Uneasy Lies the Head w/Tom, Part 1

Hallie

God! You think you’re so cool because you’re good at sports. I can bowl.

[Laughter.]

My boyfriend’s good at boxing, occasionally, when it’s an inanimate object he’s fighting.

Emily

Or a bear.

Hallie

Or a bear!

[Laughter. Intro music plays, “Liquid Nights and Disco Lights” by Miracle of Sound.]

Tom

Welcome everyone to another very special episode of Quest Friends. For once Kyle is not with us and I’m definitely not panicking about all this newfound responsibility even though I’ve run games in the past before. But that’s fine! We’re all here. Everything’s great.

We are playing a new game today, Uneasy Lies the Head by Adam Bell. You can buy this game over at itch.io, and I would definitely recommend checking it out because I personally like it a lot and I’m hoping that my friends do as well, but we’ll see how that goes.

To start with, I’m just gonna flip through my nightmare of screens… Oh god, this is gonna be an absolute disaster.

Ari

You have nobody to blame but yourself, Tom.

Tom

Well, I have Kyle to blame but myself, because if I wasn’t sharing my Zoom screen this would be easy to switch between screens. I’m struggling to get out of Zoom is the problem.

Ari

You are forever trapped in Zoom Zone.

Tom

But, to go over this game, cutting away back to what people will actually hear… This game is kind of a fusion between roleplaying games and board games. I’ve also seen some comments that said it’s kind of like larping, but I have no experience with that, practically, because we didn’t get to do it that one year because it was fucking closed.

Hallie

Oh yeah.

Tom

So I can’t speak to that. However, this is a game about courtly intrigue. We will all be playing members of a political court with playbooks that represent sweeping roles like Monarch, the General, the Head of the Faith, those sorts of things.

This is setting agnostic. The rulebook itself actually comes with six different scenarios that all show off very different situations with actual kingdoms, pirate ships, science fiction, fantasy, all sorts of things. We are actually using Scenario #3, A Mysterious Missing Gym Teacher, which means we are going to be doing this in a high school setting.

To start with, in case you are a new listener, since we are in between major campaign arcs, I think we should go around, introduce ourselves and our main characters – we’ll get into the minor character stuff later. There’s no game master, so we will all be playing characters equally in this game even though I’ll sort of facilitate and teach people how to play as we go.

To start with, I am Tom, he/him. Today I will be playing Mercy O’Shaughnessy who uses she/her pronouns. Let’s start by going over our playbooks, actually. That’ll be the easiest thing.

[Classical piano music begins.]

I am playing the Seneschal, so I am the advisor of the court and represent the head of the nobility. In this case, that means I am the Student Council President of our school. Mercy is kind of drab. She’s got straight black hair about shoulder length, wears glasses with very thick rims and has this sort of, like—The school doesn’t require a uniform, but she looks as if she’s wearing a school uniform anyway because she’s that uptight about dressing nice.

[Music ends.]

Ari

I’m Ari, she/her, and I’ll be playing Robyn Riviera who is also she/her.

[Marching band music begins.]

I am the General. In this game, what that means is that I am the leader of a sports team, in this case the soccer team of the school. Robyn has dark auburn hair that’s short, also kind of like shoulder length also, and it’s usually in a ponytail but it’s so messy that it just looks like a little poof in the back when she has the ponytail on. She always has the sports uniform or otherwise some sort of soccer-related thing as a T-shirt or something like that, and I don't know, she has a lot of freckles as well.

[Music ends.]

Hallie

I’m Hallie, my pronouns are she/her, and I will be playing Reagan La Perrière who is also she/her.

[80s pop rock music begins.]

I am using the Monarch playbook which means I am, as you can probably guess, the head honcho—in this scenario, the Senior Class President. Reagan dresses in what you might call glamor prep. Think of Cher from Clueless.

[00:05:00]

A lot of the skirts and the jackets that match, and her hair is always straight but flippy and blown out immaculately, but in recent months she has definitely been wearing ponytails a lot more than well-styled hair, and sometimes she even comes to school in sweatpants. So, she’s been slipping a little bit as senior year continues, but on the whole… on the whole, at least still preppy. She does a headband from time to time when she does the ponytail.

[Music ends.]

Emily

[Smiling.] I’m Emily. My pronouns are she and they, and this is the first time I get to say that on a recording.

Others

Woo!

Emily

I’m playing Edgar Norman-Smith, he/him.

[Silly classical waltz music begins.]

I’m playing the Entertainer. In this case it is the head of the Poetry Club at school. Edgar… No, I didn’t just look down to check if I had his name right.

[Laughter.]

Tom

Your own character? This is fine.

Ari

It’s a joke on Edgar… It’s fine.

Tom

Edgar, wish it was…

Ari & Hallie

Wish it was Allan.

Tom

…Poe.

Emily

[Grinning.] Yes. Edgar dresses in the dark academia aesthetic. I learned that is also sort of… aesthetics are also a lifestyle, so he very much goes for that whole lifestyle. He carries an old leather messenger bag and hunches his shoulders to try to look brooding.

Tom

I am picturing Daniil Dankovsky.

[Laughter.]

Emily

Probably.

Tom

It’s the bag that really sells it.

Ari

I think this has killed Hallie already.

Hallie

[Smiling, struggling.] I regret this.

Tom

You’ve played yourself.

Hallie

I have.

Tom

And we haven’t even begun the game.

Hallie

Shut up, Tom. I know what I’m about.

[Music ends.]

Tom

So, let’s get into our scenario, A Mysterious Missing Gym Teacher.

[Mysterious music begins.]

Chaos erupts throughout the halls of Tempest High School. Mrs. Clark was blowing the whistle to call out some foul play during Three-Zone End Zone Dodgeball when she disappeared in a puff of smoke. Principal Federinko makes an announcement to the school that external authorities have forbidden anyone from entering or leaving the high school until a specialized team can investigate this mysterious disappearance. He and the other teachers are now hulled up in the teachers’ lounge trying to establish a plan of action. In the meantime, the students are looking to the Senior Class President for leadership.

