Maybelline’s Summer Skatecation feat. Six Feats Under

Kyle

Before she tried to steal Booker, before she tried to steal Lucas Bang, and before she tried to steal ScubaCorp itself, Maybelline stole skateboarding… by outlawing it. In this episode, Maybelline outlaws skateboarding, and it takes place before the events of Hereafter. This episode is done in partnership with Six Feats Under.

Six Feats Under is an actual play podcast focused on exploring a variety of tabletop games and sharing them with the world. You can find the whole show at SixFeatsUnder.com, but they specifically wanted me to point out their current Star Wars miniseries, Renegade Scum, which you can find linked in the description. You can also find it by searching Six Feats Under on whatever podcatcher you’re listening to this episode.

And now, on with the show.

[Six Feats Under theme plays.]

Grant

Hello and welcome back to Six Feats Under. We have a bonus feat for you today. My name is Grant, and I am not running this one. More on that later. From our usual rotating cast, today we have Ikks.

Ikks

Hello.

Grant

And Yao.

Yao

Good evening.

Grant

And Yuria.

Yuria

Hello!

Grant

[Chuckles.] I did that alphabetical-wise. So, we are joined today by a very special guest. Please introduce yourself as you would like to be introduced.

Kyle

Hi! My name is Kyle. I am from the podcast Quest Friends… and that’s that. That’s who I am.

[Laughs.] I have nothing else to—29 years, almost 30, and I have nothing left to say about myself, just those two things.

Grant

Well, I think you have one perhaps related thing to say.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Oh, right.

Grant

I see a very familiar name on the cover here.

Kyle

Yeah, I design games sometimes, one of them being called Under the Neighborhood, a game that we use on Quest Friends that is inspired by shows like Gravity Falls, and Amphibia, and The Owl House, and one that I actually really like, Dead End: Paranormal Park.

Ikks

Oh yeah, that’s a good one.

Kyle

Which I learned today the second season is coming out on October 13.

Ikks

Noice.

Kyle

Which I’m real excited for, but it’s also two days before my wedding, so I think I’m gonna have to wait to watch it.

Ikks

Oh! Might have to save that one. Wow, congrats.

Kyle

Thank you.

Grant

Hopefully your wedding lives up to being the second-biggest thing you’re looking forward to that week. A lot of pressure.

Kyle

[Chuckles.] Well, I don't know, because Owl House, the Season 3 first episode comes out on my wedding day, so it might have to settle for third.

Grant

You know, bronze metal ain’t bad.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ikks

“Oh honey, this is the third-best day of my life.”

Grant

I want to ask you about the game we have in front of us, of course, but first I’m gonna ask you a little more about Quest Friends. Who are these friends and why do they quest?

Kyle

Yes. Well, Quest Friends are my best friends, and we do quests because we do tabletop games. Yeah, Quest Friends is me and my best friends playing through adventures with, as you’ll see today, silly settings and over-the-top characters, because I have to go to 11 with any NPC I make or I just forget about them.

Ikks

That’s a good policy. I like it.

Kyle

We’re on our second season right now, Quest Friends! Hereafter, which is a ghost and ghoul campaign inspired by, shockingly, shows like Gravity Falls and The Owl House and Amphibia and Dead End, which takes place in a world where the realm of the dead is only a plane ride away. Again, that’s our second season, Quest Friends! Hereafter.

We also did a Numenera campaign before then, which if you have listened to Cypher System or played Cypher System games at all, you’ll notice I… we’ll say “borrowed,” was inspired by a lot of Cypher System mechanics for Under the Neighborhood.

Grant

Before we play Under the Neighborhood, what is it about this game that facilitates these stories better than something you might have found off the rack without your name on the cover?

Kyle

Yeah, totally. So, Under the Neighborhood is a Powered by the Apocalypse game with a lot of inspiration from Cypher System. Powered by the Apocalypse is an umbrella of games that can do a whole lot of things, but one of the big reasons I chose it is because, in my opinion, it is one of the best systems for allowing what I’m gonna consider “low-power play,” essentially play where the characters, even when they have powers, don’t reach the absurdly strong levels of someone in say Numenera or Dungeons & Dragons or Pathfinder when they basically become gods of death by the end of it.

[00:05:00]

Instead, you can have people who have skills in various things and are just, you know, people. Maybe they can cast a spell or two.

The other thing that really facilitates this is a mechanic we’re gonna play with soon called Slice of Life Complications. I essentially noticed that in all of these shows most of the non-plot heavy episodes start with something really mundane and then they mix it with the magical setting in order to create a fantastical adventure that is fun and whimsical and ultimately very relatable.

An example I’m gonna do is the show Dead End: Paranormal Park. There is an episode where one of the main characters, Norma, essentially goes out on this beach retreat with some of her coworkers, and she’s got an extreme amount of social anxiety about it. That’s the mundane Slice of Life Complication, just… she’s stressed. It doesn’t happen necessarily all the time, but it’s a relatable thing, being extremely stressed about being in a new scenario.

Where the magical part comes in is this is a show where demons and magical rituals are real, so this guy comes in who essentially is a demon that feeds off of the fears of others. We start with this relatable thing of “I’m extremely nervous being around all these people and feel like I’m being a downer,” and then we add this magical fear-sucking demon on top of it, and suddenly we have this adventure where we’re hopping into different characters’ minds and we’re trying to fight someone on this battlefield of minds and fear and nightmares.

That’s kind of where the game comes from. You take something relatable, add something magical to it, and then you have an adventure.

Grant

We have some perhaps relatable, perhaps magical things to bring: our characters! It’s time to introduce those before we play. Who would like to go first? I can go first if I’m volunteered to. I don’t mind.

Ikks

You’ve been volunteered.

Grant

Okay. Well, I made a character. His name is Fletcher “Streetsweep” Molivas, and he is the opportunist who knows people. Fletcher is the skate punk teen of the Valley, and he has never been seen not slouching. The worst thing in his life is that it’s never hoodie weather here in the Valley, which is a part of this setting based on the American southwest. Basically, his goal is to get everyone in the world to see his mixtape, to see his skate video.

Ikks

Very teenage.

Grant

[Laughs.] So, he’s laidback, but he always has some sort of plan or scheme running somewhere. You just wouldn’t know it by looking at him.

Kyle

Okay. I have an important question, though, because you say his mixtape video. So, is Fletcher, like… Is Fletcher with the times? Is he making a new TikTok account every week so he can game the system and failing, or is he actually grabbing an old VHS tape or DVD and trying to get that seen?

Grant

See, that’s the thing, that is what’s with the times. Have you not realized the resurgence of cassette decks that we’re living in right now?

Ikks

I guess we’re not cool enough, skateboard boy.

Grant

[Laughs.] So, he is honoring his forbearers by thrifting for those ‘snap a VHS tape into the camcorder’ video cameras, and that’s his ideal. Like, he’ll promo himself digitally or whatever, but the real meat and potatoes, what he is trying to build, is an analog highlight reel, with a lot of fisheye lens, obviously.

Kyle

Well yeah, you gotta have it. Is it skating without fisheye lens?

Ikks

I’m glad my character is a bully, because you sound very bully-able.

[Laughter.]

Grant

Guess what, Ikks? You got volunteered. Go for it.

Ikks

Yeah! Yeah. I’m playing as Monica Baird. I’m the intuition who rages. Here’s the thing about living in a small town and living in a family that’s a whole bunch of artists when you yourself have no talent for art. It kinda makes you want to go the complete opposite direction and just go out and break shit, and you know, teenage life is the perfect time to be doing that shit anyway, so it really all just works out.

[00:10:00]

So, when your parents who own a convenience store overstock on some fancy new energy drink and they figure the best way to sell it is to order a mascot suit for your older brother to wear, suddenly you have just the perfect disguise and alibi to just kinda go out and roam the streets whenever you like as a terrifying blue bear… with a bat. You know, like you do.

Grant

[Laughs.]

Kyle

[Typing.] Terrifying… No notes.

Grant

Watched The Warriors once. Has no friends. Just going around alone.

Ikks

Yeah. Yeah. Has no friends and also only has the one mascot costume, so you know.

Kyle

How much wear and tear has this costume seen?

Ikks

That’s a great question. I think the parents probably got it second-hand because a new one would be too expensive, so it’s like the old style, the old fashioned mascot style of the character on the energy drink cans, too. Nice and worn out, nice and terrifying.

Kyle

[Groans.]

Ikks

Her favorite holiday is obviously Halloween, and honestly not too happy in summer because it’s kind of too goddamn hot to wear the stupid thing.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Yao

Yeah, fair.

Kyle

Oh… Oh, I have ideas. I love it. I adore it. Like I said, no notes.

Ikks

Just what a shithead teen needs, anonymity.

Yuria

Being disguised as the ICEE Bear’s fucked up brother.

Ikks

Yep. Perfect. I was throwing around names in my head for what the energy drink is called, and I was like uh… Blue Bear, somehow not thinking about Red Bull at all when I came up with that.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

[Typing.] Blue…

Grant

“It gives you flippers!” I don't know what that means.

Kyle

It gives you gills? Would that be the equivalent? I feel like lots of people would drown after drinking that, so never mind.

Ikks

That sounds like a bad drink. Maybe that’s why it’s not selling.

Yao

It’s technically edible.

Yuria

Wonderful.

Kyle

I think the most horrifying part of that is that you described a drink as “edible.” I get that edible would technically apply for drinks, but it still makes me think of chewing on something.

Yao

Mm-hmm!

Ikks

That makes it sound like a meal substitute which I guess is technically an energy drink, but I don’t want to think about that.

Yao

If you get an energy drink cold enough, it technically is chewable.

Ikks

Finally, caffeinated soylent.

Kyle

We’re essentially on our way to somehow making something less healthy than Four Loko.

Yao

Alright. I am playing as Pepper Corrin who… I guess technically journalist fits? The playbook is named that. The journalist who escapes. Brown hair in a ponytail. Green eyes. Shorter than you’d expect for her age, but it helps with getting into small spaces and places that she shouldn’t be, which she often is because she’s trying to figure out what’s really going on in this town, and you know, there’s a lot of strange stuff.

So, there’s a lot of stuff to investigate: old mysteries, new problems that have turned up, how these things are definitely related, just… you know, I’ve got this whole sheet. I’ve got all these notes that I’ve got on this tiny laptop that I carry around everywhere. It’s got these battle scars left over from some Necromon or another.

Kyle

Absolutely.

Yao

Yeah, that’s basically her thing. She’s constantly taking notes, looking stuff up, grabbing the dustiest books in the library and reading them cover-to-cover.

Kyle

Do you keep track of the tabloids?

Yao

Yes and no, by which I mean, like, she has opinions about tabloids. She’s like, “these ones know what they’re talking about, they just kinda hide things that are real and make them look really bad by intentionally photo shopping them so that they look bad. These ones on the other hand, these ones just make stuff up.”

Yuria

Sounds like a nerd to me.

Ikks

Yeah, agreed. An answer to the tabloid question, yes, just after the fact, after reading them, carefully sorts them into piles of “to investigate further” and “hamster bedding.”

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Yao

Well, “hamster,” quote-unquote.

Ikks

Death hamster. Skull hamster.

Yao

That reminds me—

Ikks

It’s the Owl House cute mouse with the skull face. It’s one of those.

Kyle

Aww! I love those.

Yao

Have we decided what the bunnies are in this universe yet?

Kyle

We have not.

Ikks

I said carbuncles jokingly and nobody else said anything, so I’m just gonna say bunnies but they all have gems in their foreheads like Final Fantasy’s.

Yao

Well, we have a bunny over here.

Ikks

Bunnies with gems.

