Suddenly Ham Bath feat. Explorers Wanted

Transcript by Raina Harper

Kyle

Hey all, this is Kyle. Between last episode’s release and today, I fell sick with a pretty nasty cold and unfortunately was not able to get the whole episode out on time. So, our next main episode will be releasing in a week, but for today I thought you might be interested in this crossover episode that we did with Explorers Wanted.

I’ve been doing a handful of these episodes with other shows playing Under the Neighborhood, typically in the world of Hereafter, and they won’t usually appear on our main feed, but I will mention them during the announcement break.

But, since this is our first big one that I did with another show and because we’re gonna need another week to get the next main episode out, I thought you might find this interesting. So, please enjoy Suddenly Ham Bath featuring Explorers Wanted.

The episode you’re about to listen to contains comedic food-based body horror. It’s fun, but oh boy is it a lot.

[Explorers Wanted theme music plays, ‘Ninth World’ by Dave Sterling.]

Daniel

Welcome to Explorers Wanted. We are a weekly Numenera actual play podcast except for this week when we are an Under the Neighborhood podcast. I will be just a random player this time, Daniel Andrlik. With me today is Alex Finn.

Alex

Oh hi there. I have banana bread in my dice tray.

Daniel

Sampson Davis.

Sampson

Hi. How’s it going? He/him pronouns, if this is going up on Quest Friends’ feed as well. Right?

Kyle

I’m gonna throw it on our Patreon feed.

Sampson

Yeah, excellent. Hi. Hello.

[Chuckling.]

Daniel

Stace Babcock.

Stace

Hey! What’s up? Super excited. Playing a totally different character this time.

Daniel

Liar. I don’t believe you.

[Laughter.]

Stace

You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t.

Daniel

And, we are joined by special guest Kyle Decker of Quest Friends.

Kyle

Hi. My name is Kyle, he/him, because I mean… this is going on a feed with people who have never heard me before. I made this game. I did that. That was me.

Alex

Heck yeah.

Daniel

Yeah. We’re going to get to play Under the Neighborhood, the game that Kyle designed for his Season 2—or rather Campaign 2 of Quest Friends. We’re very excited. With that in mind, I’m gonna hand the reins over to you, Kyle, because you are gonna be GMing this session because it’s your game and that means you know everything about it and it’s all fresh in your mind ready to go. Right?

Kyle

Yeah. I don’t have a cheat-sheet up right now called The Under the Neighborhood Rules Cheat-Sheet.

[Laughter.]

Stace

Me either.

Kyle

No, not at all. Anyways, Under the Neighborhood is a Powered by the Apocalypse system that takes heavy inspiration from Cypher System, which is one of the reasons that I wanted to play it here. It’s meant to emulate what I call dual-world kids’ cartoons—Amphibia, The Owl  House, Gravity Falls, any adventure about normal people, usually kids, going off to some magical world that is often just as mundane as ours is.

We’ll go over the mechanics as we play, but really, if you’ve listened to any Explorers Wanted or any Quest Friends if you’re listening to this on our Patreon feed, the core things are pretty much the same. We roleplay, and we roll high numbers, and we’re happy, and we roll low numbers, and I specifically am happy.

[Laughter.]

Additionally, we’re gonna be playing in the world of Quest Friends! Hereafter, our second season, because Under the Neighborhood was designed for that game. All you need to know about Quest Friends! Hereafter is that it takes place in a world where the realms of the living and the dead are only a plane ride apart. We’ve got ghosts in the world of the living called The Here and we’ve got… we’ve just got people, non-ghosts—

[Laughter.]

Stace

Those anti-ghosts.

Daniel

In the realm of the dead, called The Hereafter.

So yeah, I guess before we start, we’ve all gone over who we are but let’s go over who all of our characters are. Again, when we do character introductions, it’s just “I am ‘name’ the ‘blank’ who ‘blanks’.” So like, “I’m Alistair Bell, the opportunist who invents. Here’s a one-sentence summary about Alistair. He’s got a wrench.”

Alex

Yeah!

Kyle

Yeah. But you say that, not me. That was my example.

Alex

Too late. My character was introduced. I don’t have to do it.

Kyle

Alright. So Alex is playing Alistair Bell, the opportunist who invents. He’s got a wrench.

Alex

Yes.

Stace

Could you say that again, how the introduction goes, but for my character? Just saying.

[Laughter.]

[00:05:00]

Kyle

I would, but I only know Alistair’s name, and I know Skittles is an animal companion. So Sampson, who are you playing? Who’s Skittles?

Sampson

I am playing a cat-like creature called Skittles, the animal companion who sees the future. Cat-like in that they are mostly a sphinx cat with kind of short black hair, but they also have six legs, two tails and four eyes, all different colors.

Daniel

Ooh.

Sampson

And Skittles’s pronouns are he/they.

Stace

I am playing Layla Fitzpatrick, the guardian who plays sports. Her pronouns are she/her as are mine which I did not say earlier.

Daniel

I am playing Lowbout Sample, because that’s what he thinks a good name is. Lowbout is a weird who stumbles into success. They’ll actually answer to any pronouns. They are a creature from beyond The Hereafter. They are mostly human-ish in shape, but closer inspection would reveal that they are really just a human frame that they have stretched perfectly-preserved ham over. And yeah, Lowbout loves to collect shiny things and do reckless actions.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Perfect. Now that we know all these characters, it’s time to make their lives just a little bit harder.

Alex

Oh no.

Kyle

So, the core mechanic of Under the Neighborhood is what we call a Slice of Life Complication. The cartoons that we take inspiration from often start with something very mundane and they spiral out from there. An example I like to use is from the TV show Gravity Falls where a kid wants to avoid a fight with a bully so he decides to turn a Street Fighter cartoon character into life and have them fight the bully instead.

[Giggling.]

It all starts with something very simple and then we layer our magical world on top of that. How we do this in-game is that everyone is gonna take turns providing a Slice of Life Complication to somebody else. Something as simple as, you know, the ham has gotten a bit stinky recently on Lowbout, or Skittles has to have a bath and doesn’t want to have a bath.