Now, each scenario has a few questions that are asked to each of the playbooks to get you into the setting. Let’s start here with the Monarch. Hallie, as Senior Class President, what do you do to rally the underclassmen behind your leadership?

[Music ends.]

Hallie

I think in this situation I probably just do some kind of PA announcement, like a really generic political one that’s about unity and how we should all stick together, and it’ll be fine in a few hours. Just think of this as you’re staying late for Drama Club or whatever it is you nerds do.

Tom

Is that exactly how she phrases it?

Hallie

Yeah, probably.

[Laughter.]

Reagan’s out of here really soon. She’s a senior. The amount of fucks that she gives is dwindling by the hour.

Tom

Perfect. Moving onto myself, I guess, the Seneschal. As President of the Student Council, how are you applying the council’s resources and influence after Mrs. Clark’s disappearance? Are you supporting the Monarch?

So, the very first thing Mercy is getting down to is that she is doing a roll call of every student in the school. She wants to do a head check to make sure that nobody else has disappeared and also just be seen making sure that people know the Student Council is looking out for them. Like, anyone who needs anything, come speak to a member of the Student Council and we’ll get it for you. Any dietary restrictions, if there’s any medicine you need, come see us, we’ve got it for you.

Hallie

[Sarcastic.] Okay. Student Council President. Someone’s trying too hard!

[Laughter.]

Tom

Moving on to Ari. As captain of the most respected sports team in the school, which I believe was the soccer team for this campus…

Ari

It is.

Tom

What was it called again? The Chitterbats?

Ari

The Chitterbats.

Tom

The Tempest Chitterbats, amazing. As captain of the most respected sports team in the school, how have you and your fellow athletes taken action during this crisis?

Ari

I think we also have been making sure that people are in top shape for whatever is needed. So, you know, making sure that people are making proper exercise and stuff like that so they are not just cramping and stuff in those really hard chairs in the school. If they’re bored, just do a little jumping jacks and stuff.

[00:10:00]

Tom

Alright. And finally, Emily. As the head of the school’s Slam Poetry Club, what have you been doing to keep spirits high among the students at the onset of the crisis?

Emily

I have been going around with my teammates making up poetry about how they need to keep heart and be brave and… it’s very helpful.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

Alright. The next step is we need to determine our characters’ starting relationships with one another. Let’s start with the Monarch because that’s the playbook I’m staring at right now.

Hallie

Okay.

Tom

Who has been the most loyal to your throne?

Hallie

Um… Regardless of whether this is actually true or not in what’s on Mercy’s agenda, she’s really good at her job, and if she’s really good at her job she must support me doing my job as Senior Class President, so I’m gonna put Mercy in that first slot.

Tom

Perfect. Who has impeded your rule the most?

Hallie

Oh man. You know, I just can’t tell sometimes if Edgar’s poems are meant to be like “tear down the power” or if they’re just bad, so I can’t quite figure out if Edgar is just sulky or if he’s upset at something I as Senior Class President have done.

Emily

The problem is the establishment… but also everyone else.

Hallie

Yeah, he says stuff like that all the time.

Tom

Finally, who was your childhood friend turned rival?

Hallie

It’s not my fault I’m not as good at soccer as I once was, Robyn!

Ari

[Giggles.]

Hallie

God! You think you’re so cool because you’re good at sports. I can bowl.

[Laughter.]

My boyfriend’s good at boxing, occasionally, when it’s an inanimate object he’s fighting.

Emily

Or a bear.

Hallie

Or a bear!

[Laughter.]

Tom

I appreciate that our winning strategy is just going to be to incapacitate Hallie with random references and puns.

Ari

Except she incapacitated herself. She comes up with the idea and then just dies.

Tom

Yeah.

Hallie

You fools! I have done that myself.

Tom

It’s true.

Ari

Also, since we are in this train, would you also call Edgar “Edgar Never Ever?”

Hallie

[Enthusiastic.] I was saving that, Ari! I was saving it! I was saving that for a cutting insult at some point in the game! God! I was saving that.

Ari

[Laughs.] I’m glad I ruined your joke.

Hallie

You ruined the only thing I had up my sleeve! You ruined the only thing for me! I’m putting Antagonistic x2 next to Robyn.

Ari

Oh my god.

Hallie

Times two~!

[Laughter.]

Tom

Alright, so you had 1 Alliance with me, 1 Animosity with Emily, and then 1 Alliance and Animosity with Robyn.

Hallie

Yeah.

Tom

Okay. Perfect. Entertainer, you’re the next playbook on the list here. Who has paid you to be sung about in a positive light?

Emily

I may have been paid by some of the sports teams or different teams to write them hype poems. It always degraded after that because they were never very good.

Ari

Maybe the chant. I’m just thinking like High School Musical’s “wildcats everywhere” and stuff like that, and you just wrote the chants.

Hallie

You can write the Chitterbats some dope chitter-raps.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom

This is going to be the entire night.

Emily

[Groans, delighted.] Oh… But yes.

Tom

Alright, 1 Alliance with Robyn. Next, who has attempted to have you silenced for a contemptable song?

Emily

Well, let’s see, we’ve got… What’s the third one?

Tom

The third one is who have you sung about the most truthfully? That’s the +1 to each.

Emily

Okay. I feel like someone is very concerned about keeping with the status quo and doing just a really good job in our student government, so I think that Mercy would be the one to be “stop saying rude things.”

Tom

Yes, yes, I embrace this. I’ve definitely tried to have you silenced. But in the most passive-aggressive way possible.

[Softly.] “Oh, you know, it just seems that you haven’t really filled out this form correctly for funding for this year. Your club could be cancelled if you don’t get this turned in in-time.”

When’s the deadline?

“Oh, it’s in… 15 minutes. Please make sure you have everyone sign it.”

Emily

“We have two members.”

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

That was how I was foiled. Mercy just assumed you were an actual club. That means you’ve sung about our Monarch Reagan most truthfully.

Emily

Oh, I’ve been very truthful.

Hallie

And yet I still can’t figure out what you mean, because that was what I wrote next to… “Animosity? I don't know.”

Emily

Well, what does it mean when someone writes very flowery poetry about how sometimes you come to school in sweatpants?

[00:15:00]

And what does that tell us about the leadership? Is that perhaps a strength?

