Hallmarked!

Transcript by Cat Elm

[Opening theme]

Hallie
Season's greetings and welcome to Hallmarked, the seasonal literary analysis of Hallmark movies. I'm Hallie, your resident English major and Hallmark expert. 

Kyle
I’m Kyle. I wanted to make another podcast because I hate myself, so much. 

Hallie
Kyle hates himself, so he was like, what if we made this a podcast and I was like, I'm here for it because I've been doing this anyway. Each episode we're gonna recap a Hallmark movie for you will decide the week before what we're going to watch, we'll walk you through what the movie is and then, and then we're going to analyze it because Hallmark movies, do have messages. Some of them are very obvious, like “Christmas is good”. Some of them are not as obvious and that's what we're here for it because like I said, I'm an English major and Hallmark expert, literally what my degree is in. Kyle just likes to do this for some reason.

Kyle
Yeah. I'm like, okay. So the the earlier part, right? I mean it was kind of joking the way I did it, but like I, this also is like a very, like Hallie, Hallie loves this. This does come up from a place of love for her. I don't, I don't like these movies. But I get, especially out of things that I just don't enjoy watching on their own, I just love being like, like digging into the themes and the deeper meaning and trying to understand it and I don't know why. I don't know if it's because like I'm not good enough to analyze things that are done with significant craft or like things that are meant to be thought through and I just need to like start with the really basic simple stuff. But I enjoy it. It's like math, it, from the point of view of that I shouldn't enjoy it but whoa boy, you get me a good Algebra problem, I'll be a happy camper. 

Hallie
As Kyle said, this comes from a place of love. This isn't just about, about shitting on Hallmark movies, just like a little bit, but I just, I genuinely like them. Um, so it's kind of a family tradition of mine to just watch all of the Hallmark movies you can when Christmas rolls around. My mom loves them, my sisters love them. We like having them on in the background of family gatherings, commenting on the outfits and the dialogue and the decorations and I like having them on in the background while I'm cooking or cleaning or doing whatever it is because they don't require your full attention, which is great. They're just great atmosphere and background noise for this time of year and-

Kyle
I just put on a, I just put on a CD. You could just put on a CD, Hal.

Hallie
Well I do that other months of the year! January through... 

Kyle
Like Christmas CDs, or just CDs in general?

Hallie
Yes. 

Kyle
What! Wait, do you listen to - no. All right. Do you listen to Christmas music all year round? Is this a revelation we're having? 

Hallie
No, I listen, sometimes-

Kyle
No, no, no. Don't back out. Do you listen to Christmas music other times of the year?

Hallie
The Phineas and Ferb Christmas special is really good and I really like the songs from that.

Kyle
So yes. So the answer is yes. 

Hallie
The answer is yes. 

Kyle
Okay. Continue, I just, I needed to know.

Hallie
Okay. So I really like doing this thing called a Hallmark coma, which is on a cold weeknight you turn on any Hallmark movie that is on because it will be on in December and you just, you're not really awake, you're not really asleep. Is this your third  Hallmark movie? You have no idea because they all have the same actress, so you can't tell and it's just, it's nice. You get some blankets, you could some cocoa and you're just nod on and off the whole night while still being awake enough to be like, no, I stayed up until 10:00 PM. I like watching these and telling people about them because I know they don't care, so I really like spamming all of our chats with information about it.

Kyle
Oh God.

Hallie
So we decided what if we like just made this a thing? We're gonna analyze Hallmark movies and that's what this is. 

Kyle
Yeah, so our, our first half is going to be a, as I said, we're going to get into the analysis later, but for the first half Hallie, who, uh, has a much better memory at these things than I do, Hallie’s going to walk us point by point through our first movie, and I'm going to try my absolute darnedest to derail her. 

Hallie
Uh, Christmas at Pemberley Manor was the first one we chose because it was in fact the first of 22 new Hallmark movies to premiere this year on October 27th. So in Christmas at Pemberley Manor, which is yeah, based off of Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennett works for-

Kyle
Wait, no, no, wait. First derail. You, you said it like we should know, you're like “Christmas at Pemberley Manor, which yes, is based off of Pride and Prejudice”

Hallie
Pemberly. That's the name of the house. 

Kyle
Oh, okay. I was going to say, look, there's another movie called like Pride and Prejudice and Mistletoe. So why would I assume it when there's another one? Am I just going to assume that there are two Pride and Prejudice movies? 

Hallie
We've just been talking about Pride and Prejudice for a long time, so I forgot that, like a lot of people wouldn't immediately recognize Pemberley. Uh, Pemberley is the name of a house. Let me just make sure I have this right. Pemberley… Pride... because I haven't read it in a while. It's the fictional country estate owned by Fitzwilliam Darcy. I was correct. So, Christmas at Pemberley Manor is based off of Pride and Prejudice, it's an adaptation. So Elizabeth Bennet works for an event company? We're still not quite sure, so already the first sentence of this summary, we're like, “eh?”

[5:53]

Kyle
Eh? Eh?

Hallie
We’re like, Elizabeth works…

Kyle
We think her boss owns it, because her boss speaks like she owns it.

Hallie
She speaks like if she owns it. Elizabeth Bennett, our hero, has been hired by the small town of Lambton, which is also a Pride and Prejudice location, to do their Christmas festival and she needs to do this just right because her boss says “you need to do this just right”, and it was like vaguely threatening? She has, she has high expectations and it’s simultaneously a small event that her boss doesn't care about, but a way for Elizabeth to show what she's made of because Elizabeth has never fully been in charge of something before. 

Kyle
She’s basically like, “Hey, this thing doesn't matter, but if you mess it up, I will ruin you”. 

Hallie
Yeah. Pretty much. So Elizabeth goes off with that move to Lambton, uh, where she meets up with George, who is the mayor of London who hired her and they are old friends from college who went on a single date that comes up a lot. George clearly still loves Elizabeth.

Kyle
And this is a guy who's a mayor and was a lawyer, so despite his baby face, he's had to have been holding onto this for at least half a decade, probably longer. 

Hallie
Something like that.

Kyle
Like this poor guy needs to let it go.

Hallie
Well, yeah. Yeah. And they presumably haven't spoken in this time because they speak as if like, “How have you been? We haven't seen each other in a while”.

Kyle
Oh, that’s even sadder. 

Hallie
I know. I just made it really sad. 

Kyle
This guy has nothing to do!

Hallie
And he's a mayor! Anyway because he's a mayor and he has nothing to do, he's like, “Elizabeth, help me plan this Christmas festival that for some reason we aren't getting work on until mid December”, that's fine. Uh, he's got this assistant named Jane, she's great, they're going to plan everything, but first they need to get coffee. Rewind a little bit because we're going to go to what the love interest, Fitzwilliam Darcy has been up to. 

