Ep. 82: The End;

Kyle

Hi. Welcome to The End. If you’re listening to this episode on the day it came out, I wanted to quickly remind you that we will be doing a livestream listen-along today at 4 PM Central Time followed up by a Q&A at 8 PM over at twitch.tv/QuestFriends. If you’re not listening to this episode the day it comes out, that Q&A is probably already in your feed or it’s gonna be in there soon.

Our theme song for this campaign has been Friends by Miracle of Sound, and our mid-credit song is Some Things Never Change also by Miracle of Sound.

In addition, for visual versions of this episode, I’ve included a fun little credit sequence at the end, but for those of you listening along I’ve taken that credits and put it at the bottom. Down there you can find a list of almost everyone who helped make Season 1 of Quest Friends possible.

Alright. With all that out of the way, there’s nothing left to say other than—

Previously on… Previously… Previously.

[“Previously” skips and replays quicker and quicker ending in digital distortion.]

Kyle (as Over-Dramatic Narrator)

One billion years in the future!

[Intro song begins, “Friends” by Miracle of Sound.]

Mankind’s dominance over the earth has long since been usurped by technological advancements and visitors from beyond the stars. Much like the reign of the dinosaurs, each new world has climbed out of its predecessors’ ashes before meeting a harsh finish. Now, in the ninth such world, humanity struggles for survival on a planet ravaged by powerful artifacts. Will the heroes learn to master the magic of the past or will they unleash horrors unbound by natural reality? Find out on a journey with your Quest Friends!

[Intro music swells and carries into the episode.]

Kyle

Unlike the rest of the northern country of Navarene, Rhubarb doesn’t seem that wealthy.

[Country music begins.]

While you might find an electric tether here or a telepathic sheepdog there, for the most part people get by, by the grit of their teeth, and grit they have, making their pay by taming a multitude of wild creatures including aneens, broken hounds and blood barms.

Misha, you are here because the town has been posting a call for anyone daring, desperate or deluded enough to adventure for hire. You entered a mayor’s office which is in the back room of the town bar.

The bar is alive with what I like to call life and strife. Food and fists are flying as part of a massive bar fight, but everyone seems to be having a good time. You’ve got friends smiling at each other and then just punching each other’s teeth out. There’s a band in the corner ducking as food and beer is being thrown over them. Across the entrance at the bar you see this pleasant woman just casually washing dishes and not really paying attention to anything.

Ari

Okay. Misha is just going to enter the bar and is going to stand and look around, a little bit puzzled, but at the same time taking it all in. Then they are going to look to see if there’s a bartender around.

Kyle

Yeah. The bartender, she’s that really nice lady in the back washing dishes. She sees you come over and she says:

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as bartender)

Why hello there, dear. How are you doing today?

Ari (as Misha)

Oh! Hello there, unidentified bartender. I am doing quite well. I am, uh… I am seeing that there is quite an event right now in this place. Is this a special occasion?

Kyle (as bartender)

Oh, well you know those farm hands, they just go nuts for Thursday Night Brawl-Out.

Ari (as Misha)

Thursday Night Brawl-Out?

Ari

I’m going to use my Speak to the Datasphere focus here to figure out what Thursday Night Brawl is.

Kyle

Yeah. You look deep, deep into the Datasphere and you find out a few things about brawls. You find out that brawls are usually things that enemies do, like it’s a type of fight. There was also this… so it’s normally physical, but there was this digital version way, way back in one of the former worlds that I guess was more similar to this. Like, there was plumbers and doctors and common workers but also a couple of anthropomorphic animals as well.

So that’s what the Datasphere tells you about brawls. It’s usually something enemies have done, but there’s some sort of electronic entertainment that was related to friends. The keyword “Thursday” doesn’t seem related at all.

Ari

Misha is going to look confused at the bartender.

[00:05:00]

Ari (as Misha)

Huh… it’s interesting. Are humans having an actual fight on Thursdays? Does our common enemy come on Thursdays to have a brawl in this place?

Kyle (as bartender)

[Chuckles.] Well, you must be new here, darling. No, we don’t have any enemies here besides the bureaucracy… and the spiders. No, we here just like to have a good old fun time and let out our aggression, because you know, these folk, they have a rough time of life.

Well, what are you here for? You don’t seem to be here for the Thursday Night Brawl.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, I certainly am not. I heard that there is a certain quest that has been requested for the “real” humans in this town.

Kyle (as bartender)

Ooh yes, we do. We certainly do have a quest. Oh look! It looks like we’re waiting for one more person. So now, dear, can you tell me what your name is?

Ari (as Misha)

Oh, certainly. My nomenclature is Machine In Suit of Human Armor, Just A Rather Very—

Kyle (as bartender)

Dear, dear, dear, I can’t… Nobody’s gonna be remembering that, dear. Do you have a nickname, like a shortened version that normal folk can remember?

Ari (as Misha)

Oh yes, certainly, but I should first explain the whole meaning of my nickname, otherwise—

Kyle (as bartender)

Dear, dear, dear. We’ve heard the full meaning so many times. You mention a couple of words and it just goes straight over my head. Could you just give me a shortened version or something like that?

Ari (as Misha)

Oh! Certainly. You can shorten my nomenclature as M-I-S-H-A J-A-R-V-I-S-Badge, or Misha Jarvis-Badge, at your service.

Kyle

She’s gonna look down. You see her tapping the first letter of every word of the name written there and she eventually says:

Kyle (as bartender)

Well, what do you know, it even has that “at your service” there at the end. Thank you so much, Misha. I’ll get you seen soon.

Kyle

This bartender goes over to Sue’s office and she just turns around to everyone else and yells.

Kyle (as bartender)

Hey! Everybody pipe down for a moment!

Kyle

And just everyone, dead silence… and then she says:

Kyle (as bartender)

Alright. Now, what I’m gonna need is I’m gonna need everyone who signed up for the mayor’s quest.

Kyle

She opens the door.

Kyle (as bartender)

You can come right through here and she’ll see you shortly. Everyone else, continue fighting.

Kyle

You see everyone just immediately goes back to the bar fight. Misha, your focus isn’t on the bar fight, it’s instead on the three other adventurers who are coming to join you.

You see this really, really cute boy in a blue robe who’s just been trying not to get involved in the fight standing up and walk into the room. You see your mother knee-deep in the fighting, just blood up to her wrists, wiping it down and walking in. And then finally, you see Simon Scotch, probably tired from another adventure with Lorraine, who’s fallen asleep at the table, his face just deep in a half-eaten calzune. They all get up and walk into the mayor’s office.

Ari

[Cheerfully.] I join them.

[Static SFX.]

Kyle

Certain things are not meant to be seen at night. Somehow, when the moon glows its brightest, its inability to be the sun, no matter how hard it tries, becomes even more apparent. As the moonlight illuminates the lifeless ice sculptures of Dunshire, which feel so much weightier now for some reason, a chill runs down your spine.

It’s quiet, so fucking quiet, and in fact it’s so quiet that you jump about ten feet as a playful voice says:

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Well, Hopper, it’s been a long time. Over a dozen years, in fact.

Hallie

Hopper does not jump at the voice, and he is so proud that he didn’t. He’s got his little notepad. He’s very proud of his investigative work, and he’ll say:

Hallie (as Hopper)

So we meet again, Joe.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Yes we do. We do, we do, we do. What dirt have you uncovered on me this time, Hopper?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Well Joe, I found a canteen that the mayor had left here and I thought maybe, you know, the water had to be fairly recent because the water would have evaporated real quickly, so I thought maybe it was the mayor. But, the thing about our mayor is that he’s not very good at being a mayor. I don't know, I don’t think it was him. Then I… You know the rest. My dad Theo said we have to find the head to find the culprit. You didn’t happen to find anything like that, did you?

Kyle

One-Eyed Joe, Beatrice, Lorraine… starts slowly walking up to you, her hands behind her back.

[Scary musical sting SFX begins.]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Well, well, well, Hopper, you’ve been busy, and you’re right. I did find something.

[00:10:00]

Kyle

And with that, her hand suddenly whips out, and in front of your face…

[SFX ends.]

…you see two sticks of flavored popsicle ice.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

I found these in the mayor’s office. I figured they’d be helpful while we’re staking out tonight. Which flavor do you like more?

Hallie

Hopper will take… If there’s a red and a blue one, he’ll take the blue one and then he’ll start eating it, like you eat a popsicle.

Kyle

So you’re sitting there eating those popsicles and eventually teenage Lorraine pipes up.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

So, Simon Hopper Simon, what are you going to do once you leave this town?

Hallie

Hopper will shrug and say:

Hallie (as Hopper)

You know, I don't know. My dads are really good at design and at woodworking and ice sculpting and all that kind of stuff, but I don't know if I’m really good at anything, so I don't know what I’m gonna do, but I do know that I don’t want to stay here.

Kyle

She’s gonna kind of think to herself and she’ll eventually say:

Kyle (as Lorraine)

It’s a nice place. I can see why people like it. But you’re right, it’s no place for a hero.

[Thoughtful, nostalgic piano music begins.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Sincerely.] You know, I had a lot of fun today. I think, I mean…

Hallie

Then he’ll look down at the book and say:

Hallie (as Hopper)

I know that legendary heroes aren’t really a thing anymore, but I think I just want to try to do the best I can. You know I’m not unhappy here, exactly, but today was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. It felt like I was serving a purpose. So, do you think I could be a hero… really?

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Darling, I don’t say these things lightly. … No, I don’t think.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

[Giant, echoey KA-KAW! KA-KAW!]

The deep echoing sound of a Chyrannosaurus echoes through the Cliffside. This creature is used by the town of Russel in order to detect any incoming threats, but it’s also used to mark the beginning and end of work. So, because of that sound, you know immediately that Karl is about to come home.

Emily

Every time Karl comes home Elee drops whatever she’s been doing. Sometimes she sets it down if it’s something fragile or that would spill a lot. If it spills a little, sometimes she’ll just drop it. And hurry over to the window to wait for him.

[Happy walking whistling music begins.]

Kyle

Karl’s just walking up the pathway. He’s whistling to himself, and you can see his hat do a little dance on the top of his head as he whistles. The purple scarf he has bundled around his throat just ticktocking up and down to keep count with the rhythm, and his shoes are almost tapping of their own accord. In his arms you see that he has a box. This is so exciting. You know in your heart what it is.

[Music ends.]

Emily

I’ll throw the door open, but unlike the usual routine of then throwing herself at Karl, Elee will just run up to meet him.

Emily (as Elee)

[Smiling.] What’s the box?

Kyle (as Karl)

Oh-ho-ho!

Kyle

He quickly hides it behind his back.

Emily (as Elee)

Do you want me to pretend I didn’t see it?

Kyle (as Karl)

Uh… maybe~

Emily

Elee is going to turn around and walk back into the house and close the door and sit down in a chair and cross her legs like in a really bad show of pretending that she was waiting.

Kyle

Alright. He’s gonna open the door, and actually, the purple scarf opens the door for him.

[Music resumes.]

He continues to whistle and this purple scarf just snakes up on the coatrack, and the coat flutters off his wings and flies on as well, same with the hat, same with the shoes. Actually, two slippers come out from underneath the coatrack and slide onto his feet just like the way excited dogs come and nuzzle when you get home. Then he motions to you to turn around, like turn your back to him, but he doesn’t say it.

Emily

Elee will turn her back to him and she’ll shuffle around and lean back further in the chair to try to look even more casual.

Kyle

So, you turn around, and then suddenly you feel heat on your face as a big ugly homemade cake slams down in front of you with three bright candles on it. It says “Happy 23rd Birthday.” Then you hear a little (whistle), a little Tready “ta-da” whistle.

Emily (as Elee)

It’s amazing! I love it. Karl~

Kyle (as Karl)

Happy birthday. I, uh, spent a few hours on it. I could have used a few more practice cakes, but… I think you’ll remember this cake in particular.

[Music ends.]

Emily (as Elee)

It’s perfect.

Also, uh… when did you get home, honey? I didn’t even know you were here.

Kyle (as Karl)

[Chuckles.] Alright. I got a lot for you, but just, let’s…

Kyle

He opens the box and he starts digging into it.

Kyle (as Karl)

Just blow out the candles so we can dig into the cake.

Emily

Elee’s gonna pop up before she blows out the candles and just give him a kiss on the cheek and then go back.

[00:15:00]

Kyle (as Karl)

[Jovial.] No peeking.

Emily (as Elee)

I’m not peeking.

Emily

Then she’ll move forward a little bit and be like:

Emily (as Elee)

[Softly.] This time I’m trying to peek.

Kyle (as Karl)

[Laughs.] Blow out the candles!

Emily (as Elee)

Okay, fine~

Emily

She’ll blow them out.

Kyle

And they come back on again.

[Silly music begins.]

Emily

What? I blow them out again.

Kyle

They come back on.

Emily (as Elee)

Karl…

Kyle

You turn over and you see his shoulders are kind of raising and lowering a little bit.

Kyle (as Karl)

[Restraining chuckles.] Yeah?

Emily (as Elee)

[With more force.] Karl.

Kyle (as Karl)

[Smiling.] Blow out the candles!

Emily

She’ll roll her eyes and blow them out.

Kyle

They go back on.

Emily (as Elee)

Karl Badge, stop pretending that I need to blow them out.

Kyle (as Karl)

You blew out the—See, look!

Kyle

He waves his hand in front of one of the candles and blows it out, and it stays out.

Kyle (as Karl)

Well, I’ve done The Child for you. Come on, I can’t steal all the wishes.

Emily (as Elee)

How did you do that?

Kyle (as Karl)

I blew!

Emily (as Elee)

You did not blow.

Kyle (as Karl)

I blew. See?

Kyle

And he does the same thing to his candle.

Kyle (as Karl)

Come on, there’s only hers left. You gotta have at least one wish.

Emily

This time Elee’s gonna remember to make a wish because she half has faith that they’re actually gonna go out.

Kyle

So you turn over, you blow, and you see the candle goes out… and it stays out this time, but you see Karl is leaning above you with his hand raised and he quickly puts it down to the side, guilty.

[Music changes to ethereal, unsettling whispers.]

Kyle (as Karl)

So, uh… who was your wish?

Emily (as Elee)

[Confused.] Who was my wish?

Kyle (as Karl)

Who did you wish for? It was me, right? You don’t love Rei more than me… do you?

[Beachside waves SFX.]

Kyle

Skip. Skip, skip, skip-skip-skip.

BLOOSH.

Skip, skip, skip-skip-skip-skip-skip.

BLOOSH.

Kyle (as Loell)

You know bud, for seeing so many years of skipping stones you’d think I would have been able to do it by now.

Kyle

Xoc, you are back at the beach on the Weal, but today, instead of being accompanied by Horus, you’re accompanied by a man about your age with auburn hair.

Tom (as Xoc)

It, uh… It takes time. Sometimes we don’t pick up things the way we wanted to, or figure things out as fast as we thought we were supposed to. Sometimes you have to keep coming back to it, you know?

Kyle (as Loell)

Yeah. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. I get it now, Xoc. I get why you couldn’t trust me.

Tom (as Xoc)

What…?

Kyle (as Loell)

Yeah, why you couldn’t trust me.

[Creepy unsettling ambience begins.]

That’s the hard part about putting on a show for something like this.

Kyle

Loell motions around all of him and you notice that the peripheries of what you’re looking at are vague. The things that you remember are clear, but anything that was not part of your memory is foggy. Loell turns back to you and says:

Kyle (as Loell)

But, I’m glad you trusted me. Welcome to the Apocrita.

Tom (as Xoc)

That’s… Yeah, we—we beat you. We stabbed you. We’re inside? This is… This is inside?

Kyle (as Loell)

Yeah. You did everything exactly the way I wanted you to, Xoc.

Tom (as Xoc)

What?

Kyle

Loell looks so happy, and he walks up and grabs your hand.

Kyle (as Loell)

I had to put on a show for the cloud. It couldn’t know what I was trying to do or it would try to take me down, but I knew if I found someone who could find it, who could fight it, that they could come in and they could help me take it down from the inside. That’s you, Xoc. That’s always been you.

Tom (as Xoc)

Where is everyone else? Where are they? We were all… We were all holding the spear.

Kyle

Roll me Perception, Xoc.

Tom

[Shakily.] Hoo-boy…

[Rolls.] That is a 14, good sir.

Kyle

The fog at the periphery of your vision for a second changes and you could swear you see a few other things that couldn’t exist or didn’t exist on the Weal. The only one you seem to remember, though…

[Country music begins.]

I don't know, there’s a small what looks like a bar that feels vaguely familiar. But, if you go to turn and look at it, or if you don’t, it quickly fades away. Loell looks down sad and says:

Kyle (as Loell)

They’re waiting, outside. The Apocrita could only let one person in. With my failure, Xoc, it is trying to find a new host, trying to find someone it deems worthy, and there’s no real reason to bring in four people for that test. It only needs one. It chose you, and it wants me to trick you, but I’m tired of doing that.

[00:20:00]

Tom (as Xoc)

Tired, huh? No, no-no-no. No, no… no. I’m sorry.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Loell)

What’s wrong… pal?!

[Ethereal, unsettling whispers begin]

Tom (as Xoc)

[Chuckling, smug.] Pal, huh? There were two of them. I saw Loell’s memory. There were two hosts before him. Now, I have spent a fair bit of time with Loell in my head, and there was quite a while where he was not being fully honest with me about who he was, what he was planning, and I didn’t pick up on that right away, not at first.

But you know what I did learn? I learned that he truly believes in his misguided plan to save everyone inside the Apocrita. So no, I don’t believe you. You aren’t Loell. He wouldn’t try to make up some sort of deal now that I’m on the inside. So where are my friends, whatever you are?

Kyle

The Apocrita takes Puppet Loell’s lips and it makes them curl up in a devious smile.

[Whispers swell, then abruptly stop.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Urgently.] Ma’am, I’m an accountant, I can explain this real quick. See, when you have money—

Tom (as Xoc)

But, that’s what I said…

[Quirky music begins.]

Kyle

Misha, you and your friends are in the well-kept office of Sue Strongarm. It’s a pretty simple office. There looks to be a stool that’s covered in a blanket and then a normal desk with just miscellaneous things on it; pens, paper, a mirror. In front of the desk, illuminated by the purple light of your eye, is Mayor Sue Strongarm.

Sue is this large burly woman wearing farming-mining overalls and then a working shirt underneath it. Some of her clothing is ripped which you can tell is clearly from the fighting, but it seems less like someone ripped it like they were fighting and more that the poor clothes just couldn’t take the strain of her muscles going full force trying to fight the spiders going underneath it. And right now, she’s straining her mental muscles trying to explain not only the adventure you’re going on but how money works.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Sue)

[Exasperated exhale.] Okay… What I need you to do is go to the Pryliman Ruins to the east, find a man named Aegon, and wake him up.

