The Cookie Two, Part 3

[In a conspiratorial whisper.] Eraf Xindal snuck in just an overwhelming number of books. You know, I'm sure you know by now, because Qi University really likes to broadcast this, but they ban books. All books!

Hallie (as Magenta)

[Sneering.] I was going to give them a, to give your new friends a warm welcome on behalf of the student council, Charlotte, but I don't quite think they're Qi material. Come on Devin, we've got those recipe books to sort.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I was wondering...we're also curious about local recipes and stuff.

Hallie (as Magenta)

[Suspicious.] Why would you want to do that?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Because I respect you. [Chokes off a laugh.]

Hallie (as Magenta)

Well, I think that if you want this recipe book so bad, you should come negotiate with us. Meet us at dawn. Cafeteria.

Olivia

I look at Charlotte.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oooh.

Hallie

And then Charlotte hops on the desk and crosses their legs and says,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

So what's the plan?

[Theme music intensifies.]

Hallie

So Charlotte is leaning expectantly. She is really excited to see what these top notch Brackleberry Brigade agents of the Brackleberries do.

[A long pause.]

Emily

I, I think that that, that long silence was probably in character?

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

Like, she's just waiting expectantly and we're just all like…

[A pause.]

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

That actually happens.

Olivia

We just don't support Charlotte through this moment.

Ari

Ahhh, maybe, I don't know. I feel like...

Emily

A.Lex is rattling off plans.

Olivia

Okay.

Emily

To overthrow everything.

Ari

Yeah. Probably. She, okay, she'd just be like,

Ari (as A.Lex)

Well, so I think whatever that negotiation is, is going to be a bunch of crap. So I think that we need to plan something so that we get the book anyways.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yes. I think that that's probably, uh, the smartest thing that we need to...

Olivia

Hannelore is sitting on a beanbag chair. Um.

[Faint laughter from the party.]

Ari

A.Lex is just standing, just like pacing around.

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I think that we need to plan to, like, have to fight and defeat them. But maybe we can try to like...they're not going to probably have the specific recipe book. We're going to have to be able to get to where all the recipe books are, and then find it, I would think. Maybe we can free all the books in this mission.

Ari

A.Lex's eyes are gonna light up with that, at that idea.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Um...

Olivia

One last big job girls!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Charlotte, Shannon. Do you have any idea where they might be storing some of their books?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Very prudent question.

Hallie

Charlotte shrugs and says,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

They don't have books that aren't from the library. They don't need to hide them.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Where would they have the recipe books?

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Suspicious.] Yeah, why would they claim they have the recipe book then.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

They said they checked it out from the library.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Mmm.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Five weeks ago.

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Crosstalking.] Now why would they even, why would they want to specific book? This all sounds very contrived.

Hallie

Ah, Charlotte shrugs, and says,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

I don't monitor the student council. They're a bunch of losers.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Eh, you have better things to do. So I—

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Crosstalking.] That's right. I do.

Ari (as A.Lex)

I respect that.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Thank you.

Olivia

It's only, it's only been a moment since you last spoke, and I'm still so excited to hear you again.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Shannon will look a little bit nervous at that and say,

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Hesitantly.] I don't know. I mean, Charlotte, they're not so bad all the time.

Hallie

And Charlotte just goes,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Snappish.] Yes they are. [Sneering a little.] Shannon.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Shannon...

Hallie

Shannon is like,

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Meekly.] Okay.

Emily

Ig has been pulling cards out of Eraf's hair.

[Laughter from the party.]

Just like, just like, sleight of hand.

Cassidy

Yeah. It's not always a card.

[Laughter.]

Emily

But they are, their eyes are going to light up from where they're perched and she's gonna say,

Emily (as Ig)

[Upbeat, mischievous music, Ig’s theme, begins to play.]

Wait. Oh my gosh. I have a book!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes?

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Simultaneously with Eraf.] You do?!

Emily (as Ig)

Yeah! Could I trade it? It's recipes too!

Emily

And she's going to pull out one of the books that I forgot she has in her inventory. [Trying not to laugh.]

Hallie

Let me just double check that with you.

Cassidy

[Laughter.] Oh, That's amazing

[00:05:00]

Emily

I have...four books, Hallie.

Hallie

You have...

Olivia

[Crosstalking, surprised.] Why do you have four books?

Hallie

Magic Tricks to Bamboozle Your Friends and Enemies, Ages 6-10, Historically Significant Witch Burnings, History: Negative 200Y to the Present, and then a Numenera book.

Emily

Ig is going to pull out Magic Tricks to Bamboozle Your Friends and Enemies, Ages 6-10.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Uncertain.] Okay.

Emily (as Ig)

[As if they're revealing a closely-guarded secret.] It's a recipe for entertainment. Do you think we could trade it? I know all the tricks in it. I practiced.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

That's great. That's really good.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I think that is an option.