Kyle

Are they like elemental gems? Like, you can collect the bunny of wind, the bunny of fire, the bunny of water, and the bunny of earth? And you’ll have all the power in the world.

Yuria

This one’s the bunny of oxygen.

Ikks

It’s the Eevee of this world, yeah.

Yao

The bunny of what now?

Yuria

The bunny of oxygen.

Yao

The bunny of oxygen? Oh, right, the elements. So, do you have a gem? Are you going for the carbuncle angle? What’s going on here?

Yuria

Well, let me introduce myself first.

[00:15:00]

I’m gonna be playing vicious Kara Waabooz, the animal companion who casts spells. What is this? How is a bully not a bully? When she gets forced into being a rabbit.

Ikks

Sucker.

Yuria

So, Kara was also a bully when she was human, except one day she crossed paths with a rather vengeful magician who decided she needed to be taught a lesson and was forced into a, well, rabbit form.

Ikks

“That’s why you only bully the weak, stupid. They can’t fight back.” Taps forehead.

Yuria

Physically wizards can’t fight back, but apparently they have magic.

Ikks

This fucking wizard was out in his pajamas. No way to know. He still had a pointy hat on, but you thought it was just an old-timey nightcap.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

My thought was even the old-timey hat was the purple one with the stars and the moon to really encapsulate that nightcap feeling about it.

Ikks

I heard that you cast spells. Did you learn things from this nerd after you got cursed by the nerd? That’s pretty sad.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Yuria

Well, that’s the second half of this. Something caused a severance of this contract, so Kara got booted back to the mundane. Sure, she still kinda got stuck in this form, but at least she can use some spells. The only problem is, A, she is really upset about still being stuck in this form, and B, even though she can cast spells she doesn’t really have control over what gets cast, so have fun with that.

Kyle

[Amused.] Oh no…

Yao

Tiny creature made of chaos.

Ikks

You know in The Emperor’s New Groove how Yzma sounds when she gets turned into a cat? That’s pretty much the voice I’m imagining for this bunny.

Yuria

And I am not gonna attempt that.

[Laughter.]

Ikks

Oh, yeah, I mean… I think it’s probably for the best that we don’t subject viewers to a high-pitched auto-tuned chipmunk-ified Yuria. Yeah. The mental image, though.

Yao

Yeah, that’s fine, honestly. I think we’ll be fine without it.

Kyle

Clearly what we do is, today’s adventure, everyone’s voice has been pitched up through some magical spell that you all have to take care of.

Ikks

Oh, perfect.

Yao

A freaking helium curse.

Yuria

That makes sense for my character.

Ikks

[Sarcastic.] That’s perfect. That makes editing easy.

[Deepening.] No, I got it. The rest of us will just talk really low like this, and then we’ll just pitch everything up once so that the rest of us will sound normal but Yuria will sound high-pitched.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Yeah.

Grant

I can’t wait to finally sound like an average human being.

Ikks

[Mocking, in a deep voice.] “I can’t wait…”

Grant

So, those are the people adventuring, but before we get to the adventure, walk us through this mundane complication business.

Kyle

Yeah. The way this works, I am sending all of you a very, very in-depth diagram right now.

Grant

[Laughs.] Ah, I see.

Ikks

Very good.

Kyle

The way the complications work is that each of you are going to suggest a complication for somebody else. Again, something mundane. The coffee machine is broken. My voice is very sore unless I speak very high-pitched. You know, it doesn’t have to be something that happens every day, but it’s the kind of thing you complain about. Another example, I got stuck in the carwash, I can’t go backwards, which has happened to a friend.

I created a diagram where each of you is going to, on the diagram, to the person clockwise, are going to suggest a complication that is affecting that character. Then, once we’ve heard all four, we’re going to, as a group, decide which one we want to go with, and that will be the foundation of our adventure today.

Ikks

I love it. It is just like at the start of one of these shows where it shows all the individual crap all the characters are going through, and you’re never quite sure which one is gonna turn out to be the A-plot where that somehow leads to a demon attacking.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Exactly.

Ikks

[Hoarse.] Because of that, I can’t help but think of it as The Regular Show effect.

Excuse me. Speaking of voices getting weird, if you don’t talk high-pitched, I guess.

Grant

Alright. While I was being an active listener, I came up with one for each of you while waiting for this diagram. The one that I had in-pocket for Monica is I think her family store has a rat problem.

Ikks

Ugh!

Grant

That’s turning pretty hot.

Ikks

That’s exactly the kind of shit they would put on me, too. I guess it’s down to the corner store in the hot ass sun. Wait, we are the corner store. We don’t even have rat traps here, we used them all up. God damn it, now I have to go get more from a competitor.

Kyle

[Laughs.] The Valley has seen pretty bad Necromouse infestations recently, so that’s purely reasonable. Yes.

Ikks

They eat just the spirit of the food so that it’s still there but it’s tasteless and bland and has no calories.

Grant

It’s all empty calories.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Ugh, horrifying. Yeah, one thing I should mention is, just like how you have Pokémon in Pokémon, we have creatures called Necromon.

[00:20:00]

They’re essentially ghostly Pokémon that say their names backwards. So, we don’t just have regular mice, we have ghost mice that eat the souls of food making them tasteless.

Grant

Just real gaudy food.

Kyle

[Laughs.] I love it.

Ikks

They’re called Tars, so they say Rat.

Kyle

Tars, I love it. So, not Necromice but Tars. They’re bigger and they bite real hard.

Ikks

Tartars.

Kyle

[Amused.] Tartars! I love it.

Grant

It’s a Tartar invasion.

Ikks

Here we go. Oh yeah, now it’s my turn to think of something for Pepper. Let’s see. Oh… Oh, I know. You’re doing your weekly roundup of tabloids and you’ve come to the one that you always leave for last because the only corner store that stocks it is the one that bitch Monica lives at.

Kyle

So you just have to go to the corner store to get this tabloid, and Monica lives there.

Ikks

Yeah. Unbeknownst to you, rats are there and Monica is not, and I don't know if that is more or less preferable, but off you go.

Yao

We didn’t really come up with a name for the Necrobunny equivalent, so eh.

Kyle

I was just thinking Beenees, because it’s like bunny plus Eevee. Also, Beanie Babies.

Grant

Ah.

Yao

Well, either way, Kara is one of those and people keep having it in their heads that somehow she would want carrots and keeps offering them. So, she has way to many carrots, and she actually hates carrots.

Kyle

[Emotional.] Aww.

Yao

They’re too sweet. They don’t actually offer enough of what she needs. So it’s just like, here’s a bunch of snacks.

Ikks

Yeah. Let’s turn this into a PSA.

[Laughter.]

Yao

Here’s a bunch of useless snacks that she cannot stand the taste of, and it’s like, what even is this.

Kyle

I don’t think there’s a version of Eevee if you’re mean to it, but you’re gonna turn into that.

Ikks

Oh, there should be. That would be sick.

Yao

You’d have thought that would be how Umbreon would happen, but no.

Ikks

Double Dark-type.

Kyle

I’m torn. I suppose The Pokémon Company doesn’t want to encourage kids to just beat the crap out of their Eevees. I feel like that is probably… But then again, there are some Pokémon that get stronger when you’re mean to them.

Ikks

Yeah, The Pokémon Company has already fucked up plenty. Slowpoke tails? We can go hog wild I guess is what I’m saying.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Alright, so just getting so many.

Yuria

Well, now I gotta figure out how to fuck over Fletcher. Hmm.

Grant

Many have tried.

Yuria

Oh! No. The town is starting to pass a “skateboarding is a crime” legislation.

Ikks

Oh, gross. We’re doing some NIMBY shit.

Grant

[Laughs.] No! Oh, Streetsweep, no…

Kyle

Skateboarding is illegal. They’re calling it the Streetsweep Program.

Grant

Oh no!

Ikks

That’s fucked up.

Yao

Specifically going after you.

Kyle

Sweeping the streets of skateboards.

Ikks

The only person who’s seen your viral video is the City Commissioner who hates you and is also your uncle or something. I was gonna say dad, but that seems a little rough.

Kyle

Alright, so here are the four we’ve got. Monica’s family store has a Tartar infestation: all out of traps and they’re getting in everything. Pepper is onto the last tabloid but has to go to Monica’s store, and Monica’s just very rude. Kara is being offered carrots which are not nutritious and should not be given to Beenees or bunnies. And then finally, for Fletcher, skateboarding has been outlawed thanks to the Valley’s Streetsweep Program.

Here are the four possibilities of things that could be going wrong. Which of these are we feeling the most? We can reference the other ones, but there should be one that is the foundation of our adventure today.

Grant

I think the two that have the most dynamic range that could scale up to contain an adventure that spins out of control is either the first or the last. Right? The skate ban or the Tartar infestation.

Ikks

Yeah, that’s what I was gonna say as well.

Yao

I’m leaning pretty hard towards the skate ban.

Ikks

Skate ban? Three for skate ban. … This is actually the City Council meeting where they pass the skate ban. “Three for skate ban.”

[Laughter.]

Yuria

Great segue.

Yao

Gotta save the skate park.

Ikks

They’re gonna refill the swimming pool! You can’t skate in that.

Yuria

Oddly enough, roller blades are still perfectly legal.

Kyle

Yeah, roller blades are fine.

Ikks

Yeah, because the City Commissioner roller blades.

Kyle

I think my favorite part about this is that this episode will release around the time one of our main episodes releases where a character, for reasons, has been roller blading to everything in her life.

[00:25:00]

So, I’m glad you’ve left her fine. She’s okay.

Grant

Phew. Alright, we’re not non-canonical. We’re still canon-compliant, thank goodness.

Kyle

I mean, that character would commit crimes, so like, it wouldn’t have stopped her.

Yuria

Oh, phew.

Kyle

Alright, so we’re doing the Streetsweep Program. Also, before we get started, with the exception of any other questions, I forgot to ask this. Swearing? Should I avoid it?

Ikks

I certainly haven’t been.

Kyle

Okay, cool. That’s usually the answer, but I always like to make sure.

Grant

Thank you.

Ikks

This is like a Riverdale teen show.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Grant

They don’t swear on that… much.

Ikks

Oh, that’s… okay. Never mind.

Yuria

“Heck!”

Kyle

Yeah. I feel like, if we were Riverdale, we’d have to get really, really edgy but always watch the swears.

Ikks

Oh gosh dang it, everybody I know just got knife murdered. Golly gee.

Grant

They don’t even have sex anymore on that show!

Yuria

What’s the point of your podcast, then?!

Grant

I know! We have to change the name. Okay, you may not know this, but my wife and I have a Riverdale recap podcast going back to the first season. It’s called Sex Archie. We have a great time. But, over the last season they seriously stopped having sex.

Kyle

[Laughs.] I’m so sorry.

Ikks

So now it’s Gore Archie.

Yao

Is it even the same show? What do they have left, cults and cannibals?

Ikks

That’s my favorite tabletop game.

Grant

Well, I mean… if you wanted me to answer this question, we wouldn’t have time to play the game, but you know where to find me.

Ikks

Yeah, it would suddenly become an episode of that.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Alright, so…

Ikks

So yeah, I’m walking through the skate park and I see some mall cops going after Fletcher and I’m like… “heh,” and I keep walking.”

Kyle

[Laughs.] So, we can hear the heat coming off of the concrete.

Ikks

Oh, that sizzling shit.

Kyle

We’re in a massive heatwave, and a pretty uncharacteristic one. It is not the middle of summer, but it is still just steaming hot. We can hear it, we can feel it, we in fact see a goop man just walking around in some sandals. He trips, and just a tiny bit of his toe gets on the ground, and in an instant, whoosh, he just evaporates.