Hallie

They’re fashionable sweatpants.

[Laughter.]

Tom

Popping down to the General playbook. Ari, who helped you get your generalship?

Ari

I’m torn because I’ve been thinking of either giving it to Hallie’s character or to yours, but I think I’m going to give it to Hallie’s because Robyn would be like:

“You know, I started playing soccer with Reagan when we were little and she really gave me the passion of playing soccer, and really, I know she stopped playing it but it’s just because she’s kind of in a phase, but she’s gonna come back to it. But I couldn’t be where I’m at if it wasn’t because of her and her childhood experiences with soccer.”

Hallie

[Wincing, quietly.] “She’s in a phase.”

Ari

Anyways, it’s her, it’s Reagan.

Hallie

You’re so nice. Fuck you.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Yeah, she’s very chipper, and like “go team.”

Hallie

God!

Tom

Alright, so you can mark 1 Alliance with Reagan. While you are getting that noted, who have you tried to arrest in the past?

Hallie

[Laughter.]

Tom

Which, we can interpret that loosely, because you’re not literally a captain of the guard.

Hallie

“You’re under arrest.”

Ari

Well, I have an idea. Rather than try to arrest, what happens is that I feel like Edgar sometimes just walks across the soccer field in the middle of a game just trying to write a poem or just thinking about their next art piece or whatever. So Robyn has been trying to be like “hey, we’re in the middle of a game, you’re gonna get hurt, get away from here.” But then it’s been misinterpreted as arresting even though it’s just taking them away from the soccer field.

Tom

Get off our field.

Ari

Get off our field in the middle of our game. You’re gonna get hurt.

Emily

The stars are bright tonight!

Tom

I thought you were gonna say the team just kicked Edgar with soccer balls.

Emily

[Yelps.]

Ari

Oh my god! No. I mean, maybe accidentally sometimes, but it was never on purpose.

Emily

Edgar channels his pain into his poetry. It was definitely on purpose now.

Tom

Alright, so you can mark 1 Animosity with Edgar then.

Ari

Okay. And then…

Tom

Then finally, who will back you up in a fight and then start one with you the next day?

Ari

See, I was torn because at first I was like Hallie’s fits there with a childhood friend turned rival, but I also think with Mercy because by how you have described her she sounds like the very passive-aggressive council member. “Oh yeah, I can help you with this thing.” And sometimes she does, but sometimes she’s just passive-aggressively not helping at all and actually blocking things from happening, so it’s this really weird relationship with her.

Tom

This feels extremely accurate. You can take 1 of both with me.

Ari

Perfect.

Tom

That brings me down to myself. Who do I reserve my best advice for? Ooh… Ooh, that’s a good question.

Emily

Not me, since you tell me right before things are due.

Hallie

I mean, the advice was just do it better next time. That’s pretty good advice.

Emily

How dare you?

Tom

Hmm, hmm, hmm…

Emily

This is why I have 1 Animosity with you and 1 Alliance.

Tom

I’m thinking about all three of them here. I’m gonna give this one to our Monarch, Reagan. I’m gonna take 1 Alliance with her.

Hallie

Really?

Tom

I have indeed given my best advice to our Monarch, as anyone should. I should be supporting the Senior Class President to the best of my ability.

Emily

You gotta learn how to do her job when you take it.

Hallie

It’s really hard, okay? It’s really hard.

Tom

Who is jealous of your appointment to the court? I’m going to say it’s Edgar, not because Edgar necessarily wanted to be on Student Council but because Edgar really wanted the timeslot that I use for Student Council business as an opportunity to share poetry with the whole school, and the attention Student Council gets takes away attention from other things like the fine arts.

Emily

Yeah. It’s true, it’s really rude.

Tom

And finally, who most often agrees on which issues are important but not on the solution? I’m giving this one to Robyn.

Ari

Yeah, that’s accurate.

Tom

That was what decided all the others for me. I feel like Robyn and Mercy would both be like “this is a huge problem” but have wildly different reactions to how that needs to be fixed.

Ari

I feel like that also ties in on the fight with you but also fight against you.

Tom

Yes. I like it a lot. Alright, so we’ve set up our initial relationships. Let me pop back over to our game setup because we are just about done. Beyond that… that’s right. We get to introduce our minor characters.

So, in order to expand the cast, each of us came up with a minor character who is someone important to the main characters we play as.

[00:20:00]

Then a different player plays that minor character so that we’re not talking to ourselves if we’re ever conferring with them. So now we get to go around and introduce those minor characters briefly. I’m gonna start. Mercy’s main lackey is Roger Dodger.

[Ragtime music begins.]

He’s a short sophomore who is part of a new school newspaper. Just because fuck yeah, why not go all the way, he wears a news boy cap. He thinks it looks really cool. He’s got this hipster twee vibe going on. He’s just, you know, always running around places trying to snoop things out. Emily, were you playing Roger Dodger? I suddenly forget.

Emily

Yeah… Yeah.

Tom

Okay. Yeah, so Emily will be playing Roger Dodger. Who wants to go next?

[Music ends.]

Ari

I can go next. My character is Bruce Shayne.

[Silly music begins.]

He is a junior that has been playing as the mascot of the soccer team, the Chitterbats, so he is almost always in the bat costume because he also likes wearing it and he feels that’s his top area of expertise.

Emily

Aww.

Ari

So that’s what… Oh! Sorry. Pronouns are he/them.

[Music ends.]

Tom

Yes, and Roger’s are he/him. I will be playing Bruce Shayne, this terrible bat mascot.

[Cheesy romantic funk music plays.]

Hallie

[Laughs.] My minor character is my hot jock boyfriend, Freddie Knickerbockers. When I say jock I mean more like well-groomed nerd because he’s also in the AV Club. He just also boxes. He’s a well-rounded man who would support me through any and all mistakes I may make slash spontaneous journeys halfway across the world a la Ned Nickerson slash Freddie Jones.

[Restrained giggling.]

Tom

Uh…

Hallie

And then, Ari—

Ari

Oh yeah. I will be playing Freddie Knickerbockers.

[Music ends.]

Tom

He/him pronouns, right?

