elderly machine)

Metal?! I thought she was a human. Do humans have metal now?!

Emily

[Chuckling.] She’s gonna shoot out her claws.

Emily (as Elee)

Metal!

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So if someone wants to cut in at any point, because I feel like we should have—

Emily (as Elee)

This is terrible! This is nightmarish!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Elee)

Why do you live here?! Why are you making these decisions?!

Ari (as Misha)

Um, well, I am a… First of all, my nomenclature is Misha Jarvis-Badge. I am a fellow machine like you, and just like you I have gotten to meet Xoc for a long time. I just want to say that I consider your vote a mistake and I want to make you reconsider your vote, because I have been, in the past, judged and had wrong votes on me, and Xoc, as well as my other friends, but Xoc right now since he is the main target of this vote, has helped correct those bad judgments. So, I want to do that as well.

He also has prevented me several times from running away from people, so I believe that I should also prevent him from being forced to run away from his family.

And well, I also want to say that Xoc is a really good special friend of mine, and I would like to recount how I have met him and all of our adventures that I just remembered so that you can understand more about why Xoc has helped me.

Ari

And so then Misha will just go and talk about the entirety of the campaign to these machines and how Xoc, like, how they met Xoc and all of their progression in their romantic endeavors but also how he helped Misha specifically.

Kyle (as Q-BO)

[Beep-boop.] One of the big trees had been partially chopped through, and standing beside it with an uplifted axe in his hands was a man made entirely of tin.

[Beep-boop.] His head and arms and legs were jointed upon his body, but he stood perfectly motionless as if he could not stir at all.

[Beep-boop.] Dorothy looked at him in amazement, and so did the scarecrow, while Toto barked sharply and made a snap at the tin legs which hurt his teeth.

[Beep-boop.] “Did you groan?” asked Dorothy.

[Beep-boop.] “Yes,” answered the tinman, “I did! I’ve been groaning for more than a year, and no one has ever heard me before or come to help me.”

[Beep-boop.] “What can I do for you?” she inquired softly, for she was moved by the sad voice in which the man spoke.

[Beep-boop.] “Get an oilcan and oil my joints,” he answered.

[00:45:00]

“They are rusted so badly that I cannot move them at all. If I am well-oiled, I shall soon be all right again. You will find an oilcan on a shelf near my cottage.”

Hallie

Ness will actually just push Q-BO off the stage at this point.

Hallie (as Ness)

Nobody cares! Look, look, I know that what we’re doing here is just talking a lot, so let me tell you about things that you do care about, like the time I tried to rob a delicatessen. Not like steal from the delicatessen, like, I tried to rob the delicatessen itself, because I thought it would be cool to own a delicatessen, but it turns out that kind of thing is really hard to move. I mean I had a little cart, but that didn’t really cut it.

So what I’m saying is that my life has gotten… better, since knowing Xoc. Like, I was trying to rob a delicatessen. I wanted to name it The Delica-Ness-en, which is super cool, but now I have Xoc. You know, I didn’t really like him at first, like I can see why you all want to vote him out, but you should really reconsider that, because I reconsidered, and now I’m, you know… happy? Also—

Kyle

Alright Hallie, you wanna hear my suggestion for Hopper’s?

Hallie

I do.

Kyle

I think Hopper should talk about the plot to his favorite Jameson Hopper story, The Well Water.

Hallie

No! Ah, no! Don’t make me do that.

[Laughter.]

It’s gonna be a Patreon plug. Okay…

Kyle

We just won’t say it’s a Patreon plug, but I thought that could be—

Tom

No, it’s too late. I will already say it’s a Patreon plug. I’ll always plug Patreon.

Hallie

Alright. Actually, hang on…

Hallie (as Hopper)

So Jameson Hopper is a quasi-historical mythological figure. Nobody really knows if he existed or not. I have read many sources that imply that he did and many sources that imply instead he is a culmination of a lot of different people who existed around that time into one kind of folk hero if you will.

