The Cookie Two, Part 1

[Opening theme, “Great Fun” by Antarctic, begins.]

Hallie

Alright everyone. Welcome back to the Cookie Crew, session two. We're going to start off the session by reintroducing ourselves, and also saying our pronouns and our character pronouns. So I'm Hallie. I am a lot of characters who all have different pronouns, so I won't do the thing that I just said we were gonna do. But my pronouns are she/her. Ah, Olivia. 

Olivia  

Uh, I'm Olivia. My pronouns are she/her. I play Hannelore. She, her pronouns are also she/her.

Hallie

Cassidy. 

Cassidy 

I'm Cassidy. My pronouns are her/she. 

[Laughter from the party.] 

And I play Eraf. 

Hallie

[Dryly.] Alright, if that's how you want to be. 

Cassidy 

[Laughing.] I play Eraf Xindal. Her pronouns are also she/her.

Hallie

Emily. 

Emily 

I'm Emily, my pronouns are she/her, and I play Ig, whose pronouns are she/her and they/them.

Hallie

Ari!

Ari 

Alright. I'm Ari, and I go by she/her pronouns.

Hallie

Alright. So again, welcome back to the Cookie Crew.

Cassidy 

[Quietly.] Woooo!

[Bright, cheery music begins to play.]

Hallie

So guys, it's been about a week since the Brackleberry Brigade's stunning diplomatic victory, securing a peace treaty with Empress Challadien the Third. Queen Anastasia cannot stop singing your praises and Madeline Jefferjames has been very complimentary of Eraf, has had good things to say about Hannelore, and is even going out of her way to say that Ig wasn't totally useless. 

You are the talk of the town, or at least of the palace and the surrounding areas. So what have y'all been up to during that week? 

Emily 

Being indignant that--She was the one who was unconscious for half of the whole thing!

Cassidy 

[Laughing.] She doesn't even know.

Emily 

[Pouting.] I burned down a whole part of a ship 

Hallie

Madeline knows her value.

Cassidy 

Yes.

Olivia  

Ig was extremely useful. Worth worth their weight in gold, or dynamite. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Okay, I guess I'll start. Hannelore will start. Hannelore, quickly after returning from our first adventure, went to visit Frank the cookie man to apologize. 

Hallie

Okay. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia  

Yes. She was really nervous about the meeting, and she took it out on him for no particular reason. And so she wants to offer to upgrade his cookie cart with, like, flotation abilities like the Red Mary. [Olivia makes a wowowow noise, like a humming generator.] 

Not, like, so he can fly, just so it doesn't ... instead of like little crappy wheels, it just is like, [Faint creaking noise.].

Hallie

He was very skeptical of this at first, but he just kind of let you do it because he wanted to see what would happen, and he was very pleased with the results. You did a good deed, Hannelore.

Olivia

I, I give him a firm handshake and walk away. 

Hallie

Alright, what have you been up to, Eraf? 

Cassidy 

[Thoughtfully.] Eraf has been reading a lot.

Hallie

Reading what? 

Cassidy 

Um, a bit of Numenera book, a bit of like, sort of history and government types of books. She's also been visiting the various courthouses, I guess? I think there's some of those around here, just to kind of, like, listen in on the proceedings and learn more about people. 

Hallie

[Amused.] Being a creep?

Cassidy 

[Dryly.] Yep. 

Hallie

Alright.

Cassidy 

Well, you know, like lawyers-in-training will go to the...

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] Totally.

Cassidy 

Courthouse to learn. Yeah. [Laughter.]

Olivia

Creepy as your average lawyer. 

Cassidy 

Yeah. She's in the back, like, with her hood up, and you know, a book, but she's actually watching everything... 

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] And her cape–

Cassidy 

[Crosstalking.] Not reading the book.

Hallie

Is billowing because it's inside. 

Cassidy 

Yep. No attention being drawn at all. 

Hallie

She's not, she's not quite as under the radar as she'd like to be but...

Cassidy 

[Crosstalking.] No.

Hallie

You know, she's doing her best. 

Cassidy 

Yes. 

Hallie

Alright, Ig. What have you been up to? 

Emily 

Ig has not necessarily been up to their past usual hijinks, because the whole city is standing. 

Hallie

[Fondly, pleased.] Eyyyy. 

Emily

[Crosstalking.] But…

Hallie

Good for Ig!

Emily 

They've just kind of been trotting around, following their new best friends. Including Madeline Jefferjames.

Olivia

Running to keep up with her on her skates. 

Hallie

Madeline skates faster to get away from you. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Emily 

Ig thinks they're...Ig doesn't understand.

Olivia

Beautiful Ig. The tiny bird.

Cassidy 

Our sweet summer child. 

Hallie

So, all of you have received another official royal summons from Anastasia, although this one is less formal than before. But it asked you to meet at the same place you met the last time, in like, her like, foyer, or her visiting chamber, I guess, inside the invisible palace.

Cassidy 

[Dryly.] Where the kitchen is?

Hallie

Well, it's not exactly kitchen. She just had a lot of cookie decorating supplies set up there temporarily.

Cassidy 

Oh, okay.

Hallie

So it's been...

Olivia

It was the cookie decorating room. 

Hallie

There's still like, remnants left over, it's not completely cleaned up. 

[00:05:00] 

But she's not actively decorating cookies when you go in. So all of you would show up at, like, 9:00 a.m. We have to play that part out. Uh, in the room, when you get there...

[Upbeat, whimsical music with a heavy bass horn line begins to play.]

She and Madeline Jefferjames are waiting for you. Madeline Jefferjames is skating in circles and is throwing what looks like biscuits up at Anastasia's hawk, who is also a flying in circles and catching them, and doing some cool hawk tricks while Anastasia, ah, sorry, while Madeline just skates around under him.

Cassidy 

[Impressed.] Aww!

Hallie

Throwing up them biscuits. And is just watching. When she sees you enter, you've been escorted by like, a guard or an attendant of some kind. Um, she waves.

Hallie (as Anastasia)

[Excited.] Oh, thank you all so much for coming!

Hallie

Madeline, uh, throws up a biscuit, does finger guns, and says, 

Hallie (as Madeline)

Hey, guys. 

Cassidy 

[Amused.] Why?

Hallie

And then catches the biscuit again without missing a beat. 

Olivia

Hannelore sighs deeply. Mm, not deeply. Cut, cut this part out, Tom. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Hannelore sighs a little.

[More laughter from the party.]

Perfect.

Hallie

Alright. So Anastasia will step forward, kind of smooth her skirt a little bit, and say,

Hallie (as Anastasia)

Thank you all again for coming. 