[Slow and deliberate.] Does that make sense?

Ari

Misha is going to reply with the exact slow tone.

Ari (as Misha)

Yes, it definitely makes sense.

Kyle (as Sue)

Alright. One thing before you go. Don’t kill anyone before we get there.

Ari (as Misha)

What?

Kyle (as Sue)

Don’t kill anyone. I know it’s your thing, but…

[Threatning ambient music begins.]

Ari (as Misha)

[Stammering.] I… I do not understand what you’re saying. I understand the words, but I… Have we… Do you—

Kyle (as Rei)

Oh,

Kyle (as Jimmy)

did ya

Kyle (as Ezra)

really

Kyle (as CK)

forget?!

Kyle

Misha, you notice your reflection in the mirror.

[Slow, scary music begins - the Lady with Cinnabar Lips’ theme, again]

The purple light sparks out and is replaced by a red eye, the light of which hits the mirror and reflects and it takes over the main of your vision, and then all of the peripheries, because it is no longer just the red light of your eye.

[Music ends abruptly. Fire begins to crackle.]

It’s the fierce burning fire of a turned-over car casting harsh light upon the bogs of the Ba-Adenu Forest.

Ari (as Misha)

[Gulps.] No. Wait, I… This is not… I defeated you. You cannot be here. Where… Where am I?

Kyle (as Q-BO)

[Beep-boop.] You thought

Kyle (as the Lady With Cinnabar Lips)

that was your most

Kyle (as Professor Goldstone)

important memory.

Kyle (as Fayz)

But was it?

Kyle (as Ein)

After… you’ve now remembered what you did?

Kyle

After you’ve now remembered what you did, and to your left, Misha, you see a figure in the combination astronaut suit and coveralls of the Speedy Speed Boys, her suit just charred by the flames.

Ari (as Misha)

[Shakily but firm.] No, that was not me. You know that was not me, Ein, although I know that isn’t really what you are. Where is the rest of my friends? I think I know now that place was not the real bar. They were there. Why are you sending me here?

Kyle (as Ein)

[Scoffs.] Are you really asking that?

[00:25:00]

You really want to know. Why do you want to know?

Kyle

And her head cocks.

Kyle (as Ein)

So you can kill them?

Ari (as Misha)

No! I told you, that is not who I really am, not anymore nor ever.

Kyle (as Ein)

You tell yourself that, yet without you…

[Explosion SFX]

Kyle

And there’s an explosion from the car.

Kyle (as Ein)

…this would not have happened. We know you do not want to be a threat, Lady With Cinnabar Lips, but we know as long as there is a connection to the Datasphere there is a risk of that.

[Oppressive music begins.]

Ari (as Misha)

I said it before. My name is Misha Jarvis-Badge. I am not who you think I am. I have never been.

Kyle (as Ein)

Then why not protect yourself from her? This space here is disconnected from the Datasphere. It keeps trying to come in…

Kyle

She motions up and you can see threads from the Datasphere trying to get into this memory but being repelled backwards by some force.

Kyle (as Ein)

…but we can keep them out. We can keep your friends safe, and we can help you forget. Wouldn’t you rather forget?

Kyle

Ein has walked close to the car, and she motions towards it, and you can see the faintest outline of a figure in the burning rubble.

[Music changes to inspirational, tender piano.]

Ari (as Misha)

I… I would have done that once, but I know that if I want to do that and my friends were aware of it they would come for me, so now it is time for me to do likewise. I need to know where they are. I’m done hiding and I am done forgetting. I cannot change the past, but this doesn’t mean that I am going to hide from it.

Kyle (as Ein)

Hmm… so that makes two.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I wanna do a pinky promise.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

What’s that?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh! This is called a pinky promise. When you connect your pinkies like this and shake them it’s more important than a regular promise.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Simon, I know what a pinky promise is. What I mean is, what could you possibly promise me?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh… Well, I… I guess I don’t know. I mean, what do you want?

Kyle (as Lorraine)

I want a hero. I want a friend. I want another half off which I can bounce.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I can be all those things.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

That’s what I wanted to hear.

[Sad, tender electronic music begins.]

Come, Simon. I know we’ve had a rough time, it’s been a rough few months, but I’m so glad to hear that you’re ready to be Hopper with me again.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Stammers.] I… Have I… I think I’ve always been Hopper with you.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

With me, yes.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Stammers.] Yeah, so…

Hallie

Hopper will look confused. He’ll have his pinky outstretched like he’s waiting to actually do a pinky promise with someone.

Kyle

As you look down, Hop, you can see that your little 12-year-old pinky is now coming out of a full-grown man’s hand.

Hallie

That really shocks him. He was already starting to be like, wait, but that really shocks him out of it seeing a child’s pinky extending from his adult man hand.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Kyle (as Lorraine)

I can see why you really needed her. You’re slow on the uptick.

Kyle

Lorraine wags her finger at you.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

We’re surprised she took you back at all after the Dotwave thing.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Oh… That’s what this—Yeah. You know, you’re right, I was kinda slow on the uptick there. But you know, correction, I don't think she ever took me back.

Kyle

Lorraine turns around and does finger guns.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

And there’s the trick. Think about it. Simon. Simon! Ugh, I was trying to repeat your name for effect, but I just ended up saying the whole thing instead. We’ve seen so many existences, and might we say this is one of the dullest. These past few months have been hard, haven’t they, Simon? Didn’t it feel good, though? Sharing popsicles again, having that relationship, being who you can be.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I guess so, but I kind of already have those things, so I’m not sure that I… You know what?

Hallie

He realizes that he never took back his pinky, so he does that now, he retracts it.

[00:30:00]

Hallie (as Hopper)

What can you promise me?

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[Scoffs.] The world, Simon. And we’re not talking about the big world that all the villains care about, because you and her understood that that’s not what’s important. When we say we can promise you the world…

Kyle

Lorraine turns around and motions to herself.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

…we’re talking about the one that matters, and we’re giving you the chance that she never will.

Hallie

Hopper will… He’s retracted the pinky, but he’s still holding the little popsicle in his other hand and it’s starting to melt on his hand and down his very nice jacket and he doesn’t like that, so he’ll shake it off a little bit.

[Bittersweet piano music begins.]

And then realize that the parts of the popsicle that are melting off are not just blue, like the blue popsicle he chose, but they’re red and purple and a whole bunch of other colors. At the end, all the colors morph together into his favorite color, brown.

Tom

[Laughs hardily.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

You’re right, that is what matters, but you kinda got the specifics wrong. I know that you, standing there, you don’t matter. You know? Not in the way you think. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be rude, but where are my friends?

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[Irritated, then determined.] Fine… Fine.

[Music changes to threatening ambience.]

Kyle

Lorraine looks a little bit annoyed before reminding herself.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

You three weren’t the ones we wanted most anyway.

[Music ends abruptly.]

Emily (as Elee)

You’re gonna sit here and impersonate my dead husband and ask me who I like more? My girlfriend or my dead husband? I have too many children for this shit!

Kyle

Karl looks hurt.

Kyle (as Karl)

[Tearful.] Uh-huh…

Emily (as Elee)

[Scoffs.] Now you’re gonna make my dead husband cry at me? Are you serious?!

Kyle (as Karl)

Uh…

[Ethereal, unsettling whispers begin.]

[Turns sinister.] Isn’t it convincing?

Tom

[Laughs, startled.]

Kyle (as Karl)

We can make him exactly how you remembered him; perfect, better than he ever actually was.

Emily (as Elee)

There’s no way to make him better than he actually was, and there’s no way to make him how he was.

[Gentle, ghostly electronic music begins.]

I’m never gonna stop loving Karl, but Karl would have known that and he would have forgiven me for letting myself be happy again.

Kyle (as Karl)

Uh…

Kyle

The Apocrita is trying to think of a way to respond, a way to be like “no…”

Kyle (as Karl)

This was the obvious one. This was the clear… the clear one we could…

Kyle

Karl doubles back, and he blinks…

[Karl’s theme begins.]

A few tears fall on the ground from Karl, and he looks up to you—not the Apocrita’s Karl, not actual Karl, but the way you remember him, the way you know he would have felt about all of this.

Kyle (as Karl)

I just wanted to tell you I’m proud of you.

[Music changes to the Apocrita theme.]

Kyle

And that’s when his face melts.

You didn’t feel it when you first entered the Apocrita and it welcomed you in like guests, but now all of you can’t avoid feeling a harsh scream made out of millions upon millions of voices as your memories are forcefully dragged out of yourself and pulled into your surroundings to create a personalized nightmare.

Elee, you feel the fire as the candles on the cake on the table reignite in a fierce flame, not affecting you but flowing over to Karl, slowly melting his entire body like the wax on a candle.

Hopper, the Lorraine in front of you says…

Kyle (as Lorraine)

Are you really so sure you can be Hopper without me?

[Echoing, sinister.] Then prove it.

Kyle

…and she kicks you to the ground. As she kicks you, you feel around for the items in your pockets, but all you can find is a harmonicalculator in your pocket and a little coned hat, because in front of you stands not quite Lorraine Stiles but Lorraine Stiles’s body inside of an outfit that can only be described as dusty cowboy with a dash of motorcycle edge.

Misha, the fire illuminates the bog around you which starts boiling, and the Ein in front of you says:

Kyle (as Ein)

[Echoing, sinister.] Are you sure you haven’t hurt anyone?

Kyle

Climbing out of the water you see a robotic cicada with a broken wing slowly limping on a leg.

[00:35:00]

You see a cowboy whose face has been completely thrashed from being slammed on pavement from something high in the sky. A soldier in a Gendarme outfit, crushed and mangled—

Ari

[Giggles.] There it is.

Kyle

—slowly contorts his body dragging up. The body in the car, flaming, starts pulling itself out followed up by this old woman in a red hat whose face has just been completely eroded by streams of tears. Next to her is a small robot child whose body parts are being slowly picked apart by a swarm of beetles accompanied by another robot that has oil and wires spilling out of a gash in his head, although for that one I suppose he wasn’t truly alive in the first place.

Tom

[Pained groan.]

Ari

God, you brought that quote back from a discarded arc.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of our own actions.

Kyle

And finally, the astronaut suit in front of you lifts off her helmet to reveal that Ein’s face, after having been left alone for countless upon countless years waiting for you to come back, has over time been completely wiped clean.

Finally, Xoc, the Apocrita speaks to you the most directly, not taking on Loell’s voice anymore but taking on voices of people you’ve left behind.

Kyle (as Jaykell)

Are you

Kyle (as Reference Section)

really sure

David (as Horus)

that you want

Kyle (as Vespari)

this fool

Kyle (as Mayra)

to keep piloting the Apocrita?

Kyle (as Unit 909)

Even in light of

Hallie (as Ness)

what he’s doing?

[Smashing SFX transitions to unsettling ambient music and rain SFX.]

Kyle

Xoc, you see the Weal behind you clear as day. The fog is gone. This is not a memory anymore, this is… It has to be the present.

Spiders are raining down from on top of the cloud, falling upon all of the people here. You see a giant Obsidian Sue smashing down on the Speedy Speed Boys. You see Vespari and the others in your home bombarded while trying to barricade themselves from this facsimile of The Professor. Some large Angulan Knight, the one you remember from Loell’s memory as TJ, is knocking down the door to where Reference Section is hiding. Up top, replicas of Mauve are just stabbing fucking everybody.

Perhaps scariest of all, you can see Ness up in the top corner by the generator clutching something close to his chest and running away from a full fleet of Treadys. The Apocrita asks one last time:

Kyle (as Loell)

Are you sure you want to do this, pal?

[Music/SFX ends.]

Tom (as Xoc)

Let me correct you. What ‘you’re’ doing right now…

Tom

Can Xoc access esoteries here, inside the Apocrita?

Kyle

You can.

Tom

Alright. Xoc is going to flick the fingers on his left hand a little bit and feel the spark of Cutting Light there.

[Tragic sci-fi action music begins.]

Then, just fire out a beam and just arc it all around, like trying to slash through the image, through the fake Loell, just cutting everything around him.

Kyle

Give me a roll.

Tom

[Rolls.] Eh… that’s a 5.

Kyle

Your Cutting Light goes out, and when it hits the periphery of what you can see, it just stops, and all of the soldiers from the NPC fight episode turn around to you, and the Apocrita says:

Kyle (as Knife-Throat Lady)

Well,

Kyle (as Sir Kentrim)

don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Kyle

Xoc, I need you to roll Speed defense five times.

Tom

[Grinning, uneasy.] Five times, huh?

Kyle

Yep.

Tom

[Chuckles nervously, shaking his dice.] Ah…

Kyle

Sorry, six times.

[Music ends.]

Tom

[Rolls.] Okay, we got a 17.

Hallie

Ooh!

Tom

An 8.

Hallie

Eh.

Tom

An 11, another 8, a 12 and a 15.

Kyle

How would you feel if I told you all of those failed?

Tom

[Breathy snicker.]

[Music resumes.]

Kyle

The first thing that attacks is the giant Sue. She takes her fist and slams it down on you for 10 points of damage. The fist congeals out into a pool around you out of which come two Mauves which (shink, shink), one after the other, stab you for 6 points of damage each. As you’re trying to recover, a beam of an esotery from The Professor, Cutting Light funnily enough, slashes across your body for 10 points of damage. You’re bombarded by a series of Treadys which just (thud, thud, thud), one after another hit you for 8 points of damage total.

[00:40:00]

Finally, the Angulan Knight, the one who made Aegon Stormbreaker, lifts you up and crushes you for 10 points of damage.

[Music ends abruptly.]

Which, that is 10, 22, 32, 40…

Emily

Did you kill Xoc?

Tom

I have 17 points in my Intellect pool after that, all other pools depleted.

Kyle

Yep, 50 points.

Emily

Fifty points?!

Hallie

Oh god. Jesus.

Tom

[Makes a heavily injured coughing sound.]

If it’s only in my head, does it still count as debilitated?

Ari

[Grinning.] If you die in the Apocrita, do you die in real life?

Emily

[Giggles.]

Tom

Are these Matrix rules?

Kyle

[With a pause for effect.] Yes.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Coughing weakly.] Pretty good for a figment of my imagination.

Kyle

Elee, I need you to roll Intellect defense.

Emily

Aww, come on! Not fair! Why are you making me roll Intellect defense?! Two levels.

Kyle

Are you trained at all?

Emily

Okay, okay, okay… I am trained in Mind Control Defense and Telepathic Intrusion Defense. This is telepathic intrusion…

Kyle

You know what? I’ll give it to you. Yeah, 3 steps easier. Give me a roll.

Emily

Three steps easier. There we go.

[Rolls.] How does a 13 do?

Kyle

What does Elee think when she sees this Karl? He’s fake, but he looks real.

Emily (as Elee)

Wow, he looks really like Karl, but I have children to save. I don’t have time for my trauma.

[Sci-fi horror music begins.]

Kyle

You say that, yet you’re completely unable to move. This waxy melting Karl slams himself against your frozen body and you can feel the fire starting to melt you in turn, for 15 points of Might damage, avoiding Armor.

Hopper, what do you do?

Hallie

I think the first thing Hopper does is probably just look up at this scary not Lorraine wearing his clothes.

Kyle

And your shield.

Hallie

Damn it! And my shield. The last thing the Apocrita monster said to him was prove you can be Hopper Scotch, right?

Kyle

Yeah.

Hallie

Then he wants to look at the Apocrita wearing his clothes and say:

Hallie (as Hopper)

Looks like one of us is trying a lot harder than the other.

Kyle

Roll me Speed defense.

Hallie

[Rolls.] I got a 4.

Kyle (as Lorraine)

[Chuckles.] Funny. You say you’re the original, but that doesn’t mean the best.

[Music changes to low-key threatening rock action music.]

Kyle

Suddenly, she puts down her arm and out of her sleeve comes a little blade.

Hallie

No…

Kyle

A little forearm blade.

Hallie

No…!

Kyle

And the Apocrita says:

Kyle (as Lorraine)

You know, we always wondered why you never use this.

[Quiet laughter.]

Kyle

She grabs you by the neck and stabs you with it four times for 24 damage.

Hallie

[Gasps.] Ow! Jesus!

Ari

Damn.

Hallie

Okay!

Kyle

Misha, you are surrounded by eight corpses of miscellaneous decay. They aren’t quite at you yet, but they are slowly crawling towards you. How are you responding?

[Music changes to wondrous, ethereal sci-fi music.]

Ari

Okay. Misha will say:

Ari (as Misha)

None of this was my doing. I did not intend for any of these to happen, so you cannot blame it on me.

Ari

They will point at Karl and say:

Ari (as Misha)

My dad died because of her.

Ari

Referring to The Lady. Then they will point at Ein and CK.

Ari (as Misha)

I know that they are doing fine, I saw them just before I left, and I intend to go back so that nothing like this ever happens to them.

Ari

Then they will point at the Gendarme soldier.

Ari (as Misha)

I am sorry. You were just an accident and not meant to happen. But in any case, I am not going to feel guilty and run away from things I have done and am trying to make right, and I am not going to let any of you stop me.

Ari

Then I am going to use Concussion to keep them away from me.

Kyle

Okay. Concussion. Could you repeat, remind me what that does?

[Music fades.]

Ari

Yeah. Concussion. Cause a pulse of concussive force to explode out from a point you choose within long range. The pulse extends out in all directions up to short range. Everything within the pulse area takes 5 points of damage. If you fail the attack roll, targets in the area take 1 point of damage. I’m trying to aim it so that it’s at the center of where people are coming.

Kyle

Okay. Give me a roll.

Ari

Okay.

[Rolls.] That was a 7, so…

[Demonic whispering shoots out, leading into unsettling ambient music.]

Kyle

A fierce pulse of red extends out of your hand and into the center of the pool. It’s like shooting a buzz saw through the crowd. All of them get mowed down, flop on the ground, cut in half.

[00:45:00]

Ari

Oh Jesus Christ! Uh…

Kyle (as Karl)

Are you sure?

Kyle (as Ein)

You don’t hurt anyone?

Kyle

Suddenly, both halves of each figure rise up, and where previously there were eight there are now 16.

Ari

Oh man, it’s a hydra. Okay. Alright. It’s hydra logic here. That’s fine. That is fine.

Kyle

Xoc, you are being held by this TJ which just squeezes you again for 10 more points of damage.

Tom

Ooh… uh, hmm. Down to good old 7.

Kyle

How are you responding?

Tom

Xoc will just sort of mutter as he’s being crushed to death.

Tom (as Xoc)

So if we’re inside your mind, does that mean you’re… all around us?

Kyle

The figures stop for a second and they all just kind of look around at each other, and there’s a chorus of “yes?”

