School Daze w/Hallie, Part 2

Transcript by Lily Mwangi

Previously on a very special Quest Friends!

[Music]

Hallie (as Principal Scudworth)

Attention student body of Clone High. I hope everyone is having a lovely time at the Industrial Arts Fair. However, it has come to my attention that it's the [inaudible 00:00:15] positive reviews of this event, one miserable little curmudgeon has left a negative review, and per the conditions of my bet with John Stamos! [Kyle laughs.] I must now cancel the Industrial Arts Fair.

Tom (as Zenobia)

I—I mean, I feel like we can probably get away with letting the event go on. I mean, who even posts reviews in newspapers anymore?

Hallie (as Principal Scudworth)

[Frustrated.] The PTO!

Hallie 

And he unfurls the newspaper again. The one at the bottom just says, "This fair sucks." Signed, Mae Tinee.

Emily (as Marcel)

I also think I have to text and sigh hard because you know who leaves bad reviews in the newspaper? My ex.

Hallie (as Guillaume)

I have a tip about the Mae Tinee. I wanted to see his review published and I saw it published. And so, I can tell you...

Hallie

And he takes out a manila envelope.

Hallie (as Guillaume)

‘cause this is like the kind they have in the main office. The one next to the teacher's lounge.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Did this belong to someone specific here in the office?

Hallie (as Mr. Butlertron)

No, but I remember the three students who asked for the envelopes. They were Pliny the Younger, William Randolph Hearst, and Aurelion.

Tom

The manila envelope is just going to rip a little bit in Zenobia's hands.

[Chuckling.]

Ari

Also in Pliny's hands when he hears that the other Pliny, the lesser Pliny is involved somehow in this plot over here.

["I'll Do What I Want" by lynnepublishing] 

Hallie

Right. So, we're cutting back to Pliny and Zenobia. And you were off to find William Randolph Hearst, who you know to be in the newspaper office. And you do find him at the doorway going…

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Ah, [inaudible 00:02:23] here. What's all this then?

Hallie

Yelling at someone inside.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Hello?

Tom

Actually, Zenobia is gonna hold up a hand like…

Tom (as Zenobia)

Let's see where this intrigue leads.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Okay. [Hallie Laughs.]

Ari 

Pliny is not—is not the quiet type I have decided. [Laughs.]

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Are you trying to make that paper sensational again, Wells?

Kyle

Wells doesn't respond.

Hallie

He comes over and tries to stop the printing press. This might be an opposing role.

Kyle

Um, no.

Hallie

No?

Kyle

He stops the printing press, successfully shuts it down and Wells goes...

Kyle (as Wells)

“Ha, what's weird with the printing press today? We've gotta [inaudible 00:03:03] go quickly.”

Kyle

And he just moves and just shoulder checks William Randolph Hearst, as if not noticing he is even there, flips it back on, and then goes back to what he was doing.

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Wells, what's this all about? Now see here, I've been made a mockery by you once and I won't be again. I have a lot to atone for, for the real William Randolph Hearst. I don't wanna end up like him publishing a rag full of gossip and incendiary news. I want facts in my paper. I have a hard enough time with William, Apollinaire, and with you. You can't be running the printing press. [inaudible 00:03:44]

Kyle

Not responding to what he's saying, Wells is doing his thing. He just independently looks up and sees William Randolph Hearst mid-monologue and just goes…

Kyle (as Wells)

Excuse me, can I help you?

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

You've never once helped me in your life.

Kyle (as Wells)

Well, I don't—I don't believe we've met before. Who are you?

Tom

Goddamit, Wells. All right, Pliny, let's get in there. And Zenobia is going to, like, kick open the door entirely unnecessarily and burst in.

Ari

[Laughs.] Pliny just will, like, pop through the now open door and just be like…

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Hello.

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Ah!

Tom (as Zenobia)

Randy, hey! Love what you've been doing with the newspaper lately. Quick question, uh, just a small clerical thing, I mean, I've been working on for student council business. Just down by the administrative office and Mr. Butlertron said that you came by there a few days ago to request some manila envelopes. Could you maybe go into more detail as to why you needed those?

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Well, I needed the manila envelopes for the paper and also some personal matters.

Tom (as Zenobia)

And what exactly about the paper were you, uh, using them for? Hmm?

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Could you elaborate on what personal matters those could be? And are they connected with either Pliny the Lesser or Aurelion?

[00:05:04] 

Kyle (as Wells)

Did someone say Pliny the Younger? I think he would make an excellent reference point for my film.

Kyle 

Wells says looking directly past William Randolph Hearst.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Excuse me. That—that other Pliny who is just there used my name as the younger. Should be corrected as Pliny the Lesser as he is nothing. If you want to use a Pliny for whatever piece of media you're planning, Wells, I think you should use me.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Isn't he like genetically your nephew or something? What—what—what is your—what is your beef with the other Pliny?

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Well, theoretically, he—he is in the sense that yes, but he has not earned a name of Pliny ‘cause he—he has not followed my medical remedies. So, because of that, I have taken away…

Tom (as Zenobia)

Ah!

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

…all relations with me and yet he dares use the same name as mine.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Okay. Yeah. Now, this makes a lot more sense now. Thank you very much, Pliny. Anyway, Hearst, what did you need the envelopes for? Were you by chance submitting something to your paper a little op-ed based on a bet our principal may or may not have made with the actor John Stamos?

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Why would I need a manila envelope to submit to my own paper?

Tom (as Zenobia)

If you wanted to keep it anonymous, you would.

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

If I wanted to keep it anonymous, I would just remove my name. No, no, no. That's not what I needed a manila envelope for.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

What did you need it for then?

Hallie

He glances at Wells, and then at the floor.

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

"Nothing."

Tom (as Zenobia)

You know, Pliny. I know he's looking kind of pale.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Hmm.

Tom (as Zenobia)

You think those might be pustules forming? Maybe he has smallpox. Like, I don't know. His DNA is from like before we wiped out the disease with vaccines. So maybe the virus hid in there and I—I think maybe you might need to—might need to treat him.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Oh, really?

Ari

And then, like, approach his face like super, super close, like with a little magnifying glass that he's just going to whip out out of nowhere that he stole from the Industrial Arts Fair at some point. [Laughter.] Like…

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Oh, I believe you might be right. Oh, no—no worries though, because I have just the perfect things here.