Ari

Yeah, A.Lex will cock her head and be like,

Ari (as A.Lex)

Yeah, I suppose that could work. That could be a first option potentially.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

What's...in brainstorming, there are no bad ideas. That's not really, because, that's not related to anything. It's just a matter of fact that I wanted to bring up.

Emily (as Ig)

Well, my second idea was to set the cafeteria on fire, and I don't think that you would maybe approve of that as a first idea. So that was, I picked a different first idea.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Startled.] Please don't do that. That's where we eat.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Amazingly, I actually feel just the opposite. I feel like, I feel like you should burn this institution to

the ground.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Increasingly distressed.] Oh, oh, um—

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Shannon. Shannon. Listen to me. Okay?

Olivia

I'm gonna take Shannon aside, and Hallie, I know that we haven't talked about this, but I decided that the nunnery is basically like yacht, you know yacht rock? Dad rock, like Steely Dan, stuff like that?

Hallie

[Uncertain.] I know Steely Dan, I don't know this...I don't know the rock.

Olivia

Okay. It's like if that was created into a philosophy, turned into, and then turned into a nunnery run by queer women of color.

Hallie

[Laughter.] Okay.

Olivia

For like, for millennias.

Cassidy

[Laughter.] I like it.

Olivia

So I'm going to take Shannon aside and be like

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Shannon, I don't know what your time was like with the Schwesters, but I didn't come away from it thinking that banning books was cool. And I think that you know that this is not an okay way to be.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Upset, and a little insulted.] Well, of course I know. I help run the Readeasy.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh—then—you're...that's a band-aid on a, on a bullet wound. Or a future bullet wound.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[A nostalgic, tinkling music box song begins to play.]

The Schwesters I mean, they...they sacrificed a lot to be able to send me here. Because again, they said that I showed aptitude! And they knew about the rules, and that they weren't great. But that doesn't change the fact that the University of Qi is renowned for giving an excellent education, and, and they wanted me to have that. So even though I disagree with, with banning all of the books, and I do my best to fight back to rules that I think are unfair, I still, I still want to be here, you know, I want to learn about...about everything. This is where I, where I invented my invisible ink, you know? Who knows what else I could do in my time left here! I don't want to burn it down!

[The music stops.]

Ari (as A.Lex)

Well, we don't have to burn it necessarily, but things do need to change, right? Sometimes to change things you need, uh, really radical change, so it might not be the first option. But if trying to change it a different way doesn't help then...

Olivia

[Faint laughter.] This is too real you guys. This is too real.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Well, I know, but you know, it’s just, I have homework!

[Laughter from the party.]

And it's a lot and you know, I can't spend all of my time trying to bring down the system. [Increasingly distressed.] It's just, it's just really, really stressful!

Hallie

And then Charlotte will get up off the, she was sitting on her desk, on her little desk—

Olivia

[Crosstalking.] Leaning, surely.

Ari

[Laughter.]

Hallie

And she'll get up. Yeah, like, like, just like, a slug. She never fully stands. She's always lean—she's always using something else to support herself. Right now it's Shannon. She's using Shannon to support herself. She'll go over, and she's like,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

It's alright, this kind of lifestyle is not for everybody.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Well, then, if we can't burn this place to the ground, which Ig, I do for the record I think is a good idea. Um.

Emily (as Ig)

[Crosstalking.] Yay!

[Faint laughter from the party.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

We should, we should do something to free all the books. Like, I think that any administration built on banning such an important part of an education—

Olivia

This is really a philosophical.

Cassidy

Yeah.

Olivia

Sorry. Sorry. I'm getting back in the game.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I think that we, I gotta—these students need books! We got to get them the, we gotta release the books.

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Indignant.] Everybody needs books and especially in the University. I can't believe that there's just not, such an important resource is just locked away! I think…sorry. I think that we should just free the books. We should change the system. We should go to whoever runs

[00:10:00]

this place and knock them to the ground.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah. Should we take down the current administration?

Ari (as A.Lex)

But of course, that will be after we get a recipe book.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

See this is the kind of yacht rock attitude that I thought that we would have had in common, Shannon. The kind of devil-may-care start fresh, here I go again on my own sort of energy.

Hallie

Shannon looks really hurt at that and says,

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Strained.] I'm sorry that I'm not who you want me to be.

Olivia

[Faintly.] Fuck! [Normal voice.] Don't do this!

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Trying hard not to cry.] Um, I'm trying my best, and I tell that to the Schwesters all the time. But um, I'm gonna go get some snacks. Okay?

Cassidy

Oh, no!

Hallie

And then she leaves to go get snacks.

Emily

Can I follow her?

Hallie

And when she leaves—yeah, you can followe her. When she leaves and then Ig follows her out, Charlotte will be like,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Gently.] Shannon's got a lot on her plate.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I feel like everyone would have less on their plate if they weren't underneath a such a strict administrative regime.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Charlotte's tone of voice sounds like she's shrugging.] That's what I said.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Well, what do you think we should do?