Kyle
I think his name is just William in this one. 

Hallie
Is it? I swear they call him Fitzwilliam.

Kyle
Aw, Mr Darcy, Fitzwilliam is too uppity for our cool Hallmark protagonists.

Hallie
Eh, does the movie ever tried to pretend that he's cool though?

Kyle
It doesn't. It acts like he isn't, but he's also by far the most suave character.

Hallie
For, for sure. 

Kyle
Anyways, so we get to William Darcy, Travis.

Hallie
Let’s just call them Darcy and Travis. Uh, Darcy is like “I have to go home to Lambton to sell Pemberley, the sale has to be over Christmas because the Board wants it” or something generic like that. Hallmark does that a lot. “The Board” wants something, or “the Company” needs something.

Kyle
Yeah. Hallmark has a lot of nebulous villains. In this one it is the board and it is condos.

Hallie
Just condos. So, Darcy is apologizing to Travis for having to work over the holidays and Travis, our beautiful sweet, bouncy boy, Travis, is just like, oh, well that's okay. I understand. I can Skype my family on Christmas. We can open presence that way. It'll be almost the same. And he's just genuinely happy to be there, he's really nervous, really fidgety, Darcy's trying his best to calm him down. Like, Hey, calm down. You're new. It's okay. No one expects you to know everything and be perfect just like “you're doing great!”, and they're wonderful. So they pull up to the same outside coffee stand that Elizabeth and co. are at. 

Kyle
Yeah. And, um, one minor correction that I had to your dialogue. I thought your replication was great. Your form was fantastic. However it was a little inaccurate because where you said things like “we gotta get going to Pemberley Manor so that the Board can approve it”, it would be something more like “Travis, we have to get to Pemberley Manor, Travis, so that the Board, so the Board will accept it, Travis”, because every sentence that Darcy says, this isn't actually true, like don't come and yell at me for not being actually true, but it feels like it. Every sentence begins and ends or is cut in the middle by the name “Travis”. “Travis” was said so many times that that name will be burned into my skull until the day I die. The last word that I utter will be “I love all of you so much, Travis”, which is why I'm going to name one of my kids, Travis, just as insurance, actually I’ll probably name, a couple of them Travis, just in case I don't get along with one of them, probably because I named all of them Travis.

Hallie
You’ll have, like, three Travises. The third one's name is Trevis. 

Kyle
Trevis. 

Hallie
Trevis.

Kyle
Yeah. It’ll be close enough. I'll be dying. 

Hallie
It'll be fine. So anyway, Travis gets out of the limo to get the coffee and he tries to cut everyone else because before he gets out of the limo, Darcy is like, “Your job is riding on this” and Travis takes it seriously and we know that Darcy was joking because the camera lingers on Darcy for a second and Darcy goes,” Travis, that was a joke” after Travis leaves and it's too late to correct him. Travis cuts in front of everyone else and is like “My boss was very important. I need to get this coffee for him. My job depends on it” and Elizabeth is like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you mean your job depends on you getting coffee? Surely your boss can get more into the Christmas spirit”. So Elizabeth, like the Spitfire she is, goes out to the limo and is like, “Hey buddy, why are you going to fire your employee over coffee?” And Darcy’s like, “It was a joke, right? He, he took it too, he misinterpreted it” and she was like, “Maybe it wasn't a very good joke”. And Darcy's like, “Well no, because he's just new and nervous and it didn't. It didn't go over well”. But Darcy is generally apologetic. He's like, nah, he admits it's his bad.

[10:55]

Kyle
Yeah, at first it looks I'll use going to be a jerk, but he's like, yeah, no, you're right. 

Hallie
My bad. 

Kyle
And then they just start flirting, hardcore, like, like they are, they are verbally making out in the middle of town square. Which, by the way, is where this coffee place is.

Hallie
She ends with like what does she end with Kyle?

Kyle
I don’t know. Here’s the thing-

Hallie
Some sort of statement that's like, “Be nice to people. It's Christmas!”

Kyle
Yeah, like, you know, like Hallmark movies aren't scripts of dialogue. They’re types of scenes arranged one after another in blocks.

Hallie
Essentially. They’re bullet points. 

Kyle
And this is the”hate each other, but flirt anyway” scene. And once I figured out that was the scene, I just kind of, it doesn't matter how it ended because it served its purpose. 

Hallie
It did! Dar- as soon as Travis is back in the car, Darcy’s like, do you know who that was? And he's like, no. And Darcy goes, “Ah, that's a shame” or something to that effect. He clearly wants to know who that was. Elizabeth also wants to know who Darcy- well, no, she actually doesn't want to know who Darcy is because, uh, Jordan and Jane are like, “Oh boy, that's big shot businessman Fitzwilliam Darcy”.

Kyle
Can we just call him Billy, since we cannot agree you can we just give them a name that's not.

Hallie
Well we can call him Darcy. I just, I like his full name because. 

Kyle
No, I like. All right, and you call him that, I'm going to stick with Billy. Good boy Billy.

Hallie
Fine.

Kyle
Billy D! Billy D!

Hallie
Let's add another name to the list of names you already can't remember. 

Kyle
All right, so anyways, uh, Billy D. 

Hallie
So, so they're like, “That was-”, and Elizabeth’s like, “No, no, I feel really good about what I did. I don't want to know”, because she senses it's bad. And they're like, okay, whatever. So then a water pipe breaks where the Christmas festival was going to be held and they're like, where else can we host it? And basically the only option available to them is the lawn of Pemberley Manor! Which, as we know, because I assumed everyone knew Pemberley Manor was like a hipster, that is where Darcy lives. So they don't tell Elizabeth on her way there, she finds out which knocks on the door and Darcy answers and she's like, oh boy, have to deal with you again. So Darcy and Elizabeth have like a talk in the parlor. Elizabeth just wants to use the land. And he's like, I'm selling it, I don't want the liability of having a whole bunch of people on my lawn. Hope you understand. And he's saying no to a Christmas thing which makes him a Hallmark baddo. But he's also a, it's like a reasonable reason. He's not being overly mean about it. He's just like, “I'm sorry, it'd be a lot to handle, I just don't think it's a good idea”. Elizabeth is very mad and implies that he will be on Santa's naughty list. Uh, so,

Kyle
Billy D and the rest of the baddos.

Hallie
Billy D and the rest of the baddos.

Kyle
Billy D and the baddos.