Hallie

He/him! Yes, Freddie is he/him.

Emily

Then, my lackey is Andi Morgan-Shelley…

[Ambling country music plays.]

…who is the only other person in the poetry club and so is the Treasurer but also all of the other executive board members as well. Because Hallie is playing Andi, Andi is now a cowboy, question mark?

Hallie

Okay! Okay. Because Andi’s name is Andi Morgan-Shelley, Andi is now a cowboy. There were two factors going into “Andi is now a cowboy.”

Emily

[laughs.]

[Music ends.]

Hallie

Andi is he/them—Or no, they/them?

Emily

They/them.

Hallie

They/them, yes, okay.

Tom

Alright, so those are our minor characters to beef out our cast. Now we get to the best part. This is my favorite mechanic of the entire thing. Each of us is going to write a secret goal for another player and that will be their main goal that they’re trying to achieve over the course of the game.

It says pass it to the person on your left. I’m using how Zoom has displayed it on my end, so I’ll write a goal for Ari, Ari will write a goal for Hallie, Hallie will write a goal for Emily, Emily will write a goal for me.

[Typing sounds.]

Now, we go in the opposite direction and we pass a rumor about the secret goal that we just wrote for someone. It does not have to be true.

Ari

So it’s a rumor about the goal of the other student?

Tom

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The goal that you just wrote for Hallie, you would think of a rumor about it and give that to me.

Ari

Okay. God, this is hard. This is very specific.

Tom

It is very specific, but it’s also my favorite fucking thing about this game. We’re just passing these secret notes about “what the fuck is everyone trying to do.”

Hallie

Yeah, because the rumor will hopefully give almost no context to what the thing actually is.

Tom

[Laughs.] I just saw that Emily had tacked “what a jerk” onto the end of my secret goal.

Emily

[Giggles.]

[Typing sounds.]

Tom

Awesome. Alright, did we all pass our rumors around?

Ari

Yes.

Emily

Yeah.

[Ambling country music begins.]

Tom

Alright. So now, the game is mo— [Stammers.]

Let me start over again. Words just completely left my brain.

[Music swells and carries into the announcements.]

Tom

Hello everybody. Welcome to the announcement break, this time featuring me, Tom. I hope everyone is enjoying the game thus far. As a reminder, our theme song is Liquid Nights and Disco Lights by Miracle of Sound. We also have an NPC shout-out today. This is a perk anyone subscribed at the $5 level or above can get on our Patreon.

[00:25:00]

Ari actually claimed this reward on the backers behalf because he never claimed it himself. Take us away, Kyle.

Kyle (as Jimmy)

This is Jimmy Win! Of the Speedy Speed Boys! Here to congratulate Dr. Peter Huynh on getting his… doctorate! Dr. Peter’s thesis was about snails, and while snails aren’t as fast as the Speedy Speed Boys, they never give up and that’s what matters. Plus, his snails are venomous, and that’s pretty cool. But also pretty dangerous, which is why, if you’re around them, you should make sure you have a doctor around. Like Dr. Peter Huynh! Congratulations again!

Tom

Quest Friends also has a merch store now. We are selling mugs, sweatshirts and T-shirts over at teepublic.com. There is also a link below in the description. My sources are advising me that Kyle has actually made a trailer for our store, so once again, take it away, Kyle.

[Sentimental piano music begins.]

Kyle

Ah, the holidays… A time for friendship and family, and for many of us, gift giving. While the festive season might be a little bit off yet, with the state of our supply chain this year, if you’re going to get a gift for someone you need to get it now.

[Music ends abruptly.]

Like, now.

[Stammers.] Honestly, you probably should have gotten it like a few weeks—NOW!

… GO! [Wails.]

[Game show music begins.]

Luckily, if like me you’re now frantically searching for Christmas gifts, Quest Friends has got your back, because we have just opened a merch store on teepublic.com. We’ve got Ness shirts. We’ve got Hopper shirts. We’ve got other Hopper shirts. If your response to all this is “no?”, well we’ve got a shirt for that too! What better way than to cozy up by the campfire in a giant hoodie of a man insisting that he knows how numbers work.

If shirts aren’t your thing, we’ve also got mugs. We’ve got regular mugs. We’ve got travel mugs. Those are the only two kinds of mugs we have, but they’re the only two we need because they’re so damn effective! Why not enjoy a meal with a mug from everyone’s favorite cooking assistant, Salad Raptor? Or, you know, just take our logo and drink things from it in a mug… because we have mugs in addition to our shirts.

In all seriousness, we wanted to make merch for a while because it’s fun to have those physical reminders of our show’s characters’ moments and jokes. So, if this is something that interests you, check out teepublic.com or just check the description below. We’d really like to make more merch, but we gotta check and see if this is something that folks would be interested in first, so check it out. If one of the designs interests you, maybe add it to your cart.

[Mystery music begins.]

Tom

Finally, Uneasy Lies the Head with Tom, Part 2 releases on Monday, December 6.

[Music swells and carries out of the announcements.]

Tom

Each of us has a color of tokens. There are five set out here, and we use these tokens both to take turns and to do actions. I wanna take purple because I like that color.

Ari

God damn it. Okay. Fine.

Hallie

Damn it! [Laughs.]

Tom

Do you all want purple? You fuckers. I’ll give you purple if you want.

Hallie

No!

Ari

I’ve openly shown which one is my favorite color in last season’s… podcast, whatever.

Tom

Well, it’s my favorite color too.

Ari

I didn’t know that!

Emily

Is it all of our favorite color?

Hallie

No, I just liked the purple tokens the best.

Tom

[Chuckles.]

Ari

No, it’s fine. I can have green.

Emily

[Smug.] You don’t want red?

Ari

Shut up.

[Laughter.]

I thought about it and I was like no, I’m not going to say that I want red.

Emily

I’ll take red, like the angsty tears of blood I cry at my own poetry.

Hallie

I want pink.

Tom

Okay.

[Tense music begins.]

At the start of each round we choose to put a certain number of our tokens into the bag. We shuffle it around, and then each turn we draw a token from the bag, and whoever’s color token is drawn, they get to take their turn, which means that player sets the next scene. Basically, you get to decide what the story is focusing on right now.

