The Cookie Crew, Part 2

Previously on Quest Friends: The Cookie Crew...

[Opening theme, “Great Fun” by Antarctic, begins.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)
That's my car over there. If something happens to her, you personally will be held responsible. 

No food, no dirty shoes, no fire.

Cassidy (as Eraf)
Very fair rules.

Hallie (as Madeline)
I know Anastasia is trying to handle things in like a different way...

I know that normally your specialty is extracting information, but I think that you'll be able to twist that around to sell cookies.

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Sticking pipettes in people's heads and pulling out knowledge. Very intrusive. 

Emily (as Ig)
Wait, is that why we’re here? 

Hallie (as Madeline)
This might be going a little, a little, a little much. Are you guys, are you guys sure you guys are up to the task?

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Of driving cookies? 

Hallie (as Madeline)
Yeah.

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Uh huh. Yeah. I've never been more sure. 

[Opening theme intensifies.]

Olivia
I have a curiosity. Olivia does. What does everybody look like?

Hallie
That’s right; I never gave you, like, a chance to like describe your characters because I was like super excited to get into the game. So if you want to take a moment to describe all your characters while they're eating dinner, that sounds like a good thing to do.

Olivia
I, I could start. Hannelore’s really tall. She's got, her hair's cut really short because getting, long hair on a mechanic, it doesn't work. That's no good. So it's very short, uh, it's held back with like a bandana headband. She's very tall and “she's tall, dark and gorgeous” is what I wrote down on my own thing. Since I get to choose, I get to decide. She's wearing coveralls and uh, she's zipping them up cause it's getting a little chilly. 

Cassidy
Alright. I can go next. Uh, Eraf is just a little shorter than average. She's kind of dressed in a casual uh, uniform, you know, not necessarily the best she has, but you know, um, so that she still looks professional, and she has her cloak, which is basically like a Doctor Strange cloak and it only billows when it's indoors, so right now even if there's wind going on, it's just like perfectly still. And then she's got sort of shoulder length, silver-ish, straight hair, basically not complicated at all, stuff she doesn't really have to worry about and sort of golden eyes and a pleasant face.

Olivia
What's up? What's good with you, Ig? 

Emily
Ig is, kind of a reedy, unremarkable figure. But she’s--she's ridiculously tangled hair. She's not taking care of it. She like stores stuff into it. 

Cassidy and Olivia

[Laughter.]

Emily

It's fine. If she finds a shiny rock, it goes in the hair--

Cassidy, Olivia and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

--until it falls out, feathers, sticks straight up. Um, so her hair is like her jewelry box and also hoard. Yeah. But visually unremarkable, which she combats consciously by making all her movements way too exaggerated. 

Hallie
I’m glad you all got to describe yourselves because I already knew what you all looked like, so I just forgot that listeners wouldn’t. Okay. So you're eating and then cleanup and turn in. Is there anything else anyone wants to do?

Olivia
Uh, I'm going to check on, uh, Red Mary, see how her engine’s looking.

Hallie
It's looking good. 

Olivia
Great. Alright. Uh, Olivia doesn't know much about cars, but Hannelore does…

Hallie
Just make it all up. 

[Lively, circus-esque music begins to play.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh, okay. So here's the, the double mutterer. Uh, it's very important to keep, uh--

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia

She pulls the top off of a certain pipe. It doesn't look like it. I guess it doesn't look, the engine doesn't look like a modern engine, so it's fine. It's like, it's like, it's very Dr Seuss. 

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia

So she opens up one pipe that looks a little bit like one of those party crackers, opens it up and there's a large silver coin. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

--this is very important for the double mutterer. It maintains the balance of the HQ. 

Olivia

Okay. I pop the trunk, I pop the hood back down. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Uh, alrightly, so there are, three people can sleep inside of the van. I have a uh, a cot I can roll up if y'all want to sleep inside.

Hallie
Madeline will take the cot.

Emily (as Ig)
Does anyone like to cuddle?

Hallie (as Madeline)
Ehh, hard pass.

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter]

Olivia
Hannelore is going to explain to you guys how to unroll the bed inside of the, it's, the bed sleeps two and then the front step, the front chairs, one of them spins around so you can sit and then kind of recline. So, somebody’s bunking together. 

All

[Laughter]

Cassidy
I can be a heavy sleeper. It's not a problem.

Hallie
Alright, so just so I'm clear, Eraf and Ig are taking like the back double?

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia
Yeah, it's like a double, large double,

Hallie
Like a couch that folds out into a double bed is, like a car seats?

Olivia
Right. 

Hallie
Okay. 

Cassidy
Eraf has, like a sleeping bag too that she's going to roll out, to, to like her own comforter covers and things.

Emily (as Ig)
I'm so sorry. Sometimes I kick, but mostly I just cuddle in my sleep.

Olivia
Where’s like blankets and stuff. They're just heavy. Uh, everything is functional, but not necessarily cozy. 

Cassidy
Is it nice outside? Nice starry night?

[05:00]

Hallie
Yeah. You've all got like bed rolls and stuff too, so you can supplement anything. 

Olivia
What's this area like?

Hallie
Uh, yeah, it's nice. It's not raining or anything. Uh, you have camped by like, you're by the coast. You're not like directly next to the lake. Like you're not close enough that it would be dangerous, but you're next to the bay.

[Calm and soothing but upbeat music plays.]

So the water is, um, if you're facing the road towards the Empire, the water's going to be on your right and then there's going to be a forest and you're left. It's not super thick unless you were to go more than like 30 feet in. 

Olivia
Innit that funny, that's just how I was picturing it. 

Hallie
Oh, perfect. Yeah. So you've got water on one side of you, pretty close. And then forest on the other side. 

Olivia
What's the cardinal directions? I imagine we're going north. 

Hallie
Uh, you are going-

Cassidy
Is the path on the ocean side or the forest side? Like the, the road. 

Hallie
Yes, you're correct. You are going south, oh that’s right you’re going to Pike’s Head which is directly south, I forgot you’re not going to the Empire itself. Pike’s Head is directly south of Gladys. Hannelore, are you taking the recliner seat? 

Olivia
No, uh, Madeline can sit in that. Uh, uh, Madeline, is that it? We have been driving for hours I just haven't cared to learn. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia

Uh, Madeline can sit in that. Uh, and I have a little, a little low cot that I'm going to set up underneath the tent thing. 

Hallie
Okay. Um, before you all turn in, um, Madeline is going to approach Hannelore, uh, and say, 

Hallie (as Madeline)
Hey, um, the Red Mary doesn't have anywhere to like store things safely, does it?

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Uhhhh…

Hallie (as Madeline)
Life a safe? 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
The glove compartment is uh, bullet, laser and diamond proof. 

Hallie (as Madeline)
Okay, perfect. 

Hallie
Uh, and then she'll take out the like non-aggression pact that she wrote. It's in like a very fancy envelope.

Olivia
Okay. I'm going to stuff it very carelessly into the glovebox. 

All

[Laughter]

Hallie (as Madeline)

Oh!

Hallie
When you do that she’ll go 

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Distressed.] Aah!

Hallie 

Like Damien in Mean Girls. Like,

Hallie (as Madeline)
Okay. Alright. It's fine. It’s fine.

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Oh, I found a map. Oh, isn't that fun? 

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

We’ll look at that later. Sorry. I didn’t know I had that in my book. Okay. Yeah, there's like a bunch of napkins and stuff in there too, so I'll just kind of shove those aside. 

Hallie
[Laughter.] That's fine. 

Olivia
And, uh, pop it shut. And uh, the key function of the Red Mary is sort of embedded in Hannelore’s palm.

Hallie
Okay. 

Olivia
So, uh, she locks and unlocks it herself. 

Hallie
Okay, perfect. So if no one has anything else they want to do, everyone's going to turn in?

Cassidy
Yeah, I'm good to. For now. 

Olivia
I imagine Ig sleeps hot. Like, yeah, she’s just--

Cassidy
She just like radiates heat.

Olivia
Like yeah, she’s going to be like sweating and uncomfortable. 

Hallie
[Laughing] Like no one likes to sleep with Ig. 

Olivia
She’s like a tiny little, like a little firebox. 

Emily
Yes. Yes. 

Olivia
I'm listening to the sounds of the sea and the night. 

Hallie
Yeah. It's really nice. Like the ambient noise. [Ocean waves sound.] Like, Ancuan’s just a nice place. 

Cassidy
It’s very peaceful. [Makes ocean “whoosh” noises.] 

Emily

[Hoots like an owl.] 