Hallie

Charlotte looks thoughtful, and says...she'll kind of, before she says anything, she'll kind of fold her arms and then say,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Look, to be honest, I'm not sure what the student council wants, you know? They kind of just like the power trip. I'm not sure how far our negotiation's gonna get us.

Ari (as A.Lex)

They didn't really look to have, like, a really high ground on things to begin with, so I don't really think they will be really helpful.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Scoffing.] They got left behind because they're the best of the student council. They have this whole shtick, where they're like,

[Mockingly.] We were left behind to keep you all in order!

[Normal voice.] And it's, it's is a load of baloney.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

It made me sad for them when they said that.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Laughter.]

Ari (as A.Lex)

Yeah, it was a little bit pathetic.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Jazzy, Ocean's Eight heist music begins to play.]

What is something they want that we can negotiate with?

Ari (as A.Lex)

I don't know! Do we...do they...do you really have anything that they would be interested in though?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

We can make them think that.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Well, I think that first we need to determine what they want.

Ari (as A.Lex)

So what do the...yeah. What do the Student Council like?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

What do they like? They like renown from their school. That's what they like. I bet you...what's the principal like, what's the, what's the, what's the Dean's name of this, of this University?

Hallie

[Caught off guard.] The Dean? Uh...Dean...

Ari

[Trying not to laugh.] Just Dean?

Cassidy

[Laughter.] Dean Dean.

Olivia

Dean...

Cassidy

He's name's Dean! Okay.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Dean Samwell.

Ari

[Through laughter, annoyed.] Noooo! Okay, fine. I'm fine. I hate you, though.

Hallie

[Smug.] Yeah.

Olivia

Dean Samwell.

Hallie

Charlotte's fine. She has pulled out another peppermint stick.

Olivia

Oh.

Hallie

How she got rid of the last one, no one knows. And she's just gonna, kind of thinking, um...

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Look, you know...the Student Council's just mad because they've never caught me doing anything. I've been smuggling in books for a while. I did a lot more because you know, it's easier with not a lot of people around when they're on the ship.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Guerilla tactics.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

And really, they're just jealous of how cool I am.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Laughter.] Obviously.

Olivia

Hannelore does laugh out loud.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

You know, Charlotte, I was really sad for a minute ago, because of a bad interaction with with a family member. But...thank you.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

I gotcha.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Speaking of Shannon, Let's cut out to Ig and Shannon for a little bit.

Olivia

[Wryly.] Cut from Hannelore laughing.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia

At Charlotte.

[Scene change “swoosh” sound effects.]

Hallie

Shannon has gone back upstairs to the vending machine like out, outside. So if you follow her, there are stairs that kind of go up next to the slide, and then Shannon has what looks like a library card that lets her, uh, get out through a secret door. And she will see you behind her, because you are dressed in very bright colors, so it is very hard to miss you. And I imagine Ig isn't stealthy either, so it's like, you can tell when Ig is following you.

Emily

Yes.

Hallie

She's like,

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Oh, did you want to come get snacks too?

Emily (as Ig)

I mean, I'm always a little hungry, but I've been eating those peppermint sticks, so...

[Snorting laughter from the party.]

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Yeah, they're real good!

Olivia

[Faintly, amused.] God.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

They're Charlotte's favorite, like, she always make sure the vending machine is stocked.

Emily (as Ig)

[Startled.] Oh, I could get a new one! I've just been eating the ones she's been tossing.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Taken aback.] Oh, no! You can get, a, like, like an uneaten peppermint stick! One just for you!

Emily (as Ig)

Oh, yeah, I want, I want one of those! But, but...

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Crosstalking.] Okay!

Emily (as Ig)

But also...[Trailing off, and then continuing in a quieter voice.] I didn't come just for snacks.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Oh, is there something else I can do for you?

Emily

I don't know if I need to roll for this, but I would like to pull a shin out from behind her ear.

Hallie

Let me look at your skill sheet real quick.

Emily

Uh, it would probably be sleight of hand.

Hallie

It's gonna be sleight of hand, yeah. You are specialized in that. Yeah, make me roll, do a D20.

[00:15:00]

Emily

Please roll well for this sad child! [Dice roll.] An eleven.

Hallie

An eleven—you do it! You pull a shin out from behind her ear, and Shannon goes,

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[A gasp, thoroughly delighted.] How did you do that?

Emily (as Ig)

[In a conspiratorial whisper.] It's a secret.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Gasping, then whispering back.] I love secrets! That's why I run a secret speakeasy for books.