Tom

Okay good, because I’m going to use my Freeze Time esotery under the logic of—the bubble only works in immediate range, so theoretically the rest of the party, not inside the time bubble, but the Apocrita, even if only partially so, is inside the time bubble. Everyone else can have a chance to escape their bonds.

Kyle

You wanna activate it?

Tom

I’ll fucking try, if it’ll let me.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

I’m down to 6 Int points.

 [Time slowing down SFX.]

Kyle

You shoot out your time powers and you see all of the figures around you immediately stop, frozen in place. It’s honestly probably a little uncomfortable because you’ve got TJ’s hand still around you.

Tom

[Straining.] Yeah, whatever.

Kyle

But didn’t you ask earlier if this is Matrix rules? And I think I said yes.

[Music changes into scary tragic piano.]

So, esoteries don’t work in a literal sense here, they work in the sense of what we can perceive, and you’re not in this Apocrita space with other people next to you, you are inside the Weal. So, the space around you is immediately frozen, yes, but you can see the war continuing in the Weal outside of the bubble.

Elee, roll me Int defense again.

Emily

I’m gonna spend 3 levels of Effort so it’ll be 4 steps easier.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

[Rolls.] I rolled a 19.

Kyle

Everyone has their traumas. You’re all working through them. You’re gonna be working through them for a long time. You’ve lived with yours a long time, too, and it’s controlled you. But you made a promise to yourself and to those you cared about that you wouldn’t let it control you again. Even now, while you’re being eviscerated by this weird horrific nightmarish Karl, how do you still hold onto that promise?

[Music ends.]

Emily

I mean… I just focus on my family.

[Nostalgic memory music begins.]

I remember Hop’s eager focus as he mapped Charmonde. Nerd… I remember Misha’s wonder as they watched their ants in the little ant farm. I remember Xoc’s endearing delight at that absurd, wonderful, lovably obnoxious kazoo.

Kyle

Everyone else, there is a break in your nightmare and you could swear Elee’s eyes are on you. Hopper, any action that uses the environment is now 5 steps easier. Misha, any action involving your ants is now 5 steps easier. Xoc, any aid given to you by other characters is 5 steps more effective.

[Music ends.]

Hopper, what do you do?

Hallie

So, in Hopper’s memory session we opened with a Jameson Hopper framing device where I played Jameson Hopper and you played his nemesis, Joe, and in that scene Jameson Hopper was also grabbed by Joe by the scruff of the shirt or maybe the neck. I couldn’t think of anything else for him to do, so I had him kick Joe in the balls. Remembering this story, Hopper kicks where the balls would be on Apocrita Lorraine.

[Chuckling.]

Kyle

[Reluctant.] Give me a roll.

Hallie

Yeah! [Hums a happy and silly tune.]

[Rolls.] Seventeen!

Kyle

Emily, give me a roll.

Emily

Just flat roll?

Kyle

Flat roll.

Emily

Alright.

[Rolls.] A 16.

[Heroic music begins.]

Kyle

You kick and kick and kick and kick, and it just doesn’t work.

Hallie

Oh… okay.

Kyle

But suddenly, BONK, a chair out of nowhere hits Lorraine in the side of the head and she stumbles to the ground. You see over in the distance, not where the ice sculpture where your dad is, but some weird quaint house with a giant t-rex rooster, like, in the distance from it?

[00:50:00]

You look back at Lorraine and where she was you see your nightmare through Elee’s eyes, and it’s not Lorraine. Instead, you see this weird disgusting spider which hisses at you before quickly scuttering back into the shadows.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

[Strained.] Thank you!

Tom

[Laughs.]

Emily

Elee is just gonna hug Hopper really tight. Not too tight—she’s being careful.

Emily (as Elee)

[Tearful.] I wasn’t worried or anything, but uh… glad you’re okay.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Thanks Elee. Are you okay? I’m glad you’re okay too.

Emily (as Elee)

Oh yeah. I’m fine. There’s no trauma. I’m not sad. Where are the kids?!

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Stammers.] Uh… I don't know.

Kyle

Give me a roll.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Fifteen.

Kyle

You look around and you see Misha surrounded by an army of spiders and Xoc also surrounded by an army of spiders but these ones are bigger.

[Nostalgic memory music begins.]

As your eyes raise across your friends, Hop, you remember.

Hallie

I remember when Misha just walked over to Lorraine and took off her hat to see if Q-BO was underneath, like you could just do that. They just did that. I remember when Xoc jumped out of our moving car because he saw a little deactivated robot on the side of the road that needed help. I remember when Elee gave us the candles from her hat.

Kyle

Misha, any action that is especially bold or reckless is now 5 steps easier. Xoc, any help actions that you perform for another player are 5 steps easier. Elee, anything that you give another player is 5 steps more effective. Hopper and Elee, for Misha and Xoc, who do you go to?

[Music ends.]

Emily

I feel like we should divide and conquer.

Tom

Who wants to get the big spiders?

Emily

[Giggling.] I’ll go get the big spiders.

Hallie

Elee can get the big spiders.

[Electronic threatening action music begins.]

Kyle

Misha, you hear these tears, one after another, bright, illuminating warm phrases. In front of you, you could swear the figures in front of you, which were these nightmarish amalgamations of the worst that you could have done, or you would have thought was your responsibility at some point, are kind of getting on all fours, and all fours is turning into all eights.

Ari

Oh gross.

Kyle

Xoc, you notice that the soldiers around you are flinching a little bit and the rough arm that TJ had around you loosens for a second and you drop down as the thick hand becomes a thin spider arm.

Tom

This is somehow worse.

Kyle

[Smiles.] Misha and Xoc, what do each of you do now?

Ari

Well, I had planned a sick burn after the scene cut off where they said are you sure you don’t hurt people or something like that. I came up with a sick burn, so I would like to first say the sick burn, and if it can be considered bold and reckless, then…

Tom

Yes, please.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

I love it. I love it!

Ari

Misha, to the response of “oh, you’re not sure you wouldn’t hurt anybody” or whatever, will say:

Ari (as Misha)

I do not mean to hurt the people I care about, but I know that you do and you have, so I don’t care about you and I don’t mind hurting you.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Then they will do Matter Cloud at least to protect themselves a bit more from the spiders as they try to look around for their friends.

Kyle

Yeah. Give me a roll.

Ari

Yeah~

[Rolls.] A 20!

Tom

Ooh!

Hallie

What?!

Ari

Oh yes.

Hallie

I’m happy for you.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Hopper, you are going to protect your friend.

Hallie

I sure am.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

You’re going to help them out.

Hallie

With my harmonicalculator! Here I come.

[Heroic music begins.]

Kyle

You are a motherfucking hero. You’re Hopper Scotch. What you can hear sounds like a fucking god damn blender, just (WHIR!)

[Music abruptly stops, replaced by the whirring of a blender.]

You see all of these little spiders just (impact), hitting this Matter Cloud and getting cut in half and then hydra-ing again back into half, just spilling out into more and more and more little things.

[SFX ends.]

Ari

I somehow forgot about the hydra part. I wanted to do it for protection not to hit them.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

It’s fine because they’re trying to get in and each time the cloud is so strong it’s just tearing them apart to a degree that there are so many and they’re so small the Apocrita can’t control them anymore. You go until these are ground into small immovable dust.

Ari

[Smiling.] I broke the game.

Kyle

After probably a little too long of (WHIR) the rocks fall.

Ari (as Misha)

Simon Scotch?!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Misha!

Ari (as Misha)

Is that you?

[00:55:00]

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Out of breath.] Yeah. I’m so glad you’re okay. You’re okay, right?

Ari (as Misha)

Yes. Are you okay? Is it… It’s you, right? It’s not one of the Apocrita’s weird tricks?

Hallie (as Hopper)

It’s me.

Hallie

That was not convincing.

[Laughter.]

I was trying to think of some way to be convincing and then I just made it worse.

Ari

Misha will just think “fair enough” and go to hug him.

Emily

Misha would not have checked out on Elee’s version.

[Nostalgic memory music begins.]

Kyle

As you hug him, Misha, a series of memories come into your mind.

Ari

I remember when Elee Badge told me she accepted me as part of her family, because she taught me your family loves you no matter what. I remember when Simon Scotch went to save me despite promising he wouldn’t, showing me that caring for your friends comes before promises. I remember when Xoc came after me as I was running away, showing me that he trusted me even before I trusted myself.

Kyle

Elee, I’m going to save what your benefit is. Hopper though, your Defend All The Innocent now gives everyone 5 steps worth of protection.

Hallie

Oh yeah!

Kyle

Xoc, any action that requires trusting someone else is 5 steps easier.

[Music ends.]

Which you may need that, because we are now over where you are still surrounded by these weird soldier spiders.

Tom

Xoc has closed his eyes thinking:

Tom (as Xoc)

No Datasphere. None of my powers are real. It’s all an illusion here. I just gotta think my way through it… The only real thing here is memories. Hmm… memories.

Tom

Xoc is gonna try to see if he can conjure a memory of the rest of the party being here.

Kyle

Give me a roll.

Tom

Here’s my logic. This would theoretically be accepting help, making it 5 steps easier. Also, I’m trusting that my friends will just appear if I remember them hard enough, making it another 5 steps easier?

Kyle

It does not stack.

Emily

[Giggles.]

Tom

Alright. Whatever. Fine.

Ari

It’s like people saying that they believe in fairies. I believe in friends.

Ari & Emily

I do! I do!

Tom

Alright, well then I’m using the trust bonus because I like that one. It feels most appropriate. Heart of the cards.

[Rolls.] A 7.

[Nostalgic memory music begins.]

Kyle

You try to remember.

[Music is cut off by thunder.]

PUNCH! Five points of damage.

Ari

Jesus.

Tom

It’s a good thing I didn’t spend any fucking Effort or I’d be actually dead.

Hallie

Oh god. Jesus.

Emily

[Nervous noises.]

Kyle

Try to remember. Another punch.

Tom

Actually, am I dead anyway? Nope, I’m down to 1 hit point.

Kyle

You’re trying to conjure memories, but you can’t. You’re trying to remember the totality of everyone else, but you can’t, so you just pick the three most important memories.

[Nostalgic memory music comes back.]

Tom

I remember falling asleep to Misha’s kazoo around a campfire as I would so many other times. I remember when Hopper brought Sera to nano fight club. He seemed so much happier than he had been in a long time. I remember calling Elee mom.

Kyle

Misha, roll me an attack of your choice.

Ari

Oh! Move mountains! Hang on. Let me see.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Fuck yeah.

Kyle

I’ll accept it.

Tom
Do it.

Ari

Yeah? Okay. Let’s do Move Mountains. Let’s just arrive on a mountain like the anime god Misha always has been.

[Rolls.] Oh, that was a 5, so I don't think it will be an anime god arrival.

[Upbeat action rock music begins.]

Kyle

Xoc, in front of you a mountain rises that doesn’t hurt the spiders but slowly topples them over, just stumbling one after another. Misha, any action involving music is 5 steps easier. Hopper, give me a roll.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Eight.

Kyle

What is your attack?

Hallie

Do I have my things back or is it just—?

Kyle

You have your things back.

Hallie

Oh, okay. My attack is my trusty buzzer gun.

Kyle

A buzzer disk buzzes past your head, Xoc, seemingly closer to you than to all of the spiders, and it bounces between all of them, disorienting most of them and leaving behind just one. Hopper, anything that is summoned is 5 steps more effective. The last spider reaches down to slash at you, Xoc, and Elee, give me an attack roll.

Emily

Okay. Specialized, and then I’m gonna put 2 levels.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

[Rolls.] An 11.

Kyle

With 2 levels of Effort and a specialization, for a Level 10 enemy, this would not hit. But Xoc, as you’re about to get hit, you hear a “shink” of three metal claws that get launched outward from behind you, skewering this thing for 14 points of damage, because thanks to Xoc’s and Misha’s memory any action that directly protects your children is no longer specialized, it is 5 steps easier, and if it is an attack it deals twice as much damage.

Tom

Ooh.

[01:00:00]

Kyle

The claw retracts, Xoc, and you look back at all of your friends. Here, real, now. In this space, the Apocrita aims to use your memories against you, but thanks to your memories not of other things or of other places but your memories of each other, you are stronger than you could ever be otherwise.

[Music ends.]

Tom (as Xoc)

You… You made it. You guys really made it.

Ari (as Misha)

Xoc!

Hallie (as Hopper)

Yeah, of course.

Ari (as Misha)

Mom!

Kyle

Aww.

Emily

Elee’s gonna hug them both really tight but gentle.

Ari

Yeah, Misha’s going to hug everybody.

Emily

[Tearful.] Oh, my babies! My babies are back!

That’s not what Elee says.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

But you’re in a mind space so everyone can hear your thoughts saying that.

[Laughter.]

Emily

Oh no~!

Hallie

It’s really embarrassing for you.

Emily

Stop~! I am not soft, I’m tough! The only times I’ve cried weren’t tears, my eyes were sweating because I’m muscly.

Tom

When you flex so hard your eyes sweat.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Pained groan.]

Ari (as Misha)

Xoc, are you okay? You seem—

Tom (as Xoc)

Not really, no. I think I made it real mad.

Ari (as Misha)

It’s okay. I’ll try and help. I’ll try and fix this so that you’re not hurt. I can do that. I can stop people from being hurt.

Ari

I want to use this thing that I haven’t used since I got it, Kazoo Prevailing Heart, where I can use my kazoo to heal Xoc for 4 points of Int. It is true that it’s at the cost of pulling 2 points of Int from Elee and Hop, but…

Hallie

[Laughs.] I think it’s okay. We’ll live.

Emily

[Laughs.] That’s fine.

Ari

But if then you’ll take it and I also have some advantage on music stuff which is how I thought about it.

Tom

Fuck yes. I knew. I knew this is what you were going for and I was waiting for it!

Ari

But in any case, yeah, Misha can sit and start playing.

[“My Heart Will Go On” starts to play on kazoo.]

Kyle

As you play your kazoo, which is not more beautiful or louder than before, it’s just… more than before—Xoc, you feel yourself rejuvenated for 20 Int points.

Ari

Oh my god.

Kyle

And Elee and Hop, you feel 10 Int points drain from your body.

Hallie

Ow!

Ari

[Laughing.] I’m sorry.

Emily

Okay, I have no Int left, guys.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

As you do, Elee, the thought pops into your mind… I really wish I had some of that heal stuff from Penny in Pocket.

[Music ends.]

As that does, enough Spraymind, Spraymetal, Sprayvein and Sprayflesh to fully heal all of you drops at all of your feet.

Ari

Man! I’m glad I used this ability when it didn’t even matter.

Hallie

Aww! [Laughs.]

Emily

It mattered so much, though!

Tom

Exquisite.

Emily

So are we all healed up?

Ari

Allow me to heal up. Oh look, I did not lose any points.

Tom

Yeah, I’m glad that Misha was fine.

Hallie

Wait! Wait, you really didn’t?

Emily

Again!

Hallie

God damn it.

Tom

Misha was completely unaffected by any of this bullshit while Xoc gets hit for 50.

Hallie

God.

Tom

Why the disparity, Kyle? Why indeed?

Emily

On the very first hit, too.

Tom

Did you just want me to suffer? Is that it?

Emily

Yes.

Ari

It’s a nice reversal to last session where Misha almost died and Xoc was like “I’m just gonna spend 1,000 levels of Effort and I’m still fine.”

Tom

[Indignant.] I spent Effort and that’s why I wasn’t hit!

Emily

Elee will look at all this stuff in her lap.

Emily (as Elee)

So… I think being in mind space does stuff.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Hmm, that’s handy.

Tom (as Xoc)

We have our memories.

Ari (as Misha)

And we have each other, too.

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah, and now we have a bunch of healing stuff, too.

Tom (as Xoc)

That’s also good. I need that.

Emily (as Elee)

Maybe if I think about anything, and get it?

Kyle

What do you wanna think about, Elee?

Emily

Elee thinks about her bee cypher.

Hallie

Ha!

Kyle

Do you have any experience points?

Emily

I do. I do have experience points.

Kyle

Remove 1 experience point and add bees to your inventory as a sack of bees just falls on your lap.

Ari

See, I was going to think of a thing that wasn’t helpful in combat but just for the memes, but now I feel like I should be more serious.

Tom

In this world memes are power.

Hallie

[Laughs.] And here they are.

Ari

My meme was when Elee was like “we think of anything here” Misha was looking at Hopper’s hat and that everybody then suddenly has a hat of Hopper in their hand.

[01:05:00]

Kyle

Do you have any experience points? I’ll let you do it for 1 XP.

Ari

I have 1.

Tom

Fucking do it.

Ari

Yeah, I have 1.

Kyle

Yeah.

Ari

Okay, I’ll use it.

Kyle

So, a sack of bees lands on Elee’s lap, and Misha, you see your ball of ant soldiers curiously just walk up to the bees like “Oh? Oh? Friends, we missed you.”

Tom

Aw.

Ari (as Misha)

You can ride them to battle if you so wish.

Kyle

I’m gonna say a little bit of time passes. All of you are adjusting your perfectly put on hats and the ants have finished saddling up on the bees.

Hallie

Does this mean Hopper has two hats?

Ari

Yes.

Kyle

Yes.

Ari

[Smiling.] I was thinking that everybody but Hopper had a hat, but now I like…

Tom

It’s too late now.

Hallie

[Laughs.] I was gonna ask if I could think of a really good lassoing rope to lasso with.

Tom

[Flatly.] Yeehaw, motherfuckers.

Kyle

Spend an XP.

Hallie

I’m not sure if I—I only have 1.

Tom

Do it! Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!

Hallie

But everybody else did, so I wanna join the XP train.

Kyle

So, everyone has their hat. The ants are on the bees. Hop, you have pulled out a lasso which, because it has been summoned, is 5 steps more effective.

Hallie

Yeah! Yes!

Kyle

This does stack with your Flex Skill.

Hallie

[Excited sounds.]

Kyle

Xoc, what are you thinking as you’re sitting here in this weird conglomeration of memory space on the beach of the Weal but next to Elee’s house and to the Ba-Adenu Forest and to Dunshire? Just this weird small space of memories.

Tom

I think Xoc is reflecting on the memories of all the people who’ve helped the party along their way, most of whom are still fighting down there outside, and just drawing on those memories for strength because he knows that matters. That counts for something in this place.

[Ethereal voices SFX.]

Kyle

As you catalog through these memories, thinking of all the people you’ve met, there are a few points where you can feel almost something pinging, something making note of certain people you reflect on. Everyone roll me Perception.

Emily

[Smiling.] That’s my descriptor that I never use.

Ari

Oh yeah, you’re a perceptive.

[Players roll.]

Tom

A 9.

Ari

Oh, I rolled a 20!

Hallie

I also rolled a 20!

[Shouting and cheering.]

Emily

[Dejected.] I only rolled an 8, but I am perceptive.