Hallie
So Elizabeth leaves just like, complaining to George about Darcy's lack of Christmas spirit. And she calls the condo company that, that the house land is being sold to because it's going to be replaced with condos, and complains that people are mad, and the condo company knows that the town already doesn't want them, so they want to foster some goodwill. So they send Darcy letter and they're like, “Hey, foster some goodwill”. Darcy receives this letter in his study talking to Christopher, the housekeeper who showed up to replace the former housekeeper.

Kyle
All, all we need to know about this guy because I, I have a lot I could say about him, but he's ultimately meaningless to the interpretation. So all you need to know about Christopher is that he is mob boss Santa. Elizabeth's wish to have, basically have a man and this guy will sabotage whoever he has to, to make that happen.

Hallie
He already has. He does several times throughout the movie. That hasn't happened yet though because right now he's just aggressively decorating the house for Christmas and he's like, “If only there was a way to foster goodwill with the community!”. And Darcy's like “Throw the Christmas festival”. Cue Elizabeth! Who is ready to convince him to throw the festival. She's got all these points. 

Kyle
That was a cute scene. 

Hallie
He gets. He just says yes immediately and she goes down with it “I don't understand why you won't help this town celebrate Christmas”. Wait, did you say yes? And he's like, yeah, because Darcy’s a pushover and we love him.

Kyle
He’s such a pushover! Like he, he is, is first off his asshole dad gave Pemberley Manor to the Company, not to him.

Hallie
Yeah, the Company owns it for some reason. 

Kyle
And then the Company, the Company is like, “Hey, you know, this place where your childhood memories are? Let's smash it down for condos”. And Darcy’s like I-

Hallie
Travis even says, why are we selling this? And he's like, “The Board wants to!”

Kyle
Like spoiler to the end of the movie, it doesn't sound like the Board is that invested in it because when Darcy says, hey, we're not going to sell it. The boards, like “Aight”. Like… he’s such a pushover that just the mere suggestion, he's like, okay, I guess I'll do it.

Hallie
So Darcy agrees to let Elizabeth host on the lawn and Elizabeth comes the next day with all these volunteers and it's very exciting. And then we get just a bunch of fluff scenes of them setting up the festival and him helping her. Uh, she makes him take her shopping for Christmas ornaments and he's like, “Surely any of these volunteers that showed up, could help you?”, she’s like, I'm don’t have a car. And he's like, again, “Surely any of these volunteers are showed up, could help you”. And she's like “No, no, it's a lot”. And they do stuff like that.

[15:15]

Kyle
Yeah. I think the only important,, like character stuff that happens is that we find out that Darcy had, you know, good memories of this place. But it was, his dad was always gone. 

Hallie
It was his aunt and uncle's house.

Kyle
Yeah, it was his aunt and his uncle's house. His Dad was always gone. Um, not around him on Christmas, which is important for a theme that we'll mention later that his dad was not around. He has good memories but soured memories. And then also we also find out that he's just funding the town. Like I don't know what it all is, but it's stuff like the library. Like what else? Do you know what else he funds?

Hallie
I don't know specifically what else he funds. I just, I think he donates to the schools?

Kyle
Yeah, it’s like, the schools, the libraries, essentially if he took credit for it, he could basically own this town. But he does it all anonymously. And this makes Elizabeth mad for reasons.

Hallie
Like, Darcy, for instance, doesn't really want to be that involved with the Christmas festival. He’s like, “I'll let you host it here and I want to be like involved as a person, but like I don't really want my name splashed all over the news for it”, and she is just like, “that's weird” to George and George who is friends with Darcy from college or something is like, “Darcy just very private”, and, and Elizabeth is still weirded out by this for some reason. Despite that being a perfectly valid character trait in sweet pushover Darcy, but whatever. Fine. Elizabeth and sweet pushover Darcy bond a lot. Jane and Travis start a romance that's adorable, and like,

Kyle
They get, they get, like, two scenes together and it's my favorite romance of any Hallmark movie because they're just precious. 

Hallie
They're just adorable. 

Kyle
At one point, you know, they went on a date but they're like so giddy, you know, they went on a date but you know that like at most they maybe held hands and they thought they were like probably being so risque, but they're, they’re just precious. They're sweet, beautiful baby children.

Hallie
Ugh, I love them. So we don't see enough of them because most of it is Elizabeth and Darcy.

Kyle
Yeah. And they aren’t relevant, mind you, they aren’t relevant to our analysis of the movie. So say goodbye to them. 

Hallie
They're gone. 

Kyle
That's all we get to see of them because that's all they matter. They're cute. Go on. 

Hallie
So, somehow a picture gets taken of Darcy and Elizabeth outside, and then her boss gets that newspaper and, and Elizabeth’s boss is like “Fitzwilliam Darcy?!” or whatever his name is, “Darcy, of Darcy incorporated? That company that does everything?”

Kyle
It’s, it’s, it’s Billy D. 

Hallie
Billy D. So she wants some, some action with this Billy D. And… nuhh, I don't like how I said that.

Kyle
So now I'm just imagining Billy D Williams, Lando Calrissian. Can we call him Lando?

Hallie
No! We can’t call him Lando, he’s Darcy! So she comes and she’s like, “I didn't realize this was so big. I didn't realise Darcy was your client”. And Elizabeth said, “Well he's not, the town is, we’re just using his land because of a water pipe mishap” and the boss is like, “Everything is wrong. I'm going to take this over because it's my company and it's my name that you're soiling by doing it wrong”. And Elizabeth’s like “Ahhhh!”. So she lets her steamroll over her and it's sad, I guess. Darcy is definitely sad that Elizabeth isn't chief event person anymore.

Kyle
Yeah, but like he's a pushover, so at most he says, I mean he does it in really cute ways. Like, “Well I was really happy with what Elizabeth was doing”. And he keep praising Elizabeth.

Hallie
He tries! He tries to politely be like, “I think Elizabeth should take over”. You know, he manages it like a normal human person would instead of being like, “You're being the worst”, which he should have because Caroline was actually being the worst.

Kyle
She’s terrible, like, Disney villain levels of comically. She explicitly, like, she explicitly tells Elizabeth, “Hey, I want credit for this”, and, like, I feel like that's an actual realistic, shitty thing for a boss to do, to like want to take credit for their employee’s work. But like they're usually not so explicit and she just flat out says like, “I want my name. I want credit. Me!” and she makes it about the Company, but pretty quickly becomes like a, I want credit.

Hallie
Yeah. Basically. So she spends a lot of time schmoozing up to to Darcy.

Kyle
It does it, it doesn't work. George is the one who ruins everything on accident.