Alex

You do have to bathe those sphinx cats.

Kyle

Again, really, really mundane things. What we’re gonna do is everyone’s gonna go around providing a Slice of Life Complication for another player, and then once we’ve done that we’re going to vote on and expand the one that we like most, and that’s gonna be kind of the foundation of our story today. So, who wants to begin?

Sampson

Fitz is a skateboarder, right?

Stace

Yeah.

Sampson

So, Skittles complicates Fitz’s life by peeing on her skateboard.

Stace

[Gasps.]

[Laughter.]

Alex

I feel like we should make this whole roundabout big story that leads up to why Skittles peed on Fitz’s skateboard.

Kyle

It’s all a flashback.

Stace

No, I know why, because I have Daniel. I was thinking the ham starts to attract a variety of cats which Skittles doesn’t like, and so to assert their dominance and mark their territory, they peed on the skateboard.

Alex

Ooh, that’s a good one.

Kyle

Alright. The ham attracted cats is the one for Daniel. Beautiful.

Daniel

Yeah. It’s just like in Invader Zim where they both turn their bodies into bologna and then all the dogs start chasing them around town.

Stace

Yes. Yes!

[Laughter.]

Kyle

So Daniel, what is Alistair dealing with right now?

Daniel

Alistair is dealing with the fact that, unbeknownst to them, not their wrench but one of their other favorite tools has currently been dragged off somewhere by a very curious Skittles.

Alex

Oh…

Stace

Skittles!

Kyle

Alright. Alex, Skittles has made everyone’s life harder, but what’s going on with Skittles? What’s a boring complication in Skittles’ life?

Alex

I think that the herd of ham-attracted cats have taken over Skittles’ favorite nap zone.

Daniel

[Gasps.] Oh!

Sampson

Oh. Holy shit.

Alex

That’s what you get for touching that hammer, Skittles!

Sampson

Oh god. Things just got real.

Stace

So you peed on my skateboard? Not cool. Not cool…

Alex

[giggles.]

Kyle

Okay. The four we’ve got are Skittles peed on Fitz’s skateboard, Lowbout’s ham attracted so many cats, Skittles hid one of Alistair’s tools, and the cats have taken over Skittles’ nap zone.

It’s at this point that we would, as a group, choose one of these to go with, but all of these work together so exquisitely I don’t think we need to. Ham has attracted a herd of cats which have taken over Skittles’ nap zone, it’s a war time now, and Skittles has been pouting resulting in them hiding Alistair’s tool and peeing on Fitz’s skateboard.

Alex

Yes.

Daniel

Mm-hmm.

Kyle

I think the answer is all of them. I think we go with all of them today.

[00:10:00]

Sampson

Yes.

Stace

That’s why you always pick all of the above on standardized tests.

Kyle

Okay. Now, the adventure starts, and it starts with Skittles getting a vision of the future.

Sampson

[Breathily.] Yeah~

Kyle

Skittles, we’re gonna say that this vision took place in the morning. It took place before the cats began. You were resting on your napping spot. It was a perfect sunny day in The Valley, because where our story takes place is in a valley in the desert in The Here, the realm of the living. You’re sitting on your beautiful spot. Where is your napping spot?

Sampson

Um. Haunted house in the desert…

Alex

I feel like it would have one of those picture windows with the bench like in Victorian houses where they have the trapezoidal window and you have the seat built in.

Sampson

Oh yeah, like that kind of weird balcony-esque thing.

Alex

Yeah.

Sampson

Yeah, it’s like a drawing room, a kind of lounge window like that. Skittles is just in his little pillow nest just splayed out.

Kyle

Is this inside or outside?

Sampson

I guess this would be inside.

Kyle

Okay. Perfect. So, you’re sitting there… and you hear thunder, and a harsh fierce rain, the tapping of thousands of tiny feet, a harsh crash, and finally you see your resting nook in tatters in front of you.

Sampson

No…

Alex

[Gasps.]

Sampson

Oh no…

[Sneaky ghosty music begins.]

Kyle

This was the vision that Skittles got in the morning, and it is now on its way to pass… because it’s monsoon season in The Valley. Normally the desert is pretty dry, but for a couple of weeks over the course of a month or two it rains, a lot and it rains hard, so hard that skeletons can’t walk out of the house without having their bones eroded and ghosts turn into little flat puddles on the ground.

You are all inside, the harsh rain drowning out almost all other sounds in the house, except for one. Outside, a herd of Necromon – which are the name of our ghost creatures, our otherworldly monsters in this realm – hundreds of cat Necromon, of Necrocats, are pawing at the doors and pawing up at the recently boarded windows, mewing, begging to be let inside for a taste of delicious, delicious ham.

[Laughter.]

Sampson

I’m gonna say, since this vision, Skittles has just been meowing like crazy to anybody who will listen.

Stace

Fitz pokes her head into the sitting room.

[Music ends.]

Stace (as Fitz)

It’s alright, Skittles. I’m just gonna see what it is.

Stace

She goes to the front door and she peeks out the window. Can she see—?

Kyle (as Necrocats)

[Loud obnoxious meowing.]

Kyle

There is more fur than grass on your lawn right now. Admittedly, it’s the desert, but like… it is just a sea of ghostly cats.

Stace (as Fitz)

Alright Skittles, we have—

Stace

So, do the characters know that Skittles has abilities? Does Skittles talk?

Sampson

Skittles does not talk, but when Skittles has a vision, what everyone else sees is a fifth eye open in the center of Skittles’ head and a blinding white light and this terrible sound emanates for like a solid minute. Skittles doesn’t experience any of this, Skittles experiences a vision, but that’s what everyone else deals with.

Alex

I’m imagining this at 3 AM now. Thank you.

Sampson

More than one of you have been.

Alex

Like, just standing on someone’s chest and having a vision, in their face.

Sampson

Yeah, 5 AM comes around, Skittles is on top of one of you having a vision, and it’s just terrible.