But Jameson Hopper does a lot of cool things, and one of my favorites called ‘The Well Water’ he goes to this town where their well has dried up. You probably don’t need water, but organic beings do need water to live, so that’s a bad thing to happen to the town.

Jameson Hopper meets this… they are not the sheriff, but they would like to be because they like to help people—and we can go into whether law enforcement helps people another day—but Glint is cool! They really do have the best interest of the town at heart, so they work together to stop this bank, this water bank, from siphoning all the water. It’s a really good story about people coming together and listening, and I think that’s a lesson we could all really learn from.

Other Jameson Hopper stories also have lessons which is part of what makes them so good. In the context of other, of, of…

Hallie

I can’t keep going. [Laughs.]

Tom

So, do you guys remember that meme shot from The Lord of the Rings of Aragorn pushing open the doors?

Hallie

Yes!

Tom

Like the really sexy door push? It’s like that, but not like… super sexy.

Hallie

Yes!

Tom

But Xoc is just going to push open the doors.

Ari

Misha thinks it’s sexy.

[Laughter. Sound of a large door opening and heavy footsteps.] 

Tom (as Xoc)

Wait! Wait.

Alright. I am very sorry, because I don’t wish to take up much more of your time—

Kyle (as machine1)

Then get out!

Tom (as Xoc)

No, not yet.

Kyle (as machine1)

I wanna hear about the well!

Hallie (as Hopper)

It’s really good!

Kyle (as machine2)

What was that thing the small one was talking about? Can we make that from the stuff in the stash?

Kyle (as machine1)

No! No making and no getting from outside.

Tom (as Xoc)

Well that’s what we’re here to talk about today, isn’t it? Because it sounds like there are some conflicting views here in town, and I have some relevant evidence I would like to present.

Reference Section, can you bring up records from several past votes from recent history?

Kyle (as Reference Section)

We can certainly do that.

Kyle

Reference Section will start compiling data and the fax machine will start getting ready to print.

Kyle (as Reference Section)

Are there any particular votes you would like to access the records of?

Tom (as Xoc)

Yes. There’s one that I heard about before I first came here, when Powerstand Street was extended about 30 years ago I think. Do you have the records from that vote?

Kyle (as Reference Section)

We have the records of every vote.

Tom (as Xoc)

As you should.

I would like to direct everyone’s attention to the records here, to the conversation that Reference Section recorded.

[Recording begins, old fashioned video projector sounds.]

Kyle (as machine)

There have been multiple concerns raised, all of them by me, that extending Powerstand Street would make things dirtier. But, as pointed out by my helpful equestrian friend here…

[Horse whinnies.]

Less time in line provides less opportunities to litter. I am in favor of this motion.

[Recording ends.]

[00:50:00]

Tom (as Xoc)

All of you were here then. All of you took part in that vote, and that vote was nearly unanimous. Look at the things you said not so long ago in the span of your lifetimes, the things that you wanted.

It was one of the biggest renovations that the Weal had seen, and it was something that just about everyone wanted, because the wait was too long at the power stations that already existed, and everyone was happier afterwards because they finally didn’t have to wait so long.

Kyle

From the back, a little battle bot Roomba will speak up.

Kyle (as Unit 909)

But that was 30 years ago. The opinion of the Weal has since changed.

Tom (as Xoc)

Would you rather things go back to the way they were before, or is it okay for opinions to change and nothing else?

Reference Section, bring up another vote.

Kyle (as Reference Section)

Which vote would you like?

Kyle

Or is it just a random one?

Tom

I’m trying to think. I don’t want it to be a random one. I’m just trying to think of the fiction in my head.

Kyle

Okay. Reference Section, you don't know if they picked up on your cue or not, because they’re not supposed to present any opinion, but they pull up a rather interesting one. As it’s getting pulled up, you can already see Jaykell facepalming with multiple of his arms.

[Recording begins. Angry shouting?.]

Kyle (as Jaykell)

What I am saying is that small demon could spell the end for all of The Beyond. You don’t know what it can bring!

[A baby cries. Sentimental, nostalgic piano begins.]