Olivia

[Makes seagull and wolf noises.]

Hallie
You do hear one more sound at about-

Cassidy
Oh dear.

Hallie
--three AM.  And that is just a giant [A loud bang on metal.] thump on the side of the Red Mary.

Hallie (as Madeline)
[Surprised shout.]

Hallie
Madeline is startled awake. I'm going to say it startles all of you awake. It was very hard. The van is fine. It's not tipped over. But it was a hard hit.

Cassidy
I will jump out of bed and get to the door as quickly as possible. 

Hallie
Okay. Uh, Madeline is also doing that. Just going to run over there. 

[Classic adventuring pirate music plays.]

Hallie
Uh, so as you all get outside, there is a ship pulled up alongside the coast and it is flying a flag you would recognize as an Ancuan pirate flag. Um, there are three women standing aboard the boat. The one on the far right has like a pink pixie cut and her hand is blowing blue. Uh, the one in the middle has a blonde ponytail and she has eye makeup, like raccoon eye makeup, on her eyes and she is leaning casually on a club. And then the third one, on the left, is dressed mostly in yellow and she has dark brown hair that's in like a side pony. The one on the right with the pink hair,

Hallie (as Poppy)
Well will ya look at this, girls! A fully loaded caravan guarded only by few hapless travelers, let's make their load lighter, huh? I’m Poppy.

Hallie
The middle one will say,

Hallie (as Susan)
I'm Susan.

Hallie
And the one on the far left says,

Hallie (as Jonquil)
And I'm Jonqui,l and together we’re--

Hallie (as Jonquil, Susan, and Poppy)

--PB&J!

Cassidy
Oh my gosh, [Laughter.] I'm getting like a Powerpuff Girls vibe. 

All

[Laughter]

Hallie
Good! That’s what I designed this after! And then Madeline will point out,

Hallie (as Madeline)
PB&J? But the middle one was named Susan.

Cassidy and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Poppy and Jonquil throw up their hands and groan, and they'll both say simultaneously, 

Hallie (as Poppy and Jonquil)
God, Susan, you ruined it again! Every damn time!

Hallie
And Susan will say,

[Pirate music ends.]

Hallie (as Susan)
Oh my god, I’m sorry, I'm sorry. It's Black-Eyed Susan.

Hallie
And she gestures to her eye makeup.

Hallie (as Susan)
It's Black-Eyed Susan uugh, Black Eyed Susan and together, PB&J. 

Hallie
And Poppy and Jonquil are still like,

Hallie (as Poppy and Jonquil)

Goooooood!

Hallie

Groaning and Susan's going to say, 

Hallie (as Susan)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't named after a fucking flower. Anyway, we're here to steal your shit.

Emily
I love her. [Laughter.]

Hallie
These are my favorite NPCs.

Emily

[Laughter]

[09:56]

Hallie
Um, so with that you will notice, I'm just going to say now that they have made their grand entrance, that there is like an icicle poking out of the Red Mary.

Cassidy
[Gasps] Oh no.

Olivia
The what?! 

Hallie
There's like an icicle poking out of the Red Mary.

All

[Laughter]

Olivia
[Makes a loud half-shrieking noise of shock, despair and annoyance.]

Cassidy
I'm just going to try to stand in front, so Hannelore can't see it [Laughter.] and, um…

Olivia
[Deep exhale.] I can sense it in my body.

All

[Laughter]

Hallie
I mean, it's like pretty--it’s up there, like it's high. She aimed high.

Olivia
Is everyone out of the van? 

Hallie
Yes. Everyone's out in the van standing there. 

Olivia
I'm, I'm shutting the doors and [Makes clicking noise.] it’s locked.

Hallie
And then before, um, Poppy, can fire a second icicle, Madeline will say, 

Hallie (as Madeline)
Wait, you woke us up? Before stealing our stuff?

Hallie
And Poppy will say,

Hallie (as Poppy)
We like to be honorable about it.

Olivia (as Hannelore)
This isn’t honorable, you’re, you're hurting my van! 

Olivia
I'm trying to pull, I'm going to try to pull the icicle out. 

Hallie
Okay. Uh, do you want to roll for that? That's going to be a might roll. 

[Dice rolling.]

Olivia
Might- [Despairing laugh.] I got a natural one.

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Hallie
[Laughter.] So, like, not only, so you go to move it, but it's ice, so you just slip off of it immediately.

Olivia
It's so cold, ow. I fall and, and drive it for the spike further into the body of my-

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Oh my God, no!

[Lively hard rock music begins for combat.]

Hallie
Uh, while you're doing that, uh, Madeline will pop out her shoes again, which she wore to bed because she is who she is. And then say,

Hallie (as Madeline)
Bring it on!

Olivia (as Hannelore)
You wore your shoes? She wore her shoes-- it's not important. We'll talk about it later. 

Hallie
Susan goes,

Hallie (as Susan)
Hold up. I knew you looked familiar. Jonquil, Jonquil, isn’t this that upstart rolly derber, roller derby-er  who beat you at the Derby in Caprin? 

Hallie
Jonquil’s eyes will widen.

Hallie (as Jonquil)
Murderline.

Hallie
Madeline’s eyes will narrow.

Hallie (as Madeline)
Jonkill. 

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie
And Jonquil will say,

Hallie (as Jonquil)
I knew I'd run into you again someday. This time I'm not going down.

Hallie
And before anything else happens I need you all to roll initiative.

Olivia
Get out of here, Ellie. 

Emily
Also, any initiative tasks are one step harder for me. So that's a thing. 

Hallie
Yup, sure are. 

Cassidy
Why?

Olivia
Uh, I got a 17. 

Emily
I got a 7.

Cassidy
I got an 11. It’s just straight, a D20, right?

Hallie
Yeah, just straight D20. And none of you have bonuses or anything except for Ig who has...the opposite of a bonus. 

Olivia
A handicap.

Hallie
A take-away. 

Emily
Yes, I do.

Hallie
Alright. Hannelore’s got a 17, uh, Cassidy you got, uh, an 11? Okay. And then-

Emily
I got a 7.

Hallie
You got a 7.

Emily
Without my inability. 

[Dice rolling.]

Hallie
Okay. Uh, Ig, I'm ruling that you, you're going to go last. 

Emily
Okey.

Hallie
There are reasons for this. Okay, so Hannelore, you are up first.

Olivia

Okay. Uh, Hannelore has uh, a large, like a big wrench, uh, strapped to her side. She is in her pj's but it was, I'm going to, I'm going to say that it was underneath the cots. So the, it's like a big wrench. It'll function as a club. She's going to go up to Poppy and just swing and batter up right for the chest.

Hallie
Okay. Uh, roll an attack for me, which is also just a D20.

Olivia
Uh, that's 7. I'm, I'm using, I'm mighty though. I have a 14 might, does that help?

Hallie
It does not. But you can, as a reminder, take effort to lower the difficulty of tasks.

Olivia
I'd like to do that then. I'm very serious about smacking her in the chest.

Hallie
Okay. You want to add one tier to hit and you rolled a seven that is still not enough. So, with a mighty swing, Poppy is just going to like, like put ice in front of her and then move on the ice away from your wrench, so that she moves a little bit quicker than normal.

Olivia (as Hannelore)
[Enraged yell.]

Hallie
Uh, and Poppy is in fact up next. So she is going to fire an icicle at you. Uh, roll for defense. 

Olivia
Nine.

Hallie
Nine? Okay. Yeah, that'll work. Uh, she's next to the Red Mary right now, so she's going to fire the icicle at you. It will just barely, like, graze your sleeve, but she will fire off back into the ocean and just hang out there. Susan is up next. Susan has stayed on the boat and she is going to like flip her club up so that the narrow part is aiming at you, but her club is also a gun, and she’s just going to fire her club gun from the ship and she is going to fire it at... Well seeing that, uh, Poppy's got Hannelore covered she's going to fire it at…

Cassidy
Don't you dare.

[Short pause.]

Hallie
Eraf.

Cassidy and Hallie

[Laughter]

Hallie
I'm daring. So you've got to roll a defense. 

Cassidy
D20, right? 

Hallie

A seven?

Cassidy
Yeah. 

Hallie

Ehhhh…

Cassidy
Oh yeah. 

Hallie
Alright. Um, her bullets are like tiny flowers. They look like daisies.

Cassidy
[Laughter.] Oh gosh.

Hallie
Um, so like this spinning daisy [Laughter.] is going to come out of her club gun and it will hit you. It’ll hit your shoulder, but it's not like a bullet that's going to stay there now. It'll like hit and then dissolve into like daisy dust. 