Tokens are also what you spend to do actions if you ever do use a move. Whenever you make a move you’ll need to roll dice to see if you succeed, and you add dice to your roll by spending tokens.

[00:30:00]

The player who is making a move, it’s always one-for-one. You spend one token, you add one die to roll. Other players, it may potentially cost you more depending on how good your relationship is with a character. You have to be careful because you only have a certain number of tokens per round and once you run out your character can still do things, you can still interact in scenes, but you don’t have power to get things done mechanically.

Emily

What you’re saying is that you picked a system where there are things we can hoard?

Hallie

Yeah. What if I never want to use any of my tokens?

Tom

Well, the game will move pretty quickly in that case, but also the game will punish you, because at the end of a round any tokens that are sitting in your active pool go to your spent pool if you didn’t use them.

Others

Oh…

[Music ends.]

Tom

But to start with, I’m gonna put all this shit in the bag. Fuck you, get in that bag. How dare you slide off of it. Anyway, you all have 9 tokens. How many do you want to put into the bag for this first round?

Ari

Uh… is putting 5 too much?

Tom

No, that makes perfect sense to me. We’re also dealing with smaller numbers than normal because I cut down on tokens to make sure the game would not go too long because oh my god we’re already over an hour in and we already did some of the prep ahead of time. Agh! Alright, how many tokens does everyone else wanna stick in? I’m gonna put 4 in.

Hallie

Four.

Emily

I think 4?

Tom

Alright.

Hallie

I was waffling between 4 and 5, but then I didn’t wanna copy Ari, so I said 4 and then it looked like I was copying Tom.

Tom

So now I shake this bag to shuffle it.

Emily

Wee.

Tom

I’m really fond of tabletop simulator, getting back into it. It’s very fun.

Hallie

Give it a little shake. Yeah, it’s cute.

Tom

Oh right. I was gonna leave one of my tokens out to make myself go first, but we’re just gonna assume I was gonna put in 5 instead, and here it is, my first token. As a reminder, the teachers are all hulled up in the teachers’ lounge, the gym is off limits, no one is allowed to leave the school per the authorities.

So, our first scene I’m gonna make a new location for. I’m going to say it is the school theater area which is a smaller shittier gym, essentially, because we can’t use our normal gymitorium because it’s sealed off. A meeting has been called for all of the students in the theater room, and I’m going to say that all four of our main characters are present here.

[Muffled crowd ambience SFX begins.]

My idea is that this is like backstage before anyone goes out in front of the students. I’m assuming the four of us just happen to be here as a matter of being people who know things.

Hallie

Well-connected.

Tom

Mercy is just pacing back and forth nervously, twiddling a piece of hair in between her fingers.

Tom (as Mercy)

Oh no-no, this won’t do at all. Madam President, we simply have to let people know that things are going to be okay. I’ve just been speaking to a lot of students and I’m not really sure the student body feels safe right now, and very understandably.

Hallie (as Reagan)

Oh, did they not hear the PA announcement that went out earlier? Because I can’t do anything about that if they didn’t.

Tom (as Mercy)

I believe everyone has heard the PA announcement, but I think we just need to be making a stronger show of leadership here. For some reason I just was not able to convince any of the faculty to come out even though I asked very politely.

Emily (as Edgar)

Maybe it’s because they’re busy doing important things.

Tom (as Mercy)

Oh. I hadn’t realized you were invited to this, Edgar.

Emily (as Edgar)

I wasn’t. I’m never invited.

[Whispering.] But I’m always here.

Tom (as Mercy)

Look. I’m just saying that we just don’t know how long we’re going to be stuck here or what all of this is going to entail, so we just need to be sure that we stay on top of situations before they develop. I just want to make sure that we’re keeping tabs on everyone.

Ari (as Robyn)

If I can maybe interject here? Hi. I think Reagan did a wonderful speech over the speaker, but I also have some sort of influence, at least with my teammates, so if you want another person to maybe give a short speech about it to pep the morale and everything like I do at the pep rallies, I can make sure to do that too. You know, solve the situation together, in teamwork style.

Emily (as Edgar)

Oh, well uh, I mean if we’re volunteering to perform for the entire student body, you know, this is something that I have been pushing for, for a long time.

Tom (as Mercy)

No one wants to see that, Edgar, not right now.

Emily (as Edgar)

Wow!

Ari (as Robyn)

Maybe you can try and write another song like you do for our team spirit song. They have been good most of the time, and we have to rewrite them a little bit sometimes, but they’re usually pretty good. Maybe you can think about writing one really quick.

Emily (as Edgar)

[Sighs.] You have watered down my artistic integrity every single time.

Tom (as Mercy)

I fear we may be drifting a little bit off course here.

[00:35:00]

I personally think Robyn’s suggestion is a strong one. We want to make sure that we’re making a display of unity, that all of the clubs and the student body is in harmony on this, that there are no problems.

Hallie (as Reagan)

I just wanna point out that’s exactly what I said over the PA earlier.

Tom (as Mercy)

Oh, of course, Madam President.

Hallie (as Reagan)

So…

Tom (as Mercy)

But also, we may need to set some ground rules for the students to make sure that nobody is getting where they shouldn’t be. So I think that maybe if we all just go out there and propose some informal rules that everyone will have to follow for the duration of this crisis, such as students will need express authority from… one of the top ranking clubs in order to access certain areas of the school, I think that could be a really great solution to stopping problems before they happen.

Ari (as Robyn)

Wouldn’t that get in the way of teamwork, though, if we already get some students in charge of blocking access to other students? I feel like we should work together, not against each other.

Tom (as Mercy)

Of course, working together to make sure that nobody sneaks in where they shouldn’t be. We don’t want students getting hurt, going into the gym, or trying to break into the offices and cause some mischief with school records.

Ari (as Robyn)

I personally think there should be some sort of clue as to what’s going on in the gym, so I wouldn’t personally be opposed to going there and look at some stuff. That’s why I think blocking access might not be the best idea.