[The music ends.]

Um, since your success last week, I have decided that now would be a really good time to expand the cookie initiative. I want to make a new cookie.

[Softer, more muted string music begins to play. It's not sad exactly, but less cheerful and slightly anxious.] 

And I want to make it based off of a Brackleberry family recipe that's been passed down through the family for generations. Ah, the only problem is that at the moment my aunt Ramya has it. I've asked for it before, to not a lot of success, you know, she said yes, but then she doesn't send it. So then a couple weeks later I ask again, and then she still doesn't send it, even though she says that she will, and it's just it's been going on for a while. 

And my Aunt Ramya can be very, very stubborn. Uh, so I thought I should take it up a notch, uh, and I thought that sending the Brackleberry Brigade would let my aunt know that I mean business. My aunt has definitely heard of the Brackleberry Brigade. I mean you all did so well with Empress Challadien, and I know that she follows the news. Um, so I think that she would respect this move on my part [Voice turns awkward and slightly desperate.] and I need her to respect me.

[The music stops.]

She's a professor at the University of Qi! Eraf, I understand you're an alumnus?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Hesitantly.] Uh, I believe I am. 

Hallie

That's corre--are you asking me as the DM? [Laughter.]

Cassidy 

Yes. No, I just, no. She's sort of evasive about it. 

Hallie

Alright. Anastasia will continue.

Hallie (as Anastasia)

So I want to send an official posse. I don't want to come off, you know, too strong, but I think sending the four of you is going to strike just the right note. 

Hallie

And then Madeline says, 

Hallie (as Madeline)

[The theme music begins to play.]

[Enthusiastically.] Sounds killer! When do we go?

Hallie

Madeline's already, like, skating towards the door. She is raring to go, and then Anastasia says,

Hallie (as Anastasia)

Actually, Madeline. Um, I was thinking you could stay here.

Hallie

[The music stops abruptly.]

And Madeline stops, and wheels around, and goes, 

Hallie (as Madeline)

What? Why?

Hallie

She goes, 

[Stifled laughter from the party through Anastasia’s speech.]

Hallie (as Anastasia)

Well, um, sorry, I had mentioned wanting to strike the right note. I think that sending the Brackleberry Brigade is going to send a message to my aunt Ramya, um, but I think that if I sent my actual head diplomat, she might be a little bit offended. You know, I think that would just be a little, a little bit too strong. So...

Emily (as Ig)

[Plaintively.] Wait, I thought we were the head diplomats. 

Hallie (as Anastasia)

[Apologetically.] Oh, Ig, no! You're, the Brackleberry Brigade is very important and you're, and, and that's why I'm sending you, but Madeline is my actual head diplomat.

Hallie

And Madeline goes,

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Frustrated.] Yeah, it's my job. I'm good at it.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Dryly.] Really good at it. 

Hallie (as Madeline)

So why aren't–thank you Hannelore. [Increasingly frustrated.] So, so what, why, why, why wouldn't I go? You said you were sending four, four people? Who, what, if I'm not the fourth who's going?

Hallie

And Anastasia kind of, like, waffles a little bit. She clearly doesn't want to say it, so she brushes a hair behind her ear and goes, 

Hallie (as Anastasia)

Well, the mission involves reclaiming treasure, so...

Hallie

At which point Madeline...all the color leaves Madeline's face. 

[Laughter from the party.] 

And she slams both of her hands on an end table that's in front of her, and goes,

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Extreme Leslie Knope intensity.] NO.

[More laughter.]

Hallie

And, uh, Ari, would you like to describe how your paper airplane enters the scene?

Cassidy 

What.

Ari

[Laughter.] I just kind of want it to, like, swoosh, into the, into the room, like really aggressively.

[Laughter from the party.] 

[Gleefully.] And then, I mean since Madeline is there, can it poke her in the eye? 

Hallie

Okay. 

Olivia

[Confused.] Are you tiny? What are you on a giant airplane? 

Ari 

I am not on a giant airplane.

Hallie

It is just a paper airplane. 

Olivia

Oh, okay, you're not riding it.

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

That just enters the room before she does.

Cassidy 

[Resigned.] Oh, boy.

Olivia

[Laughter.] Before you even walk into a room just, arrow. Right to her eye.

Hallie

[Very cool music begins to play. It sounds like music you might hear in a hip hop Broadway show, but not quite.] 

This, the paper airplane just comes whizzing in from this, like, little side antechamber that's just off the foyer. And you said it wanted, you said you wanted to hit Madeline in the eye.

Ari 

[Pleased.] Yes.

Hallie

So it's gonna whiz at her from the side, and she's gonna hear it and recognize what sound this is, and the, and the instinct was just, normally she's okay at protecting herself. But like, the instinctual reaction to hearing the sound was just too much. So the paper airplane stabs her in the eye, and she goes, 

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Furious.] Augh! Why do you always DO that?!

Hallie

And she looks at a person emerging from the antechamber.

[00:10:00] 

Ari 

[Delighted.] Perfect. Is it, is it my time? 

Hallie

It is your time. 

Ari 

Okay, I, so I was picturing that the doors were closed and I would just like, slam them, but if, if the doors, if there's no doors, I just wanna...

Hallie

The doors, you can have, like, opened the doors, thrown your paper airplane, and then closed them. 

[Crosstalking over laughter from the party.] 

Just so you can slam them open if you want.

Ari 

It's like, I kick in the doors so that they bust open, the paper airplane just like, swoops in as I'm entering the room, it pokes Madeline in the eye, and then she goes,

Ari (as A.Lex)

You called?

Ari 

And then like, she is gonna storm into the room, like just walk past Madeline like not even see them, or pretend she didn't see her, and just be like,

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[With great intensity and very little humility.] Well, Brackleberry Brigade, just let me say congratulations on the results you achieved in your mission last week. It was truly excellent. If I dare say so myself, I think you did an even better job than the diplomat whose job it was to do that in the first place, and instead went and got kidnapped by a bunch of ROLLER DERBY PIRATES! 

[The music stops.]

And then there's going to be like, a really long silence for a bit.

[Laughter from the party.] 

And she's gonna like, just look at Madeline, be like...

[More laughter from the party.] 

And then she's going to turn back and be like,

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Anyways, well, I guess, I suppose thank you for saving her or whatever. Oh, by the way, I don't think I have introduced myself, of course. So my name is Angelina Lexington, but since I sign all of my documents as A dot Lex, people usually call them by name of A.Lex. It's up to you, really, however, you want to call me. Anyways, I am looking forward to working with you ladies so that the four of us...