Kyle

As everyone is thinking, Misha and Hop, you notice a ripple where the four memories meet as if the air itself is dripping on the ground. Xoc, you’re trying to remember what those folks were, what the pinging was, and then you remember when you hear the Apocrita speak with their voice.

[Rising duel music begins.]

Kyle (as Vera)

So, you have made it further 

Kyle (as Regular Bob)

than anyone, uh, really has before,

Kyle (as Loell)

but no one escapes their past.

Kyle

The ripple in between the four spaces drops to the ground and there’s a pulse.

[Sci-fi teleportation SFX.]

This pulse ripples through the air changing space itself as it pushes outwards. Suddenly, the space around you is gone and it’s replaced by something else. First, you are placed in a small server room deep in the Pryliman Ruins where you confronted a floating orb with an array of painful tools that would make a dentist jealous. It then, boom, changes to the array of cog wheels deep within a giant machine the patient leader of the Jagged Dream intended to kill a queen with.

Another pulse. This one into the Roulettian room where you did not find Q-BO but you did find the world’s friendliest assassin ready for a hunt. The wordless fairy with beetle wings was in your next spot, the fight at Prom de Plume that proved to be the second most dangerous battle the Prodigious held that evening. Only through the Datasphere were you able to survive that encounter.

But, boom! Within the Datasphere lay threats that even the Jagged Dream would dread to dream of. Finally, one last pulse. Onto the main courtyard of Obsidian Bay where you stood no longer than a few hours ago… except it’s different this time, because with each pulse the setting around you changed but a key figure stayed behind and they now all stand before you.

MARSHAL’s disassembler. Vera Layeni. Regular Bob. The Blue Fairy. A marionette that you once could have sworn looked like Misha but is now unrecognizable. And of course, Aegon. Six bosses for six arcs. The term boss rush refers to the end of an adventure—

Tom

[Smiling.] Fuck you!

[01:10:00]

Kyle

—when you fight previous bosses one after another.

Tom

Fuck you, Kyle Decker.

Kyle

Which is why I’m not sure what to call this, because you’re not fighting the bosses one after another, you’re fighting them all at once. It’s you versus your past. So Elee, Hopper, Misha, Xoc, one last time… roll me initiative.

[Music ends. Players roll.]

Ari

I got 6.

Emily

Sixteen.

Tom

[Strained.] I got a 7.

Hallie

I got 17.

Emily

[Gasps.] You’re first, Hallie!

Hallie

Oh my god, I’m first! For the last initiative one.

Emily

Aww!

Hallie

Oh my god!

[Chill electronic music begins.]

Kyle

So, here’s how the mechanics of this is going to work. We are now on a battlefield of memories, so I have a list of locations from your previous battles, and every time a character takes an action I’m gonna roll a d20 at which point the Apocrita is going to pulse to a new fight location.

Ari

Oh~ So it’s not like each enemy per different location?

Kyle

Exactly. All six enemies will be in wherever you go. Additionally, everyone can now take 2 XP, so 2 XP more than what you just had.

Tom

[Surprised.] Oh.

Ari

Yay.

Kyle

You all figured this out already, but essentially on your turn as a free action you can spend 1 XP to pull in literally anything from a previous episode. You can pull in a character, an ability, part of a place. Examples I thought of were like the Tommy Funbuck float or the Tirefly.

Ari

Or the Kool-Aid Man?

Kyle

Or the Kool-Aid Man!

Hallie

[Screams and giggles.]

Tom

[Grinning.] Holy shit.

Kyle

You can also pull in previous cyphers, items and abilities that you’ve had. Essentially, if it’s been in a main episode it can be pulled. Hopper, as part of his benefit, anything he pulls automatically is 5 steps more effective. So, we all ready for Phase 2 of the Apocrita fight?

Tom

Let’s fucking go!

Kyle

I will do my first roll.

[Rolls.] I need everyone to roll Might defense.

Emily

[Groaning.] Uh…

[Players roll.]

Tom

Ooh, 15.

Ari

Twenty!

Hallie

God damn it.

Ari

Three 20s so far in this.

Tom

Holy shit.

Hallie

Jesus.

Ari

I’m using my good die.

Hallie

[Laughing.] Instead of the ones I got you.

Ari

Yeah. Those ones are bad.

[Laughter.]

Tom

I admit, the gift die has not been very kind to me this evening.

Hallie

[Indignant.] Mine are good.

Emily

I’m trained, but I only rolled a 4.

Hallie

I also rolled a 4.

Kyle

Okay, so…

[Sci-fi teleportation SFX. The pit’s theme begins.]

Suddenly the ground beneath you gets shakier. It breaks into small pieces, and a rush of pieces come at you as well—just miscellaneous bits and bobs of garbage as the ceiling above you rises. Xoc and Misha, you’re able to hold onto yourselves because, especially for Xoc, you remember last time you didn’t keep your composure here. Hop and Elee however, both of  you are tumbled backwards and caught up in the torrent of Charmonde’s pit.

Ari

Oh my god.

Hallie

Oh god! No!

Tom

Holy shit.

Hallie

Not the pit! Ah!

Emily

No, not the pit!

[Music ends.]

Hallie

The pit we could have flown out of at any time.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

So, Speed defense will be 2 steps harder, so only 3 steps easier for, uh…

Hallie

God damn.

Kyle

Actually, for everyone, since Hop only gives his asset to everyone else.

Hallie

Oh yeah. Sorry team.

Kyle

So, the marionette goes first. The marionette looks at all of you and it sees you tumbling, Hop, and one of the four strings on it reaches out to grab you. I need you to roll Speed defense.

Hallie

Stay back.

[Rolls.] Uh… 17.

Kyle

You barely fail.

Hallie

God damn it!

Kyle

And one of the hands grabs you, and it gets picked up by the string which picks you up in turn, and it slams you on the ground, or I guess just into the garbage, just (thud, thud, thud) for 6 points of damage before throwing you towards the center of the pit.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

[Rolls.] But before you can fall into the pit…

[Sci-fi teleportation SFX. A jazzy remix of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” begins.]

You hear a (bellowing horn sound) because instead of falling into a big pit you fall headfirst into a tuba that is playing a variant of Santa Claus is Coming to Town called Tommy Funbuck is Coming to Town. Everyone else, you can see you are in the middle of Roulettia. There is a giant Tommy Funbuck float in front of you, a clown car riding to its side, and a marching band behind it, because you are in the Roulettian parade. Hop, it is your turn.

[Music fades.]

Hallie

Great. Alright…

Tom

Xoc is going to call out:

Tom (as Xoc)

Lasso the disassembler. I can cut it to pieces.

Hallie

Okay.

[Laughs.] I would like to use one of my XP to recover Machine Control Implant.

[01:15:00]

Tom

[Claps.] Oh! This is so much better!

Hallie

[Giggles.] It is.

Tom

I’m so fucking happy.

Hallie

So I’d like that implant back, and I am gonna lasso the disassembler, but just to get close to it so that I can then just jam the thing in.

Kyle

How do you remember the Machine Control Implant?

Hallie

So, when Xoc yells lasso it, I can laser it, Hop will kinda look over to see how feasible that is from where he is. Then he thinks, but what if we weren’t the ones it was disassembling, and then yells back.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I’ll do you one better!

[Upbeat dance music begins.]

Hallie

Then he summons his little implant that he remembers he used on the little car on the Prodigious. I think it was a car.

Kyle

You used it to start the Ladybug, yeah.

Hallie

Yes!

Kyle

[Smiling.] Alright. Give me a roll to lasso it.

Hallie

He’s focusing with his really good lasso which is five times better than a normal lasso would be because I summoned it.

[Rolls.] Fifteen.

Kyle

The disassembler is up right next to Tommy Funbuck on the top of the Tommy Funbuck float. You lasso it like a real cowboy.

Hallie

Yeehaw.

Kyle

Then, as you grab it, instead of pulling it to you, you climb up the side of the Tommy Funbuck float.

Hallie

It’s like a grappling hook, which I was good at once!

Tom

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Exactly. As you go to stab it, you’re unsure what it would be like. This thing, it’s a Level 5 enemy, you know, not really much compared to the rest, just (casual beeping). No one else seems to pay it any mind… except your item is five times as effective, so as you tab it, it raises to a Level 10 character and the (little beeps grow monstrous).

Hallie

[Frustrated shout.] Agh!

Tom

Oh fuck.

Kyle

The little drill for the dentistry becomes a giant fucking industrial drill.

Hallie

[Whispering.] yes, yes, yes!

Kyle

The pick becomes a giant pickaxe, and it just starts swinging around. Tommy Funbuck looks to it and says…

Kyle (as Tommy Funbuck)

Hey! That’s not swag—

Kyle

…and just immediately poofs into spider dust as the disassembler whacks him, showing its newfound power.

Tom

This may not matter because set pieces, but it already did 10 fucking damage before this. How much does it do now?

Kyle

It did 8 damage because it was a broken disassembler.

Tom

I guess that’s true.

Kyle

Since we made Elee twice as strong, we’ll say it does 16. We’ll give it twice as much.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Okay. Okay.

Hallie

Yes!

Kyle

[Rolls. Sci-fi teleportation SFX leads into waves.]

Hop, you are on the float and you are still floating when space changes, but instead of being on a parade float you are on a boat. Everyone else, you find yourself hiding behind some columns next to a small shallow pool that is connected to a sewer drain and is open air on the other side. The boat fight where you first met Misha’s arch nemesis, Fancy Tom not Tommy Funbuck, and then Everett, who you know maybe was a bit more memorable. Elee, it is your turn.

[SFX ends.]

Emily

Okay… Okay. So, here’s my question.

Kyle

Yeah?

Emily

I’m looking at one particular cypher and I would like to summon it and I would like to know what happens if I apply a concentrated amount of Iron Wind in a butterfly net to my body. What happens if I do that?

Kyle

Same thing when you put bees on your body: random effect of an artifact, and it will be positive regardless of what happens.

Emily

I would like to do that thing.

[Silly ambling music begins.]

Kyle

So you summon the Iron Wind. What makes you think of the Iron Wind?

Emily

After all this time, these guys are not that scary. But you know what’s really scary? The Iron Wind. That’s a scary thing.

Kyle

The only foe you haven’t defeated.

Emily

And will never get close enough to try to defeat again, hopefully.

Kyle

What’s a little cloud compared to that?

Emily

Yeah, basically.

Kyle

In fact, you notice the memory as you pull in the Iron Wind. The space around you seems to extend back like when you put in a fisheye lens, almost as if the Apocrita itself is recoiling from this memory of a much more terrifying weather effect.

[Rolls.] With a 23, you get the effect of a drill spear on your body.

[Music ends.]

This is a drill that you attach to a part of your body and when you do an attack you have the option to drill into an enemy causing an additional 6 points of damage. So you slam it, the Iron Wind courses through your body, and your claws as they shink out are no longer straight but spiral up into little terrifying drills.

Emily

[Frantic.] They’re gonna go back to normal after this, right?!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

I mean, I think this is all in our heads, so probably.

Emily

She looks at it, so upset.

Kyle

For the sake of fun, take an action.

[01:20:00]

Emily

Okay. So, I would like to use Thrust.

Kyle

Okay. Who are you going after?

Emily

Marionette Misha, and I would like to argue that I am protecting my children.

Kyle

How are you gonna argue that?

Emily

Um, there are bosses surrounding my children!

Kyle

Okay, no, you can’t—

Hallie

[Giggles.]

Tom

This is the very manifestation…

Ari

Can I help with that argument?

Kyle

Yep. Ari, what’s your argument?

Ari

My help with that argument is that I can say that Misha for a second is kind of frozen in place by looking at the marionette. They know that it’s not real, but like, it’s just a…

Hallie

It’s scary.

Kyle

Sure. Why the fuck not? For this turn only.

Emily

Well, this is specifically she’s going for the marionette Misha because that’s a scary thing to Misha.

Tom

I had a feeling we would all have beef with marionette Misha and immediately just start ganging up to kick them into the dirt.

Ari

Yeah. I wanted Misha to be like leave her to me or whatever, but then I rolled a 6 and was like yeah, that’s probably not gonna happen.

Emily

[Rolls.] Fourteen?

Kyle

Okay. So yeah, describe how you attack them and then tell me how much damage it does. Remember to double it.

[Rising rock action music begins.]

Emily

Well, Elee sees all of them, but she’s concerned because this is scary puppet Misha, so she’s just gonna bolt for them and do the claws.

Kyle

Do you use the drill?

Emily

I do use the drill.

Kyle

Okay. How much damage is it with the claws and Thrust?

Emily

One moment… Seven, 14… I do 16.

Kyle

And then an additional 6 because of the drill.

[Music ends.]

Have y’all ever done woodworking?

Hallie

Yeah.

Tom

Oh yes.

Kyle

Buzz~! The drills just go straight through mannequin Misha, and as anyone knows, a well-placed hole can make or break a woodworking project, and Elee intends to break.

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! Two of mannequin Misha’s legs and one of their arms plop off.

Ari

Oh Jesus.

Kyle

And just like last time they fought, like “woo~,” they’re dangling on one little thread holding onto life and trying to be as scary as possible.

Tom

[Laughs.] “Don’t ever speak to me or my child ever again.”

Kyle

And it is a few enemies’ turns.

[Rolls. Sci-fi teleportation SFX leads into rock action music.]

Time shifts again, and this time you find yourselves in a space that was similar loudness and tone to the Tommy Funbuck parade—that Roulettian spark but muffled, almost like you can hear it from the floor below. This fierce but exciting debate, but you’re not there.

Instead, you’re in a space that has a cracked mosaic of Tommy Funbuck beneath you which is beneath a raised platform that has a fake Q-BO on it playing the Pythagorean Rhythm, and on the other side, a hallway of death with explosives primed specifically for Hopper Scotch. You are in the Regular Bob fight arena.

[Music ends.]

I’m actually gonna have the next three characters in the initiative order do their actions at once. So Elee, I need you to roll Speed defense three times.

Emily

Okay.

Tom

You’re stronk. You’ll withstand it. Also, which enemies are attacking?

Kyle

Aegon, The Blue Fairy, and Regular Bob.

Tom

Ooh.

Emily

In that order?

Kyle

Yes.

Emily

Okay, then 3 levels of Effort for the first roll.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

I have assets, right, from Hopper?

Kyle

Yeah, 5 steps easier from Hopper.

Emily

Oh! Okay.

Tom

Ooh!

Hallie

Yeah you do.

Emily

Actually no, I’m changing it. I’m changing it. Two levels of Effort.

[Rolls.] I rolled a 13, a 17, and a 12. Those were good!

[High energy action rock music begins.]

Kyle

(Fwoomp!) Aegon takes a swing with his Warhammer and absolutely whiffs as you jump back. The Blue Fairy tries to attack you with her beetles, but she notices the ants on bees that Misha is holding onto, or more accurately, “you remember the bees,” and she whiffs it in a moment of fear. Finally, Regular Bob goes and does his lunge attack at you, but of these characters—I mean, you’ve killed a lot of them, but Regular Bob was the first big kill. For a moment he shrinks into the scared little grub that his final phase was before returning to normal and backing up, because you are one of the biggest threats. But there’s another one here.

[Music ends. Rolls. Sci-fi teleportation SFX.]

[01:25:00]

I need everyone to roll just a Speed or Might. It’s not defense, just whatever you want.

Tom

Okay.

[Players roll.]

Ari

Sixteen.

Hallie

I rolled a 2.

Tom

This die is going back to jail. I rolled a 4.

Emily

I rolled a 19!

Hallie

Oh!

Tom

Nice.

Kyle

So, your minor effect, Elee, you can save the roll of Xoc or Hop. You can have one of them succeed.

Tom

[Emotional.] Oh no! Don’t make Emily choose.

Emily

[Emotional.] I have to choose between my son and my other son?!

Hallie

Choose~!

Tom

Your son or your future son-in-law.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Emily

Though, I should probably choose Xoc.

Tom

I am a very fragile child.

Hallie

I was just about to say, just go for Xoc. That’s what Hop would say anyway.

[Electro swing music begins.]

Kyle

So, the scene shifts again and you hear a (rapid thudding) like a train but smaller and faster and deadlier. One could argue the deadliest thing on tracks…

Hallie

Oh no.

Kyle

…The Ninth World’s deadliest rollercoaster.

Tom

Oh…

Hallie

Oh no~!

Ari

Oh no!

Hallie

Not again!

Kyle

You all fall into compartments of this thing as it goes up on the side on a track made of grass. All of you fall down. Xoc, you almost fall off of it, but Elee is able to grab you at the last minute. Hopper, however…

Ari

[Laughing.] Oh no!

Hallie

[Laughing.] Here we go again. Great. Great!

Kyle

You fall down and barely grab onto one of the rails, but while everyone else is safely in the cart you are barely holding onto one of the rails which will give you a major disadvantage to this next attack.

Hallie

Oh.

Kyle

Which comes from Vera herself.

Hallie

Oh, Vera’s just gonna punch me?

Kyle

Another arm, but a much stronger one, crunches the bars in front of you and you can see Vera hanging on her fist. She looks at you, looks at her arm, shakes her head, grabs her regular arm and preps her doom fist for a punch.

Hallie

Wow.

Kyle

Give me a roll to defend.

Hallie

Wow!

[Music ends.]

Tom

The cowardice. She’s not even going to try a rematch with Elee Badge, not even going to attempt that, just whistling, sidling away from Elee while she fucking parries every other boss.

Hallie

[Rolls.] She’s going for Hopper Scotch, because why not. But Hopper Scotch got a 20, so—

Ari

Oh my god.

Tom

Holy shit!

Emily

Woo!

Hallie

Fuck Vera!

Kyle

So, do you want to do 4 additional damage or have a major effect?

Hallie

I want the major effect to be she just rolls off the rollercoaster car and she’s gone now.

[Giggling. Electro swing music begins.]

Kyle

Hop, how do you dodge this fist?

Hallie

I let go of the railing at the time that the punch comes and then use my lasso to be connected to the railing after she sails off, because she punched and her momentum took her off at the spot where Hopper no longer is, because he’s smart and good at lassoing.

Tom

[Smiling.] Holy shit.

Hallie

He’s good at math. He’s good at timing. He did it.

Tom

Hop, calculating a pendulum, swimming back up.

Hallie

[Laughs.] You see the pendulum, some bungee action.

Tom

Holy shit.

Kyle

Yeah. You drop down, Vera swings, but the force of the fist is too much and she swings off, propelled by the punch, but instead of being stopped by you she just spirals off into the foggy void below, a space that has no dimension because you never stood beneath this part of the rollercoaster so you don’t actually remember what it looked like.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Off she goes.

Kyle

[Rolls. Sci-fi teleportation SFX leads into bubbling mud and yelling crows.]