Hallie
Yeah, because George, um, confides to Darcy, his friend, he's like, “I have had feelings for Elizabeth. We went on one date, decided we’re better friends. I respected that choice but I can't help but wonder if like now if I asked for a second date what she would say”, and despite George and Elizabeth having just no chemistry and Elizabeth, the friend zone isn't real, but Elizabeth being very like, we're such good friends, George, the whole movie.

Kyle
Literally their last conversation, I think her last line her is, “You're such a good friend”

Hallie
I know!

Kyle
And I can just like, I could feel it. I could feel it in my gut.

Hallie
Ugh. So, Darcy for some reason decides this is a real romance and gets sad. So he's just going to leave town now. So he gives George his blessing or whatever. And then he's like, “No one gets to celebrate Christmas on my lawn anymore!”. And he's gonna sell it early and he's going to leave because this town is now hurt him multiple times and he can't take it.

[20:57]

Kyle
Yeah. And they, they set up essentially that like this event is Christmas. So for all intents and purposes, Darcy has just literally stolen Christmas from a town because he's real sad.

Hallie
Yeah. And he's just driving away. Um, except that Elizabeth can, so she writes the condo company again to somehow get permission or they, Jane and Travis help they figure out that, um, that,

Kyle
The Board has to ratify the sale.

Hallie
The good old Board has to ratify the sale. 

Kyle
The good old Board.

Hallie
So, technically Darcy still owns it, so they decide, um,  because I guess Darcy didn't cancel Christmas, he just sold it early knowing that the condo would cancel Christmas, I don’t know. For all, as far as it matters, Darcy canceled Christmas.

Kyle
I don't think Darcy thought, I don't think Darcy thinks.

[21:00]

Hallie
Darcy doesn’t, no, he's a pushover. And then when he finally does something of his own accord, it's like, “I guess I'll do this now…”, but whatever. So.

Kyle
Oh. But no. Travis is, uh, yeah, they recognize that. So Travis is like, “Hey, you see that helicopter over there? That's, that's perfectly fine in this perfectly clear weather. Yeah. I can't leave, can't leave because weather. Oops.”

Hallie
Weather, you know, that's just how it is.

Kyle
And at least this griff doesn't work. Like it's only after he explicitly tells the Darcy like, “Hey, by the way, Elizabeth loves you”, that Darcy is like, oh, okay, let's go back.

Hallie
Yeah. Well it did an emotional thing because Darcy figures out why can't the helicopter go? And he's like, “I have been stalling you so they can reset up the Christmas festival. I'm so sorry. But Elizabeth loves you!”

Kyle
The helicopter is on. The helicopter isn't off, it's ready to go. They probably wasted like so much money with that thing because it's had to have been like half an hour of that thing. Just dook-a-dook-a-dook-a.

Hallie
At least. God. So. Um, but upon hearing like “You think Elizabeth loves me?”, Darcy is just ready to go back, but oh no it’s a snow storm! They get stuck. We don't see this on screen. We just cut back to Lambton for a while, cut back, and their car is in snow and they're trying to shovel it out. 

Kyle
Car’s just fucking under like massive piles of snow. So I guess I, I, no, I take it back, Travis, apparently you were right about the weather. I guess. 

Hallie
Oh, I guess he was accidentally right? 

Kyle
He was accidentally right. I'm so proud of him. 

Hallie
So then, um, they're like, “Oh no, how do we get back to the Christmas festival in time?” because Darcy is supposed to read, like they were going to have this famous anchorman read the, the Night Before Christmas, so he wants to get back to do this. He didn't want to read it originally because again, he's very private, he doesn't want his name everywhere, but he's going to now because he's going to like embrace Christmas or whatever. He knows this will help out Elizabeth. And he's like, I'm not going to get back in time when who emerges from the gloom? Christopher!

Kyle
Like fucking Batman. I'd like I, I might do this edit actually have like Christopher coming out. Uh, no. I'm, I'm going to do it, so look down to the YouTube link below, and just like fucking Batman, like booom-bom-bom-bom! He just emerges from the shadow. “Hello, Billy D.” I can’t. “Hello Darcy, it looks like you've been trapped. Maybe there's a way I can help you”. He doesn't say it like that, but it evokes that feeling of a hero emerging from the shadows. 

[SFX: Dramatic Christmas music]

Hallie
Yeah, so like, he’s going to help, um, because he’s Santa, and he's like, uh, “Elizabeth wrote me a Christmas list earlier this year where she asked for true love. So I forced you two together, but you didn't get it!”. It's actually kind of funny how frustrated he is. 

Kyle
Oh yeah, he does. He gets so mad. He's like, “Why didn't you get it? It’s like, everyone can see it. Come on”. 

Hallie
So, um, he gets them back, again, we don't see this. We just cut back to Lambton and then suddenly Darcy and Travis running and, and they're like, how'd you get here? And they're like, you'd be surprised. And we as the audience share a wink, wink, nudge, nudge, because we know how that got back in Santa's sleigh. So they're back. He reads Night Before Christmas and everything is good and grand and he and Elizabeth kiss in front of Pemberley Manor, and Christmas is saved. Love is found. Happily ever after. 

Kyle
And that is Christmas at Pemberley Manor, or at least that's Christmas at Pemberley Manor on the surface. We’ll, we'll take a closer look after this break.

Kyle (as Santa)
Hi, I'm Santa Claus from Christmas at Pemberley Manor. You know, Hallmark movies can be pretty tough to go through sometimes unless we're making theories about things like me being a mob boss, but I have a patented trick for you to get through the Hallmark movies using the one type of Christmas spirit that’s stronger than everything else: Love! Hallmark movies always have at least one extremely lovable character within them, and if you wanna make it through that movie., all you have to do is take that character and hold them so crushingly tight that their face turns blue and they pass out. Once you’ve attached herself to this character, everything in the world seems like some sort of cosmic favor or cosmic disgrace, specifically targeted at them. Your emotions will go on a roller coaster and your brain- nut might not make it out of alive, but I, Santa Claus, guarantee that it will give you an experience you’re sure to remember for at least a few hours afterwards.

[26:26]

Kyle
Alright, so we are back from the break. Uh, we spent the first half going over the movie, which I've already forgotten its name.

Hallie
Christmas at Pemberley Manor. 

Kyle
So in the first half we went over Christmas at Pemberley Manor. 

Hallie
I had to think about it too because I was like, oh no, what is its name, what is its name?! It’s Christmas at Pemberley Manor. I'm pretty certain my little Spongebob brains didn't throw it out.