Hallie (as Reagan)

Well look, what areas were you thinking of blocking off? Because I agree we can’t just have people running all over, not with this situation as it is. I mean, we don’t know what happened to the gym teacher so we don’t know what’s gonna happen to anyone else who’s running around. But where were you thinking, Mercy?

Tom (as Mercy)

Well, for now I was thinking what if we make sure that we reiterate no one can go to the gym, no one can access the sports equipment rooms nearby, we don’t want people going out onto the grounds because we don’t want people sneaking away from the school, and then we don’t want anyone approaching the administrative offices. Those areas specifically seem like the places that we should be keeping tabs on, and I think our clubs are the most organized…

Tom

She gives some side-eye to Edgar.

[Laughter.]

Tom (as Mercy)

…the most organized with which to do such a thing.

Ari (as Robyn)

What—

Hallie (as Reagan)

Yeah Edgar, can you stop your friend Andi from doing any of that?

Emily (as Edgar)

I feel like that was maybe a dig, but also no.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Reagan)

Alright, this may not work as we planned, Mercy. What were you saying, Robyn?

Ari (as Robyn)

I was saying that me and my team could be in charge of guarding the gym, if we’re volunteering for guarding certain areas.

Emily (as Edgar)

Well I know I, uh… I was—I… Well why should you guard the gym?

Hallie (as Reagan)

Because she’s on the soccer team. She’s there all the time.

Ari (as Robyn)

Yeah. I know that area pretty well.

Emily (as Edgar)

Well, I know, but I was just thinking that maybe, you know, if we’re all going to be branching out and growing into our own in the fiery furnace pressure of the crisis that we’re in…

Emily

Poetry.

[Snickering.]

Emily (as Edgar)

…then maybe we should branch out from our respective areas of expertise. Personally I think that Robyn should be nowhere near the gym for no reason in particular and I should be there.

Ari (as Robyn)

Well…

Tom (as Mercy)

That’s a rather suspicious thing to say, Edgar, but I think we’re getting a little bit off-topic.

[SFX ends.]

Tom

I’m actually gonna cut in to do something mechanical, because this debate should be resolved by a move. I’m going to use a basic move here, propose a Law.

[Tense music begins.]

There are two concepts that we are gonna be adding things to over the course of the game and those are Laws and Public Opinions. Laws are, as it seems, the things that we set up as rules as the members of the student body. If people infract upon those, some characters have the power to arrest people over them.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

How we choose to flavor this in-game is up to us. It’s a crisis situation, so who knows what may happen, but the Monarch in particular has moves related to what happens when people don’t follow the laws and how the laws get made. The others, Public Opinions, that just shows what’s going on in the student body which very much exists and may overthrow us if we aren’t careful.

So, this is one of our basic moves. I’m just trying to read the description out here… Oh sorry, it’s called Propose a Decree. When you navigate the movements of the court and advise a new policy, describe the law you want to enact and roll. On a success, the law goes into place but the Monarch gets to add an addendum to it, a simple phrase with a “but” or “and,” and on a failure the Monarch gets +1 Animosity on you for trying to step on their toes.

[Laughter.]

So it’s a bit dangerous, but you know, we’ll see how this goes.

[00:40:00]

The law that Mercy is describing would be phrased in our law book, because I’ve got a little section in Tabletop Simulator where I can actually write in the Laws and Public Opinions. It would be phrased as: The ruling student clubs would restrict access to the gym, equipment rooms, grounds, and administrative offices to the general student body.

[Music ends.]

And so, because I have made a move, all of us as players out of character need to vote whether we would like my law to succeed or fail. So, on the count of three, we will either do a thumbs up or a thumbs down.

Ari

Okay.

Tom

Three, two, one.

Emily

[Laughs.]

Tom

Alright. Alright. So that’s one—

Emily

[Smiling.] it’s because I’m not one of those clubs.

Tom

Technically you are.

Hallie

The way that I’m flavoring it is nobody cares enough to tell them no.

Emily

Okay! Never mind.

Tom

I know you want to change your vote, but I’m gonna keep that as a no just for a teaching moment. The number of votes “no” +1 is the difficulty for the roll, so this would be Difficulty 2, and that means when we roll dice we need at least two unique numbers. So, the numbers we roll don’t matter, low or high, we just need to have unique numbers.

Hallie

Okay.

Emily

This is so weird.

Ari

This is very complicated.

Hallie

I like that it doesn’t matter if they’re low or high. That makes me happy.

Tom

[Laughs.] Yeah, Hallie really likes that. I’ve just made Hallie’s fucking day.

Hallie

You fucking have. Can’t wait to roll some mother—some dice. I almost said a bad swear. Roll some fucking dice. Congrats to me.

Tom

So then, any players who voted yes can contribute dice to succeed and then any players who voted no can contribute dice to make it fail. Basically, if there’s an opposing die and it rolls a number, it cancels out that number from the helping dice. So, the bad dice cancel out the good dice and then if there are enough unique numbers left over it succeeds, otherwise it fails. Does anyone else want to contribute a die?

Ari

Yeah. I can contribute to succeed.

Emily

I wanna spend a token to try to make you fail.

Hallie

[Laughs.]

Tom

Alright, so that’s an evil die. Do you wanna roll a die yourself or do you want me to roll that die in-game?

Emily

You can go ahead and roll it.

Ari

I’m rolling mine.

Tom

Okay.

Ari

[Rolls.] I rolled a 1.

Tom

That’s fine. That’s good.

Ari

But it doesn’t matter.

Tom

[Rolls.] I rolled a 5 exactly. And then, time to roll, the opposing die… As long as it’s not a 5 or a 1 we succeed.

[Rolls.] Hey~!

Ari

It’s a 3.

Emily

[Disappointed groan.]

Tom

Alright, so the law passes and it goes into effect.

Emily

What a waste.

Tom

So who—Right. I’m the only one in-game, so I will draw and determine who is next. Hey, it’s Emily!

Emily

Oh, it’s me, oh no.

Tom

So you get to set a scene.

Emily

Um… Soonish after, we have not all split off yet, but I am very comfortable because we are in my domain, the poetry hallway, walking down it to get to actual places.

Tom (as Mercy)

[Exasperated.] God.

Emily (as Edgar)

What?

Tom (as Mercy)

Oh, nothing.