Time shifts again, and suddenly the space Vera was in takes form. You know it couldn’t be this easy. You couldn’t have just gotten rid of her. She was going to land in something. She lands into bog. You’re not quite sure what the space is until you start to hear the whispers.

Kyle (as The Preserve)

Jump in a parachute.

Do you think horses freak centaurs out?

Critical questions remain.

Sleep more. Sleep more. Sleep more!

Kyle

Vera starts trying to claw her way out of the bog of the Ba-Adenu Forest which starts fossilizing up this fake Vera’s hips and she’s clawing her way out. You can see the fist tearing at the dirt. She’s about to get out when the next character in the initiative order has their turn. This character doesn’t need to roll because they’re 5 steps higher than Vera level-wise.

[Thomas the Tank Engine theme begins.]

BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM!

[Laughter.]

You just hear Thomas the Tank Engine as the disassembler goes to Vera’s doom fist hand and just starts whacking it down, like the drill, the axe, a million different appendages just (bash, bash, bash).

[01:30:00]

With her doom fist disconnected, this fake Vera fully fossilizes before poofing into spider-like dust.

Emily

Our son, the disassembler.

Kyle

[Sci-fi teleportation SFX. Rolls three times.] …13, and 70

[Threatening sci-fi music begins.]

Before you are able to take your turn, Xoc, or even register where you are, you notice two things flying at you. The first, (wub-wub), you see these beams of stereotypical retro futurism, beams come down which you would recognize as a Cellular Disrupter, an effect that knocks any character one step down the damage track who is organic. A series of clips with little lights on them drop down to your feet as well.

These items come to you courtesy of the Iron Wind because you and everyone else are currently standing atop the Ladybug as it races away in the multicolored desert where you ran away from the Iron Wind. So, you are having a Cellular Disrupter on your way and you have things that are called Red Light Clips at  your feet. Take your action and then the Cellular Disrupter will take its effect at the end of your turn.

Tom

Okay. I was hoping I could use Counter Measures in the way we had once said it could be used for my wizard dueling purposes as a defensive action to redirect the attack back at something else, but I did still want to do something on my turn as well.

Kyle

Yeah, give me a roll. Give me a roll for that.

Tom

Okay. Alright. Alright, let’s pick a good fucking die for this, not the one Hallie gave me.

Hallie

You’re welcome!

[Music ends.]

Ari

Those dice are cursed. They’re pretty, but they’re very cursed.

Hallie

Not for me!

Tom

We know it was your plan, Hallie. I know you told them all “make sure these ones roll higher than the others.”

Emily

I’m using your dice that you got me and I’ve been doing pretty alright.

Hallie

[Tenderly.] Thank you, Emily.

Tom

Since this will not be using any of my special powers, I’m going to use 6 levels of Effort on this as a fuck you.

[Rolls.] … I rolled a 1.

Hallie

Oh boy.

Ari

Oh no.

Hallie

You should’ve used my dice.

Kyle

So Xoc, the Cellular Disrupter comes at you, and normally you would be able to reflect it. You’ve got your Counter Measures pulled up, you’ve got your glove, everything is set up.

[Electronic action music begins.]

What do you suddenly remember about Cellular Disrupters that makes this so much worse?

Tom

I don’t even remember us encountering Cellular Disrupters in this game, so I’m going to say something else entirely. I’m going to say that Xoc is actually just getting a little too pulled into this moment, because this is more than the rest of the party, this is Xoc’s memory of this event. Everyone else was inside the Ladybug. Xoc was on the top, clinging to a sail, desperately trying to keep them moving while the nano spirits continued to deny full access to his powers.

Xoc wavers for a moment before it hits, not fully separating this event from that event, and thinking about the nano spirits taking the powers away causes it to dim.

Kyle

The power dims as you remember that, and you get knocked back and go one step down the damage track.

Hallie

God damn it.

Kyle

But also, whenever you are in this setting, you are unable to use your esoteries. You can still take an action, but you cannot use a spell.

Tom

[Angry, defiant (playfully).] Well, it’s a good thing I wasn’t fucking planning on it, dad! It’s cool. I wasn’t fucking planning on using an esotery, dad.

So Xoc just, “Aaahhh!”

[Music ends.]

Xoc is gonna combine something in a non-fully-intuitive way. I’m gonna spend an XP to bring up a memory, and this is something that only Xoc would have memory of, and not even a full memory. He doesn’t even know their names. I want to pull in Leik and Jessar.

Others

Aww~!

Tom

Xoc remembered those two little machines that had tried to use Redd’s Blessing before Aegon.

[Cute, gentle music begins.]

He remembered feeling so sad for these two people. He doesn’t know who they are or what their lives were like, but he knows they didn’t deserve being sucked into this, and he wanted to give them one more chance. So, I would like to summon Leik and Jessar to the field to support Misha’s next action and fight alongside them.

Ari

Aww… Oh my god.

Kyle

Since you will be directly helping them, that will be 5 steps more effective. So Misha, next to you, you see these two figures emerge. They look for a second like the obsidian rotund soldiers you fought in the past, but they… I don't know, they just seem friendlier.

Ari

Well, I guess Misha wouldn’t be rude. If they look nice, Misha would just say hello.

Ari (as Misha)

Salutations. I’m not sure if you’re really here or not, but you seem nice. My name is Misha, and thank you for helping us.

Hallie

Leik will respond:

Hallie (as Leik)

Let’s find a way to make an experiment work for once.

[01:35:00]

Tom (as Jessar)

We want you to be able to see the birds again.

Ari (as Misha)

Thank you. I really appreciate it, friends.

Kyle

[Rolls. Music ends. Sci-fi teleportation SFX.]

All of you are thrown up into a space that is very familiar to Misha but one not familiar to Leik and Jessar.

[Rushing sci-fi music begins.]

The noise of the Apocrita is now replaced by the noise of trillions of threads, moving at light speed, smashing into each other. You can see all of the items and abilities you’ve brought with you also take on this thoughtful thread-like shape. You are all floating in the Datasphere, and Misha, it is your action.

Ari

Ooh, okay. Seeing Elee take all the three strings of the Lady puppet makes Misha think of other things that Elee has done, and I want that as the argument to summon the Needler so that Misha can basically arm the ants on bees with needles that can then just go to the string and hit the string.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Ha!

Emily

[Squeaks and yelps in delight.]

Tom

Oh! Oh yes!

Ari

I’m specialized with bugs or something. You gave me an advantage for bugs for memories.

Kyle

Yeah. Give me a roll, Ari.

Ari

Okay. Let’s just watch it be a bad roll.

[Rolls.] Oh, I got 6.

Hallie

Oh no!

Kyle

It’s fine because you’ve got two stacked benefits. Normally they don’t stack, but we’re making an exception for this one.

[Frantic classical music begins.]

You just hear the flight of the bumblebees…

Ari

[Hums Flight of the Bumblebee.]

Kyle

…as these ants just charging on top of bees—and also, let us not forget the craves on the bees…

Ari

Oh that’s right!

Kyle

…just start charging! (Shink, shink, shink). Death by a thousand cuts. Slowly cutting this wire. The mannequin looks at you, and you think you can hear the Lady yelling at you, or laughing in triumph or something, because in the Datasphere space this string was so much more powerful than it is now, or thicker at least.

You see it starting to widen as these bees and ants and craves are cutting at it. Unfortunately, the Apocrita did not plan for its first host to come back with a vengeance.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

You turn over to Leik and Jessar.

Tom (as Jessar)

Well, I mean, what even is a stick if not a very big needle?

Tom

I want Leik and Jessar to have the sticks used from the Help, There’s a Knife in my Hand game.

Kyle

Stop! I Got a Knife in my Hand!

[Laughter.]

Hallie

It cuts to Leik who has somehow procured a small pocket knife and is sharpening one of the sticks.

Hallie (as Leik)

I agree.

Ari

Can I argue that the knife that Leik got was from Misha’s scarf?

Tom

[Smiling.] Yes! I love it.

Emily

Aww~

Hallie

Aww! Yes, the scarf dagger!

Kyle

Leik is sharpening the knife and the scarf just gives a thumbs up.

Hallie (as Leik)

Thank you, friend.

Kyle

Then, the scarf uses an XP to pull out another knife and hand it to Jessar.

Ari

Oh my god. Oh yeah.

Tom

Scarf with two knives.

Ari

It has infinite knives.

Kyle

It has so much experience, y’all. It hasn’t used any this entire campaign.

Ari

[Delighted.] No~

Kyle

Yeah, Leik and Jessar, you just…

Hallie

They’re really good at Stop There’s a Knife in your Hand, so they’re applying all of their past knowledge of this game and just really owning it out there. Good for our kids.

[Peppy, sporty music begins.]

Kyle

Each of you feels each other’s hand for the last time as you charge and cut this wire… together. The marionette looks to you with fear, Misha, as the string gets cut.

Ari (as Misha)

That’s what you get for underestimating the ants you hate so much.

Tom

Beautiful.

Kyle

The string retracts on the marionette, and as it retracts, the marionette itself starts turning into strings.

[Music ends abruptly.]

But then it’s such a fucking good burn the nice string thing stops and just catches on fire, little spider sparks.

[Chuckling.]

Hallie

[Grinning.] A spider spark.

Ari

Misha momentarily got the Fire and Ice thing that I never used just for that line and burned them apart and now it’s gone away again.

Kyle

When the flames are gone you see two stone robots holding hands and taking one last look at each other.

Ari (as Misha)

Thank you.

Hallie (as Leik)

Thank you.

Tom (as Jessar)

Thank you.

Kyle

[Rolls. Sci-fi teleportation SFX. Wind SFX and rising villain music begin.]

Leik and Jessar are pulled out of the scene as you are pulled into a new one. You are still in the air, but this time gravity does affect you and you all flop onto the top of the Prodigious.

Tom

Oh!

Kyle

As the warm beams of the sunset hit you, Xoc, you realize with horror that this version of the top of the Prodigious fight is the one you had with Vera when you couldn’t use your esoteries at all.

[01:40:00]

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

So all nanos have lost their esoteries while on here.

Tom

So is there like an inactive Ness just sitting to the side in the arena?

Kyle

Now that you’ve thought of one, he is there.

Hallie

[Laughs.] There he is. Thanks.

Tom

Oh no.

Kyle

But it is not Ness’s turn nor a nano’s turn. Now that you have taken down three of the bosses and the marionette is no longer at the top of the order, Hop, it is your turn.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Alright, so we have Aegon, Blue Fairy, Regular Bob left.

Kyle

Yep.

Hallie

Because the disassembler is…

Kyle

It’s a pal.

Hallie

…is our son now.

Tom

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

I think I would like to get some hits in on Aegon because he’s big and stronk and I wanna start whittling him down. I would like to do this by using my second XP to re-summon my time crisps, please.

Ari

Yes! Oh!

Tom

Oh yeah, boy!

Hallie

[Proud.] Yeah!

Kyle

Okay. So, time crisps. They let you go back a set amount in time, right?

Hallie

Yes. So, the way that I did it last time was that I just ate multiple chips to keep going back in time three seconds so that I had that many attacks in on the bad guy before they could react. So, I’m kind of thinking maybe I just have a really big bag of chips, like it’s a really good one you get from a vending machine that has at least three more than usual.

Kyle

The one that has a bit more in it?

Hallie

Yeah! You’re like, I can tell from shaking the package, this is a good bag of chips.

Kyle

I had friends in high school who were so excited. They figured out, like, they weighed Gushers to find the Gushers that had the most in them.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

I respect it.

Kyle

So Hopper just has a scale and he’s like nope, not this chip, not this chip, this is the bag. This is the bag.

Hallie

He can tell. The summoning allows him to choose from multiple bags of time crisps and he’s carefully weighing each one with his very good math brain.

Kyle

Aegon goes to swing at you. “Just wait one second. … Okay cool.”

Hallie

“Now I’m ready.” Pops open the bag. Then, he’s gonna do what he did with, um… VIRGULE! There we go, with Ezra. Just gonna eat it and then he’s going to shoot Aegon as many times as he possibly can with this bag of chips.

Kyle

Alright, so you get five shots on him.

Hallie

Woohoo!

Kyle

Give me five rolls.

Hallie

I’m gonna apply 2 levels of Effort per attack. One of those is gonna be to hit and one of those is gonna be to damage.

Kyle

Okay.

Hallie

Okay. Roll number one.

[Rolls.] Sixteen. Roll number two…

[Rolls.] Nine. Roll number three…

[Rolls.] Ten. Roll number four…

[Rolls.] Eighteen. Roll number five…

[Rolls.] Four.

[Electronic cowboy hero music begins.]

Kyle

Okay. So I guess let’s do this again. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.

Hop, you reach into the bag, tear out the time crisps and shove them into your mouth. When you did this the first time, you literally went back in time, but it’s not quite the same for the Apocrita because you don’t actually have a tool that lets you go back in time, just the memory of it. So you and the rest of the party can see as, after the first crunch, the space rewinds in time a few seconds and you get a buzzer shot off on Aegon.

Before he can respond, time rewinds again and you go to a new space for a new shot, but where you originally stood a memorized projection of you does the original shot and you in your new spot do the second shot. This continues back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.

With Hop’s regular power and his regular bag of time crisps, this attack would have been basically nothing to Aegon, but Hop never did a regular attack with the time crisps. Last time you attacked you used 2 XP, so Hop pulling in his memory of how these operate is able to successfully hit Aegon four times for 22 points of damage.

[Music ends.]

[Rolls.] Speaking of Ezra…

[Sci-fi teleportation SFX. Plotting sci-fi villain music begins.]

Everyone can see the bright lights of dozens of hands glowing with the EZ-Life brand as, essentially, memories of people being consumed by the Jagged Dream takes place. Xoc, you can feel it, too.

Tom

What?

Kyle

Everyone looks as Xoc and the Blue Fairy—

Ari

Oh my god! You have that.

Kyle

—lose 4 points from their maximum pool.

Tom

Agh~!

Kyle

As laughter comes out from this panel in the center of the room.

Kyle (as VIRGULE)

[Hardy sinister laugh.]

Kyle

Because during the fight with the Jagged Dream, anyone with the EZ-Life brand lost points.

Ari

Yeah… Yeah.

Hallie

Oh! That’s what this is. Yeah.

Ari

I got it immediately.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Additionally, everyone needs to roll Speed defense.

Tom

And this we would get 5 steps easier because of Hopper’s power, right?

Kyle

Yes.

Ari

[Rolls.] A 19.

Tom

[Rolls.] Ooh…

Hallie

[Rolls.] Fourteen.

Tom

Thirteen!

Emily

[Rolls.] Seventeen.

[Surfer rock music begins.]

Kyle

As soon as you hear the laugh, the rest of you, even Xoc who wasn’t here, remember what happens next. You all dodge out of the way as a sea of unarmored Zhev come out thrashing, controlled by the Blue Fairy.

[01:45:00]

Elee, it is your turn.

Emily

Alright. Apparently I can’t argue that I’m protecting my children, so I guess I won’t start with that.

Tom

I mean…

Emily

Even though I already did because I’m salty about it.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

You can argue it, but it has to be for something, like, this person is directly in danger rather than “they’re enemies, they’re threats to my children.”

Emily

Oh. Well, everyone just rolled Speed defense.

Tom

Controlled by the Blue Fairy who’s still on the field.

Kyle

You got me there… You got me there.

Tom

That’s why. This isn’t just a general threat, this is the Blue Fairy specifically.

Emily

Yeah. So, I had originally summoned the sack of live bees to apply to my body, but then the ants were getting on it and that was so much better, but I do need to get back up into the air, maybe.

Kyle

Okay.

Emily

So, I am going to summon another sack of live bees.

[Laughter.]

Tom

Double the bees, double the fun.

Kyle

You just remember bees.

Tom

Hey! Were in the same arena, so it makes sense.

Kyle

Yeah. You get the memory of you grabbing the bees before this fight and just you, sitting there with the bees in your lap, picks them up, hands them to you, and you now have the memory of the memory of the bees.

Emily

Okay. I would like to apply this to my body as a free action, and I would like to have it do the same thing that it did last time. I wanna be Elee Bees.

Tom

Elee Bees~!

Kyle

Whoosh. Whoosh! Elee Bees rises again! Give me your attack roll, Elee Bees.

Emily

Okay. I would like to spend 2 extra to damage.

[Rolls.] I rolled a 12.

Kyle

How do you kill the Blue Fairy again?

Hallie

Yes! Yes!

Tom

Jesus fucking Christ.

[Anime fight music begins.]

Emily

Elee knows how this bee thing goes now. She is experienced in the way of giving herself bee wings through a sack of live bees. She lines up a straight shot and just flies at the Blue Fairy with her claws outstretched.

Kyle

The wounds appear before you even hit her, and just like in the past, the Blue Fairy falls off of your claws and into the past before poofing into that black dust.

[Music ends.]

[Rolls.] Speaking of the past…

[Sci-fi teleportation SFX leads into threatening sci-fi ambience.]

We go back to the first boss arena. Eight foot high servers surround you. There are wires, six tubes extending out, and in the center… the cocoon where MARSHAL had held Aegon. Aegon, seeing this, doesn’t go after any of you but instead turns and attacks the disassembler.

Players

No!

 Hallie

No-no-no, no-no-no, no~

Kyle

Hallie, roll me a flat d20.

Hallie

Oh, and you make me roll for it? That’s just mean.

[Music ends.]

Tom

You can’t do this to us.

Hallie

Alright, I’m using a different die than my Hopper die, though.

Emily

Yeah, he rolls for it when it’s doing the good stuff.

Hallie

[Exhales.] Disassembler…

Emily

And then makes you roll when it’s like, hmm, does it die?

Hallie

[Rolls.] Fourteen?

[Rising sci-fi music begins.]

Kyle

He swings at the disassembler which, were it the disassembler you remembered, would have immediately died, but this disassembler is something greater.

Hallie

Yes.

Kyle

He swings and it hits the disassembler with a thud, but it doesn’t move further. You see the disassembler has gotten its own Warhammer.

Ari

Oh my god.

Hallie

Ha!

[Music swells]

Kyle

It pushes Aegon’s back, swings at the helmet and knocks it clean off.

[Music ends.]

First off, doing a lot of damage…

Hallie

Yes, good.

Kyle

…but second off, revealing nothing inside of the suit. And, it is Regular Bob’s turn.

Ari

I forgot he was still there.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

[Rolls. Sci-fi teleportation SFX.]

We are now back to repeating locations. So you hear, already again…

Kyle (as VERGULE)

[hardy sinister laugh.]

Kyle

…the Ezra cackle.

Tom

Oh fuck. No, please.

Kyle

Xoc, you take 4 more points of damage.

[Laughter.]

Tom

God damn it!

Kyle

Instead of dodging the Zhev, everyone roll me another Speed defense.