Olivia

[Barely restrained laughter.]

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Achieve it without anybody getting kidnapped in the process. 

Emily

[Trying not to laugh.] She's so savage!

Olivia

I'm starting to feel bad.

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

Madeline is completely aghast at this turn of events, and she turns from A.Lex to Anastasia and goes, 

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Incredulous and very angry.] You're sending this hack instead of me? 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

I mean, you didn't, you didn't do a good job last time, so why would she send you?

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Vehemently.] I secured a peace treaty last time! What were you doing?

Ari (as A.Lex) 

["In The Hall of the Mountain King" begins to play. It's a woodwind song that starts off slow and, as Madeline and A.Lex's conversation intensifies, begins to build to a fever pitch.]

I was, I was retrieving another important treasure, thank you very much. If not, she would probably call me, because I wouldn't have gotten kidnapped.

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Crosstalking, angrily.] The treasury–

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Accusatory.] And have to go and be rescued, Madeline!

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Indignant.] It worked out. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Sneering.] Oh did you plan it now?

Hallie (as Madeline)

Of course not, but it worked, it always works. I make things work! That's my shtick!

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Well, I make things work better, and that's my shtick!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Trying to cut in.] Miss Brackleberry...

[Laughter from the party.]

Miss Brackleberry?

Hallie

Is anybody intervening, or are they just letting this all...

Olivia

No, no. No, I was gonna say that all of us are just looking back and forth, like a tennis match.

Emily 

Ig is looking back and forth, but kind of from Madeline's back, because she's sort of clambered up on her, has one arm, like, around in front of her shoulders, and is like petting her, like the side of her face.

Cassidy 

[Crosstalking through laughter.] Comfort pets.

Emily 

And her forehead, frantically, like, “I'll fix it!”

Ari 

I kind of also want to say that like, maybe every time of, like, banter, we just like, step like one step closer to each other. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

Madeline has kind of been, like, trying to nudge Ig off this entire time. But then once Ig starts petting her hair during this whole, like, step forward and yell at each other a bit, she's going to turn to Anastasia be like,

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Frantically.] See, look, you can't, you can't send A.Lex, they're dependent on me. No one is dependent on A.Lex!

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Incredulous.] Who depends on you?!

Hallie (as Madeline)

What do you call this?

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Accusatory.] You depend on them!

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Aghast.] How dare you!

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Am I wrong now?

Hallie (as Madeline)

Yes, you are! 

Hallie

Madeline–

Ari 

[As the music intensifies.]

[Crosstalking.] If last week was an indication...

Cassidy

I think at this point, Eraf would try to, try to take Miss Brackleberry aside and say,

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Hesitantly.] So, what, what's the situation here? 

Hallie (as Anastasia)

You know, I just, I just, I need Madeline here. I don't think it'd be a good idea to send her, but I didn't want to tell her, um, before, because this tantrum she's having right now...

[Laughter from the party.]

Would be a thousand times worse if it was just to me and her, and I thought she would maybe keep some of her composure in front of you guys.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Disbelieving noise.]

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Please! She, keeping her composure? I'm sure, your majesty, excuse me for interrupting. But when has she ever kept her composure. Well, excuse me, just, your majesty, for interrupting, but when has she ever kept her composure. It would have been the same or even worse, I guess, if it was one-on-one, but it would still be bad because she just doesn't know how to control herself!

[The music ends on a drumroll and one final dramatic note.]

Hallie

These three comments to Anastasia all came within rapid succession before she had a chance to respond to any of them. So she's just like, 

Hallie (as Anastasia)

Uh, mm, um, um, I just, um...

Hallie

And as she's sputtering, Madeline's like,

Hallie (as Madeline)

Don't you do your sputters on me! 

Cassidy 

Oh, jeez. 

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Angrily.] You and I are gonna have a talk later. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

We sure are!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Uncertain.] Uh, your majesty...

Emily 

Ig will have slid down from Madeline's back and started trying to clamber onto Anastasia.

[Laughter from the party.]

[00:15:00] 

Hallie

Anastasia welcomes it, and then her hawk comes and lands on Ig, so there's like a three layer of cuddles going on. 

Cassidy 

Aww!

Olivia

Ah, cuddly little hawk. 

Hallie

And Anastasia is like, not wanting to get rid of Ig, so she's just like,

Hallie (as Anastasia)

It'll, it'll be fine. You know, she'll, she'll cool down. She and A.Lex always do. I mean, this isn't, like, abnormal.

Hallie

Madeline and A.Lex are probably still screaming at each other the background right now. 

Ari 

Yeah. Yeah, they're just screaming at each other in the background.

Hallie

So Madeline will go,

Hallie (as Madeline)

Well, I'll have you know, you can't replace Madeline Jefferjames. [Sneers.] Especially with you. 

Hallie

And then she's gonna, like, skate backwards, keeping the point at A.Lex.

[Laughter from the party.] 

Until she like, skates backwards out of the room. As a bonus, she doesn't quite match up with the door, so she hits the wall–

[Louder laughter.] 

Moves to the side, and continues going backwards.

Olivia

Hannelore waves.

Hallie

Pops back in for a second.

Olivia

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And then moves back out, and then you hear a door slam and then a,

Hallie (as Madeline)

[Angrily.] AUGH.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy 

Jeez.

Emily (as Ig)

[Faintly.] Bye!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Very clumsy. Maybe this, this seems like the right decision, Your Majesty.

Hallie (as Anastasia)

Thank you, Hannelore.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

I agree. I like you already Hannelore.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Hey, yeah. Good to meet ya.

Hallie (as Anastasia)

See, you're already getting along! I knew A.Lex would be a good choice for this adventure, even if Madeline would undoubtedly disagree. Uh, so I'm glad that's settled. I'll go deal with her later. Qi isn't a very far drive, so, um, thank you again for accepting the mission, and good luck!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Sure thing. So just to be clear. We're going to see your Aunt Ramya at the University of Qi, to try to get your Brackleberry Brigade secret recipe. Brackleberry secret recipe. 

Hallie (as Anastasia)

Yes, the Brackleberry family secret recipe, that's right. And Aunt Ramya. She's a professor! Professor of puzzles. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Oh, well, I love a good puzzle. So I see...

Olivia

[Dryly.] I wonder what we're going to be doing later.

Emily 

[Slightly incredulous.] I'm sorry. Rei is the professor of puzzles?