 Ari 

And he's gonna be like rummaging through his little bag and be like…

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Oh, okay. Perfect, perfect. Just put this little ointment here in your face. Don't really ask me what's in it ‘cause sometimes when people ask me, they sound a little bit grossed out, but really, really it's a foolproof remedy over here. So, if you just let me just put this little cloth on your face.

Ari

And it's going to be like a cloth that he's going to pour some things that smelled really terrible and it looks all like grody and try to put it on his face.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Hearst, have you ever drank a mixture of killer whale testicles and asphalt?

Ari

[Laughs.]

Tom (as Zenobia)

‘Cause you're about to. Unless you tell us everything about those envelopes.

Hallie 

Ari, I want you to rule because—because, uh, Wellie—Wellie is fighting you.

Ari

Yeah. Okay. It's just 1D6, right?

Hallie 

Yeah, just 1D6. And do you have any ranks in anything physical that would help?

Ari

I don't. I rolled a five though, so…

Hallie 

 You're fucking sixteen!

Ari

[Laughs.] Yes.

Hallie 

It looks, like, you're just, like—and it's not even like you're trying to be aggressive necessarily. You're just, like, you're being—

Ari

No, he really is trying to help.

Hallie 

Yeah, you're being really nice about it and you don't understand why Willie is like, "No."

Ari

[Laughs.] Just this gross thing on his face.

Hallie 

Will this work? 'Cause as you're like forcing him back on the table without knowing it, you have just intimidated the fuck outta William Randolph Hearst and he is like…

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Fine, fine, I'll tell you.

Hallie 

And then, um, he reaches behind him at, like, a desk drawer and pulls it open and then takes out the manila envelope and says…

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

I just needed it to store my headshots.

Hallie

And inside the middle envelope are like headshots and a full acting resume and he hands it to you. And then side eyes Wells and goes...

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

He never even asked me to be in his movie.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Oh, Willie, that's so sweet. And you should definitely pursue your dreams. I think personally you would be an incredible actor and I really wanna see you more in drama club, film club. I have some connections I can put in a good word.

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Thank you. Would you do that for me?

Tom (as Zenobia)

Absolutely.

Tom

She's gonna smack Wells on the arm.

Hallie 

[Laughs.]

Tom (as Zenobia)

You should let Willie audition in your big movie. Charlie Foster Kane would.

Hallie 

[Laughs.] Take a gold star. Tom gets a gold star for that one.

Tom

Yes.

Kyle (as Wells)

Oh, Charlie, Willie. Oh, yes. Hearst—Hearst, I have something very important to talk to you about.

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

You do?

Kyle (as Wells)

Something only you can do for me.

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Really?

Kyle 

And the music is swelling. I'm—I'm looking at 'em very determined. And then from behind my back, I pull a stack of the printed newspapers and dump them in his arms and say…

[00:10:05] 

Kyle (as Wells)

Put those around all the school.

Hallie

He looks down at the stack in his hand and says…

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

Well, a lot of actors get their start as gophers. I can do this for you, Wells.

[Chuckling.]

Kyle (as Wells)

Thank you so much. Uh, you—

Kyle 

And I do wink.

Hallie (as William Randolph Hearst)

William Randolph but you're gonna put me in your movie, right?

Tom (as Zenobia)

Yeah. You're gonna put him in your movie, right?

Kyle

I'm gone. I'm not—I'm not even paying attention.

[Laughs.]

Hallie

So Marcel, you, last we checked in with you, were standing up in the bathroom ready to be useful.

Emily

After having the best pep talk with Abe.

[Laughs.]

Hallie

After having a really meaningful pep talk with Abe Lincoln, hitting the toilet with wrenches. The scene I definitely planned for. What has that inspired you to do now?

Emily 

He is going to leave the bathroom and in the hallway, crouch down again and stand the wrench up on one end, and then, like, write in sharpie L and then hurry off.

Tom

What an incredible installation.

Hallie

I love it.

Emily

He does say to it as he walks away…

Emily (as Marcel)

Let him write a review of that one.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Take a gold star. I really liked it.

Emily

I have a gold star.

Tom

It feels good.

Hallie

Oh yeah. I didn't explain this when I gave Tom his gold star either, but gold stars are a mechanic in the game that we're playing. It's like XP. I give people gold stars if they do something that really tickles me and then, um, they can use that to add +2 to a role instead of +1. Or they can use it to remove a consequence that I impose for a failure. Or they can use it to add something weird to the scene. But we don't really need…

Emily

More weirdness.

Hallie

…a mechanic to do that. We just already do.

Tom

We do that all the time.

Emily

So I'm—I'm— [Chuckles] he doesn't know where to go. It's the problem to be useful. He doesn't know that everyone is now in the newspaper room.

Tom

And leaving there to go somewhere else too.

Ari 

Well—well, I can say that like we're passing and Pliny turns around and sees Marcel and is like…

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Oh, there you are. We lost you for a second, we did a bunch of different things. But, uh, right now I—I am particularly looking for Pliny the Lesser formerly known as Pliny the younger as he has some explaining to do if you want to join us in asking him some explanations. I also cured William Randolph Hearst of the pox. [Laughter.] It would be contagious but probably not now that I gave him my fail-safe Pliny cure.

Emily (as Marcel)

I was crying in the bathroom, but I'm okay now.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Oh, I'm glad you're okay now. Come on, come on. Please let me know how you get— got better from crying. ‘Cause I can write that down for my next, uh, list of foolproof cures.

Emily (as Marcel)

Friendship.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Hmm, all right. Well, you were in the bathroom so I am just going to write toilet water. Perfect.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[inaudible 00:13:11] take a gold star, Ari. Everybody has a gold star except for Wells, the greatest filmmaker of all time.

Kyle 

Oh, no. We all start with a gold star, baby.

Ari 

Oh, that's right. We do.

Hallie

No, we don't. Do we? Well, you have one gold star and everybody has two.

Kyle 

Hot diggity dog.

Hallie

Fine. Everybody's got a—that's a rule that I knew before we started.

Emily

I think the administrator should be allowed to take away gold stars when she wants to.

[Chuckles.]

Hallie

I'm not gonna do that to Wells. Paddington's already done it for him. So, you would know Pliny the Elder that Pliny the Younger is in debate club. So that's presumably…

Ari

Oh, God.

Hallie

…the area you go to. So, as you group of four approach the debate club, the debate that was happening is just wrapping up. On one side…

Hallie (as JFK)

In conclusion, as part of my heralded family legacy and in duty to democracy, I hereby declare term limits are for losers. There shall be no term limits on the student council.