Tom

Ugh!

Ari

[Rolls.] An 11.

Tom

[Rolls.] An 8 this time.

Emily

[Rolls.] A 6.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Eighteen.

Tom

You are on fire tonight, Hallie.

Hallie

I know! I’m excited.

Tom

Hopper turned up for the final battle.

[Lightning SFX leads into ambient threatening music.]

Kyle

Out of Argent, little bolts of lightning shoot out at all of you. Xoc, who hadn’t been here before, and Elee, who’s the highest up—and you know, the higher you are the more likely you’re gonna be hit by lightning.

[01:50:00]

Both of you get struck for 8 points of damage from this Ezra lightning.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Uh… Let’s see. That’s 0 out of…

Emily

[Giggling.] It’s fine, I have 6 armor.

Tom

I am debilitated.

Hallie

Oh no.

Ari

Uh-oh. Great.

Tom

Because I was already taken one step down the damage track by the Cellular Disrupter and my Might is long, long since gone.

Ari

Yeah.

Emily

Oh…

Ari

Great, great-great.

Tom

In fact… So here’s a question. If I lose two pools and I’m already one step down the damage track? Do I die immediately? Because I think the answer is yes, which means I am exactly 1 hit point from death. You very nearly killed me right here.

Emily

Oh dear…

Ari

Oh my god.

Emily

Okay. Well…

Kyle

[Grinning.] Tom, roll Speed defense.

Tom

What?

Kyle

Roll Speed defense.

Tom

Me?

Kyle

Yeah, because you made a convincing argument. Regular Bob is here to kill.

Tom

I thought he was here for strong targets. In fact, I was going to spend one turn, if he was alive, trying to convince him that Aegon is obviously the most powerful enemy here.

Kyle

That’s a good point… Hop has been rolling well.

Tom

[Wincing.] No.

Kyle

So Hop, roll me Speed defense.

Tom

God damn it.

Hallie

Aw…

Tom

Well better you than me, because I’m 1 hit point from dying.

Hallie

No, I know.

[Rolls.] Seven.

[Cool cowboy music begins.]

Kyle

Hop, you’re looking around and you’re trying to remember. Alright, you defeated Vera, the disassembler is on your side, the Blue Fairy is gone, Ezra is just part of this scene so he’s not a big deal, the marionette is gone, there’s Aegon… You could have sworn you forgot someone else.

Ari

I remembered that wrong.

Hallie & Tom

[Laughing.] No~!

Kyle

At the last possible second…

Tom

God damn it.

Kyle

…you notice as Regular Bob lunges at you and are barely able to juke out of the way.

Tom

Oh!

Hallie

Yes! God.

Ari

Nice.

Tom

Honestly, I want Hopper to get to fight Regular Bob, because Hopper tried so hard to get there and never did.

Hallie

I did!

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Now Xoc…

[Rolls.Sci-fi teleportation SFX leads into unsettling ambience.]

We are back where you fought on the Prodigious, back on top. This time, to your relief, you hear the harsh storm of the Apocrita and the skittering of the spiders and the scream of Obsidian Inuki from below, but hey, you got your esoteries this time around.

Tom

[Grinning.] Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom

I know that normally I’m not allowed to do actions in this state, but does anyone mind terribly if I cast some spells as I crawl around on the floor?

[Music ends.]

Kyle

That’s fine.

Hallie

We would love it if you cast some spells.

Tom

Alright. Xoc is going to use a Focus Power that I don't think I’ve ever used once this entire game, and that is Coax Power. Per my character sheet, this dusty document, you boost the function of a machine so that it operates 1 level higher than normal for 1 hour. Action to initiate.

[Seasons of Love Disease plays.]

I would like to look over at Misha and Coax Power on Misha.

Ari

Oh god!

Tom

I wanna supercharge Misha and channel my gift to make it five times better.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Lovingly.] You are so much stronger than even you believe, Misha Jarvis-Badge. I want you to be as strong as I remember you.

Ari & Emily

[Tearful.] Oh my god. Aw~

[Music changes to inspiring, energetic electronic music.]

Kyle

Misha, smoke surrounds you. You are filled with the smoke of the Datasphere. It surrounds and clouds you, but there’s a clarity you do not normally see, and everyone else can see… Whenever The Lady With Cinnabar Lips was particularly strong, both of Misha’s eyes would light red, which was terrifying. It makes it even scarier when both of their eyes light purple.

Ari

That’s it! My final form! You have not seen it before!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari

My final form is here.

Kyle

[Rolls. Sci-fi teleportation SFX turns into glitchy static.]

Everything changes again. It flits back and forth, and the world around Misha seems to not necessarily follow the rest. It seems to spark and scatter in its own place. Eventually, the place settles on the one battlefield Misha jumped into more affirmatively than anything else.

[SFX ends.]

Tom

[Gritted, triumphant.] Yes! Oh!

Hallie

Yes. Yes!

Tom

Fuck yeah!

Ari

Oh! It’s The Pit!

Kyle

Welcome back to the pit, motherfuckers!

Hallie

Yeah!

Tom

The motherfucking Pit!

Kyle

Misha, it is your turn.

Ari

Oh my god.

Emily

[Laughs, delighted.]

Tom

Ooh boy!

Ari

Well, I was thinking, as more of a dunk on Aegon and also because Misha thinks that the party wasn’t the only one that needed to do this, I wanted to bring Mako and Mauve as memories.

Tom

[Gritted shout, impressed and triumphant.]

Hallie

[Delighted emotional shout.]

Ari

I wanted them to give the final blow to Aegon.

Kyle

No, I got an idea.

[01:55:00]

Ari

Because I feel like they deserve to see Aegon like this.

Kyle

You don’t need to roll for this, unless you want to.

Ari

No—I mean… no.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

“No!”

Ari

I don’t wanna risk rolling a 1.

[Climactic action music begins.]

Kyle

So, one of the things about The Pit is that there are holes all around the top, little places for things to fall in. You walk up to Aegon and Regular Bob…

Ari

He’s just there.

Kyle

…ready to fight. Aegon lifts his Warhammer, but you hear a voice say…

Kyle (as Mauve)

Now hold on just one moment.

Kyle

…and a rapier gets stuck in his arm. Regular Bob goes to swing at you and you hear another voice say…

Kyle (as Mako)

I thought you wanted to fight the toughest enemies.

Kyle

…and a massive laser beam just shoots off one of his arms.

Ari

Oh my god.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Poking their heads out from the top, you see Mauve and Mako, just out of some holes in the top of The Pit.

Kyle (as Mauve)

Oh, so this is the thing y’all fell down that Everett and Jesse had to do that backup plan.

Kyle (as Mako)

Oh! Is that pit down there—is that… that’s the light of the Heart of Charmonde! That’s where you saved me.

Hallie

Aww.

Ari (as Misha)

It is.

Ari

Misha’s like… They’re super powerful but they’re also really emotional right now at seeing their previous mentors.

Kyle (as Mauve)

Oh, Everett and Jesse, how are my kids doing? I talked to that really nice lady who was fighting with them in I think it’s called the Weal, but last I saw she was getting stabbed something awful.

[Pained laughter.]

Tom

How dare you, Kyle.

Ari (as Misha)

I think you would be proud of them. They’re doing well. Thank you for coming. We miss you a lot, but we appreciate you being here for this. I thought this was as much your battle as it was ours.

Kyle (as Mauve)

It’s as I said, it was our boat, you were just loaning it for a while. But—

Ari (as Misha)

We’re all in it together now.

Kyle (as Mauve)

Exactly.

Tom

[Emotional sounds.]

Kyle (as Mako)

Alright, let’s get the rest!

[Epic, inspiring music begins.]

Kyle

Suddenly, (fwoomp, fwoomp, fwoomp).

Using an XP to summon someone would be a standard power thing. Misha did something great. Out of the pits, dozens of rapiers and dozens of lasers from dozens of Mauves and Makos start shooting out, completely obliterating Aegon and Regular Bob.

Ari

Oh my god.

Tom

This is incredible.

[Music ends.]

Kyle (as Mauve)

[Exhales.] Well, that was fun.

Tom (as Xoc)

Thank you.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Thank you so much.

Ari (as Misha)

For everything, not just this. I’m glad to see you again even if it’s for a little bit.

Kyle

Mako grabs Mauve’s hand.

Kyle (as Mako)

And thank you for giving us one last chance to see each other, for real.

Ari (as Misha)

I’ll never forget this.

Tom (as Xoc)

We’ll miss you.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Take care.

Emily (as Elee)

Do you want me to tell them you say hi?

Kyle (as Mauve)

I do. Oh, that was one last thing before we go. By the way…

[Tender piano music begins.]

Kyle

As they start fading out and disappearing, Mauve points to you, Elee.

Kyle (as Mauve)

I told you, you were a natural at this.

Emily (as Elee)

[Breathy chuckle, full of emotion.] 

Kyle

And the two disappear.

[Threatening ethereal music and creepy whispers begin6.]

Kyle (as Mauve)

I told you, you were a natural at this.

I told you, you were a natural at this.

I told

Kyle (as Mako)

you

Kyle (as Jesse)

that there was no

Kyle (as Ein)

way

Kyle (as Vera)

to defeat us,

Kyle (as Loell)

pal.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Exhales deeply.]

Kyle

As they leave, the space around you shakes, and I need everyone to roll Might defense.

Tom

Fuck.

[Players roll. Hallie drops her die.]

Hallie

Ah!

Ari

I rolled a 7, and I did not…

Tom

I got a 13.

Hallie

I got a 5.

Emily

I rolled a 2.

Kyle

The whirlpool of the pit gets greater and greater.

[Earthquake SFX takes over.]

It gets higher than you ever remember it, or as high as you remember it feeling. It gets up to your waist, to your shoulders, to your neck, and all of you are thrown through the whirlpool, down, down, down the pit. But as you fall down the pit, you see things fly beside you.

[Music rapidly alternates to match each scene, overlapping with each other when memories start overlapping. The whispering continues.]

A memory of the day at the beach. A class with that really nice professor who just let you go to detention. A kazoo song by a campfire. Memories… falling, falling, but then the memories start appearing in pairs.

A steampunk old dog going to a dance on the Prodigious. Then triplets. The Sonnati Solstice being attacked by costumed aneens driving purple frog cars.

[02:00:00]

Then quadruplets. Horus performing a fake magic show to an unimpressed octopus saleswoman who is also the Queen of Charmonde.

These fusions continue multiplying more and more until you are completely surrounded by the sights, the smells, the sounds of a patchwork experience, a kaleidoscope of the past made out of billions of memories. The memories yell out:

[Music changes to rising dramatic evil music.]

Kyle (as Over-Dramatic Narrator)

How can you 

Kyle (as Queen Armalu)

ignore 

Kyle (as Dr. Signus Collodi)

us?! 

Kyle (as Miss Andri)

How can you 

Kyle (as Ezra)

starve 

Kyle (as Rei)

us?!

Kyle (as Hairy Jerry)

How can you 

Kyle (as Lorraine Stiles)

let 

Kyle (as Viv)

us 

Kyle (as Baby Jason)

die?

Kyle (as the Apocrita, in full)

We will consume you!

Kyle

And the memories start converging around you like walls crushing in. They get to you first, Misha, and pass through. They then go to Hop, and pass through. Finally, they pass through Elee. But as they converge further and further on Xoc, you notice that they are not passing through him. As the memories hit him, they are almost rubbing off him, flaking off his skin as if he’s being run along them.

Xoc, I need you to roll Intellect defense.

Tom

Okay. I will put in 6 levels of Effort.

Hallie

That’s our boy.

Tom

[Rolls.] A natural 20.

[Music swells and ends.]

Ari

Oh yes!

Emily

So, the absolute best he could have done.

Kyle

The absolute best.

Hallie

Yeah, it is the absolute best.

Kyle

You have confronted this cloud. You are giving it your absolute best. How are you fighting against it, Xoc?

Tom

Xoc calls up one memory in particular first.

[Gentle guitar music begins.]

Back when he was training on the long drive into the Beyond to resist mental intrusions from Loell, playing Go Fetch with Ness just to focus on the cards and nothing else, to keep other people out of your head. But, he’s taking that principle and applying it on a much larger scale now. He’s focusing in on specific memories of the other party members, all sorts of memories throughout the time we’ve spent together, and just hyper-focusing on that so there’s nothing else in his head at all, no way that the Apocrita can gain hold. And yet…

Kyle

And yet…

[Music changes to unsettling ethereal music and creepy whispers.]

A natural 20, with all your effort in, by yourself… is not enough.

[The Apocrita corrupts the gentle guitar music, eventually overtaking it entirely with creepy ambience.]

You hold onto these memories, you try to fight back, but it’s you versus a force of millions. The scenes as you look around change, details from other memories start to appear, and then details you don’t remember, things that you never experienced, start creeping in… and you take 15 points of damage. Int.

Tom

I was going to ask. In case you were wondering, I’m now down to 14 Int points. May I reach out to Misha using the mental link?

Kyle

Yeah. How do you reach out?

Tom (as Xoc)

I need your help, Misha Jarvis. I’m not strong enough alone.

Ari

Misha, who was already trying to reach for Xoc, will be like:

Ari (as Misha)

Don’t worry, Xoc, we are here.

Ari

They are going to say it both to Xoc and also out loud so that Hop and Elee kinda get the hint that Xoc needs help. Then, Misha will just do what Xoc has done before for Misha to kind of keep them there which is to take their kazoo and play the healing song.

[Misha plays the healing song on kazoo.]

Kyle

Xoc and Misha, both roll me Int defense.

Ari

[Rolls.] That was a 13.

Tom

I will spend another 6 levels of Effort.

Ari (as Misha)

Just focus on the song, Xoc. I’m here.

Tom

[Rolls.] That’s a 10.

[Gentle, sad electronic music begins.]

Kyle

Xoc, you hear the song playing, the scene surrounds you, and you can hear it faintly pushing through, pushing through, and for a second you drown the voices and the rest of the visions go away.

But it’s still not enough. It comes back and you take 15 more points of Int damage.

[The Apocrita corrupts Misha’s song.]

Ari

Oh god.

Tom

Are you certain of that? Because Xoc will die then.

Kyle

You took 15 last time. You took 15 this time.

Tom

Okay.

[Tragic and climactic, yet tender, electronic music begins.]

Kyle

Everyone, you notice the memories have disappeared from around you, and as you look at Xoc you notice that the outside of his skin is different. It’s multicolored as if there’s a projection of multiple screens across his body.

[02:05:00]

If he opens his mouth, you can hear the sounds and the voices of all of the Apocrita emanating from him. You gotta do something now.

Ari

I wanted to say if Misha can go and hold his hand without stopping playing.

Kyle

Misha, of the last 15 points of Int damage Xoc, took, how many do you want to take instead?

Ari

All 15.

Kyle

Misha grabs Xoc’s arm, and we can see the images go across his hand onto theirs before fading out for a second.

Tom

Xoc, by the way, is reaching out to both Hopper and Elee.

Hallie

Oh yeah. Hopper will also be reaching out.

Kyle

Hop, Xoc, and Misha, together, give me an Int defense roll.

Ari

[Rolls.] A 10.

Tom

I’ll spend 2 levels of Effort, because I’m fading fast, Sammy.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

That’s all I can afford to do right now.

Hallie

I’m also gonna spend 2 levels of Effort.

Tom

[Rolls.] A 15.

Hallie

[Rolls.] Seven.

Kyle

For a second, you think you can hold onto it, but it’s just a little too much for even the three of you combined to bear. Amongst yourselves, share 15 points of Int damage.

Hallie

Do we wanna split 15 between Hop and Misha, since they are not fading fast yet?

Ari

Uh, is that like 7.5?

Hallie

Technically, but we don’t have to split the halvesies. I’ll just take the more since you took the 15 from last time.

Tom

Yeah, Hopper can take the 8.

Ari

You can take 8.

Hallie

I’ll take the 8. Yeah.

Kyle

Xoc, you see Misha and Hop reach out to you from somewhere outside the memories, and as you grab onto them both of them pull in, but from the outside, Elee, you can see that they’re still struggling against the force of these voices. You notice that the projections are starting to appear around all of their skin again.

Emily

Elee will say…

Emily (as Elee)

I’ve got you.

Kyle

And?

Emily

…and wrap them all in a big hug, as far as her little arms can reach.

Kyle

The three of you see these giant massive arms from outside of the memory lunge towards you.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle

I need everyone to roll Int defense.

Tom

Two levels of Effort again.

Hallie

Same.

Ari

I am a rogue agent, so I won’t spend any Effort.

[Rolls.] I rolled a 7.

Tom

[Rolls.] Five.

Hallie

[Rolls.] I rolled an 8 but with 2 levels of Effort.

Emily

I would like to spend 5 levels of Effort.

[Laughing.] I am protecting my children, so it will be 5 steps easier.

Hallie

Ha!

Emily

Alright…

[Rolls.] I rolled a 20.

Tom

OH!

Hallie

Yeah boy!

Ari

Nice!

Tom

HOLY SHIT!

[Music ends.]

Kyle

This was a Level 15 roll. You had to roll 45 or higher. On the Hop one, you actually rolled a 44 exactly.

Hallie

[Laughing.] Sorry team.

Kyle

You just rolled an 82.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

[Smiling.] Fuck you, Apocrita! We’ve got one good dice roller. What are you gonna do now?

Tom

Go Fetch.

Hallie

Ha!

[Combination of Karl’s Song, Hop’s Theme, and Friends begins.]

Kyle

When you grabbed Hop and Misha’s hands, Xoc, you pulled them into your memory, but with Elee it’s different. You see the corners, the fragments of the memory around you. All of these scenes start to break and buckle and crack. How are you, together, trying to repel the Apocrita?

Tom

I don't know if it’s necessarily even a coherent thought anymore. We’re just holding onto one another. At least in Xoc’s mind, that’s what we are right now, just the idea itself of holding on. I’m not letting any of us go. I’m not letting it take any of us.

Ari

Misha’s just still focused on the song, more a reflex than anything at this point, probably, but holding onto that just for the same purpose, not let anybody be distracted from that.

Hallie

Hop has always had his Protect the Innocent thing, and he’s channeling all that mindset while he holds onto Xoc and Misha and feels Elee around him too.

Emily

Elee is just busy holding onto her kids.

Kyle

As you all hold onto each other, thinking only of each other, the voices and sounds and sights and smells and sensations of all these memories try to interfere and try to get in. From the outside, we notice these sounds and these projections on your skin, pulsing, trying to grow greater and greater, but eventually we realize it’s not the feeling or the vision of something getting stronger, it’s the vision of something trying to fight back that knows that it’s losing.

These memories pulse, and spark, and after one last push… they grow silent.

[Music ends.]

All of you hold at your fingertips, at the points where you connect, the totality of the Apocrita and all of the memories trapped within.