Hallie (as Anastasia)

And she's at Qi University. I hope you have fun visiting your alma mater Eraf!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Sighs.] Oh boy. [Reluctantly.] I will do my best.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Uh, Eraf? What was the, uh, the mascot for the University of Qi.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I'll be honest. I don't remember well. I wasn't involved with sports too much. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Guess we'll find out when we get there. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes we will. It's been a while. 

Emily 

Seeing Eraf's awkwardness, Ig will proceed to slide down now from Anastasia's back.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy 

[Wryly.] Proceed to the next one. 

[Upbeat rock music begins to play.]

Emily 

Start clambering.

Olivia

Like a koala!

Emily 

Up on Eraf.

Cassidy 

She's gonna kind of put her arm out to make it easier for her to just, just, just hang out there. Ahh.

[The music intensifies.]

Hallie

[The music fades.]

Hi everyone, and welcome to The Cookie Two, Part One. This special mini series is called The Cookie Two because there was a first Cookie Crew adventure that aired last year, also late for Women in Gaming month, but celebrating it in earnest all the same. You can find the first four-part miniseries at QuestFriendsPodcast.com/CookieCrew, or by searching Quest Friends on your favorite podcasting app. Again, this special woman-only miniseries which I GM, and not Kyle, is for Women in Gaming month, which is officially June. Ah, you could say that today, July 1st, is not June, to which I say, you're right, but just barely. And we wanted to keep Women in Gaming month also known as Women in Tabletop month, going a little bit longer. 

So episodes of The Cookie Two will be released all throughout July, every other Monday that isn't the main campaign. So the next episode of the main campaign will be next Monday, July 8th, and of The Cookie Two will be Monday, July 15th. That's all for me! So let's get back to Qi.

[The rock music begins to play again.]

Hallie

[The music fades.]

Alright. So you guys all, uh, pack up in the Red Mary, and you drive to Qi. And the drive is not like the drive you did to Pike's Head in the last session. This is only a few hours, you can get to Qi, like, within the day, but now, uh, is time for some PC interaction. 

Olivia

Ooh!

Hallie

So go crazy.

Ari 

Before we do I guess I never...

Hallie

Oh, yeah, go ahead and describe your character. 

Ari 

[A.Lex's music begins to play again.]

So yeah, so my character is Angelina Lexington. 

[00:20:00] 

Or A.Lex for short. And I mean, her descriptor is, she's an abrasive Jack who stares down adversity. Key on abrasive. 

[Laughter from the party.] 

Uh, I guess, how do I describe her. She's really hyperactive, as you would see. She is semi-short, like, I think she's like five feet or something.

Olivia

Like Rhea Perlman. 

Cassidy

Yeah.

Ari 

Yeah, 5'2", something like that. She's short. She has her hair usually in a ponytail with a little bow on the back, and that's usually when she is really focused on something or thinking hard about a thing, and that's usually a thing she does. And she always has a pen on the back of her ear, because she's always, like, writing things, whenever, uh, she finds it interesting. So she always like to have a pen in hand to do that. I think that's, uh, good enough for a descriptor for now.

Hallie

And then pronouns.

Ari 

Pronouns! Uh, she/her.

Hallie

Alright, so you are all in the Red Mary, just trucking along. 

Ari 

A.Lex has been writing some stuff down in her little notebook. One of her many little notebooks she carries around.

Olivia

Hannelore's playing the Eurythmics, "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves."

Cassidy 

Nice.

Emily 

Ig is gonna try to, like, look over A.Lex's shoulder. 

Emily (as Ig)

Whatcha, whatcha writing?

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Oh this? Oh, I am, I was just redacting my, uh, new theory of the economic system of, uh, the kingdom of the queen. You see, ah, I have this really cool theory about how the economic system is like a cone? Because you have...

Ari 

And then she's gonna just go and, and, like talk really, really excitedly about her cone system of the economy of the kingdom. 

Olivia

I, I just imagine Hannelore and Eraf just, like, trading eyes.

Cassidy 

A little bit.

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia

And Ig just like, just nodding.

Emily 

[Laughing.] Ig doesn't understand any of this, but they are enraptured. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Yeah! 

Ari 

And then she's gonna be like, 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Oh, but also, earlier on I also updated some, some facts about, uh, all of you, of course. Because you all seem like a really cool gang to be around! So I'm really excited about this, this mission here that I am at, and Madeline is not.

Emily (as Ig)

[Delighted.] You think I'm cool?!

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Yeah. I mean you single-handedly braved through this mission, the mission last week. So why wouldn't you be? But anyways, the cone theory!

Ari 

And then she's gonna go back to that.

Olivia

What's Eraf reading?

Cassidy 

Oh gosh. I'm on the spot. I don't know. She's reading a book. 

Olivia

Harry... 

Cassidy 

Harry Pot...ter? No. [A short pause.] HairPot.

[Laughter from the party.]

Ari

What?

Cassidy

It's really the latest, the latest, you know. Fiction of...

Ari 

Is it like a pot that's hairy?

Hallie

Is it like a Chia pet?

Olivia

A pot with a wig? 

[Laughter from the party.] 

No, nothing like that. 

Cassidy 

It's about a boy with magical hair that makes potions. 

Ari 

Hairy Pot. I love it.

Emily (as Ig)

I saw a hairy pot once. Well, I thought it was hair, but it was actually just moss. 

Emily 

That's Ig's story.

Olivia

Hannelore is giving Ig a lot, like, a lot more eye contact and nodding.

[Laughter from the party.] 

Than their previous encounter, just to encourage them.

Cassidy 

Eraf is alternating between reading and kind of spacing out every once in a while, just out the window. Who knows what's going on in her head, but she's, she's getting in the zone. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Hey Eraf. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Mmm. Yes. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Are you excited to be going back to your University?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I suppose. I haven't been there since graduation. Wonder if I'll see any familiar faces, though. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Ah, who knows?

[A long pause.]

Olivia

Five minutes of silence.

Emily 

[Strained.] Or if we'll interact with...Ramya.

[Soft, romantic music begins to play.]

Cassidy 

Yeah. 

Emily 

[Pouting.] It's too soon, Hallie! It's too soon for this!

Hallie

Don't worry about it, Emily. Don't worry about it.

Olivia

Oh, no.

Cassidy 

You're a different character now, it's okay. 

Emily 

No! You're saying that in a way that means it's, I should worry about it! 

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

[Pained groan.]

Hallie

[The music fades into something more upbeat, like out of an old Disney Mickey Mouse cartoon.]