[Laughter.]

Stace (as Fitz)

Uh, there are a lot of Necromon cats out there, Skittles, a lot. I think we’re gonna have to wake everybody up.

Sampson

Skittles jumps onto his spot and continues to meow, and you get the sense that he doesn’t really give a shit about the cats, just his spot.

Stace (as Fitz)

Okay. You can have your spot. I’m gonna go tell the others, because this is… this is a lot of cats.

Stace

So, Fitz will go to wherever Lowbout is sleeping and knock on the door.

Sampson

Skittles will follow.

[Silly ambling Halloween music plays.]

Daniel

Lowbout is up in the attic. You can just go straight up in the attic and what you’ll see is that Lowbout is standing there next to a window that is slightly open and they’ve got an industrial fan blowing over them, and they’re sort of rubbing their body with this weird rag, because they’re pretty sure that’s what humans are supposed to do. Just blowing the scent of their ham body out the window.

Stace

Their salty sweaty ham body.

Daniel

Mm-hmm.

Stace

Oh god.

Kyle

[Laughs.] The worst part is I was gonna have a ham sandwich for lunch after this. This is ruining my appetite.

[Laughter.]

Daniel

They look and they see you and they’re just like:

Daniel (as Lowbout)

[Accented.] Fitz?

Stace (as Fitz)

Feets…? Oh, ‘Fitz.’ Oh, that’s me. I thought you were saying something about feet which would be weird.

[00:15:00]

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Daniel (as Lowbout)

Fitz. Fitz use feet.

Stace (as Fitz)

Yes. Uh, so… Lowbout, we have a ton of cats outside. It’s bothering Skittles. Skittles is—

Sampson

Skittles is at your feet, not fully hissing but ears-down looking at Lowbout.

Stace (as Fitz)

Skittles is agitated, and we have hundreds of Necromon cats.

Stace

Is the smell of ham thick in this room? Like, is it obvious what’s going on?

Sampson

It’s gotta be, right?

Stace

Right?

Daniel

Yeah. Yeah. It’s pretty strong. I mean, it’s perfectly-preserved ham, so it doesn’t deteriorate, but it does still have a very strong hammy smell.

Kyle

I think we all know the question is not “is it thick,” the question I show thick is the smell?

Alex

[Laughs.]

Daniel

Because we are in Arizona.

Sampson

Oh god.

Alex

Oh god!

Daniel

Yeah, imagine the smell of a spiral cut ham slowly cooking but sweaty at the same time.

Stace

Yeah… slimy. So, Fitz will walk over and immediately shut the window. I assume as soon as Fitz shuts the window it just becomes absolutely cloying.

Alex

Just a ham sauna?

Daniel

Mm-hmm.

Stace (as Fitz)

We have to cut down on the smell. I think saran wrap maybe?

Daniel (as Lowbout)

For window?

Stace (as Fitz)

For you. Look outside.

Daniel

[Chuckles.] He peeks out the window.

Kyle (as Necrocats)

[Obnoxious meowing and screeching.]

Kyle

You see a couple of them have started climbing the walls like a nightmare zombie, except you would have that reference. Zombies are fine in your world. They’re chill, they’re cool.

Daniel

Yeah. I think Lowbout looks out the window, looks back at you, and says:

Daniel (as Lowbout)

Kitties?

Stace (as Fitz)

Yes, too many kitties.

Daniel (as Lowbout)

Oh. Don’t want to wear saran wrap.

Stace (as Fitz)

Maybe hop in the shower and rinse?

Alex

Ew, wet ham.

Daniel (as Lowbout)

Shower. Yes.

Daniel

Lowbout goes down into the next level and steps into the shower and just stands there.

[Laughter.]

Stace

Fitz flips on the shower and looks down at Skittles.

Stace (as Fitz)

Go get Alistair, will you? I feel like maybe we should have gotten Alistair first.

Sampson

Skittles will meow and then saunter away, looking for Alistair.

Alex

Alistair’s by the front door, going to open the front door.

Sampson

Okay. How do I stop that, Kyle?

[Chuckling.]

Kyle

Well, first off, Alistair, Alex… do you want to just let Skittles succeed or would you like to have some competition with this roll to see who does it first?

Alex

I wanna see who does it first. Because, I mean, the house smells of ham, the cats are yelling, so…

Kyle

Alright. Normally what we would do when doing a move is we’d roll 2d6 and then, based on the result, we would narrate who succeeds and who fails. In a competitive roll like this, that doesn’t matter. Someone’s gonna succeed and it’s whoever rolls higher. So, we’re gonna choose the move or the action that’s most appropriate for this. In my mind, the move that’s most appropriate is Take Action.

Take Action describes you basically doing something faster than someone else. Alistair wants to open the door, Skittles wants to stop the door being opened, those are pretty basic things, so it’s really not who does it better but who does it faster.

So, what you’re gonna do is the stat – because there are four stats in this game that you’re gonna roll – is Fierce. Each of you are gonna roll 2d then add or subtract your Fierce score from it, depending on if it’s positive or negative, and then whoever scores higher succeeds.

Sampson

Alright. Skittles has got a +1 in Fierce, so let’s see what happens. [Rolls.]

Alex

Ah fuck, I have a -2. [Rolls.]

Sampson

What did you get?

Alex

A 4.

Sampson

A 7.

Alex

Damn. I was hoping to destroy that spot.

Kyle

Alright, so Skittles, you go and see to your horror Alistair’s hand reaching for the door. It wasn’t part of your vision, but it feels nostalgic of the vision nonetheless. What happens next?

Sampson

Skittles cat-speeds down the hallway, jumps up on one of those side tables you see in a mud room or foyer space, and then just attacks Alistair’s hand right as he’s reaching for the doorknob.

Alex

I guess that would lead to:

Alex (as Alistair)

Son of a bitch!

[laughter.]

Sampson

Skittles gives Alistair a few claw marks on his hand before dropping down and meowing loudly at Alistair.