Cassidy
Oh dear. 

Hallie
Uh, but that is going to be 3 points of damage--

Cassidy
Gotcha. 

Hallie
--to your might pool. Okay. Who is up next? Oh, Madeline’s up next.

Cassidy (as Eraf)
Get em, Madeline.

[14:52]

Hallie
Madeline has her little heelies out. She is going to go after Jonquil, who is coming from the side. Um, she's going to skate up to the Red Mary and then use it parkour style to like turn around really quickly.

Cassidy
Oooh……. Oh dear….

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie
To gather speed and momentum, so that she will try to nail Jonquil.

Olivia
Alright, I have to do some therapy sessions for Hannelore.

Hallie
In the face. Jonquil... Oh, it works. Jonquil is down. Jonquil goes next, though, so she's going to pop back up and then do like a cartwheel, uh, over Madeline. Uh, she'll take a jab but she'll be, she will… 

[Dice rolling.]

Miss. And now we have Ig. 

Emily
Um…

Cassidy
Ig’s going next?

Hallie
Ig is last. 

Cassidy
When am I going? [Laughter.]

Hallie
Hah! You went before Madeline and Jonquil. There, just pretend that happened.

Cassidy
I would like to use my onslaughts attack, uh, mind slice.

Hallie
On who?

Cassidy
Susan. 

Hallie
Susan, okay.

Cassidy
Says it inflicts two points of intellect damage. Alright, yup. And I am going to attack her insecurities about her name and failure to -

Hallie
Wow!

All

[Shocked gasps.]

Cassidy
- failure to properly -

Olivia
Let's get right to the heart of the matter, y'all. 

Cassidy
Yup. 

Olivia
Whoa. 

Cassidy
Cause clearly that's very important to her.

Hallie

Wow.

Emily
Stone cold!

Hallie
Uhhh, roll for me to see how that affects her. 

Cassidy
Oh, okay. 

Olivia
I'm into it. 

Hallie
This is just for me to decide how she's going to take it.

Cassidy
Just to a D20, okay. Oh Gosh. It's a four. 

Hallie
It’s a four? Okay. Um…

Cassidy
I'm not very good at insults, I guess.

Hallie
As you're insulting - [Laughter.]

Olivia
It's your first day out.

Hallie
As you're insulting Susan for her inability to remember the nickname that she forced upon herself, um.

Cassidy
Does it just make her more angry? [Laughter.] 

Hallie
Yes, exactly. She’s going to get more angry. 

Cassidy
Dangit.

Hallie
So she is going to re-cock her club gun. The cock sounds distinctly louder than the first time. Alright. So now we are down to Ig.

Cassidy
But I still got the damage in, heh heh. So who's winning now?

Emily
Still them.

Olivia
It remains to be seen. 

Hallie
We'll see how it goes. 

Emily
Okay. So Susan's still on the boat.

Hallie
Susan is still in the boat. Jonquil and Poppy are like on either side. Like if you and Hannelore and Eraf are in the middle there.

Emily
Yeah.

Hallie
They’re on either side of the Red Mary.

Emily
Um… because I knew what I wanna do. Yeah, no, I'm just going to do it. Um... [Laughter.] because there's something I could do that would eliminate potential consequences. 

Hallie
Okay…. 

Emily
But, um, can I spray my flame retardant and use my Shroud of Flame?

Hallie
At the same time? 

Emily
Y-yes?

Hallie
Yes. But successfully doing your shroud ability is going- What are you spraying the thing on?

Emily
I just, you know, it's great. That's just me as a player. Ig wouldn't care. I would like to use my Shroud of Flame ability, which, um, costs one INT and I light fire for 10 minutes and I get plus two armor and I give enemies plus 2 damage. If I do it successfully.

Hallie
Okay. Um, do you want to move anywhere? Cause I, that's an action. So you can't do an attack, but you could move somewhere else if you wanted to.

Emily
Um, mostly I just wanted to say something to them. 

Hallie
Yeah, you can do that. 

Emily
I would like to say, 

Emily (as Ig)
I know that you said when you arrived that we were just hapless travelers in this van, but I think what you didn't realize was that we were warriors, and fierce ones at that. I think you might want to rethink attacking us.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Emily
And then I want to use my Shroud of Flame..

Hallie
Alright. You do it. I'll have them respond to when they get back to, uh, Poppy’s turn.

Emily
Well, well, um, don't I have to roll for it? 

Hallie
Your Shroud of Flame?

Emily
Yeah. 

Hallie
Uh, no that's like your focus ability. So I'm going to rule, you can just do that.

Emily
Oh, cool!

Hallie
But it costs intellect, right, to be able to do it?

Emily
Yeah. 

Hallie
Okay.

Emily
Oh, awesome. Well I don't have to roll for it then. I don't have to worry about it succeeding. 

Cassidy
Woooo!

Hallie

No, you’re good.

Emily
I start my self on fire! 

Hallie
Excellent. Alright, so now we are back to Hannelore. 

Olivia
Okay. I'm gonna try to hit Poppy again. 

Hallie
Okay. 

Olivia
10!

Hallie
10? 10 will... just about get her, but Poppy’s pretty fast on that ice, uh, in addition, Poppy is very interested that Ig has just lighted herself on fire and Poppy will like--

Cassidy
Understandable.

Hallie
--ice on closer to her and be like, 

Hallie (as Poppy)
Oh honey, I welcome the challenge. 

Hallie
And then she's gonna fire - it's not an icicle blast this time it's like a water bending blast at Ig’s, like, Shroud of Flame. So Ig, roll a defense for me, and you get +2 defense.

Emily
Yeah. I also just want to clarify that when she does that I say,

Emily (as Ig)
Oh cool! 

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Emily
Yes! 19.

Hallie
19? 

Cassidy

Wow

Hallie

Yeah. Okay, so the water will actually just like evaporate from the sheer heat of your flames-- 

Cassidy

Holy cow.

Hallie

--before it can even douse them, and Poppy looks very impressed. Then we're back to Susan who is like pissed,

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Because Eraf mentally insulted her. So she was angry, confused, she just cocked her gun. It's very, very, it's distinctly louder, and she is going to fire it straight at Eraf. 

[20:00]

Cassidy

[Distressed noise.]

Hallie

So Eraf, roll defense for me.

Cassidy
Defence was a… natural 1.

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia
Now we’re doing, we’re off to a great start.

Olivia
We just woke up, you know.

Cassidy
I just woke up. I’m not used to this sort of combat.

Hallie
[Laughter.] Alright. This one is going to nail you straight in the stomach and it is going to, like, be so forceful that it will push you back so that you hit the Red Mary.

Cassidy
Oh no.

Hallie
Uh, for an additional 2 points of damage.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Ow.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Pained noise.]

Cassidy
Oh, so 2 more in the Might… and I’m just going to groan.

Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Groans.] I’m sorry, Hannelore. [Coughs.]

Hallie
Alright. It is your turn now. I didn't forget this round.

Cassidy
My buzzer, which is like a little wrist launcher that launches like flying, spinning blades.

Emily
Like Hop’s?

Hallie
Yeah, like Hop’s. 

Cassidy

Oh, cool!

Hallie

Mine- looks different but the buzzer discs are the same. 

Emily
Yeah.

Cassidy
Yeah. It’s whatever's listed. 

Hallie
I was excited when you showed us that. I was like, “Yay!”

Cassidy
[Laughter.] It's a fun one. And it seems very Eraf-y

Hallie
One of my favorite weapons!

Cassidy
And go ahead and shoot off a couple of more at Susan. 

Hallie
Okay. 

Cassidy
Well this time I got a 17. [Laughter.] So that’s feeling a lot better now. 

Hallie
A 17? Wow. 

Olivia
Now we’re cookin’.

Hallie
Yeah. Your a buzzer disk will hit and that will cause how much damage is the buzz--? Is it about 2 points? 2 points of damage on... 

Cassidy
Susan.

Hallie
Susan. 

Cassidy
This is just regular, not intellect damage. 

Hallie
Yeah. This is just like, physical damage. 

Cassidy
Yeah, because the mind, the Mind Slice one was intellect.

Hallie
Poor Susan.

Cassidy

Eh, she’s fine.

Hallie

She tries so hard. She did special makeup. And now she's being picked on. 

Cassidy
She's just the Achilles heel of of the group and that’s Eraf is good at poking it. 

Hallie
Wooow. 

Cassidy
She'll be fine. 

Olivia
A house divided against itself. 