Emily (as Ig)

I'm, I'm, I'm not very good at keeping secrets. You know, I kind of just open my mouth, and, and, and everything just kind of comes out, and it goes through my brain really fast before I can actually think about it.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Excitedly.] Well, that's okay. I mean we all have our talents! Yours is pulling money out from behind people's ears. Can you teach me magic tricks? I've always wanted to learn magic tricks

Emily

Ig is going to take out their book again, the magic tricks book, and hand it to Shannon and say,

Emily (as Ig)

I...I, my, my brother taught me some of the stuff but also I learned a lot of it through, uh, this, this book! And, and I'm not very good at...at studying either? Or sometimes I'm not very good at teaching myself stuff, but I taught myself because I really liked it, and it was neat, and, and I liked doing...doing magic tricks and making people smile, and I just think that, that...

[The tinkling music box melody, Shannon’s theme, plays.]

If it, if something's important to you, then you should do it.

And I know you said that you have app...aper...apertu...appli....

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Brightly.] Aptitude!.

Emily (as Ig)

Aptitude, yeah! And you want to do lots of different things, and I think you should do them! And, and I think that it's really neat that you do the readeasy, but I think that it would be okay too if, if you wanted to to show everybody that books were important, and, and I think that it's okay if you, if you don't want to get in trouble, but sometimes getting in trouble helps you learn new things too! And I think it's, it's like a magic trick that you do the invisible ink, so you must be pretty good at magic already!

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

[Softly.] That's magic?

Emily (as Ig)

Yeah, it is! Magic is...is something that surprises people, and makes people happy, and that they might not understand at first.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

I guess...I guess you're kind of right! Thank you for this. I am, I am going to read it because I want to learn how to do just a multitude of things, so many things! And thank—thank you!

Hallie

And then she is going to, there's gonna be like a second where none of you do anything, and then she's just gonna do one of those really fast cartoon hugs, where she just like throws herself at you and hugs.

[The music fades.]

And then backs up and goes,

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

Did you want a peppermint stick?

Emily (as Ig)

I really want one! A whole—a whole one!

Olivia

Fresh from the sidewalk.

Cassidy

So wholesome.

Hallie (as Shannon Iggins)

I can get you that...

Hallie

Alright, while they're getting their peppermint—

Emily

[Suddenly delighted.] With the shin!

[Aws from the party.]

Hallie

With the shin, oh my god! She'll put the shin that you gave her into the vending machine to get your peppermint stick.

Cassidy

So precious!

Olivia

This is so sweet.

Emily

Are they going back in then, or...

Hallie

Yeah, they'll head back in, in a second.

Emily

Ig is just gonna bound back in with this peppermint stick. They are thrilled!

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Emily

And whenever they get it, they're gonna show it to everyone, just like a little bit, like,

Emily (as Ig)

[Pleased.] Look what I got.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

That's exciting, Ig!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Ig, you got, it's a whole one, huh?

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Good, you should, you can just have those exclusively from now on.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

So I've been thinking. I think we need to have two plans.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Agreed.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

A plan for finding the book on our own, without going through the Student Council and their nonsense, and a plan for negotiating with them until we can find the book, and fake out a negotiation or give them what they want so we can get the book and be home.

Ari (as A.Lex)

[The jazzy heist music begins to play again.]

As the head of the Treasury Department of Queen Brackleberry, I volunteer myself to be on the group then goes to retrieve this, uh, the book while negotiations are taking place.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

I like it. Initiative!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Charlotte, Shannon. Is there any way we can get in this cafeteria tonight, or can we get in early tomorrow morning?

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

It shouldn't be locked, but I can just pick it, if it is.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Sounds good.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Pleased.] I'm good at getting places I'm not supposed to be.

Ari (as A.Lex)

I also know a trick or two

[00:20:00]

on opening closed doors.

Cassidy

[Laughing faintly in the background.]

Ari

Oh, sorry.

Cassidy

Does she use her peppermint stick to pick a lock?

Hallie

Don't worry about it.

[Laughter from the party.]

Charlotte's got her ways. And then A.Lex is like, yeah, but I can also do those things.

Cassidy

[Laughter.] Yeah.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

So if we can get in tonight to scope things out, that would be preferable. Um, and we can arrive early tomorrow morning as well. Uh, if we cannot find a book on our own, I think we need to figure out what we're going to do to negotiate with them.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Now, if...Charlotte, how busy is the cafeteria usually in the mornings? Because I'm thinking that we also need to have a plan in case negotiations go bad enough that they try to, you know, leave. We need something that can keep them in place so that we have them as leverage.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Well, they wanted to meet at dawn, and the cafeteria doesn't open for breakfast until six.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

What time is sun-up?

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Crosstalking.] It is pretty early.

Hallie

[The music stops abruptly.]

I was thinking of dawn as midnight.

Ari

[Crosstalking.] Ohhh!

Cassidy

Ohhh...

Hallie

That's definitely not what dawn is.

Cassidy

Yup.

Hallie

Sun-up is at five?