Ikks

Ow.

Yao

Oh dear.

Kyle

As he evaporates, where he was, a “don’t cross” like from the Undertakers, which are our version of like the ghost cops slash FBI… some “do not cross” police tape goes across where this man was standing, but it’s not blocking off him, it is blocking off a beautiful series of dips and curves and concrete grinding rails. It is blocking off the ten square foot big skate park of the Valley. A couple of Rons, a couple of Undertakers in their sunglasses and Hawaiian shirts are like:

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Get on out of here. Get on out of here. As of the new Streetsweep Program, nobody is allowed here. Isn’t that right, Ron-12?

Kyle (as Ron-12)

That certainly is right, Ron-13. No one. No one’s allowed around…

[Stammers and grumbles.] I lost what I was saying… No skating! I was just so mad.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

I know, I know, I know. You were so mad about the skating. You were so mad about the skating.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

I’m so mad about the skating… the crimes.

Kyle

And yeah, we’re gonna say that everyone can see this as this just gets blocked off. The four of you, we’ll say… just to get you together, there’s a little pop-up food court kind of thing, a couple of food trucks there which are just blasting the AC around each other, and a couple of tables. We’ll say the four of you have somehow found yourself all stuck on the same table.

Ikks

It’s just super fucking hot and this is the only shady spot for… acres, miles. That sounds dramatic, but I am a teen.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ikks

So yeah, we’re all just stuck here watching Fletcher get chewed out by cops, which you know, not the worst.

Kyle

Yeah, Fletcher, what are you up to?

Grant

Fletcher is in his heatwave outfit which is like a white tank top and his well below the knee cargo shorts are rolled up above the knee.

Ikks

A lot of questions there.

[00:30:00]

Grant

He’s seeing this in disbelief. He’s gonna skate over and not ask questions. He’s just going to try to Ollie over the tape and make a dramatic show of, like, the best place to skate is where you’re not allowed to skate. Everyone knows this.

Ikks

Bro.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Alright. It’s time to do a basic move.

Grant

Sure!

Kyle

Basic moves are when we try to do any action. Of the basic moves we have, I think the one I want to do is, one, because you’re trying to be cool… Right?

Grant

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

It is called Keep Your Cool. Keep Your Cool is when you’re trying to do something that takes finesse: something like picking a lock, or trying to make sure you’re holding onto something so you don’t fall, or in this case you’re trying to do a super rad Ollie. You’re gonna roll +Slick, and then let me know what you get.

Grant

Fletcher gets a twinkle in his eye and just starts skating toward this “do not cross” tape, and says over his shoulder to the other three, and everybody else who’s at the snack stand:

Grant (as Fletcher)

Hey, get out your phones. You’re gonna want to see this.

Grant

As he winds up, jumps, and…

[Rolls.] That’s an 11! That’s an 11 plus my Slick. Hell yeah.

Ikks

Ah. Damn it.

Yao

Nice.

Ikks

I put away my phone disappointedly. I wanted a wipeout.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

One man’s success is another bully’s trash. Alright. Yeah, Fletcher, how do you do this? Describe this rad move you do.

Grant

Right next to the park there is a restaurant or something that is getting a load of drinks, so there is a box truck with a ramp leading up to the back. He swerves onto that ramp diagonally and jumps off it to get the height and does a 180 kickflip over the head of one of the Rons and lands clean and stands straight up.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Did you get that? You gotta send me that. Let me give you my @.

Ikks

I love that ending because it completely ruins it. Perfect. Perfectly in-character for a teen.

Kyle

The Rons, though, think it’s super cool. Ron-12 is just like:

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Oh yeah. Let me… I gotta get my phone. I got it on my phone right here. Let me—

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Hey. Hey, Ron… Ron-12. It was cool, but it was a crime.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

It was a cool crime, though.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

But it was a crime!

Ikks (as Monica)

All crime is cool, fuckers.

Grant

They hear, from across the street.

Ikks

Yeah, I’m just shouting.

Kyle

From off in the distance, you just hear a middle-age woman go “YEAH!”

Ikks

Nice.

Kyle

I’m not gonna say everyone applauds, but you get a couple of applauds. People are like yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ikks

Yeah, even Monica gives you a couple, reluctantly.

Ikks (as Monica)

Ugh, that was pretty sick up until he fucking plugged himself.

Yuria (as Kara)

Let me give you my most thunderous applause. What’s that? You can’t hear that? Because I don’t have palms. They’re all fuzz!

[Laughter.]

Yao

They’re all covered in fuzz. It’s oddly cute fuzz, but…

Ikks

Are you hiding under a food truck or something or are you hanging out with somebody?

Yuria

I am probably underneath a table or something. I’m pretty sure these people do not take kindly to even transformed regular people.

Yao

Also, I’m reasonably certain that saying Kara looks cute in any way, shape or form causes Kara to immediately just “eyes narrow.”

Yuria

Whips out my notebook. Puts another mark next to Pepper’s name.

Ikks

Where are you keeping that?

Yuria

Don’t ask questions.

Yao

You should never ask about these secrets.

Yuria

Puts a mark next to Monica’s name too.

Ikks

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it before, bunny.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Alright. Alright. That was… Okay, that was a sick flip.

Ikks (as Monica)

Now arrest him!

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Thank you!

Kyle

Ron-13 goes back and points to you.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Thank you. It’s a crime. It’s a cool crime, and you’re gonna tell the crime to all the other Undertakers down at the station. Alright? Get on down there. Get on down there. Alright?

Kyle (as Ron-12)

But it was cool.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Ron-12, we gotta do it. Alright? I know. I’m sad too. Alright, get on down there. Come on, come on.

Kyle

They start motioning and walking towards you doing the—

Ikks (as Monica)

You guys suck at this.

Kyle

The thing that middle-aged guys try to do when they try to look tough. I want to note, these guys wear cargo shorts, so they’re doing the thing where they’re sticking their thumbs in the front of their cargo shorts and just lifting it up a little bit right under the belt.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Alright, come on. Gotta get down there. Gotta get down.

Grant

Fletcher is in the bowl, like he’s vert skating. While they argue about how cool or not the crime is, he’s just skating.

Yao

Pepper is trying to figure out how this became a crime in the first place, because it’s never just an ordinance. There’ something going on here.

[00:35:00]

Kyle

Are you flipping through your tabloids?

Yao

Oh, heck no, I need immediate information. I’m going through the Wi-Fi.

Kyle

Oh, you’re going through the Wi-Fi. Okay, yeah, give me an Understand roll. Understand is when you have a question, and in your case the question is how did this come to pass, right?

Yao

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

Yeah, so you’re gonna roll another stat, which is Books, because our four stats, Hearts, Slick, Books, and Fierce, are all about not necessarily your physical capabilities but how you approach the world. So yeah, roll +Books, tell me what you get, and we’ll see how well you understand.

Yao

Is this with advantage due to the fact that I’m using the laptop?

Kyle

Uh, your laptop, so that is… Tell me about your laptop.

Yao

This is a relatively tiny laptop. It’s probably 12 inches, honestly. She put it together herself using some kind of kit that she found. The darn thing is surprisingly sturdy. The battle damage that is has on it is from something that is larger than it looks like it should be. But, regardless, this thing is capable of picking up Wi-Fi out here. It’s definitely capable of searching whatever we need.

Kyle

And this is your signature item, correct?

Yao

Yep.

Kyle

The way signature items work, signature items are basically mundane things though they can have little quirks that people have, like Mabel’s grappling hook in Gravity Falls or Anne’s tennis racket. Whenever you roll using one of those things, so in this case you’re using it to look up information, as you said you do roll with advantage which means you roll three dice and take the results of the top two. So, you do roll with advantage because you are using this.

Yao

Yeah, just double-checking.

[Rolls.] That plus 2, so 13.

Kyle

Thirteen! So yes, full success.

Yuria

Wow!

Kyle

Could you repeat to me what the, uh… What is your specific question so I can answer it? What are you putting into Ghoulgle?

Yao

Who is behind putting this out there so fiercely that now we don’t have a skate park when I haven’t heard anything about this yesterday?

Kyle

Okay. Yeah.

Ikks

While Pepper looks that up, I have the very Disney Channel scene in my mind of Fletcher skating back and forth across the park while the two cops just kinda chase back and forth around the perimeter.

Kyle

Speaking of Disney Channel, the person behind this is a Disney Channel Original Movie kind of villain.

Grant

Oh no, it’s Sharpay.

Ikks

Perfect.

Kyle

[Laughs.] So, you’re looking through and you’re googling through the news. It first says by an order of mayor, right, of Mayor Uncle. That’s what his name is now, because he’s Fletcher’s uncle. I don't know.

Ikks

We’ll figure I tout later.

Kyle

By rule of Mayor Uncle this came to pass. But that’s, I mean… he’s a pushover, alright? You notice that recently, because of this big tournament that’s been going on, that there is this big Necromon dueling megacorp called ScubaCorp. A specific member, the head of press and the number two of the company, Maybelline, seems to be the one behind it.

Now she is, as I said, the kind of stereotypical Disney Channel Original Movie villain from the perspective of… she is an Avon lady, a multi-level marketing woman, like someone who is wearing nothing but hot pink at all times, super long extravagant nails, curly white and pink hair, glittering lipstick. The kind of woman who would smile at you while holding a knife in the back of her hand but is so aggressively one color. That’s where I get the Disney Channel villain from. This person is just pink personified.

You see a record, and this woman seems to have this irrational hatred of skateboarding. It’s not hip, it’s not cool. “It is unsafe, and… alternative! And we don’t like alternative.”

Ikks

Sorry. Of everything you said, irrational hatred of skateboarders is really the most Disney Channel villain descriptor of all. That’s just perfect.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Yeah, irrational hatred. She despises them, with a passion.

Ikks

“I despise the boards with the wheels. Snowboarding? Fine, but keep it on the mountains.”

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Boarding with wheels? Absolutely terrible. Now, now, now, shoes with wheels, they can be fashionable. They’re like heels but fun. You know what I mean?

Ikks

Is this the speech that she was giving to the City Council?

Kyle

Yes.

Ikks

Perfect.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

But boards with wheels—Let me finish! They are just tasteless. They’re not fun.

[00:40:00]

Why not do snowboarding? That’s what I do back in my hometown all the time. I love snowboarding. … What do you mean there isn’t any snow? Does anyone have any real questions? Thank you!

Ikks

“What do you mean this is a super desert?”

Kyle

[laughs.]

Yao

Pepper’s just staring as this video is playing.

Yao (as Pepper)

[Long groan.] Can this woman get any more square? I just… ugh!

Ikks

Monica, between watching that and watching Fletcher get chased by cops, is like:

Ikks (as Monica)

I kinda want to try skating again now that it’s current.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Actually, yeah, that’s when you notice… Fletcher, I’m gonna give you a GM Intrusion.

Grant

Alright.

Kyle

This is a Cypher System mechanic where essentially you get an AP, or Adventure Point, which you can use on one of many things. In exchange, I get to make a hard move. I get to make things difficult for you.

Ikks

I imagine Maybelline also has a fluffy dog under her arm at all times.

Kyle

Oh my goodness. Yes. I love it. You hear a barking.

Kyle (as Play-Doge)

Showed-Aylp! Showed-Aylp!

Kyle

Fletcher, you are knocked to the side as this fluffy… this fluffy Crayola dog, kind of pink and… it’s less Crayola, more like molding clay… but this bright dog that’s a bright pink and little splashes of white and other bright colors leaps on you and slams you against the wall, turning into this Play-Doh sludge, and just traps you against the wall as the Rons are pushed to the side by these two individuals wearing a long white trench coat with an SC emblazoned on it. You can tell these are workers of ScubaCorp, the company that Maybelline is the second in command of.