Hallie

On the other side, Pliny the Younger is aghast and says…

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

You know, for my part, I think it's just sort of a common sense argument to say that term limits should be imposed, especially on the student council because, um, well, students graduate and that, kind of, already imposes limits. So, in conclusion, uh, common sense.

[Chuckle.]

Hallie

And he'll notice you as you walk in and say like…

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

Uncle Pliny.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

How dare you still use that familial title when I have renounced all of our ties since you have renounced using and promoting my cures for the benefit of the student body?

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

Oh, well uncle Pliny, I didn't mean to renounce your cures per se I just meant to avoid them, sort of.

[00:15:04]  

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

You know—you know, I just, um, common sense, you know.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Well, common sense stand no light to my foolproof cures. But in addition to that, you have to explain some news we got about you and a certain manila envelope.

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

A manila **envi, whatever do you mean?

Tom (as Zenobia)

Oh, we simply heard from Mr. Butlertron that you were in the school office recently and asked to borrow some. Why was that?

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

I sure know that it wasn't for any headache cures.

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

Well, um, you've got me there. I wouldn't have gotten the manila envelope for headache cures.

Hallie

And as he's thinking, he's taking all of his papers for the debate and, like, tapping them on the table to stack them together. And then he puts them in the manila envelope…

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

Manila envelope, manila envelope.

Hallie

And he seals it and goes...

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

No, I don't think I've ever had occasion to use one Uncle Pliny.

Ari

He will, like, slowly approach the—I—I assume we noticed that he put the thing in a manila envelope.

Hallie

Oh, yeah, he's doing it right in front of you.

Ari 

He'll slowly approach it again with his little magnifying glass like he did with, like, the pox thing being like…

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Oh, and pray tell me then, what is this thing you are holding right now? It seems awfully familiar and close looking to a manila envelope former Pliny.

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

This? Oh, I do suppose you are right. This is a manila envelope. You know, I just have so many important papers I put in so many important folders that I just lose track of all of them. You know how it is. Oh, I'm sorry you don't.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

No, I don't.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Getting back on subject for a moment. Pliny, have any of your folders ever made their way to say, even newspaper, you know, submitting any sort of article or review? Just wanted to make sure that we were accurately keeping track of your club's operations to make sure that nothing is unaccounted for when your club comes up for school funding at the meeting next month with the student council. It's just important that I make sure everything's jotted down correctly. I wouldn't want, you know, there to be some sort of weird technicality that cuts some of your funding.

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

But why ever would there be a technicality to cut some of our funding? The debate club, we have five whole members. That is so many more members than last year. It was just me and JFK over there arguing back and forth.

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as JFK)

That's right.

Hallie 

He says sticking his head sideways into the shot in the background.

Hallie (as JFK)

I lo—love debates.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Thank you, JFK. So you're saying that you've never submitted anything to the school newspaper?

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

Goodness, no. Just information about when we meet, but I certainly haven't done that recently. Why ever do you ask?

Tom (as Zenobia)

Oh, you know, just, um, tracking down a lost manila envelope that may have been misplaced in the school newspaper with an anonymous review of some’s kind. Just wanted to make sure I returned it to the right person, you know.

Hallie (as Pliny the Younger)

Yes, yes. I suppose you would. Have you, um—have you, um—have you talked to Aurelion lately?

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Uh, yes, that is the third student that we have not seen today, Zenobia, Queen. I bet he would have the information we need.

Tom (as Zenobia)

No, I haven't had a chance to see him yet, you know. I haven't run into him.

Kyle (as Wells)

Oh, are we talking about Aurelion? Uh, if someone has his phone number, I'm happy to give him a call right away.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Oh, please do, Mr. Wells.

Kyle (as Wells)

Um, please don't call me Wells.

Tom (as Zenobia)

N—no to—a shame I just don't have his—his phone number anymore. Not these days.

Emily (as Marcel) 

If I texted my ex for you, you can text your ex for us.

Tom (as Zenobia)

That would be—that would be great if I—if I had his phone number, which I don't.

Hallie

JFK sticks his head in and goes…

Hallie (as JFK)

Are you talking about Aurelion? We're on the football team together. We spend a lot of time in each other's company. He's a real rare dude.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Might be a different Aurelion, I don't know. It could—could be a lot of guys with that name at this school. A lot of Romans here, uh, several Romans here in the r—room right now.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Listen, there are only two people in the entire school that share the exact name and we’re both standing here and this should be corrected soon, Pliny.

Tom (as Zenobia)

I mean, I don't know. I—I feel like a lot of—a lot of Romans had, like, the exact same fucking name. Like, I—I don't know what the fuck their problem was. They just—they just love naming every single son Gnaeus, Julius, Armani, Caesar, some shit like that. I don't—

Kyle (as Wells)

But that name isn't Aurelion.

Tom (as Zenobia)

You know what? That's not important right now. The important thing is—

Hallie (as JFK)

The important thing is I'm calling him right now.

[Laughter.]

Hallie 

JFK is in place, been looking for Aurelion's number the entire time you're talking and he's already on the phone.

[00:20:02] 

Hallie (as JFK)

**Ira, hey cool guy is.

Aurelion

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Hallie (as JFK)

Yeah, it's me, JFK. **Ira, Zenobia is here.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Shut up, shut up.

Aurelion

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Hallie (as JFK)

What do you mean you broke up?

Aurelion

Blah, blah, blah.

Hallie (as JFK)

Well, you didn't tell me that.

Aurelion

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Hallie (as JFK)

Well, that kind of makes things awkward now. **Ira, kinda look like a jackass now. Do you wanna talk to her?

Tom (as Zenobia)

Fucking no.

[Laughter.]

Aurelion

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Hallie (as JFK)

**Ira. Uh…

Hallie

He, like, he doesn't—he doesn't know how to navigate the situation. So then he puts the phone down and then brings it back up to his ear, then puts it down again. Like he just needs to distance himself from it before thinking and then he reaches back up and says…

Hallie (as JFK)

I don't know who I'm voting for for student council president yet.

Aurelion

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as JFK)

Okay. She's, uh—she's, uh, looking for a—for an envelope.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Shut up, shut up.

Tom

Zenobia is gonna slap the phone right out of JFK's hand.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Give me a role to do that.

Tom

All right. I'm gonna spend a gold star to give myself a +2 on this. I rolled a fucking six anyway.

Ari

Oh, my God. Nice!

Hallie

Nice work. All right.