So when you get to Qi, the gates of Qi are manned by these very officious looking squirrel-rats, called scrats. And the checking paper isn't asking people's business, but Anastasia gave you a letter before you left, so you show that, you have no problem getting in. They even give you directions to the visitor parking lot at Qi University, that are good directions and that help you actually find the place.

Cassidy 

One quick question. What does a squirrel, squirrel-rat look like?

Hallie

Yes, exactly like the Ice Age thing. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy 

[Delighted.] Yes.

Hallie

Because we realized when describing squirrel-rats, that was how Scrat in fact, 

Cassidy 

[Crosstalking.] Scrat.

Hallie

Got his name.

Cassidy 

Yep, perfect.

Hallie

That was in like episode four, five. Alright, so you pull into the visitor parking lot of Qi University and Ig, you suddenly remember that before you left, your brother gave you a letter and a package. 

Cassidy 

Oh?

Emily (as Ig)

Wait, I suddenly remembered something that I forgot until now!

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh!

Olivia

Hannelore turns volume down.

[The music stops.]

Emily (as Ig)

Even though it was actually a really big deal. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Mm-hmm?

Emily (as Ig)

But then I for-forgot it.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Want to talk about it?

Emily (as Ig)

I got a present. 

[00:25:00] 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Ohh!

Emily (as Ig)

I don't know if you've heard of him. He's actually pretty famous. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Uh-huh. 

Emily (as Ig)

[Pleased.] His name is Vespari, and he's my brother.

[Ig’s theme, a playful, jumpy tune, begins to play.]

Ari 

[Interrupting, taken aback.] What?

[Laughter from the party.]

Emily (as Ig)

And, and he's the best big brother ever! And he's the most talented Nano in the whole world! Except, actual...

[Realizing their mistake.] Oh.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Curious.] Yes?

Emily (as Ig)

[Insistent.] Pretend I didn't tell you that! 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Suspicious.] Alright.

Emily (as Ig)

He's a, a really good fake Nano. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Not convinced but humoring Ig.] Ahh.

Emily 

She is going to nod convincingly.

Olivia

Hannelore will nod, match the nod.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Very curious.] Is he, or is he not, a Nano? Because you know, I, I like writing things about people in here that I keep meeting and hearing about, so I really want to nail down exactly whether or not he is.

Emily (as Ig)

Oh, I can clarify. I told you that he was a Nano, but I'm not supposed to tell you! But he definitely is.

Olivia

[Laughter.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Understood. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Alright! I...

Emily (as Ig)

Wait, don't write that down!

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Too late! 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Laughter.]Just add, add a subnote there.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah. Hey A.Lex.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Yeah!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Do you ever have, like, secret parts like written in code in your notebooks, like Leonardo da Vinci?

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Scoffing a little.] Please. Of course I do.

[Laughter from the party.]

What if, what if Madeline, uh, steals my very important notes? Of course I have to have a code.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay, just make sure that that's like, double top secret, and everyone to remember that, to forget.

Emily (as Ig)

Forget what?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Exactly..

Ari 

She's gonna say that she will do it, but she's not going to do it. 

[Laughter from the party.]

Nobody tells A.Lex what to do!

Olivia

So rascally!

Emily

Ig is gonna, like, rip open the package dramatically, and like, toss, toss the wrapping paper everywhere.

Hallie

As you do that, there's like a little... [Short squealing noise, like helium being let out of a balloon.] Sound, and glitter just goes everywhere.

Cassidy 

Oh no!

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

Inside of the Red Mary.

Emily

Oh no! Mistakes were made!

Hallie

And then because, because letters in the Quest Friends Universe are basically all Howlers, you hear a voice coming from the letter that Ig has, and it goes,

[Vespari’s circus-esque theme plays.]

[Half-stifled laughter from the party throughout Vespari’s note.]

Hallie (as The Great Vespari)

Hello Ig, and friends! Ig, I found these in the trash and thought you would like them! Friends of Ig, and driver, Hannelore, I am so sorry in advance for anything my sibling might do, say, or otherwise have a hand in. I will pay for any collateral damage brought upon the Miss Mary. Best of luck, come see my shows! 

Cassidy

[Groans.]

Hallie

And then it stops.

Ari

I love that.

Emily (as Ig)

[Gleefully.] Oh my gosh! We should see a show!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Umm...

Hallie

And then in the package are four cyphers for all of you!

[Excited sounds from the party.]

Cassidy 

Ayy, party time. 

Olivia

The...just imagine the glitter exploding forward, and it like, hitting, scattering all over Hannelore's car.

Cassidy 

Yeahhh.

Hallie

Oh, it's everywhere.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

It's all over my cape. 

Olivia

She just, her little hands tighten, and just a little. [Stressed exhale.] She lets it go. She doesn't say anything about how difficult it is to get glitter out of an interior. 

Cassidy 

[Dryly.] Out of upholstery. 

Emily

Ig going to say loudly and slowly,

Emily (as Ig)

Good luck...there wasn't glitter in that package!

Olivia

Hannelore just wipes a little bit off of her cheek. 

Cassidy 

Alright, Hallie. What do we got.

Hallie

[Chill, easy-going music begins to play. It sounds like elevator music or old-school QVC, call-in-to-order music.]

What you have, you have fireproofing spray.

Olivia

[Intrigued.] Oohh.

Hallie

Which I included for no reason. 

Cassidy 

I wonder.

Hallie

If you spray a nonliving object with this cypher, they have ar, armor against fire damage. Uh, there's a friction reducing spray. 

Cassidy 

Ahh, ha ha ha.

Hallie

Which is a, sorry, friction reducing gel. Uh, spray it across an area of up to ten feet. This gel makes things extremely slippery, 

[Faint giggles from the party.]

uh, for one hour. The difficulty of movement tasks in the area is increased by three steps. There is an image projector, uh, it's a headband. It projects one of the following immobile images in the area described for one hour, and then you roll to see what image you get. We could do that when the moment comes, or I will let you say what image you want. We'll see what happens. 

Olivia

Do you think it should be the dinosaur with a butter churn again? 

Cassidy 

[Quickly.] Yes.

Hallie

It could be, that's a very common image.

Emily 

[Emphatic.] It told the future! 

Olivia

Is that a common image?

Hallie

In the Ninth World? Yes.

Olivia

[Incredulous.] Really? 

Hallie

Currently I, I decree it so.

Olivia

Hannelore has been looking into this, very concernedly.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy 

It's an interesting phenomenon. 

Hallie

And the, uh, last cypher is instant shelter. With the addition of water and air, this small device expands into a simple one-room structure with a door and a transparent window. It is ten feet by ten feet, made of shape stone, and is permanent and immobile once created.