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Sun-up is at five, and the cafeteria doesn't open til eight.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Laughing.] Perfect. Yep.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

So, we'll have plenty of time.

Cassidy

Oh good.

Ari

Okay, that's better.

Olivia

Perfect.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

We'll have a few hours to figure this out, then. Got all that part.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yeah, we'll have to get there before the sun is up.

Olivia

[Crosstalking.] Hallie knew what dawn was.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Uh, just to see if they're up to anything, and if we can find out where they have the book. And what should we use to negotiate with? I have two ideas. If we have some recording equipment, I'm thinking, Charlotte, we get evidence that you're smuggling books.

Hallie

She raises an eyebrow at that, inviting you to continue.

Cassidy

Yeah.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I'm not saying we allow them to keep it. We'll take it back. We'll make sure that it's either not real, or we take it back by force if we need to.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Crosstalking.] Well, of course, it's not real. It's gonna be staged.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

They'd never catch me smuggling in books. They're not gonna believe it. I'm too good.

Ari (as A.Lex)

See, I see where you're going with this, but I think that this is too risky. What if...what if this is their whole plan in the first place? Like I, I was thinking that they want a negotiation because they would want proof of Charlotte smuggling books as an exchange for the recipe book. I'm thinking that that's what they want. So we shouldn't give that to them off the get-go. I see what you're, what you're thinking, and I think it could work, but I also don't want to risk this whole establishment being shut down because of a mistake. But also your second plan, you said you had two plans, right?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

No. Yeah. I don't...yes. I don't, I don't disagree. We're not going to risk anything happening to the Readeasy, but the other plan is to repurpose our glitter bomb.

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Low, ponderous accordion music begins to play.]

Hmm...I'm listening.

Emily

Ig lights up.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

We don't—

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Crosstalking, slightly suspicious.] Your what now?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Deadpan.] Oh, but it's, I love it so much where it is.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

We got a package, um.

Emily (as Ig)

It was a present.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

That...

Emily (as Ig)

[Crosstalking.] From my brother!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Oh, is that where, is that where all this came from?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Exactly.

Hallie

And she's gesturing at your outfits.

Olivia

Glitter is all over my beanbag.

Ari (as A.Lex)

It's, it sticks amusingly well to cloth, so...

Ari

And then they're going to like, gesture like, try to brush it off, and like, show how it's still sticking.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Dryly.] Yeah, I can see that. What are you gonna use a glitter bomb for?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

We tell them we have something they want, it's in the box, we tell them not to open it until we get the recipe, and when it opens, we make our escape.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

So, you think they're just gonna not open a box until we leave?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

No, but it'll make a really darn good distraction.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Maybe they'll get it in their eyes.

Emily (as Ig)

[Crosstalking.] I could do a distraction!

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

That's true.

Emily (as Ig)

I could—

Olivia (as Hannelore)

That is also very true.

Emily (as Ig)

I—oh, oh, oh A.Lex could throw paper airplanes in all of their eyes if we're going for the eyes!

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Ari (as A.Lex)

[A little indignant.] Excuse me, my paper, paper airplanes, are only an introductory mechanism! I don't just throw paper airplanes wherever I go.

Olivia

Only use them to make an entrance.

Emily (as Ig)

Oh, I thought that was like one of your special, special skills. As a treasure...person.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Well, I mean I have many skills. It's not really just because I'm a treasury head. I really have a lot of, and I could talk about them all day really, if you really want!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I think that, um, we should...I think that we should plan on, like, checking out the cafeteria, like, before, but I think we should plan on meeting them, and then going from there with whatever we do next. Like, either we fight them or we

[00:25:00]

have an exchange of something else, or we do a puzzle challenge...

Ari (as A.Lex)

I like that.

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Ari (as A.Lex)

I think that in addition to this we should somehow rig the cafeteria, so that if we, if it does come down to a fight of sorts...

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Crosstalking.] We don't want to be interrupted.

Ari (as A.Lex)

We have an advantage from the beginning. We have something, like maybe making something more slippery, um.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I have an excellent...I have a...

Cassidy

Hallie. How impenetrable is our impenetrable tent.

[Rock music begins to play.]

Hallie

[The music ends.]

Good morning, everyone! Which I say because it's morning for me right now as I record this. And thank you for listening to part 3 of The Cookie Two, which I say because you are presumably listening to part 3 of The Cookie Two if you're listening to this announcement break. Anyway, this announcement break is about our Quest Friends Kickstarter, which will be unveiled in late September! Until then, you can find updates on our Twitter page, which will be tweeting them every Saturday with the hashtag Kickstarter Saturday. Also, in the meantime, if you're looking to support a really cool Kickstarter, you should look up Mandy. Robertson's Dont Cry Witch.