Ari

Hyper success.

Hallie

You whack the phone so hard out of JFK's hand that he flinches back and it breaks against the wall behind him.

Ari

Oh, no. [Laughs.]

Tom (as Zenobia)

I will buy you a new phone later, JFK. Hit—hit me up later. Call me. Uh…

Hallie (as JFK)

 I can't. You broke my phone.

Tom

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as JFK)

I, uh, need to go ask for a ride because I can't text Cleo now.

Hallie

[Laughs.] He, li—he leaves. He's going—he is gonna ask his girlfriend, his weekend girlfriend for a ride.

Tom

All right, team.

Kyle

I'm half tempted to spend a gold star so that Cleo is not there when he arrives because, in the meantime, Lincoln has talked to her and successfully convinced her to let him be her weekend boyfriend. [Laughs.]

Hallie

God, you can do that if you want.

Kyle

Yeah, I'm spending a gold star. That's—that's happening now.

Halle

All right. That's happening in the background. He's showing up.

[Laughter.]

Ari

God, we just made an—an actual Clone High main character's episode in the middle of all this bullshit. I love it.

Halle

I'm so upset.

Tom (as Zenobia)

All right, team. Come on, let's huddle around again. This is going to be our toughest fight yet. This goes straight to the top. The true culprit behind all of us. The one illegitimate rival for student council presidents. When we bust this case wide open, I think this could have some serious ramifications on the election. So I wanna know that we are all on our A-game when we—when we go face Aurelion.

Kyle (as Wells)

Paddington will pay!

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Oh, please. I am always on my A-game. Zenobia, Queen.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Yeah, we can do this—we can do this—we can do this. Straighten here.

Emily (as Marcel)

You know, I've been feeling a lot better after hitting a toilet with a wrench. Maybe that's something that you should—

Tom (as Zenobia)

I don't need to hit a toilet with a wrench!

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Marcel)

Are you sure?

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

It's true. What—what you probably need is some toilet water with some cinnamon in it to quench your anger, Zenobia, Queen. I can prepare you that concoction after this is done.

Tom (as Zenobia)

No, no, no, no. It's—it's all okay. Let's just gather everything together, gonna straighten here again. [inaudible 00:23:36] yeah. It'll be all right. That fuckboy will be hanging out with most of the rest of the football team looking at where JFK was slinking away over by the bleachers right about now. So, let's go out there. Let's bust this case wide open.

Kyle

And as everyone leaves, Wells looks out and he has a moment of contemplation.

Kyle (as Wells)

Of course.

Kyle

And he looks at Zenobia walking in the distance away from everyone else, and he just goes…

Kyle (as wells)

I found my Charlie Kane.

Hallie

Fucking perfect. So, as you all make your way to the bleachers where the football team stands, JFK, who needs to go ask his girlfriend for a ride are hanging out. You hear…

Hallie (as Aurelion)

So, I said, who wouldn't want a QB as president? Am I right? Like, just like it's assumed I'm a leader on the field. It's assumed I'm gonna be the one to run for student council President. Y’all—y’all hear me?

Hallie

And everybody's like, "Yeah, yeah."

Hallie (as Aurelion)

So I—I got—I got all your votes, right Roskies?

Hallie

And they say, "Yeah, yeah."

Emily (as Marcel)

I have a question. It makes sense that I dated Guillaume because he has beautiful eyes, but—

Tom (as Zenobia)

You need to stop this line of thought right now Marcel.

Emily

[Laughs.]

[00:25:00]

Emily 

And Marcel continues to approach, blinding in the sunlight, in his foil.

Hallie

Oh God, he's still wearing the foil. I forgot about that.

Emily

He didn't plan on going outside. He's hurting his own eyes.

Hallie

As Aurelion turns, he happens to turn at the same time the sun perfectly glints off of your tin outfit. And is just like…

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Ah, Sol Invictus.

Ari (Pliny the Elder)

Hello Aurelion, we're here, all of us Wells, Marcel and Zenobia, Queen, and me, Pliny.

Tom

Zenobia is gonna, like, try to stand on a bleacher, like, above where he is and, like cross her arms, try to do a little bit of a hair flip and say…

Tom (as Zenobia)

Hey, Aurelion, heard you've been in the student office lately, and what might be an up and coming candidate like you doing there?

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Well, I don't see how that's any, uh, of, uh, your, uh, business, Zenobia.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Well, uh, Aurelion, it's my business because Principal Scudworth has looked into things, student council business now. So, uh, what you need with all the manila envelopes? Don't have any at home? Hmm?

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I thought you'd want the student council elections to be canceled.

Tom (as Zenobia)

[Laughs.] Oh, oh, that—oh, oh.

Kyle (as Wells)

Oh!

Kyle

I just mentioned all the frat boys. Oh!

Ari

Ohhhh!

Hallie

Ohhhh! Someone pulls out [inaudible 00:26:26] from fucking nowhere.

[Vuvuzela blows.]

Tom

The vuvuzela.

Ari

Oh, no, please.

Hallie

It's John Phillips who said.

Tom (as Zenobia)

You just love the sound of your own voice, don't you? You were just like this too, always just like, "Oh, yeah, I thought you wanted that, babe. Oh, I—I—I just assumed that was—" No, fuck you. Hmm? I'm gonna win. Do you know why? ‘Cause you are out here on the field with your boys, but I'm—I'm in there, in the Industrial Arts Fair, I'm making connections. I'm getting this stupid fucking thing uncancelled for Principal Scudworth. I'm the one getting Hearst in a movie. You're out of touch with the people, Aurelion. You don't know what they want.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I'm not—I'm not outta touch with the people. I play touch football. I tackle them all the time.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Do you ever asked if people want to play touch football with you? I mean, they probably did if they were in a touch football game with you. [Laughter.] But like, how many people is that out of a student body? Huh? There's gotta be like, at least a couple thousand clones that go here to Clone High. It can't—they're not all in one touch football game. You can't have a touch football game of a few thousand people. Huh?

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Babe, babe.

Tom (as Zenobia)

[Angry.] Don't you fucking dare!

Hallie (as Aurelion)

That was part of my platform. Remember we talked about it. I was gonna make a flag football team for the people who didn't wanna play touch football.

Tom (as Zenobia)

See, exactly that shit. It's always about fucking football with you, or the Roman Empire, or fucking Sol Invictus, your shitty sun God.