[Silly classical waltz begins.]

Emily (as Edgar)

That feels like something to me. It feels like the fiery pit of, uh… rage lava in my stomach will burst forth like a phoenix.

Tom (as Mercy)

Rage lava?

Emily (as Edgar)

I wanna know why you said “god!” Is it about my hallway?

Tom (as Mercy)

Like most hallways in this school, I don’t have a particular opinion about it.

Emily (as Edgar)

You know this is the poetry hallway. You know this is where we go to perform, and you said that in a very specific location.

Tom (as Mercy)

I do know all of those things, although I can’t say that I’ve spent a great deal of time here. I’m very busy with Student Council work. I don’t have a lot of time between classes. Even after school I’m often here quite late working on things.

Emily (as Edgar)

Sure you are. Like we don’t all have our own lives and… loves.

Tom (as Mercy)

Oh, of course. Naturally.

Emily (as Edgar)

We’re all busy, Mercy.

Tom (as Mercy)

Mm-hmm.

Emily (as Edgar)

I’m busy with important things too, you know.

Tom (as Mercy)

Mm-hmm~

Emily (as Edgar)

Why are you saying “mm-hmm” like that?!

Tom (as Mercy)

Oh, I’m agreeing with you.

Emily (as Edgar)

Isn’t somebody gonna defend me?!

[Music changes 44:23.]

Hallie (as Andi)

Oh, well I’ll defend you, Edgar.

Hallie

Andi says, striding up the hallway.

Emily (as Edgar)

[Exhales.] Andi Morgan-Shelley, thank you for joining me, fellow poet.

Hallie (as Andi)

Uh… I kinda like this hallway. I’ve gotten fond of it.

Emily (as Edgar)

See?!

Tom (as Mercy)

Look, I apologize. I wasn’t meaning to take up any more of your time. We all have quite a bit we should try to get done, you know, while we wait for the authorities to get here.

Emily (as Edgar)

Yeah, so I’ll head off to the gym. Come on, Andi.

Ari (as Robyn)

Um, well?

Hallie (as Andi)

[Stammers.] Why are we—?

Emily (as Edgar)

[Firmly.] We’ll go to the gym.

Hallie (as Andi)

Why are we going there?

Ari (as Robyn)

Yeah.

Emily (as Edgar)

To branch out in a crisis.

[00:45:00]

Ari (as Robyn)

Well, I have an idea. Why don’t you branch out to a different hallway and you take care of that? I think that would be a better way for you to branch out.

Emily (as Edgar)

Or maybe you could do the hallway, because that would be branching out for you and the gym would be branching out for me. Right Andi?

Hallie (as Andi)

[Stammers.] Oh, well, I… Your logic is sound, but I kind of—

Emily (as Edgar)

My logic is sound. Thank you, Andi.

Hallie (as Andi)

[Defeated.] I kinda like this hallway.

Tom (as Mercy)

I admit, I’m a little curious about everyone’s preoccupation with the gym.

[Music ends.]

I understand it’s very scary and exciting what may or may not have happened in there, but we were told to stay out of there for a reason. Why are you all so keen to guard it?

Ari (as Robyn)

Well, for me, it’s just that, you know, that’s my turf and I think that people would listen more to me if I tell them to stay out of it since I basically live there. So, I think that it’s just better if me and my soccer team just guard it and tell people to stay out of it. People would listen to me more I think. Maybe they would push past Edgar. No offense.

Emily (as Edgar)

[Scoffs dramatically.]

Ari (as Robyn)

I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just, you know, they might just…

Tom (as Mercy)

I must admit that’s a rather compelling argument.

Hallie

Reagan, who has been there but staring out a window in the hallway, suddenly turns around and snaps.

[Snaps.] Which I have never been able to do but did just now if it shows up on the recording.

Emily

Good job!

Hallie

[Smiling.] Thank you! I’m really happy about that.

Ari

I just picture Freddie showing up as she’s snapping. “Did you call?”

[Laughter.]

Hallie

“Oh, no now, I didn’t mean you, babe. You can go.”

Ari

“Oh, okay. Let me know if you need anything, though.”

Hallie

“I will. I’ll get you in a minute. Okay?”

Ari

“Okay. Love you.”

Hallie

“Love you too~”

Emily

[Laughs.] Ugh!

Hallie

Alright.

Hallie (as Reagan)

Robyn, yeah, I do think that it’s best if you take the gym. Edgar, could you walk and talk with me for like a couple minutes?

Emily (as Edgar)

Uh…

Hallie

While we do that, Tom, I wanna know—because this might not happen if this isn’t possible—but I wanted to do Ask the People because I was gonna bribe Edgar to tell me his own secret, but I just realized that doesn’t really work. Because like… what the fuck. Maybe! Maybe it might. Okay! So actually, what Reagan’s gonna propose with Ask the People is:

Hallie (as Reagan)

[Quietly.] Listen, Edgar. I can make it so you’re in charge of the gym if you want.

[Whispering.] You just have to tell me why you want it.

Ari

Wait.

Tom

Here’s the thing. I’m pretty sure only the person whose turn it is can do a move, exactly.

Hallie

Oh! I’m sorry. We did decide that. Oh…

Tom

So I think only Emily could do a move in this specific scene.

Hallie

Balls! Okay. We did discuss that and I just forgot.

Tom

But also, you don’t have to use a move to just—

Emily

You don’t have to use a move.

Tom

You can just flat-out ask Edgar, I will let you do that if you tell me. You can just talk to people. You can just wheel and deal.

Hallie

Well he wasn’t answering Mercy, so I was like maybe I have to force it out of the PC.

Emily

[Laughing.] No, I just don’t like Mercy.

Hallie

I mean yeah, but like…

Tom

If Edgar refuses to tell you, then you might need to use a move to try and compel that information, either to investigate or interrogate, but beyond that you can try to talk to people freely and learn what you want.

Hallie

Okay. In that case, I do everything the exact same except that Hallie doesn’t say Ask the People.

[Laughter.]

I imagine that I would have pulled you aside a little bit. Mercy’s probably trying to eavesdrop, but Reagan is like—

Tom

Just in the background, looking over like “hmm~?”