Hallie
Alright. Speaking of...Achilles HEELIES--

Cassidy, Olivia and Emily

[Various “oh gods” and groaning.]

Hallie
Madeline is up and she still skating.

Olivia and Hallie

[Laughter]

Hallie
Um, she's actually going to start skating. She's gonna ignore Jonquil and start skating toward the ship.

Cassidy
Oohh.

Hallie
Uhh... She's going to go after Susan, to get -

Cassidy
[Chanting.] Sink it, s - oh. Okay. 

Hallie

That--

Cassidy

That works too. 

Hallie
- that nuisance out of the way she's not feeling it right now. She’s got her heelies and basically nothing else. Um, but her heelies are cool, so she is going to jump onto the ship and do like a kicking arc. And then as she does that, um, a small bolt of electricity will come out of her like her heely shoe and she's aiming for Susan's face. 

Cassidy

Ooh.

Hallie

[Dice rolling.]

Uh, she doesn't hit Susan's face. She -

Cassidy
Yeah, that would hurt. 

Hallie
- will like arc over her, but she is on the ship now. And then Jonquil is up. Jonquil is going to do a cartwheel and head towards Eraf. 

Cassidy
What did I do? 

Olivia
[Laughter.] That’s so fancy.

Hallie
I know she's, she's just flipping everywhere. 

Olivia
Everyone's so lithe, and Hannelore is just trying to club people with her fucking wrench.

Hallie
She's very lithe.

Cassidy
And I'm just going to...dehhh... 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Heavy sigh.] 

Cassidy

Roll defense. 

Hallie
Alright. So she is attempting, yes, she's attempting to jab you.

Cassidy
Blaaaah!

Hallie
She doesn’t have a weapon, just her hands. 

Cassidy
I got a 6. 

Hallie
You got a 6? Alright. She will. So you're like slumped against the Red Mary cause you just got hit in the stomach with Susan's daisy bullet. 

Cassidy
Yeah. 

Hallie
Uh, and she is going to jab you in the legs.

Cassidy

[Sad and quiet.] Ow…

Hallie

Like she's gonna hit one leg and then cartwheel over you and then hit the other leg. 

Cassidy
Yeah. Okay. 

Hallie
And you feel like standing up would be more difficult if you were to try. They feel very jelly-like.

Cassidy
Oh jeez. Alright. 

Hallie
Uh, and we are back to Ig. 

Emily
Um… Okay, so Eraf is on the ship? 

Cassidy
No.

Hallie
No. Madeline is on the ship. 

Emily
Okay. 

Olivia
But Eraf just got attacked. 

Cassidy
Yeah, I’m just -

Hallie
And she got shot.

Olivia
- and shot.

Hallie
She's slumped against the, against the van. 

Emily
Oh, against the van. Okay. Ummm... I should probs go, like, make sure you don't get shot again. 

Cassidy
I’m fine.

Emily
Again. 

Cassidy
I mean, I could roll under van if I really need to.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia
There’s the clearance for that, it’s fine.

Hallie and Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Emily
I wanna roll her under the van. No. Um, I'd like to go over and, um...

Cassidy
You're also on fire still.

Emily
Yeah, I am on fire!

Hallie
You're also on fire, and Poppy is like a threat, like a threatening presence. She's still next to you. 

Emily
So Poppy's the one with the magic that I fought. 

Hallie
Yes. Poppy is like the water nano. 

Emily
Yeah. I would like to take out my baton and point it at Poppy and say,

[Upbeat, cheerful, slightly derpy music plays.]

Emily (as Ig) 

Nano to nano, you don't want me to use this.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia
Hannelore is hiding her face. 

Hallie
Roll an intimidation. 

Hallie and Emily

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Are you good at intimidation? Let me just see. 

Emily
I don't think so. 

Cassidy

Can I glare behind her as well to help? 

Hallie
I will allow that to be a partner action. But like. Okay. 

Emily
Yeah! Cause like to be fair, I'm on fire. So, like…

Hallie
Yes. Uh, and you're aiming a wand at her, uh, roll me a, roll me a D20. Do you want to put effort into it? 

Emily
Yeah, I already rolled but I wanted to!

Hallie
Oh okay. No go ahead. Cause I didn't know you’d already rolled. So uh, yeah, you apply one tier of effort. 

Emily
Yeah.

Hallie
That's minus 2 from your intellect. Okay. 

Emily
Yep. Uh, yeah cause I have an edge in intellect. And I rolled a 10. 

[24:57]

Hallie
Yeah. You rolled a 10. Okay. Okay. Yeah, because Eraf is helping you by glaring behind her. Eraf doesn't look super intimidating because she’s slumped against a van, and like her legs, but you specialize in intimidation and like putting on a brave face. 

Cassidy
Ooh, I’m excited. Oh yeah. I interrogated people for a living.

Hallie
For sure. So like, and the slumping look actually kind of makes you look even more terrifying the way that like dolls do, you know. 

Cassidy
Oh hosh. 

Hallie
And this combined with the fire.

Olivia
Yeah. The light coming off of uh, Ig must be very dramatic. 

Hallie
Mmmhmm. I mean, I mean like Poppy’s water just like evaporated before even touching Ig. 

Cassidy

Yeah.

Hallie

So she will take a step back and kind of put like a wall of ice between you and her.

Olivia
Am I on the same side of it as her? 

Hallie
Yes. You are. You are behind her. And we are back up to Hannelore. 

Olivia
Okay. Uh, I'm going to hit her again. 

Hallie
[Laughter.] With your wrench?

Olivia
Yeah. 

[Dice rolling.]

Hallie
Do you want to put effort into it? 

Olivia
Uh, 11?

Hallie
11. 

Olivia
I don't want to.

Hallie
You don't want to. Okay. 

Olivia
No, cause it cause a 10 hit before…

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie
A ten didn’t hit but a nine worked for defense, is what happened. 

Olivia
Ah.

Hallie
So the wrench [Laughter.] unfortunately missed again, cause Poppy is just -

Olivia
Argh! Can I at least just clobber it into the wall of ice?

Hallie
Yes, you can do that. Yeah, I will, I'll rule that like as you go around she'll just step aside but um, or she'll duck. She'll duck as your, as your wrench comes and you'll, shattered the wall of ice so it’s only like to your knees now. 

Olivia
Awesome. 

Hallie
It's significantly less than useful than it was before. We're up to Poppy’s turn. Poppy will… Poppy is going to, remembering how enraged Hannelore was earlier, is going to fire another icicle at the Red Mary just because she's mad [Laughter.] and has nothing else to do.

Olivia (as Hannelore)
[Enraged noise.]

Hallie
So, another icicle we'll lodge itself in the Red Mary. This one slight little lower. 

Cassidy
[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Oh, my stars! 

Olivia
I've been wondering what Hannelore's class would be and it's now very clear to me that she is a van-based barbarian.

Emily and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Barberivan?

Olivia
Barberivan.

Hallie
Barberivan! Um, and then we're back to Susan, who was facing off with Madeline. 

Cassidy
Get her!

[Combat electric guitar rock music begins to play.]

Hallie
Um, Madeline is not like an immediate threat on her ship, so she is going to fire and she will hit Madeline square the face. Uh, Madeline just goes down. She's out. [Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Madeline! God.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Cassidy
Dead weight.

[Music plays.]

Hallie
Hey everyone, it's Hallie again. I really hope you're enjoying the second part of the Cookie Crew. The part that wasn't supposed to exist because this was supposed to be a one time special short, but we at Quest Friends are all glad the Cookie Crew turned into this multi episode mini series so we hope you are too. Today's call to action is part announcement, part request. Quest Friends had its one year anniversary last week, so to celebrate we're hosting a Q&A session, streamed live on our Twitch account on Friday, October 5th at 8:00 PM CDT. That is less than a week from now. We're very excited. If you'd like to submit any questions, feel free to submit them to our tumblr asks, but you can also submit questions via this nifty survey that's linked in the show notes. The survey is totally optional, but we want to know who's listening to our show because it helps us reach more good folk like you. The survey also lets you enter our anniversary raffle, and we are giving away some pretty sweet swag so you might want to do that. Again, the survey is linked in the show notes and you can also access it by going to questfriendspodcast.com. That's all for me. The next episode of the Cookie Crew will air on Monday, October 15th but between now and then, the next episode of the main campaign comes back on Monday, October 8th. So I will see you all then.

[Music plays and ends.]

Hallie
So Madeline is down on the ship and we are back to Eraf.

[30:02]

Cassidy
I was planning on attacking Poppy, but -

Olivia
Go for it. 

Cassidy

Yee.