Mandy Robertson is the official Quest Friends artist, and is rebooting her comic Waffle Fry into Dont Cry Witch. Her Kickstarter already got the amount that it needed which is awesome, but she does have a lot of stretch goals, which are equally awesome, so you should definitely go check that out, donate if you can, and keep in mind that our own Kickstarter will be in late September and,

[Slightly secretive voice.] Mandy definitely has nothing to do with that at all.

Anyway, thanks for listening again, and the next episode of The Cookie Two, the final one actually, part 4 of The Cookie Two, will be aired on Monday, August 12.

[Rock music begins to play once more.]

Cassidy

[The music fades out.]

So here's the thing. I'm looking at my special abilities because I don't know what I can do. I have a stasis ability that allows me to freeze somebody, basically.

Ari

[Extremely intrigued.] Ohh, nice.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

So, we freeze the person as they offer the book, snag the book, stick them in the tent, and run. [Laughter.]

Ari (as A.Lex)

I like that thing!

Cassidy (as Eraf)

That's the idea I'm having right now.

Hallie

I looked up the immovable shelter.

Cassidy

Yes.

Hallie

Uh, the walls of it are made of shapestone, which has the durability of granite.

Cassidy

Whoa.

Hallie

[Trying not to laugh.] And it is permanent once you put it somewhere.

Ari

Oh my god.

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] So it'll just stay there, and it's a little hut that's like ten feet, and it's got a little window and a little door.

Ari

[Crosstalking.] What? It’s permanent?!

Cassidy

Okay, so they could get out of it.

Ari

Excellent.

Hallie

Yeah, the door doesn't like, lock.

Cassidy

Right.

Hallie

[Crosstalking.] You can get out of it.

Cassidy

Okay. But it would probably stall them. [Laughter.]

Hallie

They won't be stuck there forever. The structure will just remain there forever.

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Gleefully.] We could create a ring of fire around the cafeteria so that if they try to get out, they can't.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I like the fire idea, I really do.

Ari (as A.Lex)

No, no, no I'm saying around it. If they want to get out, they will...

Olivia

[Crosstalking.] Yeah, like in, um, a Mickey, like in a cartoon, where it's all safe underneath the desk.

Cassidy

Like in...Harry Potter?

Ari

Like I would outside them, not in the cafeteria...

Olivia

Yeah, and the rest is just a crater.

Ari

Yeah.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

That sounds great.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Okay.

Ari (as A.Lex)

So yeah, I’m not looking to kill anybody here, don't worry about it. I know they're students. It sounds like they suck, and they, and this institution really needs to be shaken up to the ground, but really, we don't have to have any casualties here yet.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I think we should burn the administrative buildings.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Startled.] Oh gosh.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I mean like, I mean like, if we don't want to destroy this whole university, which we don't.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Crosstalking.] We're government officials, and we might kill somebody doing that.

Ari (as A.Lex)

You know, do we not work—

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Crosstalking.] No, no, do you know what I'm trying to say?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Not convinced.] Yes. I understand the message.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Crosstalking.] What can we destroy to make lasting change.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Do we know where this Dean's office is? I mean, we could... Dean, Dean Samwell? [Laughter.]

Hallie

Samwell.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I think we're losing the...

Emily (as Ig)

I can burn lots of stuff, lots of ways.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

That...

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Crosstalking.] I could also...

Emily (as Ig)

I've been practicing.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Let's reel it back in.

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

We're here to get a recipe. [Laughter.]

Ari (as A.Lex)

Um, I could also make the floor really slippery, so if they try to run, they could just fall down.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Crosstalking.] That's a good idea.

Ari (as A.Lex)

And show the, the cypher.

[00:30:00]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[Crosstalking.] I think we should put the cypher in with the glitter bomb so that they're covered in glitter, and it's very slick, and...

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Crosstalking, gleeful.] Ahh, I like your idea.

Ari

And she's just going to point her finger towards Hannelore.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Can we do that? Can we make a person slippery?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Can we, yeah, can we modify them together?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Instead of the floor is slippery, so that all their actions are slippery, rather than, like...

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Yeah.

Ari

[Crosstalking.] Ah, yeah.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

A certain area.

Olivia

Slime them, Nickelodeon style.

Hallie

It makes one area on the floor slippery.

Ari

Yeah.

Hallie

It's like a ten feet area.

Cassidy

So yeah.

Hallie

But let me read the description of it again.

Ari (as A.Lex)

I see that you, you ladies are living up to your reputation!

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Nonviolent, but extremely, like we don't kill anybody—

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Crosstalking.] We try.

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Be we are very destructive of property.

Emily

Ig is just—

Cassidy

[Crosstalking.] Yeah.

Emily

Beaming, like this giant open mouth toothy smile.

Hallie

Okay. So the friction reducing gel says spray it across an area up to ten feet. So I guess if you wanted to do a person, I can't stop you.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Can the area be a person's shoes?