David (as Horus)

Precisely Jaykell, we do not know what this child will bring, but is that not what makes it exciting?

[Shouting.]

Kyle (as Jaykell)

Exciting? Exciting? More like… stress-inducing. I can feel my wires fraying at the moment.

David (as Horus)

[Chuckles.] Oh, well then, would you like me to take away the other ‘frightening’ artifacts that I’ve brought back from my scavenging trips?

 Kyle (as Jaykell)

Well no, but…

David (as Horus)

I have given you many gifts. What makes this one so different?

[Baby Xoc cries. The recording ends.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Why did you vote yes? Not you as a group, you specifically, each of you who voted yes. Why did you vote yes to let me stay the first time?

[Music ends. Fax machine sounds.]

Kyle

Reference Section finishes their processing sounds again.

[Outro song begins, “Hitoshio” by Miracle of Sound.]

The fax machine prints out another statement.

Kyle (as Reference Section)

By a completely unanimous vote, the Weal has decided to reverse its previous decisions. Xoc, as well as all of his proposals, have been accepted. Welcome back, Xoc.

[Outro music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Kyle

Tom, what’s your rationale for not wanting to bring Gary Goldstone back? Because you’re the last holdout there, and we really should figure this out.

Tom

There is no logical in-character reason for us to bring Gary Goldstone back to this war.

Ari

Well, but consider this though. My argument was that Misha would maybe bring him there because he was a good teacher that let them leave the classroom, and so they are like, well maybe they… and they were talking about adventures, maybe.

Tom

[Amused.] Gary Goldstone brings nothing to us. I refuse.

Hallie

Look, Hopper would not be in favor of bringing Gary Goldstone back, but I also feel like there’s a large chance he wouldn’t know Misha was planning to bring Gary Goldstone back. Then once he’s there, like… fucking fine. We’ve got so many other people.

Emily

Yeah. I feel like there’s also an element of “well, for an army you need a lot of people. Who are all the people we know?”

Tom

Are we truly planning to use this man as cannon fodder when we have like 50 aneens?

Hallie

Not in so many words. I’m fine with it.

Kyle

[Chuckles.] Oh, I know you are. Tom’s the holdout on everything except for the bog witch. The bog witch Hallie said no, and then Fancy Tom and Joe, Tom was the holdout who said no on them, which I disagree strongly with your reasoning for Joe even though I don’t necessarily disagree with the no.

Ari

What was your reasoning?

Tom

Who’s reasoning, mine?

Kyle

Yeah.

Tom

I have no fucking idea what my reasoning is.

Kyle

Your reasoning was that he was too minor.

Ari

I don’t think he’s too minor.

Kyle

When he’s as big as other characters you’re bringing back.

Tom

Minor to me.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

You’re bringing back the fucking ghost snake.

Tom

I liked the ghost snake.

Hallie

Yeah!

Tom

I loved the ghost snake.

Emily

Okay.

Ari

But the ghost snake is so minor.

[00:55:00]

Tom

I don’t care about Joe.

Emily

The ghost snake…

Tom

I don’t give a single shit about Joe. This is my NPC showdown.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

The ghost snake was there…

Tom

I love the ghost snake.

Emily

…for less time and did less.

Ari

Yeah, and it was just for Misha, and Misha wouldn’t bring the ghost snake.

Tom

But it would be so easy for us to summon some stratic friends.

Emily

And it would be just as easy now to summon Joe?

Tom

There’s tactical value.

Ari

It would just be funny.

Tom

There’s no reason not to summon Joe, so I’m willing to change my no on that, I just don’t like Joe enough.

Ari

It would just be funny to have a handsome Hopper Scotch.

Tom

We can bring—Alright, I’ll concede my no on Joe.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily (as Elee)

You can answer Hopper’s question first.

Hallie (as Hopper)

No-no, Elee, go ahead. Go ahead. I can wait to find out the answer to this obscure formula that I typed in.

Emily (as Elee)

You were asking about an obscure formula? Don’t you think that there are more useful things we could be asking right now?!