Hallie
Remember your legs are feeling like jelly, so you're not, uh, you're not sure - you can attack from sitting down, but you're not sure how standing up would go for you.

Cassidy
Right. Which is why I think I'm going to bring in my duplicate to help with things. Oohwooo! So -

Hallie
Oh, that's right, your special power! Okay. 

[Magical, twinkling music plays.]

Cassidy
You see the flickering the lights from Ig, and my shadow kind of shivers for a second and all of a sudden it disappears. And there is an exact duplicate of me behind Poppy. 

[Magical music ends.]

Um, with it I can see her right there. I can see the space behind Poppy. Yeah. So that's where my duplicate appears. It is...Level two non-player character with 6 health! 

Olivia

Ho ho!

Hallie

Exellent.

Cassidy

Um, and I am just going to have her kick it. Kick Poppy. Have it kick her. Yeah, there we go. 

Hallie
Alright, give me roll up. 

Cassidy
Yep. Oh my gosh. [Laughter.]

Hallie
How'd you do? 

Emily
Did you get a 1?

Cassidy
Yeah. [Laughter.]

Olivia
[Utter despair.] My van, my van!

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia
Oh, Mary!

Hallie
Your duplicate has just come into being and is expected to kick immediately. Like what is this? 

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia

Who am I?

Hallie
So she will kick but it's almost like the duplicate was just really excited to kick--

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie

--nd like didn't know who they were even supposed to be kicking. So instead of kicking Poppy -

Cassidy, Emily and Olivia

No!

Hallie
- it will kick the ice wall by mistake.

Cassidy
Okay, that's fine. 

Hallie
And then stub their toe. 

Cassidy
That's also fine. [Laughter.]

Hallie
[Laughter.] Like,

Hallie (as duplicate)
[Sharp intake of breath.] Ugghhh!

Cassidy
Ugh, useless thing!

Hallie
Madeline’s up next, but she is [Laughter.] currently unconscious.

Cassidy
Alright.

Hallie
Jonquil, having just flipped over Eraf and done her, her like jab. 

Cassidy
Yeah, jerk.

Hallie
Uh, is running inside the van, the door of which -

Olivia
[Frantically.] I locked it! I locked it! 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Cassidy
She did lock it!

Olivia
I said that I locked it!

Hallie
Did you lock it?

Olivia
Yup.

Hallie
You did? 

Olivia
I did! 

Cassidy
Yes she did. I remember.

Hallie
Like after you went outside?

Cassidy
Yeah, she did the clicky with the hand.

Olivia
So she can try all she wants. 

Hallie
Okay. 

Cassidy
They’ll have to have to cut her hand off. 

Olivia
Don’t - don - why even? Why even?

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Finding -

Cassidy
[Laughter.] I didn't say that out loud. 

Hallie
Um, finding it locked. Unhappily, she will - actually, GM intrusion on Hannelore. Uh, GM intrusions, Olivia are like just when the GM -

Olivia
I’m going to hate this. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia

I’m so upset.

Hallie

[Laughing harder.] Gm intrusions are just, when the GM gets to make a thing happen.

Olivia
Mhm.

Hallie
The player does get an experience and in this game you can use experience to do cool things that we have, you can trade -

Olivia
Forewarning, I'm using my experience to lock the van again.

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Okay. You also get to give an experience to, to another player.

Olivia
Uh, okay. I'll give an experience too, um, Eraf.

Cassidy

Wooo!

Hallie
Okay, so Eraf and Hannelore each have an XP because of my, GM intrusion. Um -

Olivia
I did effing lock the -

Hallie
No, no, no! I believe you.

Olivia
No, I'm saying I did lock the, the -

Hallie
The glove compartment?

Olivia
Glove compartment. 

Hallie
Yes. I know. Okay. I believe that you locked it. The GM intrusion isn't that it's suddenly unlocked. 

Olivia
Can’t even get it started. She can't get us started. She can’t get it started so it doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter what she’s doing, she can’t even start the van. It doesn’t matter.

Hallie
[Laughter.] The intrusion is that Jonquil will instead flip over to you, ‘cause you're all in like close range, she’s going to flip over to you and she is going to jab at your hand. And the jab at your hand, cause the key is embedded in your palm?

Olivia
Yep.

Hallie
She's going to jab at that hand, and because this is a GM intrusion she's just going to do it.

Olivia
[Angry noise.]

Cassidy and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Hallie
And um, that is going to be enough to “doot doot!”

Olivia
[More angry noises.]

Hallie
So the van will -

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie
The van will unlock and she’s just going to flip straight into the van.

Olivia
I’m going to try and rip this woman limb from limb. 

Emily, Cassidy and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia

Oh man, I'm so fired up. 

Hallie
[Laughing.] Okay.

Cassidy
This poor van.

Olivia
My--Red Mary, what did she ever do to anybody? Nothing!

Hallie
Jonquil’s inside the van. Uh, Ig, you’re up.

Emily
Oh, well, um…

Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Whispering.] Don’t go in the van while you're on fire!

All

[Laughter.]

Cassidy
This was a specific rule laid down by Hannelore.

Hallie
Hannelore would be so upset.

Olivia
I would be so...rawhhhh [Angry noise.]!

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia
Why, what have I done? 

Emily

So, I, how far am I from the water?

Hallie
Um, you could get there in one turn if you ran.

Emily
Trying to think of like -

Hallie
It's like 20 feet, 25 feet, like, it’s, it’s, you'd have to sprint to get there. 

Emily
Okay. Yeah.

Hallie
Within a few seconds. It's, it's, it's close, but it's like not immediate.

Emily
Okay. Is anyone else in immediate danger? 

Olivia
My van!

Emily
Well, I can't help you there!

Olivia
I know.

Cassidy
Madeline’s kind of passed out on their ship. 

Hallie
Yeah. Madeline’s unconscious on their ship.

Emily
Oh yeah! Maybe I should -

Olivia
Yeah, go help her.

Cassidy and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily
- go get Madeline. I should go, can I go on the ship? 

Hallie
You can try. 

Emily
Okay. I'm going to try.

Hallie
You can roll it to go on the ship. ...sorry. You're just sprinting on fire towards the pirate ship? [Laughter.]

Emily
Yeahhh!

Olivia
The light’s flying everywhere. 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Cassidy
Oh my gosh, yes, Kamikaze. 

Hallie

Okay.

Emily
First I want to point back at the van and be like, 

Emily (as Ig)
One of them got in there, just so you know. 

[35:01]

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie
In case you didn’t notice, Hannelore!

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Oh, I noticed!

Cassidy
Me and my duplicate facepalm. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
I’m so aware.

Emily
And then I'm gonna say,

Emily (as Ig)
Guys, I got this!

Emily
And sprint towards the ship.

Hallie
And how are you going to try to get on the ship? 

Emily
Um… How did they get off the ship?

Hallie
Uh, Poppy used her, like used like her ice magic to propel her off. And then uh, Jonquil, just did a series of like hardcore flips.

Emily
I don't know how to do either of those things. [Laughter.]

Hallie

You don’t know either of those things! 

Emily

Um...

Olivia
Improvise, Ig! Improvise! Burn the ship, burn it to ash! Hug the ship. What is this the ship made out of? Is it made of wood?

Emily
Wait. I want to look at Susan. I wanna look at Susan.

Hallie
Yeah, it’s like a classic pirate ship. You wanna light it on fire?

Emily
No, I want to look at Susan. 

Hallie
Okay. 

Emily
And I want to say,

Emily (as Ig)
Is your boat made of wood?

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Susan, will like look around a little bit and then say,

Hallie (as Susan)
… No. 

Emily (as Ig)
I think it is. 

Hallie (as Susan)
[Defensively.] What are you, a wood expert? 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Yep. That's wood. 

Emily (as Ig)
No, I'm just curious because I was thinking like you've, you've got that lady on there that would - shoot…

Hallie
Madeline?

Emily (as Ig)
Mod - Moood -Maaymaa -

Olivia
Hannelore screams from the from shore,

Olivia (as Hannelore)
MADELINE!

All

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Ig)
Oh yeah, her. She's up there and I want her back and you guys are in my new best friend’s van. 

Hallie, Cassidy and Olivia

[Laughter.]

Emily

And I want you not in there. So, what if you guys give me back Mem…

Cassidy and Olivia (as Eraf and Hannelore)
Madeline.

Emily (as Ig)
Mam - momemom. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
M. M is much easier.

Cassidy (as Eraf)
Close enough.

Emily (as Ig)
Get out of the van, and I won’t start a light show.