Kyle
All right. So uh, in the first half we went over point by point Christmas at Pemberley Manor, the plot points, some of our kind of in the moment criticisms, but as we advertise at the beginning of the show, is that we kind of want to spend the second half of the show going, going a little bit deeper, kind of digging into like, you know, some of the craft behind the movies that we can kind of tell while viewing it, uh, some of the theming and then any other things that might be relevant for a specific movie. And we have fucking nothing. Hallie, this movie is nothing. Why did you pick it? Is is nothing!

Hallie
Well, it's interesting you bring that up, Kyle, because in the nothing is something. It is the perfect Hallmark primer if you think, hey, analysing a Hallmark movie for its deeper themes is a waste of time. You're not wrong, but we're going to do it anyway and we are trying our gosh darndest with this with this one because it is the perfect vapid, void essence of what a Hallmark movie is. It has all the steps. It's got like the angry boss, the misunderstandings at the beginning with the, with the love interests, the really supportive side characters who should probably be the protagonists, a weird to Santa character in the background. It's got. It's got classic Hallmark stuff. And Kyle noticed a couple of those Hallmark things didn't ya? Didn’t ya, Kyle?

Kyle
I did, and you'r, and you're segwaying me to to my two things, but before we do that, I've just been thinking for like the past minute “In nothing there is something”. I don't know if I prefer that more as like a Hallmark card you give with a shitty gift or if I prefer it as like the new tagline to our show.

Hallie
Why not both?

Kyle
All right, so yeah, but you know, you've listened to the other Hallmark podcast. Maybe, maybe you haven't. I know I have and I know that, you know, there, a lot of these tropes just naturally come up in conversation, but there were a couple of things that I noticed hadn't been talked about because they're, they’re less overt tropes and more taking a look at these tropes to kind of notice how Hallmark movies are, are put together. And I think I have two gotcha moments that I found in this, in this movie. And the first one is actually a compliment. So we're gonna, we're gonna start with the first one. So back in the summary I mentioned how he says Travis, every other word, it's just like, hey Travis, you want to do this, Travis? And honest to God, Hallie walked over the character names with me like right before we started recording, besides Darcy and Elizabeth, Travis is the only name I remember and it didn't make sense to me because I was like, this movie is, is plugging literally everything you need to know in the first five minutes. And I want to kind of prove to you how. So not only do you have names of important characters like Travis repeated ad nauseum for no fucking reason at the very beginning, I've also noticed that you can tell a Hallmarks theme right at the beginning and that's because of the two characters, one of them is going to be a grinch, one of them is going to be a stooge, one of them is going to be stodgy and not get Christmas. And I mean it's pretty easy to tell, tell which one it is. And it's whoever a) really likes work, b) doesn't appreciate the small town or isn't from the small town, or c) just flat out says “You know Christmas? Fuck it! Just fuck it.”

Hallie
Or even just Christmas isn't really my jam. It's not my favorite thing. They can be ambivalent about Christmas and it still achieves the same effect there. There, there is no neutral in Hallmark.

Kyle
But. But the thing is, is that the way they always say no to Christmas and we'll get to this when we go into the themes is always different each, each time. You know, it's a very specific thing about Christmas, so Mr Darcy's thing, is this movie's all about spending time with family for Christmas and Mr Darcy is the one who's like, “Bah humbug. I don't like Christmas” and really is more ambivalent. 

Hallie
No neutral,Kyle, there’s no neutral in Hallmark. 

Kyle
He's contracted with Travis who's like, well, you know, I get to Skype in with my family, but that's good enough and in that moment I immediately knew that the theme was, it's so long as you're with family for Christmas, it's a worthwhile holiday. It's a good Christmas. And I knew that because it was the exact opposite of what the Scrooge believed. So in the very beginning we repeat names ad nauseum so you don't forget it and the central theme is explicitly stated and all you need to do is look for the Scrooge and just take like their first three lines and reverse them and you have the thesis for the movie and Hallie, you figured out why they do this.

[30:47]

Hallie
I did?

Kyle
You did. 

Hallie
Oh, because we forget things all the time. 

Kyle
This is our second version of the recording. Hell, you definitely did. You were very excited when I told you this.

Hallie
Well, I know that people like leave the room when they watch Hallmark a lot. Hallmark movies are meant to be background noise. That's what, that's what they're for. They're meant to be good holiday cheer in the background while you put up your Christmas tree or bake cookies or do literally anything else. Um, so if you leave a Hallmark movie and come back in is never hard to figure out what has happened. The only case are the movies that have twins in them sometimes.

Kyle
What?!

Hallie
They, they exist. They exist where one actress plays the same, or plays different characters, but they're twins. Uh, those are the only ones-

Kyle
That, that seems like way too much of a special effects budget, Hallie. 

Hallie
No, no, they exist. 

Kyle
They had the budget for 20 extras. They don't have a giant VFX budget.

Hallie
No. And yet they exist, and they're the only ones that are difficult to follow. Uh… by stating everything in the very beginning when you were most likely to be seated in the room, being like, “Oh, I'm going to watch a Hallmark movie!” there is no possible way you can miss anything of substance if you have to get up because the oven beeps or if you have to use the bathroom or if someone has come to your house to celebrate the holiday with you, you just, you just know.

Kyle
And you might, you might be wondering, dear listener, but listen, they all blur together. They have the same five actresses throughout all the movies. 

Hallie
It's true. 

Kyle
I know because that one, the one we're going to cover before Christmas has the same leading lady.

Hallie
It does. It sure does.

Kyle
But that comes to my second comment and I'm just going to, Hallie, I know you got some Pride and Prejudice stuff, but can I ramble about my, my second big, big realization?

Hallie
Please do!

Kyle
So, um, the music is fucking terrible. Hallmark music is awful and if think otherwise, you're wrong. That's not true. I value you and your opinion, but I, I just, and I like Christmas music. I think Christmas music is fun, but especially the one that especially gets to me is the very loud saccharine song at the beginning of the movie and it always feels like the movie, it always feels that the music at the very beginning of the movie is worse than the music in the rest of the movie and that's because it is. The music at the beginning of the Hallmark movies, there's always this big sweeping theme and everything else is pretty understated. Like, uh, I don't know, pulled from a library which, we'll get to that, but this opening song is always different. It feels big. It feels substantial. And personally I, I'm, I'm, I'm theorizing here just shooting in the dark, uh, but I know if I was creating a Hallmark movie, that's why I can be like, hey, come here for the first five minutes before you get bored and have to take out your gingerbread cookies or whatever because everyone has five minutes to spare. 

Hallie
Yup!