Hallie

[Laughter.] He crosses himself even though that is not the appropriate religious expression of—of no, it's the only one I know. So, that's what he does.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Don't you dare bring Sol Invictus into this!

Tom (as Zenobia)

Look, I don't care. Are you admitting you sent that review?

Hallie (as Aurelion)

What review? You're sending your mixed messages the way that you always do. Stick to one thing and tell me that.

Tom (as Zenobia)

You just said, "Oh, I thought—I thought you wanted the election to be canceled." So you know why it's canceled, huh?

Hallie

The expression on Aurelion's face is the face of someone who's fucked up, but he's also a man, so.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I don't know what you're talking about.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Fuck you! Fuck you! Where's the folder? Undo it. Write in again and say there was a misprint.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

You think I wrote the letter.

Hallie

He finally puts the pieces together then taps the side of his head.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Ah, babe, you always—you always did make things more complicated than they need to be. I didn't write the letter.

Tom (as Zenobia)

So find who did and have 'em undo it.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I can't undo what I didn't do in the first place. You know what? Aren't—aren't you impressed I had a manila folder to begin with?

Tom (as Zenobia)

Did you really fucking think that would win me back, having a manila folder? Is—is that your real plan?

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I thought it would prove I was serious.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Oh, my God.

Tom (as Zenobia)

What the fuck! Wait, what are you—a manila fucking folder?

Hallie (as Aurelion)

All the really super serious people have them. And I didn't even know how to pronounce it at first, but Mr. Butlertron told me.

Tom (as Zenobia)

I don't care.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Why?

Tom (as Zenobia)

I don't care. Are you serious? I care that you didn't want me to run for the election.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I wanted that.

Tom (as Zenobia)

It's always about you!

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Well, who else would it be about?

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Zenobia)

[Exasperated.] Me as well. That's what a relationship is!

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I don't get it.

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Zenobia)

You know what, Aurelion, this isn't worth my time, because you know what? I'm going to show you what a mistake you've made. I'm going to show you that I can crush you in the election, and I can crush you on this too.

[00:30:02] 

Tom (as Zenobia)

I don't even know why I'm bothering you about this anyway, because Wells just printed, like, some absolute bullshit about Paddington earlier today. [Laughter.] I can just have him reprint a retraction anytime I want.

Kyle

I pull out my tape recorder and I play a little bit, and it plays…

[Recorder playing.]

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Sol Invictus, I wrote the review. I want the student council elections to be canceled. That was part of my [inaudible 00:30:29].

[Recorder stops.]

Hallie 

I do write the letter.

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's called—that's called slander.

Kyle (as Wells)

It's called entertainment, Aurelion.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

That's—that's—that's—that's—look—look, you can't—you can't publish that. All right, look, I don't have the envelope. I can—I can tell you who took it off me. It was really embarrassing if you just don't publish that. I can't—I can't be—I can't be heard caring about the Industrial Arts Fair.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Who?

Kyle

I will play it again.

[Recorder playing.]

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I can’t be caring about the Industrial Arts Fair.

[Laughter.]

[Recorder stops.]

Hallie

He throws his hands up and like…

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Fine, fine. You know what? You know what? It got stolen by Eric Arthur Blair.

Kyle (as Wells)

Who?

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Oh, that's right. He goes by, uh—by, uh [Snaps fingers.] George Orwell. George Orwell came in, sucker-punched me, and took the manila envelope.

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Zenobia)

Oh, did that really happen to you, Aurelion? That's, honestly, unironically. I'm just sorry that that happened to you. That sounds really mean.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

It was really embarrassing.

Tom (as Zenobia)

I bet it was.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

He's a nerd.

Tom (as Zenobia)

I bet it was. And that took a lot of courage to admit in front of all your friends and me.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I really tried.

Tom (as Zenobia)

But if you'll excuse me, uh, we've gotta wrap this thing up. So, let's get out of here, gang. Don't worry. I won't run it in the paper. Wouldn't be worth my time.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

You're a real queen, Zenobia.

[Chuckles.]

Tom (as Zenobia)

I know.

Tom

And Zenobia pulls out her phone and deletes Aurelion's number.

Hallie

Wow.

Emily

Oh shit.

Hallie

Good for Zenobia.

["Forever and a Day" by Field of Giants]

Hallie

Thanks again for listening to our very special episode of Clone High, I mean Quest Friends! our episode of Quest Friends! based off of Clone High and run using the School Daze System by Tracy Barnett. We will continue to the stirring conclusion in a bit. But first, a very important announcement. Season two cometh. It is on the horizon. We are releasing our season two reveal trailer on Monday, March 14th. And then on the day of the release, Kyle is running a casual stream at 6:00 PM CDT. We'll talk a little bit about season two and answer any questions from the viewers. And that is, uh, 6:00 PM CDT after Daylight Savings Time ruins our lives. So a 6:00 PM CDT in the future, the future of 6:00 PM CDT time. So, just make sure you got that. It's the future. In the following weeks after that trailer, there will be some special introductory content, like in Episode Zero and a Crossover World building episode with James D'Amato from the One Shot Podcast Network.

For now, though, as always, there's content on our Patreon at patreon.com/questfriends. Since last episode, Patreon backers have gotten some character artwork wallpapers, which is actually free to everyone. Not everything on our Patreon is locked behind a [inaudible 00:33:49]. And then there's also a bonus episode where everyone discusses the original plans for season one/The Flashback Future and the Cookie Crew that never came to pass. And eventually, there will be stuff relating to our new current—our new season that will be current. The new season, the—the—the season that the trailer is premiering on March 14th we'll have—we'll have stuff for that, you know, eventually. So just, so—so our Patreon is cool and you should check it out. And now back to a very special episode of Quest High Clone Friends.

["Forever and a Day" by Field of Giants]

[00:35:00]

Hallie

All right. So you would all know that George Orwell hangs out in the library ‘cause he's a book nerd.

Kyle

Nerd.

Ari

Nerd.

Kyle

Yeah, he likes animal books.

Ari

And farm books, too.

Kyle

The cow goes moo fucker!

Ari

[Laughs.]

Tom

I want us to, like, advance into the library in, like, a V formation with Zenobia at the tip of the spear marching up to like Orwell's table.

Emily

Looking all threatening with the boil cone hat crunching.

Hallie

And like a bunch of randomers.

Kyle

Yeah, like one—one of us looks like a Victorian **tin man, but it's fine. We're still looking powerful.

Emily

The slosh of animal urine in jars from years.

Kyle

Powerful.