Alex (as Alistair)

I’m looking for my hammer and there’s a bunch of cats outside. What do you want?

Sampson

Skittles meows again and starts to lead you up to the, uh… bathroom? The shower place?

Alex (as Alistair)

Do… Do you need a bath?

Sampson

He meows at the foot of the stairs.

Alex (as Alistair)

Are you asking me to change your litter box? Because it’s not my week. It’s not my week.

Sampson

[Laughs.] Skittles meows again. This time you kind of get the sense that “they’re showering the ham person, follow me please.”

Alex (as Alistair)

Can you put ham in the shower? Okay, we gotta see this ham in the shower. We could put it on the internet, maybe make a little money. It’ll be fine.

Sampson

[Laughs.]

Kyle

So you make your way to the ham person in the shower.

[00:20:00]

Daniel

Lowbout, by the way, is standing in the shower with their mouth wide open, maybe a little too wide than what it should be able to do. The ham is definitely getting stretched. They’re just trying to catch as much water in their mouth as possible.

Alex

Like a turkey.

Daniel

They’re just letting their mouth fill up and have the water pour out.

Alex

Like a turkey.

Kyle

Very majestic flesh fountain.

Alex

[Laughs.]

Daniel

Yes, exactly. They turn and see Alistair.

Daniel (as Lowbout)

[Unintelligible gurgling.]

Alex (as Alistair)

Uh… so we’re breaking into that adult industry now, huh?

Daniel (as Lowbout)

Shower!

Alex (as Alistair)

Yeah, this is a shower scene.

[Laughter.]

Daniel

Thumbs up. Thumbs up from Lowbout.

Alex (as Alistair)

Skittles, you brought me up here to watch… this?

Stace (as Fitz)

Alistair, no videotaping, okay? We’re just trying to get the smell down. We’re trying to get the smell down so the cats go away, because Skittles is freaking out.

Alex

You see Alistair slowly lowering the phone. He was getting out his phone, and then now he’s lowering it.

Alex (as Alistair)

I guess…

[Laughter.]

Stace

All of our characters are now 18+.

Alex

No matter what you say.

Stace

Obviously, but I’m just gonna say it.

Alex

Alistair, by the way, is in his mid-50s. So, we just made it creepier. Thank you, thank you.

Kyle

[Smiling.] I forgot about that.

Alex

Yeah! With a trailing white mustache.

Alex (as Alistair)

So, uh… what are we gonna do with them cats?

Daniel (as Lowbout)

Cats.

Stace (as Fitz)

What drives away cats?

Alex (as Alistair)

Attention they don’t want. So, we just have to go out there and try to hug them all.

Sampson

Skittles just kinda nods, like yeah, that’ll work. Actually, Skittles is gonna go up to Lowbout and just give him a quick sniff, see if there’s still ham scent.

Kyle

Yeah—

Daniel

He’s wet ham now.

Kyle

Let’s do another roll for this. Who do we want to roll for this? That’s gonna determine the roll if we have Fitz or Lowbout do it.

Stace

Before we decide, I do want to say that Fitz pulls out a bottle of Irish Spring.

Alex

Okay. I was gonna ask. Are we using the soap?

Stace

It depends. I mean, is Fitz going to have to ask and then lather up Lowbout? Or will Lowbout lather themself?

Alex

Oh god, this is Karn all over again.

Stace

Oh my gosh. This is not our first bath scene, as a group.

Sampson

The first one we’ve recorded though.

Stace

The first one on-record.

[Laughter.]

Alex

Oh, we’re gonna traumatize some listeners today.

Daniel

So, if you’re very specific about what you want Lowbout to do, he will do it.

Alex (as Alistair)

Lowbout, you put the soap on the skin.

Daniel (as Lowbout)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (as Alistair)

On the ham.

Stace

Fitz pulled out a hose from somewhere. You don't know where it came from. It puts the Irish Spring—

Alex

On his skin, arousing him.

[Laughter.]

Stace

Yeah, so Fitz will offer up the Irish Spring and show—like demonstrate visually what Lowbout should be doing with it. Like, raising her arm, and making circular motions, the whole thing.

Kyle

Alright, so Lowbout.

Daniel

Mm-hmm?

Kyle

A couple of things. One, you’re gonna get +1 forward for the Irish Spring. So, the Irish Spring, whatever you roll you get +1 added onto that for use of something that’s gonna be more effective. But, in order to see if you successfully wash the ham scent off of your ham body with your ham hands, we’re gonna roll something called Touch the Other Side which uses the Books stat.

Alex

[Smiling.] Jesus.

Kyle

Touch the Other Side is something you do when you use a device that is mysterious or strange or arcane to you. An example could be, oh, here’s a device that is specifically attuned to ghosts, so a human using it would be strange. Your weird thing is the shower. It’s just… what’s this shower device? It’s weird and bizarre and strange. So, I think the most appropriate thing is to roll Touch the Other Side to see if you can successfully use this arcane device called a shower to bathe.

Daniel

Here’s my question to you, Kyle. Is Touch the Other Side considered a basic move?

Kyle

It is.

Daniel

Okay, then I’m gonna use my move Roll With Weird. That means, instead of rolling with a normal stat, I get to roll with my +3 for Weird, however any full successes become mixed successes.

Kyle

Okay. So yeah, you can’t get a full success, but you’re probably gonna roll well because you have +3 and then you have the +1 forward for the Irish Spring.

Daniel

Yep.

[Rolls.] So that’s 11 total.

Kyle

Okay, so that is 11 total. That would count as a full success, hurray, but because you’re strange you get a mixed success. The way this works is you use the device, you use the shower, but two out of the following three things happen. It takes longer than expected to work, it works but not quite how you expected, or three, you break the shower.

Alex

I vote three.

Daniel

Okay. One, for sure, it’s gonna take longer than expected. Part of the reason for that is that, instead of just lathering up his body like you would expect,

[00:25:00]

Lowbout is slowly peeling bits of ham free of their flesh and rubbing it on both sides with the Irish Spring.