Ikks

Monica’s gonna continue to heckle.

Ikks (as Monica)

Woo, “Super Cops.”

Kyle

[Laughs.] They glare at you.

Ikks

“Get out of here, kid.”

Kyle

Yeah, they look at you and glare.

Kyle (as ScubaCorp employee)

Tch, watch yourself, kid. Alright? You don’t want to be a part of this.

Ikks

Oh, also at this point, I’d say that Monica has completely forgotten that she’s on an errand, if you were wondering. This is way too interesting.

Kyle

Good, I’m glad.

Yao

You’ve just been here snacking.

Ikks

I’ve just been here snacking, laughing at Fletcher…

Grant

Before his attention goes to the people talking to him, Fletcher’s gonna turn to this Necromon.

Grant (as Fletcher)

You okay, bud? I don't know if you have a lot of practice taking hits like that. I don't know how often dogs bail. But, you alright?

Ikks

Okay, this is the main character. Nice to animals? This is the Disney Channel main character. It’s been decided.

Kyle (as Play-Doge)

Showed-Aylp! Blpblpblpblp….

Kyle

You can’t really make it out underneath, because its mouth and the rest of it has congealed into sludge.

Ikks

[Muffled sounds.]

Kyle (as Play-Doge)

[Muffled sounds.]

Yao

Is this from splattering or from heat?

Kyle

Uh… from both.

Ikks

It was probably helped along by the heat, yeah?

Kyle

Yeah, it’s helped along by the heat. You don't know how it feels about it, but you don't know that it likes you.

Ikks

Aww.

Yuria

Aww. I was thinking something more along the lines of the adults from Charlie Brown.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Grant (as Fletcher)

Alright. Alright. Looks like nothing’s broken, little guy. You get yourself into some AC. I gotta get arrested. Ron! What’s up?

Kyle

I want to note that you are still—this thing is over your chest and your arms, stuck to you against the wall. So, you’re stuck against the wall still being like “hey Ron, buddy.”

Ikks

Plastered. “Buddy!” You’re Spider-Man’d against the wall.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Grant (as Fletcher)

Did you… Can you see if anybody was filming that too? Like, you gotta have the bloops in the tape. Right?

Ikks

Wow, bloops, I hate it. Thanks.

Kyle

Were any of the rest of you filming that?

Ikks

No, I’m done filming. I’m just laughing at the cops reacting. I do have a question about Silph Co—Or, not Silph, Scuba Co.

Kyle

ScubaCorp? Yeah, what about ScubaCorp?

Ikks

ScubaCorp. Hypothetically, if they saw a talking Necromon, would they want to capture it and experiment on it?

Yuria

Just slowly turns my head towards Monica.

Ikks

No-no, this isn’t Monica saying that. That would be fucked up even for Monica.

Kyle

One hundred percent—A hundred and ten percent, yes.

Ikks

Yeah. Monica might do the one decent thing in her life and set down her bag in front of the bunny or something.

Yuria

Hey, I was watching.

Ikks

Well—!

Grant

[Laughs.]

Ikks

It’s a plastic bag. Deal with it.

Kyle

I’m gonna have you roll in a second for that. To kind of explain how we get there, we’ll say Ron-12, because he’s the one who’s been super friendly to you, Fletcher, turns over.

[00:45:00]

Kyle (as Ron-12)

I wasn’t able to look—

Kyle (as ScubaCorp employee)

I would highly encourage you to not talk to the suspect, please. Could you Undertakers so kindly get everyone else out of the vicinity? You clearly cannot handle this yourselves, so we at ScubaCorp will take care of it and you all can “do your thing.”

Kyle

This comes from a ScubaCorp guy who has, uh… like a mustache, and I think a soul patch is the term for it. He has that now, because… sure. He motions for the Rons, and the Rons start walking to the rest of you.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Alright, everyone, clear it out.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

That’s right, clear it out! Clear it out!

Ikks (as Monica)

Oh, come on. I didn’t even do anything this time.

Kyle

And that’s when I want you to roll Stealth to hide the rabbit as these two men are approaching you.

Ikks

Okay. Is Stealth Slick? That feels pretty slick.

Kyle

It’s Slick, yes. It’s Slick! You’re trying to be smooth.

Ikks

Okay, here we go. Time to be slick. I have a +1 to this.

[Rolls.] Eh, I got a 6 + 1, so a 7, so just barely. I just barely remembered and put the bag down in time.

Kyle

You barely put the bag down in time, but that does come with a bit of a complication. It’s not perfect.

Ikks

Naturally.

Kyle

Specifically, you have to choose a drawback. The area around you is on high alert, you leave behind some sort of evidence, or someone other than who you’re trying to avoid—so someone other than the Rons—notices you doing this sneaking.

Ikks

I think probably just forgetting the bag after I pull this sneaky little trick sounds most accurate to Monica. I don't know what’s in the bag yet. Maybe it’ll be a plot-important moment later on. “Oh, I have an item for this! … Oh no, I left it behind.”

Kyle

Alright. The Rons don’t notice. They just see a bag on the ground.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Alright, get on out of here. Get out.

Kyle (as Ron-13)

Get on out! Everyone, get on out. We don’t wanna… Alright, we do wanna rough you up a little, but like not much.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Get on out of here!

Ikks (as Monica)

Hey, I heard that. I should be recording this.

Yao

What would it take to obtain that bag before we leave?

Kyle

Uh…

Ikks

You’re gonna take my bag?

Yao

It’s got a quote-unquote “friend” in it. I’m not actually sure where Pepper’s relation to Kara is.

Kyle

You put it in front of the rabbit, right?

Ikks

Yeah, I put it in front of her. I didn’t scoop her into it. That would be bun-napping.

Yao

Oh, okay.

Yuria

And you’d have two very pointy teeth in your arm if you tried that.

Ikks

You would have a bunch of very, like, some sharp and some blunt teeth in you then, rabbit.

Kyle

You can try to roll. I’d do Keep Your Cool to grab it, just because, even though it’s a Sneak, I don’t like doing the same move twice in a row. Otherwise, yeah, you can just keep it.

Yao

Sounds like I’ll be fine, is the thing. So I should probably just make out way out. Scoop things up and go. The bunny will be fine.

Kyle

Alright. The three of you make your way out, where Fletcher, you’re still stuck there talking to the ScubaCorp reps.

Ikks

Aww.

Grant

Yeah, I’m glued.

Grant (as Fletcher)

You guys travel for work? You from out of town?

Kyle (as ScubaCorp employee)

Are we from out of town?

Kyle

He points to the giant ScubaCorp Spacescraper that is under construction after they entered town.

Kyle (as ScubaCorp employee)

Are we out of town, you ask?

Ikks

Side note, I’d like to try—I know this is another Stealth roll, again, but I’d like to try to sneak back around and continue to spy on these. Get behind a food truck.

Kyle

The other two, are you gonna come and spy as well?

Yao

I’m absolutely going to try and spy. Come on.

Ikks

You know the journalist is gonna spy.

Kyle

What about the Beenee?

Yuria

Well, I’m not really gonna be able to get far if this place is crawling with people. I better stick with somebody who can pick me up and get me out of here if things get a little dicey.

Yao

I still have a backpack.

Yuria

[Grumbles.] Fine.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Into the backpack. I’m gonna actually let you just do this for right now, and let you successfully—

Ikks

Yeah, Ron and Ron aren’t great at their jobs, huh?

Kyle

No. Ron-13 and Ron12? Terrible at their jobs. Absolutely atrocious.

Ikks

We sneak around the Shawarma Pharma food truck.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Yao

Delicious, by the way.

Ikks

Food so good it’s medicinal.

Kyle

Yeah. Ugh, I’m hungry now. I want to eat.

Grant

Is Shawarma Pharma themed to like an ambulance?

Ikks

Yes, perfect.

Grant

Okay. Alright. Cool.

Ikks

I love fictional food trucks with just awful mix-ups of themes that absolutely do not go together and have no business being next to each other, but here we are. Here we are, eating shawarma out of an ambulance. Oh man.

[00:50:00]

Yao

Feeling awful? Have a falafel.

Ikks

Oh man, this truck was introduced in an earlier episode when the main characters were looking for an ambulance and they came upon this thing instead.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Now that is—

Ikks

And the alarm was going “Shawarma Pharma!”

Kyle

Now that’s a Slice of Life Complication. They needed to go to the hospital, but the Shawarma Pharma thing was there instead.

Ikks

This fucking Shawarma Pharma truck. Anyway, we already resolved that last season.

Kyle

[Laughs.] So, the ScubaCorp rep is looking at you. We’re gonna give him a name. He has a nametag that is going to be Peter, but the R is crossed out so that you call him Pete. Pete looks down at you.

Kyle (as Pete)

Alright, man, let’s get up, let’s get going. You can go with the Rons if you want, or you can go with me, but you gotta be going somewhere. Alright? You are not allowed here.

Grant

Okay. I got a very important question that will determine the fact Fletcher takes in the next moment. Where is the skateboard? Is it in custody? Is it just on the ground?

Yuria

It’s in handcuffs right now, apparently.

Kyle

[Laughs.] I was gonna be nice and give it to you, but I—

Ikks

If it landed near me, that would play into something I was gonna do next.

Kyle

Um… How about, you know, if you want to give me an AP, I can say it just conveniently landed your way.

Ikks

Oh yeah. Sure. I’ll take that bargain.

Kyle

Alright. Yeah, I’ll take that AP. We’ll say the Rons were putting it in handcuffs but accidentally tripped and it just slowly wheeled—

Ikks

Oh my god, guys. It rolled under the truck, and gone forever. Aw jeez.

Kyle

Exactly. It rolled under the truck over to you.

Ikks

Perfect.

Kyle

And they’re checking the truck, but they’re checking the wrong truck.

Grant

I don't think we’ve said it on-mic, but you can tell this skateboard from all others because it has large model rocket engines duct taped to the back.

Ikks

God. Ugh, you fucking nerd. Monica’s gonna groan loudly but nevertheless step forward.

Ikks (as Monica)

Hey. Get out of the way, I’m gonna go skating now.

Ikks

And basically try to serve as a distraction for Fletcher to get away from under the clay dog.

Ikks (as Monica)

I’ll show you how to run from cops.

Kyle

Okay. Yeah. Roll me Convince Somebody, which is what you do when you try to convince someone. In this case, you’re trying to get their attention. Convince Somebody can use any stat based on what you’re doing. I’m gonna say Fierce because you’re trying to be loud and get their attention.

Ikks

That’s true, I am. In that case, I might just go ahead and use my unique move, Flying into a Rage, too.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Could you describe that move?

Ikks

Yes. My unique move as the rageful one… I fly into a rage, rolling with advantage for any rolls that use Fierce and disadvantage for everything else. The rage naturally ends when the scene ends or I can try to end it early, but for now, let’s get angry. So, I’m gonna roll three dice and keep the best, because I’m getting fucking mad and saying some unforgivable shit at these corpo cops.

Kyle

The kind of stuff that they would not allow on Riverdale. It’s that bad.

Ikks

[Rolls.] Perfect. Oh yeah, perfect, love it. Got a 10.

Kyle

You got a 10. Alright, yeah, you get everyone’s attention including the ScubaCorp rep. Two questions. I want you to describe how you do this, and then I want the two with you, I want Kara and Pepper, to describe… how do you respond by getting all the attention on you as well?

Yao

All the attention is on us, too? Interesting.

Ikks

Whoops.

Kyle

Unless Monica takes a few steps out and then gets attention.

Yao

I don't think so.