Emily

Of all of this stuff he has.

Tom

Extraordinarily powerful. It's just like I always say with Maddie and Zetian. We're here to, like, gaslight, gatekeep and girl boss our way through life.

[Laughter.]

Ari

I am not a girl, but I am a boss. So, I—I can—I can ascribe to those words.

Tom

Anyway, I wanna just—I wanna do like the quiet arm slam on George Orwell's table.

Hallie

He's startled and looks up from his little books and papers.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Hello, Mae Tinee.

Hallie

He pushes the chair back from the table and **books it. You have to chase him now.

Ari

Oh!

Hallie

You scared him so fast.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Let's fucking go.

Hallie

Yeah, give me—give me a chase him down role.

Tom 

I'm debating whether or not I should try to use my—my rank here or if I should just use my other gold star. Ah, fuck it. Let's use a gold star.

Hallie

All right, do it. +2.

Tom 

That's a six.

Hallie

Holy shit! He pushes his chair back and gets up to run. But before he's even fully up from the chair, you're just on top of it. Like you're just, "No!"

[Laughs.]

Tom 

Just dives straight over the table to tackle him.

Hallie

Yeah, as you've pinned him on the floor, he's like squirming under you. And he's like…

Hallie (as George Orwell)

Listen, listen, they promised if I did it, they'd let me in.

Tom (as Zenobia)

[Growls.] Who?

Hallie (as George Orwell)

The Picture Book Club.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Wait, who? I have genuinely not heard of his club. Who's in Picture Book Club?

Hallie (as George Orwell)

Only the coolest writers around. They think they're so cool with their secret literary society won't let George Orwell in. Keeping Georgie out. They told me I could get in the club if I wrote the day-to-day review, but they still haven't let me in.

Tom (as Zenobia)

You were duped, Georgie.

Hallie (as George Orwell)

I was duped. Georgie was duped.

Tom (as Zenobia)

No secret literary club is going to open their doors like that. Not for subterfuge. No. If you want in, gotta make your own club, make them come begging to join your secret literary society.

Hallie (as George Orwell)

But I don't have a secret literary society.

Tom

She's gonna throw her arm around like his shoulder and say, and like do the—the buzz lightyear gesture from Toy Story II.

Hallie 

Delicious hot s'mores.

Tom

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hand out like gesturing to the distance. Like…

Tom (as Zenobia)

Picture right now George, who are your best friends?

Hallie (as George Orwell)

Susan B Anthony and Henry the Eight.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Tom

So Zenobia was like, oh like, nodding at Susan and Henry the Eight, just hmm.

Hallie

[Laughs].

Tom (as Zenobia)

All right, so we can probably set up a club with two people.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom (as Zenobia)

I will make it happen. Susan B Anthony, she likes books, right?

Hallie (as George Orwell)

Yeah.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Yeah. And there are so many other clones out there who are interested in cool book-related stuff, especially if we ran an ad for your fun new club. Uh? Uh?

Hallie (as George Orwell)

You would do that for Georgie?

Tom (as Zenobia)

Absolutely Georgie, no strings attached. However, it's gonna be hard to do that if we miss out on lots of fun school activities like Industrial Arts Festival, uh, prom, uh, the student council election. If we don't have those, then we're not gonna get the money to the school newspaper and we're gonna be in class, so we won't have time to run up a quick ad or like get you a—a classroom. So, I mean, I—I will do this without asking anything of you. I'm not—I'm not gonna demand anything for your loyalty. But if you could retract that review right now and say that that was—that was either a misprint or you—you were having fun at the Industrial Arts Fair that would help me help you get this club off the ground.

Hallie

He's nodding along with you. His eyes are stricken wide in terror and vulnerability. He says…

Hallie (as George Orwell)

Okay.

Tom (as Zenobia)

I know you'll do the right thing, Georgie.

Hallie (as George Orwell)

Yeah—yeah, I'll do the right thing. In fact, um, they won't let me in the club, but I know how to get in. Do you wanna know?

Tom (as Zenobia)

Yeah, yeah.

Hallie 

He takes out a little piece of paper and he writes down like a Dewey Decimal number on it and he goes…

Hallie (as George Orwell)

Just find this book in the stacks and then take it out.

[00:40:00]

Tom (as Zenobia)

Oh, thank you.

Hallie (as George Orwell)

You're welcome. Thank—thank you. This is the first time I felt like a politician really had my best interests at heart.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Hey, hey, hey, I'm not here to be a politician. I'm here to be everyone's friend.

Kyle (as Wells)

And scene!

Kyle

And I do a little clipboard and turn off the camera.

Kyle (as Wells)

Now, I thought that was very good. But Georgie, there was a little too emotion—much emotion on screen. You really overtook the star as it were.

Hallie (as George Orwell)

Too much emotion?

Kyle (as Wells)

Much, too much emotion. These scenes with humans you can't get too emotional. Those things just have too much emotion in them when coming from humans. They look comical unless they're coming from something like animals. And we're not animals of course.

Hallie (as George Orwell)

No, we're not animals. That would be a stupid metaphor.

[Laughter.]

Tom

He says as he, like, closes a laptop playing amnesia [inaudible 00:41:01] a machine for papers.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as George Orwell)

But I—I—I can do better next time. Am I still—am I still gonna be in your movie?

Kyle (as Wells)

Well, I can't think of anyone else who wants to be in it. So, sure.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Take a gold star.

Kyle 

Thank you.

Hallie

You're welcome.

Kyle

Um, I'm curious if this book is what I think it is.

Hallie 

It's exactly what you think it is.

Kyle 

And Wells goes and he looks at the number on the Dewey Decimal System and his face goes pale white.

Tom

Zenobia is gonna call Pliny and Marcel over and say…

Tom (as Zenobia)

We can just look this up in the library catalog, right? Like that's a—that's a thing. There’s is like a computer around here somewhere that tells us where a book is, right?

Kyle (as Wells)

There—there's no need to do that, Charlie.

Tom (as Zenobia) 

Sorry, what did you just call me?

Kyle (as Wells)

Let's go see Paddington.

Hallie

You go to the shelf and you find the book there and you remove Paddington. And after you do so, the shelf moves aside revealing a secret little room hidden in the middle of the library with, like, a fireplace and armchairs and—and just very luxurious and literary. And as the bookcase slides open, three people look up and at the same time.

Hallie (as A.A. Milne) 

[inaudible 00:42:28] what the devil?

Hallie

A.A. Milne says in the corner.