Emily
And I want to get my hand close enough to the ship that it like -

Hallie
Okay. 

Emily
- it starts maybe to char a little bit. 

Hallie
Okay. Susan will lean on her club.

Olivia

[Laughter.] Susan! Sorry.

Hallie
[Laughter.] Susan will, like, lean casually on her club and be like, 

Hallie (as Susan)
The thing is that we don't like Madeline Jefferjames. Lik,e at all. You know, you know Jonquil, Jonkill, was undefeated in the Roller Derby before Murderline here came along. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Murderline? 

Hallie
That's her, that's her Roller Derby name. 

Olivia
Oh, okay.

Cassidy

[Laughter.] I love these things...

Emily (as Ig)
So clearly you don't like derby. 

[Dramatic inspirational music begins to play.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)
That's just the nature of competition...ma'am. 

Hallie

What?

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore.)

You're going to be bested by, this is, you are, who, who raised you? 

Hallie (as Susan)
My…. uncle! 

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Your uncle was a fool! He was a crosslegged -

Hallie (as Susan)
Don’ -

Olivia (as Hannelore)
- buck-toothed fool. He didn't teach you consequences. This is how competition works. You don’t just come in and hit someone's beautiful van because you lost in a roller derby match.

Cassidy (as Eraf)
That is very childish.

Hallie (as Susan)
Uncle Winston was a treasure!

Hallie
She yells back.

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Uncle Winston can eat my ass. No, he didn’t teach you any skills. 

Hallie, Cassidy and Emily

[Laughter.]

Cassidy
This is turning into a roast.

Hallie and Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Emily (as Ig)
Guys -

Olivia
This is a very practical roast. 

Cassidy

(Laughter.)

Emily (as Ig)
There's just so much going on and I can’t keep track of everything. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
BURN THE SHIP. 

Hallie
Okay, so now Ig is holding her, is holding your fire hand next to the ship.

Emily
Oh, no, I was talking as Ig. 

Hallie
Oh yeah, totally.

Emily
Like I know what's going on still. 

Hallie
So Ig, you are…

Emily
Not burning down the ship yet, but -

Hallie
No, but like, but like it's charring. 

Emily
Yeah. 

Hallie
And Susan looks nervous.

Hallie
Uh, so it's going to be a turn, since we had the long interaction and we are back up to Hannelore. 

Olivia
Yeah. I'm going to just abandon Poppy and uh, and tackle the crap -

Hallie
[Laughter.] That's fair.

Olivia
- out of the person who is trying to get in my van. And I would really like to like see like grab her around the middle and just like fling her back and I'm more than willing to use my experience point for it. I don't know if those are important or what they roll over, but it's important to me right now. 

Cassidy and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Hallie
I will say you can - Okay. She was like all the way through the door.

Olivia
Gonna grab her by her ankles, whatever it takes. 

Hallie
Yes, you can do that. Just use your experience to automatically succeed in like attacking this person in your doorway. I will allow that.

Olivia
[Dice rolling.]

Just like ripping her - okay. I also rolled a twenty! Oh yeah!

Cassidy and Emily

[Victorious noises.] 

Hallie
Okay, so for that -

Olivia
I just whip her like a wet towel out of my van. 

Hallie
Okay. Yes, you do.

Olivia
Can I kick the door shut? 

Hallie
Wet towels are notoriously hard to rip, but okay!

Olivia
No, no, no. I whip it.

Cassidy
Whip like a, like a wet towel.

Olivia

[Makes a whipping noise.]

Hallie
Oh, okay, okay.

Olivia
I’m gonna snap, snap her out. Like I'm trying to get the moisture out of her, and can I kick the van door shut?

Hallie
You can. As you rip her out she has like Spiderman webs in her, um, she has like a bracelet that does like puh-choo-choo-choo [Imitates shooting noise]. She doesn’t use them to get around but she should because it's wicked cool. She just flips.

Olivia
You don't use your resources well, Jon.

Cassidy
Lame.

Hallie
So as you pull her out, her webs have attached to the box of, of all the cookies.

Olivia

[Angry noise.]

Cassidy
[Gasps.] No!

Hallie
Okay, so you're, you successfully pull her out, and you just -

Olivia
Okay, just for the record, just for the record, we didn't discuss this.

Hallie
Yes.

Olivia
But this is how I'm imagining it. I had imagined her previously getting in the front of the car, but I put the cookies in the, in the trunk. So she's crawling into the trunk and I'm whipping her out of the trunk. Please continue..

Hallie
Yes. She’s crawling - Yes, okay, sorry. 

Cassidy

Yep.

Hallie

She's crawling into the trunk and she's whipping in the cookies out. So as you whip her out, you also are whipping the cookies. 

Olivia

Ahh.

Cassidy
Oh no.

Hallie
And I'm going to say that the cookies will arc a little bit and they will -

Olivia
I rolled a 20!

Hallie
I know! So I'm thinking. So the cookies are actually, because you rolled a 20, the cookies, are going to actually hit Poppy in the head on their way out. 

[40:00]

Cassidy and Olivia

[Laughter.]

Olivia
It's a sharp corner. Hits her right in the eye! 

Hallie
Causing like -it’s a really big box of all the collective cookies, 

Cassidy

Yeah!

Hallie

So it's going to cause like 4 points of damage. 

Cassidy
Oh jeez!

Hallie
Uh, so it just whacks her in the head, and she goes down, and Jonquil is on top of her.

Olivia
Pulling them onto each other.

Hallie
The cookies, will bounce a little bit further, but they’re still connected via tether to Jonquil’s wrist thing.

Olivia
I am menacingly approaching with my wrench, but at the end of my turn.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Okay.

Olivia
My chest is heaving. My eyes are alight and I'm going to click-click! Lock it again.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Okay. It is now Poppy’s turn. Poppy, uh, isn't knocked out from that hit. She is going to

[Lively, brass-heavy chase music begins to play.]

Stumble to her feet, look at the box of cookies that just nailed her in the face, say,

Hallie (as Poppy)
Oh, cookies!

Hallie
And then shoot ice at the cookies so that they're like encased in a new box of ice. And then she will push that box of ice so that it just slides all the way over towards where Ig is. So it's approaching from behind you, and she kicked it, so it's just sliding block of ice. 

Olivia

[Singing a fast-paced, goofy chase scene song.]

Cassidy
Oh jeez.

Hallie
Approach Ig from behind! So I would like Ig to roll a defense, keeping in mind that you have, hang on-- 

Emily

+2 armor--

Hallie

--but tasks, the tasks, you have +2 armor but tasks in noticing danger are also one step harder.

Olivia

[Laughter.] 

Cassidy
Eughhh…

Emily

[Laughter.] Oh yeah!

Olivia
Good luck buddy. 

Emily
This is fine, this is - ohhhh! 15!

Hallie
15. Okay, so you can hear this like [Makes a swooshing sound.] sound that’s obviously the sound of that ice cookies make -

Cassidy
Obviously.

Hallie
- when they’re sliding across, uh, across a pathway. 

Emily

Of course.

Hallie

And you are able to step aside in time for the cookies not to hit you. Still keeping your hand on the boat. Like you're still burning it. So you don't get hit. Susan, having faced the cookies, can like see where they're coming from and she is going into, uh, her club is a gun, but it is also like one of those like, those grabber things like you see, not quite like a -

Cassidy
Like a dinosaur head thing?

Hallie
Yes! Like the dinosaur head. Like a more sophisticated version of the dinosaur head.

Cassidy

Jeeze.

Hallie

And she's just going to clamp down -

Olivia
The dinosaur from the butter churn dream!

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie

It’s, is--

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia

No!

Hallie
It was foreshadowing all along!

Emily
I told you it was the future!

Cassidy and Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia
Augh! I didn't believe you at all! Not for one second. 

Hallie
So she - [Laughter.] so she’s got the cookies on the boat now. [Laughter.] Oh, now it's Eraf’s turn. 

Cassidy
Alright. Um -

Emily
Fix it, Eraf. 

Cassidy
Gosh. 

Olivia
Make everything better. You have an experience thingamabob.

Cassidy
I don't even know what to do. So, first thing I'll do is command the duplicate attempt to board the ship and take back the cookies. 

Hallie
Okay. Your duplicate, having just stubbed her toe is like still holding her toe. 

Cassidy
[Laughter.] She's fine. It was ice.

Hallie
And she'll be like,

Hallie (as duplicate)
Fiiiiine. 

Hallie
And then she like puts down her toe and like, be sort of dramatic about it.

Olivia

[Laughter.]