Ikks

Yeah, I was thinking I ran out from behind the food truck and grabbed the skateboard and then did my little display.

Kyle

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. In that case, describe what you do to get everyone’s attention, and then everyone else describe how you respond.

Ikks

Monica’s has previous skateboard experience but in the way where she tried it twice and kept falling off, like fuck this, so it’s less majestic and skillful and more just kind of a rageful tackle on wheels. I’m not sure who exactly she bulls directly into, but she does, and then continues on the other side, up and out. She probably stumbles and almost falls off the skateboard entirely before catching it and running off, continuing to shout obscenities and anything else to make them all follow her.

Kyle (as Ron-12)

Wow, that was so cool.

Kyle (as Pete)

But it was still a crime! Get her!

Ikks (as Monica)

Oh, you guys, I love our little talks.

Ikks

And then I take off running.

[00:55:00]

Kyle

And the three of them chase you, leaving behind the dog. The dog likes you, Fletcher. The dog is still there.

Ikks

The dog is also cemented to the wall still.

Kyle

Yeah, the dog is still—the dog is very loyal.

Ikks

Does anybody have any acetone?

Yuria

I think that would be bad for the dog, but…

Ikks

Okay, or a spatula. I don't know, I’m not there. You gotta solve this problem yourselves.

Yao

Yeah, we’ll figure I tout.

Kyle

You are by a bunch of food trucks. There’s probably a spatula somewhere in there.

Yao

As Monica does that, Pepper just kind of looks at that and straight-up whistles for a second before catching herself and sighing, just looking down at Kara.

Yao (as Pepper)

She’s not cool. That was really cool, but she’s not cool. Ugh, okay, whatever.

Yuria (as Kara)

Cooler than you, nerd.

Yao (as Pepper)

[Weakly.] Uh-huh…

Yao

Just gently pats you and then goes and grabs a spatula off of the falafel truck and runs over to the dog.

Yuria (as Kara)

Oh, you’re on thin ice.

Ikks

From the falafel waffle?

Grant

Alright, so Pepper is going into the skate park to talk to the dog?

Yao

The dog is still stuck to the wall.

Kyle

Yeah, you’re still stuck to the dog to the wall, so I think you’re trying to spatula…

Grant

Ah, okay.

Yao

I’m trying to get you free.

Ikks

Yeah, it’s more trying to free you, and your bindings happen to be a dog.

Grant

Okay.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Hey, research kid, can you get me out of here?

Yao (as Pepper)

Working on it.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Okay, thanks.

Yao (as Pepper)

But can you do me a favor and just kinda stare at the sky for a second?

Grant (as Fletcher)

Yeah… Yeah.

Yao

I’m actually not sure if that move works for other people, to be honest, but I do have a thing that means if I’m currently stuck in some kind of simple restraint I can just break out of it as long as no one’s looking.

Kyle

I think you have to have the advanced version which is what you get when you level up. I believe the level up lets you break locks without looking. So, you could get yourself stuck in the dog and get yourself out of the dog, but I don’t think you can get—

Yao

But I wouldn’t be able to get Fletcher out of the dog through that means.

Kyle

No, I don't think so. I’m sorry. That being said, I wasn’t planning to have you roll for this. Just because we’ve… You’ve got all the time in the world.

Yao

I’ve got all the time in the world, so we can just kinda snap it free. The “don’t look at this” is basically just a self-esteem thing.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Does it take a little while?

Yao

She’s just really bad at assessing how good she is at things.

Grant (as Fletcher)

You know where mascot kid took my board?

Yao (as Pepper)

Uh…

Yao

Just kinda points in a direction, and you can still see the receding shadow.

Grant

I’m not looking. I don’t know where you’re pointing.

Yao

Well, you’re already free at this point.

Grant

Oh, okay.

Yuria

Wow.

Yao (as Pepper)

Oh right, I should tell you when you can—Look, that way.

Yao

You see the last of the Scuba folks just running after her.

Yuria (as Kara)

Did you see that trick she did? Wow, that was awesome. Oh, you didn’t see? Ah, that’s too bad.

Ikks

Trick is very generous for tackling a cop.

Yao

I think it’s a pretty good trick. Damn it, I said it again.

Ikks

It’s pretty cool, I just don’t know if it’s all that tricky.

Kyle

I’m gonna tell you, on whatever our version of TikTok is, it’s already gotten a lot more views than any trick Fletcher has done.

Ikks

Oh sick. On KitKot.

Kyle

[Amused.] KitKot!

Grant

Oh, Necro-TikTok, KitKot. Oh boy.

Ikks

Or I guess KotKit.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Alright, well… Alright. This totally blows. You, you’re my friend. You, you’re a critter, you can be my friend too. How are we gonna fix this?

Ikks

Yo, is that bunny talking?

Yuria

I have not said anything. Well, wait, yes I did. Okay, never mind.

Yao

No, you just did.

Yuria

Ugh, okay. Let me see what I can do.

Yao

Look. As long as you keep it secret from the people chasing after you.

Kyle

Kara, roll me to Take Action. That’s what you do when you have to act quickly. It is Fierce.

Yuria

Question. Does this activate… Is this something that would be considered a threat coming towards me?

Kyle

You and only you would consider it a threat. Tell me the move that you have.

Yuria

I have It’s Quiet, Too Quiet. I am attuned to danger, and I get a +1 forward on my next roll. If that’s the case, that turns this 9 into a 10.

Yao

Nice.

Kyle

The conversation is going on and suddenly time slows down for you and you hear this flapping “tick, tock, tick, tock.”

Ikks

Oh god, we’re going viral.

Kyle

[Laughs.] You realize it’s not the clicking of the clock, it’s the wagging of the Playdog—sorry, it’s the wagging of the Play-Doge, as the little Play-Doh dog wags its tail, and seeing a bunny, tries to pounce on you.

Ikks

Oh no.

Kyle

How do you successfully dodge out of the way?

Yuria

Well, I think one thing I could do is that… any of my spells would actually come in handy here, so let’s see which one I accidentally cast.

[01:00:00]

Ikks

Yeah, blow this dog up.

Kyle

Normally, if you cast a spell, I would have you roll. In this case, if you want, you can roll 1d6 and just 1 to 2 for the one spell, 3 to 4 for the other, and 5 to 6… or, I’m happy to just let you retroactively say “I did this spell,” since it’s flavor.

Yuria

[Rolls.] Let’s see, I rolled a 1, which means that is my armor spell. Create a protective barrier against physical or magical assault. So, I don’t really know if—

Ikks

Wow, this dog is flat again.

Yuria

Except it kinda just splatters against me in a bubble shield, so I am perfectly fine.

Ikks

This dog is now permanently more pancake-faced after today.

Yao

Because you’re inside of the backpack at this point, I think this means that both Kara and Pepper now have this dog just splattered in a half dome shape behind us. Pepper notices because of the shade.

Kyle

It’s stuck to the backpack now, and it’s gone from a long-face dog to a French bulldog or pug. When it comes off, and it won’t right now, it’s stuck to it, it will have a short face.

Yao

I still have the spatula.

Yuria

Yeah, I was gonna say. What does it smell like?

Kyle

It smells like burning Play-Doh and wet dog.

Ikks

Yuck.

Yao

At the same time.

Kyle

It’s not a pleasant smell.

Yuria

Which is even worse for me, being a rabbit.

Yao

I just gently go ahead and scrape the dog off of my backpack and then pat the dog on the head and then start moving.

Ikks

Yeah, good thing you still have the spatula.

Yao

They’re not gonna miss it. They had like 12 in there.

Kyle

Alright. What do you do next? Are you off in pursuit of the skateboard?

Yao

If that’s where Fletcher’s going.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Yeah… I gotta get that. It’s like the most important thing in my life, as far as objects go. But, if you wanted to come along, that would be cool, because you can cast spells. That’s rad. Whatever your performance anxiety about getting people out of traps is, I am fine with that.

Yao

While you’re in the middle of saying that, Pepper’s just like…

Yao (as Pepper)

Yeah, okay, let’s go.

Yao

…and just grabs you and starts running.

[Laughter.]

Ikks

Perfect.

Kyle

Alright. I want two things from folks other than Monica. I want someone to give me a hiding place and I want someone to give me a general location. So like, broom closet and school, essentially.

Yao

Basement.

Kyle

You said basement?

Yao

Yes.

Grant

A call center.

Kyle

[Smiling.] Monica, you have found yourself in a call center basement.

Yao

Oh, hell.

Ikks

Yeah, one of those little basement windows was open and I just kinda dove in.

Kyle

Yeah, and the Rons are outside trying to barge in. The ScubaCorp guy you can see looks at you with the little, uh… goatee. That’s what I was thinking, not soul patch, the little goatee. Pete is looking down, knocking on the door, fretting back and forth. Occasionally, he calls:

Kyle (as Pete)

Play-Doge! Play-Doge! … I should’ve had more than one Necromon.

Kyle

He starts pacing back and forth before eventually picking up the phone and making a call. Not to the call center, to someplace else. Yeah, and you are in the basement of this call center.

Ikks

I want to get out the front door if they’re at the back door. I presume I’m trying to go up a front way and probably find a locked door because what use is a basement in a call center.

Kyle

Not storage, you know, a couple of skeletons and zombies, but they don’t pay you much attention.

Ikks

Yeah, you know, trash mobs. “Hey, Monica.”

Kyle

Is this your regular hiding place? Is that how everyone knows where you are?

Ikks

Yeah, maybe. This might just be a window that’s regularly left open, so I just kinda slip in here.

Kyle (as zombie)

Hey, Monica. What, uh… What Ron numbers did you piss off this time?

Ikks (as Monica)

All of them. I keep a checklist.

Kyle (as zombie)

Nice. Think that means I win at the Monica crime bingo, right Deborah?

Kyle (as Deborah)

That’s right, Charlotte.

Ikks (as Monica)

Aww, you guys are so boring. I’m gonna leave now. Bye!

Kyle (as Charlotte)

Alright. We’ll see you next week, honey.

Kyle

Alright, and you barge up the front door.

Ikks

These fucking zombies think they’re my parents. I got enough parents.

Kyle

[Zombie voice.] Yeah, they’re like little old ladies with the lipstick and the hair, and we’re wearing dresses which aren’t glamorous but they glitter and they make us feel good.

Ikks

Well, that’s all that matters. Okay, bye!

[01:05:00]

Kyle

[Laughs.] Alright. You leave, and you walk out the front door. I’ll say, the rest of you, you all see… Well, you’ve gone here a few times, so we’ll say you know your way out. You know where the key is and stuff like that. The rest of you all see as Monica barges out of the call center.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Oh! Thanks for holding onto that. This is the farthest I’ve ever gone on feet. Ugh. Ugh!

Ikks (as Monica)

The rockets are kinda dumb, but you know, have fun with them.

Grant (as Fletcher)

It’s for the big finale. I haven’t filmed it yet.

Ikks (as Monica)

Fair enough.

Yao (as Pepper)

So, how was Hell Cellular?

Kyle

[Amused.] hell Cellular.

Yao

That’s what this is the call center for, a company called Hell Cellular.

Kyle

Oh yeah, I just saw it in the chat.

Ikks

Naturally.

Yao

They do underworld communication.

Ikks (as Monica)

Oh, you know, boring as always. Nobody even looked up this time.

Grant

Yeah, back in the 60s before the government broke up the telecoms, it was just US Hell everywhere.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Ikks

“Ten years ago we had Hell…”

Grant

And it never went away.

Ikks

Nope.

Kyle

As you say the big finish, I’m gonna give everyone a GM Intrusion. Everyone get an AP.

Grant

Oh… Oh shit. Okay.

Ikks

I’m sure this will be fine.