Kyle

I hate all of this so much.

Alex

So much.

Daniel

To clean each side of it. Occasionally, you guys get glimpses of what look like just weird void inside. He’s just scrubbing each individual one, but the problem is there’s also some of this perfectly-preserved fat that is getting washed free and falling down in the drain. The drain gets completely clogged up. By the time he finishes, the shower is now stuck like halfway up to his calves filling up with water.

Kyle

Ham water specifically, because the scent is off of you but it’s now in the ham water in the shower.

Daniel

Yes, which is now clogged.

Alex

We’re making stew.

Stace

Fitz is half-averting her gaze, wanting to show some respect and not watch the flapping and the exposure of the void, but also wanting to make sure that a good job is done, so she’s in a very awkward situation.

Daniel

Yeah. Lowbout finally finishes and steps out just dripping more ham water onto the floor, looks back and forth, grabs the only clean towel in the bathroom, and wraps it around their waist.

[Laughter.]

Stace

Fitz reaches into her sports bag which is always somewhere around and pulls out some Axe Body Spray.

Alex

I was waiting for that.

Stace

And hands it to Lowbout.

Stace (as Fitz)

Use a little now and then just spray as needed to keep the ham smell down. And, the ladies love it.

Daniel

He sprays it directly into his open mouth.

[Distressed laughter.]

Stace

You know what? Fitz just shrugs her shoulders.

Stace (as Fitz)

Good enough.

Kyle

I will say the ham scent is off of you now, so it takes a while, but at the very least any cats that are still around won’t be targeting you specifically. In fact,  you can hear that the meowing, which got louder for a period, got quiet… too quiet.

Sampson

[Smirking.] yes. I have that thing.

Kyle

You have that move?

Sampson

I do, yes.

Kyle

Do you wanna describe that move?

Sampson

Yeah. I have a move called It’s Quiet, Too Quiet. I attune to danger, and if the party is about to face a threat, I become of incoming danger and I take a +1 forward on the next roll.

Kyle

Yeah, so take that +1 forward because you’re a cat, you’re a Necrocat, you’re a cat ghost—not ghost… you’re a cat but fantasy.

[Snickering.]

You know what supernatural cats do when they get quiet.

Stace

Oh no.

Kyle

They do crimes.

Alex

That sounds right.

Sampson

[Laughs.] When everybody else is done “cleaning,” question mark? You guys turn and see Skittles in the hallway just outside the bathroom, eyes completely dilated, staring at something.

Stace

Fitz will go and look out the window.

Kyle

Fitz, take a GM Intrusion.

Stace

Hell yeah. I mean, no choice, right?

Kyle

Yeah, no choice. Take an AP.

Stace

Oh!

Kyle

AP are used very similar to XP in Cypher System. You can use them to essentially roll with advantage. It’s like Effort. You can have something very helpful appear in the scene that wouldn’t normally be there. Like, Axe Body Spray would appear in the scene, but if you’re like “I want the Kool-Aid Man to burst through the wall,” that would be a use of an AP.

Also, when you get an AP from a GM Intrusion, you get to give a point to someone else just like you do in Cypher System. So, who does the other AP go to?

Stace

Skittles.

Sampson

Yes.

Stace

For driving the plot forward.

Sampson

[Chuckles.]

Kyle

As the GM, I can make something called a soft move or a hard move. A soft move is something where the players have time to respond to it. Something like “oh, the mountain’s rumbling, an earthquake is about to happen.” A hard move is a rock falls on you and you die.

Alex

Rock fall, we die.

Kyle

A GM Intrusion lets me make a hard move, but a rock does not fall on you, Fitz, a cat does.

Alex

Ooh! Cats!

[Laughter. Flight of the Bumblebee begins.]

Kyle

Suddenly there’s a crash and (shriek) and this six-legged cat just jumps and grabs the side of your head with its many, many claws.

Stace

Do I get to defend against this?

Kyle

Well, it’s on your head now, but you can do whatever you want now.

Stace

So, Fitz is the normalest person out of this group, so they’re gonna react in a very normal way and just grab the cat. Right? Try to pry those legs off the side of her head.

[Music ends.]

Kyle

Alright. For this one, I’m gonna say, to pry it off… How are you prying it off? Is it very thoughtfully or is it just a yank?

Stace

Not a yank. Trying to get hands slid under and then pull out on the legs.

Kyle

Okay, so we’re gonna roll Keep Your Cool. Keep Your Cool is like Take Action but when you’re doing something that’s more thoughtful and intensive.

[00:30:00]

It would be Take Action if you just rip the cat off your head, but since you’re trying to actually do it with some modicum of finesse, it’ll be Keep Your Cool, so that’s a Slick roll.

Stace

Yeah. Okay.

Sampson

You also get a +1 because one of my other moves is Calming Presence which gives a +1 to Keep Your Cool rolls for the party so long as I am not distressed. Then, you get a -1.

Stace

Maybe the reason that’s true is that Skittles has attached themself to Fitz’s head in a similar fashion at some point in time in the past.

Kyle

[Laughs.] It’s nostalgic. “Oh, it’s like every Monday morning, I’m used to this.”

Stace

Yeah. “I’ve been here before.” Okay…

[Rolls.] Six, in total.

Kyle

Bad luck. Take an AP?

Stace

Is this a fail? Did I fail? Am I dead?!

[Laughter.]

Alex

Killed by cat, round one.

Kyle

Well, death is not a big deal in this world.

Alex

Death is only the beginning.

Kyle

If you get a 1 to a 6, you roll a failure. On a plus side, you get to take an AP every time you fail.

Stace

Oh, cool.

Kyle

But, on a failure with Keep Your Cool, you don’t keep your cool. How does that manifest for Fitz?

Stace

I’m gonna say, you know, if Fitz has a standard pose in this cartoon party, it’s her skateboard flipped up. She’s usually holding onto it somewhere, like the top truck, somewhere near her hip. When this cat comes down, she lets go, it clatters to the floor, she reaches up for the cat, takes a step backward onto the skateboard, and just absolutely falls on her ass, cat still attached.