Hallie (as Dr. Doctor Seuss) 

[Inaudible 00:42:32] we’ve been heard.

Hallie

Dr. Doctor says because he’s there. And…

Hallie (as Ludwig Bemelmans) 

Oh, someone else is here.

Hallie

Ludwig Bemelmans says as he puts down Madeline because that’s what he wrote.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Well, well, well, now, what would you all have to gain from canceling the Industrial Arts Fair? Hmm?

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

I sure am not surprised that you would be behind all this, Doctor. I refuse to call you Dr. Doctor as you're not a Dr. Doctor.

Hallie (as Dr. Doctor Seuss) 

Then call me my real name.

Hallie 

He says, removing his stethoscope and only his stethoscope as if it was a disguise and he says...

Hallie (as Dr. Doctor Seuss)

That’s right. It’s me. Dr. Seuss, your medical rival.

Ari

[Laughs.] What the fuck is this twist, Dr. Seuss?

Hallie (as Dr. Doctor Seuss) 

If it really got game. And it's time we stop living in the shadows.

Hallie 

And he throws down his stethoscope on the table and A.A. Milne is like…

Hallie (as A.A. Milne)

That's right. This—this poppycock, the literature, the book fair. There's no book fair at the Industrial Arts Fair. We're left out again. You think you've had it bad, Wells? Imagine Paddington 2 becoming the best film of all time. How come that bear got to go to London?

Kyle (as Wells)

I can't imagine it ‘cause it would never happen.

Hallie (as A.A. Milne) 

But it did, Wells! You have to see the truth.

Kyle (as George Orwell)

The truth? The truth is that this garbage, this filth…

Kyle

And he holds up the book...

Kyle (as Wells)

[Exasperated.] Will never hold a candle to real cinema. It is just words and pictures but not in a moving exciting fashion. No, you must look at them separately. No unison. And it's full of saccharin nonsense. Is there art behind your one fish? Is there art behind your two fish? What is the difference between a red fish and a blue fish? You cannot tell me.

Emily (as Marcel)

It's the color.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as Wells)

[Angry.] Color has no place in proper cinema!

Kyle

And Wells is going to angrily start flipping through the book trying to find examples of, like, garbage like...

Kyle (as Wells)

This filth here. Like, hmm, well, like…

Kyle

And he puts his finger down again.

Kyle (Wells)

Hmm. Well, certainly.

Kyle

And while the rest of this conversation happens, he is just gonna keep flipping through the book.

Hallie

[Chuckles.]

[00:45:00]

Tom (as Zenobia)

Okay. While—while Wells has his little midlife crisis here, uh, you realize you could just—you could just—you could just get your own fair made. We can just do that all the time. Do you know how flimsy the rules are here at Clone High? Principal Scudworth will do just about anything on a dare. You could have just dared Principal Scudworth to make a book fair. He'd do it like that.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Zenobia, Queen is correct in that Principal Scudworth does whatever he wants on a dare. I once dared him to eat a whole scorpion, but not because it was any cure. I just told him to do it as a dare and he did it. And it was the funniest thing.

Hallie (as A.A. Milne) 

A dare? I would never. I would never stoop to something so base to get what I want. No. Instead, I make secret clubs and exclude people to make them feel bad while I rage about a movie that I've never even seen.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Wait, are you—are you also really mad about Paddington 2 specifically?

Hallie (as A.A. Milne) 

We're all mad about Paddington 2.

Hallie

And then Ludwig Bemelmans kind of raises his hand in the background and says…

Hallie (as Ludwig Bemelmans) 

You know, actually, I'm not that mad about Paddington 2. You know, I—I—as far as film adaptations of my work goes, there's a charming little direct-to-video animated musical adventure comedy-drama film that came out in 1999 called Madeline Lost in Paris that's quite good. Surely a treasured childhood memory…

Tom (as Zenobia)

Yeah, I watched that when I was a kid.

Hallie (as Ludwig Bemelmans) 

..in many homes. Yes, You know what I'm talking. Jason Alexanders in it. [Kyle Laughs.] It's a treasure. So I've—I—I have no cause for complaint.

Hallie

And then, uh, Dr. Doctor Seuss says…

Emily

Goddammit.

Hallie (as Dr. Doctor Seuss) 

Well, you know what my legacy is? How come Paddington 2 got a masterful cinema rework when my only legacy is now everybody wants to fuck the **Once-ler. [Laughter.] Tell me why, Zenobia. Tell me why.

[Laughs.]

Emily (as Marcel)

They shouldn't have made the **Once-ler have such beautiful eyes.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Not you, Marcel.

Emily (as Marcel)

I'm just saying. I get where people are coming from a little bit.

Tom (as Zenobia)

I mean, don't—don't be like that, Dr. Seuss. Like, you've got the Jim Carrey Grinch movie. That was okay, I think.

Hallie (as Dr. Doctor Seuss)

All right. That was pretty good, yeah.

Kyle (as Wells)

It's definitely not as bad as some other children's book things like, oh, that cat in the hat movie.

Emily (as Marcel)

Oh, God. Oh, no.

Kyle (as Wells)

Now, that's a disaster.

Hallie

Dr. Doctor Seuss puts his hands down at the table and screams.

[Laughter.]

[Screams.]

Hallie (as Dr. Seuss)

I had completely forgotten about that one. [Laughter.] You see, you see we need somewhere to take out our rage. And so, we do it like any self-respecting men of literature. We make a secret club and don't do anything about the Book Fair.

Kyle

[Laughs.]

Hallie (as Dr. Seuss)

There is simply no way to solve this problem.

Tom (as Zenobia)

What if I offered you a fun little solution where you get to be an officially secret club? It's officially secret because you get official funding and it's in the record, but then we black it out like it's a real redacted file. We just, like, cross out the bit in the notes where it says you exist and we get you your very own book fair that goes on at the same time, but it's a secret book fair. So you only know about it through word of mouth or if you, like, read the notes carefully because we're probably not gonna cross it out that well, you know.

Hallie (as Dr. Seuss)

Well, that sounds so prime and proper. That sounds like exactly the high-end sort of establishment we want to run and make sure people can't find.

Tom (as Zenobia)

Perfect. So, in exchange for that, you would have no problems with allowing this scheme to be undone and let the Industrial Arts Fair go on and also voting for me in the student council election.

Hallie (as Dr. Seuss)

Well, that is fine. This review that George Orwell wrote sucks anyway. The man has no talent for literature. Not like us, The Picture Book Club.