Kyle

You hear this click-clacking. As you say ‘the big finish,’ you hear:

Kyle (as Maybelline)

The big finish? I would love to hear what that is! Wouldn’t you as well, Mayor Uncle?

Kyle

You see that Maybelline, this woman again wearing all pink, is walking next to this very drab boring man in a suit, brown suit, brown tie. It’s loosened. He’s tired. He’s a mix of tired dad and gross uncle and grosser politician. The two of them just—

Ikks

Is he roller skating?

Kyle

Yes, he is, and he is very bad at it, but he does it because Maybelline said she likes roller skating.

Ikks

[Clapping for emphasis.] yes, he, is.

Kyle

So, again, he’s just under the thumb of ScubaCorp.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

[Growing more fierce and coercive.] Wouldn’t you agree, Mayor Uncle?

Kyle (as Mayor Uncle)

[Shaky.] Yes, of course!

Kyle

As he tries to just stabilize his hand on Maybelline’s shoulder, at which point she just brushes it off like it’s a gross fly, and he falls flat on the ground, flat on his face.

Ikks (as Monica)

Aww. Your uncle is such a… never mind, I’ll tell you later.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Oh, that’s YOUR uncle? He’s so… funny. Just like you. All four of you are all so funny.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Yeah, yeah, I mean… I talk funny. He smells funny. He looks funny. We’re definitely related.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Definitely. Definitely. You know what the funniest thing is? The funniest thing is that the four of you…

Kyle

I’m gonna say she doesn’t notice the rabbit yet, actually. She doesn’t notice Kara.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

What I find particularly funny is that three of you are acting like you all, um… like you’re all so, like, have so much control over this whole law thing. Messing with the Rons. Skating in the skate park. Being…

Kyle

She turns to you, Pepper.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Being the second-most annoying investigative journalist on my trail. You all are so… funny. So, I think we should all take a little walk back to ScubaCorp headquarters just so you can tell your jokes to everyone else. How does that sound?

Ikks (as Monica)

Uh… no.

Grant (as Fletcher)

You can say whatever you want to think about what I do and don’t know, but I’ll have you know I am a foremost legal expert in the Valley’s land use regulations and the rights of how one can use public spaces.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Alright. I’m sure you’re an expert at super-long phrases that nobody has the time to pay attention to, but…

Ikks (as Monica)

Yeah, seriously, just when I thought you were getting cool.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Maybelline wants to high-five you. You hear a little (giggle), a little laugh.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Yeah, so um… this is not happening. Is this clear, that these jokes just can’t continue?

Yao (as Pepper)

So hey, where’s that dog?

Grant (as Fletcher)

So like, this is the lady who hates skating for no reason?

Yao (as Pepper)

Where’s the Play-Doge?

Kyle (as Maybelline)

I have a reason! Can someone get that thing away from me?

Kyle

You can see the Play-Doge is actually sniffing her foot and she’s kind of kicking it away.

Ikks

Perfect.

[01:10:00]

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Someone get that away from me, please. Where is Peter? Where is Peter? Mayor Uncle.

Kyle (as Mayor Uncle)

[Stammers.]

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Mayor Uncle, can you take care of that, please?

Kyle

And Mayor Uncle starts wrestling with the dog.

Ikks

Yeah, probably should have taken the roller skates off first.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

As I was saying, the three of you, this will not be a problem again. Correct?

Ikks (as Monica)

Oh yeah. Yeah.

Ikks

Monica is not even trying to hide the fact that she’s not really paying attention.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Okay. Great.

Ikks

This is just like usual adult cop stuff, you know? Like, oh, don’t do that, oh, it’s so inconvenient to me, the city person who does the important job.

Kyle

She laughs again.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Alright. Perfect. Well, I will let you all be on your way.

Kyle

You hear her clip-clapping away, and she pauses for a second.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Actually, I do need…

[Huffs.] I do need two things from you in exchange, though. Just two small things. I do need that skateboard.

Ikks (as Monica)

No.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I do need the skateboard.

Ikks (as Monica)

You can have the rockets. They kinda ruin it.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Listen. I know plenty of people who love tacky things, but unfortunately I’m not a big fan of them and they already have too much stuff, so… I need that.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Ahem… uh, hey Roberts?

Grant

Fletcher shouts. I’m gonna use my move, the move I get from being the opportunist who knows people. Mayor Uncle’s assistant, Roberts, is gonna pop out right now if I spend this 1 AP I’m spending.

Kyle

Yeah, he’s helping Mayor Uncle with the dog. Describe what your move does. Tell me the mechanics of it.

Grant

Alright. You know somebody who knows somebody. Instead of doing a basic move, spend 1 AP to have a friend of a friend appear. Roll +Slick to convince them to help. Instead of relying on my own persuasiveness or athletic ability to escape or any other way, I want the guy who actually knows property law in Mayor Uncle’s office to say that a private citizen cannot seize my skateboard. It’s time to roll Slick to convince Roberts to have my back in this moment.

Kyle (as Roberts)

[Mumbles.] Yeah. Well, hey there, uh…

Grant

[Rolls.] He doesn’t. That’s a 6.

Kyle

Well, you know, he sort of resolves it. It’s a mixed success. Convince somebody, sort of. But he’s very upset with you.

Kyle (as Roberts)

[Grumbles.] Fletcher, your poor uncle… your poor other uncle.

Grant (as Fletcher)

It’s an injustice, though!

Kyle (as Roberts)

It’s an… Listen. Life’s an injustice. Death’s an injustice. Death after death is an injustice.

Ikks

Oh god, it’s this fucking character from every cartoon, the one who’s a little too real.

Kyle (as Roberts)

Anyways. Ma’am, you can’t seize private property. That is technically true. Companies can, but from what I understand…

Kyle

Actually, before I continue… He’s going to convince Maybelline mostly to let your target, but there’s gonna be one drawback. Here are the four options. Something is preventing her from not seizing your skateboard. She’s gonna ask for something else in return. She’s gonna make an inconvenient misunderstanding. Or, she’s going to be temporarily upset with you.

Grant

I want to know what this offer is. I’m taking door number two. What does Miss Maybelline want in return for not seizing my skateboard?

Kyle (as Roberts)

I don’t need a skateboard… Just, you gotta understand, it’s how property works, and you know, from what I understand, and I spent a lot of time with the ScubaCorp representative… you are not the designated representative of the company. The representative is in fact—

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Okay, okay, okay! That is too much. Too much. Fine, I won’t seize that. I know that I am not in charge of skateboard acquisition. Even though it should be skateboard destruction, but whatever. A question for you, Mr. Roberts. I can at any point acquire, say, a Necromon that has no home, correct?

Kyle (as Roberts)

Well, I believe that is correct, yes.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Perfect. Perfect. Well then, I won’t take your skateboard, but…

Kyle

While it seems like  she’s been ignoring Kara this whole time, her eyes dart towards you as she just does a very dainty but very aggressive finger point.

Ikks

Bum, bum, bum.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

I will need her.

Yao

Oh no. No, no, no.

Grant

I rolled so bad I got a player character kidnapped.

[01:15:00]

Kyle

Well, she hasn’t taken Kara yet.

Yao

Hasn’t taken, just is suddenly paying very close attention.

Kyle

Very close attention.

Yuria

I can’t believe I call Fletcher a nerd and this is my payback.

Kyle

Is that said in-character?

Yuria

Nope.

Kyle

Let’s weigh over our options here. What is this, Deal or No Deal?

Ikks

On the one hand, I can be rid of the bunny. On the other hand, that would make this lady happy.

Grant

[Laughs.]

Kyle

She’d be very happy. She might even get a promotion.

Yao

You don’t want the squarest lady in the entire city to be happy.

Yuria

Yuck.

Ikks

No, we can’t be having that.

Yuria

Taking a snarky bunny I can excuse, but getting a promotion, I draw the line.

Kyle

Yeah, terrible.

Yao

You can excuse taking the snarky bunny? Excuse me?

Ikks

What bunny?

Grant

What snark?

Ikks

That’s just a plushie.

Grant (as Fletcher)

I suppose you’re right. Your company does deal with rogue Necromon. I want you to be sure, before you take this one here. There’s a terrible curse laid upon it.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

You’re so cute. A terrible curse. Really? I find that hard to believe. It can’t be worse than this heat.

Kyle

She takes out one of those hand fans, but it’s pink and glittery, and she just starts fanning herself with it.

Ikks

Of course it is. It’s pink and glittery and has her name written across it.

Kyle

She does, she does have her name. Also, the glitter, it poofs off into the air and gets on people’s faces and stuff.

Ikks

Ugh, horrible.

Kyle

It particularly gets on Mayor Uncle.

Grant (as Fletcher)

It’s a legend spoken of around the schoolyards and the alleys of our city here. Anyone who takes this Necromon against its will is bound to have a horrible, horrible accident befall them. That’s why we just live and let live and let it roam free and wild.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Right… heh. Of course. That’s a cute story. It is a cute story… It’s almost as cute and funny as you are. Unfortunately… and you know what, it’s one that even Oset might like.

Kyle

Oset being the company’s CEO.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

You know, I think he’d love to hear it. So, again, you can tell him yourself or you can just let me have the goddamn Necromon.

Ikks (as Monica)

It’s a plush.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Right…

Yao

What does Kara have to say or do to this?

Grant

I was gonna ask the same of Pepper.

Yuria

I guess it’s gonna be a two-part plan. I’m gonna spend 1 Action Point to conveniently have an item out. Somebody is streaming this to KitKot.

Kyle

Okay. Yeah, someone is streaming it.

Yuria

So basically, Maybelline believes that Kara is homeless. Correct? Like, without owner.

Kyle

Yeah, but I’ll tell you a hint. She doesn’t much care either way. If you did have a home, she’d still take you, but she does currently believe you’re homeless. Yes.

Yuria

My original plan was to try to use Convince Somebody to kinda get myself out of this, but apparently that might not be the best case even if I set up the recording to give a bad public image.

Kyle

She does like her public image.

Yuria

Actually, then maybe I should go with that.

Kyle

Mm-hmm.

Yuria

Okay. Original plan. Who would be recording? Because I want to spend an Action Point to do that. or, Adventure Point.

Ikks

I mean, it’s the middle of the day.

Kyle

Yeah, it’s the middle of the day. You know what? We’ll say that… And he’s not gonna do anything against you. We’ll say that Ron-12 is back. He came back to get some KitKots of the cool kickflips.

Ikks

He circled around the front of the building, finally.

Kyle

Yeah, he circled around, but he doesn’t have Ron-13 to tell him to actually keep his focus, so yeah, he’s doing it on his personal account. Which, unfortunately, Ron-12 was taken so he is Ron-15 on his KitKot account. It’s very confusing.

Ikks

How ironic.

[Laughter.]

Yao

I’m going to guess Ron-12 Was Taken was also taken.

Kyle

Yes. Yes, every. Ron-12-12-12-12-12.

Ikks

Well that’s just fucked up.

Yao

So yeah, now that you have eyes on you, what are you going to do?

Yuria

Okay. My next question is who do you think would be a better target of Convince Somebody that this is a very bad idea? Would it be Maybelline or should I be trying to make an appeal directly into the phone or recording device? Probably Maybelline, right?

Kyle

For what specifically? What are you trying to convince people of?

Yuria

Oh! Convince her that the curse is real would be really good. I just kind of glare into her eyes.

[01:20:00]

Kyle

Yeah. Okay. You want to essentially convince her, and by extension we’ll just say that KitKot, that AP, I’ll give you a +1 for it and I’ll say that the effects are amplified. So, by virtue, you are also convincing everyone on KitKot that the curse is a bad idea, or something along those lines.