Kyle (as Necrocat)

[Angry shrieking.]

Kyle

Eventually, the cat declaws and runs off to somewhere else in the house.

Alex

To the ham bath?

Kyle

Yes… the ham bath.

Stace

No! Into the ham bath?

Kyle

You hear a splish, splish, splish, lick, lick, splish, splish.

Stace

Because it’s clogged…

Alex

There are cats in the bathroom now.

Daniel

So, Lowbout, down the hall where the skateboard went to, picks up the skateboard because they have the I Was Here the Entire Time move where they can just, when people aren’t paying attention to them, they just move to somewhere else within line of sight, and just picks up the skateboard and brings it back over to you.

Stace

Yeah, Fitz just slowly gets up.

Stace (as Fitz)

Alright, we gotta get that cat out of here.

Alex (as Alistair)

Is this solved by more cats or less cats?

Stace (as Fitz)

Less. We are a one cat household and that cat is Skittles. We’ve talked about this.

Alex (as Alistair)

But like, that cat we saw the other day was I think a little better than Skittles, because at 5 AM when you’re getting the vision in your face… it’s not the greatest.

Sampson

Skittles bites Alistair’s ankle.

Alex (as Alistair)

See if I help you with the ham.

Kyle (as Necrocats)

[Long distant meowing.]

Stace (as Fitz)

Well, they’re in the ceiling, so…

Kyle (as Necrocat)

[Long fierce meow that turns into a monstrous roar.]

[Intense chase music begins.]

Kyle

From the bathroom, a deep guttural meow bellows out as the cat screams, shattering the windows, and you start to hear a rumbling of tiny cat feet as it calls its brethren to where the ham is.

Sampson

I think Skittles starts meowing.

Stace (as Fitz)

Yeah, I hear you, Skittles, but I think it’s time to go.

Kyle

Bash, bash, bash. You start hearing a clattering on the door and a clattering on the window. There’s scraping as hundreds of claws tear into the side of each part of the house as the cats start climbing up. In a few seconds they will burst through the doors, burst through the windows, burst through the chimney. That one has a little red hat and has a satchel. It’s Santa Cat. Santa Claws!

Sampson

There it is.

[Laughter. Music fades.]

Stace

Bravo. So, if no one else wants to do anything, what Fitz would like to do is use Designated Driver. You have a reliable means of transportation that is able to carry you and the other PCs. Spend 1 AP to have this means of transportation appear in a critical moment. So, you’ll hear Fitz pull out her cell phone and call somebody.

Stace (as Fitz)

Hey Nikki. Need a ride at the house, ASAP.

Kyle (as Nikki)

Alright, cool friend!

Kyle

… I don't know what Nikki sounds like. Anyways, continue.

Stace

Oh. Yeah, it could be a two-sided phone conversation if you want it to.

Kyle

Nah, I got nothing.

Stace

Because it says you can pick the method of transportation, and I want the method of transportation to be she always knows who to call for a ride, but they always come in just the scariest, oldest, junkiest car. This is like a 70s station wagon porpoising over the front lawn and skidding to a stop in front of the haunted house.

Kyle

It sounds like a gunshot. You can see the cats part like The Red Sea as this car comes in, barely functioning. Is everyone’s goal to basically get out of the house before the cats overwhelm it?

Sampson

Yes.

Daniel

Yeah. Lowbout is waiting for you guys at the bottom of the stairs.

Stace

What?!

Alex

Is Skittles willing to relinquish his territory?

Sampson

If someone picks him up, yeah.

Stace

Fitz will do that, because I feel like a little animosity would explain the skateboard incident.

[00:35:00]

Alex

Yeah, forced to abandon his post.

Sampson

Yeah.

Kyle

Alright. I need a representative of the party to roll me to Take Action, to see if you get out of that house before the cats get in.

Sampson

It’s gotta be Fitz. She’s the only capable one here.

Alex

Mm-hmm.

Stace

Yeah… Yeah. Very early on I realized that was happening.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

A reminder that, if you have any relevant skills or signature items you can use…

Stace

A skateboard.

Kyle

…you roll with advantage if you do those.

Stace

Ooh! Yeah, in fact, very mysteriously Lowbout comes, gives the skateboard back, disappears… Fitz says all this, makes the phone call, tries to scoop Skittles up in one arm and then grind on the banister down the stairs.

Sampson

[Laughs.]

Kyle

Alright. Because you’re using your signature item, you’ll roll with advantage. You roll three dice and you take the results of the top two, then you’re gonna add your Fierce score to that because you’re going fast.

Stace

Would this also be Plays Sports? You’re a natural athlete. Whenever you do things related to sports, you’re at an advantage. Take three of the skills listed below or any three physical fitness related skills of your choice. I took skateboarding, jumping and falling.

Kyle

Yeah. Okay. You get advantage from signature items, you get advantage from skills… I’ll let them stack. Yeah, you get double advantage. Roll four dice and choose the results of the top two.

Sampson

Hell yeah.

Stace

This is what Fitz was built for! Skateboarding out of trouble.

Sampson

Here come four ones.

Stace

[Rolls.] Oh shoot! Six, six… +2, 12… 14!

Kyle

You rolled two sixes which means you get a critical success, our version of a natural 20.

Alex

Ooh~

Sampson

Hell yeah.

Stace

I got three out of four sixes.

Sampson

Really?

Kyle

Jesus. So, critical success! You succeed beyond your expectations. Before you describe how you skateboard out from this flood of cats coming in, you can either gain an AP, double the move’s effect—you move twice as fast, gain +1 ongoing, or just anything else super good. If you want to pick up something along the way or do something beyond what you would do normally. It’s like a major effect in Numenera, essentially.

Stace

Hmm. I would like to use my major effect to assist Alistair and Lowbout with participating in succeeding with the plan.

Kyle

[Smiling.] Okay, sounds good.