Hallie

Yeah. The area could be person's shoes. I would, I would rule, I think, that residue would get on the surrounding floor so that area would also be slippery, but yeah, you could do shoes.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

So can we—

Emily

[Crosstalking.] I think that A.Lex is targeting shoes due to Madeline.

[Laughter from the party.]

I think this is a very personal attack.

Cassidy

[Crosstalking.] A personal vendetta.

Olivia

Just some deep-seated hatred of specialized shoes.

Hallie

Is Ig accusing her of that out loud?

Emily (as Ig)

[Low, jazzy, kind of soft-rock romantic music begins to play.]

Hey, you know, you said shoes, that reminds me of how of how Madeline is really protective of her shoes. Do you think that maybe you suggested shoes because you're thinking about Madeline?

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Indignant.] Nope. Nope, no! I didn't, I did not, it didn't happen. I don't want her name to change our great plan. Ig you, you are a great person, but please! I don't want to think about those forsaken shoes that should not exist!

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Deadpan.] Who's Madeline.

Emily

Ig is gonna learn to Charlotte and be like,

Emily (as Ig)

Yeah, you should ask A.Lex about Madeline.

Cassidy

[Faintly.] Oh boy.

Emily (as Ig)

They're really good friends, or maybe not? I can't tell.

[Laughter from the party.]

Hallie

Charlotte looks confusedly at A.Lex, and then kind of looks to everyone and is like,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Who's--who’s Madeline. I'm out of the loop here.

Ari

A.Lex is gonna just stammer, like her usually like kind of flowing speech is gonna stop and it's gonna be like,

Ari (as A.Lex)

Uh, she, uh, she’s a work, she works, she works with the queen.

Emily (as Ig)

And you!

Ari (as A.Lex)

And me, yes. Mm. Yeah. She's a person. I know. That's all.

Emily (as Ig)

Really well.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Well, uh, no, I mean, see—

Olivia (as Hannelore)

How well do you know...I don't think we ever established how long you've known Madeline Jefferjames.

Cassidy

Eraf's just shaking her head.

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Stammering.] Well, uh. Well. Can we get back to the plan here?

[Laughter from the party.]

What does Madeline have to do with this!

Olivia

I just imagine that, that A.Lex is just beet red.

Ari

She is, she is really really red. She's really uncomfortable.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Yeah, she's at work. She works. [A pause.] Yeah.

[Laughter from the party.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay. So I guess, like, our plan so far is that we want to go to the cafeteria, scope it out, meet them there, detain them as best we can, and then get the recipe.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Crosstalking.] Are we gonna, like—

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Maybe they'll have it on their persons, or maybe we'll have to go to their rooms? Presumably, maybe they'll have it on their persons. That's what I guess would be easiest.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Alright, we gonna do, we gonna do like a classic shakedown? Are we just going to try to keep them in one place while also doing a shakedown so that we can go look at their rooms and stuff.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Hmm.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I don't know if we want to split up, though.

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Crosstalking.] Hmmmm.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Worked well last time.

Ari (as A.Lex)

So...

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Nah, nah, I mean like, we shaking them up or we trapping 'em.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh.

Ari (as A.Lex)

I feel like we should...

Ari

Out of character, what does shaking up...

Hallie

Shaking up means like, [Yelling dramatically.] Rachel!!! Like, if you grab someone like, where is the thing that I want!

Cassidy

Interrogate.

Hallie

It's a lot more threatening.

Ari

Ah, I see. A.Lex is...

Hallie

Charlotte is asking if your plan is to go in—

Olivia

[Crosstalking.] Physical torture.

Hallie

And like, let, shaking up implies they'll know who's shaking them up.

Ari

I see.

Hallie

So that's a very obvious, like, threatening sort of a way, versus just trapping the area, so it takes them a little bit longer to figure it out.

Ari

Okay. So, so, eh, A.Lex is going to be like,

Ari (as A.Lex)

Eh, either way, I mean, I am very good at shaking people up and I've heard that Eraf is also really good at that. So...

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Eh.

Ari (as A.Lex)

If it comes to that, we could also do it.

Emily (as Ig)

[Slightly spooky, mystical music begins to play.]

[Gasps dramatically.] Pipettes!

Cassidy

[Laughter.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I don't—I'm not actually qualified to use that equipment.

[The music intensifies.]

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

What equipment is she talking about?

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Interrogation equipment.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[At the same time as Eraf.] I honestly don't know.

Emily (as Ig)

Eraf sticks pipettes in people's brains! That's what Hannelore said. And she's always right.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

That sounds cool! What, what do you do Eraf?

[00:35:00]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

I used to help people interrogate other people, and…[Sheepishly.] it keeps coming up.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Very intriguing.

Hallie

Charlotte's, Charlotte's eyes are lighting up, and she's leaning...She has, at some point, she moved back to the desk and is sitting with…

Olivia

[Crosstalking.] Leaning, yet again.

Hallie

Her legs dangling off of it.