Yuria

Well, I was gonna actually activate my Puppy-Dog Eyes move. Once per adventure, you can automatically get a full success on Convince Somebody.

Grant

Yeah!

Yao

Nice.

Grant

Aww, it’s so cute. It’s gotta be cursed. Aww.

Kyle

You’re trying to convince… If I understand, it’s a dual convince, essentially. You’re trying to get bad public image for her and trying to convince her of the curse.

Yuria

Yeah. That part would come in handy with the heart part, so Puppy-Dog Eyes would come into play.

Kyle

Alright, describe… I will describe how—You said full success automatically, right?

Yuria

Yep.

Kyle

Yeah. You can roll to see if you get a critical success. Yeah, roll Heart or Slick because you’re lying or you’re trying to appeal to better nature. Well, the stat doesn’t matter for a critical success. You can roll to see if you get two sixes, but in either case, you succeed, so I need you to describe how you are acting very, very cute to get good public perception and convince Maybelline that it is not a good idea to take you.

Yuria

[Rolls.] Okay, well, I didn’t get a critical success, but anyway. As she starts to reach towards Kara, she is going to widen her eyes like being cornered by prey. There’s a little bit of whimper, and she is going to also look into the recording device and back.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Just a bunch of… Ron-12 can see this. You can’t, because you can’t see the KitKot, unless someone has pulled it up. Ron just sees a series of hearts come in as people are just like “aww, so cute,” and then a handful of angry faces. Maybelline meanwhile is like:

Kyle (as Maybelline)

What, are you trying to…

[Huffs.] Ahem. Why are its eyes so big?

[Stammers.] That is uncomfortable!

Kyle

And she starts fanning herself harder.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Why are the eyes so big?

Grant (as Fletcher)

It’s the first sign of the curse, ma’am.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Maybelline)

[Stammers.] The curse…

Ikks

The second sign is he.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

The curse has physical effects?

Ikks (as Monica)

Well, it’s a curse.

Yao (as Pepper)

Oh, many.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

You never said anything about it affecting someone’s appearance, making eyes so big and unnatural, and endearing.

Ikks (as Monica)

Oh yeah, this curse is proven to make someone’s TV ratings go down. It’s pretty nasty, ma’am.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

TV? As in television?

Ikks (as Monica)

Yes, ma’am, television.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Television…

Grant (as Fletcher)

I heard the last person who tried to own Kara got in a car accident, but they broke their nose and it set crooked.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

[Gasps.] What? What?! Set crooked? How many degrees are we talking about?

Ikks (as Monica)

I heard that she gets into your clothes and eats them but only your favorites.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

But all of them are my favorites!

Ikks (as Monica)

Well, that sounds really dangerous.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

[Gulps.]

Grant (as Fletcher)

They say no one who ever owns Kara got a good performance review at year-end again.

Ikks (as Monica)

I knew this guy who was a chef who owned Kara once, and he lost a Michelin Star.

Ikks

At this point, Monica is just having fun lying.

Yao

While you two are doing this wonderful thing, I’m wondering if me and Kara should just quietly leave the scene.

[Laughter.]

Ikks

Maybe just slide down the hill on the skateboard.

Yao

You know what? Sure.

Ikks

Take the skateboard to save it too, because she wanted that too.

Yao

Mm-hmm, if Kara’s coming with.

Ikks (as Monica)

Ma’am, what do you mean you’re arresting us for skateboarding? We don’t even have a skateboard.

Yao

There was never a skateboard here.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

What do you mean? Why are we talking about skateboarding? I’m mad and I’m stressed and…

Kyle

And she looks and she sees that there are two of you.

Ikks (as Monica)

What? Yeah. You said we were skateboarding, but we weren’t. So, can we go now?

Kyle (as Maybelline)

[Exasperated exhale.] This heat must be getting to me.

Ikks (as Monica)

Oh yeah, it’s pretty bad. It’s like a curse or something out here.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

A curse? But I didn’t take her!

Ikks (as Monica)

Take who?

[Chuckling.]

Kyle

You can’t see me, but I am staring off into the void.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

[Internal monologue.] Hot and confused and sweaty and scared. Oh my god, I’m sweating. Oh my god, I am sweating! And…

Kyle

And that’s when she notices the camera.

[01:25:00]

She doesn’t think anything about the animal abuse, but thinking of how sweaty and uncomfortable she might be looking, she’s like:

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Alright, I um… Mayor Uncle! I expect you to take care of this immediately. Okay? Find… Stop the curse, stop the skateboarding, and I will…

[Swallows hard.] I will be on my way.

Kyle

She huffily just click-clacks away from the scene. Mayor Uncle, meanwhile, has the dog just glooped onto his arm by this point.

Kyle (as Mayor Uncle)

Uh, hey there, uh… Fletcher. Why did you have to do that to that nice lady?

Grant (as Fletcher)

Was there a nice lady around here?

Yuria

I think he might be referring to the rabbit.

Yao

Eh…

Kyle (as Mayor Uncle)

Wait, so there was a rabbit here?

Ikks (as Monica)

Damn it, Fletcher, you went and confused your uncle.

Grant

[Chuckling.] I don't think my uncle is qualified.

Kyle (as Mayor Uncle)

Listen, I’m confused right now. If I understand here…

Grant (as Fletcher)

Mm-hmm?

Kyle (as Mayor Uncle)

You tell me if any of this is not true. You all… You all… Roberts, can you take care of this?

Kyle (as Roberts)

Of course.

Ikks (as Monica)

He didn’t even try. Not even one question.

Kyle (as Roberts)

Well, he is a politician after all. He does not have to try.

Ikks (as Monica)

That’s a great point.

Kyle (as Roberts)

So, alright. As I understand, you all aggravated the Rons again and got the attention of ScubaCorp. You argued with them about the fact that skateboarding is illegal, and it is still illegal, nephew.

Ikks (as Monica)

Yeah, nephew.

Kyle (as Roberts)

You then told the woman about a curse because she wanted to take some random Beenee. I didn’t know you had that. And she then left because of the curse, I guess. And skateboarding is still illegal, so really you have solved nothing. Is that correct?

Ikks (as Monica)

Yeah, Fletcher.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Unfortunately, yes. However, that is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. I mean, your life has gotten so much harder ever since skateboarding was banned… today. Isn’t today a rough day?

Kyle (as Roberts)

Today… Today is a real rough day. Today’s a real rough day, and not just because of the Play-Doge.

Grant (as Fletcher)

I mean, that was part of it. And why was the Play-Doge such a problem? It’s because they closed the skate park. Why am “I” in your hair? It’s because they closed the skate park.

Ikks (as Monica)

This all makes sense to me.

Grant (as Fletcher)

What we’re really saying is life in the city is going to be so much better, and your job specifically is gonna be a lot easier, and my poor, poor aggravated addled uncle—

Kyle (as Mayor Uncle)

AGH!

Kyle

He slips over again. Splat. The dog now has squished little legs.

Ikks

Oh, uncle.

Grant (as Fletcher)

He can’t take another day of skateboarding being banned.

Ikks (as Monica)

He really can’t.

Grant

So, normally I would roll Convince Somebody, but it was a long con.

Yuria

Oh no.

Kyle

Describe ‘It Was A Long Con.’

Grant

Once per adventure, you can immediately follow up a failure or a mixed success with a full success explaining that the failure was all part of the plan. I knew. I knew that executive, Miss Maybelline, was going to try to go in for some sort of hard bargain, and I knew we’d get out of it in a way that would stress out Roberts here. So, I’ve just been setting up the perfect argument to make him see our side of things.

Kyle

What failure are you following up on? Or mixed success.

Grant

This is the failure from the roll from you know somebody who knows somebody that summoned Roberts into the narrative.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Alright. This is later than the letter of the law of the move implies.

Grant

It does have the word “immediately” in there, I do admit.

Kyle

I respect it, though. I respect the hell out of it. Do you have an AP to give me?

Grant

Yes I do. I’m down to 1.

Kyle

Give me that AP and I will let it pass.

Grant

Okay. Alright. He is automatically successfully convinced that he should do all that is in his power as the guy who’s actually running the city for Mayor Uncle, on Mayor Uncle’s behalf, that this ban cannot stand.

Ikks (as Monica)

You don’t want to be going down to the pharmacy for heart medication for this guy twice as often, right Roberts?

Kyle

He starts crying, immediately.

Ikks

Aww, Roberts. Aww.

[Laughter.]

Kyle (as Roberts)

[Sobbing.] I don’t even have to go to the pharmacy.

Ikks (as Monica)

Oh… you accidentally went to the Shawarma Pharma.

Kyle (as Roberts)

He sends me to Shawarma Pharma!

Ikks (as Monica)

Yeah… Yeah.

[Laughter.]

[01:30:00]

Kyle (as Roberts)

I tell him it’s not medicinal, but he won’t listen! Nobody listens to me. And then ScubaCorp comes in and starts claiming that skateboarding is…

Ikks (as Monica)

Oh my god, I gotta get out of here.

Kyle (as Roberts)

…skateboarding is a liability, but rollerblading isn’t. Look at your uncle! Look at your Mayor Uncle!

Grant (as Fletcher)

I’m really trying not to.

Kyle (as Roberts)

Look what roller skating has done to him! [Sobs.]

Ikks (as Monica)

I’m gonna go… See ya. I’ll go get your skateboard back. I’ll be right back. You have fun with Roberts.

Yuria

I just love this combination of how much of a loser Mayor Uncle is and the fact that Fletcher said “look, now I’m in your hair. You have to deal with me. What kind of failure you are.”

Ikks

Aww.

Kyle (as Roberts)

Life… so hard.

Ikks

“You know, I knew a girl once…”

Kyle (as Roberts)

She broke my heart, but you know what I liked to do before that? You know what filled my heart with joy?

Grant (as Fletcher)

What was it, Roberts?

Kyle

He pulls something very familiar to you: a board with four wheels, from under his suitcoat.

Ikks

How? Wow.

Kyle (as Roberts)

I like to shred.

[Chuckling.]

Grant (as Fletcher)

I know you do, Roberts. I always knew.

Ikks

I always knew. It’s not that well-hidden. It’s a suit. You can’t really hide a skateboard.

Grant

It’s one of them long boards, too. It pokes out the top and bottom.

Ikks

Yeah, really. That’s exactly what I was thinking.

Yao

He’s been walking this entire time with the stiffest gate imaginable.

Ikks

God. Oh, Roberts.

Kyle

It’s a week later now! Sure, why not? We’re back in the skate park. It’s a cooler day. Skateboarding has been unbanned.

Ikks

Hell yeah. We’re all partying. Let’s all get Shawarma Pharma.

Kyle

You’re all at Shawarma Pharma.

Ikks

My parents have sent me out on another errand, and guess what, I forgot again.

Kyle

We’re gonna say you’re checking one of your phones and the phone has another recording of Maybelline.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

You are all going to regret this. I am going to become higher up at ScubaCorp, and then I will crush this little town, and I will take care of it, and I will be the curse upon this town, and…

Ikks

Holy shit.

Kyle (as Roberts)

Oh, cram it. This town belongs to the people, or at least the skateboarding part of it does. You still kind of rule the rest of it.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

I swear, when Oset gets here, he is going to make all of you pay because this is the kind of thing he cares about, because he cares about his employees, and, and, and…

Kyle

And she just keeps rambling. The rambling actually gets cut off as you get a ping from, uh… Is it alright if I say that, Pepper, this is your phone?

Yao

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

You get a ping for an article that says something like “what is missing about Out of Thyme’s missing rutabagas,” and it kind of mutes her voice, and we see the rest of you at the skate park. Maybe getting Shawarma Pharma? I don't know.