Emily 

[Suspicious.] I am concerned by the inclusion of this.

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

Don't give too much thought into how I chose these for you.

Cassidy 

[Similarly suspicious.] Uh-huh. 

Olivia

You know, Hallie, we've been friends for a really long time. 

Hallie

We have.

Olivia

It just seems like there's already a shelter for us to stay in. 

Hallie

Yeah!

[The music fades.]

Ari 

If nobody else wants it, I'm kind of liking the friction gel.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy 

Yeah. Go for it.

Olivia

I'm gonna take the fireproofing spray. 

Cassidy 

Uh, I can take the image...wait, hang on. I don't even remember what I can do. I don't think I can make images. I'll make the image. 

Hallie

Okay. 

Cassidy 

Ig, do you care? 

Emily 

What's the other...

Hallie

That leaves Ig with the instant shelter. 

[00:30:00] 

Unless Ig really wants the...

Emily 

[Amused.] Should Ig have charge of something that important?

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah, Ig, I'm gonna give you the fireproofing spray, okay. Just, when you feel like you're going to light something on fire that you shouldn't, just...

Cassidy (as Eraf)

If you're worried about injuring somebody.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Just spray this instead. 

Emily (as Ig)

This is great! ‘cause I've had one of these for the longest time that I just haven't even used!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Resigned.] Oh.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

That's very good to know.

Emily 

I had it all last session!

Hallie

Uh, Ig has got the fireproofing spray, A.Lex has the friction reducing gel, Eraf's got the image projector, and Hannelore has the instant shelter. That's what the breakdown was?

Cassidy 

Yep.

Hallie

Okay, cool. Uh, okay. So you are now parked, you, when you parked in the visitor center, if someone was watching from outside, they would have seen just, like, the inside of the car, just cloud.

Cassidy 

[Crosstalking, amused.] Glitter.

Hallie

With extremely sparkly, violently colorful glitter, and then you can all get out and explore and try to find the office.

Olivia

Shake the glitter off of our clothes, like that Katy Perry song. 

Hallie

[Wryly.] Just, just try to look presentable. 

Cassidy 

I was just seeing if I had any abilities that would be able to clean glitter off of us. Nope. 

Olivia

[Laughing.] We're all just covered in glitter.

Emily 

Ig is loving it. 

Olivia

Just leaving it, like, a little comet trail. I, Hannelore is going to try to dust it off at least.

Cassidy 

Eraf's going to clean her face at least, but pretty much ignore the rest 

Hallie

It comes off on, it comes off your face a lot easier than clothes. 

Cassidy 

[Crosstalking.] Yeah. 

Olivia

[Deadpan.] Great. 

Cassidy 

Oh, no.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

We should try to also focus on, on the mission! So Eraf, do you know, would you know where this office is? I mean you have been to this university before right, so?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Uh, yeah, I can lead us right there!

Cassidy 

And I will lead us right there.

Hallie

Actually, Ramya Brackleberry was not a professor when you went to University of Qi. But...

Cassidy 

Do I know where the Department of Puzzles would be though? 

Hallie

You would know, like, where that would be located. It's in, like, the department of random majors. 

Cassidy 

Right, yeah.I could lead us to the–

Olivia

[Crosstalking.] Oh, yeah.

Cassidy 

Building then, but then I'll get in and get kind of confused and lost.

Olivia

Hannelore is gonna buy everybody a hat. 

Hallie

[Incredulous.] What? From the gift shop?

[Laughter from the party.] 

Olivia

Everybody is getting a hat, from, yeah.

Cassidy 

Sweet. 

Olivia

From the University of Qi. 

Hallie

[Amused.] Yeah. I'll allow that.

Ari 

A.Lex is not wearing. That she'll accept it, but she won't put it on.

Olivia

Put one on, I'm gonna put it on Ig. It's way too big. 

Hallie

Alright. All the hats, uh, say "Qool Qids Qome From Qi" on the top of it, and the University... 

Olivia

[Crosstalking.] Just stuff it on top of Eraf's head.

Hallie

The University mascot, uh, the mascot of the University of Qi is a creature called a qwhale.

Olivia

[Biting back laughter.]

Cassidy 

Uh-huh.

Hallie

Which is like if a whale...was a quail. [Laughter.] That's just what it is.

Cassidy 

Fighting Qwhales. 

Hallie

[Low, ponderous horn music begins to play. It has a sweet and playful melody, befitting a tiny bird-whale.]

It is a horrifying mascot. No one should have, I was bullied into choosing this.

Cassidy 

[Thoughtfully.] A qwhale...

Olivia

So, do leave this part, no, leave this part in. Is it like a giant penguin, but with... 

Hallie

No. No, no, no. It's like if a whale, was the size of a quail. And also had feathers.

Emily 

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And little quail legs. 

Olivia

[Reluctantly.] Okay.

Cassidy 

I could see it, yeah.

Hallie

It's a tiny little mammal.

Emily 

That feels kind of just like a quail. 

Olivia

Is it, is it land-based? 

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

Yes, it does. And it, it can't really fly effectively, but they can flap and get a little bit of air.

Olivia

Oh, yes. Like a dodo.

Hallie

They have horrifying screeches, and they're spelled like Q-whale. Qwhale. 

Cassidy 

...yeah.

Olivia

Hannelore's gonna buy a stuffed one for Ig.

Emily 

Ig loves that thing. 

[Laughter from the party.] 

Ig is just delighted.

[The music fades.] 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Qwhale. This is cool. This is a really cool University that uh, that you went to Eraf.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yeah, they're a tad strict on the rules, um, but it provides decent education.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Cool. Groovy. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I will say I'm happy to be done with my degree though. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

What was your degree in? 

Cassidy

[Desperately trying not to laugh.] I don't know! 

[Laughter from the party.] 

Olivia

Sorry!

Cassidy 

I, I might–

Hallie

No, actually, this is fair. Not at one point–

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy 

[Crosstalking sheepishly.] No!

Hallie

In discussing Eraf's backstory did we say what your degree was in. 

Cassidy 

Nope!

Olivia 

Communications!

Hallie

Communications. 

Cassidy 

Uh, yeah. Sure. Let's go with that. She is an empath, and she, she studied a lot of magical, magical courses like how to Numenera and also, you know, how to...social sciences. Sort of. Focusing.

Olivia

Oh! Social studies.

Emily 

[Hesitant.] She sticks pipettes in people's brains, question mark?

Hallie

Communications with a minor in social studies. 