Olivia

She's...

Hallie

And she like, leans over her legs, and is like,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Intensely interested.] That sounds awesome.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

A conversation for another day perhaps.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

I think that the plan needs to be...that we talk to them. Once we see, and can get ahold of the, like once we have visual contact...

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Crosstalking.] Confirmation.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

[The music fades.]

With the recipe, we...uh, I guess basically attack.

[Laughter from the party.]

And take it from them.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Throw the pocket sand and run.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Pocket sand, and then I think we should go and like, break down the doors of the library or something. Like, something like that.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Yeah, sounds good. Uh.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

And then we just motor out of here.

Emily (as Ig)

So what do I burn, because...I think I need to...

Ari (as A.Lex)

[Intensely.] Everything.

Emily (as Ig)

[Excited.] Really?! Wait.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

No.

Emily (as Ig)

[Reluctant.] You said I shouldn't have to burn it. I think that you should tell me what to do because otherwise, I'm just gonna...

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Laughter.] She will burn everything.

Ari

A.Lex is gonna be like,

Ari (as A.Lex)

Sorry, it was—

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Impulses.

Ari (as A.Lex)

A little bit of asleep there. Uh, I just speak my innermost thoughts. No, you should only burn up patches. Now, Charlotte, I do have a question. So if there's a chance that they are hiding the books in their rooms, well, how distant are the dorms from the cafeteria if we have to go and look the rooms up for the books? How much of a time frame is that going to give us?

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Well, the problem with that is that I don't know where their rooms are.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Huh.

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Because why would I concern myself with that?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Know, know thy enemy?

Ari (as A.Lex)

Eh, and where is, so I mean, I assume that if this is a university, so there are dorms. Are they spread all over campus or...

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Yeah.

Ari (as A.Lex)

Is it just, there is a general dorm area?

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

[Crosstalking.] There's a general dorm area.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Is there a directory?

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

Yeah, there's one on the quad, there's one in the library. You can find a directory anywhere.

Hallie

Actually, she'll just open a drawer and be like,

Hallie (as Charlotte N.)

There's one right here.

Hallie

And it's like a little pamphlet that has like, a little map. It's one of those introductory, like, pamphlets you get when you come visit a campus with your prospective child, or as a prospective, I suppose.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

If we cannot confirm that they have the recipe, we call off the deal and search the rooms. I have a duplicate. I can send the duplicate to the dorm room ahead of us, and ahead of them. A duplicate that I can share senses with, so I can start searching the room before they get there, and we can try to you know, hold them off.

Emily (as Ig)

[In awe.] You're so smart.

Ari (as A.Lex)

That is a nifty little trick.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Eh, comes with being born. [Laughter.] For me, anyway.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Okay. So are we...we're going to the cafeteria, scope it out. Maybe on our way there check out the student directory, and then wait until dawn and meet them and see what they bring to the table.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Sounds like a plan.

[Closing theme, "Road Trip" by SKANDR, begins to play.]

Ari (as A.Lex)

Seconded.

Olivia

Hannelore very laboriously gets out of the beanbag chair.

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Olivia

It takes several minutes.

Ari (as A.Lex)

You need a hand with that?

Olivia (as Hannelore)

No one help.

Hallie

Everyone watches.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

No one help me.

[Laughter from the party.]

Ari (as A.Lex)

Alright.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Alright, let's go check out this cafeteria real quick.

[Closing theme intensifies.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

[Closing music fades.]

Also, I have an idea to start a riot that involves burning some things in the courtyard. [Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Also sounds fun.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

So I don't know how fine-tunely Ig can burn words into grass.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Maybe you can spell it out with the accelerant first, and then Ig will light it.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

That's true. We could, like, spray the grass we don't want to burn and then just you know. That might be hard. I don't know.

Olivia (as Hannelore)

Oh no, you could like spray the words, like you could spray, write the word butt, with gasoline, and then Ig would light it.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

"Student Council sucks, books rule." I don't know. I'm really bad at graffiti.

[Laughter.]

Olivia (as Hannelore)

We could, I think the graffiti is a great idea, we'll workshop what we'll write.

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes.

Emily

So I actually, I do have a...my focus ability...

[00:40:00]

Emily

Hallie's starting--Hallie you know where this is going.

[Laughter from the party.]

Cassidy (as Eraf)

Yes.

Emily

My tier three focus ability is Fiery Hand of Doom.

Cassidy

Oh my gosh.

Ari

Ooohhhh.

Emily

And I can reach into my shroud of flame, and I can direct this hand, so I could finger paint.

Cassidy

Yes!

Emily

The words into what I want.

Ari

What if you just write "books."

Olivia

Books.

[Laughter from the party.]

[Episode end - 00:46:10]

Related Episodes

The Cookie Three, Part 4

The Cookie Three, Part 3

The Cookie Three, Part 2

Quest Friends!