Kyle
Now the rest of the music, this is less of a, “Oh, let's see how it's built” and more “I just want to understand why this music isn't bad” and that's because it's stock music and, and this is, this is not as important as everything else we're going to talk about, but this is really important to me. Listen, I am, if you listened to our other podcast, Quest Friends, you'll learn very quickly that I am, I am a connoisseur of stock music. I enjoy the royalty free library, so I know when I've heard one and I absolutely have because these movies take a sledge hammer approach to this music. So when you look, when you watch the next movie, I want you to listen for these three songs. It's not going to be be specific three songs, but it will be these three songs.

Kyle (accompanied by upbeat music)
So you start pretty happy-go-lucky, like silly and wacky, like Hallie, knock knock!

Hallie
Hey Kyle, what's up? Who’s there? 

Kyle
You didn't do it right! But it's funny because we're friends and it's Christmas. Normally it'd be in, in love, but that would be weird. 

Kyle (music drops and becomes sad)
So we're friends and it's Christmas, but Hallie, my audio recording, it’s stopped, working without this podcast Christmas will never happen! 

Hallie
Oh no! Well, maybe if you just keep hope alive in your heart, you know, something good will happen. 

Kyle
I need emotional support from a romantic partner.

[SFX: Phone ringing]

Kyle
I hope she's awake. I've been waiting for this for hours. 

Emily
Hello?

Kyle
Emily?

Emily: Yeah?

Kyle
My, my podcast. It, it stopped recording. I think Christmas is ruined.

Emily
What?

[35:56]

Kyle
My podcast. The recording stopped. The, the, the, the podcast episode isn't going to happen. Christmas is ruined!

Kyle
Okay. She doesn't know her lines here, so I'm just going to cut to the next part. 

Hallie
It’s okay. Honestly, it's less, it’s. 

Kyle
Em, Emily-

Emily
What’s happening??

Kyle
Emily, Emily, this is the part where you talking about how much you love me. 

Emily
What?!

Kyle
Just talk about how much you love me. 

Emily (accompanied by hopeful, romantic music)
I… You're kind of a jerk sometimes, like now  for not explaining, but I, I do love you. Um, I like your face. Should I keep going?

Hallie
Honestly, these words are more genuine than any Hallmark dialogue. So it's done even. 

Kyle
And there we go. Those are the three types of Hallmark music that you'll hear. You'll hear the silly song, the sad song and the romantic song. 

Hallie
Yup. 

Kyle
All right. Thank you. Emily. Uh, I'll, I'll call you later tonight.

Emily
What’s happening?!

Kyle
Love you!

Emily
Uh… I love you!

Kyle
Bye!

Emily
Bye!

Kyle
All right. So that's, that's kind of my, my, my noticings and I'll, I'll pull up more of these as the movies go on if I notice more insights into maybe why they do things, but that's all I've got for Hallmark movies in particular. But we got a couple of specific things that we need to talk about for this movie. I don't read, so I'm going to be useless here because I think the closest thing, the Pride and Prejudice I've seen as spiderman two when Mary Jane is in that play.

Hallie
She's in The Importance of Being Earnest, Kyle.

Kyle
Fuck! I thought it was…

Hallie
Oh my God, I'm taking over. I'm an English major. So I have actually read Pride and Prejudice, and seen adaptations that are actually Price and Prejudice and not The Importance of Being Earnest. 

Kyle
I thought it was just a knock off Pride and Prejudice she was-

Hallie
No! It’s the, it’s literally The Importance of being Earnest! God!

Kyle
Was that also Jane Austen or someone else?

Hallie
No, it’s Oscar Wilde! The next century! Okay, so, Christmas at Pemberley Manor is an “adaptation”, and you can't see me, but I'm doing air quotes of Pride and Prejudice. You know, we've got the Elizabeth, we've got the Darcy, we've got a couple other names from the, from the book. Uh, and those names are Jane and George. Uh, George is the mayor of the town that hires Elizabeth, Lambton, and the only reason I remember the town name is because that's the town name in Pride and Prejudice and Jane is his assistant. These name, these name choices are, are, are baffling to me because George is named after George Wickham, presumably, who is a rakish rogue who has a lot of debts, and gambles, and lies and is at first a seemingly good upstanding citizen and then just isn't because he's been lying and throwing shade about Darcy and all that stuff.

Kyle
And, like George appears to be like the Nice Guy Prototype at first where he's, like. gonna be like, have a big crush but then maybe be a jerk once she says no, but he’s fine!

Hallie
He's fine. He's like, he clearly has feelings for Elizabeth, but then he doesn't act on them. And even when he's thinking of acting on them, he's not being a jerk about it. So I don't know. I don't know why they named him that. I also don't know why they went with Jane, for his assistant. Jane is Elizabeth's older sister in the book. They're, they’re buds, but Jane and Elizabeth have, they speak together once, twice? They say things like “help me set up the festival” and “here's what I can do because it's my job”, but it's fine. But like why, like why not name her something different? For instance, Travis, we have a Travis. There's no Travis in Pride and Prejudice. Why did we go with Travis? Why isn't Travis named after, like, Bingley, Darcy's best friend, Bingley, I don't get it. 

Kyle
Does Bingley have like a different name? Is there, like-

Hallie
It’s Charles Bingley. 

Kyle
Okay, like, keep going. I'm going to see if Charles and Travis can be nicknames for each other.

Hallie
I don’t, and maybe Travis's last name is Bingley. We never find out. The movie tells us his first name a million times but never his last name. And like when you're adapting something, you know, it doesn't have to be a point for point adaptation. You're allowed to take liberties, you're allowed to put new spins on character relationships and name whoever you want after whoever you want. And it's fine, but like the new naming doesn't give us anything in this. It just doesn't matter. And like, I mean obviously it's a Hallmark movie. It's a Christmas movie. The plot of Pride and Prejudice isn't going to be a huge factor in this, but there’s not even Pride and Prejudice in it. Like, like Elizabeth gets over her prejudice when she first thinks Darcy is a bad dude, and then Darcy gets over his pride and there's just like, they don't really have either of that. So what's the point? But they try to make it seem like they do.

Kyle
Oh my, I think, that makes so much the, the, the terrible theme of this movie makes so much more sense!

Hallie
That's what I'm saying!

Kyle
As does the shitty fucking, like the coffee scene where she's mad but not. 

Hallie
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like they try to like, like in the book Darcy is legitimately a jerk the first time they meet and he can be very standoffish. He can seem very uninterested and rude and brusque. But he doesn't come off that way in the movie, so what's the point? Like again, he's the Scrooge. We know this because he's from the city and he likes work, but he's actually a really sweet pushover.

Kyle
He’s such a pushover!