So, to set up the scene, there is this deep guttural cat-like scream that the entire neighborhood can hear, the reverberation of cats. This house may not survive the night, but you need to. How do you get away as you see the cats spilling through that open window, climbing outside of the walls like some kind of fungus rapidly encroaching on your space?

Stace

I think the core of the plan remains the same.

[Upbeat neon ghostly chase music begins.]

Fitz scoops up Skittles, gets on her skateboard, grinds down the banister, and I am interested to hear how everyone else does it.

Daniel

So, Lowbout was down at the bottom of the stairs waiting for you. As soon as you get past Lowbout and open the front door and look out, in that moment that you look out you suddenly see that Lowbout is now in the very back area of the station wagon spraying more Axe Body Spray into their mouth.

Sampson

[Laughs.]

Alex

I feel like Alistair is rolling down the window to escape the ham smell, and the Axe smell, and the Irish Spring smell, all marinating in the car with them. Rapidly cranking that window down.

Hey children, did you know before they had the push button for the windows to go down in cars you had to roll it down with your hands? It was manual like a crank. A crank is something that you roll with your hand.

Stace

[Chuckles.] Yeah, Fitz just drops into the front seat which is like a bench seat because this is a 70s station wagon, drops Skittles, slams the door.

Stace (as Fitz)

To the usual place!

Kyle

And you speed off to The Usual Place, Bar & Grill.

[Laughter. Music ends.]

Alex (as Alistair)

Are we getting apps? Because I’m voting potato skins.

Daniel (as Lowbout)

Ribs! Ribs! Ribs!

Stace

Is Lowbout still just wearing the towel? No…

Alex

Ah shit. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Fuck.

Daniel

I suspect the towel is more than he usually wears, so pretty good.

Kyle

I imagine you have some sort of agreement with the owners of The Usual Place.

Daniel

Oddly enough, Lowbout does have a skill in Disguise, so he could probably construct something that looks somewhat like an outfit based off of random stuff he finds.

Sampson

Rearrange the ham to look like a suit or something.

Daniel

Mm-hmm.

Alex

Ooh. Fair.

Kyle

[Chuckling.] Okay. You have a ham suit.

Daniel

It’s terrifying, but…

Kyle

You spend your night at The Usual Place, Bar & Grill with a ham suit.

[Optimistic supernatural music plays.]

When the morning comes, it is yet another arid hot day in The Valley.

Alex

Oh god, that ham suit.

Kyle

We can hear some pundit over a broken radio saying stuff like:

[00:40:00]

Kyle (as pundit)

And there was a ferocious sound coming out of one of the neighborhoods of The Valley this weekend. If this is the kind of Necro-nonsense that the Intermortal Necromon Championship is going to bring to our fair city, then I say out with Oset Scuba! Out with ScubaCorp! Out with the Aggressive Bandit!

Kyle

This radio sound, we can hear it as we see the broken window of the house. We can see the random bits of wet ham strewn all over the furniture, the busted down door…

Alex

Ugh…

Kyle

As the voice says…

Kyle (as pundit)

And if we don’t do something soon, someone will get hurt.

Kyle

…we just see Skittles’ little nesting nook scratched and torn and utterly destroyed.

Alex

[Gasps.] Aww…

[Music ends.]

Kyle

[Laughing.] And that’s where we’re gonna end this adventure of Under the Neighborhood.

I needed to pay off the vision some way.

[Laughter.]

Daniel

Oh, dark ending, I love it.

Kyle

So dark. So dark. Also, with so many blatant— “Oh, what were those names that Kyle name-dropped? Hopefully it doesn’t relate to like the lore of Quest Friends.” It does, it does relate to the lore of Quest Friends.

Alex

They’ll have to listen to all of Quest Friends to find out!

Kyle

I know! They’ll have to listen to all of Quest Friends! Hereafter, our second season, that this game was made for and that also takes place in this world.

Alex

[Happy gasp.]

Kyle

And that doesn’t just have Necrocats but also has Necromice… and other creatures that aren’t just the word Necro put in front of an animal.

Alex

What?!

Daniel

That was gonna be my next question.

Stace

I have to say, I definitely wish we were playing more. That was a lot of fun.

Daniel

Yeah, that was fun.

Stace

And, if this was a cartoon, the premise, I feel like this was actually a very good first episode that illustrated—like really established the characters. You know? And the trouble that comes with being a crew made up of a skateboarder, ham person, psychic cat and… social media profiteer?

[Laughter.]

Daniel

I do feel like that’s what Alistair became over the course of the episode. That’s the invention somehow.

Alex

How is he going to replace his hammer if he doesn’t use some form of scam?

Kyle

[Scoffs.] I forgot to include the peed-on skateboard and even more lost tools in my montage of the sad ending.

Sampson

Actually, if I can add to that last vision, if we’re seeing this on the TV at The Usual Place, Alistair would see that under the pillows in Skittles’ place the hammer is broken.

Kyle

Oh god, even darker. The worst timeline.

Alex

Alistair’s just shaking his head, like “son of a bitch.”

Kyle

So yeah, that was a sample of Under the Neighborhood. I’m glad everyone enjoyed it. As we mentioned, this was made for Quest Friends! Hereafter, a story about where the worlds of the living and the dead are only a plane ride apart. In that campaign we’ve got characters such as an investigator who lives in a junkyard that is also a graveyard, a young prankster child who is participating in the Intermortal Necromon Championship… It’s FIFA but Pokémon, but ghosts. And an old skeleton man who just wants to be left alone, and he never ever will be.

Alex

Aww.

[Chuckling.]

Sampson

If our characters ever make it into Season 2, that’s Skittles’ favorite person.

[Laughter.]

Kyle

Under the Neighborhood is the system that we used to play this. We have a paid version that includes these mechanics and much, much more. We didn’t even start touching the Confrontation mechanics which is our way of handling combat scenarios, but that chase for example could have been a lot longer. It could have been a whole big involved thing.

So, we’ve got a paid version that has all of that or we’ve got a free version that really pairs down the mechanics, gives you some sample characters and an adventure to go on.