[02:10:00]

What do you do with all the past at your fingertips?

Tom

Let it go.

[Tender music, Marv’s theme, begins.]

Kyle

You all reach your hands to the air, and quieter this time, moments start to rise out of it. The first romantic meeting on a battlefield of all places. One last game of Stop, There’s a Knife in My Hand. The perfect snack from the perfect bed of flowers. These moments gently rise from you.

When you’ve seen these memories in the past, they have been discrete, concrete things: specific smells, sounds, visions, touches, tastes, all put together in one story. But as they rise up, you can see the threads of the Datasphere, which had previously been kept out from the Apocrita, reach down, and when the two meet all of these memories explode into colorful strands of strings, different threads that rise up and out of the Apocrita.

As the last few exit your fingertips, Hopper, Elee and Misha, you can feel almost like a clouded vision disappear from you as you start rising up alongside the rest towards the waking world.

[Music ends.]

But Xoc, you’re not going with everyone else, because you can feel one small part of the Apocrita that refuses to let go.

Tom (as Xoc)

[Reluctant.] Alright… I’ll go talk to him.

[Deep, echoey chime SFX begins.]

Kyle

You hear chimes—gentle, but full and deep. Giant chains playfully pushing against one another. In those chains you can hear the echoes of a conversation that has played in this space tens of thousands of times over.

[Ethereal music, alongside echoey memories of Loell’s picnic begin.]

Some joyful argument between friends about toast and weddings and… it’s hard to keep track of, honestly. But the emotion shines through nonetheless. And then, that sound fades, and you’re left with the chains.

[Echoey voices fade]

You can see them this time—colossal shackles that fall from a perfectly blue sky down into the rosemary dotted plains around you. In the distance there isn’t much more than that. It looks almost foggy, honestly. But the scene around you is clear. Small blankets set out next to a woven basket, a club sandwich that’s shaped like a club, and entirely too many receipts for socks. Remnants of a picnic 50 years gone.

[Music ends.]

No one is here, not anymore. You and he are all alone. Up on the crest of a small hill overlooking this picnic next to a ramshackle camera, the chains converge around a sullen, auburn-haired young man who’s chosen to stand apart from his friends.

Tom (as Xoc)

Hey.

Kyle

You walk up to Loell. As you get up, you see that he is still cocooned in these chains, but when you get right next to him you notice that his arms are crossed over, his knuckles white as each hand holds onto the ends of the chains. Loell doesn’t meet your eyes.

Kyle (as Loell)

Hey.

Tom (as Xoc)

I know this isn’t what you wanted, but it’s over now. This isn’t doing you any good.

Kyle (as Loell)

What was doing me good was never part of the mission, was it?

Tom (as Xoc)

No, but maybe you should worry about that. Are you happy here, holding yourself in this empty field?

Kyle (as Loell)

Heh. I uh… I guess I’m scared, bud.

Tom (as Xoc)

[A little choked up.] Yeah, that makes sense. I’m scared of dying too.

Kyle (as Loell)

That’s not… That’s not it. I was never scared for myself. I’m scared for…

I saw moments like this, and I couldn’t see the justice in a world that took them away.

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, it isn’t just, there’s nothing right or good about this, but if people only ever held onto things, if we tried to just freeze it in place… that wouldn’t fix it. It would just kill other moments.

Kyle

Loell thinks about that for a second. You’re not sure how much he believes you. You’re not sure if he really can believe you, if instead all he can do is make himself try. But eventually he just says:

[02:15:00]

[Gentle piano music begins]

Kyle (as Loell)

Thank you, Xoc. Thank you for trying to call my bluff, for trying to help me when you could and when you couldn’t, doing everything you could to kick my ass and stop me from being an even bigger failure of things.

Tom (as Xoc)

Well, I guess you’re welcome. I don't know if I can say I’m sorry for how things have turned out, but—

Kyle (as Loell)

Let’s just say we’re glad we met.

Tom (as Xoc)

Yeah. I can agree to that.

Kyle

He looks down at the chains. His hands have still been shaking this entire time. Before now it was him trying to just fight against the force of it, but now there is almost an anxiety involved.

Kyle (as Loell)

I know you’re waiting for me to do this… I have no right to ask you anything.

Tom (as Xoc)

Would you like me to stay until you’re ready to let go?

Kyle (as Loell)

Yeah.

Tom (as Xoc)

Yeah, I can do that.

Kyle

It takes a while: long for you but longer for him. You don’t notice it at first. There isn’t a big eruption of chains or a cosmic blast as this last space is thrown out into the Datasphere. Instead, at one point you just look over and you notice Loell on the ground with the chains splayed at his feet.

[Music swells and gently ends.]

Kyle

The birds of Prylima never actually made it inside the kingdom.

[Bird chirping SFX begins.]

They would dance around the feet of those willing to play with them, but the flexiglass barrier and later the obsidian cloud always kept them at arm’s length. But when you wake up, the unobstructed sun shines on dozens of fledglings and full-grown birds hopping around Obsidian Bay’s courtyard, occasionally tripping on loose obsidian plates that clatter off the courtyard’s edge.

They aren’t the only ones singing, though. As you all get up, you hear dozens of jovial voices ringing from the Weal below. Sounds of friends who were strangers mere days ago reaching out to help each other rebuild. On top of those voices, Xoc and Misha, you are surrounded by the memories of the Apocrita: small threads of data that swirl in the Datasphere around you like dust kicked up by the wind.

[“Some Things Never Change” by Miracle of Sound begins to plade.]

These memories may no longer be whole, and their owners may not think in the way they used to, but they’re free: free to grow and to change, to make stories that would never be told otherwise, to be anything and everything except for what they already are. That’s what life is, after all.

[Song swells.]

Lyrics

Withered wood and cracks in concrete faded
Lonely old leviathans corrode
Labyrinth of lights and life degraded
Vivid highways slump to riven roads

And ever and on we go
Never to learn or grow
Pillars of peace estranged
I guess some things never change

We fall, we fall again
Stare through empty window panes
We fall, we fall again
I guess some things never change

Sterile soil
Will harden
Wasted world
My garden

Beacons of the past on each horizon
Weary feet tread stories in the dust
Havens hard, no steel can crack the diamonds
Hope among the ruin and the rust

And ever and on we run
Purest or rains they come
Pillars of peace estranged
I guess some things never change

We fall, we fall again
Stare through empty window panes
We fall, we fall again
I guess some things never change

Sterile soil (We fall again...)
Will harden (Why do we never change?)
Wasted world (We fall again...)
My garden

[02:20:00]

[Song ends.]

[Gentle, hopeful piano music begins.]

Kyle

So! Memory. Why do we have memories? If they’re unreliable. If they can get lost. If they change every time we use them. if they aren’t even necessarily organized by the most significant events… Why do they exist? And why do we hold them so dear?

I think the mistake in this question is treating memories like they’re pictures in a family album, fun moments that we recall simply for the pleasure of it. But that’s not how we use them, is it? We instead use our memories to inform how we see the world, to look back to find the best way forward, because ultimately… memories exist for one reason, to help us make new ones.

[Music swells and ends.]

Kyle

The red lava boils. Bloop, bloop. And above it, this thin blue bridge sways back and forth. A bit pops up, and with a yelp the bridge moves to the side. Another flame pops up, and with a yelp the bridge moves to the other side. Eventually we notice that next to the bridge is not in fact a landmark but a really, really tiny delicate wooden spatula.

As we look further out, we can see Soe deftly moving her hair back and forth as she tries to stir the tomato soup with one strand of hair, and then with another strand of hair she’s using a tiny whisk to whisk together some pancakes, and with another one she’s pulling little tiny food out of a tiny oven. She is just all over this kitchen, frantically working like her life depends on it.

[02:25:00]

Emily (as Elee)

Soe! Soe! Soe! [Strained worried sounds.]

Kyle (as Soe)

No, I got it.

Emily (as Elee)

Not the hot stuff! We talked about this. Not the hot stuff.

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh, it’s not—

[Gasps.] Ooh! It’s not that hot. I mean, if I avoid it, it’s not hot at all, really.

Emily

[Chuckles.] Elee wheezes a little bit.

Kyle (as Sera)

It’s fine! It’s fine. I don’t see what the big issue is, mom.

Kyle

In the other corner, Sera, who hasn’t found a spatula, just instead has her arm bagged up and is just sticking it in this extremely hot thing of sauce, just turning it around.

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Elee)

My children are menaces! Ugh… It’s hot! Don’t put hands, hair, nerves, not… Hot! Understand?

Kyle (as Soe)

[Exhales.]

Kyle

Soe looks at Sera for kind of like a—

Emily (as Elee)

Do not look at your sister! I know what she tells you. I, I… You think I don't know but I know.

Kyle (as Sera)

Um…

Emily (as Elee)

Don’t make me call your mother.

Kyle

From a tall chair in the corner of the room, Rei just looks up from her book and says:

Kyle (as Rei)

Now don’t think of dragging me into this. This dinner was your idea.

Emily (as Elee)

Okay, yes, but I am being a responsible parent and saying don’t put your bare hands into hot soup, and it’s not working.

Kyle (as Rei)

[Long sigh.]

Kyle

Rei sighs, sets down her book—which is a kind of yellow pages listing but for novelty animatronic entertainers, whistles over, and you can see from on top of one of the shelves in this kitchen Chitters just (whistles), just crawls over with an armful of spatulas. She eyes them, grabs two that she likes most, gives the industrial one to Sera.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Irritated, reluctant.] Fine, mom!

Emily (as Elee)

Why were all our spatulas up there?

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Chitters likes things!

Emily

Elee will go to bury her head in her hands, realize there’s flour all over them, and sort of shake them off.

Kyle

Rei gives you a kiss on the cheek, very intentionally on the flour itself, so just leaving behind a little kiss mark.

Kyle (as Rei)

You’re doing fantastic, dear. Now where is the fifth bowl of sauce? Honestly, I don’t see why we need this many.

Emily (as Elee)

Well, some of it was my idea, but I asked for a reasonable amount of sauce which was then interpreted as seven bowls.

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh right! I completely forgot about the two other bowls! Everyone’s gonna be so hungry. Oh no.

Emily (as Elee)

No, it’s fine! No-no-no, it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine—

Kyle (as Soe)

Oh no!

Emily (as Elee)

Soe. Soe, it’s fine. It’s fine… We’re good.

Kyle (as Soe)

Okay. I will just…

Kyle

And she just pulls out one more bowl.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Soe)

I’ll just do ‘one’ more…

Emily (as Elee)

Soe, we have enough sauce.

Kyle

She’s not listening to you. She is busy working on her various things.

[Quirky waltz begins.]

To kind of set where we are, you are in the kitchen of the Invisible Palace, the main part of Ancuan, and you have taken their little cookie kitchen and repurposed it for… what, exactly?

Emily (as Elee)

We’re having a family dinner.

Kyle (as Soe)

And we have lots of family members. Honestly, are we sure this bowl is enough?

Emily (as Elee)

We have now six bowls. I think we’re good. Like, I think we were good at four, but now we’re gonna be super good.

Kyle (as Soe)

[Calming slightly.] Okay. Okay…

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah. Deep breath.

Kyle

Soe takes a few deep breaths and continues doing it.

Emily

Elee has not been taking deep breaths.

[Laughter. Music fades.]

Elee is still fretting. I mean, maybe a little bit of it is the way Sera is taking her spatula and, in an act of rebellion, flinging droplets everywhere because she just wanted to use her hand.

Kyle

You notice actually that it’s flinging not because it’s Sera in rebellion but because it’s Chitters trying desperately to maneuver this spatula with his entire body. As you notice that, you feel as the edge of Sera’s chair just bumps against your leg and she leans over the back and motions for you to come in close.

Emily

[Hesitantly.] Elee does it.

Kyle (as Sera)

Hey mom, how do you do that?

Kyle

And she points over to Soe.

Emily (as Elee)

Do what?

Kyle (as Sera)

I don't know, calming her down. She panics all the time around me. Keeping things together. Just, you know… mom stuff?

[02:30:00]

Emily

[Squeaks in delight.] Aww…

Emily (as Elee)

Mom stuff…?

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah.

Emily (as Elee)

Are you asking about Soe?

Kyle (as Sera)

I mean… I don't know what you want me to say. I’m a rogue agent. I do what I want. So like, yeah, mom stuff.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, I guess me when I was younger.

Emily (as Elee)

[Shaky and uneasy.] Oh! Um… lots of deep breathing, like you can maybe hear me doing now.

Kyle (as Sera)

Lots of deep—

Emily (as Elee)

Calm!

Kyle (as Sera)

Lots of deep breathing.

Emily (as Elee)

[Hysterical.] Uh-huh!

Kyle (as Sera)

Calm. Wide eyes. Beet red face.

Emily (as Elee)

Uh-huh…

Kyle

You can see she is noting all of these down.

Emily (as Elee)

Actually, wait. No, don’t, uh… Maybe don’t do the last two. Maybe just do the calm and deep breathing like I am clearly giving you an example of right now. Um…

Kyle (as Sera)

Well, alright, fine. I guess I’ll change my notes.

Kyle

And she just rips out the page of this book and starts writing in the next one. You notice this is a book of various activities for the Honeycombs.

Emily

Aww~!

Emily (as Elee)

Can you pass along a message for me, by the way?

Kyle (as Sera)

Yeah.

Emily (as Elee)

Yeah, just let Hopper know we’re gonna have a lovely chat after dinner.

[Chuckling.]

Kyle (as Sera)

Oh… I’ll tell him now.

Kyle

And she wheels out of the room. Chitters quickly follows her, just letting the little spatula just sink into the pot.

Emily

Elee lunges to grab it.

Kyle

[Grinning.] Take 6 points of Might damage.

Emily

What?!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

Eh, the Armor will soak most of that.

Emily

Okay, so none is what you’re saying. No, none damage.

Kyle

Exactly. Your bones are so conductive you just glow with heat and definitely not panic. You’ve definitely not worked yourself up. It’s the heat.

Emily (as Elee)

[Laughing nervously.] No! I’ve never worked myself up in my entire life. Heh, heh… I am calm.

Kyle (as Rei)

You know I can tell when you’re lying… right, dear?

Emily (as Elee)

It’s because I’m not a very good liar.

Kyle (as Rei)

[Amused.] No, you are not. You’re as good of a liar as I am a jokester.

Emily (as Elee)

You’re a really good jokester!

Kyle (as Soe)

Yeah, she has really, really good jokes. Like the one about the Seskii.

Kyle

You can see Rei just takes a little pocket book of knock-knock jokes and slides it back into her pocket.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Rei)

I’ve been trying… to connect, you know?

Hallie

With the youths, through their famous love of knock-knock jokes.

Emily

Elee will take Rei’s hand and pat it.

Kyle (as Rei)

Why don’t you go outside and talk to everyone else and we’ll manage in here?

Emily (as Elee)

Just… can we get like little tiny oven mitts for Soe?

Kyle (as Rei)

I’m sure Anastasia has something frivolous and wonderful like that around here.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Rei)

Hopefully she’s disinfected the ones from her helper mouse phase.

Kyle

And she starts reaching into really tiny drawers.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie

She definitely had that phase.

Tom

I really like the idea of there being a Ratatouille phase around the Invisible Palace.

Hallie

It’s gonna be a future story for the Patreon. Penciling that one down.

Ari

God.

Tom

Gotta get the Patreon plug in here.

[Game show music begins.]

And you too can see all of our bonus content at Patreon.com.

[Music ends.]

Emily

Alright. Well, Elee is going to go out.

Kyle

Out in the main space Elee sees Sera and Chitters, but she also sees the rest of her guests. She sees Hopper, Xoc, Misha, and then whoever you all decided to invite along with you.

Tom

I assume Ness is here, of course.

Hallie

Ness would come regardless of being invited or not.

Emily

Elee invited Ness!

Kyle

She doesn’t see him, though, because he’s doing the thing that kids do when they just go under the table for no reason whatsoever.

Tom

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

He’s just sitting under there. He’s like… I don't even know what he’s doing.

Kyle

He’s kicking Hopper’s feet.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Hallie

For something to do.

Kyle

Hopper, meanwhile, what are you doing when Elee comes out?

Hallie

He had been clearly in conversation with Xoc and Misha. You can tell that he was because Sera is holding one of his arms and has pulled him a little bit to the side and they are now whispering, but he’s kind of in between Sera and then Xoc and Misha, so he’ll turn back and hold up a finger to Xoc and Misha and then go to Sera. They’re just whispering in the corner, and occasionally he’ll go “ow, ow,” because Ness is kicking him under the table.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Hushed.] Ness! Ness, hang on.

Tom

I want to imagine that Xoc has just spread a map out on the entire table and has been gesturing wildly at new bits drawn onto it.

Ari

Aw.

Kyle

Misha’s scarf has done the thing that you do on pirate maps where it grabs a knife and slams it in, like—

[Pirate voice.] Here be where we go, mateys!

Hallie

Ness went under the table with his own crayons because they wouldn’t let him draw on the real map.

Ari

Misha, wanting to help, would at least be trying to do that meme video of the spaghetti person that puts-.

Tom

No~! What? No~!

Hallie

Why would you sully this episode like that?

Kyle

That’s where the seventh bowl of pasta is.

Hallie

No!

[02:35:00]

Kyle

The seventh bowl of tomato sauce is just—

Hallie

Oh my god!

Kyle

Misha’s spreading it across the table. They heard somewhere from some—

Ari

They saw it on the Datasphere, like the interwebs of the Datasphere.

[Others groan but smile.]

Hallie

[Delighted.] How to serve spaghetti to a crowd.

Ari

They are trying their best to help with this food as a surprise food for Elee.

Hallie

[Long amused shriek.]

Emily

Elee will just stop in her tracks and just look at the table. Her eyes will get a little bit bigger. The sauce is like at risk of starting to soak into the map because it’s just going a little too far. Ness is drawing on the table legs and kicking Hopper.

Kyle

So many knife holes in the table by this point.

Emily

[Laughs.] There’s so many. The scarf has their knife.

Hallie

[Laughs.] A lot going on.

Emily

It’s a scene.

Ari (as Misha)

Oh! Hello, mom. I did not expect you to come out this early. I do not care for food very much, but I saw on the Datasphere a very efficient way, I believe, to make the spaghooti.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Ari (as Misha)

I am now just placing the green sallad on top of the meatbals in the table.

Hallie

[Breathless, laughing.] Please!

Emily (as Elee)

[Delicately.] I see that, Misha.

Ari (as Misha)

It will be almost done. I just need to mix this together.

Ari

And they will start mixing everything together on the table.

Emily (as Elee)

[Strained.] That’s really great… Um. Someone might wanna let Rei know that we don’t need to plate beforehand.