Hallie
So it, it doesn't work! And Elizabeth is feisty and sticks up for herself and it's great.

Kyle
[Vague disagreeing noises]

[41:34]

Hallie
But. But yeah, yeah? Like yeah..?

Kyle
We’ll get to that!

Hallie
Like, she doesn't hold anything against Darcy for too long a time. She says generic things like, “Ugh, we're from different planets”, it's like, are you though?

Kyle
Is that, that's why she says they’re so different, even though they have a-

Hallie
That’s, that would be why.

Kyle
Fucking same!

Hallie
Yeah, I know! And I think the worst offense it does to Pride and Prejudice is that we both thought, we both just assumed the name of the boss who kind of puts herself between Darcy and Elizabeth, was Catherine after Darcy's Aunt Catherine, who does try to keep Elizabeth and Darcy apart in the book, but her name is Caroline, and it's so similar to Catherine. It's so similar. So why wouldn't they just do Catherine? I don't, and usually, like, names like Carol, names that can be wintery and Christmassy are reserved for protagonists or for best friends of protagonists, not for villains. So I can't. There are two points against the name Caroline, and why they chose that for her and I don't, I don't get it, Kyle, I don't understand it and it doesn't have to be perfect adaptation. It's fine except that it's not because it just, it just, the adaptation value of it as nothing. It adds nothing.

Kyle
I, I, I listen, I get you. I understand you, but I feel like we're onto something here because like, so here's the thing, the Pride and Prejudice thing. Nobody gets it. I've listened to my share of Hallmark analysis podcasts and videos and we all agree that it makes no sense. I think it is unanimously agreed that this doesn't make any sense, especially because I don't know if it's released yet or not, apparently there was Pride and Prejudice and Mistletoe released also this year?

Hallie
Correct. 

Kyle
So I haven't seen that one. So like everyone agrees it doesn't make sense, but I think we finally found, Hallie, it's been like three, like, let's see, November, December. It's been two months. We found it. We found the link and that's the shitty themes. They both contain it, but the Pride and Prejudice is baked into this movie's core terrible theme.

Hallie
Yeah. It’s baked, just not well. 

Kyle
So before we get to that, let's, let's just quickly, quickly get, get through the Christmas theme because we got to address it. Christmas is here.

Hallie
It's a Hallmark movie. Christmas.

Kyle
Spend Christmas with your family, kids. That's, I mean that's basically it.

Hallie
Yeah. Because, like, normally we see, there are a lot of small town homey Christmas festivals and Hallmark movies and it's fine because like all the people do value those things and it's great, but we don't actually see anyone benefit from the Christmas festival here. We hear how well it's going. We see some people, but maybe like 25 gather at the festival for some reason on Christmas Eve. Go home. It's Christmas Eve, but sure, whatever.

Kyle
Yeah, spend it with your families like Elizabeth was going to. That's the theme. That's the theme Chris explicitly says “Spend it with your family” or something like that.

Hallie
Presumably they're with their families at the Christmas thing which would fit into the theme because if Skype is okay, being at an event with your family is okay, so I guess you could argue that it fits, but we don't, we don't, we don't see any side characters besides the core cast of primary and secondary characters and usually there are. There's like one person you see in a scene or two who you see later enjoying something that the protagonist sets up so that you can see how Christmas matters and makes people feel and it's, it's a wonderful time of year and all that and this movie just doesn't do that. It just doesn't. We see the festival but. So what? It's fine, it's fine. Christmas is a thing in this movie

[44:25]

Kyle
And like, it would, and, and here's the thing. The theme doesn't really work out because if they did like a thing, theme, like found family or something like, oh with George they became like family or like Darcy is like getting almost a family by like hanging out with Elizabeth. That would make sense. It would fit the explicitly stated theme, but it doesn't. A theme, that I think is handled much better and just gets bungled at the last minute, is the movie's non-Christmas theme, and sometimes these aren't explicitly stated, but in this one, this one in 100 percent is. And the theme on the base level is actually not a bad one. Take credit for your shit if you do shit and it's good shit, take credit for it and don't like and, and, and the movie doesn't go into the real whys, and the real whys is because, like, listen, if you did something and it's good, be proud of it. Take, take credit for it. Don't let, like a shitty person barge in and take all the credit for it. Um, which I guess this movie does have happen, but that's not how it first appears. The way the theme first manifests, which kind of relates to the, uh, the Pride and Prejudice aspect of it, is that like, apparently it's like Elizabeth gets really pissed and like almost acts like, it's like it's non charitable for Mr Darcy to anonymously essentially fund this town's existence. Like he keeps it alive by funding everything good in it, but he doesn't take credit for it and Elizabeth is like “Oh well if he really cared he would take credit for it” and, and like noooo!

Hallie
I think the exact line is “not very charitable” and it's like, but this is the definition of charitable. When you, when you get nothing from it.

Kyle
Especially when you, you've got like these super rich assholes who spend like a day's worth of their money which is like millions of dollars but it's still like a day's worth of their income and they act like they're the hottest shit cause they were like able to spend what for me is $50, the equivalent like $50 on charity, and Mr Darcy doesn't do that. He just like does it because it's good, and yet it's bad. Even though even though imagine like man Mr Darcy just like really helps small town America would be such great free publicity. 

Hallie
Yeah, no it doesn't, it doesn't work. 

Kyle
So anyways. So that's why he's prideful. He's prideful or I guess not charitable because of that and then what, and then Elizabeth is like, we're not the same even though she has the same problem.

Hallie
I know! I know and like, I don't know, I guess she does have some prejudice against Mr Darcy but it’s so unfounded. Throughout the whole movie like she is just really reaching for reasons not to like him, while still actively seeking his company, like her asking him to help her get all of the Christmas decorations for the festival instead of asking a volunteer to help her. Like, that was flirtatious. That just was, he's right. You could have gotten any of the volunteers to do it but you wanted Darcy so she is simultaneously like flirting with him and trying to feel him out while also being like, “Ugh, he's so different from me. He won't even take credit for funding the whole town. How could I ever like him that way?”, it was like

Kyle
I like how your voice is devolving. [Puts on an overdramatic accent] “How could I ever like him that way?”. 

Hallie
It is. I, it is, she speaks like that.