Hallie (as Hopper)

I mean, well, I assumed that Xoc is asking Reference Section using the telepathic… I’m secondary. You know? I… Xoc’s got it.

Emily (as Elee)

Okay.

Kyle

Also, in my… This is my statement right here. Hop was asking about, he had once seen a version of the Tardy Boys that was misspelled. There was an H instead of a T, and he wanted to know more about that misspelling and how it came about.

Hallie

That’s the mathematic formula he put in. Like, “H…?”

[Laughter.]

Tom

“What does H equal?!”

Hallie

He would look—He has, like, several things he’s looking up. I was thinking that he was looking up left triangles. I don't know.

Tom

Why the fuck are the left triangles on the NPC list?

Hallie

I don’t actually know, but they’re coming. [Laughs.]

Tom

Why are the left triangles on the NPC list?!

Ari

I wrote it on the chat, because it would be a good character closing arc that they left and they are coming back for this big battle.

Kyle

Also, Tom, you can’t go in and put “indifferent” to so many characters and then I say yes we’re bringing them and you say “why the fuck are we bringing them.” You didn’t want left triangles, you should have said no.

Tom

No, I’m not saying I don’t want them, I’m just saying what the fuck is this?

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

I saw that and was like, um… what the fuck? When did we meet a left triangle?

Kyle

Don’t you worry about it.

Ari

Well no, but the lore says that they left, and so we need to bring them back.

Tom

That’s why I was about to make a joke and you interrupted me. The eagles are coming. The eagles are coming.

Hallie

[Laughs.] The angles are coming!

Kyle

I’m so sorry, Tom, it’s just that you didn’t actually address any of their concerns. You just gave a power of friendship speech.

Tom

No one… No one fucking talked yet. I didn’t think it was voting right then.

Kyle

[Smiling.] Well, you pissed them off enough, because they came in and they started doing concerns and you were like “no-no, power of friendship!” Anyways.

Tom

Fuck!

Kyle

So Emily, I want you to roll me a—

Hallie

This hasn’t been a good day for you. You’re like me today.

Kyle

I want you to roll me a d20.

Tom

It hasn’t been a good day for me. Who, me?

Kyle (as Jaykell)

You all claim that Xoc has made a major mistake, which he has, but none of us here are perfect. Clarity, do you remember when you accidentally plugged into the wrong hole and—

[Snickering.]

Kyle

Sorry.

Tom

Phrasing!

Kyle (as Jaykell)

Clarity, do you remember when you abused the amount of power you consumed in Powerstand Street and caused a shortage for two whole weeks?

Tom

There’s no coming back from this.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Tom

I think we’ve achieved a rare and highly dangerous breaking Ari.

Ari

[Breathless giggling.]

Tom

This is unprecedented in Quest Friends history that exclusively Ari was broken.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

Look at her.

Tom

Holy shit.

Ari

[Into her hands.] I don't know. It’s so funny.

Hallie

Look at her.

[Laughter.]

Ari

It’s… It’s fine.

Kyle

How does it feel, Hallie? How does it feel to have it not be you?

Hallie

Amazing! Like, Tom has been dunked on hard today, Ari’s lost it, this is a good day for me.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

Good day for me. Not for you guys.

Ari

It’s fine. We can proceed now. It’s okay.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

We’re having some Xoc times, Misha doesn’t need to speak.

Emily

[Giggling.] I’m fine and then I look at Ari and I start—

Tom

Ari’s still wiping away tears.

Ari

I just love how you like course-corrected immediately.

[Laughter.]

I’m done. It’s fine. It’s fine.

Tom

Nothing will ever be fine again.

Ari

No. Proceed. The course-correction was as funny as the actual mistake.

Tom

It’s just going to—I’m just occasionally going to think about it again and lose it a little bit.

Emily

[Giggling.] Ari just did.

Kyle

[Grinning.] All of you need to fucking behave yourselves.

Tom

Why don’t YOU fucking behave yourself, dad?!

Hallie

Yeah!

Ari

[Smiling.] It’s fine. I’m done. Proceed.