Ari

Misha will just keep doing it while in their mind’s eye still looking at the video to follow the instructions.

Hallie

God! The person holding the video is Everett, because he’s a little chef, and he’s like no, this is how to do it. We’re gonna put spaghetti—I mean, I don't know if that’s in-character for Everett.

Kyle

Everett is holding the little camera and Jesse’s like:

Kyle (as Jesse)

Alright, so this is a really cool way to do cooking. Newest recipe.

Emily

Everett is like… As he holds it, he’s slowly shaking his head, but Jesse is so excited they’re just not paying attention.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Yeah, because they, for their new restaurant—which is kind of like a Battle Chef Brigade style thing where Jesse goes out on adventures for ingredients and then comes back for Everett.

Emily

[Gasps.] Aww.

Tom

Oh my god. Yes!

Kyle

They are making promo videos. Everett originally wanted to do very dry, straightforward, really comprehensive versions, but Jesse just doing fucking whatever in the kitchen gets so much more Datasphere traction, probably at least half from Misha who continues to watch just for new food inspirations, because Jesse is the only cook that they get.

Ari

I also would like to believe that Hop was so into conversation with Xoc that he had not noticed the mess that Misha was making right next to them.

Hallie

Hop has not noticed yet. He has not noticed yet. He as looking at the map, probably, that Xoc has spread out, being like “oh, where are you guys going?” That kind of thing. He has not noticed the spaghooti table yet.

Emily (as Elee)

Xoc. Xoc. Maybe you should scooch the map a little bit.

Tom (as Xoc)

It’s okay, Elee. This is a spare.

Tom

And Xoc just points to the numerous dagger holes from the scarf, many stains.

Ari

[Laughs.] Oh my god.

Tom

There’s a bit where Ness definitely has drawn in crayon on the real map.

Hallie

He wrote “here be monsters,” like everywhere.

Kyle

He’s invented a monster, in fact, that he calls the Loch Ness Monster.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

It’s his specialty. He’s drawn it over every body of water including some places that have no water because the Loch Ness Monster is just that powerful.

Kyle

It looks like the Loch Ness Monster just with his little robot eyes and tube arms on the neck.

Ari

Aww.

Hallie

It’s holding a glock. The Glock Ness Monster.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Maybe he has a lot of those. Like, the Glock, and then the Clock Ness Monster which is just like a Ness with a clock, and all of these other things.

Hallie

So many places on the map.

Kyle

The Flock Ness Monster. It’s just a bunch of small ones.

Hallie

A lot of birds.

Tom

The Brock Ness Monster.

Hallie

A Block Ness Monster. It’s a lot of blocks.

Ari

Obviously a Xoc Ness Monster as well. Just Xoc looking like Ness.

Tom

It’s just Ness sitting on Xoc’s shoulders, but like, you can’t see Xoc’s face because the hood is over ness.

Hallie

The important part is Ness.

Kyle

So yeah, this is the scene you take in, Elee.

Emily

Elee just stands there for another minute just watching Misha.

Emily (as Elee)

So… So uh, we’re gonna eat in a few minutes.

Emily

Who else would be here? Because I feel like…

Kyle

I don't know. Who else would you have brought?

Hallie

Fayz!

Tom

Ooh, yeah.

Emily

Oh! Yeah, we could have some parents.

Ari

I mean, if Fayz is here then Misha is having a father-kid bonding with their dad.

[02:40:00]

Maybe they are cooking while Fayz is licking the thing.

Emily

Aw!

Kyle

Horus has taken Fayz and Jaykell out on a walk because Fayz would just lick everything and Jaykell was just absolutely panicking about how terrible—

Kyle (as Jaykell)

This is not right. This is not proper! I do not eat and I definitely would not eat that if I did!

Tom

Jaykell gets too stressed watching all of this happen.

Kyle

So Horus has taken the boys on a walk.

Emily

Maybe CK can go warn Rei that she doesn’t need to plate anything.

Kyle (as CK)

I absolutely would love to do that.

Kyle

CK uses one of his wings to flutter up a little bit, but then he just walks in because his other wing hasn’t fully recovered yet, and suddenly there is an explosion from inside.

Emily

[Exhales.]

Kyle

And CK, with his antennas fried, Rei, with her hair pushed to the side, and then Soe, whose hair is spread out so far every which way it’s as thick as a treetop, all come in. Rei, coughing, takes out a single cake with a single candle on it that is just terribly burnt.

Kyle (as Rei)

We’re done!

[Laughter.]

Oh, I see we still have food there.

Kyle

And she just lets the cake fall into the pasta.

Kyle (as Rei)

Wonderful.

Ari

Oh no!

Hallie

[Shrieks, laughing.] No! Agh!

Tom

[Uneasy.] Uh…

Hallie

What a waste of a cake!

Ari

Misha will double-check.

Ari (as Misha)

I do not believe this was on the recipe.

[Transition whoosh SFX.]

Kyle

It is. A while later you have all eaten your food. Fayz is just sitting there—he is lapping up the rest of the pasta that is behind.

Kyle (as Fayz)

[Mouth full, slurping.] Oh! Ruff, ruff! This is real good, Misha. I’ll have to—

Kyle

And he just starts scooping some.

Kyle (as Fayz)

I’ll have to save some for Gabby.

Ari (as Misha)

I am glad you like it.

Kyle (as Fayz)

I love it!

Ari (as Misha)

This is my first recipe that I have not looked in a recipe video because of the added ingredient.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Then, Hopper and Sera have been arguing this whole time still.

Kyle (as Sera)

[Hushed.] We gotta do it. We gotta do it.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Hushed.] What? Why? You know, what if we just…

Kyle (as Sera)

Hopper… Hopper.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I know. Okay. Um…

Hallie

Hopper, to stall just a moment longer, takes another wet-nap from his jacket and wipes down the table again. He looked over at some point and never fully recovered from the table covered in spaghooti and sallad and he just looks very stressed. Then he turns to Elee and takes Sera’s hand.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Elee.

Emily (as Elee)

Yes, Hopper…?

Hallie (as Hopper)

Sera has something to tell you.

[Laughter.]

Sera, you wanna take this one?

Kyle (as Sera)

[Stammers.] That was not what we—

Hallie

Hopper starts breathing really hard.

Hallie (as Hopper)

No, you’re right. You’re right. That’s not what we—Uh, uh…

Hallie

He breathes hard and then his face gets a little bit redder and he starts going through all of the steps that Elee listed earlier without knowing that Elee had listed those exact steps.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Elee, um… This has been great. I think you’re really—I’m…

Hallie

He looks around this disaster room one more time.

[Gentle guitar music begins.]

Hallie (as Hopper)

Are you ready for grandkids?

Emily (as Elee)

[Sobbing.] Aww!

Emily

Elee just drags Hopper and Sera into this huge hug.

Emily (as Elee)

[Emotional.] No, I’m not.

[Laughter. Music ends abruptly with a sharp whistle.]

Kyle (as sports announcer)

Four score and 20 years ago!

Kyle

Hop, you are on a sports field. It is a diamond with two goals at the opposite ends and this ball with a bunch of historical political speeches on it. The diamonds actually are—as was asked in the chat by Ari—the diamonds actually are two pyramids stuck together.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

It’s an important part of the game. But not as important as the jetpacks.

Hallie

[Smiling.] No! Certainly not.

[Intense sporty rock music begins.]

Kyle

Because this is Boost Ball.

Hallie

[Giggles.]

Tom

I fucking love it.

Kyle

We see this girl, probably about 10 years old, dressed up in this little adventurer’s garb, just shoot around at an unhealthy speed around the goals before launching to the plate.

[Music ends.]

And there’s silence as this other kid has grabbed the Boost Ball and sets it down at the plate. There’s a moment, and the dust settles, and the umpire says:

Kyle (as umpire)

Safe!

Kyle

This girl gets up and she runs over to all of her teammates, a bunch of other young kids, and also Ness.

[02:45:00]

Hallie (as Ness)

Regionals! Regionals!

Kyle

And they’re all chanting…

Kyle & Hallie (as teammates & Ness)

Regionals! Regionals!

Kyle

…as they pick your adopted daughter, Aggy, up into the sky.

Tom

I want so badly for Ness to have at least a part-time job as a coach.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Ness, who is the coach, he and the kids run off to meet the other two coaches: Aggy’s mother, Sera, and then also this very excited, energized guy who’s doing a million things at once despite his old age. As she runs off and talks to this guy, you can just hear her from the distance say:

Kyle (as Aggy)

Did you see that?! Did you see what I did, Grandpa Alvin?

Kyle

You are not over there with the other coaches, though. You are at this little snack stand with this dour man wearing a “don’t kiss the cook,” but “cook” is crossed out and it says “grandpa,” and don’t—the “n’t” is crossed out of that. You are there with your father, Theo, and two other kids. He actually takes his little thing of juice boxes and he hands it over to one of the kids.

Kyle (as Theo)

Alright now, Cory, it’s your turn to bring them over to the team.

Kyle (as Cory)

Now grandpa, I get what you’re thinking, it seems like a great plan, but—and hear me out here…

Kyle

And she kind of rustles on her overly-professional magician’s robes a little bit.

Kyle (as Cory)

Mari hasn’t really talked to anyone. You always talk about how good it is to talk with other people.

Kyle

This other girl who is wearing these sleeves that are too long for her arms just turns over to you, and she and Theo say, at the same time:

Kyle (as Mari)

No he doesn’t.

Kyle (as Theo)

No I don’t.

Hallie

Hopper will look back at Cory and say:

Hallie (as Hopper)

Cory, we have a chore wheel, and I know that you try to rig the chore wheel every single week, which is why you have a special chore wheel that only your mother and I are allowed to touch.

Kyle (as Cory)

I don’t try to rig the chore wheel. I just see how it’s entirely unfair that I get picked one third of the time. That doesn’t seem mathematically probable.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Are you really going to try arguing mathematics with “me,” Cory?

[Restrained laughter.]

Kyle (as Cory)

Did you know, if you did formulas right, 1 + 1 can equal 3? So—

Hallie (as Hopper)

True in some circumstances, not in this one. You’re gonna have to—

Hallie

While she’s arguing this, he’s already piling snacks over there, and then at the end because he feels bad about reprimanding one of his children even though she’s doing something reprimand-worthy, he’ll be like:

Hallie (as Hopper)

I got the pretzels you like. They’re in this bag.

Kyle

Cory opens her mouth for you to just stick one in.

Hallie

I do so.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Cory)

[Mouth full.] Thank you!

Kyle

And she runs off to the other kids.

Hallie

I yell after her.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Make sure Aggy’s jetpack is tightened. It looked a little loose when she was coming around that third pole.

Kyle

[Laughing.] From the distance, Ness—

Kyle (as Ness)

Go even higher, Aggy!

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Ness)

You can go faster, you know that, right?

Kyle

Yeah, and she runs off with that, leaving you with Theo and with this other girl who has now crossed her arms, and you can feel her eyes staring daggers into you.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Mari, what’s—Oh! Your sleeves. Here, hang on. Give me a second.

Hallie

He’s gonna start rolling up her sleeves where they’re falling off of her hands.

Hallie (as Hopper)

You really have to keep these rolled up. They could get in the way. You could trip. It’s kind of a safety hazard. So, let me just…

Hallie

I assume she’s still staring daggers at him.

Kyle

Yeah. You put her sleeves up and she just shakes her hands and the sleeves go to the very end.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Exhales.]

Kyle

After staring at you forever, she just goes:

Kyle (as Mari)

[Softly.] Where’s my pretzels?

Hallie

He smiles and then takes out a second bag.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I went to the other store for your pretzels, because I know you like different ones. Pratzels.

Kyle (as Mari)

Thank you for the pratzels.

Kyle

She just, instead of opening her mouth, just very delicately reaches out, snaps one of them, and starts munching on it.

So Hop, you wanna tell me a bit about your kids?

[Cute music begins.]

Hallie

My kids are the world’s perfect beings except when Cory is trying to get out of literally any chore. Aggy, the one who was zooming around the field there, she is the nerd AND the jock of the bunch.

Tom

[Laughs.]

Hallie

They’re the same person. She’s a little bit of an overachiever. She’s the oldest, although no one can really confirm this. That’s just what she says to everybody.

Kyle

Since they are in fact identical triplets.

Hallie

They are identical triplets! But Aggy is the oldest according to her, and everybody just goes along with it.

Cory is the second one. She doesn’t want to work at all or do anything a day in her life.

[02:50:00]

She’s got so much spark in her. Man, she could do stuff if she applied herself even to things besides getting out of things, as her parents are always telling her, but god, Hopper loves her.

Then Mari, the third one, she is the quietest of the bunch. She’s kinda like a skateboarder kid. She’s also fairly athletic but she doesn’t like to do official competitions. She just likes to bounce off on her own once in a while. And she’s got these sleeves and they’re always too long for her and it drives Hop nuts, but that’s how she likes it.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

As Cory runs off to the group and Mari tries to walk off on her own, before Aggy runs up and is like:

Kyle (as Aggy)

Well come on there, Mari! You gotta go see the rest of us. After all, you’re gonna be on the team next year.

Kyle (as Mari)

I’m not gonna be on the—

Kyle (as Aggy)

Oh, we know you’re the fastest one around. You’re gonna be on the team. We need you on our team. Are you gonna go onto an opposing team? You’re not gonna go onto an opposing team, are you? You’re gonna go onto our team, right? Right? Right?!

Kyle (as Mari)

Right…

Kyle

And she just gets yanked to the rest of them.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

You hear something you haven’t heard often. You hear a chuckle from your father, Theo.

Kyle (as Theo)

[Chuckles.] Here I thought being accused of murdering myself was the toughest thing a parent could go through.

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Stammers.] I don’t think I’ve gone through anything tougher than that, dad. I’ve apologized for that a lot of times.

Kyle (as Theo)

[Smiling.] I know. It was and will continue to be a joke. What I mean to say, son, is that I can’t believe how easy we had with you. The hardest thing we had to do is get you to stop reading that book, not whatever the heck you got going on here.

Hallie

Hopper will laugh a little bit.

Hallie (as Hopper)

They’re really energetic, and they’re all so different. It can be really hard to get all their interests right. I mean, I drive to two different stores for pratzels. Aggy doesn’t like pratzels, so that makes it a little bit easier, but you know, I have to get the galdfish that she likes.

Kyle (as Theo)

You and Alvin were always good with that stuff. What can I say? All I could do is a good plate of grits.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I do like your grits. You haven’t made them for the girls yet. You’ll have to do that sometime.

Kyle (as Theo)

Oh, maybe when this weather is a bit cooler. For now I’ll stick to these crits.

Kyle

You can see that he has this little—it looks like a burner, but it is frozen. It’s essentially like a grill but it makes it cooler. He is making these grits but they’re cold, called crits. They’re from a little box, a little thank you box from the town of Cartesian, the home of crits, just a thank you for their new Dotwave that was recently installed. The letter talks about how nice the new features are, how helpful it is, and how just super-helpful the really friendly robot is that’s there giving details.

[Quirky staccato music begins.]

Kyle (as Q-BO)

[Beep-boop.] The new improved Dotwave was created by Simon Hopper Scotch Simon alongside Seraphinia Delilah Willow Brackleberry Simon Scotch, and me, the Incalculable Quorum of Beneficial Outputs, but you can call me Q-BO!

Kyle

Then he’ll go onto things that you tell him not to say but he is still putting into his notes, things like:

Kyle (as Q-BO)

[Beep-boop.] This Dotwave was created by Argent, a device that was prototyped by Lorraine Styles who created it after Hopper Scotch, the creator of this Dotwave, destroyed the original Dotwave in an attempt to thwart his nemesis.

Hallie

[Laughs.] They don’t need to know that part.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

So, down in Cartesian, they are hearing a very, very distorted version of the Quest Friends podcast told entirely by Q-BO.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

But you’re not there. You are there with your dad.

Hallie

Hop will turn to his dad again.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Thanks for coming out. I think Aggy really appreciated you coming to a game. I mean, not that you’ve not been before, but this was a big one for her.

Kyle (as Theo)

No, I get you, I get you. That’s how kids are, including them.

Kyle

And he points to Alvin and Sera who are just excitedly talking to all the kids about plans for regionals.

Kyle (as Theo)

It makes everything you do with them feel like the first time. Lord knows you and me need some adventure in our lives.

Hallie

Hopper will smile.

Hallie (as Hopper)

I do kind of miss it, you know, traveling around from town to town, just seeing what’s out there. But that’s what Xoc and Misha are doing, and I hear from them a lot. But I… I’m really happy. You know, I didn’t used to be happy in Dunshire. I wasn’t unhappy, I just wanted to get out, but I can see why you guys settled there, you know, in a nice small town.

Hallie

I wanna be clear, as Hallie, this is not Dunshire. They didn’t settle in Dunshire because—

Kyle (as Theo)

You wanted to avoid Joan. See, you had the right idea.

[02:55:00]

Hallie (as Hopper)

[Laughs.] I did kind of want to avoid Joan.

Kyle

[Laughs.] As you’re laughing about Joan Miller, who’s just the worst…

Hallie

The single worst person.

Kyle

…your three girls run up to you and they’re like:

Kyle (as Aggy)

Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

Hallie (as Hopper)

What? What? What?

Kyle (as Aggy)

We’ve got something for you! Cory, show him!

Hallie (as Hopper)

What?

Kyle (as Cory)

Well… what do we get if we show it to you?

Kyle

Mari just silently swipes it from Cory’s hand, and you can tell she, who normally looks so dour, is, of all the girls, probably most excited about this. She just sheepishly says:

Kyle (as Mari)

It’s a note from Nini Misha. Can I read it? Well, open it.

Hallie (as Hopper)

Of course.

Kyle

She tears into the letter and she opens it up. Since I was terrible, from a certain point of view, and made letters speak in the voice of whoever wrote them… Ari, what does the letter say?

Ari

Alright. You know, I should have written the letter and I didn’t, so…

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Misha)

Dear Aggy, Cory, Mari, Sera, and Simon Scotch.

[Cute thoughtful music begins.]

Last time I wrote you we were on our way to see the annual flight of the Royal Bitterflies. I will be pleased to tell you that I was able to see such flight and it was very beautiful. I loved specifically to see that even though they look very angry they have a lot of beautiful colors in their wings and they make very beautiful sounds.

Kyle

[Makes deathly rattling bitterfly calls.]

Ari (as Misha)

I believe Stein liked their grumpy faces and Ein was very curious about the beautiful sounds that came from their wings.

Kyle (as Stein)

[Robotic squawking.]

Kyle (as Ein)

Stein! Stein, they’re writing a letter right now. Let them write the—

Kyle (as Stein)

[Indignant grumbles.]

Kyle (as Ein)

You can write your own letter if you want.

Kyle (as Stein)

[Sarcastic complaining squawks.]