And, just because I think this is relevant, this is the kind of system that, if you’re someone who likes to plan, it works for that, but if you don’t want to plan you don’t have to. My plan was literally you are in a house and it is raining because it is monsoon season. That was all I had going into this session, and then literally everything else came from that group-generated Slice of Life Complication.

Alex

And suddenly ham bath.

Kyle

[Smiling.] Suddenly ham bath.

Daniel

That is the name of my memoirs, by the way. Suddenly Ham Bath.

[Laughter.]

Alex

Aww…

Daniel

One thing I will say about this system, you have done a very good job here, not just with the blending of the hybrid between Powered by the Apocalypse and Cypher, but you’ve done a great job with the moves. One weakness that I see in a lot of Powered by the Apocalypse games is that the moves are way too specific so it makes it hard to find a time to use them and use them appropriately. You’ve done a great job making the moves feel flexible in a way that I think usually turns me off of that system, so you’ve done a great job with that.

[00:45:00]

Kyle

Yeah. My goal is moves get two categories, they get “here’s something fun you can do in pretty much any scenario” or they get “here’s a way to modify your numbers,” because I know some people just like to be stronger.

Daniel

Yeah. Well cool, this was so much fun, Kyle. Thank you so much for coming and running it for us.

Kyle

Yeah, thanks for having me.

Daniel

At some point I might even try to get you to come back and do it again.

Alex

Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Daniel

Because I had a lot of fun.

Stace

Yeah, this was a cliffhanger.

Alex

I loved it.

Daniel

If people wanted to talk to us about their experiences with Under the Neighborhood if they’ve had a chance to pick it up yet, or the podcast, or about Explorers Wanted or about Quest Friends – I know we’ve got some overlap in listenership – how would they do that, Sampson?

Sampson

Well, I guess the best place for now would be to go to Twitter. You can find the Explorers Wanted crew at @ExplorersWanted and you can find Quest Friends at @Quest_Friends. Pick the one that you’re not listening to on the feed. So, if you’re on Patreon right now listening through Quest Friends’ Patreon, go check out Explorers Wanted, and vise-versa if you’re not familiar with Quest Friends but listening to Explorers Wanted.

Daniel

Yeah, definitely check them out.

Sampson

Listen to more podcasts. You have time.

Daniel

Yes. And don’t just check out Quest Friends’ newest season, although you should, because this game is awesome, but don’t forget that Quest Friends, if you haven’t listened to them before, has an amazing Numenera campaign. It was their first Numenera campaign.

Alex

Mm-hmm.

Daniel

If you like Numenera and you haven’t checked out Quest Friends yet and you are really feeling like you want the entire deep personal lore, not just game lore, of Kyle and crew, make sure to go back and listen to Quest Friends. It’s very good.

And I would say, if you’ve enjoyed this episode or either of the podcasts, I would highly recommend you go out and leave reviews for your favorite podcasts. It makes such a huge difference to get reviews on podcasts directories. Even if it’s not a review, word of mouth with friends and things like that. If for some reason you didn’t like this episode or it wasn’t your thing, that’s okay, I just want to assure you that yes, my ham is delicious.

[Snickering.]

If you want to reach out to us on social media, you can reach out to us individually. You can find me on Twitter at @andrlik.

Stace

You can find me on Twitter at @StaceWindu.

Sampson

Oh, I’m also on Twitter at @SlamPotato.

Alex

I’m @realteaunicorn on Twitter and teawithunicorn on Twitch.

Kyle

And my Twitter address is @Quest_Friends. You don’t get to know my personal Twitter, and even if you did, you wouldn’t want to. It’s mostly me talking about my progress on creative things, complaining about having to do work on creative things, and then photo shopping Meta Knight into Disney stills.

[Laughter.]

Now that I say it out loud, that’s actually kind of rad, but it’s private so just check out @Quest_Friends instead.

[Explorers Wanted theme music plays, ‘Ninth World’ by Dave Sterling.]

Daniel

Okay, that’s it for us. I hope you all enjoyed this special bonus episode. Have a good night, day, weekend, or whenever you’re listening to this, and bye~

Others

Bye~

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Daniel

Well actually, before we get started with that, Kyle, obviously you do Quest Friends, but why don’t you tell people all about the other things that you do in addition to Quest Friends?

Kyle

The other things that I do in addition to Quest Friends is write a rulebook for Quest Friends.

[Laughter.]

It all ties in. I put all my eggs in one basket, but the basket has spread off across the universe.

Otherwise, I’m at home, I’m making Legos.

Alex

Hell yeah.

Kyle

Legos are great. I want more Legos, but I don’t have the money for Legos, which is why I made this system, so that it could be then bought which I can then use that money on more Legos. Lego. Lego is the plural I think.

Daniel

Legi?

[Laughter.]

Alex

I was honestly hoping for a naked cat, so I’m disappointed.

Sampson

Nah.

Stace

I don’t remember the sphinx wearing clothes.

Sampson

It’s like that sphinx cat look but with a small short—I don't know what that…

Alex

Is it a munchkin cat?

Kyle

A munchkin sphinx cat with a suitcoat now.

Alex

Yeah!

Stace

Yes.

Sampson

Yeah.

Alex

To fit all the six legs.

Stace

Wait, is it cat-sized?

Sampson

Maybe the fur should just be like a goatee.

Stace

Oh—

[Laughter.]

Sampson

No, that’s their evil twin, Reese’s Pieces.

Kyle

Alright, let me put that down. Skittles, evil twin, which is a different descriptor but I’ll give this to you for free… is Reese’s Pieces.

[00:50:00]

Daniel

And yeah, Lowbout loves to collect shiny things.

Alex

Is that gonna impact Alistair’s wrench?

Daniel

Depends on how clean your wrench is.

[Chuckling.]

Alex

But then his wrench will be ham-scented.

Kyle

Maybe it’s waterproof and ham-proof. It’s scent-proof.

Alex

Yeah… Okay. These are the important questions. Is your wrench ham-proof?