Cassidy
Like a toddler. 

Hallie
Yeah. Like feeling a little bit like no, I'm okay. 

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And then she will take off running after the ship. 

Cassidy
Un, in the meantime, I will send off a buzzer towards - Susan took the cookies, right? 

Hallie
Yes, Susan in it has the cookies on the boat. 

Cassidy
I will send a buzzer off - I'm gonna stay on the ground too, this whole time, I'm just chillin. 

Hallie
Okay, you’re not standing up?

Cassidy
Maybe like shaking my legs a little bit to make sure they're still working. Yes. I want to shoot off another buzzer towards Susan to hopefully help my duplicate in, you know, getting the cookies back.

Hallie
Right. 

Cassidy
Using an actual dice this time. 

[Dice rolling.]

Hallie
There we go. 

Cassidy
Oh, 18.

Olivia
Oh, there we go! 

Emily

Yeaaah!

Hallie
18. Okay. Yeah. You will nail Susan just like, you'll actually hit her like in the hand, like she's holding the box like the giant icy crate as best you can because it's ice and it's already a bit slippery. So you'll hit her hand and she'll like drop the ice box of cookies, and it will teeter precariously on the edge of the boat. 

Cassidy

[Laughter.] Oh, jeeze.

Hallie

Is it going to fall? Is it going to tip back onto the boat? Who knows!

Olivia
They're already encased in ice. They'll definitely float. Wait. Uh, in the future, is ice heavier than water?

Hallie
...Yes...

Cassidy
It's going to sink?

Hallie

Physics?

Cassidy

No.

Hallie
I dunno, if it falls off. 

Olivia
Do physics change over time? 

Hallie
I don't know. 

Cassidy
Ice floats in water. 

Olivia
I'm sorry, I’m just teasing. 

Hallie
[Laughter.] The ice is teetering on the boat. Your duplicate makes it, and do you want to try to catch the cookies with your duplicate? 

Cassidy
Oh, absolutely. Hopefully it sort of tips over.

Hallie
Like, it's still teetering, like it’s not falling either way so she can make an action to make it fall towards her or to grab them. 

Cassidy
I mean, the integrity of the cookies are already kind of shot. 

Hallie
I mean, they were packed really well, so kind, so the cookie boxes are inside another box, which is inside ice. 

Cassidy
Okay. Then I'm gonna try to make it fall off the ship. It'll shatter the ice. 

Hallie
Okay. 

Cassidy
Worst case scenario.

Hallie
Okay. Does your duplicate have any of your weapons, right, it's like, it's just a duplicate of you? 

Cassidy
No, it has no clothing or possessions. [Laughter.]

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia
She’s nude??!

Cassidy

Well -

All

[Laughter.]

Cassidy
I’m gonna say for, uh, PG-13’s sake, she’s a shadow, so…

Hallie
I'm okay with like the Peter Pan angle--

Cassidy 

Yeah.

Hallie

--so we'll just say she's like a shadow Eraf. 

Cassidy
Yeah.

Olivia
You just silently - 

Cassidy
Kind of like a Heartless version. 

Hallie
Yeah! Like a Heartless version. So, uh, Heartless-version-shadow-Eraf, having nothing, is just gonna like -

Cassidy
Wearing nothing, just shaking the ship. 

Hallie
Make a roll for me. 

Cassidy
Ooooh that’s another 18! Yay!

Hallie
18! Okay. Your duplicate will like- the only tool she currently has is Ig, who is standing with her hand against the boat. 

Cassidy

[Laughter.] 

Hallie

So the shadow's going to roll up and just like run up Ig and use her as a human propellant [Laughter.] and go for the cookies. And she'll actually, she'll use the toe she just stubbed to like kick the boat--

Cassidy

Oh man, I’m so proud of her.

[45:00]

Hallie

--in such a way that it makes the cookies fall towards you again. 

Cassidy
Okay. Wonderful. 

Hallie
However, this means the cookies are now falling directly on top of Ig, so Ig, please roll me another speed defense.

Olivia
Break the fall with your body!

Emily
[Laughing.] I’m on fire!

Cassidy
It’ll melt the ice!

Emily
Okay, I rolled a 16.

Cassidy

Oh good.

Hallie
A 16. Okay, so do you, do you want to just step aside and keep your hand burning the boat, or do you want to like turn your hand up to burn the ice off of the thing as it comes down towards you and then move to the side? We could flavor this either way.

Emily
Yeah, I would like to step to the side to keep my hand on the boat.

Hallie
Okay. You can do that. So you step to the side and the cookies will land next to you. 

Emily
With my other hand I'd like to just pat them a little bit. Like a greeting. 

Hallie
Okay, like “Yes, the cookies”. Which brings us to Madeline who is out. And then that brings us to Jonquil who was just savagely ripped out of the van by Hannelore. 

Cassidy
Beautifully ripped out, I would say.

Hallie
She is still collecting herself. 

Olivia
Yeah, god- effin right.

Hallie
But she is going to flip back to the boat and she, flipping her way on the boat, is going to attempt to grab the cookies, cause they're on the ground. So on her way back to the boat, she’s going to like -

Cassidy
She’s going to like pick them up and flip on?

Hallie
Yeah, she can do that. She's like Tai Lee from Avatar. She can do pretty much anything. 

[Dice rolling.] 

She does it! 

Cassidy and Olivia

[Upset noises.]

Hallie

But as she does it, she gets the box but like it's kind of like a little bit wet, from just like, it's just been everywhere and like human hands have held it. There's - Ig is on fire directly next to it. So the edges of it are frayed a little bit and as she will hop onto the boat as single box of cookies will fall out on land. 

All

[Gasps.]

Olivia
It's like the medicine from Balto. 

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie
Precisely. A single one, like the medicine from Balto, will fall onto -

Olivia
Effing A, guys.

Hallie
- the land part. But she is now on the ship with everything. And I'm not saying that I don't remember where Poppy is, but where is Poppy?

Olivia
Poppy was hit with her friend, uh, Jonquil. 

Cassidy

Yeah, Jonquil.

Olivia

And, uh, she is being menaced by a tall woman with a wrench. 

Hallie
That's right, she was -

Olivia
Like this wrench is like the length of a femur. It's no joke. 

Hallie
[Laughing.] Okay. 

Olivia
I'm a mechanic. 

Hallie
What did Poppy do for your turn, Hannelore? 

Olivia
What did she do for my turn? 

Hallie
Your turn? 

Olivia
I can't remember. What did she do for when I, when I, I, I just know that I'd ripped Jonquil out of the -

Cassidy
She put the cookies in the ice. 

Olivia
Yeah, she did.

Hallie
She put the cookies in the ice and then she kicked them. That's what she did. Okay. I couldn't remember where she was. Okay. So she is still by you guys. Okay. Ig, you’re up. 

Emily
I’ve lost patience.

Cassidy and Olivia

[Laughter.]

Emily

And so I patted the cookies but obviously they're gone now. So I have a free hand.

Hallie
Yep, just the one box. There's one box.

Emily
I want to press the hand that I had kind of against it, fully on the ship and put my other hand - 

Hallie
To the ship?

Olivia
Oh Hell yeah.

Hallie
And your fire has been doing damage. Like it's, it's like a sizable ship, so burning a small section of outside wood that isn’t the bottom doesn't like ruin its -

Cassidy
Integrity?

Hallie
Ability to float. Yeah. Integrity. Um, but it's like, it's like it's catching a little bit and it's spreading so that it is starting to affect the integrity.

Cassidy

[Chanting.] Sink it, sink it, sink it. 

Hallie
So, now we’re up to Hannelore.

Olivia
Alright, dope. I'm going to clobber Poppy over the head with my wrench. 

Hallie
Okay. Roll for me. 

Olivia
Uh... Oh, scheisse, 6. So, okay. So I take my wrench, a big, big mighty swing towards her. 

Hallie
Yeah. 

Olivia
Towards Poppy. 

Hallie
She is going to duck again. 

Olivia
So slippery.

[Exciting drumming music begins to play.]

Hallie
And slide out. And she is now seeing her two companions on the ship is just like Frozone icing her way back to the pirate ship. 

Cassidy

Ughhh.

Olivia
Can I pursue?

Hallie
You can.

Olivia
I am in pursuit. 

Hallie
Poppy’s turn is now. Uh, so with her turn she's going to reach the ship, uh, and like ice her way into it. And after Poppy's turn, is Susan who is just going to start like hoisting anchor and turning like the giant steering wheel that ships have. So they are pulling away. 