Tom (as Zenobia)

You watch your mouths. I can give you your official secret club and I can take it away just as easily. You be nicer to your [inaudible 00:49:02]. You hear me? A yes ma'am would be nice.

Hallie (as Dr. Seuss)

Yes, ma'am.

Tom (as Zenobia)

All right. I think my business is concluded. You guys enjoy your, uh, secret fireplace room in the library. I think that might be a fire hazard, but I'm not gonna look into it too much right now. And I'm gonna go tell Principal Scudworth the good news. Bye.

Hallie (as Dr. Seuss)

Jolly good.

Hallie

As—as—as Pliny leaves, Dr. Doctor Seuss does the I'm watching you thing because they are still medical rivals. That's what Dr. Doctor Seuss considers.

Ari

Pliny is also doing that, like, narrows his eyes and, like, does the, like, I'm watching you back gesture as he just walks backwards slowly out of the place.

Hallie

And Ludwig, who is just, like, pleasant and there is like…

Hallie (as Ludwig Bemelmans)

It was nice to see everyone again.

Emily (as Marcel)

It was nice to see almost everybody.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Kyle

And Wells will almost catatonically not looking up from the book just be like…

[00:50:03] 

Kyle (as Wells)

Yes, yes, Dr. Seuss sucks. Everyone else is great.

Kyle

And he just—his head slowly robotically moves up as he closes the book dramatically with a single hand.

Kyle (as Wells)

I have to go.

Kyle

And he bolts.

Emily

Once we're back in the library or in the hallway or wherever Marcel will turn to Zenobia.

Emily (as Marcel)

Oh, um, by the way, I don't know if you get a vote in the student council election, but my friend Hugo is running. We're really looking for less governmental oversight. So, uh, you know, vote for Hugo.

Tom

Zenobia just clenches a fist.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

And that's where I'll cut that scene.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

[Music]

Hallie

Next time on a very special Quest Friends! Abe finally tells Cleo they need to talk, but will Saturday work for Cleo? JFK gets a scooter, Joan gets a Snickers, and Gregori Rasputin commits tax fraud.

[Music]

[Owl hooting.]

Kyle

We just cut to JFK lost in the woods in the middle of the night.

Ari

Oh no.

Kyle (as JFK)

Cleo? Cleo, where are you?

Hallie (as JFK)

Cleo, [Inaudible 00:51:52], **Ira don't know how to find people without my phone.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Kyle (as JFK)

Cleo, where are you?

Hallie (as JFK)

Cleo?

Kyle (as JFK)

I'm lost. I have no food. All I have around is a deer caucus and a bunch of hungry wolves. Well, Wed in Rome, I guess. Ah, this was a Rome-themed episode.

[Laughter.]

Tom

Could he be suffering from—so sorry, I just completely blanked on the name of a disease suddenly.

Ari

Is it—is it [bleep] disease? Is that what you're thinking of?

Tom

No, I wasn't going for TB. I was going for, like—

Emily

Anemia.

Tom

The one that happens all the time on [inaudible 00:52:37]? One that keeps racking the Roman Empire.

Ari

Oh! Oh!

Tom

I think—is it just the flu?

Ari

Diphtheria? No.

Tom

What the hell?

Ari

Smallpox?

Tom

Smallpox. There we go. Smallpox.

Ari

Yes, smallpox. That thing that we don't have anymore because of vaccines. Eh, that's like that.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

I wanna spend—I wanna spend my star points right now.

Hallie

On what?

Kyle

I wanna change something. I wanna have an intervention from a character.

Hallie

Okay.

Kyle

I want JFK to pop up on our other side, like, you know, popping out in a cartoon and go…

Kyle (as JFK)

Oh, are you talking about—

Kyle

Like in his JFK voice, basically say are you talking about Aurelion? I have his number right here.

Hallie

Yes.

Ari

Kyle, fuck you! That was my next plan but you spoke up before I could interject as JFK.

Kyle

I'm so sorry.

Ari

Fuck! You have to use your star now. I'm not letting you not use your star even though that was something I was going to do because I'm mad you said it first.

Tom

More proof that that specific function of the gold star is fucking useless because we are already about to pull that shit all of the time.

Hallie

To pull it. You can keep your—

Kyle

Cool ‘cause I'm gonna—I'm gonna edit that out until opposed. You're just gonna do it.

Tom

You're gonna look cooler from this.

Kyle

Yeah.

Emily (as Marcel)

If you ever want to try to understand what give and take in a relationship is, I came up with a really good metaphor earlier today.

Hallie (as ?)

You did?

Emily (as Marcel)

Yeah, it's all about weather. So, you know.

Emily

And he shrugs his shoulders and the—the light glimpse off his foil again and, like, flashes at people's eyes.

Emily (as Marcel)

I think it's really helpful. You wanna talk about it? You can find me stacking things in various places in the school and or in the bathroom unscrewing toilets.

Hallie

As you're saying these words, you are framed perfectly by the sun behind you and it is glinting so majestically off of your tin foil suit, and Aurelion whispers to himself…

Hallie (as Aurelion)

Sol Invictus.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And he, like, reaches out and takes your hand and goes…

Hallie (as Aurelion)

I can learn so much from you. I'll come find you in the toilets or stacking things. I'm pretty stacked. We can stack things together like pros. Can we be pros?

[00:55:00]

Emily

Marcel nods.

Emily (as Marcel)

There is so much I can teach you about.

Emily

And his eyes get really wide. Art.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

That's not a sport, but I can learn.

Emily

[Laughs.]

And Marcel hurries off. His hat is, like, bouncing up and down as he jogs because he's fallen behind the rest of the party.

Hallie (as Aurelion)

That's so cute.

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

I have heard among some circles in this school that some people consider the Elimination Adaptation of the Grinch the best Christmas movie of our generation.

[Laughter.]

Tom

[Inaudible 00:55:40] come prepared, hmm.

Hallie

[Laughs.] Take a gold star.

Ari

[Laughs.] Sorry, Hallie. You could take that out if you want.

Hallie

No, leave it in. Dr. Doctor Seuss—

Tom

This has fully descended into bullshit.

Hallie

Respond.

Hallie (as Dr. Doctor Seuss)

You've heard that, really?

[Laughter.]

Ari (as Pliny the Elder)

Yes, I—I do not think so personally, but I have heard several people, particularly Pliny the Lesser say those—those sort of things.

Kyle

[Laughs.]