Hallie

Yeah, but I’m looking back every so often and flipping my hair in a power move type of a “chill out, I’ve got this” kind of a way. It’s not super aggressive, it’s just like… hold your horses.

Emily

Edgar will hold up one finger and turn back to Andi.

Emily (as Edgar)

Andi Morgan-Shelley, my poet compatriot, will you please make Mercy stop eavesdropping?

Tom (as Mercy)

[Indignant.] I would never. Now, since I have better things to do than talk shop with you, Edgar, I’m going to be going to do work now.

Tom

And Mercy will exit stage right.

Ari

Robyn will exit stage left to go to the gym.

[Laughter.]

Hallie (as Andi)

I solved your problem.

Emily (as Edgar)

Good job, Andi Morgan-Shelley.

Hallie (as Andi)

I do my best.

Emily

Edgar will turn back to Reagan.

Emily (as Edgar)

Well, I was thinking about having you promise me something in return for this information on top of it, because I think that you’re very interested in this information, but honestly I just kinda wanna talk to someone about it. So, I was under my tree contemplating the meaning of life and how that relates to my poetry when I overheard some gossip.

Hallie (as Reagan)

Hit me.

Emily (as Edgar)

Just don’t tell anyone you heard it from me.

Hallie (as Reagan)

Won’t be hard.

Emily

[Laughs.] Wow!

[Threatening ambience begins.]

Emily (as Edgar)

I overheard that our mutual acquaintance,

[00:50:00]

my one-time sponsor, may have dealt dodgily in the last soccer match. Apparently there’s evidence in the gym, and I think the reason that she’s going back there is to cover it up.

Hallie (as Reagan)

When did the Soccer Club sponsor the Poetry Club?

[Music ends abruptly.]

Emily (as Edgar)

Are you really focusing on that part?! It was not official, so they can’t—

Hallie (as Reagan)

It’s just that she never liked poetry, so I don't know why she’s… you know, I don't know why she’s gotta… I don't know what that’s about.

Emily (as Edgar)

Oh, so you’re not gonna slam us for the treasury thing?

Tom

[Snickers.]

Emily (as Edgar)

Accepting outside dealings?

Hallie (as Reagan)

I’m gonna level with you. I don't know what drafting dodgily meant, so you’re gonna have to be a little bit clearer. Not everything’s a poem.

Emily (as Edgar)

So that dodgy Roger guy.

Hallie (as Reagan)

Oh yeah, Roger Dodger.

Emily (as Edgar)

Yeah that.

Hallie (as Reagan)

Yeah.

Emily (as Edgar)

He said to someone else whose name I didn’t bother to learn, or maybe they said to him, one of the two… Basically the soccer team cheated.

Hallie

A slow smile spreads across Reagan’s face.

Emily (as Edgar)

Now I don't know if it’s true, but I wanna find out. I also honestly kinda wanna hang around the gym and see what that does for my artistic aura because some really heavy things have happened in there and I think that maybe this will inspire a new work.

[Tense credits music begins.]

Hallie

Reagan starts tapping her foot while she considers her next move. She will say…

Hallie (as Reagan)

Give me five minutes.

Hallie

…and then she’ll exit stage left.

Emily (as Edgar)

[Whispering.] You didn’t hear it from me~

[Music swells and carries out to the bloopers.]

Emily (as Edgar)

I’m never invited.

Ari

Never, never ever, never invited.

Hallie

[Delighted.] Edgar Ever Never Invited!

Tom

Never ever invited.

[Laughter.]

Hallie

[Stammers.] Invited!

Tom

Have you ever never been invited?

Ari

I pulled Hallie’s joke.

Hallie

[Losing it.] Edgar Never Ever!

Ari

[Smiling.] I pulled Hallie’s joke.

Tom

Scene destroyed.

[Laughter.]

Ari

Maybe in the post credits of this episode just put every single time Hallie has died from…

Tom

God.

Hallie

Don’t make that. No. Don’t do that. It would be too long for anybody to watch.

Tom

Yeah. I don't think Kyle would edit it in that way, but he might take a few good ones.

Hallie

No. I forbid it.

Emily

Well, a fun fact that I don't know if you know is that my parents don’t listen to the show but they watch the videos that Kyle posts.

Tom

So their whole experience…

Emily

So they’ll tell me about watching Hallie die and how they will just sit and watch the videos and lose it, and they don’t know any of the context, but they find them so funny.

Ari

It’s so funny.

Hallie

Great. I’m glad that’s my legacy for these people I don’t know at all.

Emily

[Smiling.] They’re very fond of you, Hallie.

Hallie

Great.

Ari

‘Great!”

Emily

Someone wants to watch your broadcast.

Tom

I… Yeah, I can see. I don’t think I’m broadcasting on Steam, but let’s make sure I’m not. Am I broadcasting on Steam? Welcome to stream broadcasting. Okay, but I don’t want to.

Ari

At least this will make it easier to edit because we’re having a lot of silent things and technology issues.

Tom

Please, no.

Emily

Will that make it easier to edit?

Ari

Doesn’t it? There’s a lot of spaces that you just cut.

Tom

I mean, I enjoy gaps, I don't know if Kyle will enjoy it, disaster child that I am. Alright.

Hallie

No, Kyle loves them I’m pretty sure.

Ooh, I like pink. I had the choice between pink and blue.

Emily

Oh yeah.

Ari

That’s a nice magenta color, Hallie.

Hallie

Well magenta is more of a purple, but yes, it is a lovely shade of pink.

Tom

Are we… Are we doing this?

I hope Kyle makes a video out of Hallie’s eyes widening when she realized that she can’t roll too poorly for this system.

Emily

My parents will love that video!

Hallie

[Strained.] Great!

Tom

Even with all my best plans, we’re still, like… It’s 9:00 almost and we are a single turn into the game.

[00:55:00]

Emily

I am not surprised.

Ari

I am also not surprised.

Tom

[Exaggerated groan.]

Hallie

Yeah, I fully expected this.

Tom

I… I don't know what we’ll do. Kyle will kill me.

Hallie

Well, that’s his problem.

Tom

Anyway. Fuck this game, I love it.