Ikks

I’m a little tired of it. I am skateboarding with my formerly broken-in-half, now duct taped back together board though.

Kyle

I’m so glad. Roberts is there too.

Ikks

Yay, it’s Roberts, everybody.

Kyle

[Laughs.] Are you skateboarding in the mascot outfit?

Ikks

No, that’s like… hush. They don’t need to know about that. Don’t say that in front of the cops or the adults. Come on.

Grant

It’s a little too… Pro Skater 3. You know?

Ikks

Yeah, I’m not a customized character here, I’m a real person. I’m a real person. I hope it doesn’t turn out that I’m an imaginary role-played person or anything. What kind of existential nightmare that would be? Anyway, back to skating.

Kyle

That would be horrifying.

Yuria

The whole reason I joined in on this whole getting skateboards legalized again… it’s an easier way for a rabbit to travel instead of having to hop around all the place.

Kyle

[Laughs.] So is everyone skateboarding? Are we ending this in the cheesiest movie way possible?

Ikks

Yeah, I think we must be.

Kyle

We started with one skateboarder and everyone is skateboarding.

Ikks

We’ve all been brought together by the magic of skateboarding being a crime. Now everybody loves it.

Kyle

Is Pepper just watching this video on top of a skateboard while shredding?

Yao

Pepper did literally leave the scene on a skateboard with—

Ikks

With rockets on it.

Yao

—a bunny riding the front, and rockets on it that we still never actually lit.

Ikks

Maybe you lit them in the getaway.

Yuria

Oh, we gotta do the big finish.

Grant (as Fletcher)

Alright!

Grant

He stretches, cracks the neck.

Grant (as Fletcher)

We rolling? We rolling?!

Ikks (as Monica)

[Reluctant.] Yeah, yeah, I’m rolling.

[01:35:00]

Grant

We have a montage of everybody having happy community moments, but now it’s the golden hour, and we see that a ramp has been constructed. It is time to finally film the finale of the skate tape.

Ikks

Yeah, the cheesy pop music that’s playing in the background, diegetically on a boom box, reaches a swell.

Kyle

I want whoever is doing this move to roll Keep Your Cool.

Ikks

Keep your cool, bro.

Grant

This is Fletcher’s time to shine.

Ikks

Yeah, it’s all you, man. It’s time for you to get blown up or whatever.

Grant

This is the button for the skate tape. We’re just seeing VHS fidelity effects and the little burned-in timer and date in the bottom corner and everything as he’s in close-up and says right to it:

Grant (as Fletcher)

They call me Streetsweep because I clear the garbage off these streets.

Grant

And then he sets up on this ramp. I think with a little bit of flame magic Kara lights the rockets that just launch him up into the sky. Let’s hit this dice button.

Yuria

You also get a +1 because of my—

Ikks

Monica’s filming and also being like “fuck up, fuck up” under her breath.

Grant

Okay. Here’s the thing. Here’s the thing. I rolled a 5.

Ikks

Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah, I know.

Grant

[Chuckles.] But it’s time to reveal another move, Loaded Dice.

Ikks

It’s time for the prestige.

Yao

Yes, it’s time to swap that out for that fucking 12 you rolled at the beginning of the session.

Grant

At the beginning of the adventure, roll +Slick and record your result. Once per adventure, at any point, you can use this result instead of your roll or that of another PC. That’s not a 5, that’s a 12.

Kyle

I think my favorite thing about that—

Ikks

It looks like you’re fucking up the planned move, but really you just launch into an even cooler move.

Kyle

I think my favorite thing is that, if I heard correctly, instead of saying +Slick you said +Sick, which for this rad-ass move is totally right.

Yao

Yes.

Ikks

Yeah, yeah. That’s pretty good, yeah.

Kyle

So yeah, describe the end. What is the ending we see as you mess up but you roll +Sick?

Grant

The trick is supposed to be a backflip. Right? It’s supposed to be a double backflip with the extra height and rotational speed coming from the rocket engines. But, this homemade DIY sketch-ass ramp has not been tested, that might have been a mistake, and it catches the wheels.

So, his vertical spin turns into, uh… it gets some lateral momentum instead, but after a moment of fumbling it turns into this sort of multi-axis rotation. He lands it clean. You would almost think it was the plan all along to get a backflip along with a 720 in the end.

As he lands and rolls into the mattress held up to stop him, it is held by Monica and Pepper with Kara eventually hopping into frame to join them. It’s the four of them together, all looking back at the camera in the VHS frame to end the skate tape.

Kyle

And that is where we’re gonna end our session.

Yao

I think so.

Kyle

That has been Under the Neighborhood. Thank you so much, everyone, for playing with me today.

Ikks

Thanks for having us.

Grant

We made a company executive frustrated. Yay!

Ikks

Yay!

Yao

Always a plus.

Yuria

By the way, I just rolled my random spell. It was in fact Hop, so congratulations.

Yao

Nice.

Ikks

Perfect.

Yao

Because I did have questions that were floating, but you know what, that’s part of the fun of this type of system. You can actually poke at that at a future time, if we were doing another one. I am kind of curious about two things. One is that heatwave happened rather coincidentally. It really did seem like it probably was some kind of curse. We could explore that in a future episode if this was continuing. The second question is—

Ikks

The Gravity Falls style post-credits thing would be the camera panning out and zooming in on something else and revealing that exactly.

Kyle

Oh yeah. I’m waiting for the other question and then we’re getting an epilogue. What’s the other question?

Yao

Yeah? So, she referred to Pepper as the second-most annoying investigative reporter, which has left Pepper wondering since that moment, okay, so who’s the first one then.

Yuria

“And how do I become the most annoying one?”

[01:40:00]

Yao

One thing at a time.

Kyle

Yeah, let’s do this, because it’s a nice segue.

Yao

And I would have gotten that automatically anyway, because I have a move for that.

Kyle

It is actually a couple of months later now. Skateboarding has gone really well. Your adventure actually took place right before the school year started, so those of you who are in school are back in school, and again, a couple of months have passed.

Yuria

In my head, Kara actually is still enrolled in school and everyone just kind of [unintelligable].

Kyle

[Laughs.] There is a fist that slams on the table, and this man wearing a long black trench coat that looks like the ScubaCorp coats says:

Kyle (as Oset)

So, not only, Maybelline, did you wait this long to tell me, but you say that you found this animal so coincidentally on a heatwave? This sounds like the work of a Legendary Necromon.

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Oh, Oset, it wasn’t Legendary. It was just some minor thing. Not a big thing. Not like the ones—

Kyle (as Oset)

Silence. The Legendary Necromon are the only thing that can cause something like this to happen. There is no such thing as coincidence, Maybelline. You will take care of this. Or, are you too distracted by that Sparky Malarky?

Kyle (as Maybelline)

Oset, don’t think about it at all. We’ll take care of her, we’ll take care of that whole other situation, and then we’ll get back to your cute thing. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine!

Kyle

Maybelline gets a very, very stiff smile, and her eyes grow angry. As the door slams behind her as she leaves Oset Scuba’s office, she just looks down at her to-do list. It’s a series of things. On the top of the list is “take my place as number two on ScubaCorp.” Number two on the list is “crush Sparky Malarky,” and number three on her list is “take care of those meddling kids.”

There is our epilogue. You have gained the ire of Maybelline and the attention of—I mean, you already had it, but you got her attention now.

Grant

Fantastic. Well, thank you so much for joining us. This was a great time. I really had fun today. So, Kyle, why don’t you tell us again where we can find Quest Friends and where the folks at home can find themselves a copy of Under the Neighborhood?

Kyle

Yeah! You can find Quest Friends at QuestFriendsPodcast.com or by searching Quest Friends! With an exclamation point on whatever podcatcher you’re using to listen to this right now.

If you are interested in this world and these characters, that’s where our second season, Hereafter, takes place. It’s got ghosts, it’s got ghouls, it’s got Maybelline as a major antagonist, the Rons are there, and one of our main characters is that number one investigative reporter that Maybelline was so aggravated by. So, if you want to learn about her and the missing rutabagas mystery she’s working on, you can check us out at, again, QuestFriendsPodcast.com or Quest Friends! With an exclamation point.

You can also find Under the Neighborhood at itch.io or on DriveThruRPG. I don’t have the specific URLs to mention, but just search Under the Neighborhood on either of those and you should be able to find it. The system doesn’t have any specific setting. You can use it for your own adventure in the world of Hereafter. You can use it in a show like the world of Gravity Falls. You can go there, you can go to the Boiling Isles, or you can go to Dead End, or you can, with some help by the rulebook, create a world and characters of your own.

Ikks

I regret not being able to smash something.

Kyle

I’m so sorry.

Ikks

It’s okay. These things happen.

Grant

We were a little low-violence this week.

Ikks

Yeah…

Kyle

I was surprised. I’ll mention this. I don't know if it will be kept in.

Ikks

I got to tackle a cop.

Kyle

You did get to tackle a Ron. I’ll tell you right now, that fan that she did, the glamorous fan, which is based on a real product I saw called GlamFan… was actually, if you had decided to fight her, was gonna be a Necromon in disguise that she was gonna have chase you.

Ikks

Amazing.

Grant

Ooh, fun.

Kyle

But, you all decided to trick her instead. I like my non-violent solutions. Don’t get me wrong, chases and chaos is fun as well, but I love it when a bunch of kids just get to outplay multiple adults.

[01:45:00]

Grant

You built the game for it, after all. One question we like to ask in the plug zone of our guests is what’s something you would like people to check out that you have no personal investment in? Something you’re not in but you think really deserves a plug regardless.

Kyle

This is gonna be shocking. Did you hear there’s a cartoon called Dead End: Paranormal Park that I really like?

Grant

[Laughs.]

Ikks

I did hear about this somewhere, but I can’t really place where.

Kyle

Yeah, it’s good. It is a show on Netflix. It takes place in a paranormal park. If you like Under the Neighborhood, this adventure we did today or shows like this, it’s a fantastic little show that does a lot of fun stuff and is this kind of story to a tee. On top of that, it’s also got a really great cast of characters. Its main character is a trans man. The side character is confirmed to be autistic. There’s a lot of great—from what I understand, of course. I am a cis, straight, allistic man saying this, but from what I can understand, on top of all that, it just has a lot of… great for kids shows kind of characters and representation and really good stuff.

Ikks

Agreed.

Kyle

It also has my favorite character. He is named Pugsley. He is a pug.

Ikks

He’s a good boy.

Kyle

And that’s all you need to know about him. He’s a good boy, he’s a very good boy. So yeah, it’s a very, very good show. Definitely, again, if you like this adventure, if you like the kind of shows that Under the Neighborhood is inspired by, I highly encourage you to check it out. It is one of my favorite of those kinds of shows.

Ikks

Also, the main antagonist is Walt Disney multiplied by Dolly Parton.

Kyle

She’s amazing. I love her. I love her so much.

Ikks

Yeah, she’s pretty great.

Grant

Once again… I’m just gonna keep saying it because I had so much fun. Thanks, I had a lot of fun. So yeah, go check out Quest Friends. Go check out Under the Neighborhood. This is probably coming out before the Mouse Guard finale, so keep an eye open for that. We put a lot of love into that episode. Well, three of the people on this call did. Sorry Yao, you’re not in that campaign.

Ikks

I won.

Yao

It is what it is.

Grant

I usually don’t plug our own show on the show, but that should tell you how excited I am for people to hear the winter episode of Mouse Guard.

Ikks

It’s a good one.

Grant

So, with all that, I guess there’s nothing left to say but good night, folks.

Ikks

Good night.

Yao

Good rest of the night.

[Six Feats Under outro music plays.]