Kyle
And like, so that's the link, that is, that is the missing link is that the pride and the prejudice relate to Elizabeth being mad that Mr Darcy doesn't take credit. That, Mr Darcy basically doesn't take free publicity and does, just does charity and, and, and it's interesting because it does relate to a specific character flaw of his, which is that he doesn't, he doesn't engage with the outside world. He tries to keep himself distant. He doesn't want to engage, and like that makes sense, it just looks really bad at first when she's like, he's not taking credit. But I mentioned that Elizabeth was the pot calling the kettle black because she has the same thing and like that's actually kind of good in an indirect way because it's setting up the steam that Elizabeth is also not taking credit for her shit. And not only, this movie is so “sophisticated” that it not only presents a thesis, it presents a counter thesis. It's like, but here's what happens if you take too much credit. So I said earlier, take credit or someone shitty is going to take it for you. And that's in Caroline?

Hallie
Caroline.

Kyle
Almost called her Catherine.

Hallie
Yeah, you did.

Kyle
That is, that is, so that's in Caroline, and Caroline comes in, uh, and she and I ranted about this earlier is like I'm going to take all the credit and she's treated as a villain like that. She, she wants all the credit, she explicitly is stealing it. She's like, I deserve it, even though I didn't do anything. Well, she, she's going to go in and fix it, but her main thing, she's mad that she didn't get the, get the prize. Right. So she's kind of the counter thesis. It's like you've got these two characters aren't taking credit. Mr Darcy, he's not taking credit and because he isn't, he's refusing to like really open himself up like that. That comes from a place of him not wanting to open up. Elizabeth isn't taking credit and because of this she gets steamrolled by this person who takes too much. So you've got like the thesis of like take credit but also don't be an asshole about it, which is good. And like even Elizabeth, what, when it's, when it's going to get sabotaged, it's going to get ruined because Darcy having a hissy fit is like, no, I'm going rogue, I'm going under the radar, like fucking like equivalent of strapping ourself to a tree to prevent deforestation. 

[50:29]

Kyle (In the Hall of the Mountain King plays)
She's having that Christmas festival come hell or high water and she walks up to Catherine and like, this is her big moment of where she's taking credit and she's got to be like, yeah, no, I'm doing this anyway. Screw you. And it's not like - I called her Catherine. Shit. It's not like, it's not like Caroline, Caroline is like, she is Disney bill in levels of bad. So it's not like she needs to be redeemed and she comes up and she meekly says, yeah, I'm going to do it, if you'll let me. And there's like a little smile, but she's still like, no, I'm still going to have you let, I'm still asking you if you can let me, because, you know know, because there had to be Christmas spirit and I get it on a Hallmark movie level. It's good, it's fun, it's holiday spirit. But you just, for the sake of fucking Christmas, ruined your theme, all character arcs, all motivation, all everything this entire movie has built up to is just thrown to the wayside so we can have a nice, polite family Christmas. And if that isn't the perfect representation of a family Christmas, I don't fucking know what it is. 

Hallie
It's thrown away for nothing because as we discussed, the Christmas theme is eh, it's eh. There's, there's no bigger. It's meh. I can't even finish the sentence because “it's meh” the perfect way to describe how Christmas is in this movie.

Kyle
Alright, so we've talked about the themes. We've talked about the movie point by point, we've talked about it as an adaptation, putting all these components together, it was now time for us to rate Christmas at Pemberley Manor. Hallie, what would you rate this film?

Hallie
I give it a figgy pudding, a thing that is very Christmas, but that no one actually likes. Eggnog! Does anyone actually like Eggnog? 

Kyle
I don't know if anyone actually likes eggnog.

Hallie
Some people like eggnog. I'm going to do an eggnog. I gave it an eggnog because I hear there are people out there who like eggnog fine, and it's a very Christmassy thing, but no one I know actually likes eggnog and I have yet to confirm whether the fact that people like eggnog is a myth or not.

Kyle
I, I rate this movie the, uh, the drive to Thanksgiving. You spend multiple hours thinking you're going to build up to something substantial, but in the end you just end up doing nothing so that there's no fighting at the table. Anyways, that was this week's movie, Christmas at Pemberley Manor. Thank you for making it through this first a film with us and since you know this podcast is going to be going from now until Christmas, we got three more episodes. That means you've got a week to watch with us. I'm actually going to be watching a tomorrow. I'll watch on Sunday, probably sometime in the early afternoon if you want to follow along with me as I live tweet. But whether you do that, whether you just listen on your, whether you watch the movie on your own time or you just want to know what we're going to talk about next, it's important that you know what next week's topic is. So Hallie, what is our movie for next week?

Hallie
I'm moving for, next week is called Marry Me At Christmas, uh, “Marry” M-A-R-R-Y, or the traditional way, not like “Merry Christmas”. Uh, it wouldn't be above Hallmark to do a pun like that in their title. Also because they run out of titles a lot, a lot of them are very similar. So it is Marry Me At Christmas, again, just in case you Google a similar title and get a different movie as actually happened to Ari when she tried to look this movie up.

Kyle
One of our friends is listening, is watching the movies along with us. She's actually ahead of me right now. 

Hallie
She is, she’s been screaming at me all day. 

Kyle
So, uh, thanks so much for listening. I'm, I'm genuinely genuinely tired myself out. But thank you so much for, Hallie, can you just do it? I'm very tired. Just, just can you just think everyone and tell them what our Twitter is? It's HallmarkedCast. 

Hallie
Thank you for joining us for the first episode of Hallmarked, our seasonal literary review of Hallmark movies. You can follow us at HallmarkedCast on Twitter. HallmarkedCast again, because I don't think I said it right. 

Kyle
It's our title and then the word “cast”, like podcast or like a cast when you sprained your ankle, or in my case, my brain.

Hallie
HallmarkedCast, if you like to break your brain, follow us!

Kyle
I, think so much for listening. We'll uh, we'll, we'll see you next week. Merry Free Christmas. We don't have an ending yet.

Hallie
I wanted to shout “Happy Halliedays”. 

Kyle
Alright, let’s do it!

Hallie
Happy Halliedays!

Kyle
Oh. Oh wait. All right. Quick update that I forgot to mention. We solved, I solved the, uh, I solved the Charles and Travis issue. So I typed in “Charles Travis nickname”. On March 6th, 1836 an Alamo soldier called William B. Travis was killed. That's it. That's, that's what appeared.

[55:40]

Hallie
That makes sense. Sure. Yeah. That's like, that's like a Hallmark reason, sure. 

Kyle
The mystery has been solved! 

Hallie
The other night my roommate said she was watching a movie where like, they were recounting the country's history, like the fake European country they made up. 

Kyle
Oh yeah, they always make fake European countries, don't they?

Hallie
They're great. And like the history was that some, some people had thought, let's skate across this lake and settle over there instead of over here. So everyone followed and they were like, “That was such a good idea, we're just going to make you the royal family”. That’s the origin, so like William B. Travis. That makes sense to me as a reason for things like that's fine.