Olivia
Alright folks. I say we need to get Madeline and the cookies, right? Uh, I'm going to put a focus on Madeline because she's a human person. Uh, anyone else wants to do something else, go for it. I'm going to try to get Madeline.

Cassidy
I got a duplicate up there already, so..

Olivia
Yeah, yeah. 

Cassidy
Uh, so you said Susan was the one starting to hoist anchor, right? 

Hallie
Yeah. So the ship is like in motion, it is moving.

Cassidy
Right, ooh, okay. 

Emily
Can I call up to them really quick? 

Emily (as Ig)
So, uh, I, you might not want to go deeper. 

Cassidy, Hallie and Olivia

[Quiet laughter.]

Emily (as Ig)

You guys were taking a really long time and then you stole the cookies and I decided to set it on fire and, and I would just suggest staying closer to this shore in case the ship sinks, so that way you don't drown. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
I work on automobiles, not rowboats, but I feel like you're going to need to have your rowboat not on fire. 

Emily (as Ig)
It's true. 

Hallie
It's Eraf’s turn, but Poppy does have a response. So Poppy is going to like give you a smug look, and then she'll fire up her water hands. But we'll handle that when we get back to your turn. Uh, because Eraf is up.

Cassidy
Uhhhhh… what's on the deck of the ship? 

Hallie
Uh, there's like a mast - 

Cassidy
Cause my duplicate’s up there with nothing.

Hallie
Your duplicate's not on the ship. She kicked the ship and then fell back to shore. 

Cassidy
Oh, okay. 

Hallie
With - cause the cookies were on the shore. 

Cassidy
Yeah. Oh…

[50:00

Hallie
So you can't see the deck, but there's nothing, I mean normal ship stuff. 

Cassidy
I thought she climbed up Ig?

Hallie
She kind of Ig and then she kicked the side of the ship to make the cookies fall down.

Cassidy
Oh, oh, okay.

Hallie
With her stubbed toe. 

Cassidy
Yes. Cause she’s a boss. Can she see what box of cookies fell out? What type of cookies this was it the Queen's cookies or was it just a generic crappy brand?

Hallie
They were Snapoas.

Cassidy
Of course.

Hallie
The worst kind. [Laughter.]

Olivia
Let it go, right?

Cassidy
[Makes noncommittal noise.] Right. We don't need that one but we need the rest! She has nothing. Ah, I don't want to waste my action to try to get up. Uh, what else can I do? Hmm. You know, I think I'm going to try another onslaught mind slice on whoever's holding the box. Is somebody holding it right now or have they set it on the deck?

Hallie
The person holding it is Jonquil.

Cassidy
Okay. I would like to mind slice her in hopes that she will drop it over the edge of the ship if that's where she's standing near, like taunting us. 

Hallie
She's in the middle of the deck -

Cassidy
Dang it!

Hallie
- but give me a roll. 

Cassidy
Okay... A 3! [Laughter.] Three.

Hallie
Uh… let's say you tried to, like, say something like

Cassidy
I was trying to like, maybe confuse her so she would drop the cookies. 

Hallie
You're trying to confuse her. Okay. Um, the confusion is going to work the opposite way you intended. 

Cassidy
Oh. 

Hallie
And she's going to like - 

Cassidy
See through it?

Hallie
She's, she's going to drop the cookies, but they're going to still be like the opposite way that you wanted it to be, they’re like further in -

Cassidy
[Laughter.] In the middle?

Hallie
- in the middle of the deck now. 

Cassidy
[Exasperated groan.]

Hallie
There's, uh… Madeline is still unconscious. And now it is Jonquil's turn and she, oh, but that’s right - your duplicate?

Cassidy
Yeah, because I hadn't decided what to do with her yet. 

Hallie
Yeah. What's your shadow doing? 

Cassidy
Can she try to get on top of ship again? 

Hallie
Yes. Is she just trying -

Cassidy
Yeah. 

Hallie
It's going to be a jump.

Cassidy
And I think she, she has like no stats essentially except health. [Laughter.] So.

Olivia
She does whatever she does. She does it with exemplary health. 

Cassidy
Yes. You know, that's a six I'm thinking… [Laughter.]

Hallie
Yeah, she tries her best. She really tries. Like she uses Ig again. 

All

[Laughter.]

Cassidy
Oh my gosh. 

Hallie
Like, as like a jumping off point. But the ship is far enough away that she'll get like halfway through the arc and then just do it a straight cartoon plummet into the water. 

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And then that will bring us to Jonquil’s turn. And Jonquil has kicked the boat into high drive. So the boat is on its way and that is the end of combat.

Cassidy
[Exasperated noise again.]

Olivia
Wait, Madeline’s still on there?

Hallie
Madeline is still on there. 

Cassidy
Yeah. 

Emily
[Laughing.] Oops!

Hallie
Uh, so you now are -

Olivia
Minus one box of cookies. 

Cassidy
No, minus all but one.

Hallie
You’re minus all cookies.

Olivia
All of them?!

Cassidy
Yeah. 

Hallie
Yeah, so -

All

[Laughter.]

[Upbeat, comedic music begins.]

Hallie
So your task now is to negotiate a peace treaty without a diplomat or the cookies you were supposed to sell. You have a single box to sell. 

Olivia
Um, my car can float. Everyone, start packing up your shit because we're, we’re in pursuit. It's on fire. It's on fire, man. I follow its ash. 

Hallie
Um, it’s - The ship's already, it's on fire, but Poppy is like watering the fire away. 

Emily
We we’re not gonna -

Hallie
So it’s charred, you did damage on it. They're going to have to get it fixed in like a port. Like you slowed them down but they're, for all intents and purposes, they are on the horizon.

Emily
Yeah, so we're not going to catch them.

Olivia
What's the next, what's the closest port? 

Hallie
What's the next what?

Olivia
The closest port.

Hallie
The closest port is, ironicall,y Pike’s Bay.

Olivia
Pike’s Head. 

Hallie
Oh, yeah.

Cassidy
Wonderful.

Olivia
I'm going to, Hannelore is going to just scream in anger after that ship and pick up the box of stupid cookies and walk back to the van and just chuck it in the back.

[Comedic music ends.]

Hallie and Cassidy

[Laughter.] 

Cassidy
Are my legs feeling better?

Hallie
Yeah. They feel better. 

Cassidy
Okay. 

Emily (as Ig)
Looks like I really am the expert this time!

All

[Laughter.]

Olivia
Uh, Hannelore is going to try and get the ice pick out of the Red Mary again. 

Cassidy

[Distressed noise.]

Hallie
It's starting to melt a little bit so it's significantly easier. 

Olivia
Alright. Shall I roll for it? 

Hallie
You can. 

Olivia
Yup. 18.

Hallie
Yeah, you get it out. 

Olivia
Alright. I fling it into the sea in a fit of rage. 

Hallie
Now that her like, none of the, the nano itself is not, is not present the magic is kind of like fading. So, your van is wet. There are a few dings that weren't there before, but it is still solid. 

Olivia
It didn't poke a hole through it?

Hallie
It's fine. 

Olivia
Oh, it slammed into it. Okay. 

Hallie
It, like, dented it. 

Olivia
Alright. I'm just going to like touch, touch all of it and I'm speaking to the, I'm speaking to Red Mary, just like comforting, soft words.

Cassidy
Going to put a gentle hand on Hannelore’s shoulder and say, 

Cassidy (as Eraf)
I know this is a difficult time for you, but do you know if we can pursue them? 

Olivia (as Hannelore)
[Shaky breath.] Yeah. Um, the van, uh, I've been working on it. It can, uh, got some floating technology then when working on, um, it won't hold water but can float above it, as it is in the closest, uh…

Olivia
She's proficient in maps and stuff like that, so she would know that Pike’s Head is the closest.

Olivia (as Hannelore)
Pike’s Head is the closest port, so if my boat was on fire, I guess that's where I would go to get it fixed. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)
Wonderful. Would it be quicker to drive or to attempt directly pursuing them, do you believe? 

Olivia
I consult my map. 

All

[Laughter.]

Hallie
You would know that it would probably be quicker to drive, especially if your floating technology isn't like all there yet. 

[Outro music begins to play.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)
It would probably be quicker to drive. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)
Mmhm. I propose we had straight there and prepare to meet them at the docks. 

Olivia
Alright. I am Hannelore is like packing up Red Mary, very upset. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)
[Laughter.] Are we in agreeance with this?

Olivia (as Hannelore)
I'm, I'm good for that. 

Emily (as Ig)
Yeah.

[55:00]

[Outro music swells.]

[Episode ends - 55:35]