Cassidy 

Yep.

Olivia

[Laughter.]

Hallie

That is what Eraf majored in.

Olivia

That's uh, definitely a real degree. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yeahhh.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh, that's really cool!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I've put it to good use I believe. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah, you're a successful, uh, brain sucker?

Cassidy 

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I still feel like you never fully explained it to me, but. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Eh, assistant brain sucker.

Emily (as Ig)

Wait, A.Lex! A.Lex. [Brief gibberish.] Hey!

Ari (as A.Lex) 

What's up? 

Emily (as Ig)

Uh, um, um, um, um, so...how do you know Madeline?

[Low, jazzy music begins to play. It's not angry but it's not cheerful either, and a little sultry.]

Ari 

Her face is just going to like...

Emily 

Yeahhh.

Ari 

She's gonna like, when she asks her something, she's gonna be like smiling at her, and then the second she says that, her face is going to go like, all serious. 

[00:35:00] 

And she's going to be like,

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Well. We work in the same team with, uh, Queen Brackleberry. That's, that's all. Why would you–

Olivia (as Hannelore)

When did you first start to strongly dislike her?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Dryly.] Straight to the point.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

I suppose you can call it hate at first sight.

Olivia

Hannelore offers a fist bump.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

For me, it was almost the moment I met her.

[Laughter from the party.]

Ari 

She will just look at it.

Olivia

I'm gonna offer it to Ig.

[The music fades.]

Emily 

Oh, Ig is super excited to, like, squish their cheek against it.

Cassidy 

[Laughter.] Precious!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Should have known better.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Yeah. I, I see that you also strongly dislike her though. That's...

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah, I find her disrespectful.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

That, that is no surprise there. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah. And she, like, immediately she put her feet on my, on my dashboard. 

Emily (as Ig)

I like her! 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I have to apologize. So, I'm really not sure where this professor's office is. I'm, I haven't been to this building too much, and I don't know if she was here when I was going to school. So, uh, we might be a little lost.

Hallie

As you say that, you pass a door that says Ramya Brackleberry, Professor of Puzzles, in like gold brass font, for like really distinguished professors, you know.

Olivia

Huh.

Emily 

Ig has been distracted by the shine. 

Cassidy 

[Laughter.] Oh, okay. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Alright. Guess we've reached our destination. Do we have any sort of plan to persuade her? 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh, yeah. We haven't...talked about that at all.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Um...

Emily (as Ig)

Well, I figured we were just gonna ask. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah. I'm gonna put you out in front, Eraf, you're, uh, you're better with...it's your job to be good with words! And this is a professor lady. 

Cassidy 

[Dryly.] Eraf is. Cassidy is not. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah, you can bond over your alma mater!

Ari (as A.Lex) 

And you know her right? So.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Um, yes...

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Well, let's think! Well, we already, well, she said, the queen said that she said that she was going to give it to her. It's just that she was never sending it. So, you know. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yeah.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Now that we're here, I'm sure she'll just give it to us without any quest, without any trouble at all, so.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Less confident than Hannelore.] We can certainly hope. Uhh.

Emily

Are you super focused on the door right now? 

Cassidy

Probably not, why?

Emily 

[Gleefully.] Would anyone hear the click of a door opening? 

Olivia

I feel like Hannelore's looking at...

Cassidy 

I am trained in perception. I believe that's something I would hear. 

Hallie

Do you want to make a roll? 

Cassidy 

Sure. 

Hallie

Yeah. 

Cassidy 

If you're trying to be sneaky. 

Olivia

[Crosstalking with Cassidy.] Ooh, first roll. 

Emily

Oh, I'm not trying to be sneaky. 

Cassidy 

Oh.

Emily 

[Trying not to laugh.] I'm just opening the door and I didn't know if people would notice that I've just gone inside.

Olivia

[Amused.] I feel like Hannelore just sees the door open slightly behind Eraf's head.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Uhh, Ig. Ig. Maybe, maybe...

Olivia

I'm just gonna grab Ig by the collar and pluck back a little bit. 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Maybe we just knock. Let's, let's start, we'll start with a good knock. Huh? You can knock if you want to.

Hallie

Ig, did you unlock the latch, and was it like...at what point is Hannelore grabbing you back and being like no, no. 

Olivia

I think–

Emily 

[Crosstalking.] I was picturing like, a foot and an arm in the door.

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia

Same here.

Emily 

And just like...

Hallie

Alright. So, uh, Hannelore pulls you back, uh, but the door kind of flaps open a little bit, and there is a girl sitting behind the desk. 

[Gentle, tinkling music begins to play.] 

She has like, uh, a dozen hair clips of various colors all eclectically placed to, like, keep her bangs back, and she is wearing what looks to you like...well, she looks up first at the sound of the door, and at these people gathered outside her door arguing about whether to come inside or not. And it looks like she's wearing several layers of glasses, but then you realize shortly they're actually bifocals. 

Ari 

Ah, cool! 

Hallie

The kind you can flick different, like, prescriptions in front of.

Cassidy 

Like, like, like Nicolas Cage. The National Treasure. 

Hallie

Yeah, like the National Treasure things, but like a little more sci-fi, and with a lot more layers.

Cassidy 

The Benjamin glasses 

Olivia

Like the glasses from, uh, Toy Story, where he's fixing Woody. 

Ari 

Oh yeah, the guy!

Hallie

Exactly.

Olivia

Toy Story 2.

Ari 

Yeah yeah yeah.

Hallie

So she presses a button on both sides with glasses and they'll whip back and she goes uh, 

Hallie (as office assistant)

Hello. Can I help you? 

Olivia

[The music fades.]

A little, a gentle push to the back of Eraf. I guess I'm going to just take Eraf's shoulder and spin her, spin her around. 

Cassidy 

Oh my gosh. Um. Crap. What is her name again? I can't–

Olivia

We don't know this, this is seems to be the secretary. 

Hallie

You're looking for Ramya Brackleberry. 

Emily 

We're looking for...

Cassidy

Miss Brackleberry. Mrs. Brackleberry? 

Olivia

Professor! 

Hallie

Professor. 

Cassidy 

Professor Brackleberry. Yes. Okay.

Emily 

[Strained.] Professor Ramya Brackleberry.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Ari 

As this is happening, I want A.Lex to just throw a paper airplane into the room.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Exasperated.] Oh, good. 

Hallie

[Laughing loudly.] So this paper airplane, like, whizzes to the side, and the girl's eyes move, following it, but no other part of her moves. She just follows it, and the paper airplane like, falls against the ground with a really light, like. [Clicking noise.] And she turns back and just looks at you expectantly. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Uh, I'm, I'm sorry. Is this Professor Brackleberry's office?

Hallie (as office assistant)

It is, yeah. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Okay. We're actually looking for Miss, Miss Brackleberry.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Professor. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Miss Professor. 

Hallie (as office assistant)

Oh! Oh...the professor's not here. I'm sorry. She's on the boat.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[00:40:00]

 [Confused.] The boat?

Hallie (as office assistant)

The boat, the Semester at Sky boat that left a few days ago. 

Cassidy 

Ahh. Oh, all right. Well, thank you for letting us know. Do you think we could have a chance to leave a note for her? 

Hallie (as office assistant)

Ah, well, I can take a note, but it's a study abroad kind of a thing. So they'll be gone for a while. So if you need something time-sensitive, uh, I can maybe help you with it?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Mmm. Maybe you could help us. We are looking for a specific recipe that Professor Brackleberry is in possession of. We want it for her... 

Cassidy 

Is it her...she's Anastasia's niece.

Hallie

Niece, yeah.

Cassidy

Okay, yeah.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Looking for her, for her niece.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Crosstalking.] Her niece, the queen.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

You may have heard of her!

Hallie (as office assistant)

Queen Anastasia? 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes, my associates and I were, were sent by Queen Anastasia to assist in this. I am Eraf Xindal.

Emily (as Ig)

We are not the head diplomats!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

No.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Did not, they didn't...

Ari (as A.Lex) 

We are better than the head diplomats! So. 

Hallie (as office assistant)

[Confused.] Okay, uh, well, um, the recipe that you're looking, um, for was it in a book? 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Um, not entirely sure, but I believe it may have been?

Hallie (as office assistant)

Okay. That complicates things.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Can, can...is there any way to send word to the professor and the boat, or would it be possible to catch up in a...

Hallie (as office assistant)

She didn't leave a number. I think she was really excited to not deal with the school for a while, and to be on the airship. So I don't have any way of contacting her, but, um, I can help you. Schwester Louise always said to help those in need and then she told me to say it like that because it rhymes. So I'll help you!

Cassidy 

I love this girl. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

Also, excuse me, but are you implying that she had a recipe and she didn't write it down? She just had it in her head? 

Hallie (as office assistant)

Well, I think I know what book you're talking about. Uh, she did have a book of family recipes, uh, but upon admittance or employment at the University of Qi, books are confiscated, I mean donated. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

What?!

Hallie (as office assistant)

To the library.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Uhh.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

There's a lot to unpack here. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Indignant.] What do you mean donated? 

Ari 

[Upbeat, jazzy music begins to play–very Ocean's Eleven.]

And then A.Lex is gonna do air quotes at that.

Hallie (as office assistant)

Oh, well. The University of Qi bans all books. So it is really hard to find a specific book if you're looking for one.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Stammering, incredulous.] It, it–it bans all books?!

Hallie (as office assistant)

Yeah. They ban all books.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Whispering.] Eraf, that--is this this normal for colleges? 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

[Angrily.] Why? How did you learn? This is a college! This is a university! How do you learn without books?!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

This is normal for Qi University.

Ari (as A.Lex) 

What, how did you learn anything? Did you just have a person lecture you all day?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

We trust our professors. 

Ari (as A.Lex) 

What if they're wrong?! This is, I mean, I know like, it's not the matter at hand and we can discuss this later, potentially, but why would you ban books?

Hallie (as office assistant)

Well...uh.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah, what's the story there? 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

It's a complicated matter. 

Hallie (as office assistant)

Qi University just wants to make sure that we get the right reading materials through the proper channels.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Crosstalking.] Oh, great.

Hallie (as office assistant)

So we can go to the library any time, and it's only a five week waiting period once you request a book.

Olivia

Hannelore, really regretfully, just touches her hat. She doesn't take it off yet.

[Laughter from the party.]

But she's like, she's thinking about it.

Cassidy

Eraf took it off before she walked in the office, and she's just kind of like running her hand through her hair a little...not anxiously, but she looks a little agitated. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Well, thanks for the information. And let us know if you can offer any other help.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Where–two things. What's your name?

Hallie (as office assistant/Shannon Iggins)

Oh, uh. My name is Shannon. Shannon Iggins.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Shannon...

Ari 

[Crosstalking.] Oh my god.

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.]

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Shannon Iggins is my name!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Shannon...

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Iggins. Shannon, space, Iggins. 

[The music ends.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Got it.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Sweet name. 

Ari 

God, Hallie, why.

Olivia

Why not?

Ari 

How did you come up with this.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Um, Shannon? Did you do you say Schwester Louise? 

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Schwester Louise? Yeah. Why?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Were you raised by the Schwesters? 

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Yeah, the nuns at Wyrfall?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah, we–that's crazy. Uh. Me too.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Really? 

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

With Schwester Claudia and Schwester Zara and Schwester Louise?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah. Uh, yeah. Wow. 

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Well, that's so neat. How did you end up there? 

Olivia

Uh. I don't know if I ever decided that. Um.

Cassidy 

[Chuckles.] Oh, juicy backstories.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Tinkling music begins to play, like a child's lullaby in a music box.]

Oh, you know just the ord, just the normal way, wrapped up in a blanket in a cardboard box and left out front. 

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Oh...that's really sad. I'm sorry! I was transferred there. I had been kind of bounced from foster home to foster home for a long time. And um, but then, uh, the town that I was in, [The sound of flames in the background begins to grow in volume.] the town hall of records burned down after a traveling carnival came through, and they didn't know where I was supposed to be transferred. So instead I was sent to the nuns at Wyrfall. It was really fortunate, really!

Emily 

Ig has actually gotten a little bit pale. And.

Olivia

Just silently turning to look at Ig.

Emily 

Their ever-present open mouthed smile....

Cassidy 

Oh boy.

[00:45:00]

Hallie

Shannon will notice and be like,

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Yeah, actually, there was a girl who looked a lot like you and she came in the carnival! 

[A pause.]

Wait. 

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Mmm. I just have to, can I ask how long ago this happened? 

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Closing theme, "Road Trip" by SKANDR, begins to play.]

Oh, well, I was transferred to the nuns when I was thirteen or fourteen, and I'm, I'm, I'm eighteen now. So about five years ago?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Alright, probably not our friend Ig here then. Just a coincidence.

[Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Crosstalking.] No way.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Pleased.] And I...am trained in deceiving.

[Music intensifies.] 

[Episode ends - 00:46:10]